Kalea McDaniel

Mrs. Wold

ERWC Online

1 Feb. 2022

Scholarship Essay

Rubric

After completing your Scholarship Essay Assignment, highlight in yellow what you believe

you earned on your Scholarship essay on the rubric below.

6 5 4 3 2 1
W 11-12.4 A little Reflection is thoughtful and The student reflects on The student Attempt No
Produce clear and more reveals the author has his/her essay and how reflect on the to reflect evidence
coherent writing successful reflected on specific aspects he/she revised. The changes he/she
in which the than a 5 of the essay and how to student shares some of made but the
development, revise. The writer seems the specific techniques reflection might
organization, and genuinely engaged in the and changes he/she made be more
style are process of reflecting and but could go into more surface-level or
appropriate to revising by writing about detail. to just “get it
task, purpose, and the changes she/he has over with”
audience. made.

W 11-12.5 A little Develop and strengthen Develop and strengthen Develop writing Attempt No
Develop and more writing multiple times as writing as needed by by revision or to revise evidence
strengthen writing successful needed by planning, planning, revising, planning.
as needed by than a 5 revising, editing, rewriting, editing, rewriting, or
planning, or trying a trying a new approach,
revising, editing, new approach, focusing on focusing on addressing
rewriting, or addressing what is most what is most significant
trying a new significant for a for a specific purpose and
approach, specific purpose and audience.
focusing on audience.
addressing what
is most
significant for a
specific purpose
and audience.
 Original Essay

Write the essay’s prompt (recreate to the best of your ability) here:

Readers agree that “The Masque of the Red Death” can be interpreted as an allegory. In a

well-developed essay explore the use of three essential symbols used by Poe to present his

allegory. Be sure to support your assertions with evidence from the text.

To the best of your knowledge, what scores did you earn on this essay? If you can’t

remember the scores, what were some of the things you struggled with in this essay? What

needs to be improved?

Focus: 3+; Organization: 3; Development: 3+

In this essay, I believe that many of the grammar parts needed to be improved. In order to make

the essay stronger, it is necessary to have a smooth flowing essay, in which all points connect

seamlessly, a skill that I failed to incorporate into this essay in multiple places.

[Put your original, unrevised essay here. It can be typed or pictures of your handwritten

work]

McDaniel 1

Kalea McDaniel

Mrs. Woelke

Language Arts

2019 November 11

The Masque of the Red Death

The enjoyability that life can provide a person makes it easy to forget that the road

eventually ends. With the uncountable deadly diseases it’s easy for one to leave with many

regrets, making their death even more dreadful. Though many try to run from their death they
eventually accept that it’s one of the many things that unescapable. A deadly disease survived

throughout 1347 to 1351 each person taking a different approach to face it, in this case the Prince

and his followers hid from this disease having their own celebration, the masquerade. In the short

story The Masque of the Red Death by Edgar allen Poe, Poe develops the idea that death is

inevitable through the clock, the last dark room, and the masked figure.

A party that may have made guests feel joyful disappears when the sudden reminders

from the clock ticking away the time they have left. The joy of the masquerade had an effect on

everyone, letting them forget the reason they were stuck hiding but as “the clock yet rang, it was

observed that the giddiest grew pale, and the more aged and sedate passed their hands”(Poe 2).

This shows the shocked or scared feeling many guests appeared to have as the time passed on

and the effects the increasing time had on their bodies. This explains that as time goes on we

humans look “more aged” and with time never stopping we become more aged everyday until it

is not possible to age any further. Although every guest tries to resist hearing the chime of the

McDaniel 2

bell, making “vows, to each to the other, that the next chiming of the clock should produce in

them no similar emotion” but as the bell chimes once more “the same disconcert and

tremulousness”(Poe 2) shows through their expression. This shows their uncontrollable

discomfort that comes with each chime of the bell, although they try to resist. This explains that

just like the guests fail to control their feelings towards each chime, attempting to avoid it, they

realize it’s unavoidable and time must go on and they must continue to age. This concludes how

the clock can be easily compared to death, as both the chiming and the feelings associated with

the chiming is unpreventable which can be closely compared to the feeling associated with death
and the inevitability of it.

The symbolic meaning for each room could explain the lifetime of a human, the seventh

room, the darkest room representing our death. Throughout every room included an intricate

design, the first room “at the eastern” was painted with “blue — and vividly blue were it’s

windows” and the last room “shrouded in black velvet”, the panes “a deep blood color”(Poe 2).

