16JOKES

16 JOKES

TO HELP YOU START A CONVERSATION IN ENGLISH! !

Some jokes are so bad they’re actually funny. Like the ones we’ve got for you here. If you’re feeling
brave, you could use these little jokes to start a conversation at a social event such as a conference, TOorPe yToIuPlomoakke
lunch or party. So, next time you find yourself alone and you want to meet people, try using one of Bef jokes, the
these 16 jokes to help you start a conversation in English! [See the next page for some exercises with these jokes.] at theyou knowd
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1 2

Who can
jump
higher than
a house?
Anyone!
Where did the computer Houses
go dancing? The disc-o! can’t jump!

3 4

What do you call a boomerang What did Winnie the Pooh say to
that never comes back? A stick. his agent? “Show me the honey!”

5 6

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

holiday. Never again. I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!

7 8

What’s the most terrifying word I just wrote a book on reverse

in nuclear physics? “Whoops!” psychology. Do not read it.

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9 10
My new thesaurus is terrible.
Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
11
Why didn’t the astronaut come
home to her husband? Because
she needed some space.
13
When’s the best time to go
to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
15
How did Darth Vader know
what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
GLOSSARY
a disc n
16 JOKES
a computer “disc” is a device with data on it
a disco n
a club where you can dance to music, usually
at night
a boomerang n
a curved piece of wood that comes back to you if
you throw it in the correct way
a stick n
a long, thin part of a tree that grows on its branch
an agent n
someone whose job is to represent an actor, singer,
What did one dish say to the musician, etc. and find work for them, do business
other? Dinner is on me! for them, etc.
honey n
a sweet substance made by bees
once-in-a-lifetime exp
12 a “once-in-a-lifetime” event or experience is very
special and unique
a flag n
an object (often rectangular and made of cloth)
with the colours, signs or symbols of a country
on it
a big plus exp
a big advantage or something very positive or
good; literally, a “plus” sign (+) if used in maths
to add numbers
whoops excl
this is a word we use when we have made
a mistake. It’s like saying, “Oh, no!”
reverse psychology exp
What did the duck say when the idea that if you say one thing, people will do
she bought some lipstick? the opposite of that thing. For example, if you tell
Put it on my bill! someone not to look at something, they will
look at it
a thesaurus n
a book you can use to look for a synonym
14 (a word that means the same as another word),
or an antonym (a word that means the opposite
of another word), etc.
on me exp
if you say that a meal is “on you”, you’re offering
to pay for it. Literally, if food is “on a plate”, it is
on top of that plate
space n
the area beyond the Earth’s atmosphere where the
stars and planets are; also, if you give someone
“space” to think about something or to develop as
a person, you give them the time and freedom to
do this
lipstick n
What do you call a hippie’s a substance (often red) that you can put on your
wife from a southern state lips to change their colour
in the USA? A Mississippi! a bill n a piece of paper with information about
how much you have to pay for something; also,
the part of a bird’s mouth
to hurt vb
16 if something “hurts” you, it gives you pain.
“Hurty” is an informal or childish adjective
that means “painful”. For example, a “hurty”
tooth = a tooth that hurts
Mrs exp we use this expression to refer to a married
woman: Mrs Smith / Mrs Peters…
The pronunciation is / mɪsɪs /
a present n
something you give someone for their birthday
or at Christmas; “presents” rhymes with
“presence” = someone’s “presence” in a place
is the fact that they’re in that place
a buffalo n
an animal like a big cow from southern or
eastern Africa
What did the buffalo say a bison n
when his son left? Bison! an animal like a big cow from North America and
Europe; it rhymes with “Bye, son!”
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 16 JOKES
16 JOKES

TO HELP YOU START A CONVERSATION IN ENGLISH!

EXERCISES
Now you understand the jokes, these exercises will help you remember them so you can use them in conversations!

Answers on page 38

1 Joke completion 12. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for
Complete the jokes with the words from below. Christmas? He felt his .
13. Why didn’t the astronaut come home to her husband?
honey tooth presents jump disco read
Because she needed some .
bill never terrible stick dinner plus 14. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also
.
whoops Mississippi bison space 15. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know,
1. What did the duck say when she bought some lipstick? but its flag is a big !
Put it on my ! 16. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? “Show me
2. What did one dish say to the other? is the !”
on me!
3. Who can jump higher than a house? Anyone! Houses 2 Joke repetition
can’t ! See if you can say the jokes using the notes below. This will help
4. What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “ you memorise them.
!” 1. computer / dancing / disc-o
5. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.
again. 2. jump / higher / house / anyone
6. What do you call a hippie’s wife? A !
3. call / boomerang / never / stick

4. Winnie the Pooh / say / agent / honey

5. went / once-in-a-lifetime / never

6. best thing / Switzerland / flag / big plus

7. terrifying / word / nuclear physics / whoops

8. wrote / book / reverse psychology / not

9. thesaurus / terrible / also / terrible

10. one dish / say / other / dinner

11. astronaut / home / husband / space

7. When’s the best time to go to the dentist? 12. duck / say / bought / lipstick / bill
-hurtie!
8. Where did the computer go dancing? The ! 13. best time / go / dentist / tooth
9. What did the buffalo say when his son left?
! 14. call / hippie’s wife / Mississippi
10. What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
A . 15. Darth Vader / know / Luke / Christmas / presents
11. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not
it. 16. buffalo / say / son / bison

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