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Vegas - the retro diary: part 1

A s mos t of y ou know ( y es , all tw o of y ou r eading this and ev en thats ambitious ) , my mate Dav e and I jus t got bac k f r om a USA ex tr av aganz a. We tr av elled f r om the w es t c oas t to the eas t c oas t and f r om the nor th to the s outh w ith one s imple goal hav e a kic k as s time. Did w e s uc c eed? Oh y eah w e s uc c eeded. Ev er y w her e w e w ent w e met amaz ing people. Ev er y w her e w e w ent, y ou w er e guar anteed that, at s ome point, w e w ould be tr eated like r oy alty . It w as the bes t tr ip either of us has ev er taken. How ev er , a ques tion Iv e been as ked on mor e than 50 oc c as ions is What w as the bes t par t? Now , any of y ou w ho r ead my Cambodia c olumn w ill know that I dont hav e v er y good f or m ans w er ing ques tions of this ilk. So I dec ided w hat any r eas onable human being w ould do Id w r ite a c olumn. I didnt w ant it to be jus t another tr av el r ec ap though. Hones tly , does any body ev er r ead thos e gr oup emails f r om people w ith their tr av elling updates ? They r e alw ay s w ay too long and ar e guar anteed to be f ound inter es ting by the tr av eller s mother and f ew other s . Well, in keeping w ith the theme of this w ebs ite ( a homeles s mans Bill Simmons ) I thought Id do a V egas r etr o- diar y bec aus e, w hat happens in V egas does nt r eally s tay in V egas ... Her es how it play ed out. We d n e s d ay 24 M ar ch , 8am Dav e, Glen ( the guy w e w er e s tay ing w ith) and I ar e dr iv ing aimles s ly thr oughout San Diegos air por t tr y ing to f ind our hir e c ar plac e. Bas ic ally , w e hav e no idea w her e w er e going bec aus e the booking s heet is inc ompr ehens ible. The only inf or mation w e c an dec ipher is that the c ar w er e meant to hir e is s omew her e in San Diego Inter national A ir por t. By the w ay , San Diego A ir por t is nt ex ac tly s mall. We dec ide to pull into a v ac ant par king lot to tr y and f ind out a) w her e w e ar e, b) w hat hir e c ar c ompany w er e booked w ith and c ) w her e the hell w e ar e! 8:30 Things ar e getting des per ate now . Not only did w e get kic ked out of the par king lot bec aus e it w as about to be f illed w ith tr uc ks ( y es , f illed w ith tr uc ks ) , but w e s till hav e no ans w er s to any of the abov e ques tions . We pull into a Budget Car Rental hoping agains t hope that w er e booked thr ough them. Nope. They do tell me though that w er e booked thr ough Dollar . What the hec k kind of a name is that?? A nother pr oblem, nobody at Budget know s w her e Dollar is . Bad times . 8:45 Found it!! It w as hidden aw ay in the middle of an inter s ec tion. Ok, it w as nt hidden at all; w e w er e jus t too s tupid to notic e it. Sens ing our luc k is about to c hange, w e pull in and I thr us t the booking f or m in the attendants f ac e. Not only does the attendant f ind this hilar ious , but he pr omptly inf or ms me that s inc e ther e is no Chr y s ler Sebr ing av ailable, hes going to hav e to upgr ade us to a c onv er tible Mus tang. 8:46 paus e 8:47 Dav e and I ar e c elebr ating like w ev e jus t w on the lotter y . Y ou know it!!! Suddenly our w oef ul inv es tigativ e s kills ar e long f or gotten. 8:55 The c ar tur ns up and it is a s ight to behold. Fer r ar i r ed w ith a s mooth leather inter ior and an engine that is illegal in 72 c ountr ies . Not only w ill this thing ac c eler ate s o f as t that w e may ac tually tr av el thr ough time, but it is the mos t un- env ir onmentally f r iendly c onv er tible on the mar ket. Y es !!! 9:15 Well, af ter taking too many photos , tr y ing to dr iv e out the entr anc e, being ac c os ted by an attendant lady w ho Im s ur e jus t got r eleas ed f r om pr is on f or mur der and s topping I love the Vegas.

