Leroy’s Diner: Women of Country

Act 1

Roger: (enters with wireless mic)

Well, howdy y’all and welcome back to Leroy’s Diner! Boy we sure have missing seeing you all out with
us and we can’t wait to get back to entertaining you once again. I am the owner of this little diner, and
no, my name is not Leroy, it’s Roger. For the new visitors, I would like to introduce the band tonight.
Please welcome The Greasy Spoons! Tommy on the drums, Billy on the piano and on guitar, Nick!

(music stops)

Carrie:
Umm…But I’m not…

Roger:
Hush. We have a lovely evening planned even though I wasn’t able to bring in the special guests from
Nashville, I was able to find some great talent around here to give you a little taste of the Grand ole
Opry.

Duncan:
Hey boss! Just wanted to let you know that things are going swimmingly in the kitchen, for I think, the
first time ever.

Roger:
(sarcastic at first) That’s wonderful Duncan! Just marvelous in fact. It seems this might be the little diner
that could after all. It’s not like we got off to the best start when I took this place over, what with the
confusion with the band and the costumes and all that at the grand re-opening last summer.

Duncan:
I think we were just a little bit more prepared this time. Getting everything ready got a lot easier after
the wedding, too.

Roger:
Of course, of course. Now, it’s been so long since we have been able to have a crowd in the diner that I
just can’t wait to get the show started. Not that you are the biggest crowd, but it will have to do. Oh,
yeah, and I’m supposed to give you all this spiel about safety. (rolls his eyes)

Duncan:
Now boss, that “spiel” is super important.

Roger:
Sure, but it isn’t like we haven’t all heard it a thousand times over the last year and a half.

Duncan:
(Getting close to Roger to try to keep his voice low) Well, what if some of them have been living under a
rock, or just plain haven’t left the house since all this started? I mean, some of them could be here from
places like Toronto where they wouldn’t know the rules because they have been basically under house
arrest since last March.

Roger:
I guess so. Okay, so here it is. (in monotone) Just so you are all aware, us here at Leroy’s Diner have
taken special precautions to ensure the health and safety of our customers and staff. First of all, all the
high touch surfaces are thoroughly cleaned before and after each event and our kitchen staff are
equipped with gloves and masks to keep your food safe. (pause) Does that cover it?

Duncan:
You have to do the part that tells them how they can help keep us safe, too.

Roger:
Right. (monotone as though reading) The bar is located at the back of the room and the bathrooms are
just over there. When you are not eating or drinking, or if you wish to visit either of these, you must
wear your mask. For your safety and ours, the performers will also wear their masks when not in the
performance area.(stops and turns to Duncan) Is that all now?

Duncan:
Yep, I think that about covers it.

Roger:
Wonderful. Now, let’s get on with the show. It’s been forever since I have had a chance to sing, so I’m
going to start the night with a song from one of my favourite and one of the all-time greatest women of
country music. (Looks to the band) You guys ready? Okay, here’s one that you can probably all sing along
to. Wait. (Looks around at the cast) Are they allowed to do that?

(shrugs and looks of confusion from the rest.)

Roger:
Okay, well, maybe just put your mask on if you want to sing. Ready? Here’s some Dolly Parton.

(Roger Song – Dolly Parton 9-5)

(Martha exit stage right, taking the wireless mic)

Tommy:
Woah. I thought Dolly was just someone like Walt Disney who just started a theme park, you know,
Dollywood.

Roger:
(giving him a hard look) Speaking of people who live under a rock. (Sigh and then back to performance
face) Well, it has been quite a year for all of us and I have to say, I discovered something really
interesting about myself while the diner was closed and I was working from home, it turns out, I’m
funny!

Ronnie:
Well, I don’t know about that.

Roger:
(Pulls out a set of cue cards.) Look, I even wrote my own stand up set.

Ronnie:
That’s an awful lot of cards.

Roger:
It’s not so many. (flips through the stack.) Besides, I promised a full evening of entertainment, so we
have to do something more than sing. (clears throat and steps up to the mic)

Ronnie:
Oh Lord, this should be interesting.

