Composing Through Distraction Yes, I Really Write This Way eaRiewe ce experienced writers analysis and reflection on her initial composing processes when faced with high-stakes writing tasks.RENAN, COMPOSING THROUGH OSE =_— nn THROUGH OST What You Need to Know 2 ‘What | want to share in this piece is a sense of hope for all writers, like myself, who struggle to write a first draft when the stakes are high. Once {have a decent draft, | /ove the work of revision, but getting to that point isa struggle. High-stakes writing is hard for me, and by high stakes | basi- cally mean anything that is going to an audience | respect and want to impress. Bottom line: | don’t want to look stupid, While I can write pretty effortlessly in my journal, shoot off necessary work emails, compose let ters to friends, and text ‘til the cows come home, high-stakes writing is another matter altogether. resist it, avoid it, and have developed a whole host of ways to thwart my awn progress. While know thatthe discomfort ‘of composing is ultimately outweighed by the eventual reward of a com- pleted piece, that sentiment is hard to conjure while I'm in the thick of resistance. What | hope to capture here is a snapshot of what go through as | begin a project. Driving Myself to Distraction When writing gets hard, | make it harder by abandoning it. My brain will do just about anything else but want to write. To give you an idea of just how extensively I distract myself while trying to write, here isa list of tasks | have done during a few recent writing sessions—sometimes even inthe middle of composing a sentence: 1 Initiated a texting spree with a friend (topic completely unrelated to What | was writing about) 1 Cleaned out the inbox of my work email 1 Searched online for Frye pocketbooks 1 Started working on a different piece of writing 1 Found a bottle of hand sanitizer and atissue and meticulously cleaned my computer keyboard ‘tea snack ‘Ate another snack Wrote an email Visited several websites totally unrelated to what | was writing about (Amazon, the University bookstore, 1-800-CalculatorsforSchools.com) Deposited a check electronically into my account Called the bookstore to ask if they had graphing calculators Looked at instagram Contemplated going out to buy a cookie Cleaned out my personal email inbox Ran some numbers on yet a different project | was working on Ran a word count on the document | was writing Etemy process is inefficient and counterproductive at best. Each time I step away from a piece of writing, even fora few minutes, | have to find my ‘way back into it. The most common way I do this is to re-read the piece from the beginning, Is like gaining momentum to move forward or tak- ing the marble to the top ofthe hill again to see if can get ito rol farther than the last time. It works for me, and | find that in addition to re-reading ‘when I come back from ane of my “distractions” | also re-read when- ever | finish a section of writing, whether that’s a paragraph or a larger chunk of an idea that ve just worked through. Sometimes | read aloud ot in a soft whisper. On occasion, | feel that what I've written is good, and I can see my way forward to the next sentence. Frequently, | fee! that what I've written is ridiculous and juvenile and embarrassing and doesn't come near to expressing what | know | want to say. The paradox kicker: | don't know what | want to say until I've written i, For me—and [believe there's truth in this for many writers—meaning-making comes about through writing itself | discover what | know and think as J write and those revelations deepen and refine themselves as | revise. My writ. ing seis not merely a transcriptionist who takes thoughts from my head and transfers them to the screen (and I do compose almost exclusively ‘on a computer). The meaning comes through the act of writing itself But no matter how much I know this to be tre intellectually, i's nea impossible to remember in the moment of composing when I re-read my first attempts and it all sounds ridiculous, n those instances | either just stop in disgust and abandon the task forthe time being or say disparaging remarks to my inner critic and keep writing in spite of what that part of my brain is telling me. | could continue, but| worrtbecause it's alte bitembarrassing. Clearly, z | j Clearly, the biggest challenge for me is just sticking with it. Staying on the ppage—in the moment—is HARD. | am resisting the urge at this moment to go check my email. Again. Or send a text. Again. Or do any of those other things on the list of distractions. | don't usually win that fight when the urge comes to move away from the writing at hand. | may hold out for ‘a minute or five, but eventually [will succumb. Why? Probably because its easier to respond to something external like an email than it isto invent/create/igure out what | want to say. Qr perhaps itis because mak- ing a phone call or depositing a check is a concrete, immediate act that {gives me a near instantaneous sense of accomplishment while the payoff [get from writing is through various stages of delayed gratification. One might argue that what | term “distraction” is really just a necessary part cof my process. | would agree with that if any of these non-writing tasks resulted in some “ah ha” moments for me, but they don't. They are truly ‘away to avoid thinking about what 'm supposed to be doing, What does help