PIG

JOSEPH C. BECKER
 Becker / Pig / 2

PIG

A true story
by

Joe Becker
 Becker / Pig / 3

Foreward

I’m just hoping to make back some of the money I lost, and possibly help

other husbands and fathers recognize abusive relationships and understand

parental alienation.

NOTE : This book is NOT all-inclusive of my interactions with Pig. This

book primarily focuses on Pig’s actions prior to, and just after divorce.
Anything else will be covered in other volumes at later dates.
 Becker / Pig / 4

Table of Contents

Foreward – Page 3

Young and Dumb – Page 5

Surprise - Page11
First Born – Page 16
Second born – Page 20
The visitor and the Wage Garnishment – Page 32
What was the point of that? – Page 45
Bankrupt – Page 47
The second to last Repo – Page 51
Death – Page 58
The New Pig – Page 64
Birthday Party – Page 73
Starting a new life – Page 86
Dating – Page 114
Harassment – Page 117
More lies – Page 148
The last repo – Page 157
More stealing – Page 159
Education – Page 161
 Becker / Pig / 5

Young and Dumb

I should have never married Pig. But of course, I was young and dumb.

The times were different back then as well. The internet was just becoming

available in people’s homes, so the ability to research things wasn’t like it is

today.

We were married May 17th, 1997. And near-immediately all the signs were

there that something unusual was wrong. I found out later, Pig’s

grandparents on the mother-in-law’s side approached my parents during the

reception and said, “We’re sorry for the way she is”. My parent’s had no

clue what that meant although it makes sense now.

For our honeymoon we planned to go to Memphis Tennessee and visit Elvis

Presley’s Graceland as I’m a musician and it was a perfect excuse to make

that pilgrimage. We took turns driving there. About three quarters of the

way there I noticed something was wrong. “Shouldn’t we be at Memphis

already?” I said. Pig smiled and replied “Yeah, but we’re not going there”.

It turns out, we were going to Pigeon Forge Tennessee, about six hours away
 Becker / Pig / 6

from Memphis. I was dumbfounded. We talked about it beforehand. We

agreed. Pig agreed. Yet we were doing something different. Trying to be a

new, good husband, I went along with it to make Pig happy.

Once we were down there, we managed to have a good time. Our families

had provided us with more than enough money for the honeymoon. With

around two thousand extra dollars to our names, we went on to explore

Pigeon Forge as well as its neighboring towns for the next week. We visited

the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum, a car museum, had some nice meals,

we even did in-door sky diving. All throughout I continued to ask Pig how

we were on money, because money was not something I was used to natively

having. I wanted to be able to come back home and start our lives with at

least a little something extra in our pockets. Every time I asked Pig replied,

“we’re fine”. I even asked on our second to last day there. At which point I

tried asking how much money was left and could not get an entirely straight

answer from Pig. Come the next day, when it was time to go home, after
 Becker / Pig / 7

some additional prodding Pig finally admitted we had burned through all two

thousand dollars.

I was upset to say the least. “Why did you keep telling me we we’re ok?!?!

Why do you think I kept asking you if we were ok on money?!?!” Pig

replied that Pig just didn’t know how to tell me as Pig thought I would get

mad. Why would I get mad? In hindsight I know Pig thought I would get

mad at the fact that Pig wanted to spend all the money. So it was much easier

for Pig to lie to me about it so Pig could do what Pig wanted.

After returning home, things seemed to normalize. I rented an apartment

closer to Pig’s parents. My Uncle Ed had given us his old big screen

television, which my Dad helped me move. We started assembling a home.

About six months went by and I noticed Pig started gaining weight. A fair

amount of it, too. Pig was probably one hundred twenty pounds when we

met and got married. Now Pig was probably one hundred seventy and most

of that was from the waist down. So one night I asked Pig as gently as
 Becker / Pig / 8

possible why Pig was heavier now than when we met. Pig said, “Oh, I used

to take laxatives to stay skinny”. It turned out, Pig had a weight problem Pig

had been hiding from me. Maybe it was the shock on my face or not a strong

enough attempt to hide my disappointment, but Pig said, “Why, are you

saying I’m fat?”. “No” I said. “I just noticed you’ve gotten heavier and was

wondering why. You look just fine”. I didn’t want to hurt Pig. I was trying

to be a good man, and a caring husband. So I let it go, figuring things would

change over the years. I thought about our vows, for better or for worse. I

meant it when I said them.

Then, the power went out. Literally. I said, “I thought you said you paid the

electric bill”. Pig tried to play dumb and blame the electric company for

screwing up somehow. Eventually, through more pressure applied to Pig it

came out Pig had lied. Pig didn’t know how to tell me Pig didn’t pay the

electric bill on time, once again because Pig thought I was going to be mad.
 Becker / Pig / 9

“Mad about what?!” I said. “The reason I asked you was so I’d know if we

were ok or not, and if I needed to come up with extra money somehow!” Pig

never was able to give me a valid explanation about why Pig would hide

things and lie. Later I would come to find out that’s one of the common traits

of mentally disturbed individuals.

That same year would be our first Christmas as a married couple. I came

home from work one day about a month before hand to Pig having some sort

of freak-out that we weren’t going to be able to afford a Christmas tree. This

made no sense to me at all as at the time a real tree sold for about twenty

bucks and we had plenty of money to afford one. Regardless, Pig had such a

melt-down about it I sold my only guitar and amp at the time to provide cash

for the tree that day. It was a mint green B.C. Rich Warlock, modified with a

Floyd Rose tremelo and a Peavey half-stack painted white and gold. Had I

been playing in a band this setup probably could have been seen from space.
 Becker / Pig / 10

I remember when the time came to get the tree, of course we had the money.

There was no need for Pig’s freak-out and no need for me to sell my guitar

and amp at all. As I had already known. To this day I wonder if Pig’s

mother had something to do with the situation.

But what I really wonder, is if Pig’s constant lying was partially due to the

fact Pig really had nothing to offer in the relationship. In thinking back on it,

Pig had no talents, no interests in anything, no hobbies, no interest in

supporting any of my interests. Pig was just a bland, boring, dull person just

like the rest of Pig’s family. God, the weird family gatherings where we all

sat across the table from each other, stared and said nothing were

tremendously awkward and uncomfortable. Pig was and I’m sure to this day

is still more interested in spending money on things that go away (vacations,

fast food, extracurricular activities) than things that have value and become

assets (houses, cars, private assets, investments in things of value).

 Becker / Pig / 11

Surprise

Life continued on as usual for the next six months with the exception of some

strange issues with Pig’s mother, Anita. Anita would call up periodically

panicking because she hadn’t heard from Pig, in an almost accusing manner

as though I must have done something to Pig. Like I kidnapped Pig or

something. I was so offended at her tone I couldn’t believe my own ears.

We were married. Pig is my wife now. We lived together now. We are

family now. Where was this coming from? I didn’t understand.

Turns out, years later Anita exposes to me she does have a mental problem

and takes medication for it.

Regardless, we continued trying to improve our home. Looking for

opportunities to better our lives, I changed jobs in order to make more money
 Becker / Pig / 12

as my goal was to take care of Pig so Pig wouldn’t have to work. Then one

day I came home and Pig had an announcement to make.

Pig said, “I’m pregnant”. I said, “What?!? What happened to the birth

control?!?!” Pig replied, “I went off of it, I told you.” Then Pig went on to

let me know that Pig was disappointed at my reaction to the news. I quickly

changed my tone and tried to be the happy, excited husband Pig expected

upon breaking the news. Pig never told me Pig went off the birth control

though. That simply never happened. In my opinion it was inappropriate for

us to get pregnant that soon and Pig knew my feelings about this. We didn’t

even own a house yet. I was still trying to find a job that would pay what we

needed in order to live and grow. We simply weren’t prepared yet and I

never would have agreed to have a baby at that time.

This is when things really started going south. Suddenly, Anita became very

involved. She insisted on buying our new child a crib, and a changing table.

I wanted to provide for my child. I wanted to be able to buy those things.

 Becker / Pig / 13

I’m the Dad. Yet it was clear there was a complete lack of respect for my

existence and position in our family. To say Anita’s continual rudeness and

general overbearingness strained our relationship is an understatement. It’s

something I could never understand. Although looking back, I suppose it

was a reflection of how she treated her own husband. She’s just that type of

person. Extremely selfish and self-centered.

The first time I met Pig’s father, he was hanging new wallpaper in the

bathroom of their house. Anita was shadowing him, complaining in her shrill

voice. “DAAAAAAAAAAN!!, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! IT’S NOT

GOING TO BE STRAIGHT!” I couldn’t believe it. The man was trying to

better their home, and make her happy. What was she doing talking to him

like that? And what did she know about hanging wallpaper? Why was she

complaining? Why did he let her whine at him that way? What the Hell was

wrong with her voice? Why does her face look like that? She should have

let the man work and been appreciative of the end result, perfect or not. But
 Becker / Pig / 14

she had no respect, even for her own husband. Which I guess in the end

made him a victim of abuse, which I would later become.

Once we were pregnant, I would continually hear things come out of Pig’s

mouth like, “my mom says….” or, “my mom thinks” or, “my mom

wants….”. It was so frequent I finally got fed up and said, “Who cares what

your mom thinks?! Does she sleep with us? I didn’t marry your mom! I

married YOU! This is OUR home! This is OUR child!”.

That seemed to have somewhat of an immediate effect. I think Pig may have

seen my frustration. But it wouldn’t be the last time I’d have to remind Pig.

Pig was the one who moved in with me initially. We were dating and Pig had

some huge fight with Pig’s mom and needed a place to live. So I said Pig

could live with me. Pig’s mom was the enemy and I was protecting my girl

from the enemy. That’s really how our long term relationship started and

eventually got serious which is when we wound up pursuing marriage.