Roger:
(Gives Ronnie a look) Nice to have you back Ronnie. (reads the first one over and starts to chuckle,
skipping through to find a particular one before starting.) Let’s start with a few that are on theme for
this evening. How do you get a country girls attention? A tractor. (laughs) Get it? Get it? You attract her?
Okay, well, how about this one? Singing in the shower is great, until you get soap in your mouth. Then it
becomes a soap opera. Ah, ah, (point as someone who laughs) See, some of you think I’m funny. Wait,
wait, they get better. What did the drummer call his two daughters?

Tommy:
I haven’t got no kids.

Roger:
Not you specifically, just a drummer.

Tommy:
I mean, I got a dog, and that’s kinda the same.

Roger:
Would you be quiet? You’re spoiling the joke.

Tommy:
Sorry, sorry.

Roger:
Let’s try that again. What did the drummer call his two daughters? Anna-one, anna-two?
Ronnie:
Hey, wait. These aren’t your jokes. You just stole them off the internet I bet.

Roger:
I did no such thing. I know I made these up myself.

Ronnie:
The cue cards maybe, but the jokes are old. And not funny.

Roger:
(Sulking) You aren’t very nice.

Ronnie:
Neither are you. What’s your point?

Roger:
I guess I will save the rest of these for later. I know you folks were enjoying them.

Ronnie:
And why don’t you give yourself a little break and let me get us back to the real entertainment?

Roger:
Fine. (exit stage right)

(Martha enters stage right)

Ronnie:
How about we celebrate another country great? Here’s a little something from Ms. McEntire, but you
probably know her better as just Reba.

(Ronnie Song – Reba The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia)

Ronnie:
Thank you, thank you so much.

Billy:
That’s great Ronnie.

Roger:
(enters to speak to the guitarist) Hey, wait a minute, what happened to Nick?

Billy:
Are you just realizing now that he isn’t here?

Roger:
Well…
Tommy:
Sure I noticed at the first rehearsal that the chick on guitar wasn’t Nick.

Billy:
It’s a long story.

Roger:
(really scream his name)Duncan! How are things going in the kitchen? Are we ready for dinner yet?

Duncan:
Are you kidding? We just got started.

Roger:
(Shrugs shoulders at Billy) We have time.

Billy:
It’s not that interesting. He and Diana packed up and moved to the mainland.

Roger:
That was supposed to be a long story?

Billy:
Well, I didn’t want to get into the details.

Martha:
Then why did you say it would take a lot of time?

Billy:
I don’t know, Martha. Isn’t that what you say when you don’t want to answer something?

Roger:
(shrugs) Sure. Anyway, I’m going to go speak to the tech. I didn’t love the mix on that last song.

Billy:
Whew. (waits for Roger to be out of sight) Ronnie, go distract Roger before he comes back out here to
try and torture us with more of his (using air quotes) Comedy.

Ronnie:
On it. Why don’t you guys play a couple of tunes for the crowd. (exits stage right to follow Roger,
Martha follows)

Billy:
Good evening folks, hope we are all having a good time so far. It is so nice to be able to get together and
play music again. We musicians and other artists have spent the last year at home trying to convince
everyone else to stay home and keep things safe so that we could get to this point and finally, here we
are, able to take the stage and entertain you once again.
Tommy:
Sure, I got me neighbours drove nuts practicing at home. They was okay with it at first when I was
setting up in the backyard to play for that 7pm thing we was all doing for a while. They didn’t call the
cops until I started playing me whole bar set at night. Not sure what was so different about it.

Billy:
Don’t you usually play metal music?

Tommy:
Sometimes.

Billy:
Is that what you were playing? Loudly? Late at night? Outside for the world to hear? With just the
drums?

Tommy:
I thought it sounded great and me missus doesn’t play an instrument so I had to do it solo. Didn’t have
anyone else in me bubble.

Billy:
And you still don’t see why the neighbours were mad?

Tommy:
No…

Billy:
Well, never mind then. (shakes head) Enough about that. How about we get back to the lovely country
music you were promised tonight?

