As learned from the previous chapter, the self is initially not there at birth and arises only

as an individual engage in social interactions. This idea extends in the third chapter, which
highlights that aside from society, culture is another important factor that shapes identity by
providing a context for its construction. Through the process of socialization, one gets to
learn the culture of the society to which he/she belongs, with the hopes of “fitting-in” to that
group’s social structure. Once dimmed successful, the individual finds his/her own place in
the society, subsequently developing a sense of self or social identity.

As we all know, family is considered as the basic unit of society. In this regard, it is with
and through our families that we first make social interactions and learn culture. Every
household has its own unique family culture; a collection of beliefs, values, and practices
that influences significantly how each member think, feel, and act.

In my case, I and my siblings were raised with love, care, and discipline. My father has
been working abroad ever since, so for the most part of my childhood, I grew up under my
mom’s authority. I have always thought that my mom was a disciplinarian. At home, we were
obliged to strictly follow her rules, unless we wanted to be beaten by a leather belt. Like any
other families, we must eat meals together. After breakfast, we should immediately go for a
shower. Otherwise, we will not be allowed to play outside. Although we were permitted to
play in our cousin’s house, we had to know our time and must come home for lunch. Mama
disliked the idea of us eating at another’s house; she reasoned out, “Parang wala kayong
bahay.” As a child, I had nothing against my mom’s rules. In fact, I saw it as if it was just the
“normal” way of parenting. Now as a young adult, I realized even more that her efforts to
remain firm in imposing those orders were the best way to instill discipline in us.

Moreover, my mom’s parenting style directed us to the family values from which our
behavior in the present were founded. Eating meals together as a family was a primary step
in teaching us to become family-oriented individuals. Indeed, it is in hapag-kainan that a
family gets to have meaningful conversations. Even now, despite being geographically
separated, we see to it that we keep in touch with every member of the family, by putting
family as a top priority on one hand, and with the help of technology on the other.

Aside from this, our family also place high value on tranquility and independence. One
thing I admire most about my parents is that they know how to stay calm even in times of
difficulty. Indeed, one cannot face a problem without a composed state of mind. My mom
neither encouraged me to fight back to my bullies at school, nor to report any of them to my
teachers. For mama and papa, nothing seems wrong with compromising for others’ sake,
especially if that would mean a peaceful relationship between the two parties involved. Now
that I see it, I realized that witnessing this kind of attitude from my parents has actually
become a factor on my submissive nature towards other people. Most of the time, I just tend
to agree when it comes to my friends and relatives. As much as possible, I do not want to be
in a conflict with any person who is close to me. Hence, I always find it hard to say no to
people, such as when they are asking me to do them a favor.

Perhaps, valuing peace over chaos has also influenced my family’s tendency to be
neutral in talks involving politics. In all honesty, I used to have no opinion about the country’s
present administration. That being said, as I entered UP, I was definitely culture shocked
upon seeing my fellow Iskolar ng bayan stand firm by their political views. I took it then as a
motivation to educate myself about the things I probably do not see before because of the
privileges I experience. However, at the end of the day, my parents would always remind me
that there is no place for activism in our family.

Above all these, however, it is important to note that there is only one Supreme Being
who can provides us the peace we are looking for. Papa encourages us to have a strong
relationship with the Divine Creator, by praying and attending masses not only in times of
need. Explain further.

As I mentioned earlier, my parents also raised us to become independent individuals.

Although this may seem contradictory because we were made to follow mom’s rules as a
child. As I and my siblings were reaching our tween stage, my mom took a sudden shift from
being the traditional parent who does not give into the child’s demands, to becoming a
calmer one who is more open to saying yes. Indeed, change is the only constant thing in this
world. At the age of 12, both of my parents made me live away from home to attend to a
school that offers a better quality of education. Of course, it took me a while to adjust to that
new way of living, especially on the part where I had to make certain decisions for myself,
rather than just depending on what my mom would say. Since then also, Mama permitted us
to have fun all we want, as long as we know our limits.

In relation to independence, I think it has also affected in one way or another how I
interact with people. In the process, I found great comfort with having a self-governing way
of life, with little to no affiliation with other people. I can manage long and meaningful
interactions with my immediate family and close friends. But when it comes to people whom I
am not close with, including strangers, I like to keep the interaction short and simple. In other
words, I refuse to engage myself with unnecessary interaction. Moreover, I noticed that I can
accomplish tasks more effectively when I do it alone. Although this does not apply to some
situations. At the same, I have to acknowledge that no man is an island, and that myself is
not a whole but is just a part of a bigger society.

It is easy to conclude that family culture was the bigger factor on my overall introverted
personality. However, it is also equally important to take into consideration the influences of
culture itself to the family culture I grew up to.