♪♪[whistling]

♪♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ La la la la, la la la la ♪

♪♪

♪ La la la la ♪

♪♪ [whistling]

[chicken clucks]

-Wowza! -Whoa!

-It's beautiful! -An indoor pool!

Now I've seen everything.

This is the biggest swimming hole I've ever seen.

I can't wait to swim into the...

Whoa!

Wha-hoo!

I don't know if I'm overcome with wonder

or if it's the chemicals in the water,

but that's the most incredible thing I've ever seen--

Aah! It's the chemicals.

Tilly, we have to jump off the high-dive pronto!

[fanfare sounds]
No can do, brother.

There's treasure in this water,

and I aim to find it.

All right, you kids all set?

-Uh-huh. -Yep.

Good, 'cause I will be taking this opportunity

to relax in the hot tub.

Never tried one before, but I hear it's very soothing.

Maybe I'll do some deep breathing, y'know?

[inhales, sighs]

[hacking coughs]

[all coughing]

Cut the chatter and listen up.

I just got my hair did, and it looks gorgeous.

But if one drop of water get on there and ruins it,

I'll have all your heinies!

Don't worry, Ma, we'll splash in the other direction.

-Aah! -I mean we won't splash at all!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be soaking my pigs.

I don't get it, Grandma. What's the point

of soaking your toes if you got a wooden leg?

-'Cause I do what I-- -Eh! Eh!

Now, go have fun.

-Yay! -Okay.

Move aside! Move aside!

Making my way to the high dive!

Yeah, my dad said I couldn't,

but then I totally did it anyway.

I didn't even care.

[all] Wow!

♪ High dive, high dive ♪

♪ I'm gonna jump off the high dive ♪

What? You're gonna jump off the high dive?

Who do you think you are?

I'm your worst nightmare.

Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm Cricket Green.

And I'm a fearless boy!

Uh, no kid is brave enough to jump off the high dive.

Do you have a death wish or something?

Aren't you scared?

Scared? Pfft.

I don't even know the meaning of that word.

Then I guess you've never heard the story

of Pink-Belly Pat.

[lisping] No, Carlos! Don't tell him!

No, Carlos, tell me. Who's Pink-Belly Pat?

Oh, he's the last kid to jump off the high dive.

What happened to him?

Some say when he crashed into the water,

he smashed into a million, billion pieces!

I heard he did a gut-buster and busted his guts all over!

I was there.

It was a bwood bath!

One thing's for sure--

wherever he is now,

he's all messed up!

So, what do you say to that?

I say I'll wave to ya on the way down!

My journey to discover sunken treasure begins.

Will I find it?

I do not know.

To a land-dweller,

the mysterious creatures of the deep

can look downright alien.

In my search, I find mysterious objects

but still no treasure.

Okay, mister thief,

you think you can just steal my dive ring?

-I didn't take it! -I know it was you!

-Hey! -[both] Huh?

You see this hair? It's gorgeous.

And it needs to stay gorgeous!

So keep your water in the pool!

[both laugh]

She's trying to play!

I'm tryin' to drown ya!

[hisses]

Aah! Aah! Ooh! Ooh! Uhh!

Oh... hey.

This is pretty nice.

No worries, no problems, no kids.

Ain't nothin' bad can get me here.

[yelps, gasps]

Oh, my goodness! My shorts!

-[children chattering] -Oh, no.

[gasps] Check it out!

That kid's gonna jump off the high dive!

Huh? Unh!

You're not gonna want to miss this one, folks!

Cricket Green will be making the dive of the century!

[all chanting] Cricket! Cricket! Cricket!

Say hey! Ho!

Hey! Ho!

Hey, who wants to see me do a flip on the way down?

Holler if you want to see me do a flip... oh.

Cricket! Cricket! Cricket!

Cricket! Cricket!

Oh, it's no use. That boy's having the time of his life.

Okay, locker room's over there.

Maybe I can just make a mad dash for it.

-On the count of three... -Excuse me.

Sorry to bother you,

but we were hoping to join you in the hot tub!

I don't think that's such a good idea.

-Everybody in! -No. No!!!

I've searched every inch of the sea floor,

but still no treasure.

Hold on, what's this, now?

The treasure!

