MAY 2011 ISSUE 1

Produced by the Relapse Prevention Group in Stevenage

Welcome to Recovery Magazine, produced by the Relapse Prevention Group at WDP Drugsline in Stevenage Old Town. WDP is a charity committed to helping all those who are affected by drug and alcohol use. We started off as a little community centre in Westminster hence the name. Today we have 22 centres across London and the south-east of England, and we deliver services on behalf of local authorities.

The Relapse Prevention Group in Stevenage is a WDP support group for those who have stopped drinking. Our magazine contains personal stories of some of the WDP service users who are recovering from alcohol dependency, as well some practical help and advice in understanding and beating alcohol addiction. You will also find links to all the local services available to drinkers and their families in North and East Herts. Sincerely,

The Relapse Prevention Group

WDP has four centres in Herts; at Stevenage, Hertford, Hitchin and Royston. Each offers drug and alcohol counselling and one to one support, advice and information for injecting drug users, groups, complementary therapies, a needle and syringe program, a blood-borne virus service, support for families and carers of drinkers and drug users, keyworking and advice on housing and benefits. WDP Drugsline Stevenage Bank Chambers 68 a High Street Rookery Yard [the alleyway opposite Subway and next to Waitrose] Stevenage Old Town, Herts, SG1 3EA Tel: 01438 312055 Email: herts@wdp-drugs.org.uk WDP Drugsline Hertford 2a Priory Street Hertford Herts, SG14 1RN Tel: 01992 581040 WDP Drugsline Hitchin Thomas Bellamy House Bedford Road Hitchin, Herts, SG5 1HL Tel: 01462 442442 WDP Drugsline Royston Katherines Barn, Katherines Yard Melbourn Street Royston, Herts, SG8 7BZ

Contents
Recovery storyFrom Drunk to Mum The Gremlin on the Shoulder Recovery storyI Now Have a Choice Alcohol Detoxification Recovery storyI Dont Have a Drink ProblemI Just Enjoy a Drink What is Recovery? The Recovery Process Recovery StoryThinking Drinking The Two-Sided Coin Our Deepest Fear Recovery StoryAlcohol Took Over My Life Alcohol support services in and around Stevenage Do Not Pursue What is Illusionary..

Addiction is an equal opportunity disease anyone can get it

From Drunk to Mum female

ac-

hated it there I cried every day I was there. I felt very lonely, I hated being apart from my boyfriend. They were giving me tablets to detox, though Id never really had withdrawals. My drinking was quite erratic and my body was quite used to it. Why did you start drinking? I think a lot of my drinking was to do with stress and not being able to cope with situations, like when my Nan died, and like when my parents moved away when I was 23. I think they were major stresses for me and my drinking steadily increased from then. I had to fend for myself. I was very independent, but maybe things just moved too quickly. Ive always strived to be really good, to be the best. It was when I was 23 that I decided to train as an accountant, and went through working my way up and up, My exams were really hard and I failed a few times. Id never failed at anything, ever, and I found that hard to cope with. The exams were from the age of 23 to 27, and thats when it all went wrong. How bad did your drinking get? I wish the stay in hospital was the as bad as it got! To be honest things did improve for a long time, but that wasnt the end. Before I came out of hospital someone came to see me, gave me leaflets and told me about different agencies to help me with my drinking, but I didnt really listen. But there was a girl in there who I got friendly with, and she said to go to the Living Room, which is like a daytime treatment centre in Stevenage, and I did. The day after I came out I had an assessment and stayed for the group, and I went near enough every day for quite a few months. I did find it helped a lot. I still had occasions when I drank, but not many. It helped me learn a lot about myself and how

countant and young mother When did you first think alcohol was a problem? It was probably a problem for me for quite a while but I dont think I realised it until I ended up in hospital when I was 27, which was in 2008. My drinking had spiralled out of control. I was working and Id drink a lot at the weekends binge drinking - and then it was most nights whether I was out or at home, and it was always a couple of bottles of wine, never just one glass. Then I moved to Stevenage, and I drank at home more because I didnt know many people here. There was a two week period before I went into hospital, and that was when it got out of control. I didnt go to work, I was just constantly drunk, I didnt go out, and I was doing ridiculous things like not answering the door, keeping the curtains closed, even wetting myself. I thought it was a breakdown, I didnt know it was the drink that was really the problem.

we work, how our minds work, and tactics to stay safe. I learned a lot there. I was going to AA five days a week, and that helped too. I hated AA at first, and I thought I am not like those people. Id gone to an AA open meeting with my boyfriend and I just walked out and said to him, Take me to Tesco, and I bought some drink. He took me to the shop because he knew Id just disappear if he didnt, and at least he could keep an eye on me. But In a few days I went back.

I like to hear a story that tells that it was bad, but it got better
The bit of AA that helped me the most was the listening to peoples stories. I could see similarities between how thing had been for them and how it was for me. I dont like stories that are just about the bad times, or just about how good things are now, I like to hear a story that tells that it was bad, but it got better. While I was there at the Living Room there were a few people there who got one-to-one counselling at WDP Drugsline, and Ive been coming here on and off ever since, which is about two years. Theres no pressure here, Im just totally relaxed being myself. Ive been completely honest here. Whats bad about here? Not much. Sometimes Ive cried here, but thats not a bad thing. Sometimes I cant be bothered to come but I tell myself I should, and it that it does me good. My boyfriend says, But you like seeing Mike and you always feel better, and Im like, Yeah, alright, and I do feel better. What happened then? Like I said I was mostly not drinking, and I was having support, but I still had a few occa-

They were giving me tablets to detox

I was admitted voluntarily into the psychiatric ward at Lister hospital. The day Id wet myself Id drunk the whole contents of the drinks cabinet - all sorts of things that were disgusting - and my partner came home at lunch time and found me sitting on the kitchen floor, and he washed me down in the bath. He was on the phone and he said we should take a drive up to the hospital. They wanted to take me in and I said yes, because I had enough. I

sions when I drank. For instance one Tuesday Id been drinking all day, and I thought to myself, I cant do this, I need help,, and I decided it would be a good idea to drive to an AA meeting even though I was really drunk. It was a totally insane thing to do. I got in my car and set off, but I never made it to the meeting. I crashed into a wall and wrote my car off. I could so easily have died, or killed someone. I fled the scene and took my wine with me and carried on drinking at a friends house. When I got home the police turned up of course. It was a nightmare. There were a couple more occasions when I drank, even after that. So how did you finally stop? I got pregnant in 2009 and I thought, This is it. Im going to stop drinking and turn my life around. Even after that I drank on three separate occasions. One of those times it was three or four bottles of wine. The very last time I was drinking cans of lager or cider, a four pack. Id had three and opened the fourth one and took a mouthful and then I thought, Youve got a baby inside you. Youve going to lose everything. You are causing your boyfriend so much stress and unhappiness. If I you carry on like this I could lose him.

I went and I poured the rest of that can down the sink
I think the harsh reality of that hit me. I wasnt really drunk because the alcohol wasnt really working, and I sat on the edge of the bed sipping this can, and I got up and I said, Pull yourself together. Now if anyone said that to me I wouldnt have listened but it was me saying it to myself, that I had to do something now or I would lose everything I cared about and love my boyfriend, my unborn child, everything, and I went I and poured the rest of that can down the sink in the bathroom, and I havent had a drink since. Thats sixteen months ago. Im really lucky I didnt harm my son, but hes alright. Im pregnant again now, and I know Im not going to drink.

