WELLBEING • MINDFULNESS • CREATIVIT Y • ESCAPE

Breathe
and make time for yourself

All fired up Pearls of thought Don’t make do – mend Unfinished conversations Circle of trust
In tune with nature Collective differences Sounds that time forgot The script of your life Lost birds
WELCOME Snap, crackle, pop. What image do those three words bring to mind?
A certain childhood breakfast cereal, perhaps? Add flicker, glow and
enchant to the list and hopefully a more toasty picture emerges, that of
an open fire, emanating heat and radiating comfort while simultaneously
mesmerising and grounding those whose faces flush pink in its warmth.

For many this scene will also include a sofa, a mug of something
chocolate-y and sumptuous, and some good music or a book. Others
might envision a line of trees and a moonlit sky as a hearty supper is
cooked outdoors over an open flame and quiet voices harmonise with
the soundtrack of a forest glade.

Either way, both the preparation and the appreciation of the scene
offer the chance to immerse oneself, body and soul, into nature: the
physicality and repetition to be found in splitting and stacking logs;
the pleasure to be discovered as kindling is chosen and positioned;
the excitement to be grasped as the fire takes; and the inner reflection
encouraged by the patterns that burn into the night.

Yet fire is also unpredictable. And just as it can take time and effort to
coax it into life, it also needs ongoing attention to keep it burning – more
logs, minor adjustments – and a close eye to make sure its sparks cause
no harm. Indoors or outdoors, it requires a focus on the here and now for
those basking in its heat to stay safe and warm.

As the evenings draw in and the nights take on a distinctive chill,

many will be preparing to hunker down for winter, some relishing the
prospect, others wishing it was already over. Whichever camp you’re
in or, indeed, if you straddle the two, make sure your mind and body
stay snug and cosy. Do things that bring you pleasure, see people who
bring you joy, try things that feel fresh. Keep the inner fire burning.

COVER ARTIST
Sophie Minto is a freelance illustrator based in south-west England. Her work reflects a fascination
with nature and memories of growing up on the Sussex coast. In her spare time, she can be found
seeking out a beach to go kayaking. Find out more at sophieminto.co.uk and @s.mintoillustration.
CONTENTS
BREATHE ISSUE 33

WELLBEING LIVING
6 Sounds that time forgot 32 Collective differences
Exploring the complicated role that What to do when there’s friction
hearing plays in making memories in a friendship group

10 In all modesty 36 Swap-and-share shop

Breathe (ISSN 2397-9747) is published by
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Samhita Foria, Jane Roe Agoraphobia is a debilitating condition current-affairs consumption
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Distribution: Seymour Distribution Ltd 20 The script of your life Cooking outdoors over an open flame
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pubs@thegmcgroup.com 26 Unfinished conversations
Grieving for someone is hard enough, 49 Blazes of glory
To subscribe online, go to:
breathemagazine.com/subscribe but what happens if your relationship River Cottage’s Gill Meller shares his
was estranged or ill-defined? recipes for a delicious three-course supper
Views and comments expressed by individuals do
not necessarily represent those of the publishers that can be cooked over an open fire
and no legal responsibility can be accepted for the
result of the use by readers of information or advice
of whatever kind given in this publication, either in 52 The lost birds
editorial or advertisements.
Uncovering the desperate plight of
Nutritional information given is a guideline only and New Zealand’s flightless kākāpō
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2
MINDFULNESS
58 Pearls of thought
Hypnosis is said to be able to change
perceptions and strengthen self-image,
but how does it work and is it effective?
62 Mind the trap
Why gaps in memory are sometimes
filled with self-limiting untruths
66 Circle of trust
The significance of this traditional
meeting formation and how it invokes
a sense of inclusivity and equality
70 Book of reasons
Exploring the enduring wisdom
from the ancient Tao Te Ching
74 Grow your own Zen space
How to channel the serenity of
a Japanese kare-sansui garden
facebook.com/justbreathemagazine • breathemagazine.com • instagram.com/justbreathemagazine
CREATIVITY
80 Top of the flops
Unpacking the allure of art’s
misunderstood, under-appreciated and
even much-derided so-called duds
84 In tune with nature
The timeless inspiration of birdsong
88 Mind, body and sculpture
Artist Ahuva Zeloof captures and
moulds the fluidity and movement
of yoga in her creations
92 Do-it-yourself
Struggling to find a publisher who’ll
take on your novel? Maybe it’s time
to go the indie route and get it out to
the public under your own steam
96 Don’t make do – mend
The time of frantically searching
for matching darning thread is over
– say hello to visible mending
98 Just for laughs
Some people seem to have funny
bones, but everyone can find ways
to increase the giggles in life
ESCAPE
104 Seductive sunsets
There’s no doubt that sundown can be a
dazzling time for reflection – but what’s
behind those beautifully vivid hues?
108 Wooden wonders
Chopping and stacking logs can be
a rewarding and meditative experience
– and that’s before getting cosy in front
of a blazing fire
110 Blister in the sun
Following the pilgrimage of Spain’s
Camino de Santiago trail, and what
it means for those who walk it
116 Freedom beats
Escape inhibitions by learning how
to dance like no one’s watching
120 Award-winning hurts
Why polishing the trophy shelf of past
wrongs can tarnish the here and now
3
 WELLBEING

‘I have begun to think of life as a series of ripples

widening out from an original centre’
Seamus Heaney
6
Sounds that time forgot
When it comes to retaining memories, the role of hearing is
not as straightforward as some of the other senses, such as
smell or sight. Here we unpack some of the reasons why

In languages across the globe, in dialects spanning centuries, there are proverbs
that, roughly translated, amount to ‘seeing is better than hearing’. In more recent
years, scientific research at the University of Iowa in 2014 demonstrated that the
mind is more capable of forming memories that stick when the initial sensory
function is sight, smell or touch: hearing, in this respect, is less efficient.
When looking at the formation of memory, researchers have long established
that the hippocampus plays a key role – but little has been examined in terms
of the sensations that feed into this part of the brain and, alone or combined,
make a memory. These recent studies, however, have determined that different
sensations travel into the brain via different routes – and some of these are less
easily navigated than others. The path taken by visual impressions, for example,
appears to offer a smoother journey than the one followed by sound.
Does this mean that information transmitted via sound really is, as the
saying goes, ‘in one ear and out the other’? Not exactly – the trick, according to
scientists, is in repetition: sounds are best retained when they’re heard many
times. Have you ever forgotten someone’s name within moments of being
introduced? Or arrived at the supermarket with no idea about whether you’ve
been asked to buy bread or milk? Equally, do you find yourself still able to sing
your school anthem or to deliver the catchphrase of an advertisement for a
product that ceased to exist several years ago?
This reliance on repetition is part of the reason why we are quickly able to
recognise sounds that experience has made familiar: the ping of the microwave,
the crunch of footsteps on the gravel outside the front door, the voice of a loved
one. Even so, as technology advances and the world evolves, there are sounds that
will fade – from life and memory. Computer keyboards are devoid of the clack of
typewriter keys and the slide-clunk of the carriage return. Our ability to stream
films and music means that VCR machines and cassette players have become
obsolete – we never hear a video being swallowed into the belly of the former, nor
the shrivelling, demonic blur of lyrics as a tape gets snarled in the heads of the
latter. Elevator doors close noiselessly before we are whisked, silently, to the floor
of our choice. The creak and grind of old cables and cogs is rarely experienced.
It’s probably fair to say that current and future generations will never hear
these sounds during their real lives, although, of course, they might experience
them second-hand by way of an old film. Yet even for those of an age to have
tuned in to these sounds first-hand in previous years, and to have listened

7
 to them often enough for them to have become familiar,
it’s questionable as to whether or not they would still be
recognisable if heard in isolation.
When it comes to forming long-lasting memories, context,
as well as repetition, probably plays a role and clues may bolster
an auditory memory. Think, for example, of radio contests
in which callers are asked to listen to a snatch of music and
then name the song. The contestant often struggles to answer,
thrown off-kilter by the removal of the broader context of
a longer phrase of the music and the absence of the album
cover. Without seeing a finger pressing an elevator button, or
hammering away at a typewriter, the sounds associated with
these actions might not make sense. This notion of context,
on the other hand, also explains why a younger person, having
never experienced these sounds in their lives, will be able to
make unquestioning sense of them when watching a film.
Yet there are other sounds that need no additional sensory
information for them to be instantly recognisable. The context
in which they resolve themselves, taking on shape and form,
is that of emotion. It’s often been noted that a person living
with dementia, or a patient in a coma, will respond to the voice
of a loved one while those of medical staff elicit no reaction at
all. Someone else might demonstrate recognition of a stirring
national anthem, or the crooning voice of a once-loved pop idol.
It is not only the keys of repetition and familiarity at play here
– if that were so, then the squeal of a boiling kettle, or the blare
of a car horn, might be used to aid recognition in therapeutic
settings. The difference is that some sounds are layered with
emotional significance – and since context of this kind is
deeply rooted in the psyche, other external stimuli, such as
a smell, sight or a broader frame of reference, are not required
for recognition.
Scientists in Italy have determined that the part of our
brain that processes sensory experience also stores emotional
memories. This helps to explain why, for instance, scent can be
so emotionally charged and able to evoke razor-sharp memories
– cooking odours can transport you back to your childhood
kitchen, while a certain aftershave might have you once again
listening to a story on the lap of your grandfather. In fact,
researchers have found that emotion plays a large role in the
formation of memory: the stronger the emotional response
linked to an experience and its associated sense is, the stronger
and more ingrained that memory is likely to be.
The brain’s ability to contextualise and emotionally
categorise noise also explains why people respond to similar
sounds differently. Many parents are able to instantly recognise
8
and react to the sound of their own child’s cry. Seated in our
own living room, we might not startle when a siren blares past
our window, but our response while driving would likely be far
less relaxed.
At the same time, there are sounds that elicit almost universal
responses, hence a healthy interest in downloads of nature
soundtracks. They mostly bring tranquillity and relaxation
whereas a juddering jack hammer or endlessly shrilling
telephone, on the other hand, are likely to send stress levels
soaring. Even music, something that might be considered to
have cultural specificity, has been shown in studies to transcend
such barriers, with a clip as brief as 14 seconds sufficient to give
the listener an insight into the music’s intended purpose.
Given that humans are so receptive to sound, it’s perhaps
odd to consider that its memory can prove challenging to recall
in the absence of other, contextualising layers. One reason we
might respond to sound on a cellular, rather than cerebral level,
could be because the human body is largely composed of water,
which is an able conductor of the waves from which sound is
made. Experiments carried out by Japanese author Masaru
Emoto in the early part of this century sought to demonstrate
that water, examined under a microscope, would form exquisite
crystalline patterns when exposed to beautiful music and loving
words, but turn sludgy and dull under the influence of jarring
sounds and expressions. Although his work was not without
its critics and detractors, it suggested the human body was
predisposed to process sound even while the brain sometimes
struggled to capture and store it.
Despite the emotion or additional context that might keep
sounds and their memory alive, there are some that will,
necessarily, cease to exist – in fact, as well as mind. Sounds
have frequently been lost from the world, the calls of species
whose extinction predates recording technology are gone (who
can accurately describe the shriek of a pterodactyl if, in fact, it
was a shriek?). Voices, even those of loved ones, were heard no
more. Even if grounded in a living being’s emotional pathways,
that being’s eventual demise would, in effect, result in further
disappearance, like smoke dissolving into the air. The Ancient
Egyptians had a belief that a person died twice: once, when they
ILLUSTRATIONS: JOHN HARMER
died and again, when the last person to ever speak their name
died. Could it be that a sound, when it is lost, is lost twice: once,
the last time it was heard, and again, when the last person to
have ever heard it is no more?
Words: Sarah Rodrigues
9
 In all modesty
How to graciously accept praise, instead of downplaying your successes
Has someone ever complimented you on your appearance, to
be met by an embarrassed laugh and, ‘hardly – I look awful’?
Or perhaps you’ve been introduced to someone as ‘a talented
illustrator’ and you’ve mumbled, ‘oh, I draw a bit’. In the
workplace, when a manager congratulates you on a job well
done, do you brush off the praise with, ‘well, everyone
did a great job, really’?
Although humility is a positive character trait (after all,
self-importance rarely wins people over) there are situations
where we’re required to ‘sell ourselves’ – it’s difficult to imagine
a prospective employer being impressed by an interview
statement such as: ‘I guess I’m okay at accounting’ or ‘I suppose
I’m kind of a people person.’
So why, when it comes to situations where we’re not actively
required to self-promote, yet still merit recognition for our
talents or efforts, do so many of us deflect praise?
Self-acceptance could be one reason. When people feel
undeserving – also known as impostor syndrome (see issue
31) – it can affect how they respond to acknowledgement.
Precisely why people feel this way might vary from individual
to individual – yet doesn’t everyone deserve positive feedback?
10
Yes, it’s good to temper a response with acknowledgement of
other factors that might have played a role in your achievement
(think, for instance, of awards acceptance speeches, where
actors give credit to everyone who was a part of the film-making
process), but that’s not to say the achievement in question
is not, at least in part, yours. In highlighting the input of
others, it’s important to ensure you’re not rendering your own
contributions invisible – or worthless.
Perfectionist tendencies can provide another inclination
to dismiss praise, to accept recognition for something might
cause the perfectionist to feel pressure, rather than pleasure.
Was their achievement actually any good? And if it was, will
they be expected to achieve it again? Just supposing they can’t
live up to that? Imagine, for example, being introduced as a
marathon runner, but hastening to say: ‘Well, I’ve only done one
and it took me nearly five hours.’ Perhaps, also, we feel that our
achievements fade into insignificance alongside other people’s
efforts, causing us to critique our own successes harshly.
There are times when it’s appropriate simply to smile and say
thank you, without discussing relative merits. Equally, there’s
no shame in accepting praise. Perhaps there’ll be some who

respond with jealousy, but consider the alternatives. When
you don’t claim your worth, you risk devaluing yourself in the
eyes of others, as well as your own. However ambivalent you
are about your own merit, there’s a self-perpetuating danger in
downplaying: you convince others, they treat you accordingly,
and in turn, you become increasingly convinced that you’re
nothing special. Keeping ambition and success under wraps also
transmits a subliminal message to others that these are things
to be ashamed of, which sets a less-than-positive precedent for
others in your realm of acquaintance.
Self-deprecation may be charming in some cases as it’s
relatable and can also be humorous – the stuff of popular
culture, of sitcoms and stand-ups. Context is key, however.
Friends and family, for example, should ideally be able to
ILLUSTRATION: OLIVIA WALLER
celebrate each other’s successes. In the workplace, we should
be able to acknowledge our wins and simultaneously give credit
to those who’ve played a role. The line is not always an easy
one to draw. As a starting point, however, remember that there’s
a difference between being prideful and being proud.
Words: Sarah Rodrigues
Psychologist, author and chief executive
officer of The Talent Keeper Specialists
Jessica Chivers shares her tips for
owning recognition:
• When somebody gives you praise or
acknowledges your efforts, try to envisage
that you’re being given a physical gift,
beautifully wrapped and boxed. You wouldn’t
bat such a present away or tell the giver that
they should give it to someone else, would
you? It’s likely you’d accept it graciously.
• Taking yourself out of your own head and
thinking about others can help with feelings
of anxiety and lack of self-worth, so try to
think about the other person’s feelings or
agenda. You might have done something
which, to someone else, may be a goal: if
you dismiss your achievement, how will that
make them feel about themselves and their
own prospects?
• If you’re uncomfortable with attention,
you can simply look the person in the eye,
thank them, then deflect the focus from
yourself by engaging with them on a related
subject. An exchange could, for example,
go along these lines:
‘Meredith tells me you’re an incredible musician.’
‘Thank you, that’s so kind. Do you play an
instrument too?’
• Aim for a ‘happy high status’, where you
have presence and confidence, without being
arrogant. It’s where humble and powerful
meet. Think in terms of and, rather than but:
‘Thank you, I enjoyed it and was grateful to
be supported by a strong team. I will pass
your feedback on to them, as well.’ Instead of:
‘Thanks, but it was the rest of the team really.’
• Practise this affirmation: ‘I am a work in
progress and I accept the good others see in me.’
For more information, visit talentkeepers.co.uk.
11
 To the point
The mere thought of needles is enough to send many people
running, but others swear by the healing power of acupuncture
If you were playing a game of word association for
complementary therapies, mention ‘acupuncture’ and 99 per
cent of responses would be ‘needles’. And, of course, this would
be appropriate. But it would also be slightly off-target. For the
super-fine needles employed in this healing therapy, which
has been practised for thousands of years, couldn’t be more
different from those found in dentistry or general practice and
elicit feeling only when they touch one of the body’s energy
points as described by Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).
This ties in with the belief in TCM that a type of energy,
called qi, flows through lines – or meridians – in the body
and that it can be manipulated with the use of fine needles.
A qualified and experienced acupuncturist can increase or
decrease qi by stimulating specific points in the body. But
acupuncture isn’t only about needles. It can also include
moxibustion, which involves burning herbs over the body;
electroacupuncture, where a small electrical current is inserted
through the needles under the skin; microsystem, which
focuses on specific areas including the ear, face, hand and scalp;
and acupressure, where there is an application of pressure
without puncturing the skin (see issue 19).
The healing effects of acupuncture occur when the sensory
nerves under the skin and in the muscles are stimulated by
the fine needles, prompting the production of pain-relieving
endorphins. The National Institute for Health and Care
Excellence, which provides guidelines to the NHS, recommends
considering acupuncture for chronic and tension-type
headaches. It is also used to treat musculoskeletal conditions
including neck, joint, dental and post-operative pain*. The
World Health Organisation (WHO) also recommends its use
for migraines and treating pain. But scepticism about the
treatment remains. Paige Sheffield, an acupuncturist who
qualified in the US and has been practising for almost a decade,
12
believes much of it is ill-informed, insisting that ‘acupuncture
had a lot of strong research behind it’.
The WHO estimates, for example, that the proportion of
chronic pain relieved by acupuncture is generally in the range
of 55-85 per cent, compared to 70 per cent for potent drugs
such as morphine, and that it outweighs the placebo effect
by 30-35 per cent. A study commissioned by the Australian
Acupuncture and Chinese Medical Association also found that
the body of evidence for acupuncture is increasing in quality
and intensity and argued that it could help to plug a gap in
clinical care in the country.
It has to be acknowleged, however, that scientific research
into this ancient treatment is in its infancy and there are
studies that dispute its effectiveness, although the credentials
and experience of the practitioners used in these trials have
been questioned. According to the British Acupuncture
Council (BAcC), which is the only Professional Standards
Authority-accredited register for acupuncturists in the UK,
it’s vital to ensure your practitioner is qualified and
experienced. This is particularly relevant as many people are
introduced to the treatment by word of mouth and sometimes
proceed with little or no knowledge about the different forms of
acupuncture and their associated theories and practices. And its
popularity in the west is growing, particularly in the US where
pressure on medical authorities and government from the
opioid crisis has encouraged funding for non-pharmacological
alternatives. Medicare, the US’s national health insurance
programme, now covers acupuncture for back pain and it is also
permitted by most private health insurers, which estimate the
risks to be low and the benefits to be high.
‘It’s not a panacea for everything,’ advises Paige, ‘but it is a
helpful therapeutic method that has few to zero side effects and
it’s safe, whereas some drugs are damaging for health.’ In fact,
13
 adverse effects from acupuncture are reported to be as low as
0.024 per cent, with the most common ones being exhaustion,
pain at the point of needle inserted and headache.
This doesn’t negate the need for caution, especially as the
field is currently unregulated in the UK – something the BAcC
is attempting to change – and there is no process to determine
an individual practitioner’s level of training. This raises two
issues. It makes it difficult for the therapy to be taken more
seriously as a healing treatment and for clients to choose
someone whose knowledge and experience matches their
requirements (see far right). From the practitioner’s point of
view, it also detracts from their ability and reputation. Paige
suggests that ‘longevity is a positive sign of a good practitioner’
on the basis that it’s a therapy from which it is difficult to
establish a viable income and that few stay with for very long.
There’s also the knowledge gained from seeing different clients
with myriad needs.
To those who remain wary of acupuncture either because
they’re reluctant to explore something new or they fear needles,
Paige urges that they give it a try, pointing out that ‘illness isn’t
so nice’ either.
Words: Natasha Abramson
* If you are or think you might be pregant, it is vital that you see
your GP before embarking on a course of acupuncture. Similarly, if
you have any underlying or existing medical conditions, consult a
medical practitioner. It’s important to understand that acupuncture
is not a complete system of medicine and is not a replacement for
conventional treatments. Be wary of any practitioner who suggests
changing an existing prescription – do not change medication
without consulting your GP.
14
WHAT TO EXPECT
According to the NHS, an initial session lasts 20
minutes to an hour and should involve an assessment
of your general health, medical history and a physical
examination. If it’s deemed appropriate, the insertion
of the acupuncture needles will follow.
During the session, you may be asked to sit or lie
down. It might be necessary to remove some clothes
so the practitioner can access certain parts of
your body.
The needles used are very fine, a few centimetres
long and should be single-use, pre-sterilised needles
that are disposed of immediately after use.
Practitioners choose specific points to insert the
needles based on your condition. They might
use several places depending on the number of
symptoms you have and they might be inserted just
under the skin, or deeper so they reach muscle. Once
in place, they could be left in position for anything
from a few minutes to half an hour.
ILLUSTRATIONS: CLAIRE VAN HEUKELOM
You might feel a tingling or a dull ache when the
needles are inserted but you should not experience
any significant pain. If you do, let your practitioner
know straight away.
Source: nhs.uk.
GET THE FACTS
In the UK, the BAcC recommends looking for
acupuncturists with the letters MBAcC after
their name to ensure:

• Extensive training that includes a minimum

of three years’ study at degree level with
relevant western medicine, including anatomy
and physiology.
• Adherence to BAcC codes of safe practice
and professional conduct.
• Compliance with current health and
safety legislation.
• Full insurance cover for medical malpractice
and public/products liability.
• Mandatory continuing professional development
to keep knowledge and skills up to date.
• Postgraduate study of special interests, such as
pain management and acupuncture for children.

For more details and to find a registered

acupuncturist, visit acupuncture.org.uk.