 Becker / Pig / 15

Go back and read that last paragraph.

And now I have to deal with Pig’s mother. In my face. In our faces.

Constantly. She was going to burrow into every aspect of our lives and assert

her unfounded opinions every waking hour.

For the next few years, things would slowly get worse.
 Becker / Pig / 16

First Born

November 4th, 1998, my first child was born. It was a rather long delivery.

Every couple hours or so I’d go outside to have a cigarette. In the years that

followed, my cigarette breaks would mutate in Pig’s fucked up mind

somehow to me, “not being there”. I walked around the maternity ward with

Pig while Pig was in labor. I watched the birth. I cut the umbilical cord. I

cried as I watched him under the warming lamp. Yet somehow I wasn’t

there.

Anyway, the day was November 4th. The same birthday as Anita.

I hated the fact that they shared the same birthday. Now this person who

obviously felt unfounded distain towards me had the perfect excuse to get in

my face every year. And she gloated about it. It was “their” birthday. No,

the poor kid couldn’t have his own birthday without her being physically

present and making it “their” celebration. The selfishness and self-

 Becker / Pig / 17

centeredness and ignorance was just so great I actually started to see where

pig must have gotten it from.

Now, what I did really enjoy was being a Dad. I worked three jobs to

provide for my family. My full time job was working in Quality and

Engineering in the Aviation, Space and Defense industry. My second job

was after my full time job, and was teaching music at a place called Weaver’s

Music in Elgin Illinois. I’d work there until 7:00 or 8:00 and then move on to

my third job, teaching music privately in people’s homes until 9:30 or so.

Then Saturdays I would work at Weaver’s from 9:00 to 2:00. Eventually I

would also add working at Village Music in Dundee, repairing instruments.

I had a classic mindset about being a husband and father. I went out and

slayed the dragon, handed my paychecks over to the wife who I expected to

pay the mortgage, the bills, pay for needed items for the children, etc.
 Becker / Pig / 18

At this same time my music career started to take off a bit. I was recording

music for some major indie labels and getting endorsements from guitar

companies. Free guitars, guitar accessories, amplifiers and strings were now

coming in the mail. I was releasing music and it was actually making money.

I was happy to be creating something that generated passive income that

additionally provided for my family.

There are no words for the joy I felt knowing every night I laid down to bed,

as I closed my eyes and fell asleep for the night, my music was still busy

making money.

Then I began to work on other people’s guitars privately as a source of

income. And quickly realized, people were willing to trade entire guitars for

a fret dress and level (which is very expensive work to have done to a guitar)

and besides the free guitars I was getting, I was getting new guitars in
 Becker / Pig / 19

exchange for the time I’d spent working on them, while hanging out with the

family.

Anything I could do that I knew of, to create something of monetary value,

was the ultimate goal now. I was a machine. I think that happens to all

Dads. You become a machine. You become worried about the safety and

comfort of your family. The machine that generates the money you need to

make sure your family needs and wants for nothing.

A collection of almost anything can become an asset. You know, one of the

things you’re supposed to be building along with the rest of your life?

Assets? You try to be worth something, right? Just in case there’s an

emergency and you need a loan. At least we had my guitars as an asset.

Pig had no concept of this, as Pig’s whole “life plan” seemed to revolve

around what she would inherit when Pig’s parents died.

 Becker / Pig / 20

Second Born

About 5 years after our first child was born, Pig started complaining that Pig

wanted to get pregnant again. Once again, I argued we weren’t positioned

well enough in life to pursue a second child. But Pig insisted. Pig actually

got to the point of whining and complaining about it that I finally said “fine”

one night just to shut Pig up so I could go to sleep. And BAM! Pig was

pregnant immediately after one try.

I’ll never forget that night. Pig can create a tone about Pig’s voice that is like

Pig’s mother’s. One which is so shrill, yet uniquely Pig’s own. Even a

current day, “Karen” wouldn’t want to deal with this shit. Pig’s mother may

actually be the original, “Karen” and if I had to bet, I would lay the money

down. Down to the short haircut and, “I want to see the Manager” and

everything.

I wonder to this day if that child is actually mine. Knowing what I know now

about Pig now, I would not doubt one bit Pig cheated on me, got pregnant,
 Becker / Pig / 21

knew it, and just made it seem like I was the one who got Pig pregnant.

Especially given the fact today, he looks nothing like me.

And once again here came the overbearing mother, Anita. SHE had go and

buy additional furniture and SHE had to force her unfounded opinions about

how we were going to move forward. She had no concept of a Patriarch led

family vs. a Matriarch led family. She was going to try to lead a Matriarchy.

That doesn’t work in my family.

Let me explain how this works. Technically, the oldest family member of the

last name you hold is who leads the family. It can be either Matriarch or

Patriarch depending on who’s last name you have and who is the oldest in

charge.

That would make my family a Patriarch led family. And Anita couldn’t stand

it. But as far as I’ve always been concerned she can shove her opinion up her

ass sideways.
 Becker / Pig / 22

Anyway, the kid is lucky to be alive today. One night when he was just a

couple months old, I woke up to Pig lying on him in bed with us. He was

face up, lying under Pig’s right arm. Pig had obviously dealt with him some

time during the night and brought him to bed and fell asleep. I shoved Pig

and woke Pig up. Luckily, he had not suffocated. It freaked me out for a

long time thinking what could have happened had I not woken up in time.

I should probably take a moment to point out how fat pig actually became at

this point (and it gets worse). Pig’s legs had ballooned to nearly the size of

Pig’s wheelchair stricken grandmother’s. Here is a photo of Pig just a few

months pregnant with our second child. I didn’t think it was possible to

achieve, but Pig’s face has been distorted further to protect Pig’s identity.

Pig’s legs however, have not been distorted.

Becker / Pig / 23
 Becker / Pig / 24

“Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.”

- Peter de Vries, American writer. (1910-1993)

 Becker / Pig / 25

Life went on. My credit was poor due to the fact that we used my credit to

get Pig things Pig wanted yet Pig would fail to pay the credit card bill even

though I was handing Pig all the money. So, I took steps to repair my credit

so we could buy our house. Pig found the house Pig wanted which was a

fixer upper. There were several items I needed to fix before Pig would deem

it acceptable enough for Pig to move in.

I had to paint all the ceilings, paint all the kitchen cabinets, paint rooms the

colors Pig wanted, etc. It was a lot of work, most of which could have been

done after the fact but why would Pig care? It’s not like Pig had to do any of

the work. I think I treated Pig in a manner which may have made Pig think

our lives were all about Pig. And then it started actually becoming that way.

Although in Pig’s defense, when it came to the topic of helping me paint, it

came out that Pig physically couldn’t. Pig has a severe fear of ladders due to

Pig being so bottom heavy. Pig’s extreme weight throws Pig’s center of

gravity off.
 Becker / Pig / 26

At this point, I had advanced far enough in my career where I didn’t need to

work three jobs. I had worked my way up the ranks of Management and was

making more than enough money. But, for whatever reason it seemed no

matter how much money I made we never had any. My kids would want

things, like computers and TV’s and I would scour the free classifieds and

garbage pick and repair or rebuild them so my kids could have the things they

wanted.

Pig would continually ask for things like cable, special cable channels, a new

car, etc. and I would ask Pig if we could afford it. I felt it was a simple black

and white question. Pig always said yes so I always agreed. But then, things

started getting “weird”.

It was because what I had asked for was an actual answer. The Truth.

Because that’s what you get when you trust someone. Who do you trust

more than your life partner?

 Becker / Pig / 27

Still, utilities started getting turned off. Whether it be the electricity, the

cable, garbage pickup, etc. Pig would always call to get things turned back

on and tell me that “THEY screwed up”. It became often enough that I

started being on top of Pig about it, periodically asking in advance “Is the

cable bill paid?” for example.

Then Pig’s car got repossessed. Pig told me Pig screwed up the bills and we

didn’t have enough money to get the car back. We needed $350.00 and the

only way I was going to produce that is to sell something. So I sold one of

my endorsement guitars.

“Is the car payment made?” I then started to routinely ask Pig. To which the

answer was always “yes”. Yet Pig’s car would wind up getting repossessed

two more times. Guess how I got Pig’s car back? Yep, I sold more guitars.

I would get the mail sometimes and I noticed that the bills were always red

and last notice. Pig’s position was always, “They don’t need payment yet”.
 Becker / Pig / 28

Multiple times I explained to Pig that the bill is the bill! Get the bill, pay the

bill, the end. But Pig kept us in a continual state of being threatened by our

bank and our utility companies for the money we owed them, which made me

sick. Pig kept us in a continual state of our children not being safe.

My method of life, living life, growing life, nurturing life, furthering life, it

all works. It goes WORK SO YOU CAN PAY YOUR BILLSPAY YOUR

BILLS SAVE SOME MONEYENJOY LIFE. I’m not kidding. Just do

that and you’re doing o.k. This has been peer reviewed.

I was determined to provide for my family, and that included everything from

the food we ate, the clothes we wore, our entertainment and the roof over our

heads. Yet we were in this continual state of financial crisis.

 Becker / Pig / 29

Then there were some other weird things that occurred that I didn’t think

much of until later on. My daily work routine was always the same. Wake

up, shower and get dressed, fill my thermos with Coffee as Pig would also

get Pig’s morning coffee and then I would hit the road. But one morning, I

hit the road and took a big swig off my coffee and it tasted like chemicals.

So I got to work about 30 minutes later and texted Pig about it. Pig said Pig

had washed the coffee pot and forgot to rinse it out.

No big deal, right?

