What is self-awareness and why is it important?

What is self-awareness?

Psychologists Shelley Duval and Robert Wicklund proposed this definition:

"Self-awareness is the ability to focus on yourself and how your actions, thoughts, or emotions do or don't
align with your internal standards. If you're highly self-aware, you can objectively evaluate yourself,
manage your emotions, align your behavior with your values, and understand correctly how others
perceive you."

Put simply, those who are highly self-aware can interpret their actions, feelings, and thoughts objectively.

It’s a rare skill, as many of us spiral into emotion-driven interpretations of our circumstances. Developing
self-awareness is important because it allows leaders to assess their growth and effectiveness and change
course when necessary.

Two states of self-awareness

There are two distinct kinds of self-awareness, public and private.

Public self-awareness: Being aware of how we can appear to others. Because of this consciousness, we
are more likely to adhere to social norms and behave in ways that are socially acceptable.

While there are benefits to this type of awareness, there is also the danger of tipping into self-
consciousness. Those who are especially high in this trait may spend too much time worrying about what
others think of them.

Private self-awareness: Being able to notice and reflect on one’s internal state. Those who have private
self-awareness are introspective, approaching their feelings and reactions with curiosity.

For example, you may notice yourself tensing up as you are preparing for an important meeting. Noticing
the physical sensations and correctly attributing them to your anxiety about the meeting would be an
example of private self-awareness.

When self-awareness tips into self-consciousness, we are reluctant to share certain aspects of ourselves.
We develop a persona that lacks authenticity.

Why is self-awareness important?

The Eurich group has researched the nature of self-awareness. Their research indicates that when we look
inward, we can clarify our values, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses. We are able
to recognize the effect that we have on others. Eurich's research finds that people with self-awareness
are happier and have better relationships. They also experience a sense of personal and social control as
well as higher job satisfaction.

When we look outward, we understand how people view us. People who are aware of how people see
them are more likely to be empathetic to people with different perspectives. Leaders whose self-
perception matches others' perceptions are more likely to empower, include, and recognize others.

Benefits of self-awareness

As we mentioned earlier, strengthening self-awareness has a variety of benefits. The specifics of each one
depends on the individual.

Here are some examples of common benefits of self-awareness:

• It gives us the power to influence outcomes

• It helps us to become better decision-makers It gives us more self-confidence — so, as a result,
we communicate with clarity and intention
• It allows us to understand things from multiple perspectives
• It frees us from our assumptions and biases
• It helps us build better relationships
 • It gives us a greater ability to regulate our emotions
• It decreases stress
• It makes us happier

What's the self-awareness gap?

Self-awareness is a staple in contemporary leadership jargon. Although many leaders will brag about how
self-aware they are, only 10 to 15 percent of the population fit the criteria.

Many of us grew up with the message that you should not show your emotions, so we attempt to ignore
or suppress them. With negative emotions, that doesn't go very well for us. We either internalize them
(resulting in anger, resentment, depression, and resignation) or we externalize them and blame, discount,
or bully others.

Lack of self-awareness can be a significant handicap in leadership. A study conducted by Adam D. Galinsky
and colleagues at Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management found that often, as executives climb
the corporate ladder, they become more self-assured and confident. On the downside, they tend to
become more self-absorbed and less likely to consider the perspectives of others.

In a separate study, Canadian researchers looked at brain activity in people who are in positions of power.
They found physiological evidence to conclude that as power increases, the ability to empathize with
others decreases. They become less able to consider the needs and perspectives of others. Fundamentally
these leaders don't think they need to change and instead require a change from everyone else.

How do I know if I'm a self-aware person?

Don't despair if you don't make the 10-15 percent self-awareness cut. If you want to know how self-aware
you are, the iNLP Center has 12 multiple-choice questions that will tell you the level of your self-awareness
and what you can do to improve it. The assessment is research-based and developed by Mike Bundrant,
a neuro-linguistic trainer and life coach.

