PN Level 1 Sleep, Stress Management, and Recovery Coaching …

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Helping people change:

In practice: Exploring resistance

In practice: Exploring resistance

Coaching in practice

Try it now.

Collaborating with your client to create a clear, manageable plan is an

important part of helping them change.

But it’s often not enough.

Along with planning and agreeing on what to do, we also need to help
our clients adjust the way they feel and think. This includes gently

encouraging them to explore limiting beliefs and self-stories , while

increasing their self-awareness.

To really change, many clients need to think differently about

themselves and what’s possible for them.

This is why we teach change skills (such as “knowing your why”) along

with “real life” skills (such as meal prep).

Here are two simple exercises to help clients “poke into” this further,

and get more comfortable with exploring resistance.

Exercise 1: Two Crazy Questions

We call it "Two Crazy Questions" because we generally preface it with:

"I know this sounds crazy, but I’m going to ask you two questions that

sound a little weird, or maybe the opposite of what you’re used to.”

Question 1: What is GOOD about NOT changing?

In other words, how does the status quo benefit or help you?

Question 2: What might be BAD about changing?

In other words, what might you have to give up, confront, or lose?

What might suck if you changed?

After you ask each question, wait and listen carefully. Don’t rush to

correct or “fix” them. Don’t give any advice or “helpful

suggestions”. Just let them explore.

Then, validate their response. Point out why it’s entirely logical and

legitimate.

That makes sense. I can see why that might be an issue for you.

Of course — with all that you’re dealing with, why wouldn’t you be

having trouble sleeping?

Wait and listen carefully again. See what happens. Notice how your

client’s perspective tends to shift a little bit.

Exercise 2: The 5 Whys / Downward Arrow Technique

The 5 Whys isn’t just about motivation. You can use it to explore any

statement or rationale.

It works by having people move from a statement about their behavior

through a series of deeper and more insightful questions about it. This

eventually leads them to the underlying reason(s) for their actions or

beliefs.

The psychiatrist Dr. David Burns, author of the bestseller Feeling Great,

calls this the “Downward Arrow” technique when it’s applied to

resistance.1,2

1 Start with a statement about the client’s resistance or

ambivalence.

For instance:
I don’t like going to bed early.

2 Get curious.

Ask: Why is that upsetting to you? or What about going to bed early

annoys you?

3 The client responds with a reason.

 It seems like a waste of time.

4 You hear their answer, without comment, and ask them to record

it:

Good, write that down.

5 Then get curious and ask why again.

Why does wasting time bother you? What is it about that that feels

upsetting?

6 The client responds with another reason.

It makes me feel unproductive.

7 You hear their answer again, no commentary, and ask them to

record it.

Good, write that down.

8 Then get curious and ask why again:

If that were true, that you were being unproductive, what would it

mean? Why would that be a problem for you?

9 The client responds with another reason.

It would mean I’m a lazy person.

10 Hear and capture their answer again, no commentary.

 Good, write that down.

11 Once you have a good, juicy reason or core belief, now you can

open a coaching conversation using your “reflect + check”

template.

Do you mind if we look at this a little bit closer? So what I’m

hearing you say is that going to bed early feels unproductive and

lazy. And if you do it, you are a lazy person who is wasting time and
basically goofing off. Am I grasping that correctly? And if so, can

you tell me more about that?

12 You can also validate and affirm the GOOD things about this

belief, and that it’s legitimate and logical.

That makes total sense! As a single parent, I can imagine there are

a million things on your to-do list, and you want to make sure

everything is taken care of at both work and home. I think that says

a lot of good things about you as a human being, don’t you?

Then, sit back, do lots of listening, and see where the discussion

goes. Most likely, your client will feel “heard” and “seen” and

more importantly — much more likely to change.

Client: Yes, that’s true, and thanks for that… but as I write all of

that down, I’m realizing it sounds silly. I need to take care of myself

at least a little bit so I can be there for my kids. Plus, if I’m working
feverishly into the evening, I don’t sleep well and I have a lousy day

at work anyway. Staying up late doesn’t actually help me be more

productive!
Figure 1.15: Downward arrow technique example
 Your 3R plan

Identify your own resistance and ambivalence.

Try either the 2 Crazy Questions or Downward Arrow technique to

explore any resistance or ambivalence you may have about your own

sleep, stress management, or recovery.

For instance, you might have worries or mixed feelings about:

prioritizing those activities;

learning new skills;

having to somehow deal with other people to get this

accomplished;

change in general;

your own abilities to sustain a new habit;

etc.

Capture your answers in your Learner’s Manual.

Write your Learner’s Manual.

These questions are here for YOU. They’re optional; they aren’t graded; and they don’t count towards
course completion. However, we strongly encourage you do to them — they’ll help you learn, reflect, and
engage with the course material. The more of these you do, the more you’ll get out of this course. Any
responses will be captured in Your Learner’s Manual.
Try either the 2 Crazy Questions or Downward Arrow technique to explore any resistance
or ambivalence you may have about your own sleep, stress management, or recovery.

Once you’ve worked through that exercise, what did you learn about yourself from your
responses?

Now try it out with a willing friend or family member. What can they tell you about their
ambivalence or resistance towards sleep, stress management, or recovery? What kind of insight
can they provide from the client’s point of view? Reflect here.

COMPLETE