generate thought and propel me forward are things like taking a walk or cleaning the house, physical movement gets me out of my head ‘abit and allows new ideas or connections to rise tothe surface, but can only use these tools once ! am well into a draft, not atthe beginning of composing |Tools for Combating Distraction % ‘What have | done to combat these less-than-ideal habits? Just this morning I read a book titled How to Write a Lot: A Guide to Productive Academic Writing (2007). its a short and very accessible book thats readable in one sitting, From it, was reminded of several helpful habits to cultivate: have schedule, develop a goal for each writing session, make a list of writing projects, and keep track of progress. Nothing | don't already know, but reading it did give me some inspiration to get back to this draft and think about how | might be more disciplined with my writing ‘overall, And as a bonus, | was able to delay writing this draft by taking the time to set up my own spreadsheet with the following categories: date, ‘word count, writing goal, writing project, and time spent. Since I set up the spreadsheet, I've made four entries in it. Four. Over four months. So ‘much for cultivating the regular writing habit and keeping track of my progress. In attempts to help combat my resistance to sticking with a piece of writ- ing, "ve tried various time-management tools like the Pomodoro method where you work in short, timed blocks with small breaks in between. | use an app for this, and have had great success with it when | choose to employ it. The trouble is, even when | find an effective tool that helps make me more productive, | don’t consistently use it (note the instance ‘of the spreadsheet above). Ill be diligent with something like Pomodoro for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but eventually I'l abandon it; despite the evidence that a particular tool or process works for me. ‘Maybe you'd have more consistent success." Ive also tried a similar app called Forest, which is based on the same technique as Pomodoro. This app, however, aims to keep you off your phone while the work sessions are running by not giving you credit inthe form of tree growth if you move away from the app. Fores lets you grow individual vital tres fr each session you successfully complete, hence the “forest” you can work towards. (And yes, | know I could more easily just put my phone in the other room—what?!—or turn it off or put it in airplane mode or something, But I don't. | might need to text someone in the middle of writing a sentence.) “Stay focused / Be present” is this app’s advice. Yes. Agree. | should do that while writing (and most other activities as well). Real Accountability with Coauthors ‘A writing process relatively new to me is the collaborative writing | recently undertook with a colleague. We co-wrote a chapter for an edited collection, and it went something like this: We talked through the ideas for our chapter, took notes in a shared document, and then assigned each other a deadline and a task. We were to meet again in a Tinie you can read abou howto o the Promodor method in “Pdtv 101: 1 Pier The Pama Technique” at Ulertackes(hehackercompritiy 10) primerto te poreorecmniqie 1598992730,Le -COMPOSNGYOL 1/2017 5 ‘week or two with individual drafts of our respective sections. During this subsequent meeting, we combined those two sections and collectively wove them together. One of us would be at one computer typing, while the other watched along on another computer. Being in the same physi- cal space and being able to talk think, brainstorm, and rethink our vision {or the piace was highly effective and interesting. We repeated this pro- cess of collaboratively writing, writing independently, and bringing the draft together over the course ofa few months until we fet it was ready Once we got editorial comments back, we divided up who would tackle each section, made our respective revisions, and then sat together again to fine-tune it. This is not to say thatthe individual writing part was any easier than usual for me. It was not, but | very much enjoyed the process as a whole, and it has made me want to find other opportunities to use this approach, Distraction AND Procrastination And... its three days later. The deadline for this submission is tomorrow. (Well, it was when 1 wrote that last night. Now, this piece is due later today.) Before I will be able to submit this piece, | need feedback from trusted reader. Once | get that, I'l be able to respond to that readers comments and revise and submit. Fortunately, | have a trusted reader who is able to accommodate my last-minute request. ! would not con- sider an important piece of writing “ready" until | revised it again based ‘on a reader's response. Reader comments are an integral part of my writ ing process, and are the difference between an okay piece of writing and what could become a really good composition, Here, for example, 's the piece of feedback that | got from one reader early in my process (who also happens to be a friend) that allowed me to continue: “IW/hat isthe so what? What do u want a reader to understand after reading your piece? When u can answer that, then think about how u can plant litle seedlings throughout so that you can make that happen.” Hearing this gave me a chance to refocus and inspired me to write a new introduc. tion, adding section