Herst

ory
:Theugl
ygi
rl

Pr
ologue
Beauty.I
'
veof tenheardmanyexpr essi
ons
regar
dingthiswor d.Theysay"Beautyi
sInthe
eyesofthebehol der".Tr
ue?Ithinkso.It
hink
i
t'str
ueandi t'
sprobablywhyev ery
onehadt o
keeprubbingitinmyf ace.Therewasonepoi nt
whereIdidn'
tbel i
evewhatpeopl esai
dabout
mebutev enI,amer ehumanbeinggetenough. 
Myfather,awonder
ful
man.He'
stheonl
yone
whoNev ercal
l
edmeabadname, heneverf
or
onceconfi
rmedwhatever
yonewassayi
ngto
me. 
Healwayssai
dal
lthebeauti
ful
wor
dst
ome,
he
compli
mentedmeineveryway.
Unfor
tunat
ely,
all
thatwouldf
lushoutofmy
mindassoonasIwal kedout
side.I
'
dhaveto
hearpeopl
elaughatmeandcal lmeal
lsor
tsof
di
sgust
ing.
 
Somewoul
dcallmeanal
i
en,
someamanand
other
sawi
tch.
 
It
ri
ednotl
etti
ngall
ofthatgett
omebutasI
gr
ewolder
,Icoul
dn't
. 
I
'
dtearupeacht
imewhenIr
emi
niscei
tal
l
. 
Every
where,theywer
emean.Atschool,att
he
mall,
Ievenendedupbeinghomeschooledaft
er
If
elli
ntoseverecl
ini
cal
depressi
onbecauseof
al
lthi
s. 
Whyme?Whycouldn'
tIhaveanor
mal
chi
l
dhoodl
i
keotherki
ds? 
I
'm gr
atef
ulf
ormyfat
her,
mypil
l
arofst
rengt
h
whohasbeenwit
hmet hr
oughi
tal
l
. 
Unf
ort
unatel
y,Ihadt
ogobackt
oschool
whenI
wasst
art
inggrade10.
Wehadof tenmovedfrom thi
snei
ghborhoodto
thenextbecauseofhowpeopletr
eatedme,
somehowI '
dfeell
ikeaburdentomyf at
her.I
'
ve
l
ostcountofthemanyt i
meshehadt
omov
e
hi
sbusinessesbecauseofme.
 
I
'm st
art
ingatanewschoolnextweekandI '
m
ver
ynervous.Yeswehavemov edagainandI
havenoideahowtheki
dsfrom thatschool
are
goi
ngtot r
eatme. 
I'
m NokubongaKhensani
Dlami
niandt
hisi
smy
stor
y.
[
08/22,10:
24]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

01
Sleepisreall
ythebestremedyever.WhenI'
m
sleepi
ng,Iforgetaboutmytr
oublesforal
itt
le
while,
Iforgetaboutpeopl
eandt hei
rnast
y
remarks.I'
m actuall
ymoreatpeacewhenI'm
sleepi
ng. 
See,youprobabl
ywonder
ingi
fI'm scaredor
burnedbutno.Ihav
eperf
ect,
clearskin.I
'm
caramel i
ncolour,shor
tandunf ort
unatel
y,I
haveat hi
ckbody .I'
m asi
ze34.Mybodymakes
meev enmor euncomf ort
able.I'
dhavepeople
teasi
ngmebecauseIhav eabi ggerassor
becausemybr eastsar
ebig.It
'sactual
l
yand
probabl
yt her
easonwhysomeboy s
approachedme.  
Iwon'tcal
lmysel
finnocent.I
'm 16andnota
vir
ginandhowIlostmyv ir
gini
tyisnotal
lbed
androses.I
t'
sactual
lywhatcont r
ibut
edtomy
depressi
onandnow, nowIhav etorel
yonpil
ls
forli
fe.
 
Idon'tcomef r
om ar i
chf amily
.Yes, wedo
mov earoundal otbutit'
salwaysusr enti
nga
backroom insomeone' syard.Ithinkthat'
swhy
peopleteasemeev enmor e,becauseI 'm not
ri
ch.Iwon'tcallmyselfpoor,wej uststruggli
ng
andI'm opti
misti
cthatoneday ,al
l ofthi
swoul d
change. 
I
'
m supposet
obedoi
ngmygr
ade12nowbut
l
ifegotont heway .I
'mt urning17i nApr i
l.I'
m
notintel
lectuall
ychal l
engedorany thingbutI '
ve
droppedf r
om school onmanyaccount s, hence
I'
m onlydoingGr ade10now.That '
swhymy
fatherhomeschool edme.Myf ather,I'
m sur e
youwonder i
ngwhathedoesf oraliving.Wel l
,
myf atherisat ai
lor,hemakescl othesandhe' s
alsoawr it
eronl i
ne.Wear enotmaki ngmuch
butweabl et ogoon.Ial sogetachi l
dgr ants
andI '
m gratefulf
ort helitt
lewehad.  
Werent
ingatworoomedhousenow.It'
sinthe
yar
dofanot
herhouse.Fort
unat
ely
,Isl
eepinmy
ownbedwhil
edadhashi sown.
 
Iwokeupabi tlatethisday .I
twasaThur sday
andnextweekonTuesday ,I'
m goingtomynew
school
.Itookmyt oothbrushandput
toot
hpasteinitandwentout si
det obrushmy
teet
h.Iwentinsidetowashmyf ace.Dadhad
wenttothecitytobuymat eri
al.Myfather
makesmostofmycl othesandsomehesel l
sat
town.Peoplealsocomet ohim sohecan
desi
gnforthem.Wearev
erycl
ose.I
'
m hisonl
y
daught
erandithasal
way
sbeenusagainstt
he
worl
d 
Imadesomeeggsf
ormy
sel
fandat
ethem wi
th
br
ead.
Aftereat
ing,
Istart
edcleani
ngt hehouse.I
didn'
tevenhaveaphonet okeepmebusy .I
knewamountsoci almediabutneverthoughtof
evenopenaf acebookaccount.Why?Sopeopl e
canjudgeme?  
Therewasaknockont hedoor.Iwonderedwho
thatcoul
dbebecausewehar dl
yhavev i
sit
ors
unlesspeopl
ear
ebringingt
heircl
othes.
 
Iopenedt
hedoorandi
tseemedIwasr
ight
. 
Per
son:
Sawubona.
 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
Itwasawoman,pr
obablyi
nherear
ly40sand
shehadapl
asti
cwith 
Woman:
CanIcomei
n? 
Imadespacef
orhersoshecoul
dcomei
nand
shedi
d. 
Woman:
I'
mlooki
ngf
ory
ourf
ather
. 
Coul
d'
veguessedso.
 
Me:Hewenttot
hecit
y,t
obuymat eri
alandI
don'
tknowwhenhe'
scomingback. 
Shenodded.
 
Woman:Ineededhi
mt oshr
inkthi
sskir
tforme,
Il
ovei
tbutitseemsIhav
elostweight
. 
Ilookedatthiswomanandal l t
histime,I
wishedIwasl ikeher .Shelookedbeaut i
ful
.She
hadaper fectsli
m bodyandl ighti
ncompl exi
on.
May beit
'smydar kskinwhi chisn'
tt hatdark
thatmakespeopl etreatmet hisway .Iwas
broughtbackt orealitybyhersnappi ngher
fi
ngersinmyf ace.Shewast hefirstpersonto
comeher eandnoti nsultmeormay beshe
wasn'tdoney et. 
Me:
Huh?Sor
ryImean,
Ma?
 
Woman:
Arey
ouokaychi
l
d? 
Inodded.IwipedthetearsthatIdi
dn'
treal
ize
hadfall
en.Myt her
apisthadtoldmetoalways
haveposit
ivethoughtsbutitwashard.Ist
il
l
wonderedhowIwasgoi ngtofacetheworld
agai
n.Imean, Ihaven'
tbeeninschoolfort
hree
year
s. 
Woman:
Youwer
ecr
ying.
 
Me:
I..I
'
m..Somet
hinggot
..
.Goti
nmyey
e
Ibl
inkedaf
ewtimesj
ustt
otr
ytoconv
inceher
ofwhatImeant
. 
Woman: CanIleavet
hishere?I'
l
lcomeback
l
ater
,hopeful
l
yy ourf
atherwil
lbehere.
 
Inodded.Myheartwaspumpingoutofmy
chest
.IthappenswhenIt
ell
al i
ewhichi
s
hardl
y.
 
SheleftandIpour
edmy
sel
fsomewat
ert
ocool
myselfdown. 
Mostoft
hemoneywasusedt
opayr
entand
buymyschool thingssowedi dn'
tevenhav e
moneyf orel
ectr
icity.Iworemyol d,tornshoes
andlockedthedoorsoIcangol ookf orsome
woodatt hefor
est s.Ihadtakenar opewi thtoo
soIcouldtir
ethewoods.  
I
twasa20mi nuteswalktot
heforestandIwas
r
eall
yusedtoit
.Aftercol
l
ect
ingal
lthewood,I
t
iedi
t,puti
tonmyheadandwal kedback. 
"Hel
l
o"
Idi
dn'tr
eply
.I'
m notusedt
opeopleeven
l
ookingatmeorsay i
nganyt
hingt
hat'
snotr
ude
ornasty
. 
"Hel
l
o!"
Il
ookedaroundanditwasjustme,Il
ooked
backandagirl
wav edatme.Igotabitnerv
ous.
DidImaybedosomet hi
ngtoherormay beshe
wantedt
ocomei nsultme?
 
Al
lthesethoughtsruni
nmymindthatIdi
dn'
t
ev
enr eal
i
zet hatshewasnowbehi
ndme.I
fr
oze.Thisgir
llookedv
erydiff
erentf
rom me.I
washalfwayhome.Shesmi led.Shehadvery
deepdimples,mineweren'
teventhatdeep.
 
Gi
rl
:I
'm Ti
i
set
so.
 
Shestr
etchedoutherhandt
ome.Igav
ehermy
shaki
nghand.
Ti
i
set
so:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Ist
aredather
.Honest
ly,
Iwassur
pri
sedt
hat
shewasevenbei
ngpolit
e.
Ti
i
set
so:
WabuaorUy
athet
ha?
 
Ichuckl
ed.Soallal
ongshet
houghtIcoul
dn'
t
tal
korI'
mi l
li
ter
ate.
 
Me:
I'
m Nokubonga.
 
Shewi
pedherf
oreheaddr
amat
ical
l
y. 
Ti
iset
so:Youhadmesweat
ingt
her
efora
whil
e. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry,
I'
mjustnotusedt
opeopl
etal
ki
ng
t
ome. 
Hermouthf
ormedanOf
rom shock.Ij
ust
nodded.
 
Ti
i
set
so:
Why
? 
Me:
Youki
ddi
ngr
ight
? 
Ti
i
set
so:
I'
dbel
aughi
ng.
 
Me:
I'
ll
tel
lyouoneday
,nowIgot
tar
ushhome.
 
Ti
i
set
so:
Letmehel
pyouwi
tht
hat
. 
Me:
Why
? 
Shedi
dn'
tanswerbuti
nsteadt
ookt
hewood
fr
om myheadandwalkedhomewit
hme. 
Ti
iset
so:
HowcomeI
'
venev
erseeny
ou
ar
ound? 
Me:
Wej
ustmov
edher
e. 
Tii
setso:Youl
i
vetwohousesf
rom mi
nebutI
'
ve
neverseenyouout
side.
 
Me:
Wher
edoy
oul
i
ve?
 
Ti
i
set
so:
Att
hatpi
nkhouse.
 
Il
ookedtowhereshewaspoi
nti
nganditwasa
bi
ghouse.Idon'
tevenknowwhyshe'
deven
hangoutwi
thme. 
Weputt hewooddownandImadet hefi
rethen
pouredsomewateri
ntoourthreelegpotbefor
e
accompanyi
nghertoherhouse. 
Tii
set
so:Whydon'
tyoucomewi
thmet
ochur
ch
tomorr
ow? 
Chur ch?Iwoul dn'
tgot ochurch.I
'velongbeen
j
udgedt here.Iusedtothinkofchurchasa
placeofsi neri
tyandsobr i
etybutthewaymy
fatherandIwer etr
eatedasdi r
tthere,Iwoul
dn'
t
bother. 
Igaveheraf
akesmi
l
ebef
oresay
ingI
'
llt
hink
abouti
t 
Iwentbackhomeandpour edmy sel
fsome
watertobath.Iwor
emyf loraldresswithf
lops
bef
or estar
ti
ngonlunch.Ikneworhopedt hat
myf atherwoul
dbebackbyt hen.
 
Imadepotatoeswit
honi
onandtomat
osoup
fi
rstbef
oredoingt
hepapsi
nceIwascooki
ng
outsi
de.
 
Ifi
nishedar
ound2pm.Idi
shedupfordadandI
andputhisontopoft
hekit
chencounter
. 
Myf at
herhasoneoft hoseol dsteelvansandit
hasalwayshelpedus, especiall
ywi t
hour
mov i
ng.Iheardtheenginerawout sideandI
knewhewasher e.Iwassittinginsidethe
house,eat
ing.Ir
ant ohim whenIhear dhim
openthedoorandt hrewmy selfi
nhi sarms. 
WebrokethehugandIhel
pedhi
m pi
ckupt he
pl
ast
icbagswhichhehadtol
etgoofbecause
ofmyembr ace.
 
Me:
Imi
ssedy
ou.
 
Dad:
Imi
ssedy
out
oopr
incess.
 
Me:Ther
ewasawomanwhol
eftherski
rt
,she
sai
dshe'
llcomel
ater
. 
Dad:
Okay
,Iboughty
ousomef
oodbutIsee
y
ouhav
eeat
en.
 
Me:
We'
l
leati
tlat
er.
 
Dad:
Ial
soboughtsomeel
ect
ri
cit
y.
Me:
Ithoughtwedi
dn'
thav
emoney
. 
Dad:
Imadeapl
anbaby
. 
Ij
ustnodded.Heputont
heelect
ri
cit
yandat
l
eastIcoul
dwatchTVnow. 
Thewomancameagainlat
eronandIgavedad
andhersomespacebygoi
ngtosi
toutsi
de,
undert
heshade.
 
Ihatedbei
ngal
onebecausei
tmademeov
er
thi
nk. 
Thi
stime,Ithoughtaboutmymot
her
.That
womani ntherereal
l
ymademewishIhada
mother.
 
Ifel
tli
kegoi
ngforawal
kbutIwasafrai
d.I
di
dn'twantt
ogooutandonlyt
ocomeback
becausesomeonehadsai
dsomethi
ngnastyt
o
me.
 
Whydopeopl
eneedt
obet
hiscr
uel
? 
HowIwi
sht
heywer
eli
kemyf
ather
.
[
08/22,10:
24]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

02
Me:
Baba,
I'
m scar
ed.
 
Ifrownedandl ookeddown.Idon' tthi
nkIwas
ready ,
woul dIev erbe?Theday shadj ustgone
byswi ftl
y.Imeanami nuteagowewer e
wel comingt henewy earbutnowher eIam, i
n
frontofthemi rrorandhav ingjustwor nmynew
uniform whichf i
ttedmeper f
ectlyli
kemyf at
her
said. 
Dad:Baby
,y oucandothis.Iknowyoust rong
now,don'
tletanyonebri
ngy oudown.
Remembert hatnotev
eryonewi l
lbenice.Just
puty
ourheaduphi ghandmov eon. 
Me:
It'
snott
hateasy
. 
Iraisedmyheadandl ookedathi m.Ijustdon't
under standwhat'ssobadwi t
hme.DoIr eal
l
y
l
ookl i
keanal i
en?Likesomecr eature?Whydo
peopl etreatmet hi
sway?LikeI'm some
foreigner.IdoubtI'
l
lenduplikesomeot herkids.
Wi l
lIalsogr owupandf i
ndahusbandwhowi l
l
l
ov emej ustli
keIam?Whowon' tjudgemeev er
orsaybi t
terwordstome? 
Isi
ghed.Li f
ehasnev erbeeneasyf orme, I'
ve
neverbeenhappy .Growingupwi t
houtmy
motherandhav ingpeoplebul l
ymet i
llthi
sage.
Ij
usthopedt hatthi
ngswoul dbedi ff
erentthis
ti
me.Atl eastIalsohadTi isetsobutwhati fshe
suddenlychanges?That '
showpeopl ear e,ri
ght.
Theytreaty oubetternowt hent omor r
owt hey
seeyouast rash.Idi
dn'twannat r
ustherf or
now.I'
vel ongt r
ustedpeopl eonlyforthem t o
putaknifeonmyback.  
Dad:
Youwor
ryt
oomuch.Let
'
sgo,
wecan'
t
hav
eyoul
ateony
ourf
ir
stday
. 
Me:
Can'
tIski
pthi
sday
? 
Dad:NoNana.Ibel
i
evei
nyou.Pl
easedon'
t
di
sappoi
ntme. 
Inodded.Wewentt othekit
chenwherewehad
ourbr eakfastbef orehedr ovemetomyschool .
Ilookedatal l
thoseki dsandIsuddenlyfel
tli
ke
runningback.Myhear tstart
edbeati
ngfastand
mychestgotheav y
.Istar
tedbreat
hingi
nand
out,hy per
v enti
latingbecauseIwasaboutto
haveapani cat tack. 
MydadhuggedmeandIgotout,bi
ddi
nghi
m
f
arewel
laf
terhegav
ememyl unchmoney.
 
Me:
Icandot
his.
 
Iassuredmy selfbeforegoi
ngthrought heyar
d.
Asmuchast hatf el
lint
odeafears,Ihadto
assuremy selfthatIcanbebraveenought odo
thi
s.Ilookedlikealostpuppy,nothavingan
i
deaofwher etogo.Isowi shthatther
ewas
l
ikeanorient
ati
onpr
ogr
am ev
eni
nSecondar
y
school
s. 
Whent hebellrang, Ifol
l
owedev er
yonet othe
hall
.If
eltsooutofpl ace,i
t'
sbeenawhi lesince
I
'vebeeni nsuchacr owd.I'
mjustthankfulf
or
myanti-anxi
etypi l
lsorIwouldbehav inga
majoranxietyattacknow.  
Thenewlearner
sweretol
dt or
emainbehind
anditwasgoodtoseethatIwasn'
ttheonly
one.Whoam Ikiddi
ng?OfcourseI
'
m notthe
onl
y. 
Wewereshownourcl
assesandIj
ustwent
t
her
e. 
Iwasabl etofindanempt yseatandIsatdown.
Thelearnersweremaki ngnoisebutsuddenly,i
t
gotquit
e.Ilookedatthedoorandt herewas
thi
sgirl
.Tall,
slenderandverylightin
complexion.Iguessshewast hecleardef
ini
ti
on
ofbeautif
ul.
Shecamet
omydi
rect
ionwi
tht
woot
hergi
rl
s
andmyheartst
art
edbeat
ingf
ast
.Whatwas
aboutt
ohappenhere?
 
Shestoodinf r
ontofmeandIcoul
dn'
teven
faceher,
insteadIl
ookeddownandfi
ddl
edwit
h
myf i
ngers.
 
Shecl
ear
edhert
hroatandIl
ookedather
. 
Gir
l:Soyouj
ustgonnafuckenshutupli
keyou
somemut ebi
tch?Didn'
tyouhearal
ltheshi
t
I'
vebeenspi
tt
ing? 
Ij
uststar
edather.Ipanicked,Ididn'
tknow
whattosay.Thewholeclasswaspay i
ng
at
tent
ionandsomewer eev enlaughi
ng.
Gi
rl:Ai
n'
tgott
imetoar
guewi
thacheap,
ugl
y
bi
tch.Imeanl
ookatme. 
Shefi
ddl
edwi thherl
onghair.Thi
sgir
lhel
dso
muchpresti
ge,you'
dthinkshe'
sthedaught
erof
thePr
esidentorsomething.
 
Oneoft
hegi
rl
swhower
ewi
thherspoke.
 
Gi
rl
2:Justgetoutofherseatbef
oreshi
thi
ts
t
hef
an.
 
Khant ewhat '
swi ththeswear i
ng?Ial onet hi
nk
thatswear ingissounat tract
ive,especiall
yona
gir
l.Igotupwi t
hat ailbetweenmyl egsand
tookmybag.Idi dn'tevenknowwher eIwas
gonnasi t.Iwasr eal
lyembar rassed,Iev en
want edtocr ybutIwasn' taboutt ogivethem
thatsatisfacti
on.Thecl asswasl aughingandAt
thatmoment ,Idon'tknowhowbutI
remember edmyf at
her'swords" Keepy our
headhi gh"
Ifoundaseatatt
hebackandl
essons
commenced. 
Iwassur pri
sedt
oseeTii
setsoduri
ngbreak,I
didn'
tevenknowshewasalsointhisschool
.I
thoughtthatmaybeshewenttosomepr i
vat
e
school.
 
Shecamet
omeandweshar
edabr
iefhug.
 
Tii
setso:
Whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
mey
ouat
tendi
ng
here?
 
Me:
It'
smyf
ir
stdayher
e. 
Ti
iset
so:Ohh.
.ButAtl
eastnowIknowt
hatwe
gotothesameschool
. 
Inodded.
 
Ti
i
set
so:
Hav
eyoumadeanyf
ri
ends?
 
Fri
ends?IfonlysheknewIwast helaughing
stockofmycl ass.Duri
ngallthoselessonsI
hadjustbeenwai ti
ngforbreakti
mesoIcoul d
getoutofthereandf i
nall
ybreathe.Whydi dl
if
e
havetobet hi
shar donmet hough?  
Ishookmyhead.Idoubtanyonewouldwanna
befri
endswit
hme.I fonl
ysheknewthatshe'
s
probabl
ythef
irstf
ri
endI'
veeverhad.
 
Tii
set
so:Wel
l,i
t'
sjusty
ourf
ir
stday
,I'
m pr
ett
y
sureyou'
l
lmakesome. 
Ididn'
tthi
nkthatwasabouttohappen.Wasshe
abouttoleavemeforherfri
ends?Ireal
l
yfel
t
reject
edatthatpoi
nt.Idi
dn'
tevensayanyt
hing.
Ilookedatherassheleftmetogojoinher
f
ri
ends,
may beIwastooembarr
assi
ngforher
.
I
t'
smyfather'
swordswhi
chechoedInmyhead
t
hathel
pedmegoondur i
ngtheday.
 
IwashappywhenIsawmyf ather'
scarparked
outsi
detocomef etchme.Ir eall
ycouldn'
twait
togetoutofthathel l
hole.Isohateschool.The
wayev er
yonetreatedme.You' dswearIhav e
somecont agi
ousdi seaset hatmadepeople
playasfarfr
om measpossi ble.
 
Igoti
nsi
deandsi
gheddeepl
y.
 
Dad:
Wasi
tthatbad?
 
Il
aidbackonmyseat
. 
Me:
Youdon'
twannaknow.
 
Hejustkeptqui
et,
star
tedt
hecaranddr
ove
of
f.
 
Ii
mmedi atel
ytookoffmyunif
orm whenwe
arri
vedathome.Luckil
yforme,wedidnothave
anyhomewor kasitwasourfi
rstday.Igot
start
edonourf oodwhil
stmyfatherwasbusy
worki
ng.Imadepapwi
thstew.Idishedupf
or
thebot
hofusandweateinfrontofourbox
TV. 
Aftereat
ing,
Itookourplat
esandwentt
owash
them bef
oregoingtotakeanap.
 
Thef ol
lowi
ngday,Iwasv erysadwhenI
real
izedI'
m st
il
lal
ive.Don' tbl
amemet hough.I
real
lyhavenopurposet obeal iv
e.It
ookthe
watermydadhadpr eparedf ormeandbathed.
 
Afterbat hing,Idriedl oti
oned,wor emybr aand
pantiest henwor emyschool t
unic.Itwast oo
revealingformebecauseI '
mt hi
cksoi tmade
meabi tuncomf or t
abl e.I'
vealwayswishedt hat
Ididn'thav eabodyl iket hi
s.Ialsowant edtobe
asize28wi ththoseRi hannaboobsi nsteadof
havingt hisKi m Kardashi ankindabody .I'
ve
seent hem I nthef ashi onmagazi nesthatdad
alway sbr i
ngshomewhenev erhecomesf rom
thecity .
 
Iat
emypor
ri
dgeandhedr
ovemet
oschool
.I
secret
lyhopedthattodaybecomesmuchbet ter
thanyester
day.Idon'tt
hinkI'
llbeabl
eto
survi
vesomethingli
ket hatagain,
IdoubtIwi
l
l. 
Dad:Don'
tl
etanyonebri
ngyoudown.No
matt
erwhathappens,j
ustr
ememberIlov
ey ou
andyou'
rebeauti
ful
inmyeyes.Keepy
ourhead
hi
ghandsmi l
e. 
Me:
It'
shar
ddaddy
.Ihat
either
e. 
Dad:
You'
l
lgetusedt
oit
. 
Hekissedmeont heforehead, gavememy
l
unchmoneybef oreIgotof fandhedr ov
eaway.
Iwalkedtomycl asslookingdown.Iknow
peoplearesti
llt
alki
ngaboutwhathappened
yest
er day
.Icoul
dheart hem gossi pi
ngabout
mewhenIent er
edt heclass.Ijustwenttomy
seat
, satdownandwai tedfort hesir
entori
ng.
Iwenttoassemblywhenitdidandwewere
di
smissedafteral
lannouncement
sweremade.
 
Iwentbackt
ocl
ass,
I'
mreal
l
ysuchal
oner
. 
Iwassurpri
sedtofi
ndsomegirlsi
tt
ingnextt
o
myseat.Shesmiledwhenshesawme
appr
oachingandIhadn'
tseenheryest
erday.
 
Islowlywal
kedtomyplacethensatdown,
greeti
ngherthenl
ookedfor
ward.
 
Shepokedme.
 
Gi
rl
:I
'm Thul
i
sil
e. 
Me:
Nokubonga.
 
Weshar
edahandshake.
 
Thul
i
:Youbeaut
if
ul.
 
Igaveheraf akesmil
e.I
'v
eneverhadany one
complimentmeot hert
hanmyf atherbutI
'v
e
neverbel
ievedhim sowhyshouldIbeli
evethi
s
gi
rlwhom Isuddenlymet? 
Thedramaqueenent
eredwi
thhersquadand
theysatdown 
Thul
icur
sedbet
weenherteeth.Iwasn'
tabout
tomesswit
hthosegi
rl
sagain,notaft
erwhat
happenedy
est
erday
. 
Theteachercameandl essonsbegan.It'
s
duri
ngt hisl
essonsthatIlearntthatt
hisbul
lyof
agirl
wasv eryst
upidforsomeonewhol ooked
beauti
ful.Iguessbeautydoesn'tcomewi t
h
brai
ns. 
Thul
i
:Sowhatar
eyougoi
ngt
oeat
? 
Iwaswi t
hThul i
whoi nsistedongoingt oeat
wit
hme.Af terTiiset
so,Ireallycoul
dn'tt
rust
anyonewhowant edtobef r
iendswithme.She
couldsuddenlyturnawayf rom met oothat
easi
ly.
 
Ishruggedmyshoulders.Iguessshehasnow
real
i
zedt hatI
'
m notatalkati
veperson.
 
Thul
i
:Idon'
tknowKeBonga,
what
'
swr
ong?
 
Me:
Idon'
thav
emuchmoney
. 
Thul
i
:Idi
dn'
tasky
ouaboutmoney
 
Me:
Whyar
eyoubei
ngsoni
cet
ome?
 
Thul
i
:Wear
efr
iends.
 
Me:
Wej
ustmet
. 
Thul
i
:Hav
eyouev
erbeent
ochur
ch?
 
That'
sonesubj
ectIdidn'
twantt otouchon.The
next,
she'
ll
betel
li
ngmeaboutGodandhi s
goodnesswhi
chIhav eneverexperiencednot
evenonceonmylife.Idi
dn'trepl
ycause
rel
igi
onwasonetopicIdidn'twanttoindul
ge
on. 
Thuli
:Mm..Let
'sgobuyf
oodKe,we'
ll
rev
isi
t
thi
sconver
sati
onsomeothert
ime.
 
Weboughtamangwi nyawit
hAr chaarand
Frenchthenweateoverali
ghtchat.Itwas
actual
lyhert
alki
ngandmej ustnoddingto
whatevershewassayi
ng. 
Wewentbackt oclasswhent hebel
lrang.I
hadn'tev
enseenTiiset
sotodaybutIletthatnot
botherme.Iguesswejustfr
iendsathome, not
atschool.
 
Ifoundmyf atherwait
ingformeagainandThuli
forcedmet ohugherbef or
eweparted.Iwent
toourcarlookingmuchbet t
ert
hanIdidwhenI
l
eftitthi
smor ning.
 
Dad:
Youl
ookmuchbet
ter
. 
Me:
Iguessy
ourwor
dsgott
ome.
 
Dad:Ionl
ywanty
out
obehappy
,you'
vebeen
t
hroughalot
. 
Me:
Ilov
eyoudaddy
. 
Dad:
Ilov
eyout
oobaby
. 
WegothomeandIwassur
pri
sedt
ofi
ndt
hathe
hadcooked.
Me:
That
'saf
ir
st.
 
Dad:
Iwant
edt
ospoi
lmybaby
. 
Ihuggedhi
mt i
ghtl
ybefor
elet
ti
nggobecause
hesaidIwassuff
ocat
inghim.
 
Dad:Nowbeagoodgir
landgot
akeof
fyour
uni
for
m bef
oreweeat
. 
Iobl
igedandcamebackaf t
erchangi
ngintoa
simpleT-shi
rtandshort
s.Aft
ereati
ng,Iwashed
thedishesbeforedoi
ngmyhomewor ks.
[
08/22,10:
25]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

03
Iguessasday sgoby ,
itget
sbet t
er.It
hinkit
's
ushol di
ngtheideal
sthatpeopl
ehav eaboutus
socloset oourhear
tsthatmakeusf orgetwho
wer eall
yarebutunfor
tunat
ely,
Iwast hat
person. 
Ihadacceptedal lt
hatwast houghtofmeand
frankl
y,Ihadmadepeacewi thit.I'
m anuglygirl
andnoonewi ll
everfindthemsel vesint
erested
i
nmeunl esstheyaftermypussy .I'
vehadtwo
diff
erentguysdot hattomeandbecamebr ave
enought ospiti
ttomyf acesoitwoul dn'
thav e
reall
ybeenany thi
ngnew.  
Ihadt akenthedeci
siont
onev eragainall
ow
my selftobefool
edbyaguy ,
tonev erfal
linl
ove.
Thel oveIknewwast heoneIhadf r
om my
fat
herandt hatwasenoughforme, Ididn'
tany
mor e. 
I
twasaweekbef or
etheValent
ine'
sDaybash
thatwasgoingt obehel
datschool andIr
eal
l
y
wasn'tlooki
ngforwardt
oit.Seeitsatt
imesl
ike
thesethatIwishIwassti
ll
being
homeschool ed.
 
Thuliwasst i
ll
onaboutmegoi ngtochur chand
Iwasst i
lldecl
ini
ng.I
'm actual
l
ysurpr i
sedthat
west i
llf
ri
endsnow, shehasbeenagoodf ri
end
tomeandev endaddyt hi
nksshe'sagood
i
nfluence.Tii
setsost
ill
avoidsmeatschool but
here,athome, shevi
sit
smesomet imes.Ijust
giveherwhatshegi vesmesoIguesswej ust
fri
endsathomeandIdon' thaveapr oblem wit
h
that.
 
Dad:
Wakeupangel
. 
Icouldn'tbeli
evet hati
twasmor ningalr
eady,
I
hadjustsl eptami nuteago.OK,notreall
ybut
that'
showi tfel
t.Ihadbeenupst udyi
ngand
practi
cingf orsomemat hstestwewriti
ngandI
neededt oacei t.
 
Me:
Justf
ivemor
emi
nut
es.
 
Dad:
No.
 
Her emov edtheblanketIhadbeencov eri
ng
my sel
fwit handIhadnochoi cebuttowakeup.
Ihadjoinedt hesoccerteam atschoolandthe
choirwhil
eThul iwentfornetbal
landitwas
good. 
Ofcour
sether
ewerebadmoment
sbutIt
ri
ed
somuchtofocusont
hegood.
 
Igr
oanedandgotupfrom thebedandhegav
e
mespacesoIcouldbath.
 
I
t'
sWednesdayt
odaysoIhadsoccerpr
act
ice.
 
Iwor
emyskir
t,gol
fshir
tandschoolshoes.I
madesur
etoputmyt r
aini
ngcl
othesand
soccerboot sinsidemybackt oavoidfor
get
ti
ng
them thenItiedmyhai ri
ntoabun.Iput
Vaselineonmyl ipsthenwenttopouroutmy
bathingwatert hentookmybagandj oi
nedmy
fatheratthekitchen. 
Dad:
Iwon'
tbeabl
etopi
cky
ouaf
terschool
.
 
Me:
Whynot
? 
Dad:Ihav
eabusydayt
oday
,you'
l
lhav
etot
ake
ataxi
. 
Me:
Kodwababangi
yaSaba(
I'
m scar
ed)
Dad:
it'
sonl
yfort
odaymybaby
. 
Ij
ustnoddedandat emybreakfast
.Hedrove
met oschoolandgavemet hetaxi
far
etogether
wit
hmyl unchmoney .Thul
iwaswaiti
ngforme
att
hegat e,
wesharedabr i
efhug. 
Thul
i
:Howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m okayIguess,
you?
 
Thul
i
:I'
m good,
byGod'
sgr
ace.
 
Me:Youshouldbeamamf undi
si
,thewayy
ou
f
oreverpr
eachaboutGod.
 
Thul
i
:Whatar
eyousomadatGodt
hough?
 
Me:
It'
stooear
lyf
oral
ect
ureThul
i
. 
Shekeptqui
etandwewal
kedt
oourcl
ass.
 
Iwaswi
thheragai
ndur
ingbr
eak.
 
Thul
i
:Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
owear
? 
Me:
Youmeannex
tweek?
 
Shenodded.
 
Me:
IdoubtI
'
llbeat
tendi
ngt
hebash.
 
Thul
i
:Youcan'
tdot
hatt
omeBonga.
 
Me:YouknowIdon'tli
keattenti
onandi t
'sbad
enoughwhenpeopleseemeI nmyuni form now
I'
l
lhavetowearcasualcl
othes.Ijustcan't.I
can'
tsurv
iveanot
herpanicattackorwor se,to
sl
ipint
odepressi
onagain.
 
Ihadtol
dherallaboutever
ythi
ngand
surpr
isi
ngl
y,shedidn'
tj
udgeme.Allshesai
d
wasIhadt ogotochurchandf
ixmy
rel
ati
onshipwit
hGod.Whatrel
ati
onshi
p?I
've
beenthroughalotandgodwasnevert
her
eso
thi
ngsarejustbet
terwhenwedon'
tgiv
eeach
otherat
tenti
onli
kethi
s. 
Shesi
ghedbef
oret
alki
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Youwor
ryt
oomuch.
 
Me:
Youwoul
d,i
fyouwer
einmyshoes.
 
Thul
i
:KodwaBonga-
Me:
NoThul
i
.Ihopey
ouf
indy
ourv
alent
ine.
 
Thul
i:
Youmightbesurpr
isedwheny
ougeta
fl
owernaMachocol
ate. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
That
'snev
erhappeni
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Nev
ersaynev
er.
 
Wewentbackt
ocl
assaf
terbr
eakandl
essons
wenton.
 
Spor
tst
imecameandwewentt
othet
oil
etst
o
changei
ntoourpr
act
ici
ngcl
othes.
 
Thul
i
:Wheni
syourdadpi
cki
ngy
ouup?
 
Me:
Het
oldmet
otakeat
axi
. 
Thul
i
:I'
l
lgowi
thy
ou.
 
Me:
Arey
ousur
e? 
Thul
i
:Duuh!
 
Sherol
ledherey
esandwehugged.Sheknew
howscaredIwasofsuchpubli
cspacesand
especi
all
ywhenIhadtofaceal
lthepeopl
e
al
one. 
Iwenttomysoccert eam andpracti
cebegan.
I'
mv erygoodinsoccershameandagai n,i
t
keepsmef it
.Ievenhadaf l
atstomach,notthat
myst omachwasn' tf
lat
,Ij
usthadalitt
le
mkhababutnow, Iwasinshape. 
I
tseemedt odaywehadanaudi ence.Theboys
f
rom thesoccerteam werewatchingus.Perv
s,
t
heywer eprobablyhereforsomepussyandI
r
eall
ywasn'tinter
ested.Iknewnoonewi ll
go
f
ormeunlesstheyl
ooki
ngatmyassbutI
wasn'
tgoi
ngtoall
owanyonet
ofoolwi
thme.
 
I
nst
eadofbeingthest
ri
kerasusual
,Ibecame
t
hegoali
e,atl
eastt
hatwasgoingtogi
veme
l
essat
tenti
on.
 
Ididn'
treali
zeIwasthatgoodofagoali
eand
thewayt heguy swer
echeeri
ngforme,i
t
seemedl ikeIhadmadequiteanimpr
ession.
 
Aft
erpract
ice,
Thul
icamet
omebef
oreIwent
tochange.
 
Thul
i
:Iseey
oumadequi
teani
mpr
essi
on.
 
Me:
Pleasedon'
tment
ioni
t.
 
Thul
i:
Ihear
dtheguy
stal
ki
ngwhenIcame
her
e. 
Me:
Ireal
l
ydon'
twannaheari
t.
 
Thul
i
:ButBonga-
Me:No,Thul
i
.I'
vecometoofart
ocareabout
whatt
heythi
nkofme.I
'drat
hertheyt
alkbehi
nd
mybackthant
hem sayi
ngitt
omyf aceand
br
uisi
ngmyalr
eadybrui
sedconf
idence.
 
Wewenttot hetoi
let
swhereIchangedback
i
ntomyuniform andshetookataxiwithmeto
myhome.Shecamewi thmeinsidetheyar
d
andwewenti nsoIcouldputmybagdown.I
foundDadbusywi t
hthetai
lor
ingmachine.
 
Me:
Goodaf
ter
noondaddy
. 
Thul
i
:Sawubonababa.
 
Dad:
Hel
l
ogi
rl
s. 
Afterputti
ngmybackdown, Ipour
edsome
j
uiceforThuliandIaccompaniedhert
ocatcha
taxiaft
er.Iwashol
dingherbagwhilewehada
l
ightconv er
sati
on.
 
Thul
i:
Idohopethatonedayy
ouagr
eet
ocome
wit
hmetochurch. 
Me:
AskGodtopersonal
l
ytouchmyhear
t,t
hen
may
beImightconsi
deri
t.
 
Thul
i
:I'
l
lkeeponpr
ayi
ngf
ory
ou.
 
Ihuggedherandgaveherherbagasshegot
i
nsidethet
axi.Ir
anbackhomeandt ookoffmy
uni
form.Iwastir
edfr
om pract
icesoIwentto
bedimmediatel
y.
 
WhenIgotup, Idi
dallmyhomewor ks.We
di
dn'
tev enwri
tethetestt
hatIhadpracti
cedso
har
df orandIwasreall
ydisappoi
ntedatthat.I
hadreall
yputmyallandIwaspr et
tysurethatI
wasgoingtonaili
t.
 
ImadesupperwhenIwokeup,
dishedupf
orus
andweatewhil
ewatchi
ngTV. 
Wewentt
osl
eepaf
ter
. 
Fort
hef
ir
stt
imei
nawhi
l
e,Ihadadr
eam.
 