Except for the fact, that Pig had also poured Pig’s coffee from the exact same

pot at the same time. One would think Pig would have drank it, immediately

realized what happened and texted me to warn me. But for 30 minutes, no

such communication occurred.

 Becker / Pig / 30

This is right around the time Pig suggested I up my life insurance policy. I

literally told Pig, “I work a desk job, why would I have to up my life

insurance?”.

It would take years, and a few more weird instances like this before I would

even be able to guess.

 Becker / Pig / 31

'Pathological liar' is absolutely the toughest individual to deal with as a

psychiatrist. Because you can't take anything they say at face value. And
you can't, you know, fill in their personality. You don't know what's real
and what's not.

- Dale Archer
 Becker / Pig / 32

The visitor and the Wage Garnishment

We had a visitor one time. It was the middle of summer. When we were

younger (the 00’s) one of your life goals was to have a big screen TV for

your whole family to watch TV. It had been that way since the 80’s. Since

we never had any money, I got one by trading a guitar. My guitars were

becoming currency in order to better our financial situation. Nevertheless,

we were all on the couch on what would be considered the first floor as it was

a raised ranch, watching a movie, enjoying our upgrade. I had my arm

around Pig, we had the windows open (bay windows, they were behind us as

we sat, they pointed to the bay windows) and all of the sudden there’s a

person standing in the front yard yelling, “Joe Becker! Are You Joe

Becker?”

I looked at Pig and Pig said, “Don’t answer it, it’s not you”.

So I yelled back through the window, “No Joe Becker here, wrong place”.

And the guy left.

 Becker / Pig / 33

I knew what was going on. Pig was still playing games. Someone was about

to come after me for some money and they were trying to deliver a subpoena.

At least I was able to continue attempting to sit peacefully, with my children,

and Pig for the remainder of that night.

I think that night is possibly when everything changed.

A couple days later, my boss walked up to me at work with a notice he had

received. My wages were going to be garnished. When I looked at the

garnishment notice, it was for a payday loan addressed to me but not

addressed to my home. It was addressed to a PO box at the local post office.

I called and verified, there was a PO box there with my name on it. I asked

to leave work and went to the post office and asked for the contents so I

could see what was going on. The Post Master said, “I can only give you

mail that has your name on it”. He returned with a stack of pay day loan

notices, all from different companies.

 Becker / Pig / 34

This meant there was additional mail which was in Pig’s name, in that same

box, that I wasn’t allowed to see.

Pig had created a secret email address, stolen my identity, got a bunch of

payday loans in my name using Pig’s friend Aimee as a personal reference,

forged my signature, sending it through fax, and had all the relevant mail sent

to this secret PO box. I could not believe my eyes.

Some of these loans were insane. One loan was for $1,500.00 with an annual

percentage rate of 664.83% and an additional finance charge of $8,702.51.

Who in their right mind would ever agree to that? Who would agree to drive

themselves over ten grand in debt? You give me $1,500.00 and in exchange I

give you over ten grand?!? No adult in their right mind would ever agree to

this.
Becker / Pig / 35
 Becker / Pig / 36

There were other similar loans that were smaller, but still with insane annual

percentage rates and finance charges.

One loan was for $200.00 with an annual percentage rate of 357.105% and a

finance charge of $252.56. So we would pay $452.56 in exchange for

$200.00.

In business we call this running, “upside down”.

Who would do that? What the fuck was Pig doing? I was giving Pig all the

money I was making and on top of that Pig was taking out loans in my name.
Becker / Pig / 37
 Becker / Pig / 38

I made it home before she did and placed the mail on the kitchen table. Pig

walked in with the kids who settled in the living room with me while Pig

headed to the kitchen. The silence was deafening. I had caught Pig. Stealing

red handed.

When I asked what Pig was doing, Pig said Pig had screwed up the finances

and Pig didn’t want me to be mad so Pig got the loans to correct our finances

with plans for paying them back.

No matter how many times Pig said it, I never understood where Pig’s not

wanting me to be mad came from. I never hit Pig. What did Pig think

I was going to do? Ground Pig? So what was there to be afraid of? It’s O.k.

to be angry. It’s what you do with anger. I never did anything other than

express Pig’s actions were upsetting to me, for obvious reasons. It took me

years to figure out what Pig is really afraid of, which is the truth.
 Becker / Pig / 39

Now, Pig’s big plan was to just continue to get loans to pay off loans from

different companies. It obviously wasn’t working. So what were we going to

do? Pig came clean and told me we were also losing the house for not

making the mortgage payments on time.

Pig’s plan was that we were going to file bankruptcy. This would wipe out

all debt, and we would be able to keep the house and cars provided from that

point forward, we paid the bills on time. Pig had already secured a lawyer to

do so. All I had to do was sign some paperwork, go to court of have a Judge

sign off on it, take an online class about being financially responsible and that

was that.

We went and saw the lawyer, and in the paperwork was a LONG list of debts

I knew nothing about totaling $28,739.74. This included several credit cards

that were in Pig’s name that I never even knew Pig had. The next pages are

in fact that actual list.

Becker / Pig / 40
Becker / Pig / 41
Becker / Pig / 42
Becker / Pig / 43
Becker / Pig / 44
 Becker / Pig / 45

What Was The Point Of That?

The whole point of that was that Pig wouldn’t be liable for Pig’s own actions

and debt and Pig would be able to pin it on someone else. Because that’s

how Pig operates. I was in Pig’s pen. $28,739.74 of debt and nothing to

show for it. The kids didn’t have some of the things they could have had.

We didn’t have any extravagant household items. Nothing.

Since everything was always in my name, Pig had a license to do whatever

Pig wanted. It was like I had an older child I was forced to placate, before

the real children, who I wanted to placate.

Pig is a con artist. Pig conned all of those companies and Pig conned me.

Con artist

A person who cheats or tricks others by persuading them to believe

something that is not true in order to get their money.
 Becker / Pig / 46

People ask me why I never took control of our finances. When I confided

with my family about it at the time, I was basically getting yelled at. “Don’t

let her manage the money anymore!” they’d say. “Take the checkbook away

from her!”.

There was in fact one time I got upset and told Pig I was going to take over

handling the money. The fear, panic and sheer terror in Pig’s eyes along with

the flood tears was something I had never seen before.

Pig made me feel like I was beating Pig or something. It looked like I was

going to break Pig if I took managing the money away from Pig. I figured

Pig knew Pig had screwed up badly and was genuinely going to try and do

better.

When you have children with a person, sometimes you bend in ways for that

person that don’t entirely make sense to others. So, I let it go.
 Becker / Pig / 47

A lie is like a snow-ball; the longer it is rolled, the larger it is.

-- MARTIN LUTHER
 Becker / Pig / 48

Bankrupt

So we were bankrupt, but we still had cars and a roof over our heads. I

thought having bad credit for the next 10 years was going to suck, but if we

had our cars and our home we could get through it. If our family was safe, I

was ultimately fine with anything.

Next thing you know, we’re blindsided by Pig’s Dad getting an extremely

aggressive form of brain cancer. Typical of any disease, he changed his diet

as there were certain things he was supposed to avoid and certain things he

needed extra of in an attempt at improving his quality of life. One day as I

was getting ready to leave for work, I saw Pig preparing a special meal for

him in the kitchen. In the meal, Pig had included ingredients he was

supposed to avoid. I asked Pig, “Why are you putting that in there if he’s

supposed to be avoiding it?” to which Pig’s response was, “He doesn’t need

to know”.
 Becker / Pig / 49

I wouldn’t fully understand until years later, but continually lying to

everyone (and I mean everyone – mother, father, sister, brother, husband,

friends, neighbors, children, etc) is a method of control. Which is abuse.

Lying is one of the most common tactics an abuser uses to gain power

and control over their victim. Make no mistake! Lying is a type of abuse. It

confuses the victim's reality while helping the liar to shirk from their

responsibility in the situation, often shifting the blame to the victim.

Sometimes the smallest of lies that can have a big impact. For example, we

both were cigarette smokers. The only difference being, I consider myself a,

“clean” smoker. Unlike some smokers (like Pig), I would not just throw my

cigarette butt on the ground when I was done with it. It would go to the

ashtray, or get extinguished and thrown away. Pig on the other hand, lied to

Pig’s entire family about being a smoker entirely. And Pig was a dirty

smoker who would leave cigarette butts EVERYWHERE. The driveway, the

garage
 Becker / Pig / 50

floor, the yard, etc. So when Pig’s family would come over, they would

naturally assume it was ME who was leaving cigarette butts all over the place

like some sort of slob. This automatically gave Pig’s family a negative

connotation about me. Something Pig became passionate about doing as time

went on. Making me a bad guy somehow.

I would always ask Pig, “Why do you lie about smoking to your family?

You’re an adult! What are they gonna do, ground you? Why not just tell the

truth?” and Pig would just respond, “They don’t need to know”.

I was generally fine with how Pig wanted to deal with people, including Pig’s

own family. I had hoped Pig knew what Pig was doing. But I didn’t realize

until years later the phrase, “They don’t need to know” was not just another

weapon in Pig’s arsenal of tools to control the people around Pig. It was a

state of mind. Deceiving everyone around Pig is what makes Pig’s small

world turn.
 Becker / Pig / 51

Pig operates on a, “need to know” basis with EVERYONE including family.

“They don’t need to know the details because there is no way they will ever

find out”

“I don’t need to tell anyone the specifics of what’s going on because it’s only

going to make things worse”

“There’s no need to embarrass myself because this is going to be the last time

I ever……”

The actual thought process is frightening to say the least.

I was starting to understand Pig is truly dangerous. In that, Pig wasn’t just

dangerous for others to be around, including the children, but Pig was

dangerous to Pig.
 Becker / Pig / 52

The second to last Repo

A few days later, on a Saturday I looked out the living room window and

there was an embarrassing “REPO MAN” truck parked outside of our house.