The Values in Action Inventory of Strengths (VIA-IS) is a great tool for you to use to identify your dominant
strengths and is free on the VIA website. It measures your answers across six broad categories with a total
of 24 strengths. Take the assessment, and you'll generate a report identifying your top 5 strengths and
how to begin to optimize them.

How to become a more self-aware person

Envision yourself

Visualize the best version of yourself. "Ideal selves reflect our hopes, dreams, aspirations, and speak to
our skills, abilities, achievements, and accomplishments that we wish to attain.” (Higgins, 1987; Markus &
Nurius, 1986.) As you lean into your strengths to become the better version of yourself, you can use this
idealized self to keep moving in the right direction and not be distracted by setbacks and other obstacles.

Ask the “what” questions

At the core of self-awareness is the ability to self-reflect. However, the Eurich group contends that most
people are going about reflection in the wrong way. The trouble is, we ask ourselves the wrong questions.
In our attempt to resolve internal conflict, we ask, "Why?" Yet there’s no way to answer that question
since we don’t have access to our unconscious. Instead, we make up answers that may not be accurate.

The danger of the "why" question is that it sends us down the rabbit hole of our negative thoughts. We
focus on our weaknesses and insecurities. Consider Amy, a new junior executive who has difficulty
speaking up at meetings. She may explain her experience to herself by thinking, "I don't speak up at
meetings because I fall too low in the corporate food chain. No one's going to listen to me."
Asking the "what question" puts us into the objective and open space of considering all the factors
influencing a particular outcome. For example, instead of “Why don't I speak up at meetings?” we could
ask:

• "What were the interpersonal dynamics in the room?"

• "What was I experiencing in my body at the time?"
• "What happened that caused me to go into my old story of not being good enough?”
• “What can I do to overcome my fear of speaking up?"

This kind of introspection allows us to look at behaviors and beliefs for what they are. With self-awareness,
we can examine old patterns and stories that do not serve us, and then we can move on. Asking the right
questions empowers us to make different choices that bring different results.

Amy decides to make a plan because now she understands that she has a chance at overcoming her
problem.

• She's going to find out more about the content and goals of an upcoming meeting to become
more confident in how she can contribute.
• Rather than being consumed by imagining what others are thinking about her, she'll actively listen
for cues to ask meaningful questions that move the conversation forward.
• With a heightened awareness of the cues her body is giving her signaling fear and anxiety, she’ll
name the emotion at the moment and choose not to be overwhelmed by it — one giant step to
self-awareness.

Strengthen your brain

The amygdala, also called the primitive brain, was the first part of the brain to develop in humans. It
functioned as a kind of radar signaling the need to run away or fight back. That part of the brain is skilled
at anticipating danger and reacts before we can even name a negative emotion. Our heart races, our
stomach tightens, and our neck muscles tense up.

Your body's reaction is a tripwire signaling the pre-frontal cortex to register or name a negative emotion.
If you bring awareness to your physical state, you can, at the moment, recognize the emotion as it is
happening. Becoming skillful at this rewires your brain.

Naming your feelings is critical in decision-making. When we let our feelings overwhelm us, we can make
bad decisions with unintended consequences. Naming your emotions allows us to take a "third-person"
perspective to stand back and more objectively evaluate what's going on.

Let's bring this home with an example. You, a self-aware person, are having a conversation with someone
and receiving some negative feedback. Your heart starts to race, and you're feeling threatened. You say
to yourself, "I feel like this person is attacking me." But, before you cry or go ballistic, you stop yourself
and hear the person out. You discover that this person had at least one good point and start up a different
conversation, one that is mutually satisfying and productive.

Ask others about their perception of you

Now that you've discovered that feedback doesn't have to be scary, ask other people how they perceive
you in certain situations. Getting specific will help to give you the most concrete feedback. Get brave and
ask them how they would like to see you behave.

Exercise: Pick out a scenario(s) you would like to receive feedback on and list them.

Make two columns.

• Column A: How I see myself

• Column B: How others see me

In Column A make a list of words to describe your attitude and behaviors at the time.
Then, ask your feedback partner to do the same and record those responses in Column B.