Ineverdream wheneverIsleephenceIwas
surpri
sed.Idon'
tactual
lyremembermuchbutI
fel
tasenseofuni maginablepeaceint
hat
dream,myhear twasf i
l
ledwi t
hsomuchjoy
thatIdidn'
tunder
stand. 
Iwaswal
ki
ngbuti
tseemedl
i
keIwasf
loat
ing
onair
,ther
ewasnonegat
ivet
houghti
nmy
mindandthepl
acehadsomuchlove.
 
Icannotr
emembermuchbutIr
ememberhowi
t
fel
t.
 
Theonl
yquest
ionIhadwas,
whatdi
ditmean?
 
.
.
[
08/22,10:
25]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

04
Iwokeupt hefoll
owingdayandpr epared
my sel
fforschool .I
tsoundslikeami racl ebutI
hadacer taininnerpeacethatIhadnev er
experi
enced.It hi
nkit'
sprobabl ybecauseoft he
dream IhadbutIhadnev erfeltthi
sway .I
wasn'tcompl aini
ngthoughbecausei twasa
gooddr eam.Myf at
herwasev ensurpri
sedt hat
hedidn'tneedt odragmeoutofbedf ir
st .
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Youneedt
ohav
eal
i
ttl
efai
thi
nmedaddy
. 
Dad:
Iguessy
ougr
owi
ngupnow.
 
Me:
Igot
tadad
Itookmybat hi
ngwat er,
pour edi nabasinand
start
edwashingmybody .Idriedandl oti
oned
after
wards.Becauseit'
saThur sday,Iwassad
becauseIhadt owearmyt unic.Truthis,
ifit
wasupt ome, Iwouldnev erweari tbecauseof
howi tj
ustshowsmybodyof f.Itmakesme
uncomfortabl
ebutatschool ,it'
samustf orus
towearandi t
'snotli
keIcangot othepri
ncipal
andbel i
ke"Ican'twearthet unicbecausei t
showsof fmybody ".Isi
ghedandt ookmyt uni
c
andwor eit
.
Iworemyschool shoesthencombedmyhai r
i
ntotwobunst hi
st i
me.Iusedthet
abletoput
i
nallthebooksI'
llbeneedingt
odayandwentto
theki
tchen.Dadgav ememybowl ofbreakf
ast
andweat etoget
her. 
Dad:
Whatwi
l
lyouwearnextweek?
 
Me:
What
'shappeni
ngnextweek?
 
Dad:Didy
ounotment
ionsomeVal
ent
ines
event
? 
Me:
Oht
hat
. 
Iroll
edmyey es.Iwasnotl ooki
ngfor wardto
attendingthatatal l
.Ihadabsolutelynor eason
to.Beingmei sr eallynotappeasinginany way ,
tobeconst antlyinsultedbutIwasgr at
efulthat
Ihadseenl essoft hatattheschool Iwas
attendingatthisy ear.
 
Dad:
Ain'
tyougoi
ng?
 
Me:Ican'
tdi
sappoi
ntThul
ibutIdon'
twannago
dad.
 
Dad:Baby,y
oushouldreal
l
ystoplet
ti
ng
peopl
e'sopi
nionsdi
ctat
eyourl
if
e. 
Me:
Youknowi
t'
snott
hateasybaba.
 
Dad:
Iknowbuty
oushoul
datl
eastt
ry.
 
Me:
I'
ll
try
.Ar
eyoupi
cki
ngmeupt
oday
? 
Dad:
Youdoknowt
hatki
dsy
ouraget
aket
axi
s
t
oschool
. 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:Baby,
Ithi
nkI
'
vebeenshiel
dingy
ouf ortoo
l
ong.Runni
ngawayneversol
vesanyt
hing. 
Me:
Youwer
en'
tReal
l
ybusy
,wer
eyou?
 
Hel ookedaway .Icouldn'tbeliev emyown
fatherwasdoi ngt histome.Ihaddependedon
him somuchbutagai n,Iwasget tingwher ehe
wascomi ngf r
om butIwasn' tr eady .Iwasn' t
readyt ogetoutofmyf ather'
sshi eld.Icouldn't
,
atleastnotnow.Tear sf i
ll
edmyey es,Ididn't
wantt ogobackt ot hatdarkpl ace, Idi
dn'tneed
toliv ewithallthatfearagai n,theconst ant
anxi etyattackswhi chleadt omydepr ession.I
coul dn't
.Whati fIdon' tsurvivet hist i
me?I twas
alljusttoosoonf ormeandi twashar dto
fathom.  
Dad:Ohhbaby,
I'
m sor
ry.Iknowy
oupr
obabl
y
Thi
nkI'
m deser
ti
ngyou-
Me:Idon'
twantt
ogobackther
edad,Idon'
t
wanttogobacki
ntot
hatdar
kplaceagai
n. 
Hecameandembr acedmeandIsobbedinhi
s
arms.Hebr
okethehugwhenIhadcalmed
downandwipedthetear
swi
thhi
sfinger
s.
Dad:Iknowyounotr
eadyandI'
m sorr
yfor
rushi
ngyou.Ionl
ywantwhat
'sbestf
ormylit
tl
e
gir
l.
 
Hekissedmeont heforehead,t
ookmybagand
wewentt ohiscar
.Heopenedt hedoorforme
andIgotinthenwenttohisside.Hest
artedt
he
caranddroveoff.
 
Hegav eMemyl unchmoney ,Iki
ssedhim on
thecheekandgotof f.Whatdaddoesn'tknow
i
st hatwehadbeensav i
ngmoney .Weonly
usedapot i
onofourl unchmoneyandev ennow,
Thulihasn'
ttol
dmet her easonbehindt
hat. 
Ifoundherwai
ti
ngf
ormeatthegat
easusual
andwesharedabri
efhug.
 
Thul
i
:Howar
eyout
hismor
ning?
 
Me:
FineIguess.
 
Ishruggedmyshoul ders.Ididn'
tknowhowI
fel
t.YesIf i
nal
l
yhadpeacebutt hereweresti
ll
a
wholebunchofstuf fgoingthroughmymi nd.I
fel
tlikeIhaddeci
sionsIneededt omakewhich
Ididn'tknowhowtogoaboutwi t
h. 
Me:
You?
 
Thul
i
:I'
m good,
it'
sal
lbyt
heGr
aceofGod.
 
Herewegoagain.Ihopether
ewasnodoct
ri
ne
comingcauser
eall
y,Iwasnotint
hemood.
 
Wewal kedsi l
ent
lyt
oourclassf
orachange.I
t'
s
l
ikesheknewIdi dn'
twanttoengageinany
conver
sation,moreespeci
all
yoneinwhich
she'
dbet ell
ingmeaboutherGod. 
Wewentt oAssembl
ywhent
hebell
rang.
Announcementswer
emadeandofcourset
hey
wantedactsforthebash.Itwasmor el
ikea
concer
toranev entt
henl ater
,bash.Iactuall
y
di
dn'twanttobeanypar tofthissi
ll
iness. 
Weweredismissedaf t
erandwewentbackt
o
ourr
espect
iveclasses.
 
Thul
i
:Don'
tfor
getwegotchoi
rpr
act
icet
oday
. 
Me:
Yes,
ofcour
se.
 
Isangfi
rstsopranowhi l
eshesangAlt
ointhe
choir
.BythatIthi
nky oualr
eadyknowIhav
e
quit
easof tv
oice,nottoosoftt
hough.
 
Lessonsbeganandsoonaf ter
,itwasbreak
ti
me.Iwassi t
tingwit
hThulidur
ingbreakwhen
Tii
setsocamet ous.Shegreet
edandwer epli
ed.
Wedon' tnor
mal l
ytal
katschoolsoIwonder ed
whatshewant ed. 
Ti
i
set
so:
CanIt
alkt
oyoui
npr
ivat
e? 
IlookedatThul
iandshenoddedsoIstoodup
andwewentt ostandabitofdi
stancef
rom
them. 
Ti
i
set
so:
Youcomi
ngt
othebashnextweek?
 
Me:
I'
m notsur
eyet
,why
? 
Tii
set
so:Ij
ust.
.Ithoughtyouwoul
dn'twanna
come,youdon'
tlookliket
hebashtype.
 
Me:
Whydon'
tyouwantmet
ocome?
 
Shefakedal
augh.Shewasact
ingv
eryf
unnyi
f
youaskme. 
Tii
set
so:It
'
snotl
i
ket
hat
..
.It
'sj
ust
..Iwasj
ust
aski
ng. 
Inoddedandshel
eft
,justl
i
ket
hat.I
twasvery
weir
difyouaskme.Shewasacti
ngver
yfunny.
 
Iwentbackt
oThul
i
. 
Thul
i
:Whatdi
dshewant
? 
Me:Cany
oubeli
eveshedoesn'
twantmet
o
cometot
hebash? 
Thul
i
:What
? 
Me:Yeah,
sheaskedi
fI'
m comi
ngthenItold
herI
'
m notsur
ethenshewasli
keshethoughtI
wasn'
tgoi
ngt
ocome.
 
Thul
i:
That'
swei
rd.Imean,
whywoul
dshewant
younott
ocome? 
Me:
Beat
sme.
 
Thul
i
:Unl
ess.
. 
Me:
What
? 
Thul
i
:Unl
esssheknowssomet
hing.
 
Me:
I'
m notf
oll
owi
ng.
 
Thuli
:Imeanifsheknowssomet hi
ngthat
mightbenef
ityouinagoodwayt henshe'
l
l
probabl
ywanty outobeabsentsoyoucan
missout 
Me:
Thatmakessense.
 
WhatThuliwassay i
ngwasmaki ngsomuch
sense.IoncethoughtthatTi
iset
soi
sagood
fr
iendthenshechangedoutt obesomeone
el
se.Iwonderwhati twasthatshewastr
yingt
o
makememi ss. 
Wewentbackt
ocl
assaf
terbr
eak.
 
Whenthebellr
angforschoolout,
wewentto
r
eli
eveoursel
vesatt
het oi
l
etbeforegoi
ngto
t
hehallwherethepr
acti
ceisgoingtobehel
d. 
See,atourschool,wehav et
hePr esidentwhois
doingGr ade12andhehappenst obet he
captainofthesoccert
eam andt heVi ce
PresidentwhoisagirlanddoingGr ade12too.
Theguywast heoneaddressi
ngus.Hi sname
i
sKamogel o.Mostpeoplecal
l hi
m K- morebut
I'
l
lcallhim Kamoforshort.
 
Kamo: Y'
allknowwehavi
ngsomeher einour
schoolnextweekFri
dayandt
hechoirwill
be
requi
redtoperfor
m Amongot
herpeople. 
Thepeoplescreamed.Wel l,i
tdoesn'tmat ter
whatthi
sguyi ssay i
ng,peopl
eal waysscr eam.
He'dsneezeandt hey'
dstil
ldothat.Ithinkit'
s
theki
nderpresti
gehehel d.Thewayt hegirls
werealwayssurroundinghim,justeverything
abouthim.
Af
terhi
sli
tt
lespeech,
pract
icest
art
ed.
 
Atleastthi
sti
me, Ifoundmyfatherwait
ingf
or
meandIwasr el
ieved.Idi
dn'
tl
ikebotheri
ng
Thuliandshe'
dhav etogooutofherwayt o
makesur eIgethome.  
Wehuggedf
ort
hel
astt
imeandIwentt
oour
car
. 
.
.
[
08/22,10:
26]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

05
Dad:
Iseey
out
woar
equi
tecl
ose.
 
Me:
YoumeanThul
iandI
? 
HenoddedandIsmiled.Shewasr eal
l
ya
blessi
nguponmyl
ifeandapar tofmehoped
thatshewoul
dnev
ert ur
noutfake. 
Dad:
Ihopeshedoesn'
thur
tyoui
ntheend.
 
Me:Ihopesot
oo.Shewant
sust
ogot
o
chur
ch. 
Dad:
Idon'
tseeany
thi
ngwr
ongwi
tht
hat
. 
Irai
sedmyey ebr owandl ookedathim.There'
s
ever
ythingwrongwi thchurchandi t
'speopl
e.
Theyaretoojudgement al
.Wewer ejudged
becauseofsimpl ethingsli
ketheshoeswe
wore.Somuchf orgoingtowor shi
p,prai
seand
worshipGod.IsthathowGod' speoplebehave
andact?Well,I
'dr at
hernotbeanypar tofsuch
bl
asphemy .
 
Me:Don'
tst
artt
oo.Youdon'
tev
engot
o
chur
ch.
 
Dad:
Youshoul
dbl
amey
our
sel
ffort
hat
. 
Me:
Me?
 
Dad:
YouknowIcan'
tgowi
thouty
ou.
 
Me:
Wayt
ogodad.
 
Hechuckl
edandpar
kedhi
svaninouryar
d.I
gotoutwi
thmybagandheunl
ockedthedoor
. 
Me:
Didy
oucook?
 
Dad:
Ihadqui
teabusyday
. 
Me:
Alr
ight
,letmechanget
hencook.
 
HenoddedandIwenttot
hebedroom wher
eI
changedintoasi
mpl
eTeeandshort
sthen
worefli
pfl
ops.
 
IcookedRi
cewit
hmince.Idi
shedupf
orthe
bothofusandweat
einfrontoft
heTV.
 
Thef oll
owingday ,
Igotupasusual and
preparedmy sel
fforschool.Goodthingt
oday,
I
waswear i
ngaski r
tandgolfshir
t.Dadhad
boughtst ockingsformesoIwor ethem t
oo
andwor eschool socksandshoes.Imadeonly
onebunwi thmyhai r
,tookmybagt henwentt
o
thekitchen. 
Dad:
Don'
tyouwantaphone?
 
Me:
Whatwi
l
lIdowi
thaphone?
 
Dad:
Teenager
syourageal
readyhav
ephones.
 
Me:
No,
thanky
ou.
 
Dad:
Whatdoy
ouwantt
hen?
 
Me:
Idon'
tknowdad,
may
besomeshoes.
 
Dad:
Alr
ightt
hen.
 
Weatebreadwit
hbut
terandt
eat
henhedr
ove
metoschool.
Dad:
You'
l
ltakeat
axi
today
? 
Me:
Baba!
 
Tear
screptupi
nmyey
esandIl
ookedathi
m
pout
ing.
 
Dad:
I'
ll
comepi
cky
ouup.I
'
llbeabi
tlat
e
t
hough.
 
Me:
Howl
ate?
 
Dad:
Anhour
. 
Me:
I'
ll
wai
t.
 
Iki
ssedhi
m ont
hecheekandgotoutaf
terhe
gavememyl unchmoney .Iwaslatethist
ime.
Latebecauset hebellrangimmediatelyaf
terI
enter
edt heyardandIwasr eal
l
ydi sappoi
nted
i
nmy self.Iquicklyr
ant omyclassbecauseI
wasn'taboutt ogototheassembl ywi t
hmybag.
Thuli
probabl ythoughtIwasnol ongercoming
toschool buttherewasnowayI 'dbeabsent .
 
I
t'swhenIgotbackf rom assemblythatI
real
izedthatshe,i
nfactwast heoneabsent.
Thiswasgoi ngtobeal ongdayforme, Ihad
gottensousedt ohavingheraroundthatI
wonderedhowIwasgoi ngtosur v
ivethi
sday. 
Nobuhlecamet omyt able.Rememberthe
meangi rlwhoembar rassedmeont hefir
stday
?
Thetallbarbi
edoll?Her.Iwonderedwhatshe
wantedt hi
stime.Ihadnoener gyforherbut
unf
ortunately
,weint hesamecl ass.
 
Nobuhl
e:Khensani
right
? 
Inodded.Idon'
tev
enknowhowsheknewmy
secondnamebecauseever
yonecal
l
edmeby
myf
ir
st.
 
Shel
ookednextt
ome,
Thul
i
'sempt
yseat
. 
Nobuhl
e:Iseey
ourbody
guar
disabsent
. 
Ijuststar
edather
.Ineededhert
ogettothe
point.Thesamepointt
hatwasprobabl
ygoi
ng
toendwi thmeintear
s. 
Nobuhl
e:Youknow,Idon'
tgetwhyugl
ybi
tches
l
ikeyouexi
stonear
th. 
There.Thereshegoesi nsult
ingme, Ihaddone
absolut
elynothi
ngtot hisgir
lexcepttakingher
seatwhichIhadabsol utel
ynoi deabelongedt o
her.Whydidshehav et oinsultme?Whydi dshe
haveagainstme?Iallowedhert ohaveherway
wit
hwor dsagainstmecauseIhadnopowert o
fi
ghther.Howcoul dIwhenshehast hebacki
ng
ofthewholeclass?Theycr ackedupi nlaughter
l
ikeshehadsai daTrev orNoahj oke.
 
Nobuhle:
Wow,
soy
ounotgoi
ngt
osay
anyt
hing? 
Thecl
assl
aughedagai
n. 
Nobuhle:
Oh,If
orgot
,she'
sal
way
stheone
speaki
ng. 
Shewaspoi
nti
ngatThul
i'
schai
randmyt
ear
s
wereont
hevergeoff
all
i
ng. 
Nobuhle:See,
Khensani
,I'
m 101%bet
terl
ooki
ng
thanyou,Iwon'
tbebroughtdownbyyour
overwei
ghtass. 
Aftersayi
ngthat,
shet ookherfl
atassand
catwalkedtoherseat.Icoul
dfeelontheeyes
thatwereonme.Ij ustfol
dedmyar msontop
ofthetableandbowedmyheaddown.I
couldn'
tlett
hetearsfall
,noti
nfrontoft
he
wholeclass.
 
Idi
dn'
tevenknowwhyagi
rll
i
keherwoul
dfeel
thr
eat
enedbyme. 
Whenthebel
lrang,
Iimmedi
atel
yrantothe
t
oil
etswher
eI'
dbeabl et
obur
stoutintear
s
f
reel
y,wi
thnofearofany
oneseei
ngme.WhenI
wassat i
sfi
ed,Iflashedthengotoutand
washedmyf acei nthesi
nk.Idi
dn'
tevenhav
e
appeti
te.Iwentt ositwhereInor
mallysi
twi
th
Thuli
andj ustletmymi ndrunwil
d. 
Itwasev enworsehav
ingt oagai
nwaitformy
fat
heralone.Ir
eall
ymi ssedThul
iandIdidn'
t
evenknowhowIcanr eachhersoIcouldknow
thereasonbehi
ndherabsence. 
NowIreall
ywishIhadtookupt
heoff
erof
t
aki
ngat axihomecausethi
swasr
eall
y
t
ort
ure.
 
WhenIsawmyf at
her
'scarpul
l
ingup,
I
i
mmediatel
ywenttoi
tandgotinsi
dewit
hout
say
ingaword.
 
Dad:
What
'swr
ong?
 
Me:
...
Ireal
l
ydi
dn'
twanttotalkabout.Goodthingi
t
wasaFri
daybecauseifitwasn't
,Idon'
tknow
howIcoul
dhavebeenabl etofacemyclass
againtomorr
ow.Theyprobablyal
lsawmeasa
j
oke.Nobuhlereal
l
yhaditgoingformeandI
sti
l
lwonderwhatwr ongIhaddonetoher
,I
di
dn'tevenknowher. 
Dad:
Whatdi
dIdo?
 
Me:
Pleasej
ustdr
ive.
 
Isankbackonmyseat .Ij
ustwant edt
ogo
homeandsl eep,I'
dbeabletof orgetabout
today
'seventsforafewhour s.Itwasabadday
forme.Somet i
mesIj ustf
eltli
ker unni
ngaway
andnevercomi ngback. 
Ihadtri
edsuici
debutdeat
hwassomethingI
wasaf r
aidofandIdi
dn'
twanttogoback,I
didn'
twanttogobacktothatdar
kpl
aceagain.
 
Igotoutofthecarafterheparked.Iwentinsi
de
thehouse,thr
ewmybagont hebedandtook
offal
l myunif
orm andwor eoneofmyf ather'
s
oldT-shi
rt
swhi chwaslikeadresstomeand
slept
. 
Iwasexhaustedandsl
eepwasoneoft
he
remedi
esthatkeptmesane.
 
WhenIwokeup, IfoundthatDadhadcooked
andIthankedmyluckystarsbecauseIwas
hungr
y,Ihadn'
teatenatbreakbecauseof
Nobuhlewhom Itr
iednottothi
nkaboutagain.
 
Iat
emyfoodthendecidedtodomy
homeworksi
mmediatelybecauseIwant
edt
o
haveal
azyweekend.
 
Iwat
chedsoapi
esaf
tert
il
lIhadt
ogot
osl
eep.
 
Satur
day
,Ihadabsolut
elynopl
ansfortheday
butdadf
orcedmet ogot ot
heci
tywithhim.
 
I
'm say
inghef
orcedmebecauseIdidn'twant
t
o.Itookabat
handwor emyskinnyjeansaft
er
wit
hagolfshi
rt
.IworemyAllst
arsneakersand
acaponmyheadt henwelef
t.
 
Me:
Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
her
eforany
way
? 
Dad:
Isitwrongtowantust
ospendt
ime
t
ogetherawayfr
om home? 
Me:ButDad,wecoul
dhav
edonet
hissome
ot
herti
me. 
Dad:Ther
e'snobet
tert
imet
hant
hepr
esent
baby
. 
Isi
ghedandhedr oveovercomfort
abl
esi
l
ence
ti
ll
wegotatt hecit
y.Therear
esomanyshops,
buil
dingsandoff
icesattheCBD. 
Westar
tedwi
thhi
smateri
alandheal
sobought
mesomesneaker
s.Iwant
edVansoldSkool
.
 
Iwassuperexci
tedwhendadboughtitforme
andbecauseofourl
owbudget,it
'sonlywhatI
gotbutIwasmor et
hanhappy.Myfatherhad
donealotformeandIwasgratefulf
or
ever
ythi
ngandeachandeveryeff
ort.
 
Dad:
I'
m goi
ngt
ochur
cht
omor
row.
 
Me:
Enj
oy.
 
Dad:
Ain'
tyougoi
ngwi
thme?
 
Me:
MeandGoddon'
tmi
xsonope.
 
Dad:
Iwon'
tfor
cey
oumybaby
. 
Me:
Sincewhendoy
ougot
ochur
cht
hough?
 
Dad:
Doesi
tmat
ter
?
Me:Imean,you'
venev
erbeeni
nter
est
edi
n
chur
chorthi
srel
igi
onstuf
f.
 
Hesmil
edbetweenhi
steet
h.Nowdadwasj
ust
bei
ngweir
d. 
Me:
Whatar
eyouhi
ding?
 
Dad: You'dbesurpr
isedathowGodcanjust
touchy ourhear
tandchangeyourl
i
feforthe
better.
 
Me:Pleasedon'tpreachf
orme.Ial
readyhear
enoughfrom Thuli
.
 
Dad:
Ili
keher
. 
Me:
She'
stooy
oungf
ory
oudad.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
YouknowIdon'
tmeani
tthatway
. 
Il
aughed.Iwasj
ustbei
ngsi
l
ly.
 
Me:
Iknow.
 
Hehadboughtsometakeaway
swhi
chweat
e
whenwegothome. 
Iwonderwhathadi
nspi
reddad'
snewatti
tude
towar
dschurchorGodf
orthatmatt
er.
[
08/22,10:
27]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

06
Ireal
lyt
houghtdadwaski
ddi
ngwi
tht
his
churcht
hingbutnope.
 
OnSundaywhenIwokeup, Ifoundhimt ry
ingto
ti
ehist i
e.Hewastappi nghi
sf ootonthefloor
whilehummi ngasongsof tl
yandt hatt
oldme
hi
si nagoodmood.Whatwashappeni ngwi th
myf athert
hough?Tr ustme,Idon'thaveany
problemswithhim beinghappycauseIt hi
nk
everyonedeserv
est obehappyt houghithas
neverhappenedt
omebutIthinkther
ewas
somethingorsomeonebehi
ndhissudden
mood. 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Dad:Goodmorni
ngmybeaut
if
ulpr
incess,
oh
whatagreatmor
ning.
 
Me:
Andt
hen?
 
If
oldedmyar msandl ookedathi
m wit
hbothof
myey ebr
owsraisedandhechuckled,
shaki
ng
hi
shead.Itappedmyf ootdownjustt
oshow
hi
m Imeanbusi ness.
 
Dad:Soyour
eall
ymeanti
twhenyousai
dyou
notcomi
ngwithme.Her
eIwasthi
nki
ngyou'
d
changemymind.
 
Irol
l
edmyey es.Hewast r
yingt
ochangethe
subj
ectandtotal
lyi
gnor
ethedirect
ionmy
questi
onisheaded.
 
Me:
Whi
chchur
char
eyougoi
ngt
oany
way
? 
Het
houghtf
orawhi
l
eandIst
aredathi
m. 
Dad:
Iact
ual
l
yhadnoi
dea.
 
Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oatandl
ookedathi
swr
ist
wat
ch.
 
Dad:
Igot
tagocupcakes.
 
Me:
Whoar
eyougoi
ngwi
th?
 
Dad:
Umm.
.I'
mlat
e. 
Hekissedmeont hecheek,pl
ainl
yignoringmy
quest
ionandlef
tmej ustli
kethat
.Isighedt hen
fi
l
ledtheurbanwit
hwat ersoIcanalsobat h. 
SomeoneknockedonthedoorwhileIwas
waiti
ngforthewat
ert
oboil.Ihadj
usthad
breakf
ast.Iwor
emyfli
pfl
opsandwentt oopen
thedoor.
 
Iwassurpri
sedt
oseeTi i
set
soonmydoor
step.
Whatcouldshepossi
blywant?
 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
Ti
i
set
so:
Hey
,canIgeti
n? 
Inoddedandmadespacesoshecoul
dgeti
n.I
cl
osedthedooraf
terandwewentt
osi
tint
he
chai
rsi
nourkit
chen. 
Iwaitedf
orhertosaysomethi
ngcauseIknew
shewouldn'
tjustpopatmydoorstepl
i
ket hat
.I
usuall
ymeetwithheri
ntheaft
ernoonsjustto
catchupcausewedon'ttal
katschool
.
Me:
Woul
dyoul
i
kesomet
hingt
odr
ink?
 
Ti
i
set
so:
I'
mfi
ne,
thanks.
 
Shecl
ear
edherthr
oat.Shewasbusyf
iddl
ing
wit
hherf
inger
s.Si
lencehadf
il
ledt
heroom t
il
l
shebr
okethei
ce. 
Ti
i
set
so:
I..Ihear
daboutwhatNobuhl
edi
d. 
Embar rassmentembr acedmyf ace.Af ew
thoughtsandquestionsr ant
hroughmymi nd
butthewasonewhi chwashi ghlyaudible; How
didsheknow?Wi t
ht hisonefol
lowedanot her;
Doest hewholeschool know?Andagai n,I
thoughtofhowImi ghtbet helaughingst ock
throughoutschool.Isuddenl
ydi dn'
tfeel l
ike
goingbackt here.Itwasgoingtobehell
forme
j
ustlikewi t
ht heotherschool
s.Ihadnoidea
howIwasgoi ngt osurvi
vealloft
hatbut
somet hi
ngi nmet oldmenott oworry
.
Somet hinginsidetol
dmet osmi l
eandbe
happy .
 
I
tactuall
yfel
tli
keIwasgoingmad.Allthi
s
manyv oi
cesinsidemyheadandav er
ygentl
y
voi
cethatIcouldn'
thel
pbutli
stent
o. 
Me:
Howdi
d..Howdi
dyouknow?
 
Myvoi
cecameoutasawhisper
.Iactual
l
y
di
dn'
tKnowhowtofeel
aboutal
lthi
s. 
Ti
iset
so:Afri
endofminei
s..Umm( cl
ear
sthr
oat
)
She'
sfri
endswit
h..Wi
thNobuhle.
 
Me:
Oh
Icoul
dact ual
l
yseet hatt
herewasmor etot hi
s
thanshewasl et
ti
ngoutbutIj ustbr
usheditoff
anddecidednottoov ert
hinktoomuchabout ,
l
estIfal
lbackintothatdeep,darkpl
ace. 
Ti
i
set
so:
Ijust
..Thi
ngi
s..
 
Ifocusedmyat t
ent
iononher.I
tseemedas
thoughwhatshewasgoingtosaywasn'tgoi
ng
tobeany t
hingni
ce.Somet
hingIhadgott
enso
usedto. 
Me:
What
? 
Tii
set
so: Look,
Nokubonga,
youagoodper
son
andIreallydol
ikey
ouandasafri
end,I
'
dwarn
youagainstNobuhl
e. 
Me:
ButIdi
dn'
tdoany
thi
ngt
oher
. 
Tii
set
so:
Shewon'tst
opunt
ilshedest
roy
syou
andnowshe'
s.
. 
Shestoppedforawhi
l
eandsi
ghedt
hent
ooka
deepbreathi
nandout.
 
Me:
She'
swhat
? 
Tii
setso:
She'
splanni
ngsomethi
ngagai
nsty
ou
atthebash,
henceIaskedi
fyougoi
ng. 
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,sheuppedandl
eft
,leav
ingme
al
onetodigestallt
hatshehadt oldme.What
di
dshehav eagainstmet hatwouldmakeher
gotosuchextremestomakemyl i
fehel
l
?Was
i
tevergoi
ngt oend?Isomehowwi shedthatmy
dad'
shappinesscouldjustruboffofmef ora
minut
e. 
Ididn'tgot oschool onMondayandIhadt o
fakesi cknesssodadcoul dletmebunk.Ij ust
couldn'tdoi t
.Icouldn'
tgot oschoolandface
Nobuhl eandal though,IknewIcouldn'
trun
foreverbuti t
'l
lj
usthav etodofornow. 
Dadcamewhi
l
eIwasrest
ingi
nsi
det
he
bl
anket
sonmybed.
 
Dad:
What
'sr
eal
l
ywr
ongwi
thy
ou?
 
Myeyeshadbagsunder,Ihadcri
edmy selfto
sl
eeptheprevi
ousni
ghtbecausefrankl
yallthi
s
wasrunningi
nmymi nd.Thetear
swouldj ust
str
eam downmycheekswi t
houtmeput t
ingin
anyeff
ort.
 
If
acedt
heot
herway
.Idi
dn'
twantt
otal
kabout
thi
s,Ijustwantedtosleepital
laway
.Ihad
drankmypi ll
sbuttheydidn'
thelpmeinany
way
andasmuchasIwant edtodri
nkmore,I
couldn't
.Ican'
tsayIknewwhatwasst oppi
ng
me. 
Dad:Youknowy ounotgoi
ngt orunaway
for
ever.Iknowy
ounotsick,atleastnot
physi
call
y. 
Witht
hatsai
d,hegotupashehadbeen
kneel
i
ngnexttomybedandwentoutofthe
room. 
Isighed, hewasr i
ghtinanyway.Ipouredcol
d
Wat erandbat hed,Idi
dn'tev
enfeelit
's
temper ature.Iwor
eanol ddressthenwentto
sitoutside,undertheshade.
 
Idi
dn'twantt
ot hink,Ij
ustneededthefeel
of
natur
eforawhileandt hat'
swhenIdecidedto
gositbyther
iver.Theflowingsoundofthe
ri
verwassoothingt omyratchetsoul
. 
Iwentbackhomewhenmyappet
it
ehad
ret
urnedfrom wher
everi
thadrantoandmy
heartski
ppedwithj
oywhenIfoundDaddishi
ng
upforthebothofus.Hesmil
edwhenhesaw
andIsatdown.Hegav ememypl at
eandIwas
j
ustaboutt odi
ginwhenhespoke. 
Dad:
Let
'ssayGr
ace.
 
Whattheheck?Hedi dn'tevengivemea
momentt odecl
inecausehei mmediat
ely
cl
osedineyes.Ireal
l
yhadnoi deawhatt hehell
wasgoingonwi t
hmyf athercauseweusual l
y
j
usteat.Il
ethi
m be.Thi snewhi m,wel
l,Ireal
ly
di
dn'
tknowhowIwasgoi ngt odealwi
thhi m.
 
Dad:Fat
herGodwet hanky
ouforthi
s
scr
umptiousmealandweblessyourHol
yname.
Thankyou.Amen.
 
Iopenedmyey esandhedidn'tevenlookatme
alt
houghIwasl ooki
ngathi
m butj ustat
e.I
reall
ydon'
tknowwhatwasgoi ngonwi t
hmy
father
.Thehadt obesomeonewhowasbehi nd
hisnewatti
tudeatli
fe.I
twasn'tbadbutitwas
al
l quest
ionable.Myf atherhasneverbeena
prayingpersont henhegoest ochurchonly
onceandt hishappens?Ther ehast obe
somet hi
ngbehi ndallthisnewhappenings.
 
Iwashedt hedi
shesaftereati
ng.Ihadjust
fi
nishedwithdry
ingthedisheswhenIhearda
knock.Isi
lent
lypray
edi twasn'
tTii
setsocauseI
wasr eal
l
ynotinthemoodf orher
. 
Idraggedmyf
eetandopenedt
hedooraf
ter
taki
ngadeepbreat
hin.
 
MyjawdroppedwhenIsawThul
ionmy
door
step.
 
Thuli
:Closey
ourmout
hbef
oreaf
lyget
sin
ther
e. 
Shepushedmeasi
deandgoti
nbef
oreIcoul
d
tel
lhert
o. 
Shehadsatdownalr
eadywhenIcame.Dad
hadwentwit
houtev
ensayinghe'
sleav
ing.
 
Isatopposi
teherandIcoul
dseeshewasabi
t
mad.
 
Thul
i
:Youknowy
ousuchabadf
ri
end.
 
Me:
Whatdi
dIdo?
 
Iseri
ousl
ydidn'
tknowwhatIdi
d.It
ri
edt ot
hink
ofsomethingbutmymindj
ustwentblank,
Ihad
noideawhatshewasonaboutreal
ly
 
Thuli
:YouknowIwasabsentonFri
daybutyou
neverbot
heredt
ocheckonmeandt opofthat
,
youbecameabsentandnowthatIseeyou,
I
canseeyouperf
ectl
yfi
ne.
 
Isi
ghed.Ir
eal
l
ydi
dn'
tknowhowt
oanswerher
. 
Me:I
'
m sorr
y,Idon'
tknowwher
eyoul
i
ve,
I
woul
dhavecome.
Thuli
:Di
dyoueveraskwher
eIl
i
ve?Youdon'
t
evenhavemynumbers.
 
Me:
Idon'
thav
eaphone.
 
Thul
i
:Oh?
 
Inodded.
 
Thul
i:Butst
il
l,
youcoul
dhav
elongaskedf
ormy
addr
ess. 
Shewasr i
ght.Ihadbeenabadf riendandIf
elt
real
l
ybad.Shehadal way sbeenthereforme
butIwastoosel f
ish,alwaysconsumedbymy
ownt r
oublesthatIforgotabouthowshecould
begoingthroughsomet hi
ng. 
Me:Youri
ght,Ihav
ebeenabadf r
iendandI'
m
real
l
ysorr
y.IpromiseI
'
llbeabet
terfr
iendf
rom
nowon. 
Thul
i
:Youpr
omi
se?
 
It
ookoutmypi
nkyf
inger
. 
Me:
Ipr
omi
se.
 
Wepi
nkypr
omi
sedandgi
ggl
edt
oget
heraf
ter
. 
Me:Sowhywer ey
ouabsentonFr
iday
?Iwas
wor
riedabouty
ou. 
Shesi
ghed.
 
Thul
i
:Iwassi
ck.Ihadar
unni
ngst
omach.
 
Me:
Wow,
I'
m sor
ry.Ar
eyouf
inenow?
 
Thul
i:I
'
m ahundr
ed,
mymom t
ookmet
oa
doct
or.
 
Me:Oh,that
'smuchbetter
.Ir
eall
yhavetoknow
wher
ey oustay
,especi
all
ybecauseIdon'
thave
aphone.
Thul
i:Whatkindof16y
earol
ddoesn'
thav
ea
phonethough?
Me:Youaski
ngmet hesamethi
ngdadsai
dand
myanswerisst
il
lthesame.
 
Thul
i
:Whi
chi
s? 
Me:
Idon'
twantaphone.CanIgety
ouany
thi
ng
t
odri
nk? 
Thul
i:
I'
v ebeenheref
orov
ert
enmi
nut
esand
youonlyaskingnow?
 
Ichuckl
ed.Thul
ii
sjustt
oocr
azy
. 
Me:
TeaorJui
ce?
 
Thul
i
:Jui
ce.Igotsomecakest
hatmymom
bakedbutsi
ncey
oudi
dn'
tcome.
 
Il
aughedandwenttopourjuicef
orthebothof
usandwentbacktoher.Shehadputthe
l
unchboxwit
hthecakesont opofthetabl
eso
weatewit
hthejui
ce.
 
Me:
Theyar
edel
i
cious.
 
Thul
i:
Iknowhey,whydi
dn'
tyoucomecauseI
knowyounotsi
ck? 
Isi
ghed.Idi
dn'tt
hinkI
'dhavetotel
lhersosoon.
Iact
uall
ythoughtshehadforgot
tenaboutt
his.
 
Me:
Ijusthadaheadachebutnowi
t'
sgone.
 
Ihadtoli
e,ifIt
oldher
,she'
dwanttogoto
Nobuhleandsortheroutandt
hatwoul
donly
makemat tersworsef
orme. 
Thul
i
:Real
l
y? 
Inodded.Idon'
tusual
lyli
ebutIhadto.Not
whenNobuhl ei
sapparentl
ygunningformy
blood.Ti
i
setsodidsaythatshewon'tst
opunt
il
shehaddestroyedmeandIcouldn'tgiv
eher
mor
eammuni
ti
ont
ouseagai
nstme.
 
Thul
i
:Mm.I
'
llpr
etendIbel
i
evey
ou,
fornow.
 
IaccompaniedThulit
ogocat chataxi
.We
sharedabri
efhugandshegoti n,wit
hme
cl
osingthedoorforher.Iwentbackhomeand
watchedTVf ort
hetimebeing. 
Shetol
dmet
heyhadnohomewor
ksoIcoul
d
rel
ax.
 
IjustwonderedhowIwasgoi
ngtobeableto
faceNobuhletomorr
owbecauseIdi
dn'
treal
l
y
hav et
hestrengt
h.
[
08/22,10:
28]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

07
Awordcameupt omeasIwassl eepingandI
act
ual
l
ythoughtIwasgoingcrazy.Iwasonly
wit
hmyfatheri
ntheroom andIsawt hathe
wassl
eepi
ngdeeply,
henceIsay ,
IfeltIwas
get
ti
ngcr
azy
. 
"
Final
l
y,mybret
hren,
bestrongi
ntheLor
d,and
i
nthepowerofhismight
."
Thev oicesay
ingthiswasgentl
yandv ery
Angelic.WhenIopenedmyey es,If
eltthe
presenceofaheav enl
ybei
ng. 
Thepresencewastool
i
ght.I
twasaslightasa
feat
heranditf
il
ledmewit
hgreat
erpeace. 
WhenIwokeup, thewor dswerest
il
lechoei
ng
i
nmymi nd.Icouldn'
ttakeem offi
tandit
soundedli
keabi bleverseorsomethi
ngofthat
natur
e. 
Me:Fi
nal
ly
,mybrethr
en,
bestr
ongi
ntheLor
d,
andi
nthepowerofhi
smight
.
Iwonder
ed,
wasi
taGodspeaki
ng?
 
Sur
pri
singl
y,Iwasi
nagoodmoodi
fIdosayso
mysel
f.
 
Myf
atherhadboi
l
edwat
erf
ormeal
ready
. 
Ipouredandbathed.Ir
eall
yt houghtI
'dbe
nervousbutIwasactual
lyjustrel
axed.Idr
ied,
l
otionedandworemyt unicbecauseit'
s
Tuesday.
 
