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Lucas Reynolds

Barr

IB English 11

January 6, 2023

Toxic Masculinity’s Affect on Growing Children

Throughout history there has often been a single-story of what a man should be and act

like. This ideal character is brought into a young man’s life early on to show what they “should

become.” Characteristics commonly associated with this story is that men should not have strong

emotions and should not be vulnerable in any case. Not following this norm can often lead to

ridicule. For such a reason, this myth of masculinity continues to be spread to children from a

young age. Some say that this myth continues to be spread to prepare the youth for the future and

that it allows them to grow strong, but this method of teaching children is more destructive than

good. Not only is this a problem for boys when growing up, these ideals can manifest into more

dangerous habits in the future. These habits can also end up harming women as well as men in

certain ways. Former NFL player Joe Ehrmann has said in the past that "The three most

destructive words that every man receives when he's a boy is when he's told to 'be a man.'" This

statement is true, as it forces people to look at and treat young men differently, damages their

mental health, and causes the need to look more masculine and show no pain.

Even as children, the stereotypes of masculinity can show its effects. It is not uncommon

for adults to treat children differently based on gender. They may see young girls as sensitive and

talkative but fail to see young boys the same way. An article by Andrew Rainer entitled Talking

to Boys the Way We Talk to Girls highlights this fact. In the article, Rainer speaks about a study

in which “Pediatrics found that mothers interacted vocally more often with their infant daughters
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than they did their infant sons” and another study conducted by British researchers where they

found “Spanish mothers were more likely to use emotional words and emotional topics when

speaking with their 4-year-old daughters than with their 4-year-old sons.” Adults, even mothers

of these children, see them as less emotional and treat them differently because they are boys.

The article talks about the effects that this can have on children as they grow up. Boys are less

likely to talk about emotions and are more likely to shrug off accidental injuries. All because

they are taught showing emotion is “feminine.” This thought of masculinity is instilled in boys at

a young age and impacts them for the rest of their life because they are told what is masculine,

and what is feminine.

This thought of masculinity can also cause damage to boys’ mental and physical health as

they grow up. Hiding emotion is not a healthy way to cope with issues in one’s life. According to

the article Toxic Masculinity is Killing Men by Kali Holloway, toxic masculinity constantly

forces men to try to prove themselves as men and hide emotion. This need to look manly can

cause “a sort of spiritual death” as Holloway describes it, leading to them being traumatized or

unknowingly depressed. Toxic masculinity can also cause habits that lead to actual death, such as

alcoholism or violence, the article states. Another article on this topic, The Perils of Being Manly

written by Roberto A. Ferdman, speaks of other ways that toxic masculinity can adversely affect

physical health. Ferdman talks about how men often hide physical pain and are more likely to

avoid the doctor as to look more self-reliant. This way of thinking can be dangerous. Hiding

symptoms so as to not look weak can cause those symptoms to worsen until it becomes a bigger

problem. The phrase “be a man” is used to tell kids to “suck it up” and continue onward.

Teaching children this can lead to them becoming like these adult men, hiding their problems and

avoiding medical help. Doing these things can claim lives and should not be taken lightly.
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The need to look more masculine does not only affect men that experience this pressure.

Women are also negatively impacted by the stereotype that continues to be used among men.

Men are seen to be more aggressive in work and their attempts to be in a relationship. Men may

want to look appealing to women and do rash things to fulfill their desire to do so. Being more

aggressive in these situations can end up harming not only the men, but the women involved as

well. The bad habits to hide men’s pain can also be dangerous for women in some circumstances.

Alcoholism and violence can very well be taken out on women in the lives of men experiencing

this need to look more like a man. These problems can worsen into more dangerous occurrences,

such as with sexual harassment both in and out of a work environment. While men are slowly

harming themselves by succumbing to toxic-masculinity’s grasp, women experience the same

harmful effects in different ways.

An argument that may be presented for why teaching children this line of reasoning,

being a stereotypical “macho-man,” is actually healthy is that it prepares them for the real world.

One might argue that showing emotion or pain makes a man vulnerable to those around him,

usurping what power he may have in a situation. Say a man hypothetically applies for a very

competitive job position. Some may argue that showing any sign of weakness would negate what

advantages this man would have. This is not necessarily true. Trying to prepare the youth by

telling them to man-up and show no weakness only hurts them in the long run. As previously

stated, ignoring these issues only causes them to worsen over time and can make grown men take

on dastardly habits that cause more severe weakness. Things such as alcoholism or lashing out

only makes it more difficult for a man to succeed. Teaching young boys to instead be vulnerable

when they need to be can allow them to healthily address their concerns rather than doing

something that negatively affects their lives in the future.

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The story of toxic masculinity has taken hold in people’s lives for a long time. These

ideal characteristics of a man only hurt young children when they grow up. The notion of “being

a man” causes boys to be treated differently in certain situations growing up, and can cause

mental and physical problems when they reach maturity. Changing the script would be much

more beneficial for children in the future. While it may be a challenge for some, parents should

try to change the way they teach young boys about how to act in their lives.
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Works Cited

Reiner, Andrew. “Talking to Boys the Way We Talk to Girls.” The New York Times, 15 June

2017. Accessed 16 December 2022.

Holloway, Kali. “Toxic Masculinity is Killing Men.” Salon, 12 June 2015. Accessed 16

December 2022.

Ferdman, Roberto A. “The Perils of Being Many.” The Washington Post, 28 Mar. 2016.

Accessed 16 December 2022.