[contented sigh]

-Hello! -Huh?

What? Whose kids are these?

You look like the oatmeal man.

He wishes he looked this good!

Is your hair real?

Hands off my hair! Gah!

Whee!

Again! Again!

[all] Me next!

What? Stay back, you wet rats!

What's it take to scare a bunch of kids around here?!

Huh? Oh! Well, hello, idea!

Okay, uh, now everybody say "Hoo-hah-hee-ah-oo!"

Hoo-hah-hee...

Quit stalling!

Unless you're having second thoughts!

[sighs] Uh, okay!

[gulps]

[quavers] Here goes nothing!

No. No. No!!!

I can't do it!

[panting]

Well, well, well.

Huh? Oh, uh, yeah.

Wind conditions up there, terrible.

It's just not good jumpin' weather.

Save it. I knew you'd chicken out.

Come on, guys. Nothing to see here

except the big ol' coward.

What a coward.

No, I-- Hmm.

You are a coward!

You said you were fearless,

but it turns out you're just a dang fear-more.

Fear-more ain't even a word.

[sighs] You're right.

I must dive deeper than I ever have before.

The elusive treasure is within my grasp.

[gasps] No!

Betrayed by the buoyancy of my own air tank!

I curse you, foul sea,

but I do not give up.

Uh, hey, friend, is there a problem?

Sorry. Not trying to be rude.

It's just, you see, I'm-- I'm very sick,

and you don't want to get in this water.

It's bad water.

Look, it's okay.

I'm trying to teach my children the value of patience.

I can't wait to learn patience!

So we'll just wait until you're done! No need to explain.

-Phew. -In fact, we'll be right over here on this bench.

Right in front of the old locker room.

Take your time!

I never knew a hot tub could be so cold.

[gasps] Cricket! Cricket! Over here, boy!

Oh, thank goodness! You gotta help me.

I turned on the jets,

and all of a sudden my shorts were--

Uh, something the matter, son?

I chickened out on the high dive in front of everyone.

I can't believe it. I was scared!

I thought I was a fearless boy.

Son, feeling afraid isn't really a bad thing.

Yes, it is! Of course it is!

I can't have fear holding me back.

Now, now, hold on, son.

It's more like-- It's like that banner.

See that sea lion?

He's actually terrified of beach balls,

and yet he's facing one head-on.

Courage isn't not having fear,

it's being afraid of something

and going through with it anyway.

Hmm!

You know, sometimes fear is good.

It keeps you from doing foolish things,

like getting your pants ripped off,

which is why I need you to...

He's gone.

Huh?

A leg! There's a human leg in the water!

Everyone, out!

Oh? Aah!

[laughing]

That's right! No more splashing today!

[whistle blaring]

Sorry, kid. Leg in the water means pool is closed.

What? No. Please.

I gotta do this. It's my last chance.

Oh, yeah? Well, law school was my last chance.

Things don't always work out.

[gibbers] Hey! Hey, get back here!

Hey! Thank you, sea lion. Mwah.

[grunting]

I did it!

Oh, boy.

[children yelling and gasping]

[Cricket grunting]

He's higher than the high dive!

He won't do it. He's too scared!

You're right. I am scared.

I'm gosh-dang terrified.

But like the might sea lion, I am also courageous!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

He did it!

He let go?!

Aah!

Everyone's distracted. Now's my chance.

Forgive me, pal.

[chuckling]

[all] Yay!

Family time!

Aah! Still falling!

Mm? Aah!

My hair!

[gurgling]

[struggling]

[coughs] I did it!

Uh! Huh? I did it!

[kids chanting]
Uh, okay, everybody. Fun day at the pool.

Oh, no! My keys. I left my keys in my shorts.

Behold, the glittering bounty of the deep.

Tilly, you're a lifesaver!

Now, let's go home and burn my hat.

Cricket! Cricket!

Cricket! Cricket!

Um, I just got here. Who's Cricket?

[gasps] You mean you never heard the tale of Cricket Green?

[chanting] Milk! Milk! Milk! Milk!

Milk! Milk! Milk!

Um, I don't know if I'm old enough to see this.

Shh. Don't look away.

[Cricket and Tilly] Milk! Milk! Milk! Milk!

Milk! Milk... Milk.