(Martha enters Stage right)

Martha:
I think that’s my cue.

(Martha Song – Tanya Tucker - Delta Dawn)

Tommy:
I forgot how much fun this could be.

Billy:
And I forgot how much you annoy me.

Carrie:
Okay fellas, this is no time to squabble.

Martha:
I see nothing has changed even after you were all isolated from each other for a year.
Carrie:
Did you really think it would?

Martha:
You know, most bands that argue as much as you folks would have broken up by now.

Tommy:
Didn’t we sort of do that, changing out one of the trio and all?

Billy:
I think bringing in Carrie was a positive move for the band overall.

Carrie:
I don’t even know your old guitar player, (puffing up to gloat), but I’m inclined to agree. I’ve never been
in a band that wasn’t better for my presence.

Martha:
Woah, someone is full of themselves.

Tommy:
Yeah, everyone knows I’m the one the fans love the best, and that is the most important part.

(Ronnie enters stage right)

Billy:
Forget about that. Let’s play another one. How about Patsy Cline?

(Martha Song – Patsy Cline I Fall to Pieces)

Duncan:
Well, that was a little depressing.

Billy:
It’s classic country. What do you expect? At least we are singing the ladies so it isn’t all about losing your
dog, your truck and your wife.

(Roger enters stage right)

Carrie:
No, but there are tons of great ones about losing your man. It doesn’t seem like women in those days
were very concerned about having a truck. And even if they wanted to, they wouldn’t have been able to
record a song about losing their wife.

Tommy
Why not? That doesn’t seem very fair.
Billy:
You’re kidding me, right?

Duncan:
Hey guys, dinner is almost ready. You think you could wrap this up and finish the set so we can get these
people fed?

Roger:
Oh, I thought we were going to have time for more of my comedy set.

Duncan:
(sarcastically) Oh no. Well shucks, that’s just too bad.

Roger:
I guess it will just have to wait until after dinner then.

(All sigh.)

Billy:
We have one more song planned for the first set. Shall we get to it?

Roger:
That sounds great. Ronnie, why don’t you sing us something?

(Roger off stage right, Duncan off stage left)

(Ronnie Song – Roseanne Cash – Seven Year Ache)

Act 2

(Billy Song – Loretta Lynn – Out of My Head and Back in My Bed)

(Roger and Duncan enter, Roger from right, Duncan from left with wireless)

Roger:
Hello again. I hope everyone had a great meal. I have to say, the kitchen staff is almost as happy to be
back feeding you as we all are to be able to sing for you again. I hope those full bellies means that you
are all excited for us to continue with the show.

Duncan:
I can’t wait. My song is up next and I feel like I have been practicing it for a year.

Roger
Why do you say that?
Duncan:
Well, We were supposed to do this show last summer. I started working on it in advance of that, and
then, well we all know what happened, so I have been practicing ever since. I knew I was eventually
going to get a chance to show it off. I think Ronnie was going to kill me if I sang it in the kitchen one
more time at home.

Roger:
I’m sure that is probably true. Why didn’t you take some of that time and learn a few new songs?

Duncan:
Because I wanted this one to be perfect, is there something wrong with that?

Roger:
I suppose not. Well, tell us then, what is this wonderful song that you have been working on for a full
year?

Duncan:
Jeannie C. Reilly.

Roger:
Make no wonder Ronnie was ready to kill you. (exits stage right)

Billy:
Okay guys, everyone ready?

(nods and acknowledgements from the band.)

Duncan:
Let’s do this then.

(Duncan Song – Jeannie C Reilly – Harper Valley PTA)

Duncan:
Thanks fellas. Wonderful as always.

(Ronnie enters stage left, Martha enters stage right)

Ronnie:
Does this mean I don’t have to listen to you sing that one anymore?

Duncan:
I’ll try. I’m not making any promises though. (exits stage left)

Ronnie:
I guess that will have to be good enough. I mean, I know when I married you I said for better or worse,
but I didn’t know that meant having to listen to you sing the same song over and over again for months
at a time.
Martha:
And THAT, is why I am never getting married.

Ronnie:
What is THAT?

