Mayer 1

Liv Mayer

Sophia Shealey

ENC 2135

02/20/2023

Contentment: A Journey or a Destination?

I always thought happiness was this far-off thing, something unreliable that I would

suddenly feel whenever exciting things happened. I used to think that I just needed to get through

our move, then get through middle school, then high school, and then eventually I’d just be

happy one day. I used to just put it off - over and over because I didn’t think I had any choice in

the matter. Happiness was just something that happened to me, and I couldn’t decide when it

came or went. And lingering in the shadow of every happy moment was the feeling that when it

was over it would all come crashing back down. My depression, late nights, messy room, crying

on the floor, stress, and loneliness. I think after a certain point, you expect nothing less. And

that’s when you get bitter and closed off and unwilling to accept anything good into your life –

because what’s the point?

Throughout high school, my parents always mentioned the chip – which loyally kept

residence – on my shoulder. Of course, I would have denied its existence until I was red in the

face. However, looking back, it was spot on. My perpetual sarcasm masqueraded as humor when

in reality I was harboring negativity and always felt like I got the short straw. Having this

perspective for so long does some damage. I always felt like people didn’t like me because I

didn’t like myself. And Since I thought everyone didn’t like me, I started to not like anyone –

which made people not like me. I closed myself off, and when I did make exceptions and let
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people in, I was so separated from myself that I chose people who weren’t worthy of my time

and effort, people who thought it was funny to make jokes about not liking me to my face. This

chip stayed with me for most of high school, but around the middle of my senior year, it started

to shrink and shrink, until finally after I graduated it seemed to have disappeared entirely become

microscopic. I had set up permanent residence in a dark, dark circle of insecurity and isolation

during most of my high school years. The negative perspective and how other people treated me

led me to believe that I genuinely thought I was a bad person throughout high school. I relied on

the opinions and input of others to feel validated and satisfied with myself. If someone didn’t

like me for whatever reason, I immediately assumed all their opinions and judgments of me were

right, no matter how little they knew me. I let myself, my image, and my opinion of myself be

shaped by those around me to the point that I felt so distanced from myself and wasn’t sure how

to turn it around disassociated from myself. I had no idea how to turn it around.

I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but it all changed. Somehow, I became an entirely

different person. When I decided to come to Florida State University last June instead of going to

my local university, something just switched. My fresh start was imminent and that meant there

was an opportunity to sculpt a new identity, outside of how people viewed me in high school. I

decided that I wanted to be happy. I started to feel more grateful for the experiences I’d gone

through and approached things with far more acceptance than I could fathom just a few months

before.

Gratitude was so vital to the changes that I went through after graduation. Taking stock of

what is going well in life really makes you more grateful for the good things. Beyond my own

anecdotal evidence, I can provide, gratitude is proven to lead to increased life satisfaction

(Chavan). Research in the field of positive psychology and studies on happiness have found that
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gratitude and happiness have a positive correlation: people who rank higher in gratitude indexes

also rank higher in happiness and life satisfaction (Chavan). When you constantly feel like

you’re getting fucked over, you don’t really feel satisfied with your life. But as my gratitude

practice grew and I outgrew the negative cycle of emotions, I felt far more content and satisfied.

Practicing gratitude helps people to become more appreciative of the good things and makes it

easier to overcome bad days. In my opinion, The key to feeling ‘happy’ is appreciating what you

have. Gratitude is a skill that can be nurtured and developed. I started by writing down three to

five things I was grateful for every day and after a while I found myself practicing gratitude in

real time. These habits made me feel solid, the world was not going to end just because

something bad happened. I started to feel less like the world was ending when bad things

happened and learned how to deal with my anxiety in a more effective manner, accepting my

emotions as they came without judging them. Emotions and anxiety became easier to manage as

I started to accept my emotions as they came instead of judging them. I started to feel like

everything was working out, I was getting lucky with everything I wanted to do.

The Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca once said, “enjoy present pleasures in such a way

as not to injure future ones.” Mindfulness is an integral part of achieving satisfaction,

contentment, and subsequently happiness. While mindfulness is coming to the forefront of

discussions of wellness and may seem like a new thing in contemporary, Western culture, it has

been encouraged in cultures across the world for centuries. The Stoics believed that death was

inevitable and encouraged people to live in the moment and make meaning of the now as a way

to soothe the human anxieties around mortality. When people think of mindfulness, they might

think of monks in orange robes chanting OM, but I’ve found that mindfulness doesn’t always

have to be about meditating and yoga. While these are tried and true ways to practice
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mindfulness, there are some more casual ways to practice. My mindfulness can be found while

listening to music, taking a shower, walking to class, crocheting, sitting outside, swimming, and

journaling. This isn't a new practice, the Stoics of ancient Greece and Rome believed in paying

attention to the moment and disregarding the past and future. In his letters to Lucilius, Seneca

preached the uselessness of fear and hope as they both bring people out of the moment: “true

happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse

ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have.” Mindfulness is often

used as a way to reduce anxiety by focusing attention on the moment (Cordero). In therapy, I

learned to practice mindful breathing exercises in order to calm my mind and reduce racing

thoughts. Additionally, the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is incredibly effective at

reframing events and learning to be more content and satisfied with life. These types of therapy

were incredibly effective in my journey to satisfaction, contentment, and happiness.