Pig was at the grocery store or something with Anita so it was just my

children and I that were home. After a few minutes, there was a knock at the

door. So I answered it.

“We’re here for the Chevy Malibu”. That was Pig’s car that we had put on

my credit since Pig NEVER had good credit. I said, “What do you mean?”.

The guy was pretty rude and said something to the effect of, “Well when you

don’t pay back the loan you took out for the car you wanted, we come and get

it”.

I immediately got angry and told him to fuck off. Shut the door on him and

then called Pig. I asked if the car payment was made and Pig said yes. I then

asked Pig why there was a fucking repo man at our door trying to get Pig’s

car if Pig made the payments on time. Pig supposedly didn’t know. I said
 Becker / Pig / 53

fine and hung up and tried to move on with my morning figuring the issue

possibly wasn’t pig this one time.

But then just 10 minutes later, the guy was banging on my front door again. I

answered it and told the guy I had called Pig and verified we’re current on

payments so call his office or whatever but he’s not getting the car. He calls

his office right in front of me and says it’s been confirmed, the car needs to

be repo’d and he’s not leaving without it.

I told him I was calling Pig again and shut the door on him. I call Pig and Pig

insists the payments were made and we’re current. “Then why the fuck is the

repo guy at our house again?!?” I asked. None of this made any sense. It

especially burned that this guy was talking to me like crap, like I was the one

who didn’t make the payments, in front of my kids. Pig continued to claim

ignorance.
 Becker / Pig / 54

So, I kept Pig on the phone figuring if anyone could straighten this guy out, it

would be Pig. As Pig was the one making the car payments and would know

intricate details about them that would satisfy the guy and his company so

they could go away.

I walk out the front door and start walking up to the guy’s embarrassingly

painted, “REPO MAN” truck and I tell Pig to talk to the guy. I get about ten

feet from his truck and Pig says, “Just let them take it”. I was astounded at

what I just heard. “Why would I let them take it if we’ve been making the

payments on it?!?” Pig wouldn’t answer. Pig just repeated, “Just let them

take it”.

“Fine” I said and hung up the phone. I then proceeded to pull Pig’s car out of

the garage, pull the plates off and hand the keys to the gloating repo-man.
 Becker / Pig / 55

Holy shit. What were we going to do now?! We need cars to drive the kids

around. What if there’s an emergency? So many thoughts were running

through my head.

In hindsight, maybe the car repossessions were just Pig’s way of avoiding

having to clean out Pig’s car. What a lazy fat fucking slob Pig is. I mean,

talk about embarrassing. Food, wrappers, receipts, garbage, Pig’s car was

always filled with it. Family would come to visit and I would have to run

around like crazy to clean the house because Pig never did it. And then I

would pray, that they wouldn’t look inside Pig’s car being that it was a family

vehicle and we put our children in it.

Maybe the laziness is due to Pig’s weight. I can’t imagine it’s real easy to

move around when you’re 350-400 pounds or whatever Pig is. Pig’s own

grandmother was so fat she had to be pushed around in a wheel chair by her

husband. And she was so fat and lazy, she wouldn’t even bother to push her

own wheel chair around one inch. She had to have her husband (Joe) move
 Becker / Pig / 56

her that one inch. And she shrieked like Pig’s mother, Anita. But worse!

“JOOOOOOOOOOOE, MOVE MY CHAIR!!”

Anyway, so Pig finally arrives home and I’m all over Pig as quietly as I could

as to not tip the kid’s off as to what entirely was going on even though they

had just witnessed their mother’s car being taken away. “You said you had

made the car payments! Why would we let someone take your car if you

made the payments?!” I then asked Pig, “Do you know how much it takes to

get the car back?” with the full intention of once again having to sell one or

more of my guitars.

Pig pretended to call and find out, but Pig already knew. We weren’t getting

the car back. About a day or two later, while I was at work Pig let me know

Pig had found a car dealership that deals with people with bad or no credit,

and Pig had found a vehicle Pig really wanted which was a Mazda 5 minivan

sort of thing. But we would both have to sign for the loan. Somehow,

magically we managed to get the car. I remember following Pig back home
 Becker / Pig / 57

and looking at the rear tires which had the steel bands sticking out and

wondering how in the Hell we were going to come up with the money to

replace them so Pig and the kids would be safe in that vehicle. I had already

started to make plans figuring out what guitar I could sell to cover the cost.

At least we both had cars again and would be able to transport the kids to

their sports and Pig had a vehicle in case there was an emergency with the

kids while I was at work.

 Becker / Pig / 58

When an abuser controls your finances, they control you.

--HSBC UK
 Becker / Pig / 59

Death

Finally the time had come and Pig’s father had passed away. He had a

devastating time with the brain cancer. I would get calls on my way to work

to stop at the house and help him up because he had fallen between the

shower and the toilet. This time, I got the call to see him, now dead on a

stretcher in his living room, as he wanted to die at home.

I really liked the guy, so I was really sad. I cried about it. He was the only

one in that family who I think genuinely liked me. Possibly because he

understood I was a man and that my intentions were merely to provide and

protect for his daughter, and our children and he knew his own wife and

daughter were screwed up. As a matter of fact, early on in our marriage Pig

and I had a big fight about something. It was so bad Pig said Pig wanted to

leave and get a divorce. I told Pig, “Fine! Go back to your parents!”.
 Becker / Pig / 60

Well, he did not take kindly to the thought of having Pig move back into his

house again and told Pig tough luck. That’s not how marriage works and

refused to allow Pig to move back in. He told Pig to go back home and

figure it out. Pig was forced to come back to our home, since Pig had no-

where else to live and actually had to put some effort into working out

whatever problem Pig had.

So I’m standing above the guy, crying. I had originally been on my way to

work but here I am. I eventually left and went into work late.

The typical arrangements were made. I was a Paul Bearer along with my

brother in-law and some other people.

Pig changed. Pig changed in a manner where I couldn’t talk to Pig anymore.

EVERYTHING became private. When I told this to my friend Fuad, he said

he had a theory that when a woman’s Father dies, they no longer feel

responsible to answer to anyone. And they change. I once repeated that

 Becker / Pig / 61

theory to one of my customers who had just gone through divorce. His face

turned pale and said, “My wife’s Dad died right before our divorce”.

Anyway, the house became manic. Suddenly I could not get a straight

answer about anything. “What time are you going to be home?”. Pig would

say 5:00 but wouldn’t appear again until 6:60 or 7:00. “Where are you

going?”

I asked where Pig was going once and Pig said it was a local restaurant. I

asked when Pig would be back and Pig gave me some early evening time like

4:00. I was at the house with the boys and we were watching a movie and

4:00 comes and goes. So I text Pig. 20 minutes passes and there’s no

response.

I text Pig again. No response. I call Pig. No response. I panic. I’m the one

responsible for everyone’s wellbeing. I need to act fast.

 Becker / Pig / 62

I packed up the boys and drove to where Pig said Pig was going to be. It was

in a little mini-mall sort of arrangement with a few other business. I pulled

up, parked and looked for Pig’s car. It wasn’t there. I told the boys to wait

and I walked inside and looked around and even asked if they had seen a

patron with Pig’s description (i.e. Fat scumbag with brown hair). The answer

was no. So I left and as I was exiting I looked across the street and saw Pig’s

car. It was at a totally different restaurant.

I hop in the car and change restaurants within the same parking lot. I tell the

kids I think I found Mom and to hang tight. I walk in and see Pig sitting at a

table with some woman. I still don’t know to this day who it was. Whoever

she was, she was ugly. But she also looked surprised.

I walked up to Pig and said, “Are you o.k?!” I was obviously excited since it

was completely unlike Pig to just stop all forms of communication for over

an
 Becker / Pig / 63

hour. We have children. We need to be immediately accessible to each other

at all times regarding the children in case of emergency.

I asked if there was something wrong with Pig’s phone, which was on the

table in front of Pig’s left hand. Pig said, “No!” and the woman she was with

looked at me like I was crazy. A waiter approached me as if I was coming in

to crack some heads due to my being excited, whereas I was coming in out of

fear something was wrong or had happened to Pig.

Pig started turning into a different person entirely.

And then out of no-where I got sick. With three different illnesses that hit me

all at the same time. One of them is called, “Dry Eye”. It’s a constant

burning and irritation of your eyes due to natural tear reduction. I went to the

Optometrist who diagnosed it, and said I had to start using synthetic tears.
 Becker / Pig / 64

When I asked for how long, their response was, “for the rest of your life”.

The strange thing is, that wouldn’t wind up being true.

When I asked my doctor about the illnesses, I felt they were all related. But

the doctor insisted they weren’t and that they couldn’t be.

Years later, I found out that even though the illnesses were not directly

related to each other, there is a situation in which multiple unrelated illnesses

can come about at once and actually have a single cause.

And that situation would be called poisoning.

This would explain Pig’s previous mentions of increasing my life insurance.

There’s a term for women who kill their husbands for financial gain. They’re

called, “Black Widows”.

 Becker / Pig / 65

The New Pig

The new Pig didn’t see any desire to answer to anyone for anything. There

was no sharing where Pig was going, when Pig would be back, what Pig was

doing or what Pig had done. I was just left alone to watch my kids while Pig

left to do whatever Pig wanted.

I figured this shit sucks, but Pig just lost a parent. You may lose your mind a

little bit when you lose a loved one. So I tried to go with the flow, for a

while.

Anita became severely depressed too. There was a good month or so span of

time where she possibly was becoming suicidal. Or so I was told. Pig spent

long hours on the phone with Anita night after night. It wasn’t until later I

realized they were cooking something up.

