Statsky, W. — Legislative Analysis and ‘© Drafting (pp.170-191) Aime é- fae that are to be omitted, underline words tat are to be added, and leave the rest ofthe original statute intact. For example! 4 2068. Prohibited acte . (4) It shall be unaeful for any person to— (2) manufacture for sale, oferfor-eele)distibute in commerce or import into the United States, any consune ‘product hich isnot it conformity With an applicable con- Sumer product safety standard under thie chapter, (2) manufacture forsale, offer forsale, distribute in ‘-—~sommerce or import into the United Sater any_ consumer which hasbeen daclaed s banned hazardous pod eee ee *y § 2068(2)(1), the amendment strikes the words “offer for |e” and adds the worde “into the United States”. Section "368(a)(2) is totally new. ‘The rest of the words in the stat- We were in-the origital and are intended to survive the vendment. LRP. Arangement/Organization of 1. One of the ott fundamental problems. in rating i U.P. LAW LIBRARY (copy) 178 LEGISLATIVE DRAFTING MooD, 179 \ ) | Baamples: | Section H. Tense a, Use-the-peacant-tense. The operation of the law is continuous and therefore always in the present tense. Do ay: A permit shall not be granted til the applicant fas Fld an organization repot. ‘Ss A permit shall not be granted until the applicant fle an fonganzation repor. b. Whenever possible, avoid the futu “shall ER as To express a condition precedent, use the past tense to state facts precedent to the operation of the law, and the pre- sent tense for facts,concurrent with the law. Example: 1f an applicant has qualified for worker's compensation on the ate specified in § 34, the applicant ie ented 4.1 te-necoeary that a provision joclude pastas 2s fuure evertoruse the prevent eras but acude Bajar. the Use Section 1, Mood 4. The words “shall” and “shall tof” normally imply that to accomplish the purpote ofthe provision someone must act ‘or refrain from acting. Drafters frequently use these wosds— merely. to declares legal-cerult rather than f0 prescribea.cale -of-canduct-—in many of these instances, the word “shall” is rot only unnecessary but involves a circumlocution in thought because the purpose of the provision is achieved in the very act of declaring the legal result. Iodeclaratory ora, visions, therefore i is preferable, wherever possible, to use the indlgstiv = Do Sy ("The term i) "Te em “pero! mean ‘shall mean ue z eeStatsky, W. — Legislative Analysis and -» Drafting (pp.170-191) LEGISLATIVE DRAFTING Don't Sy—Continved (2) "The equipment shall remain the property of the Ssy—Contnued (2) “The equipment remaine the property of the United United Stats State (@)"No person shall be (3) "No. person is entitled tiled m , Avoid the subjunctive Dat Sey 1 be damaged Sy 11 iis damaged Section J. Shall and May a. “Shall” indicates an affirmative duty. Ian obligation. to act is imposed, usg “shall”, You are using the word Shir eee Tee abate the pve "ha the uty to” for “shall” and sill retain the meaning intended, Example: “The agency head shall establish a board of review before Janua- 1729, 1978 |b. Do not use the word "shal” to declare a legal result or to state a condition, ‘Dov? Sey, The liquid shall be at a temperature of 70 degrees | fatreneit when he testis administered, “Sy: The chemist shall ensure that the temperature of the liguid Jn 70 degrees fahcenbet shen the testis adeinistred ‘May’ is permissive in charactex-itshould-bessed_. only to expitss-a power of a privilege, not asight.