15
 Outer edge
Home is mostly a nice place to be, offering security, comfort and warmth, but what happens
if you begin to find it hard to cross the front door? It’s something many have found daunting
post-lockdown. For people with agoraphobia, it represents only one part of a wider condition
‘For about two years, I just didn’t leave my room – well,
hardly ever. My friends refer to it as the “bedroom years”.’
Gary is a 40-something teacher and musician, but for a
period of his life – in his late teens to early 20s – he found
himself unable to face the outside world, instead opting to
stay in the security of his bedroom.
If you ask Gary now what brought this period on, he believes
a combination of feeling extremely self-conscious about his
appearance and low self-worth left him feeling that his best
option was to hide away from his peers. Tucked away in his
room, choosing college courses that meant he had minimum
contact with other teenagers, Gary recalls experiencing an
intense feeling of loneliness.
‘Between 18 and 21, I literally had no friends. They were
out there but not in my life. This is awful and I think about it
often. I lost all function of how to interact or reach out to all
my friends from school.’ But as time went on, Gary did change
and, encouraged by his best friend, slowly began to take more
risks and leave the home for longer periods of time. Today, he is
a happily married father-of-one.
For Val, living as an expat in Singapore, agoraphobia is
something she deals with on a daily basis. She says: ‘I have panic
attacks a lot. [There are] too many people here and the noise
sends my ears ringing. I stay home five to six days a week, only
leaving to play golf. I now get groceries delivered, too. I live 15ft
from one of the pools but only go in when my husband’s home.’
Val, in her 50s, has travelled the world – living in one country
after another following her husband’s career. Though she left
friends and family behind, it was a personal crisis that she
believes signalled the start of her symptoms. Facing bankruptcy
and giving up smoking 12 years ago, she began to feel panicked
and anxious about leaving her home.
But Val, like many who are dealing with an anxiety
condition, continues to try everything in her power to push
through each day. As someone who loves golf, she tries to find a
routine in regular visits to the greens with her husband by her
side. ‘I have to really say to myself: “Val, stop it. This is paranoia.
16
Breathe, think about golf or refocus on a positive.” It’s not as
hard as it used to be, but my ears start to scream a piercing
sound and with everyone talking at the same time, it all mushes
together as one big noise,’ she explains.
Gary and Val describe similar symptoms that relate to anxiety
when it comes to the agoraphobia they’ve experienced and
continue to face – for instance, an aversion to crowds and noise.
The term agoraphobia has its roots in Greek and means fear of
the marketplace. To be considered a diagnosis in its own right
(as opposed to part of a wider anxiety disorder), the person will
experience fear that’s greatly out of proportion to the actual
danger or risk posed from going outside, and these feelings
must last for at least six months before a diagnosis is given.
Generally, these feelings do not relate to germs or catching
a virus, though some symptoms might overlap.
As a young person, Gary was in the typical age range for
people with the condition to be diagnosed, though more
women than men receive a formal diagnosis. Psychologists
tend to split agoraphobia into three distinct areas, which
have the following symptoms:
• Physical – shortness of breath, extreme sensitivity to
noise, racing heart, dizziness, a feeling of choking, sweating,
chest pain and chills.
• Cognitive – fear of losing control or looking foolish in
front of other people, fear that you’re losing your sanity, fear
of dying or that a panic attack may be more serious than it is,
embarrassment, worry that people will stare at you,
detachment from others and a feeling that your body isn’t
quite real or yours.
• Behavioural – avoidance of leaving the home, a need to be
with a trusted partner or friend outside, avoiding crowds and
public transport and not venturing too far from the home.
Sally Baker, a senior therapist at workingonthebody.com,
says: ‘I’ve treated several clients with agoraphobia. It’s rare that
people are solely phobic about certain places. The condition
17
 is often accompanied by high levels of anxiety and poor
self-esteem. It’s also common for sufferers to experience signs
of obsessive-compulsive disorder as well, involving, for instance,
repetitive checking when attempting to leave their home.’
As to the causes, psychologists have a number of reasons
why a person might develop it. There’s evidence that points to
a predisposition to anxiety disorders – in other words, a genetic
trait that might contribute. Environmental conditions are
also a factor, for example a traumatic incident, as in Val’s
experience, or a childhood spent being overprotected. Both
might have an impact. Whatever the cause, the brain’s
response to that fear is what leads to the symptoms mentioned.
For Val at least, treatment has been hit-and-miss, with
antidepressants only aggravating the symptoms. While she
believes treatment in her native Australia would be better suited
to her, at the moment she has more questions than answers.
But while she seeks help, Val has discovered more about herself
that’s enabled her at least to understand a little more about her
condition. She explains: ‘This sounds silly, but I am really an
active-minded person. I have a higher-than-average IQ and play
a lot of online IQ games, crosswords and quizzes. I can work
things out very quickly and problem solve, and I get frustrated
with inefficiency.’
Knowing how her brain works and reacts has led to insights
that have helped her deal with her symptoms and find ways
to distract her from the daily challenges she faces. Other
treatments might include self-help – like Gary you could
consider taking a risk, perhaps a walk around the block and
straight home, gradually expanding your range. Reading widely
around the subject might also help you to understand the
causes and treatments a little more. You could also visit your
GP – a sympathetic practitioner is likely to refer you to a
specialist counsellor or psychologist who might offer several
treatment options, which could include:
• Cognitive behavioural therapy – this treatment aims to
break the cycle of unhelpful thinking around agoraphobia.
It teaches the person to redirect negative thoughts towards
different and more helpful ways of thinking.
18
• Guided self-help – rather than leaving it to you to carry out
research and work out which techniques might work for
you, this therapy asks you to go through a workbook under
supervision of a therapist. It relies on the motivation of the
patient to want to make positive changes and take charge
of their life.
• Medication – in some cases, your therapist or doctor might
give you a prescription to treat extreme symptoms, such as
anxiety or depression.
• Collective support – your GP might also put you in touch
with groups run by charities who specialise in helping people
experiencing conditions such as agoraphobia.
Finding a treatment or a combination of methods is the key to
helping yourself through difficult times. Combining a form of
therapy with learning relaxation techniques might work. On
the other hand, a short course of medication and some guided
self-help might provide just the tools you need to start living
life again on your terms.
Neurolinguistic programming practitioner and trainer
Rebecca Lockwood has successfully treated patients using a
technique known as the phobia model. She explains: ‘When
we carry out behaviours, we have neural pathways formed in
our brains that cause them to keep happening. During the
phobia model, we scramble the thinking patterns and cause an
interrupt – called a pattern interrupt – so the neural networks
are changed, causing the behaviour to change, too.’
Everyone’s different, but help is out there for anyone going
through a tough time with agoraphobia. Like Gary and Val you
might practise strategies to help you cope better and begin to
live in a way that suits your needs and goals. Start taking back
control today with a small step in the right direction.
ILLUSTRATIONS: SIRIN THADA
Words: Caroline Pattenden
For support and more information, visit nopanic.org.uk,
sane.org.uk and mind.org.uk.
HOW CAN YOU SPOT IT?
No two people are the same but
in general, watch out for:

• A gradually increasing reluctance to

leave the comfort of familiar spaces.
• Jumping to worst-case scenarios when
considering going out.
• Physical symptoms of anxiety, such as
sweating, shaking and a racing heart.
• Emotional symptoms of anxiety, such
as a heightened state, tearfulness and
intense feelings of fear and dread.
• Fear of certain places without rational
reason. This might include public
transport and public parks.
• Experiencing these symptoms for at least
six months, with no sign of letting up.

19
 The script of your life
Ever wondered how exploring your handwriting could help you
to make more effective life decisions?
Not so many moons ago handwritten correspondence was
the norm. Envelopes would land on the doormat, their faces
offering immediate clues about the sender. A gloriously looped,
flamboyant script signalled immediately it was from Aunty
Kay, tight, neat and precise no-nonsense letters indicated
much-loved cousin Margaret had got in touch, while a slant
would bring news from old college friend Patrick. There were
also the less-than-welcome missives from the bank or a lawyer,
some recognisable, others strangers.
Today, few people put pen to paper. Even the most
meaningful, carefully composed and heartfelt of messages
are typed out on a keyboard or phone and sent off as an email,
a comment, a text or a message. This makes it all the more
strange on those rare occasions when you’re required to pick
up a pen and actually write – in a celebratory guest album at a
friend’s wedding or a remembrance book at a relative’s funeral.
Suddenly, your handwriting can feel unpractised, look strange
and appear indecipherable. You might even think it’s ugly and
unfit for other people’s eyes, especially at such pivotal moments
in their lives.
Yet your script is part of you – some would say it is you. And
just like features and abilities, it’s there to be appreciated, not
judged. This is where graphology comes in. The scientific study
of decoding inky marks and symbols, it doesn’t discriminate
against the visual appearance of your script, but champions and
treasures these genuine marks on paper. With this powerful
tool, the appearance of your handwriting is irrelevant, the
frequency or speed at which you scribble is neither here nor
there and it doesn’t matter that you no longer follow principles
taught at school. Even more importantly, those awkward,
scratchy penstrokes or the unpolished illegible scrawl could
offer a far-reaching insight that makes a difference to your life.
This is because graphology offers a way to uncover feelings and
emotions, identify skills and explore core personality traits. In
fact, exploring your natural written script could even enhance
and influence other areas of your life, helping you to draw on
information already to hand and use it to make decisions.
How? Well, when we write, there’s a complex interaction
going on between the eye, the brain and the hand. The pen
20
we hold is merely the conduit, a direct line to what’s going on
inside the head. In other words, handwriting reflects brain
activity. What we’re unconsciously doing is expressing our
unique psychological profile, in symbols, on paper. And just
as there are no two people in the world with the same DNA,
there are no two people with exactly the same handwriting.
That’s why we recognise familiar scripts on an envelope or an
annotated document in the workplace. We instantly know the
sender or colleague from their handwriting.
Graphologists have long celebrated these quirks and markers
that enable the writer’s personality to step off the page and
reveal itself. French abbot Jean-Hyppolyte Michon coined the
term graphology in the 19th century from the Greek ‘graph’
meaning ‘to write’ and the suffix ‘logos’ meaning ‘doctrine’,
‘science’ or ‘theory’, but the practice is as old as the hills,
with roots in Ancient China and evidence of its discussion in
classical Greek. Many centuries later, the Italians brought it
centre stage in the early 17th century, before the French laid
the foundations of modern graphology thanks to 50 years of
research by graphologist Jules Crépieux-Jamin. Its arrival in
Britain in the 18th century is thought to have come via portrait
and landscape artist Thomas Gainsborough, who reputedly
kept his model’s handwriting on the easel while painting
their portraits. Since then, the discipline has been studied
and tested by experts worldwide. Thanks to these efforts,
subjectivity in handwriting analysis has been virtually
eliminated and over the years, it’s been used in commercial
settings, as well as courts of justice, where graphologists have
been called as expert witnesses.
For me, as someone who has spent many years studying
the subject, its life-enhancing benefits and versatility cannot
be overestimated. Ultimately handwriting analysis shines a
light on the most ordinary everyday issues that resonate with
us all – from self-discovery to dating and from job-hunting
to understanding our ancestors. Imagine, for example, being
able to help someone you’ve never met, who’s in the throes of a
midlife crisis, explore and confront their thoughts, feelings and
anxieties so they can look at themselves objectively, see who
they really are and identify any areas they’d like to change. I can
21
 do this by looking at some handwritten notes on a partially
tea-stained, creased and pre-lined A4 sheet of notepaper.
Similarly, it’s possible to pinpoint where someone’s potential
and motivation lies, so they can see more easily what drives
them, and to recognise that a couple might be in for a
roller-coaster relationship that requires compromise on both
sides because they have different values and ways of dealing
with things. The handwriting of a long-lost relative can even
reveal the secrets of yesteryear to the family of today.
All this from the way a person forms their letters, spilling
their DNA and leaving traces of psychological insights on the
page. This is quite separate from any content – it’s not what’s
included (or not) on a humdrum shopping list or what’s said
(or not) in a condolence card, it’s the handwriting itself, and
‘reading’ the insight provided in the rhythm, pressure patterns,
spacing and layout, and formation of letters. Every swirl and
mark on the paper, irrespective of language, offers profound
clues about the writer, telling their unique story. An analysis
of this script can highlight or confirm positive attributes
and also signpost areas for development. This might sound
unbelievable, but it’s true.
For example, imagine you’re a chief executive trying to recruit
a new regional manager. In front of you are two candidates
with impressive qualifications and skills on paper but sharply
contrasting styles in person. The first is monosyllabic and
nervous, despite the fact their experience aligns perfectly
with the job specification. The second is affable, easy-going
and answers questions comfortably as you might expect from
someone who on paper is fully conversant with their area. How
do you choose?
I would look at their handwriting (as I have done previously).
Then, without seeing, hearing, touching or talking to the
person in question, I would be able to piece together from
their handwriting and the interview scenario that the first
candidate has the potential to perform brilliantly, focus on
what they do best and work diligently, effectively and quietly
in the background. The second, however, while excelling at
client-facing roles, would be easily distracted, less inclined to
22
knuckle down and meet deadlines and more likely to get bored
and quickly move on.
It’s all in the script and that’s why I can never resist the
urge to analyse a piece of unique handwriting, and meet
someone new on paper. Every time I hear the thud of a client’s
post landing on the doormat, I get excited at the prospect of
discovering the truths inside each envelope in a non-invasive,
unprejudiced and non-judgmental way. After all, there are no
physical features to trip me up, no mannerisms or superficial
props, no camouflage or fashion labels and no proxy selves. No
clues beyond the reqested information of which hand the writer
uses (right or left), their gender (if they’re happy to divulge) and
age (so I’m aware of their maturity and evolution).
Of course, this leads into another area that often perplexes
people. Handwriting rarely remains the same. Your script
now will have changed from when you were a child. There are
reasons for this. Rewind back to a time when you were taught
to write – in any language and in any location in the world –
and you were probably given a role-model template to copy and
instructed the same way as your peers. Despite this, however,
you all developed your own style of penmanship. Very few
people’s script looks alike, or stays exactly the same.
This is because handwriting is a living form of expression.
It’s organic and constantly changing, harmonising with the
fluid mood swings and evolution of your core personality.
Your writing is different now because you’re not a robot, so
everything that happens in your life affects you and has a
direct impact on your natural script. This doesn’t invalidate
the analysis, but rather enhances it, because it’s all those little
deviations from the benchmark you once aspired to, and every
variation that appears with the subsequent passing of the years,
ILLUSTRATIONS: SILVIA STECHER
that collaborate to reveal your unique character – all there
written on paper.
Words: Tracey Trussell
Tracey is an accredited tutor at the British Institute of
Graphologists. She’s currently working on a book called
Doodledom. Find out more at handright.co.uk or @traceytrussell.
 YOU ARE WHAT YOU WRITE

Tracey reveals some of the telltale clues to analyse your personality with this easy-to-follow exercise

Take a clean sheet of paper. Write what comes naturally. Don’t try to make it neat or beautiful. Don’t worry about the
content either – it could be the weekly shopping list, a set of reminders or a letter to yourself. Whatever is in your head,
empty it. Write at least five sentences, without interruption.

Now see if you can identify with some of the movements listed below to give you an insight into your own character.
Remember, for each handwritten movement (and there are more than 80) there will be many interpretations, so it’s hard to
be too prescriptive. For accuracy, you’re looking for clusters of movements, rather than standalone features. Nevertheless,
here are a handful of clues:

Slant. The emotional barometer – are you compliant or
defiant? The more the writing falls forwards, the more
you want to express, cooperate and engage. Left slant
or reclining letters uncover personal reserve. You may be
family orientated, non-conformist and irreverent. Some
people might find you difficult to get to know. A vertical
slant is seriously cool, poised, objective and independent.
Letters that flip-flop both ways are creative, but can
reveal an unpredictable nature.
Size. This is your outer-shell appearance. Big
writing denotes confidence and extraversion. Small
letters indicate shyness, modesty, pragmatism and
concentration skills.
Pressure. Feel the back of the paper for indentations.
The heavier the pressure, the more intense and energised,
involved and committed you are. Light pressure (you
won’t feel anything on the reverse) reflects a breezy,
light-hearted attitude, mental energy, sensitivity and
resilience. The lighter the pressure, the less tense and
stressed you should feel.
Connection. Cursive or joined-up letters is a sign of
sociability, logical thought processes, goal orientation
and a desire to be uninterrupted. Disconnected letters
indicate intuition, multitasking, a love of gathering
information, creativity and humour.
The zones. These apply to sections of letters and reveal
your inner character. All the vowels and letters c, m, n, r, s,
v, w and x that sit on the baseline are in the ‘middle zone’
section and correspond with everything that relates to
you personally. The larger the size, the more you strive for
status, prestige and popularity in your emotional, social
and working life.
The long downstrokes and loops of g, j, p, q and f
fall into the ‘lower zone’, highlighting practicalities and
earning power. The larger the size, the more importance
you place on your creature comforts. The ‘upper zone’
(tall stems or extensions of the small letters – seen in b, d,
f, h, k, l and t) reflects your desire for achievement, your
imagination, ethics and cerebral needs. The biggest zone
overall pinpoints your values and motivation.
Baselines. Synonymous with the ground you walk on,
they indicate how you deal with difficulties in everyday
life. Straight baselines reveal realistic, practical,
commonsensical types. Bobbing baselines uncover a
flexible, creative nature. Sentences that rise tell of an
ambitious, upbeat, optimistic attitude, although overly
rising is overcompensation and means you’re putting on
a brave face in adversity. Falling lines reveal exhaustion,
pessimism or depression. Convex sentences (that rise
and fall) mean you need a challenge so you don’t get
bored, and concave lines (that dip in the middle) reveal
awakening enthusiasm.

Form. Rounded letters reflect gentle, personable, warm, Personal pronoun, I. This symbolises your self-worth, and
nurturing qualities. Angles for tough, gutsy, smart, your signature represents your image. Underlining and
analytical, confrontational and ambitious attitudes. increasing the size of both enhances self-esteem.

Ready to see the characteristics in your script? Turn the page for writing space

23
 TRY IT OUT
Use this space to analyse your writing, using Tracey’s interpretations from the previous page

24
NEVER MISS AN ISSUE

BREATHEMAGAZINE.COM/SUBSCRIBE
 Unfinished
conversations
Grieving for something or someone you never had – whether that’s a loving
parent or a supportive sibling – is hard, especially when that person is gone
Grief might come in cycles, it might come in waves and
sometimes it might just come like a tsunami, knocking
the wind out of you, laying you flat on your back with
an overwhelming and unexpected force. Such is its
power. There might be denial, a sense of searing loss,
then perhaps anger and then the raw, empty hollow of
sadness. Base, all-consuming sadness. All normal and to
be expected when someone you’ve loved is no longer at
the end of a phone or sitting there opposite you in a café,
making you laugh with a daft joke.
Indeed, so common is grief to the human condition
that there are almost unlimited books and resources
to help you navigate through the choppy waters of loss.
Even ones to help children and vulnerable adults get to
grips with this big, often scary experience. There are grief
counsellors, too, those with a trained eye to spot where
you are on the roller coaster of emotions, such as Lianna
Champ, who is also a funeral director, speaker and author.
Lianna doesn’t hold with the theory of stages or patterns
of grief, instead she believes humans experience it in ways
that are as unique as they are.
She says: ‘When it comes to grief, there are no stages.
It’s a normal and natural reaction to the loss of someone
we love or something we value, and our reactions and
experiences to our grief are as unique to each of us as our
own fingerprints. No two relationships are alike, they’re
totally unique, therefore each experience is unique. The
process is incredibly personal and even though we might
share similar emotions to others, there’s no common
order, no stages and no pattern to how we will experience
them. Your grief experience is yours alone.
‘Misconceptions about there being stages can deny
you your right to feel your pain naturally, instinctively
26
and authentically – and can even prevent the healthy
expression of your grief, the one that’s right for you.
‘If we try to fit our grief into a framework of stages,
we go into conflict with our natural instincts. We have
to learn to trust that what we’re feeling is right for us.
There is no right or wrong way of grieving. It is what it
is and trying to fit it to a framework will only make us
question our natural emotional response to our losses.
We must learn to tune into our natural responses.’
Loss at any time and stage in life can be heartbreaking
and all-consuming – but what happens when it’s even
more complicated? What happens when you’re estranged
from the family member who treated you so poorly or the
friend who betrayed you so badly? What happens when
they die and you find yourself full of pain at their death
but experiencing other, conflicting emotions, such as
anger and existential sadness at what might have been?
Diane is in her 40s and lost her father to heart disease
several years ago. It’s taken a long time for her to work
through and figure it out, but she can now say with
certainty that her father was a narcissist. At times he
was cruel, mostly self-absorbed and highly critical of
his daughter through her life. He never celebrated her
successes, instead seeming jealous of them. Despite her
talents and a career she loves, Diane’s experiences of
her emotionally abusive father have left her lacking in
confidence and struggling in her relationships. There were
times she reached out to try to understand what she’d
done to warrant such mistreatment but her father’s lack of
empathy quickly manifested in turning the hurt back to
himself and placing the blame solely at Diane’s feet.
You’d be forgiven for thinking that her father’s death
might be a welcome release from this cruel and damaging
27
 relationship. Diane had cut ties many years previously in a bid
to salvage her self-esteem and help repair the broken parts of
herself. Yet her father’s death opened up a suitcase of emotions
that she never thought she could experience. Ones such as joy,
anger, resentment and a profound sense that she’d failed. Failed
to find closure to her hurt, failed to have the relationship she
always wanted with her father and failure that her father never
did take responsibility for the damage he’d caused.
Lianna recognises all these emotions in the work she does
with grieving people. ‘When we lose someone from whom
we’re estranged or perhaps a parent we wanted more from
emotionally, we can be shocked by the intensity of our feelings
following the loss. Expecting there might be feelings of relief
or release, instead we can be surprised by waves of guilt and
longing and begin to grieve for how differently things could
have been,’ she says. ‘We may even begin to paint a picture of
how we think the relationship should have looked and felt like.
We may be left with questions that’ll never be answered and
start to view the relationship through new eyes and perhaps
imagine another ending.
‘Left with so much unfinished communication and the
realisation that it’s now too late to repair the relationship, we
can even feel anger. And with the person gone, there’s nowhere
to direct the angst. We may grieve for the lost hopes we had for
the relationship becoming better or happier in the future.’
In reality, it was never likely that Diane’s father would
change or be the person and parent she needed, but that
fantasy remains strong in her head, occupying her thoughts at
unexpected moments. Rather than attempt to distract herself
28
from these emotions or feel like she should move on, Lianna
advises a different approach to dealing with grief, whatever
circumstances you find yourself in. ‘Sit quietly and make a
promise to be honest with yourself, as this is an important part
of the healing process. Do not focus on placing blame or beat
yourself up over any mistakes you think you may have made or
wish that you had said or done something different.’
Ultimately, Lianna believes, you have the choice to let go of
regret and blame and to use this time of introspection to focus
on the areas of your own life you want to improve and work
on. For people in Diane’s position, this might be building
self-confidence in a therapeutic setting, but for others it might
be a wake-up call to spend more time with family, cutting down
on the time spent working.
While it might be hard to find positives in destructive
relationships, if there are things that you can take away, that
give you the inspiration you need to change your life, make an
effort to focus on these aspects. ‘Grief doesn’t have an expiry
date, nor does it ever fully go away,’ says Lianna, ‘but we can
absolutely make peace with it and let go of trying to control
how we think the relationship should have been. Don’t let the
negatives cloud the positives. Sometimes we can get so caught
up in focusing on what we wanted more of, that we can blind
ourselves to the lovely aspects that were there. Start to open up
to remembering the good and positives in the relationship and
the need to control will ebb away. But remember, this is a choice
and takes work.’
Words: Caroline Pattenden
 COPING WITH GRIEF – LIANNA’S
STRATEGIES SUMMARISED
1. There’s no right way to grieve, no stages or
patterns that you must go through. It’s as individual
as you are.
2. Speaking your feelings out loud with someone
you trust and feel safe with can help if you feel stuck
on your grief journey.
3. It’s normal to feel shocked at the intensity of
your feelings, don’t deny them.
4. Try to avoid distracting yourself from your
feelings with alcohol or other substances.
5. Be kind to yourself, you’re going to have good
and bad days.
6. Try to maintain a positive mindset and see
yourself going forward, realise that nothing stays
the same and that you’re evolving and changing
as a person.

Where to get help

• Sue Ryder can help you, whether you’re grieving
a loved one or coping with a terminal illness. Visit
sueryder.org.
• Cruse Bereavement offers emotional support for
ILLUSTRATIONS: IRINA PERJU

anyone facing a loss. Find out more at cruse.org.uk.

• Child Bereavement UK is there for children who
are grieving or for anyone who has lost a child. Go to
childbereavementuk.org.

