(The stage should be set with a small bookcase containing the big book of knots and a large bible, a

small desk with a lamp, a large piece of rope, a black collared shirt and a legal pad. Throughout the spiel
he should scribble notes on the legal pad, flip through the bible to the different books mentioned and
work to tie the rope into a noose.)

Priest: (takes the big book of knots from the shelf and sits behind his desk with a long piece of rope)
There is so much talk these days about gender identity and so many people arguing about whether we
should call God, He. I mean, really, why do we think ourselves so great as to believe God has a sex at all?
He created Adam and Eve in his image, didn’t he? Doesn’t that mean that he is, in some way, both? Or
neither? And then I feel like you have to ask yourself why we care at all if God is a man or a woman?
Like, if God is truly an all-powerful being that can see us, hear us, answer our prayers, send down
plagues to let us know that he… or she… is disappointed in humanity, don’t you think they would let us
know if they cared how we use their pronouns? Or even if they have pronouns for us to use at all? And
then, that brings us to question: if we are all children of God, why do we say that Jesus is his only son?
Begotten be damned, if he created us, why is Jesus the only one who gets to be called his son?

That just brings me to the question of what is the point of belief in this day and age? So much of what
the bible preaches is outdated and even cruel, the old testament in particular. Really, why do so many
sex related things mean that you should be put to death? Leviticus and Deuteronomy are especially
strongly worded against it. Let’s check out some examples, because God (pointing to the sky), I have
some questions. (gets the bible from the shelf and opens to Leviticus)

So, I suppose it would seem there was a lot of problems with incest in the time that Leviticus was
written, as it specifically mentions in separate passages not to have sex with a number of people in your
family, mentioning exclusively and in order, sister, granddaughter, half-sister, aunt – either your fathers
or mothers sister, both mentioned separately, daughter in law and sister in law. Now the last two aren’t
blood related, but still. And then there are two passages that mention not seeing your mother naked or
having sex with her, so there must have been lots of boys with an Oedipus complex in those days as
well.

And then comes one of the best parts. Leviticus chapter 18, verse 17-18, “Thou shalt not uncover the
nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's
daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness. Neither shalt
thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time.” I
mean really, you can have as big of an orgy as you want, just as long as none of the women in the bed
are related? Is that really what God wants? Cause just a few verses later there is a random PSA thrown
in to remind people that they probably shouldn’t sacrifice their children to Molech.

And then we get to the big one that all the southern Baptist bible thumpers like to throw around. Verse
22, you all know it. Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Now, I don’t
really have experience with this, but I have a feeling that isn’t how it’s done anyway. I mean, there is a
little bit of an anatomy problem for this to happen so I kinda think when two fellas are together they
aren’t exactly going at it missionary style. And of course, there is no mention of lesbians. I mean, even in
biblical times, I suppose people thought that was hot or something, as long as they weren’t related, of
course. If the thumpers really want to have a leg to stand on in their argument they should be quoting
Romans chapter one verses 26-27: “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their
women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving
the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that
which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was met.” At least
Romans actually does condemn lesbians as well, but even still isn’t a clear condemnation of
homosexuality, just trying to enforce where the fella should stick it. Don’t misunderstand, I think they
got it all wrong and I see no problem with people being gay.

Now, Leviticus goes on to make some good points against bestiality and in chapter 19 there is some
good advice about food going bad after a couple of days when they tell you to eat it when you cook it,
eat the leftovers the next day but after that it, you know, throw it out. There is also some good advice
for that time not to eat shellfish and only to consume meat that was prepared in a kosher way, but
again, only to keep people safe. God - preventing food poisoning since the start of recorded time. But
those rules don’t need to apply today.

And yet, Leviticus goes on to condemn the victim of rape instead of the rapist and I’m not sure we do
much better today to not condemn the victim in those cases. It’s a weird book in that it also condemns
cutting your beard, “rounding your head” and not forcing your daughter to be a prostitute because it
would be bad for the community, but only if you force her.