—“May” sears “ig authorized f0" of “ahall have the power to". Do rot use “may” to express a duty to act or to refrain from acting * Section K. Voice a. Wherever possible, use the active voice instead of the passive. aa cea a ana LIBRARY U.P. LA’ (copy 5) USE OF SINGULAR AND PLURAL Dow Say so (€) The chief of exch (2) The president shall ap- ranch shall be appointed point the chief of each branch by the President from of- from officers who fiers who (2) A waiten examination hall be peed by an =p plleant for a Heense (3) An affidavit shall be filed by the corporation ‘with the Commission. ’. Insestions conferring powers or privileges or impos at a See Bap art rapa y forcing the Grafier -name-asmeoubpectntthesenteott, ihe perdon in whom the powss.or male is vested. or upon whoa he duty is inpored an Saye The vehicle shall be returned in good working oder. (2) An applicant fora license fall pase» written examinae tien. {@),A corporation shall le an tfidavit with the Commis ton. Saye The chief maintenance officer shall return the vehicle in [ood working order Section L. Use of Singular and Plural a. To the extent your meaning allows, use the singular instead of the plural. This will avoid the question whether ‘the plaral applies to each individual member of the class oF to the cage as a whdle Dow Sey Sy The Secretary shall ertab- “The Secretary shall establish lish officers” retired lists an officer’ retired list foreach forthe components named component named in § 1304." in § 1500" nds you moon “The Secretary shall establish officer retired lats For each OF the componente named in § 1304"eae ar aac areca Tree eee eCTeeEEa statsky, W. — Legislative Analysis and >» Drafting (pp.170-191) 182 LEGISLATIVE DRAFTING Say—Continued ‘The Secretary shall establish colfcere retired its, each of Which shall be forall of the Components armed in § 00” be. If it is necessary to use the plural, you can change to the singular, wherever desirable, by using the device shown in the following example Example ¥ (Officers who ive pated the examination shall be retired 0s provided in § 704. Such ax officer may Section M. Action Verbs Wherever possible, draft your sentences to ube “action” verbs instead of participles. gerunds, and other noun or ad- jective forms. Action verbs are shorter and more direct. Din Sy sy sive consideration to consider five recognition #0 recognize Ihave kacwedge of know have need of need {nthe determination of to determine is aplieable applies 1s dependent on ‘epends on isin attendance 2t tend make an appointment of -appoint make application apply smake payment, Py make provision for provide for Section N. Directness Where the same idea can be accurately expressed either post- tively or negatively, express it positively. & é z 4 a 3 {Copy 5) SUCH AND SAID 13 Dow Sy sy (0) This section applies only {0 offices who have become 60 years of age (2) Alt Force officers with children may (0) This section does not Sbply to officer under 60 yess of age {2) Air Force officers other than thre with no hi dren may Section O. Pronoun Reference 1, Use pronouns only where the nouns.io-wbich the-pro~ nouns refer are unmistakably. cléar. The use of pronouns with ambiguous referents can confuse. the meaning of @ sentence, ’. Ifthe pronoun could refer to more than one person.or object in a sentence, repeat the name of the person or object to avoid the ambiguity ‘Bow’ After the Administrator appoints a Deputy Assistant, he or she shall supervise the {Who does the super- ising? “The Adminstrator or the Deputy? Ifthe later is ine fended, then) Sey: After the Adminstitor appoints a Deputy Assistant, the Deputy Assistant shall supervise the Section P, Such and Said 2. Generally, do not ate the word “such”. (Foran ex- ception se . 182, Section L). Use the mare commonasida— or pronouns, thes “that, “those, tof "hemi aban back to something in etext ‘Don't Say: The agency head shall file a report within 24 hours. Sock report shal ice Say: The agency head shall file» feport within 24 hours, The report shall includeStats| Drafting (pp.170-191) Lao 18 LEGISLATIVE DRAFTING. 