29
 LIVING

‘Peace is not unity in similarity but unity in diversity,

in the comparison and conciliation of differences’
Mikhail Gorbachev
32
Collective differences
What can you do about friction in a friendship group?
Being part of a group of friends who regularly meet up can be
a great way to feel a sense of community – but what happens
when there’s one particular member who you don’t like? If it’s
just a single person, it can be easier to let go of the friendship
but when you all gather together, it can be more difficult.
Charlotte Matthews*, a 55-year-old from West Sussex, is
part of a collective of foodie friends who, when possible, eat
out at a different restaurant every week, travel to Tuscany once
a year and share recipes all the time. One person in the group
is difficult and causes friction – for example, openly resenting
other members who choose private education for their children
or getting angry at those who don’t do what she wants to do.
Charlotte noticed that this person seemed to target her in
particular, laughing at her appearance and behaviour when
everyone was together. Other members had picked up on it,
too, but felt unable to exclude the person from outings because
she seemed not to have friends outside of their circle. Things
became so bad Charlotte thought about leaving the collective.
This is a fairly common dilemma but giving up the benefits
of group friendship because of one person can be a real shame.
In a world where face-to-face time with others is often more
scarce than in previous generations, groups can be a source of
connection. One-to-one dates can be a wonderful way to get
to know a friend or associate individually, but groups have a
different purpose – to build (or rebuild) a sense of community
that links us to our ancient heritage and hooks up the brain’s
wires for deep, interpersonal connections. So, when faced with
difficulties, as Charlotte was in her group, what can we do?
Let go of the past
Often what appears to be a present-day difficulty can have its
roots in the past. Someone might remind you of an old hurt
– it could be something tiny they do that triggers a memory.
The mind responds by projecting a story from previous events
and incidents onto the person in the present. They might even
start being seen as similar to someone from the past, even if
they’re different in many ways. Often this process is completely
unconscious until it’s brought into conscious attention.
These triggers can be opportunities for healing. Some might
choose to explore them in a journal while others opt to discuss
them with a trusted friend or even a therapist. Just becoming
aware and being heard can be beneficial in letting go of past
hurts and seeing the present person for who they really are. It’s
possible that they might end up seeming less challenging when
your own past isn’t clouding the picture.
Stay curious
This process still works even when it appears as though the
other person is completely at fault and the dislike has nothing
to do with you. Life mentor Nicole Barton’s ex-mother-in-law
told her she hated her. Over time, Nicole became aware that
her response to this woman was influenced by her own
relationship with her dad, by whom she’d been rejected when
she was four years old. ‘I realised I’d been creating a narrative
that said I was unloveable and that she was more important
than me,’ says Nicole, ‘but this wasn’t true. For whatever reason,
she didn’t like me. That meant nothing about who I was and
everything about what I believed about my own worthiness.
‘Just seeing this shifted my mindset, and actually our
whole relationship, without me doing anything. It was all
because of self-rediscovery, rather than me trying to force or
change something in my mindset.’ Nicole says the best coping
mechanism for difficulties with a particular person is to
‘invite discomfort in and stay curious about it’. She adds:
‘There’s always something it’s teaching us about ourselves.’
Life coach Helen Campbell suggests trying a different pattern
of behaviour with the person. This can be particularly helpful
if you’re responding to them in a habitual way based on the
past. She says: ‘If that person always does or says a certain thing
and you usually respond in a similar way, think about reacting
differently and try it out. For example, if you usually react by
being quiet, maybe try speaking up a little more. Or if you
33
 respond by being louder, experiment with giving them
more space and airtime and see what happens.’
Helen also believes that boundaries are important. When
people are difficult or unreasonable, you might consider cutting
them out of your life completely, but it’s worth looking at
whether their behaviour is the problem or if the issue might
also be connected to your ability – or not – to set boundaries.
For example, 38-year-old Lizzie Smith* from Glasgow went
on a yoga holiday with a group of friends and found one to be
particularly demanding, expecting Lizzie to go along with them
to certain activities even though she didn’t really want to.
Lizzie began feeling a strong dislike for the person but on
reflection came to understand that her behaviour was also
influencing the situation. A people-pleaser, Lizzie felt as though
she had to comply with the demands of this person who was
less well-known to the rest of the friendship group.
As Lizzie re-evaluated the situation, she realised her history
of having her boundaries overridden was interfering with her
ability to say no. She saw that her friend was a loving person
with many kind and positive qualities. Part of the solution
required Lizzie to become comfortable with setting firm
boundaries so that she could maintain her integrity, follow her
own path and nurture the friendship in a constructive way.
Value your beliefs
One factor that can trigger a dislike of a person is when they
hold values that differ greatly from your own. ‘They might have
been brought up with very different, deep-rooted beliefs,’ says
Helen. ‘These particular values [theirs and yours] might be so
entrenched that you’ve never traced them back before, so simply
can’t work out why a person annoys you.
‘Try to really tune into them and see what shows up. Think
back to ideas you were exposed to as a child, around money or
time, for example. Even feelings like being house proud or
how you think about personal appearance could stem from
values picked up in childhood that you may be unaware of.’
Helen suggests choosing a topic such as money, health or
academic ability and thinking back to what you were brought
up to believe. Ask yourself whether it’s still useful and true to
your adult self. Your beliefs have evolved over time and this
34
could be empowering and equip you to see more clearly another
person’s point of view. Doing a personality test, such as the
introspective self-report questionnaire used in the Myers-Briggs
Type Indicator, can sometimes be a useful way of highlighting
the values that influence reasoning and decision-making.
Within the setting of a group, especially if you have
particularly close relationships with some of the people, it
might also be helpful to have an honest discussion about
your feelings. It’s possible they even share your reservations
about a person. Rather than just using it as a session to moan
about someone’s behaviour, however, you could see it as
an opportunity to find a positive solution to a challenging
situation. Shirley*, a 40-year-old from London, is part of a
drama improvisation group that meets regularly. One member
is particularly difficult and everyone is aware of the situation.
Part of their solution is to ‘tag team’ in conversations, so nobody
has to spend too much time with one person. Says Shirley: ‘We
have compassion but we must also preserve our energy.’
Make your own decisions
Doing your own inner work can help you deal with difficult
situations, particularly when get-togethers are unavoidable.
It can help you step back, find your inner strength and set
boundaries so that interactions with others do not use all your
energy. It’s worth remembering, though, that time is precious
and everyone deserves friendships that are enriching.
Psychotherapist and couples’ counsellor Hilda Burke says:
ILLUSTRATIONS: VANESSA LOVEGROVE. *NAMES CHANGED
‘It’s healthy to be able to let some friendships go to make space
for new ones. We change as we get older and it’s natural to
outgrow certain friendships as interests and lifestyles change.
‘In our society there’s an expectation that romantic
break-ups are normal but friendships should endure. However,
these are subject to many of the same challenges as romantic
relationships, such as external stress and differing priorities
and interests.’
Ending a friendship isn’t easy, especially in a group setting,
but you have the right to set boundaries and to choose those
with whom you wish to spend your time.
Words: Kate Orson
LESSON IN AWARENESS
Imagine the difficult person is a wise teacher
who’s come to heal your past hurts and help
you move towards better self-awareness. Ask
yourself the following questions, then quickly
write down whatever comes into your mind,
allowing your unconscious to explore the
underlying issues.

What are they here to teach me?

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Who are they here to remind me of?

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What do I need to grow in awareness about?

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35
 Swap-and-share shop
How to find your way in the new-look barter economy
Bartering, swapping, sharing, whatever you want to call the
exchange of goods and/or services, the age-old way of trading
is making a comeback. An hour’s IT expertise is today being
swapped for a birthday cake, a Spanish lesson exchanged for
some yoga tuition, and you’ll even find someone willing to paint
a bedroom wall if the homeowner will return the favour and,
perhaps, dog-sit for a day.
The origins of bartering are thought to date back thousands
of years, with historians believing a bartering system was
first introduced by Mesopotamian groups in 6000BCE, then
adopted by the Phoenicians. Long before money started to
exchange hands, people were swapping livestock for building
tools, freshly caught fish for weapons – indeed, Roman soldiers
apparently bartered their services for much-sought-after salt.
Throughout the centuries, even with a monetary system
in place, bartering hasn’t gone away, and it was particularly
prevalent during the Great Depression in the 1930s. When
money is scarce and people are watching their spending,
individuals investigate alternative ways to get the goods and
services they need, which is one possible reason why we’re
now seeing a return of the barter economy.
Modern-day bartering
In recent years, bartering has become a friendly informal
transaction. It’s an easy, efficient and effective way of sharing
craftsmanship, knowledge and resources. For those living in a
tight-knit community, helping others has long been regarded as
a neighbourly thing to do. Favours are returned, so if you feed
a cat and water tomato plants while the person next door is
on holiday, it’s acceptable to call upon their plumbing prowess
36
whenever you discover a leaking tap. There’s mutual support
and a willingness to exchange skills.
Technology is, of course, playing a significant role as a
new bartering economy takes shape. Buyers are becoming
increasingly comfortable purchasing goods online from sites
that rely on mutual trust, so it follows that it’s acceptable to
trade with strangers in a similar way. Yes, it’s always wise to
be cautious, however interacting regularly with people you’ve
never met is becoming more and more the norm.
Bartering is a current trend that all generations appear to be
embracing, especially those who are environmentally conscious
and rejecting society’s preoccupation with acquiring ever more
consumer goods. Why own a lawnmower, sewing machine or
jump leads that you rarely use (and take up valuable room)
when you can borrow the items instead – or get someone else
to tackle the job for you?
The crucial element, however, in any type of bartering is that
both parties need to have something the other wants. It could
be a coveted item (the aforementioned lawnmower), a specific
area of expertise, or it might boil down to a person’s willingness
to dedicate time and, say, spend several hours in another
family’s home waiting for an important delivery.
Bartering today isn’t about getting bogged down discussing
costs. Instead an exchange depends on each individual’s
perceived value. For example, a keen tennis player might be
happy to help you improve your serve if, in return, you’ll give
them a lift to a hospital appointment. Hypothetically, hiring
a sports coach might not equate to the same cost as hiring a
taxi, but if both parties are satisfied with what they’re receiving,
then it’s a successful barter.
 Exchange network
Word of mouth is an easy way to set up partnerships. A few
conversations about your dressmaking skills and the next thing
you know, you could be altering a gown in exchange for help at
the youth club’s summer show. There are also online networks
and platforms, though bear in mind that some require a fee.
In the UK, swapaskill.com is a popular online community
that enables people to register their skills or expertise, make
friends, then exchange favours. Whether you need mortgage
advice, help with compiling a CV or even a belly-dancing lesson,
chances are you’ll find someone willing to lend a hand, in
return for a favour from you.
For those with a wanderlust, you can barter and travel, thanks
to house-sitting set-ups, where accommodation is offered if
you’re prepared to look after a home – and usually a much-loved
pet. Clothes, books, seeds, whatever you want to swap, there’s
probably a website or Facebook group that can assist. For the
safety-cautious, a good bet might be to browse the directory of
local exchange trading schemes (LETS, letslinkuk.net). LETS
focus on gathering groups together so people can swap skills
and goods, without the need for money. Using a system of
credits, you collect these in exchange of good deeds, then trade
these in when you require someone else’s services or time.
The benefits
Saving money and getting jobs done are not the only rewards
of bartering today. It’s also a way of keeping skills alive and
introducing new ones to others. Just recall the everyday tasks
your parents or grandparents would do without a second
thought. Taking up curtains, fixing a shelf to the wall, pruning
rose bushes, wiring a plug – younger generations often become
ILLUSTRATION: CAT FINNIE
stuck when faced with these challenges, while some older
people might fear modern technology. The solution? Swap a
bread-baking watch-and-learn for a course in online banking.
It’s refreshing to interact with others who respect and
admire your talents, and for some retirees or indeed society’s
vulnerable, bartering can help to alleviate loneliness and keep
people active, both physically and mentally. Self-esteem and
self-worth get a boost, wellbeing improves and it does wonders
to build community spirit.
Friendships can also form as a result of bartering initiatives,
and it might widen your circle of acquaintances, sometimes
with others from different cultures and backgrounds. Race,
class and gender are not important in these dealings, people are
only defined by what they are prepared to do for others.
Words: Lorna Cowan
HOW TO GET STARTED
1. Work out what you can barter. Can you knit or
babysit? Is there a hobby you could teach? Everyone
has something to offer, so have a good think about
what you could trade.
2. Consider who to trade with. What you want will
determine who you approach. You might need to put
the feelers out among family, friends and workmates
if your request is more specific. A community
network may be a good option.
3. Ask for a favour. No one gets if they don’t ask, so
when you’ve identified a suitable someone, get in
touch and see what they say. If it’s a no, simply walk
away. A yes and it’s time to agree the finer details.
Remember! Favours seldom need to be disclosed
on a tax return, but bartering between businesses is
considered taxable income. If in doubt, seek advice.
37
38
Ready for a digital detox?
With average smartphone users now spending more than two hours a day on social media, the idea
of limiting its usage is catching on. Could a spell offline be the key to gaining better balance?
Remember when the word detox meant 48 hours of green
juices or a month off the wine? These days it’s more likely to be
associated with taking time out from technology. As phones,
tablets and computers become omnipresent, there are concerns
about the impact screen time is having on health.
The 2019 Global Web Index flagship report into social media
usage found digital consumers worldwide spend an average
of two hours and 23 minutes every day on social networks
and messaging apps like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and
WhatsApp. And six in 10 global internet users say they are
constantly connected online. This habit of being switched-on
round the clock, always alert to the next notification, has been
linked to stress, anxiety and poor sleep. It’s also suggested that
too much time spent on social media can increase feelings
of loneliness and isolation, as people replace face-to-face
human interactions with digital ones and compare themselves
unfavourably with others online.
Now there’s a movement kicking back against this
ultra-connection. People are taking breaks from their phones,
snoozing their social media platforms and doing digital detoxes.
Last year saw online wellbeing tools becoming an industry
trend, with myriad platforms providing features allowing
users to monitor their screen time. Vancouver-based author
and journalist Michael Harris has written about his own
journey to a better relationship with technology. While
working on his book The End of Absence, Michael took a
31-day break from the internet. He says there’s no true free
time when you carry a smartphone – no daydreaming on public
transport, humming in queues or watching the world go by.
Today’s rarest commodity might be the chance to be alone
with your own thoughts.
‘Many app designers pay careful attention to Las Vegas and
the addictiveness of slot machines,’ he says. ‘I’m in my late
30s and part of the internet-naive generation – we jumped in
feet-first without stopping to think if our habits were healthy.
Now people are starting to design their social-media diet based
on what they need from it at that moment, rather than just
passively digesting whatever it offers.
‘Detoxes are instructive, they shock the system into getting
some perspective back. But it’s what you do with it next that
really matters. It’s about taking an intelligent approach on a
daily basis, such as making a lifetime commitment not to bring
your phone into the bedroom. When I wake up, I reach for my
husband rather than my phone. An alarm clock costs $10 and it
changes your life. You elbow out the possibility of creativity and
those eureka moments whenever you pick up your phone.’
Unchecked, the internet can be powerfully addictive. Tanya
Goodin, a London-based speaker and podcaster, describes
39
 SPLIT UP WITH SOCIAL MEDIA
• Think about what else you could be doing. If you’re
always moaning you have no time to journal, paint
or start that novel, but you spend 30 minutes
scrolling through Facebook every evening, there’s
your free time.
• If you use social media for work, try having
separate personal and professional accounts. You
can log out of the latter after the working day, and
it’s your choice how you use the former.
• Move social media apps off your home screen.
Scrolling to find them might make you think twice
about checking in.
• Silence notifications that aren’t urgent – use your
settings to decide who you want to hear from
straight away and which alerts can wait.
• Set a night-time mode on your phone – silence
all calls, messages and notifications from 9pm to
9am. You can set important contacts as favourites
so they can reach you in an emergency but no one
else will be able to disturb you.

herself as a digital wellbeing evangelist. She founded the
detox movement Time To Log Off, gives talks in schools
and businesses, and in her books Off and Stop Staring at
Screens! she tackles internet addiction and the importance
of striking a balance. Tanya advises having simple rules
for when and how you use your phone.
‘One easy step for a lot of people is to reclaim
commuting,’ she says. ‘In the average train carriage or
bus, everyone is staring down at their phones. Try reading
a book or just looking around at your fellow passengers
or out of the window instead. We weren’t designed to be
switched on all the time – our minds need breaks.
‘Developing a better relationship with social media
is about setting boundaries. Personally, if I’m in a
one-to-one conversation with someone, I make sure
my phone is out of sight, in my bag at my feet and not
on the table or desk.
‘I also don’t take it into the bathroom and I have
phone-free food time, so it isn’t with me while I’m eating.
At home I practise what I call untethering – instead of
carrying my phone around the house with me, I have a
set place where it belongs, in the same way that you have
a home for your shoes or your kettle. If you want to check
your phone, you have to go to that place to look at it. If
you have a family, you could put all your devices together
in a phone station or basket.’
Some people choose to go cold turkey, logging off the
internet and banishing their phones while they’re on
holiday or working on a project. For others, setting new
guidelines for more mindful usage of social media can be
enough to reset the balance. However you do it, experts
agree that the benefits are wide-ranging.
As Tanya puts it: ‘If you’re running out of ideas, then
take a break from your phone and allow yourself to be
bored. Create a blank sheet of paper in your mind, instead
of filling your head 24/7, and see where it leads you.’
Words: Jade Beecroft

40
 JADE’S DETOXING EXPERIENCE
I’m part of the last generation to remember what life was like
without the internet. I was 18 when I first went online in the
computer rooms at university halls – marvelling at how easy it was
to research essays or talk to anyone in the world via chatrooms.
Fast-forward 20 years and those chatrooms have evolved into a
huge social media industry. I think nothing of Skyping relatives in
Canada and I reconnected with my now-fiancé via Facebook. But
when I found myself complaining of never having enough hours in
the day, while spending them aimlessly scrolling through holiday
photos of people I’d not seen in the flesh for decades, or going to
bed late because I’d been too busy watching videos of cats and
cucumbers, I realised it was time to cut down.
For many jobs, social media has become a tool of the trade, so
one of my first moves was to set up professional accounts on the
platforms I use most often. This gave me clearer boundaries and
meant I could stay logged on for work during the day without
getting sidetracked by friends’ posts.
Many people download features to monitor their activity, but
for me it felt counter-intuitive using my phone to monitor its
usage. Instead I allowed myself just 10 minutes every morning
and evening to catch up on Facebook and Instagram. At first, it
felt restrictive but I quickly realised I wasn’t missing much. I also
challenged myself to keep my phone in my pocket during life’s
pauses – queuing in the supermarket or waiting for a bus – and
notice my surroundings.
Messaging apps were more difficult because I still wanted to
connect with friends and family. But I turned off WhatsApp and
text notifications for everyone but my partner and allowed myself
five minutes every hour to give messages my undivided attention.
I found that nobody minded a delay in response because when
they came, they were full and considered. I’ve now started applying
this rule to email checking, too.
I’m not completely reformed – I’m still partial to the occasional
kitten video montage. But setting a few sensible boundaries has
given me more time with family and friends, more time for hobbies
and more time to focus on simple wellbeing goals like 20 minutes
of yoga or a hot bath with a magazine. I also sleep much better
if I’ve spent the hour before bedtime reading a book instead of
staring at a screen. Social media is an incredible resource but used
unchecked it can turn into the proverbial rabbit hole.

ILLUSTRATIONS: JIANAN LIU

41
 Points of view
With divisive politics becoming the norm and polarisation almost endemic,
is there still room to take a more nuanced approach to the day’s news?
From the US to the UK and the Middle East to Australia, it’s
hard to escape the buzz of political divisions and environmental
crises that make up the 24-hour news agenda. There’s bad news,
worse news – even fake news. Sometimes it can be tempting
to avoid it altogether. So how do you stay abreast without it all
getting you down?
The number of people who are overwhelmed by the world
outside their doorstep or stressed and anxious about political
upheavals or divisions is on the rise, according to mental health
charities. Worrying about current affairs or election campaigns
can cause sleep loss, friendship breakdowns and family rows
when people hold opposing views. Enjoying healthy debate
is one thing, but digging the trenches so deep that it affects
relationships is quite another. It can be tempting to switch off –
to unplug the radio, boycott bulletins and silence phone alerts.
After all, what you don’t know, can’t hurt you, right? Wrong,
according to political commentators. They argue that the world
needs politically and socially engaged populations to weather
the storms, participate in democracy and vote responsibly.
Gregory Petrow, associate professor in political science at the
University of Nebraska in the US, is often called on to share
his views during American elections. He says it’s his job to
stay informed but this means having boundaries to protect his
own mental health. ‘If you live in a democracy then you have a
responsibility to remain engaged in current events,’ he explains.
‘To quote [former British PM] Winston Churchill: “Democracy
is the best form of the worst type of government.” Globally, it’s
on the decline, so you shouldn’t take it for granted. People need
to be engaged in order to take action and make the best choices.
‘That said, everyone is entitled to a holiday from things that
cause them stress. As politics becomes more partisan, it can be
easy to get hooked on negativity and anger. If it’s starting to
affect you day-to-day then it might be time to take a step back
and think about self-care. For me that means spending time
with my faith community, family and friends.’
Gregory says that listening to different viewpoints and
exposing yourself to a variety of news streams can be one way
42
of striking a balance. ‘It’s useful to have some friends with
different views because if everyone around you supports the
same causes or votes in the same way, then you only get one
side of the story. Political scientists are seeing a rise in negative
partisanship, which is where people actively dislike the other
side or other parties.’
You could also consider the times of day when you listen to
topical debate. If you’re a troubled sleeper, for example, then a
late-night current affairs panel show might cause anxiety at
a time when you’d be better served trying to unwind. Or if you
have a frantic early-morning routine, switching on the radio first
thing could leave you even more frazzled. News is available 24/7,
so rather than being continually swamped by headlines and
updates, choose times when it suits you to tune in.
For some people, though, that isn’t an option. Their jobs
require them always to know what’s going on in the world.
Paula Bradshaw is an Alliance Party politician in the Northern
Ireland Assembly and committee member for health. She
admits checking the day’s stories from her tablet or phone
as soon as she wakes up, as she’s often called on to speak on
morning radio shows and press briefings. ‘I try to make my
news intake as varied as possible, so I’ll look at the websites
of newspapers from The Sun to The Guardian, local stations
and obviously big news networks like BBC and Sky to see
how different places are reporting the day’s stories. I also use
Twitter for breaking news, but you have to choose wisely who to
follow. You get to know and trust the views of certain political
commentators and journalists.’
Paula’s inbox is always full, with constituents even contacting
her in the middle of the night. ‘One of the biggest stresses can
be trying to monitor so many different platforms. People send
me messages via Facebook, Twitter, email and Instagram, or
they might comment on my posts and expect me to respond. It
can be really hard keeping track of everything,’ she says.
As for how she unwinds: ‘I try to go to the gym as many
mornings as possible. Working out for half an hour makes
me feel more energised and then I do 15 minutes in the pool,
43
 because swimming is great for clearing your head. I also coach
under-11s hockey on a Sunday afternoon. It’s a couple of hours
where I completely switch off from politics – you can’t have your
phone in your hand when you’re training a bunch of kids.’
Social media has brought huge changes to how people
consume and interact with current affairs. Facebook and
Twitter are often quicker to report breaking news than
traditional outlets and many election campaigns focus heavily
on creating a ripple on social media. Arguments about current
affairs are harder to escape when feeds are full of posts on
politics and climate change.
‘Don’t feed the trolls,’ is the advice of Chris O’Sullivan, head
of employee engagement at the UK Mental Health Foundation.
He says the signs that a person is becoming overwhelmed or
anxious about the news agenda can be similar to burnout
44
at work – inability to concentrate, sleep loss and feeling too
overrun by information to engage properly.
‘It’s about not letting the constant clamour of content
overwhelm you. Some communications strategies can be about
occupying people’s bandwidths until they stop engaging. News
and social media can be accessed 24/7, so you can end up living
in a state of hyperarousal. Many of these sites use practices
designed to keep you scrolling for more,’ he says.
‘Understanding how these platforms work can help you take
back control. For example, don’t fall into the clickbait trap
because once you click on something, your feed will just show
you more similar content. That’s how the algorithms work.
‘Be aware of your internal weather and what’s likely to
trigger you – scrolling at midnight, for example, might not be
a good idea. Try not to overdraw on your emotional reserves.
 Balanced approach
Use a variety of sources. Don’t
just stick to one newspaper,
radio show, television channel or
podcast. Deliberately mix it up
and expose yourself to different
agendas, viewpoints and ways
of reporting.

Choose when to tune in. Tailor

your news intake to suit your day,
so you’re not absorbing potentially
stressful information at times
that are likely to cause anxiety.
You can switch off email or phone
alerts so that you choose when to
seek out news – rather than being
bombarded by it.

Weed out fake news. Use your

common sense – if something
doesn’t sound right, cross-check it
using other sources. The internet
has made it easier than ever to
investigate and check information.
Also consider where the news has
come from and the reason it is
being reported.

Remember social media can be a

mirror. Algorithms work by showing
you similar content to what you
have already clicked on, meaning
your social media feed is unlikely to
Mindfulness is a great tool to use while consuming news. Notice what’s be balanced. It tends to mirror your
happening and then give yourself space to process it.’ own views straight back at you.
One of the greatest antidotes is to find a positive for every negative by Your friends may hold similar views
looking for examples of people achieving amazing things and helping and share the same content, too.
others. ‘Engage with your community in a meaningful way,’ suggests
Chris. ‘There is so much good happening locally, right on your doorstep, Develop your own opinions. Taking
you just need to switch on to it. Get involved in your local foodbank, in a variety of content means you
befriending service, animal shelter or council. Play your part in making can make your own mind up, rather
ILLUSTRATIONS: NICKY PATON

positive things happen.’ than just adopting the opinions

Perhaps the final thought should go to Professor Petrow: ‘People have you’ve read or the causes of your
a responsibility to remain engaged. It’s the only way things are going to family and friends. Research topics
get better.’ in which you’re interested so that
your views are well informed.