What advice would you give to someone struggling with alcohol? Dont drink! [laughs]. Just keep trying, because I kept trying. It might have taken me a while. Some people can stop just like that but not me and probably not most people, to be honest. Take any help that is offered to you; anything. Take it. And just listen, listen to other peoples advice, and take and use the bits that work for you. I still go to AA, for instance, because its nice to be reminded of where you came from, but I dont go every night now. Ive got a baby and another on the way, and Im busy, but If I did forget Id end up back there again. What difference does it make that your boyfriend goes to Alanon? Its helped him understand my problem, and maybe its kept us together. Al-non is good support for partners of drinkers, just like AA is for good support for people who have stopped drinking. He stopped trying to find the alcohol and pour it away, and that just left me face to face with my drinking.

Recovery, whats the good and bad side, honestly? The good side; you live in the real world. Thats good and bad, Id never really lived in the real world before. Ive got a house, Ive got a little boy who loves me to bits and I love him, Ive got a boyfriend who loves me, and Im happy. I wouldnt say Im happy all the time as Ive had problems with post natal depression, but if it wasnt for that I think Id have been happy all the time. Ive had my medication changed three times, but this one does the trick. It was a very dark time during the depression and I dont really remember it, but I got through it without having to pick up a drink. The bad side? Its hard work really hard work. Youve got to put the work in to get something out, and we, I mean us addicts, like to have things handed to us on a plate.

Id do things for attention, to cause drama

He doesnt try to control me at all now, and that helps. Id do things for attention, to cause drama, and when he stopped paying attention to those I had less reason to drink. And it helps him I think. Lastly, what should we call the story, if we gave it a title? From Drunk to Mum [laughs].

Temptation...

The Gremlin on the Shoulder

Many drinkers know what its like to have a gremlin, devil, monkey or imp on one shoulder which seems to whisper in their ear, tempting them to take just one drink. It seems to say things like Go on, one wont hurt, No-one will know, Theyre going out - just have a couple, and youll be OK by the time they get back, or Come on, youve been so good, you deserve a drink. The gremlin is about short term gratification, and it comes up with half-way convincing arguments for us to do things that we know will cause us problems in the long term. But sometimes we want to listen to it and believe what it says, so we can have just that one drink. On the other shoulder if were lucky - is a rather prim angel who wags a finger and tells us to look ahead to the long term consequences. You know you shouldnt if wont just be the one, will it?, They might not know, but you will, Whens the last time you did just have one without wanting another?, Dont be selfish, think of how you are stealing their peace of mind if you do theyll never know if youll have a drink, never being sure if you are being honest. We are left looking from one shoulder to the other, but the most important character in the picture is us in the middle who makes the choice. The more help we ask for from outside, the easier it is to really make a choice, rather than saying, Sod it. and caving in to the gremlins lies. And if we choose to listen to the sneaky gremlin, thats who we become...

I now have a choice

Scientist, male. What sort of person are you? I like to think that I am, despite my problems, dependable. If you agree to do something you have to do it; you must. Never promise to do something you cant do. Im a worrier I worry about all sorts of things, which didnt help with my drinking. For a while drinking suppressed a lot of worries, but after several years drinking made things much, much worse, and my drinking became linked in with anxiety and depression. I thought drinking helped with my hundred-mile-an-hour brain. Ive heard people call it a washing machine head, where all the thoughts are racing round at high speed, and Id pick one out and think, Ill deal with that, but then another dozen thoughts would come barrelling in behind it so I couldnt concentrate on one thing. So drink helped at first, but then it was definitely amplified big time by heavy drinking. You mentioned drink helped at first. How else did it help? I went off to university, and the first time I became aware of using drink to suppress emotions was when I split up with a longterm girlfriend, and I started drinking heavily then. Looking back, by the time I left university I may not have been alcohol dependant but I certainly had a drink problem. I was using it all the time to suppress feelings and emotions. After the split I left university, started work in a different part of the country and had a breakdown at 21, and looking back I think that was precipitated

by the drink. What was the breakdown like? It was a living hell, I had no idea what was happening, and I was having panic attacks. I saw a psychiatrist who talked about admitting me, and that scared me so much I made myself snap out of it and put everything in a box all the feelings and confusion, the split up, living in digs, doing a job I didnt like, everything that had gone before - and I just carried on with alcohol, drinking heavily in the evening. Getting through the day and the drinking was my reward in the evening, and that went on for years and years and years...

a drink quite a lot of drink. It was a social thing at first, wed go out together, though I would always drink more. In recent years the drinking was mostly at home. In recent times it wasnt just evening drinking, particularly if we were away for the weekend or on holiday . It appeared to be sociable, but it was really a hair of the dog. I took early retirement, but I knew that if I didnt theyd probably find out about my drinking and Id get dismissed anyway. I was afraid of getting found out How bad did your drinking get? About the time I got redundancy I went in for an inpatient detox for two weeks. I felt so much better after. It was a month after stopping I decided to try controlled drinking, and at first it was great! Because Id been a month without alcohol it affected me more and it was like going back years. It was great because the alcohol had stopped working when I drank all the time, and now I enjoyed it again. I could just have the odd one and enjoy it, but I knew I mustnt overdo it. I thought Id cracked it! A week later I had another drink. Then I decided not to drink for a few days then Ill have a couple. Then it was just weekends I drank. Then it was drinking during the week and thinking Id take the weekend off from drinking, and then then I was back to square one.

I was drinking to blot things out, to get oblivion

I was a scientist. At times that was a very stressful job. Deadlines, lots meeting with people who really knew what they were talking about so you had to be on the case. The drink affected me so I was hung over, and I felt paranoid that people would notice. Ive heard alcoholics say that you can be on a plateau of drinking a certain amount for days, weeks, months, before it creeps up and you go down and down. I stayed on a plateau of drinking heavily for maybe ten years plus, then started to need the drink more to blot things out, for oblivion, and started to go downhill. I drank mainly beer, occasionally wine, or if I was mixing with people socially then sometimes spirits, in company. I wasnt much of pub drinker at all; I mainly drank on my own. The drinking became more and more, and I gradually needed more and more to get to the same level, which for me was drinking to blot things out, to get oblivion. My wife doesnt regard me as an alcoholic, just someone who likes

I knew I had a dependency then

I was on my plateau again, doing this every evening. My wife would say, Can we have a night off alcohol?, and Id agree it was a good idea to do sometime, but not today. Then, after Id been on my plateau for maybe two years I started to get with-

drawals in the day, shakiness in the mornings, sweating, debilitating panic and anxiety attacks, nausea, pains in my side, and I started wondering what harm I was doing. At the New Year I decided to cut down and I found I couldnt. Id cut back for a couple of days and then it would be right back up. I knew I had a dependency then. Then there were a few mornings when Id have a drink to cope with the withdrawals or, at weekends or when Id feel shaky and organise a pub trip late morning. I knew that wasnt right. I went back to my doctor and he was very blunt and turned round and said, I dont know how to deal with you as were not really set up to help people with drug and alcohol problems. He told me about CDAT, the Community Drug and Alcohol Team, and he told me I could self-refer to them, which I didnt know. I found them very professional. Perhaps its my educational and scientific background but I really found their approach helpful. They started me attended a pre-detox group. Hem was my key worker at CDAT and he was great. I did six sessions at pre-detox the group, and then they offered me a home detox, which was a reducing dose of tranquillisers. They take care of the physical side of things , the withdrawals, which just leaves the emotional and psychological side of things, which for me and a lot of people are pretty difficult. The CDAT saw me a couple of times for post detox sessions then they discharged me and sign-posted me to WDP Drugsline. Here I get one-to-one counselling and groups. Whats the Relapse Prevention Group here like?

