Selfless Love Talk

“Giving Love Relations & Relationships A Strategic

Advantage”

Practical Guide for Everyday Relationships

Author Chanel Rose Budd

This e-book is created for everyone on the journey of

seeking and keeping a long-lasting relationship. Especially
those who are in marital and common law partnerships.
May some of the most asked questions be better
understood through this practical guide of Selfless Love.
Know that loving yourself is the first step to enjoying the
abundance of love in all relational aspects of life.
 Selfless Love

Dedicated To -

My Dear Lord, who has been the core of my understanding on how to love unselfishly.

My Husband Alvin and daughter Chamya, the first two that has received my unselfish
love. Even when I was still short of the understanding of Selfless Love.

All my family and friends, I pray this guide blesses you in every way possible!
 Selfless Love

Table of Content

Lesson 1 - Understanding

Lesson 2 - Love

Lesson 3 - Communication

Lesson 4 - Pain

Lesson 5 - Distractions

Lesson 6 - Faithfulness

Lesson 7 - Worthiness

Lesson 8 - Purpose

E-Book Bonus
Marriage and Relationship Tips
 Lesson 1

Understanding

Two people united by vows, common law or dating exclusively often find it difficult to
understand each other’s needs and wants. Understanding plays a significant part in any
relationship and without it, comes confusions and unnecessary misunderstandings that
may lead to break-up and/or divorce.

The chemistry between partners in the beginning is always with feelings of excitement,
curiosity, and intimacy. In the passing of time, however, relationships start to be clouded
with unhealthy feelings and assumptions when needs and wants are not communicated
and understood by each other. The relationship is most likely to suffer which could
ultimately lead to separation. Either one partner or both will acknowledge the need to
give up the relationship and move on as a single individual.

Women usually knows what their needs are and express it through words while men
use clues or lead you to having to guess --- an opinion statement as not all men and
women are the same.
 Learning to Achieve Understanding

• Communicate to your partner openly about your needs and wants in the
relationship.
• Set personal expectations for yourself alone. Never set expectations for
your partner unless it is effectively communicated and mutually
understood as a couple.
• Ensure that you both have a clear understanding of each other’s wants
and needs by constantly clarifying and confirming what is already
communicated.
• Schedule a time every other month or so dedicated to review of each
other’s needs and wants to cover any possible change and prevent future
misunderstandings.
 Lesson 2

Love
Love is an action more than just a feeling. The act of loving is actually a skill that is
learned through experience, trial, and error. Perfecting the skill to love takes patience,
understanding, being unselfish and requires empathy of other person’s feelings. Love
starts with loving yourself. Often, people in a relationship may express that they feel
love, but the actual act of love is missing.

Love comes in different levels depending on the relationship. The act of love is
expressed through communicating it emotionally or acting upon it through gifts, body
language and intimacy. It is best to know the language of love of your partner and you
can start communicating your desire to know it by asking the question “What does love
mean to you?”

The Levels of Love

1. Friendly Love - The intentional act of showing appreciation to others for just being
respectful, trustworthy, or dependable.

2. Relational Love - Dedicating yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally to another

person.

3. Spiritual Love - Unapologetic servanthood to all of mankind.

4. Self-Love - To embrace your true self flaws, insecurities, weaknesses, strengths,

talents, and beauty.
 Lesson 3

Communication
Communication is the verbal, written and behavioral way of exchanging
information. The best way to understand another person is by communicating. Many
people experience challenges in communication especially when it comes to verbal
expressions of feelings.

Personal relationships are likely to suffer from difficulties in communication when there
are apprehensions over how the partner will take what is being communicated by the
other person. However, it is worth considering that without proper communication, more
unlikely ordeals could arise. I believe that the most effective way to build your
relationships is through communication with each another.

Learning to Communicate Effectively

• Mentally prepare prior to the conversation. Think about what you are going to
communicate and how you are going to say it.
• Speak to your partner in full awareness of your tone, body language and facial
expression.
• Be mindful and empathetic of your partner's feelings while communicating your
feelings or the matter for discussion.
• Listen actively, maintain eye contact, and expressed acknowledgment of the
other person’s thought by regular nodding of head or if appropriate, repeat key
words to confirm understanding of the matter.
 Lesson 4

Pain
Pain is the emotional or physical feeling of being hurt. Unfortunately, in life you will feel
pain both emotionally and physically. The goal is to understand it and survive it
eventually. One way I would like to recommend on dealing with pain is to expect that it
will happen and knowing that most often, it is not caused by your direct actions.

If your pain is from your own choices in life, learn to forgive yourself first and make a
resolve never to inflict pain again upon yourself. Always remember that there are things
that you cannot control and those who decide to make the right choices knows that pain
does not lasts always. Use your negative experiences for good and turn it into
something to positively change your life.

How to Deal with Pain

•Acknowledge its presence.
• Focus on what you can control.
• Take the necessary steps to manage what is within your control.
• Forgive yourself and others who caused the pain and allow the negative to turn
into positive over time.
 Lesson 5

Distractions
Distractions are obstacles that arise daily. Mostly are people such as family, friends, or
unexpected urgent situations.