Words: Jade Beecroft

45
 All fired up
Exploring the primal joy of cooking outside over fire – and why
this connection with nature is lost through modern methods
One of the greatest shames about barbecues is that they’re
reserved for the short summer months. Of course, there’s an
obvious charm to eating al fresco during July and August’s
long balmy evenings, but then there are other distractions –
salads, ice cream and sunshine – and the fire becomes almost
secondary. In many ways, autumn is the time when cooking
outdoors really comes into its own, when the evenings are cool
and huddling round a crackling campfire as you cook a hearty
supper takes on a whole new level of magic.
Connecting with nature
British chef Gill Meller, who made a name for himself working
at River Cottage alongside Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, is in
agreement. ‘Sometimes it’s hard to know when summer ends
and autumn begins, so I always maintain we should all keep
cooking outside for as long as we can,’ he says. ‘Take October,
for example: it’s a time of mellow fruitfulness, the colours of
the leaves on the trees are calming, the air’s still warm. It’s the
beginning of the game season and there’s an abundance of
autumn fruit and new season vegetables, as well as fantastic fish
and shellfish, all of which can be cooked outside over an open
fire or barbecue. It’s my favourite time of year to cook.’
Gill lives and works near the small fishing town of Lyme
Regis in Dorset, where he has an impressive allotment, which
in part inspired his latest book, Root, Stem, Leaf, Flower. He still
teaches regularly at River Cottage’s Park Farm, a smallholding
46
and cookery school that produces many of its own ingredients
in a simple, respectful way. The farm is largely organic with an
ethos that Gill says is similar to his own: ‘In reality, our food
philosophies are one and the same – they’ve evolved together
over the years. I take inspiration from the landscape, my locality
and the amazing farmers, growers and fishermen who produce
the ingredients I use.’
Linking to our past
Of course, cooking over fire is integral to this way of life. You
don’t have to be an anthropologist to know that discovering fire
was one of the pivotal moments of human evolution, freeing
up energy taken to digest raw food and allowing the brain to
develop. It’s for this reason that, like moths, humans are totally
hypnotised by the flickering and glowing of a flame. ‘It’s in our
nature to congregate around a fire,’ Gill comments. ‘The heat
from a fire has been harnessed to cook food for millions of
years. We were doing it long before we knew how to speak or
clothe ourselves – in fact, we were pretty good at it. This makes
me think that today, given our relative intelligence, cooking this
way should be an absolute doddle.’
Despite being in our DNA, it holds an element of
unpredictability for many modern cooks. ‘It goes without
saying that I’ve had the pleasure of cooking in lots of fantastic
kitchens. They’ve all been different and nearly always been full
of passion and creativity,’ Gill says, ‘but cooking outside over
wood or charcoal is something completely different. It’s far
more engaging. I’ve forged a connection with the food
I cook and eat that I’d never make using a fan-assisted oven
or induction hob inside the four walls of a house.’
Beyond this, cooking over fire puts a hold on the immediacy
of modern kitchen gadgets, and helps us slow down and
appreciate the process rather than just the results. ‘You become
a manager of heat, equating distance over temperature over
time. It unifies your senses so that recipes become entangled
with ideas, not to mention wind and rain – elements you
need to balance against timber and charcoal. Roasting food
outdoors under the cold, dark sky, with hot embers and smoke,
is feel-good cooking at its finest.’
Speed goes out of the equation when you’re cooking over fire,
as do proper recipes and precise measurements. But, as Gill will
tell you, that’s where the real magic begins.
Earth ovens
Burying a heat source and cooking underground is something
that’s been practised in different ways and by different
cultures for many thousands of years, yet has now largely been
forgotten. ‘I imagine few people, in the western world at least,
will have ever dug a hole in the ground in which to cook their
supper,’ writes Gill Meller in Outdoor Cooking: River Cottage
Handbook No.17. The most famous earth ovens – or hāngi – are
those of the Māori people of New Zealand, where fish and sweet
potato are wrapped in flax leaves and cooked underground for
three to four hours.
In his handbook, Gill evokes the magic of these earth ovens.
‘There are different ways of constructing a hāngi, but at its most
basic, a large hole is dug in the ground and a fire is set either
in its base or next to it. Stones are placed in the fire and when
they are as hot as they’ll get (which is very hot) they’re arranged
in the base of the hole. Raw food is placed on the stones and
covered with a layer of leaves or cloth, and then everything
is buried under a layer of earth. The earth retains the heat
incredibly well and the food cooks gently, sometimes for many
hours. Essentially, you’re creating heat in a dug-out pit, and
trapping it there by re-covering it with soil. Just like a modern
domestic oven, it relies on the basic principle of cooking food
with a heat source contained inside an insulated space.’
Words: Phoebe Hunt
For more of Gill’s recipes, visit gillmeller.com or find him @gill.meller.
His book Root, Stem, Leaf, Flower is published by Quadrille.
Turn over for Gill’s tips for open-fire cooking, along with recipes
to make a delicious three-course supper
47
 GILL’S TIPS FOR COOKING OVER FIRE
Tinder, kindling and dry wood or charcoal are all you need to build your fire. I prefer
not to use firelighters because I find that starting fires in the most natural way makes
for more rewarding results. You’ll also need matches or a lighter, or a flint striker.
For me, tinder usually comes in the form of scrunched-up newspaper. As long as your
kindling is nice and dry, and thinly cut, three or four full sheets of newspaper should
be plenty.
You can buy kindling – split, bagged and ready to go – or collect it yourself. Just make
sure you take it from a place where you have permission to do so, and that you’re not
disturbing the habitats of any wildlife. Fallen twigs and thin branches work well as
long as they are bone dry.
One sure way to help things along is to use a sharp penknife to cut thick-ish wood
shavings from smaller pieces of kindling. This creates a sort of intermediate fuel
that forms a flammable bridge between the dry tinder and the larger kindling above.
Simply run the blade down the wood in shallow strokes and you’ll soon amass a
handful or so.
I’ll freely admit that I’ve felt the frustration that fruitless fire-building can bring.
The sense of failure can provoke irrational behaviour, but try to keep your head.
Throwing reams of newspaper at it won’t help, nor will the addition of a cereal
packet or glossy magazine.
Your thoughts are bound to drift towards highly flammable fuels, but that’s not
the way forward. Something as flammable as petrol is incredibly dangerous and
should never be used to light any fire, particularly not one you plan to cook over.
You can insert a digital probe thermometer into the food to tell you exactly when it’s
done – but I’m not convinced our forefathers would approve. It would be like saying
you’re going to navigate the oceans by the stars, but then taking your GPS along.
Given the effort involved in preparing a fire (especially if you’re going to make a
fire pit), I usually cook quite a lot of food for a fair-sized group and I’d recommend
you do the same. Besides, this is such an unusual and fascinating way to cook that
it should definitely be shared with friends and family. One of the joys of outdoor
cooking, after all, is the way it brings people together.
ILLUSTRATIONS: LOUISE WARWICK

48
Blazes of glory
If you’re keen to take a leaf out
of Gill’s book, why not try this
three-course supper that you can
prepare over an open fire?

STARTER

Fire-grilled beetroot with labneh and dill

Cooking whole beetroot over a hot fire crisps and darkens the
skins while sweetening and softening the flesh. I find it works best
with new season beetroot, about golf-ball size – just give them a
quick scrub and chuck them on the grill, leaves and all. They only
take 30-40 minutes to cook. Served with herbs, lemon and labneh
(a simple homemade yoghurt-cheese), they are delectable.

SERVES 4

Ingredients yoghurt to drain for between 2 and 8 hours, depending on how

• Large bunch of dill, chopped
• About 3 tbsp olive oil
• Good sprinkle of dried chilli flakes
• Grated zest of 1 lemon
• 12 small, fresh beetroot, with the leafy tops if possible
• Flaky sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
For the labneh
• 500ml natural cow’s or sheep’s yoghurt
• 1⁄2 tsp fine sea salt
1. First, make the labneh. Put the yoghurt into a bowl, add
the salt and give it a good mix. Line a sieve or colander with a
large square of clean muslin, or other fine cotton, cloth. Spoon
the salted yoghurt into the centre of the cloth, then gather up the
sides. Tie the cloth at the top with string, enclosing the labneh
in a bag. Set the colander or sieve over a large bowl and leave the
thick you’d like the labneh. Alternatively, of course, you can buy
labneh from many good supermarkets and delis nowadays.
2. Tip the drained labneh out of the cloth into a bowl. Add half
the dill, 2 tbsp olive oil, the chilli flakes and half the lemon zest.
Mix well and refrigerate until needed.
3. Prepare your fire well before you’re ready to cook. It should
have a bed of smoky hot embers.
4. Set a grill in place, you’ll know the temperature is right when
you can hover your hand above it for 2 seconds at most. Arrange
the beetroot on the grill and cook for 30-40 minutes or until
tender when pierced with a knife, turning them regularly as
they cook. The tops will smoke and burn, but this all adds to the
theatre and the flavour. Don’t worry if the beetroot blacken.
5. When the beetroot are cooked, thickly slice them and place
in a dish with the labneh. Add plenty of salt and pepper, a little
more olive oil and the remaining chopped dill and lemon zest
and tumble together. Bring to the table.

49
 MAIN
Charred mackerel with tomatoes and aubergine purée

Mackerel has to be my favourite fish for cooking outside over an open fire. Its skin crisps beautifully, while underneath the oily flesh stays
moist and tender. The fresher the mackerel, the more delicate and delicious its flavour will be, so select fish with nice bright eyes and vibrant,
colourful skin. Ripe, sweet tomatoes and a garlicky bashed aubergine purée make this a great campfire dish.

SERVES 4

Ingredients
• 4 good-sized, super fresh mackerel, gutted and cleaned
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 8 small sprigs of rosemary
• 250g large, ripe tomatoes, halved
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the aubergine purée

• 2 medium aubergines
• 2 garlic cloves, peeled and grated
• 1 tbsp tahini
• Pinch of dried chilli flakes
• Handful of basil leaves, chopped
• 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

1. Prepare your fire well in advance, building it up so it’s big

enough to cook all the fish – you want to be cooking over
glowing embers.
2. When the fire is hot, set a grill over it, making sure it’s
clean so your fish is less likely to stick to the bars. You’ll know
the temperature is right when you can hover your hand above
the grill for a maximum of 3 seconds.
3. Lay the fish on a chopping board and, using a sharp knife,
cut several shallow slash marks on both sides.
4. Trickle the olive oil over the fish, sprinkle with salt and
pepper and rub in, getting right into the slash marks. Place a
couple of rosemary sprigs in each fish cavity. Set the fish on
the grill.
5. Season the tomatoes with salt and pepper and place,
cut side up, next to the fish. Place the aubergines (uncut) on
the grill too.
6. Turn the aubergines every few minutes, to ensure they
cook evenly. The fish will take 6-8 minutes on each side,
depending on size. Don’t worry if the skin tears; the fish will
still taste amazing. Once the mackerel are cooked, remove
them from the grill and keep warm. Turn the tomatoes after
10-15 minutes and keep cooking them until they are soft and
caramelised, then remove to a plate.
7. When the aubergines are soft (this will take about 20
minutes), slit open and scoop the soft flesh out into a bowl.
Add the garlic, tahini, chilli flakes, basil, extra virgin olive oil
and some salt and pepper. Mix and mash the aubergine with
the seasonings.
8. Divide the aubergine purée between 4 plates. Add the
tomatoes and fish and serve.

50
 DESSERT
Baked peaches with vanilla, butter, thyme and brown sugar

This wonderful al fresco dessert is easy to assemble and incredibly delicious. It’s the perfect thing to cook as the flames die back
and you are left with a nice bed of chunky embers. You can do the same thing with apples or plums, they’ll be equally as good.

SERVES 4 1. Halve the peaches and remove the stone. Lay the halves,
cut side up, on a double layer of foil, large enough to encase the
Ingredients peaches in a parcel.
• 4 ripe peaches 2. Put the butter into a bowl. Scrape the vanilla seeds from the
• 50g unsalted butter, softened pod and add them to the butter, along with the sugar and lemon
• 1 vanilla pod, split lengthways zest, mix well. Dot a little of this sweet vanilla butter on each
• 2 tbsp soft brown sugar peach half. Top with the sprigs of thyme and throw in the split
• Grated zest of 1⁄2 lemon vanilla pod for good measure. Fold the foil over the peaches to
• 4 sprigs of thyme create a neat sealed parcel.
• Cream to serve (optional) 3. Set the parcel carefully down in the embers of the fire. The
peaches need to be cooked in a gentle, glowing heat, so don’t
Use a slightly died-out fire – you want a nice bed of moderately let them come into contact with any super-hot embers. Bake
hot embers, a little flaming wood and smoke is fine. for 20-25 minutes, rotating the parcel occasionally to ensure the
peaches cook evenly.
PHOTOGRAPHS: GAVIN KINGCOME

4. Remove the parcel, open it and check if the fruit is tender by

prodding it with a knife. If it’s not quite ready, rewrap and return
to the fire for a little longer. Once the peaches are tender, serve
them hot, with all the buttery sweet juices from the parcel, and
cream if you like.

This is an edited extract from Outdoor Cooking: River Cottage Handbook No.17, by Gill Meller, published by Bloomsbury.

51
 The lost birds
Their story might not be as familiar as that
of the snow leopard or the black rhino, but
the plight of New Zealand’s flightless kākāpō
is no less important

Sirocco was born on 23 March 1997 – a time of great

uncertainty for his species, which had declined from several
hundred at the turn of the 20th century to just 51 in 1995.
Factors including non-indigenous predators, infertility and
deadly respiratory diseases had largely been responsible for this
precarious situation. And Sirocco wasn’t immune. Within three
weeks, he was so ill he had to be hand-reared by humans, the
very people who had introduced so much risk and uncertainty
to his species’ existence in the first place. He survived, but this
early contact meant it was unlikely that this little kākāpō – a
strange, flightless bird endemic to New Zealand – would go on
to breed in the wild. It did, however, at least offer him a future.
The word ‘kākāpō’ (pronounced car-car-paw) derives from
the Te Reo Māori words for night parrot. It’s an apt term for this
nocturnal bird, which boasts some fascinating characteristics.
Having evolved in relative isolation, kākāpō is the only parrot
that can’t fly (though they’re adept climbers); it’s the heaviest
parrot – males weigh up to 3.7kg and females up to 2.2kg; and
they’re estimated to have the longest life span of any bird, living
up to 90 years. They’re easily recognised by their mottled and
barred moss-green and black feathers, as well as their strong,
musty smell, and play a significant role in New Zealand,
particularly Māori, culture. Despite this, they are a critically
endangered species. And while we can help them we’re also
responsible for the current predicament.
New Zealand was uninhabited by humans until around
700 years ago when Polynesian settlers arrived in the country.
They brought with them species, including dogs and rats, that
unbeknown to them were invasive and predatory newcomers
to a delicate ecosystem. Centuries later, European colonists
added cats and stoats into the mix and the kākāpō found
themselves on the front line, not having had time to develop the
tools needed to fight back or the armour to defend themselves.
Instead, they fell back on an unfortunate instinct to freeze
when approached, making them easy game for any hunter, be
it animal or human. Their distinctive smell and conspicuously
vocal lek mating system also made it difficult for them to hide.
The first government attempts to save the species took
place in the 1890s, when pioneering conservationist Richard
Henry led an effort to relocate several hundreds of the birds

52
53
 to predator-free Resolution Island in Fiordland. Although the
initiative failed in its endeavour – determined stoats swam
across from the mainland six years later – it nonetheless
inspired many others to take up the kākāpō’s cause and
between 1949 and 1967, more than 60 expeditions went in
search of surviving birds. To their great disappointment they
discovered only six males and it was feared that the species’
extinction was inevitable. That was until 1977 when a large
population, including several females, was found on Stewart
Island/Rakiura, about 30km south of South Island. With their
numbers now at an estimated 160, there was cause of cheer
yet the decline continued – the product of old age, illness and,
by the early 1980s, predation by feral cats. The only hope, it
seemed, was to expand conservation efforts.
And this is exactly what happened. This year marks the
25th anniversary of Kākāpō Recovery, a wildlife programme
managed by New Zealand’s Department of Conservation that
combines the expertise of scientists, rangers, volunteers and
donors to protect this critically endangered creature. Its aim is
to oversee their welfare on a handful of predator-free islands
– predominantly Codfish Island/Whenua Hou, Little Barrier
Island/Te Hauturu-o-Toi and Anchor Island/Pukenui – with
the ultimate goal, some years (even decades) in the future, to
54
have the birds roaming the mainland once more. Before that
can take place, the population must first grow and become
more self-sufficient. And some of the factors threatening their
existence must be mitigated.
Andrew Digby, a scientific advisor for Kākāpō Recovery, is
one of those trying to find the answers: ‘The greatest threat
is probably infertility,’ he says. ‘We need to learn more about
what causes it and use tools such as artificial insemination
and genetic management to help.’ Since 1981, 44 per cent of all
eggs laid have been infertile, with 25 per cent of embryos dying
during development. This is significantly higher than that seen
in other parrot species – typically 10-15 per cent. Some experts
believe inbreeding has a part to play, which is inevitable with so
few birds alive today. There’s also the possibility of males having
a high number of abnormal sperm. What remains clear is that
an abundance in the kākāpō’s favourite food, rimu fruit, serves
to trigger breeding – a phenomenon known as a mast year,
which occurs roughly every three years. This means the success
of the breeding season during this short period is vital.
Utilising state-of-the-art equipment to keep track of
progress is one of the primary methods of achieving this aim.
‘Technology has transformed kākāpō conservation,’ says
Andrew. ‘We already use sophisticated remote monitoring
 methods, and these will become more important [in years to
come]. We’re currently looking at ways to improve our remote
monitoring of activity and breeding by use of drones to track
birds and monitor tree fruit development.’ Still, not everything
can be done in such a high-tech manner, with some duties
requiring a much more hands-on approach. This includes
traipsing across miles of rough, wild terrain to personally
oversee the welfare of birds. Andrew continues: ‘Much of what
we do – methods of catching, translocations – remains the
same. We still learn from Richard Henry.’
There are, of course, perks to the job. Aside from supporting
the continued existence of kākāpō, many of the management
team have grown fond of particular individuals. ‘Their
characters are fascinating: each one is very different. Some are
inquisitive and sometimes seek human company – including
PHOTOGRAPHS: ANDREW DIGBY / NEW ZEALAND DEPARTMENT OF CONSERVATION
Sirocco; others are completely wild and flee from it. Some are
noisy, others quiet.’ Asked about the biggest personalities of the
population, Andrew says: ‘Sinbad – a partially imprinted bird.
There was also Hoki, the first hand-reared kākāpō, but she died
[in April 2019].’
Last year, a severe outbreak of aspergillosis – a fungal disease
to which kākāpō are particularly susceptible – broke out on
Codfish Island, the primary location of Kākāpō Recovery.
Several birds died, Hoki included. ‘Disease is a major threat
[to the overall population],’ explains Andrew, noting that
aspergillosis symptoms tend only to appear just before death.
To combat this, the team relies on CT scans and other forms
of treatment provided by Auckland Zoo, Dunedin Wildlife
Hospital and Wildbase at Massey University. During 2019
alone, 48 birds were assessed on the mainland. And the most
recent season also brought good news.
With ample food supplies to hand, an incredible 72 chicks
survived through to juvenile age – far surpassing the previous
record of 32. In the past five years, in fact, estimates suggest
that the population has increased by almost 70 per cent,
with 209 birds alive today. Still, a growing number of kākāpō
brings challenges of its own. More birds mean an increased
need to find pest-free habitats so they can continue to thrive.
Nationwide projects like Predator-Free 2050 – an initiative to
remove New Zealand’s most damaging introduced predators by
the year 2050 – is one of the most ambitious attempts to save
the kakapo and several other native species in need of help.
Donations and symbolic adoptions of kakapo, both nationally
or internationally, have also made a tremendous impact.
‘The best way is to spread the word,’ says Andrew, ‘tell other
people about kākāpō and their plight.’ Indeed, without the
ongoing funds and help needed to support the conservation
efforts of New Zealanders and people worldwide, these
remarkable creatures would likely become extinct in our
lifetime. Ultimately, however, the more people who know about
the kākāpō’s plight, the more likely they’ll survive. Sirocco is
helping, too, in his own special way. And some of you might
even know him already.
In 2009 BBC documentary Last Chance to See, he enjoyed a
memorable encounter with author and broadcaster Stephen
Fry and zoologist Mark Carwardine. The following year – in
part because of his comfort around humans – he became
New Zealand’s official ‘Spokesbird of Conservation’. He now
provides a small, carefully managed number of people with
the opportunity to see a living, breathing kākāpō face to face.
Undoubtedly, having Sirocco as an ambassador optimistically
shows that, under some circumstances, there’s no better
promoter for conservation than the animals themselves. For
now, however, he and his fellow kākāpō require our help. Their
journey remains long and fraught with difficulties, but there’s
hope for their future.
Words: Alex Bowers
55
 MINDFULNESS
‘To quench my longing I bent me low by the streams of the spirits of Peace
that flow in that magical wood in the land of sleep’
Sarojini Naidu
58
Pearls of thought
Can hypnosis be used to change perceptions and strengthen self-image?
Deep within the depths of the mind lies a little pearl. Glistening
with information, it’s the place where all human stories
are stowed, the tales we tell ourselves in order to operate.
Unquestioning in its loyalty, what you say, it believes. Imagine
that the oyster shell containing the pearl is your conscious
mind. Its role is to interpret situations and circumstances –
sensations, perceptions, feelings and fantasies inside of your
current awareness. The pearl within is the subconscious mind.
Keeping you in balance, this is the part of the brain that
regulates body temperature, breathing and impulses through
a process known as homeostasis. It’s constantly working in
the background, processing and reprocessing to ensure your
body and mind are in alignment. Within the mental realm,
homeostasis is achieved by matching thoughts and actions
with conditioned thinking.
Subconscious mind
As a storage unit, the role of the subconscious is to memorise
your behaviour and match thought with action. Positive or
negative, the subconscious doesn’t judge, it simply trusts
your thinking patterns and makes them your reality. The
late author and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer referred
to this part of the brain as the ‘habitual mind’ because of its
exceptional ability to create and maintain your habits – no
matter how counterproductive they may be. Feelings, motives
and decisions, which are powerfully influenced by experience,
are programmed into the habitual mind, formulating the
foundations of your beliefs. However, just like a computer,
the subconscious also has the ability to be reprogrammed,
should the desire arise.
Ancient roots
During the late 1700s, Austrian physician Franz Anton Mesmer
introduced the concept of changing beliefs through invoking a
state of trance. Sitting with his patients, he would press their
thumbs in his hands and look fixedly into their eyes, often for
hours on end. Working on the assumption that illness was
caused by obstacles held within the body, his objective was
to restore flow through a transfer of energy and information.
Decades later, this process became known as hypnosis.
According to 19th-century American historian Will Durant,
the first evidence of hypnosis for healing originated in ancient
India, where the sick often went to sleep temples to be cured
through ‘meditational self-observance’. Similarly, an Egyptian
papyrus dating back to around 30BCE described a process
of healing that included ‘laying of hands on patient, hand
passes and eye-fixation’.
The word ‘hypnos’ itself is said to have come from Greek
mythology as the name given to the god of sleep, and was
popularised in the 19th century by Scottish surgeon James
Braid. Over time, hypnotism became the term used to describe
a state of ‘mental concentration that often leads to a form of
progressive relaxation’.
How does hypnosis work?
Throughout history there have been public demonstrations
of hypnosis, used by entertainers to attract an audience.
Onlookers often get to watch burly men behaving like babies or
clucking like a brood of chickens. However, hypnosis also has a
long history in medicine and during the 1800s, psychoanalysts
started to experiment with hypnotism as a therapeutic tool.
The leading authority on clinical hypnosis was
psychotherapist Milton H Erickson. Partially paralysed
by polio as a teenager, he became fascinated with human
psychology, observing that often what people said and what
they did differed significantly. Focusing on what he called
‘body memories’, he was able to restore conscious control
into parts of his body where it had been lost. Over time, he
regained his ability to speak, move his arm and walk with
a cane. Remobilising himself through his own methods of
subconscious alterations, Milton devised innovative ways to
heal others. Using metaphor, confusion, surprise and humour,
59
 he was able to put his patients under hypnosis without even
mentioning the word.
Typically, hypnosis begins with a series of instructions
and suggestions. Entering into a hypnotic state is said to
feel calming and methods vary from guided imagery, music,
counting backwards or the subtle ebb and flow of the voice.
As the nervous system begins to relax, the mind opens up to
increased suggestibility. Throughout hypnosis, the person
remains fully in control and is able to come out of the hypnotic
state at any stage. And it won’t work unless someone has
a strong desire to be hypnotised.
What’s invoved with modern hypnotherapy?
The Dictionary of Occupational Titles describes a hypnotherapist
as one who ‘induces a hypnotic state in the client to increase
motivation or alter behaviour patterns through hypnosis’.
Gil Boyne, a pioneering modern hypnotherapist, referred
to this as the ‘phenomena of trance’.
Nearly half a century ago, Gil began moulding the idea of
hypnotherapy into something far more concrete than it had
been before. Connecting the dots between many of the most
profound insights in hypnotherapy and psychotherapy,
he developed a method called transforming therapy. A
regression-based approach, his clients were encouraged to
access memories and stories held within the subconscious.
The focus was on creating a new set of beliefs by
reprogramming old information. Compassionate and spiritual,
Gil honed in on the self-healing power of each individual,
allowing the client’s inner mind to construct its own solutions
creatively. Although not always regressive, hypnotherapy is
used by trained professional therapists to invoke a state of
hypnosis to focus on an area of concern or unproductive
behaviour. Clinicians choose it to address a wide range of
circumstances including addictions, fears, self-image, insomnia
and the birthing process.
Carey Upham, a qualified psychologist and trained rapid
transformation hypnotherapist, describes her process as
multifaceted. Starting with an intake questionnaire and
60
discussion, she invites her client to share the reason for
hypnotherapy. Following this, a regression-based session takes
place (in person or via a video link), which is reinforced by
a recording that clients listen to independently for at least
21 days. Carey explains this layered approach: ‘The mind
learns through repetition, whatever you repeatedly say to
yourself has the power to programme the subconscious mind.’
Naturally, the mind is more likely to reject that which is
unfamiliar in an attempt to protect itself. As an advocate of
the familiar, the mind resists change, which is why it can be
so difficult to break a habit. The goal of hypnotherapy is to
encourage the mind to introduce a more productive behaviour
by eradicating old patterns and cementing new ones.
Samantha Roberts, a 32-year old teacher from London,
decided to try hypnotherapy after five years of struggling with
difficulties connected to self-worth. Attending a session with
Carey in January, she describes the process as a ‘truly nurturing
experience led by a supportive therapist who helped me to
tap into the root cause of my feelings of not being valued and
feeling unloved’. After the session, she was given a 20-minute
recording to listen to, every day for three weeks. ‘The powerful
script of the audio, together with the hypnotherapy session, has
given me a deep sense of security within myself. I feel in charge
of my life and, for the first time, I’m not seeking the approval of
others to know my value.’
Alchemy of change
Fact or fiction, sorcery or science, hypnotherapy is one of the
many practices developed to inspire the possibility of change.
Just as ancient alchemists transmuted metals into gold, we too,
continue to transform, purifying, polishing and perfecting
ILLUSTRATIONS: TONWEN JONES
ourselves as we grow and develop. As the Greek philosopher,
Heraclitus, once said: ‘Nothing endures but change. There is
nothing permanent except change.’ And change we will, one
pearl of wisdom at a time.
Words: Sophie Carthy
SURGERY AND HYPNOSIS
Have you ever considered what it would be like to
endure a surgical procedure without anaesthetic?

