Chapter 1

The Physiological Aspect of Love

Objectives:

 To narrate the “origin” of love.

 To explore into the phenomenon or experience of “Love at first sight / Crush” as a
possible step towards relationship,
 To examine the “Cult of the Body” and its psychological effects to young people,

Introduction:

Love is one of the best experiences that we can feel as a human person. To be loved and
to love - that is everybody’s desire. Love ignites our senses, our hearts, and our soul. So it
becomes a topic for novels, and themes for movies, and interests for people who seeks
happiness.

This chapter deals on the abstract notion of love that will give us some romantic
excitements or the so called “kilig” in the contemporary language, especially for the young
people. The discussion focuses on specific human body chemicals called hormones that are
responsible why we respond on desire, how we are attracted to someone and or being
attached to the person/s we like to be with leading to a more intimate relationship.

It also discusses the basic experience of attraction (love at first sight) among people who
are seeking romantic love. All of us at some point in our life dealt with the phenomenon called
“love”.

Let us DISCERN:

Let’s talk about “Love”.

Have you ever been attracted to someone? How does it feel? Maybe, your palms
sweat, you can’t take off your eyes on her/him. There may be instances that you stammered or
even uttered senseless things or ideas. In short, you get out of your mind. There are so many
sensations or excitements that makes your chest pounding and your heart beats fast! This
could be the reason why for so many centuries and up to now people think that love is a matter
of the heart. But in this topic, we may say that love is all about the brain.
 Most often, the primary basis of love is sensationalized. But, there is no absolute
meaning of “love” for it is like a puzzle wherein every piece has its meaning. Is there really a
“chemical formula” for love that can absolutely tell us the meaning of it?

According to some experts, romantic love can be broken into three categories: lust
(sexual desire), attraction and attachment (intimacy). For each category, there are
characterization of hormones.

A. Testosterones (testes) and estrogens (ovaries) are sex hormones, stereotyped as male
and female. They both function in increasing the libido (sexual desire).

B. Lust (sexual desire) can be present when someone is attracted to someone but the
latter can happen without sexual desire. Meaning, there is something in the brain that
controls and this is the function of dopamine. This hormone is released when we do
things that make us feel good like being with someone we love or satisfaction from
sexual act. Norepineprine along with dopamine are released during attraction that is
why you may have a feeling of something that may sometimes lead to sleepless nights
and make food unappealing; can’t eat, can’t sleep because of “so in love”.

C. Oxytocin, also called “cuddle hormone”, produced in the hypothalamus like dopamine.
It is known as love hormone which produces the “feelings of contentment, calmness,
security which is associated with mate bonding’
 Vasopressin is linked to behavior that produces long-term, monogamous relationships
and is released after sex. It is associated with an intact, lifelong, steady and faithful
relationships. The release of this hormone triggers a more possessive action and a sort
of aggressive type of attachment.

On the positive side, it is essential when it comes to safeguarding or a kind of

action that is protective; it is frequently associated to partners mostly, but not
absolutely in males. On the other hand, it may lead us see those who are outside our
circle as “others”, thus, foster alienation and it may deactivate negative emotions such
as fear and social judgment (love is blind).

While oxytocin being a “bonding hormone” could create positive feelings and
vasopressin could promote monogamy. The two hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin
are essential to lasting harmonious relationships alongside with proper behavior.

I Love Myself: The Psychological Aspect of Love

Do you believe in love at first sight? Do people really meet and in moments simply know
they're meant to be? This idea is romantic. People fall in love at first sight in movies, TV dramas,
and also in Korean series. But this scenario also happens in real life. Some famous celebrities
when interviewed say that it happened to them. Take the example of:

Richard Gomez and Lucy Torres – Their love story is a classic. Lucy had long
developed a crush on Richard, among the top matinee idols during his youth. Luck
was on her side years later when she was paired with him for a shampoo
commercial. (https://www.gmanetwork.com/entertainment)

Doug Kramer and Cheska Garcia - It was love at first sight for Doug and Cheska, who
met in Boracay in 2003. Although the initial attraction was there, their relationship
began with good old-fashioned friendship.

Drew Arellano and Iya Villania - Childhood sweethearts that last are a rarity, even
more so when under the public eye. And yet, Drew and Iya have emerged stronger
than ever.

To study this phenomenon a group of scientists from Netherlands conducted a research

among men and women about potential romantic partners immediately after first encountering
those individuals. (Zsok, Haucke, De Wit, & Barelds, 2017) This is what the team learns from this
study.