- very much alone in my own thoughts, Id stopped drinking, a month off alcohol and physically very much better, but emotionally all over the place. I felt very empty because this whole part of me that revolved around alcohol was stopped, and finding it difficult to find things to fill that void. But the group was very helpful because I sat there and it went round the room with people saying their little bits, and I though, I really dont want to say anything, maybe Ill keep my mouth shut and go home, but I told them all how I felt, and I think pretty much every single person who had been sober longer than me said, Been there, done that, had those kind of feelings, the emptiness, the is this all worth it?, and thats not the first time Ive come in feeling whatever-itis then gone away thinking, Well it isnt just me, everybody else is in the same boat. You hear people talking about having longer sobriety and they feel so much better, and you realise that it becomes easier the longer you work at it.

drinking? Loads! Physically I feel so much better already. When I was drinking the only time I could eat anything at all was about 7 o/c in the evening. By that time alcohol would have calmed my guts down. Before that I couldnt keep anything down. Now I want breakfast! I can eat something without feeling I want to throw it back up again. My sleeping pattern is not perfect, but I can wake up without worrying what happened the night before. What advice would you give to people who are still drinking dependently? Go and get some help. You cant do it on your own. Given my education and working background I know it can be dangerous to just stop, so get medical assistance. Dont be fobbed off if your GP isnt interested, go and see a different GP. There is help out there. And what advice would you have for someone who has just stopped? It does get easier. Its got easier for me even in the last three weeks. The cravings are still come but its easier. I cant cope with the idea of I cannot drink now for the rest of my life, so what Hem helped me with is to say that I can have a drink but not today. It really is one day at a time. I focus on finite periods of time. Im coming up to a month sober, and Im just looking at the next month, not an infinity of abstinence. Lastly, Ive got a lot of help. Just sitting in the group and listening to people has helped a lot, and made me realise Im not alone, and lots of people have been through the same process before. It can be inspirational, hearing peoples stories. Ive been lucky compared to some people.

I now have a choice about whether I drink or not

There was one person there who was a year sober that day and she said, I now have a choice about whether I drink or not, and I thought, Two months ago that choice wasnt an option, I had to have a drink, I physically had to have a drink. I knew that was wrong, that I was having more of the poison that was doing the damage, but that is the nature of the addiction. Now Im in that position where I can choose whether to have a drink. Noones stopping me, I can still have that drink, but someones given me that choice back. But if I have a drink Ill give that hard-won choice up again. Are there any positives to not

The Relapse Prevention Groups here are very good! For instance, when I came to the group on Friday I had really mixed emotions;

Alcohol Detoxification
Dependence and withdrawal If you drink regularly you may become alcohol dependent. When you are dependent you may crave alcohol, or start to organize your days around your drinking so you dont have to crave it. You may wait for a certain time before you allow yourself to drink and becoming agitated if something delays your drinking at that time. You may feel that alcohol is necessary to help you sleep at night, or to deal with anxiety attacks, as if drink is the glue that is helping you hold your life together, without realizing it is the alcohol that causes the sleeplessness and anxiety. You may find yourself retching in the mornings, or not being able to eat without feeling sick. As well as needing to drink, you may feel ill if you dont. Symptoms of withdrawal can include shakiness, sweatiness at night, anxiety, sickness, a feeling of impending doom or just feeling restless and uncomfortable in your own skin. Very occasionally someone may experience hallucinations during severe withdrawals called Delirium tremens ('DTs'), and may even suffer convulsions. This more severe reaction to stopping alcohol occurs in about 1 in 20 people who have alcohol withdrawal symptoms, about 2-3 days after their last drink. It is fatal in some cases.

tablets which helps to prevent withdrawal symptoms when you stop drinking alcohol. The most commonly used medicine for detox is chlordiazepoxide. This is a benzodiazepine medicine similar to valium, librium and diazepam.

Home Detox with the help of your GP or the CDAT

Some GPs are happy to prescribe tablets you take at home to come off the alcohol a home detox. Sometimes your GP will refer you to the Community Drug and Alcohol Team [the CDAT] to manage your detox. This is usually better for people who have other physical or mental health problems and for those who have: Whoever manages your home detox, a common treatment plan is as follows.

What is detoxification?
Detoxification or 'detox' involves taking a short course of

You will be prescribed a high dose of medication for the first day that you stop drinking alcohol. You then gradually reduce the dose over the next 5-7 days. This usually prevents, or greatly reduces, the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. You must agree not to drink any alcohol when you are going through detox. A breathalyser may be used to confirm that you are not drinking. Mixing drink and detox tablets can be very dangerous. Your GP or practice nurse or CDAT worker will usually see you quite often during the time of the home detox. Also during detox, support from family or friends can be of great help. Often the responsibility for getting the prescription, and giving the detox medicine is shared with a family member or friend. For ex-

ample, a partner or parent of the person going through detox.

Residential Detox and Rehab

The CDAT may offer you a residential detox in a specialist unit instead of a home detox, which is usually 1014 days. You will have the same reducing dose of medication, but in a detox centre rather than at home. This is better for people who have little home or social support a history of severe withdrawal symptoms a physical illness caused by alcohol * had previous attempts to stop alcohol and have failed.

period of detox you may still have some craving for alcohol. So you will still need willpower and coping strategies for when you feel tempted to drink. Vitamin supplements You are likely to be prescribed vitamins, particularly vitamin B1 (thiamine), and a B vitamin compound after detox. This is because many people who are dependent on alcohol cannot absorb certain vitamins. A lack of vitamin B1, for instance, can cause serious brain conditions. Taking it will improve concentration and memory in early recovery.

After detoxification and staying off alcohol

After a successful detox, some people go back to drinking heavily again at some point. To help to prevent a 'relapse' you may be offered medication or other help. Medication After you stop drinking you may be advised to take a different medicine for several months to help you keep off alcohol. Acamprosate is a medicine which helps to ease alcohol cravings. Disulfiram is another medicine which is sometimes used following a successful detox. When you take disulfiram you get very unpleasant symptoms if you drink any alcohol (such as flushing, vomiting, palpitations and headache). So, in effect, the medicine acts as a deterrent for when you are tempted to drink. It can help some people to stay off alcohol. Also, Milk thistle is often suggested as a complementary medicine to help your liver recover.

Other help
You are less likely to go back to drinking heavily if you have counselling, or other support to help you to stay off alcohol. Your doctor, practice nurse, or local drug and alcohol unit may suggest ongoing support when you are trying to stay off alcohol. WDP Drugsline here in Stevenage, for instance, can offer you one-to-one counselling, key-working , group support and alternative therapies. Self-help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous have also helped many, many people to

Occasionally the CDAT will offer longer residential treatmentrehab - once you have stopped drinking, although funding for this is very limited.

