ENNEAGRAM CONFLICT
How individuals of this
Common pinches of
this enneastyle
• Injustice, fairness
Eight — • Not dealing directly with
issues
Challenge
• Others not taking
responsibility for their
self-confident, own behavior
decisive, willful, and • Being blindsided
confrontational • Another’s lack of
truthfulness
• Disruption of peace and
harmony
Nine — • Being told what to do
Equilibrium • Feeling ignored
• Rudeness in others
• Overt hostility
receptive, reassuring,
• Feeling taken advantage
complacent, and
of
resigned • Being confronted
• Not feeling supported
One —
• Being criticized
Diligence • Another’s lack of follow-
through
principled, • Another’s
purposeful, noncollaborative changes
to a plan
self-controlled,
• Feeling deceived
perfectionistic
Behavior of this enneastyle
when pinched
• Feel surges of anger that propel them to
action
• Sift and sort information and feelings
quickly
• Avoid feeling vulnerable or out of
control, if possible
• May withdraw entirely
• Dismiss and discard those for whom
they lack respect
• Try to dominate others; demand that
others do as they say
• Say nothing
• Facial tension may give a slight
indication of anger
• May be unaware of own anger
• May displace anger onto someone not
involved
• Anger may remain with them for
periods of time (leading to self-doubt
and anxiety)
• Tune others out passive-aggressively
• Curt statements
• Accusations related to other issues
• Nonverbal cues of anger
• Saying nothing
• Correcting others
• Insisting that others share their
standards
• Pointing out defectiveness in others
How to approach a
person of this
enneastyle
• Be direct
• Be honest
• Listen to the intensity of their
feelings
• Do not act weak or uncertain
• Avoid language that the
Eight might perceive as
blaming them
• Redirect the conversation
toward actions that meet
objectives and restore
magnanimity
• Ask about his or her anger in
a kind and simple way, and in
an indirect and low-pressure
manner
• Listen fully
• Affirm the fact that the Nine
has expressed anger directly
• Share alternative
perspectives in a way that
validates the Nine’s feelings
• Take a problem-solving
approach
• Allot them time to think
through their feelings
• Provide some structure to
the conversation
• Let the One talk first
• Use nonjudgmental language
Adapted by Kathy Jankowski © The Enneagram in Business
style can manage
themselves in a pinch
or crunch
As yourself: What does my
reaction to this situation or to
the other person’s behavior say
about me in terms of my
Enneagram style and about the
areas in which I can develop?
Am I sharing my feelings of
vulnerability and desire to
work toward common good?
As yourself: What does my
reaction to this situation or to
the other person’s behavior say
about me in terms of my
Enneagram style and about the
areas in which I can develop?
Am I taking a clear stand on
issues and expressing my
agency (anger) directly?
As yourself: What does my
reaction to this situation or to
the other person’s behavior say
about me in terms of my
Enneagram style and about the
areas in which I can develop?
Am I listening with an open
mind and heart?
 ENNEAGRAM CONFLICT
How individuals of this
How to approach a
Common pinches of Behavior of this enneastyle style can manage
person of this
this enneastyle when pinched themselves in a pinch
enneastyle
or crunch
• Think through what they say in advance,
focused on what the other person did As yourself: What does my
Two — • Being taken for granted wrong emotionally • Let them talk extensively reaction to this situation or to
• Feeling unappreciated • Keep feelings to themselves with • Ask clarifying questions the other person’s behavior say
Support • Not being heard increasing levels of stubborn-ness and/or • Share your perspective about me in terms of my
• Others withdrawing from aggressiveness toward others that don’t • Make sure to validate their Enneagram style and about the
generous, their attention perceive their sacrifice perspective areas in which I can develop?
demonstrative, • Others not offering the • Intensify feelings and attitudes trying to • Discuss feelings and thought
people-pleasing, and attention in the manner win the other over • Differentiate intention and Can I disconnect emotionally
possessive they seek • Try to find other’s needs and create impact and express my own needs
dependencies or make them feel directly?
unworthy of their attention
• Charming others by adopting whatever • Be kind and clear As yourself: What does my
• Being put into a position image will “work” (until it doesn’t) • Make sure there is no reaction to this situation or to
Three — of likely failure • Asking short sequence of structured excessive work pressure on the other person’s behavior say
Perform • Not looking good questions finding fault them about me in terms of my
professionally • Unlikely to say that they are upset and • Do not use an intensely Enneagram style and about the
• Being blamed for the poor body language unlikely to give clues; emotional tone areas in which I can develop?
adaptable, excelling,
work of others workaholism • Use a rational, problem-
driven, and image- • Not receiving credit (for • Over time, tone of voice becomes sharp solving approach Am I willing to disclose
conscious work, ideas, successes) • Over time, sentences become clipped • Ask them what one out-of- information that may not
• Withhold positive regard the box idea might be make me look good?