headings to help guide me, and generally feeling lke | could actually finish this piece. Why | Need Readers | need readers along the way. Desperately. They often help me see what ''m trying to do or, at the very least, make me remember that eventually someone besides myself will read what 'm writing, which means that | better figure out what itis! want to say. The trouble is that when | need readers the most is when I'm leas thrilled about anyone looking at what lve created, which is in the painful beginning period. Sharing my writing makes me feel vulnerable. What I want every reader of my work to say, always, is “This is terifc! What insight!” etc. But that never happens, nor. should it, especially in an early draft. I seek readers as I write to help me, and it would not be very helpful to be told my draft was “terrific” That doesn’t mean my feelings aren‘ abit hurt when I'm told by my husband‘or my bestfriend or a trusted colleague that what I've got sill needs ‘work, It does, but I don't let my ego get in the way of making a piece better. usually just grumble, say some unkind things in my head, and get to work. The fun part of writing for me is this right here (draft #4, second round of editorial reviews), and | can’t get to this place in the process if | don't get the feedback | need along the way. Some helpful feedback that 1 got on this chapter came from readers ‘chosen by this journal's editors, The readers didn’t know who wrote the pieces they were asked to review. | knew that my first craft wasn't as on topic as it needed it to be, but | wasr’t sure where to go with it. The draft had a kernel of the current idea but | was too mired ina literature review fd written recently for a grant application to be able to see far beyond that project, so | just built upon ideas | had there, | was also up against the submission deadline (shocking, | know) and could only write from ‘where I was. I didn’t have the time to write myself into new ideas. When joural readers sent me feedback, | was told: “This section doesn't seem Cohesive with the vision stated in the abstract. This reads more like a lit review, which I'm not sure is necessary to get at the stated purpose." And “Again, this section doesn't offer any insights into the struggle the author purports to draw us into.” And, finally, ‘The idea of reflecting on how you developed your abilities to waite from ‘one situation to another seems promising. | am not sure how you will, ‘work inthis information on transfer in a way that maintains the stance ‘of one writer talking to another. Jn fac, | think twill not work taics Iminel—though there may be a place fora note or two about the work ‘done on transfer. At this point, the outline looks like t would produce a paper written fr teachers of writing rather than for writers. | would like to see the reflective part of the paper. Hove the claim, “in fact, [think it will not work.” Sometimes thats what a writer needs to hear. First drafts for me are sometimes a way to clear some headspace, think through some ideas, and figure out what | don’t ‘want to say. This draft has quite a different focus than the first, and I'm glad readers were able to see that there was enough tension in that earlier attemot that | didn’t really know yet what | was trying to make that pfece of writing do. (Please note that during my search to find that feedback | was waylaid by my email, which | selectively read and responded to before coming back to this task) The Payoff Tou may think at this point that I detest high-stakes writing, To a degree, this is true. So let me tell you why I keep doing it | enjoy the act of figur- ing things out as | write. Its an experience and a way of thinking that doesn’t happen for me when talking or when merely thinking, Writing is knowledge making—and you can't really understand that until you expe- rience itfor yourself. There is something infinitely satisfying about writing Until your ideas come together, new insights arise, and some center of First drafts for me ‘are sometimes ‘away to clear some headspace, think through some ideas, and figure out what | don't want to say J enjoy the act of figuring things cout as I write 3Ae cOWPOSINGVOL 1/2017 gravity takes hold as your thoughts coalesce around what you discover write because you really want to convey. Its magical, which is why | suppose resistant ithelps me make writers like myself continue to do it. saree of What also allows me to continue writing, even when I think what I've wore roduced is silly or not so smart, isa trust in my process. I 'm able to Silence that inner critic and continue writing, | know that eventually — after getting feedback, revising, geting more feedback, revising, rethinks ing, ete. will find what | want to say and make meaning where there vas none before I write because it helps me make sense ofthe world Writing processes, like everything else about us as humans, are idio- syneratc, | find its best to accept my predisposition to distraction and procrastination while also cultivating whatever habits | can to get me to the page. Once there, I'l undoubtedly find hundreds of ways to run from it, but eventually I'll come back, roll my marble from the top of the ‘metaphorical hill and write another sentence. References silvia, PJ. (2007). How to write alot: A practical guide to produc- tive academic writing. 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