3. tf you'mean “or example’, use the phrase “such a6” or "ouch Esample 1K ts mar thes cores in the uma sch 2 SNE ithe, hutey, and pinoy fs not ase the word “said”. Instead, ate “the “rnat’ ot "hase” to er BREE TE SNE Me Tt ‘Sy Tecnico sal raya any los dy BEST The Gwacor shal purchase eld tatsce fom t Sab nee ompeny spe Tht cnmacior shall nue fat ny lr std by SES REE ee dal peace be ern fn ra ores compony. Section Q. And/Or Do not use “and/or” since the combination of conjunctive (Cand”) and disjunctive (" ieee “andor “or appropiate forthe serenss Sind use that word alone, Use “or bot” when necessary to ade ems bulfcindivdually sd together Example ‘Voltion of any provision of thie Ac is punishable by 2 fine of 5109 of imprzonment of 6 month, or both Section R. Any, Each, Every, ete. | a. Use adjectives-cuch-as-ZeachHeuery.” “any,” “all” | no. dnd some!” (technically known as “pronominal det= rite-adjectives-only-where necessary . Ifthe subject ofthe sentence is plural, it is almost nev- ce necessary to use this kind of adjective (Es, Majors of the Regular Army shall { Majors of the Regular Army may not ). y, W. — Legislative Analysis and -U.P-EAW-LICRARY ~ (Copy 5) ee ass “= HYPHENATED WORDS Ifthe subject of the tentence is singular, use the pro- roininal indefinite only when the article “a” or “the” is in- ‘adequate, as when the use of “a” would allow the unintend- tcl interpretation that the obligation is to be discharged (oF the privilege exhausted) by applying it toa single member of the class instead of to all of them, TF it i necessary to use a pronominal indefinite, follow these conventions 1. Hea sight privilege, ot fered vse “any” (08 ‘Aa major of the Regular Army may Peas 4 Than obligation to act i imposed, wee “each” (@8 Each srajor OF the Regular Army shall J 3. Ifa eght, privilege, or power isabridged, a. ah obligation to abstain fom acting ir imped, fe. “no" (ey Ne major of the Replay Amy naj 3 NS major ofthe Repu ter Avwy tall} Section S. Hyphenated Words ‘4 Adjectives composed of two or more words are usually hyphenated when they precede a noun Examples: Interest-bearng account over-the-counter slat moderate-income person b. Ifthe first word of.a compound adjective is anadwerb= ending in “ly”, the combination should not be hyphenated. Examples: publidy owned building legally eequired action luncipally owned building c. Numbers from 21 to 99 ate hyphenated when spelledPP aera eae Statsky, W. — Legislative Analysis and Drafting (pp.170-191) (copy 5) 186, Lscs.aTve DxartIg H0Ice OF LANGUAGE 187 Examples: afore-mentioned thity-eight dollars i andlor (ay “A o B, or both”) one hundred Eity-five dollars 4, Fractions are hyphenated when spelled out unless they contain a -hyphenated_number_in_t eno Bamples ‘ wosthids intrest, too thity-thieds twenty-three one hundreds Section’ T. Numbers Expreis cardinal numbers 25 figures, except at the be sinning of a sentence amples “The lcensc shall retain the report for not less than 6 yeas “Two persons shall be stationed at each intersection . Spell out ordinal numbers, Exiimple: aoe “A eport of the transaction shall be submitted tothe burst on the Bftcenth day after the transaction is completed If an ordinal number is followed by a month, such as von the fist day of May,” convert the phrase to read “on May 1" 1. Forbidden Words Avoid the following terms altogether: above (as an adjective) soressid LAW TIERARY befor-mentioned provided that said (asa subatitute for “the” “th same (as a subatitute for "i." "he or “these") “him,” etc) whatsoever whensoever wheresoever 2, Circumlocutions . a. Avoid pairs of words having the same effect: alter and change . any and all suthorie and empower by and with? fesch and all each and every final and conclusive from and ater full and complete fall force and effect sade and entered into all and void order and direct over and above sole and exclusive type and kind unless and wnt 1: For constutional appointments, the phate “by and with the advice {nd content ofthe Senate” ter of a ad shoud not Be change,Penennmrrrrrrre terre rere tere rere trate ae et y, W. — Legislative Analysis and Drafting (pp.170-191) [stats (copy) — oe Msouareoume | cuteror ancce 109 4 : 4 >. Avnid nat of words one of which indudes.the other. | Don't Sey—Continued Sey—Continued (use