Look out for discrepancies. You may have some blind spots that need attending.

Keep a journal

Journalling is a great way to pay attention to what's going on in your private and public self. It will also
help you to recognize patterns that either serve you or not. You may use these prompts:

• What did I do well today?

• What challenges did I face?
• What was I feeling?
• How did I respond? In retrospect, would I have responded differently?
• What strengths did I use to keep me focused on the best version of myself?
• What is my intention for tomorrow?
• Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a practice. It helps you be aware of what's going on in your mind, body, and environment.
Meditation is one of a few practices that you can insert into your daily life, and practicing mindfulness is
a wonderful tool for developing greater self-control.

Here are some ideas of mindfulness activities to get you started:

• Practice deep breathing

• Name you surroundings
• Organize your space
• Draw or paint

The road to self-awareness is a journey. The most self-aware people see themselves on a quest to mastery
rather than at a particular destination. As you move forward in developing your self-awareness, ask
yourself regularly, “How will you move toward the best version of yourself today?”

What is self-regulation?

In leadership terms, self-regulation is a form of emotional intelligence. It is an attribute that allows an

individual to control their responses to situations and people, resulting in the avoidance of outbursts and
rash decisions, as well as exhibiting predictable and calming behaviour to your colleagues.

Why is self-regulation important for any good leader?

Though we’ve touched on it briefly already, let’s expand on some of the reasons why any good leader
boasts excellent self-regulation.

– No snap judgements. A good leader takes their time to deliberate on any decisions, acting primarily on
logic and well-honed instinct. Without self-regulation, you’re likely to let emotion rule you, resulting in
snap judgements that lead to regret and misfortune either short or long term.

– Great evaluatory skills. Self-regulation allows you to focus on yourself and the company objectively, with
a firm focus on what will make the company thrive. This means you’ll be able to evaluate effectively; this
could mean the evaluation of yourself, your peers, of how well targets have been met, and more.

– Improved leadership. At the heart of it all, to be a good leader you need to be able to lead. Self-regulation
allows you to draw boundaries but also be empathetic, distinguishing what must be prioritised when and
for what reason.

Developing Self-Regulation as a Leadership Skill

Together with self-awareness, empathy, and motivation, self-regulation makes up what we call emotional
intelligence—one of the core leadership skills. Given its importance in this lineup, it would not be wrong
to consider self-regulation a core leadership skill in and of itself.

How does leadership development address self-regulation?

How Can You Develop this Essential Leadership Skill?

In my leadership development books, I have also defined self-regulation as the ability to redirect
disruptive emotional impulses. Science adopts a similar approach to determining ways in which leaders
can cope with their negative moods and impulses.

There are four self-regulation strategies, and although people are tempted to assume that everyone can
or should develop a regulation strategy that’s uniquely suited to his or her needs, in reality, most such
strategies likely already incorporate the following:

• Situation modification
• Attentional deployment
• Cognitive reappraisal
• Suppression

Situation modification is a regulation strategy aimed at altering the external circumstances that triggered
the negative emotional response. As such, this strategy does not deal with emotions directly.

Situation modification implies the existence of some degree of control over the situation on the part of
the leader. This coping mechanism also requires the leader to emotionally understand the situation as
well as the potential paths it may take.

Attentional deployment approaches emotional regulation from the dual angle of distraction and focus.
You can focus on certain aspects of the situation that are or were responsible for your negative emotional
response, or you can distract yourself by thinking “happy thoughts” to mitigate the emotional impact.

How useful this coping strategy is in a leadership setting depends on the situational demands, although
science has found both of its subtypes to have positive effects on leadership outcomes.

Cognitive reappraisal reframes a situation through reinterpretation and perspective-taking. This

approach allows leaders to mold the meaning of the situation into one that elicits a different emotional
response on their part.

This emotional regulation mechanism lends itself well to leadership settings, as it focuses on broadening
perspectives and improving situational awareness.

