DISCOVER

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I think almost ever parent worries

about their child’s first day at a new
school. Will they fit in? Will they
make new friends? What will their
new teacher be like? Are they ready
for the next grade?

As an adoptive parent of a 10-year-

old special needs girl who is one of a
few Black students at an all-white
school — these typical concerns are
exacerbated. So last year when she
was called the N-word on her second
day of school and forced to eat lunch
alone because her classmates refused
to associate with her, it brought me
back to my childhood.

When E.M. Uzoamaka's

daughter's teacher showed up to
school in Blackface, it left her
child with feelings of
hopelessness.

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I grew up in Quebec during the '70s
and our Jamaican family was the first
to integrate into an all-white suburb.
When I was around seven, I
remember being followed by a group
of teen boys yelling expletives as I
tried to outrun them. They eventually
cornered me in the doorway of a
building and pinned me against a
wall. I still remember the sound of
them hocking up their phlegm as they
took turns spitting on me. A few
years later, my younger sister had a
similar experience with a classmate
who lived two houses away from
ours.

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By the time I was in my teens, I was
having an identity crisis and I no
longer believed what my parents had
instilled in me. Their words of
encouragement and positive role-
modeling didn’t stand a chance
against mainstream media in the '80s
and the rejection of my peers. So I
learned to navigate between two
worlds as a coping mechanism.

I could be myself at home or with

family friends who shared the same
Caribbean culture. But otherwise, I
learned to whitewash my words and
actions as a way to assimilate. Of
course, none of this internalized
shame improved my self-esteem or
social status. My faith, family, the
arts and therapy collectively helped
me to regain my sense of identity and
self-worth.

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So when my daughter recently came
home speaking like a Valley Girl and
flicking her braids over her shoulder
for no sensible reason, I stopped her
in her tracks. I could tell she was in
the first phase of code-switching. The
simple definition of the term is to
alternate between two or more
languages to express the same
phrase. For example, speaking
Jamaican Patois with my friends
versus North American English with
work colleagues.

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For some, it might seem harmless
when a little girl comes home
imitating her friends’ behaviours, but
based on her racism-related stress, I
realized my daughter was learning to
silence and devalue herself. When I
asked her why she was speaking
differently she couldn’t explain and
seemed slightly embarrassed. When I
shared my childhood experiences,
she was surprised to learn her "cool"
mom had the same issues growing up
and admitted it was hard for her to
make friends.

True Daley organized the

family-friendly Walk Against
Racism to bring the community
together and create a safe space
for students to share their
experiences with
discrimination.

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People of colour learn code-switching
at a young age as a path to success.
By the time you’re an adult, it’s
normalized and expected to suppress
or deny parts of yourself to get ahead.
But the act takes a psychological toll. 

When looking for a job, names may

be anglicized to make the recruiter
feel more comfortable and hopefully
take a look at the resume. My
daughter has a beautiful name which
translated from Farsi or Hebrew
means “God’s gift."  However,
whenever I introduce her by her full
name she usually interjects and tells
others to call her by her initials
instead to avoid repeating herself or
correcting someone.

I
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have made extra efforts to seek out
activities and clubs where she can
feel included and express herself
freely. She’s in a gymnastics program
for Black girls where she’s coached by
a former Olympian who motivates
the girls to be comfortable in their
own skin, literally and figuratively. 

Thankfully, we’ve made some great

strides. My daughter’s school
principals and teacher have been
intentional with giving students and
staff opportunities to celebrate
differences and have thoughtful
conversations in the classroom that
explore topics of race, gender and
ableism. Over the past year, I’ve seen
a huge improvement in school morale
and how she’s been treated by her
classmates. I’m also thankful to her
therapist and church community for
emphasizing the importance of self-
acceptance.

She is gradually finding her way and

learning she doesn’t have to lose
herself in the process.

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   

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Read more from True here.

True Daley is a proud adoptive mom of an

eight-year-old girl and advocate against anti-
Black racism. The regular contributor to
ByBlacks.com is also a multi-platform
journalist and an award-winning
performance artist who has appeared on
CBC, CTV, BET and HBO. As an active
member of BIPOC TV & Film in Toronto, she
is currently developing an animated
children's series for six- to nine-year-olds.

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