HowIwisht hatIhadact ual
lybunkedtoday
i
nsteadofyesterdaybecauseIr eal
lydon'
tli
ke
weari
ngitandIdi dn'thaveachoice.Tothi
nk
I
'm al
wayscompl ainingeveryt
imeIweari t
.Ifi
t
hadamout h,I'
mt hinkingi
twould'vel
ongtalked
backtome. 
Imadeaneatbunwithmyhai
r,t
ookmybag
thenwentt
otheki
tchen.
 
Dad:
Youwer
efast
. 
Me:
Ist
hatacompl
i
ment
? 
Dad:
Ofcour
sebaby
. 
Me:
Thanky
oudad.
 
Isatdownandhegav emeabowl ofporr
idge
thenweatebreakf
asttoget
her
,ofcour
sehe
hadtosayGracefi
rst
. 
I'
dhavetotalktoThuli
aboutitfi
rst.Dad'
snew
att
it
udewasr eall
ysuspici
ousandIhadt ohave
anopini
onfrom someoneel sebeforeIdeci
de
toconfr
onthim. 
Iqui
cklywashedt
hedi
shesbef
orehedr
oveme
toschool
. 
Dad:
You'
l
lhav
etot
akeat
axi
back.
 
Me:
Thatdoesn'
tsoundl
i
kear
equest
. 
Dad:
It'
sacommand.
 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:I'
vebabi
edyouforal
ongt
imenow.How
wil
lyoubeabletof
acethewor
ldi
fI'
m al
way
s
shi
eldi
ngyou? 
Me:
What
'st
hesuddenchangef
rom now?
 
Dad:
Baby
,Ionl
ywantwhat
'sbestf
ory
ou.
 
Me: Soyout
hinkt
hisiswhatbestforme?
Leavingmetobeexposedtothewor l
dandi
ts
cruel
ty?Somuchforbei
ngmyf ather!
Igotoutandbangedt hedoor.Ican'
tbel
iev
e
thatmyownf at
herwasdoi ngthistome.He,of
allpeopl
e,knewal lt
hatIhadbeent hr
ough.He
wast her
ethroughitallandnowhewasl eav i
ng
meal lal
onetof aceit
. 
"
Ephesi
ans6:
10bel
oved"
Il
ookedaround.Idi
dn'
tseeany
onef
aci
ngme.
Whojustspokethen? 
Icoul
dn'
tfat
hom whatwasgoi
ngonwi
thme.
WasIreal
lygoi
ngmad? 
Suddenl
yI'
m heari
ngBi
blequot
es,
Ithi
nk
someoneispranki
ngmebutwhothehell
coul
d
thathav
ebeen. 
Isi
ghedandwentthr
oughtheschool
yar
ds,
meeti
ngThul
ibythegate.
 
Thul
i
:Youseem di
stur
bed.
 
Isi
gheddeepl
y.
 
Me:
Wher
ecanIst
art
? 
Shegavemeabr
iefhugt
henwewal
kedt
o
cl
ass.
 
Thul
i
:Youknowy
oucant
alkt
ome.
 
Me:
Somet
hingwei
rdj
usthappened.
 
Shenodded,
assur
ingmet
hatIcancar
ryon.
 
Me:Iheardsomeonespeaki
ngt omebutwhenI
l
ookedaround,ev
ery
onewasj ustmi
ndi
ngthei
r
ownbusiness.
Thul
i
:That
'swei
rd.
 
Me:
Tel
lmeabouti
t.
 
Iputmybagdownonmychai
rthenwesaton
topoft
hetabl
e. 
Thul
i
:Whatdi
dtheysay
? 
Me:
Huh?
 
Thul
i
:Theper
sondummy
. 
Me:
Ephesi
ans6;
10bel
oved.
 
Herf
acel
i
tupandasmugembr
acedherf
ace.I
wasconf usedbyal
l oft
his.I'
m notareli
gious
per
sonsoIdon' tev
enKnowwher eintheBibl
e
I
'dstartt
ol ookf
orthisverse.Idon'
tevenhave
aBible.
 
Thul
i
:Youshoul
drej
oice.
 
Me:
I'
m conf
used.
 
Thul
i
:Youhav
eheav
en'
spr
otect
ion.
 
Me:
Whatar
eyouonabout
? 
Thuli
:It
hinkanAngeli
stheonewhosaidthat
toyou.Godknowsall
aboutourtr
oublesand
he'
salwaysther
etocaterf
orourever
yneeds.
Me:
It'
stooear
lyf
orapr
eachi
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Yousoi
gnor
ant.
Me:Hai
Thuli
.MeandGodar
eli
kewat
erandoi
l
,
wedon'
tmix.
 
Hermi
ndwasj
ustnotwi
thme.
 
Thul
i
:Bestr
ongi
ntheLor
dandi
nthepowerof
hi
smight
. 
Myjawimmediatel
ydr
opped.Thosearethe
wordsIhadhear
dinmydream.Thequest i
oni
s,
howdidsheknowcauseInevert
oldher?
 
Me:
Howdi
dyou.
..Howdi
d..YouKnow?
 
Thul
i
:That
'sEphesi
ans6:
10si
l
ly.
 
Me:
What
? 
Thul
i
:Yes,
that
'swhatGodwast
ell
i
nyou.
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Thebel
lrangandshegotupimmedi
atel
y,
l
eavi
ngmeast oni
shedl
iket
hat.
 
Soi tr
eall
ywasGodwhospoket ome.Butwhat
doeshewantf r
om me?Idon'tgot ochur
ch,I
don'thaveaBible,
Idon'tevenbeli
eveinHim or
i
nr eli
gionfort
hatmatter.Whycouldn'
the
speakt oThuli
? 
It
'sl
i
keheknewwhatIneededt
oKnowbuthow?
WherehasHebeenal
lthi
sti
me?Whydi
dhe
comenow? 
Ididn'
tev
enhearawordofwhatwassai
dat
assembly.Mymindwasj
ustt
hinki
ngtoo
much. 
Theteacherar
ri
vedimmediatel
ywhenwegoti n
andIforcedmysel
ftoconcentr
atebecauseshe
mightendupbanningmef r
om classandI
coul
dn'thavet
hat.
 
Thuli
:Yourmi
ndhasbeenawaysi
nce
assembly.
 
Shesaidaswewer esit
tingdowninourspot,
wehadj ustboughtsnacks,itwasdur
ingbreak
andIcouldFinal
lybreat
he.Nobuhlekeptgi
v i
ng
medeathst ar
esandIpr etendednott
onotice
al
thoughIwasshi tscared.
Me:
Ijustgotal
oti
nmymi
nd.
. 
Thul
i
:Car
etoshar
e? 
Me:Forst
art
ers,
myf
atherhasbeenact
ing
wei
rd.
 
Thul
i
:Wei
rdhow?
 
Me:
Wel
l
,fi
rst
lyhewentt
ochur
chonSunday
. 
Thul
i
:Idon'
tseeany
thi
ngwr
ongwi
tht
hat
. 
Me:Hehasneverbeenint
erestedinchur
ch
si
nceli
ke,
for
ever,
hedidn'
tev enknowwhich
chur
chhewasgoingto.
 
Thul
i
:Mm,
tel
lmemor
e. 
Me: YouKnowhesay sGracebefor
eeat
ingand
today,hedidn'
twannacomepickmeup
anymor e.
 
Thul
i
:Don'
tyouseei
t? 
Me:
What
? 
Thul
i:
Yourf
atherhassomeonewho'sbeen
i
nfl
uenci
nghi
mi narathergoodway
.
Me:
Youmeana.
.No.
 
Thuli
:Seemst
omey
ou'
l
lbehav
ingamom
soon. 
Me:
Noway
! 
Thul
i
:Yesway
 
Shegi ggledandIj ustwasn'tt
here.Icoul
dn't
i
magi nemyf at
herhavinganotherfemaleinhi
s
l
ife.Ithadal waysbeenj ustmeandt hat'
showI
preferredthings.IhadtoKnowoft hi
sperson
whowasst eali
ngmyf atherfr
om meand
repri
mandt hem forit
 
Couldi
tbeShe'
sri
ght
?Wel
l
,ital
lmadeper
fect
sensenow.
 
Wewentbacktoclasswhenthebel
lrangandI
j
ustpassedt
ime,
wai t
ingf
orschool
out. 
Ihadn'tseenTiiset
soandIwasn' tbotheredby
that.Iwasstil
lcontemplat
ingcomi ngtot he
bashonFr iday.Idi
dn'twannadisappointThuli
butagain,Ididn'
twanttoinfur
iateNobuhl eany
furt
her. 
Thi
swasr
eal
l
ygoi
ngt
obeat
oughdeci
sionf
or
me. 
WhywasIsoscaredofher
?Imeanshealways
knewwhi
chbutt
onstopressandIst
il
lhadno
i
deawhati
sitt
hatIhaddonetoher,
thatmade
herhat
emet
hismuch 
Thul
i
:Ican'
tcomewi
thy
out
oday
. 
Me:
Oh?
 
Iwasdisappoi
ntedtosayt
hel
east.Ihadgot
ten
sousedtohavingheri
nmyback. 
Thul
i
:I'
m sor
rybutmymom ispicki
ngmeup,
wegoingtovi
sitasi
ckr
elat
ive.
Me:
Oh,
gowel
l
. 
Alt
houghIwasdisappoi
nted,Iunder
stoodt
hat
famil
ycomesfi
rst.Bl
oodisthickert
hanwater
ri
ght?
 
Yeah,hermom camesoonerthanweboth
thought
.Ihuggedherbef
oreshegoti
nsi
deher
carthenIhadtowalkal
onetocatchat
axi
. 
Iwai
tedandwaitedIt
ell
you.Idon'
tgetwhy
dadwaspunishi
ngmel i
kethi
sandIfeltmysel
f
get
ti
ngmor eandmoreangryathimfordoi
ng
meliket
his.
 
Ii
mmedi at
elygotint
othetaxi
whenItcameand
atl
eastIwasn'tt
hetopic.I
tdr
oppedmeoffat
myhomeandIgotoutt hendr
aggedmyfeett
o
ourdoor
. 
It
ookoutmykeyandunl
ockedsi
ncemyf
ather
wasn'
tther
e. 
Iundressedoutofmyuni
form andint
odad'
s
oldTee.Ithr
ewmy sel
fonthebedanddeep
sl
eepconsumedmei mmediat
ely.
 
Iwaswokenupbymygr umbli
ngst omach.Dad
wasbusywi t
hhissewingmachine.Idi
dn'tev
en
greethi
m becauseofwhathehaddone. 
Imadesomesandwi
chesf
ormy
sel
fandat
e. 
Dad:
Youav
oidi
ngmenow?
 
Igotupandwentoutsi
de.Ireal
lycoul
dn'
tdeal
wit
hthefactthathewasrepl
acingme.Myown
fat
her.Af
terall
wehadbeent hr
oughtoget
her.
I
thadal
way
sbeenhi
m andIagai
nstt
hewor
ld
[
08/
22,
10:
29]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygi
rl

08
Dad:
Youcan'
tav
oidmef
orev
er.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
osay
? 
Dad:
I'
m st
il
lyourf
ather
. 
Me:
Youdon'
thav
etor
emi
nd.
 
Itookmybagandwenttosi
tint
hecar.I
twas
thefoll
owi
ngmorni
ng.Anewday,meani
ngi
ts
sports.
 
IguessIwashappybecauseIj ustl
ovedsoccer
thatmuchandI '
dactuall
yfeel
li
keImat t
eri
n
theteam.It
'sknowingthatmyabsencewould
bev er
yloudthatassur
edmet hatI'
m act
ual
ly
fi
ll
ingsomesor tofvoi
dintheteam. 
Ihadn'
ttalkedt
osinceyest
erdayandactual
l
y,I
didn'
tseeanyneedto.Idi
dn'tknowthi
sman.
Yes,helookedl
ikemyfatherbuthowhehad
changedov
erni
ghtwashar
dtocompr
ehend.
 
Icoul
dn'
tfat
hom howhecoul
dbecomeat otal
l
y
dif
fer
entper
soni
nsuchashortper
iodofti
me
andfi
ndnofaul
tinhowhewassuddenly
tr
eati
ngme. 
Iusedtobehi
sworl
dbutnowi
tseemedl
i
keI
didn'
tmatt
ert
ohi
m. 
What soeverhappenedtomysweetf at
her.I
sit
church?May bethisiswhyI'
dnevergoto
church.Iwouldn'
twanttofindmyselfunabl
eto
recognizethesuddenpersonitmightt
urnme
to. 
Hecameandgoti
nsi
dethecar.Hel
ookedat
meandIj
ustl
ookedf
orward.
 
Heshookhisheadt henst
artedthecar.Forthe
fi
rstti
meinav eryl
ongti
me, Icouldn'
twaitt
o
gettoschool.Thetr
uthi
s,beinginmyf at
her'
s
presencei
nfuri
atedmeevenmor e. 
Ij
ustcoul
dn'
tdeal
wit
hhi
m now.Ist
ret
chedout
myhandt
ohi
m af
terhest
oppedt
hecar
. 
HeputmoneyI
nmyhandandIt
ooki
tthen
t
hankedhi
m. 
Me:
Younotpi
cki
ngmeagai
n? 
Dad:
JustknowI
'
m notdoi
ngt
hist
opuni
shy
ou
or
-
Me:
Igeti
t.
 
Igotoutandbangedthedoor
.Thuli
was
waiti
ngformeasusualAtthegat
e.Weshar
ed
abriefhugt
henIfakedasmilewhenwebr
oke
i
t..
 
Me:
Howar
eyou?
 
Thul
i
:That
'saf
ir
st.
Me:
What
? 
Thul
i:
I'
m al
way
sthef
ir
stonet
oaskhowy
ou
doi
ng. 
Me:HahaIknow,l
ikeIt
old,
I'
m goi
ngt
obea
bet
terf
ri
endtoyou. 
Thul
i
:Wel
l
,I'
mfi
ne,
you?
 
Me:
I'
m al
ri
ght
..
 
Thul
i
:Whyam Inotconv
inced?
 
Me:
Whyar
en'
tyou?
 
Wewalkedt oclass.Wehadbeenstandi
ngat
t
hegate.WesawNobuhl epassi
ngbyandshe
wasn'
talone. 
Me:
Idi
dn'
tknowt
heywer
etoget
her
. 
Thul
i
:Who?
 
Ipoi
ntedatNobuhl
ewhowasbei
ngcosywi
th
Kamo. 
Thul
i
:Mxm 
Me:
What
? 
Thul
i
:Ij
ustdon'
tli
keher.She'
sbitt
er,
alway
s
pi
cki
ngoutoninnocentpeopl
e. 
Me:
Likeme.
 
Thul
i
:Shepr
obabl
yfeel
sthr
eat
enedbyy
ou.
 
Me:
WhatdoIhav
e?Lookather
,shehasi
tal
l
. 
Thul
i
:Notev
ery
thi
ngi
sasi
tseems.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Iwasconfusedbywhatshehadsai dand
somehowi tf
eltt
herewasmor etowhatshe
wassayingthansheletouttome.Ilookedat
hersothatshecoul
dexplaintomewhatshe
meant.
 
Thul
i
:They
'r
enotashappyast
heyseem.
 
Me:
Howwoul
dyouknowt
hat
? 
Thul
i
:Don'
tyouwonderwhyshe'
sal
way
s
pi
cki
ngonyou? 
Me:
Notr
eal
l
y. 
Ishookmyheadandshr uggedmyshoul ders.I
wasr eal
lyl
ostandIneededhertoexplai
n
fur
therwhatshemeantbuti tdi
dn'
tseem li
ke
shewasgoi ngtogofurt
her.Weputourbags
downt henwenttoassembly. 
Theyr emindedusaboutFr idayandIwasn' t
ready .It
'sValentinesafterall,
meani ngwe'dbe
wat chingcoupl espubl i
clydisplay
ingthei
r
affectionforeachot herwhilesomeofusar e
single.Nott hatitbotheredmebuti tsucks.
 
Ial
sowishIcoul
dr eceivearoseandcard,t
hatI
coul
dhavesomeonet ell
mehowmucht hey
l
ovemeev enifi
t'
sal ie.I
sthatr
eall
ytoomuch
toaskf
or?Idoubtitis. 
Wewentbacktoclassandl
essonspr
oceeded.
Ir
eal
lydon'
tknowwhyIhadtobeinthesame
cl
assasNobuhle.
 
Sher eal
lymademybodyshi ver
.Isithertall
structur
eOrmaybeit'
sthedeadst aresshe
alway sgi
vesme?Idon'tknowbutIr eal
lyreal
ly
fearedherandsheknewt hat
. 
ThePresidentcamet oourclasswi
ththevice
presi
dentandasusual ,
hehadt hegi
rlseati
ng
outofhishand.Thewayev er
yonewarmedup
tohimthough,Ijustdi
dn'tgetit
.Whatdidhe
havet
hatmadet hewhol
eschoolf
all
athisf
eet
?
Iadmithe'
shandsomeandal
lbutIsti
l
ldon'
t
getwhytheysuckuptohi
mthismuch. 
Theywer ebusyscreamingandnotgiv
inghima
chancetospeak.You'dswearsomecel ebri
ty
j
ustentered.Iwasjustsit
ti
ngther
ewithmymy
handsonmyear sandmyey esrol
li
ngcauseI
j
ustdidn'tgetwhatthefusswasabout.Even
Thuliwassmi t
tenwhil
eNobuhlewasbl ushi
ng
ashell.
 
Hemaint
ainedast
rai
ghtfacebef
orecleari
ng
hi
sthr
oatandever
yonekeptqui
et.Theywere
soqui
ett
hatyou'
devenhearaneedlefall
.
 
Kamo:
Asy '
al
lknow,
wegotal
i
ttl
esomet
hing
her
eonFr
iday.
Cl
ass:
Yeah!
 
Kamo:
Ther
e'sbeenanewt
wistt
otheev
ent
. 
Wealll
ookedathi
m anxi
ousl
y,wai
ti
ngt
ohear
aboutt
hisnewtwi
st.
 
Thul
i
:(whi
sper
ing)Iwonder
. 
Kamo: There'
sgonnabeadance.Al lt
hegi r
ls
aregonnagetl ockswit
hnumber swhi
lethe
guysgetkey swithmatchi
ngnumberst othose
ofthei
rdestinedpart
nersandthatwil
lbey our
dateforthebash. 
Cl
ass:
Woah!
 
Kamo:Thi
sisreal
l
ygoingtobepret
tyfunify
ou
askme.Andwhoknows, maybeoneofyou
yummymami smightgetapi
eceofthi
s. 
Hesmi rkedandthegi
rlsscreamed.Ir
oll
edmy
eyes.Thisguyisj
usttooarrogant
,he'
stoofull
ofhimselfandtoomuchf orme.Actual
ly,He
andNobuhl ear
ejustperf
ectforeachother
causethatishowshei st
oo. 
Hewalkedoutwitht
hev i
cefol
l
owinghi
mlikea
puppybutt
heclasssti
l
ltal
kedabouthi
m. 
Thul
i
:Iwonderwhoam gonnaget
. 
Me:
Ireal
l
ydon'
twi
shl
i
kecomi
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Don'
tbesuchapar
typauper
. 
Me:No,
Idon'
tl
iket
hist
wist
.Whati
fmydat
e
hat
esme? 
Thul
i
:Let
'snotov
ert
hinkt
hings.
 
Me:Ican'
thel
pit
.Thi
sseemsl
i
keabl
i
nddat
e
ofsomesort.
 
Thul
i
:Iact
ual
lyt
hinki
tsgonnabef
un.Iwonder
who'
sgonnagetK-mor
e. 
"It
hinkt
hat
'sobv
ious"
Wel ookeduponl
ytobemetbyNobuhl
e'
s
beauti
fulf
ace.
 
Thuli
roll
edhereyeswhileIf
eltmyhear
tbeat
accel
erate.I
t'
stheef
fectshehasonme. 
Nobuhl
e:He'
smineaft
erall
andsorr
yt obr
eak
youl
it
tl
egir
ls'
hear
tsbutnoneofyouisget
ti
ng
him.
 
Thuli
:Don'
tbesur
epret
ty.Fr
om whatIhear
d,
ther
e'snoguar
ant
eeofwho'sget
ti
nghim. 
Nobuhl
e:Ohpl
ease,I
'
m hi
sgi
rl
fr
ienddummy
,I
knowhi
snumber. 
Thul
i
:Doy
ounow?
 
Nobuhl
e:Yeah,he'
sanumber08sohe' s
obvi
ousl
ygoingtogetakeywit
ht hatnumber
.
I
'l
lj
usthavetomakesureIgetalockwi t
h
number08.
Shefli
ckedherhai
rthenwentbackt
oherplace.
Idon'
tknowwhyshehadt otel
lusherpl
ans.
She'
ssoobsessedwi t
hKamo, t
othi
nksheev en
hasital
lfi
guredout
. 
Thul
i
:She'
sreal
l
yjustapr
ett
yface.
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Thul
i:She'
sstupi
d.Tot
ell
usallt
hat
,ofcour
se
we'l
lal
lprayandhopewegetan08.
Me:
Exceptf
orme.
 
Thul
i
:Youdon'
tl
ikeK-
mor
e? 
Me:
He'
stoof
ull
ofhi
msel
f.Heact
sli
ket
he
Kany
eWestoft
hisschool
. 
Thul
i
:He'
sthepr
esi
dent
! 
Me:Idon'
tcar
e.He'
stooar
rogantand
annoy
ing.
 
Thul
i
:Well,
Ist
il
lhopeIgetan08.Fi
nger
s
cr
ossed.
 
Me:
Goodl
uckwi
tht
hat
. 
Thet eachercameandl essonsproceeded.I
real
l
ydi dn'twanttobeapar tofthi
s.Idon'
tli
ke
engagingincompet iti
onsbecauset hissur
e
soundedandf el
tli
keone.Ev eryonewasall
hopingt ogetKamowhi leIhopedIgetsickjust
soIendupnotcomi ngt oschool.
 
Ont opofthat
,thechoi rwasgoingtoperform
anitem andbeinginsopr anomeantI'
llbeinthe
fi
rstli
neandIwasshi tscared.I
'
m notshybutI
hatepubli
cspacesandmor eespeci
all
ybeing
thecenterofat
t ent
ion. 
Atbr
eakt
ime,
weboughtpi
esandacol
athen
wentt
osi
tatourusual
spot
. 
Thul
i
:Weshoul
dgodoourhai
rtomor
row.
 
Me:
Wit
hwhatmoney
? 
Thul
i
:Whydoy
out
hinkwe'
vebeensav
ing?
 
Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s.Ihadn'
tev
ent
hought
i
tthatf
ar.
 
Thul
i
:Youcanbesl
owatt
imes.
 
Me:
Youmeani
twasf
orourhai
r? 
Thul
i
:Duuh!
 
Igi
ggl
edandpunchedherl ightl
y .I
thadbeen
l
ongsinceIdi danyt
hingwithmyhai randat
l
eastI
'
dbel ooki
ngabi tdif
ferentatthebash.
Thi
ngsmi ghtturnupdiffer
entf orme.
Whent
hebel
lrangf
orschool
out,webothwent
t
othet
oil
ett
ochangei
ntooursportat
ti
re.
 
Ihadsoccerpr
act
iceandshehadnet
ball
.Af
ter
changing,
wepart
edwaysandIwasstri
ki
ng
thi
stime. 
Oneoft
hedef
ender
s,Nosi
,camet
ome.
 
Nosi
:Youhav
eanamazi
ngbodyy
azi
. 
Me:
Who?Me?Youki
ddi
ngr
ight
? 
Nosi
:Imeani
t,Isowi
shIhadi
t 
Me:
Youcanhav
eitany
timeboo.
 
Nosi
:I
'm pret
tysur
eI'
dfl
aunti
tal
lthet
ime.
Showitoffandshi
t.
 
Il
aughed.I
fonl
ysheknewhowuncomf
ort
abl
e
mybodymakesme. 
Whilsti
nthemistofpract
ice,
theguyscame
againandIonl
ynoticedwhenIheardsome
cheeri
ngaft
erIhadscoredagoal. 
Nosi
:Theyseem t
obef
ondofy
ou.
 
Shesmirked.Idoubtedever
ypartofthat
sent
ence.Idon'tt
hinktheyevennot
icedme.
 
Wewenttochangeinthet
oil
etst
ofi
ndThul
i
hav
ingl
ongchanged. 
Wewal
kedt
oget
hert
ocat
chourt
axi
s. 
Iwasveryt
iredwhenIgothome.That
'
showI
al
waysfeelaft
erpr
acti
ce.
 
Ii
mmediat
elywentt
otakeanapcausemy
bodywasshut
ti
ngdownonme. 
.
[
08/22,10:
30]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

09
Iwokeuplaterandofcourse,
Iwashungry.I
tr
iedi
gnor
ingt hegrumbli
ngofmystomachbut
Ij
ustcoul
dn't.Iwenttobr
ushmyteethand
washmyf acef i
rstt
henIwenttot
hekit
chen.
 
Ifoundmyfatherther
e,r
eadingabook.Bei
ng
thewellmanneredchi
ldIam, Igr
eet
edand
proceededt
omakemy sel
ffood.
Seeourhousei stworoomedsooneoft he
room hasthekitchen,
acouch,tel
evi
sionand
hasadi ni
ngtableandchai
rs,henceyounever
hearmeofgoi
ngtot
heloungeordi
ningr
oom
causet
heyal
li
nthesameroom. 
Dad:Iam onl
ydoingwhat'sbestf oryou.
Underst
andthatI'
vebeenhidi
ngy ouundermy
shadowfortoolongandifIcontinue,youwon'
t
haveanychancetobeabletogr ow.  
Me:
Whynow?
 
Dad:
What
? 
Me:Imeant hi
ssuddenchange.I
'm notafool
dad.Idon'
tbuythi
s"doi
ngwhat'sbestforme"
act.
 
Dad:
Eehm.
.Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Me:Real
l
y?Yougonnapr
etendy
oudon'
tknow
whatI
'mtal
ki
ngabout
? 
Dad:
Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
? 
Me: It
hinkyouKnowpret
tywell
.Iknowt
here'
s
someonei nyourl
i
fewho'
sinf
luenci
ngal
lthese
changes. 
Hesnicker
edbef
oret
urni
ngt
olookatme
agai
n. 
Dad:
That
'sr
idi
cul
ous.
 
Me:
Real
l
y?I
sit
? 
Dad:
Idon'
tknowwhaty
ouwantmet
osay
 
Me: Fi
ne,pr
etendli
keyoudon'
tknowwhatI
'm
tal
ki
ngabout .I
'
llbeafool
inal
lthi
sbutj
ust
know,I'
m notbli
nd. 
Dad:
Yousay
ingt
hingst
hatai
n'
tther
e. 
Me:
I'
m hal
l
uci
nat
ingnow?
 
Dad:
That
'snotwhatImeant
. 
Hechuckl
edli
ght
ly.Imademy sel
facupoftea
andatei
twit
hthebreadIhadmade.Idon't
knowwhydadhadn'tcookedcauseheusual
ly
does.
 
Idecidedtojustl
ethi
m be.I
'mthechil
daft
eral
l
soIcan'tdict
atehisl
i
fe.Ij
usthat
edthathehad
tohidethi
ngsf r
om mebutIhopedthathe
di
dn'thaveagir
lf
ri
end.Thatwasgoi
ngt obe
prett
yweirdandwasgoingtomakethingsver
y
awkwardforme.Imaginemydadsayinghis
goingoutonadate.Eeuw. 
I'
m actual
l
ytheonewhoshoul
dbeonabout
dati
ngandstuff
,nothi
m.I
tdoesn'
tmakesense
atall
. 
Iwenttodomyhomeworkst
henwenttosl
eep
af
ter.I
thadbeenal
ongdayf
ormeafteral
l
. 
Iwokeupasusual andtookabat h.Iwasabi t
nervous, t
hebashi stomorrowandIhadnoi dea
whatIwasgoi ngtowear .Whenitcomest o
clothes,Ihav equiteafashionsenseandmy
fatheralway stoldmeIgoti tfr
om mymom but
Ithinkheal sohadsomet hi
ngt odowi t
hit
,he's
adesi gneraf t
eral
l.Ihadthekicks,Iwasgoing
todomyhai rtodaysowhatwasl eftwasforme
tof i
ndanout fi
t.
 
Isighedandworemyunifor
m.Skir
t,gol
fshir
t,
stockingsandmyschool
shoes.Imadethree
bunswithmyhai
r,putal
lmybooksint
omy
school
bag.It
ookitthenwentt
othekit
chen.
 
Dad:
Good,
youher
e. 
Irol
ledmyeyes.Whereel
sewoul
dIgo?Ist
ay
hereaft
eral
landit
'smorni
ng.
 
Me:
Wher
eel
sewoul
dIbe?
 
Dad:
Your
eal
l
yneedt
odr
opt
heat
ti
tudenow.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ryt
hen.
 
Dad:Any
way,Iwant
edtoasky
ouwhaty
ou
goi
ngtoweartomor
row. 
Ishruggedmyshoul ders.Thisbashwas
str
essingmeandi fi
twer en'
tforThul
i,
Iwould
nothav eevenbotheredtogot oschool.Thi
s
wasf r
ustrati
ngformeandagai n,Dadwould
neverletmebunkmor eespeciall
ybecauseI
wasabsentonMonday .
 
Dad:
Whatdoy
ouhav
einmi
nd?
 
Me:
Trut
his,
Idon'
tknow.It
houghtabouti
tbut
not
hingcomest
omi
nd.
 
Dad:
I'
ll
makeapl
anf
ory
ou.
 
Me:
Youwi
l
l? 
Igr
inned.Thatwasgoi
ngt
obeonel
esst
hingt
o
worryabout.
Dad:Ofcour
se,youmydaught
er.I
t'
smyri
ght
ful
dut
ytolookaft
eryouandInev
ermind.
 
Me:
Thanky
oudad.
 
Ithrewmyselfinhisarmsandweshar edatight
,
shortembrace.Daddr ovemetoschoolthen
gavememoneyf orlunchandtotakeataxi
home.Iwassl owlyandsurel
ygetti
ngusedto
goingbackwithat axi
. 
Ihadtobetheonetowaitf
orThul
ibecause
surpr
isi
ngl
y,Iwasear
ly.
 
Nobuhlej
usthadt ocomebutwhoam Iki
ddi
ng?
I
'm att
hegatesoany onei
sboundtopassby
me.Shewaswi thherboyf
ri
end,
theywere
hol
dinghands.Isawherscanmefrom my
shoest
omyheadbef
oresheev
enappr
oached.
 
Forthefi
rstti
meinmyl i
fe,
Iexchangedstar
es
wit
ht hepresi
dent.Helookedevenmor e
handsomeatacl oserviewandIactual
ly
underst
oodwhi l
eallt
hegi r
lsweresointohi
m. 
It
'swhenNobuhleclear
edherthroatthatI
noti
cedwehadbeenst ari
ngateachot herf
or
waytoolong.Il
ookeddownast heypassedme
andIwasv er
ysurethatshewasgoi ngto
murdermewhenwemeetal one.
 
Shewassopossessi veofhim andIactually
understoodwhy .I
twouldhav ebeenbet t
erifhe
didthesame.I twasnosecr ett
herewasot her
gir
lsandIhadhear dfr
om Thulihowsheused
tobeatal l
thegi rl
sthathecheatswith.
Apparentlytheyhav eanonandof fr
elati
onship.
She'sverypopul ar(Nobuhle)ar
oundt heschool
anditsunder standablebecauseshe'sdating
thepresident. 
Thul
i
:Hey
. 
Itwashervoi
cethatbroughtmebacktoreal
i
ty.
Ihadbeensolostinmyownt hought
s.Ismil
ed
aswesharedabr i
efhug. 
Thul
i
:Thi
smustbeami
racl
e. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
What
? 
Thul
i
:You,
comi
ngbef
oreme.
 
Me:
Haha,
it'
sonl
ytoday
. 
Thul
i
:Sohowar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m goodbabe,
you?
 
Thul
i
:I'
m goodhey
,hangi
ngi
nther
e. 
Me:
What
'swr
ongnow?
 
Thul
i
:Mymom i
sabi
tsi
ck.
 
Me:
OhI
'
m sor
ry.
 
Igaveherahugandassuredherthatal
lwi
llbe
well
.Wewentt ocl
asstoputourbagsdown
thenwenttoassembl
y.Wehadchoi rpr
act
ice
t
odayandi
twasmor
efort
omor
row'
sev
ent
. 
Weweredismissedt
oourdi
ff
erentcl
assesand
l
essonsst
art
ed. 
Iwaswai t
ingf
orThuliatt
hetoi
l
etdur
ingbreak
ti
mewhenNobuhl ecametomeandIreal
ly
wishedtheear
thcouldswall
owmeup.Shewas
withhertwofr
iends.
 
Nobuhl
e:Wel
l
,wel
l
,wel
l
.Whatdowehav
e
her
e? 
Theygi
ggled.Iwasal
one,
inacor
ner
,wi
th
theset
hree.
Nobuhl
e:I
fyouknowwhat'
sgoodforyou,
you
woul
dn'
tcometothebashtomor
row. 
Me:
W..Why
? 
Myv oicewasstutter
ingbutIhadt oforcei
tout.
Ican'
talwaysshowherhowmuchshe
i
ntimidatedme.Tot hinkshe'st
hin,y
ouwoul d
thi
nkIcouldjustsqueezeherupbutshe' stal
l
er
thanmesoIdi dn'teventhinkaboutit
.I'
m not
eventhevi
olentt
ypeandmaybet
hati
swhyshe
fel
tshecoul
dr ul
eoverme.
 
Nobuhl
e:Isawhowyoul
ookedathim.You
r
eall
ydon'
twannaseemyothersi
de. 
"Oohwescar
ed"
ThatwasThulispeaki
ngbehi
ndme.Shenever
suckedupt oNobuhl
ewhil
eItrembl
edather
presence.
 
Nobuhl
e:Idon'
tgetwhatt
hishast
odowi
th
you.
 
Thuli
:I'
m act
ual
lysi
ckandti
redofy
ouNobuhl
e
bossi
ngev er
yonear
ound.
 
Nobuhl
esnicker
edthenshookherhead,
bef
ore
maint
aini
ngastrai
ghtf
ace. 
Nobuhl
e:Youdon'
twannamesswi
thme,
trust
me! 
Shecli
ckedhertonguebef
orel
eav
ingandI
coul
dfinal
l
ybreathe.
 
Thul
i:
Youshoul
dst
opl
ett
inghert
akecont
rol
of
you
Me:
It'
snott
hateasy
. 
Wewenttobuyour
sel
vessomefood.Weate
andwentbackt
ocl
asswhenthebel
lrang.
 
Afterschool
,wewentt
ot hehal
lforchoi
r
practi
cethenwetookataxit
otownsowe
coulddoourhair
. 
Thul
i
:Whatar
eyouget
ti
ng?
 
Me:
Idon'
tknow.May
becor
nrows.
 
Thul
i
:I'
l
ldoasi
mpl
est
rai
ghtback.
 
Wegotintothesal
onandIdi dthosebi
g
cor
nrows.Itwasaboutsevenrowswhil
eThul
i
di
dasmal lli
nesst
rai
ghtback. 
Wepaidthenleftsi
nceitwasalr
eadylat
e.We
shar
edashor thugbeforewebothdepart
edt
o
ourdi
ff
erenthomeswi ththet
axi
. 
Iwasgoi
ngt
ofi
nal
l
yseewher
eshel
i
ves
tomorrowwher
eI'
dbesleepi
nganddaddi
dn'
t
haveaprobl
em wi
thi
t.It
hinkhej
ustwant
edt
o
getri
dofme. 
Anyway
,Igotoutatmygat
eanddr
aggedmy
bi
gasstothehouse.
 
Me:
I'
mti
red!
 
Isai
dasIent
eredi
ntoourhome.
 
Dad:
Rest
.Igotsomet
hingIneedt
oshowy
ou.
 
Me:
Act
ual
l
y,Idon'
tthi
nkI
'
mthatt
ir
ed.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Youl
i
ket
hings.
 
Me:
No,
Imeani
t.I
'
m notr
eal
l
yreal
l
yti
red.
 
Dad:
Okay
,goandchange.
 
Ihal
fruntothebedr
oom whereIputmybag
downthenchangedoutofmyunifor
m.Iwore
someshortsandvestwi
thfl
opsthenwentt
o
wheredadwas. 
Me:
So?
 
Dad:
Igoty
ousomethi
ngbutI
'
llonl
yshowy
ou
t
omorrowmor
ning.
 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:
It'
sasur
pri
se.
 
Me:
ButDadt
hat
'snot-
Dad:
Pat
iencebaby
,pat
ience.
 
Me:
That
'snotf
air
. 
Dad:
Lif
eisn'
t.
 
Iknewdadwasn'
tgoingt
oshowmesoIgave
up.Luckyf
orme,
Ididn'
thav
eanyhomewor
k.

Iwentt
otakeanapl
i
keIusual
l
ydo.
 
Imadef
oodf
ort
hebot
hofuswhenIwokeup.
 
Dadusedt ocookbutIdon'
tknowwhat
happened.Idi
shedupthenweate,
watchi
ng
TV. 
Dad:
It'
sbeensuchal
ongt
imesi
ncewespent
t
imet
oget
her
.
Me:
Weal
way
sdo.Wel
i
vei
nthesamehouse.
 
Dad:
YouKnowi
t'
snott
hesame.
 
Me:
May
bei
fyouwer
en'
tkeepi
ngt
hingsf
rom
me.
 
Dad:
Whatam Ikeepi
ngf
rom y
ou?
 
Me:
Ithi
nky
ouknow.
 
Dad:
Yout
oosmar
tfory
ourage.Bedt
imenow.
 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:
Come,
let
'sgot
ucky
oui
n. 
Me:
I'
m notababydad.
 
Dad:
Youl
i
keact
ingl
i
keone.
 
Il
ethi
m be.Hepickedmeupbri
dal
sideandI
j
ustgi
ggled.Het
uckedmeinandIfel
lasl
eep
al
mostimmediat
ely. 
Isowi
sht
omor
rowwasn'
tthi
snear
.
[
08/
22,
10:
31]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygi
rl

10
Me:
Arey
ousur
eit
'snott
oot
ight
? 
Isaidtur
ning.Hechuckl
edandIdidn'tf
indany
ofthisamusing.Iact
ual
l
ywonderedi ft
hejoke
wasonhi m oronmebuteitherway,Iwasona
veryseri
ousnote. 
Dad:
Yes,
I'
m 150%sur
e. 
Me:
Idon'
tknowdad.
 
Iwasn'
tconvi
nced.Ikeptt
urni
ngaroundwhi
le
l
ookingatmyrefl
ecti
ononourfull
bodymirr
or.
Itwashangi
nginourbedroom. 
Dad:Youdoknowt
haty
ouact
ual
l
ywast
ing
yourownti
me.
Me:
Younothel
ping.
 
Iwasjustwor
ri
edaboutt
hetight
ness.Ihad
neverbeenaf
anofti
ghtcl
othes.Li
kemyt uni
c,
theyjustmademewayt oouncomfort
able.I
couldn'
thandlepeoplelookingatmyassor
breastsorcurves.Act
ually
,Ican'
thandle
peoplelooki
ngatmeatal l
. 
Dad:Youlooksplendid,marvelous,
fabulous,
fant
asti
c,amazi
ng, exquisi
te,magnif
icent,
dashi
ng..NeedIsaymor e? 
Igi
ggled.Myownf atherwasmakingmebl ush
andthatmademef eelver
yspeci
al.Heari
ng
hi
m sayt hosewor
dsmadeacer t
ainli
tt
lebri
dge
ofconfi
dencebuil
duponme.  
Me:
Okay
,Igeti
t.
 
It
urnedt
olookathi
m. 
Me:
Thanky
oudaddy
. 
Dad:I
'
mj ustsay
ingi
tli
keiti
s.Nowf
ini
shup,
bef
oreyoubecomelate.
 