Suppression is a common way leaders deal with frustration and other negative emotions. It is, however,
hardly an optimal emotional-response modulating solution, as it leads to stress, which can then amplify
the suppressed emotions, and generate other negative leadership outcomes.

The Link between Self-regulation and Leadership Performance

Self-regulation impacts leadership performance in obvious and subtle ways. Effective self-regulation
enhances leadership skills, such as:

• Conflict resolution
• Decision-making
• The ability to inspire followers
• The reception and provision of feedback
• The willingness to take risks

This scientific classification of self-regulation strategies offers important clues to leadership training
professionals. To determine the optimal self-regulation strategy for a given situation, leadership training
professionals look at two fundamental variables.
 • The efficacy of the regulation strategy (we have determined that suppression is seldom the ideal
approach, while cognitive reappraisal tends to work well in most leadership settings).
• How easy or difficult it is to apply a strategy in a given situation.

From the perspective of leadership development, the two regulation methods that yield the most
significant positive results are situation altering and cognitive reappraisal.

Suppression creates mostly negative outcomes, while attentional deployment fails to make a significant
impact either way.

What Is Motivation?
The Driving Force Behind Human Actions

The term "motivation" describes why a person does something. It is the driving force behind human
actions. Motivation is the process that initiates, guides, and maintains goal-oriented behaviors.

For instance, motivation is what helps you lose extra weight, or pushes you to get that promotion at work.
In short, motivation causes you to act in a way that gets you closer to your goals. Motivation includes the
biological, emotional, social, and cognitive forces that activate human behavior.

Motivation also involves factors that direct and maintain goal-directed actions. Although, such motives
are rarely directly observable. As a result, we must often infer the reasons why people do the things that
they do based on observable behaviors.

Types of Motivation

The two main types of motivation are frequently described as being either extrinsic or intrinsic.

• Extrinsic motivation arises from outside of the individual and often involves external rewards such
as trophies, money, social recognition, or praise.
• Intrinsic motivation is internal and arises from within the individual, such as doing a complicated
crossword puzzle purely for the gratification of solving a problem.

A Third Type of Motivation?

Some research suggests that there is a third type of motivation: family motivation.3 An example
of this type is going to work when you are not motivated to do so internally (no intrinsic
motivation), but because it is a means to support your family financially.

Why Motivation Is Important

Motivation serves as a guiding force for all human behavior. So, understanding how motivation works and
the factors that may impact it can be important for several reasons.

Understanding motivation can:

• Increase your efficiency as you work toward your goals

• Drive you to take action
• Encourage you to engage in health-oriented behaviors
• Help you avoid unhealthy or maladaptive behaviors, such as risk-taking and addiction
• Help you feel more in control of your life
• Improve your overall well-being and happiness

Components of Motivation

If you've ever had a goal (like wanting to lose 20 pounds or run a marathon), you probably already know
that simply having the desire to accomplish these things is not enough. You must also be able to persist
through obstacles and have the endurance to keep going in spite of difficulties faced.
These different elements or components are needed to get and stay motivated. Researchers have
identified three major components of motivation: activation, persistence, and intensity.4

• Activation is the decision to initiate a behavior. An example of activation would be enrolling in

psychology courses in order to earn your degree.
• Persistence is the continued effort toward a goal even though obstacles may exist. An example of
persistence would be showing up for your psychology class even though you are tired from staying
up late the night before.
• Intensity is the concentration and vigor that goes into pursuing a goal.5 For example, one student
might coast by without much effort (minimal intensity) while another student studies regularly,
participates in classroom discussions, and takes advantage of research opportunities outside of
class (greater intensity).

Tips for Improving Your Motivation

All people experience fluctuations in their motivation and willpower. Sometimes you feel fired up and
highly driven to reach your goals. Other times, you might feel listless or unsure of what you want or how
to achieve it.

