As a white female, I have had my fair share of struggles in life.

Some of these are solely

based on society’s views on women. Women are viewed as inferior and not physical laborers.

Most of them are also viewed as sensitive which is therein seen as bad because many believe

showing emotions makes one weaker. However, this essay will focus more so on these women

being viewed as inferior. It will also focus on my poor relationships with men throughout my life

and how that has affected me today.

As someone who grew up in a divorced home, I did not always have a man in my life,

making my relationship with men not the best in many cases. Despite not having my birth dad

around, from around the age of 8 I have had another man in my life who, while better, is not the

best man he could be when it comes to breaking gender stereotypes. When he needed assistance

in the yard or in his workshop, he would always call my brother or my stepbrother first before

calling me. He would also jokingly make fun of my younger brother for being more into things

such as baking or cooking with my mom other than wanting to put in physical labor like men are

expected to do. One more thing to note about my brother that my stepdad consistently pointed

out when it was more of a problem is his tendency to be easily emotional and sensitive, much

similar to how women are perceived. It is important to note that my brother was raised almost

solely by a mom and his older sister who jumped on every opportunity to dress him up and take

part in what is perceived as more feminine play times, such as playing dolls and house, etc.

While there is nothing saying there is a direct correlation, my brother does tend to have more

feminine qualities such as the aforementioned baking and sensitivity. My stepfather likes to

make jokes about these qualities with no intention of making my brother feel bad. He simply

likes to mess around, but he knows when he is pushing the line. However, these jokes only
further society’s ideas of men=physical labor/not easily emotional with the opposite ringing true

for women.

One thing to know about me is I have always harbored anger towards my father for

several reasons. He has always let me down, he was an alcoholic and drug addict who chose that

over his family, and he has never truly been there for me when it comes to anything. Being

without a man gave me the opportunity to see how much a woman can grow without a man. My

mother struggled in the beginning to get back on her feet after losing more than half the

household income and raising a toddler and an infant on her own; however, she persevered and

was able to make her life steady again. Despite leaving us, my father still is a part of my life

whether I want him to be or not. However, I wish I had more control in how he is part of my life

because a large part of me wishes things were much different.

One of the many differences between my father and myself include our views politically

and socially. When I was around the age of 8, I was out with my father when we saw an

interracial couple. My father turned to me and told me he would disown me if I ever brought a

Black man home to him. At the time, I did not quite understand what he meant, nor did I

understand why he was telling me this as an 8-year-old, but now it only makes me angry. The

fact that something in his head said it was the right thing to do to tell an 8-year-old girl this is

astounding to me at my age now. This is something that I forgot about for a while but was

brought back up when I started evaluating race and racism in general. In high school, I started to

learn that people looked down upon others due to the color of their skin and their gender which

really threw me for a loop. In learning this, I was reminded of my father’s words. While there are

many things that bother me about this statement, one of the main things is the fact that my father

never said anything similar to my younger brother. While it would only make me think worse of
him, I can not help but wonder if he was simply trying to control a part of my life I had not even

started yet. He never said anything to my brother which alludes to the fact that he either does not

want to control his life or he trusts him to make the right decision in his eyes. While it may not

have been his intention, in not treating us the same, he continues society’s stereotype of

women=lesser. This point is also furthered by the different ways my father acts around my

younger brother and myself. For example, my dad made sure to never miss a single football

game my brother played in from the time he played flag football up to Pee Wee level football.

However, he did not show the same dedication to me when I played softball. He would only

show up to one game a season and not bother coming to others. Things like this really took its

toll on me because I always felt as if my father cared more about my brother than me. I believe

this goes back to my previous point of men are superior because no matter what, my dad was

always there to support my brother but almost never there to support me.

My father has taught me a lot about the how society looks down on women; however, he

has also shown me the issues of race through the statement mentioned earlier. While being white

has not directly impacted my life negatively, I think it has hurt in other aspects even though

many see it as a helpful thing. This may sound extremely privileged; however, I feel not having

the same struggles as other races has definitely caused even more of a rift between people of my

race and people of other races simply because we can not relate to one another. As someone who

despises division, stemming once again from the broken home of which I was raised, I try to

better understand the struggles people go through to be a shoulder to cry on or a backup fitter or

give the support needed. However, I feel I can not do this to the best of my abilities when I do

not understand the problems others are facing which is difficult for me to grasp because I enjoy

helping people because I do not like seeing others upset. As someone who wants to end issues of
division and bring others joy, the only problem I have with being white is the inability to relate

to others’ struggles.

In being a white female, life has taught me many things, specifically of how society treats

members of my race and gender along with how others may have it worse than I do. While the

peacemaking side of me wishes I could snap my fingers and everyone be treated equal, I know

these issues are deep-rooted in society and it will take all of society to overturn these ideas.

Hopefully one day we will not have girls with bad relationships with their fathers because of

their misogynistic views, or there will be no more racial issues that cause people more harm than

normal day to day issues.