Ipouredsomeoilsheenonmycornr
owsbefor
e
brushingmybabyhairwi
thmyhands.It
ookmy
sportsbagwhi
chwassor tofl
i
keabag.
Me:
DidIf
orgetsomet
hing?
 
Dad:
Youdi
dn'
t.Youget
ti
ngl
ate.
 
Ipeekedthr
oughitjustt
omakesur et
henI
cl
osedit.Wewentt othekit
chenwher
ehegav
e
memybowl ofsorghum porr
idge.
 
Iat
ethenhedr
ovemet
oschool
. 
Dad:Don'tl
etanyonebr
ingyoudown.Alway
s
remembert hati
nmyeyesandtheeyesofGod,
youbeautif
ulanddon'
tl
etanyonetel
lyou
other
wise. 
Ismiled.Ir
eall
yhadagoodfatherandIcoul
d
neveraskforanyoneel
secausehe'sj
ustthe
bestandmor e.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyoudadandt
hanky
ou.
 
Dad:
Ilov
eyout
oobaby
.Youev
ery
thi
ngt
ome.
 
Ismiledthenwehugged.Wehadarr
ivedatmy
school.Hegavememymoneyt henIkissed
him onthecheekt
hengotoutoft
hecar .
 
Iwasholdi
ngmybagv er
yclosetomybody.
Thewaypeoplewerel
ookingatme,If
eltl
i
ke
j
usttur
ningbackandgoi
nghome.  
Mydadhasagoodey ewheni tcomesto
fashi
on.Iwaswear inganal lwhit
etwopiece
withmyv ansol dSkool .Thetopwasal ong
sleev
edcr optopwhi chhadanopenOshapeat
thebacksoIwasn' twear i
ngabr a.Thebott
om
wasahi ghwai stedskirtthatwasjustbel
owt he
kneesandhadasl itont hesidewhichwentup
tomyt high.Ihadbi ggol dhoopear ri
ngsanda
brownlipst i
ck.Idon'tdomakeup.  
IfoundThul
iwaitingformeatthegateasusual
andshewasl ookingveryr
adi
ant.Shewas
wearingashortredjumpsui
twhichhuggedher
bodyandblackwedges.Weshar edahug 
Me:
Youl
ooksi
zzl
i
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Thanky
oudar
li
ng.
 
Webroket
hehugandshel
ookedi
nfr
ontand
behi
ndme.
 
Me:
Somet
hingwr
ong?
 
Shegi
ggl
ed.
 
Thul
i
:What?No.Youlooksassybabeandt
hat
boot
y,ohmygosh. 
Igi
ggl
ed.Ihadplant
edallt
hatmydadtol
dme
onmymi ndandIwasnotgoinganyl
essthan
hetol
dme, atl
eastnott
oday.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Shetookmyhandandwewal kedabitf
arfr
om
peopl
e.All
thoseeyespier
cingthr
oughmybody
butIj
ustsuckeditupandbracedmysel
fand
someconfidence.
 
Thul
i
:Let
'sgoputourbagsi
ntheof
fi
ce.
 
Me:
Whi
chone?
 
Thul
i
:Don'
twor
ryaboutt
hat
.Come.
 
ShetookmyhandandIaccompaniedhertothe
staf
froom.Ist
oodoutsi
deandwai
tedforheras
shewentinwithourbags.
 
"Thatass,
thatass,t
hatass"someonesang
behindmeandIi nv
olunt
ari
lyrol
l
edmyey es.
 
It
urnedtol
ookatwhoitwasandmyj aw
dr
opped.Hewinkedatmethengoti
nsidet
he
st
uffr
oom.
Me:
Asshol
e. 
Imumbl edundermybr eath.Thisboysweren'
t
taughthowt otreataladyandsomehowhe
mademef eel f
at.Idon'tknowifitmakessense
buthejustleftmef eeli
ngsol i
tt
le.Iwasso
usedtopeopl enotici
ngmybodybef oret
hey
canlookatmyf ace,especial
lyguys.
 
Thul
icameandIt
ri
ednott
oshowherhow
downIwas.
 
Me:
Yousur
etooky
ourt
ime.
 
Thul
i
:Ihadtodosomeser
iousconv
inci
ngf
ir
st
buti
t'
sal
ldone.
 
Inodded.Thebel
lhadrangal
readysowehad
nootherchoi
ceothert
hangoi
ngt othe
assembl
yar
easowemadeourwayt
her
e. 
Westoodi nourusuall
ineanditst
art
ed.
Midwaythrough,Nobuhlegr
aceduswi t
hher
pr
esence #Roll
ing_
eyes
Shewasbeingfoll
owedbyhersi deki
cks,who'
s
namesIdidn'
tknowt houghwei nthesame
cl
ass.That
'sembarrassingIknow. 
Anyway ,shel ookedf l
awless.Herdr esswast oo
shortthough.Shewaswear i
ngabl ackbody
huggingdr esswhi chhuggedherbar elythere
behi
nd.I twassoshor tthatIthinkifshewast o
bend,we' dseeherbar ebutt.Shehadmat ched
i
twithRedpl atform heel
s.Hersi dekickswere
wearingmat chi
ngj umpsuits,blackincolour
wit
hpumps.Imi ghtnotber i
chbutI '
v enever
andImeannev erinmyl if
ebeenaf anofpumps.
Idon'townev enonepai rofpumps.  
Theattent
ionhadshif
tedfrom what
everwas
bei
ngannouncedtoher ,
that'
showshehad
i
ntr
iguedusandwi t
hherheelsthathadbeen
makingnoi
se,t
her
ewasnowaywewoul
dn'
t
hav
et ur
nedtol
ookather
. 
Weturnedourheadsbackt
othefr
ont,
wewere
t
oldthechoi
rwasmeet i
ngi
mmediatel
yaf
ter
t
hisf
orf i
nal
touchupsonouri
tem.
Whenwewer edi
smissedfrom assembly
,we
i
mmedi at
elywenttothehallandthat
'swher
e
weremainedunti
lwehadsomemusi cpl
ayi
ng
fr
om theassemblyarea.That'
swherethe
bash/
eventwasgoingt obeheld.
 
Wet
henwentbackt
her
e. 
Thul
i
:Youwear
ingmat
chi
ngout
fi
ts.
.Ni
ce.
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Shepointedtowhoshewast alkingaboutand
myey est r
avel
l
edt owhoshewasspeaki ng
about.Iimmediatel
ygotbor ed.ItwasKamo
andhej usthadto,hej usthadt owearall whi
te
l
ikeme.Hewaswear ingawhi t
el ongerl
engthT
-shi
rtwithawhiteskinnyj eanst hatwastornin
t
hekneesandVansol
dSkool
. 
Me:
Lor
dtakemenow!
 
Thulichuckledshakingherhead.Thiswas
goi
ngt obeal ongdayforme.ThoughI
wonder edifthiswasamer ecoincidenceor
what.Ididn'tseehiminthemor ningbefor
eand
atassembl ythenboom, hecomeswear i
ngli
ke
me. 
Anyway,Ididn'
tthi
nkt
oomuchaboutit
.He
doesn'
tknowmesoy eah,
it'
sjusta
coi
ncidence. 
Theygav
ehimthemicandt
hecrowdwent
cr
azybefor
eheevensai
dawor
d. 
Eventheboysadmiredhim,t
heywerewhistl
i
ng
whil
ethegirl
sscr
eamed.Ijustr
oll
edmyey es
andwaslike"Canthisdayj
ustendal
ready".
Kamo:
Mami
i
esandpapi
i
es,
Igr
eety
'al
l
. 
Theywentcr
azyagai
n. 
Kamo:
SoI
'
m nott
heMCbutI
'
mjusther
eto
war
mthi
ngsupf
orher
. 
Theyallseemeddi sappointedbutIwasactual
l
y
gl
adhei sn'
t.Theguyi sjusttooful
lofhi
mself,
we'dprobablyhearhimt ell
ushowhotand
handsomehei s,notthathe' sl
yi
ngthough.
Kamo:Sowegonnastartwi
ththechoi
rand
someotherper
for
mancestheny'
all
wil
lgetyour
key
sandlocks.
 
Theyshoutedagai
n.Hegav
eov
ert
othev
ice
presi
dent
. 
Wewenttothestageandperf
ormed.Wellsoon
aft
er,wewer
edonet henThul
iandIwentt
osi t
downcausesheclai
medherfeetwereki
ll
i
ng
her.
 
Me:
Youcoul
dhav
ejustwor
nfl
atshoes.
 
Thul
i:
Hellnobabe,Ican'
tbedanci
ngwi
thK-
morewit
hf l
atshoes.
 
Me:
Her
ewegoagai
n! 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.
 
Thul
i
:Whydoy
ouhat
ehi
m somuch?
 
Me:Idon'
that
ehi
m,I
'
mjustnotaf
anoft
he
guy
. 
Thul
i
:Mm.
.Ify
ousayso.
 
Itwasannouncedthatonlytheguysf r
om Gr ade
12woul dbepartofthedance.Idon'tknowwhy
thoughandthegirl
sfrom Grade10-11.We
gather
edagaintohearhowi t'
sallgonnawal k
andOurKany eWestwenti ntost
ageagai n.This
guyistheKanyeWest+AKAoft heschool .I
hopey'al
lgetwhatImean. 
Kamo:Letmejustcutt
othechase.Iknowy'
all
l
oveseei
ngmyhandsomef acebutTimeain'
t
onoursi
de.
. 
Theyscr
eamed.Hisegoisov
ersi
zedandhi
s
pri
deisj
ustonoverdose.
 
Kamo: Sot heboysononesideandthegir
lson
theother.You'
llonl
ymixaft
erever
yonegets
thei
rlocksandkey s.Wedon'
twantanyfoul
pl
ay.I
fyoudon'
tgetmeory
ourcr
ush,
you'
l
ljust
havet
osuckitup.
 
Musicwasplay
edwhilemembersoft
heRCL
gaveusl
ocks.Theguysfr
om t
heRCLgaveus
gir
lswhi
l
ethegirl
sfr
om RCLgaveboyst
hei
r
keys.
 
Whenev
ery
onewassor
ted,
Kamowentt
othe
st
agewi
thhi
skeyonhi
shand.
 
Kamo: Sonowt
hatweal
lsor
ted,
boy
s,gof
ind
yourdates.
 
Nobuhl
ecamet
ous.
 
Nobuhl
e:It
oldy
oubi
tchesI
'
llgetan08.
Thul
i
:Butt
hequest
ioni
s,di
dhegetan08?
Nobuhl
e:Ofcour
sehedi
ddummy
. 
Me:
Ithoughthesai
dnof
oul
playi
nvol
ved.
 
Nobuhl
e:Igotmyway
s. 
Thul
i
:Ij
ustt
hinki
tsbei
ngt
oodesper
ate.
 
Nobuhl
e:Whoaskedy
out
ospeak?
 
Wi
ththatsai
d,shelef
t,shaki
nghert
inyassand
wej
ustcrackedint
olaughter
. 
Thul
i
:It
houghtIwasgoi
ngt
ogetan08.
Me:
I'
m gl
adIdi
dn'
t.
 
Thul
i
:12.Ihopeshe'
shot
. 
Me:Haha,Idon'
tcar
ehowhel
ooks,
I'
mjust
gl
adit
'snotKamogelo.
 
Thul
i
:Whatdi
dyouget
? 
Ihadn'
tev
encheckedmynumber
.It
hen
deci
dedtolookandi
twas05.
 
Me:
Fiv
e. 
I
nfact
,Iwasactual
l
ysurpr
isedbecause05is
myjer
seynumber.I
fthi
sbeacoincidencet
hen
i
tseemsI'
m hav
ingwaytoomanyoft hose
t
oday.
 
"Any
onewi
tha12?
"
Wetur
nedanditwasahandsome,chubby
yel
l
owboneandhewasonfleekt
oo.Thuli
couldn'tevenspeak.Ihadnev
erseenmyf
ri
end
thi
sst unned. 
Guy
:Yesorno?
 
Me:
Thul
i
Isai
d,poki
ngher
. 
Thul
i
:Huh?
 
Me:
She'
sa12.
Itol
dtheguy .Theyhadt
ousethekeytounlock
thel
ockjustt oomakesur
eit
'st
herightoneand
i
twasamat ch. 
Theywentt
otheOt
hercoupl
esandt
her
eIwas,
al
one,wai
ti
ng.
 
Nobuhl
eandoneofhersi
deki
cksal
sohadn'
t
f
oundthei
rmatcht
oo. 
Nobuhl
e:Wher
ethehel
li
sK-
mor
e? 
Theywer
en'
tstandingt
hatfarf
rom mehenceI
coul
dhearwhattheyweresayi
ng.
 
Kamocamewi
thaf
ri
endofhi
sandt
heyf
ir
st
wenttoBuhleandIsawhergr
inni
ngbef
ore
thr
owinghersel
finhi
sar
ms.Hesmackedher
buttandshegiggl
ed.
 
"
Hey
"
Ilookedupt obemetbysuchanugl yguy.I
mi ghthav ebeencalleduglybutIwasnothi
ng
l
iket hisguy .Hewasdar k,hadpi
mples,hewas
j
ustscar y.Iswall
owedsalivadeepl
ybefore
replying.Imi ghthav
esaidIdidn'
tcarewhoIget
butt hisone, ohno.Ayiangeke!
 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
Guy
:So,
arey
ou08?
Iwant
edt olaughoutl oud.Iwasver
yhappy
shame,Ididn'
treplybutpointedt
oNobuhleand
thi
scr
eatureleft.Icouldn'
tevenf
acehi
m
twi
ce.
 
Guy
:Youmydat
e? 
Nobuhl
e:What
?Eeuw,
no.
 
Guy
:Butshe(
poi
nti
ngatme)sai
dyouan08.
Nobuhl
e:Iam butI
..He.
.Baby
?
Kamo:
Yesbabe?
 
Nobuhl
e:Hesay
shi
s..Whatnumberar
eyou?
 
Kamo:
Ihav
en'
tchecked.Wai
t,y
ouherdat
e? 
Guy
:Yeahman.
 
Kamo:
Mm.
.Okay
 
Heki
ssedheront
hecheek.
 
Kamo:
I'
ll
seey
ou.
 
Nobuhle:Wait
,justl
i
kethat
?Can'twedo
somethingaboutthi
s?Whydidn'
tshe(point
ing
atme)gethim?Theybot hugl
yanyway. 
Theyal
ll
ookedatmeandIl
ookeddown,
bit
ing
mynail
s. 
Kamo:
Nof
oul
playr
emember
. 
Theguyt ookherandshel ef
t,cur
singbetween
herteet
handIsi l
ent
lylaughedather.Icouldn'
t
beloudlestIf
indmy selfv
ict
im ofherwrath. 
Kamo:
Mydat
e. 
Il
if
tedmyf aceandlookedathi
m.Thi
scoul
dn'
t
be,Icoul
dn'
tbeli
eveit
.No.No.No.
 
Me:
What
? 
Hedidn'trepl
ybutinsteadt
ookmyhandwhi l
e
l
ookingatme.Idon' tknowhowithappenedbut
Istar
edbackathim andhedi dn'
tbreakthe
gaze.Whenhet ouchedme, somethingwei
rd
happened.Itwasli
kesomeel ect
riccurr
ent
fl
owedf rom hi
mtomeandv i
ceversa.
 
Hetookthelockandputiti
nhi
skeyand
sur
pri
singl
y,i
tunlocked.
 
Me:
No
Kamo:
Yes.
 
Me:
Ican'
tbel
i
evet
his.
 
Kamo:Doy ouknowhowmanygi
rl
swantt
obe
your
ightnow? 
Me:
Idon'
tcar
ebutIdon'
twannabey
ourdat
e.
I
nfact
,Iwi
sht
hatugl
y-
Kamo:
Arey
oushi
tt
ingonmer
ightnow?
 
Me:Idon' tl
ikeyouman.Youtooarr
ogant,
you
toofullofyoursel
fandyout
hinkyoubet
terthan
ever
y one. 
Icouldseehi m gett
ingangrybutIj
usthadto
sayit.Idon'tknowwher eIgotthebrav
erytobe
thatbrutalbutthi
sguyjustbroughtoutthe
worstinme.  
Kamo:Youact
ual
l
yser
iousy
oudon'
twantme?
Thi
s. 
Hepointedathi
mselfandIrol
l
edmyey es.
Outcheaacti
ngl
ikehebreat
hesfl
avor
edair.
Fuckhim. 
Me:
Bet
terbel
i
evei
t.
 
Kamo: I
'
mt hepresi
dent,
I'
mthecaptai
nofthe
soccerteam, I
'
m handsome,hotandsexyand
youdon'twantallthat
?I'
m Ri
ch,Igotacar
.I
gotital
l
, t
ellmewhaty oudon'
tsee? 
Me:
Whyshoul
ditMat
terwhatIt
hinkofy
ou?
 
Kamo:
Khensani
. 
Me:
Youknowmyname?
 
Iwasshocked.Myjawl
i
ter
all
ydr
opped.How
di
dheknowme?  
Kamo:
Umm.
.Let
'sgot
other
est
. 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
tanswerme.
 
Kamo:
I'
m notgoi
ngt
o. 
Het
ri
edhol
dingmyhandbutIy
ankedi
tof
f.
 
Kamo:Howwegoi
ngt
odancei
fIcan'
ttouch
you?
 
Me:
Wecanal
way
sswi
tchwi
thNob-
Kamo:
No.Let
'sj
ustgo.
 
All
thatwasonmymindwas,
thi
sissur
ely
goi
ngtobealongdayf
orme.
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l
11
Youknow, I'
dnev erhaveimagi nedthatI'
dbe
herewithsomeoneIj ustdespi se.I'
m one
personwhopr efershangingwi thsomeone
humble,regardl
essoft heircl
asst hanbeing
withsomeonewho' spreferr
edbyev er
yonewho
l
ooksdownonot herpeople,thinki
nghisbetter
thaneveryone. 
Kamo: Canyouj
usttol
erat
emefortheti
me
being?Imeanever
yoneelsei
senj
oying
themselves.
Il
ookedar oundandhewasr ight.Thedance
hadbeganandy oucouldclearl
yseeev eryone
washav ingtheti
meoft hei
rl i
vesexceptf or
well,me.Ireal
lywishIhadn'tcomecausehe
wouldhav ebeenwi t
hsomeonewhowas
actuall
ygoingtofalldownathi spresence,
fi
gurati
velyspeaki
ng. 
Isi
gheddeepl
y.
 
Me:
Fine.
 
Kamo:
Thanky
ou.
 
Hetookmebymywai st
,withhiseyesfixedon
me.He'stall
erthanme, li
kev er
ytallbutnotto
tal
l
,I'
m actual
lytheshortoneher e.Igazedback
athim.Hisbeautif
ulfaceenticedmebutI
wasn'tabouttofal
lvi
ct i
mt ohiswomani zing
ways. 
Iputmyhandsonhi sneckandhebroughtour
bodiescl
osert
ogether.Ir
eal
lydon'
tknowwhat
washappeningandIcouldn'
tfat
hom howhe
wasmakingmef eel.
 
Al
lthef
eel
i
ngswer
efor
eignt
ome.
 
Wewer edanci
ngsl owly,
tothebeatofourown
heart
scauseI'
m prettysurethemusicwasabit
fast
erthanourownpace.Iputmyheadonhi s
chestaswecontinuedtodanceandIcouldfeel
thebeati
ngofhisheart.
Kamo:
Thi
sfeel
ssor
ight
. 
Istoppedandlookedathimi ntheeyes.Hehad
aseriousfaci
alexpr
essionon.I'
veneverreal
l
y
seenhim smil
e,oratleastnotwit
hme.  
Kamo:
Justgowi
tht
hef
low.
 
Me:
Whydoy
ouf
indt
he-
Hecutmeshor tbyputt
inghisthumbonmyli
ps
andIgasped.Hebrushedmyf acewit
hhi
shand
andIj
uststaredathi
m, notbl
inki
ng.
 
"Iknewi
t!"
Sheshoutedbehindusandbyt hatv
oice,
I
alr
eadyknewwhoi twas.Sheshoutedsomuch
thatever
yonestoppedwhattheyweredoing
andlookedatherandIguessit'
swhatshe
wanted. 
Kamot
ight
enedhi
sjawandIt
houghthewas
goi
ngt
oletgoofmywai
stbuthedi
dn't
. 
I
twascl earthathewasgett
ingpissed.Imight
notknowhi m butIr
eal
izedthenthathedidn'
t
l
ikebeingshoutedatandhisgirl
fr
iendsurehad
amout
h. 
Nobuhl
e:Iaskedyouni
celyNokubonganotto
pi
ssmeof fbutyouj
usthadtomakesurey ou
gethi
m. 
Iwasspeechless,notbecausewhatshewas
sayi
ngwast r
uebutbecauseIj ustcoul
dn'
tfind
anywordstosay .Iopenedmymout htotryand
saysomethi
ngbutmyt hroatj
ustgotdry
. 
Shecamecl osert omeandwasaboutt oslap
me, Ial
readyhadmyey esclosed.I
'vealway s
saidI'
m notav i
ol entpersonsoIcoul dn'
tfight
herback,Idon'tev enknowhowt ofight.So
thereIwas,waitingf oraburningsensationand
whenIf el
tthedel ay,Iopenedmyey esand
Kamowashol dingherhand.
Idi
dn'tev
enr eal
izehehadletgoofmywai
st,
I
guessevery
thinghappenedthatf
ast
. 
Kamo: Idon'
twanttorepri
mandyoui
nfr
ontof
al
lthesepeoplebutI
'm goi
ngtoasky
ouonce,
l
eave. 
Nobuhl
e:What
?Baby
,thi
sisme.
 
Shetouchedhi
sfacebutIcoul
dn'
tst
andt
he
st
ares.
 
Me:
I'
ll
leav
e. 
Isai
d,wal
ki
ng.
 
Kamo:
Khensani
. 
Me:
No.
 
I
tcameoutasawhi sper,
Iranawayfrom t
here
becausef
rankl
y,i
fIhadstayedaminutemore,I
wouldhav
ecr i
edinfr
ontofallt
hosepeopl
e. 
Ifonlysheknew,i
fonl
ysheknewhowIdi
dn'
t
wantt obehisdat
e.Iwi
shsheknewhowmuch
Ididn'tev
enwanttobeint
hatpl
ace.
 
WhenIwasti
red,Ist
oppedt
ocat
chmybr
eat
h
andt
hetear
sjustfel
l
.Whyme? 
NowIdon'tknowhowIwasev ergoi
ngt
oface
ever
yoneaft
erall
thathappened. 
"I
'
m sor
ry"
Ilookedbehi
ndmeandi twasKamo.Iwasn'
ti
n
themoodf orhim,notnowandfrom what
happened,never.
 
HehuggedmeandIcouldn'
tev
enf i
ghthim,I
sobbedonhi
schestwhi
l
ehesof t
lybrushedmy
back.
 
Kamo:
Pleasedon'
tcr
y,i
t'
sal
lov
er.
 
Imovedmyheadf
rom hi
schestandl
ookedat
hi
m. 
Me:
isi
treal
l
y? 
Henodded.
 
Me:Thisj
ustmadet
hingswor
seandI
'
mjust
t
ir
ed. 
Kamo:
Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Me:Youknowshe'shat
edmef rom thef
ir
st
ti
meIgotinthi
sschool
.Shemadei tapoint
fr
om t
hatmomentt omakeli
fehel
lformeandI
di
dn'
tevenknowhernamethen. 
Kamo:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:Don'
tbe.Fr
om nowon,
Iwon'
tev
enl
ookat
you.
 
Kamo:
No,
please,
don'
t.
 
Me:
NoKamogelo,
she'
sgoi
ngt
ohat
emeev
en
mor
efr
om now.
 
Kamo:
WhatcanIdot
omakey
ouf
eel
bet
ter
? 
Me:
Justl
eav
emeal
one.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
ehowy
oucal
lmyname.
 
Me:
Thi
sisnot
imet
obecocky
. 
Thulicamerunni
ngtomeandIi mmedi
atel
y
rej
oicedbecauseshehadourbagswi
thher.
 
Thul
i
:Ar
eyouokay
? 
Idon'
tthi
nksheevensawKamo,she
i
mmedi at
elycov
eredmeinanembracewhi
l
eI
assur
edherI'
mf i
ne.
 
Iactual
l
yfel
tbet
ter
,may
bei
t'
sbecauseIhad
cri
edandleti
tal
lgo.
 
Kamoclearedhi
sthr
oat.Thi
sguyl
oves
at
tent
ionshame.Thul
il
etgoofme. 
Thul
i
:Let
'sgo.
 
Kamo:
Now?
 
Thul
i
:Yeah,
Imeanafterwhathappened,
Idon'
t
seet
hebashcont
inui
ng. 
Me:Idon'
tev
encar
eaboutthebash.Ij
ust
wannagohomeandfor
getaboutthi
s. 
Itookmybagfrom her
.Shewal
kedaway,
probabl
ytogi
veussomespace.Heputhi
s
handonmycheek. 
Itouchedhi
shandonmycheek.At
earescaped
fr
om myey e,Icoul
dn'
tdot
his.
 
Me:
Ihav
etogo.
 
Kamo:
Ijust
..Iwi
sh.
 
Ishookmyheadt
hent
ookof
fhi
shandf
rom my
face.
 
Me:
Goodby
eKamogel
o. 
Hegr oanedandwatchedmel eav
e.Ididn'
t
understandwhyhedidn'twantmetoleave,we
don'
tknoweachot herthatmuch.Yes,he
knowsmynameandIdon' tev
enknowhowbut
that
'swhereital
lends.
 
Thuli
seemedt
ounder
standt
hatIdi
dn'
twantto
tal
kmuchsowewerebothsi
l
entonthetaxi
to
herhouse.
 
Whenwegotof font heirgat
e.Ijustcouldn'
t
beli
eveit.Theyhadahugehouseandi tmade
mef eelsosmall.Icouldn'tf
athom why
someonewhocamef r
om suchapl acewoul d
wantt obefri
endswi thme.It'
st henthatI
real
izedhowmuchofat r
uefri
endsher eall
yis.
 
Wegotinsi
deandi
twasbeaut
if
ul,
breat
htaki
ng.
Theyev
enhadamaid.
 
Me:
Ifeel
sosmal
lri
ghtnow.
 
Thul
i
:Why
?Thi
sisst
il
lmeBonga.
 
Me:
Ijust
..Iwonderwhyy
ouwoul
dbef
ri
ends
wi
thmeImeant
his,
thi
sisj
ust-
Thul
i:
Don'
t.Don'tbel
i
ttl
ey our
sel
f.I'
mf r
iends
wit
hyoubecauseIsawf rom af
arthatyouhave
agoodheartandyouagoodper son. 
Me:
Thanky
ouandy
ouhav
eani
cehome.
 
Thul
i
:Thanks.Let
'sgety
ouset
tl
edi
n. 
Wegiggledandsheledtheway.Ialsogott
o
seeherroom andt
heguestroom andother
s,
alt
houghwewer egoingtosl
eepinthesame
room. 
Ichangedint
osleepingcl
othesbecauseI
wasn'tgonnagoany wher
ethenwewenttothe
ki
tchenforsomef ood.
 
Thefol
lowi
ngday,wewokecoi
nci
dentall
yat
thesameti
meandwenttoherbat
hroom where
wewashedourfaceandbr
ushedourteeth.
 
Thul
i
:I'
m sohappyy
ouher
e,goshi
t'
samazi
ng.
 
Ismi
ledandlookatherbef
oreengulf
ingheri
n
ahug.Iwasgladshewasinmylifebecause
unl
i
keallt
heotherfr
iendsI
'
vehad,nomatt
er
howli
tt
le,
shebroughtacert
ainl
i
ghtinmyli
fe.
 
Me:
I'
m gl
adI
'
m her
e. 
Thul
i
:Let
'sgof
eedy
ou.
 
Me:
I'
m sohungr
y. 
Myst omachgr umbl edandshel aughed.We
wentt othekit
chent of i
ndwhom It hi
nkisher
mom andbr otherandal i
tt
legirlwhoIassumed
i
sherl it
tl
esist
er .Igreet
edbeforesitt
ingdown,
Icouldfeelt
heywer elooki
ngatmeandI
actuall
ywonder edifIwast hatuglyacreat
ure
forthem tofi
ndmet hatamusi ng. 
Thul
icl
ear
edhert
hroat
. 
Thul
i
:Fami
l
y,t
hisi
sBonga.
 
Isawhermot
hersmi
l
ing,
whatahumbl
esoul
.
 
T'
smom:
Nicet
ofi
nal
l
ymeety
ou.
 
Me:
Thanks
Theot
hert
ooal
sosmi
l
edatme.
 
Theywelcomedmeint
othei
rli
tt
lef
amil
y(thei
r
words,
notmine)t
henwewentbacktoeat
ing.
 
Idi
dn'tr
ecognizemostofthefoodt
herebutI
wentwiththeflow,
Icoul
dn'tembar
rassmysel
f
i
nfrontofthi
speople.
 
Af
tereat
ing,
wewentbackt
oherr
oom.
 
Thul
i
:Soy
ouandK-
mor
e? 
Ireal
l
ywishedshewoul
dn'
taskmeaboutt
his
butIknewIcoul
dnotav
oidthet
opi
cfor
ever
. 
Me:
Ther
e'snot
hinggoi
ngont
her
e. 
Shegav
emeal
ook
Thul
i
:Real
l
y? 
Me:Yes,
inf
act
,Iwantnot
hingt
odowi
tht
hat
as-
Thul
i
:Don'
tswear
. 
Igroanedi
nfrust
rat
ion.Thet
houghtofhi
m
suddenlymademybl oodboi
l
. 
Me:
Hej
ustbr
ingsoutt
hewor
sti
nme.
 
Thul
i:ButIsawy'
al
ldanci
ngsl
owl
ybef
ore
Nobuhlecame. 
Me:Heaskedmetogowit
hthef
low.Canwe
st
optal
ki
ngabouthi
m? 
Thul
i
:Mm,
okay
.Wegoi
ngt
othecl
ubt
oday
. 
Me:
What
? 
Ican'tr
emembert hel astti
meIwenttoacl ub
butIjustknowt hingsdi dn'
tworkoutandI
decidedt oneverdrinkalcoholI
nmyl i
feagain,
atleastnotl i
kethat.Don'tworr
y,Iwasn'
traped
byast rangerorany thi
ngl i
ket
hatbutitwasa
badexper ienceforme.  
Thul
i
:I'
m ki
ddi
ng.
ShelaughedandIwasrel
i
ev edbecauseIdoubt
Iwouldhavehadthebr
averyto.
 
Thul
i
:Ther
e'sachi
l
lasatt
hePar
k
Me:Ofcoupl
es?I
t'
sVal
ent
inesdayt
odayaf
ter
al
l
. 
Thul
i
:Wecanbeeachot
her
'spl
usone.
 
Me:
That
'swei
rd.I
'
m sor
rygi
rl
,I
'm st
rai
ght
. 
Shel
aughedoutl
oudbef
oret
hrowi
ngapi
l
low
atme.
 
Thul
i
:Idon'
tmeani
tthatway
. 
Af ewhour slat
er,Ihadjusttookabathand
getti
ngr eadyforthischi
ll
as.Theparkwasn't
thatfarfrom herhouse.Ifel
tveryrej
uvenat
ed
from thebath,Iusuall
ybathinabasinbutthis
ti
mei twasabat htubwit
hbat hsal
ts.Who
needsaspawhenaBat hcandoy ouli
kethi
s? 
Shewaswear ingashor tDenim skirtwithavest
andast onewasheddeni mjacketandwhi t
e
superst
ars.Iwor eablackhighwai stedankl
e
grazerwit
hawhi tevestandabl uedenimjacket
.
IworemyVansol dSkool.Ididn'tputany
makeuponmyf aceasusual thenIputonmy
goldhoopearringsandl ipst
ickonmyl ips.
 
Thul
i
:Nowwer
eady
. 
Shepouredsomepar f
umeonherandIt hen
tookherphoneandbagt henwelef
t.Idon't
haveaphoneandI '
m notabagfam soIwasn't
holdi
nganythi
ng.
 
Thuli
:We'l
ltakeafewsnacks.IaskedRuby(
her
maid)topreparesomeforus.
 
Inoddedsowewentt othekit
chen.Thesnacks
werepackednicel
yintwobasket
swi t
habot t
le
ofwine.Itookoneandshetooktheotherand
wewal kedtothepar
k. 
Musicwasblasti
ngl
oudandIcouldseethat
somepeoplewereal
readydrunk.Mostoft
he
peopl
eIhadseenatourschool.I
twaspacked
j
ustsotosay. 
Thul
i
:Let
'sgof
indachi
l
li
ngspot
. 
Me:
Sur
e. 
Wef oundonef i
nal
lyandsatdown, onatowel
thatwasont hebasket
st henweputev er
ythi
ng
downni cel
y.Wewer etal
kingaboutthepeopl
e
andl
aughi
ngatot
hert
hings.
 
Itwasreall
ynice,wel
lthatwasunt
ilIsawher
majestywithnoneotherthanKamo.Ifel
tmy
mooddr oppingfr
om 100t ozer
o
spontaneously
. 
Thul
i
:Andnow?
 
Shel
ookedatwher
emyey
eswer
eandcl
i
cked
hert
ongue.
 
Thul
i
:Suchbr
aver
y. 
Me:Youknowfuckt
hem.Wecamehereto
enj
oyour
selv
esandwegonnadoexact
lyt
hat
. 
Thul
i
:WoahGi
rl
!
Wehighfiv
edwhi
l
elaughi
ng.Wepour ed
our
selv
essomewineandjustcont
inued
chi
l
li
ng. 
Isuddenl
yhadt
heneedt
opee.
 
Me:
Ineedt
opee.
 
Thul
i
:Shoul
dIcomewi
th?
 
Me:
Umm,
no,
I'
ll
bef
ine.
 
Igotup.Iwasn'tdrunkany way,Thewineisnon-
al
coholi
candIact uallydidn'tmind.Iwalkedto
someBNBwhi chwasaboutf i
vemi nutesaway
andwentstraightt
ot het oil
ets.Idi
dmy
busi
ness,wipedthenf lushed.Iwashedmy
handsandwentIgotout ,someonegr abbedme
andpinnedmeagai nstthewal l
. 
Iwasstar
tl
edbecauseev eryt
hinghappened
veryf
astbutfr
om thei
rcologne,Ii
mmedi at
ely
knewwhoi twas.
 
Me:
Kamogel
o. 
Kamo:
Imi
ssedy
ou.
 
Hestart
edkissingmeont heneckandthere
wasnothingIcoulddobecausehewasso
cl
osetome, pinni
ngmewi thhi
sbodywhi l
ehis
onehandwashol dingmyhandsont opofmy
head.
 
Me:
Stop!
 
Kamo:
Youdon'
tl
iket
his?
 
Me:
No.
 
Ihal
fshoutedandhel etgoofmebecause
somepeoplelookedourdirect
ionbefor
egoi
ng
backtomindingthei
rownbusiness. 
Kamo:
Whydoy
ouhat
emet
hismuch?
 
Me:Iaskedyoutoleavemealone.Got
oyour
gi
rl
fr
iend.She'
sprobabl
ywonderi
ngwhereyou
ar
e. 
Kamo:
Soshe'
sther
easony
ouhat
eme?
 
Me:
Whydoesi
tmat
terwhatIt
hinkofy
ou?
 
Kamo:
BecauseI
..
 
Me:
What
? 
Hesi
gheddeepl
y.
 
Kamo:
I..
.Youknowwhat
,I'
l
lleav
eyoual
one.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Kamo:
Aft
ery
ouki
ssme.
 
Me:
Youmustt
hinkI
'
m cr
azy
. 
Ilefthimthereandwalkedfast
lybacktot
he
parkt ofi
ndThuliwi
thacanofHunt ersDr
yand
threeniggersandagir
l Idi
dn'
tknow. 
Af
ewmi
nut
esl
ater
,wewer
eal
lget
ti
ngal
ong.
 
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

12
Me:
Ireal
l
yhadagoodt
imewi
thy
ou.
 
Wesharedanemotionalembracebefor
e
br
eaki
ngitthenl
aughingatwhatever
. 
Thul
i:
Imissyoualr
eady,Ihadal
readygot
ten
usedtohav
ingyouaround. 
Me: That
'ssweet
.I'
l
lseey
out
omor
rowat
school.
 
Thul
i
:Awesome.Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oobaby
. 
Shegiggl
ed.Wehuggedonel
astt
imet
henIgot
i
nsidemyf at
her
'scar
. 
Helookedatmewithasmilebef
orestar
ti
ngthe
carandIwavedatThul
iti
l
lwedisappear
ed. 
Dad:
Ilov
eseei
ngy
oul
i
ket
his.
 
Me:
Likewhat
? 
Hesmi
l
ed.
 
Dad:
Happy
. 
Me:
Shemakesmehappy
. 
Dad:
Atl
easti
t'
snotahe.
 
Me:
Dad!
 
Dad:
What
? 
Me:
YoudoknowI
'
mtur
ningsev
ent
eenr
ight
? 
Dad:
Iknow.HenceI'
m al
lowi
ngyout
ofi
ndy our
ownpat
h,al
onewithoutmeholdi
ngy
ourhand. 
Me:
Igeti
tnowdad.
 
Dad:
Ilov
eyouNono,
nev
erf
orgett
hat
. 
Me:
Iwon'
tdadandIl
ovey
out
oo.
 
Ibrushedhi shandwhi chwasn'tdrivi
ng,heheld
myhandandt her estoftheri
dewasi n
comf ortabl
esilence.Ireall
yfeltatpeaceand
thoughIdi dn'
tbel i
eveinGod, Ithankedhimfor
blessingmewi thtwopeopl ewhof ill
edacertai
n
voidinmyhear t.ThuliandDaddy ,realbl
essi
ngs
Inmyl i
fe.
 
Whenwegothome,
Ist
art
edwi
tht
hepot
s. 
Ithadact ual
lybeenal ongtimesinceIcooked,
andi twasn'tbecauseIhadn'teatenatThuli
'
s
place.From thetwoni ghtsIspentthere,
I
alreadyfeelli
kehitt
ingthegy m,that'
show
mucht heyf edmet here. 
Me:
Sowhatdi
dyoudowhenIwasaway
? 
Dad:
Huh?
 
Me:
Arey
ousay
ingy
oudi
dn'
thearwhatIsai
d? 
Heclearedhi
sthr
oat.I
tlookedl
i
kehewasn't
expect
ingsuchaquesti
onandIdon'
tgetwhy
he'
ssur
pri
sed.ImeanIhadtol
dhi
m whatIdi
d,
i
twasonlyf
airhedoesthesamet
ome. 
Dad:I
..Umm.
.Ihear
dyou.Whydoy
ouwanna
know? 
Me:
Whatt
he?
 
Iactuall
ydroppedthef orkIhadbeenchopping
thevegetableswit
ht henwentt osi
topposite
him.Myf atherwasact i
ngv erywei
rdagainand
Ihadt obetheoner eprimandinghissudden
changei nbehavi
or.Ireall
ycouldn'
trecogni
ze
him sometimes.Nowaday s,i
tseemshenev er
ceasest oamazemeandi twashardkeeping
upwi t
hal l
thesechanges.  
Dad:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Hescratchedhishead.Idon'tunderst
andwhy
suchasi mplequest
ionmadehi m sweatlike
thi
s.Icouldbythenconcludethathewashi ding
somethingforhim.Thatwasn'tli
kehim cause
heusedt otel
lmeev er
ythingoratleastt
hat'
s
whatIthought.
 
If
oldedmyarmst
henl
ookedathi
m wi
thmy
ey
essquint
ed.
 