the broader oe.narower term as the substance sequires). (21) during such time a6 (21) while. ¥ — Gy ateedeey {iow ee sore eater =o Be ee tae} ona th ‘ pple om { ome whatever (25) evince ao { $3 epton On perenne rear 2 i Sal cnr or ee ty may be eat e Bane a Fea fe cent Fat ae por ro oe ane Camere OP at! = ae (oy Bhan tet) bens : §3 tram 2 Kael a, Unless there are special reasons to the contrary: (3) in accordance with (33), pursuant to, under : oo on oot prise * BS ee wich G8 hey whe (ay “yen : nl eed (sce aa 1 sete nano “es ee ned fp ee ay a eas fee ty GS pes 09 in te eae (9) at such time as (lo) atane the age of — (Gn) atempe (asa ver) (02) at the time (23) by means of (18) ealeulate (9) eatery (1) cause it t be done (27) contguois to (08) corporation organized tunder the laws of Ohio (29) deem (20) does not operate 1 | | < i (2) enourh 6) allow (3) given (3) all the {6 person shall not (2) about (@) Pot less than (when reter- Fing to fo oF mere) (2) when (20) Becomes years of age (3) ty (42) when a by (14) compute (5) kind, cass, group (1) have it done (07) next to (08) Ohio corporation (19) consider (20) does not (67) in sections 2023 to 2039 inclusive (28) inthe case of (G9) inthe event of (40) inthe event that (Ga) in the interest of (42) is abe t0 (42) is applicable (G4) i authorized to (45) is binding wpon (Gs) i directed to (42) is empowered to (48) ie entitled. (inthe sense of has the ame”) (49) irene to (60) is hereby authorized snd it shall be le die yee (67) in sections 2013 to 4039 (08) (se (35) above] (09) iF (40) if (4) for (42) can. (6) apple (44) may (49) feeatea (49) may (60) shaltDrafting (pp.170-191) mt S9—Conined eas ay oni (5) not phe fo 3 tfeains (5) b eae (fae tied Shem aay {5 the ayo meena fon sae see ines pron (oy toe he 3, Be (6) on ar ly eee (6) os bie J, (6 on ie pa of 1 ae mate (S piagath 0) ub ae con Sor oem (6 per conum (G) toad fine = (70) provision of law Oe ec em He (rt ha Mame (3) ses arb ese of soe (79 tae ie rove ° (en ch i LEGISLATIVE DRAFTING ‘Stp—Continued (1 shat (52) may (63) may (sa) shall (55) cannot (6s) shall (62) shal (se) shall (59) may (60) & person shall not (61) before fly 1, 1988 (ex after Je 2, 1986 (63) before uly 1, 1985, (en) by (65) oF (66) section 2097018) (67) a year (68) percent (62) tse period time (20) lave (7) give (92) Maseachusetts (73y ater (24) pesmi (98) woder (76) wi b. Do not, however, change a term of art (p. 94), merely because itis found in the “Don’t Say” column rere cee ae TS ae, Statsky, W. - Legislative Analysis and ____ULP LAW-LIBRARY—-- ———— (Copy) at Section V. Sexism in Language “Avoid gender-specific language when the intent isto refer to both sexes. If neutral language is not available, rewrite the sentence to try to avold the problem. Ginter Sie Gaede Nota Tenses “Alerts (2) business man (0) executive, member of the business community (2) chairman (2) aleperson, chair (0) draftsman (0) drafter (4) husband, wife () spouse (9) man (noun) {@)"penen, human, humankind (6) manhours (6) worker houre (0) mankind (7) Humanity (@) manpower (@) work fore, personnel (9) workman's compensation (9) worker's compensation Assignment #51 Draft a “law” of regulation on smoking in the building where you are now studying. Assume that you cannot im= jose an absolute ban throughout the building. Cover topics Such es where it will be allowed; where prohibited, time pe~ tiods; different kinds of smoking (cigarettes, cigars, pipes): who mast comply (etudents, teachers, administrators, clerical ‘aff, maintenance staff) sanctions; who has responsibility for administering the law, procedural rights of alleged vioia~ tors, etc, ‘Assignment #52 Interview an administrative officer of teacher, or student, or secretary, of janitor at your school. Ask this person to iden- tify a problem that the school is having in some aspect of administration Draft 2 “law or regulation to resolve this problem. Try to select a problem that is relatively narrow in scope.