Portfolio Writing Task - Final Draft

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School of Languages & English

Advanced: Reading & Writing

Writing Feedback Cover Sheet 2: FINAL DRAFT

Student
Name:
number:

5/10/2022
Class: Teachers: Date:
Word 517
Count:

Click on the box to ☒ Changes I made after feedback:


cross it
I have used Arial. ☒ Response - ideas ☒
I have used font size 12 ☒ Organisation ☒
I have double spaced ☒ Grammar ☒
Vocabulary ☒

Student self – assessment: Select Good OK or need to improve for each area

Response & Revision Grammar


A full description Click here to select Range of structures Click here to select

Correct sentence
Used teacher Click here to select
structure, subject Click here to select
feedback to improve verb agreement
and punctuation
Structure & Planning Vocabulary
Logically ordered,
cohesive (linking Click here to select New vocabulary Click here to select
words, pronouns)
Made and followed a Click here to select
Spelling & Word Click here to select
plan. Forms

I confirm this is my own work…………………………………………………


School of Languages & English
Advanced: Reading & Writing

Nguyen Minh Anh


S3933029
S62208L

HAPPYLAND

HappyLand is one of the entertainment complexes in Vietnam that tourists cannot

ignore when going to Long An. Just over 30 kilometers from the center of Ho Chi

Minh City, this place is chosen by many people to entertain on holidays as well as

design one-day tours for relatives and friends. In addition, one of the attractions of

HappyLand is the investment in building the whole of Vietnam on a miniature scale,

recreating some typical works, excellent culture, and 3-regional cuisine in the S-

shaped country. However, this amusement park is still new and has only recently

opened and had to close while the prolonged COVID epidemic, which has become

desolate, no longer attracts tourists. This essay will discuss the negative features of

HappyLand and suggest how to make it more attractive.

Firstly, one of the most controversial subjects is the lack of vacation and picnic

spaces. Although the food stalls still have places for people to rest and eat, most

tourists tend to find places to camp and picnic more. As a result, during vacations or

tourist seasons, these places are still not enough because of the large number of

visitors. It leads to chaos, stuffiness, and discomfort, making anyone who walks in

feel bored and uninterested. So, to attract more visitors, the amusement park should

either widen the corridor or set some restrictions on the area of each individual so

that they cannot use it too much.


School of Languages & English
Advanced: Reading & Writing
Secondly, after a period of shutdown due to COVID, many locations have started to

degrade, and plastic waste everywhere makes HappyLand not as attractive as

before. Moreover, damaged architecture can also give rise to many complaints and

affect people's emotions when they want to find a place to relax, check in, or take

pictures during the tourist season. Therefore, the government should look for

possible investors for repairs and restorations to draw more tourists back. For

example, conduct new paint, clean up trash or remodel and make some regulations

so that people are more conscious of maintaining the beauty of HappyLand.

Finally, because this amusement park is still new and has only recently opened,

there are several limits in terms of service and management. Vendors here take

advantage of vacations and are not regulated tightly, so they charge higher rates to

earn more profit from tourists, resulting in excessive prices. This problem has

resulted in a significant local boycott and a perceived lack of food vendors among

foreign tourists. Unless resolved peacefully, the amusement park will be in danger of

closing for a while. As a result, standards for fair and non-volatile prices must be set

as soon as possible. Additionally, the government needs to penalize those

conducting business here more severely so that everyone has to abide by the rules.

In conclusion, HappyLand is well known for its amusement park and expansive

entertainment complex in Long An. However, there are certain problems with the

service and structures, such as the bad and disorganized environment with

expensive foods sold by the food vendors. Therefore, locals and foreign visitors will

find it more appealing if these issues are resolved quickly.

Words: 517

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