Love at First Sight (LAFS)

1. Strong initial attraction that could later become a relationship.

 2. Strangers were more likely to report experiencing love at first sight with
physically attractive others and that others would report electric love-at-first-
sight feeling.
3. Men report love at first sight more than women.
4. Love at first sight isn't usually mutual. It is typically a one-sided phenomenon;
this suggests that shared instant love isn't very common.
5. Love at first sight isn't really "love"

Love at first sight actually is experienced by people, but experiences of LAFS

were marked neither by high passion, nor by intimacy, nor by commitment.
Instead, it's a strong pull or attraction that makes someone particularly open to
the possibilities of a relationship (Zsoks et al., 2017). Love at first sight can
happen multiple times, and maybe the instances where it fizzles or simply never
translates into a relationship are forgotten. But when love at first sight does
launch a sustained relationship, the story is a great one.

Media and celebrities influenced a lot of people in so many ways. One of these
influences is to always look great and attractive. Media portrays attractive
people finds beautiful partners. And who doesn’t want an attractive partner?

Love Yourself: The Virtues of self-care and integrity

In recent times more people are trying to recover the value of the self which is lost by
the cult of the body. One of these is the Self-Love movement which inspires, empowers,
and support people. It serves as a platform for people to feel safe, heard, supported and
loved.

One of the programs that this group is promoting is the idea of “You are enough.” Each
and every one of us has a unique light, like no one else’s. Many of us haven’t yet
harnessed that light, or know it’s there and hold them back from letting others see. Your
light is your gift, your gift to the world, you were made to shine!

The Virtue of Self-Care – To practice self-care is to give our self-respect to our

personhood. This is done in many ways, among which are the kind of food we eat and
drink, practices that maintain cleanliness of body, doing routines of good hygiene, the
clothes we wear, the way we order our things at home and school, what we say and
how we say things and using modestly manufactured products that are not harmful to
our body, animals and the natural world.

Self-care also means being sensitive and responding to our body, especially when we are
tired, stressed out and sick. We must give time to our body to relax as our spirit also will
experience respite and bliss. We need to take in sufficient amount of air, water and
food and have a balance between rest and activity, between play and work or studies,
as well as between solitude and social activities and between silence and noise. To live
by self-care is to have a sense of self-discipline and balance in our life.

The virtue of self-care also requires that we know our human anatomy and its dynamics.
Many people have difficulties and problems related to health and in interpersonal (also
sexual) relationships because they do not know how the body works, what are the good
things that they should do and the bad things they should avoid. Knowledge through
information and updated new developments must be attained regularly.

Self-care as good habit extends to other virtues. When we care for our body, as we care
for our whole person, we practice self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to our overall
emotional evaluation of our worth as persons. Without being arrogant and proud, a
“high” self-esteem encompasses good feelings about one’s abilities and capabilities,
talents and gifts and ways of friendly relations with other people. Self-esteem, however,
includes negative evaluations of our self, as in how we feel about it. Having “low” self-
esteem implies low self-confidence or worthiness. In practicing self-care, we must
continually make evaluations about our self-esteem so that we can improve our
character.

The Virtue of Integrity – challenges us to act out the virtue of integrity. This may mean
many things. Here is a list of a few examples of how to be men and women of integrity.
- being true and good in our intentions
- doing our promises in action
- being honest and transparent in our transactions;
- telling the truth and fighting for the truth;
- having a goal or purpose beyond material gains, that will contribute to the
world;
- taking charge of things or getting involved in concerns larger than our own;
- recognizing our strengths and limitations;
- seeking the help of others as we help others;
- learning to stop and let go;
- preparing and taking quizzes and examinations and being accountable for the
results (in contrast to cheating)
- being fair and just to others
- leading by example;
- living an austere or modest lifestyle according to one’s given resources;
- respecting the bodies of other people;
- doing things in moderation (not excessive) and in simplicity
- being humble in one’s achievements.
Self-love and What It Means

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our
physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own
well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing
your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
What does self-love mean to you?

 Talking to and about yourself with love

 Prioritizing yourself
 Giving yourself a break from self-judgment
 Trusting yourself
 Being true to yourself
 Being nice to yourself
 Setting healthy boundaries
 Forgiving yourself when you aren’t being true or nice to yourself

Self-love means accepting yourself as you are for everything that you are. It means
accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental
well-being first.

Why to Practice Self Love

So now we know that self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. When you
hold yourself in high esteem, you're more likely to choose things that nurture your well-being
and serve you well. These things may be in the form of eating healthy, exercising or
having healthy relationships.
Finally, to practice self-love, start by being kind, patient, gentle and compassionate to yourself,
the way you would with someone else that you care about.

The “Cult of the Body”

According to science being attractive has its own benefits. In the context of love,
being beautiful and attractive could be more in demand when it comes to romance. It
turns out that having flawless skin, sparkling eyes, and impeccable bone structure might
make you a more desirable romantic partner.

According to a study from Chapman University, attractiveness was a

characteristic that both men and woman reported finding highly desirable and even
essential in a long-term partner. Ninety-two percent (92%) of male study participants
reported wanting their potential partner to be good-looking, while eighty-four percent
(84%) of female participants felt the same.