How will I feel going through detox?

Some people manage quite easily, others find it more difficult. You can expect to: Feel quite nervous or anxious for a few days. Have some difficulty with getting off to sleep for a few nights. Have some mild withdrawal symptoms, but they should not be too bad, and a lot less than if you were not taking the detox medicine. The medication used for detox does not make you stop drinking. You need determination to stop. The medication simply helps you to feel better whilst your body readjusts to not having alcohol. Even after the

If you do go back to heavy drinking, you can always try again to stop or cut down. Go back to your doctor of other health professionals. They know that dealing with addiction is a difficult process, and that it may take more than one attempt.

I dont have a drink problem, I just enjoy a drink.

Store manager, female.
When did you know you had a drink problem? Looking back, I think Ive always had a drink problem. I always had to get completely drunk whatever the occasion was. Id wake up the next day and think, Oh my God what have I done? and have to phone round and see whether Id upset anyone. I got suspended for a week from boarding school for getting drunk. That was the first time it caused any problems apart from, you know, being physically sick. I still cant drink pernot, and thats saying something for an alcoholic [laughs]. I was always the instigator as a teenager, and later on it was always me that said Lets go to the pub at lunchtime at work when someone suggested sitting in the park with a sandwich. If it was a meal Id have a liqueur coffee as a sneaky way of having more alcohol. So Ive always had a problem. Admitting I had a problem? Thats a different thing because I denied it for years, until I went to my doctors and admitted I had a problem last year.

When I first started asking for help I tried to hide behind the fact that my husband had died in 1996, but if Im honest we used to argue about my drinking. He used to find the bottles in a cupboard and stack them up on the side and say, Look, you know, youve drunk this, that and the other. Even at that time I did go to my doctor and he put me on antibuse. I drank on it, I came out in red hives everywhere, I was very ill and felt horrible, hot and sweaty so I stopped the tablets and kept drinking. But to answer your question if I was stressed Id start drinking earlier in the day, but Id be drinking anyway. Im not sure if its a factor in starting drinking but my parents both drank a lot and encouraged me to drink from the age of 12. We moved abroad then and I was the only child in an ex-pat community, where I was quite spoilt and allowed to get a way with a lot more and I could run riot. How bad did it get? Just being continually drunk the last week. It was a bit of a dream. I told my doctor that if he didnt do anything I wouldnt be here the next day. Im not sure if I meant it but I was desperate. How did you stop? I ended up having a detox at the mental health unit at the QE2. It was good, if a psychiatric unit can be described as good. I felt safe, I was happy to be there, there was no alcohol. Everyone was there because they had some kind of major problems, no-one was in there for the fun of it. That first night there was probably the first night maybe 13 years that I hadnt had a drink. I was there for about eight days. It was all good, I got what I needed because at the end I couldnt stop drinking because I felt like dying if I didnt drink, and having a drink made me feel a little bit better - so I couldnt have stopped on my own and had no choice.

Id go out to the car and have a drink

I used to think I drank a lot, but I used to justify it because I never missed a day at work; I was a functioning alcoholic. Id get up the next day and go to work. Only about six weeks before I had the detox was I not in touch with this planet. I started drinking before work; Id go out to the car and have a drink. I drank vodka, neat vodka, because I had this bizarre idea that no-one could smell it. In fact I got away with it [pause] or at least no-one commented [laughs]. That last six weeks was horrendous. There was such incredible stress at work I was drinking more and more. I was a store manager for a new company, the support network was rubbish, my area manager was nigh-on useless, and it was just too much. But in a way that job did me a favour because it got me to a point where I just had to ask for help. It saved me, in a way as I could have had an accident. I drank drove. Tescos was a minutes drive from the retail park where I worked and Id buy some vodka and drink it before I could drive home. Sometimes Id get up in the night and start again. What other stresses or losses were in your life?

You dont realise how therapeutic talking is - until you do start talking
When I came out I felt very wobbly during those early days. One thing I started to do was to go to the Buddhist temple at Letchworth and talk for an hour with a monk there, which helped a lot. He explained to me how your mind can do you great favours and how to deal with urges to drink. I also came to WDP, which suited me. Before that

I thought, How could talking to someone help? But when I came here it was fine. You dont realise how therapeutic talking is - until you do start talking. When I came to the Relapse Prevention Group here it was great. Its a small group and everyone is genuinely welcoming and friendly. But all the things I did were reasons not to drink, and you turn round and a week has gone and a month has gone and you realise that youre doing it. What happened after the detox? Before you go into detox you think that the detox is the answer to everything, then reality hits you that although youre not physically addicted youre still mentally addicted. You have a week or so of just floating around not really knowing whats going on with people pointing you in different directions. Alcohol was on my mind for weeks, and it still is sometimes, which is a good thing in a way as it reminds you. Itll always be an issue even if I dont think about it all the time now. For instance Im meeting up with some old school friends soon, we havent seen each other for 20 odd years. We were the naughty girls, and well all get together and reminisce. Ill make an excuse about not drinking because I dont want people to know, though it wont be a major issue. Do you think youll drink again? Ever? Id be foolish if I said Ill never drink again, but I dont want to and I certain dont intend to at the moment. Being sober is absolutely amazing. You wake up in the morning with a clear head, you can do whatever you want to do, theres no planning and sneaking around having to hide bottles. Life not drinking is so much easier! Whats good and bad about not drinking? One of the best things is re-engaging with your family and them not being worried sick about you, about whether youre going to wake up in the morning. They said they used to put their head next to mine at night to be sure I was still breathing, and they did that for years. Being able to enjoy things in life. I thought I enjoyed life before but, come 6 oclock Id be watching the clock and thinking Whatever were doing, can it stop now so I can go home and start drinking? Its like having a partner at home that wants you back at a certain time. Ive got a lot more freedom now. Down side? Not drinking can be tough. You had a relapse. What happened?

After 8 months I was coming here three times a week, going to the temple, then I had an interview on the Tuesday and started a full time job, which I wanted, but started on the Saturday which I wasnt prepared for and it was all too much, like going from zero to a hundred. I dropped all the support and had lots of challenge. I lasted about four weeks until I picked up a drink. I drank for about three weeks. It was rubbish. I immediately drank as much as I did before. Turning up for work at my nice new job, sitting there on my own in the shop thinking, Jesus, I feel like rubbish, eating things like bacon sandwiches, like you do when you have a hangover, and drinking bottles of lucozade trying to feel normal, and by the evening it was time to start drinking again. I tried to pass it off as funny but Id get on the wrong train home, ending up in Stanstead or Kings Cross, and thinking people on the train could smell the alcohol.

This time I know what would happen if I had a drink

I realised that what I was doing was complete stupidity, and my daughter found out. She said, If you dont stop now, or if you have to go into detox again youre going to lose this job, which was true, and I love this job. I hadnt drunk long enough to get physically addicted again, it was just a mental addiction, so I just stopped. That was seven and a half months ago, and I havent drunk since. Ive rearranged my days so I can come here to see you and come to the group sometimes. This recovery is easier than before, and this time I know what would happen if I had a drink. I know if I could go out of here now and have half a bottle of vodka and Id go Wa-hey!, and it would be great for half an hour, and then Id wake at ten or eleven oclock tonight and just feel like crap, like Id been through a mangle. What is the nature of your drink problem? Never being able to have drink like a normal person. Never going out and having a glass of wine with your meal. Never being able to have just one, because it means youll carry on. What advice would you give others who are struggling with drinking or just stopped? Get as much help as you can. Id never asked for help in my life before, but you cant do this without help. Once youve stopped, its just help you need really, just support. Changing your routine, changing what you did before, changing the people you mix with.

