Dedicated to you

Right now, I’m listening to Let Somebody Go by Coldplay and Selena Gomez. Late last year I was talking
to Ivy about how people evolve, so as their relationships. Sometimes the relationships do not evolve,
they become something else entirely. You change from friends to mere acquaintances to enemies. Your
dreams change from wanting to become a doctor to becoming a nurse. It’s the way of life. Have you
ever listened to Gang Gang by Migos. It is one of my favorite songs. It is a song that I had ignored for so
long only to find out later that it was fire. The first few lines of the first verse go, “Hey, I know this might
sound weird to say but would you love me if I went away?” Would you? Even if you won’t, it’s still okay.
Let me ask take this opportunity to ask all the questions I have had, but never got the courage to ask
them, always afraid of the answers. Late last year, a friend told me that I value my friendships very
much. They said, “Kumbie, the way you try to always be there for your friends is astounding. You are
that one person who cannot easily be pushed away. I have seen some of your friends disappoint you to
a point when you said you were done with them, but when those friends came back to you, you took
them back like nothing ever happened. I wish I had a heart like yours.” Do you also see me that way?

Hypothetically speaking, let’s say your oldest friends have a little reunion and forget to invite you,
whatever could be the meaning of it all? I’ve done some bad things in my life. I’ve definitely wronged all
of you in some way and I am sorry for that. I know I can be a bit toxic…okay maybe a lot toxic 😊. I’m
sorry for all those times I doubted your friendship. I’m mostly sorry for all the times I failed to defend
any of you when it most mattered. Sorry for not being there when you needed me the most. I’m sorry
I’ve lost my trust in most of you. You see, the only good thing about tragedy is that it shows you who the
real ones are. Thank you for checking up on me on the phone, sending texts and all and I’m sorry if I
made you feel irrelevant in my life when I could not fully express my feelings concerning the issue of my
A' level results which were pretty ugly. Call me old fashioned but I’ve always appreciated a face-to-face
conversation rather than texting. Or a call, when I can actually hear the sincerity in your voice. I know
you all want to help me deal with the ugliness in my life right now and I would like to let you know that
your efforts are appreciated very much. I just find it easier to deal with my pain alone. Or with my
family. This will come out wrong. Another reason I hate texts. At least a letter will tell you how the
writer was feeling just by observing their hand-writing. One or maybe more, of you send my A’ level to
someone who clearly likes me not who then send them to someone else and the chain continues... I
want you to know, whoever you are that sending the results was not the problem, hell, someone else
could have done it and I would not have minded, but when someone you consider a friend does that, it
hurts, but worry not, I’m over it.

I have too much to say and not enough energy to write so I will get right into it. This might be the last
time you hear from me for a while. It’s going to be a bit long