The Prism of Understanding

The prism of understanding is a way to illustrate the process of empathically reflecting while we practice.
The left circle represents a moment in practice that you need to respond to. The two lines with arrows
represent two different ways of responding. One goes through the prism, which represents thinking about
what is happening, what the client is saying to you, what the interpersonal pull or covert contract might
be, and perhaps your own reaction. You use these kinds of thoughts to help you know what to do next,
represented by the higher circle on the right. The alternative is to practice without reflection, which could
be ok, but might not be as responsive or powerful as a reflective action. I sometimes refer to this as
“jumping the pyramid.”

Empathically reflective practice is ideal, meaning that it is hard to do but likely produces our best work. If
you think about it you probably like it a lot when someone really listens to you and what they say seems
to be about what you are saying to them, including things that you are only suggesting indirectly.

An example is when someone says “What do you think I should do?” You could go with a kind of
standard response like “You know I can’t really tell you what to do,” or “Well what do you think you
should do?” or you could tell them your ideas about what they could do. These could be ok. You might
though think about what the client is saying to you indirectly in this moment, which might for example be
about their tendency to mistrust their judgment or to try to avoid acting assertively. If you reflect and
consider that these things might be part of what the client is saying, you could sensitively address these
issues in that moment. This is working in the process as well, and if the client can handle this it can be
powerful.

In order to be able to think empathically and reflectively, we have to be able to slow things down. This is
absolutely essential when you are practicing as a learner and developing your skillfulness. To do this I
recommend that you say to clients that what they are discussing with you is very important and that you
think you should give it the time it requires to think it out and see what you and they can come up with. It
also means not moving immediately to an answer or a fix, which can be frustrating. This is in part
because clients will be “pulling” for us to take over in this way, and we may believe that we are
competent if we do this and also we will be gratifying the client. But I think the “differentiated stance” in
which we think before we act, and the requirements of learning how to practice suggest that we should try
to work slowly and deliberately to facilitate change work on the part of the client rather than quickly
providing advice which may not be especially powerful or effective at helping clients do change work.