• Offer an open invitation to

• Being ignored or slighted
Four —
• Being asked to do
Mood something contrary to
personal values
• An event that elicits a
expressive, dramatic,
Four’s envy
self-absorbed, and
• Work that is tedious and
temperamental
repetitious
• Become increasingly temperamental – As yourself: What does my
express their feelings
making others “walk on eggshells” reaction to this situation or to
• Paraphrase their
• May say something in a blunt way the other person’s behavior say
feelings/thoughts and
• Withdraw completely, stewing about me in terms of my
meaning
• Experience multiple emotions Enneagram style and about the
• Ask them what is causing
simultaneously and intensely areas in which I can develop?
their volatility and disdain
• Excessively analyze the situation –
and listen without reactivity
(limiting understanding) Am I displaying my objectivity
• Ask for examples of realistic,
• Hold on to feelings for long periods and emotional balance?
small steps to move forward
of time
and their value
Adapted by Kathy Jankowski © The Enneagram in Business

Common pinches of
this enneastyle
• Disconnects between
Five —
words and behaviors
Knowledge • Breaking confidences
• Being surprised
• Dishonesty
perceptive,
• Out of control situations
innovative, secretive,
• Overwhelming tasks
and isolated
• Feeling manipulated
ENNEAGRAM CONFLICT
How individuals of this
How to approach a
Behavior of this enneastyle style can manage
person of this
when pinched themselves in a pinch
enneastyle
or crunch
• Give advance notice that you
• Pull back, but may not show this
wish to speak with them and As yourself: What does my
outwardly
provide an agenda reaction to this situation or to
• Retain the experience mentally to
• Allow them to select time and the other person’s behavior say
escape not knowing right action
place for discussion; give them about me in terms of my
• May express anger as outrage during an
lots of physical space Enneagram style and about the
intense pinch or during a crunch
• Listen to their thoughts and areas in which I can develop?
• Increase “convincing” and “evidence-
feelings; maintain a rational
building;” may try to make others feel
approach to the problem Am I expressing my wider
incompetent
• Watch for signs of over-whelm connections and feelings in
• Become preoccupied – withdrawing the moment?
and end meeting with agreed-
curiosity and detaching emotionally
upon action items

• Complaining – testing others’

• Give them space when they
commitment to them
Six — • Pressure • May be highly reactive, yet controlled
want to withdraw
As yourself: What does my
reaction to this situation or to
• Ask for and listen to what they
Questioning • Lack of genuineness • Asking questions and analyzing
see as most important
the other person’s behavior say
• Lack of commitment scenarios (mistaking talking for about me in terms of my
(Doubt) • Abusive authority conversation)
• Validate their right to their
Enneagram style and about the
perspective and yet ask them
• Too many or too few • Try to eliminate uncertainty (fight/flight) areas in which I can develop?
engaging, what changes when they listen to
expectations • Competitive
the answers they are receiving
responsible, anxious, • Uncertainty • Conjecture and project their own Am I differentiating between
• Be warm and genuine, and
and suspicious thoughts, feelings, and motivations my projections and insights?
empower their decision-making
onto the other person
• Create anticipatory fears • Make initial overtures for As yourself: What does my
• Feeling trapped reaction to this situation or to
Seven — • Distract themselves and others to keep conversation nonintrusive
• Boring and mundane the other person’s behavior say
anxieties away • Ask nonjudgmental, open-
Options tasks
• Idealize the past and the future ended questions about me in terms of my
• Feeling dismissed or not Enneagram style and about the
• Have already decided their response • Draw out their line of
taken seriously areas in which I can develop?
spontaneous, before the other person is finished reasoning
• Unjust criticism
versatile, acquisitive, talking (difficulty listening fully) • Validate their experience Am I willing to pause and
• Impracticality as they
and scattered • Rationalize their own behavior and ask for details on process painful or
perceive it
• Blame or condemn others moving from A to B uncomfortable sensations?

Adapted by Kathy Jankowski © The Enneagram in Business

 ENNEAGRAM CONFLICT
PINCH – CRUNCH MODEL

Adapted by Kathy Jankowski © The Enneagram in Business