What’s Your Listening Style?

by Rebecca D. Minehart, Benjamin B. Symon, and Laura K. Rock

May 31, 2022

Summary.   
We may have learned that we need to let people speak without interrupting but taking turns talking does not
truly denote listening. And unintentionally hijacking conversations to advise, inject humor, empathize,
prioritize efficiency, or insert ourselves into the speaker’s narrative is often done with good intentions, but may
instead disrupt the human connection we think we’re forging. Recognizing when to shift out of our habitual
styles and consciously apply alternative styles of listening and responding may allow for more effective and
meaningful interactions.

A good manager knows that listening is important, but too few people know how to listen well.
Even common techniques, like “active listening” can be counterproductive. After all, merely
sharing the amount of speaking time, or parroting back what a speaker said, does not achieve
understanding.

Consider three common conversations:

Employee: “I’m worried about my presentation for the board meeting.”

Supervisor: “Oh, you’re doing great. It took me years before I could present without being
nervous.”

Colleague A: “I really need a vacation.”

Colleague B: “You should go to this rustic resort in the mountains. I just came back from there
and it was the best vacation I’ve had in years. I’ll send you the info.”

Patient: “I’m scared about this procedure.”

Clinician: “Your surgeon has done hundreds of these. The complication rate is low.”

The well-intentioned responses above are not egregious, but they don’t meet the speakers’ needs
or address their concerns. The employee worried about the board meeting may want critical
feedback rather than premature reassurance, Colleague A’s flippant statement about needing a
vacation may portend deeper unstated problems not addressed by an itinerary, and the patient
may have had relevant concerns underlying their emotions which are missed through attempted
reassurance.

These examples serve to illustrate an important aspect of leadership: Most of us miss

opportunities in interactions through the default ways we listen. Like other critical
communication skills, listening well depends on awareness of the goals, our own habits, and
choosing how to respond. The good news is, with practice, we can all be more effective listeners.
Styles of Listening
Learning to listen well begins with understanding what type of listener you are. In our work as
both health care clinicians in critical care and debriefing experts who teach how to optimize
learning conversations, we have observed four distinct listening styles:

 An analytical listener aims to analyze a problem from a neutral starting point.

 A relational listener aims to build connection and understand the emotions
underlying a message.
 A critical listener aims to judge both the content of the conversation and the reliability
of the speaker themselves.
 A task-focused listener shapes a conversation towards efficient transfer of important
information.

Developing the ability to shift dynamically between these styles can lead to impactful
conversations by matching the speaker’s needs with the most appropriate listening technique.
This is the first step to improving your listening.

5 Ways to Improve Your Listening

Becoming a better listener doesn’t only mean understanding how you listen, it requires taking
certain actions, too. We outline the five most important things listeners can do to improve.

1. Establish why you are listening.

There are myriad reasons why we listen the way we do: to be efficient, to avoid conflict, to gain
attention, to support, or simply to entertain. When those reasons are repeatedly (and perhaps
unconsciously) prioritized, we shortchange other listening goals.

When entering a conversation, consider reflecting briefly on what the goals of the conversation
are, and how best you can listen in that moment. Might the speaker be seeking honest critique,
an analytical reflection or an emotional connection? We may not have the bandwidth to fully
listen— i.e., we’re surface listening— and should share that with the other person who may be
looking for more than we can give in that moment.

2. Recognize how you usually listen.

Our “usual” listening style may be sabotaging our goals. We may have received positive feedback
for being consistently efficient, funny, articulate, or supportive, but the default style being used
may preclude applying different listening styles to achieve other goals. For example, time-
pressured environments often require task-oriented or critical listening styles in order to make
rapid decisions. While that may be consistently effective at work, it may backfire when applied
frequently at home to family and friends who may need something more than rapid decision
support.

Child: “I’m not going to school today. I have no friends.”

Parent: “Of course you have friends! You were just invited to Sally’s birthday party. At recess
today, say hello to three new kids.”

When expressions of emotion are met with task-oriented or critical listening styles, as in the
above example, we may miss valuable opportunities to better understand underlying values and
concerns or even gain actionable information by exploring or offering empathy through
validation. In these situations, providing coaching, or false reassurance such as a friendly “you’ll
be fine,” can make people feel unheard and discouraged from sharing.
3. Be aware of who is the focus of attention.

