Sienna Lee

Toxic Masculinity And How It Affects Us All

It was the summer of 2022, and my sister and I lay on the floor scrolling through the

multitudes of options that Netflix offered to satisfy our boredom. After being stuck in a loop of

checking out various titles, we eventually settled on 1999’s film adaptation of Fight Club, a

novel written by Chuck Palahniuk, three years prior. After the first watch, we weren’t exactly

enamored with David Fincher’s movie, in fact, we were mostly taken aback by the gruesome and

shocking violence depicted by the film. It wasn’t until the second watch a couple of months later

that my sister and I began to debrief and interpret the film’s main message. Amongst the most

popular points that we consistently brought up, anti-consumerist messages and a satirical

assessment of masculinity reigned supreme. Unsurprisingly, detractors of Palahniuk and

Fincher’s critical view of characters like Tyler Durden, the embodiment of all toxic masculine

traits, people were able to misconstrue the purpose of Tyler's pompous personality and

manipulative tendencies as admirable and “cool”, while altogether praising his character traits of

being assertive, domineering, and nihilistic. In the end, Tyler is meant to be a lame guy’s

projection of what the pinnacle of coolness is; nonconformity backed by a league of sycophants.

To me, the term “toxic masculinity” has been a topic that I have caught myself approaching with

great trepidation. I am aware of how its meaning has been skewed over the years and how

polarizing this subject can be. To this, I beg to ask the question: How does the celebration of

toxic masculinity in popular media impact the beliefs and morals of impressionable young

people?

Toxic masculinity, a term stemming from the mythopoetic men’s movement of the 1980s,

has made its way into mainstream terminology and controversy. It highlights the consequences of
the societal pressure on males to encapsulate all the aspects of traditional masculinity. In a survey

conducted by Pew Research Center in August through September of 2017, researchers

determined that: “Most men say men in general face at least some pressure to be emotionally

strong (86%) and to be interested in sports (71%); about six-in-ten (57%) say men face pressure

to be willing to throw a punch if provoked” (Parker, Horowitz, Stapler). While this study in

particular focused on both the biological and societal aspects of masculinity and femininity,

many respondents’ answers pertained to society as the primary determining factor of orthodox

gender roles. As illustrated by Pew Research Center’s survey, a vast majority of male

respondents agreed with statements that cite societal pressures as an enforcer of

hypermasculinity. Under these mounting pressures, such trivial things as sports engagement

become a rite of passage, the quintessential way to prove one’s manhood. In relation to the link

between societal expectations and a conservative view of masculinity, The Gender Schema

Theory, proposed by American psychologist Sandra Bem in 1981, states that “a child’s cognitive

development combined with societal influences largely influence the patterns of thought

(schema) that dictate ‘male’ and ‘female’ traits” (Cherry). In her findings, Bem found that gender

schema has an immense impact on not only the ability to process information, it also influences

the attitudes and beliefs directing “gender-appropriate behavior”, With various pieces of media

that perpetrate an idealized image of manliness (television, movies, social media, etc) the Gender

Schema theory affirms external influences, subliminal or not, as a young person’s understanding

of gender roles. Taking Bem’s theory into account, the type of media that a child consumes in

their formative years plays a concerningly major role in what type of person they may develop

into by adulthood. It’s difficult to fully abandon preconceptions and biases, which means that

beliefs in male superiority and female subservience could subconsciously linger in the back of a
person’s head. By conditioning young boys to accept society’s given definitions of masculinity, it

stifles free thought and self-determination. Hannah Ruschen, a policy officer for the UK’s

National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children comments: “Viewing such material at

a young age can shape a child’s experiences and attitudes, resulting in further harm to women

and girls in and out of school and online” (Das). In recent years, “alpha male” influencers have

been exploiting their male audience’s desperation for female companionship to profit off their

fanbase while spreading repugnant misinformation on love, relationships, and how to remain

dominant in said relationships.

