Chapter – 2 Self Esteem

Self Esteem
Self-concept
Advantages of high self esteem
Steps to building positive self esteem
Attitude
Meaning and factors that determine our attitude
Benefits of a positive attitude and consequences of a negative attitude
Steps to building a positive attitude
Motivation
The difference between inspiration and motivation
External motivation v/s internal motivation

SOME ADVANTAGES OF HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem :
 Builds strong conviction.
 Creates willingness to accept responsibility.
 Builds optimistic attitudes.
 Leads to better relationships and fulfilling lives.
 Makes a person more sensitive to others' needs and develop a caring attitude.
 Makes a person self-motivated and ambitious.
 Makes a person open to new opportunities and challenges.
 Improves performance and increases risk-taking ability.
 Helps a person give and receive both criticism and compliments tactfully and easily.
CHARACTERISTICS OF PEOPLE WITH POOR SELF ESTEEM
 They are generally gossip mongers.
 They have a critical nature. They criticize as if there is a contest going on and they
 have to win a prize.
 They have high egos they are arrogant and believe they know it all.
 People with low self-esteem are generally difficult to work with and for. They tear
 Downothers to get a feeling of superiority.
 They are closed minded and self-centered.
 They constantly make excuses--always justifying failures.
 They never accept responsibility--always blaming others.
 They have a fatalistic attitude no initiative and always waiting for things to happen.
 They are jealous by nature.
 They are unwilling to accept positive criticism. They become defensive.
 They are bored and uncomfortable when alone.
 Poor self-esteem leads to breakdown in decency. People with low self-esteem don't
know where to draw the line--where decency stops and vulgarity starts. It is not
unusual for people to tell jokes at social get-togethers but with every drink, the jokes
get dirtier and dirtier.
 They don't have genuine friends because they are not genuine themselves.
I

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They make promises they know they are not going to keep. A person with low selfesteem
would promise the moon to make a sale. Unkept promises lead to loss of credibility.

A person with high self esteem would prefer loss of business than loss of
credibility because they realize that one cannot put a price on one's credibility.
Their behavior is senseless and erratic. They swing from one end of the pendulum to
another. They may be all sugar and honey today but the same people may be out to
cut your throat tomorrow. They lack balance.
They alienate people and tend to be lonely.
They are touchy in nature--this is called the fragile ego. Anytime something is said, a
person with a fragile ego takes it personally and gets hurt. It leads to dejection.

High Self-Esteem Low Self-Esteem

Talk about ideas Talk about people
Caring attitude Critical attitude
Humility Arrogance
Respects authority Rebels against authority
Courage of conviction Goes along to get along
Confidence Confusion
Concerned about character Concerned about reputation
Assertive Aggressive
Accepts responsibility Blames the whole world
Self-interest Selfish
Optimistic Fatalistic
Understanding Greedy
Willing to learn Know it all
Sensitive Touchy
Solitude Lonely
Discuss Argue
Believes in self-worth Believes in net worth only
Guided Misguided
Discipline Distorted sense of freedom
Internally driven Externally driven
Respects others Looks down on others
Enjoys decency Enjoys vulgarity
Knows limit Everything goes
Giver Taker

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Steps to improve low self-esteem

1. Positive self-talk

The way that you think about yourself has a huge influence on your self-esteem. If you keep
telling yourself that you’re no good, you might just start to believe it even though it’s not true. If
you notice that you practice negative self-talk often, check out some ways that you can challenge
your negative thinking and build your confidence levels.

2. Don’t compare yourself to others

It can be really tempting to measure our own worth against other people. So what if your friend
is awesome at table tennis and gets great marks? You just need to figure out what your niche is.
Everyone is great at something - what are your strengths?

3. Exercise

Exercise helps to improve your mood. End of story. 

4. Don’t strive for perfection

It’s really great if you want to do things well, but keep in mind that perfection isn’t possible.
Check out one person’s story of coming to terms with their sweet imperfection.