If you're feeling low on motivation, there are steps you can take to help increase your drive. Some things
you can do to develop or improve your motivation include:

• Adjust your goals to focus on things that really matter to you. Focusing on things that are highly
important to you will help push you through your challenges more than goals based on things that
are low in importance.
• If you're tackling something that feels too big or too overwhelming, break it up into smaller, more
manageable steps. Then, set your sights on achieving only the first step. Instead of trying to lose
50 pounds, for example, break this goal down into five-pound increments.
• Improve your confidence. Research suggests that there is a connection between confidence and
motivation.6 So, gaining more confidence in yourself and your skills can impact your ability to
achieve your goals.
• Remind yourself about what you've achieved in the past and where your strengths lie. This helps
keep self-doubts from limiting your motivation.
• If there are things you feel insecure about, try working on making improvements in those areas
so you feel more skilled and capable.

Causes of Low Motivation

There are a few things you should watch for that might hurt or inhibit your motivation levels. These
include:

• All-or-nothing thinking: If you think that you must be absolutely perfect when trying to reach your
goal or there is no point in trying, one small slip-up or relapse can zap your motivation to keep
pushing forward.
• Believing in quick fixes: It's easy to feel unmotivated if you can't reach your goal immediately but
reaching goals often takes time.
• Thinking that one size fits all: Just because an approach or method worked for someone else does
not mean that it will work for you. If you don't feel motivated to pursue your goals, look for other
things that will work better for you.
Theories of Motivation

Throughout history, psychologists have proposed different theories to explain what motivates human
behavior. The following are some of the major theories of motivation.

• Instincts
The instinct theory of motivation suggests that behaviors are motivated by instincts, which are
fixed and inborn patterns of behavior.7 Psychologists such as William James, Sigmund Freud, and
William McDougal have proposed several basic human drives that motivate behavior. They
include biological instincts that are important for an organism's survival—such as fear, cleanliness,
and love.
• Drives and Needs
Many behaviors such as eating, drinking, and sleeping are motivated by biology. We have a
biological need for food, water, and sleep. Therefore, we are motivated to eat, drink, and sleep.
The drive reduction theory of motivation suggests that people have these basic biological drives,
and our behaviors are motivated by the need to fulfill these drives.8
Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs is another motivation theory based on a desire to fulfill
basic physiological needs. Once those needs are met, it expands to our other needs, such as those
related to safety and security, social needs, self-esteem, and self-actualization.
• Arousal Levels
The arousal theory of motivation suggests that people are motivated to engage in behaviors that
help them maintain their optimal level of arousal.4 A person with low arousal needs might pursue
relaxing activities such as reading a book, while those with high arousal needs might be motivated
to engage in exciting, thrill-seeking behaviors such as motorcycle racing.

Personal vision statement

Personal vision statements are a great way to identify your long-term career goals, help you achieve short-
term goals, and support you as you pursue new job opportunities and professional experiences. Regularly
referring to your personal vision statement can keep you on track and is a great tool when making big
decisions in your life. Here we explore what a personal vision statement is, why it's important, steps to
create this statement, and personal vision statement examples.

What is a personal vision statement?

A personal vision statement is a mission statement of what you want to accomplish in your life, both
personally and professionally. This statement can be used as a guide when determining the career to
pursue, making important life decisions, planning how you’ll accomplish goals, and realizing your life
dreams. In a professional sense, a personal vision statement, also referred to as a career vision statement
or career mission statement, is a statement that identifies your long-term career goals and your key
strengths.

Identifying and creating a statement that encompasses your career goals will give you motivation when
facing career challenges and deciding whether to switch careers to further your professional success.

Why is a personal vision statement important?