Martha:
Dealing with someone else’s little quirks like that.

Ronnie:
Never say never. I said that once, and now look at me.

Martha:
You’re not exactly convincing me that I will change my mind.

Ronnie:
What are you trying to say?

Martha:
I mean… (giggles)

Ronnie:
Whatever. I don’t want to talk to you about this anymore. You were the one who convinced me to get
married in the first place.

Martha:
Well, you were already wearing the dress. It seemed like a waste if you didn’t go through with it.

Ronnie:
And that is the only reason?

Martha:
Well, no, I mean, I guess you guys seemed happy and all.

Ronnie:
You just wouldn’t want to put up with his quirks?

Martha:
No, but you seem okay with it.

Ronnie:
To be honest, I didn’t know if we would last at first, but spending months in quarantine with someone
really tells you how strong your relationship is.

Duncan:
(From backstage singing random lines of Harper Valley PTA)
Martha:
That didn’t last long.

Ronnie:
I guess he said he couldn’t make any promises.

Tommy:
Well, by he must really like that one. I taught it was okay, but I wouldn’t mind if we got another one on
the go ‘ere now.

Billy:
I guess you’re right. We wouldn’t want our guests to get restless. How about we pick it up a notch?

Carrie:
Sounds like a plan to me.

(Ronnie Song - Tanya Tucker – It’s a Little Too Late)

(Ronnie exits stage left, Martha exits stage right)

Tommy:
Well, now dats more like it. I tink that might be the best one so far da night.

Carrie:
Well, if I wasn’t before, I’m certainly warmed up now.

Tommy:
Bys, do ye know if we’re allowed to dance again now? It was starting to feel a little like we were living in
that town in that Tom Cruise movie or something.

Billy:
Tom Cruise? Do you mean Kevin Bacon?

Tommy:
I’m pretty sure it’s Tom Cruise.

Carrie:
No I don’t think that’s it.

Billy:
It’s Kevin Bacon and you are talking about Footloose.

Tommy:
I don’t think so, by.
Billy:
Yes, you are. In the movie the town is really religious and has outlawed dancing and he moves to town
and convinces them that there is nothing evil about wanting to express yourself through dance.

Tommy:
Isn’t that the one where nobody puts baby in a corner?

Carrie:
That’s Dirty Dancing. They are actually at a summer retreat where they learn traditional dances. The kids
just want to be able to do more (makes air quotes) “dirty dances.” You are definitely talking about
Footloose.

Tommy:
Are you sure?

Carrie:
Positive. Now, can we get back to the music already?

(Martha enters from stage right, Ronnie from stage left)

Martha:
(appearing from the wings.) I’m ready for another one.

Carrie:
Okay, let’s do it.

(Martha Song - Reba McEntire – You’re the First Time I’ve Thought About Leaving)

(Roger enters stage right)

Roger:
Lovely, just lovely. Now folks, as promised, I’m back to share a little more of my comedy routine with
you all.

Ronnie:
Oh no. I hope it isn’t more dad jokes.

Roger:
(Shoots her a look) No, this time it is something different entirely.

(Martha exits stage left, Ronnie stage right)

Carrie:
Alright, let’s hear it.

Roger:
Wonderful. (takes out cue cards and starts flipping through before imitating Senfield) What’s the deal
with the man in the mountain? Everyone says he is there, but for the life of me I haven’t seen him yet!
(Points at people in the audience) have you? How about you? I mean, they even have this interpretation
space where it shows you how to find him, but I still can’t figure it out. I’m just staring at the pictures
wondering, is that his nose? His hat? Something… else? How about Captain Cook’s lookout? Have you
been there? Me either! I just can’t seem to find it. And, what’s the deal with all the one way streets? I
mean, they have two lanes, there is room for two cars, I can totally understand why people keep driving
the wrong way. Why can’t we just make it easy to get to a place that is three feet away?

Carrie:
Um, Roger, you don’t even drive. Why are you making so many jokes about getting around the city?

Roger:
Well, I watched all of Seinfeld while spending so much time at home and it seemed to me that he makes
a lot of jokes about the things that people are complaining about around him, so I thought that could
work for me.