The great Stoics' most core trait was rationalism and thus they encouraged people to

examine their thoughts from an objective perspective. In Seneca’s letters, he explains that no

event is inherently good or bad, but rather these attributes are assigned by people. To free

ourselves from the external input the world has to offer and rid us of useless emotions would

allow people to lead a life with less suffering and anxiety and more satisfaction. According to

Seneca, good things and bad things don’t occur, because everything just happens outside of good

or bad. The field of positive psychology today teaches these very same principles. Allowing

yourself to feel however you feel, without prescribing judgment to it, and acknowledging those

feelings with considerate attention. Through this process, strong emotions may be soothed, and

individuals can work towards better emotional well-being. Radically accepting one’s emotions is

tied to mindfulness. I’ve found myself practicing this, and while it’s not something that I succeed
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at every time, it is an incredibly helpful perspective. When bad things happen, urging myself to

remember that it is not a reflection of me. It’s just something that happened, then accepting my

emotions without letting them take me over. By accepting emotions as they are, the unhealthy

relationship that people have with their emotions can be untangled. All emotions are a valuable

part of the human experience and can be used to guide people’s lives in the present by accepting

them individuals are able to lead more content and satisfied lives (Cordaro). What happens,

happens, but how we choose to react to our circumstances and experiences is what really decides

where we will go and the attitude we will have.

Since I was a child, I have always been told I’d make a good lawyer. Looking back on it

as an adult I now realize this was somewhat of an insult or inside joke among the grown-ups. It

was a way for them to make light of the fact that I was a smart, but argumentative kid who loved

to talk to adults. But of course, at the time I took it to heart. Wearing it as a badge of honor that a

group of authority figures thought I was smart and funny.

At the start of the fall semester, I dove headfirst into the pre-law track. I used it as an

identifier and told every family member who asked what my plan was. Growing up, my parents

instilled a desire for success in me. I’ve always been smart, ambitious, and independent – the

perfect equation for a feminist older daughter with the desire to get shit done. My mom regularly

reminded me to never rely on a man the way she relies on my father. Financial security – that’s

the most important thing. Of course, those things are incredibly important, especially for me to

maintain the lifestyle I had growing up and to be able to afford my health issues, but I’ve had

some revelations since the fall semester began.

Success in my career and education are still things that I desire and will work to get, but

since the fall semester began, my goals have changed. Rather than an impressive career or wealth
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that I must kill myself to build, I just want to feel happy and content. I want to find a way to do

something I like that will make me content, happy, and satisfied with my life. Appreciating the

simple things and changing my goals in order to find more fulfillment and purpose. Prioritizing

experiences, traveling, creating connections, building a community, and finding a purpose. These

are obviously far more difficult things to do in many ways, but I believe it will lead to less

burnout and more overall satisfaction with life.

I’ve come to realize that success can mean a multitude of different things to different

people. I have friends that think this way of thinking might be settling or believe that they would

need require a more dramatic and stimulating life. In the context of choosing to do things that

will increase life satisfaction, contentment, and happiness, I believe that while we cannot always

change our circumstances it is possible to change how we react to them. In this way, happiness is

a choice. Surrounding myself with better friends, practicing gratitude and mindfulness, accepting

my emotions, and changing my perspective have dramatically changed my life. I am so much

happier than I have ever been, even when things are difficult and with this happiness, I have been

more open to accepting other good things into my life.

Happiness used to seem so abstract because it Happiness can’t be controlled; it comes in

waves, and we might not know when it will happen next. But everyone can choose contentment,

we can make decisions and choices that will make us more satisfied with our lives and have

greater well-being overall. And With these changes, it’s a lot easier to be happy and find

happiness in the smallest moments. Contentment is within everyone’s grasp, something that can

be found through reflection and lifestyle changes. And While it may seem daunting at first, I

cannot express how rewarding it is. I’ve not always had the easiest time being content. In fact,

there was always something that could have been better, but ultimately that’s a choice. Choosing
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to be content and developing skills that allow for the opportunity of happiness is so accessible,

yet so many people seem to be caught up in a state of needing more and craving perfection to the

point of misery. My life changed when I started to make a decision to prioritize contentment and

life satisfaction and I am so beyond grateful for whatever inside me clicked and allowed me to

make those changes.

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