GAMBU

Okay, let’s face it. I am a super villain. And my super power? The ability to jinx games and clubs.
See, I don’t know who thought it was funny to add that in me during my divine conception. I just
want to use this medium to duly inform the said divine being that it’s not funny at all. (or maybe he
knew what happened in my past life and tried to change it? Bruh, I’m changed now trust me, I’ll
really be needing the good luck, please, I beseech you.)
Cases of me manifesting my powers?

Act one, Scene one.

(Real life, twitter, punters are heavily “booming” and cashing out from sporty bet.)
Punters: “omo, let’s go again. 45GODHAFFMERCI67 booking code on sporty”
Me: *not online*
Punters the next day: “chee! 1million naira bagged. Shesh!”
Me who comes online to see all over my timeline the massive cashout from everyone: “whoa,
make I copy the next one.”
Punters: “let’s go hard again! 25GODAIRPUS99”
Me: *copies code and proceeds to place bet*

A FEW MOMENTS LATER

Me, punters and half of the world: *crying hard with mucus in our noses* “e dun cut! Fuck!”

And no, this isn’t just a mere coincidence. Coincidence doesn’t happen throughout a week, does it?
At first, I went through denial, “maybe it was just bad timing”, “maybe it just happened” or,
“maybe betting isn’t for me” but then I suddenly remember the small boom I had one time this year
and the eggroll (productive investment) I got afterwards. And I just want to go get the bag. Cash-out
breaking up with me like, “no, it’s not you, Alex. It’s me, you deserve better.”
Clearly, who ever came up with the “the odds shall be in your favor” phrase didn’t look further into
the future to see that a certain young man living in Aba would debunk that. I mean, I am a walking
contradiction (in a just this aspect o) to someone’s prayers. Luckily, I am not alone on this. My
brothers are scattered all over the country is this ability.

Nobody should reveal our secrets, we’ll jinx your exam results if you try us.
You to pass 1.66 vs. carryover to fuck you over 3.45, you know how this goes.

However, I have come to a realization that maybe, I/we don’t have these acclaimed powers what if
it is; (about to list my conspiracy theory) they actually lie about the odds so that you just click
straight win. What if Man U to win is not 1.26 and Brighton to win, 4.56? What if it’s the other way
round? Because why away team go end up thrashing home team? Shey you feel me?

STOP GAMBU-LING GIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE LORD.

And, no, I AM NOT BATTLING ANY FORM OF ADDICTION. I don’t hate myself so much to want to lose
₦100 everyday to an organization who makes profit from losses. Ah, shit! Thinking of it now, every
organization makes profit from losses. Someone has to lose something for another person to profit.
It’s the law of dynamic cash fluidity - learning ECONS 202 with Prof. Alex, multipurpose, self-learning,
ever evolving, jack of different trades, in Essence, if you lose me, you cry hard and die.
Which brings us to the main issue for discussion:
THE NEED TO GRAB TIDDIES FOR COMFORT
Wait, now. Before you go, “oh Alex, you’re just horny”, hear me out.
WE NEED TO GRAB TITTIES! That’s just it.
Disclaimer: the “FOR COMFORT” part was just to make this all subtle. The real title is “THE NEED
TO SUCK TIDDIES”
Wait, don’t go yet! This isn’t another tactics for you to send me tits pic. (I mean, I wouldn’t mind at all,
in fact, I’d be overwhelmed with joy the blind man felt when Jesus restored his sight.) The point is, I am
backed, medically by therapists, by doctors, anatomists, by special doctors that handle the boobs,
the boobsdiatricians. And even monks of a special sacred art of adoring GOD’S CREATION in women
that I am surprisingly a part of.

The doctors know the dangers of not getting those tits sucked, cancer breeds, which is bad.
Therapists would give a lengthy discussion on the traumatizing effect not getting to be babied or
suppressing the tits.
While, we monks (chuckles) will tell you the almighty one made them for a reason. Are these not
enough? With all these, have I not been able to convince you and not confuse you, dear Mr. reader,
accurate time keeper, panel of sexy ladies that yes, there’s need to get those titties sucked (by
Alex) for the ladies. Every guy reading this agrees to this, right? Geng gen till I die.

And, no, I am not sexualizing my episodes, I mean, I started this with my frustration with Sporty
bet. But, is this really about my loss on Sporty bet or me sucking tits? Find out in the next episode
with my sexy ass.
muhahahahaha!