I interviewed my mentor, Sarah E. Rebelloso McCollough, UC Davis’ associate director

of the Feminist Research Institute, who provided me with ample information on toxic

masculinity’s pervasiveness within our modern society. In response to my question on how toxic

masculinity is damaging to both men and women, McCollough explains:

“There’s two sides, toxic masculinity on the one side being the ideal of being a man,

which involves a lack of emotional connection to one's emotional and spiritual self. The

sort of treatment of women as extensions of you with an ownership quality, but for

women, there’s still problematic body norms and ideals. There’s a flip side to that, toxic

feminity being done to ourselves”

Both sides fall victim to these institutionalized definitions of gender that work to constrict people

from being their most authentic selves. It’s interesting to note that the societal pressures that men

and women face work conversely, meaning that the victims can also be the perpetrators. The

sense of disconnect that some men may feel with their emotions is truly damaging, McCollough

states that with toxic masculinity, there’s trauma. Detachment from one’s emotions frequently

yields negative results. In a study of 402 male respondents, Michael Parent, an assistant
professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and his colleagues linked social

media use with depression. Parent provided a questionnaire that included the three core aspects

of toxic masculinity and concluded that: “men who displayed toxic masculinity…were more

likely to seek out information they disagreed with, peruse negative interactions with others

online and ruminate over these experiences” (Vinopal). Involvement in harmful ideology is

devastating in the long run, as displayed by Parent’s research. One thing that McCollough

highlighted throughout the interview, was the importance of mental health, especially regarding

men’s mental health. Historically speaking, women’s discernable connection to their emotions

has been coined as melodramatic, which explains the imbalance that allows women to be more

inclined to seek mental health support. McCollough pointed out that the stigma surrounding

men’s mental health, particularly in young boys, makes it difficult for them to begin asking for

help. In an article written by Verywell Mind, the writer condemns our culture’s failure to address

the many traumas that males face and how “we often punish behaviors without addressing the

underlying issues that lead to those behaviors” (Sheppard). Ignoring the factors that contribute to

toxic masculinity sets blockades to positive progress that can be made. The phenomenon of toxic

masculinity is layered with complexities, most being concepts that seem irreversibly ingrained

into society’s beliefs. When being asked about ways to create a positive community that coexists

with masculinity, McCollough suggests: “Try to have more diverse representations of

masculinity. On a more communal note, I think one of the best things we could do is to engage

with other people’s humanity”. McCollough advises that by treating people with “compassion

and generosity, even when the things they’re doing may be against your values while

simultaneously holding them responsible”. With this in mind, there will still be retribution, a

form of justice that is pure and for the betterment of everyone.

 The rise of alpha male influencer culture allows for the indoctrination of young men to

become increasingly more feasible. The alpha male mentality endorses a social hierarchy in

which men who do not conform to hypermasculine standards are considered to be emasculated

and therefore are deemed to be “beta males” and are essentially at the bottom of the hierarchy,

which greatly contrasts the high status of self-proclaimed “alpha males”. Content creators who

are adapters of this mentality take advantage of their obsequious fans, and amongst the most

prominent and notorious examples, Andrew Tate, a 36-year-old former kickboxer, now charged

with human trafficking, rape, and organized crime, remains to be one of the most well-known

“alpha males”. Tate, like all of his lesser-known counterparts, has utilized the internet to voice

his vexing and contentious opinions on masculinity. Unfortunately, it typically takes a

shamefully long amount of time for social media companies to fully deplatform individuals like

Tate. Delving deeper into the reason why these controversial opinions have become so

widespread, sociological researcher Annie Kelly reports that “the most radical, hardline rhetoric

rises to the top because it drives so much engagement”(Usher). To put words simply, regardless

of public scrutiny and opposition to misogynistic rhetoric and malicious hate speech, media

pieces portraying toxic masculinity are still able to thrive. Kelly’s observations support the point

that problematic and sexist content is easily accessible on the internet. Once someone starts

showing interest in a particular category of content, the algorithm will continue suggesting

related content, and so forth. The predatory nature of the ideals that are reinforced by dangerous

definitions of masculinity is extremely detrimental to young boys. Dr. Lisa Sugiura, senior

lecturer at the University of Portsmouth’s extensive research into technology and gender, notes

that: “young boys may start seeing [harmful content] on TikTok but then go somewhere else for

information. There’s so many unregulated sites and forums where it’s free-for-all; hate speech is
encouraged” (Bond). The more someone is exposed to hateful rhetoric, the more desensitized

they tend to become to it. Suddenly, misogynistic and sexist content gains a place of normalcy

and general acceptance. Sugiura also suggests that the concept of alpha males derives from

societal changes that spur men’s entitlement to play the victim. This further deflects any

conviction to take responsibility and instead farms a community of male-oriented puppets

regurgitating the same points and opinions as each other.

