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How Successful People Set Boundaries at Work
How Successful People Set Boundaries at Work
How Successful People Set Boundaries at Work
Want to feel more in control? Make sure you communicate your limits.
https://www.inc.com/dana-gionta-dan-guerra/how-to-manage-boundaries-at-work.html
In the book From Stressed to Centered: A Practical Guide to a Healthier and Happier
You (Sea Hill Press, 2015,) authors Dana Gionta and Dan Guerra discuss how you can
manage stress levels in order to live a more peaceful, fulfilling life. In the following edited
excerpt, they explain the importance of establishing both personal and professional
boundaries.
"True strength is found in standing firm, yet bending gently." --Author unknown.
A great way to increase our sense of control and reduce our stress is by
setting boundaries. What is a boundary, you ask, and why are they important? In
You may not be familiar with the "B" word, however, I (Dana) bet you have used and
If you have ever told someone that "I draw the line here," then you have already set
a boundary! If you have informed someone that this is your office space, your desk
or your designated chair (and who hasn't), you have attempted to set physical
boundary.
Emotional or mental boundaries may be a bit subtler; however, they are equally, if
not more, important. Boundaries serve many functions. They help to protect us, to
clarify what is our responsibility and what is another's, to preserve our physical and
emotional energy, to stay focused on ourselves, to live our values and standards, and
The first step in setting boundaries is getting clear about what your limits are--
emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, etc. You do this by paying increased attention
to yourself and noticing what you can tolerate and accept as well as what makes you
feel uncomfortable and stressed. These feelings will help you clarify your limits. It is
they are likely to be different than the limits that others have (our friends, family
bumping into a limit was a work opportunity that unexpectedly presented itself to
me. I initially thought it would be an easy fit given my health expertise. However, I
underestimated the effects of my personal history of loss, and how much this
particular work setting would trigger these feelings. I knew immediately I had
that arose in me. I honored those feelings--my limit--and declined this work
opportunity. Someone with a different personal history would most likely find this
position, after I clearly stated I was very uncomfortable with the nature of the
There are three key feelings that are often red flags or cues that you need to either
set boundaries in a particular situation or that you are letting your boundaries slip
(and not maintaining them). These feelings are (1) discomfort, (2) resentment, or
(3) guilt. You can think of these feelings as cues to yourself that a boundary issue
may be present. If a particular situation, person, or area of your life is leading you to
feel uncomfortable, resentful, or guilty, and it has happened several times, this is an
important cue.
For example, resentment often develops from feelings of being taken advantage of
or not being appreciated. It's often a signal that you are extending yourself beyond
your own limits because you feel guilty or want to be considered a good parent,
To determine how much attention the situation warrants and whether a boundary
may need to be set, it is often helpful to think of these feelings on a continuum. For
guilty am I feeling now?" Rate your answer on a scale of 1-10 (10 highest). If your
level of discomfort is a 3, you can consider this to be in the lower zone, having a mild
affect on your emotions. Ratings of 4-6 are in the medium zone, indicating a more
significant effect on you. Scores between 7 and 10 are considered in the high zone.
As we discussed, boundaries are designed to protect you and your overall well-
being. In this regard, consider setting a boundary if you are consistently rating a
musketeers--that show up. You might fear how the person will respond (e.g., angry,
hurt) if you set and enforce your boundaries. You might feel guilty about speaking
Often, people feel they should be able to cope with a situation and say yes, because
that is what a good sibling, friend, or spouse would do. You may believe this despite
the evidence that it is not good for you, leading you to feel drained and
overextended at best, and taken advantage of at worst. You may question whether
you even have the right or deserve to set boundaries in the first place. When these
doubts occur, reaffirm to yourself that you do indeed have this right, so give yourself
When I was in training as a marriage and family therapist, one of the most valuable
lessons I learned about human behavior was the incredible power of context.
The environment you are in, for example, serves as your context, and can have a
strong influence on your behaviors, attitudes, and perceptions. Family and work
environments are two examples of powerful contexts. Social circles are another.
boundaries, you may be wondering? Your environment can either support your
setting--making it more challenging for you. For example, consider your social circle
of close friendships. Are these relationships generally reciprocal, with a natural give
and take? Or do they feel lopsided, with you more often giving than receiving? If
more lopsided, it will likely be more uncomfortable, and therefore more challenging,
relationships.