And that brings us to Leviticus chapter 20, where the punishments for all of these rules are laid out
which for the most part is being stoned to death, but in some cases, burned instead. Pretty hefty
punishment for seeing your father naked, I would say. And later, after giving you all kinds of rules about
when you can have sex and with who, the bible goes on to say that if you masturbate, they will cut of
your hands. Why do we think God would care if you touch yourself, or if you think someone is sexy
before you marry them? How is that even a real thing these days?

So I ask you, why do we still take these outdated beliefs as law, throwing them out in the world where it
serves our personal agenda and yet, we struggle to follow the simple commandments that were set out
to try to improve humanity? The Decalogue, as it is known. Can’t we just live by those and make the
world a better place? Let’s take a look at them, shall we?

God got off to a bit of a selfish start with these too. Being that the first is I am the Lord thy God, thou
shall have no other gods before me, and thou shall not make unto thee any graven image - you know
the thing about not worshiping false idols? I didn’t catch any pronouns in that statement, did you? Then
there is the business of not taking the lords name in vain and to keep the Sabbath holy, but I think that is
just because even God knows that people need a day off. After that is respect your elders, well, it’s
honor thy father and mother, but you know that is what he… or she… is getting at.

Next is when he really starts to get down to business, thou shall not murder. Now, this is where I start to
find that the lines set out in the bible are getting rather blurred. Just a few books ago, back when I was
reading Leviticus, I’m pretty sure you told me I had to kill a lot of people for a lot of reasons, including
seeing people naked, sleeping with their in-laws and screwing sheep, but I suppose it is not for us to
decide if that is really murder. And that could start a whole debate about the death penalty that I don’t
have the time or energy to get into, but it sure feels more like murder to throw stones at someone until
they die, more so than it does to put them down like a sick dog.

Moving on, we have thou shall not commit adultery and thou shall not steal. Good advice, but once
again, I was told just a little while ago that I was supposed to stone someone to death if they did and
now that would mean I didn’t follow the last commandment. I guess if everyone followed all the
commandments I really don’t need to have this debate either.

The rest are all about your neighbour and how you should treat other people. Stuff like, don’t bear false
witness against your neighbour, don’t covet your neighbour’s house or wife or other belongings,
including slaves, I might add, just to tell you again how outdated the “rules” of the bible are. Also,
despite two different books of the bible telling us about these commandments, nowhere is it written
what the punishment is for breaking any of them.

I have so many questions about choices that were made in the creation of the bible. Why are so many of
the books so repetitive? Once again, we take a look at Leviticus where the same point is made at least
three times in chapters 18 through 20. Either the fella that wrote that one was really trying to drive the
point home, or he needed a good editor to tell him that it could have been three chapters shorter. And
even the commandments are in there a couple of times, but at least most of those were good things to
drive home to people.

And another thing, why doesn’t Lot’s wife have a name in the bible? She is called Edith in some Jewish
tradition, but her name is not mentioned in the bible. She did only appear long enough to wind up as a
pillar of salt, but that shouldn’t mean she has to be nameless. I start to wonder if the bible wasn’t the
start of the oppression of women in modern culture. Perhaps it was written by a man and pushed to be
enforced to squash the formal power of the Roman Empire and their gods, but also to give more power
to men and change the tides of control of society. Should we really believe that any of these words came
from an all-powerful being at all? Or just that they were the ramblings of man, trying to enforce rules
they wanted to see and get rid of the number of different beliefs and religions of the time that
prevented real control over their communities.

But then, if that is really what happened, the entire question is moot. But, if there really is a higher
being, doesn’t this just bring us back to the original question of whether or not God has a sex?

(he does up the top button on his shirt, inserts a priest collar and throws the noose on the desk, picking
up the legal pad.)

I’ll need you later, right now, off to church. This is going to be one heck of a sermon.