The post office PART- A

Scene : a post office in Britain:

Characters: the clerk and a costumer
The clerk is behind the counter. Some distance from the counter,
there is a sign which says “ wait here”. The customer enters and waits by the sign.

Clerk: Good morning

( the costumer does not react).

Clerk: Good morning!

( the costumer still does not react)

clerk: Can I help you?

Customer: Pardon
Clerk: can I help you?!
Customer: I can’t hear you ! you are too far!

Clerk: Well, come over here!

Customer: come over here?

Clerk : Yes !!!

Customer: I can’t . I’ve got to wait here.

Clerk: No you haven’t.

Customer: Yes , I have. This sign says. “wait here”.

Clerk: But you’re the only customer. So you can come over here!

Customer: oh, right.

( The customer goes to the cashier)

Clerk: Now... can I help you?

Customer: Can I send a parcel to Australia?

Clerk: Yes , you can.

Customer: Good. I want to send this to my daughter.

( the customer produces a large parcel from her bag. The parcel is shaped like
a fish )

Clerk: what’s this? ( reading the label on the parcel) contents: one coffee pot. _ A coffee pot?

Customer: yes!

Clerk : It doesn’t look a coffee pot.

Customer: Doesn’t it?

Clerk: No.
( the clerk bangs the parcel on the counter.)

Customer: Be careful!

Clerk: and it doen’t sound like a coffee pot

( sniffing)... it doesn’t smell like a coffee pot! It smell like a fish.

Customer: all right ... all right. _ It’s a fish.

Clerk: well, I’m sorry . You can’t send a fish by post.

Customer: why not?

Clerk: Look. It’s in the book. No FOOD BY POST.

Customer: reading the book. No food by post. FOOD?! This isn’t food.
This is Napoleon!
Clerk: Napoleon?

Customer: yes. Napoleon. He’s my daughter’s fish. And my daughter

lives in Australia. That’s why I want to send him to Australia.

Clerk: well, you can’t send him by post!

Customer: Please!

Clerk: No.

Customer: Please ! !

Clerk: Oh, right, but there’s no name on the parcel.

Customer: (She starts writing) ...Nap-o-l-e

Clerk: Not the name of the fish. Your daughter name’s name. What’s your daughter’s name?

Customer: Josephine.

Clerk: Josephine. What’s her second?

Customer: Elisabeth.

Clerk: No – when I said “her second name, I meant her family name. What is her family name?

Customer: It’s the same as mine.

Clerk: Yes, of course. But what is it?

Customer: Wellington.

Clerk: Wellington.

Customer: Yes.

Clerk: So...your daugter’s name is Josephine Elizabeth Wellington..

Customer: Yes

Clerk: address?

Customer: pardon?

Clerk: Address. Where does she live in Australia?

Customer: Er...

Clerk: Sydney?

Customer: No.

Clerk: Melbourne?

Customer: No.

Clerk: Adelaide?

Customer: Yes!. Adelaide.

Clerk: Adelaide.

Customer: No, Ah, I remember now _ Vienna!

Clerk: Vienna?

Customer: Vienna.

Clerk: Vienna is in Austria.

Customer: that’s What I said.

Clerk: No, you didn’t. You said Australia.

Customer: Did I?

Clerk: So this is going to Josephine Wellington in Vienna ., Austria.

Customer: yes. How much is it?

Clerk: that depends on the weight?

Customer: pardon?

Clerk: weight.

Customer: oh, ok... ( the customer starts walking back to the “wait here sign.)

Clerk: No! I didn’d say ( indicating the sign) “wait”. ( indicating the scales on the counter), “ weight”.
The clerk weights the parcel.

Clerk: two and a half kilos. . That’s &17.50 p.

Customer: That’s very expensive.

Clerk: well, he is going by air.

Customer: By air? Napoleon can’t go by air!

Clerk; why not?

Customer: well, he is a fish not a bird.

Clerk: No, he’s going on an aeroplane.

Customer: on an aeroplane?

Clerk: yes.