 Becker / Pig / 66

There was a, “New Plan!”. Apparently, to calm Anita’s nerves, she was

going to buy a new rental property. A town house. We would move out of

our house since Pig always wanted something new since nothing was ever

good enough for Pig, and I would simply pay Anita’s mortgage and she

would have a new property with paying tenants! I bought into this thinking

this could possibly be the way I get them to both stop complaining about

existing and maybe, just maybe it would turn them both around.

These people are depressed. I Hope to God Anita has been sucked back into

Hell where she belongs by now. She was old to begin with. And did nothing

but wreak havoc on an innocent young couple just trying to get by. What a

nasty old hag.

I thought I was strong enough to lead the way. I was going to satisfy

everybody. I was going to make Anita happy, Pig happy, the kids seemed to

be happy if Pig was happy, we all were happy as long as Pig was Happy.

Maybe this change would fix things.

 Becker / Pig / 67

So we moved. The plan was after we had moved out, Pig would come back

to the house and do the final clean up. While I was at work, Pig was to

investigate either selling, or renting the house out to someone else. But Pig

felt it best just to stop paying the mortgage since we were already bankrupt

and the property was listed on the bankruptcy paperwork. When I confronted

Pig about losing such a large asset, Pig’s response was it would be fine

because when Anita died, we would inherit the townhome.

Pig then focused on the kids’ sports activities. Pig signed them up for

everything including travel sports. I told Pig repeatedly, not only could we

not afford to have the kids signed up for that many sports, and not only would

our schedules be unable to support, but our youngest child didn’t even want

to do some of the sports Pig signed them up for.

This turned into some sort of sickness with Pig. Pig was not hearing it. And

the reason wasn’t because of some benefit there would be for the kids, but

because Pig would have a social life.

 Becker / Pig / 68

See, Pig doesn’t get along with people for very long. It seems like everyone

has a time limit. When we had the house, Pig had made friends with some of

the neighborhood moms. Then after a while, there would always be some

issue that had to turn in to a dramatic event and they wouldn’t be friends

anymore. One by one, all the neighborhood mom friends started dropping

from Pig’s life like flies.

Then Pig joined the Parent Teacher Association. Pig actually became

President. But then Pig started having issues with those moms and teachers

and just up and quit.

Pig’s opinion was, Pig was “Queen Bitch”. Women get catty with each

other, but when it came to them getting catty with Pig, Pig thought of Pig as

the, “Queen”.
 Becker / Pig / 69

I started to see that instead of working through problems like adults do, it was

easier for Pig to just run away from them. Change the situation. Subtract Pig

from it.

But with the kids signed up for all the sports, there were plenty of “pockets”

of people Pig could have a social life with. I immediately saw Pig as wanting

to be a wife and mother less and less and wanting to be a social partier more

and more.

I hated the idea, as I knew even if we had developed friendships with some of

the parents on these sports teams, in the grand scheme of things, it was

temporary. I didn’t care about these people at all because they were not

going to contribute to our lives long term.

Then one day I get a call from an old friend from high school. Joe Gard. Joe

had moved down to Tennessee from Illinois years prior but started making a

habit of coming back to Illinois to visit his high school friends every year or
 Becker / Pig / 70

so. He said he was coming into town and to plan getting together for a few

beers.

He was coming in on a Friday night, which was perfect for me since that was

pay day and I wouldn’t have to work the next day. So we could go out and

have a good time.

We met at the bar. After catching up for a while I offered to go back to my

place as the beer was much cheaper there. I told him I’d handle the tab and

then we’d go. The tab wasn’t that large at around fifty bucks. I handed my

card to the bartender to ran it, then told me my card was declined.

I told her to try it again, as it couldn’t be declined as I had just gotten paid.

She ran it again and again, told me it was declined.

I was so embarrassed.
 Becker / Pig / 71

So I called Pig who said Pig was going to, “move some money over”. Which

Pig did, so I was finally able to pay. But Pig, “moved some money over”

from where? I assumed it was our savings account which was supposed to

have roughly two thousand dollars in it after we were supposedly finally

handling the money appropriately.

Something was going on. Pig knew I was going out with Joe and would need

money. Why would Pig snatch up my entire paycheck and move it to another

account? Especially that fast? It made no sense.

I tried hard to get things to go in a positive direction. I kept finding myself

obsessing about how to make Pig happy and make this new situation work.

Then I had an idea.

 Becker / Pig / 72

When we got married, we married with my parent’s wedding set. I had my

Dad’s ring, and Pig had my Mother’s ring as at the time, they had just

upgraded their wedding set. Pig stated Pig wanted something better, and our

original intent was to upgrade it once we had the money. I guess the joke

was on Pig because with Pig in charge of the finances Pig personally saw to it

we never had any money so Pig was never going to get one.

I came home from work one day to find Pig in the kitchen stating that Pig’s

ring “broke”. The ring was shattered into 3 or 4 pieces. It had been

destroyed by the garbage disposal. I now know Pig had destroyed it on

purpose in an attempt to get a new ring. But since we never had any money,

Pig went years without any ring at all. So, I devised a plan.

I would sell my last two guitars and get Pig a ring from the pawn shop. Pig

had talked more than enough about the kinds of rings Pig liked and would

accept, so I knew what to look for.

 Becker / Pig / 73

Pig claimed to be really happy with it. I thought I had done all I could do.

Between watching the kids while Pig went out, to supporting as much as I

could with all the sports, to sacrificing the last of my own things and fixing

the wedding ring situation, even changing our family’s living situation to

make Pig and Anita happy. At this time I was making $90,000.00 a year so

even if Pig screwed up the finances again, I’d be able to make up for it fairly

quickly. Our lives were headed a new direction. Just not the direction I

thought.
 Becker / Pig / 74

Birthday Party

Pig said Pig had a friend’s birthday party to go to. It was at Mickey Finn’s.

So I stayed home with the boys while Pig went. But I stayed up for Pig. The

hours started dragging on and Pig wasn’t communicating via text. I started to

panic. So I called Mickey Finn’s. I gave them Pig’s name and description

(i.e. elephant with brown hair). Nope. Pig wasn’t there.

Having previously experienced Pig’s routine, I pulled up a map on my

computer to see what was around Mickey Finn’s. There were a bunch of bars

all on the same street. So I called Morgan’s, I called 545 North, I called

Firkin, I called The Tavern and I called The Island Tap. Pig was no-where to

be found. Even with the name and description (i.e. severely obese woman

with brown hair) Pig just was not to be located.

The next morning, Pig came home just in time to take our oldest to baseball

and I started interrogating. The next few moments are a bit of a blur, but it
 Becker / Pig / 75

came out Pig had cheated on me. I think my mind broke at that moment. I

burst into tears. I grabbed a suitcase and filled it with clothes. I hugged and

kissed my oldest son who was on his way out the door for baseball practice

and left.

Not knowing what to do, I got a hotel room.

I was leaving pig.

The continual state of financial crisis. The Non-Stop fighting with friends

and family. The depression. The constant lying. The constant stealing. And

now cheating.

Pig had betrayed me.

It had to stop. Right at that moment. I needed to protect myself. I left Pig.
 Becker / Pig / 76

I had brought my laptop and kind of set up the room has, “home” for the

moment. And since I knew I couldn’t trust Pig, I immediately set up a brand

new email address and let everyone know the new way to get in contact with

me. I then changed my online status from married to single.

The next few weeks would prove to be a whirlwind. I went from the hotel

room to being homeless. I was sleeping in my car at work in Elk Grove

Village. Which at one time, was the biggest industrial park in the world.

They had a shower, so I would wake up at 6:00, go in, shower and change

clothes, and BAM, I was already at work. After work, I would go to a local

restaurant for dinner and wait just long enough until I knew there would be

no-one left at work and I would drive back there, park, tilt the driver’s seat

back all the way and go to sleep. Then start the process all over again the

next morning.
 Becker / Pig / 77

I started my own bank account. The Vice President of the company I was

working for told me the first things I needed to do was start my own bank

account and give Pig $250.00 a week until things were figured out. So Pig

couldn’t go in to court and say I wasn’t paying child support regardless of the

correct number. So I did.

Immediately Anita is on top of me for the last month’s rent for her town

house. I asked Pig, and Pig said the check was in the mail to her. So I let

Anita know. Anita wouldn’t accept it and kept hounding me for the money.

Either, this was a last ditch effort to soak me for even more money than Pig

had already stolen, or Pig was lying to Pig’s mother.

“Anita, Pig said the check is in the mail. Pig is your daughter. You talk to

Pig.”

Yet, Anita seemed to try to reject that. She did not want to accept reality. I

asked my doctor about it. He said she suffers from something that is called
 Becker / Pig / 78

Cognitive Dissonance. That’s where your child can tell you they killed

someone, yet you’ll “hear” that they, “hurt” someone instead.

The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the mental discomfort

that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes.

People tend to seek consistency in their attitudes and perceptions, so this

conflict causes feelings of unease or discomfort.

So I simply left that as Pig gets to play Pig’s games with Pig’s mother.

Right…the Doctor. I forgot I had seen doctor. Here is some of the report he

wrote up from that visit. I guess I had lost a lot of weight from not eating

right while I was sleeping in my car. Anyway, you go :

Becker / Pig / 79
 Becker / Pig / 80

Even with zero credit because of the damage Pig had done to me, I somehow

managed to rent a townhouse just a couple blocks away so I could be near my

kids.

Then I had to (try to) turn the place on.

Com Ed had told me they could not turn the electricity on because I owed

them $800.00. I had a $400.00 gas bill, too. I had paid that off first. But I

was stuck on what to do for electric. So I asked my younger brother to turn

on the electric in his name and handle the bill while I saved up the $800.00 to

get it switched back to my name.