mor e than onc e, w er e on the f r eew ay . Dr iv ing in A mer ic a is , I mus t s ay , a little odd. Fir s tly , y our e on the oppos ite s ide of the c ar w hic h thr ow s of f y our bear ings s tr aight aw ay . Sec ondly , y our e on the oppos ite s ide of the r oad w hic h is jus t dow nr ight c onf us ing. Thir dly , the s peedometer is in miles per hour w hic h leads to y ou w onder ing w hy y ou hav ent r eac hed 90 y et until y ou r ealis e y our e doing about 140kph. A nd f our thly , y our e s ur r ounded by 4x 4s that ar e bigger than dow ntow n Sy dney and s ound louder than a c ons tr uc tion s ite. In other w or ds this is aw es ome. 9:30 Dav e inf or ms me f or the 50th time in 3 minutes that Im dr if ting into the nex t lane. This w hole pos ition the c ar in y our ow n lane thing is pr ov ing har der than I thought. 10:07 Hav ing f inally mas ter ed s tay ing in my ow n lane, w e hit the f r eew ay all 6 lanes on either s ide of the r oad. I dec ide this is an appr opr iate time to unleas h the c ar s engine. 10:08 POWER!!!! 11:30 Wer e getting s er ious ly hungr y now but Im deter mined to make it to Bar s tow the ultimate r ef uelling des tination. Dav es putting on a br av e f ac e but I c an tell hes one mor e pas s ed Mc Donalds aw ay f r om killing me, bur y ing my c or ps e in the des er t ( aptly named Death V alley ) and dr iv ing s tr aight to the nex t f as t f ood outlet. Do I c ar e? No w ay ! Wer e going to Bar s tow , baby , and thats all ther e is to it. 1:00p m We f inally make it to Bar s tow and pull into Subw ay . A f ootlong? Y es thanks . Pr ic e? $5. $5!!!!!! Dav e and I dev our the f ootlongs f as ter than Mis c ha Bar tons ac ting c ar eer dis appear ed, w hile managing to hav e s ome dec idedly play f ul banter w ith our s er v er s . This w as our f ir s t indic ation as to the pow er of the A us tr alian ac c ent on A mer ic an f emales . Its like s ome s or t of nitr us ox ide that s eeps into their s y s tem and no matter w hat y ou look like, they r e now genetic ally inc apable of being any thing other than lov ely to y ou. Good times . 1:30 Bac k on the r oad now w ith Dow ntow n Dav e Br ow n behind the w heel. He mas ter ed the ar t of s tay ing in his ow n lane w ithin the f ir s t 3 s ec onds of being behind the w heel. Sc r ew y ou, Dav e. 2:25 Wer e in the middle of the des er t and all w ev e pas s ed is s and, dir t and the oc c as ional tr ailer par k. Im mor e s unbur nt that a lobs ter and w e only hav e bad highw ay mus ic to lis ten to. Still, ther e is a s ilv er lining. Wer e s tar ting to s ee V egas mile mar ker s . Only 100 miles to go. This s tar ts the f ollow ing ev ents . Ev er y w e time w e pas s a V egas mile mar ker I s c r eam out V EEEEEEHHHHHHGGA A A A A A A SSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at the top of my lungs . Dav e f inds it muc h les s amus ing than me but I dont c ar e. Wer e near ly in V egas , baby ! 3:15 - V EEEEEEHHHHHHGGA A A A A A A SSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3:25 We jus t c aught our f ir s t glimps e of the V egas s ky line. Suddenly Im not the only one s c r eaming. Dav es joined in too. This is our f ir s t glimps e of the pow er of V egas . 3:40 Dr iv ing dow n Las V egas Blv d is quite an ex per ienc e. Ev er y thing, and I mean ev er y thing is lar ger than lif e. We jus t pas s ed an Egy ptian py r amid made out of glas s . We jus t dr ov e pas t the Statue of Liber ty and the Eif f el Tow er les s than 30 s ec onds apar t. This , of c our s e, leads to about 50 pr oc lamations f r om both Dav e and my s elf of This is aw es ome! 3:44 We c atc h our f ir s t s ighting of our hotel the Bellagio. The f ountains ar e s w ay ing, the mus ic is blar ing and w er e dr iv ing a c onv er tible Mus tang. Y es , my f r iends lif e is good. The Bellagio w as our hotel of c hoic e f or a f ew r eas ons . 1) Its f amous v er y f amous . 2) It w as c heaper than w e ex pec ted f or a 5 s tar hotel. Muc h c heaper than Caes ar s . 3) It led to the f ollow ing c onv er s ation betw een my Dad and I jus t bef or e I f lew out of A us tr alia: Me: Gues s w her e w er e s tay ing in V egas ? Dad: Hmmmm.... w ell y ou w ouldnt do the Bellagio... Me: *gr inning* Y ep! Dad: *he lets out a deep s igh and s ay s in a r es igned manner * Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet High c omedy . The upgraded car w as an unbelievable development.