During a period of investigation into hypnotism as a medical

methodology, a number of physicians reported using hypnosis
for anaesthesia. In 1834, the British surgeon John Elliotson
claimed to have performed numerous painless surgical
operations using hypnosis. Equally, Scottish surgeon James
Esdaile induced a hypnotic state in his patients to perform
2,000 minor and 345 major operations in the 1840s and 1850s.
Perhaps the reason for these apparent pain-free surgeries is
the definition psychotherapist Milton H Erickson provided for
hypnosis: ‘A state of intensified attention and receptiveness,
and an increased responsiveness to an idea or to a set of ideas.’
Within this state of openness, patients truly believed that they
did not, or could not, feel pain.

61
 Mind the trap
Often there’s a tendency to fill the gaps of memory with our
own narrative, but this can sometimes be an unhelpful habit
What are the first words that come to mind when trying
to describe someone who’s telling lies? Insincere, unfair,
dishonest? Although lies and honesty are normally thought
of as being at odds with each other – and saying the opposite
is likely to raise some eyebrows – could it be that they’re not
always at the opposite ends of the spectrum after all?
Confabulation is a term that comprises the two – it’s what
the mind does when trying to make sense of the events in the
surrounding world, which results in an ‘honest lie’. If this wasn’t
enough of a surprise, it also seems that these ‘lies’ appear in
communication between people more often than expected.
What’s a confabulation?
To fully understand the term, it’s important to begin by
noting the weight it carries in a medical setting. First
used as a technical term by the German neurologists Karl
Bonhoeffer, Arnold Pick and Carl Wernicke in the early 1900s,
confabulation is used in the context of memory disorders.
In medical terms, it’s a symptom when a person fills in any
gaps in memory with false information, in psychology, it’s
seen as an error in recollection, as a result of which fabricated
events are created. This is different from lying, as a person who
confabulates is unaware of the information being false and
sincerely believes it’s true.
Research professor at the University of Houston Graduate
College of Social Work and author Brené Brown suggests that
confabulation affects everyone and can be used as a more
regular term to describe a lie that’s told honestly. This means
that confabulations might impact your daily interactions more
62
often than you think. These honest lies happen every time you
try to explain behaviours of the people around you by making
up a narrative. For example, do you remember a time when a
colleague failed to respond to your morning greeting and you
were quick to judge it was because they didn’t like you? Or an
occasion when you were interrupted during a meeting and you
told yourself it was because your ideas weren’t good enough?
Perhaps a neighbour didn’t even look at you when crossing
paths and you were convinced it was because of that loud music
the night before? All of these are examples of confabulations.
You honestly believed all these explanations to be true when
you were telling them to yourself or others – however, they were
most likely lies. The colleague was daydreaming about that first
cup of morning coffee, your contribution during the meeting
sparked a brilliant follow-up idea and the neighbour was
rushing to get home on time and didn’t notice anyone.
Confabulations outside of its medical meaning can often be
influenced by a psychological bias called a confirmation trap.
In simple terms, this is one of the games that the mind plays
when it looks for evidence to confirm existing beliefs or views
instead of seeking reasons why they might be wrong. This bias
is so strong that it can make you focus only on the evidence
that reinforces these existing beliefs, blocking out anything
that denies them, without you even realising that something
is being overlooked. Research shows that even when the
counterevidence is pointed out, a confirmation trap makes
it very hard to change your opinion.
Turn the page to learn more about the confabulation trap
63
 Why is this important?
These honest lies that you might be telling yourself and the
confirmation trap that the mind has prepared for you are likely
to be reinforcing those false, often self-limiting beliefs that
can affect your work, relationships and, as a result, overall
wellbeing. Just pause for a moment to think about how many
misunderstandings or conflicts you would have avoided by not
engaging in a likely false narrative of the mind. How many
opportunities might you have taken if it wasn’t for that self-
defeating belief you thought you saw confirmed repeatedly.
By being aware of what the brain is capable of, you can start
challenging these mind games when they happen, instead of
believing a false reality. American psychologist and author
Raymond S Nickerson highlights the extent of the confirmation
trap’s influence on the mind in his research paper on the
subject, saying that if there was one aspect of human reasoning
‘that deserves all attention above all others, the confirmation
bias would have to be among the candidates for consideration’.
64
Confirmation bias is a trap with no hope to escape from unless
you are aware of its existence and pay attention to it, as only
then can you start looking for ways to overcome it.
It’s comforting to believe that the surrounding world can
always be fully understood and correctly interpreted at all times
by looking at it through your own lens. It feels good to be right
and know it all, as that’s exactly what the mind loves the most
– clarity and a full story for any situation.
However, these stories and any gaps in between are likely to
be filled in with confabulations – honest lies that you might
be telling yourself and others, that either lack evidence or are
based on subjective evidence created by a mind that’s trapped
in a confirmation bias. Luckily, you can choose to escape these
mind traps by being mindful and following a few of the tips
outlined on the right.
Words: Egle Grigaliunaite
 HOW CAN YOU ESCAPE THE TRAP?
Awareness is the first step towards more objective thinking, which is free
from the honest lies and the confirmation trap, which the mind finds
so comforting. From here, you can take one step further and practise
self-reflection by trying to do the following…

• Pause. Take a moment to think about the stories you tend to tell yourself, can
you recognise any patterns? Is there anything those stories have in common? Be
aware that any reoccurring themes are likely to be honest lies you tell yourself
consistently, that only serve to reinforce any existing self-limiting beliefs.

• Think factually. Every time you notice your mind engaging in a narrative trying to
explain behaviours or reactions of those around you, try to focus on the facts. Ask
yourself questions such as:
What do I know for sure?
What am I making up?
Why am I making this story up despite there being no factual evidence?

• Practise not knowing. If there’s no factual information to support a story you’re

telling yourself, don’t be afraid to admit there’s something you’re not certain about
or can’t explain. Similarly to thinking factually and asking yourself to reflect on
things you know for sure, take the opposite angle and use words such as:
I am not sure about this.
What I don’t know for sure is… can be a particularly useful phrase when
practising not knowing.

• Ask questions. If you have any concerns about something that’s said or the
way someone behaves around you, voice your questions instead of jumping to
conclusions that are likely to be a result of a trapped mind. These questions won’t
come across as confrontational if you focus on a situation in question based on
the facts rather than your assumptions or emotions. Opening these questions
with the following phrases can be particularly useful:
Am I right to believe this?
Do I understand this correctly?
Am I correct to think that?

• Be curious. Acknowledging that your way of perceiving the world around you is just
one of the 7.8 billion ways to perceive it will enable you to keep an open mind and
learn new ways of looking at things. Learning to be open to new perspectives will
challenge a confirmation bias and empower you with an open mind rather than a
trapped one.
ILLUSTRATIONS: NICOLA FERRARESE

65
 Circle of trust
The universal symbol of infinity, integrity and inclusivity has been used as the
formation of meetings over the years and across cultures. What lessons can be
learned from these traditions and how can they be made relevant to modern life?
The urge to come together and confer on important matters
is ancient and universal. There’s evidence that the earliest
meetings were held in circles and in many instances this is still
the case. For example, council circles – a concept originating
from Native American history and thought to have been places
for political discussion – have remained fundamentally the
same. They involve a group of people assembling for a particular
purpose, held by principles that support equality, authentic
expression and deep listening.
Complete and unending, when sitting in the round, everyone
can easily see each other, there’s no hierarchy and each person’s
words hold equal weight. Deborah Zaher, from global women’s
network Gather the Women, contrasts this with ‘meeting in
lines’, where people become ‘passive receivers of information
and instruction from those in leadership positions’. While
focus in traditional circles is drawn to the centre, often with
a fire or even an altar of sorts, this more linear form places the
attention on an expert, with the majority given – at best – an
opportunity to respond to those in a position of authority. To
circle something commonly implies highlighting and protecting
it, each voice is harboured, nurtured and revered here.
The earliest known temple was a ring of tall stones built in
Turkey some 12,000 years ago, while the steadfast presence
of Stonehenge is evidence of the circle’s prominence in
Celtic heritage. In legends such as King Arthur’s, the round
table is held up as an example of democracy and equality. In
modern society, both the remnants and the resurgence of
this formation are evident: sewing and reading groups, circle
time in schools, sweat lodges, healing circles, sharing circles,
drum circles – even the UN meet in the round. Women in
66
particular have been reclaiming this ancient way since feminist
movements in the 1980s recognised the benefits of a more
balanced way of connecting. The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
imagines a haven where women are free from the taboos
surrounding their bodies, to celebrate and explore their cyclical
nature. Her vivid creation clearly invoked a need for such a
space, with similar-style Red Tents – offering women mutual
support and a place to share stories, experiences and skills
– beginning to surface all over the world.  
There’s an alchemy that occurs when people unite, held in a
simple framework, with the pure intention of hearing and being
heard. It isn’t like our experience of everyday conversations,
where each participant takes the conversational baton for
a moment or more and runs with it in their own direction,
with every new speaker beginning where the last left off.
When we meet friends for coffee or congregate with our
families around the dinner table, it’s common to butt in, finish
each other’s sentences, ask questions and challenge each other.
The freedom of speaking without interruption and holding
space without the need to rescue is an entirely different
experience. It’s a powerful tool for healing, learning and
connection, as well as a catalyst for finding your voice. Children,
for example, might decide to save important confidences for
a weekly circle, where they feel everyone will listen properly.
Social media is a good place to begin to search for established
groups in your area or you could take the plunge and start your
own (see overleaf). If it’s not possible to meet in person, you can
adapt the principles of council sharing to a virtual space.
Ready to circle? Turn the page for more tips
67
 SHARING PRINCIPLES
Speak from the heart
Each person speaks about their thoughts and ideas as well as
their feelings. They speak truthfully about their own experiences,
using ‘I…’ statements and avoiding making generalisations that
claim to know what others think or feel, such as: ‘We all feel…’

Listen from the heart

Do so openly and without judgment, even if you disagree with
the speaker. You offer each speaker your full attention and
listen with an open mind and heart. Hold back from thinking
up responses and simply hear what each person has to say.

Speak spontaneously
Resist the temptation to pre-plan what you want to say and
just let your words come naturally. This will help you to find
your authentic voice and make it easier to listen fully to the
speakers before you.

Speak leanly
Be respectful of people’s time and energy. Try to keep to the
point and resist going off on a tangent. Everyone will need time
to have their opportunity to be heard.

68
 HOW TO START A CIRCLE
People feel a need to come together for myriad reasons. Your intentions will shape your circle. Think carefully about
what you want to focus on before inviting people to the first meeting. You might want to use the space to explore any
number of areas: to delve into creativity, explore spirituality, discuss politics, deepen friendships, mark rites of passage,
deepen your identity as individuals or a group, provide mentorship or revamp family relationships.

Here are some common elements to council-sharing practices, which you might want to draw on:

Assembling. Find a meeting place that is accessible
for everyone and where you will not be disturbed.
Arrange seats or cushions in a circle so that everyone
can be comfortable.
Centrepiece. Have an object such as an altar in
the middle. Nature-based faiths often choose to
represent the elements with a fire, but you can opt for
anything that’s significant to your group. You might
select to adorn it with ornaments, light candles or burn
incense. By creating something appealing to the senses,
you’re marking out this time as something distinct and
special, separating it from the everyday world.
Check in. It’s a good idea to begin with a brief
introduction in groups where members don’t yet know
each other. This also allows everyone to share how
they are. It can help to suggest a word limit to keep
everyone on track.
Ritual. Follow a sequence of events for your meetings
so they can become a familiar pathway into the space
you are creating. By having a set procedure, everyone
will feel safe and supported.
Set your intention. Being clear about each meeting’s
direction will help to shape your time together and make
the process meaningful. It might be useful to agree an
intention beforehand and remind everyone upon arrival.
Accountability. Participants should take responsibility
for their own needs. Expecting people to guess what it
is you need rarely works in real life and is less effective in
council sharing. When someone gets upset, it’s natural to
want to hold them or proffer tissues, but that’s a form of
interruption and can stifle a person’s voice. Giving them
the space to experience their feelings and be guided by
ILLUSTRATIONS: SILVIA STECHER
Share leadership. These practices don’t have a particular
person in charge. A facilitator is useful to guide each
meeting but, ideally, this position will be rotated. The
integrity of a wheel is held equally by each spoke, a circle
by each speaker.
Confidentiality. At the heart of any group is a sense of
trust and integrity. You might find people share deeply
personal truths and they need to know that these will
remain private. Nothing, except your own experiences
or insights, is to be shared outside of the circle.
Talking piece. A tool or implement to make it clear
whose turn it is to speak and prevent interruptions.
This can be an ordinary object, say, a wooden spoon, or
something special. It can be passed around or placed in
the centre for anyone to pick up before speaking (for
an online circle, each member could hold the spoon
and then pretend to pass it from screen to screen).
Whoever holds it shares their thoughts without
interruption. If you’re planning a discussion, this might
not be appropriate and, instead, remind everyone to
listen from the heart and avoid cross-talking.
Silence. This is respected as an acceptable response.
Sometimes the words to express someone’s truth
just haven’t been formed yet or are too raw to speak.
The choice not to speak can be a powerfully authentic
one. Equally, it’s important to allow silences between
contributions as this gives people a chance to connect
with their voice.
Words: Kerry Dolan
Kerry is a hypnotherapist, NLP Master practitioner and
speaker, specialising in women’s health. Find out more
about her work at wombservice.co.uk.

them can be incredibly empowering. To find your nearest Red Tent, go to redtentdirectory.com.

69
 Book of reasons
Leafing through the pages of the ancient Tao Te Ching, there’s much mystery and wisdom to ponder
It’s one of the most enigmatic books on the planet, whose
wisdoms and truths have inspired for centuries. The Tao Te
Ching, or Tao, is a book of 81 verses passed down from ancient
times. Its aphorisms – such as: ‘The journey of a thousand
miles begins beneath one’s feet’ – find relevance in each new
generation. It is one of the most translated texts ever.
It’s believed to have been compiled around 400BCE, by the
Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, though scholars question the
date and whether Lao Tzu was even a real person. As mentioned
already, it’s nothing if not enigmatic. Its mystery was summed
up by the late writer Ursula K Le Guin, author of an acclaimed
1997 version of Tao Te Ching: ‘It was probably written about
2,500 years ago, perhaps by a man called Lao Tzu, who may have
lived at about the same time as Confucius.’ A student of the
Tao for more than 50 years, she pointed out that nothing about
it was certain ‘except that it’s Chinese, very old and speaks to
people everywhere as if it had been written yesterday’.
The legend goes that in 6th-century BCE China, Lao Tzu
was the archive keeper at the Chinese royal court. A teacher
and a man of great wisdom, he was said to find the moral decay
around him offensive and decided to leave the country. But
at the kingdom’s gate, a guard begged him to write down his
philosophies before leaving. And the Tao was born.
What is generally agreed is that Tao means ‘the Way’ or
path. Taoism (also translated as Daoism) reflects the great laws
governing the universe, incorporating principles such as yin
and yang. Living in harmony with the Way is all, as is living
in harmony with nature and our own natures. From the Tao’s
documented wisdoms emerged the philosophical and religious
tradition known as Taoism. This is thought to be the result of
at least 100 ancient schools of thought and the knowledge of
generations of Chinese thinkers and mystical sages.
Today, there’s said to be 20 million Taoists (perhaps half a
billion) around the world, especially in China and Taiwan. Like
the Bible, Torah or Quran, the Tao Te Ching is a collection of
sacred texts or scriptures, with stories and parables designed to
help its followers live good lives and stay on the right path. Dip
into it, and you will find deep and poetic allusions to nature,
the elements and animals. Some lines are infused with modern
meaning and ‘A-ha’ moments, others are abstruse or shrouded
in mystery.
‘The way you can go isn’t the real way, the name you can say
isn’t the real name,’ narrates Ursula in her audiobook version
70
of the script. ‘Heaven and earth begin in the unnamed. Names
the mother of the 10,000 things. So the un-wanting soul sees
what’s hidden and the ever-wanting soul sees only what it wants.
Two things, one urgent. but different in name whose identity is
mystery. Mystery of all mysteries. The door to the hidden…’
And so it goes on, sometimes as baffling as the I Ching (an
even older Chinese text). But then to follow the Tao, it’s said we
must go beyond simply reading and thinking about it because it
goes beyond language and the rational mind. We must learn wu
wei, flowing or effortless action, a purposeful acceptance of the
Tao, so we can live in harmony with it.
Someone who learned that and has also helped make Taoism
accessible and fun to a western audience is George Thompson.
Fresh out of university in his 20s, he was drawn to study
Chinese culture and mysticism and travelled to the Wudang
mountains, one of five sacred mountains in China and a
strategic site for Taoism. There he was taken on as a disciple
of a Taoist master, Master Gu.
Besides wu wei, George explored Taoist concepts such as
yin and yang (balance), ziran (naturalness), chi (life energy)
and wu (non-being). Tai-chi, meditation, conscious nutrition,
and how to live in harmony with nature, as well as giving and
receiving are lessons Master Gu taught him at a picturesque
temple on a heavenly mountain – reminiscent of Grasshopper
learning from Master Po in the 1970s TV series Kung Fu.
George’s life-changing experiences are documented in YouTube
videos and the Tea Time Taoism website.
Of all Gu’s master classes, yin-yang seems the most
important. The black-and-white shapes interlocking in perfect
symmetry are made to remind us how seemingly opposite
forces may in fact be complementary and connected in the
natural world. Yin-yang tells us that balance is all and through
our own actions, we can find it ourselves. Meditation is another
vital Taoist lesson, ‘to open your mind to the source’, so we can
work towards being in a state of silent awareness. If we ‘quiet
the restlessness of the mind’, we will be richly rewarded, the
Tao hints, because ‘stillness reveals the secrets of eternity.’
While Taoist wisdom has been delivered by heavyweight
thinkers, including those mentioned and Stephen Mitchell, the
author of another modern translation, thankfully there’s room
for light with the dark, a yin-yang thing. Like the sagacious
text, The Tao of Pooh: Winnie may think he’s a bear of very little
brain but to some Taoists, he is clearly one of great genius.
71
 THE MASTER SPEAKS
Master Gu of the Wudang Taoist Wellness
Academy offers four tips to improve wellness
and help to find your yin-yang balance:

72
 1. Live according to nature’s cycle
While yang is daytime, the night belongs
to yin. Humans must follow this natural
law. Master Gu suggests the optimum
time to rise is between 5 and 7am. ‘It is
the active period of the large intestine,
and a good time to exercise, do morning
work and to shift from sleepy yin energy
ILLUSTRATIONS: VARVARA FOMINA
to active yang energy.’
2. Eat well
Eating is an important aspect of yin-yang.
‘Apart from refined foods, we must have
sufficient raw food, as it’s good for our
intestine.’ He advocates a good balance
of protein, carbohydrates, cooked and
uncooked food, and a variety of colours on
your plate – ‘and only eat to 80 per cent
full. Overeating creates health imbalance.
Listen to your body!’
3. Exercise in a balanced way
The secret to health is to be tranquil and
to exercise. ‘One needs both. You should
have sufficient meditative tranquillity, and
also be active and doing something.’ He
advises tai chi as the best form of balanced
exercise, as it combines meditation. ‘It’s a
good balance of the yin of inactivity with
the yang of action. Listen to your body
again. To be healthy and live well into your
old age, be conscious of these balances.’
4. Give and receive
The Chinese term for generous contains
two words: to give away and also to gain.
‘To give is not just that you are losing
something. You can also gain. You need
a balance of wealth and accumulation as
well as giving and helping others.’ Make
generosity your default position – and see
how much more receptive the world will
be to you, and how you will strengthen
relationships. ‘Open your heart in a
generous way, and you will get back.’
Words: Beverley D’Silva
73
 Grow your own Zen space
Bring the calming influences of the Japanese kare-sansui garden to your own backyard – or desktop
It’s said one of the most powerful elements of a Japanese Zen
garden is nothingness. Just as French composer Claude Debussy
described music as the space between the notes, the empty
voids in a Zen garden are as important as the things in-between.
Every detail is deliberate, whether it’s the miniature world of
moss clinging to the rocks, finely raked sand or flat pools that
reflect the sky. The Zen gardener is an artist with a canvas, and
every brushstroke is intended to draw the viewer in, take them
on a journey and encourage them to appreciate each moment.
Playing around with confined space in this way also makes
them an ideal inspiration for small urban backyards, roof
gardens or balconies. ‘Kare-sansui or dry landscape gardens
demonstrate that the size of a garden plot is irrelevant,’ says
writer and cultural historian Yoko Kawaguchi, who lectures
on Japanese garden history and is the author of Japanese Zen
Gardens and Authentic Japanese Gardens. ‘You can, for example,
create a vast landscape with mountain ranges in a very small
area with different shapes and sizes of stones, or create a
detailed section of coastline with raked gravel representing
waves washing up against a shingle beach.’
Indeed, while the swirling sand lakes and clipped evergreens
of classical Zen gardens might seem austere and difficult to
74
replicate – there are plenty of transferable techniques that can
bring contemplation and calm into a conventional garden.
Sands of time
It was during the first half of the 15th century that gardeners in
Kyoto, influenced by landscape paintings, began to experiment
with the concept of kare-sansui. These man-made spaces used
key elements to mimic the magic and simplicity of nature.
Rocks and boulders were used to represent mountains and
gravel was used in place of water. At the famous Ryoan-ji
Temple Rock garden in Kyoto, on the island of Honshu, 15
stones are grouped into mossy islands set in a vast white ocean
of gravel. And at the Ginkaku-ji Zen garden in the city, the
gravel is formed into a pristine, smooth-sided summit.
‘These gardens focus on the philosophy that each fleeting
moment is precious, with the raked patterns of currents and
waves capturing a single moment in time,’ says Yoko. ‘That
moment, for instance, when a frog jumps into a pond and
creates concentric circles, or the moment water cascades down
from a waterfall.’
If you’re setting out to create your own slice of kare-sansui,
your starting place should encompass this simplicity. ‘Use a
clump of plants surrounded by groundcover, such as evergreen
ophiopogon, to create an island, with white gravel around this,’
says Yoko, who is also a committee member for the South West
Regional Group of the Japanese Garden Society. ‘If you haven’t
got an appropriate rake at home, spray the sand with water
regularly instead, and scrub if necessary, to keep it clean and
free of weeds.’
In a traditional Zen garden, this careful attention to detail is
also applied to the stones. ‘These are never just plonked onto
the ground,’ says Yoko. ‘In fact, they’re embedded in the soil,
sometimes so deeply buried that only the tip emerges above
the surface. This is to bring out the beauty, the character and
the weathering of each piece, which suggests the passage of
time. Characterful stones are cherished in Japan, with some
celebrated stones being given names and known provenances,
like Grand Master paintings in the west.’
Zooming in on one or two elements like this also serves
another purpose, to bring a calm focus to the garden and to the
viewer. Blowsy flowers, brightly painted benches and ornaments
will overload the senses, so sticking to one or two materials and
plants creates a feeling of serenity.
‘Less is definitely more,’ says garden designer Lee Burkhill,
who’s designed Zen-style ones for clients in north-west
England. ‘Pare back the amount of materials you use and limit
your palette to two or maybe three colours, don’t scatter gun
like a child. This will help the garden flow.’
Journey of discovery
Despite their simplicity of form and materials, many Zen
garden designs also play with the idea of mystery – of going on
a journey. Yoko says: ‘If you’re starting with an island bed, make
it kidney-bean shaped, or some kind of organic shape with
curves, rather than a perfect circle or square. In this way, from
a certain direction, some things may not be visible, but then
they become visible when you move – and this adds a sense of
mystery and discovery.’
In the more flamboyant Japanese stroll gardens, there are set
focal points to draw the eye, such as a red bridge, a pagoda or
75
 tea house. ‘In your own garden, you could add a water feature
or a bench for meditation at the end of a meandering path,’ says
Lee. ‘The idea being that you take your time through the garden
and can clear your mind. In Japan, winding paths were used to
get participants ready for the tea ceremony.’
Though planting is minimal in the traditional dry
landscapes, mosses grow naturally in the humidity of Kyoto
and form tantalising tiny gardens on the surface of stones, and
sometimes gravel. At the Hojo Garden at Tofuku-ji Temple,
they’re used as part of a striking chequerboard design.
‘The moss is nurtured and weeded by hand, and very lightly
swept to remove debris,’ says Yoko. ‘Sometimes, autumn acer
leaves are deliberately scattered, or left on the moss to enhance
the beauty and emphasise the passing of time. Different mosses,
with their contrasting habits, create distinct textures and
shades of green so they reflect the light in different ways.’
Although it might be a long wait for these mossy mounds to
evolve in a more urban garden, a similar effect can be created
with groundcover foliage such as mondo and Manila grasses or ‘It’s better to have one decent, 6-7ft tree than three tiny ones.
sedums. Signature shrubs and trees can also be used to conceal Both Acer campestre, the field maple, or Liquidambar, have lovely
entrances and compose secret corners. Groupings of three foliage and colour in the autumn.’
different shrubs of different heights (three, five and seven are Get inspiration on planting by looking at how designers
considered auspicious numbers in Japan) can bring cohesion. have created Zen gardens near you. As well as the many fine
‘Evergreen broadleaf shrubs with densely-grown foliage are examples in Japan itself, there are stunning arrangements
often clipped into round mounds, and pruned Satsuki azaleas at Tatton Park in Knutsford; the National Botanic Garden
(cultivated varieties of Rhododendron indicum) and tall camellias of Wales; Fort Worth, Texas; the Golden Gate park in San
are placed behind rocks in order to suggest wooded islands or Francisco and at the Seattle Japanese Garden in Washington.
tree-lined hills in the distance,’ adds Yoko. If space is really limited, consider implementing the concept
While clipped topiary and bonsai trees can take years of of shakkei or the borrowed landscape. Stealing the view of
practice and patience, other species can provide structure, a beautiful tree from your neighbour’s garden, or a distant
shade and delicious green foliage. ‘If you have room for a landscape, can make a small garden feel bigger and, in turn,
specimen tree, then make it as big as the space allows,’ says Lee. give you more breathing space.
‘Nothing is accidental in a Japanese Zen garden design,’ says
Lee. ‘All the elements are focused on connecting the viewer
with nature, slowing down the body and the mind and making
us appreciate what’s around us.’
Whatever the size of your Zen garden, remember those
spaces in-between. It’s in these areas of blank canvas that you
will see the subtle changes emerge hour by hour, and moment
by moment.