Carrie:
You know, if you really want to be a comedien, you should find your own thing. It’s not that funny to
copy what someone else is doing. Make fun of yourself and your own life.

Roger:
Why would I want to do that?

Carrie:
Because that makes good comedy. That’s how the best stand up people become so good. They can
make fun at their own misfortune.

Roger:
If you say so.

Billy:
Why don’t we just play another song and end this madness?

Tommy:
Sounds good to me.

(Martha enters stage left, Ronnie stage right)

(Roger Song – Dolly Parton – Coat of Many Colours)

Tommy:
So, she really isn’t just a theme park owner, hey?

Martha:
Oh, Tommy, you really need to start listening to good music and not just dissonant screaming.
Roger:
Shall I give you all the rest of my routine now?

Martha:
You should probably save that for later. I’m sure the folks are getting a little restless and could probably
use a sugar boost before they have to listen to any more of that.

Roger:
Fine. I’ll save it until after dessert.

Duncan:
We are going to need a little more time before we serve the dessert, but at least I knew we needed to
serve it tonight. The coffee perk is being a little finicky and for some reason the cool whip only wants to
shoot straight up so it’s a bit of a challenge to get it on the plates, but I’ll figure it out.

Roger:
You had better. We can’t have these people waiting too much longer. How about we give them a little
more of what they actually came here for? It’s so nice to be able to celebrate the women of country
with all of you.

Tommy:
You got it boss.

Billy:
Hey Carrie, how about we take this one way, way back?

Roger:
Sounds good to me.

(Roger exits stage left)

(Carrie Song - Kitty Wells – It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels)

(Ronnie exits stage right, Roger enters stage left)

Roger:
I think you guys are going to have to let me do my routine after all. We still have a little time to kill
before dessert and I wouldn’t want our guests to get bored.

Ronnie:
(appearing wearing a paper hat and carrying a paper sword.) I know, we could do the skit from the grand
opening for them again.

Billy:
I think not. They have seen all of that before, and besides, even the first time it wasn’t very good.
Roger:
I worked really hard on that!

Martha:
And still got everything wrong. Billy is right, I don’t think that skit should ever see the light of day again.

Roger:
Then let me get back to this. (pulls out cue cards.)

Billy:
We told you, save it for after dessert. I think the people will be much more receptive to your idea of
funny when they are full.

Roger:
Fine. (leaves in a huff) (Exit stage left)

Ronnie:
So, what are we going to do to entertain them?

Carrie:
Why don’t you let us do what we do best? How about it fellas? Got another song in you?

Tommy:
I’m always ready to play.

Billy:
Let’s do it then.

(Ronnie and Martha Duet Song – Patsy Cline – Walking After Midnight)

Duncan:
Guys, great news. It’s time to serve dessert! Grab the aprons.

Act 3

(Ronnie Song Reba McEntire – Little Rock)

(Roger enters stage right)

Roger:
Thanks Ronnie for getting things kicked off for our grand finale. Welcome back folks! Now that you are
full of sugar and coffee and tea, I think it’s time…
Ronnie:
Umm, Roger, actually I think you might be needed in the kitchen.

Roger:
Really? Why would the kitchen possibly need me? The meal is over.

Ronnie:
I’m not sure. It, ah, it, must be some sort of a surprise. (looks around to the band) Right guys?

(nods from the group)

Roger:
(shrugs) Okay, I guess I will go see then.

Carrie:
You guys are pretty good at getting rid of him.

Ronnie:
We have gotten used to his antics by now is all. You will too.

Tommy:
I love surprises, I can’t wait to find out what it is.

Ronnie:
It’s nothing. There is no surprise.

Tommy:
Well that’s not very nice.

Ronnie:
It’s not like he is very nice to the rest of us. Why should it bother us that we tricked him?

Tommy:
Cause I’m nice.

Ronnie:
Well, I suppose we could all use to do better. But right now I’m more concerned about keeping him from
annoying our customers with his “comedy.”

Carrie:
What do you think will happen when Roger finds out that there is no surprise?