Dad:
Whyy
oul
ooki
ngatmel
i
ket
hat
? 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngonr
eal
l
y? 
Dad:
Not
hing,
why
. 
Me:Real
lydad?Icanseeyouhidingsomet
hing
fr
om meandf r
om thel
ookofthings,i
t'
s
somethi
nghuge. 
Dad:
Youj
usti
magi
ningt
hings.
 
Me:
Am Ir
eal
l
y? 
Dad:
Yes,
anddon'
tfor
getI
'
myourf
ather
. 
Me:
Bel
i
eveme,
Inev
erwi
l
l.I
t'
sfi
ne,
I'
ll
leti
tgo.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Butonl
yfornow.
Il
efthi
mt herethenwentbacktomypots.I
di
shedupf orthebot
hofust henweat
eandI
washedthedishesaft
er.
 
Therestoft
hedayIspentannoy
ingdadand
watchi
ngTV. 
It
henwentbackt
obedwher
eIsl
eptf
ort
he
ni
ght
. 
OnMondaymor ni
ng,Dadwokemeup.Hehad
al
readyprepar
edbathingwat
erf
orme.For
someonewho'sbusyt el
li
ngmet
ogrow,hesur
e
sti
l
ltreat
smeasababy .
 
Ist
rippedthengoti
nthel
it
tl
ebasi
nandbat
hed.
Idr
ied,lot
ionedt
henworemyunif
orm.
 
Itookmybagwhichhadal
lthebooksIwas
goingtoneedi
nitt
henwenttotheki
tchen,
to
dad. 
Dad:
Thi
sisaf
ir
st.
 
Me:
Whati
s? 
Dad:
Idi
dn'
thav
etocomedr
agy
oudownher
e. 
Me:
IguessI
'
m gr
owi
ngup.
 
Igr
innedathi
m.Hechuckl
ed,
shaki
nghi
shead.
Hegav
emeabowlofpor
ri
dgeandaf
tereat
ing,
wewentt
ohi
scar
. 
Hedrovemet oschool
,thengavememy
money.Ial
readyknewIwast aki
ngat
axi
back
home. 
Dad:
Begoodf
ordaddy
. 
Me:
Ain'
tIal
way
s? 
Ir
oll
edmyey esandhechuckled.Iki
ssedhi
m
onthecheekthengotoutoft
hecar ,
tofi
nd
Thul
iwait
ingforme. 
Weshar
edahug.
 
Thul
i
:Howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m good,
you?
 
Thul
i
:I'
m goodtoo.Foraminut
ether
e,It
hought
youweren'
tgonnacome. 
Me:
Whyt
hough?
 
Thuli
:Well
,becauseofwhathappenedon
Fri
day. 
Ihadactuall
yforgot
tenaboutthat.Now,
havi
ng
beenreminded,Iwasabletofathom whyIwas
gett
ingall
thesestaresf
rom people. 
Nobuhlereal
l
ywentfart
hist
imeandnow,
nowI
wasn'tgoi
ngtol
etherbr
ingmedownany
f
urther.
 
Iwasnotatf aultinanywayandit'snotmyf aul
t
thatIgotmat chedupwi t
hKamoi nst
eadofher.
Ididn'tev
enliketheguysoIdon' tgetwhyshe
hadt ofeelt
hreatenedbyme.I '
m anobody
whi l
eshe'st
hepopul argir
lherei
nourschool .
Everyoneenv iesher.Thegir
lswannabeher ,
theguy swannat apher.I
t'
scrazyallthefame
shegotandIt hi
nkit'
swhatmadehert hi
s
arrogant.
 
Iguessthat'
showshegotKamo.Hemightbea
womanizerbutwecouldal
lseet
hatshewas
abl
et oholdhim down.
 
Me:
Idon'
twannat
hinkaboutt
hat
. 
Thul
i
:Good.Youcan'
tal
way
sletNobuhl
egett
o
y
ou.
 
Me:Ij
usthat
ethewaytheyall
lookingatme.
Theydon'
tev
enhidet
hattheytal
kingabout
me. 
Thuli
:Don'
tlett
hem gett
oyou.ByFr
iday
,they
'l
l
betalki
ngaboutsomethi
ngel
se. 
Me:
Ihopeso.
 
Weputdownourbagsi
nourcl
asst
henheaded
outt
otheassembl
y.
 
Wewentbackt
oourr
espect
ivecl
asses.
 
TheQueencameinwithhert
wopuppet
sand
thet
eacherf
oll
owed.
 
Shegavemeadeathst
are,
cli
ckedhert
ongue
bef
oresit
ti
ngdown.
 
Me:
Don'
tl
etheri
nti
midat
eyouNokubonga.
 
Isai
dtomy sel
finmyheart.Icoul
dn'
tcont
inue
l
ivi
nginsuchfearofher
. 
Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
ofi
ghthert
hough,
Iwasn'
tgoi
ng
tobeher.Iwasgoi
ngtoconti
nuebeingthe
samepersonandshe'
ll
justbethefoolwho
keepspursui
ngmefornoreason.
 
Iwasn'tgoingt
ogiveheranysat
isf
act
ionby
ent
ertaini
ngherbi
tt
erass.Notanymor
e. 
Thul
i
:Whatar
eweeat
ingt
oday
? 
Ishruggedmyshoul
der
s.Itwasbr eakti
meand
Idon'tknowwhy,
butIj
ustdidn'
tfeelli
ke
eati
ng. 
Me:
I'
m nothungr
y. 
Thul
i
:What
? 
Me:Ij
ustdon'
tfeel
li
keeat
ing.It
hinkI
'
vel
ost
myappeti
te.
 
Thuli
:That
'spr
ett
ysudden.Imeanwhat
'
s
wrong? 
Ismil
ed.Ther
ereal
lywasn'tany
thi
ngwr
ong.I
wasn'
tful
lbutIal
sowasn'thungry
. 
Me:
Don'
twor
ry,
it'
snot
hing.
 
Thul
i
:Ihopeso.
 
"
CanIt
alkt
oyou?"
Thul
i
:Howaboutahel
l
omay
be?
 
HelookedatThulionce.Hehasav ery
i
ntimi
datingl
ookshame, he'salway
sser i
ous
shame.ItwasKamogel o.Ireal
l
ydon'tknow
whatit
'sgonnatakeforthisguytoleav
eme
al
one. 
It
hinkhislookscar
edThul
ithatshe
i
mmedi atel
ythr
ewheratt
it
udeov ert
her
oof
. 
Thul
i
:I.
.Umm.
.You'
l
lfi
ndmeat
..
.Umm.
.Yeah.
 
Me:
Younotaboutt
oleav
emewi
tht
hisper
..
. 
Ididn'
tevenfini
shthewor d.Icoul
dn'
t.LestI
pisshim of
f,notthatIcar
ebutIwasnotgoi ng
tolethi
mt urnint
osomeonewi thanunfi
lter
ed
mout horspeech 
Thuli
:I'
m sorr
ymyfr
iend,
you'
l
ljusthav
eto
for
givemet hi
sti
me.
 
Wit
hthatsai
d,sheleft.Leavi
ngmewi thmy
mouthhangi
ng.Icloseditthent
urnedtolookat
t
hisasshol
e.Argh,
hej ustbri
ngsouttheworst
i
nme.  
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwantf
rom me?
 
Kamo:
I..Ineedachance.
 
Me:Todowhat
?Youwantyourski
nnyass
gi
rl
fr
iendt
ocomest
rangl
emet odeat
h? 
Kamo:
Don'
tcal
lhert
hat
. 
Me:Justl
eav
emeal
one.Idon'
twantany
t
roubl
e. 
Kamo:
I'
ll
prot
ecty
ou.
 
Me:Idon'
tneedyourpr
otect
ion,
Ijustneedy
ou
t
oleavemealone. 
Kamo:Whyar
eyoupushi
ngmeawayso
much?
 
Me:
Becausedon'
tl
ikey
ou.
 
Kamo:
Real
l
y? 
Hegotcl
osert
omeandIst
eppedback.
 
Kamo:Youknow,i
fyoureal
l
yhatedmethat
much,
y oucoul
dhavel
eftwit
hyourf
ri
end.
 
Me:
Icanal
way
sleav
e. 
Istar
tedwalkingawayandhecamet ome.We
werebehindthewallsofthestaf
froom now.It
fel
tli
kewewer ehi
dingbutIwasn'tcomplaini
ng
causeIreall
ydidn'
twantNobuhleseeingme
wit
hherman.Ineededt osor tal
lofthi
sout ,
onceandf orall
.Il
eanedwithmybackont he
wallandlookedathim. 
Me:
Whydi
dyouf
oll
owme?
 
Kamo:
Ijustcan'
tl
eav
eyoual
one.
 
Me:
Youamazi
ngy
ouknowt
hat
? 
Kamo:
Iam?Thanks.
 
Me:
Itwasn'
tacompl
i
ment
. 
Kamo:
Iknow,
Iwasn'
texpect
ingi
tany
way
. 
Me:
Fir
stl
yyouf
orcedmet
odancewi
thy
ou,
t
henonSat urdayyouwantedmet okissyouof
whichIdecl
inedandaskedy ouy etagai
nto
l
eavemeal oneandy ether
ey ouar e.Whatmore
i
sitgonnatakeforyout or
ealizeIwantnothi
ng
t
odowi thyou? 
Kamo:
Youwi
l
lwantme.
 
Me:Anarrogant,sel
f-
praisi
ngguywithanego
bi
genought oconsumet hewholeeart
handas
annoy
ingasaf l
yonabucketofmi lk?Idoubt
. 
Kamo:
Your
eal
l
yhat
eme,
don'
tyou?
 
Me:Yes.Youfullofpr
ide,
youthinkyoubr
eat
he
fl
avoredai
r,t
hinkyoutheshi
t,shoul
dI
conti
nue? 
Kamo:
No.
.It
'
sfi
ne,
Igeti
t.
 
Me:
Yeah,
good.Nowgett
his.
 
Kamo:
What
? 
Me: Leavemealone.Don'
tcometome.Don'
t
speakt ome.Youneverdi
danywayatf
ir
stso
l
etitgobacktothat.
 
Kamo:
Fine,
I'
ll
leav
eyoual
one.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Itur
nedandl eft
.Icouldf
eelhiseyeslooki
ngon
mebutIdi dn'
tdarestoporlookback.Iwasjust
gl
adt hathewasnev ergoi
ngt obothermeandI
coul
df i
nall
yliv
einpeace. 
Thebel
levent
uall
yransofr
om r
eli
vi
ngmy sel
f
i
nthetoi
let
,Iwenttocl
assi
mmediatel
y.
 
Thul
iwinkedatmeandfr
om t
hatsmi
l
e,Iknew
shehadawholelott
osay.
 
Iwasr
ight
,immedi
atel
ywhenthebel
lrangand
wehadgott
enoutofthecl
ass,
shespoke.
 
Thul
i:
Sowhatdi
dthePr
esi
dentsay
?Youguy
s
di
sappear
edf
orqui
teawhi
l
e. 
Shewinkedatme.Shewasgr inning,
looki
ngat
mewi t
hsparkl
ingeyes,wai
ti
ngf ormet ospi
l
l
thebeans.I
fonlysheknewwhatIwasaboutt o
saywasgoingtoburstherl
it
tl
ebubbl e.
 
It
oldherev
ery
thi
ngandshef
rowned.
 
Thul
i
:Whyy
oupl
ayi
nghar
dtogett
hough?
 
Me:
Geez,
Idon'
twanthi
m. 
Thuli
:Reall
y?Whatsanegirl
wouldsaynoto
that
?Imeanhe' shot,
sexy,r
ich,
wit
hasex
appealt
hat'sonster
oidsandgosh,
he'st
he
Presi
dent!Themostwantedandenviedguyi
n
thewholeschool!
 
Me: Whydon'tyoudar
ehi
mthen,
seei
ngy
ou
speaksohighlyofhi
m? 
Ir
oll
edmyey
esatherandshesi
ghed.
 
Thul
i:I
fhewant edme, Iwoul
dhav elongsai
d
yesbutunfort
unatel
y,hedoesn'
t.Didyousee
howhel ookedatme?He' sgoteyesthatwoul
d
makeanygi rl
dropherpanti
es. 
Me:
Thatgi
rlai
n'
tmet
hough.
 
Thul
i
:It
hinky
oucr
azy
.
Me: I
'
dr at
herbecr
azyt
hanbewi
tht
hat
asshole.
 
Wehuggedt
hengoti
nourdi
ff
erentt
axi
s. 
Ir
eal
l
yhopehel
eav
esmeal
one.
 
Imightnothav
eaguyapproachmel
i
ket
hat
butIwasdonewit
hguys.
 
Idi
dn'
twantt
ogobackt
her
e. 
Besides,hejustwon'tbewor thi
t.Idon'
tget
whyhe' dfal
lforme, abeyondav er
agegirl
whil
e
shehasagoodl ookinggirl
fr
iendwho'dbend
overbackwar dsforhim anyt
ime. 
Igotoutoft
hetaxi
atmygatethenwenti
nsi
de
theyar
d.Dad'
svanwasn'
tther
esothi
smeantI
wasalone.
 
Itookoutmykey
,unl
ockedt
hengoti
nsi
det
he
house.
 
Ihadn'
tseenTi
iset
sot
oday,comet
othi
nkofi
t,
shewasn'tt
her
eonFri
day.
 
Ibrusheditt
othebackofmymi nd.Iwas
probablyworr
yingf
ornot
hing.
 
Ichangedint
omycasualcl
othesthendi
dmy
j
omewor ksbefor
etaki
nganap. 
Schooli
sreall
ydrai
ningandt
hinki
ngthatIhave
twogradesbefor
eIfini
shmademewannadi g
aholethenthr
owmy selfi
nsi
deofitf
oraf ew
year
s. 
Iputal
loft
hisev
ilt
houghtsatthebackofmy
mindandall
owedsleept
oov er
comeme.  
.
.
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

13
Li
fewasgoi
ngmor esmoot
hlyf
orme.I
twas
act
ual
lyl
essst
ressf
ul.
 
I
t'
samonthlat
erandwell
,thi
ngsar
edi
ff
erent
.
I
'
vegot
tenusedtothenewdad.He'
ddi
sappear
somet i
meswithoutbotheri
ngtotel
lmewher e
hewentandhe' dcomebacki naprett
yjubi
lant
mood.Ihaddeci dedt
oj ustl
ethi
m be,l
esthe
remindsmehe'smyf atherli
keIhadforgot
ten
orseem tof
orget .
 
Onl
ytwoweeksthenwedonewi t
hthef
ir
st
t
erm andf
rankl
y,Icoul
dn'
twai
t.
 
Nobuhl ehardl
yinsult
smeandal thoughshe
hadn'tstopped,i
twasbet ter
.Ithi
nksomet i
mes
wej ustcomet oapoi ntwher ewegetusedt o
cert
aint hi
ngsorsituationsthattheydon't
botherusany more.Wej ustl
etthingsbeand
l
osehopeoft hi
ngsev erchangi ngbutinst
ead,
weadaptandacceptt hem aspar tofourl
ives.
 
Kamo.Wel lIwassogl adhewasn'tbotheri
ng
meany more, i
nfacthi
m andNobuhlewer e
happynowmor ethanever.Iwasactuall
yli
ving
apeacefull
ife,ofcour
sewi t
hitsown
chal
lenges.
 
Cany
oubel
i
evedadwentt
ochur
chev
ery
SundayandevenonFri
daynights?Wel
lyeah.
Asforme,Ist
il
lwasn'
taboutthat.
 
Thul
iandIarestil
lthebestoffr
iendsand
i
nseparabl
e.Shehasaboy f
ri
endnowsoshe
chi
ll
swithhim butI
'm notcomplaini
ng.Asl
ong
asshestil
lgi
vesmeat tenti
on.
 
ItwasaTuesdaymorni
ng.Itookabath,dr
ied
andlot
ioned.Iwor
emytunicwhichIhadnow
gott
enusedt o.
 
Itookmybag,Ididn'tt
akemanybooksbecause
wewerewrit
ingaf t
erbreak,
soIonl
ytook
bookswhi
chI '
m goingtousedur
ingthe
l
essonsbef
orebr eak.
Iwentt
otheki
tchent
ofi
ndmyf
athermaki
ng
cof
fee.
 
Me:
Andbr
eakf
ast
? 
Dad:
Ther
e'sbr
eadi
nthebi
m. 
Me:
Oh.
 
Dad:
Yes,
andt
odayy
ouwon'
tfi
ndmehome.
 
Me:
Oh?
 
Dad:
Yeah,
I'
m goi
ngsomewhereandI
'
ll
pr
obabl
ybebacki
ntheeveni
ng.
 
Me:Alr
ightdad.Iwon'
tasksincei
tscl
eary
ou
don'
twanttotellmeanyt
hing. 
Itookaf ewsl
icesoft
hebread,
spreadsome
buttert
henatewithacupofRooibost
ea.
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

Cont
inues.
 
Hedrov
emet
oschool
aft
erbreakf
astt
hen
gav
ememymoneyasusual
.
 
Dad:Goodl
uckwi
thy
ourt
estbaby
,Iknowy
ou
gonnanai
li
t. 
Me:
Thanksdad.
 
Iki
ssedhi
m onthecheekt
hengotoutofhi
scar
.
Iwastheear
lyonet
odaysoIwait
edforThul
iat
t
hegat
eli
kesheusual
l
ywai
tsf
orme.
 
Shecameandweshar
edahug.
 
Thul
i
:Yougl
owi
ng.
 
Me:
What
?Who?Me?
 
ItouchedmyfaceandIwonderwhatmademe
thi
nktouchi
ngwassomehowgoi ngtosense
whetherwhatshewassayi
ngistrueornot
. 
Thul
i
:Forsomeonewhoget
sA'
sincl
ass,
you
st
upi
d. 
Webothl
aughedatmyst
upi
dit
yandwal
kedt
o
cl
ass.
 
Me:
Howar
eyout
hough?
 
Sheblushed.Myfri
endwasv eryhappythis
daysandIwashappyf orher.Herboyfr
iend
Xolanibr
oughtoutthebestinher.I
nfact,she'
s
theonewhowasgl owing. 
Thuli
:I'
mfeel
ingsoloved,happy
.Gosh,
I'
m
beyondgood.Xol
iisjustt
hebest 
Ismil
ed.You'
dthi
nkI'
mt heonedati
ngher
boyfr
iendt
hewayIwassohappyf orher
.Her
happi
nessact
uall
yrubbedoffonmeaswell.
 
Me:
I'
m gl
ad.I
fyouhappy
,thenI
'
m happy
. 
Thul
i
:Yout
hebestf
ri
endev
er!
Me:
Andnev
erf
orgett
hat
. 
Wechuckledasweent
eredi
ntoourcl
ass.We
putourbagsdownt
henwenttoassembl
y. 
Wewer edi
smissedt
oourr
espect
ivecl
asses
af
terassembl
y.
Atbreakti
meIwasalonebecauseThul
iwas
spendingi
twi
thherboyf
ri
end. 
Iwentt
obuysomefrui
tst
hensatdownundera
tr
eeonsomestonebunkwhil
elooki
ngatt
he
boyswhower
eplayi
ngsoccer
. 
Kamo:i
fyouhadsai
dyes,
youwoul
dn'
tbet
his
l
onel
y.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.Her
eIwast
hinki
ngt
hatIwas
f
inal
lyr
idofhi
m buty
etagai
n,I
'
m pr
oved
wrong.
 
Me:
Whosai
dI'
mlonel
y? 
Hesatdownnexttomet hentookthepackof
grapesIwashol
dingandate.Idi
dn'
tevenhav
e
thestr
engt
htofi
ghthim. 
Kamo:Reall
y?Yousit
ti
ngalonewhil
ewatchi
ng
somefuckerspl
ayi
ngsoccer.I
tshowsyou
bor
ed.
 
Me:
Iwasact
ual
l
ynotbor
edbef
orey
oucame.
 
Kamo:
Comewi
thme.
 
Me:
Idon'
twantt
o.
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

Cont
inues.
 
Kamo:Iwon'
tdoany
thi
ngt
oyou,
unl
essy
ou
wantmeto. 
Me:
Ijustneedy
out
oleav
emeal
one.
 
Kamo:I
'
m notgonnapr
oposeoranyt
hing.We'
l
l
j
ustt
rytoenj
oyeachot
herscompany.
 
Me:I'
m act
ual
lyf
inealone,
wat
chi
ngt
hese
"
fucker
s"asyoucal
lthem. 
Hegotupandt
ookmyhandandmademe
st
and.
 
Kamo:Ify
ouwon'
tcome,
I'
ll
hav
enochoi
cebut
tol
if
tyouup.
Me:
Youwoul
dn'
tdar
e! 
Kamo:
Wannat
ry?
Helookedatmewi
thapl
ainexpr
essi
on.I
gr
oaned. 
Me:
Okayf
ine,
I'
ll
comewi
thy
ou.
 
Het
ri
edhol
dingmyhandbutIy
ankedhi
m of
f.
Hej
ustl
etmebe. 
Me:
Wher
ewegoi
ng?
 
Kamo:
I'
m goi
ngf
orasmoke.
 
Me:
Yousmoke?
 
Kamo:
Yes.
 
Weevenwentoutoftheschooly
ardtoashop
fi
veminutesaway
.Hegotinandboughthi
s
ci
gar
ettebefor
ewewenttothebackwherehe
wasgoingtodohissmoki
ngprobabl
y.
 
Iwat
chedhi
m ashel
i
titandst
art
edsmoki
ng.
 
Kamo:Youhaveabeauti
fulbody,
oneIwouldn'
t
mindseei
ngini
tsnat
uralform,i
fyougetwhatI
mean. 
Me:
Whatt
hef
uck?
 
Kamo:
Itwasacompl
i
ment
. 
Il
ookedatthi
sguy
,ref
usi
ngtobel
ievehej
ust
sai
dthatt
ome.He'ssounbel
i
evable.
 
Me:
I'
mleav
ing.
 
Iat
tempt
edtogobuthegr
abbedmyar
m and
pul
ledmetohi
m. 
Me:
Letmego.
 
Hepuff
edt
wotimest
hent
hrewt
her
emai
ning
ci
gar
ett
eaway
. 
Kamo:
I'
mti
redofpl
ayi
nghi
deandseek.
 
Me:
Nooneaskedy
out
o. 
Kamo:
ItseemsI
'
mfor
cedt
owi
thy
ou.
 
Me:
Ionl
yaskedy
out
oleav
emeal
one.
 
Kamo:
Yeah.
 
Hepi nnedmeonthewallwhil
eholdi
ngmy
handsont opofmyhead.Hepart
edmyl egs
withhisknee,
rememberI'
m wear
ingatunic
withonlymyunderwearunder
.Hi
skneewas
touchingmypussy.
 
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
 
Kamo:
Not
hingy
et.
 
Hebroughthisfaceclosetomi
neandI
swall
owedspit.Hewast oocl
oseformyli
ki
ng,
wit
hhiscologneintoxi
cati
ngmynostr
il
s.
[
08/
22,
13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygi
rl

14
Thebell
rangandIcansaf
elysay
,Iwassav
ed
bythebell
. 
Kamo:
Fuck!
 
Hegroanedl
oudlywhil
elookingupbef
ore
l
ookingatmethensidesmirkedandbythat
,I
knewhehadsomet hi
nginmi nd.
 
Me:
No.
 
Helookedatme,
probabl
yshockedbymy
spont
aneit
y. 
Kamo:Youdon'
tev
enknowwhatIwasgoi
ngt
o
say
. 
Me:I
t'
ssti
ll
no.Iknowy ouwer
egoingt
osay
somet
hingthatI
'
ddisagreewi
th.
 
Kamo:
Youknowmet
hatmuch?
 
Me:
Weshoul
dgo.
 
Henoddedandletgoofme.Iwal kedwit
hhim
fol
lowi
ngmeandIf eltasl
aponmyasst hatI
j
umpedabi tandIheardhi
m chuckli
ng
annoyi
ngl
y.
 
Itur
nedtolookathi
m,wit
hmybloodboi
l
ing
andsteam comi
ngoutofmyear
s. 
Me:
Whatt
hehel
l
?! 
Hewasseri
ousnowwhenIt urnedbutIgav
ea
shi
tdamnabouthisexpressi
on,whathedid
washel
ladi
srespect
ful
. 
Kamo:
Timepr
incess.
 
Igroaned,
cli
ckedmytongueandwal
kedf
ast
aheadofhim.Iwasreal
lymad,t
hener
veoft
his
guy! 
Igoti
nsi
demycl
ass,
sweat
ing.
 
Thul
i
:Andt
hen?
 
Ij
ustl
ookedatherthenbackatt
hefront
.Truth
i
s,i
fIhadsai
dsomet hi
ng,i
twouldn'
thavebeen
ni
ceandIwouldn'
twantmybeingmadat
Kamogel
ocost
ingmemyf
ri
endshi
p.Notwhen
wehadcomesofar
. 
Iwasinaf owlmoodf ort
hewhol eofthefree
peri
odbeforetestandThulidar
ednott otal
kto
me.ItmightnothavebeenfairforherbutI
coul
dn'
tcont r
olhowIwasf eeli
ng. 
Ifel
thar
assed.Iwasmadathi mforcr
ossi
ng
suchaboundary.Whatwasithar
dforhimto
acceptt
hatIwantnothi
ngtodowithhim? 
I
'vehadbadhistor
ywheni tcomest oguysand
hi
m pursui
ngmef loodedbackbi t
termemories
ofal
lmyexperiences.Experi
encesthatIdi
dn't
wanttoremini
sceorev enrel
ive.
 
Whent hesi
renrangfort
hel
astti
me.Istoodup,
foll
owingNobuhlewhohadj
ustexi
tedfr
om the
classr
oom. 
Idon'
tknowwher eIgotthebraverybutI'
m
guessi
ngit
'sbecauseIwasj ustfedup.Imight
nothavebeenthi
nkingrati
onall
y.
 
Itappedherontheshoulderandshet ur
nedto
l
ookatme.Shewasal one.Disgusti
mmedi at
ely
embr acedherf
acebutIdidn'
tcare.Ihadtoget
thisoveranddonewit
h. 
Nobuhl
e:What
? 
Ididn'
tcar
eabouthowcoldshewas.Iwasnot
expecti
nghertobeniceei
therwayandthi
s
wasn'tmebeingbuddybuddywithher
.Ihadto
tel
lhertotameherguyandgethim of
fmyt ai
l
. 
Me:
Tel
lyourboy
fri
endt
oleav
emeal
one.
 
Shel
ookedatmelikeshedi
dn'
tbel
i
eveIhad
j
ustt
oldherwhatIdi
d. 
Af
tersayi
ngthat
,Il
eftherther
e.Leavi
nghert
o
di
gesttheeggIhadbrokenonherface.
 
Thul
i
:Andt
hat
? 
Me:
I'
ll
tel
lyouont
heway
. 
Igotinsi
demycl
assandt
ookmybagt
henwe
walked. 
Me:YouknowIr
eal
l
ythoughtIwasr
idofy
our
pr
esi
dent.
 
Thul
i
:Whathappened?
 
It
oldherev
ery
thingf
rom whenhef
oundme
al
oneandthespanki
ngpart
. 
Iwasn'
tsurpr
isedwhenshesomehowf
ound
thi
shumerusandlaughed.
 
Il
etherbeandcontinuedwal ki
ng.Whenit
camet oKamogelo,
shenev ertakesmysi de
andIhadlostal
lhopeoft hatchangi
ng.She's
supposetoscol
dKamoi nhisabsenceinstead
ofcondoni
nghisbehavior.
 
Me:
Imusthav
etol
daTr
evorNoahj
oke.
 
Irol
ledmyeyesandhuf fed.Ireal
l
ycouldn'
twai
t
forschool
stoclose.AtleastIwon'tseehi
mfor
twoweeks.Ireal
lydidn'
twantany t
hingtodo
withthi
sguy.
 
Shef
inal
l
yst
oppedt
henl
ookedatme.
 
Thul
i
:Sor
ryi
sjust
..Youguy
sjustamaze.
 
Me:Ther
e'sno"
youguy
s".I
t'
smet
heni
t'
s
Kamogel
o. 
Thul
i
:Umm.
.Yeah.
 
Me:
What
'sl
aughabl
e? 
Thul
i
: I
t'
ski
ndaliket
hoser
omant
icf
li
ckswher
e
boyl
ikesgi
rland-
Icuthershor
t.
 
Me:
Idon'
tev
enwannaheari
t.
 
Thul
i
:Whyy
ousomadt
hough?
 
Me:
Arey
ouki
ddi
ng?
 
Il
ookedather
,fail
i
ngt obel
i
eveshej
ustasked
mesuchaquestion. 
Shecl
ear
edhert
hroat
. 
Thul
i
:Itwasj
ustaspank.Andi
t'
sK-
mor
e! 
Shesaidthatabitt
ooloudandIwasgr ateful
wewer enotinschoolpr
emises.Shewast oo
muchaf anofKamot hatIeventhoughtt
hat
shel
ikedhim morethanshelikedhim.I
tdidn'
t
mat
terwhatbadI
'
dtel
lherabouthi
m,shest
il
l
t
ookhissi
de. 
Me:
Idon'
tknowwhyIev
ent
oldy
out
his.
 
Igoti
nsidethetaxi
andi
tdr
ovemehome.Thi s
wasfrustr
ati
ngformeandThul
iwasn'
thel
ping
meinanyway . 
Igothomethenimmedi
atel
ygotoutofmy
unif
orm.IworeaT-
shi
rtandshor
tsbefor
e
taki
nganap. 
IknewI
'
dfeel
awhol
elotcal
meraf
tert
hat
 
DadwashomewhenIwokeup.Igreet
edhi
m
asIwentout
sidet
owashmyteet
h. 
AlthoughIwashungr
y,Idi
dmyhomewor
ks
fi
rst.
 
Dad:
Nocooki
ngt
oday
? 
Me:
YoucanseeI
'
m st
il
lbusy
. 
Dad:
Youl
azynowaday
s. 
Me:
That
'snotni
ce.
 
Dad:
Real
l
y? 
Il
ookedathi m.Myf at
herwasbeingplainr
ude
now.It
'snotlikeIwasjustl
azi
ngaround.Iwas
act
uall
ydoingmyhomewor k.Idi
dn'tanswer
hi
m.Ididn'twanttocomeoutasbei ng
di
srespect
fulorhim havi
ngtoremindmet hat
he'
smyf ather. 
Aft
erdoingmyhomewor
k,Iwentt
odoas
i
nstr
ucted.
 
Ididn'
tall
owthatt
ohurtme.I
t'
satthatmoment
thatIconcl
udedIdi
dn'
thaveagoodday. 
Wewer enowsit
ti
ngi
nourl
i
ttl
edinnert
abl
e,
opposi
teeachot
herwhi
l
eeati
ng.
 
Dad:Whenar
eyoupl
anni
ngt
ocomet
ochur
ch
wit
hme?  
Me:
Youknowchur
chai
n'
tmyt
hing.
 
Dad:
Whyar
eyousoangr
yatGod?
 
Me:
Arewer
eal
l
yaboutt
otal
kaboutt
his?
Ireall
ydidn'
tli
ket alki
ngaboutGodorany t
hing
thathadt odowi thchurch.Thepeopl
ethereare
plai
njudgement alandmay beIft
heyact
edlike
peopleintheLor d,Iwouldn'tbet
hismuch
againstchurch.
 
Dad:
Yes.
 
Me:
Idon'
tbel
i
evei
nGod.
 
Dad:
Why
? 
Me:
Ohmygoshdad,
giv
emeabr
eak.
 
Dad:Youknowmyl i
fehasbecomesomuch
bet
tereversi
nceIr
epair
edmyr el
ati
onshi
pwi
th
God. 
Me:
Goodf
ory
ou.
 
Dad:
Your
scanchanget
oo.
 
Me:
Dad,
please.
 
Dad:
Justcomeonl
yonce,
ifyoudon'
tl
ikei
t
t
henyoucannev
ergoagai
n. 
Me:
CanIt
hinkabouti
t? 
Iwasn'tgoi
ngto.Ij
ustneededthi
stopict
o
cease.Tothi
nkthatIwasnowgoi ngtohavet
o
l
istentoDadtoo,Thul
i'
spreachi
ngwasenough
forme, t
hankyouandnowt hi
s. 
Isi
ghedandt
ookt
hedi
shes.Hej
ustnodded.
 
Iwenttowashthem t
henwentbackt
o
watchi
ngsoapi
es. 
Mydadwasrel
igi
ousnow.Toorel
i
giousi
fyou
askhi
m.Ihadtowat
chhim bei
nghappywit
h
someoneel
se.
 
Surel
yhecan'
tsayit
'sGodwhowasmaking
hi
m happyli
kethi
s.Iwasn'
tgoi
ngtopr
ythough.
Ihadbeggedhimtoomucht ol
evel
wit
hmeand
Iwasfedup. 
Ihadaf r
iendl
ymatchthefol
lowingday
.Iwasa
bitanxi
ousabouti
t.Westil
ldidn'
tKnowwho
wewer eplayi
ngagai
nst.
 
Goodt
hingwewer
eonl
ywr
it
ingonFr
iday
. 
If
inal
l
ywentt
obedwhenIf
eltsl
eepy
. 
Dadwokemeupwi
thbat
hingwat
ert
he
fol
l
owi
ngday.
 
Me:
Isi
tmor
ningal
ready
? 
Hechuckl
edandIgr
oaned.Iwasn'tr
eady.He
l
eftmeandItookof
fmyclothesthentookmy
bath.
 
Iworemygolfshir
tandski
rtwi
thstocki
ngs.I
di
dn'
ttakemuchbookstoschool,
wewer en'
t
wri
ti
nganyway. 
Hegavemeabowl ofporri
dgeandweateover
ali
ghtconver
sati
on.Atleasti
twasn'
tabout
r
eli
gionorGod,Iwouldn'
thavesur
viv
ed. 
Het
ookmet
oschool
aft
er.
 
Dad:
Cal
m down.
 
Me:
It'
smyf
ir
stgamedad.
 
Dad:Youguy
shav
ebeenpr
act
ici
ngsi
nce
Januar
y. 
Me:
Ican'
thel
pit
. 
Hehel
dmyhandsandIl
ookedathi
m. 
Dad: Yougoingtowin.Haveali
tt
letr
usti
n
yourself
.Evenifyoulose,
you'
l
lalwaysbea
winnertome.  
Ismil
ed.Dad'
swor dsareal
wayssoothi
ngto
thesoul.Weshar
edahugt henIki
ssedhim as
usual
,tookmymoneyt henlef
t.
 
Thul
iwaswait
ingf
ormeandthegat
eandshe
metmehalf
wayandatt
ackedmewithahug.
 
Me:
Ican'
t.
.Br
eat
h. 
Thul
i
:Sor
ry.
 
Shegi
ggl
edandl
etgo.
 
Me:
Andnow?
 
Thul
i
:I'
m sor
ryaboutyester
day
.Fr
om nowon,
nomoreteam Pr
esident
. 
It
'swhenshesai
dt hel
astpartthati
tcl
i
cked
whatshewastalki
ngabout.Il
aughedabitt
hen
smil
ed.She'
stoogoodtobet rue.
 
Me:
It'
sOK.
 
Ikissedheronthecheekandshebr
eat
hedout
,
probablyf
rom r
eli
ef.
 
Wewentt
oassembl
yaf
tert
aki
ngourbagst
o
cl
ass.
 
Afterannouncements,
wedepar
tedt
oour
respecti
veclasses.
 
Wesatatournor
malseats.Nobuhl
ecamea
whi
l
elaterl
ooki
ngabitsad. 
Thul
i
:Andt
hen?
 
Me:
Idon'
tknow.
 
Ishr
uggedmyshoulder
s.I
tlookedast
hough
shehadbeencr
ying.
 
Atbreakt
ime,Ihadtogopr
act
icesoIl
etThul
i
gotoherboyf
riend.
 
School
outcameear
li
ert
hanIt
hought
. 
Thul
i:St
oppani
cki
ng.I
'
llbet
her
echeer
ingf
or
you.
 
Il
aughedabi
tandwehuggedt
ight
ly.
 
Theteam wentt
othetoi
l
etswher
ewewentt
o
changei
ntoourkit
. 
"Goodl
uck"
It
urnedanditwasthe"ass"guy
.Remembert
he
i
ncidentout
sidet
hestaff
room?Yep.
 
Thener
veofthi
sguy.Hefl
ashedadi
rtysmi
l
e
atme,wi
nkedthenwentonhi
sway. 
Me:
Nxa.
 
Wehadqui t
eanaudi
ence.SomethingIwasn'
t
expect
ingandt
hatputmorepressureonus. 
Iwasablet
oscoretwogoal
sandIwasv ery
proudofmysel
fandsowasmyt eam.I
tmight
havebeenafri
endl
ybuti
tmeantever
ythi
ngto
me. 
Ler
ato,
thegi
rlwhowasourgoal
i
e,camet
o
me. 
Ler
ato:
Goodgame.
 
Ismi
l
edandwehugged.
 
Me:
Weal
ldi
dourpar
t.
 
Ler
ato:
CanIgety
ournumber
? 
Ichuckl
ed.I
fonl
ysheKnew.
 
Me:
Idon'
thav
eaphone.
 
Herj
awdr
opped.Shewasshocked.
 
Ler
ato:
Howol
dar
eyou?
 
Il
aughed.Lerat
oi sasl
enderchi
ck,darkin
complexi
on.She'sabeauti
ful
darkbone. 
Me:
I'
mtur
ning17nextmont
h. 
Ler
ato:
Wow.
 
Me:
Iknow.
 
IrantoThuli
.Iwasjustsoexci
tedandshe
screamed,engul
fi
ngmei nahug. 
Thul
i
:It
oldy
ounott
owor
ry.
 
Ourteam hadwon4-
1.Itwasgr
eatt
oknowI
hadcontr
ibutedt
oourwin.
 
"
Congr
atul
ati
ons"
OhGod.Iturnedandhehadar
osei
nhi
shand.
Hegaveittome. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Itur
nedtowalkawayandthenhepul
l
edme
thenimmedi
atel
yatt
ackedmewithakiss.
 
Ibr
okei
tandsl
appedhi
m bef
orer
unni
ngaway
. 
Ir
eal
l
ywashav
ingagooddaybef
orehecame.
 
Whydi
dIhat
ehi
mthi
smuch?
IIwi
shIknewt
heanswert
hatt
oo.
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

15
I'
m oneper sonwhohasnev erli
kedbeingthe
centerofattent
ion.I
'
m notshyoranythingbutI
alwayslikedgetti
ngthebackseati
neverythi
ng.
Iprefer
redbeingunnoticed,
unknownandwi th
noonehav inganyi
nteresti
nme.Iwasnev er
fr
iendswithanypopulargir
ls,
Iwasjustt
oo
average,
mor eli
keunderaverage.
 
WhatKamogel odidbroughtawhol el
otof
at
tentiononme.At t
entionthatIwasn'tseeking
whatsoev er,i
nfact,
Ididn'tneedit.Hekissed
me,inf rontofal
lthosepeopl e.Heknowsv er
y
wellt
hathe' sthepresi
dent ,ever
yoneisalway s
onthel ookoutforhim,alway swatchi
nghi m,
at
tentionf ol
lowswherev eri
nt heschool
pr
emi seshegoesandhej usthadt odowhathe
di
d. 
Ihadawhol
elotofmi
xedf
eel
i
ngsaboutt
his.
 
Iwassi
tti
ngont opofthetoil
etseat.Idi
dn't
knowwhethertoscream orcry.Icoul
dn'
t
fat
hom whetherIwasangry,sador
embarr
assed.Itwascrazy.Iwasev enshaki
ng.
 
Whydidhehavetodot
hat?Justwhen
ever
yonehadst
oppedt
alki
ng,hegoesand
doesthi
s. 
Me:
Whyme?Whyme?
 