It is often said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but how do people know
what is attractive or not. The ancient Greeks believed that beauty consists of three
major components: symmetry, proportion and harmony. Aside from these three
components, Western thinking includes clear skin and youthful as components of being
beautiful.

The idea of being beautiful influence the way people feel, think, and behave and
is being mirrored in the “cult of the body” and propelled today by the media.

“The cult of the body” is the expression of the body-centered culture, in which
humans are perceived through the prism of their corporeality. The cult of the body
glorifies the established media promoted standard of beauty and at the same time
condemn (sometimes brutally) and devalue any deviation from these standards.

Today, social media’s ideal woman is described like the women in Hollywood
(curves, hourglass figure, large breasts, slim waist), or Supermodel type (athletic, tall,
toned arms) and the Beauty Queen type (flat stomach, healthy skinny, large breast and
butt, thigh gap).

Men also influenced by media strive to be handsome, stylish, and, of course,

appealing to ladies. Through fashion, they became more masculine, sexy, casual, and
carefree like the Metrosexual (the six-pack, professional haircut, and expensive clothes)
or the Hipster (beards, vintage clothes, slender or athletic shape, checkers or stripes,
eyeglasses, and tattoos).

Unfortunately, not all people are blessed to have these ideal standards of beauty
promoted by the media. That is why people resulted to stuff that can keep them up with
these standards. They range from soap, lotion, colored eye contact lenses, hair dyes,
nail polish, facial wash and clothing fashion, to work outs in fitness gyms, slimming
centers, facial treatment clinics, spa and massage therapy clubs, to the more
sophisticated (and expensive) dermatological embellishment, botox treatment and
cosmetic surgery.

Psychological effects of the Cult of the Body

1. Dissatisfaction with the body and anxiety about the looks

Studies indicate that people during adolescence and early adulthood experience
dissatisfaction with their looks much more often. They also more often
internalize the content associated with the “cult of the body”. Discontentment
 and non-acceptance of one’s own image activates behavioral reactions which
result in behaviors aimed at improving or changing the image such as slimming
attempts or performing plastic surgery procedures.
2. Social Networking sites as source of knowledge
Social networking sites may also be the proof for the existence of “the cult of the
body”. They are not only the place where we find information concerning
exercise or diet. They also provide support in cooperative struggle for slim figure
as well as clearly communicate that ideal body is the most important. The
behavior of the members of these sites is aimed at “the cult of the body” as a
superior value with the help of which perfection in other areas of life may be
achieved
3. Eating disorders
It has been proved that frequent contact with the ideals of beauty presented by
the mass media is associated with the increased occurrence of eating disorders.
Wrong perception of one’s own attractiveness and a strong need to control
one’s own appearance and body mass among young people may have a
significant influence on the development of impaired body image and may have
negative influence on the occurrence of abnormal behaviors concerning the
need to satisfy hunger.
4. Attitudes and beliefs
“The cult of the body” phenomenon may undoubtedly have an influence on
shaping the attitude and value system of adolescents. Therefore, there should be
a reference to the theory of objectification, which directly describes the process
in which girls internalize sexualizing cultural messages. This theory focuses
especially on how the objectification of woman’s body, which becomes a
culturally accepted “object”, influences girls’ life and development. According to
that theory, girls internalize and replicate this objectified perspective within their
own schemes. This process, called “self-objectification”, is associated with
accepting someone else’s perspective concerning one’s own physical self and
with continuous scrutiny of one’s own body, aimed at adjusting to cultural
standards of attractiveness.
5. Changes in self-esteem
Self-esteem plays a significant role during the time of juvenescence and its
decrease may cause young people to be more susceptible to cultural message,
which emphasizes the physical features of the looks that are socially desirable
and valued. In consequence, young people are expected to meet those norms. A
highly intensified phenomenon is a man’s judgment on the basis of their looks,
which is frequently a factor superior to the spiritual values. Adolescent girls
frequently post their pictures on various social networking sites. The
photographs become an object of other people’s judgment. This evaluation
concerns the perception of the body, looks determine popularity and on their
basis self-esteem is often built.
6. Sexualization of the body
 “The cult of the body” is directly associated with shaping mass culture, which is
the main source of sexualization of woman’s image. The media and
advertisements are predominated by the image of a perfect woman. They
emphasize sensual and biological qualities both in men and women. By creating
the canon of beauty they strengthen a wrong belief that a perfect body is the
most important. Sexualizing content and self-objectification may lead not only to
the feeling of shame and anxiety but also may evoke the feeling of disgust with
one’s own corporality.

There is nothing wrong in making use of any of beauty and enhancement products and
programs for the promotion of good health and a better integration of mind-body-spirit. What
is disturbing however is when the body alone replaces and defines one’s identity.

We need also to remember that being beautiful and attractive is not a guarantee to find
true love and happiness.