High c omedy . 3:50 We par k in the Bellagio dr iv ew ay and c as ually tos s our key s to the v alet w ho immediately thinks to hims elf Wher e did thes e s c hmuc ks get a c ar like this ? A f ter c hec king in at r ec eption, w er e told the pr emium r etail outlets ( home to Nike, Bur ber r y , Calv in Klein etc ) ar e open till 9pm and w e s hould go and s pend lots of money ther e. Well, w e dont need to be told tw ic e. We make a dinner booking f or 9:30pm ( !) and head up to our r oom.

3:55 A ll Dav e c an s ay as he enter s the r oom is Holy S*&t! Y ep, this r oom is aw es ome. The v iew looks ov er about 60,000 pools and our beds look like they c os t mor e than I make in a y ear . Dav e and I look at eac h other and pr omptly c onc lude that s tay ing at the Bellagio w as a v er y good dec is ion. Ther es no time to r es t though, w er e in V egas ! We quic kly dr op our gear and head bac k to the c ar ( s omehow f or getting to tip the V alet oops ) and dr iv e of f to the pr emium outlets . 4:50 Wev e been s hopping f or 10 minutes but w ev e both s pent ov er $100 eac h alr eady . V egas , baby ! 8:00 Oh the humanity ! I think w e both s pent ov er $400 eac h. Thankf ully , w e now hav e s o many c lothes and s hoes that w e w ont need to go s hopping again f or the nex t 70 y ear s . The pr oblem is ev er y thing is s o c heap! I w ont go into the s pec if ic s of eac h c lothing line, but if y ou s ee me w alking dow n the s tr eet in the nex t little w hile, f eel f r ee to as k me Is that a new *ins er t c lothing item her e*? bec aus e the ans w er w ill almos t c er tainly be Why y es . 8:45 The s un has gone dow n now and w er e fi nal l y f inis hed s hopping. Wher e els e c ould tw o guy s s pend 4 hour s s hopping and s till be r unning out of time other than V egas ? How ev er , w er e both pr etty ner v ous w ell be late f or our dinner booking, and w hen that booking is at 9:30pm, thats pr etty f unny . We r ac ed bac k to the c ar and ar e now tear ing dow n Las V egas Blv d bac k to the hotel. 9:00 Dr iv ing dow n the Str ip at night is a new ex per ienc e by its elf . This is inc r edible! Y ou dont need headlights ( in f ac t, I totally f or got to tur n them on! A pas s ing c ar jus t y elled out f or us to tur n them on oops ) , bec aus e the lights f r om the c as inos ar e blindingly br ight. A ls o, w e jus t dr ov e pas t an ex ploding v olc ano y es , y ou r ead that c or r ec tly . Somehow w e got bac k to the r oom, s how er ed, c hanged and r eady to go in 15 minutes . Is nt a gr eat to be a guy ? Wer e both dr es s ed up to the nines ( w ear ing s ome of our r ec ent pur c has es ) and w e head of f to Sus hi. 9:30 I hav e to s ay , I w as a little s c eptic al about hav ing s us hi but af ter tur ning up at our r es taur ant, Y ellow tail, thos e f ear s hav e melted f as ter than the polar ic e c aps ( ar e they ev en melting??) . The bar is s imply c ool the w aitr es s es ar e w ear ing outf its that, r eally , dont ev en c ount as outf its and they ar e s uper f r iendly ( the A us s ie ac c ent is at w or k again) . The r es taur ants c onc ier ge, and r eally thats the only w or d f or him, inf or ms us that our table is nt r eady ( w ho does nt hav e a table r eady by 9:30pm???) s o w e s hould get a dr ink f r om the bar . A little dis appointed ( w e r e s tar v ing) w e go to the bar . 9:35 What a gr eat idea! Eac h w ith a dr ink in hand w er e jus t a little s peec hles s by our s ur r ounds . Little did w e know that w e had alr eady attr ac ted the attention of a c ougar y es , a c ougar . 