Establishing a personal vision statement is important for several reasons, including that it can:

• Help you identify the aspirations that are most important to you
• Keep you on track toward reaching your professional goals
• Inspire and propel you to keep workings towards your long-term goals, even when the going gets
tough
• Give you a feeling of direction and commitment in your professional life
• Remind you of where you want to be when you get distracted
• Provide you with concrete and actionable steps that help you move forward with your goals
• Guide you when making challenging decisions
What to include in your personal vision statement

Each personal vision statement will vary depending on the goals, values, and priorities of the individual
writing it. Here are several components to consider including in your personal vision statement:

• Short- and long-term goals: Your personal vision statement should include both short- and long-
term professional goals. For example, a short-term professional goal could be to find a career that
aligns with your passion, while a long-term professional goal could be to own a company that
aligns with that same passion.
• Principles and values you want to stand for: When working towards your goals, you’ll want to be
clear on the principles and values you wish to uphold. For example, if honesty and integrity are
values you want to stand for, you likely won’t cheat your way to the top of your organization.
Keeping these in mind when working towards goals will ensure you’re on the right path and make
the right decisions that most correlate with your values and principles.
• The difference you want to make: Do you want to contribute to a certain area in your life? Maybe
you want to contribute to your community or your organization. This should be included in your
personal vision statement.
• Your passions: Your personal vision statement should also include or at least reference what you
are most passionate about. For example, maybe your long-term career goal is to become a
veterinarian because you are passionate about the welfare of animals. Including your passion will
help keep you motivated.

How to write a personal vision statement

The following are steps you can follow when crafting your personal vision statement:

• Determine your top strengths. Identifying your strengths and assessing how they can help you
achieve your goals is an important step in the process of writing a personal vision statement. List
out your skills and then narrow them down to the strengths that are most relevant and useful to
your career goals. Use these strengths as stepping stones to making improvements in your
professional life.
• Write down your values. Make sure your values align with your career goals. If they counter each
other, you may want to re-evaluate your career aspirations.
• Choose the career you want to pursue. Getting specific about the career you want to pursue is
important and will allow you to create actionable steps you can take to get there.
• Write your personal mission statement. Using the above information, compose a 40- to 60-word
mission statement that encompasses your goals, values, and skills. The first sentence should
include the career you want to pursue and the specific job title. The second sentence should
include your reasoning for wanting to go after this career. For example, you may want to pursue
a career to follow your passion.

How to use your personal vision statement

Once you’ve crafted a mission statement, it’s now time to put it to good use. Here are a few ways to use
your personal vision statement:

• Read it every day. Keep your personal vision statement somewhere close by where you can see it
regularly. You could write it on a small piece of paper and carry it in your purse or wallet, or tape
it to your computer so it’s within your sight daily.
• Use it when making decisions. If you’re searching for a new job or making another important
career decision, you can use your personal vision statement as a reference to ensure you’re taking
the steps to get where you ultimately want to be.
• Tell someone else about your personal vision. Consider telling a close friend or relative about your
personal vision. This will help hold you accountable for following through on it.

Personal vision statement examples

The following are a few personal vision statement examples to guide you:
 • I want to work with young children and young adults as a mental health counselor. My strong
passion for raising awareness around mental health and wellness and my commitment to helping
those who are struggling have inspired me to pursue this career.
• My career goal is to become a physical trainer. I am committed to my own personal health and
am motivated to help others achieve optimal health and wellbeing.
• My ultimate career goal is to be a physician working in a poverty-stricken area of the country. I’ve
always wanted to help others who are less fortunate and am passionate about health and
wellness.

Personal Mission Statements

Mission Versus Vision

So, what's the difference between a mission statement and a vision statement?

Mission statement – This defines your purpose. It's what you ultimately want to achieve in your life or
career, expressed in a specific, measurable way.

Vision statement – This is a bit more emotional. Here, you define your core values, and how you'll apply
those values to your mission.

Creating Mission Statements

Follow these steps to create your mission statement:

• Identify what you do best – Your unique strengths will likely point to what you would like to do
most with your life and career. Our Bite-Sized Training session Finding Your Unique Strengths will
help you discover your strengths.
• Think about what success means to you – If you get stuck, make a list of past accomplishments
that really made you feel as if you did something worthwhile. Your aim is to create a short list of
measurements to help you track your progress.
• Identify your personal goals – Take the time to explore what you might want to do with your life
and career, and then narrow down to the goals you most want to pursue, across the full range of
life areas. Our article on Goal Setting will help you do this.
• Combine the first three steps – Look at your goals, your unique strengths and your idea of success,
and then identify the one goal that you most want to achieve. Make sure that the goal is expressed
in SMART format, and that it's expressed in as powerful and motivating a way as possible.
• Keep refining – Edit and perfect the words until you have a clear, concise statement that identifies
your ideas, and how you'll measure the results.