Words: Alice Whitehead

For more information about the South West Regional Group of the
Japanese Garden Society, visit jgs.org.uk.

To view Lee Burkhill’s portfolio, go to gardenninja.co.uk.

76
CREATE A MINIATURE ZEN GARDEN FOR YOUR DESKTOP
No garden, no problem – Alice’s step-by-step guide to creating a tranquil landscape indoors
Step one: Choose a container for your
sand, this could be a special pot or dish,
or an old picture frame.
Step two: Pour your sand into your
container. It’s best to use fine grains as it’s
easier to rake patterns into it. You can buy
this online from craft stores or aquarium
suppliers. Sprinkle essential oils on your
sand for a more fragrant garden, and
shake your frame to flatten the sand out.
Step three: Choose your stones.
Collecting them can be a meditation in its
own right. Look for interesting patterns
and textures or pleasing shapes. You can
also use crystals and polished stones but
don’t over-clutter. Remember the idea is
to feel calm when you look at your garden.
Step four: Add some greenery. Plants can
add a realistic touch to your tiny garden.
Airplants are a good choice as they don’t
require soil, or use a shallow dish to plant
tiny succulent seedlings. You can also add
trinkets such as artificial trees or statues.
Step five: Rake your sand. You can buy
mini ones online, but a kitchen fork or
cocktail stick works just as well. Create
pools, ponds, beaches and seas using
swirls and squiggles. This is the most
mindful part of the process and can be
repeated as often as you like.
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 CREATIVITY

‘Reading is an exercise in empathy;

an exercise in walking in someone else’s shoes for a while’
Malorie Blackman
 Top of the flops
The oft much-maligned movies, books and music that
hold a special place in the hearts of their diehard fans
Is there a film, book, painting or piece of music that resonates
with you, to the complete indifference of everyone else? Do
you adore an obscure novel nobody else bought? Do you scour
boot fairs for cheap yet brilliant art? Do you emerge from
a cinema rapt, only to discover that everyone else hates the
auteur film you loved?
Failure is, of course, subjective. Yet often there are pieces that
are unable to ignite the public’s attention – or are completely
panned if they do. At the same time, many people have a so-
called flop that holds a special place in their heart. But what
draws us to that piece, when it’s been rejected by others? Do
we love it because it’s unloved, or can we see something in it
that’s invisible to everyone else? Read on to discover why some
failures shine for us – and maybe only us.
The spectacular failure
There are certain cultural flops that are celebrated precisely
because they fall so wide of the mark, and at the same time
display a total dedication to achieving greatness. These are
often truly spectacular – an epic fail.
Werner Herzog, the legendary German film-maker, is
well-known for putting his all into every production, such as
Aguirre, the Wrath of God. However, that movie – like many of
his others – was initially a box-office disaster, yet Herzog is
much-loved by his fans, perhaps precisely because of the effort
expended. As the renowned critic Roger Ebert commented in
his book Awake in The Dark: ‘Herzog has never created a single
film that is compromised… or uninteresting. Even his failures
are spectacular.’
In an even more extreme vein, Ed Wood’s film Plan 9 From
Outer Space, which features wobbling sets and a man with a
80
cloak on his head pretending to be renowned horror actor Bela
Lugosi, is often cited as ‘the worst movie ever made’. Yet it also
has a legion of loyal fans who defend it as ‘inventive, original,
heartfelt, driven or simply damned entertaining’.
The ahead-of-its-time failure
When we’re one of the few to love a piece of work, it might be
that time is what’s needed to bring a greater respect from the
world. Many artistes have been under-appreciated in their own
time (see overleaf) – maybe we’re just ahead of the zeitgeist in
this respect.
In 1982 Chris Moore, now the director of a language-training
organisation, loved the fourth album by English rock band The
Cure, Pornography. ‘It was a very gloom-ridden, intense record,’
he says. ‘I thought it was the most amazing thing, and I couldn’t
understand why people didn’t love it as much as me.’
The album was also slammed by the critics: ‘The aural
equivalent of a bad toothache,’ wrote Rolling Stone. However,
once The Cure became a successful stadium band, Pornography
received a reappraisal, and now regularly appears in best-of
lists. As NME wrote in 2011, it was ‘arguably the album that
invented goth.’ Chris says: ‘There’s a doomy magnificence to it,
and I still really love it now.’ Sometimes, we have to wait for the
rest of the world to catch up for our beloved failure to be seen in
its true light.
The failure that connects us to others
To discover that someone else shares your love for a supposed
flop is to feel that, in a world of separateness, we can still
make connections with strangers. The 2019 TV adaptation
of the Jane Austen novel Sanditon was cancelled because of
81
 disappointing audience figures. However, screenwriter Andrew
Davies ended its first – and so far only – series on a cliffhanger,
which led its fans to start a Facebook group campaigning for
the drama to be completed. Rebecca Shtasel is among them:
‘It now has thousands of members who all loved the series and
are desperate for the story to be completed. The group is lovely,
and people on it often say it’s the nicest one they’ve ever been
members of. The bonus has been meeting so many interesting
and funny people from all round the world.’
Meanwhile, London-based actor Gabby Wong saw the play
Mr Burns at the Almeida Theatre in 2014. She says: ‘It was one
of the most staggering things I’ve ever seen. The premise is
what happens to storytelling and misinformation in a
post-electric world… It was so compelling, I’m still trying to
process it now years later.’
Not everybody agreed. The play, which comprises retellings
of an episode of the US cartoon comedy The Simpsons in a
far-off future was, according to a review in The Telegraph:
‘Three hours of utter hell.’ Gabby is unmoved: ‘It was so “out
there” in terms of form and story that the audience walked
out during its two intervals, which meant that they missed the
massive pay off in the third act.’
Yet its poor reception means that Gabby feels closer to those
other people who loved the drama as much as she did. ‘I feel
special to be in a less mainstream group of people who really
appreciate art,’ she explains. ‘Everyone I’ve spoken to who
stayed until the end continues to talk about it.’
It can be hard to say why something resonates with us, and
not with others – a combination of our particular situation
82
and personality, maybe. Sometimes, the line between success
and failure can be chance – a lack of the right sort of framing
or support. I’ve read novels I’ve loved that have become lost to
obscurity among a sea of many thousands published each year.
One little-known crime writer, the author Ann Cleeves, was
brought to public attention only once a TV producer chanced
across her novel The Crow Trap in a charity shop, bought it and
turned it into the hit drama series Vera. Cleeves’ books are
now bestsellers.
Yet it’s not quite right to call the obscure or little-known a
failure. In fact, it takes more than to be ignored. Much-loved,
so-called duds often have one trait in common: their huge,
sometimes overwhelming, ambition has caused both dismissal
and adoration.
Their creators have pushed boundaries, experimented with
form, and tried things rarely done before. Van Gogh (see right)
berated himself in a letter to his brother Theo for his grandiose
ambition. ‘I allowed myself to be led astray into reaching for
stars that are too big,’ he wrote. Yet as with Van Gogh,
although aiming high can lead to a lack of success, within
that very failure is a quality that speaks to a few of us in a
ILLUSTRATIONS: BEATRIX HATCHER
goosebump-inducing, fundamental way.
So let’s hope artists keep reaching for stars that are too big,
and let’s keep praising these under-appreciated gems, for doing
so shows that these failures are no failure at all.
Words: Stephanie Lam
Follow Stephanie’s thoughts on Twitter @StephanieLam1.
FIVE FAILURES WE LOVE
Drei Romanzen by Clara Schumann (1853)
Although recognised as a talented pianist during her lifetime, her work as a composer was largely
ignored for many years, and she was best-known as wife of fellow composer Robert. In recent times
her compositions have been revived and reappraised, including what is often considered her best
work, Drei Romanzen, three romances for violin and piano.

The Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh (1889)

Swirls of stars in a night sky above blue hills and a Provençal town, this most beloved of Van Gogh’s
works was even thought a failure by the artist himself, who died a year after its painting, penniless
and unknown. Now woven into popular culture, it’s hard to believe The Starry Night was ever seen as
anything but a masterpiece.

The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie (1920)

After her first novel was rejected by six publishers, she turned her hand to writing crime, inventing
a Belgian detective named Hercule Poirot. After more rejections, the novel was finally published in
1920 to minimal praise. It has never been out of print since, and Christie is the bestselling fiction
author in the world.

Mulholland Drive, written and directed by David Lynch (2001)

Topping BBC Culture’s poll of the greatest films of the 21st century, this off-kilter film noir started its
life as an abortive TV series. Dumped by its network, partly because of the pilot episode’s disturbing
images, the director reworked it into a movie. Mulholland Drive premiered at the Cannes Film
Festival and a classic was born.

Basilica de La Sagrada Familia by Antoni Gaudí (unfinished)

Possibly the most famous unfinished building in the world, the Barcelona-based church began
construction in 1882 and is still ongoing. And although its architect Gaudi died when construction
was around 20 per cent completed (‘my client is not in a hurry’, he is said to have remarked), it is
perhaps the spectacular over-ambitiousness of the basilica’s architecture that has ensured its place
in the hearts of its many admirers around the globe.

83
 ‘It’s probable that in the artistic hierarchy birds are
the greatest musicians existing on our planet’
OLIVIER MESSIAEN
In tune with nature
Birdsong has inspired some of the world’s greatest composers.
Let it find its way into your heart, too, and feel your spirits soar
Early risers know a thing or three. They know the stillness
of the morning, the endless patterns of the sunrise and the full
symphony of birdsong. For many of our feathered friends favour
the first hour after the sun makes its entrance to sing at their
heartiest, and at that time, the lack of background noise makes
their tunes reach that much further.
This has been more evident this year as the global health
crisis saw cars parked up and planes grounded. Even city
dwellers had the opportunity to listen in to this birdsong as the
incessant din of traffic receded, with many reporting how it had
helped them find solace and hope as they struggled to come to
terms with their changed lives.
For others, birdsong has long been able to calm troublesome
thoughts, evoke memories of carefree childhood days and slow
a racing heart – the trills, peeps, whistles and fluty notes shared
by robins, thrush, blackbirds and nightingales (to name but a
few) drowning out the world’s woes.
Listening to a favourite piece of music can have a similar
meditative effect, which in some ways isn’t so surprising
given that humans have been taking lessons from these avian
songsters for many centuries now, and have channelled their
melodies into some of the finest compositions.
The reason for this, says Julian Treasure, author of Sound
Business, is that birdsong relaxes people physically but
stimulates them cognitively. It’s a state he refers to as ‘body
relaxed, mind alert’, which is the ideal condition in which to be
creative, and perhaps explains why music – arguably the most
related of all the arts to birdsong – is so heavily indebted to
these feathery muses. And it’s been happening for a long time.
84
Down the ages, some species have even become linked to
certain seasons and places, and have made their way into
musical works. The 13th-century English round Sumer is icumen
in, for example, refers to the cuckoo’s song, which can be heard
in the countryside from April onwards. The lyrics celebrate the
fact that spring is under way and summer isn’t far behind: ‘Seed
grows and meadows bloom/And the wood springs forth anew/
Sing, cuccu!’
But one of the cuckoo’s biggest achievements was surely
to find its way into the heart and mind of German composer
Ludwig van Beethoven, who incorporated its call into his
Pastoral or Sixth Symphony in 1808. Anton Schindler was
an early biographer of the composer. In his book Beethoven as
I Knew Him, he describes a scene in late April 1823 when the
two men were walking near Heiligenstadt in Vienna and the
musical genius pointed to the spot where he wrote Scene by
the Brook (the second movement in Pastoral) and recalled the
quails, nightingales and cuckoos who had ‘composed along
with him’. In Beethoven’s hands, the flute represented the
nightingale, the oboe became the voice of the quail and the
clarinet spoke for the cuckoos. Together, they helped to create
a bucolic idyll in the minds of the listener.
And it seems this trio might not have been alone in inspiring
the composer. Beethoven’s former student, Austrian pianist
Carl Czerny, claimed the now famous ‘first four notes’, aka
‘Da-da-da dummm’, of the composer’s Fifth Symphony also
had a feathery muse – the yellowhammers whose voices
filled Vienna’s parks between 1804 and 1808 when the music
was written. This contradicted another popular theory at
85
 ‘How delighted I shall be to ramble for a while through bushes,
woods, under trees, through grass and around rocks. No one can
love the country as much as I do. Who can express it all?’
LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN
the time, that the quartet symbolised fate knocking on the
door. Listening to the yellowhammer song now – a rapid-fire
succession of the same notes followed by an extended one – it’s
both easy and rather lovely to believe Czerny’s claims.
Yet it’s arguably a later composer, Olivier Messiaen, who drew
most heavily on birdsong. Born in France in 1908, he was also
an ornithologist, describing birds as: ‘God’s own musicians.’
In a 2014 interview with The Guardian, musician Rufus
Wainwright explained that Messiaen ‘loved birds and made
special compositional trips to the south of France to listen to
birdsong, and he put a lot of the sounds he heard directly into
the music’. The singer-songwriter added that the resulting
‘sensual, seductive’ music was a ‘revelation’ to him as an artist
and continued to be an inspiration.
Tuning in
One of the best known of Messiaen’s avian-inspired works is
Le Merle noir for flute and piano. Written in 1952, this test piece
for flautists auditioning for entry into the Conservatoire de
Paris, was based on the blackbird’s musically challenging song.
In 1953, the composer went a step further with his orchestral
work Réveil des Oiseaux (Awakening of the Birds). In this, a cast
of nightingales, woodpeckers, robins, blackbirds and cuckoos,
to name but a few, bring to life springtime in the European
mountains of Jura. And his pièce de résistance, perhaps, created
between 1956 and 1958, was the distinctive and rhythmically
complex Catalogue d’Oiseaux for solo piano. It comprises
13 pieces, each named after a bird, including the Eurasian
golden oriole, woodlark and Eurasian curlew, which convey
the landscape and character of 13 French provinces.
Other musicians who have sought to convey time, place and
context via birdsong include Gloucestershire-born composer
Vaughan Williams. For him, it was the trilling of the skylark
guarding its territory in a rural field, which set a very English
scene. In his 1914 composition The Lark Ascending, this feisty
brown bird is convincingly expressed by the violin, which rises
above the sound of the orchestra. As music writer and journalist
Richard King explains in his 2019 book, also called The Lark
Ascending, the piece ‘created the musical equivalent of a British
86
landscape open to “every community”’, meaning everyone,
town- or country-based, could become immersed in and
experience this rural scene.
Interestingly, some feathered songsters are also partial to a
duet. In 1924, British musician Beatrice Harrison discovered
that local nightingales, whose song is punctuated by moments
of silence, would join in when she played the cello in her Surrey
garden, replying to and echoing the notes of her instrument.
The collaboration was recorded by the BBC and became
so loved by radio listeners that it aired every spring for the
following 12 years. More recently, British singer and musician
Sam Lee hosted the annual springtime event called Singing
with Nightingales: Live, where folk musicians and nightingales
combine to create a magical evening in a forest. Sam enthuses
about the experience, describing how nightingales ‘love cellos
and flutes and folk songs’ and respond with exuberance.
He’s not alone in revelling in this human-avian collaboration.
Professor of philosophy and music at the US’s New Jersey
Institute of Technology David Rothenberg has spent years
exploring the connection between birdsong and human
compositions. Describing himself as an interspecies musician,
composer and philosopher, he suggests that ‘human music
came from birdsong’, which is why the latter sounds so musical
to human ears. Birds, he suggests, have a natural aesthetic
sense. ‘They just like beautiful things; that’s why they sing
interesting songs,’ he claimed in a 2005 interview with
American multimedia publication NewMusicBox.
Humans are much the same, which is why we’re drawn to,
listen to and even replicate birdsong. We love their spirit and
the ways in which they symbolise freedom and fragility at the
same time – think of Prince’s When Doves Cry, Dolly Parton’s
Little Sparrow and Nelly Furtado’s I’m Like a Bird to name a few.
Along with many more, they owe their soul-stirring qualities
to birdsong, and highlight the importance of this avian gift in
encouraging human creativity. As Roman poet and philosopher
Lucretius said: ‘Birds instructed man and taught him songs
before his art began.’ Let them inspire your creativity too.
Words: Chloé Valerie Harmsworth
 SPREAD YOUR CREATIVE WINGS
Read on for more ideas and inspiration
• Many of the composers and compositions mentioned
here can be heard on platforms including YouTube and
Spotify, as well as radio stations such as Classic FM
(classicfm.com). Details about Sam Lee’s Singing with
Nightingales can be found at thenestcollective.co.uk.
• The original BBC recording of Beatrice Harrison
is on the BBC website. It captures the moment when
ILLUSTRATIONS: JOHN HARMER
a nightingale accompanies the cello to the folk ballad
Danny Boy. If, like Beatrice, you play an instrument, why
not perform to the birds in your garden or nearby square
and see if they sing along?
• The citizen science project xeno-canto.org is a
repository of some 400,000 sound recordings of birdsong
and also enables you to search by region so you can find
local species.
• If you’re struggling to identify the feathered friends in
your garden or local park, the ‘identify a bird’ section at
rspb.org.uk is a great place to start.
• Have a go at composing your own song. Make up
a tune in your head, with or without lyrics, and use
birds as inspiration. Detailed advice can be found at
artofcomposing.com, YouTube and aforslund.com. Think
about the feelings you’d like to express, the time and
place you’d like to represent, and the images you want
to create in the minds of listeners. How you do it is up to
you, just experiment and see what happens.
87
 Mind, body and sculpture
Artist Ahuva Zeloof explores the human experience through contemporary sculpture. Here, she
tells Breathe how her forms are fuelled by yoga and inspired by female movement and energy
Revered yoga master BKS Iyengar once said: ‘Yoga does not
just change the way we see things, it transforms the person
who sees.’ Yoga is more than a workout. Despite its
repackaging from a deeply spiritual practice in India to the
westernised, wellbeing-led version many are familiar with
today, there’s no escaping its ability to feed the mind and
become a part of you.
So it’s not hard to see why it inspires London-based artist
Ahuva Zeloof in her sculpture work. A yoga devotee since the
1970s, Ahuva tells me she started to practise and later teach
yoga to gain knowledge about the human body, which she says
she finds ‘fascinating’.
When Ahuva began to experiment with sculpture in the
1990s, it was only natural her yoga practice would become a
part of her creative process. ‘The two are very much intertwined
for me,’ she says. You can see the relationship clearly in works
88
such as Movement, a series of figurative sculptures created to
explore the possibilities (and limitations) of the body. These
bronze pieces depict twisted yet graceful body shapes, much like
those you might have spent time trying to tempt your limbs into
during a yoga class.
And if you’ve ever attempted to perfect a downward dog or
an extended triangle pose, you’ll know yoga is about more than
being able to touch your toes. It’s as much about mental growth
as any physical training, and it’s this mindset that feeds into
Ahuva’s way of approaching creativity. ‘Yoga inspires me and
I can’t create without inspiration. For me, inspiration comes
when I’m in the right frame of mind, and yoga helps me to
get there.’
Yoga is a meeting between the mind and body. It encourages
you to introspect by exploring your state of being, focusing on
the moment and observing whatever thoughts and feelings arise
during practice. It’s no surprise that it’s the kind of mindset
an artist might find helpful. ‘When I am sculpting, my mind is
in a similar state to when I practise yoga. I relax and have the
confidence to explore and create.
‘The way yoga encourages you to look inwards – exploring
your thoughts and subtracting external noise – definitely
influences my creative process.’ It’s a subject of inspiration
for the artist. Ahuva adds: ‘There is something about the
combination of the natural and the spiritual that exists in
the human body that has always fascinated me.’
Yoga also encourages you to appreciate yourself, you’ll
often be urged to thank your body for what it has achieved
during a class. This gratitude is something Ahuva has
explored further in her work. Looking at her pieces, you could
say her artwork is a constant dedication to the wonders of
the human form. ‘The human body is the most efficient and
creative machine to ever exist and no man-made object can
even come close to comparison,’ Ahuva says. ‘It’s biologically
sound, with synchronised internal organs that work by
themselves with no interference, but it also has emotions
and feeling. It amazes me, a machine with a soul.’
Studying Ahuva’s work, you will see the female form is a
common feature, if not in its most obvious shape, then in the
curves and feminine lines of her more abstract works. The
artist wants her work to be seen as a celebration of all
human forms.
‘We are all different shapes and sizes, but our ability is the
same. As I prepare for my next exhibition, I have had the chance
to step back and look at the work I have done over the last
decade. It seems that in addition to women’s faces, I also see
curves and falls in the stones I carve. Perhaps this is a reflection
on my own experiences as a mother and a grandmother,
89
 ‘There is something about the combination of the natural and the
spiritual that exists in the human body that has always fascinated me’
perhaps those shapes are already there waiting to be discovered,
or maybe it is both.’
A lot of Ahuva’s sculptures also feel as though they are
moving, the figurative forms have obvious motion, but even the
more solid pieces carved into great blocks of glass and stone
appear to be shifting. I wonder if it’s another echo of one of the
philosophies I’ve recently been learning through yoga: to enjoy
the journey rather than the end goal.
‘It’s never about finishing a piece for me,’ Ahuva says. ‘When it
comes to working with stones, it takes me time to get to know
them, to feel them, study their shapes, see their potential
as well as their limitations. I don’t work with maquette or
measurements, instead I see roughly what shapes and images
are already present in the stone and then I go into my own zone
where it is just me on the journey of making the ideas into a
realised work.’
It’s this frame of mind that she also carries into her approach
to making mistakes. So often, we view these errors as negative,
despite the ancient adage that we can learn from them. Ahuva
reveals an interesting approach to making mistakes when she
tells me about how she came to working with stone. ‘The very
first material I tried sculpting with was clay, but it just didn’t
90
speak to me,’ she recalls. ‘I needed something more physical,
challenging and risky.
‘Clay you can always fix, whereas with stone, once you have
chiselled something away there is no going back. I like that. It
encourages me to incorporate mistakes, not to see them as a
bad thing but to make them part of the process.’ She then adds,
rather fittingly, ‘something that is also true in yoga’.
I immediately think there must be an analogy for life in her
words. There are myriad quotes about how we’re all ‘a work in
PHOTOGRAPHS: GEORGIA METAXAS – @GEORGIA_METAXAS
progress’ and Ahuva’s chiselling away at a piece of stone makes
me think of those. Perhaps we can all be the artists of our own
lives, we just need to chip away at the raw material until we
come across something that feels right and, as Ahuva says of
stone, ‘realise the potential of what’s already there’.
Words: Laura Gabrielle Feasey
Ahuva Zeloof’s latest exhibition, Imperfection, runs until November
2020 and is open virtually and by appointment at Diba Art in
London. For up-to-date information, visit dibaartlondon.com.
91
 Do-it-yourself
You’ve thought it, lived it, written it – why wait for
someone else to publish your literary contribution to the world?
If you’ve dreamed of writing a book, are in the process of doing
so or even have one finished, tucked away in your desk drawer
or on a hard drive, there’ll be a point at which you discover
that getting a book deal from an established publishing house
is difficult. You have to write a great book full of page-turning
content and your work has to pass through several gatekeepers
before it gets anywhere – agents, editors and a sales team
focused on profit. Add to this a publishing world that can ill
afford to take risks and therefore tends to lay its money on a
safe bet – in other words, authors that can guarantee sales – and
it’s no surprise that any aspiring writer feels that to see their
book in print is an impossible dream.
Yet it’s not. Self-publishing (or indie publishing as it’s known
by insiders) is no longer the also-ran choice for authors who
want to put their books out into the world. It’s fast becoming
a respectable industry in its own right and one that enables
many to make a living more easily than they could via the
mainstream publishing route.
As an author who was previously trade-published, but is now
stepping into the indie-publishing world, I’m keen to discover
all I can about the business. To this end, I’ve been asking some
successful self-published writers for advice...
Why self-publish?
Perhaps the question should be, why not? Whether you’re still
planning your book, or have one ready to go, consider that indie
publishing might be preferable to submitting your work the
traditional way – and handing over control in the process.
Author Debbie Young, who self-published the first of her
Cotswolds-set cosy mystery novels in 2012, always intended
to do it herself. Looking back, she says: ‘New technology
and online marketplaces were opening up exciting new
opportunities on a global scale for self-published authors.’
She also adds that self-publishing ‘earns you potentially much
higher royalties per book’ than a traditional contract would.
This is because of a more direct relationship between author
and reader. If you buy an indie-published paperback online, you
92
might not realise that the product itself is only printed once
you click ‘buy’. It’s then dispatched to your address, and the
author receives a percentage of the sale. E-books, of course, are
delivered directly to your device, with some online booksellers
offering the author up to 70 per cent royalties on each sale.
The other advantage is control. An indie publisher gets the
final say on everything from the cover design to the marketing
plan. As Debbie says: ‘In a big publishing house you’re a small
part of a giant machine.’
The basics
Of course, you have to write a book, but what happens after
that? Nick Alexander’s self-published novel The Half-Life
of Hannah (see overleaf) was named in 2015 as the fourth
bestselling indie-published Kindle title of all time. He advises
ensuring your manuscript is of ‘publishable quality’ before you
do anything else. ‘That generally means you’ve paid to have it
professionally proofread and copy-edited, among other things.’
Then you’ll need to format your book so it’s ready to be
published as an e-book, a paperback or both. Some bookselling
websites have programmes that make this as easy for you
as possible – or you can learn how to do it yourself, or pay a
professional. Next, excitingly, you get to hire a cover designer
– or maybe even design your own book jacket – and decide
which ‘look’ you want to represent your book at its best.
After that, upload your e-book file to either a distributor’s or
a bookseller’s website, and you’ll see it available online almost
immediately. Paperbacks go through a slightly longer process,
but there’s nothing more satisfying than having your own
physical book in your hands, which you can sell yourself at
events or give to friends. After that, in reality, there is nothing
more you need to do. Self-publishing gets your book out into the
world relatively cheaply, which would have been unthinkable
just a few years ago. You can even do it for free, if your aim is
simply to make it available for others to read.
Turn over for more tips on how to do-it-yourself
 The professional
To make a profit, and possibly turn self-publishing into a
source of income, you’ll need to market and promote your book
online and in person. In 2014, novelist Sarah Rayner decided
to self-publish her first non-fiction book, Making Friends with
Anxiety, inspired by the positive responses she received after
blogging about her episodes of poor mental health. She suggests
analysing your skillset if you want to turn self-publishing
into a living: ‘Ask yourself if you’re good at networking, highly
organised and prepared to blow your own trumpet.’
Sarah already had a good understanding of marketing based
on her background in advertising copywriting, and used her
skills to turn Making Friends… into a bestseller. Since then,
she’s published several other self-help titles, including regularly
updating her first book to keep it relevant.
Yet what if you know nothing about promotion? ‘Don’t worry.
Anyone who can write a book is capable of running an author
enterprise,’ says Orna Ross, a novelist, poet and writer of books
to help indie authors succeed, including Creative Self-Publishing:
Make and Sell Your Books Your Way.
Orna is also the director of the Alliance of Independent
Authors, a non-profit organisation that hosts resources for indie
writers, including an online forum where any questions on the
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business can be posted and answered within minutes. ‘Learn
all you can about the craft of publishing and creative digital
business,’ she advises. ‘You will learn and grow as you go, so
don’t feel you have to know everything in advance.’
Go for it
And who knows? Even without a traditional publishing deal,
you might have a bestseller on your hands. Nick Alexander,
whose mix of self- and traditionally published novels have sold
more than 1.5 million copies, says: ‘If people who’ve promised
to give you honest feedback are telling you they raced through
your novel and you really do feel ready to produce, package and
market your novel yourself then I would definitely say go for it.’
It’s also empowering. There’s no better feeling than to see
your novel published and know you did it all yourself. ‘There’s
never been a better time to be a writer,’ says Debbie – and, as
ILLUSTRATIONS: SOPHIE MINTO
Orna adds: ‘It’s not a lot of work at all when you consider the
potential rewards.’
Words: Stephanie Lam
Stephanie recently pressed ‘publish’ on her self-help book Unfrazzle.
Debbie Young’s latest novel, Stranger at St Bride’s, is available now.
FIVE SELF-PUBLISHED BOOKS
THAT BROKE THE MOULD

