Women, feeling they have raised their children, may want to go
back to school, even if they have been in the work force, reasoning
What's a midlife crisis?
What's a midlife crisis? It's the stuff of jokes and stereotypes - the
time in life when you do outrageous, impractical things like quit a
job impulsively, buy a red sports car, or dump your spouse.
For years, midlife crisis conjured those images. But these days, the
old midlife crisis is more likely to be called a midlife transition -
and it's not all bad.
Defining Midlife Crisis
Beginning in the 1980s, the term midlife crisis got a lot of
attention. A midlife crisis might occur anywhere from about age 37
through the 50s.
By whatever term, the crisis or transition tends to occur around
significant life events, such as your youngest child finishing
college, or a "zero" birthday announcing to the world that you're
entering a new decade.mThe death of parents can be a marker, too,
for these midlife events.
Midlife Crisis: His vs. Hers
Men and women are equally likely to experience a transition or
crisis, but it looks different in both genders.
The stereotype is a man buys a red sports car. That's not always the
case, but men do seem more intent on wanting to prove
something. Men might gauge their worth by their job
performance. They may want to look successful, for instance, even
though their achievements don't measure up as they had hoped.
Women often get validity through relationships and that's true
even if they've had a lifelong career. So at midlife, they are likely
to evaluate their performance as a wife, mother, or both.
The Midlife Crisis as a Normal Stage in Life
The midlife transition is looked on, more and more, as a normal
part of life. For many people, the life structure involves mainly
family and work, but it can also include religion and economic
status, for instance. According to this theory, the midlife transition
is simply another, normal transition to another stage of life.
In midlife, people often reevaluate their priorities and goals.
they can now do whatever they wish, work-wise. They're able to
follow up on some dreams that might have been abandoned due to
family responsibilities.
Men may get more in touch with their feminine side that could
mean taking up cooking or art or volunteering with children.
Meanwhile, midlife women may become more selfish, even
though they value relationships. They may feel they have "paid
their dues" and not be willing, say, to babysit the grandkids every
time they are asked.
Midlife Crisis: Path to Depression or Growth?
The midlife transition can be enlightening for some but also tough.
Whether a midlife transition will develop into
serious depression or into an opportunity for growth depends on a
number of factors, including support from partners and other loved
ones.
Sherman, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Lancaster,
recalls a woman who came to her for counseling. She was in her
late 40s, married to a man about the same age who had traveled
extensively for his job throughout their marriage. That left her with
full-time household responsibility, raising the kids.
She had been a nurse, but gave that up to be a full-time parent.
When the kids went off to college, she thought, "What now?"
Sherman says. The woman told her she felt she had lost her whole
identity.
The husband, who also talked to Sherman, became concerned after
his wife spent nearly a week sleeping and crying.
The next time Sherman saw the woman in therapy, she offered her
an alternative thought: "You're not losing your identity. You have
an opportunity to create a new one."
Yes, her parenting role would change, but having much less
responsibility - as her kids were now in college - would free her up
to develop a new image and identity. The thought appealed to her.
The next week, she went to a college placement service to explore
her options.