5. Don’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake

Everyone on the planet makes mistakes – it’s in our basic human nature. Why should you be any
different? When you stuff up, don’t stress, just learn from it and move on. 

6. Focus on the things you can change

There’s no point wasting all your energy thinking about things that you can’t change. Why don’t
you have a think about some of the things that are in your power to control and see what you can
do about those?

7. Do things that you enjoy

If you’re doing things that you enjoy you’re more likely to be thinking positively. Schedule time
for fun and relaxation into every day.

8. Celebrate the small stuff

Start small and work your way up – you can’t expect any huge progress to be made overnight. 

9. Be helpful and considerate

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Not only is helping people a great way to boost the moods of others, but you might find that you
feel better about yourself after doing something particularly excellent.

10. Surround yourself with supportive people

Don’t hang around people who bring you down. Find a group of people who make you feel good
about yourself and avoid those who tend to trigger your negative thinking. 

FACTORS THAT DETERMINE OUR ATTITUDE

There are primarily three factors that determine our attitude. They are:
1. Environment
2. Experience
3. Education

These are called the triple Es of attitude. Let's evaluate each of the factors individually.

1. Environment
Environment consists of the following:
¨ Home: positive or negative influences
¨ School: peer pressure
¨ Work: supportive or over critical supervisor
¨ Media: television, newspapers, magazines, radio, movies
¨ Cultural background
¨ Religious background
¨ Traditions and beliefs
¨ Social environment
¨ Political environment

All of these environments create a culture. Every place be it a home, organization or a

country has a culture. Have you noticed that sometimes you go to a store and you find the
salesperson polite, the supervisor, manager and owner polite as well? Yet you go to another shop
and you find everyone rude and discourteous.
You go to a home and you find the kids and parents well-behaved, courteous and considerate.
You go to another home where everyone is fighting like cats and dogs.
In countries where the government and political environment is honest, generally you will find
that the people are honest, law abiding and helpful. And the reverse is true too. In a corrupt
environment, an honest person has a tough time. Whereas in an honest environment, the corrupt
one has a tough time. In a positive environment, a marginal performer's output goes up. In a
negative environment, a good performer's output goes down.
Culture in any place always goes top down, never bottom up. We need to step back and
look at what kind of environment we have created for ourselves and those around us. It is tough
to expect positive behavior in a negative environment. Where lawlessness becomes the law,
honest citizens become cheats, crooks and thieves.

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2. Experiences
Our behavior changes according to our experiences with people and events in our life. If
we have a positive experience with a person, our attitude toward him becomes positive and vice
versa.

3. Education
It refers to both formal and informal education, not just academic qualifications. Knowledge
strategically applied translates into wisdom, ensuring success. I talk of education in the
broader sense. It makes the role of the ; educator vital. A teacher affects eternity.

THE BENEFITS OF A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

These are many and easy to see. But what is easy to see is also easy to miss. To
mention a few, a positive attitude
 ¨ increases productivity
 ¨ fosters teamwork
 ¨ solves problems
 ¨ improves quality
 ¨ makes for congenial atmosphere
 ¨ breeds loyalty
 ¨ increases profits
 ¨ fosters better relationships with employers, employees, and customers
 ¨ reduces stress
 ¨ helps a person become a contributing member of society and an asset to their
 country
¨ makes for a pleasing personality

THE CONSEQUENCES OF A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE

Our life is an obstacle course and we become our own biggest obstacle by having a
negative attitude. People with a negative attitude have a hard time keeping friendships,
jobs, marriage and relationships. Their attitude leads to
 ¨ bitterness
 ¨ resentment
 ¨ a purposeless life
 ¨ ill health
 ¨ high stress level for themselves and others
They create a negative environment at home and work and become a liability to society.
They also pass on their negative behavior to others around them and to future
generations.

