You clearly state the topic that you want to focus on in the introduction which is the negative

effects of cyber-bullying and trash-talking in the video game community and how there is a need
to improve this. You have all six of your APA sources that you want to use and the first few
citations were well done you just need to finish the last two and I would recommend adding a
link to the fourth citation so that way readers know what you are talking about. I would definitely
recommend elaborating more on your ideas and your opinions rather than restating the
information from the articles in the last few paragraphs. I also think that you seem to repeat the
same points throughout your paragraphs. You state the issues the articles take about and then
state some form of solution for having a more positive community. So I think that you should try
to not do that for every single paragraph and focus more on your ideas and opinions. I also think
that adding a personal anecdote or experiences you have had with cyber-bullying and
trash-talking with online gaming communities. I think that would really help you connect with
your audience. I also noticed that the text size and font changes throughout your draft. Would
recommend changing that before the final submission.