Beyond listening styles, the way we insert ourselves into the speaker’s narrative shifts the focus
of conversational attention. We often assume that interjecting with our own personal stories is
an empathic and relationship-building move, but it precludes hearing the other’s whole
message. While it can be fun to interject, and is sometimes helpful to promote connection, when
done without awareness it runs the risk of steering the conversation away from the speaker
without redirecting back. For example, when doctors interject a personal comment in an
empathic attempt to connect, research shows the conversation rarely returns to the patient’s
concern.

When a listener is aware of the impact of interjecting and maintains curiosity about the
speaker’s message, it is possible to share the focus without losing the speaker’s message through
redirecting back to the speaker. This might be done through sharing a personal thought and
then returning the focus:

Colleague A: “I really need a vacation.”

Colleague B: “I just came back from a rustic resort in the mountains, and it was so restorative.
I’m curious what’s going on with you. Feel like talking?”

4. Adapt the listening style to achieve conversational goals.

With increasing stressors, our executive functioning and cognitive flexibility are taxed, making it
harder to adjust from our default listening style. That’s okay. Staying focused on the speaker and
the goals will help you adapt to the needs of the situation. In a patient expressing fear,
responding with validation and curiosity may allow the clinician to capture valuable information
and more effectively address the patient’s needs:

Patient: “I’m scared about this procedure.”

Clinician: “Even though the complication rate is very low it’s normal to be scared. It’s a big
procedure. [Pause.] What’s scaring you the most?”

The clinician’s first impulse is to respond with reassurance, providing data on outcomes. It may
feel unnatural to drop that entirely. By also acknowledging and exploring the emotion
expressed, there’s a better chance the patient will feel heard and validated. The clinician may
learn that in this patient’s last procedure she developed a dangerous heart rhythm, or that her
brother recently had a procedure that led to a stroke. Beyond helping the patient feel heard,
learning of complications would radically change how the clinician approached the patient’s care
before and during the procedure.

5. Ask: Am I missing something?

It may be hard to ascertain the conversational goals if the speaker who initiates the conversation
does not know what they are hoping to get out of it. Ambiguity about goals, uncertainty about
sharing vulnerability, unexamined emotions, and logistical pressures may be part of the
discovery process. Because we profoundly shape this process through the ways in which we
listen, we should consider whether the conversation at hand seems to be productive and what
we may be missing.

Taking a couple of seconds to pause and think before an automatic response may help reveal a
subtler, important opportunity. If that problem-solving and busy parent has a longer-term goal
of connecting and understanding what their child is going through, they may have better success
starting off with a more relational listening style:

Child: “I am not going to school today. I have no friends.”

Parent: “That’s a tough feeling to have. [Pause] Do you feel like talking about it?”
Resisting the urge to reassure or offer solutions and inviting more detail to better understand
what’s behind a fraught statement is a useful analytical listening technique that can be
incorporated into a conversation to help direct your listening style when urgent decision-making
is not necessary.

The Impact of Better Listening

Consider, again, the nervous employee preparing for a presentation. What would happen if the
supervisor instead responded with something like this:

Employee: “I’m worried about my presentation for the board meeting.”

Supervisor: “I was nervous when I started presenting, too. What’s worrying you?”

This response, so different from the original comment (“Oh, you’re doing great. It took me years
before I could present without being nervous”) shows the employee that the manager has heard
the worry behind the concern.

Experimenting with how we listen solidifies our active partnership in conversations. It expands
the space for others to reveal what really matters to them and can actually be more efficient if we
can get to the heart of the matter more deliberately. Through intentionally applying new ways to
listen, we build relationships, understand others, and collaborate and problem-solve more
effectively.

Questions:
1. What listening styles does the article discuss?
2. What problems can arise if only one listening style is used?
3. Why is it important to be attentive to who is the center of attention in a conversation?
4. What tips does the article offer to improve listening skills?
5. What difficulties can arise in setting goals in a conversation?
6. What are some potential advantages in using an analytical listening style?
7. What happens when a manager responds to an employee's concern about a presentation?
8. How can new listening techniques be used to effectively solve tasks?
9. What are some of the challenges that can arise during communication?
10. How can you apply improved listening skills in your daily life?

Discussion questions:
1. In your opinion, what are the benefits that can arise when using different listening
styles?
2. How can you apply an analytical listening style in your professional relationships?
3. What are the challenges in setting goals in a conversation and how can they be
overcome?
4. How can you solve the problem when you do not know which listening style to use in a
particular situation?
5. How can new listening techniques be used to improve relationships with loved ones?