Unsurprisingly, alpha male influencers expanded their operations into “informative”

courses on becoming self-sufficient in order to achieve the prized alpha male status. The most

harrowing truth is that there will always be a captive audience for these types of content creators.

What comes first to mind is Andrew Tate’s own company: “The [Hustler’s University] course

costs £40 a month and poses as a get-rich-quick scheme with courses in e-commerce and

cryptocurrency. But beneath the surface is a capitalist cult of over 220,000 young men who

worship Tate and are being indoctrinated by the far-right who have infiltrated the online business

course.”(Magee). The alpha male side of the internet seems to be at incessant war with

progressive political views, on top of their extreme traditional views on femininity and

masculinity. Perusing the copious amounts of unironic “alpha male” content on Youtube, it

becomes increasingly alarming how wide of a platform blatant misogynists, bigots, and male

chauvinists have. It’s harrowing to see the thousands of views and engagement this genre of

videos have. How is it that these valid criticisms presented of alpha male culture do little to wane

the influence of harmful ideology? Robert Lawson, an associate professor in sociolinguistics at

Birmingham City University in the UK reveals: “[Social media sites] start to feed you more of

the same content…It becomes a dangerous pathway from one form of content that might seem

fairly innocuous to potentially more extremist and more radical content”. To rationalize the
popularity of overtly misogynistic content, Lawson references sociologist Michael Kimmel’s

concept of aggrieved entitlement, which is: “based on the idea that over the course of the last

20-30 years, the world has changed in a way that has decentered primarily young, white men,

and they’ve moved from the center of society to the margins of society” (Artsy). “Alpha male”

forums running under popular social media sites are essentially unhealthy coping mechanisms

for men to use as an outlet to express dissatisfaction with their lives, especially in their romantic

endeavors. Kimmel’s idea of aggrieved entitlement is relevant to the behaviors that are most

commonly associated with alpha male advocates. To them, reclaiming their masculinity is

empowering, it is a noble cause worthy of praise. What Tyler Durden says in Fight Club

summarizes this point: “‘We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We

have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great

Depression is our lives”. Ostensibly it seems like Tyler Durden is referring to his generation as a

whole, yet within the context of the book and film, Tyler Durden is preaching to a room of men

who feel disenfranchised and pessimistic about the future of humanity. Tyler Durden’s call to

action of reclaiming one’s masculinity, under the guise of anti-consumerism and self-liberation,

leads to the obliteration of structure and morality. Other cult-classic films often misinterpreted by

male-centric audiences like American Psycho (2000) and Taxi Driver (1976) explore violent

thoughts and actions as an outlet for repressed anger and a response elicited from societal

malaise. The lead characters of both of these landmark films glorify violence, the latter being

plagued with neuroticism and the delusions of being an altruistic vigilante of the people. Under a

critical lens, it is apparent that the characters of Patrick Bateman and Travis Bickle are

influenced by the values of their respective surroundings. The repercussions of these actions
taken to assert manhood rest heavily on everyone, which in turn, inadvertently impacts men in a

profoundly negative way.

My mentor referred me to Coco Herda, a UC Davis graduate student whose work ranges

from social and environmental justice, cultural studies and above. Herda gave insight into ways

to create positive social change in an effective and constructive way. For instance, Herda

explained The Alternatives to Violence Project, a Quaker-founded volunteer organization that

works with incarcerated people to help manage their anger in non-destructive ways. Through this

program, Herda met many imprisoned men, which expanded her perspective on the demanding

expectations for men to put on an aggressive front. This is partly due to the fact that society is

accustomed to women expressing their emotions, which stunts men from being comfortable with

displaying a wider range of emotions beyond what is expected of them. In a 2017 study

conducted by Pew Research Center, 4,753 respondents were instructed to associate specific

unique words to either men or women. The results showed that stereotypically matronly words

like “caring” and “kind” are perceived to be feminine traits, whist “provider” and “strong” were

masculine terms. In addition, respondents reacted more positively to “protective” being a

positive masculine trait and “emotional” being a negative trait for men. (Walker, Bialik, van

Kessel). This supports Herda’s observation that repressed emotions like fear and confusion can

oftentimes manifest into violence. She pointed out how everybody practically strives for the

same goal of being happy and prosperous, stating that: “It does require those who hold power;

the dominant institutions: media and movies to begin communicating something different”.

