Arriaga 1

Luis A. Arriaga Jr.

Instructor Judith R. McCann

English 1302 Sec 213

3 May 2023

Where the Exuviae Go

Change is an odd part of life, because it makes everything inconsistent, because even

change itself is inconsistent. Sometimes there are monumental changes that occur, or inversely,

the most minute things change. Nonetheless, all these affect the state of things to a point where

nothing is consistent, except inconsistency itself as constant unpredictability can always be

expected. This lesson on change is what can characterize my experience with the English 1301 &

1302 courses, as I have not only learned how to deal with academic and scholarly change, but

change within myself too, specifically when it comes to what I used to think were my strengths

and limitations. For example, I used to think I was very cohesive when it came to writing my

essays, but I noticed throughout the course of the semester that my belief in this fluctuated. There

were times where what I wrote was done in a proper manner, however, there were times where it

felt perplexing to look at my own writing. Furthermore, sometimes my weaknesses would turn

into temporary strengths. For instance, essay 2 required a much more formal and informational

tone, which at the time lined up with my writing style at the time, making it much easier to write

it. On the other hand, I began the semester with the idea that my diction was not as profound or

rich as fellow peers, but overtime as I read professional papers and picked up words from my

peers, my diction became a tad bit more reliable, as it feels as if repetition does not plague my

papers as much. For the most part though, my strengths and weaknesses stayed the same or

dropped because I was burnt out.

 Arriaga 2

Continuing, the essays this semester were lengthy and a bit tedious. I noticed the effects

of this during the revisions, especially when I did not even properly finish my first essay’s final

draft. Moreover, what I sought to revise about the essays was not necessarily to make a

masterpiece out of them, but to improve its rough edges and show that flaws are an innate part of

writing. I also focused on trying to give the papers a bit more personality, but after my ACE visit,

I realize that I have a long way to go. Speaking of ACE, it helped me shape the mindset I would

go into when revising the essays. Instead of aiming for a bullseye, to instead make sure I hit the

target better than the previous attempt. This led me to complete my first essay, clean the rough

edges of the second, and to just fix minor mistakes on the third. A more minor change would be

that I severely missed a big part of the position paper, which was adding more personal opinion.

My ACE tutor pointed this out, and made me realize that I was too focused on delivering reasons

for why the topic mattered, instead of voicing my opinion or vision.

Furthermore, the English 1301 & 1302 courses surprised me with what they had in store.

Prior to the courses, I found myself pretty fond of writing, but definitely had the wrong

perception of what it could be. This warped reality of mine led me to find writing difficult as I

would edit, revise, and write all at once. Yet, when taking on the courses, I found a much clearer

and better angle to look at writing through. One of the most notable assignments was the “Shitty

First Drafts” homework that made me feel much more capable as a writer. Understanding that it

is okay to write a mess of a draft, that it can always be improved upon. This lesson definitely

helped me combat writer's block year-long. Paradoxically however, this lack of experience when

it came to writer’s block made it difficult for me to overcome when it came around. Being

honest, I encountered writer’s block at the worst time, which was the final essay we had to write

for 1302. For most of the time allotted to work on the essay, I could not think of anything when
 Arriaga 3

looking at my screen. The only reason I was able to do anything about it was because of the

panic monster that kicked in on the last day. Overall though, English 1301 & 1302 gave me a

better and healthier mindset for when it came to writing essays. Moreover, there were many

skills that the English courses introduced me to, as well as sharpened. For example, we had to

learn how to conduct a personal experiment and write an academic essay on it, which was

definitely a first. It was a nice change of pace considering all the other common writing

assignments. In addition, another of the writing prompts was to conduct a literature review,

which was exciting and also horrifying at the same time. It was exciting because not only was it

new, but it was also the biggest (and truest) step into academic writing. Although I did not have

to find 30 sources like other literature reviews, I still had to research and read way more than I

was ever used to. Both the assignments were impactful and memorable, as not only did it help

me train my mental fortitude, but I got a real, hands-on experience with academic writing, which

I will use for a long time. Unfortunately though, there are a couple of things that will have to

remain in English courses, which is knowing MLA format. Unsurprisingly, most of the research

we had to read was in APA style, which makes MLA not as versatile. Furthermore, making a

website is always fun, and it has propelled my interest in graphic design ever since the first one.