9:45 For the las t 10 minutes this c r az y mid- f or ties , Botox - inf us ed pr os titute has been tr y ing to hit on Dav e and me w ith r ec kles s abandon. Shes like a c aged tiger that has been kept in c aptiv ity and s tar v ed f or the las t 2 months only to be s uddenly r eleas ed into the s ame r oom as a gaz elle w ith a br oken leg. Shes tr ied ev er y appr oac h imaginable f r om tr y ing to get c los e to us ( eugh!) , to tr y ing to s it on our laps ( I hav ent tr ied to es c ape a s ituation that f as t in 10 y ear s ) and tr y ing to gues s Dav es s tar s ign. This w as abs olutely hilar ious bec aus e s he tr ied to gues s his s ign about eight times and s till c ouldnt get it r ight. Sur ely , s tatis tic ally s peaking, s he s hould hav e ac c identally gues s ed it by that s tage. Dav e and I c onc luded that this is f ur ther pr oof that the entir e as tr ology indus tr y is a f r audulent c ult des igned to take adv antage of hippies loaded up on illic it nar c otic s . A ny w ay , her pur s uit of us c ontinued until it got to the point of abs ur dity w hen s he s aid s he c ould r ead our palms . This s lay ed me f or a number of r eas ons , how ev er , it r eac hed its f unnies t point w hen the f ollow ing ex c hange took plac e Cougar : *pointing at me* Ok, y our palm is r eally inter es ting! Me: I get that a lot. Welcome to Vegas

Me: I get that a lot. Cougar : *mis s ing the s ar c as m* Im not s ur pr is ed! Now look, this line her e, and Im s or r y to tell y our f r iend this , but this line her e s how s that y our e mor e s ex ually ex per ienc ed than he is . Now , any one that know s Dav e and me w ill know the c omedy of that s tatement. Dav e and I looked at eac h other doing our bes t not to f all ov er in laughter but it didnt w or k. Our laughs c ould be hear d as f ar aw ay as New Y or k. It w as the highes t of high c omedy . Ev entually the c ougar r ealis ed that w e w er ent taking the bait, s o s he dec ided that ther e w er e eas ier c us tomer s ar ound. She handed us a c omplimentar y c ondom eac h ( w e inf or med her the c hanc es of either of us needing it that night w er e betw een 0 per c ent and 0 per c ent) bef or e s he s idled of f to s it on the lap of a gentleman s hed nev er met w ho, c ur ious ly enough, didnt mind one bit. V egas . 10:00 Our table is f inally r eady and as w e take our s eat w e f or tuitous ly meet our s er v er named A nna. Not only is A nna r emar kably c ute, not only is s he outr ageous ly f r iendly , but s he dec ides that s inc e w e look c ool ( her w or ds not our s ) s hed tr y and hook us up w ith a lunc h booking f or the nex t day . Fr ankly , A nna c ould hav e told us to go and tr y to f eed a c ouple of alligator s w hod jus t been punc hed in the f ac e and w e pr obably w ould hav e done it, but a lunc h booking ov er looking the lake? That s ounds jus t f ine. 10:30 Wev e c ompleted our or der s and w ith a glas s of r ed w ine eac h w e toas t to w hat is bound to be an epic night. We both f eel like w er e bac k in y ear 12. Do y ou r emember how bac k in thos e day s y ou w ouldnt ev en get r eady to head out until 11pm? Well, w er e bac k amongs t it and its aw es ome. 11:30 We f inis h w hat is , w ithout a doubt, the gr eates t s us hi in the his tor y of Japan. Ev er y bite w as like w e w er e r ec eiv ing a pr es ent f r om s ome anc ient Emper or w ho has giv en us half his kingdom. A ls o, our w allets jus t got a w hole lot lighter again. Still, ev er y f utur e s us hi ex per ienc e has now been r uined f or me bec aus e no other s us hi c ould ev en c ome c los e to w hat w e c ons umed that night. But I nev er eat s us hi s o I gues s its not a big los s . 12am Let the games begin! We f ind our s elv es a $10 blac kjac k table in the Bellagio and dec ide to tr y our luc k. Pleas e keep in mind that neither of us gamble. Ev er . In other w or ds , this w as nev er going to end w ell. 12:01 We s it dow n and w er e of f to an inaus pic ious s tar t. Dav e thr ow s $60 on the table and gets $45 in c hips . 