And I had yelled at the post master about making sure the mail that was in

my name came to me only because some of it was still going to Pig’s house

and Pig was throwing it away, in Pig’s words “because you don’t live here”.

Next thing I know, I finally get to see what the mail really looks like for the

first time in 16 years.

 Becker / Pig / 81

Turns out, the utility and car bills weren’t the only bills Pig wasn’t paying.

Pig also wasn’t paying for the kids to go to school.

Pig hadn’t paid for either of their school needs in years. Here are the notices

from the school I received in the mail.

Becker / Pig / 82
Becker / Pig / 83
 Becker / Pig / 84

Then I got pissed off. I wanted my house back. So I called the mortgage

company. Knowing how much time had passed since we had claimed

bankruptcy I had hoped there was a chance I could just pick up where the

mortgage payments had left off and move back there.

And the bank was receptive. They told me I only had to catch up to my last

payment which was made in early 2009. $67,000.00 and I could have my

house back.

Early 2009? Wait a second, we had our bankruptcy in 2010 and were

supposed to be keeping up with payments of things. Pig was saying that we

were. My kids were living underneath a roof that could have been taken

away at any given moment and I didn’t even know it? The Sheriff could

have come and physically evicted us?!?! There was no security for my

children even though I had been lied to after working for it and told there

was.
 Becker / Pig / 85

We didn’t move out until 2011 and we all lived together until the end of

2012. It’s now 2013. I’ve been making $90,000.00 a year and nothing has

been paid for in years. Where did all the money go?

And I will ask you the reader again, as I did earlier. Where did all the money

go?

Mortgage payments not paid. Car payments not paid. Utility payments not

paid. School registrations not paid. Nothing was paid. I think Pig’s default,

“they don’t need to know” also mutated into, “they don’t need the money”.

Regardless, I pushed forward. I had to.

 Becker / Pig / 86

Stealing is stealing. I don’t care if it’s on the Internet or you’re breaking

into a warehouse somewhere – It’s theft.

--Patrick Leahy
 Becker / Pig / 87

Starting a new life

First was the divorce. Due to the nature of my job, I was able to write all the

necessary documentation by myself without the need for a lawyer. There was

just some bickering going on between us about some of the terms which

needed ironing out that I could not seem to get an answer on from Pig.

While ironing out the details, New Year’s was approaching. I had asked Pig

if we could do New Year’s together with the boys since it was going to be the

first new year they had since the separation. Pig agreed.

But the day before New Years, just before I left work I received a certified

fax at work from a lawyer. The fax was notice of an emergency motion for

full custody of both children to be heard the day after New Years.

I wasn’t going anywhere. I took the motion, responded to it with evidence of

the current parenting schedule as a motion to vacate, and waited until 4:59 to

certify fax it back to the lawyer.

 Becker / Pig / 88

I then proceeded to New Year’s knowing I had court the next morning.

Upon arrival at court, I handed a copy of my motion to vacate to the clerk and

sat down. When the case came up, Pig’s lawyer wasn’t there yet so the judge

read my motion, then asked me where Pig’s lawyer was. I said I didn’t

know, so he told me to sit down and wait.

About five minutes later, Pig’s lawyer runs in the room, hair all over the

place and makeup screwed up from an obvious late night of ringing in the

new year and announces to the judge, “Your Honor, I have an emergency

order that needs to be heard right away!”

The judge, obviously disgusted, held up my motion to vacate to her face and

asked, “Are you aware Mr. Becker has already responded to your motion?”

“No” she said, looking confused.

 Becker / Pig / 89

“Would you like an opportunity to read it?”

“Yes, your Honor” she said.

Next thing you know, she’s texting Pig. Then, she asks the judge for a new

date to respond to my motion. He wasn’t having it. He granted my motion to

vacate and called it a day.

I walked out of the court house and texted Pig, “Well, that was easy”. To

which Pig went insane. Pig accused me of lying and playing some game with

the court. All I had done was responded to a legal pleading, with the truth.
 Becker / Pig / 90

In starting a new life, one of the first things I first experienced was the ability

to pay my bills and have money left over. Pig was basically getting 25% of

my income, yet I was still able to pay all of the same bills on time and have

some left over. This was while both my kids were insisting they needed their

$400.00 used X-box video game units in order to spend the night with me.

Which I somehow figured out how to provide.

Where had all the money gone? Although it came in slowly, it was consistent.

And there was a fair amount of it. Yet, no car ever finished getting paid off,

utilities had been getting turned off or left in large amounts of debt that took

YEARS to accumulate. The mortgage hadn’t been paid in years. And

everything was in my name.

I got the kids beds first. I slept on the floor or couch in the living room or on

the floor in my bedroom until I could afford a bed.

 Becker / Pig / 91

I found a free rear-projection television that one of my new neighbors was

throwing out, so that became our living room television. Then I needed

kitchen stuff. Silverware, which I bought new but everything else I hunted

down from the free classifies or the thrift store.

During this period of time I was a mental and emotional wreck. I had to start

life over again, but while working 55 hours a week and still dealing with

having my kids 50% of the time and running them around to all their sports

that we couldn’t afford while still trying to do things like grocery shop and

find basic furniture so I could re-assemble something that resembled a home

as quickly as possible.

And then obviously, I eventually had lawyer bills to deal with. That first year

became a real challenge on all fronts yet somehow I was able to still move

forward. And it started to eat at me more and more. Where did all the money

go?!?!
 Becker / Pig / 92

I was able to pay rent, my car payment, groceries for three, all my utilities on

time, my lawyer bill, buy some furniture and STILL have money left over

while still giving Pig a quarter of my income. What happened to all the

money?!?!?!? Well, years later I found out one thing Pig was spending a

small amount of it on. The Illinois Treasurer alerted me to the fact that they

had “financial property” in my name that I had to claim. So I did. It was for

over-payment on a private life insurance policy Pig had taken out in my name

which had since been closed.

In doing research online, I found out there’s only one real thing Pig could

have done with the majority of the money. Pig had to have been secreting the

money away. For years. Years ahead of Pig cheating on me. Years ahead of

Pig’s Dad dying. Years before the bankruptcy. It now made sense. THAT

was the account Pig had been moving money to and from when Joe Gard

came to visit.
 Becker / Pig / 93

Financial abuse involves controlling a victim's ability to acquire, use, and

maintain financial resources. Those who are victimized financially may have

their own money restricted or stolen by the abuser.

The financial abuse wouldn’t stop though.

Pig started blowing through tolls.

And since Pig’s car still had my name on it and I was the primary, I started

receiving fines in the mail.

Becker / Pig / 94
Becker / Pig / 95
Becker / Pig / 96
Becker / Pig / 97
 Becker / Pig / 98

“Facts are threatening to those invested in fraud.”

― DaShanne Stokes
 Becker / Pig / 99

I remember during a family gathering when I was a child, my parents were

having a conversation with My Uncle Ed about something and he said, “If

you really want to hurt someone, you hurt them in the pocketbook”. Pig was

still trying to hurt me. And it became apparent Pig was becoming Hell bent

on doing so.

There would be a lot of other things Pig did to me, various forms of abuse

including harassment. It had become easy for Pig as lying is Pig’s forte’. So

Pig could lie to others about me in order to paint Pig’s self in a victim’s light

and gain all the benefits that comes with. Free lawyers in court. The ability

to have multiple orders of protection executed against me. The ability to

brainwash my children into thinking negative things about me. Etc. And

then Pig taught my kids to start lying to me.

Now, there was no communicating with Pig. If I said something was black,

Pig would say it was white. There was nothing real coming out of Pig’s

mouth.
 Becker / Pig / 100

As a coping mechanism to deal with Pig’s insanity, I started making three

panel cartoons illustrating what I was dealing with.

Becker / Pig / 101
Becker / Pig / 102
Becker / Pig / 103
Becker / Pig / 104
Becker / Pig / 105
Becker / Pig / 106
Becker / Pig / 107
Becker / Pig / 108
Becker / Pig / 109
Becker / Pig / 110
Becker / Pig / 111
Becker / Pig / 112
Becker / Pig / 113
 Becker / Pig / 114

Although the cartoons were somewhat a means which allowed me to cope

with some of Pig’s mental sicknesses, they still (sadly) reflected reality.

I had been in a relationship with a fat, selfish, self-centered, lying, cheating,

theiving, narcisistic, sociopathic abuser.

 Becker / Pig / 115

Dating

There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I had started dating. And

experienced a lot of things for the first time I did not know were even

possible.

I wound up getting into a serious relationship with this woman. First were

the obvious physical benefits. She wasn’t fat. She was toned. The legs on

this woman were AMAZING. I had not been with a woman before that could

wear shorts in public or show any sort of skin from the waist down.

And she had ankles. Whereas Pig has cankles. This woman had ankles.

And for the first time ever, I was in a relationship with someone who also put

into the relationship! I was so confused! I was used to providing and paying

for everything. Yet this woman also paid and provided for things. She cared

about our relationship. Not just herself.

 Becker / Pig / 116

And I didn’t have to be embarrassed about her looks when we were out in

public. I wasn’t used to that, AT ALL.

She wasn’t self-centered. She was honest. I could ask what time she would

be there and when she said 12:00, she’d show up at 12:00. She did what she

said she was going to do. She wasn’t after money. She wasn’t after anything

except being able to with me.

The extreme polar opposite of Pig. Finally, I’m in a relationship with another

adult. It was mind-blowing.

I KNEW this is how it was done! Being honest. Supporting each other. No

secrets. Neither of us wanted anything other than to be in a serious

relationship.