The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter (1902)

Frustrated by publishers who wanted her to compromise her
artistic vision, the author designed and printed 250 copies of
her book for personal distribution. Its appealing look led to a
publishing deal, and vegetable thief Peter and his escape from
a pie-related fate became a classic of children’s literature.

Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (1925)

As The Hogarth Press, the Woolfs published hundreds of
titles from their home in Richmond, including this modernist,
stream-of-consciousness classic of a day in the life of a
middle-class woman. Orna says: ‘The Woolfs were unfailingly true
to their creative vision as writers, publishers and business owners.’

Still Alice by Lisa Genova (2007)

After a year of querying literary agents to no avail, the
neuroscientist self-published her novel about a woman with
early-onset Alzheimer’s. It took a year before the buzz around
her book became loud enough that she was offered a six-figure
publishing deal. It has, she wrote, ‘been the ride of my life’.

Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James (2011)

It might have its detractors but this 125 million-copy
bestseller is proof that you needn’t craft impeccable prose
to be a self-publishing phenomenon. The success came from
writing something that millions of people really wanted to read.

The Half-Life of Hannah by Nick Alexander (2014)

With a south-of-France holiday setting and an engaging writing
style, The Half-Life of Hannah has clocked up more than 300,000
e-book sales. The author went on to get a mainstream book deal
after years of rejections, proving, as he says, that: ‘The easiest
way to get publishers interested is to show that you can be
successful without them.’ Beatrix Potter – and many of her fellow
indie authors – would agree.

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 Don’t make
do – mend
Meet the textile worker making a statement
with his visible mending programme

Mending garments is not about making do any more. In a

culture of disposable fashion, choosing to mend something
makes a statement: whether that’s about art, craft,
sustainability or something else. Brighton-based textiles
practitioner Tom van Deijnen makes his statement through
the Visible Mending Programme, in which he mends holes
and other flaws in fabrics using contrasting shades, so that the
repair – instead of being hidden in the original appearance of
the garment – becomes a key part of its new look.
‘The programme seeks to highlight that the art and
craftsmanship of clothes repair is particularly relevant in a
world where more and more people voice their dissatisfaction
with fashion’s throwaway culture,’ Tom says.
‘By exploring the story behind garment and repair, the
programme reinforces the relationship between the wearer and
garment, leading to people wearing their existing clothes for
longer, with the beautiful darn worn as a badge of honour.
‘Through my blog, darning workshops and repair work
commissions, I provide mending inspiration, skills and
services to people, while also hopefully persuading them that
shop-bought clothes deserve care and attention too, just like
a precious hand-knit.’
For those who may be thinking of the old World War Two
adage, Tom says: ‘I don’t like using the phrase “make do and
mend” to refer to my work. It came about when people didn’t
have much choice but to try to make things last, as there was
very little to go round. When clothing became much more
affordable after that period, people mainly started to choose
to replace rather than mend. I make a conscious decision to
repair. It all ties in with a growing interest in sustainability and
also issues around fast fashion. Mending is one way to address
some of those.’
Tom works mostly with wool and says he enjoys creating
and repairing knitted objects. ‘I like to do things that take
forever, as it allows me to gain a deep understanding of material
qualities and the traditional techniques I use for making and
mending contemporary objects.’ As well as sustainability, Tom
is interested in the ‘rich textile history around wool in this
country’ and as a result, likes to ‘explore the boundaries of when
the life of a woollen garment – and, by extension, any object
– starts and ends’.
He says: ‘By exploring the motivations, I favour not the
new and perfect but the old and imperfect, as that allows me
to highlight the relationship between garment and wearer.

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My interest in using traditional techniques for creating and
repairing means that textiles used for both processes are in
constant conversation with each other.’
Tom was taught to knit by his mother when he was at
primary school. ‘I vaguely remember knitting a little cabled and
striped scarf for my teddy bear but not enjoying the process
very much,’ he says. ‘Then I took up knitting again as an adult
when I saw a very expensive scarf in a boutique. I haven’t put my
needles down since.’
It was after knitting his first pair of socks that he first got
really interested in mending knits, though he had repaired
clothes ‘here and there’ before then. He says he wore the socks
‘with much pride, after grappling with all those needles and
getting my head around a heelflap’.
Tom recalls: ‘In the beginning, I tried to do my repairs
invisibly but that turned out to be very difficult. So instead
of having repairs visible by accident or a bad mending job,
I decided to turn that upside down and make it visible on
purpose. This also allows you to be creative in your choice
of darning thread and what techniques to use.’
What started as a hobby slowly grew into a business teaching
workshops and taking repair commissions. This was partly
thanks to support from Rachael Matthews and Louise Harries, run a workshop, there’s always a bit of an ebb and flow to it.
who ran the haberdashery and knitting shop Prick Your Finger Generally once people have grasped the technique, a quiet
in London’s Bethnal Green at the time Tom was starting out. concentration descends on the class and people often comment
‘They were both very encouraging and it’s where I ran my very on how they were “in the flow” and found the whole experience
first workshops,’ he recalls. very meditative.’
Tom also volunteers at the Brighton Repair Café, a monthly His advice for those keen to try out visible mending is to
event where residents can come and get help with repairs for look for inspiration online and on social media, using the
anything, ranging from garments to small electrical goods, hashtag #visiblemending. ‘Then just get stuck in,’ he says. ‘If
bicycles and more. The repair café is just one of a number you’re not sure about a certain technique, try it out first on an
of such events around the world and Tom says it’s part of a old swatch. I have plenty of those lying around from all my
growing interest in fixing and mending. He’s also working on knitting projects.’
a couple of repair commissions and hand-stitching himself
some shirts. ‘This process is something that I really enjoy and
would like to get really proficient at, so it’s all about practice.’ Words: Christine Boggis
Tom says he gets many of the same benefits and frustrations
from visible mending as he does from knitting. ‘Whenever I Find out more at tomofholland.com.

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 Just for laughs
It might help to have funny bones when it comes to making people giggle,
but it’s not essential to get them roaring in the rafters
‘I never actually thought I was funny. You may think I don’t
have any talent and I guarantee you I had no talent. None.’
Legendary comedian Steve Martin makes this self-deprecating
admission at the beginning of his How to Be a Comedian tutorial
on masterclass.com, an instructional website where artists
share insights about their craft.
Not exactly what you’d expect from a star with a gilded career
in comedy that spans 50 years of stand-up success, Hollywood
movies, bestselling books, sell-out plays and Broadway credits.
And as a pianist and banjo player – an integral part of his
comedy act – Martin earned himself Emmy, Grammy and
American Comedy awards.
The point he makes here is that you don’t need talent to be
funny. You need hard work, persistence and focus to master the
art of humour. No talent? No problem. ‘This is a controversial
matter and can split a room,’ says Brian West, founder of Think
Funny comedy writing course in London.
‘A lot of people in the comedy industry don’t think you
can teach someone to be funny. Personally I disagree, it’s
possible to take anyone and give them the skills to go on stage
and get laughs.’
And Brian has the experience to back this up. He’s written
for sketch shows and co-created comedy series for Channel 4,
ITV and MTV. He has been a senior producer and talent scout
for the BBC’s online comedy unit and worked on more than
500 comedy shows on the London circuit and at the Edinburgh
Fringe. He usually runs his six-week comedy course with his
partner Georgina in the belly of one of London’s most iconic
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comedy venues, Downstairs at The Kings Head, in north
London. The recent pandemic, however, has forced them
to temporarily take it online.
‘If writing funny stuff was easy, everyone would be doing
it,’ says Brian. ‘It isn’t easy, it’s hard to make people laugh
and if you’re going to go all the way you do need to have
“funny bones”. But, yes on a basic level, it can be taught.
I can show people the techniques – callback, repetition,
cross purposes – that, when used correctly, will make an
audience laugh, guaranteed.’
What makes someone want to learn how to write and
perform comedy varies. A best man speech or work presentation
are popular motivations as is overcoming a fear of public
speaking. Sometimes a person can just be curious to test out
whether they have funny bones.
Not everyone signing up is a natural performer nor will
they come out of it with a Netflix special in their sights, but
that doesn’t matter. Brian says it’s often a surprising process:
‘There is a sense of jumping out of an airplane when you turn
up to that first class,’ he reveals. ‘Telling jokes in the pub is very
different to telling jokes on stage in front of a live audience.
‘But it’s about building confidence and the only way to do
that is in front of a group of people. It’s not your comfort zone,
but psychologists say it’s good for us to step out of our comfort
zone. Everyone taking the course is on their own journey.’
Like talent, having bags of confidence is not a prerequisite
to being funny. ‘Usually it’s the quiet, shy people off-stage that
tend to be the strongest comedians on stage,’ says Brian. ‘When
99
 ‘The difference between male comedy writers
and female comedy writers is that the male
ones are taller and weigh more’
TINA FEY
you go to Edinburgh, the quiet guy sitting in the corner is
most likely to be the comedian rather than the loud
motormouth by the bar.’
Take comedian Bob Mortimer. Speaking on Radio 4’s Desert
Island Discs in February last year, he opened up about his
lifelong battle with debilitating shyness, which he only began
to overcome when he met longtime comedy partner Vic Reeves.
‘My shyness probably defined the first 30 years of my life
really,’ he told interviewer Lauren Laverne. ‘It’s a crippling
thing. It can be very lonely, knowing that you’ve got things
to say but can’t say them. It’s a terribly crippling thing for a
youngster.’ And he’s not the only one.
Fellow comedian Greg Davies says he tackles shyness by
‘wrapping himself in the protective cloak of comedy’ and even
the legendary Joan Rivers once described feeling uncomfortable
chatting to people one-on-one despite performing stand-up in
front of thousands of people and making them laugh.
With stand-up comedy, you find out whether it works or not
on the spot, in real time and in front of an audience, and that
is a daunting prospect. ‘We’ve had our fair share of meltdowns,’
says Brian, before adding, ‘but once people relax into it they
see comedy changes your view of the world. It can alter your
perception of life and make you look at things in a cup half-full
sense instead of a cup half-empty.’
Only when you begin to ‘think funny’ can you embrace an
ability to see the bright side of even the most difficult situations.
‘The first Covid-19 joke someone tweeted that made me laugh
out loud read: “This weekend all the family are going onto
Zoom and we’re playing Pictionary together. For the love of god
someone find a vaccine.” That takes a worst-case scenario and
makes it funny.’
Brian reveals being bullied at school set him on a path
towards a career in comedy. ‘I used to carry a little book of jokes
around in my pocket and I can consciously remember gagging
my way out of many difficult situations at school.’ It’s a story he
has heard time and time again.
‘So many famous comedians I’ve met have told me the
reason they started being funny was to stop themselves being
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bullied,’ he says. ‘It’s like an inbuilt defence mechanism.’
US-based comedian, author and the world’s first humour
engineer Andrew Tarvin agrees. ‘When you can laugh at
something, it takes away its power over you,’ he says. ‘Humour
is a tool and a skill anyone can learn – just like cooking or
playing a piano, but I believe humour is also a choice that
you make every day as a way to be more responsible for your
own happiness.’
Andrew, who coaches people on how to get better results in
life by having more fun, employs what he calls a ‘humour habit’
and we can all embrace it. He says: ‘Think, what is one thing
that you can do each hour that brings a smile to your face or
someone else’s? While we may not always have the same access
to some of the things that we use to de-stress – whether it’s
being tied up at work, with no sign of being let out, or not being
able to visit a friend – we can still laugh. We can still find ways
to find joy day-to-day.’
For instance, Andrew likes to read emails in a different accent
in his head. ‘It makes me laugh,’ he says. ‘No one can control
how you think. Humour is a choice and a shift in mindset. I
don’t think funny things happen to people, I think funny people
see the world in a funny way.’
He believes the anxiety surrounding comedy dissipates when
we reframe it as simply spreading. All you have to do is give it a
try. Be willing to jump out of that plane. ‘You can take ideas you
learn from the world of comedy and apply them to everyday life,
from nailing work presentations to improving your own stress
management,’ he says.
‘Comedy is something people are intimidated by at first
but once they get into it they realise that they can learn so much
ILLUSTRATIONS: CHIARA LANZIERI
from it. They also realise it’s actually a ton of fun.’ And if you
want your name in lights like Steve Martin, what’s his advice?
‘Be so good they can’t ignore you,’ he has said. No
talent? No problem.
Words: Judy Cogan
You can find Andrew Tarvin on Twitter @drewtarvin.
Brian shares five comedic techniques
that will make you instantly funnier
1. Rule of three. A trio is more humorous and rhythmic
than any other number. The way it works in stand-up is:
1 – introduce; 2 – reinforce and throw out all expectations on
the third point.
2. Repetition. Simply saying the same word over and over
again will get a laugh: think Alan Partridge shouting ‘Dan!’ over
and over in a car park in the eponymous BBC series. Step it up
from a word to a sentence and you have yourself a catchphrase.
3. Substitution. Swapping something for its complete
opposite – the stampeding jockeys sketch in BBC’s Big Train,
starring Simon Pegg and Julia Davies, is the perfect example.
4. Reversal. Things or concepts change places. A good
example comes from BBC classic Goodness Gracious Me, where
a group of Indian friends ‘go out for an English’.
5. Crossed purposes. When people think they’re talking
about the same thing but the reality is the complete opposite
– think Ronnies Barker and Corbett at odds discussing ‘four
candles’ and ‘fork handles’ in their famous BBC sketch.

For more tips on how to be funny, visit thinkfunny.co.uk.

101
 ESCAPE
‘All that is important is this
one moment in movement…
Do not let it slip away
unnoticed and unused’
Martha Graham
 Seductive sunsets
Watching the very last rays of day fade into the horizon is a wonderful time to ponder
the world. But what’s actually going on in the sky to create those varying hues, from
tepid pinks to blazing reds, and why does this daily spectacle evoke such deep feelings?

Whether peaceful or dramatic, a captivating sunset is a
source of wonder. No matter where you are or what you’re
doing, the silent descent of that massive ball of fire and ensuing
sky awash with colour and light never fails to command
attention. Symbolic of the passage of time and the end of a
day’s activities and experiences, sundown is deeply evocative.
It rouses emotion, inspires contemplation and provides precious
moments to count one’s blessings and joys before the ushering
in of night.
In his book Pale Blue Dot, American astronomer Carl Sagan
writes: ‘It does no harm to the romance of the sunset to know
a little bit about it.’ So what’s behind this daily occurrence?
Why do some display tranquil tones, while others fill the sky
with vibrant flames? What conditions impact the event that
has inspired poets, musicians, artists and philosophers since
the beginning of time? Well, if you had the time to spend every
evening of the year observing sundown, you’d realise that
no two are the same. Depending on where you are, the weather
conditions and time of year, colours can range from strikingly
vivid to a more muted palette, with the hues changing every
moment as the light fades.
Sunset science
The strength and tones of colour of a sunset result from a
phenomenon called scattering – which is when the direction
of light rays is changed by molecules and small particles in the
atmosphere. What the human eye sees is just a small fraction
of the electromagnetic spectrum. The Met Office website
explains: ‘When the sun is very low in the sky, the sunlight
we see has travelled through a much thicker amount of
atmosphere. Because blue light (which has a shorter wavelength)
is scattered more strongly by the atmosphere, it tends to be

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scattered several times and deflected away in other directions
before it gets to us. This means that there is relatively more
yellow and red light left for us to see.’
Air pollution can also impact a sunset’s beauty by
weakening its colour. Meteorologist Stephen Corfidi writes
in Weatherwise magazine: ‘Airborne pollutants do more than
soften sky colours. They also enhance the attenuation of both
direct and scattered light, especially when the sun is low in
the sky. This reduces the total amount of light that reaches
the ground, robbing sunsets (and sunrises) of brilliance and
intensity. Thus, twilight colours at the surface on dusty
or hazy days tend to be muted and subdued, though purer
oranges and reds persist in the cleaner air above.’
This explains why a muted, muddy sunset at ground level,
caused by large pollution particles in the lower atmosphere,
gives rise to the brighter and more vivid colours often seen
by pilots or air travellers at higher altitudes, where the air
is more pure.
So, clean air is essential for a vivid sunset, but what about
the impact of clouds? It seems that the presence of a few
middle- or high-level ones can add eye-catching shape and
texture to the display. And depending on the wind direction,
clouds can ripple and billow to form a brilliant array of colour
and light, offering the perfect photo opportunity.
The evening sky can also appear more dramatic after a storm.
Departing weather systems with slanting bands of cloud can
render a sort of reflective screen that captures more orange
and red light – and the effects can be particularly striking
after rain has cleared the atmosphere of particles.
But conversely, can a beautiful, glowing sunset forecast
the weather? Well, it seems that old saying ‘Red sky at night,
shepherd’s delight’ holds some truth. According to the Met
Office, a crimson sky at sunset means high pressure is moving
in from the west and this often suggests that the next day
will usually be dry and pleasant.
Splendid rays
Whereas a sunrise is a wonderful wake-up prompt, a call to
action to make the best of the day, sunsets – be they sublime
or dramatic – offer space to reflect, ponder and meditate.
Although seeing a sunset can evoke feelings of melancholy for
the moments passed, it’s an ideal time to sit quietly, practise
gratitude or just be. And once the sun has retired for the day,
leaving you with those splendid last rays, you can rest into the
equally significant presence of night.
As the American poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:
‘Every sunset brings the promise of a new dawn.’ Spending
a few moments observing a blazing evening sky is a reminder
that tomorrow offers a fresh start.
From Australia to Zanzibar, turn the page for a glimpse
of some of the world’s best sunset destinations
105
 SPECTACULAR SUNSETS
You can experience the sense of peace and awe no matter where you are, but to enjoy a truly
spectacular show, you might want to add one (or more) of the following destinations to your travel list
Great Ocean Road, Victoria, Australia
Drive along this rugged coastal route
and if you time it right, you’ll be treated
to an incredible display of colour as the
sun goes down. Even better, stop at the
Apostle’s visitor centre off the shore of
Port Campbell National Park to view
the blazing evening glow on the natural
limestone rock towers, known as the
Twelve Apostles, that stand in these
dramatic coastal waters. It’s a stunning
backdrop and a perfect photo opportunity.
Grand Canyon, Arizona, US
This natural wonder is breathtaking at any
time of day, but taking in its magnificence
at sundown is truly awe-inspiring. One of
the best places to view is at Hopi Point
at South Rim. With good conditions, the
canyon dazzles like it’s on fire, displaying
brilliant colour and dancing light.
106
Bali, Indonesia
No visit to Bali is complete without
basking in the incredible luminosity of an
Indonesian sunset. There are plenty of
sunset bars and seafront restaurants on
the island, such as Seminyak or Jimbaran
Bay, where you can take a seat to enjoy
the view. Another stunning viewpoint
is from the incredible cliff-side Uluwatu
Temple. Relax into the evening’s mood
and watch as the sun seemingly dips and
disappears into the sea.
Isle of Skye, Scotland
Sunset from any Scottish isle can be truly
memorable, but there’s a beautiful spot
by Skye’s Trotternish Ridge that’s
particularly special. Photographers
especially often gather at Quiraing, which
is considered to be the place to capture
the evening’s incredible light show on
these high cliffs and pinnacles of rock.
It’s dramatic and magical.
Cairo, Egypt
There is something mystical and
timeless about watching the red-hot sun
descending behind the towering Great
Pyramids. By witnessing this incredible
spectacle, it’s easy to understand why
ancient Egyptians worshipped Ra, their
sun god. Take a sunset tour by camel
or horse over the Giza desert dunes.
Bathed in colourful hazy rays, the
landscape is mesmerising and it feels
like the observer falls under a spell as
the day comes to a close.
Atacama Desert, Chile
This arid plain, classed as the world’s
driest desert, is a stunning setting to
watch the sun melt into the horizon. Made
up of salt flats, sand and lava flows and
dotted with fertile oases, the Atacama
is more than 20 million years old. Take a
sunset excursion to the Valley of the Moon
for an unforgettable sight. It’s like you’re
standing on another planet.
 Zanzibar
Just off the coast of Tanzania, this exotic
island offers its visitors the most amazing
African sunsets. Take a boat tour in a
traditional dhow and cruise along the
coastline and around small islands while
taking in the arresting and timeless
spectacle. Or find a quiet spot on one of
the isle’s tropical shores, and soak up the
flaming red sky as the sun sinks beneath
the waves.
Maasai Mara National Reserve, Kenya
If you’re planning a safari break, make sure
you catch the sunset. One of the optimal
places to see it is at this Kenyan reserve.
ILLUSTRATIONS: KATHERINE BUCHANAN
There’s something really special about
immersing your senses in the theatre of
light that washes over this incredible,
natural domain. It’s an opportunity to
enjoy the evening’s vast sky, the cooler
air and the song of the wild.
Words: Carol Anne Strange
Beachy Head, UK
With such a mixed bag of weather
conditions all year round, the UK’s
sunsets are rarely boring. From peaceful
to dramatic, there are many places to
witness the evening’s colourful sky but
the splendid southeast coastline in Sussex
with its chalky white cliffs is perfect. Head
to the shore overlooking Beachy Head
lighthouse for spectacular views.
Siem Reap, Cambodia
If you don’t mind sharing the evening’s
show with a crowd, visit the Phnom
Bakheng temple at Siem Reap. From
this hilltop setting, enjoy the gathering
anticipation as the setting sun shimmers
on Tonlé Sap lake, the sweet water reserve
in southeast Asia. Breathe deeply and feel
gratitude for this wonderful light show as
the sun bows out in this ancient place.
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 Wooden wonders
The meditative pleasures of chopping and stacking logs 
Few images conjure up a warm, cosy feeling better than that
of a crackling wood fire. It speaks of warming toes after a
long country walk, of hot drinks and good books, of toasting
marshmallows and seasonal celebrations. Where better to
hunker down for winter than in front of a log fire?
A fire is a beautiful thing to just sit and watch, as the flames
flicker and dance around the wood at first, then consuming
it so that the whole log glows white hot. Blue flames sputter
then undulate upwards as trapped gases within the wood are
released and burn, sparks fly and dozing pets twitch as the log
slips within the grate.
The physical and mental benefits of chopping wood for logs
make it a particularly constructive and meditative activity.
Chopping – or, more accurately, splitting – logs is a simple,
repetitive task that nonetheless requires complete focus.
The same physical actions are performed again and again:
pick up a log, place it on the block, swing the axe, pick up and
toss the split logs onto the pile. It’s physically demanding work
108
that requires attention on the breath and balance, and complete
awareness of one’s whole body. The effort raises the heart rate
and releases endorphins (chemicals that induce a happy feeling
in the brain). The concentration that the task demands also
ensures that the log-splitter is entirely in the moment – there’s
no room for wandering thoughts when it’s necessary to fix so
completely on the line that the axe will take on the log, not to
mention each stage of the physical movement needed to bring
the axe down accurately and safely on that line.
While the satisfying repetitive thunk of axe on wood brings
all the benefits of meditation with added movement, there’s also
a wider feeling of pride and purpose to be gained from splitting
logs and stacking them ready for winter. Providing fuel for the
fire – a means to keep everyone warm over winter – is to fulfil
a basic need of life, as ancient as humankind itself.
Preparing for the future – and feeling secure in that
preparation – engenders the same satisfaction as laying down
jars of jams and pickles during summer gluts. It means looking