Billy:
We will deal with that when it happens. I’m sure we have at least a few minutes of him trying to figure it
out before he realizes.

(Martha enters from stage right)

Carrie:
Why don’t we sing something in the meantime.

Billy:
Sure thing.

(Billy Song - Connie Smith – Once a Day)

(Martha exits stage left as Duncan is entering and they collide)

Duncan:
I wanna tell you all a story about a Harper Valley Widowed Wife. (snapping his fingers and singing
unconsciously)

Ronnie:
Are you really STILL singing that?

Duncan:
I’m really trying to stop, I swear.

Ronnie:
What are we going to have to do to get you to stop? I mean, I feel like we have tried everything to get it
out of your head.

Duncan:
I’m starting to think it is never going to stop.

Ronnie:
I have just the threat that might help. Hey folks, you want to help me out? (Turns her back to the
audience and whispers something to the band.)

Tommy:
I’m game for anything.

Billy:
I’m sure we can handle that.

(Ronnie Song - Tammy Wynette – DIVORCE)

(Roger enters from stage left)

Roger:
(About the song)That’s so great. I don’t know what the big surprise was supposed to be, but all I found
in there was a pile of dirty dishes. I guess the surprise is they left them all for me? That’s not really a
surprise, that’s just the way it seems to be. But now, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for me to take the
stage once again with my fabulous comedy stylings.
Duncan:
I don’t really know if anyone wants to hear any more of that.

Roger:
Well, they need something to lighten the mood after that last song.

Duncan:
I guess so, but I’m not sure it should be what you find funny.

Roger:
(To the audience) What do you think folks? (respond depending on the crowd) Well, I’m going to do it,
no matter what you think (boos from crowd or) See, they want more and you have to give the audience
what they want. (cheers)

Duncan:
(shrugs) I guess it is your diner.

(Duncan and Ronnie exit stage right)

Roger:
Wonderful. (flipping though cards) Let’s see, we did that one. Oh, here we go. I don’t really understand
how things are named in this town. Like, take Sunnyslope. It’s not any sunnier than anywhere else in the
city. In fact, they get more snow than most anyone. Why did they call it that? And don’t even get me
started on Massey Drive, because they aren’t even part of the city and they are no bigger than most!
How about that round about? Have you seen anyone turn left yet? How complicated is it that they keep
having to call the police out to direct traffic around it? Keep right, go around until you want to get out.
Sounds simple enough. This isn’t doing it for you? Okay, let’s go back to basics, I want to make a brief
joke, but it’s a little cheesy. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels. No?
Ah, what did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas. No better? Umm, Well, there was this time that I
lost my job at the bank on the first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
That was when I got into food service. I knew that I brought a lot to the table.

(groans from the band)

Roger:
Well, I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you guys didn’t like it. Want to hear a joke about
construction? (Flips through his cue cards) I’m still working on it. I know we have all been pretty bored
lately, but I decided to use some of my spare time to take up fencing. I was going great until the
neighbours demanded that I put it back.

(Martha and Ronnie enter from stage left and right respectively)

Carrie:
Will someone get the hook already and get this guy off the stage?
(Roger exits stage left)

Ronnie:
I don’t know if we have one of those. Where would I look?

Martha:
Honey, it’s a figure of speech.

Ronnie:
Oh phew, I thought I was going crazy.

Martha:
Speaking of crazy, (addressing the band) hey guys, you up for playing another song?

Billy:
Ready if you are. I know just the one you are thinking of.

Martha:
Well, hit it.

(Martha Song - Patsy Cline – Crazy)

Carrie:
Well, this has turned out to be a pretty fun night. I think I made the right choice by joining this band. I
mean, you could do with a better name that the Greasy Spoons, but I suppose if most of your gigs are in
this diner, it only makes sense.

Tommy:
Actually, our only gigs are in dis diner. We’re gonna play here all summer long.

Carrie:
You mean, you never play at any of the bars or go on tour or anything?

Tommy:
Nah, by. We like it here. We never have to rehearse because we rarely know what song someone is
going to want to sing next. It’s like playing a million different venues all at once.

