PERSONDEV Chapter 9
Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World
Emotions: Positive, negative, or mixed feelings;
temporary experiences
-Emotions energize our thoughts and behavior and
direct our attention towards some things and away from
others
-We can gain control over our emotions
-Feelings are activated by a variety of events
-Achieving Emotional Balance—A Daily Challenge-
>Choices are dictated primarily by either:
-Our cognitions (reason) or
-Emotions (feelings)
>Thinking helps us see things logically
>Feeling helps us be caring and human
>Emotional intelligence can be increased through a
combination of awareness and training; based on two
types of competencies:
>Personal Competence refers to the competencies that
determine how we achieve and maintain emotional
balance; self-awareness is key
>Social Competence refers to the competencies that
determine how we handle relationships; identifying
others’ thoughts and feelings is key
-Emotional Expression-
>Emotional imbalance can be due to:
-Learned inhibition of certain emotions and
overemphasis on the expression of others
-Fixation on a single emotion
-The Emotional Factor at Work-
-Emotions play critical role in success of every
organization
-Doing business is not purely rational or logical
-Compassion is an important key to long-term personal
success
-A relationship strategy emphasizes doing business with
a meeting of minds & hearts
-Relationship Strategy-
>Emotional labor: form of emotional regulation required
for workers who are expected to display specific
emotions as part of their job
-Emotional labor taxes the mind and can be more
difficult to handle than physical labor, which taxes the
body
-Toxic Emotions-
-Some organizations and their leaders generate
emotional pain, which is a form of toxicity
-Toxicity can demoralize employees, damage
performance, and contaminate the health of the
organization
-Factors That Influence Our Emotional Development-
>Temperament - Refers to a person’s individual style &
frequency of expressing needs & emotions
=Activity, intensity, adaptability, general disposition
-Primarily biologically based
-Temperament is affected by the environment during
development
>Unconscious Influences
-Childhood memories from the unconscious mind can
cause us to experience emotions out of proportion to a
current situation
-Transactional Analysis: The brain records both: Events,
and Feelings associated with events
>Cultural Intelligence (C Q) - One’s ability to interpret
human actions, gestures, and speech patterns in
unfamiliar cultural situations and respond appropriately
>Mindfulness - Means maintaining awareness of
emotions, thoughts, & feelings that occur in the present
moment
-Has its roots in Eastern meditation practices developed
by Buddhist scholars
-Method of disciplining the mind & controlling emotions
-Involves paying attention & being continuously present
with the experience
>Anger: the thoughts, feelings, physical reactions, &
actions that result from unacceptable behavior by
others
-Almost always a response to perceived injustice
-May dissolve with deeper understanding
-Managing Your Anger-
>Learning to address your own anger and that of others
is one of the most sophisticated and mature skills
people are ever required to learn
>Intense anger often takes the form of rage
=E.g., road rage, air rage, customer rage
>Workplace rage can take the form of yelling, verbal
abuse, and physical violence
=More likely when workers are stressed by long hours,
unrealistic deadlines, cramped quarters, excessive
electronic messages, lack of recognition, bullying
incidents, etc.
-Anger Management-
>National Anger Management Association scale
categorizes anger level from “calm” to “enraged”
>Anger management classes are available to help scale
down anger
-Some organizations require anger management or
civility courses for some or all employees
-Alternative to a jail sentence in some circumstances
-Keeping Cool in Angry Times-
>Keep an anger diary or journal
-Monitor triggers for anger & emotions they inspire
>Reframe the situation
-Try not to see every inconvenience or frustration as a
personal affront
>Be aware of how you talk to yourself
-Don’t make yourself feel like a victim
>If you feel a blow-up coming on, give yourself a time-
out before acting on it
-Wait before you speak or send e-mail
>Pay more attention to the important things in life
-Most frustrations, inconveniences, and indignities are
trivial and temporary
-Effective Ways to Express Your Anger-
-Avoid reacting in a manner that may seem emotionally
unstable or irrational
-Do not make accusations or fix blame
-Express your feelings in a timely manner
-Be specific as you describe the factors that triggered
your anger, and be clear about the resolution you are
seeking
-Ban the silent treatment
-How to Handle Other People’s Anger-
>Recognize and accept the other person’s anger
>Encourage the angry person to vent feelings
>Do not respond to an angry person with your anger
>Give the angry person feedback
-Paraphrase the person’s major concern
-Express a desire to solve the problem
-If at fault, accept blame and apologize
>Workplace violence encompasses a wide range of
behaviors and is defined as:
-Any act against an employee that creates a hostile work
environment and negatively affects the employee,
either physically or psychologically
-These acts include all types of physical or verbal
assaults, threats, coercion, intimidation, and all forms of
harassment
-Preventing Workplace Violence-
>Use hiring procedures that screen out unstable
persons
=In-depth interviews, drug testing, background checks
can help
>Develop a strategy for responding to incidents before
they actually occur
=Establish a strong expectation of not tolerating hostile
or intimidating speech or actions
>When employees are demoted, fired, or laid off, do it
in a way that does not demoralize the employee
=Communicate what will happen and when clearly
>Provide out-placement services for laid-off or
terminated employees
=Job search skills, retraining, counseling
>Establish a systematic way to deal with disgruntled
employees
>Provide supervisors and managers with training that
will help them prevent workplace violence and deal
effectively with it
-Emotional Style-
Your emotional style started taking shape before birth
and evolved over the years
>Suppressing Your Emotions
-Some develop intellectual strategies to avoid dealing
directly with emotional reactions
-Habitually suppressing, denying, pretending emotions
don’t exist is unhealthy, unproductive
>Capitulating to Your Emotions
-People see themselves as helpless victims of feelings
that they cannot control
>Overexpressing Your Emotions
-Frequently displays lack of emotional control
=Vulgar language, teary eyes, raised voice
>Accommodating Your Emotions
-People recognize, accept, & experience emotion
-React in ways appropriate to the situation
-Strategies for Achieving Emotional Control-
>We have a certain amount of mental, emotional, and
physical energy each day
>We can learn to discipline the mind to banish thoughts
that create frustration, waste energy, and deplete the
immune system
>Identifying Your Emotional Patterns
-Keep a journal to help identify your emotional patterns
-Set aside quiet time to reflect on your emotional
patterns
-Construct a chart of your emotional landscape by
logging situations and emotions throughout the day
>Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style
-Take responsibility for your emotions
=Do not shift the blame to other people or events
-Put your problems into proper perspective
=Look at problems realistically and practically
-Take steps to move beyond toxic emotions
=Takes ~ 2 years to recover from major trauma
-Give your feelings some exercise
=Identify your feelings and express them appropriately