Focus on Written Production Skills I

Part A: Paragraph Structure – Comparing/Contrasting Study Habits

The following is a comparison/contrast paragraph on the topic, “Study Habits.” Read the
paragraph and correct the language-related errors that students typically make.

Note-taking is one thing that I have learned to do better in college than when I was in
high school (1). I used to lose interest in what the teacher would say and begin doodling,
sketching Japanese animated characters, such as Naruto the ninja overcoming the challenges of
boredom, or scribbling outrageous elaborate signatures as if I had become a major celebrity (2).
My notes often looked like the penmanship of a doctor’s prescription: cramped and ineligible
(3). I would have a hard time understanding when studying for an exam (4). There would be a
word such as “Declaration,” then some chicken scratch, followed by the word “important” (5).
This being weeks later, of course I had no idea what it was nor about its importance (6). In
college, I try not to let my mind wander when in class (7). If I feel my thoughts faltering, I think
of a question I can ask the teacher that will show my motivation to learn as well as pull my
thoughts back into focus (8). I also arrive to class prepared with a set of questions that I wrote
down while completing the homework for that day (9). If I felt lost, then I could ask any one of
these questions without looking inept (10). Moreover, I since learned to use a semi-print writing
style that makes my notes more easily understandable (11). Finally, to reread my notes, after
class, I have begun taking ten minutes, and I write down any necessary connecting ideas to
improve coherence (12).
Errors
Sentence 1: Reg Sentence 2: Coh + WF Sentence 3: Coh
Sentence 4: Coh Sentence 6: pron – vague reference Sentence 7: Coh
Sentence 8 : WW – vary word choice Sentence 11: vt
Sentence 12: W – Rewrite this sentence that is wordy and awkwardly
constructed (with all the commas), thus resulting
in an unclear message.

Part B: Introductions & Conclusions – Editorial Examples

Read the following excerpt of an editorial on selfies and answer the questions that follow.

The Dangers of the Selfie, Courier Editorial Staff, Sept. 20, 2015
All too frequently, common sense takes a holiday with a cellphone in hand. According to the National
Safety Council, an estimated 1.6 million accidents occur annually as distracted drivers text. The University
of North Texas Health Science Center has determined 16,141 deaths occurred as a result of texting while
driving.

Those are frightening statistics for anyone on the road who could become the victim of such wanton
negligence. But the dangers in the digital divide don’t stop there. In this Age of Internet Narcissism,
dozens of deaths annually have been attributed to selfies — self-portraits using cellphones often taken in
unusual circumstances.

A North Carolina driver was killed when she crashed into a truck while posting a selfie of herself singing
Pharrell Williams’ “Happy.” A pilot in Colorado lost control of his Cessna 150, killing himself and his
passenger. A Puerto Rican musician died while taking a selfie on a motorcycle. A Polish couple crossed a
safety barrier and fell off a cliff in Portugal while taking a selfie as their children watched.

[…]

IB Program—English Language B
Collège Jean-de-Brébeuf
Marcello Quintieri
Focus on Written Production Skills I

While squirrels on the Wartburg College campus are legendary for their friendliness, a selfie with the
rodents can pose a risk. A Maine teenager in Florida to check out a college campus saw a squirrel sitting
on a handrail in a park and took a selfie. The flash from the cellphone scared the squirrel, which climbed
under his shirt and hung onto his back.

“I threw myself on the ground, and that scared him off,” said Brian Genest, whose mother captured the
incident on Instagram. An estimated one million selfies are taken daily. Time Magazine has even ranked
the Top Selfie Spots in the world — Makati City and Pasig, the Philippines at No. 1, followed by
Manhattan, Miami and Orange County, Calif.

Obviously, the vast majority of selfies aren’t hazardous to health — until the obsession becomes too
adventurous. While the list of selfie-related accidents may seem stranger than fiction, the tragedy is that
basic precautions to maintain life and limb were ignored in pursuit of a photo.

Questions
1. Underline the argument (i.e., thesis statement) in the introduction.
2. Is the argument, in the conclusion, repeated? Rephrased? Completed? Explain.
3. Identify characteristics of an editorial introduction.
4. Identify characteristics of an editorial conclusion.

Part C: Editorial Introductions & Conclusions – Let’s Practice!

In the three examples below, consider the following.
1. How does the editor begin the text?
2. What techniques are used to grab the reader's attention?
3. What is the main idea/thesis of each editorial?

Example A: The Recorder, Vermont, USA

Young or old, it pays to stay active.(play on
words)  Take what enjoyment you can find from life and help your fellows.  Just ask 8-year-old
Liam Green, a Cub Scout with Shelburne Falls Cub Scout Pack 85, and his two buddies, Ray Dyer
and Grayson Bishop.
Or if you don't believe them, because you think they are too young to know about such things, 
then ask 99-year-old Dorothy Wright of Greenfield.  They may not seem to have a lot
in common, but they agree about this.

Example B: North West Times, Indiana, USA

In the late 1960s, Virginia Slims cigarette advertising told women, "You've come a long way,
baby."  Women have come even further since then, but equality remains elusive.
A program at Valparaiso University last week examined the role of female stereotypes in the
media – especially advertising, movies and television – in depriving girls of the
positive role models they need to help finally attain equality.

Example C: The Advertiser, Queensland, Australia

Teachers play a critical role in our state, helping to shape the minds of our children and
assist them to reach their full potential.
They deserve all appropriate resources and protection required for the mission of inspiring a
love for learning.  But they aren't the most important influence in a child's life.

IB Program—English Language B
Collège Jean-de-Brébeuf
Marcello Quintieri
Focus on Written Production Skills I

That role falls to parents, who must provide their children with the basic tools and

support needed to become moral and productive citizens.  Parents
must ensure their children arrive at school with a foundation teachers can build on.

Now, write a title and conclusion for ONE of the introductions above, applying
techniques seen in Part B.

IB Program—English Language B
Collège Jean-de-Brébeuf
Marcello Quintieri