Writer, historian, and activist, Rebecca Solnit writes: “It isn’t a fact universally acknowledged

that a person who mistakes his opinions for facts may also mistake himself for God. This can

happen if he’s been insufficiently exposed to the fact that there are also other people who have
other experiences” (The Mother of All Questions, page 141). In this quote, Solnit addresses the

hypocrisy of sexist attitudes. She points out misguidance and close-mindedness as a debilitating

strain on society’s progress toward a more equitable future. Throughout the book, Solnit remains

staunchly critical of the tenets of masculinity, particularly on page 98, where she determines that

man’s misogyny is our culture’s misogyny. In relation to effective methods of conflict resolution,

Herda introduced me to the concept of nonviolent communication, which substitutes

confrontational attitudes for a much softer tone. When confronting or challenging other people’s

notions, it is evident that nonviolent communication is more important to practice than being

flat-out combative. The interview ended on a hopeful note as Herda deduced that: “We have a lot

of work to do, it’s a paradigm shift. It’s not just about increasing the wage, it’s about changing

the dynamics being told”.

Upon further investigation, the issue of misogyny does not exclusively afflict women in

conservative/traditionalist spaces. Even in various historically countercultural movements, the issue

of male dominance silencing female voices persists, it almost seems like there’s a reversion back to

boxed-in gender roles with an edgy and idiosyncratic sheen of paint slapped lazily over it. As seen

with the hippies of the 60s and 70s, their disgruntlement with modern society and war caused them

to alienate themselves from it. Despite the total rejection of conformity, traditional female gender

norms were entirely present in hippie communes. Under a rural landscape, many women performed

a disproportionate amount of labor that mimicked conformist gender roles: “Hippies by and large

adopted traditional gender roles in their countercultural movement; that is, until ‘many women

decided that men were not only less committed to this utopian vision but also devalued women’s

work’” (Lemke-Santangelo). Though it can be argued that there was a form of liberation in

performing demanding acts of labor, it still did not “free” women from the expectations of being a
homemaker. In spite of the earnest efforts of the hippie movement, it was not without its flaws. The

patriarchal aspect of their communities and the large focus on the spiritual characteristics of

feminity makes the hippie movement of the 70s uniquely multi-faceted. Traveling 20 years into the

future emerges a group of third-wave feminists mainly from Olympia, Washington. Riot-Grrrl was a

particularly short-lived movement that persisted within the male-dominated punk music scene. The

issue of sexism rampaging through the punk scene compelled women to create a space where they

felt accepted and heard for their music and political messaging: “They wanted to start a girl riot

against a society in which they felt marginalized, unappreciated, and without a voice.” (Barton).

Early punk’s exclusion and hostile attitudes towards women and minorities surpassed its ability to

be truly countercultural. Women saw through the facade of inclusivity and tolerance that instilled

values of masculine energy, forcing them to fight to have female visibility in music a priority.

With every social issue, there are always going to be nuances. There is a certain air of

complexity when it comes to the subject of toxic masculinity, as with any other societal concept.

Even constructs that confront the institutionalization of the patriarchy have their own underlying

issues of lacking racial diversity. It’s been a known fact that society and popular media

immensely enforce the ideals of masculinity, but this should never render people exempt from

taking accountability and receiving criticism. Whether or not people subconsciously accept

societal norms set for them is no longer the question, it’s a question of if we can optimistically

and earnestly work for a more equitable future. You can lovingly and kindly tell someone to

rethink their decisions, but at the end of the day, that person has the autonomy to make their own

judgments. To quote the great Kathleen Hanna, feminist singer-songwriter and early pioneer of

Riot Grrrl: “I'm not going to sit around and be peace and love with someone’s boot on my neck”.