Igroanedinfr
ustr
ati
on.Istar
tedtaki
ngdeep
breathsinandout
,tr
yingtocalm myemotions
down.  
Ihat
edhi
m nowmor
ethanbef
ore.
 
Ifi
nall
ygotthest r
engthtostand,
aft
erabout
twentyminutes.Ifl
ushedthengotoutoft
he
toi
let
. 
Icompressedmyf eel
i
ngsjustsoIdidn'
tcry
.
Howwoul dIexplai
nsuddenl
yhavingeyebags
undermyey es?
 
Isi
ghedandwashedmyhands.
"
Youhappynow,
ain'
tyou?
"
Ialreadyknewbythevoi
cewhothatwas.I
turnedandlookedather
,Idi
dn'
tneedt
his.Not
whenIwast r
yingt
odealwit
hwhatKamogelo
did. 
Idi
dn'
tanswer
.Notbecausewhatshewas
say
ingwasri
ghtbutbecauseIdi
dn'
thav
eany
wor
dsf
orher
. 
Idoubtshe'
dbel
i
eveany
thi
ngt
hatI
'
dsayt
oher
anyway.
 
Shegotclosert
ome.Shewasal onethi
sti
me
anditseemedshehadbeencryi
ng.CouldI
havebeenthereasonbehi
ndhersadness?
 
I'
m notabadper sonoram I
?ImeanIdi dn'tdo
any t
hing.IevenslappedKamoaf t
erhedi dwhat
hedi d.Forci
nghiskissonmylips.Ididn'teven
reply.Ij
ustdon'tknowwhyshehadt ocome
blamemeandIal socoul
dn'
tcompr ehendwhat
i
si tthatshewasnowaccusi ngmeof f.
 
Nobuhl
e:Ij
ustdon'
tgeti
t.
 
Iwasl ost,confused.Ihadnoi deawhatshe
wast alki
ngabout .Hervoiceexpressedsome
sortofgrief,sorrowandIhadact uall
ynever
seenhert hatbr oken.Iknewonet hi
ngthough,
it
hadtodowi thKamogel o.It
'sactuall
ywhatshe
hasbeenf i
ghtingmef orthesepastweeksno
mat t
erhowmuchIt ol
dherIdi dn'twanthi
m. 
Me:
What
? 
Iasked.Itcameoutasawhi sper.Iwasshi t
scared.There'
sasay ingthat;"Hellhathnof ur
y
thanascor nedwoman"andwhatIhadi nfront
ofmewasascor ned.CouldIhav ebeent he
cause?Idoubtbutt hat'
snotwhatwasgoi ngon
i
nhermi nd.AsfarasI '
m concerned, Iwouldn'
t
hurtaflybuthermi ndhadpr obablyconv i
nced
herotherwise.
 
Nobuhl
e:Idon'
tknowwher
eIwentwr
ong.
 
Shewasconfusi
ngmeev enmore.Ihadnoidea
whatshewastalki
ngaboutoreven,
whatithad
todowithme.Shewasgoingaroundinci
rcl
es
andthatwasmakingmeev enmoreanxi
ous. 
Il
ookedather ,wi
thhopesthatshe'
dshed
somel i
ghtonmer egardi
ngtheissueshewas
addressi
ng,Theboneshehadcomet opick
wit
hmet hatIhadzi
chideaabout. 
Nobuhl
e:Wewer esoi
nlove.Ever
ythi
ngwas
goi
ngwellt
il
lyoucameint
ot hepi
ctur
e!
Shewasnowl ooki
ngatme.Itwasonlyusi n
thetoil
etsandIwonder
edifthi
siswhereIwas
goingtomeetmyancestors.Shelookedlike
shewasaboutt omurdermeandIwasl i
teral
ly
shaking.
 
Me:
M..Me?
 
Nobuhl
e:Yes,
you.
 
ShecamecloserandIt
ookastepback.She'
s
tal
l
erthanmebutnotastal
lasKamo. 
Nobuhl
e:Yout
ookhi
m awayf
rom me!
 
Me:
Idi
dn'
t.
 
Shegavemeadeat hstar
e.Shewasnow
fumi
ng.Itwasn'tsorr
owthatIsawbutanger
,
wrat
h.Icouldseesmokecomi ngfr
om herear
s
andIfel
tli
kepissingonmy sel
f.
 
Nobuhle:
ImeanIdon' tgetit.If
uckedhim good,
I
'm beaut
if
ul,al
lthegir
lsi
nt hisschoolenv
yme,
I
'm popul
ar,I
'
m mostwant edbyal ltheguysbut
now,notK-more.I'
m suddenlynotgoodenough
f
orhi
m.Al
lbecauseofy
ou!
 
Iswall
owedsal
ivadeeply.Ibl
i
nkedacoupl
eof
ti
mest okeept
hetearsfrom f
all
i
ng.I
t'
swhat
happenswhenI'
m scared. 
Ifeltmycheekburni
ng.Didshejust
..
?Yes,she
did.Nobuhlehadj
ustslappedmeandi tst
ung
ashell.Icoul
dseethefir
ecomingfrom my
cheek.Shithadhi
tthefanFam. 
Iinvoluntar
il
ycr i
ed.Thepainwasj usttoomuch
toignoreorwi thhold,
Icouldn'
tdoi t
.Icouldn'
t
pretendlikeIwasn'thurt
ing.Asifthatwasn't
enough, sheslappedagainandIj ustlether.
 
I
'm notavi
olentpersonsother
ewasnot hi
ngI
wasgoingtodo.Icouldn'
tevenrunbecause
t
hedoorwascl osed. 
Shemusthav eplannedthis,
shemusthavesaw
mecomi ngtothetoil
etsandf ol
l
owi
ngme.She
probabl
ygotridofeveryoneandwai
tedforme
toshowmyasssoshecoul dshowmeflames,
nopunintended.
 
Nobuhl
e:Whatdoy
ouhav
ethatIl
ack,
Huh?
 
Shesl
appedmeagai
n.Shewashavingherfun
wit
hmeandIcoul
dn'
tevenfi
ghtherback.
 
Nobuhl
e:Soy
oumut
enow?
 
Isobbed,
lookingdown.Thetear
sjustfel
l.To
thi
nkIhadjustbeenbeatenbyafif
teenyearold
i
sembar r
assing. 
"
Idar
eyout
osl
apheragai
n"
Shehadherhandalr
eadyrai
sedandIhadmy
eyescl
osed,
waiti
ngforhert
odoasshewishes
withme.
 
Idi
dn'tevenlookathi
m.Iknewitwas
Kamogelo.Iknewhisvoi
cepret
tywell
.WhatI
di
dn'tunderst
andiswhathewasdoingher
e? 
Washeher
etoaddmor
efuel
tot
hef
ir
e? 
Nobuhl
e:She'
sthereasony
oul
eftme.Anugl
y,
cheap,
broke,
fatbi
tch!
 
Hear
ingherdescr
ibemel
i
ket
hatmademy
hear
tache.Sheremindedmeofallthebull
yingI
hadexperi
encedgrowingup,
all
thecurses,all
thei
nsult
sandallt
henastyremarks. 
Theycamef l
oodingbackli
keari
verandmy
facefl
oodedwithtear
sthatfl
owedli
keari
ver
,
again,
nopunintended.
 
Kamo:
Don'
tcal
lhert
hat
. 
Whenhesai dthat,Iremember edwhenIcal led
herskinnyandhet ol dmet heexactwor ds.This
ti
me, hewasn' tst
andi ngupf orherbutwas
defendingme.Thesamemewhohadsl apped
hi
mi nf rontofhal
ft heschool ,
Thesameme
whohadnev ersaidnotev enonegoodwor dt o
hi
m andt hesamemewhohadr ej
ectedhima
coupleoft i
mes.Hewasdef endingme. 
Ihadneverhadanyonestandupforme,Imean
neverandthi
sbroughtacert
ainf
eeli
nthat
warmedmyr upt
uredheartasmalll
it
tl
ebit
. 
Nobuhl
e:Wow,
soy
oudef
endi
ngher
? 
Heignor
edherandcametomethenembr
aced
me.Icoul
dn'
tfi
ghthi
m,Iwast
oosad. 
Ifoundcomfor
tinhi
sarmsandjustcri
edmy
heartoutwi
thNobuhl
ewatchi
ngus. 
Isawt hetear
si nhereyesandIsuddenlyf
elt
bad.Ifel
tbadf orcausi
ngdivi
sionbetweenthi
s
couplewhower ecl
earl
yhappybef or
eI
surf
aced.Whydi di
thavetobelikethi
s?Why
didIhavetobet hebadmani nt hi
scase? 
Nobuhle:
Thi
nkaboutal
lwehav
ebeent
hrough
baby.
 
Il
etgoofKamogeloandsteppedback.Hewas
l
ooki
ngmewhi l
eIwaslookingatNobuhlewho
waslooki
ngathi
m. 
Ihadneveri
maginedI'
dbeinvol
vedinal
ove
tr
iangl
ewhenit'
sjustmysecondmonthi
nthi
s
school
.Januar
yishardl
yamont h.
 
Kamo:
Don'
tdoi
t.
 
Shecamecl
osert
ohi
m andIst
eppedback.
 
Nobuhl
e:Thi
sisme.
 
Shesaid,t
ouchi
nghisf
ace.Hey ankedherhand
offandshewail
ed.Woah,Iwasn'texpect
ing
that
. 
I
'm pr
ett
ysur
ethelearner
soutsi
dewer
e
wonderi
ngwhat
'sgoingoninsi
de.
 
Theypr
obablywant
edt
obet
hef
li
esi
nthe
toi
l
etsr
ightnow.
 
Nobuhl
e:WowBonga,youaskedmetotel
lhi
m
t
oleaveyoual
oneknowingver
ywel
lthaty
ou
wanthi
m. 
Kamo:I
'mtheonewhowant
sher
,nott
heot
her
wayar
ound. 
Nobuhl
e:Youcan'
tpossi
blywanther
. 
Il
ookeddownandf i
ddledwit
hmyfinger
s.This
i
swhereshestartsinsulti
ngmeandIbraced
mysel
fforherheartpierci
ngwor
ds.
 
Kamo:Andhowdi
dyoucomet
othat
concl
usi
on?
 
Shescannedmef r
om upt odown, Icoul
dfeel
hereyesonme.If eltl
ikejustdi
sappeari
ngfrom
thefaceoftheearthatthattime.Iwasvery
uncomfort
able.Thewayshewassay i
ngit,
ital
l
j
ustsoundedsonew.  
Li
keIwasn'
tusedt
oitany
mor
e. 
Nobuhl
e:She'
s.
..Cheap,
ugl
y,f
at-
Kamo:
Any
thi
ngy
ouai
n'
tri
ght
? 
Nobuhl
e:Yes!
 
Shesmi l
ed.Sohewasagr eei
ngwithher
.I
wasn'tsur
prisedthough,
Kamoi stoo
handsome, i
t'
slikehehadbeenhandcraft
ed,
l
ikethoseti
lesmadebyst onesfrom
Kil
i
manj ar
o. 
Kamo: She'
stheonlygi
rlinthi
sentir
eschool
whodoesn'tdropherpantiesi
nmypr esence,
shedoesn'tmeltwhensheseesme, she's
fi
erce,
shedoesn'tsweetcoatherwordswhen
shespeakstomeandshe' snotscar
edofmeor
t
ell
i
ngmeshi
t.
 
Nobuhl
e:Shedoesn'
trespecty
ou!
 
Kamo:
Andy
oudo?
 
Nobuhl
e:Umm.
..I
..Yeah.
 
Kamo: I
t'sover
.Wear eover
.Thesoonery
ou
acceptthat,
Thebetter
.Youdon'
twannapiss
meof fNobuhle,t
rustme.
 
Nobuhl
e:Baby
,i-
Hecuthershor
t.
 
Kamo:Youcan'
tcall
met
hatany
mor
e.I
'
m onl
y
gonnasayt
hisonce.
 
Thefaci
alexpr
essionhehadonwouldmake
anyonepeeont hemsel
ves.I
twast
hatscar
y.I
t
evenhadmest artl
edabit
. 
Kamo: LeaveKhensani
alone.Ifyoueverev
en
putaf i
ngeronher,I
'
m gonnaf uckyousobad
thaty
ou'dlit
eral
l
ypeeony ourselfatt
he
mentionofmyname.  
CanIj ustsaythi
s?Ihadnev er
,Ir
epeat,
NEVER
seenNobuhl ethatscar
ed.Whatam Isay i
ng?I
hadnev erseenherscared,
Imeannev er.She
l
eftwithat ai
lbetweenherlegsanditwasjust
him andI. 
Isti
l
llookeddown.Isuddenlycouldn'
tfacehi
m.
Ihadbrokeapartinfrontoft
hismansoIf el
t
l
ikeaweakling.IguessIam forall
owing
Nobuhletowalkallovermelikethat.
 
Kamo:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Hef
inal
l
ybr
oket
hesi
l
ence.Inodded.
 
Kamo:
Sayi
t.
 
Me:
I'
m okay
. 
Il
ookedathi
m andsawtheimpactofmyhand.
Hehadaredcheek.Il
aughedabiti
nsi
de.
 
Kamo:
It'
samazi
ng.
 
Me:
What
? 
Kamo:
Youdi
dnotev
ent
hinkt
wicebef
ore
slappi
ngmey
ety
ouLetNobuhl
edot
hatt
o
you. 
Me:
Younotbei
ngf
unnyatal
l
. 
Kamo:
I'
mjustsay
ing.
 
Hecameandhel
dmycheeks.
 
Kamo:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:
It'
snoty
ourf
aul
t.
 
Iwasst i
ll
wearingmyki
tandIhadt
ochange
somehowbuthowwasIgoi ngtodothati
nhi
s
presence?Ineededt
ogetri
dofhi
m. 
Kamo:
Whatar
eyout
hinki
ng?
 
Me:
Ineedt
ochange.
 
Kamo:
So?
 
Me:
Ineedspace.
 
Kamo:
Ifyoucan'
tundressinf
rontofmenow,
howam Igoi
ngtobreakyourvi
rgi
nit
y? 
Me:
Whosai
dI'
m av
irgi
n? 
Hi
sjawdroppedandIchuckl
ed.Thener
veof
t
hisguy
.Hisimagi
nat
ionthough!
Kamo:
Younot
? 
Me:
NowayBr
uh.I
sthatwhyy
ouwentf
orme?
 
Kamo:
Soy
ounotasi
nnocentasy
oul
ook?
 
Me:
I'
m noti
nnocentatal
l
.Now,
go 
Kamo:
I'
ll
wai
tout
side.
 
Il
ethim be.Whenheleft
,Iimmediat
ely
changedbackint
omyuni for
m.Igotoutthenhe
wentwithmet owherewest or
edourkit
s.I
fi
guredthatThul
ihadlef
talr
eady,
itwasprett
y
l
atethough. 
Kamo:
Wher
etoFr
om her
e? 
Me:
I'
m goi
nghome.
 
Kamo:
Daddydear
estpi
cki
ngy
ouup?
 
Me:
I'
mtaki
ngat
axi
. 
Iwasactual
l
ypr
ettysur
pri
sedt
hatIhadn'
t
di
smissedhimy
et.Heaccompani
edmet othe
r
ank.
 
Kamo:
CanIatl
eastgety
ournumber
? 
Me:
Whatf
or?
 
Kamo:SoIcancal
landknowi
fyouar
ri
ved
saf
ely
. 
Me:
That
'ssweetbutIdon'
thav
eaphone.
 
Kamo:
Youki
ddi
ngr
ight
? 
Ir
emember
edLer
ato.Sher
eact
edt
hesame
wayt
oo.
 
Me:
Iwi
shIwas 
Kamo:
Whyt
hough?
 
Me:
Idon'
twanti
t.
 
Kamo:
Soy
ouhav
enev
erhadaphone?
 
Me:
Yep!
 
Kamo:Youweir
d.Sothat'
swhyIcoul
dn'
tfi
nd
youonanysoci
almedia?
 
Me:
Soy
ousear
chedf
orme?
 
Kamo:
Idi
d.Duuh!
 
Iwassurprisedthathe'
dgotosuchlengt
hs.I
didn'
tthi
nkhewast hi
sser
iousaboutme.
May behejustwantedsomef r
eshpussy,
he'sa
senioraf
terallsoIcannev
erknow. 
Me:
Wel
l
,that
'si
t.
 
Kamo:
Howwi
l
lIr
eachy
out
hen?
 
Me:
Youwon'
t.
 
Igoti
nsi
det
het
axi
leav
inghi
mli
ket
hat
. 
Iwasver
ytir
edwhenIgothomeandIwas
sur
pri
sedtofi
ndmydad,hehadevencooked.
 
Dad:
Whathappenedt
oyou?
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Dad:
Yourf
ace.
 
Iremember edtheslaps.Nobuhlemusthave
fuckedmeuppr et
tybad.Wait,whyam I
swear i
ngsomuch?Ishoul dgot oChurchi
n
comi ngyears.
 
Me:
Igotbeat
enup.
 
Ineverhideanythi
ngf r
om mydadandImean
anyt
hing.Heknewev enwhenIhadbr
okenmy
vi
rgi
nity
,nomat terhowsadthatwasformebut
hewast hereforme. 
Dad:
Bywho?
 
Helookedv er
yconcer
ned.Hehuggedme
t
ight
ly,squeezi
ngmebeforel
ett
inggo.
 
Me:
Somegi rlatschoolbecauseappar
ent
lyI
'
m
t
hereasonherboyfri
endlefther
. 
Dad:
Arey
ou?
 
Me:
Dad!
 
Dad:
Ijustwannaknowbaby
. 
Me:
Ofcour
senot
. 
Dad:
Ishoul
dgot
otheschool
and-
Me:
No!
 
Dad:
Lookwhatshedi
dtoy
ou.
 
Me: Ican'tbethatgi
rlwhocal
lsherpar
ent
s
becauseshecan' thandl
estuf
fonherown.I'
m
si
xteenf orheaven'
ssake.
Hesmi
l
ed.
 
Dad:
Okaybuti
fithappensagai
n. 
Me:
Yeah,
yeah.I
'
mti
red.
 
Dad:
Wai
t,howwast
hemat
ch?
 
Igr
inned.Theexci
tementwhi
chhadhi
dit
sel
f
somewher ewi
thi
nmesur f
aced.
 
Me:
Iscor
edt
wogoal
s!
Iscreamed.Hechuckl
edt
henli
ft
edmeupl
i
kea
l
itt
lebabybefor
ekissi
ngme.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Dad,
I'
m notababy
. 
Dad:You'
ll
alwaysbemybabyandI
'
m pr
oudof
you.It
oldyouyougonnawi
n. 
Me:
AndIt
hanky
ouf
orhav
ingt
hatmuchf
ait
h
me.
 
Dad:
I'
ll
alway
sdo.
 
Me:
Letmegor
estbef
orewegetal
lemot
ional
.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Go,
don'
tfor
gett
otakeof
fyouruni
for
m. 
Me:
Yesmom
HelaughedasIwentintoourbedr
oom.Itook
offmyunifor
m bef
orethrowi
ngmy sel
fonmy
bedInjustmypanty
. 
BecauseIwasexhaust
ed,Ii
mmedi
atel
yfel
l
asl
eepwhenmyheadt ouchedt
hepi
ll
ow. 
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

16
Me:
Ithi
nki
t'
sti
meIhadaphone.
 
Dad:
Oh?
 
Me:
Yes,
I'
vehadpeopl
easki
ngmef
ormy
number
sonl
yfort
hem t
obedi
sappoi
ntedi
nthe
end.
 
Dad:
Ist
hatr
eal
l
ywhati
t'
sabout
? 
Me:
Whatel
se?
 
Dad:It
hinkt
her
e'smor
etot
hist
hanwhaty
ou
t
ell
ingme. 
Me:
Oh?
 
Dad:
Yes,
Iwasn'
tbor
nyest
erday
. 
Hewasl ooki
ngatme.Icoul dn'tfat
hom whyit
seemedlikeIsuddenlyhadt obegf ordadtoget
meaphone.He' sactuall
ythesameper sonwho
off
eredinthefi
rstpl
ace,onmor ethanone
occasi
onandIdecl i
ned.Ididn'
tgetwhyInow
hadtopursuadehimt obuymeaphone.  
Me:
It'
sfi
ne,
for
getIasked.
Wefi
nishedwi
thourbr
eakf
astandhedr
oveme
t
oschool.
 
Dad:
I'
m notsay
ingIwon'
tbuyt
hephone.
 
Me:
No,
real
l
y,i
t'
sfi
ne.
 
Dad:
Arey
ousur
e? 
Me:
Yep.
 
Itookmymoney ,ki
ssedhim onthecheekand
gotout.Ihadmadesur ethere'
snomar konmy
faceoftheslapsIhadgot t
enfrom Nobuhl
ethe
previ
ousday.Ireall
yhopeshenol onger
becomesat horninmyl i
fe.
 
She'
slikeapai nintheass, Ir
eall
yhopedt hat
she'
llt
akeKamo' swor dstoheartandleav eme
al
one.It'
snotmyf aultthatKamobr okeupwi th
her,
Ididn'
tini
tiateitandIsur eashelldidn'task
hi
mt o.AllIeveraskedwasf orhimtol eaveme
al
one.That'sallfr
om dayoneandIhopeby
nowsheget sit. 
IhuggedThuli
whom I'
m sur
eshehadalotof
questi
onsforme.I
thadbeenadramat
icday
yest
erday.
 
Thul
i
:Howar
eyou?
 
Me:
FineIguess.
 
Ishruggedmyshoulders.IcomprehendhowI
wasf eel
ingt
hisday.Ir
eallywasn'
tsureof
my sel
fandifI
'm ev
enlookingforwardtot
he
day. 
Thul
i:Ev
enmyl
i
fei
snothal
fasdr
amat
icas
your
s.
Me: HowIwishIwasst
il
lthatsameunnot
iced
gir
lwhonoonewantedtobef ri
endswi
th,
thi
ngswouldbeawholelotbett
er.
 
Thul
i
:Ibl
ameK-
mor
ethough.
 
Me:
Say
syouwhowashi
snumberonef
an.
 
Thul
i:Iwasbl
indedbyhi
shandsomenessand
sexi
nessbabe. 
"SoI
'
m notsexynorhandsome?"
Hereyesimmedi at
elypoppedoutandIt ri
edso
muchnott olaugh.Shecoul dn'tev
ensay
anyt
hingforaf ewsecondsandt hat'
ssounli
ke
Thul
i,shealway shassomet hingtosaythough.
 
Thul
i
:Heybaby
. 
Shehuggedhi m,thoughhewasn' tcooperati
ng
i
nanywayont heembr ace.Iunderstoodwhere
hewascomi ngf r
om, IknowIwoul dn'tbe
pl
easedifIheardmyboy fr
iendcompl iment
ing
anot
hergirlt
hismuch.Hel l woul
df r
eeze
i
mmedi atel
y.Haha,I'
mj okingthough.Anyway,
backtothesituat
ionathand, Xoliwasn't
pl
easedwhat soeverwithThuli.
 
Thul
i
:Ar
eyoumad?
 
Xol
i
:Whower
eyout
alki
ngabout
? 
Hehadastr
aightfaceonandIreal
izedt
hen
t
hatshi
thadhitthefanFam!Okay,
Isaythata
l
otbuti
twastrue. 
Thebellr
angsav i
ngmef r
om all
thi
sfiery
awkwardnessandpr obabl
ygivi
ngThuliti
met o
thi
nkofaperfectli
e.ImeanIcani maginehow
he'df
eelknowingshe'stal
kingaboutt
he
Presi
dent,
everyoneenviesthi
ssonofabi tch.
 
Ar
gh,
hej
ustannoy
smenj
e. 
It
ookThul
i'
shandandwehurri
edt
oourcl
ass
wher
eweputourbagsdownbefor
espr
int
ing
sl
owl
ytotheassembl
yarea.
 
Me:Hehadnor i
ghtt
oeav
esdr
oponour
conv
ersat
iont
hough.
 
Thul
i
:That
'spr
ett
ytool
ate.
 
Me:
Oh,
Iknow.I
'
m sor
ry.
 
Thul
i:He'
ssomadatmeBonga,
whatam I
gonnado? 
Ireal
lydi
dn'tknowwhatt osayt oher.I'
m notan
expertwheni tcomest orel
ati
onships.Imean
I'
veneverhadar el
ati
onshipthatl
astedmor e
thanami nute,fi
gurat
ivel
yspeakingsoIwas
cluel
ess.
 
Igaveherahugandassuredherev er
ythi
ng
wouldbealri
ght
.Thiswasn'tthatmuchabig
dealoratl
eastthat
'swhatIthought
.Wecould
betalki
ngaboutacharact
erfrom asoapi
efor
al
lheknowssoIt
hinkt
hiswasgoi
ngt
obe
easy
. 
Wegoti nsi
deourCl assandwentt oourseat
.
Nobuhlewasabsentt odayandapartofme
wasgr at
efulthatIcouldfi
nall
ybreat
he.Don'
t
bl
amemet hough,Isti
llwasn'
tahundred
percentconvincedthatshe'l
ll
eav
emeal one
pri
ortoKamogel o'
scommand.  
Hersideki
ckswer epr esentt
hough,Iwonder
wheretheydisappearedt oyester
day.She'
s
usual
lywit
hthem, mor eli
kealwaysunless
she'
smay befuckingnoKamogel o.Okay,t
hat
wasmeantt obeaj oke. 
IknewIwasgoingtospendt hebreakaloneand
Iwasn'
tcomplai
ning.Thul
i hadt ogosor tthi
ngs
outwit
hXolani
.Wehadwor kedt ogetherand
hadcomeupwi thaconv i
nci nglie.I
'm notaliar
norwasIrai
sedasonebutt hi ssit
uationjust
hadtobepardonedfrom thet r
uth. 
Iwentt
obuymy
sel
ffr
uit
sasusual
anda
packetofsnack,
comi ngbackf r
om theshopI
metwi t
honeoft hesi
dekicks.She'
sactuall
ythe
onewhowaswi t
hNobuhl ewhenwewer e
wait
ingforourdatesattheValenti
ne'sbash.
 
Her
:Hey
. 
Me:
Umm.
.Hi
Iwassur pri
sedtosayt
heleast.Thi
sgir
l has
neverbotheredtot
alkt
ome, Imeannever,ev
en
thoughwei nthesameclass.Well
,unl
essshe
wasgangi nguponmewi thNobuhleandt he
otherone. 
Iactual
lywonderedwhyshe' ssuddenl
ytal
ki
ng
tome.Youknow, cur
iosity
,andshewas
actual
lypol
it
e,somethi ngIneverhadt
hought
exi
stedinhermember s. 
Her
:I'
m Kagi
so.
 
Me:
Nok-
Shecutmeof
f.
 
Kagi
so:
Nokubonga,
Iknow.Wei
nthesame
cl
assaf
teral
l
. 
Me:I'
m sorr
yIdon'
tknowy
our
s.Ionl
yknow
Nokubonga.
 
Kagi
so:I
t'
sunder
standabl
e. 
Mostpeopl
edon'
t
knowus,ImeanmeandTumel o.
 
Me:I
t'
sembarr
assi
ngf
ormecausewei
nthe
samecl
ass.
 
Kagi
so:
Wel
l
,atl
eastnowy
ouknowme.
 
Ichuckledsoft
lyandshejoi
nedme.Iwasev
en
surpr
isedthatwewerehav i
ngadecent
conversati
on,wel
latl
eastonhersi
deIwas
surpr
isedshe'sbei
ngdecent. 
Kagi
so:
Canwegosi
tdownandt
alk?
 
Ineverwoul
dhav ethoughtshe'dwanttotalkt
o
me.Likespendmor ethanfiv
emi nut
estal
king
tomewi t
hnov enom beingspittome.Ihope
youcanunderstandwhyI '
m shockedbyallof
thi
s. 
Inoddedandwewentt
osi
tatt
hebunchwhi
ch
Iusual
l
ysi
twi
thThul
iatdur
ingbr
eak.Wecal
l
ed
i
tours.
Kagi
so:Fi
rst
ly,
Iwanttoapol
ogi
zef
orbei
ng
suchabit
chtoy ou.
 
Okay ,Idi
dn'
tthi
nkshewasgoingt obethi
s
brutalandopenaboutthi
s.Iwasexpecti
ngher
tofil
terherdevi
ousacti
onsabitbut
surpri
singl
y,sheadmit
tedthebi
ttert
rut
h. 
Me:
Youdon'
thav
etoapol
ogi
ze.
 
Iwasn'tusedt opeoplecomingt omeand
admitti
ngt hei
rfaul
tsandInev erevenexpected
them to.Ineverhol
dgr udgessoI '
djustf
orgi
v e
them beforetheyevenaskmet o.I
t'
sjustthe
wayIam, Ithi
nkI'
mt ooforgi
vi
ngt osaythe
l
east.
Kagi
so:
Pleasel
etmef
ini
sh.
 
Inodded.Feel
i
ngal
i
ttl
ebadf
ori
nter
rupt
ingher
apol
ogy. 
Kagi
so:
Ihav
etoapol
ogi
ze.Bel
i
eveme,
Ifeel
verybadforev er
ything.Ifeelbadf orletti
ng
Nobuhleluremei ntoherev ilplanstocr ushyou
andmakey ourli
femi serable.Ishouldn'thave
l
ethermakemeheraccompl iceinwhat ever
beefshehadwi t
hy ou.Youagoodper son
Bonga,withagoodhear tandy oudidn'tdeser
ve
suchtreat
ment . 
Ismiled.Shesoundedv erysincereandIcoul d
feeli
tcamef rom thebot t
om ofherhear t.I
f
onlysheknewInev erhatedherf orit
, Idon'
t
hateev enNobuhle,regardlessofallthebadshe
hadev erdonetome.Icansayt hathat enever
dwellsinmyhear tbutonl ylove.Thelov eIwas
taughtbymyf ather,thetrue,unconditionall
ove
withwhi chhelovedmeandst i
lll
ovesmewi th.
 
Me:Ilongforgavebeforeyoueventhoughtof
comingtoapologize.HenceIhadsaidyoudon't
havetoapologize.
 
Igav
eherahug.Itwasasignofhowgenuine
myforgi
venessofheri
s.I
'
mj ustgl
adshecame
backt
ohersenses.
 
Webrokethehugandshewi pedhert
ear
s.I
thi
nkshesti
l
lcouldn'
tbel
ievethatIdi
dn'
thol
d
anyofwhathappenedagainsther.
 
Kagi
so:Ireal
lydidn'
tthi
nky
ou'
dfor
giv
emej ust
l
iket
hat.Nobuhlehadmadeusbeli
evethaty
ou
anevi
lperson. 
Il
aughed.Atl
eastnowsheknewIwasnotev
en
cl
osetobeingEvi
l.
 
Me:
Icani
magi
ne.
 
Kagi
so:NowIseewhyK-
mor
elov
esy
out
his
much. 
Me:
Ohnoty
out
oo!
 
Irol
ledmyeyesandshegiggl
ed.Hisnamejust
hadt oal
wayspopatEver
yconversat
ionIhav
e
withsomeoneatschool
. 
Ir
eal
lywishedtheydi
dn'thav
etoalwaysbri
ng
hi
m up.Thepoorguy'searsmustbei
tchi
ng
al
mostallthet
ime. 
Kagi
so:I
'm seri
oust
hough.Whydoy
out
hink
Nobuhl
ehat esyout
hismuch?
Me:
Idon'
tknow.BecauseI
'
m ugl
yandf
at?
 
Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s.Shelaughedl
i
keIhad
j
usttol
dthemosthi
l
ari
ousjoke.
 
Kagiso:
Yousof unnyy
azi
.It
'sbecauseshe
feel
sthreat
enedbyyou.
Me:
Byme?
 
Il
aughed.Shemustbeki
ddi
ng,
shecan'
tbe
ser
ious.
 
Kagi
so:Forreal
.Youev er
ythi
ngshe'snot.You
beat
if
ul,
yousweet, humbleandjustl
ovable
NJeandy oualwaysputK-moreinhisplace.
Somethi
ngnooneel sei
sabletodo. 
Me:
Yout
ooni
ce.
 
Kagiso:
I'
m say
ingitl
ikei
tis.Shel
osthi
mthe
minutehesawy ou.
 
Thebel
lrangbef
oreIcoul
daskanyquest
ions.
Somehowherlastwor
dswereringi
nginmy
mindandbusyrepl
ayi
nginmymi nd.Idi
dn'
t
underst
andwhatshemeant
.Itwaslikea
parabl
etome. 
Thuli
'
ssmi lewhenIenter
edtheclassr
oom was
enought oassur
emet hatthi
ngswerenow
goodbet weenherandtheboyfr
iendandIwas
moret hanhappy.Idi
dn'
tli
keseeinghert
hat
miserable.
 
Me:
So?
 
Thul
i
:Idi
daswedi
scussed.
 
Me:
I'
m happyi
twor
ked.Ihat
ely
ing.
 
Thul
i
:I'
mjustr
eli
evedi
t'
sal
lov
er.
 
Me:
I'
m happyf
ory
ou.
 
Wehuggedshor
tl
ythent
heteacherent
eredand
l
essonspr
esumedasusual
.
 
Ihadn'
tseenKamogelothewholeoftodayand
tr
ustmewhenIsay ,Iwasn'
tcomplai
ning.Thul
i
hadseenherthoughsoIcanconfi
rm hewasn't
absent
. 
Thul
i
:Umm.
.Babe?
 
Me:
Yeah?
 
Thul
i
:I'
l
lbewal
ki
ngwi
thXol
i
. 
Ifr
owned.Ireall
ywasn'texpecti
ngthat.Imean
wehadhar dl
yspentti
met ogetheryest
er day
andtodaybutIdidn'
tcompl ai
n,l
estIcomeout
asbeingself
ish.
 
Me:
Alr
ightt
hen.
 
If
akedasmi
l
e. 
Thul
i
:You'
l
lbecool
? 
Me:
Don'
twor
ryaboutme.Got
oyourman.
 
Isai
dspanki
ngherli
ghtl
yandshegi ggl
ed.She
wentoutoft
heclasswhil
eIremained.Iwanted
todomyhomewor kimmediatel
yknowingI'
llbe
ti
redwhenIgethome. 
Af
teraboutanhourandahal
fIwasdone.It
ook
mybag,bumpingint
osomeguyatthedoor.
 
Me:
Ohh,
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Hewast al
lsoIl
ookedup,bei
ngmetbyadi
rt
y
smirk.Thisguyagai
n!Ii
nwardl
yrol
l
edmy
eyes. 
Guy
:Lov
elyseei
ngy
out
hiscl
oset
ome.
 
Iwal
kedbackabi
tandhel
aughed.
 
Guy
:I'
m Thut
obyt
heway
. 
Me:
Inev
erasked.
 
Thuto:Fiest
yIsee.NowIknowwhyK- moreis
headov erheel
sinlov
ewithyou.Yougotf
ire
babe! 
Me:Ohnotyout
oo.I
'
m get
ti
ngt
ir
edofhear
ing
t
hatname!
 
Igr
oanedandhel
aughed.
 
Thut
o:Lat
erpr
incess.
 
Hewi nkedatmethenleft
,Icl
ickedmyt ongue
andwentonmyway .Ishoul
dhav elong
guessedfrom t
hearr
oganceoft hi
sguyt hat
he'
sKamogel
o'
sfr
iend.That
'st
heassguywhoI
nowknewbei
ngThuto.
 
Iwentoutoft
heschool
yardandt
ookat axi
whichdr
oppedmestrai
ghtatmygat
e. 
Igoti
n,t
ookof
fmyunif
ormthenwor
eal
ongT-
shi
rtwhi
chwasli
keadr
ess.
 
I
nsteadofsleepi
ng,Icookedf
ir
st.Dadwasn'
t
homey etandaft
erhehadaccusedmeofbei ng
l
azy,Ididn'
twanttogivehi
m moreammuniti
on
tocruci
fyme. 
Imadeasimpl
eri
cewi
thmi
nceandmashed
pot
atoes.
 
Thearomawasenought
ogetmystomach
grumbli
ngandhecamej
ustasIwasdi
shi
ng
up. 
Dad:
SeemsI
'
mri
ghtont
ime.
 
Me:
Tal
kaboutper
fectt
imi
ng.
 
Weshar
edal augh.Hewentt
othebedr
oom t
o
dowhat
everbeforecomi
ngbackandhesat
downsi
nceIwasal
readydone.
 
Wesai
dGr
aceasusual
thenat
e. 
Dad:
Thi
sisscr
umpt
iousmydear
. 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Mydadi sv eryeducated,hencehe'salways
usingthishighgradeEnglish.Well
,that'
swhy
he'
ssuchagoodwr it
er.Het ol
dmehest udi
ed
Journali
sm butcouldn'tgetanyfull
-t
imejob.
Thingsaret oughther
e.Goodt hinghewasal so
agooddesi gnerhencet heclot
hesmaki ngand
everyt
hing. 
Iwashedourdishesaft
erweat
ethenwentt
o
takemywelldeservednap.
 
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

17
Ispentmostoft
heni
ghtst
udy
ingf
ormyt
est
tomorrow.Itmi ghthavebeenjustatestbuti
t
wasgoi ngtocont ri
but
enotonlyt omyFirst
ter
mr esultsbutmyendofy earresul
tsaswell
soIcoul dn'
taffordtosl
ack.Wheni tcomesto
myschool work,Idon'
tplay
. 
Iwentt
osleepwhenIwassat
isf
iedwi
thal
lthat
Iwasabl
etograsp.
 
Iwokeupandasusualdadhadprepared
bat
hingwat
erforme.Ist
ri
ppedthentookmy
bat
h. 
Iworemyst ockings,ski
rtandgolfshir
t.I
brushedmyhai rthentookmybagwhi chhadal
l
thatI'
l
lneedandwentt otheki
tchen. 
Me:
Bread?
 
Dad:
Yeah.It
'
swhol
ewheatsoI
'
m pr
ett
ysur
e
i
t'
sheal
thy
. 
Me:
Yousuchaner
d. 
It
ookaf ewsl
i
cesandbut
ter
edt
hem bef
ore
si
tt
ingdowntoeat
. 
Dad:It
'sfunnyhowyoucal
lmeaner
dwhi l
eyou
spentthewholeni
ghtst
udyi
ngf
oratest
. 
Dadwasjustexaggerati
ngt here.Idi
dn'
tspend
t
hewholenightstudyi
ng, Iwouldbeslumbering
t
henbutIwasper fect
lyrefreshed. 
Me:
Youbl
owi
ngt
hingsout
tapr
opor
ti
onnow.
 
Dad:
Yeah,
what
ever
,let
'sgo.
. 
Me:
I'
m st
il
ldr
inki
ngmyt
ea.
 
Dad:Fi
nishuppumpki
n,Ihav
eabusyday
ahead.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
esbef
oregul
pingdownmyt
ea.
 
Me:
AndI
'
m notapumpki
n. 
Dad:
What
'swr
ongwi
thapumpki
n? 
Me:
It'
sroundandbi
g. 
Hechuckl
ed,shaki
nghi
shead.It
ookmybag
andwelef
t,gotinhi
scarandhedrov
eof
f.
 
Wearri
vedatmyschoolandhest
oppedt
hecar
wher
eheusuall
ydoes 
Me:I
sthi
snott
hepar
twher
eIgetoutand
l
eav
e? 
Dad:
Youwi
l
l,i
nami
nut
e 
Me:
Oh
Isankbackonmyseatt
henl
ookedathi
m.He
l
ookedbackatme.
 
Dad:
Iwanty
out
oknowsomet
hing.
 
Me:
Youscar
ingmenow.
 