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Motivation

Motivation can be a very commonly spoken about subject. And, some people do not understand

how motivation actually works.

The interesting thing is that some people seem to mistake motivation for inspiration. They think

that both words have the same meaning, and they often use one word for the other.

Motivation is like a pulling force. For example, if you want to do exercise, and you feel that you

don’t have the time, or that it is too cold outside, or that you will be in pain afterwards, you have

to motivate yourself to go and do the exercise. That motivation will pull you towards doing
exercise.

So, if you are to go and exercise, you have to motivate yourself by reminding yourself of the

motive for doing exercise. It could be weight loss, fitness, getting fresh air etc. Whether you use

the word “motive” or you use the word “reason”, motivation needs to come from that source.

Without having a reason or a motive, motivation will be hard to come by.

Inspiration

Inspiration on the other hand, is more of a process. You may hear a speaker who inspires you,

you may read a book that inspires you, you may hear a song that inspires you, you may meet a

person who inspires you, or you may see something that inspires you. Whatever it is that inspires

you, it touches you on the inside and connects you to a state of being more excited, productive,

purposeful or anything that comes as a result of being inspired.

As a speaker, one of my goals is to give people insights into defining their life purpose. Once

they realise their life purpose, something inside of them awakens. They are inspired to live their

purpose with passion!

The word “inspiration” comes from the late Latin word “inspirare” which means “inspirit” or

“divine guidance”.

So, inspiration is something that you feel on the inside, while motivation is something from the

outside that compels you to take action.

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Inspiration is a driving force, while motivation which is a pulling force.

Some people believe that motivation is for lazy people because they cannot be bothered getting

things done. On the other hand, they think that inspiration is for productive people because they

are always getting things done.

No, that is certainly not the case. We all can benefit from motivation and inspiration.

Examples.

Motivation – I have to raise $500 for my favourite charity. They are in desperate need of funding

because they need to get a new computer. To be able to afford the new computer, they need to

raise $500 by the end of this month.

The ‘motive’ here is to make provision for the new computer. That is the pulling force that is

making me raise money for my favourite charity.

Inspiration – I feel like helping my favourite charity to raise funds. When I am making a

contribution towards others, I feel that I am in full alignment with my core values. That creates

the essence of being congruent to who I really am.

The driving force here is to make a contribution towards others because it feels congruent to who

I really am on the inside.

Internal vs External Motivation

Motivation  can be either external (extrinsic) and internal (intrinsic).

External motivation – the driving force that triggers you in achieving your goal. Such
as:
 Money.
 Prize.
 A simple smile and encouragement.
Internal motivation – the force that leads you to achieve a goal because of personal
satisfaction or desire. Examples are:
 Putting up your own business.
 Participating in a competition.

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Trophies, medals, money, discounts, grades, entrance to programs or schools, new clothes
and losing weight are all examples of extrinsic motivators. These are used to motivate
individuals to pursue their goals.

Here are some more examples of external motivation:

 Doing an article for a specific website in exchange for a high salary.

 Joining a web design competition just to win a brand new iPad Air.
 A company needs an employee who is a research addict.
 Doing a logo design for a very prestigious company.
 A company looking for a versatile IT enthusiast.

These are examples of internal motivation:

 Determination to get a college education.

 Putting up  a computer cafe.
 Working for a company as a blogger.
 Participation in an online game competition.
 Pursuing a Master’s degree in Computer Science.
Intrinsically motivated, you are able to feel some enjoyment and personal satisfaction and
develop the skill and competency that you want. It’s a personal accomplishment. It is not
about getting something in return.