Other areas of my life would also begin to improve without my knowing it at

first.
 Becker / Pig / 117

When I was with Pig, I used to get speeding tickets. One to two speeding

tickets every year. Pig kept my stress levels so high all the time that I felt

like I was running out of time. There was always some emergency. So, I

guess I sped everywhere. At the time of this writing, our divorce was 9 years

ago. And I haven’t gotten a speeding ticket or any other sort of traffic

citation since.

It was whatever confused, fearful, distressed state Pig had kept me in.

I also started getting some of my guitars back. Any guitars I had given to my

friends over the years they started giving back to me. I had lost my identity

as a husband and father, as the grueling custody case started and my friends

saw it. They all said, “Joe, you’re a musician. Do what you know”.
 Becker / Pig / 118

Harassment

Although on a personal level things started slowly turning around for me,

some things would also get much worse. I had divorced Pig with 50%

custody of my children. Everyone complained about the schedule. Pig

originally wanted to make me a, “weekend” Dad but I forced the issue and

came up with a fair parenting schedule.

The problem was, since following a schedule was, “work” for everyone,

everyone complained. I was having to “bribe” the children into being o.k.

with the schedule. The first complaints were they didn’t like carrying their

X-boxes back and forth between the houses. So I bought them additional

ones which would stay at my house.

Here is a copy of the basic parenting schedule :

Becker / Pig / 119
 Becker / Pig / 120

After just a few short weeks, there came a refusal from the oldest child to

come to the house on my parenting day. I called the police, and a very nice

officer went to Pig’s house with me to talk to the kids.

He explained that since a judge had signed off on a court order mandating the

schedule, they had to follow it. After talking to the oldest child, I found out

the reason he did not want to leave was because he thought his being home

on Pig’s parenting day would prevent Pig from going out and doing whatever

Pig was doing.

He also explained that he had caught Pig smoking pot. Pig would smoke pot

in the garage and he could see Pig doing it through the garage door peep hole.

I felt so bad. No matter what I tried to do to make a controlled, comfortable,

repetitive, normal situation for my kids, Pig was going to have nothing to do

with it.
 Becker / Pig / 121

That’s the correspondence we had. Notice how just one minute after Pig

agrees to talk to him about it, Pig follows up with, “This is still private

between us”.

To this day I wonder who the Hell Pig was trying to hide this from? Not only

could I not keep up with Pig’s lying, but I obviously didn’t know about all of

it.
 Becker / Pig / 122

On Pig’s parenting days, my youngest suffered. He did not like the situation

at all. He would tell me, “…but don’t tell Mom, she’ll be mad at me”.

There was some weird offset between Pig and this kid. In that, since he

wasn’t born on Anita’s birthday, he just didn’t seem to count to Anita or Pig.

I always felt bad for him. His older brother, picked on this kid relentlessly. I

was constantly having to correct the situation. Pig screamed at this kid

endlessly. I had to correct that too. The methods I would use were so

unusual no-one had a choice but to abide by them.

For example, Pig SHREAKED at this kid for YEARS about the condition of

his bedroom. Which was messy. Did it ever get better? No. Was he

learning from example? Certainly not from Pig. Well what does one actually

expect from a 5 year old?? Finally I got fed up and I used a tool from my

profession called a corrective action, which utilizes a root cause analysis tool.
 Becker / Pig / 123

Basically, I rejected his room. I saw what Pig was doing as unfair and

rejected his room back to us, his parents. I actually posted a printed rejection

notice on our refrigerator along with the necessary paperwork to fill out. And

ordered a corrective action. I saw it as what they in my industry call a 5Y (5

why). The tool works like this : His room is messy (this is the issue or reason

to reject). Why #1 = He is 5. Why #2 = Because we put him on this planet.

AND, there’s no room in his room to organize anything because he’s

outgrown his furniture. Why #3 = He needs new furniture because he’s

getting older.

You can come to an official conclusion in a 5Y inside of answering three of

the, “Why’s” so that’s where we stopped.

Had I chosen to proceed on to the fourth “why” I probably would have said

Why #4 = Because Pig is a fat lazy piece of selfish shit” in which case the

corrective action would be to get rid of Pig.

 Becker / Pig / 124

But I didn’t. For my kids.

So I found a local used furniture place and got him one of those raised bunk

beds, where it’s like a bunk bed with an office underneath instead of another

bed. It had built-in dressers and really did a great job of managing a 5 year

old’s goings on in a small room. I obtained a 32” TV to mount on the wall

ceiling corner of the room so it would be level with his viewing plain as he

relaxed on top of it. That came from my friend Fuad. His Dad was throwing

it out and I asked if I could have it to spoil my kid.

And then it stopped. Pig’s shrieking at him stopped. He could actually

manage his room now. He had a bed, a desk, two dressers, a toy box, a TV,

and plenty of space to play, all in that little room.

I think he and I truly bonded at that moment because he knew I was on his

side.
 Becker / Pig / 125

So when the divorce occurred, I think he truly felt alone. Now he had to deal

with Pig being gone and being alone with his brother who liked to torture

him. Here are some screenshots of texts I found on his phone at that time.

Note the times. Pig left a 9 year old and 14 year old home alone all hours of

the night and early morning just so Pig could go out and do whatever it was

Pig felt like doing, instead of caring for and ensuring the safety of Pig’s own

children.
Becker / Pig / 126
Becker / Pig / 127
Becker / Pig / 128
Becker / Pig / 129
Becker / Pig / 130
Becker / Pig / 131
Becker / Pig / 132
Becker / Pig / 133
Becker / Pig / 134
Becker / Pig / 135
Becker / Pig / 136
Becker / Pig / 137
Becker / Pig / 138
 Becker / Pig / 139

Pig’s antics started increasing. For example, Pig forgot our youngest son’s

birthday, and showed up at my house hung-over from the night before and

caused a scene. While Pig was working on Pig’s, “Mother of the Year”

award during Pig’s parenting time, Pig started harassing me during mine.

Non-stop emails and Non-stop texting to the boys and myself. One time I

actually had to block their cell phones from being able to receive texts or

calls from Pig on my time but the resultant freak-out Pig had when they

returned home meant I had to keep Pig busy some other way.

Then Pig started contacting my employer regarding child support.

Needless to say, Pig’s antics got worse. Pig kidnapped my kids from the

babysitter on one of my parenting days while I was at work. After calling

911 and speeding to Pig’s place to meet up with the Police and get my kids

back, I had the youngest child write down what happened from his

perspective.
Becker / Pig / 140
 Becker / Pig / 141

And then the brainwashing started. Whenever my name came up, everything

I said was, “Ridiculous”. I was, “Ridiculous”. Even in our correspondence

anything I said was, “Ridiculous”. Pig said it so often, whatever was going

on with Pig’s mind was getting worse.

Then my oldest started saying it. His attitude started souring towards me.

I could see that slowly but surely, Pig was going to brainwash their minds

into thinking the current situation was somehow my fault. I was going to

become the scapegoat for everyone’s issues.

Then the youngest reported to me Pig had beat my oldest son with fists.

I had him write another letter describing the event.

Becker / Pig / 142
 Becker / Pig / 143

I was steaming. The craziness and harassment was one thing, but kidnapping

and beating on my kids with closed fists pushed me over the edge.

Screw with my mail? Harass me? Harass my kids? Harass my employer?

Kidnap my kids? BEAT my kids while Anita just watches?!?!

I devised a plan to feed it all right back to Pig. First, since Pig liked screwing

with my mail, I decided to screw with Pigs. I went online and found lots of

websites where you can request free samples. Magazines, bibles, medical

samples. You name it. I signed Pig up for all of it.

At the time, Pig was working part-time at the park district with little kids. I

don’t feel Pig has any business being around children period, let alone other

people’s children. So I emailed them some very interesting pictures Pig had

taken which would call into question any morals Pig fakes having, along with

a note that said, “This is someone you allow to interact with children?”
 Becker / Pig / 144

Then, when it came to my parenting time I obviously couldn’t block the

phones again. So I decided I would just keep Pig’s phone so incredibly busy

Pig wouldn’t have time to harass any of us.

I posted an ad on craigslist in the personals section. I embedded Pig’s phone

number in the ad and instructed the readers of the ad to respond to Pig’s

phone number with pictures of their private parts, and addressing Pig as Pig.

It worked! The phones were silent all weekend!

However, what would come next I would have no idea to expect.

During the next visit, my oldest started acting like Pig. There was no respect

for me. He said he wanted to leave and was going to call Pig’s boyfriend to

come pick him up. He stated, “He’s done more for me than you ever have”.

The ridiculousness of that statement showed how powerful and effective

Pig’s brainwashing had become.

 Becker / Pig / 145

His behavior was so bad I actually had to call the police. The officer came

in, walked to my oldest’s room and tried calm the situation. My oldest’s

attitude was so rotten the police officer started raising his voice. I thought he

was going to get arrested.

Just as I was trying to build a new life, it started falling apart again.

The next day, was another notice of an emergency order of protection of the

boys. The date was set out about two weeks from when I had received it.

The rules are, if you don’t show up to the hearing it automatically goes into

effect.

The day before the hearing, the doorbell rang. It was the police. They had a

warrant for my arrest as well as to search my home and confiscate any and all

electronic media including my phone. It was a raid.

 Becker / Pig / 146

I was charged with cyber-stalking. The arresting officer had asked me if I

had done the things I had done with the free samples in the mail and the

craigslist ad. I was more than happy to say I did! Pig was harassing me so I

was retaliating. I had explained what was going on and all Pig had done and

my reasons for retaliation.

My bail was $4,000.00. The woman I was dating bailed me out. When we

went back home, the place was trashed. It looked like vandalism had taken

place and all my computers were gone.