If you dont change your life it

would be too easy to slip back into drinking

You have to change your family routine, like where theres a space when you come in and get the tea done and then thats your drinking time particularly for functioning alcoholics its learning to fill that void with meetings or going to the gym. If you dont change your life it would be too easy to slip back into drinking. In a way your previous routine allowed you to drink; - your life was moulded around your alcoholism. Anything else youd like to say? No, just get help really, and dont think youre alone, there are just so many people out there going through the same thing. How about a title for your story? One thing I always used to say was, I dont have a drink problem, I just enjoy a drink., That was classic and I got away with it for years! [laughs].

What is Recovery?
Some answers from the Relapse Prevention Group at WDP Drugsline in Stevenage.

The most important thing is to feel physically well enough to do ordinary things like wash! J. Recovery is having the help to not drink or use drugs taking the chaos out of my life. D. I dont know what recovery is I just know youre not allowed to drink. I cant drink because I cant stop. S. Trying to not be the person I was before not to go down the road I did before. To find again the nice person I was and to be the nice person I am now a much nicer person hopefully and to travel a different road, even though its bumpy. L.

The Recovery Process

Recovering a healthy sleep pattern usually just takes a matter of days or weeks. The use of sleeping tablets during this time can, however, delay this natural process. Alcohol initially suppresses anxiety but then, over time, multiplies it. When we stop drinking we may get some tiredness, and a few anxiety attacks in the first few weeks - bursts of adrenaline as our system starts to recover from alcohols depressant effects. This is usually followed by a feeling of physical well-being while everyone around us tells us how well we are looking; - our eyes are brighter, skin clearer, and the bloated look from alcohols empty calories falls away. Our appetite will usually recover completely in just a few days. We may develop a sweet tooth since our body deals with alcohol by breaking it down into sugars, and our body may miss them. Remember, if you have a craving in those early days then try having something sweet It may be a craving for sugar, not alcohol. Although we are now eating more, our metabolism speeds up once alcohols depressant effect loses its grip on us, so we are more active and unlikely to put on too much weight. And boredom is the last of our problems!

A growing plant can be a good metaphor for the recovery process that unfolds when we choose complete abstinence from alcohol and drugs.

Physical Recovery
The first leaf to grow is physical recovery. Often we have not slept properly for some time. Alcohol might knock us out, but we have no proper quality of sleep when we fall into a stupor. We may also be suffering from anxiety and depression due to our drinking. Addiction to alcohol works by convincing us that drink gives us relief from sleeplessness, anxiety and feeling down, though it actually causes all these things in order to keep us drinking. We often dont spot this vicious cycle until we stop, and then all these things improve. Similarly many people fear boredom if they were to stop drinking, when it is regular drinking that makes our lives so boring and predictable.

While were mentioning sleep, vivid, busy dreams are common during and after detox, as there is a lot going on under the surface while we learn to live in a different way. In the months to come you may experience drinking dreams, where you dream that you have had a drink and wake up feeling anxious because the experience seems so real. These dreams seem to be a good sign, giving you the chance to rehearse just how bad youd feel if you slipped back, without having to do it in real life. My Body, my Horse During this period of physical recovery we may become aware that we have a body which is, you might say, a separate being for which we are responsible, like owing a horse. You can treat it just as something to get you from place to place, but it has needs separate from our own, and thrives on work, rest and care.

to the other side of a feeling by actually facing it and feeling it. Feelings are information. They tell us something about the world or about some part of ourselves. Once we stop drinking we find that it is no longer possible to deal with a problem by blocking out how we feel about it with a substance. We will, eventually, have to take some sort of action to resolve the situation itself. So the good news is that in recovery we get out feelings back but, because we now have to deal with stuff that bothers us, this is also the bad news! The Pink Cloud After the first few shaky weeks of not drinking, many people have what is often called a pink cloud - if we choose complete abstinence from alcohol and drugs. We experience a feeling of relief that is like chains dropping away. We feel a sense of perspective about problems; - unless they are life-threatening are they really that important? We notice the world around us, and it is good. It is like finding yourself lifted to the top of a mountain after having been stuck in the same murky valley for many years. We find we can laugh from the belly, recognise that that quiet feeling inside is happiness, and realise that hope is not just a word but a sudden feeling that happens in the heart.

Emotional Recovery
The next leaf is our emotions. Alcohol suppresses emotions. At some point in the past we worked out that when a situation makes us feel bad, it is easier to use a substance to make us feel good than to deal with the problem. In recovery we make a bet that there is no problem we cant face and get to the other side of, with help, and no feeling that we cant face and get to the other side of, with help. The with help bit is vital, as most drinkers feel it is very important to them to deal with things on their own. Which, obviously, is why they developed a drink problem in the first place. We often say, At the end of the day its down to me, isnt it? True, but down to us to get, and continue to get, help. We tend to stop growing emotionally at whatever age we started drinking. We may have been drinking for so long that we have forgotten that it is possible to get

During this phase we come back to ourselves. From the outside it is like watching someone becoming 3D, and witnessing the restoration of a human being to delight in life, and to dignity. Choppy Waters This period of feeding pigeons in the park is usually followed by some choppy waters as the full range of our emotions come back and we realise that feelingsgood as well as bad - are difficult to manage. It is as if we have slid back down the slope from our pink cloud on the mountain top and are faced with an arduous and often confusing climb. Feelings and emotions beset us. We might feel tearful at the news on TV, angry for no reason or for every reason, feel haunted by guilt or shame, feel as vulnerable as a snail without a shell or as unable to relate to others as child in a suit of armour, feel depressed and despondent, feel dragged down by beurocracy, be dogged by low self worth or a sense of pointlessness, We also start to rediscover some of the pressures that caused us to drink in the first place. Perhaps the biggest challenge we face is relationships; relationships with partners, parents, children and friends, which arej, potentially, an emotional mine-field. All these challenges from both inside ourselves and from around us can be faced, understood and dealt with as they come up if we have help. Without that regular help, high challenge and low support are a sure recipe for returning to alcohol. Climbing the Bloody Thing During the pink cloud we found ourselves atop a mountain. Now, by learning to deal with our selves, with our problems and with other people in a new way, we have to climb it. Luckily we know from that earlier glimpse how we will feel when we get there, and hopefully we will be around others climbing companions and guides who are making the same journey.

Mental Recovery
The next leaf to grow is the recovery of the mind, as we glimpse the faulty mental processes and beliefs which lead to, and go with drinking. Often they involve a skewed and negative view of the world, and an unrealistic view of ourselves. The psychological challenge is to bring unconscious behaviour into awareness, to look at unhelpful patterns of thought, identify triggers, and develop strategies to keep ourselves safe. We may, for instance, spot times when weve used our minds to justify acting on impulse. We may also have developed a very isolated view of life and people around us, and so struggle to adopt a way of living which involves asking for and giving help. Obviously these things need to change if we are to stay sober for long. 1-2-1 counselling, attending supportgroups or working the steps in AA can all play a vital role in understanding and changing our drinking thinking.

