CHAPTER III

SOCIAL GRACE

Outline:

1. Lesson 1: Manners
2. Lesson 2: Etiquette
3. Lesson 3: Business Etiquette
4. Lesson 4: Introductions

Lesson 1: Manners

Social graces, more popularly known as good manners and etiquette is not a “ put-on” or
“add-on” to one’s personality. It should be part of the character of a person.

Manners

Manners, says Webster, “are social conduct or rules of conduct, as shown in the prevalent
customs: habitual deportment, especially with reference to polite conventions.” Consideration
for others is the basis of good manners. Some questions you can use as guides before acting
are: “Does it make people comfortable and happy?” “How does this action affect others?”

Manners are also based on past customs. The conditions that caused these manners to be
proper no longer exist, but the manners continue to exist.

Knowledge of food manners give people increased self-confidence. It comes from knowing what
is expected of one in a given situation and of how to do with ease what is expected. When
manners become second nature to a person, he increases his sense of security, poise, self-
confidence and self-respect. Manners make a difference with how people feel about you. In this
way it becomes part of your personality because it, in turn, makes people react to you in a
peculiar way.
 Lesson 2: Etiquette

Etiquette consists of an “act of rules of living in our society.” These rules make us more
comfortable and reflect a feeling of what is right toward other. Only the most unusual person,
for one reason or another, completely disregards rules of etiquette with impunity. This person,
however, becomes a most uncomfortable one to be with.

Etiquette

Rules of conduct in relationships were of necessity developed and refined through the ages.
Each generation has sought to transmit these niceties of life to its successors and to inspire the
young to even higher levels of culture and taste. Gradually the body of etiquette that is the
standard for civilized people has come into being.

Technically, the word etiquette comes from Old French, and means “ticket” or “label”. The
word etiquette originally meant the ticket of entrance to France’s court ceremonies – upon this
ticket were written the rules of court behaviour.

Consider your knowledge of etiquette as your “ticket” of admission into the conventions of a
polite and caring society. Consider it a special pass that will enable you to relate to others with
thoughtfulness and polished manners.

Social Graces in the Family- Family manners

Many times the home is the place we “let go” so to speak. We are careless with the way we
act or with what we say, mainly because we are confident that we will be forgiven anyway. This
is not a healthy situation. It is at home that we should practice the social amenities of living. In
that way, we will not look awkward in public.

It is of paramount importance that we should respect the privacy of each member of the family.
From this will emanate an atmosphere of mutual respect, trust, and love.

Examples of these are knocking before entering the rooms, not opening the mail of others, not
looking through another person’s belongings, not taking or “borrowing” articles without asking
permission, not snooping or listening in to the conversation of others either over the telephone
or when one is entertaining someone in the house.
 Family Manners

When there is life, there should be love. Especially family love. Love makes a house a home.
Size, color, location have nothing to do with the spirit that dwells inside.

A family and it manners are shaped by the quality of spirit they share. A spirit based on love
makes a happy home and always produces good manners. When a child feels love,
understanding and genuine recognition, many of the problems of delinquency are avoided.

Second in importance to love in family is communication. Families need to talk to each other,
and they need to talk honestly.

It is not always east to be completely honest. Some things might seem embarrassing to us and
we would rather not discuss them. It might seem easier, at times, to tell a “white lie” and avoid
the truth. Honesty is always the best policy and the best manners, especially at home. Our
manners and our character are shaped at home.

Actually, there is n such thing as “a little white lie”. Little white lie grow into big black habits.
We can be sure that if someone lies to us, they will lie about us. Lying is already a disease that
is best healed in the beginning. Good manners are healthy.

1. Honor Your Parents

Fathers and mothers deserve respect. They don’t need to qualify for it. They learned it
when they gave us life. How do we honor our parents? We . . .

 Ask for their advice

 Look at things from their perspective
 Try to please them
 Have a good attitude
 Show respect
 Thank them
 Compliment them
 Obey them

Parents need our honor. They want to know they have our support, just as we want to
know we have theirs.

