Earl Lawrence S.

Daquibig
11 - Eucalyptus
DISS
Performance Task #2

The central premise behind the new Adam Sandler comedy "Pixels" is so undeniably
promising on its most basic level that as I walked into the screening, I felt a genuine
anticipation that I cannot easily recall ever feeling in conjunction with one of his films, at least
of those cranked out by his Happy Madison production company. Unfortunately, a good
premise can only take a film so far if it has been accompanied by abysmal execution. Oh,
"Pixels" does have a couple of laughs scattered here and there, and the film as a whole is
certainly better than such recent Sandler disasters as "That's My Boy," "Blended" and the
truly inexplicable "The Cobbler," but when one considers how good this material might have
been if placed in the right hands, to see it squandered this way makes it almost more painful
to view than the typical Sandler stinker.

The conceit here is that back in 1982, NASA launched into orbit a capsule that contained
numerous examples of our then-contemporary popular culture as a way of reaching out to
possible alien life forms that might be curious to know about that thing that we on Earth
called "The Pirate Movie," including a cassette chronicling a video game championship
featuring young arcade masters showing their skills at the top games of the era.
Unfortunately, a hostile alien force intercepts the tape, determines its contents to be an act of
war, and begins sending down large and malevolent versions of the characters from those
games to attack Earth as a response to the alleged challenge with the fate of the planet
hanging in the balance. The spaceships from "Galaga" rain pixilated horror in Peru, a
"Centipede" games breaks out over London's Hyde Park and the grid-like layout of New York
City sets the scene for what proves to be the world's largest Pac-Man game.

Drastic times call for drastic measures and so the President (Kevin James) hits upon the
idea of bringing in old school gamers to advise on how to stop the invading forces. Luckily,
his childhood best friend, Sam Brenner (Sandler), was a young gaming prodigy back in the
day until his life was ruined after losing that aforementioned championship when he placed
second at Donkey Kong. He is joined by Ludlow (Josh Gad), another participant in that
competition who has become a paranoid conspiracy buff (he is convinced JFK fired first,
chuckle chuckle) with an unhealthy obsession towards Lady Lisa, the scantily-clad heroine of
"Dojo Girl." (This game does not actually exist but as those scoring at home will quickly
discover, verisimilitude is not exactly the film's strong point) Overblown egomaniac Eddie
"The Fireblaster" Plant (Peter Dinklage)—who beat Sam at that fateful Donkey Kong
game—signs on as well but carries a shocking secret that could lead to the destruction of
the world. Finally, in a small concession that women also play games as well, the guys are
joined by Lt. Col. Violet van Patten (Michelle Monaghan), a brilliant specialist who creates
the weird weaponry to be used against the invaders. (Of course, she is just a girl in a movie
aimed at adolescent boys so her signature moves include zapping a Smurf and downing
Chardonnay while sobbing about her romantic troubles at length to the guy who has arrived
to install her flat-screen TV.)
Like I said, the premise of "Pixels" (which was inspired by a 2010 short) is sound, and in a
perfect world, it could have been the hi-tech hybrid of "The Last Starfighter" and
"Ghostbusters" that it clearly wants to be. Indeed, there are moments when the sight of
giant-sized arcade icons wreaking havoc do have a certain grandeur to them, even if their
overexposure in the coming attractions previews has inevitably reduced much of their
immediate impact. Alas, while the technologies used to bring these characters from their
8-bit origins to the CGI world are as state-of-the-art as can be, the screenplay is closer to
"Oregon Trail" by comparison. Instead of taking the time to really hash out the concept,
co-writers and frequent Sandler collaborators Tim Herlihy and Timothy Dowling have
essentially shunted it to the side in order to make room for the usual nonsense: people
acting like idiots for no apparent reason, an attitude towards women that should appeal to
those Gamergate oafs, cameo appearances from Sandler's buddies and the usual bits of
gross-out humor.

Although I can't help but wonder what someone like Joe Dante, an excellent filmmaker with a
genuine interest in the perils and pleasures of American popular culture, might have done
with this concept, Chris Columbus, the guy behind "Home Alone," "Mrs. Doubtfire" and the
first two "Harry Potter" joints, does what he can with the material, but while some of the big
special effects set-pieces are nicely put together, he seems as bored directing all the stuff in
between as viewers will be watching it. On the other side of the camera, Sandler and James
simply bounce from scene to scene delivering their shopworn material with such little effort
that they somehow seem less substantial than the pixelated creatures they are battling,
Monaghan is thoroughly wasted in a role that doesn't even begin to hint at the talents that
she has displayed in the past in such things as the little-seen drama "Trucker" and the first
season of "True Detective," and Josh Gad continues his campaign to become the single
most obnoxious performer to grace movie screens in our time. On the other hand, Peter
Dinklage does wind up scoring the lion's share of the laughs here with a swaggeringly silly
turn that has clearly been inspired by Billy Mitchell, the obnoxious real-life gaming champion
who was the subject of the documentary "The King of Kong."

Viewers of a certain age may look at "Pixels" with a degree of nostalgia, although it stands to
reason that if you are old enough to feel nostalgic about playing "Donkey Kong" in the
arcade, you are probably too old for an Adam Sandler film. However, when you consider
how good it could have been and should have been, it has to go down as one of the
season's bigger disappointments in the way that it quickly gives up the ghost(s). On the
bright side, Hollywood is remaking films so quickly these days that it is only a matter of time
before they get to doing this one again.