Billy:
I suppose that is one way to feel about it. You could also just feel stressed. Although, I suppose it is a
little easier for you, all you really have to do is keep the beat.

Roger:
(Pokes his head out to make the comment) Sometimes I wonder if we really need a drummer at all.
(enters stage left)
Martha:
Don’t be so hard on Tommy. He does more than just keep the beat. I see him doing all kinds of fancy
stuff back that that makes the rest of you look good, or at least, better.

Ronnie:
Yeah, can’t you all just be nice to each other and get along for once? I mean, we know Tommy isn’t the
sharpest spoon in the drawer or anything…

Martha:
He isn’t what?

Ronnie:
The sharpest spoon in the drawer. You know…

Martha:
I think you mean knife, and maybe it is you that isn’t the brightest bulb in the box.

Roger:
(Moves between Ronnie and Martha) I suppose you could say that about the both of you two.

Martha:
Well, your comedy routine sucks.

Ronnie:
Yeah, you aren’t funny at all.

(devolves into non-sense arguing as Duncan enters stage right)

Duncan:
Woah, woah, everyone! Hold up! What’s going on here?

(They all shout back at him with different responses)

All:
She was making fun of Tommy, they don’t play anywhere but here, I don’t know why I stayed in this
band, why do I bother to come to work here, etc.

Duncan:
Well, I never thought I would have to be the voice of reason for anyone but here goes. First, (points at
Billy) You love this kind of stuff, no matter what you like to tell other people, having to figure the music
out on the fly challenges you and you love it.

Billy:
I guess so.
Duncan:
(to Tommy) You can be a little confused about things at times that most can understand, but that
doesn’t mean you aren’t a great drummer and that they don’t need you.

Tommy:
Right?

Duncan:
(to Carrie) I know you are new here, but we really do have a lot of fun at Leroy’s. They might not be
working their way to playing stadiums at the moment, but it doesn’t mean this isn’t a great group to
play a few tunes and have a bit of fun with.

Carrie:
If you say so. I suppose I will give them a chance, at least for the summer, I mean, what else am I going
to do?

Duncan:
(pushing Roger out of the way to speak to Ronnie and Martha) And as for you two. You have been
working here for a while now and you knew exactly what you were getting into by coming back. You
know that Roger can be a jerk, but you have always put up with it in the past.

Ronnie:
A not very funny jerk, at that.

Duncan:
That too. But that’s not the point. You keep coming back because you like working with the rest of us,
and because you have become best friends. Sure, you even had Martha stand for you at our wedding.

Ronnie:
That’s true.

Martha:
I’m sorry I said those things about you.

Ronnie:
And I’m sorry too.

Duncan:
(to Roger) And as for you.

Roger:
But, but, I’m sorry too. I’m trying to be better I swear.

Duncan:
Just be nicer, it’s not that hard to do.
Roger:
Okay.

Billy:
Well, now. Why don’t we finish this night out on a better note with a song?

Roger:
Something that everyone can sing along with?

Carrie:
That would be perfect.

(Martha will retrieve the wireless mic from stage left. Everyone else moves to place at mics.)

Roger:
Before we say goodnight, I just want to take a minute to thank you all for coming out to hear the ladies
of country at my diner tonight. We hope that you have enjoyed your evening and that you will come
back again to visit us and bring along your friends. Right now, let’s finish things out the way we began,
with Ms. Dolly Parton.

(Song - Dolly Parton – Jolene)

-40-

Reba McEntire – You’re the First Time I’ve Thought About Leaving, Little Rock, The Night The Lights
Went Out in Georgia

Connie Smith – Once a Day,

Kitty Wells – It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels

Jeannie C. Reilly – Harper Valley PTA

Loretta Lynn – Out of My Head and Back in My Bed

Patsy Cline – Crazy, I Fall to Pieces, Walkin After Midnight

Tammy Wynette – DIVORCE

Dolly Parton – Jolene, Coat of Many Colours, 9 to 5

Tanya Tucker – Delta Dawn, It’s a Little Too Late

Roseanne Cash – Seven Year Ache