Dad:
It'
snot
hingbi
g,don'
twor
ry.
 
IknowI '
m nottheonlyonewhoi mmediatel
y
beginstoworry.Ithappenedint
hiscase,a
wholelotofwor r
yf i
nddwelli
ngi
nmybei ng
i
mmedi atel
y. 
Ij
ustnodded,
alt
houghhetoocoul
dseet
he
worr
ythathadembracedmyface.
 
Dad:IneedyoutoknowthatIl
oveyouand
you'
l
lalwayscomefir
sti
nmyl i
fe,nomatt
er
what.
 
Me:Andyouexpectmenott
owor
rywhi
l
eyou
t
alkl
iket
hat?
 
Dad:
I'
mjustassur
ingy
ouofhowmuchy
ou
meantome. 
Me:
Arey
oudy
ingorsomet
hing?
 
Hechuckl
edwhi
l
eIf
eltat
angl
eoft
ear
sinmy
ey
es. 
Dad:That'
sri
dicul
ous.I'
m st
il
lgoi
ngt
oli
veunt
il
yourchi
ldr
enhav echi
ldr
en. 
Ibr
eat
hedout.Hehadmet her
eforasecond.
Myheartgotf
il
ledwi
thr
eli
efimmediat
ely
. 
Me:
I'
m gl
ad.Butwhyy
out
alki
ngl
i
ket
hat
? 
Dad:
Itol
dyounott
owor
ry.
 
Me:That
'swhyIgetwor
ri
ed,
becausey
ou
t
ell
i
ngmenott o.
 
Dad:
Ilov
eyoubaby
,nowgo.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Hehadal
readygi
venmemoneysoIt
ookmy
bagandj umpedout.Thebellr
angjustasI
reachedthegatesoIimmediatelywenttomy
classwhereIputmybagdown.Thul i
probably
thoughtIwascomingalthoughIwouldnev erbe
absentespeci
all
ywhenI'm wri
ting.
 
Af
terassembl
y,wehuggedt
henwal
kedt
o
cl
ass.
 
Thul
i
:It
houghty
ouwer
en'
tcomi
ng.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Thul
i
:ImeanIwai
tedf
orl
i
ket
hir
tymi
nut
es.
 
Shewipedimaginar
ysweatfrom herfor
ehead
usi
ngherhand.Talkaboutbeingdramati
c.Il
et
outasnicker
. 
Me:
Yeah,
right
. 
Igoti
nsideclass.Nobuhlewaspr esenttoday
andohwel l
,shelookedmi serabl
e.Kagiso
wavedatmeandIr etur
nedt hewav ewitha
smil
e. 
Wesatdowni
nourseat
. 
Thul
i
:Andt
hat
? 
Me:
What
? 
Iknewshewastal
kingaboutKagi
sobutI
neededt
ohearhersayit
. 
Thul
i
:Don'
tactdumbonme.
 
Il
aughedabi
t.
 
Me:
Idon'
tknowwhaty
out
alki
ngabout
. 
Thul
i
:Youandher
. 
Shepoi
ntedatKagi
soandIchuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Oht
hat
. 
Thul
i
:Yes,
that
. 
Sher oll
edhereyes.If
orgotshehadbeen
focusingsomuchonherboy fr
iendt
hatIhardl
y
hadtimet ofeel
herinont henewupdatesinmy
l
ife.
 
Me:Wemadepeace.Sheapol ogi
zedforbei
ng
suchabit
ch,herwordsnotmineandItol
dherI
hadlongf
orgaveherbefor
esheeventhought
ofcomi
ngt
ome.
 
Thul
i
:Oh 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Thul
i
:Ihopeshewasgenui
net
hough.
 
Me:Ihopesotoo.Foral
lweknow,i
tcoul
dal
l
bepartofsomeplanagai
nstme.
 
Thul
i
:Let
'snott
hinkt
oomuchabouti
t.Al
lthat
matt
ersi
sshefi
nall
ysawt
heli
ght.
 
Me:
Yeahhey
,I'
m gl
adshedi
d. 
Thul
i:
Andshedoesn'
tl
ookl
i
keabadper
sont
o
me. 
Me:
Myt
hought
sexact
ly.
 
Theteachercameandlessonspresumedas
usual
.Wewer egoi
ngt owri
teaft
erbreak,
aft
er
att
endingonemorelessonofcourse.
 
Soon,
itwasbr
eakt
ime.
 
Me:
Xol
iagai
n. 
Thul
i
:Youmaki
ngmef
eel
bad.
 
Me:
I'
mjustaski
ng.
 
Shenoddedsl owlyandIwasn'tevensur
pri
sed.
Itseemedast houghIwaslosinghertohi
m but
again,whoam Itocompl ai
n?Whoknows
may beifIhadaboy f
ri
end,I'
dalsodothesame.
Icertai
nlydi
dn'twanttocomeoutasselfi
sh. 
Ial
sonoddedandgotoutoft
hecl
ass.
 
Someonepull
edmet ot
hem andIi
mmedi
atel
y
knewfr
om thecol
ognewhothatwas.
 
It
houghtIwasf
inal
l
yri
dofhi
m. 
Il
ookedathi
m andheret
urnedthegazewi
th
hi
seyebr
owsbroughtt
ogether
. 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
? 
Kamo:
Soy
oudi
dn'
tmi
ssmeatal
l
? 
Me:
Notev
enat
iny
,wi
ntsybi
t.
 
Kamo:
Yousay
stheni
cestoft
hings.
 
Me:
Oh,
Itr
y. 
Kamo:
Spendt
hedaywi
thme.
 
Me:
I'
drat
herdi
e. 
Kamo:
Whydoy
ouhat
emesomuch?
 
Me:
Whydoy
oul
oveannoy
ingmesomuch?
 
Kamo:
Whyar
eyoual
way
sinsul
ti
ngme?
 
Me:
Whycan'
tyoust
ayawayf
rom me?
 
Kamo:
Itr
yto,
bel
i
eveme,
Ido.
 
Me:
Theny
ounott
ryi
nghar
denough.
 
Kamo:
Cany oust
opbei
ngdi
ff
icul
tfora
moment?
! 
Didhejustraisehisvoiceatme?May beI'
m
i
magi ni
ngthingsbutfrom thestatest
hat
suddenlycameourdi recti
on,IknewIwasn'
t
i
magi ni
ngthings.Ihatebeingshoutedat
,it
makesmegocompl etelycrazy
. 
Me:
Don'
trai
sey
ourv
oiceatme.
 
Isai
dcal
mlyandhesi
gheddeepl
y.
 
Kamo:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Het
ookmyhand.
 
Kamo:
Pleasedon'
tfi
ght
,justf
oronce.
 
Me:
Youcan'
tfor
cemet
ospendt
imewi
thy
ou.
 
Kamo:
Real
l
y? 
Me:
Yes.
 
Het
houghtf
orawhi
l
e,st
il
lhol
dingmyhand.
 
Kamo: Icoul
dgat
hert
hewhol
eschool
body
then-
Icuthi m short
.Ididn'
tev enwantt ohearit.Just
thi
nkingofhav i
ngsomuchat tent
iononme
mademecr umble.It'
slikeheknewwhi ch
buttonstopr essandi ti
nf uri
atedme.Hi m
knowi ngmyweaknesseswassomet hi
ngI
woul dhav eneverwishedt ohavehappenbut
unfortunatel
y,itwasn'tupt ome.Heal ready
knewhowmuchIhat edat tenti
on,somethinghe
l
oved.  
Me:
Fine.God,ar
eyoualwaysgoi
ngtothr
eat
en
mejustsoIendupagr
eeingtowhaty
ouwant? 
Kamo: Welly
oudoknowthatdesper
atet
imes
cal
lfordesperat
emeasur
es.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.
 
Me:
Yeah,
yeah.
 
Kamo:
Let
'sgopr
incess.
 
Me:
Letgoofmyhand.
 
Isnatchedmyhandbackandf
oll
owedhi
mt o
whereverhewastaki
ngme.Hetookmeoutof
theschoolyar
dasusual
. 
Kamo:
Whatdoy
ouwannaeat
? 
Me:
Ijustl
ostmyappet
it
e. 
Kamo:
Itdoesn'
thav
etobef
ood.
 
Hebithisl
ipandl
ookedatme.Igotwhathe
wassuggesti
ngandimmediat
elygot
di
sgusted.
 
Me:
Eeuw.
 
Kamo:
Youhav
eav
erydi
rt
ymi
ndKhensani
.
 
Me:
Mxm.
 
Heboughtfr
uitsandchocol
atebar
sandSi
mba
snacksandj
uice.
 
Wewentt ositatt
hebackofsomeshopwhi
ch
hadthosebreadcrat
eswhi
chweusedas
chai
rs.
 
Me:
Whyar
ewehi
dingher
e? 
Kamo:
Iwanty
oucomf
ort
abl
e. 
Me:
Isee.
 
Kamo: Orwouldyouratherwegobackto
schoolandthenIgetyouwetandevery
one
getstoseeyourhornyface? 
Me:
Yousuchaper
ver
t.
 
Icl
i
ckedmytongue.Whatmadehimthi
nk
somethi
ngwasevergoi
ngtotr
anspi
rebet
ween
us? 
I
fhehadn'
tfor
cedme,
Iwoul
dn'
tbeher
ewi
th
hi
m. 
Iopenedabananaandst
art
edeat
ing.
 
Kamo:
Thewayy
oueat
ingt
hatbananagi
rl
..
Mmm
Me:
Thef
uck?
 
Ithr
ewitathi
m andsuddenl
ydi
dn'
tfeel
li
ke
eati
ng.
 
Kamo: Youshoul
d'
veal
l
owedt
oli
cki
tof
fyour
face.
 
Me:
Cany
ouj
ustshutup?
 
Kamo:
Makeme.
 
Me:
I'
ll
go.
 
Igotupandhedi
dtoo.Heputhishandsonmy
waistandIt
ri
edt
aki
ngEm offbutfai
led.
 
Kamo:
Stopf
ight
ingme.
 
Hepinnedmeonthewal
lwi
thhi
sonehand
holdi
ngmyhandsont
opofmyheadl
ikehe
usual
lydoes.
 
Me:
Please,
letgoofme.
 
Kamo:
Why
? 
Me:
Youmaki
ngmeuncomf
ort
abl
e. 
Kamo:
Oh?
 
Me:
Yes.
 
Hebroughthisbodycl osertomi neandIcoul
d
feel
thewarmt hofhi sdi
ckandIgasped.He
l
ookedatmei nt ensel
y.Itr
iedstari
ngbackand
hewasn'tbackingdownsoIl ookeddown,no
punint
ended. 
Hepar
tedmyt
hugswit
hhi
skneewhi
chwas
t
ouchi
ngmypussy
. 
Me:
Kamogel
o. 
Kamo:
Khensani
. 
Hi
sfreehandl
i
ftedmychi
nwi
thhi
sthumb,
f
orci
ngmet ol
ookathi
m. 
Hethenbrushedournosestoget
her.Icouldn'
t
br
eathe.Hewastooclosetome, t
oocl osefor
myl
iki
ngandIfel
tmykneesweakeni
ng.Was
mybodyaboutt
obet
rayme? 
Kamo:Yousayy
oudon'twantmebuty
ourbody
i
stel
li
ngmeadiffer
entst
ory
. 
Hishandwenttomyass,
squeezi
ngi
tandIl
et
outaloudgasp.
 
Kamo:
Stopf
ight
ingi
t.
 
Me:
Please.
.St
op
I
tcameoutasawhi
sper
. 
Hei gnoredmypl eabutkissedmei nst
ead.I
didn'trepl
ybuthewasn'tgivingup.Thefeel
of
hislipsonmi newasgivingmesuchsensat i
ons
thatIfelli
ntothesnareoftempt at
ionand
i
nv oluntar
il
ykissedhi
m back.  
Mymindhadcompl
etel
yshutanditwasl
i
keI
hadl
ostcont
rol
ofmyownbody .
 
Itwentonforawhi
le,
hishandswenttomybutt
andIhadmyhandsonhi sneck.Hel
if
tedmeup
asIwrappedmylegsaroundhiswai
standst
il
l
pi
nnedmet
othewal
l
. 
Il
ostmyselfi
nitandi
twasjustamazi
ng,i
twas
wonder
fulandsomehowIcouldn'
tl
etgo,
I
di
dn'
twantittoend.
 
I
thadbeensuchal
ongti
mesinceIhadthe
t
ouchofamanorevensi
nceIhadakiss.
 
Hebr
okeitbutdi
dn'tputmedown.Iopenedmy
ey
esandhewasl ookingatme.
 
Kamo:Youdon'
tknowhowl
ongI
'
vewant
edt
o
hol
dyouli
kethi
s. 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Andy
ourgi
ggl
e,God,
it'
ssuchat
urnon.
 
Me:
Putmedown.
 
Iregai
nedbackmyconsci
ousnessandf
ixedmy
self
.WhatdidIj
ustdo?
 
Di
dIj
ust
..If
eltt
ear
swai
l
ingupi
nmyey
es.
 
Hel
ookedsur
pri
sedt
oo.
 
Kamo:
What
'swr
ong?
Hecamecl
oserandt
ri
edt
ouchi
ngme.
 
Me:
Don'
ttouchme.
 
Iwipedmyt ear
s.Thisishowi tal
lstar
tsand
thenI'
m backtobeingdepressed.Ihadcome
far,
sofarthathejustwasn'
twor t
hmegoi ng
backtothatdark,
lonel
yplace. 
Me:
Thi
swasami
stake.
 
Hel
ookedperpl
exed.Ist
art
edwal
ki
ngaway
f
ast
ly.Hef
oll
owedme.  
Kamo:
Khensani
wai
t.
 
Itur
nedt
olookathim.Iwashavingal
lthese
feel
i
ngssuddenl
ythatIcoul
dn'
tfat
hom. 
Me:
Leav
emeal
onepl
ease.
 
Ir
anbackt
oschool
,wi
thhi
m cal
l
ingmyname.
 
Hewasn'tworthi
t.Icoul
dn'tgoback.Ihated
hi
mf ormakingmef eelt
hiswayandr emi
nding
meofev er
ythi
ngIhadwor kedhardtobury
deepl
yinsi
de. 
Thebel
lrangimmediat
elywhenIcamefr
om
thet
oil
et.Ihadwentt
owashmyf ace.
 
Igotinmyseatnextt
oThul
iandt
het
eacher
gotinimmedi
atel
yaft
er.
 
Ishi
ft
edmyatt
entionbackt
omyschoolwor
k.I
hadto.Mor
ebecauseIwasgoi
ngt
owr i
teI
na
few.
 
Whenthebel
lrangaf
terschool
,Idi
dn'
tev
en
wai
tforThul
i
. 
Iimmediatel
ywentoutofcl
asslesthecomes
tolookforme.Idon'
tknowhowl ongIwas
goingtorunawaybutIknewIhadt oatt
hat
moment . 
Igoti
ntoat
axi
thatt
ookmest
rai
ghthome.
 
Iputmybagdownandthrewmy sel
fonmybed
aft
erar
ri
vi
ng,notbot
her
ingtochangeoutofmy
uni
for
m. 
.
[
08/
22,
13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygi
rl

18
Iwokeupf eeli
ngtired.Doesi tmakesense?
Probablynotbutt hat'sr eal l
yhowIf eltwhenI
wokeup.It r
iedforgettingaboutwhathappened.
Thef eelofhisli
psonmi newasj ustt ooper f
ect
,
tooamazi ngbutIcoul dn' tputmy selfthrough
allt
hatagai n.Yes,Ienj oy edev er
ysecondoft he
kissandatsomepoi ntIdi dn'twantIttost op
butitshouldn'thavehappened.Ishoul dnot
havegav eintotempt ation.Asf arasIknowhe
couldbej ustli
kethoseguy swhol ustedov er
mybodyandassoonast heygotwhatt hey
wanted,theydi dnotonl yl eavebutmadesur e
tocrushmei nthepr ocess.  
Imaginehavi
ngsexwi thsomeonetodayand
wakinguptomor r
owt ofi
ndoutthatever
yone
knowsaboutit.Him havi
ngtol
dthem how
muchi twassuchawast eofdickwhil
ethe
fuckenbast
ardcoul
dn'
tst
opgr
oani
ngy
our
name. 
Isighed.Idi
dn'
twantt ohav etor eachbackint
o
thatdeeppastofmi ne.Ihadf orgottenabouti
t.
Ihadcomev er
yfarbuthej usthadt hrowme
backi nt
otheholeofmydar khistory.Idi
dn'
t
wantt oremi
niscethebitt
erendofmypast .Al
lI
want edwastolookbackont hegoodmemor i
es.
Thegoodmemor iesofmyf at
herandI .
 
Al
lthel
ovewe'
vesharedandt
hathasgrown
ev
enmor et
oday
.Itookafewdeepbreat
hs.
 
Me:Youshoul
dhav
ejustl
eftmeal
one
Kamogel
o. 
Iscr
eamed.God,
Iwasf
rust
rat
ed.Whyi
sthi
s
happeni
ngtome? 
Dad:
Yout
alkal
onenow?
 
Me:
Ohdad.
 
Helookedatme,gi
vingmeapit
if
ul l
ook.Idi
dn'
t
under
standwhyIcouldn'
tst
opt
hinki
ngabout
hi
m, aboutourki ss.Whycoul dn'tIj
ustforget?I
di
dn'twanttof eel anyt
hingforhim otherthan
di
sli
ke.Somet hingIhadbef orehet ouchedme,
bef
oreIfelthisbr eathonmyf ace,befor
eIf el
t
hi
sli
psonmi ne, beforeIgotlostinhistouch.
Gosh,thi
swassof r
ustr
ati
ng. 
Dad:
Tal
ktomebaby
. 
Isighedandstart
edplay i
ngwithmyf i
ngers.
Thegoodt hi
ngaboutt alki
ngisthati
tli
ft
soff
theburdeninyourshoulders.I
tmightnotbeall
ofitbutItmakesitl
ighter.
 
Me:
Idon'
tknowwher
etost
art
. 
Dad:Howaboutatt
hebegi
nni
ng?YouknowI
wil
lneverj
udgey
ou.
 
Thethingaboutmyfatheri
she'
sagood
l
ist
enerandalwaysknowswhattosaytomake
apersonfeelbet
ter
.I'
dsometi
mesteasehi
m
andsayheshouldhavebeenapsychol
ogi
st.
 
Me:
Ok,
sot
her
e'st
hisguy
. 
Dad:
Ifi
gur
ed.
 
Me:
Youdi
d? 
Dad:
Ofcour
seIdi
d,I
'
m notaki
dyouknow.
 
Me:
Ohy
eah.
 
Dad:
Goonbaby
. 
Me:He'
sbeenl
i
kechasi
ngaf
termeandIt
old
hi
mt ol
eav
emealone.
 
Dad:I'
m guessi
ngheneverl
i
stenedand
cont
inuedpursui
ngyou.
 
Me:
Pleasel
etmef
ini
sh.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Alr
ightI
'
llshutup 
Me:Please.Anywayli
keIwassayi
ngbefor
eyou
i
nter
ruptedme,he'sbeenpur
sui
ngmef ormore
t
hanamont hnow.
Dad:
Andy
ouonl
ytel
l
ingmenow?
 
Me:
Youpr
omi
sedt
oletmef
ini
sh.
 
Dad:
I'
m aski
ngasi
mpl
equest
ion.
 
Me:
Youcanaskquest
ionsaf
terI
'
m done.
 
Dad:
Alr
ightbaby
. 
Isi
ghed.Dadwasn'
ttaki
nganyofthi
sseri
ous
whil
eI,ontheot
hersi
de,neededt
ooffl
oad.
 
Me:Iaskedhi
m countl
essti
mestoleaveme
al
onethenheletmebef oramonth.It
houghtI
wasfi
nall
yri
dofhim butIwaswrong. 
HechuckledandIlookedathi
m.Hemouthed
an"I'
m sorr
y".Al
lIneededwasforhi
mtoli
sten,
that
'sal
l.
 
Me:
Thi
sisser
iousbaba.
 
Dad:
I'
mreal
l
ysor
rybaby
. 
Me:
Ify
oucont
inuel
i
ket
his,
I'
m goi
ngt
ost
op.
 
Ifr
ownedt
henl
ookedathi
m wi
thmyar
ms
fol
ded.
 
Dad:
I'
ll
stop,
Ipr
omi
se.
 
Me:
That
'sal
lyou'
vebeensay
ingbuty
ounev
er
goonwi
thi
t.
 
Dad:
It'
sthel
astt
imebaby
. 
Me:Youmaki
ngi
thar
dformet
oconf
idei
n
you.
 
Dad:
CanIsaysomet
hingbef
orey
oucont
inue?
 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:
CanIorcanInot
? 
Me:
Okay
,youcandad.
 
Dad: Iknowy ousti
l
lscaredofhi
storyrepeati
ng
i
tselfandt hisboyprobablyhi
ndersallyouhad
t
riedsohar dt obur
y.Hemakesi tal
lresurf
ace
i
ny ourmi nd.
Inodded.Hewasr ight
.Ididn'twanttogo
thr
oughitallagai
n,Imighthav esurvi
ved
depressi
onthatti
mebutt histime,ther
e'sno
tel
l
ingifI'
l
lbeabletosurvi
v e.Depressi
onisa
deadlycondi
tion,
onethatIwoul dn'
twishon
anyone. 
Dad: Lookbaby ,
Iwanty out oknowt hatI'
ll
alway sbeher efory ou.Icanseet haty ou
scaredofr el
apsingandIdon' twanty outothink
i
tt hatway .Ialsodon'twanty outonotl i
ve.I
meanIam notsay ingber ebel
li
ousbutal lI
'm
say i
ngi stakear i
skonceI nawhi l
e.It'sal
lpart
oflife.Idon'twanty outol ookbackandr egret
decliningWhatcoul dhav ebeeny ouroncei na
l
ifeti
meoppor tunit
yofl ove. 
Me:
Idon'
tknowdad.
 
Dad:
Don'
tov
ert
hinki
t.Li
stent
oyourhear
t.
 
Me:Ij
usthaveamil
li
onthought
srunninginmy
mi
nd,athousandv
oicesdri
vi
ngmei nsane.
 
Dad:Gi
veyoursel
fabreakNono.Workon
your
sel
ffir
stt
heny oucant
hinkabout
Kamogelo.
 
Me:
Howdi
dyou.
..
.Dad!
 
Hechuckledandl
eft
.Hehadactual
l
yhear
dme
t
alki
ngalone.Mydadthough.
 
Talkingtohimreal
l
yhelped.I
tal
waysdoes.I
gotupf rom mybedthenwenttobr
ushmy
teeth. 
Afterbrushingmyt eeth,
Iwenttotheki
tchen.I
washungr y, Ihardlyateatschool
.Abanana
thatIhardlyf i
nishedisn'
tfood.
 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
tcook?
 
Dad:
That
'sy
ourj
obbaby
. 
Me:
Butdad,
that
'
snotf
air
. 
Dad:I
'
m ki
ddi
ng.Angi
thi
Itol
dyouI
'
dbehav
ing
abusyday
. 
Me:
Ohy
eah,
Ifor
got
. 
Dad:
Youwer
ebusyt
hinki
ngngoKamogel
oto
gi
veadamn.
 
Me:YohGivemeabr eak.I
t'
senought
hat
ev
eryoneatschool
keepspester
ingmypeace
wi
thhisname. 
Icov
eredmyear
swi
thmyhandsandhe
l
aughed.Iendedupjoi
ningin.Imadeasimple
papwit
hI nkomazi
.Iwashungr yphel
asoI
wasn'
tabouttowaitalotofti
mef ort
hefoodto
becooked. 
Iat
ewhil
ewatchi
ngTVt
henwentt
obedwhenI
wasfeel
i
ngt
ir
ed. 
Idi
dn'
thav
eanypl
ansforSat
urday
.Dadwas
l
onggonewhenIwokeup.
 
Iwokeuparound9am.Idi dn'
thaveschoolsoI
hadnoreasontowakeup.Iwashedmyf ace
andteet
hbeforegoingtothekit
chen.Imade
cof
feeformyselfwhichIatewit
hbread. 
I
twasn'tanint
eresti
ngdayforme.WhenIhad
watchedall
theomni bust
hatwasonTV,I
f
inall
ytookabath. 
Iworedenim shor
tswit
hablackvestand
fl
i
pflops.Iwasn'
tgoi
ngsomewhereeitherway.I
st
artedundoingmyhair
,itwasl
ongov erdue.I
washedmyhai randdri
editwi
thadryer
aft
erwards. 
Dadwasst i
l
lnotback.Iwashungryandlazy.I
sear
chedforsomenot essoIcangobuya
bunnychow,Iwasn'
tabouttocook.Dadwi l
l
havetofor
giveme.Ihadletmyhairl
oose. 
Ineededtogorel
axitbecauseI
twastoocur
ly.
Myhairisl
iket
hatofAmanda(LeloinSkeem
Saam )
I
'dhavetoaskdadf ormoney,Ipr
eferredmy
hai
rstr
aight
.Any wayIputonacardiganthen
gotoutandlockedthehouse.
 
Ataxistoppedj
ustasIwasatthegat
eandI
wassurprisedt
oseeThuli
gett
ingoff
,Iwasn'
t
expect
ingherbutIwashappyt
oseeher. 
Me:
Hey
. 
Thul
i
:Don'
theyme,
giv
emeahug.
 
Ichuckled,
rol
li
ngmyeyesandgav
eherahug.
Webr okeitaf
terawhi
l
e. 
Shewasweari
ngat
ornboyf
ri
endJean,
wit
ha
pi
nkcropt
opandNi
keRosh.
 
Me:
Youl
ookamazi
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Int
hese?Noway
s. 
Me:
Imeani
tthough.
 
Thul
i
:Thanksl
ove.Iseey
oushowi
ngsome
meat.
 
Il
aughedandpushedherawayl
i
ght
ly.
 
Me:
Letmebe.
 
Thul
i
:Andt
hehai
rissaucy
. 
Me:I
fonlyyouknewhowmuchIhat
edi
twhen
i
t'
sli
kethi
s. 
Thul
i
:Buti
t'
syummy
. 
Me:
Thanksbabe.
 
Ibl
ewheraki
ss.Wewer
est
il
lst
andi
ngatt
he
gat
e. 
Thul
i
:Howl
ongar
ewegoi
ngt
ost
andher
e? 
Ihadevenfor
got
tent
hatIwasgoi
ngt
obuya
bunnychow. 
Me:
Ohno,
Iwasact
ual
l
ygoi
ngout
. 
Thul
i
:Oh?
 
Shef
rowned.
 
Me:
Yes,
buty
oucancomewi
th.
 
Shegr
innedandIchuckl
ed.
 
Thul
i
:Wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
 
Me:
I'
m goi
ngt
obuyabunnychow.
 
Thul
i
:it
'sbeenl
ongsi
nceIhadone 
Me:
Let
'sgot
hen.
 
Thul
i
:Cool
.
 
Wewal kedtothechisanyamawhichwasl ike20
minut
esawayandi twouldhaveseemedl i
kea
l
ongjourneyifIhadbeenwal ki
ngalone.She
wastell
ingmeaboutXol iandhowshe' ssoin
l
ovewithhim.Ihadt ol
dheraboutKamot oo
andshewasexci tedli
keIjustsai
dweget ti
ng
marri
ed.Wenotev enthi
nki
ng. 
Thul
i
:I'
m sur
ehe'
sagoodki
sserNeh,
Imean
t
hoseper
fectpi
nkl
i
ps.
 
OhGod,
Ihadf
orgot
tent
hatshe'
ssuchaf
anof
hi
m. 
Me: Youf
orgotwhathappenedt
hel
astt
imey
ou
t
alkedabouthim? 
Shel
ookedbehi
ndusandar
oundt
henI
l
aughed.
 
Thul
i
:Hewoul
dn'
tpopupher
enow,
woul
dhe?
 
Me:
Youcannev
erknow.
 
Wear r
ivedatthechi
sanyamaandt herewer
e
al
readyaf ewcars.I
t'
sbecausethere'
sacar
washtooher eandasalonsoit'
salwaysbusy.
There'
sevenal i
tt
lel
iquorst
ore.
 
Thul
i
:Looksl
i
kei
tget
sdownher
e. 
Me:
Yougotnoi
dea.
 
Ididn'tl
i
kecomingher
e.Ionl
ycamewhenI
want edabunnychow,whenI
'm ser
iousl
y
cravi
ngi t
.Ther
easonIdon'
tcomeHer eis
becauseofhowthey
'dl
ookatmel
i
keal
i
on
seei
ngaf r
eshpr
ey.
Weor der
edthensatdownononeoft
hebench
chai
rswaiti
ngforouror
der
. 
Thul
i
:Soy
our
an?
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Thul
i
:Af
tert
heki
ss.
 
Me: Iregret
tedlett
ingI
thappen.I
twasgoodno
l
ie,ImeanIdi dn'twanti
ttoendatsomepoi nt
andwhenhepi ckedmeupwi t
hmylegs
wrappedar oundhiswaist.
..Mm(Icl
osedmy
eyeswhi lesayi
ngt he"
mm"andshel aughed)I
t
shouldn'thavehappenedthough.
 
Thul
i
:Whyy
oupuni
shi
ngy
our
sel
fli
ket
his?
 
Me:
I'
m notf
oll
owi
ng.
 
Thul
i
:It
'
sclearyouhav
ef eel
ingsfort
heguyso
whyyoufi
ghti
ngwithyourheartdesi
res?
 
Me:
Youwoul
dn'
tunder
stand.
 
Thul
i
:Makeme.
 
Me:
Idon'
twannat
alkabouti
t.
 
Thul
i
:You'
l
ltel
lmewheny
our
eady
. 
Inodded.Ouror
derwasreadysoIpai
d.We
deci
dedtoeatourbunnychowsri
ghtt
here.
Someguyscamet
oourt
abl
e,t
her
ewer
ethr
ee
oft
hem. 
Guy
1:Canwej
oiny
out
wo?
 
Il
ookedatthem andshookmyhead.Thul
iwas
act
uall
ydi
sgusted.Af
tercur
singus,
theyl
eft
andwelaughed.
 
Me:
Per
ver
ts!
 
Thul
i
:Asshol
es!
 
Welaughedandhighf
ive.Af
terf
ini
shi
ngour
dr
inksandever
ythi
ng,
wel ef
t.
 
Thul
itookacapwhenIwasclosert
ohome.We
shar
edahugandshegotin.
 
Iwal
kedt
her
emai
ningdi
stanceal
onehome.
Dadwasn'
tther
eyet
. 
Ichangedmymindanddeci
dedt
ocook,
justi
n
casehecomeshungry
. 
Idisheduphisfoodandputitinthemi cr
owave.
Ithenwenttowat chTV,br
owsingt hr
oughthe
fourchannel
s.Thisisoneofthetimesonwhich
IwishwehadaDSTVconsol e. 
Ihearddadopeni
ngthedoorandhegotinsi
de
buthewasn'tal
one.Hegotinwi
ththi
sfamili
ar
l
ookingwoman.Idon'tknowwhereIhadseen
herbutIknewIhadseenhersomewhere.
 
Dad:
Hel
l
obaby
. 
Me:
Heydaddy
. 
Myfocuswasont hiswomanwhi l
emymi nd
wastry
ingtotri
ggermymemor ysoIcan
rememberwhereIhadseenher.Shesmil
edat
mereveal
ingherperfectt
eet
h.Shewasreal
ly
sobeauti
ful
. 
Dadcl
ear
edhert
hroatandmyat
tent
ionshi
ft
ed
f
rom t
hewomant
ohi
m. 
Dad:
I'
dli
key
out
omeetsomeone.
 
Me:
Shel
ooksf
ami
l
iar
. 
Dad:
Iknow.
 
Igotup.
 
Dad:Thi
sisKi
tso.She'
sUmm.
.She'
smy
gi
rl
fr
iend.
 
Me:
Yourwhat
? 
Myeyespoppedout
.Itt
ookawhi
l
efori
tto
r
egi
ster
. 
Ki
tso:
Hel
l
oBonga.
 
No,
no,
thi
scoul
dn'
tbehappeni
ng.
 
Me:
No.
.No
Tear
sfi
l
ledmyey
es.
 
Dad:
Yesbaby
. 
Me:
Youcan'
tdot
hist
oMom.
 
Dad:
Khensani
li
sten.
 
Me:
Nobaba
Ir
anoutoft
hehouse.Idi
dn'
tcar
ehowl
atei
t
was.
 
Thi
swasj
ustt
oomucht
otakei
n.
.
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

19
IranforaslongasIcanremember .Ididn't
knowwher eIwasgoingbutIjustcouldn'tstop.
IfIwasn'
tasoccerplayer
,Ipr
obablywoul dnot
haveranforthi
slong.
 
Icouldn'
tbel
ievewhatIjustheard,Icouldn'
t
beli
evethatmyownf atherwoulddomel i
ke
thi
s.Imeanonemomenti t'
sonlyhi m andIand
thenext,hehasagirl
fr
iend.Justli
ket hat.I
meanIonl ybli
nkedonceandboom, hehasa
gir
lf
ri
end.Themor eIthoughtabouti t
,Themore
Ir
anandt
hemor
eIgotf
arf
rom home.
 
Itwouldhav ebeenbett
erifIhadknownabout
herbefore,maybeIwouldhav etri
edto
understand,manyIwouldhav etri
edtoprocess
i
tbutno.Iaskedhi m somanyt imeswhathe
washi di
ngf r
om mebuti nallt
hetimes,hesaid
nothi
ng.Doesnot hi
nghav etwoey es,
twoears
andamout h?Isnot
hingaf emale?Could'
ve
guessedso.  
Iwasbr oughtt oreal
itybysomef lashingl i
ghts.
Ididn'
tevenr eali
zeIwasr unninginthet arroad.
Mymi ndfr
oze, Icouldn'
tthi
nkofany thingt odo.
Inthosefewseconds, Isawmyl i
fefl
ushi ngin
frontofmeandIcl osedmyey esbecausemy
l
egshaddeci dedt ogetnumbonmeandal l
thatIcouldthinkofwas" Anythinggoes".
I
tdoesn'
tmakesenser i
ghtbutIsomehow,
di
dn'
tcarewhathappenstome.Ifithi
tsme,a
par
tofmehopedt odieri
ghtonthespot.
 
AsIwasf
rozenr
ightont
hespot
,Thev
ehi
cle
br
ikedi
nst
eadandt
hat
'swhenIopenedmy
ey
es. 
Voi
ce:
Khensani
. 
Ohgod, Ii
mmedi at
elyknewwhot hatwas.I
wasn'texpect
inghim,allIwaswait
ingf
orwas
feel
i
ngmysoul depart
ingfrom mybodyand
sayi
nggoodby etothi
swor ld.
 
Kamo:Whatt
hehel
larey
oudoingrunni
ngon
ther
oad,
atni
ghtwhi
lewear
ingshort
s?!
 
Hewasshout ingatmeandasmuchast hat
wasmuchant i
cipat
ed,Icouldn'thandleitand
j
ustbrokedown.Ihadbeencr y i
ngev ersinceI
l
efthomebutnow, Icoul
dn'tev enstopit.I
wail
edloudl
yandhegav emeawar m hugwhil
e
movingmef rom theroadandIj ustcri
edinhis
arms,onceagainf i
ndi
ngcomf ortinhis
embrace.Hebr ushedmybacksof t
lywhile
hummi nga"sh".
Kamo:
Youshi
ver
ing.
 
Therewasacol
dbreezebl
owi
ngandIwasn'
t
evenweari
ngaj
ersey.
 
Il
i
ftedmyheadf
rom hi
schestandlookedat
hi
m, hegav
emeasympatheti
clook. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Igotfr
eef
rom hi
m andhuggedmy
sel
f,Iwas
feel
i
ngcol
d. 
Kamo:
Let
'sgot
omycar
. 
Me:
Ishoul
dgohome.
 
Kamo:That'
sri
sky
.Iwouldn'
tbeablet
oli
ve
wit
hmy sel
fknowi
ngthatsomethi
nghappened
toyou.
 
Me:
Youdon'
thav
etowor
ryaboutme.
 
Kamo:
Stopbei
ngst
ubbor
nandl
et'
sgo.
 
Hegav emehi sj
acket
,whi
chheforcedmet o
wearandt ookmyhandandwewal kedt
ot he
car.Iwasactual
l
ynowv er
yti
redfr
om al
lthe
runningt
hatIfel
tmybodyheavyonme.He
wasn'
talone.Heopenedt hebackdoorforme
andIgotin.Icoul
dn'tev
engreet,Iwas
somehowembar r
assedbecauseIknewt hey
hadseenallthatt
ranspi
redwithme. 
"
Hi"
Sai
dthegi
rlnexttoMeandwhenIl
ookedather
,
shewassmili
ng. 
Me:
H..
.Hi
Shel
aughedl
i
ght
ly.
 
Her
:Idon'
tbi
te.
 
Kamo:
Tel
lherpl
ease.
 
Hewast heonedri
vi
ngandnexttohim was
someguywhom Ihadn'
tseeny et
,hi
sfaceI
mean,soI'
m unabl
etodescr
ibehowhel ooked
l
ike.
 
Thegir
lwasyell
owincompl
exi
onandhadthi
ck
browsanddarkl
ipswi
thbi
geyesanda
beaut
if
ulsmil
e.Shewasal
sobeaut
if
uland
l
ookedthi
ck.
 
Gi
rl
:I
'm Kagi
sano.
 
Me:
Nokubonga.
 
Kagi
sano:
Nicename.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Kamo:I'
velongbeenbeggi
nghert
obemy
gi
rl
fr
iend.
 
That'
swhentheguyturnedt
olookatmeandit
wasThuto,
hisfr
iend.Theonefr
om school
.He
gavemeasmi l
e.Withsomuchat t
ent
iononme,
Il
ookeddown. 
Kagi
:Nah,she'stoopret
tyforyouandshe
l
ooksinnocent.Iwoul
dn'twantyourui
ningher
wit
hyourdirt
yway s.
 
Kamo:Youmysi
ster
,yousupposedt
obeon
myside
Kagi
:Nott
hist
imel
i
ttl
ebr
other
. 
Thut
o:Don'
twor
rymyni
gger
,Igoty
ou.
 
Iwasj
ustsi
l
entwhi
l
etheywer
etal
ki
ng.
Kagi
sanohadav er
ybubblyper
sonal
it
ywhil
e
Thut
oandKamower ear
rogant
,per
vert
s.I
di
dn'
tevenknowwher et
hecarwasgoing,
I
di
dn'
tevenask.
 
Kagi
:Ar
eyoual
way
sthi
squi
et?
 
Me:
Idon'
ttal
kmuch.
 
Thut
o:Ibegt
odi
ff
er.
 
Kagi
:Whoaskedy
out
ospeak?
 
Kamo:
She'
snotasi
nnocentasshel
ooks.
 
Hesai
d,l
ooki
ngatmet
hrought
hemi
rr
orandI
r
oll
edmyeyes.
 
Thut
o:She'
sFi
est
y. 
Kagi
:Oh,
justl
eav
ethepoorgi
rlal
one.
 
Kamo:
Cany
oubel
i
evesheoncesl
appedme?
 
Kagi
:Youpr
obabl
ydi
dsomet
hing,
rightBonga?
 
Me:
Yes,
hedi
d.Hef
orcedhi
sli
psonmi
ne.
 
Shel
aughedt
oget
herwi
thThut
o. 
Kagi
:Musthav
ehur
tli
tt
lebr
other
?Rej
ect
ionI
mean. 
Kamo:
Itbr
uisedmyov
ersi
zedegoasshecal
l
s
i
t.
 
Thut
o:Shet
ell
shi
m amout
hful
.
 
Kagi
:Sui
tsy ou.YouknowBonga,myl
it
tl
e
brot
hert
hinksnogirlcansaynot
ohim.
 