Being aware of the distractions will help you manage it better, knowing that you have
control over your response to it. Yes, you have control over many distractions through
your responses to situations that are not planned and/or not an urgent issue or
concern. Try not to overexert your “Yeses” and let your no be NO.

Basic Awareness of Distractions

• A sudden force of confusion that arises out of nowhere. Pay

attention by listening closely to understand if it is urgent or can wait.

• Stay focused on what is important and attend to daily

responsibilities first.

• Be honest about what you are capable of doing and say no to what
you cannot handle.

• When able and capable, you can assist someone in need as long
as it will not distract you from your planned activities for the day.
 Lesson 6

Faithfulness
Faithfulness is about being loyal, trustworthy, and dependable in any relationship. For
some, being faithful takes time. Depending on the level of your relationship, the need for
faithfulness must be communicated from the beginning of the relationship and acted
upon without a second thought in a loving way.

To be faithful is also a choice that is influenced by expression of one’s true character. If

there is presence of doubt towards the partner, a self-evaluation needs to be done first
to ensure that is it not triggered by insecurities within you. Communicating the reasons
behind feeling of unfaithfulness will strengthen the relationship if indeed there is no truth
to the suspected unfaithfulness. Always be very honest with your partner knowing that
being open about your feelings will benefit your relationship.

How to Maintain Faithfulness

• Communicate regularly with your partner to reassure that the bond
between you is safe, secure and without distractions from anyone outside
the relationship.
• Build the relationship with trust, support and nurturing of each other.
• Be mindful to respect and trust each other at all times.
• Give your partner support and encouragement without judgment of known
weaknesses or insecurities.
 Lesson 7

Worthiness
Worthiness is a value you must have for yourself. Every person is worthy of goodness
in their lives. Happiness, Joy, Peace and Hope just to name a few are all in your
control. Appreciate who you are as a person and find your own happiness for you are
worthy of it.

Believing in yourself, loving and encouraging yourself will help you make wise decisions
in keeping a relationship starting with deciding who to have a relationship with.

How to Live in Your Worthiness

•Acknowledge your self-worth!

• Be honest about what your goals, needs and wants.
• Accept your weaknesses knowing that our Creator strengthens us in times
of weakness.
• Own the choice to be worthy and walk with confidence, humbly knowing
that you are worthy and wonderfully made.
 Lesson 8

Purpose
Purpose is what someone or something was created for. The greatest passion is to
explore and find your purpose. It may sound so easy but truly not. The key to finding
your purpose is tapping into the inner you.

We all have something special inside of us that can help not only ourselves but others in
the world. Learning deeper about yourself takes time, maturity, honesty, patience, and
courage. Finding purpose is a journey for many so do not feel discouraged if it is yet to
be manifested in your life. Just trust and have faith that you will know it in time, and you
are already on your way to finding your purpose. And this is also true for your partner
and with mutual support, how beautiful it is for both of you to find your purpose together
in a relationship.

The Steps to Finding Your Purpose

• Pray about it and seek to find what your heart would love doing to add
positive change in the world.
• Meditation is one way of tapping into the inner you and having a clearer
perspective on mindfulness.
• Setting reasonable goals with completion dates and accountability partner
to follow-up on dates and encourage completion.
• Stop “over” doubtful thinking, fear, and anxiousness by taking the
necessary steps to press forward no matter how you feel.
 My marriage is priority speak life
into your marriage.

I keep my marriage strong and healthy. I treat my partner with respect. I listen
attentively to what they have to say. I am polite and courteous. I care about their
welfare.

I provide support and validation. I cheer them on when they are struggling and celebrate
their victories. I try to see situations from their perspective. I let them know that their
feelings matter.

I give generously. I pitch in with household tasks without keeping score. I bring my
partner presents like their favorite foods and novels.

I show affection. I start the day with a big hug and greet my partner at the door when
they return from work. We hold hands and write each other love notes.

I discuss my thought and feelings. I allow my spouse to know me and I give them the
same opportunity. Our familiarity builds a strong foundation for intimacy and trust.

I share my goals and dreams. We work together as a team to build a fulfilling life.

I deal with conflicts promptly. I am willing to negotiate and compromise. We search for
solutions that satisfy both our needs.

I schedule date nights. We enjoy spending couple time together away from work and
parenting responsibilities. We have fun and remember the qualities that brought us
together in the first place.
Today, I connect with my spouse. I treat my marriage like a garden that needs daily
tending in order to grow and thrive.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. How do I define commitment?

2. How does maintaining my own identity help to make my marriage

stronger?

3. What is one thing I can do today to make my spouse smile?

4. What is one thing I can do to encourage myself daily?

5. What is one thing I can do to encourage my spouse daily?

 How Marriage Impacts Your Success

Do you think being married is helpful to achieving success, or does it make success
more challenging? Studies have shown that whom you marry has a huge impact on
how successful you become.