12:02 Huh? 12:03 Pandemonium. The w hole table is s iding w ith the dealer that Dav e only gav e him $45 w hile Dav e and I ar e inc r edulous . Wer e pleading his c as e but w er e getting les s s y mpathy than Br itney Spear s . In hinds ight, w e s hould hav e f led the table r ight then and ther e, leav ing tr ead mar ks . Ins tead ( r emember , w er e gambling r ookies ) w e hang ar ound and pr epar e to get s hellac ked. 12:20 Y ep, my $60 is gone and I r eac h in and thr ow another $60 on the table. Wher e els e c an y ou giv e y our money aw ay f or nothing like y ou c an in V egas ? 12:30 Im bar ely aliv e w hile Dav e is going s teady . He w ins , I los e. Wer e s itting r ight nex t to eac h other . He w ins I los e. He w ins I los e. Did I mention w er e s itting r ight nex t to eac h other ? Jus t know that r ight now I hate Dav e w ith the f ur y of Gods ow n thunder and am c ons ider ing s piking his dr ink w ith pois on. 12:50 A f ter tr eading w ater f or a w hile w e get to that epic point of no r etur n hand. I hav e 14 and the dealer has a 10 s how ing. Ev er y per s on in the w or ld w ould hit. Ev er y one at the table is thinking I s hould hit. Ev er y one in all of V egas thinks I s hould hit? Do I hit? No. Why ? I c ant ex plain w hy . May be its bec aus e Id jus t los t $100 w ithout br eaking a s w eat and w as f eeling like my entir e w or ld w as c ollaps ing. May be its the w aitr es s es in their s kimpy outf its that w er e dis tr ac ting me. May be it w as my thir d gin and tonic in the pas t 40 minutes . Who know s ? A ll I know is that Dav e, w ho r emember is s itting nex t to me, hits and gets a s ev en. A SEV EN!!!!!! I los t the nex t tw o hands and w as s omehow now dow n $120 f or the tr ip and I hadnt ev en Yellow tail - the greatest sushi on the planet.

I los t the nex t tw o hands and w as s omehow now dow n $120 f or the tr ip and I hadnt ev en been gambling f or an hour . I got up and immediately dec ided that I hate V egas . 1:20 We both get up and dec ide w e need our luc k to c hange. That means a new env ir onment. Outs ide w e go, at 1:20am, and y oud think it w as 7pm. People ar e ev er y w her e! The entir e c ity is buz z ing w ith ener gy . Suddenly , I lov e V egas again. 1:40 Wev e ended up at the Planet Holly w ood and hav e jus t s een a f ew things that near ly c aus ed me to thr ow up inc luding... linger ie c lad dealer s . Now , I c an alr eady hear many of y ou thinking this c ould be a good thing? Believ e me, its not. Im not s ur e how to w r ite this but jus t tr us t me do NOT go into Planet Holly w ood!! Run! Run f or y our liv es !!!!!! 2:00 A f ter f leeing Planet Holly w ood like the building w as on f ir e w e head a bit f ur ther dow n the s tr ip and y es , ev er y thing is s till going a million miles an hour . Its almos t enough to s end y ou into a mini heads pin. The neon lights , the s c antily c lad adv er tis ements , the loud mus ic , its unlike any w her e els e on Ear th. Meanw hile, Dav e has an epiphany that w e s hould go to the V enetian. Well, w ho am I to ar gue w ith that? A nd als o, w hat the hell is the V enetian? 2:23 The ans w er : a c as ino! A nd damn, the V enetian is s er ious ly c ool. In f ac t, it might be c ooler than the Bellagio. Its made to r es emble V enic e only it does nt r es emble V enic e at all. But y ou know w hat? Who c ar es ? It looks r idic ulous . It pr obably c os t mor e to c ons tr uc t than A us tr alias GDP. A nd w e dont mind a bit. We f ind our s elv es a $15 blac kjac k table and both thr ow n dow n $80. Lets s ee w hat les s ons w e lear ned f r om as s - kic king number one. The dealer looks unf r iendly . The other guy s at the table look like they hav ent s een their f amilies in months . The w aitr es s es ar e annoy ing. The atmos pher e is nt gr eat. But y ou know w hat? We dec ide to go ahead any w ay . I dont think itll s ur pr is e any one w hat happened nex t. 3:10 Why do I play this s tupid game??? Im now dow n to $30 af ter getting r epeatedly killed by this ev il dealer and Im s tar ting to hate lif e again. Is V egas s omehow deter mined to r uin my entir e lif e? Let me w in damn y ou!! 3:30 Well, w e didnt. Within 40 minutes , Dav e and I had our butts kic ked w or s e than Mel Gibs on at the end of Pay bac k, only our toes ar e unbr oken. Wer e now limping aw ay f r om the V enetian v ow ing nev er to r etur n and ar e c ontemplating c alling it a night. What the hell c ould make this night get better again? Sur ely ther e is no r eas on to c ontinue. I hate V egas . 