Eve Huston

The Silencing Effect for Male Sexual Assault

Close your eyes and imagine you are in a dark room, filled with rowdy people and friends
spilling their drinks and screaming around you. Amidst this chaos, you find you cannot move
your muscles, but you feel a hand creeping up your thigh. You cannot stop it, you cannot
breathe, but nobody is saying anything, and you are left in the darkness. If you saw a girl
passed out, drunk on a couch whilst being assaulted, would you interfere? What if the
person being harassed was a man? Male sexual assault is often unacknowledged and
undiscussed. The stories of these victims fall through the cracks in our society and get left
behind in the cave of lost causes. One anonymous victim has come forward to The Mirror
about their harrowing sexual assault, and the copious amounts of backlash they received
which in turn caused him to stay silent about his rape. For our purposes, let’s call him John
Doe.
For John, all of the red flags were there with his rapist, yet everyone around him, including
his best friend and wife laughed at the continuous sexual harassment that John endured. It’s
these societal attitudes that cast a shadow of doubt in John’s mind that made him think that
this kind of behaviour was acceptable. Little did John know that the inappropriate remarks
would escalate beyond his worst nightmare. To his shock and horror, whilst John was drunk,
unconscious, and altogether helpless, he woke up to himself being violated by his best
friend's wife. The person who did this sickening assault was somebody he was supposed to
trust. When he told his buddy, he was flippant because “girls can't rape boys” right? The
shadow loomed even larger over him, and he tried to stay silent, until he couldn’t any longer
and he cracked. He broke down to his wife, only for her to accuse him of cheating. “She's a
mother, why would she lie?” Excuses like these, are the reason men are silenced and why
male sexual abuse remains in the shadows of society. We, as a community, have the power
to bring this issue into the light and destigmatise the belief that men cannot be assaulted by
women. When he finally called it what it is, rape, he got punched in the face by his rapist’s
sister and branded a liar. John got shoved deeper into the dark abyss after speaking out,
losing his wife, friends and community until his voice was completely silenced.
“Good on you she’s hot.” “Don’t be a sissy about it.” or “You let a girl overpower you?”
When men talk about their sexual assault experiences, this is what they hear. This is the
shadow cast on society that smothers men who try and speak out against sexual assault.
Have you ever been belittled or completely silenced after opening up about something
personal to you? This is the silencing effect. When rape or sexual assault survivors who
speak out about their assault experiences receive negative backlash, the silencing effect
causes them to stop speaking about their assault. Whilst this is a prevalent issue amongst
most sexual assault survivors, it is undoubtedly worse for male victims. Our testosterone-
driven society cannot fathom that a man can be a victim of rape or sexual assault; but here
are the facts: At least 1 in 6 men have been sexually assaulted or abused in their lifetime. In
2015, a national survey by the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention found that nearly
4 million men had been victims of sexual violence just in the previous year. With these
shocking statistics, why is this so unheard of in the media? Just like women, men are tricked,
Eve Huston

forced, coerced, or threatened into sexual activity that they do not want to engage in. And
just like women, any man can be overpowered, outnumbered, or emotionally blackmailed.
The stories of men and boys still remain mostly in these shadows: hidden, unacknowledged
and undiscussed. The lack of awareness and predisposed beliefs about sexual violence is to
think of men as perpetrators and women as victims. Sexual assault stories are everywhere,
but the people telling these stories are almost always girls and women. But this is an
oversimplification that is built on a damaging stereotype about male invulnerability, and it
obscures the truth: Boys can be victims, and boys need our help to break the silence. The
problem is, when a survivor comes forward about their assault, what's there for them to go
to? We have all of these resources for women, but what do we have for men? And even
when men do come forward, they get treated unfairly and labelled as liars and overreactors.
This is the silencing effect that suffocates men until they are too ashamed to come forward
out of the shadows.
Male survivors who have come forward have been pushed to the brink by society’s backlash
causing a ripple effect of silence. This has resulted in reported high rates of fear that they
will not be believed or taken seriously if they report the offence. Boys are less likely to talk
about their sexual abuse to escape the chance of being invalidated, shamed or embarrassed
as between 70-90% of males who have been sexually abused report not telling anyone at
the time. This staggering statistic is an alarm for us as a society to make immediate changes.
For John Doe, after he came forward about his assault, he was invalidated by the people
around him, and went from the victim to the villain. Because of this, he buried his trauma,
and the vicious cycle continues. As a society, we must think about the message we are
sending to men when they come forward about their assault. These victims are at much
greater risk than those who haven’t been sexually assaulted for serious mental health
problems. Sexual assault has a range of consequences for the victim that can extend far
beyond physical injury. They have higher chances of post-traumatic stress disorder,
depression, falling into alcoholism or drug abuse, suicidal thoughts and they often have
problems in their future relationships.
With these devastating consequences of the silencing effect, our society as a whole needs to
break the silence. It starts with the education of consent in schools. The silencing effect and
the impact it has on victims, what consent is and how to be supportive of victims should all
be taught in schools. If this is put into the curriculum in all year levels from primary to high
school, we can address the root of the problem. If you have a kid, a sister, brother or even
just a friend, be aware of what schools are teaching them and expand on this outside of the
classroom. If this curriculum is not followed, be aware and speak up. Let’s set an example: If
your friends come forward to you about any abuse, listen actively and be supportive. Call
out inappropriate behaviour when you see it. Let’s give those male survivors the chance to
come into the light so they know they are not alone. Let’s listen. Let’s break the silence.
Let’s shed a light on this issue.
Eve Huston

Bibliography
1in6 Organisation. (2021). The 1 in 6 Statistic. Retrieved from 1in6: https://1in6.org/get-
information/the-1-in-6-statistic/

Australian Government. (2013). The misconceptions and stereotypes. Retrieved from Australian
Institute of Family Studies: https://aifs.gov.au/publications/community-beliefs-and-
misconceptions-about-male-sexual-assault

Brown, E. (2021). Sexual Assault Against Boys Is a Crisis. Retrieved from The Washington Post
Magazine: https://www.washingtonpost.com/magazine/2021/02/22/why-we-dont-talk-
about-sexual-violence-against-boys-why-we-should/

Living Well. (2021). Sexual abuse statistics. Retrieved from Living Well:
https://livingwell.org.au/information/statistics/

NCTSN. (n.d.). Why Don’t They Tell? Retrieved from

https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources/fact-sheet/why_dont_they_tell_teens_
and_sexual_assault_disclosure.pdf

Oakley, N. (2018). Men who were sexually assaulted by women share their stories - and how their
friends reacted. Retrieved from Mirror: https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/health/men-who-
were-sexually-assaulted-10271205