A spouse can be wonderful to have in your life, but nothing is free. There is no doubt
that the right person in your life can be immensely helpful. The wrong person, however,
can be very problematic.

Consider how marriage influences your ability to be successful:

1. A marriage requires your time. The more time you spend on your marriage, the
less time you have to spend on your career and goals. It is quite simple math.
You might gain benefits in other areas to offset the amount of time you lose, and
you might not. Just be aware of the time cost a marriage requires.

2. A marriage can provide emotional support. Being married ideally has

emotional perks. You have someone to help you deal with failure, uncertainty,
and stress. Life is hard, so it is great when you have someone to share your
challenges with.

● This is a huge benefit that can definitely provide a foundation for

greater success.

3. A marriage can provide financial support. A working spouse can help to pay
the bills. This can free up other money that can be directed toward your business,
training, and education. Having less financial pressure to deal with can also boost the
 likelihood of success.

● A spouse with a great job can allow you to chase after your dreams
with greater enthusiasm.

● Understand that a spouse can also be a significant financial drain.

Again, it depends on whom you choose to marry.

4. A marriage can provide a second pair of hands. You can get more done with
four hands than you can with two.

● You can split the household chores. One person can pick up the kids
while the other works. Your spouse can run errands while you plan your
takeover of the world or write a report for work. Every little bit of help can
make a difference.

5. A marriage can provide stability. Whether the stability is financial, emotional,

or just that of a consistent routine, stability is a helpful platform for success.

6. A marriage requires compromise. Compromise means you are not getting

exactly what you want. This can be detrimental for your success. If you decide that
moving to Florida is the best thing you can do for your career, there is going to be a
challenge if your spouse does not want to move.

● Some highly motivated people prefer to live a quite simple lifestyle in

order to save time and money. Your spouse might require much more
than this to be happy. The right person will fit into your life and your plans.
 ● If you are not married yet, consider your needs and the needs of
any potential spouse. How much compromise will be required for both of
you to be happy?

7. A bad marriage, or simply marrying the wrong person, is a tremendous

obstacle to manage. A bad marriage is a stressor that can take the wind out of your
sails. Marrying the wrong person is also a significant issue. In this case, being married
is detrimental to your success. Ensure to date yourself first so that while making a
particularly important decision such as marriage you are being true to the innermost
parts of you and not just temporary gratifications.

Marriage can be helpful or harmful to your success. It really depends on what you are
trying to accomplish and whom you decide to marry. A spouse can be a godsend or
a major obstacle to creating the future you desire. Ask the powerful questions early on
in the dating phase that will assist in seeing if both of you have goals, dreams and
purposes that will not hinder or be a distraction.

If you are not married, consider your aspirations for the future, and look for a partner
that shares and supports your dreams. Write out your goals, dreams and plans for your
future. It takes self-reflection, self-love, and self-care to truly help you make healthy
decisions on finding a long-lasting relationship with someone who supports your dreams
as you will be supporting theirs also.
 8 Steps To Transform Yourself and Relationships

1. Self Awareness- process the events and sort out the issues, insecurities,
doubts, fear lack of self-confidence, or any dysfunctional patterns of
behaviors of your own. It starts with evaluating yourself first.

2. Accountability- What can you do to have better control over your actions,
shortcomings, or emotions?

3. Acceptance- Accept your faults and shortcomings. Agree to change for

the better. Acknowledge what’s happening in your relationship, the good,
bad, and indifferent. Accept reality and find ways to grow, heal and or
move forward.

4. Forgiveness- Forgive those who hurt you intentionally or unintentionally

because this will allow you to be set free from the mental and emotional
bondage the person or issue has caused. Forgive yourself for allowing any
emotions or feelings you’ve held on to, especially of those things that were
in your control. This step is one of the most powerful processes.

5. Self Love/ Self Care- Speak life over yourself, telling yourself how
beautiful, strong, successful, victorious, and worthy you are. Take at least
four days out of each to pamper yourself with a gift, massage, manicure,
pedicure, or movie, just to name a few ideas.

6. Set Boundaries- Write down what you will and will not tolerate in your
space no matter what family, friends, or partner enters your life. Your
morals, values, wants and needs will help you see who you are and what
boundaries should never be crossed. The saying is, “People only do what
you allow them to do,” so this is to assist in breaking the cycle of that
mythical truth.
7. Communication- Communicating to be heard effectively is key, and there
are many ways to do so. Speaking to your spouse or love ones decently
and respectfully yields better results. Keep in mind that everyone has a
different communication style. It’s important to be mindful of your emotions
before having conversations from the heart. At all times we all must guard
the heart and ensure what flows from our hearts is pure and unharmful to
ourselves or others.

8. Prayer- Praying about your life, current situation, and future is very
important as well. Meditating on the word of the Lord, having faith, and
believing in the promises of the Lord helps in all areas of one’s life. If you
do not pray or have a relationship with the Lord, it’s never too late to start.
Journal your thoughts, goals, and dreams then pray about them. You will
be surprised how far it will take you.