Mission Statement Example

Using her USP Analysis, Kara has identified several unique strengths. She's creative, a great problem
solver, and always maintains a positive outlook that helps inspire her team, even on difficult projects. To
her, success means working in a challenging, creative role, and receiving a salary that she feels is fair and
based on her accomplishments. Her most important goal is to become a member of her company's senior
management team within the next seven years.

Kara's mission statement is this:

My mission is to become a member of the company's senior executive team by December 31, 2018, by
empowering internal teams, and helping them solve challenging problems in a creative and successful
way. In this role, I want to feel that I'm valued, and my salary and benefits will show this.

What Is Empathy?
Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of
view, and imagine yourself in their place. Essentially, it is putting yourself in someone else's position and
feeling what they are feeling.

Empathy means that when you see another person suffering, such as after they've lost a loved one, you
are able to instantly envision yourself going through that same experience and feel what they are going
through.

Signs of Empathy

For many, seeing another person in pain and responding with indifference or even outright hostility seems
utterly incomprehensible. But the fact that some people do respond in such a way clearly demonstrates
that empathy is not necessarily a universal response to the suffering of others.

If you are wondering whether you are an empathetic person, here are some signs that show that you have
this tendency:

• You are good at really listening to what others have to say.

• People often tell you about their problems.
• You are good at picking up on how other people are feeling.
• You often think about how other people feel.
• Other people come to you for advice.
• You often feel overwhelmed by tragic events.
• You try to help others who are suffering.
• You are good at telling when people aren't being honest.
• You sometimes feel drained or overwhelmed in social situations.
• You care deeply about other people.
• You find it difficult to set boundaries in your relationships.

Types of Empathy

There are several types of empathy that a person may experience. The three types of empathy are:

• Affective empathy involves the ability to understand another person's emotions and respond
appropriately. Such emotional understanding may lead to someone feeling concerned for another
person's well-being, or it may lead to feelings of personal distress.
• Somatic empathy involves having a physical reaction in response to what someone else is
experiencing. People sometimes physically experience what another person is feeling. When you
see someone else feeling embarrassed, for example, you might start to blush or have an upset
stomach.
• Cognitive empathy involves being able to understand another person's mental state and what
they might be thinking in response to the situation. This is related to what psychologists refer to
as the theory of mind or thinking about what other people are thinking.

Empathy vs. Sympathy vs. Compassion

While sympathy and compassion are related to empathy, there are important differences. Compassion
and sympathy are often thought to be more of a passive connection, while empathy generally involves a
much more active attempt to understand another person.

Uses for Empathy

Being able to experience empathy has many beneficial uses.

Empathy allows you to build social connections with others. By understanding what people are thinking
and feeling, you are able to respond appropriately in social situations. Research has shown that having
social connections is important for both physical and psychological well-being.2
Empathizing with others helps you learn to regulate your own emotions. Emotional regulation is important
in that it allows you to manage what you are feeling, even in times of great stress, without becoming
overwhelmed.

Empathy promotes helping behaviors. Not only are you more likely to engage in helpful behaviors when
you feel empathy for other people, but other people are also more likely to help you when they experience
empathy.

Potential Pitfalls of Empathy

Having a great deal of empathy makes you concerned for the well-being and happiness of others. It also
means, however, that you can sometimes get overwhelmed, burned out, or even overstimulated from
always thinking about other people's emotions. This can lead to empathy fatigue.

