MENTALLY DISORDER

I'm Prabha, I'm 20 years old, I live with my parents and come from a prosperous home. I have
everything but my life feels empty, no longer hear my mother good morning remarks, no more
joyful laughing from my father, all I hear is a argument between them. There is no longer an
embrace that strengthens the existence of fear and doubt. It is true that I am very lonely, I have a
family but I have lost my role as a child, I need affection but all I am given is money. I have no
friends other than myself. For me no friendship is just a betrayal, I don't need sweet words that
are said to be soothing, the fact is that they just want to know not to understand or care. It's not
that I'm not grateful for what I have now, but one by one the people I love leave me, I'm tired of
situations like this. I feel lonely, I feel useless I just want to die and be free from this depression.
I can only cry and always ask God when all of this will end.
Behind the closed window, I silently watched the raindrops falling from the sky. I like rain
because I can cry without being heard by other people, letting out all the complaints that exist.
Then I saw my mother's car that had just entered my yard, a distance, I saw her tired face after
working all day. Then, after a few minutes, my mother called me, and I rushed to wipe my tears
and lie down on my bed. Then mom woke me up and gave me some bills to pay tuition fees, and
she left my room. See if he asks how I am. Don't ask how I'm doing, ask if I've eaten or not, haha
I'm the poor one. I locked the door again, my body slumped, I hugged my knees, I missed my
mother who used to be very affectionate and always cared about my situation. My heart really
hurts. Since then I have often hurt myself, it feels like my brain has been contaminated with
emotions, a few cuts can make me calm even though a lot of fresh blood has come out. My gaze
is empty, staring at the ceiling of my room which is flat and smooth unlike my life, I laugh at my
life now. Then I cleaned the cut on my hand and cleaned the blood spots on the floor. Then I fell
asleep on the floor with sobs that made my eyes swollen.
This morning is very bright, the sky is blue and accompanied by the chirping of birds that
intersect. Maybe most people are lazy to get up in the morning, but not me, I woke up an hour
ago, it's more appropriate that I woke up listening to broken glass in my house. Since my mother
and father often fought, my father often came home drunk, this is my daily scene. I was ready
and I walked over to the mirror, and stared at my frail self. Then I smiled and cheered myself up.
I walked out of the room and saw that the whole room in my house had no signs of life, where
my mother had gone to work while my father was still sleeping. Seeing the shattered glass marks
scattered around, I cleaned it up with a feeling that was very sad and really hurt my heart, but I
had to stay strong. It didn't take long for me to go to campus alone, take the ojek online that I
ordered earlier.