What's wrong, Dad?

Same thing as last week.

No milk! This goat is just not a good goat.

Her name's Melissa.

[bleats]

Poor Melissa.
We gotta figure out what's wrong with you.

Look me in the eyes, girl.

What, have you gone dry?

Uh, is she okay?

Shh. You mustn't break the link.

I understand.

I know what's wrong with Melissa! She's...

-a dog. -Huh?

That's why she hasn't been giving us any milk.

She's not a goat. She's a dog.

No, no, no, Tilly, you must be mistaken.

That is a dog.

[flies buzzing]

No, this is different.

Melissa has the spirit of a dog.

[bleats]

Whatever you say, Tilly.

Tilly's got her own way of looking at things.

We just kind of roll with it.

It's never hurt anyone before.

-Ow! -I wish there was something we could do for Melissa,

something to make her feel like a real dog.

-[dogs snarling] -[Brett humming]

-Hi, Brett! -Oh, hey, little neighbors!

[Cricket] And where are these fancy boys off to?

Oh, they're competing in the Big City Dog Show.

It's just like where a dog can be a dog,

and be judged for it!

A dog show? That's perfect!

We should enter Melissa.

You want to enter that goat into a dog show?

Well, what she means, Brett, is--

That's awesome! I bet you win the whole thing.

Huh. Well, if Brett's impressed...

Tilly, we're going to a dog show!

Oh, Cricket, I'm so happy I could spit.

-Pwew. -Pwew.

Mm... I can't... It won't...

Just put it back in your mouth, Remy.

♪♪

Who's a good boy?

You are. Yes, you are!

Dylan, she needs the floofer!

Get the floofer, Dylan!

Well, sure are a lot of dogs here.

Wow, this is great!

My parents never let me pet dogs!

[skin stretching]

Remy, let me ask you something.

Do you parents not let you pet dogs because you're wildly allergic?

Maybe!

But that won't stop me from petting all these fancy dogs!

They might be fancy city dogs,

but there ain't a dog in the whole world like Melissa.

Make way! Make way!

Excuse me, we're registering the winning dog.

Are you referring to that unkempt flea-ridden throw rug?

-Hmm? -[flies buzzing]

Oh, no, that's Phoenix.

She's just here for moral support.

This is our winning dog.

[bleats]

[slurps tea]
Well, let's take a look at this creature.

The devil's horns...

scraggly beard...

toenails for feet!

Can this thing even bark?

Melissa, bark.

[yowls]

You must be joking.

Ms. Uppinsbottom, in examining our rulebook,

nowhere in it does it say that a goat can't compete.

I say we let them in.

I'm due for a good chortle!

[all laughing]

Indeed. Indeed.

All right, we'll let the goat in.

Heh. Well, we'll be the ones laughing when Melissa wins.

Right, Tilly?

That was great. How'd you do that?

[imitates bleating]

Mmm...

Welcome, folks,
to the tenth annual Big City Dog Show.

Right now, dogs from all over Big City

are just getting warmed up.

Bathsheba, do you have any words to say to your competition?

[barks]

Savage as ever.

Let's take a look at some of the other competitors.

Point!

Shake!

Lay down.

Go to sleep.

Yodel.

Throw up!

[announcer] Zero, zero, and an unprecedented negative one!

Wow. Negative scores. It's funny!

[laughing, chattering]

This is fun, isn't it, girl?

Tilly, what happened?

Why didn't Millicent do any tricks?

Oh, dogs just do what they want, you know?

Dogs just do what they want?

Okay, okay, I think I got it now.

Uh, Remy, can I talk to you for a minute over in this direction?

Okay! Aah!

What's going on, Cricket?

Listen, Tilly's got a unique perspective,

but she doesn't get that people are making fun of her.

When she realizes, she'll be crushed,

humiliated, and emotionally stunted for life!

We gotta protect her from that.

So what do we do?

Improvise.

[laughing cheerlessly]

Wait, but what are we doing?

We're gonna sabotage the dog show.

Oh. Yeah!

[announcer] Let's see how Muffin does in our beauty competition!

[crowd cheers]

Ladies and gentlemen, she looks amazing!

And now, for the meditation contest.

Hey, dog, what's that over there?