Customer: How extraordinary! I’m going on an aeroplane today.

Clerk: really?

Customer: Yes I’m going to visit my daughter.

Clerk: Your daughter Josephine?

Customer: yes.

Clerk: In Vienna?

Customer: Yes.

Clerk: why don’t you take Napoleon with you?

Customer: Take Napoleon with me?

Clerk: yes. On the aeroplane.

Customer: take Napoleon with me on the aeroplane?

Clerk: yes! To Vienna!

Customer: Of, course! Take Napoleon with me on the aeroplane to Vienna!

Clerk: Yes!

Customer: And when I get to Vienna...

Clerk: yes !!

Customer: ... I can post him from there!

( the customer picks up the parcel and leaves)

The post office PART- B

Scene : a post office in Britain:

Characters: the clerk and a costumer
The clerk is behind the counter. Some distance from the counter,
there is a sign which says “ wait here”. The customer enters and waits by the sign.

Clerk: Good morning

( the costumer does not react).

Clerk: Good morning!

( the costumer still does not react)

clerk: Can I help you?

Customer:
Clerk: can I help you?!
Customer:

Clerk: Well, come over here!

Customer:

Clerk : Yes !!!

Customer:

Clerk: No you haven’t.

Customer:

Clerk: But you’re the only customer. So you can come over here!

Customer:

Clerk: Now... can I help you?

Customer:

Clerk: Yes , you can.

Customer:

Clerk: what’s this? ( reading the label on the parcel) contents: one coffee pot. _ A coffee pot?

Customer:

Clerk : It doesn’t look a coffee pot.

Customer:
Clerk: No.
( the clerk bangs the parcel on the counter.)
Customer:

Clerk: and it doen’t sound like a coffee pot

( sniffing)... it doesn’t smell like a coffee pot! It smell like a fish.

Customer:

Clerk: well, I’m sorry . You can’t send a fish by post.

Customer:

Clerk: Look. It’s in the book. No FOOD BY POST.

Customer:

Clerk: Napoleon?

Customer:

Clerk: well, you can’t send him by post!

Customer:

Clerk: No.

Customer:

Clerk: Oh, right, but there’s no name on the parcel.

Customer:

Clerk: Not the name of the fish. Your daughter name’s name. What’s your daughter’s name?

Customer:

Clerk: Josephine. What’s her second?

Customer:

Clerk: No – when I said “her second name, I meant her family name. What is her family name?

Customer:

Clerk: Yes, of course. But what is it?

Customer:

Clerk: Wellington.

Customer:

Clerk: So...your daugter’s name is Josephine Elizabeth Wellington..

Customer:

Clerk: address?
Customer:

Clerk: Address. Where does she live in Australia?

Customer:

Clerk: Sydney?

Customer:

Clerk: Melbourne?

Customer:

Clerk: Adelaide?

Customer:

Clerk: Adelaide.

Customer:

Clerk: Vienna?

Customer:

Clerk: Vienna is in Austria.

Customer:

Clerk: No, you didn’t. You said Australia.

Customer:

Clerk: So this is going to Josephine Wellington in Vienna ., Austria.

Customer:

Clerk: that depends on the weight?

Customer:

Clerk: weight.

Customer:

Clerk: No! I didn’d say ( indicating the sign) “wait”. ( indicating the scales on the counter), “ weight”.
The clerk weights the parcel.

Clerk: two and a half kilos. . That’s &17.50 p.

Customer:

Clerk: well, he is going by air.

Customer:
Clerk; why not?

Customer:

Clerk: No, he’s going on an aeroplane.

Customer:

Clerk: yes.

Customer:

Clerk: really?

Customer:

Clerk: Your daughter Josephine?

Customer:
Clerk: In Vienna?

Customer:

Clerk: why don’t you take Napoleon with you?

Customer:

Clerk: yes. On the aeroplane.

Customer:

Clerk: yes! To Vienna!

Customer:

Clerk: Yes!

Customer:
Clerk: yes !!

Customer:

( the customer picks up the parcel and leaves)