The biggest takeaway was undoubtedly the stamina and mental endurance gained from all the

research and writing we had to do. Prior to essays 2 and 3 specifically, I used to think I had a

really good reading stamina. However, after the essays, I noticed that there is a world of a

difference between then and now, as reading through a 20+ page research paper seems like a

breeze. This ability from the course is something I plan to continue sharpening even after the

courses.
 Arriaga 4

Moreover, the portfolio has always been one of the most introspective parts of the

English courses. I decided to reflect this by making the theme about growing up, specifically

cicadas. The reason I decided on cicadas was due to my personal interest in the diptera and

lepidoptera orders of arthropods because they contain butterflies, cicadas, and moths. The theme

I would decide on was between those three, but cicadas seemed to be a better fit because they

can make ‘songs’, as they are known to be noisy creatures, which resonates to me as a musician.

Furthermore, an insect that has a song is just straight up cool, not to mention that their life cycles

have cool terms like “exuviae” or “instar” (which is the last molt of a cicada before it can fly or

live above ground respectively). I have also become fond of them recently, as I have been able to

observe the little creatures at night, and they always look adorable and skrunkly in my opinion.

When it comes to the color themes, I mainly used the palettes of cicada photographs as reference.

Unsurprisingly, there was a heavy emphasis on the darker colors, due to them being nocturnal

creatures, and natural browns. Continuing, using prior experience with the weebly from English

1301, one major focus of the website was to make an intuitive navigation, with a healthy mix of

variety in layouts. Previously, the first website I made was way too clunky and uniform, so I

hoped to change things this time around. As mentioned before though, a major theme this

semester was music, specifically playing and creating it. This was another huge reason I chose

cicadas, because this past semester I have been creating my own songs, as well as improving my

musical abilities all around. I even have plans to start playing live music this summer and

making an album, as approximately I am 30%-40% done with it. The cicadas and music just fit

so well together that there was no reason why not to make it the theme. Now, the other major

part of the website’s design is the word Endonecrosis, which is actually not a real word! I made

this up because it sounded cool honestly, but as I would soon come to know, this word would
 Arriaga 5

become a process I would go through. To begin with, the etymology of Endonecrosis is endo

(meaning internal) and necrosis (tissue death), essentially meaning internally dying. As of

writing this, it is so silly to me because it sounds so serious, but it also has meaning. It is so

weird how the world can contain so much juxtaposition. Moving forward though, endonecrosis is

what I would say characterized most of my experience during the courses. It was not particularly

due to the course’s fault, but many things have been non-stop happening since late October/early

November. I felt the need to include endonecrosis as part of the website to state that “hey, this is

not my best work, but it does not mean I give up”.

Lastly, the main cause of most of my struggles has been myself, and it still is a problem I

struggle with. The most challenging aspect of making the website was just burnout. I found

myself becoming apathetic to school, and my concentration skills were basically out the window

since December. This all combined to set me back while making the essay, as I had not

completed a couple of the worksheets, mainly the peer review worksheets, and my essays were

not up to the standard I could write. On a side rant, WEEBLY WAS SO UNNECESSARILY

DIFFICULT TO WORK WITHHH. The Scribd documents never worked for me, and the image

gallery was full of glitches and just did not want to work with me. Not to mention, weebly runs

on the principle of placing things where it deems ‘best’ for us, which ends up in a lot of

frustration as it might not do what it is told to do. On the contrary, this time around the theme and

layout of the website was the least challenging aspect of the website. I had actually thought about

it since the very beginning of the new semester. Moving on, not everything is all dark and

gloomy, as there was one major thing that will stick with me from these courses, which was

being able to let go of regret and self-failure. If my younger self were to look at the essays I

created, they would be freaking out because of all of their flaws. Yet, I was able to mature in the
 Arriaga 6

sense that I was able to own up to mistakes and move on, trying to make these mistakes

opportunities to learn or grow. Even after pretty much falling from grace compared to my first

semester, I found myself surprised looking back at the essays and remembering my mindsets

then versus now. This gave me a sense of growth that will be forever intertwined with these

courses, especially since the instructor was a very good mentor and teacher.

To recap, the English 1301 and 1302 courses were educational, introspective, and

challenging. I had to learn to improve my strengths, weaknesses, mindset, skills, and most

importantly, my determination. The essays really brought out the fighter in me as I was

progressively worse and worse when it came to my own state. Yet, the essays taught me that

once again, I do not need to be at my best to do fine, just doing enough is okay. Though it might

sound like settling down, I think otherwise. Rare are the chances where I do not have to be

perfect to just be okay, and this class has helped me with keeping myself at bay. As a writer, the

courses were basically a work out program, and my identity as a writer has become a bit more

solid, even if it is inconsistent. Once again, a journey ends, and with it, a new one begins, just as

a cicada leaves its instar, and eventually, its exuviae. The song of the cicada will keep a warm

company during the dark times.