Understanding Needs in Recovery

The needs leaf. Alcohol often plugs a gap in our lives take the alcohol away and the gap is still there. If we list all the things that alcohol gives us, we have a list of what we as people need in our lives. We also have the challenge of finding other ways to meet those needs, otherwise we will probably drink again. In this way, problems are a language of the soul, since they tell us what we need. For example, if we lost a partner, perhaps we started

to drink at just that time in the evening when they would have come home. If we were caring for a sick parent or partner or child, perhaps drink gave us the support we needed. If we felt bad about ourselves after a redundancy, or lacked confidence, or suffered from worries and a racing mind, or suffered physical pain, or were troubled by events in the past, perhaps drink gave us relief. In some ways we have not had an alcohol problem, but an alcohol solution. In recovery we find new ways to do things, or drink again.

Recovery of the Self

The flower in our picture. So, we have a body but are more than just our bodies. We are the I that can say, I have a body. We have emotions, and only we are responsible for them. We are aware of those emotions, so we are the I that can say, I have emotions. We have a mind, and thoughts, and beliefs, and memories and imagination. We are responsible for looking at these thoughts and beliefs and deciding how we act on them. We are an I that can say, I have a mind, and I am more than my mind and my thoughts. We have needs, instincts and drives. No-one is responsible for them but us, as they belong to us. Yet we are more than our needs, as we are an I that can say, I have needs and impulses and drives. I am aware of them, but I can choose whether to act on them or not. Who then are we? What is this I that has a body, feelings, thoughts and drives, and yet is more than those things? This is your journey to find out, now that youre not pissed.

Physical Reaction to alcohol

Sometimes having a drink will trigger the need for more

Mental Obsession with alcohol

The ambition to be a normal drinker

People have compared this to an allergy. Our allergic reaction to alcohol is to want more. Normal drinkers dont get this craving to drink. They may know what its like to crave chocolate or cigarettes, but they wont understand why we cant stop at one drink when the craving kicks in; - when One is too many and a thousand are never enough. Because of this allergic reaction, we cant stop drinking once weve started. It doesnt kick in every time, so we go mad trying to spot the triggers on those occasions when we go over the top. In fact the trigger is alcohol.

Because a drink sometimes triggers the need for more, alcohol keeps being a problem, so we keep stopping for periods of time. This is where the flip side of the coin comes inthe ambition of every problem drinker to drink normally. If there was test for problem drinking it would need only one question ; - Do you want to be a normal drinker? If you want to be one, youre not. What keeps us going back to alcohol are the rosy pictures of a good drink; - a glass of wine with friends, a pint outside the pub by the canal, a can at home watching sport, a glass of champagne at a wedding. We want to make drink work for us, and to be a social drinker. The reality is that wed avoid friends who offered us just one drink. We say we want one drink but buy a bottle, and half way down that bottle were thinking of getting the next, because in our hearts we know that one drink was never enough. It is the one drink that triggers the physical reaction.

Thinking Drinking
Full time carer and aspiring writer,. Dear reader and fellow human being, What follows is my recollection of my swift descent into alcoholism, and the effect it had on me

into the pub for a couple of pints, which quickly escalated into 5-6. Add that to the 2-3 pints of cider before I went to bed. Oh and by this time I always made sure there was a bottle secreted somewhere around the flat. The "normal" life my wife left in September was now anything but normal when she got up again in February, and she entered a world where everything played second fiddle to my craving for the next drink . There were endless arguments, mostly my wife trying to get me to seek out help, though I saw her positive suggestions as interfering. Somewhere along the line something must have registered because I did seek help, even if it was help I felt I did not need I found myself sitting in a small office in WDP Drugsline in Stevenage to see an alcohol counsellor, someone who I now think of as Buddha. After two to three months of counselling with this guy I managed to get back on the straight and narrow. Id come off the alcohol, my life was on an even keel, and the problem had been solvedI felt I was cured, and my appointments with Buddha began to drop

I couldnt hold a cup of tea or use a pen until Id had a drink

To this day I do not know whether it was the death of my friend, the trauma of trying to bring her back, or just the excuse I had been looking for. What ever the reason I hit the bottle like never before. Within a week I was drinking 12 pints of cider a day. In the mornings I was going to the supermarket and buying a quarter bottle of vodka and a bottle of blackcurrant, and would go to the supermarket toilets, pour the vodka into the blackcurrant juice and drink it on the way home. This was the only way to stop the vomiting and diarrhea I suffered most mornings. Add that to the fact I couldnt hold a cup of tea or use a pen until Id had a drink, and I think you get the idea. I had scared my wife so much she took to her bed again;this time to avoid her train crash of a husThe quality of our lives deteriorated so quickly it frightened me. Somewhere in my drink fuddled

I gave up work in 2007 to look after my wife, who suffers such severe pain due to a serious back injury sustained at work that it became clear to both of us that

In September 2009 her consultant said 'You will never be pain free', and told us he would increase the dosage of painkillers, which would decrease the pain, but increase her stupor. When we came home she went to bed, and didnt get out of bed again for several months. ---------------

I always made sure there was a bottle secreted somewhere around the flat -------------We live in a small, claustrophobic one bedroom flat. My life became monotonous in the extreme, with every part of my of my day planned with military precision around my wifes care regime. I started to drink 2-3 pints of cider per night just to get me off to sleep, and this secret drink at bedtime was my only me-time. Luckily my wife was able to leave her bed again in February, and with that improvement I started to get out on Saturdays "to do some shopping" As well as doing the shopping I would call

Day Zero, 28th September 2010 ( Or, if you want to make God

I had a great relationship with an elderly couple who were our friends and neighbors. The husband had died a few years earlier, and I had taken to going over most nights to have a chat to his partner. I had a key because she was prone to falling. She was a remarkable woman and a good friend. Anyway on that wet September day I found my friend lying across her bed. I phoned the emergency services and requested an ambulance. Despite telling the operator that rigor mortis had set in he insisted I place her on the floor and try to resuscitate her. I did this until the paramedics turned up.

Expecting a miracle cure just like before, I found myself sitting in Stevenage opposite Buddha, but this time I realised very quickly it was not to be so simI had crossed an invisible line that had taken me a long way past a comfortable chat! I had to make some commitments and I had to keep to them ( abusive drinking will turn a saint into a manipulative liar even to yourself). After what seemed an eternity Buddha got me to sign up for the predetox group run by the CDAT. This is a group you join with a view to becoming alcohol-free with he help of qualified nurses and the correct drugs regime, as trying to go cold turkey can be dangerous and in some cases fatal. You have to attend six con-

secutive pre-detox meetings before you will be considered suitable for the detox program.