2. Sisters and Brothers

We often spend more time with our sisters and brothers than we do with anyone else.
We also may have more problems with them than we have with others. Many of these
problems can be avoided if we:

 Don’t tease
  Don’t be sarcastic
 Don’t tattle
 Showed love
 Helped one another
 Picked up for one another
 Didn’t worry about “favorites”
 Didn’t count chores
 Don’t mock
 Stick up for one another

Social Graces in the Public Places

This includes behaviour in the streets, on the buses, in restaurants, in church, in theaters and
movie houses and in school.

In the Street

 When walking in groups do not walk more than two abreast. Let others pass from behind
you. No one has a monopoly of the sidewalk.
 When crossing the street the gentleman stands on the side of oncoming vehicles. As
mentioned earlier, when walking along the sidewalk, the man is on the curb side.

On the Bus

Time was when men had to give up their seats for the ladies. Today, times have changed.
When women are working and fighting for equality in all fields of endeavour, they have to pay
the price in terms of less courtesies.

 When women stand on the bus, they would keep their feet firmly planted on the floor,
brace themselves for sudden jolts and avoid embarrassment of falling on someone or flat on
their faces. Should she be carrying too many packages or books, perhaps it is wiser to ask
the person seated near the aisle to hold them for her for the meantime.
 If the woman is escorted by a man, the lady should climb onto the bus first.
 In leaving, the man should precede the woman and extend a helping hand when she is
getting off the bus by holding her arm or supporting her elbow.

In a Restaurant

 When entering a restaurant, the man precedes the woman and leads her to a convenient
place.
 If there is a waiter who comes forward to attend to them, then the man steps back and lets
the woman go first.
 When the set has been chosen, either the waiter or the man pulls out chair and seats the
woman.
 The choice of seat should depend on the view she should get. She should be by a window if
there is a view to see, or be able to look out into the main part of the restaurant. She
should not be placed where passing people may strike her chair, or facing a wall or a
swinging door.
 When there is a group of four, the women are seated on wall seats; the men opposite the
woman.
 If a younger couple with an older one, the older couple are given the wall seats.
 When one woman is accompanied by two men, she seats herself between them.
 When the man is familiar with the restaurant and its specialties, he should suggest some
choices to her. If they are both unfamiliar, he should ask the waiter to recommend some of
the specialties of the restaurant.
 Unless a woman knows that an escort is well off, she should show some consideration for
his pocket and avoid asking for expensive items on the menu.

In Church

The church is a place of worship it is a formal, quiet place. It is not the place for socializing,
meeting one’s friends, boisterous behaviour, and unnecessary chatting.

 Being a formal place, conservative clothing should be worn. Definitely out are improper
clothes such as backless, bare midriff, low necked, micro mini skirts. Nowadays, the more
formal pansuits can be worn to church. However, match your clothes to the particular
parish. There are parishes that are broadminded when it comes to what they could call
“proper attire”
 Do not unduly attract attention when you enter. Walk quietly to a convenient seat. Choose
one in front when early and one at the back, if late.
 Avoid greeting friends in a loud voice.
 Quietly acknowledge greetings with a slight bow of your head and a smile.
 If you do have something to say, whisper to the person that you would like to talk to him
after the services.
 Laughing consciously is definitely out of place in church.
 Participate actively, but do not attract attention by praying too loudly or singing at the top
of your voice. You are not trying out to for the opera.

Basic Table Manners

Table manners play an important part in making a favourable impression. They are visible
signals of the state of our manners and therefore are essential to professional success.
Regardless of whether we are having lunch with a prospective employer or dinner with a
business associate, our manners can speak volumes about us as professionals.