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Ways To Get Motivated Externally
 Disregard What Is NOT Important. Spending so much time on insignificant things is
useless.Wasting your time on nonsense is crap. By doing so will give you a time to focus
and be productive. Consider only the things that would be beneficial to you.
 Reject Boredom. Boredom means being empty. Think of things that inspire you, things
that make you smile. Spend your quality time with really what is worth the effort.
 Laugh a Lot. Spend some time for yourself. Treat yourself to a movie, go swimming,
invite friends for a house party. Celebrate. Having a great time could be a great source of
stress reliever. Moreover, you get inspirations from it.
 Stay Fit. For some, this is a difficult task to do for they are timid. Pump up irons, jog and
do some push ups, go running around your house. It will eventually disturb your physical
body, killing laziness and giving you a warm feeling.
 Make a  Playlist. Have a list of your favorite songs. Try downloading some of it from Top
Billboards charts or from iTunes.  Listening to music can inspire you and get that awesome
mood to keep everything on the go. Just don’t turn up the volume to recreate the scene.
The only thing better than silence is good music.

 Avoid Energy Leeches. Braggers, bummers, killjoys- these people are all sucking up your
energy. Don’t get caught under their destructive domain. Isolating yourself from these
parasites can set your mood successfully.
 Make Time to be Creative. Discover a new passion. When it comes to building your
creativity, Why not try web designing. Take some risks. While your efforts may not lead to
success every time, your new found talent will benefit you in the future..
 Support an Advocacy. Support a cause in your neighborhood. Lend a hand. Attend
seminars. Go tree planting. Mother nature will surely be crying for your tremendous effort
and generosity.
 Have a Break. Call or invite a friend to watch the latest blockbuster movie. Grab a bag of
popcorn and soda and enjoy each other’s company.
 Diet Shift. How about changing your diet? Explore and try to devour some new recipes.
Break your usual meal.  If you love meat, then, it is your time to become vegetarian. Eat
and live well. For some people eating is an effective stress reliever..

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Ways To Get Motivated Internally
 Think Fun and Variety. Work hard, play hard. It’s nice to think that you are enjoying
what you are doing. You no longer feel that it is work.. You are exactly doing both!
Monotony is a killer. Motivation comes from doing what is fun. Be happy..
 Make or Deal with Yourself. This avoids procrastination and getting things done. You
just simply tell yourself that if you finished a certain task, you treat yourself for some
mouth-watering ice cream or a walk in the beach..
 Be Efficient. Take time to rest and think of ways how  would you become productive.
Look for some ways how to get things done in minimal time. Every minute counts.
 Clean Your Room. Try giving your room a total  make-over. Throw some old stuff out of
your room. Embrace the unconventional and new. Start fresh. This gives you a sense of
beginning..
 Always Think of Your Achievements. Consider your success rather than your failures. It
gives you a satisfying relief recalling what you did that made other people proud of you.
 Generate Anticipation. Set a date in the future about something. Make that the start date
and get excited about that date. This would make you look forward about the date..
 Master a Skill. Mastering a skill tends to give you a reason to be hooked on it and helps
you to think more of other possible and creative ways to enhance it. This is where
inspiration comes in.
 Try Befriending Courage and Altruism. Having the courage to do things makes an
individual pursue and finish something. It’s their desire. Pair it with the feeling that show
motivation to help other people and not being selfish.
 Believe in yourself. Trusting yourself that you can do it unleashes your adrenaline into a
high level. This helps you develop the vigor and the power to move on..
 Introspect. Try looking at yourself in the mirror. Close your eyes and imagine yourself
alone. Try to ask yourself questions that  would make you feel happy. In your solitude, you
can focus on yourself.

How Do You Hold on to Your Motivation?

Holding on to your motivation is a little bit exhausting. We need to find ways to
overcome it. Try some of these.

 Try setting a goal. This is very important. Divide your goals into several minor goals,
each goal leading to your major goal. This will also help you see your goal if it’s feasible
or not.
 Understand what you are doing and acquire the habit of always getting to the finish line.
 Socialize with achievers and associate yourself with motivated individuals. Share your
interest with them.
 Never entertain the idea of procrastination. This leads to being timid.

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  Look at your goals in a wider perspective with a feeling of joy and positivity.

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