Oh, my gosh, there's a fire!

You got something on your butt!

[eastern music riff plays]

Hey, doggie.

I'm a big squirrel!

Bet you wanna chase me all over the arena, huh!

-[growling] -Oh, hey, Phoenix.

Aah! Bad dog! Bad dog!

Through the hoop, Melissa. Come on.

Good dog.

[bleats]

[laughing]

Cow dang it, nothing's worked.

And Tilly and the goat are still tanking hard.

There's gotta be something to distract these dogs.

[flies buzzing]

Bingo-bango.

It's all come down to this, folks,

the agility course!

And up first, it's...

Oh, the goat.

We can just cut to commercial here, right?

All right, Melissa, let's do this.

On your mark, get set...

Wait, what's going on?

The dogs have gone out of control!

[exclaiming in fear]

Everyone, please, remain seated.

Sit! Sit!

Golly!

-[whimpers] -Huh?

Angela, Dante, Bernice?

You're supposed to be on Phoenix.

[laughing] How do you like them fleas, huh?

-[gasps] -[laughing]

Cricket, what are you doing?

Why are you wrecking the dog show?

Oh, uh, I'm just giving Melissa an edge on the competition.

Why? Don't you think Melissa can do it?

Tilly, I was just saving you from humiliation.

I don't know if you realize it,

but all these people are laughing at you.

Yeah, I know.
I hate to tell you-- Wait, what?

Look, Cricket, I know they're making fun of me.

That's not important.

What's important is that Melissa was having a good time.

But now, thanks to you, it's all ruined.

Come on, Melissa, let's go.

-Tilly-- -Everyone, evacuate the stadium!

The dog show is officially over!

[dogs barking]

Let's get out of here!

These dogs are behaving like animals!

Gotta make this right.

[whistles] Remy!

Huh?

Yah!

This dog show ain't over yet!

This day just keeps getting better!

Hurry! Hurry!

-Wait! -Huh? Children!

You gotta stay and watch my sister and Melissa.

-Melissa? -The goat.

Ugh. We're not sticking around this madness to watch a goat.

I didn't want it to come to this!

Well, actually, I kind of did.

Nobody's going nowhere!

You're all gonna watch Tilly and Melissa perform,

or I'll flea-ify you!

[whispers]

Oh, and Remy gets to pet your little purse dog.

Ugh, all right! We'll stay and watch the goat.

But we're not going to like it.

[static]

Attention, dog show participants!

My name is Cricket Green, and I have an announcement!

Tilly, I'm sorry about earlier.

I was so busy trying to protect you

that I couldn't see that I was hurting you.

I'm proud of you and Melissa!

So you go out there and you show 'em what you got!

Because the judges will be watching closely.

-Won't you? -Yes, yes, absolutely!

I support you, Tilly Green, 1,000%!

I only need 100.

All right, girl, I know things are tough,

but tough is just a word in a big book of other words,

like potato and boondoggle.

The only thing that matters is that you go out there

and show 'em what kind of dog you really are.

Just remember, there's no "I" in goat,

but there is an O and a G, and that almost spells "dog."

Now, let's go get 'em! What do you say?

[bleats]

[yelling]

-Whoo! -Go, Tilly!

Aw! Uhh... uhh... achoo!

[whimpers]

My baby!

Melissa, fetch!

[crashing]

-Oh, no! -[gasping]

I don't believe it.

The spirit of a dog!

[cheering]
I knew you could do it, Melissa.

Now that's a dog!

Crouton! Thank goodness you're safe.

Little girl, never before

have we seen such brilliance under pressure,

or such a fine fetch.

Does this mean they win the show?

Goodness, no.

And based on the amount of property damage you've caused,

just be thankful we don't call the police.

Ugh. [whistles] Tilly, Remy, time to go!

[all quaver]

♪♪ [whistling]

By the power vested in me,

I hereby declare Melissa,

the goat who is a dog,

the winner of the First Annual Green Family Dog Show.

[bleats]

Whoo!

Sorry I ever doubted you, Tilly.

I forgive you...
-this time. -Hmm?

-Mr. Green? -Yes, Remy?

Could you drive me to the hospital?

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit by 100 flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch and scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters at seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow, I'll do it all again ♪