Empathy fatigue refers to the exhaustion you might feel both emotionally and physically after repeatedly
being exposed to stressful or traumatic events. You might also feel numb or powerless, isolate yourself,
and have a lack of energy.3

Empathy fatigue is a concern in certain situations, such as when acting as a caregiver. Studies also show
that if healthcare workers can't balance their feelings of empathy (affective empathy, in particular), it can
result in compassion fatigue as well.4

Other research has linked higher levels of empathy with a tendency toward emotional negativity,
potentially increasing your risk of empathic distress.5 It can even affect your judgment, causing you to go
against your morals based on the empathy you feel for someone else.

Impact of Empathy

Your ability to experience empathy can impact your relationships. Studies involving siblings have found
that when empathy is high, siblings have less conflict and more warmth toward each other.6 In romantic
relationships, having empathy increases your ability to extend forgiveness.7

Not everyone experiences empathy in every situation. Some people may be more naturally empathetic in
general, but people also tend to feel more empathetic toward some people and less so toward others.
Some of the factors that play a role in this tendency include:

• How you perceive the other person

• How you attribute the other individual's behaviors
• What you blame for the other person's predicament
• Your past experiences and expectations

Barriers to Empathy

Some people lack empathy and, therefore, aren't able to understand what another person may be
experiencing or feeling. This can result in behaviors that seem uncaring or sometimes even hurtful. For
instance, people with low affective empathy have higher rates of cyberbullying.9

A lack of empathy is also one of the defining characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder. Though, it
is unclear whether this is due to a person with this disorder having no empathy at all or having more of a
dysfunctional response to others.10

A few reasons why people sometimes lack empathy include cognitive biases, dehumanization, and victim-
blaming.

• Cognitive Biases
Sometimes the way people perceive the world around them is influenced by cognitive biases. For
example, people often attribute other people's failures to internal characteristics, while blaming
their own shortcomings on external factors.
 These biases can make it difficult to see all the factors that contribute to a situation. They also
make it less likely that people will be able to see a situation from the perspective of another.

• Dehumanization
Many also fall victim to the trap of thinking that people who are different from them don't feel
and behave the same as they do. This is particularly common in cases when other people are
physically distant.
For example, when they watch reports of a disaster or conflict in a foreign land, people might be
less likely to feel empathy if they think that those who are suffering are fundamentally different
from themselves.
• Victim Blaming
Sometimes, when another person has suffered a terrible experience, people make the mistake of
blaming the victim for their circumstances. This is the reason that victims of crimes are often asked
what they might have done differently to prevent the crime.
This tendency stems from the need to believe that the world is a fair and just place. It is the desire
to believe that people get what they deserve and deserve what they get—and it can fool you into
thinking that such terrible things could never happen to you.

Tips for Practicing Empathy

Fortunately, empathy is a skill that you can learn and strengthen. If you would like to build your empathy
skills, there are a few things that you can do:

• Work on listening to people without interrupting

• Pay attention to body language and other types of nonverbal communication
• Try to understand people, even when you don't agree with them
• Ask people questions to learn more about them and their lives
• Imagine yourself in another person's shoes
• Strengthen your connection with others to learn more about how they feel
• Seek to identify biases you may have and how they affect your empathy for others
• Look for ways in which you are similar to others versus focusing on differences
• Be willing to be vulnerable, opening up about how you feel
• Engage in new experiences, giving you better insight into how others in that situation may feel
• Get involved in organizations that push for social change
Betz, M. (2022, 14th September) What is self-awareness and why is it important?
https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-self-awareness

Intelligent Leadership (2020, 30th November) Developing Self-Regulation as a Leadership Skill

https://johnmattone.com/blog/developing-self-regulation-as-a-leadership-skill/

Cherry, K (2022, 7th, November) What Is Motivation? The Driving Force Behind Human Actions

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-motivation-2795378

Glassdoor Team (2021, 16th, December) Personal Vision Statement Definition and Examples
https://www.glassdoor.com/blog/guide/personal-vision-statement-
examples/#:~:text=A%20personal%20vision%20statement%20is%20a%20mission%20statement%20of%
20what,and%20realizing%20your%20life%20dreams.

https://www.mindtools.com/axcp8p5/personal-mission-statements