This shows the progression from the first room, mainly representing birth or the start of

something, and the last room representing death or the end of something.This can relate closely

to the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, which has to happen for the world we live in

today to continue the same, just as death must happen for the same reason. The last room later

foreshadow the death of all the guests, being that the prince goes through all of the rooms trying

to approach the uninvited guest, starting in the blue room then eventually gathering “a throng of

the revellers at once [and throwing them] into the black apartment” where they later “one by one

McDaniel 3

dropped”(Poe 4-5). This shows the connection between death and the last dark room once more

and the connection between the first room and birth. This goes to explain the timeline that is

created throughout the castle or all seven rooms, isn’t neverending and will never be and once we

get to the end of that timeline or the last room we will then pass on. To sum it all up, the different

analogies that can be used to represent the rooms all have an end or a very last room,

When an uninvited guest appears with “habiliments of the grave” the revellers realize that

running away from their death into a hidden and trapped world will then come to a dreadful end.

After the Prince tries to run from the masked figure he then faces his fears and tries to fight it,

but with no surprise “there was a sharp cry” and then the Prince “fell prostrate in death”(Poe 4).
This shows the attempt of a brave act to protect his guests that ended with an unfortunate death.

This then goes to explain that no matter if you run or face the hands of death it will always catch

you. Just after the Prince dies the group of “revellers at once threw themselves into the black

apartment” but just as they did the mysterious masked man took their lives “like a thief in the

night” and finally the presence was “acknowledged… of the Red Death”(Poe 4-5). In a new way

this shows the killings of even more people as they attempt to follow their leader and try to fight

instead of run. This explains that as the masked figure is represented as the Red Death(a deadly

disease) and is unfightable it shows similarity to how no matter what path is taken it still ends

somewhere. In summary, this explains how although the revellers tried both hiding and fighting

they both eventually led to being infected the red death.

The significance of accepting the death that will come to all of us is shown through many

McDaniel 4

points in the story. Whether the point is shown through the clock ticking away the time we have

left, or the dark room that giving us a visual timeline, or even the obvious masked figure leaving

revellers nowhere to escape. Poe tries to help readers understand the importance of accepting the

hands of death will eventually come and it’s not escapable or fightable.
 Revised Essay

Type your revised essay in this section. Make sure to highlight in yellow the changes you made

from the original. These should be significant, meaningful changes, not just changes to grammar.

McDaniel 1

Kalea McDaniel

Mrs. Woelke

Language Arts

2019 November 11

The Masque of the Red Death

The enjoyability that life can provide a person makes it easy to forget that the road

eventually ends. With the uncountable ways a life can end it’s common for one to leave with

many regrets, shaping a dreadful but inescapable death. A fictional disease intended for the time

period of 1347 to 1351 differed people in the ways each person approached it, in this case the

Prince and his followers hid from this disease having their own celebration. The masquerade the

basis for the short story The Masque of the Red Death by Edgar Allen Poe, Poe develops the idea

that death is inevitable through the clock, the last dark room, and the masked figure.

The masquerade, a party with intention of making guests feel euphoric joy disappears

with the repetitive sudden reminder of the clock ticking reminds them of the time they have left.

This euphoria of the masquerade had an effect on everyone, letting them forget the reason they

were stuck hiding but as “the clock yet rang, it was observed that the giddiest grew pale, and the

more aged and sedate passed their hands”(Poe 2). This shows the shocked or scared feeling many

guests appeared to have as the time passed, and therefore the effects the rapid passing of time

had on their bodies. Defining that through this, as time goes on we, humans, look “more aged”
and with time never stopping we become farther from our younger selves everyday until it is not

possible to age any further. Although every guest tries to resist hearing the chime of the

McDaniel 2

bell, making “vows, to each to the other, that the next chiming of the clock should produce in

them no similar emotion” but as the bell chimes once more “the same disconcert and

tremulousness”(Poe 2) shows through their expression. A uncontrollable discomfort that comes

with each chime of the bell, although they try to resist. This explains that similarly to the guests

failure in controlling their feelings towards each chime, attempting to avoid it, they realize it’s

unavoidable and time must go on, they must continue to age. Concluding how the clock can be

easily compared to death, as both the chiming and the feelings associated with the chiming is

once more, unpreventable which can be closely compared to the feeling associated with death

itslef and its inevability.