3:35 We s tep outs ide and, as alw ay s , ther e is lif e ev er y w her e. Suddenly , V egas has r etur ned. I lov e V egas !!! 3:51 Wer e s tumbling r ound a des er ted Caes ar s Palac e ( w e pos s ibly jus t s aw a tumblew eed) and dec ide that s inc e the tables hav e killed us , lets play s ome s lot mac hines . Bear in mind that in the his tor y of mankind, nobody has ev er w on money doing this s tumbling ar ound at 3am looking f or s omething to do. How ev er , this did hav e the added benef it of us obtaining s ome f r ee dr inks , w hic h of c our s e is the only r eas on any one ev er play s s lot mac hines . Dav e s its dow n at w hat c an only be des c r ibed as a dolphin w hile I s ettle in to play s omething w ith mer maids on it. Thes e ar e the s entenc es y ou w r ite w hen y our e des c r ibing V egas . Meanw hile, the w aitr es s tur ns up w ith Dav es quintuple s c otc h on the r oc ks and my gin & tonic . 4:05 Dav es los t les s money than me s o is gambling aggr es s iv ely and enthus ias tic ally . I on the other hand bar ely hav e the w ill to liv e s o Im jus t s uc king dow n another gin & tonic eager ly aw aiting the apoc aly ps e. Dav e, in the meantime, is . *gulp* w inning. The dolphin mac hine has him on a hot s tr eak and Dav e is play ing it f or all its w or th w hic h, by the w ay , is nt that muc h. 4:10 Dav es hot s tr eak ends abr uptly and w e both dec ide w ev e had enough of the des er ted Caes ar s Palac e ( w e quic kly s top by the f oy er to take a photo of w her e the Hangov er boy s c hec ked in) . We head bac k to the Bellagio c ontinuing our s ear c h f or the Monopoly s lot mac hines . While ther e may be plenty of people outs ide, w er e the only ones aliv e in her e. Its like w er e in 28 Day s Later , only w ithout the z ombies .

I s hould paus e her e to point out that Dav e had been w ax ing ly r ic al about s ome f amed Monopoly s lot mac hines s inc e that mor ning. A ppar ently on his las t tr ip to V egas he play ed

them and they w er e f un. A c c or ding to Dav e, w hen w e f ound them it w ould be like enter ing a land of milk and honey and the entir e w or ld w ould be made a better plac e. Whatev er . We hav ent f ound any that look ev en r emotely play able until now . 4:14 Wev e s at dow n play ing Monoploy s lot mac hines and, quite f r ankly , w hat pos s ible c onnec tion thes e things hav e w ith the ac tual boar d game is a bigger my s ter y than the Da V inc i c ode. Ther es w eir d number s , gr aphic s and abs olutely no s tr eets w hats oev er . Still, a w aitr es s jus t c ame ov er and gav e us s ome mor e f r ee dr inks s o neither of us r eally c ar e that muc h. 4:27 Wev e jus t been ac c os ted by s ome Bellagio w aitr es s /pit bos s w ho made us w r ite dow n our names and r egis ter ed us f or s omething. Hones tly , neither Dav e or I r emember it v er y c lear ly . She may hav e punc hed us s he may hav e giv en us $200,000. Either w ay , w e hav e no idea w ho s he w as and w e dont c ar e. Wer e both toas ted and dec ide that enough is enough bec aus e w er e now quite c onv inc ed that the entir e human r ac e is ex tinc t and w e ar e the only s ur v iv or s . In other w or ds , it w as time to c all it a night. V egas may hav e w on this r ound, but ther es alw ay s tomor r ow . Clic k her e to email Dy lan about the abov e c olumn. Clic k her e to go bac k to the homepage.