forward to the darkening nights, while still enjoying the
bounties of summer and autumn. When it comes to burning the
wood, the ash can be returned to the compost pile and then the
garden, where it’ll feed and nourish the plants and trees again
in a never-ending circle.
Know your wood
There are plenty of online tutorials for the best way to split logs,
but there’s no substitute for experience. Practice makes perfect,
so the saying goes, and the more often the axe thuds down onto
the log, the more obvious the best splitting line becomes and the
more accurately the axe hits home every time.
Take note as well of the type of wood – oak logs will split and
burn differently to pine, and cherry differently to ash. Look
at the bark pattern and colour to identify it with a guide, but
also be mindful of the thickness of the bark compared with
ILLUSTRATION: LORNA DOLBY-STEVENS
the centre wood, how soft or hard it is, the grain and the rings.
Paying attention in this way not only further anchors you in the
moment, but also helps in splitting the wood effectively.
Finally, stacking the logs can be a similarly meditative process
– it’s a repetitive physical action that requires mental focus
to assess the shape and size of each log and how to fit them
together for the best use of space. There’s an art to stacking
logs and, in a way, the log pile itself forms a work of art, a final
satisfying flourish after a hard day’s work.
TIPS FOR SPLITTING SUCCESS
• Use the right tools. A splitting axe of a good
weight will be heavier to lift but give more heft when
it comes down on the log. Make sure the blade is
sharp and the handle oiled after using – this keeps it
smooth for the next time, so it won’t cause blisters.
• Use a strong and steady block on which to split
the logs to avoid dulling the blade in the ground and
to reduce the bending required.
• Be safe – wear decent footwear with steel toe
caps if possible and (sun)glasses or safety goggles to
protect from flying splinters.
• Avoid trying to split logs with knots or branches
through them, it’s generally not worth the enormous
effort required.
• Stack the split logs somewhere in the open
air but protected from the rain for the best air
circulation and fastest seasoning process.
What is seasoned wood?
This describes wood that’s been logged then dried in the open
air over a year or so, or faster within a kiln. This lowers its
moisture content so it smokes less when burned and therefore
gives off fewer pollutants. It’s more expensive than unseasoned
wood, but more efficient to burn. Unseasoned (also known as
wet, or green wood) logs are those that are sold soon after the
tree has been felled.
Words: Holly Farrell
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 Blister in the sun
A personal journey of pilgrimage that led to renewed inner strength and understanding
‘Expect nothing. Prepare as little as possible.’ Stepping out of
his front door on a fresh autumn morning in 2012, Christophe
Vandewalle would carry this advice throughout his upcoming
80-day pilgrimage. Travelling from his home in Belgium, he
planned to follow the Camino de Santiago trail, a walk that
would take him all the way to Spain’s north-west coast.
The 23-year-old’s interest in the journey had been piqued by a
teacher at secondary school and, despite being an inexperienced
traveller or hiker, he was motivated by a strong desire to pull
himself out of ‘a dark spell’ that had lasted for most of his
later teenage years: ‘I wanted to start life 2.0,’ says Christophe,
‘and leave behind what I could. I was convinced the Camino
was going to help me.’ His plans came together smoothly and
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swiftly and, on completion of university, he loaded up his 15kg
backpack, kissed his family goodbye and took his first steps into
the great unknown. His destination: Santiago de Compostela.
Medieval in origin, the Camino de Santiago is a journey that
was taken by pilgrims to pay homage to Saint James. Legend
has it that the boat carrying his remains was lost in a storm
off Spain’s northern coast but the apostle’s body somehow
made it to shore, discovered undamaged and covered in scallop
shells. It was taken for burial to Santiago, giving the city its
name – Santiago de Compostela, which means St James of
the Field of Stars.
In the years since, many thousands of people, who come
from homelands far and wide, have walked to the city. Their
journey might start from a country, town or place outside
their birthplace or, like Christophe, begin at their very own
doorstep. Some are motivated by their faith, but just as many
follow the trail for secular and personal reasons. But while their
inspirations vary, their goal is the same – to travel by foot to the
Catedral de Santiago, a sight that has brought many to tears.
Along the way
There are myriad routes leading to the destination, but
the most popular is the Camino Francés. Starting in
Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port on the French/Spanish border, the
trail spans 800km across the northern territories of Spain,
crossing the Pyrenees and traversing the desert-like meseta
or plateau before ending in Santiago de Compostela.
The path is signposted with yellow arrows and bronze shells,
representing St James’s scallop shroud, which are found on
trees, paths and posts. They’ve become emblematic on every
route leading to the city. Many pilgrims also choose to tie a
scallop shell to their backpacks, symbolising their commitment
to the journey and to their fellow pilgrims. Those hiking the
Camino often band together, creating a special community of
blistered and sometimes broken people whose efforts are helped
by locals, who open up their homes and offer the weary hikers
food, water, medical supplies and even a place to rest. Pilgrims
themselves can be seen sharing snacks, route information and
even drinking wine from scallop shells.
Old monasteries and churches serve as sleeping quarters,
encouraging communal living and shared space. These
albergues (pilgrim hostels), funded by a pay-what-you-can
donation, are generally run by volunteers who sometimes cook
evening meals and perform choral ceremonies.
For these reasons, the Camino de Santiago has often been
referred to as The Way. Belongings are minimal, comprising a
few items of clothing, a pair of boots and a book or journal for
the duration of the trail – if it doesn’t fit into a small backpack,
it doesn’t make it. The experience takes the pilgrim back to
basics and offers an opportunity for introspection. Communing
with nature on a daily basis, footsteps become life’s melody.
Meditative in its continuity, long-distance walking has been
said to change the body and mind in countless ways. Many
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 ‘There is of course a deep spiritual need which the pilgrimage seems to
satisfy, particularly for those hardy enough to tackle the journey on foot’
EDWIN MULLINS

believe The Way serves as a metaphor for life – a teacher

and ultimately a healer, the journey becomes less about the

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / OPPOISTE AND RIGHT: CHRISTOPHE VANDEWALLE

physical act of walking and more about the transformative
nature of the spirit.

Field of Stars
For Christophe, the experience showed him how to explore
his own physical and mental burdens. He began his journey
lacking self-confidence, with low self-esteem and anxious about
talking to other people. He had no real idea as to how far he
would get and his journey was almost cut short several times by
agonising knee pain and blisters. The compassion and support
of strangers and fellow pilgrims gave him the support and
strength he needed to recover and keep going. As he walked,
people to whom he would once have been fearful of talking to
became friends and then family.
And 81 days later – 48 of them solitary – and 2,000km from
home, Christophe descended into the Field of Stars. Arm in
arm with his Camino family, he stood in front of La Catedral
de Santiago and came to an extraordinary conclusion: ‘I was
liberated. I found what I was looking for, the challenge I needed
to change and the circumstances to face my fears. It was the

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best therapy I ever had.’ The Camino de Santiago brought him
a sense of belonging, greater personal understanding and a
profound inner strength. It also gave him a desire to keep on
walking – he has since undertaken three more long-distance
pilgrimages, one in Spain and the others in Italy and Norway.
He has observed the individual difficulties and beauties of each
trail, realising that, much like life, not every road will suit every
person. But each offers the invitation to return to the rich roots
of life – blisters and all.

Words: Sophie Carthy

Many pilgrimages have been affected by the recent pandemic,

with host countries opting to limit numbers, and some of those
en route asking walkers to follow appropriate safety measures.

Camino de Santiagio is only one of many pilgrimages. Turn the page

for five more faith-based and secular examples around the world

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 WHERE THE PILGRIMS WALK
There are many significant trails around the world, both faith-based and secular. Here are five of the most famous:
Via Francigena
(Below) One of the oldest pilgrimages – dating back to 990CE – it
runs from Canterbury Cathedral to the Vatican City and is said to
lead pilgrims to the tombs of the apostles Peter and Paul.
St Olavsleden
Stretching approximately 575km, it makes its way from
Selånger in Sweden to Nidaros Cathedral in Trondheim, Norway.
The trail, which is marked with the St Olav symbol, was originally
walked in commemoration of Saint Olaf, King of Norway from
1015 to 1028.
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Hajj
(Above) This is the annual pilgrimage made by Muslims to the
holy city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia, in the Middle East. It takes
place during Dhu al-Hijjah, which is the final month of the Islamic
calendar. Hajj is an Arabic word, meaning ‘to intend a journey’,
and those who complete the pilgrimage can add the title Hajji to
their names.
Kumbh Mela
(Opposite top) Possibly the largest human gathering on the planet,
this pilgrimage and festival is held in a cycle of approximately
12 years. More than 120 million Hindu devotees (as well as
tourists) travel to four river-bank sites in rotation – the Allahabad,
Haridwar, Nashik and Ujjain – to bathe in the blessed waters
PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
where two sacred rivers, the Ganges and Yamuna, converge.
Kumano Kodo
(Opposite bottom) This network of routes in Japan was developed
as a way for people to move between the sacred areas on the
Kii Peninsula. With no official start or end point, the idea is to
trek through deeply forested mountains in search of the three
Kumano shrines, Hongu Taisha, Hayatama Taisha and Nachi
Taisha, collectively known as Kumano Sanzan.
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 Freedom beats
Moving to musical rhythms can be a great stress-reliever
– what better reason to dance like nobody’s watching?
There’s an episode of the British sitcom Peep Show that takes
place at an ecstatic dance class in London called Rainbow
Rhythms. It’s fertile ground for humour, especially with uptight
Mark (played by David Mitchell) who, confronted by a roomful
of tie-dye-clad people casually limbering up, swinging their
arms back and forth, reaching towards the roof and exhaling
loudly, declares: ‘I’ve walked into my own personal nightmare.’
Ecstatic dance can certainly be a challenge for anyone
who’s faint-hearted or socially reserved. At its core, it’s a free-
form movement with no specific steps and the sole aim of
abandonment without inhibition to the rhythm of the music.
In short, dance like no one’s watching, which for first-timers
can be daunting. I know as I felt exactly the same as Mark
when I walked into my first 5Rhythms ecstatic dance class.
For the first half an hour I felt exposed, self-conscious and
seriously out of place. Loitering on the edge of the ‘dance floor’
in a south-London church, there was nowhere to hide and
I busied myself by stretching my hamstrings. The friend who
had persuaded me to go along on the promise I would shake
out all my stress was nowhere to be seen.
5Rhythms is a dance community founded by American
dancer and musician Gabrielle Roth in 1977 as a dynamic and
therapeutic movement practice. It started in New York and now
has 600 teachers worldwide and more than 100,000 dancers
each week. The rules are simple – no shoes, no drugs, no
alcohol, no phones and no talking on the dance floor.
‘There are two types of people who come to us,’ says
Jonathan Horan, executive director of 5Rhythms and the son
of Gabrielle, who died in 2012. ‘The ones who treat it like a
bit of fun, and the ones who have been through a crisis and
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use that crisis as a bridge to get them to us. They know what
we’re all about and it works for them.’ At its most basic level
ecstatic dance is a fun cardio workout with a feel-good rush of
endorphins guaranteed. At a deeper level it’s therapy and, in
5Rhythms’ case, draws from indigenous and world traditions
and shamanistic, ecstatic, mystical and eastern philosophy with
carefully structured sessions made up of five stages (or rhythms,
see overleaf) – Flowing, Staccato, Chaos, Lyrical, Stillness –
which help people lose themselves in movement.
‘The intimidating factor is you’re in this big room with all
these strangers and you have to learn to dance with yourself
and for some people that’s a challenge,’ says Jonathan. ‘We
encourage people to partner up initially and this brings up all
kinds of things too, but it’s through these partnerships you
learn to dance by yourself and really let go.’
An hour or so into my first ecstatic dance experience, I felt
a shift. I noticeably relaxed and realised I was having fun
surrounded by more than 100 people jigging and frolicking.
When a conga broke out in one corner, I couldn’t help but smile,
knowing I was part of something special in that moment.
With no chit-chat, we could all focus on our moves free of
judgment. ‘When you take conversation out, relationships can
be pretty amazing,’ says Jonathan. ‘Movement is medicine and
you’re working out all your tension through the dance and
then you’re just in it and you hit the zone – it’s a bit of a trance-
like state.’ There’s no need for discussion.
The real beauty is everybody can go just at their own level and
follow their own sense of rhythm. ‘It’s all about learning what
your edge is and dancing right up to it,’ says Jonathan. ‘You
find yourself on that beautiful edge of exploration – learning
 and growing, be that physically, emotionally, psychologically.’
Communities have danced ritual celebrations for centuries, but
only in the past 50 years has the west caught on to the health
benefits dancing offers the mind and body, while discovering
the two are inextricably linked.
In the UK in recent years psychotherapeutic dance has
been made available on the NHS as a type of art therapy for
people with mental health problems. The American Cancer
Society and the American Dance Therapy Association have
also completed studies that show dance and movement therapy
helps to boost body image and self-esteem while reducing
anxiety, isolation and depression. Movement really is medicine.
According to Jonathan, what they do at 5Rhythms is worlds
apart from the recent deluge of DJ-led glitter-bombs that are
sober raves, such as Morning Gloryville and Daybreaker. He
says: ‘The book Maps to Ecstasy by Gabrielle Roth is where
all ecstatic dance was born from in the modern age, but (most)
ecstatic dance is a party and 5Rhythms is a practice with clear
intentions. It’s about learning and it offers a space to go into the
deeper realms of being a human being – body, heart, mind, ego,
life cycles, it’s about your process.’
New to the ecstatic dance scene, but not lacking in worldwide
impact, comes The Kulam Project. It was launched last year in
ILLUSTRATIONS: MADGA AZAB
Thailand by the musical husband-and-wife team of Israeli Nir
Shraiber and Argentinian Romina Ibaniez. They have since
hosted more than 50 concerts with 250 musicians all over the
world from Portugal to Nicaragua to the UK.
‘Kulam, which means “everyone” in Hebrew, is a free-flowing
and completely improvised live dance journey,’ says Nir. ‘The
audience are invited to forget about their fears, limitations,
and preconceived notions, and surrender to the flow of music,
letting their body be a part of it. It’s a therapy session, it’s a
meditation circle, it’s an opportunity to connect to the most
basic flow of life and just be, right here, right now.’
While Jonathan was born into the 5Rhythms community,
Nir says he comes from a ‘normal dance background’ and has
previously danced at parties, festivals and nightclubs. He says
this allows him to understand all the people ‘who are looking
to find themselves in a hopeless place’ and to give them an
alternative. ‘Women especially can feel free to move and express
themselves in ways they can’t in nightclubs,’ he says.
It seems this sense of freedom to get lost in the music and
oneself is what this is all about, with the fun workout being
a bonus. ‘Ecstatic dance gives you the opportunity to meet
yourself,’ says Nir. ‘There’s such a profound and powerful
connection with yourself and others. The Kulam Project has
grown faster than we ever imagined, and layers are always
being added.’
Unlike other similar outlets, Nir and Romina’s project has
live music, using local musicians in each destination, and
everything is improvised. ‘We play on a real-time frequency.
Nothing is planned and we are immersed in every exact
moment,’ says Nir. ‘Improvised music is a different healing
method in itself and we are the first to go there. The musicians
feed off the dancers and the dancers feed off the musicians and
no one knows what will happen next. You have this beautiful
circle that sets everyone free.’
Want to find out more about 5Rhythms and discover
one person’s experience with ecstatic dance? Turn the page
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 FIVE IS THE MAGIC NUMBER
Jonathan explains the 5Rhythms journey

The important thing to remember is that each of the five rhythms (see below) has its own movement and you don’t imitate anyone –
it’s your dance. Together they create the Wave, a movement meditation practice. Rather than having steps to follow, each rhythm is a
different energy field in which you find your own expression and choreography, stretching your imagination as well as your body. Each
one is a teacher and you can expect to meet different and sometimes unknown aspects of yourself as your dance unfolds and your
practice deepens over time. Here are the 5Rhythms as you will experience them:

FLOWING CHAOS STILLNESS

Circular movements and very earthy.
The first rhythm begins with the feet,
which will remain in constant motion.
The entire body rises and falls, opens and
closes, and sways and spins in a looping
curving motion. The round movements of
flowing lead into the angular, punctuated
ones of the next rhythm.
Let go and dance like you’ve
never danced before.
This feels like a natural progression as
energy builds and shifts and the music
becomes louder and faster. It’s at this
stage you will hear spontaneous cries
of delight or loud guttural yells flying
through the air in wild surrender.
Enter your core with simple movements
led by breath.
There comes a winding down. The
natural exhaustion is matched by spiritual
contemplativeness. Stillness is the fifth
and last rhythm in a 5Rhythms wave.
Dancers move with whatever is left after
all the activity of the first four rhythms.

STACCATO LYRICAL For up-to-date information about the dance

Sharp, jagged and linear movements. Light and playful with repetitive movements. community and events, visit 5Rhythms.com.

In Flowing the dancer is gathering
information and receiving input. In
Staccato, they’re communicating with
purpose and clarity. The hips steer the
body with expressive force. The elbows
and knees cut the air. All movements have
clear beginnings and endings.
Chaos eventually opens the doorway into
the rhythm of Lyrical, which is expanded,
weightless and playful. Lyrical is also the
rhythm that is mostly likely to bring you
to a trance state, you’ll feel ‘in the zone’
but you’ll never know when or if this
will happen. You have to go through the
process to arrive in this state authentically.

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‘I WAS FREE TO BE MYSELF’
Lisa French, 36, from London, discovered
ecstatic dance in January 2019 and was
hooked from the very first session

A need to push myself out of my comfort zone got me to my

first session. My husband and I had decided to get divorced and
the ecstatic dance class was the first time I properly went out
of the house in two months. Going in to the session, I reserved
judgment to my own experience.
I immediately appreciated the freedom and the opportunity to
express myself in a safe space. You can be as active as you want.
I loved the pure physicality of it. On my way out, I knew I’d found
a new home. I’d been through a tough and sad time, so dancing
really allowed me to release those difficult feelings and just jump
about for the sheer joy of it.
The more I went back, the more I felt my heart open up. It was
like rebuilding my confidence a step at a time and my trust in
meeting new people grew. It felt so liberating to reconnect with
my playful childhood self in a place where there was no judgment
and being truly silly is seen as really fun and necessary.
I’d always felt a bit awkward about dancing, so it was deeply
healing to be surrounded by people who responded positively.
I was free to be myself and now I have a greater connection with
my body and with who I really am.

Words: Judy Cogan

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 Award-winning hurts
Are you displaying the trophies that truly matter?
We all have a metaphorical trophy shelf. Rather than an
outward show of awards that represent our prowess, this one
is made up of those minor hurts and injustices that we polish
up for display. Every time we look at them, we’re reminded of
the times we were right, that others were wrong, that we knew
better – and that while we might not have received the apology
or justice we deserved, the moral high ground was ours.
I’ve often – unconsciously – chosen to display these ‘negative’
awards. Even as I think I’m backing down from a fight, I’ve been
shining each hurtful comment or unjust behaviour as if my
receiving of it were a medallion of honour in itself.
From the queue-jumper to the rude receptionist, each
thoughtless wounding becomes a miniature first-prize rosette.
There have been larger ones too, greater injustices. I’ve kept
them pristine under the illusion that to receive them made me
virtuous, as if I’m too good ever to dish out careless hurts.
It’s about time I realised that a trophy shelf of past wrongs
doesn’t help me, or anyone else. In fact, it reinforces a view of
the world that paints me as better than those who do wrong,
a victor of sorts.
I’m also seeing that I have an opportunity to display positive
memories in its place. Every snippet of love I’ve received,
whether a kindness from a stranger or warm words from a
friend, is a real rosette to cherish. In addition, polishing my
memories of good strengthens my emotional wellbeing and
helps me to take down those displays of hurt. However, that’s
a hard choice to make.
When we’ve been treated badly by someone, even in a minor
way, the threat-seeking brain wants to cling on to that memory
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in order to protect ourselves in future. Yet doing so tells us
others are wrong – or potentially so – and that we’re in the
right. It’s a view that helps no one. Instead, we have a choice
over what to display on our trophy shelf. Packing away hurts
and polishing good changes our inner landscape. It might feel
like a brave and transgressive act – at least for me – but it’s
also essential if we’re to see ourselves reflected in a gleam of
positivity, forgiveness and love.
HOW TO ASSEMBLE A TROPHY SHELF
THAT SERVES YOUR INTERESTS
• Do you find yourself noticing when you’ve been wronged?
• If so, do you claim a moral victory by placing those memories
on your shelf?
• Feeling superior is a fleeting sensation. Ultimately, how do
those awards make you feel?
• Recognise that you have a choice over which medals
to display.
• Notice the good you receive. Relive each memory in full,
polish them until they gleam.
•
ILLUSTRATION: MARTA PANTALEO
Take down your trophies of hurts – and if you’re tempted to
shine up another, remind yourself of the positive choice you’ve
made to pack them away.
• Recognise how your new, joyous shelf is altering your point
of view.
Words: Stephanie Lam
See more of Stephanie’s thoughts on Twitter @StephanieLam1.