The symbolic meaning for each room could explain the lifetime of a human, more

specifically, the seventh room, the darkest room representing our death. Throughout every room

included an intricate design, the first room “at the eastern” was painted with “blue — and vividly

blue were it’s windows” and the last room “shrouded in black velvet”, the panes “a deep blood

color”(Poe 2). These colors representing the progression from the first room, from “blue” being

symbolic of purity in birth, and the last room representing death or the end. This can also relate

closely to the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, an essential part of the way our day

operates today, and with the representation of the sun setting, there is another symbolic idea of

death. In comparison to the first room, the last room later foreshadows the death of all the guests.

Being that the prince goes through all of the rooms trying to approach the uninvited guest,
starting in the blue room then eventually gathering “a throng of the revellers at once [and

McDaniel 3

throwing them] into the black apartment” where they later “one by one

dropped”(Poe 4-5). This confirms the connection between death and the last dark room once

more and once morem, the connection between the first room and birth. This goes to explain the

timeline that is created through all seven rooms isn’t neverending, and will never be. Once we

walk down the hall to the very last room, our time will end, and we will then pass on.

Adding on to the symbolic death throughout the story, the addition by Poe of an uninvited

guest who appears with “habiliments of the grave” makes the revellers realize that running away

from their death into a false reality will nit have a successful end. After the Prince tries to run

from the masked figure he then faces his fears and tries to fight it, but with no surprise “there

was a sharp cry” and then the Prince “fell prostrate in death”(Poe 4). An attempt of a brave act to

protect his guests that ended with an unfortunate death. This then goes to explain that no matter

if you run or face the hands of death it will always catch you. Just after the Prince dies the group

of “revellers at once threw themselves into the black apartment” but just as they did the

mysterious masked man took their lives “like a thief in the night” and finally the presence was

“acknowledged… of the Red Death”(Poe 4-5). In a new way, this shows the killings of even

more people as they attempt to follow their leader and try to fight instead of run. The masked

figure becomes a representation of the Red Death (a deadly disease) and thought they may

believe that they are taking a more courageous path sometimes your fate is inevitable. In

summary, this explains how although the revellers tried both hiding and fighting they both

eventually were infected by the red death.

 McDaniel 4

Poe takes a morbid approach on describing the difficulty of people handling the

acceptance of death. Through the many works of symbolism, whether it be, the ticking clock,

colors, or figures we would only see in nightmares, Poe makes visible his point. An implied

ridicule at those who try to prevent death, as he defines it as an inescapable and unfightable

power.

Reflection

1st Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining specifically what you revised in your essay and

why. Go into thoughtful details! How did these choices improve your essay? What skills do you

now have that you were able to use to help enhance your essay?

In my original essay, written during my freshman year, it was a period wear my writing was

either at its weakest or it’s strongest. This was one of my weakest units, as it was taught by a

student teacher, and most of the twisted symbolic material of Edgar Allen Poe was extremely

difficult to understand. In this, the flow of my writing seemed choppy, as I would switch back
and forth between main themes of the short story. In changing simple things, such as elaborating

on quotes or explanations I was able to achieve a clearer train of thought. In more meniscual

parts of my essay, I changed the way I transitioned from sentence to sentence or paragraph to

paragraph and in this, the essay wass easier to understand. As well as taken out parts of the essay

that were lengthy and unnecessary, preserved the importance of specific sentences instead of

having unnecessary opinions within the essay. In making these changes, not only did I improve

the flow and comprehension of the essay but also my ability to be more straightforward with how

I write and a better understanding of texts themselves, and how different authors use different

forms of symbolism to incorporate into their writing.

2nd Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining how you’ve improved as a writer since your

freshman year: What did you struggle with before? What are you proud that you can do now?

During Freshman year I believed that it was one of my most challenging years of English. I

considered myself a hard-working student, and previously I had been in advanced English

classes since 7th grade. In this, I believe that my freshman yeart set the foundation for my

writing skills today. I had a lot of self-devolopment during that year due to the harsh grading that

occurred and during that rough patch I have learned the most about my writing potentials.

Though, through the variety of books thats I have read since freshman year I believe my biggest

achievement is my expansion of vocabulary. Instead of looking words up, I have found that even

words that I don’t use on a daily basis flow with ease in my process of thought during writing.

Though with this development came struggle, and my struggle freshman year would have to be

the process of formatting, as I often felt it was necessary to stick to strick guidelines in how I was
writing and overthinking my though process. I am proud that I am able to write freely now, and

not have the pressure on my creative freedom in writing.