I was on the edge of madness

The night before my first meeting was due to take place. I was terrified. I had agreed to give up alcohol, which at that moment seemed a particularly stupid idea. I drank three litres of cider in two Next day I TOOK THE CAR. It was the 8th of November. Well I got to the meeting OK, but when I got there I collapsed. An ambulance took me to hospital, and then I was discharged. There were a lot of chances that day for me to leave the car where it was parked. But being drunk, rational thought is not an option and I decided to drive home. I drove my car through a garden wall. Fortunately no one was physically hurt apart from me. I lost my license, I lost my car (written off), I nearly lost my marriage, I lost all self respect. This was the cathartic moment of all cathartic Now I begged and pleaded to get a detox. The CDAT team told me there was only one chance and that was a home detox over Christmas. I think the only reason I got it was because no one wanted to try and give up booze at that time of year, with all the festive excesses and pressure to party. I will not bore you with whole procedure, but I will tell you that when I poured that final half bottle of cider down the loo at midnight on the 19th December I was on the edge of madness. The detox itself took eleven days instead of seven, and the first three days were some of the When I came through to the other side I was trembling chalk white and full of shame. I no longer had

I realise now that I will always be an alcoholic, but this does not mean I will ever again be alcohol dependant. One in four adults drink above government guidelines, and I dont plan to be one

As for me well I am still rebuilding bridges, and I am still sober, I am writing again, and I am still sober. My wife is just starting to trust me again - I love her more each passing day - and I am still sober. I am attending a drink drivers course run by the probation service, and I am still sober.

You won't find the answer at the bottom of that glass

I attend groups with fellow alcoholics, and I am still sober, And I still see Buddha, and I will probably need these things for the rest of my life, but hey, I am still so-

So If you ever find yourself thinking about a problem, sitting in a room on your own, with the sixth drink of the night in your hand, and this is the third, sixth or tenth time this has happened, then you won't find the answer at the bottom of that glass. The chances are your on the rocky road. Someone once said to me You take the first three drinks and then the fourth takes you. Go to the doctors, and if you do not get what your looking for there are plenty of other services available to you. But take it from one that knows, whatever your problem is you are not going to solve it by looking down the toi-

BY THE WAY I KNEW ALCOHOLISM COULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME. But it did, and I am at 115 days and counting!

Our deepest fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Nelson Mandela

Alcohol took over my life

female educational professional What was your drinking like? It was a gradual journey. It started as social drinking then advanced to problematic drinking over the last four to five years. I drank daily, though I was functioning with work. My wine intake varied; it was at least one bottle a night even at the beginning, with occasional daytime drinking. How and why did it start? Id start drinking socially to relax, but looking back I always took it too far. I was always the most drunken person at a function, and I never knew when to stop. I regularly got panic attacks and dizziness. How bad did it get? Alcohol took over my life. It became the central focus of everything. All my activities had to function around it to some degree or other. I always found a way to drink. At its worst I was drinking 24/7 with brief sleeping in between. I used to get up in the night to top up, and I had to do this to get back to sleep. It was a terrible vicious circle. I started the day with a drink and suffered terrible withdrawal if none was available. It got to the stage where it was absolutely vital to have a drink in order to function properly. The early fun side had long gone I needed the fix to feel normal. What did you do to stop, and what help did you get to stop? I went to AA at first. It worked to

some degree, though not fully as I continued to drink occasionally. Perhaps it wasnt the right time for me then. My GP gave me a course of tablets to detox from alcohol last May, but I started to drink again after, occasionally at first but it soon crept back to daily drinking. I had another course of tablets to detox in November last year, and this time I found I could stay stopped with AA, one to one counselling from WDP, Family therapy with Hertspeak and support from family and friends, which seems to be what I was looking for. What has recovery been like, good and bad? Bad

the physical dependency feeling cheated lots of associations Im still working hard to break the social aspect I mostly avoid drinking situations now! Good

Get busy Make lists and stick to them Do something amazing each day to feel proud [something small] Think of the health benefits long term How long have you been without a drink? Without alcohol 100 days and very much counting! I think thats about it. I realize Ive missed out (not purposefully) the two trips to A&E out of desperation for some help.... the cut wrists and the Diazepam overdose (happy days!) so if you wish to add these that's fine I hate thinking about it now, it just seems like a bad dream.

getting my self-esteem back feeling healthy and happy my depression has lifted being proud of myself VERY! My work is going well I have more self confidence Freedom! Im not reliant on a substance to make worries go away I can face up to life issues and DEAL with them! What advice would you give anyone who is struggling with their drinking?

admit defeat!!!!!! Get help and accept it Cut down slowly [if you can!] See your GP for help

Alcohol support services in and around Stevenage

If you feel you have a drink problem there are a number of Statutory [government run] or Voluntary [independent] services and agencies in the Stevenage area of Herts, as well as Drugsline, that can help.

Your G.P. Your G.P. can both prescribe and make referrals as needed. They can offer you a blood test to see how hard your liver has been working to cope with your drinking. It does this by measuring the amount of enzymes your liver has been producing to break down the alcohol. A high reading may indicate what your level of drinking is/ has been, but it will not show whether your liver is damaged; only a scan can do this. If your liver is damaged it may produce less enzymes, and so give a low reading. Some G.P.s will prescribe a benzodiazepine medication such as Librium to help you stop drinking usually chlordiazepoxide, though it may be diazepam or more rarely heminevrin - in a reducing dose over 7-10 days in order to detox' from [come off ] alcohol. The main purpose of this is to prevent alcoholic fits which sometimes happen in withdrawal from alcohol if your intake is around the 100-

units-a-week mark. Alcoholic fits can occasionally be fatal. The tablets will also reduce or remove the craving for a drink, since alcohol and tranquillisers have the same effect on the body. Both tranquillisers and alcohol have a depressant effect, so drinking while taking tranquillisers may slow your metabolism down to a dangerous degree or lead to accidents. A course of such tablets taken at home is called a home detox or community detox Many G.P.s will not prescribe these tablets to you directly if you live alone, have little home or social support, have a history of withdrawal problems or overdosing, or have a physical illness caused by alcohol, but will instead refer you to your local Community Drug and Alcohol Team or C.D.A.T. [see below] to assess you and to either offer you a supervised detox at home or to arrange an inpatient /residential detox in a hospital or similar setting. It is possible your G.P. may prescribe a tablet called Antabuse [a pun on anti-booze] once you have stopped drinking in order to help you stay off alcohol. It does this by making you very ill if you drink. The active ingredient is disulfiram, which acts directly on the heart and blood vessels and it will make you very, very ill indeed. It is recommended you do not drink for at least a day before starting to take it, and at least a week after stopping taking it. It is not as commonly prescribed as it once was, perhaps due to several reported fatalities.