The next day I went to the hearing. Pig had found some witch of a free

battered women’s lawyer to represent Pig for free. After the case was called

they scheduled an additional hearing for two weeks later. When I went to

leave, I was stopped by more police who said I had a warrant for my arrest.
 Becker / Pig / 147

It was clear, nobody was expecting me to be at the hearing. I explained I had

already been arrested and posted bail the night before. They called the police

station and verified I was telling the truth and let me go.

Then came the next hearing. The emergency order had been modified that

morning to include all kinds of things that just never happened. One claim in

particular really bothered me. It was that I had put my fist through a wall

when we were together.

Now, I know how to throw a punch. However, I’m also a professional who

types around one hundred words a minute. I’m also a professional musician

who plays five different instruments. My hands are important to me. And I

have no stud-finder in my hand. Why in the Hell would I risk breaking any

of the bones in my hands? Anyone who knows me would know that was a

complete fabrication.
 Becker / Pig / 148

To me, this seemed simple enough to disprove if it was going to be taken

seriously. Where was this hole? What size was this hole? Was it

approximate to my size and throwing distance? Where was the investigation?

And what are the results?

Well you see, none of that matters. Women can claim what they want and

it’s automatically seen as fact in the eyes of the court system.

 Becker / Pig / 149

More lies

There were lots of other lies in the petition. Another was that I had texted

Pig, “Trouble Tickets are free”. I never said that. I had never heard that

phrase before in my life.

But again, that didn’t matter. It had been documented in a complaint so it

must be true in the eyes of the court.

My lawyer told me this hearing was going to be two hours long. The judge

would read over the petition, then Pig’s lawyer would state her case, then

both of us would be cross examined. Seems simple and fair enough, right?

Wrong. Of that two hours, an hour and forty-five minutes was spent by Pig’s

lawyer making her case. This left only fifteen minutes for us both to be cross

examined and for the judge to make a decision. The judge had also been

made aware of my new criminal charge and the police officer who arrested

me was also cross examined.

 Becker / Pig / 150

When asked by my lawyer if I had communicated what Pig had done to cause

me to retaliate, he claimed he didn’t remember. As a matter of fact, “I don’t

remember” was every other answer out of Pig’s mouth when Pig was cross

examined.

And at the end of those two hours, the judge threw the book at me.

He claimed it was the worst petition for emergency custody he had ever

heard. He ordered the emergency order of protection stay in effect. He also

ordered an ankle monitor. I was not allowed within 1500 feet of Pig’s house.

The system rewarded Pig for lying and harassing me and the system was

going to punish me because, “retaliation is not a defense”.

As if this wasn’t enough, a couple weeks later I guess Pig saw me driving

somewhere, contacted the police department and made a false police report
 Becker / Pig / 151

stating I had seen Pig and yelled something out the window at Pig. The

police department checked my GPS and confirmed I was in the location Pig

had stated so I got slapped with a new charge. Violation of an order of

protection.

This was insane. So apparently, all Pig has to do is know where I am now

and Pig can make up whatever stories Pig wants and as long as the police can

verify my GPS location at the time of the lie I’m going to be charged?!?!

I begged my lawyer to do something. At least ask the police department to

think before they charge me again based off of anything that comes out of

Pig’s mouth. So he wrote them a letter.

Becker / Pig / 152
 Becker / Pig / 153

Would they ever press charges against Pig for filing a false police report?

Nope. Would anything ever happen to Pig for all that Pig’s done? Nope.

But more would happen to me.

Before every court date involving the kids, a car started shining headlights at

my house. Sometimes it would be two cars. Revving their engines with their

headlights in my porch windows until I went outside. Then they would take

off.

This is a photo of one of those times :

Becker / Pig / 154
 Becker / Pig / 155

Then there would be Saturdays where someone would play, “ding dong

ditch” on my house. I was never fast enough to catch whoever it was but I

felt like it was my kids, possibly with the aid of Pig’s new boyfriend because

one time I saw someone little jumping into a car after-words and take off.

I developed PTSD due to the police raid and court notices coming in the mail

and now random happenings occurring and not being able to see my kids. It

was about five years after all of this ending before I would feel comfortable

checking my mail again. To this day, my stomach still drops when the

doorbell rings.

I started having nightmares about my GPS ankle bracelet going off while

trying to see my youngest son.

In a combination of family and criminal court orders, I had to take two

mental evaluations, ten weeks of anger management counseling, individual

counseling and thirteen weeks of Partner Abuse Intervention Programming.

 Becker / Pig / 156

All reports were positive. There was nothing wrong with me. But since it

had been ordered I had to do it to begin with, the nature of the custody

proceedings intimated there was.

Some months later while fighting to see my kids, now they did not want to

see me. It was ordered that I partake in my youngest son’s counseling over

the phone. During the first counseling session, my youngest son asked,

“Dad, why did you hit me all the time?”. He had been brainwashed too.

I asked to speak to the counselor and told him I would no longer be partaking

in these phone calls until he worked with him regarding his lying and hung

up the phone.

This scared the Hell out of me. If he was willing to say that, what else was

he willing to say? I now knew I was in a danger zone I had to escape.

 Becker / Pig / 157

Regardless, I spent four years in this custody battle, going to court every

month, sometimes twice a month. And in the end, after completing the

criminal case which kept getting brought up in the family case, and

completing everything I was ordered to do, I was again asked to get

counseling in order to even have supervised visits again.

Counseling for what?!? No one could answer me.

That’s when I gave up trying to see my kids.

 Becker / Pig / 158

The last repo

 Becker / Pig / 159

I almost forgot about the last repo. Well, Pig’s credit is of no concern to Pig

because Pig survives on other people’s resources. As I’m trying to fix my

life and move forward, I found out through notification in the mail Pig

allowed Pig’s car that was also in my name to be repossessed.

So there was another hit. Pig fucked me again. I tried disputing this with the

credit reporting agencies, forwarding them the marital settlement agreement

which shows even though both of our names were on both of our cars, I was

responsible for my car and Pig was responsible for Pig’s car. But it didn’t

matter. I even asked my lawyer to do something about it.

And nothing.
 Becker / Pig / 160

More stealing

The marital settlement agreement states that I get to claim the kids every

other year. Yet, regardless of that Pig claimed the kids every single year.

Causing all kinds of tax problems. Pig was still focused on hurting me and

stealing my money.

After some years, my oldest was old enough to fall off child support and have

my child support payments reduced. Pig was not happy Pig was going to be

seeing less money.

A few years later, I receive a notice from the Illinois Child Support State

Disbursement Unit that I was $15,000.00 behind in child support. Pig must

have been desperate for money and learned Pig can request an audit which

can be done every two years just to make sure Pig hadn’t missed any of Pig’s

Ill gotten gains. So my child support payments had been increased.

 Becker / Pig / 161

I actually had to hire a new lawyer and take the state of Illinois to court. It

turns out, the order reducing my child support from years prior had never

been applied.

Since I explained to this new lawyer that once corrected, Pig was never going

to pay the extra child support back to me, he had it included in the order that

child support would end one month sooner than originally ordered.

Pig is never going to stop attempting to steal from me and demean my

character.

Nobody is going to help me. Not the police. Not the court system.

Pig will never be held accountable for Pig’s actions.

The only thing I can do is educate others as to some of the things experienced

in this book.
 Becker / Pig / 162

Education

While professionals are historically skilled at identifying physical child

abuse, they are beginning to identify a more insidious form of emotional

child abuse called parental alienation.

Parental alienation is a strategy whereby one parent intentionally displays to

the child unjustified negativity aimed at the other parent. The purpose of this

strategy is to damage the child's relationship with the other parent and to turn

the child's emotions against that other parent.

Narcissists use money to abuse you. They Defraud and / or exploit your

financial resources for their financial gain (not yours).

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the

way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems

functioning in everyday life. It includes self-image issues, difficulty

managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships.

 Becker / Pig / 163

There are a few different types of liars: sociopathic liars, pathological liars,

compulsive liars, occasional liars, careless liars, narcissistic liars, habitual

liars, pathetic liars, and white liars.

Identity theft, also known as identity fraud, is a crime in which an imposter

obtains key pieces of personally identifiable information (PII), such as Social

Security or driver's license numbers, to impersonate someone else.

Spousal identity theft occurs when your spouse uses your identity for

opening and using multiple credit card accounts, creating other fraudulent

accounts, misusing social security numbers, signing documents, and more; all

without your consent.

In law, fraud is intentional deception to secure unfair or unlawful gain, or to

deprive a victim of a legal right. Fraud can violate civil law (e.g., a fraud

victim may sue the fraud perpetrator to avoid the fraud or recover monetary

compensation) or criminal law (e.g., a fraud perpetrator may be prosecuted

 Becker / Pig / 164

and imprisoned by governmental authorities). The purpose of fraud may be

monetary gain or other benefits.

Perjury is the intentional act of swearing a false oath or falsifying an

affirmation to tell the truth, whether spoken or in writing, concerning matters

material to an official proceeding.

A false police report is a crime governed by federal and state laws, which

vary by state, involving a person who, with intent to deceive, knowingly

makes a false statement that is material to the criminal investigation of a

crime and makes the statement to a peace officer or law enforcement official.

Brainwashing is the process of pressuring someone into adopting radically

different beliefs by using systematic and often forcible means.

Poisoning is the action of administering poison to a person or animal.

 Becker / Pig / 165

Black Widow is a woman who kills one or more of her lovers.

Sociopath is a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in

extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

Hopefully this book serves as a Manual for Dads going through ugly

divorces, or husbands with sneaking suspicions, or young adults considering

marriage. You are not alone. We are not alone. There may not be anyone to

help us, but just knowing what can happen and having the ability to recognize

it before it happens or while it’s happening is something I did not have.

The end.