 It is inappropriate to ask for a doggy bag when you are a guest. Save the doggy bag for
informal dining situations.
 It is best to order foods that can be eaten with knife and fork. Finger foods an be messy
and are best left for informal dining.
 Do not order alcoholic beverages. Drinking too much when dining out is one of the most
disliked behaviors.
 Do not smoke while dining out.
 Sit up straight at the table. It makes a good impression.
 When you are not eating, keep your hands on your lap or resting on the table (with wrists
on the edge of the table). Elbows on the table are acceptable only between courses, not
while you are eating.
 Do not season your food before you have tasted it.
 Never chew with your mouth open or make loud noises when you eat. Although it is
possible to talk with a small piece of food in your mouth, do not talk with your mouth full.
 Do not slurp soup from a spoon. Spoon the soup away from you when you take it out of the
bowl and sip it form the side of the spoon. If your soup is too hot to eat, let it sit until it
cools; do not blow on it.
 If food gets caught between your teeth and you can’t remove it with your tongue, leave the
table and go to a mirror where you can remove the food from your teeth in private.
 Engage in table conversation that is pleasant but entirely free of controversial subjects.
 You should not leave the table during the meal except for emergency. If you must go to the
bathroom, or if you suddenly became sick, simply excuse yourself. Later you can apologize
to the host by saying that you didn’t feel well.
 If you need something that you cannot reach easily, politely ask the person closest to the
item you need to pass it to you. For example “After you have used them yourself, would
you please pass me the salt and pepper?”
 If a piece of silverware falls onto the floor, pick it up if you can reach it, tell the server you
dropped a piece of your silverware and ask for a clean one.
 If you or someone you are dining with is left-handed, it best for the left-handed person to
sit and the left end of the table or at the head of the table. This arrangement helps ensure
that everyone has adequate elbow room to eat comfortably.
 If food spills off your plate, you may pick it up, with a piece of your silverware and place it
on the edge of your plate.
 Never spit a piece of bad food or tough gristle into your napkin. Remove the food in your
mouth using the same utensil it went in with. Place the piece of food at the end of your
plate. If possible cover it with some other food in your plate.
 Never spit a piece of bad food ot tough gristle into your napkin. Remove the food from your
mouth using the same utensil it went in with. Place the piece of food on the edge of your
plate. If possible, cover it with some other food from your plate.

Lesson 3: Business Etiquette

A good point to remember in business etiquette is everyone should be treated with equal
courtesy and respect. Times have changed and some of the old standards no longer apply.
Secretaries are important people and should never be taken for granted. Treat them
courteously in all your transactions. Treat people the way you wish to be treated. Gender no
longer needs to be the deciding factor in everyday events.

Business etiquette should be a give and take, to help each other when help is needed
and have consideration for others. Good manners and business etiquette have always been
based on common sense and thoughtfulness.

Punctuality
Be on time- no one wants to be kept waiting. If it is an unavoidable delay, try to contact the
person. Keep in mind that you never know when you will encounter heavy traffic, wrecks,
construction or other delays. Always allow extra time particularly if you are going to an
interview. For interviews you should arrive 10-15 minutes before the interview time.

Greeting
When meeting someone, rise if you are seated, smile, extend your hand and repeat the other
person’s name in your greeting. A good handshake is important – it should be firm and held for
three-four seconds. Today, in the business world it is not necessary to wait for a female to
initiate the handshake. Females/males should both be ready to initiate the handshake.

Telephone Manners
Telephone manners are very important. Have a definite purpose for calling someone because
telephone calls are an intrusion into their busy day. Identify yourself and speak clearly into the
phone – never chew gum, eat, drink or smoke while using the telephone. If you encounter
someone’s voicemail, state your name, organization, reason for calling and slowly give your
telephone number.
 Many people will leave a very good, clear message and then quickly rattle off their
phone number. Voicemail is most efficient if you leave a concise but detailed message. Many
times the person receiving the call will be able to get the information you need and leave that
in their return call or message to you. Use voice mail wisely and efficiently. Always have a
concise, professional greeting on your answering machine/voicemail.

Smoking
Be aware of smoking policies. You should never smoke during an interview, at a meal or when
you are aware that the other person’s pleasure does not include tobacco smoke.