We would not recommend it for the same reason, though there may sometimes be a role for it. Your G.P. can, however, prescribe Acamprosate [also called Campral] after you have stopped drinking, in order to help you stay off alcohol. It can be started after you have withdrawn from alcohol, and is usually prescribed for 6 months to a year in conjunction with counselling or AA attendance. It has a mild and unobtrusive effect it will not affect your mood, for instance, or make you ill if you drink but studies have shown it can be very helpful in reducing cravings in the long term. It wont help you come off alcohol, but some of our clients have reported it as useful for those wishing to stay off alcohol in the long term. Your G.P. may also prescribe vitamin B1 [thiamine] immediately after you have stopped drinking, since a high alcohol intake can otherwise cause serious brain conditions and damage to the nervous system and eyesight. Taking thiamine for a few months after stopping drinking can help with memory and concentration, and reduce nerve damage [of which tingling in the fingers and toes can be an early sign]. Most G.P.s do not receive much training in the area of alcohol problems, and may not always be aware what they or other services can offer, while other doctors build up a lot of experience in this area and perhaps go to great lengths to inform

themselves about what help is available. WDP Drugsline Drugsline is an independent charity separate from statutory services. We offer assessment, key-working, specific drug or alcohol counselling, as well as alternative therapies, a Drop in and a needle syringe program. We are situated in Stevenage Old Town, next to Waitrose and opposite Subway. Alcohol counselling, like our other services, is free to clients. It is confidential, and you will normally be offered a weekly 1-2-1 appointment to talk for 50 minutes, for between six to twelve weeks. The alcohol counsellor will help you identify and work towards your own individual goals. We can also liase with your G.P. or refer you to the C.D.A.T. [though only with your permission] if you would like to be assessed by them for detox. If you are successful in making changes to your drinking, then the counsellor may also ask if you would like to be referred to our weekly Relapse Prevention Group, for ongoing support. Our Stevenage office is at 68A High Street, Rookery Yard, Stevenage Old Town, SG1 3EA, tel 01438 312055 Our other offices are at Hertford [01992 581040], Hitchin [01462 442442] and Royston [01763 249977]

The Community Drug and Alcohol Team [CDAT] There is a CDAT in every area. They are a statutory [Government run] organisation. They provide assessments, one-to-one advice and information, and access to rehabilitation/ treatment services for people with drug or alcohol problems. They can help people with alcohol, heroin and crack cocaine addictions if they who have a daily physical dependence. They are not able to offer help to drinkers who are not physically dependent [drink a large amount every day and become ill if they stop], or those who wish to control their drinking or who are unsure if they want to stop. The CDAT is the only organisation who can arrange community [at home] and in-patient [in hospital] detoxes. They can sometimes find funding for longer term [one to six months] residential rehab, but they dont have a large pot of money for this. If

you are being considered for a detox you will be invited to attend a pre-detox group, which is currently held at WDP Drugsline in Stevenage Old Town on Monday mornings. The Stevenage CDAT is at Safron Ground. You can self-refer to them. Telephone no. 01438 792100 The Living Room The Living Room is a free rehabilitation day programme supporting people into recovery, with a daily group [Monday to Friday 10.30 12.00] for people who want to abstain from alcohol and drugs or who have eating or gambling problems or sex or relationship addictions, and offer structured learning on addiction in the afternoon [1.00 to 2.30, ], and some 1-2-1. A crche is available 2 or 3 times a week. They also have a weekly support group on Wednesdays and Thursdays for friends and family of drinkers/drug users. Phone for more details. 8-10 The Glebe, Chells Way, Stevenage SG2

ODJ. Tel 01438 355649

Alcoholics Anonymous Alcoholics Anonymous is unlike other services mentioned in that it is not run by health professionals, but it has a very good track record of helping people stay off alcohol. It is a fellowship of men and women who have stopped drinking, and who stay sober by helping others to stay sober. They have meetings in every town, usually in those venues charging the least rent such as church halls and hospitals. There is no charge for attending, but many people attending will put a pound in a pot at the end to pay for rent of the room, tea and coffee etc. They are not a religious organization, but believe that alcoholics can only stop and stay stopped by asking for help, particularly from people who have had the same problem and have found solutions. AA members also often develop their own indi-

vidual ideas about spirituality as a source of help, which they may describe as a higher power or as God, but this is not a requirement. Neither will you be required to stand up or hold a microphone, whatever you may have seen on TV. A.A. meetings are simply groups of people meeting to discuss a common problem and find support in living without drink. The majority of people there will have stopped drinking, often for months, years or even decades. The meeting will last for 90 minutes, and the format will usually consist of one person talking about their drinking, how they stopped and how they have stayed off the alcohol, and then others taking turns talking if they wish. You will be able to sit at the back without having to talk if you do not want to talk. People there will often preface what they say with the words, My

names so-and-so and Im an alcoholic. And say Thank you when they have finished. This is purely a convention to help people to take turns in talking one at a time, and if you do wish to say something you can just preface what you say with My name is [soand-so]. You do not need to call yourself an alcoholic if it makes you feel uncomfortable. There are over 3000 meetings held in the UK each week with over 40,000 members. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.National contact details - PO Box 1, 10 Toft Green, York, YO1 7ND Helpline: 0845 769 7555 Web: www.alcoholicsanonymous.org.uk.AL-Anon Family GroupsSimilar to A.A., run by and for family members of drinkers. 61 Great Dover Street, London, SE1 4YF

Hertsreach
Hertsreach Letchworth offers a range of interventions to anyone affected by their own or someone else's drug and/or alcohol use. All services are free and confidential and open to anyone age 18 or over and residing in Hertfordshire. The service provides a range of Tier 2 and Tier 3 services that include assessment and care planning, advice and information, one to one keyworking and counselling, auricular acupuncture, crisis intervention and aftercare support with housing, benefits, education, training and employment (ETE). Hertsreach deliver a 16 week structured day programme which includes relapse prevention, womens group, stimulants group and an alcohol group. The service also has specific criminal justice services that include DIP support (arrest referral, outreach, one to one support and onward referral) and a DRR programme offering drug testing, groupwork and one to one support. They also offer support to Friends & Family of anyone with a substance misuse issue, through the provision of weekly groupwork.

Vale House
43 Cowbridge, Hertford SG14 1PN Tel: 01992 553 173 Fax: 01992 509 7 Support groups, one to one counselling , detox centre, treatment centres and other services.

Hertspeak
HertSpeak is a CoreKids project funded by Comic Relief based in Hertfordshire specifically for children, parents and families where problematic parental alcohol use may be an issue. Through the HertSpeak project we aim to work in a family focused way to help children be safe and healthy, adults to be effective parents, and families to communicate. Contact on the WDP Stevenage number 01438 312055

SG6 3BQ

Turning Point Hertsreach Hertford, 105, Fore Street Hertford SG14 1AS

PACTS
WDP works in partnership with Herts Alcohol Counselling Service to provide support to people who are experiencing problems with their drinking. PACTs has a team of qualified, experienced counsellors and therapists who offer counselling support and aftercare for those whose alcohol use has become a problem. Services include: *Counselling following detox or residential rehab Brief therapy for dependent and non-dependent alcohol users *One-to-one counselling and therapy by experienced, qualified counsellors and therapists *Relapse prevention groups Referrals can be made by medical, healthcare professionals and alcohol and drug services throughout Hertfordshire. To refer please call 01992 509 761.

Do not pursue what is illusory - property and position: all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade, and is confiscated in one fell night. Live with a steady superiority over life - don't be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn after happiness; it is, after all, the same: the bitter doesn't last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing. It is enough if you don't freeze in the cold and if thirst and hunger don't claw at your insides. If your back isn't broken, if your feet can walk, if both arms can bend, if both eyes see, and if both ears hear, then whom should you envy? And why? Our envy of others devours us most of all. Rub your eyes and purify your heart - and prize above all else in the world those who love you and wish you well. Do not hurt them or scold them, and never part from any of them in anger; after all, you simply do not know: it might be your last act before your arrest, and that will be how you will be imprinted in their memory.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn - The Gulag Archepelago

A WDP PRODUCTION