Office Parties
Office parties are good opportunities to improve morale and build good will. Keep in mind these
are people who sees you every day and they will remember a lapse in behavior. Be aware of
your alcoholic consumption and do not embarrass yourself. Do not discuss business – this is a
social occasion and an opportunity to learn more about your co-workers.

Cultural Courtesy
Cultural courtesy is becoming very important as more business is being conducted in foreign
countries. Show appreciation and respect for the differences between our country and
someone else’s. You should always be aware of these cultural differences in etiquette. Be
sensitive to their rules of etiquette. If you are travelling overseas representing an American firm
be very aware of the customs and culture of the country you are visiting. This can be very
important to your business dealings. Research the customs and culture of the country with
which you will have business transactions.

Five Key Words

Remember five words that too often neglected in business:
Please, Thank You, and Well Done.

Social skills can help us build more productive relationships. In these changing times,
one needs to prepare for variety of encounters in both the business and social environments.

Lesson 4: Introductions

Introductions are an important part of good manners and you must accept the responsibility
and perfect the skill of performing them with a natural ease. Act promptly to smooth the
situation if someone you know (however slightly) joins a group in which you are a participant
and is obviously uncomfortable. Even if you do not remember his or her name, turn to the
newcomer and say, “How nice to see you again. I’m Maria Cruz. We met at Suzy’s party.” The
newcomer, grateful to be recognized, will then give his or her name, and the rest is easy. Never
ask, “You don’t remember me, do you?” Should you bring a friend to a gathering or meeting , it
is your responsibility to introduce him or her at the door to the host or hostess and to see that
your guest is comfortably introduced throughout the event.

The important thing about introductions is that they have to be made. The wordings
vary, but the fact that you’ve made them is more important. Although rules for introductions
have become less rigid, nevertheless a form must be followed.

1. Mentioning name of person you are honoring first- This person could be an older
person, a distinguished person, a lady, your boss, a clergyman etc.
“Miss de la Cruz, this is Mr. Reyes.”
“Secretary Perez, this is Mr. Santos.”
“Mr. Ramos, this is Mr. Cruz of ABC Co.”
“Fr. Martin, this is Miss Gray.”
In cases where you introduce your husband or wife, you say:
“Jaime, I would like you to meet my wife.”

Then adds: “Maria, Jaime Reyes.”

If you want to use a more formal introduction, you say, “Mr. Cruz, I would like to
introduce you to Mrs. Reyes.” The word “to” preceding the lady’s name means that you are
giving her due respect.

2. Business reversal of ordinary introduction. You say, “Mr. Ramos, this is Miss Manalo of
XYZ Co.; Miss Manalo, this is Mr. Ramos, my employer.
3. Acknowledging an introduction- The best acknowledgement is “How do you do.” If you
can repeat the name, it would be better. In a ore informal gathering, especially among the
young, you say “Hi” or “Hello Sonia.” If you are introduced to a person you are especially
glad to meet, you say, “I’m glad to have the opportunity to meet you.”
4. Shaking hands- Shaking hands is a more formal way of acknowledging an introduction. In
this case, the lady extends her hand first. If the man starts the gesture, then the woman
takes it briefly and firmly; neither a painful hold nor limp, insincere one. If you are wearing
gloves, shake hands with them on.
5. Rising for an Introduction- A man is expected to rise when introduced at all times. A
woman, does so, only when introduced to an older woman or to a distinguished person.
6. Introducing Oneself- There are occasions when you find yourself beside a person at a
gathering and there is no one to introduce to you. In such case, it is preferable for you to
strike a casual conversation rather than stare blankly at the walls,. You say, “I’m Maria’s
cousin,” or “I am a classmate of Juana.” You may also say, if the other person is known to
you “Aren’t you Tessie Reyes.” I’m the sister of your friend Pedro Reyes.” Conversation can
easily pick up from there.
7. When incorrectly introduced- When your name is incorrectly given or your title, “Miss”
or “Mrs.” is wrongly given, it is only sensible that the error be corrected immediately. You
can say, “Miss, not Mrs.” In a nic way, without seeming sanctimonious about it.