Me:
Wel
l
,thi
sonecan.
 
Kamo:
Thatwasbef
orey
our
epl
i
edt
omyki
ss.
 
Icoveredmyfacewit
hmyhandsandt
hewhol
e
carcrackedupi
nlaught
er.
 
Kagi
:Youmaki
nghershynow.
 
Kamo:Shej
ustbr
ingsoutt
hebesti
nme,
ifonl
y
she'
dgi
vemeachance. 
Me:
May
bei
nanot
herl
i
fet
ime.
 
Kagi
:Woah!
 
Thut
o:Sor
rymyGee,
can'
thel
pyoui
nthi
sone.
 
Kamo:
Howwasmyki
ssKhen?
 
Theylookedatmeagai n,Kamogel
ovi
at he
mirr
orandIblushed.Ididn'
twantt
o,i
tjust
happened. 
Kagi
:Iguessy
ougotouranswer
. 
Kamo:
Suchapi
tyy
our
anof
f.
 
Theyl
aughedashedr
oveintosomegar
age.
Ther
ewasmusicpumping,j
ustnott
ool
oud.
 
Me:
Y'al
lhav
ingapar
ty?
 
Kamo:Iwoul
dhaveinvi
tedy
oui
fyouhadn'
t
dodgedmeyest
erday.
 
Kagi
:Youguysseem moredramat
ict
hanUzal
o
andSkeem Saam putt
oget
her.
 
SheandThut
olaughedoncemor
easwegot
outoft
hecar
. 
Kamo: Youshoul
dhav
ewai
tedf
ormet
oget
yourdoor.
 
Kagi
:Iseey
ouTr
yn'
ascor
esomepoi
ntsLi
l
br
a. 
Kamo:
Ohshutup.
 
Kagi
:I'
m st
il
lyoursi
ster
. 
Kamo:
Wet
wins.
 
Kagi
:I'
m st
il
laf
ewmi
nut
esol
der
. 
Kamo:
Yeah,
what
ever
. 
Shedi
sappear
edint
othehouseandIwasl
eft
wit
hthetwoguys.
 
Thut
o:Hel
puscar
ryt
heboozei
nsi
de.
 
Me:
Thi
sai
n'
tmypar
ty,
sui
tyour
sel
ves.
 
Thut
o:Yourgi
rlBr
uh.
 
Kamo:
Ifonl
ysheknewhowmuchshet
urned
meonwithherf
eist
yness.
Irol
ledmyey esandtheychuckl
ed.From
outside,
youwouldn'
tthi
nkit'
sapartybutj
ust
l
oudmusi cbuti
nsi
de,i
twaspacked. 
Me:
Somanypeopl
e. 
Thut
o:I
t'
sapar
ty.
 
Herol
ledhiseyest
hesametimeIdi
dand
Kamogelochuckl
edbutst
oppedwhenIl
ooked
athi
m, put
ti
ngonaseri
ousface.
 
"
Theboozei
sher
e,Yay
!"
I
twassomegir
lwhowasal
readydr
unkandI
wonder
edwher
eshe'
dfi
tmoreboozei
nther
e. 
Thut
o:It
hinky
ou'
vehadenough.
 
Gi
rl
:Butbaby
,I-
Het
ookherandt
heydi
sappear
edt
owhat
ever
. 
Wewereintheki
tchenandpeopl
ekeptcomi
ng
f
oral
cohol.Kamowasnowdr i
nki
ngtooandal
lI
wast
hinki
ngwasi fIwasev
ergonnagohome. 
Kamo:
Youseem bor
ed.
 
Hewasdr inkingHeineken.HowIlovethatbeer
t
hough!Ijustdon'tli
kedrinki
ng.Ionl
ydri
nk
whenIfeel l
ikeitandIwasn'tfeel
i
ngli
keshitat
t
hatmoment . 
Me:
Ijustwannagohome.
 
Kamo:Notbef
orey
out
ell
mewhati
sbot
her
ing
you.
 
Me:
Idon'
twannat
alkabouti
t.
 
Kamo:Iguessy
ougonnabeher
eforal
ong
ti
me.
 
"K-
mor
eImi
ssy
ousoomuch"
Wet ur
nedtol
ookati
twassomegir
l,wear
ing
ri
ppedbumshort
sandacr
optop,
shehada
bel
lyri
ng.
 
Kamo:I'
m hav
ingaconv
ersat
ionwi
thmy
gi
rl
fr
iend.
 
Gir
l:Oh,nowyoudon'
twantme?Didyouthi
nk
ofyourgir
lf
ri
endwhenyouhadyourt
ongue
buri
edinmymout h?
 
Heslappedher.Okay ,
Idi dn'tt
hinkKamogelo
coul
dgetthatangr yandhel ookedmorethan
pi
ssedtosayt heleast.Ithinkthebit
chgot
soberi
mmedi atel
yandr anout .
 
Me:
Youneedt
ocont
rol
yourt
emper
. 
Kamo:
Idon'
thav
eat
emper
. 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Kamo:
Ijustdon'
tl
ikeent
ert
aini
ngbul
l
shi
t.
 
Me:
Oh?
 
Kamo:
Yeahandt
hatwasbul
lshi
t.
 
Me:Shouldhavet
houghtoft
hatbef
orey
ou
t
onguekissedher
. 
Kamo:
Youj
eal
ous?
 
Me:
Youwi
sh.
 
Kamo:Youdon'
thav
etowor
rybabe.Igotey
es
onl
yforyou.
 
It
ookacanf
rom t
hecool
er.
 
Kamo:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
 
Me:
Joi
ningt
hepar
ty.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.Besi
des,
hedidn'
twantt
otake
mehomeandtheal
coholwasgonnahel
pnumb
myprobl
ems.Ididn'
twantt
ogetdr
unkt
hough,
j
ustali
tt
let
ipsy
. 
Kamo:
Come.
 
Het
ookmebyt
hehand.
 
Me:
Wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
 
Kamo:
Somewher
eabi
tmor
epr
ivat
e. 
Me:
Whatdowannadot
ome?
 
Kamo:
Weonl
ygonnat
alk.
 
Me:
Yousayt
hatnow.
 
Kamo: I
'
m notgonnahav
esexwi
thy
ou
Khensani.
 
Inoddedandwewentout sidet
osome
backroom.I
twast wor oomed.Hetookkey s
fr
om hispocketandopenedt hedoor.Hemade
spacesoIcanent erandhecamei nafterme,
cl
osingthedoorandl ocki
ngagain.
 
Me:
Whyy
oul
ocki
ng?
 
Kamo:
Idon'
twantanyi
nter
rupt
ion.
 
Me:
Isee.
 
Icont
inueddr
inki
ngmycanandhel
etmebe.
 
Kamo:
Idi
dn'
tthi
nky
oudr
ink.
 
Me:
Onl
ywhenIf
eel
li
kei
tandt
hat
'
shar
dly
 
Kamo:
Goodt
oknowy
ounotadr
unkar
d. 
Me:
Haha,
noway
s. 
Isatdownonthecouch.Hesatopposi
temeon
atwoar medchai
r.Hewasonhisthi
rdcanbut
sti
ll
standi
ng.
 
Kamo:
Nowt
alk.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
osay
? 
Kamo:Whywer
eyour
unni
ngont
her
oad
naked?
 
Me:
I'
m notnaked.
 
Kamo:
Okay
,whywer
eyour
unni
ng?
 
Me:Tocutt
hel
ongst
oryshort
,myfat
hercame
homewit
hsomewomansay i
ngshe'
shis
gi
rl
fr
iend.
 
Idon'
twhybutIfoundi
teasyt
oopenuptohim.
Ihadneverf
eltt
hiswayar
oundhi
m bef
ore.
 
Kamo:
Andt
her
e'ssomet
hingwr
ongwi
tht
hat
? 
Me:
What
? 
Kamo:Surel
yyouwoul
dn'tr
unawaybecause
yourf
atherf
oundhi
mselfsomepussy
. 
Me:Whatthehel
lKamogel
o?That
'
smyf
ather
yout
alki
ngabout
! 
Kamo: I
'
m sor
ry.Al
lI'
m say
ingi
sther
e'smor
eto
thi
sthanwhatyoulet
ti
ngon. 
Me:
Ohy
eah.
 
Kamo:
Wher
e'sy
ourmot
her
?
That'sonetopicIdidn'
tthi
nkI'
deverhavetogo
backt o.Mymot her.I
t'
snoteasygrowingup
withoutamot her,y
esmyf atherwasalways
therebutit
'snotthesame.Ineededtohav e
thatwar m,l
ovingcarethatonl
yamot hercan
gi
ve.Maybei
fshewast her
e,I
'
dst i
l
lbeavi
rgi
n
andmaybemyfatherandIwouldn'
thav
ehadto
movesomanytimes. 
Ifel
thi
sfi
nger
sonmyf aceandthat
'
swhenI
real
i
zedIhadzonedoutandwascryi
ng,
when
hewipedmytears.
 
Kamo:Tal
ktomebaby
,Iwannabet
her
efor
you.
 
Isigheddeeply
.Ihadtotalktosomeone.He
wast heperf
ectpersonbecauseIfel
tfr
ee
aroundhim. 
Me:
Iwasonl
ythr
eey
ear
s. 
Iswal
l
oweddeepl
yandt
ookadeepbreathin.
Thi
swasgoi
ngtobehar
dert
hanIthought.
 
Kamo:
Tal
ktome.
 
Hemademeli
eonhischest
.Hewasnow
si
tt
ingwi
thmeont
hecouch. 
Me:Wewer eonceahappyandcomplet
efamil
y.
Idon'
thav
emanymemor i
esofherbutmost
ly
whatdaddyt oldme.Iwokeuponemor ningand
shewasn' tthere.Dadtol
dmeshehadt osort
outsomet hingswithherfamil
y.Iwai
tedand
waitedti
llnow.Iknowshe' ssomewher eout
there,
Hepr omisedthathe'l
lwai
tforher.He
saidhe'l
lnev errepl
aceher. 
Ibr
okedown.Imissedmymom.Yes, I'
dwake
upsomedaysresenti
ngherf
orleav
ingmebut
someti
mesI'
dwishshe'dj
ustcomebackfor
me. 
Kamo:
Iunder
standnow.I
tmusthur
t.
 
Me:
Mor
ethany
oucani
magi
ne.
 
Heheldmeti
ght
lyandIdi
dn'
tcr
ybutj
ust
l
ist
enedtot
hebeat
ingofhi
shear
t.
 
Kamo:
Whatmet
otakey
ouhome?
 
Me:
Noty
et.
 
Weremainedinthatposi
ti
on,pr
obabl
ytil
lIfel
l
asl
eep.Iwokeup,aloneandi
nbed.Igotabi t
ner
voustil
lIr
emember edwhereIwas.Iwasn't
feel
i
nganypai
ndownt
her
esonot
hing
happened.
 
Idecidedtotakeabat hwhil
ewai ti
ngfor
Kamogel o.Hehadl ockedmei nthehouse.I
tookoffhisjacketalongwit
hmycl othes.Dad
mustbewor ri
ed.Ihadneversleptoutwithout
tel
li
nghim.Iwr appedat owelaroundmybody
whenIwasdoneandl ookedforlot
ion.
 
Kamo:
Youawake.
 
Me:
Yep.
 
Thetowelwasshort
,rev
eal
ingmythi
ghs.I
l
ookedathim andhewaslooki
ngatmy
exposedt
highs.
 
Me:
Ineedl
oti
on.
 
Kamo:
Huh?
Hisey
eswerefi
xedonmythighs.Isnappedmy
f
inger
ssoIcoul
dgethi
m backtor eal
i
ty.
 
Kamo:
What
? 
Me:
Thel
oti
on.
 
Kamo:
Umm.
.It
's.
.In.
..The.
..Ummm 
Me:
What
? 
Hecl
osedhi
sey
es.
 
Kamo:
Int
hecl
oset
. 
Iwenttotakei
tandtookoft
het
owel
,
complet
elyfor
get
ti
nghisint
her
oom.
 
Kamo:
FuckKhensani
.
 
Ij
umped,
grabbi
ngt
het
owel
spont
aneousl
y.
 
HewentoutandIf
eltbad.Il
oti
onedv
eryf
ast
t
henworemyoldclothes.
 
If
oundhi
m out
side,
smoki
ng.
 
Me:
I'
m done.
 
Henodded, notlookingatme.Hef i
xedme
somebreakf astandIate.Weleftaft
erIat
eand
Iwaswearinghi sjacketagai
n.Idi
rect
edhimto
myhouse. 
Hepar
kedaf
ewhousesaf
ter
. 
Kamo:Hearhi
m outf
ir
st.I
'
m sur
ether
eisal
ot
youneedt
oknow. 
Me:
Fine,
Iwi
l
l.
 
Kamo:
Good.
 
Heki
ssedmeonthecheekandIgotout
,
wavi
nggoodby
eathi
m. 
I
mmedi
atel
ywhenIar
ri
ved,myfatherat
tacked
mewi
thahugandIembracedhi
m back. 
[
08/22,13:
08]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

20
Icoul
dhearhim sni
ff
ingandsomehowIf elta
l
itt
legui
l
tyformakinghim worr
yli
kethatbutI
j
ustcoul
dn'
tdeal wi
thallhehadtol
dme, i
twas
toomuchformet ohandle.
 
Dad:
Don'
tev
erscar
emel
i
ket
hat
. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.Iwon'
tdaddy
. 
Dad:
Good.
 
Hehelpwipemytears,
whi
chhadfal
len
i
mmedi at
elywhenheembr
acedthenwewent
t
ositdown. 
Dad:Ishoul
dn'
thav
eov
erwhel
medy
oul
i
ke
t
hat.
 
Me:
Your
ight
. 
Hechuckled.Ijustsmil
ed,l
ooki
ngathi
m.Iwas
actual
lywait
ingforhimtosaysomethi
ng
becauseheowedmeal ot
. 
Heclear
edhi
sthr
oataf
terandbecame
ser
ious.
 
Dad:
I'
m sor
ryy
ouhadt
ofi
ndoutt
hatway
. 
Me:
Howl
ong?
 
Dad:
Huh?
 
Me:
Howl
onghav
eIbeeni
nthedar
k? 
Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
.If
oldedmyar
msandj
ust
l
ookedathi
m.Ineededdadt
obehonestwi
th
menow.Ibel
iev
ehehaskeptst
ufff
rom mefor
t
oolong.
 
Dad:
Lookbaby
,thatdoesn'
tmat
ter
. 
Me:
Itmat
ter
stome.
 
Dad:
Afewweeks.
 
Iclappedmyhandsonce.Ishoul dhaveknown,
Ishouldhav eknownthatthesuddenchangein
hisbehavior,hi
m suddenl
ygoingtochurch,hi
s
frequentdisappear
ances,
 
Thesignswerej ust
there.
 
Dad:Look,I
'
m sor
ry.Youprobablyfeelt
hatI
betr
ayedyourmotherbutnotevery
thingisasi
t
seems. 
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Dad:Il
ov edyourmot
her
,Idi
dwi
thal
lmyhear
t
butsheleftus.
 
Me:
Shedi
dn'
t
. 
Dad:I'
m goi
ngt obefrankandhonestwithyou.
Yourmotherdidn'tt
hinkt
wicebefor
eleaving
me,leavi
ngyou.Shecouldhavestayed,we
wouldhavehustledtoget
herbutshetookthe
easywayout. 
Me:
Idon'
tunder
standdad.
 
Tear
simmedi atel
yfell.Icouldn'
tcomprehend
whathemeant .All
oft hiswast ooconfusi
ng.
Mymot hercouldn'
thav eleftme.Shegav ebi
rth
tome,shecarriedmef orni
nemont hs.She
woul
dn'tri
ght?Wouldshe?Imeandadt ol
dme
shehadtosortsomet hi ngoutwithherfamil
y.
Herfamil
ywhichIdi dn'tknow. 
Dad:Itoldherwecoulddoi t
,wecant akecare
ofyoubutshest i
lll
eft
.Iwassi ngl
ebecauseI
bel
ievedallwomenwer ecrap,theymakey ou
fal
ldeepinlovethenleav eyou.Shemademe
bel
ievewehadaf ut
uret ogetherbutal
lthatwas
i
nv ai
n,itwasjustempt ywor dswhichwe
powerfulenoughtoblindme.  
Me:
Shel
eftme?
 
Il
ookedathi m withmysparkl
ingeyes.Myown
motherdidn'twantme.Am Ithatbad?She
coul
dn'tstayformysake.Didshealsothi
nkI'
m
ugl
y?WasIt oodisgust
ingf
orher?Shedidn'
t
wantme.  
Al
lthosequest i
onswer ebusyplayi
ngi nmy
mind.Myt ear
sf el
l.Theymor el
ikerai
nedonme.
If
eltmyhear tbreakintoami l
li
onpieces.I
fI
wasn'tal
i
ve, i
fshehadn' thadme,she'dsti
l
lbe
wit
hmydad.Shel eftbecauseofme.Imademy
ownmot herleave. 
Dad:
Baby
,I-
Me:
Shehat
edmet
hatmuch?
 
Dad:
Shedi
dn'
that
eyou,
pleasest
opcr
ying 
Me:Ifshedi
dn'
thaveme,
ifIwasn'
tbor
n,she'
d
st
il
lbehereri
ght
. 
Isai
d,l
ookingathim andhelookedaway.I
madeherleave,Ichasedheraway.Idepr
ived
mydadofhistr
uelove.Igotupf
rom t
hechai
rI
hadbeensi
tt
ingon.
 
Dad:
Nonopl
easel
i
stent
ome.
 
Me:
Nodad,
Imadeherl
eav
e. 
Dad:
Youdi
dnosucht
hing!
 
HescoldedandIf ellbackonthechair
.Ibl
amed
my sel
fforeveryt
hing.WhydidIhavetoli
ve?
Whycoul dn'
tthatcarhitme?Thisworldj
ust
wasn'tforme.AllthepainthatIhav
e
experi
encedisjusttoomuch.  
Ididn'
tdeservetoliv
e.Ishouldnothavebeen
al
ive.Iregret
tedthedayIwasbor n.Ir
egret
ted
evercomi ngtothisl
ife.Iwi
shedIhadbeena
sti
ll
born.Allt
hiswast oomuchf orme. 
Me:
Shel
eftme.
Hecameandhuggedmet i
ghtl
ywhil
eIcri
ed,I
cri
eduntil
Ihadhi
ccupsandaheadache.My
headwassoheavy,Ievenf
ell
asleepfr
om al
l
thecr
ying.
 
Themostwei r
dthi
nghappenedwhi l
stIwas
sl
eepi
ng.Isawal i
ghtshi
ningt
hroughthe
bedr
oom butIcoul
dn'twakeup.I
tseemedasif
Iwasdreamingbutitwasagai
n,tooreal
. 
Isawsomeonedr essedi nwhitebutIcouldn'
t
seetheirface.Thewhol eroom wasf il
ledwit
h
toomuchgl ory.Ifeltlight,posit
ive,
ov erj
oyed
andpeacef ul.Theper sonsmi led,Icouldn'
t
concludewhet heritwasamal eorf emale.Was
Ihavi
ngadi vinev i
sitationofsomesor t?The
glor
ywast oomucht ocompr ehendt hatI
i
mmedi at
elyf ellonmyknees.  
Ionl
yknewt hegenderwhenhespokewithan
angeli
cvoice.ThismustbeanAngelbuthe
di
dn'thavewi ngs.Angel
havewi
ngsright
? 
"Canamot herfor
gethersuckingchild,t
hatshe
shouldnothav ecompassionont hesonofher
womb?Yea, t
heymayf orget
,yetwillInotfor
get
thee.I
siah49:15belov
ed"
IwokeupandIwassl
eepi
ngont
hef
loor
.Idon'
t
knowhowthathappenedbutt
hedr
eam was
sti
l
lver
yfr
eshinmymi nd.
 
Me:
Itl
ookedr
eal
. 
ThenIr
emember
edsomet
hing,
acer
tai
nver
se.
 
Me:
Isai
ah49:
15
Ireall
yneededtogot ochurchsoonerthanI
hadant i
cipat
ed.Theweirdthi
ngis,Iwokeup
feeli
ngalotbetter
.Iwasactuall
yhappy, i
fit
makessenseandIwasatpeace.If eltl
ighter
,
l
ikealltheburdenthatIhadbeencarryi
ngwas
l
iftedoffmyshoulders.
 
Dadwasn'tar
ound.Iwenttobr
ushmyteet
h
bef
oregoingtot
hekitchentomakemy
self
somethi
ngtoeat.
 
Imadei
nst
antpor
ri
dgewi
thmi
l
kandat
e. 
Dadcamewhi
leIwassti
l
lcooki
ngandhewas
sur
pri
sedt
oseemestandingt
here.
 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:
I'
m sor
ryi
t'
sjust
..Youl
ookdi
ff
erent
. 
Igav
ehim alook.Hewasbei
ngdi
ff
erent
.How
canIl
ookdif
ferent
? 
Me:
What
? 
Il
ookeddownonmy selfandIdi
dn'
tsee
anyt
hingdi
ff
erent
.Helaughedali
tt
le.
 
Dad:
No,
Imean,
yougl
owi
ng.
 
Me:
Dad,
arey
oual
ri
ght
? 
Dad:
Yes,
why
? 
Me:
Youbei
ngv
erywei
rdr
ightnow.
 
Dad:I
fyoucoul
dseewhatIwasseei
ng,
you'
d
under
standwhy
. 
Withthatsai
d,hedi
sappear
edi
ntot
he
bedroom. 
Idi
shedupf
ort
hebothofuswhenIwasdone.
Wewerenowsi
tti
ngi
nourli
tt
ledi
nnert
abl
e. 
Me:
Wher
edi
dyoudi
sappeart
o? 
Dad:
Iwentt
ochur
ch.
 
Hegri
nned.Isti
l
lhadacer tai
nf earofchurch,
yesIwantedtogobecausesomehowIf elti
t
wasgoingtoexplainall
thesethingsthatIhad
beenseei
ngbutIj ustwasn'
treadyy et
. 
Me:
Howwasi
t? 
HechokedonhisfoodandIl aughedathim.Hi
s
eyeshadpoppedout,Ihadnev erbeen
i
nterest
edi
nanyconv ersati
onthathadtodo
wi
t hGodorchur
ch,untilnow. 
Dad:
Your
eal
l
ywannaknow?
 
Me:
Iwoul
dn'
thav
easkedi
fIdi
dn'
t 
Dad:It'
sjustthat.
..Youneverwannaknowand
you'v
enev eraskedme.I nfact
,youal
ways
dismissanyreligi
oustopic.
 
Me:
Arey
ougonnat
ell
meorwhat
? 
Dad:I
twasv
eryblessi
ng.Godwaspr esenti
n
suchawayt
hatIhadneverexper
iencedand-
Me:
Okay
,It
hinkI
'
vehear
denough.
 
Hechuckl
edandItookmypl at
eandwentto
puti
tontopofthet
able.Ipour
edmy sel
fa
gl
assofwatert
henwentt owatchTV. 
Dad:
Doy
oust
il
lwantaphone?
 
Me:
Idon'
tknowr
eal
l
y. 
Dad:I
twoul dmakecommuni cat i
oneasier
.I
meany ou'dbeabletocallmei fI'
m nothome
andI'
dknowy ourwhereaboutswhenev eryou
di
sappearwi t
houttel
li
ng.Alsot hosepeople
who'
vebeenaski ngforyournumber swouldbe
abl
etor eachyou.AboKamogel o. 
Hesaidt
hel
astpar
tal
mostaswhi
sperandI
l
aughed.
 
Me: I
t'
slikey
oupit
chi
nganideaforan
advert
isi
ngagency
,youTr
yn'asel
lme
something? 
Hecr
ackedupi
nlaught
erandIj
oinedhi
m. 
Dad:
No.
 
Me:
Wel
l
,Iagr
eewi
thy
ou.
 
Dad:
Wecangobuyi
ttomor
rowaf
terschool
.
 
Me:
Doest
hatmeany
oupi
cki
ngmeup?
 
Henodded.
 
Me:
Yes!
 
Iscr
eamedandhej
ustl
aughed,
shaki
nghi
s
head.
 
Thef ol
l
owi ngday ,
Iwokeupandt ookabath
withthewat erdadhadpreparedforme.Idri
ed,
l
ot i
onedandwor emyuniform.It
iedmyhair
i
ntoabun, i
twasst i
ll
curl
yandannoy i
ngmenj e.
Itookmybagandwentt ot hekit
chen.Atl
east
thi
swast helastweekofschoolthentwo
weeksr ecess. 
Dad:
Whatr
eal
l
yhappenedaf
terIl
eft
? 
Me:
Iwassl
eepi
ng.
 
Idi
dn'
twantt
ot el
lhi
m aboutt
hedr
eam,whati
f
hethi
nksI
'
m crazy?Imeanhecoul
dthi
nkI
'm
j
ustseei
ngthi
ngsnje.I
twassti
l
lfreshonmy
mindbutIsomehowwantedtokeepital
lto
mysel
f. 
HenoddedbutIcoul
dseehewasn'
tconv
inced.
 
Af
terbr
eakf
ast
,hedr
ovemet
oschool
.
 
Dad:
Don'
tfor
getaboutt
oday
. 
Me:
I'
mfi
nal
l
yget
ti
ngaphone!
 
Ij
umpedabi
tinexci
tement.Hegavememy
l
unchmoney
.Iki
ssedhim onthecheek.
 
Dad:
Begoodf
ordaddy
. 
Me:
Asal
way
s. 
Iwinkedathi
mthengotout
,meet
ingThul
iat
thegateandweshar
edahug. 
Thul
i
:Woah!
Me:
What
? 
Thuli
:Youl
ook.
.Di
ff
erent
..I
nagoodway
though.
 
Me:
Noty
out
oo.
Isi
ghedandr
oll
edmyey
es.
 
Thul
i
:Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Me:
Dadsai
dthesamet
hing.
 
Wewal
kedt
oourcl
ass.
 
Thul
i
:Idon'
tevenwannaaskhowy
oudoi
ng.
Youglowi
ngtoomuchtoday.
Me:
Ist
hatacompl
i
ment
? 
Sherol
ledherey
esandIgi
ggl
ed.Weputour
bagsdownthenwentt
oassembly
. 
Wewer edismi
ssedbackt
oourcl
assaf
ter
assembly
. 
Iwassurpr
isedtoseeThul
ist
il
lsit
ti
ngnextt
o
mejustaft
erthebel
lrangf
orbreak.
 
Me:
Ain'
tyougoi
ngt
oXol
i
? 
Thul
i:
Iwannaspendt
imewi
thy
ou,
it'
sbeen
suchalongt
ime.
 
Me:
Wel
l
,Iwon'
tsaynot
othat
 
Wethenwentoutofcl
ass.Thut
opassedus
andwavedatme,Ir
etur
nedit.
 
Thul
i
:Andt
hen?
 
Me:
He'
sKamo'
sfr
iend.
 
Thul
i:
IknowbutIdi
dn'
tknowy
ouguy
sknow
eachother
. 
Me:
Wel
l
,wedo.
 
Ismil
edandshescr
eamed.Icover
edhermout
h
wit
hmyhandwhilel
ooki
ngaround. 
Me:
Shh.
 
Thul
i
:Doest
hismean.
..Youknow?
 
Me:
Wenotdat
ing.
 
Thul
i
:Oh 
Shef
rowned.Ij
ustgi
ggled.Webot
hourf
ood
andwentt
ositatourbench.
 
Thul
i
:Don'
tl
ook.
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Iwasconfusedandcur
ious,
whenIt
urned,
he
wasalr
eadybehindus.
 
Kamo:
Hi.
 
Me:
Hey
. 
Kamo:
Canwet
alk?
 
Il
ookedatThul
i
. 
Thul
i
:I'
l
lgot
oXol
i
,he'
spr
obabl
ylooki
ngf
orme
now.
 
Shesmiledandl
eft
.Hesatwher
eshehadbeen
si
tt
ing.
 
Kamo:
Youl
ookgood.
 
Me:
Ido?
 
Kamo:I
sitj
ustmeory oul
ookdi
ff
erent
?Li
ke
youmorebeaut
if
ulandyougl
owi
ng? 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Dif
fer
ent
,I'
vebeent
old.It
hinky
oual
lar
e
j
ustbei
ngpar
anoi
d.
Kamo:
Can'
tbe.
 
Me:
Let
'sagr
eet
odi
sagr
ee.
 
Het
ookt
heappl
eIhadbeeneat
ing.
 
Kamo:
Imi
ssedy
ou.
 
Me:
Yousawmey
est
erday
. 
Kamo:Iknowandi
t'
sgoodt
oseey
oul
ooki
ng
bet
ter
. 
Me:
Ifeel
bet
tert
oo.
 
Kamo:Hopef
ull
ythi
schangemi
ghtbegoodf
or
metoo.
 
Me:
May
be.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyourhai
r.
 
Me:
Ihat
eit
. 
Kamo:
Iwannaki
ssy
ou.
 
Me:
Youdo?
 
Kamo:
Yes 
Hegotcl
osert
omet
hencuppedmyf
acewi
th
hi
shands.
 
Kamo:
All
owme.
 
Icl
osedmyey esandhi
sli
psgotclosertomine.
Iopenedthem alit
tl
ebi
tandhekissedme
soft
ly,
slowlyandpassi
onat
ely
.Iheardsounds
ofacamer aandbrokei
t.I
twasThut oandhe
l
aughed. 
Icov
eredmyf
acewi
thmyhands.
 
Kamo:
Youbet
terpr
ayi
t'
sbeaut
if
ulorel
se?
 
Thut
o:Whatdoy
out
akemef
orman?
 
Heshowedhimthepi
ctur
e.Iwasjustl
ooki
ng
downandfi
ddl
ingwit
hmyf i
nger
s. 
Kamo:
Wannasee?
 
Inodded.Il
ookedatthepict
ureanditwas
beauti
ful
.Icoul
dn'
tbeli
eveitwasme.WasI
thatbeaut
if
ul?Maybeit
'sj
usttheresol
uti
onof
thecamera. 
Helef
twi
thhi
scamer
aandKamot
ookmyhand
i
ntohi
s.
Iy
ankedi
tof
fandcl
i
ckedmyt
ongue.
 
Kamo:
What
'swr
ong?
 
Me:
Yousetmeup.
 
If
oldedmyar
msandf
rowned.
Kamo:YoumadbecauseItookapictur
eofus
ki
ssi
ngandnotbecausewekissed?
 
Me:
Wel
lI.
.No
Heki
ssedmeont
hecheek.
 
Kamo:
Whenar
eyouget
ti
ngaphone?
 
Me:
Today
. 
Igr
innedathi
m andhechuckl
edbef
orebei
ng
ser
iousagai
n,l
ikeheal
waysis.
 
Kamo:Fi
nal
l
y.IhopeI
'
llbet
hef
ir
stt
ogety
our
number.
Me:
Idoubty
ou'
l
lev
engeti
t.
 
Kamo:
I'
myourboy
fri
end,
Ishoul
d. 
Me:
Younotmyboy
fri
end.
. 
Kamo:
Whynot
? 
Me:
Idon'
twanty
ou.
 
Kamo:
Real
l
y? 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Kamo:
Thenwhydi
dyouki
ssme?
 
Me:
I..I
'
m
Kamo:
Right
. 
Hegotupandl eft
.Justl
ikethat
.Whydi dIhave
toruinthi
ngsli
kethi
s?Kamowast r
ying,he
real
lywasbutIjustdon'
tknow.Iwasn'tready
togobackt her
e.WhywasIpuni shi
nghimf or
somet hi
nghedidn'
tknow? 
Itwashard,itwasgoingtobehar dopeni
ngup
tohim butI'
l
l j
usthaveto.Ican'
tl
osehim,I
reall
ycan'
t.Isighedandgotup,walki
ngbackt
o
class.
 
Thebel
lhadj
ustr
ang.
 
.
.
[
08/22,21:
01]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

21
Dadcamet ofetchmeasl i
kehehadpr omi sed
aft
erschool.Mymi ndwasj ustfaraway ,Iwas
thi
nki
ngaboutt hi
sKamogel ot hing.Yes,apart
ofMewant edtogiveusachancebutabi gpart
ofmewast ooscar ed.Iknowit '
snotright
compari
nghi m wi
tht heotherguy sIhadbeen
wit
hbutIjustcouldn'thel
pit.
DadpokedmeandIgotst
art
ledabi
t.
 
Dad:
Wher
ear
eyou?
 
Me:
Rightnex
ttoy
ou.
Dad:
Buty
ourmi
ndi
sn'
t.
 
Me:
Ijusthav
eal
otofst
uffonmymi
nd.
 
Dad:
Doesi
thav
etodowi
thKamogel
o? 
Me:
Whywoul
dyout
hinki
t'
shi
m? 
Dad:
Iknowt
heset
hings.
 
Me:
Isi
tthesamewi
thKi
tso?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
May
be,
ify
oul
ovehi
mli
keIl
oveKi
tso.
 
Me:
I'
m scar
ed.
 
Dad:Tel
lhi
myourf
ear
sbef
orey
oul
osehi
m
for
ever.
 
Me:
Your
ightIguess.
 
Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s. 
Dad:
Ofcour
seI
'
mri
ght
 
Me:
Yeah,
what
ever
. 
Ir
oll
edmyey
esandhechuckl
ed.
 
Me:
So,
canIseeheragai
n? 
Dad:
Who?
 
Me:Ki
tso.I'
m sor
ryIranof
flastt
ime,i
twasall
tooov
erwhelmingformeandshedidn'
tdeser
ve
sucht
reatment.
 
Dad:
Sheunderstands.I
'
m sur
eshe'
l
llov
eto
seeyouagai
n. 
Me:Idi
dn'
tthi
nky
ou'
dgof
oraTswanawoman
t
hough.
 
Dad:
Yourboy
fri
endi
sTswanat
oo.
 
Me:
Real
l
ydad?
 
Irol
l
edmyeyesandhechuckl
ed.Hepar
kedat
themal
l
.Il
eftmybagint
hecarwhenwegot
out.
 
Me:
Sowhi
chphonear
eyoubuy
ing?
 
Dad:We'
llsee.You'
l
lprobabl
ywantonewi
th
yourf
acebooksandstuff.
 
Me:
Idon'
thav
efacebookdad.
 
Dad:
Youdon'
tfornowbutal
lki
dsy
ourage
hav
eit
. 
WewentinsideanMTNst ore.Afterall
checking
outandmuchant i
cipati
on,heboughtmea
SamsungJ1.Hepai dandwhenwel eft
, Icoul
d
notstopl
ookingatit.Ij
ustcouldn'tbel
ieveI
fi
nal
lyhadaphone.Iwasexci tedt osayt he
l
east.
 
Dad:
Wel
comet
othet
went
yfi
rstcent
ury
. 
Me:
Hey
! 
Ipushedhi
ml i
ght
lyandhel aughed.Wealso
gotsometakeawaychickenandchipswit
h
whit
ebreadandweleft.Iwasjustexpl
ori
ngmy
phoneshameandhel etmebe.  
Whenwegothome,Ichangedoutofmy
uni
for
mthenwentt
odishupf orus.
 
Dad:
Umm.
.Pl
easedi
shupf
orKi
tsot
oo.
 
Me:
She'
scomi
ngnow?
 
Dad:
Yesbaby
. 
Inoddedandaddedanextrapl
ate.Ther
ewasa
knockonthedoorandIassumeditsKit
so.I
wenttoopenupforherandshesmi l
edatme. 
Me:
Mol
oMah,
youcancomei
t.
 
Ki
tso:
HeyBonga.
 
Imadespaceforherandshegotint
hencl
osed
thedooragai
n.Ourdoori
salwayscl
osedy
azi.
 
Igaveheraplat
eanddadwhosai
dGr
aceaf
ter
Isatdowntoo. 
Shel
ookedl
i
keav
eryhumbl
eandf
ri
endl
ylady
. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.Youl
ookf
ami
l
iar
. 
Ki
tso:
Real
l
y? 
Me:Yeah,
it'
sli
keI
'
veseeny
ousomewher
e
bef
ore.
 
Ki
tso:
May
bey
ouhav
e. 
Shelookedatdadwhoj
ustl
ookedaway
.Okay
,
thatwasweir
d.
Any
way
,atl
eastt
her
ewasnoawkwar
dnessi
n
theai
r.Shewasreall
yanicewomanandIcould
seeshebroughtoutt
hebestindad.It
ookal
l
ourdi
shestothekit
chenandwashedthem. 
Iwentbacktothecoupl
eandbecamethethi
rd
wheel.Idi
dn'
tcar
ethough,
Iwasjustf
asci
nated
bythebeautyoft
hiswoman. 
Me:
Umm.
.Si
siKi
tso.
 
Shelookedatme,
shehadabeaut
if
ulsmi
l
e
shame. 
Me:I'
m sor
ryaboutt
hewayIact
edwhendad
i
ntr
oducedyou. 
Kit
so:
It'
sokay,
Iunder
standt
hatal
lofi
twas
tooov
erwhelmi
ngforyou.
 
Me:
Any
way
,I'
m goi
ngt
osl
eep.
 
Dad:Youmeanyougoingtobeonyourphone
thensl
eepwhenyou'
veexhaust
edt
hepoor
batt
ery
? 
Kitso:
Leavethepoorki
dal
oneAndi
l
e,i
t'
sher
fi
rstphone.
 
That
'sdadsname.
 
Me:
Thanky
ouSi
si.
 
It
ookoutmyt onguetodadbefor
eleavi
ngthem
al
one.Icl
osedthedoorjusti
ncase.Idi
dn'
t
wanttoheart
heirconver
sati
onaft
erall
 
Idecidedt odownl oadwhat sapp,facebookand
i
nst agram.Thulihadbeenal lupinmyearabout
them.Idi dn'
tknowwhot oaddorf oll
owsoI
didn'tcreat
eaccount sy et
,justonlythatof
What sapp.Af t
erthat,Ichargedmyphoneand
slept.Goodt hi
ngIdi dn'
thav eanyhomewor k. 
Thefol
lowi
ngmor ni
ng,Iwaswokenbymy
al
arm.Yep,Ihadseti
tupwithmyphone,
onmy
phone.
 
Iwokeupanddadhadal
readybeatmeupt
oit
. 
Dad:
Mor
ning.
 
Me:
Hidad.
 
Hegavememybat hingwaterandIwentto
bat
h.Aft
erbat
hing,
Idriedandlot
ioned.
 
Iwor emyt uni
c, st
ocki
ngsandschool shoes
withlongwhi t
esocks.Iletmyhairl
oose.Ihad
togetusedt oitbeingthi
sway.Ideci
dedt o
takeaf ewselfi
es,whichtur
nedoutbeaut i
ful,
mor ethanIhadant ici
pat
edbecauseIhar dly
evertookpicturesbecauseIdi
dn'
tthinkI'm
photogenic. 
Il
eftmyphoneinthechar
ger
,tookmybagand
wenttot
hekit
chen. 
Dad:
Wow
Me:
What
? 
Dad:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ulev
enmor
etoday
. 
Me:
Ain'
tyousupposet
otel
lthatt
oKi
tso?
 
Dad:Youst
il
lthenumberonel
adyi
nmyl
i
feso
you'
l
lcomefir
st.
 
Me:
Thanksdad.
 
Iki
ssedhim ont
hecheek.Hegav
ememybowl
ofporr
idgeandIat
e. 
Wel
eftaf
tert
hen.
 
Dad:
Thanksf
orl
ett
ingKi
tsoi
n. 
Me:Shebr
ingsoutt
hebesti
nyoudadandI
al
sowannaseeyouhappy.
 
Dad:
itmeansawhol
elott
ome.
 
Me:
Ionl
ywantwhat
'sbestf
ory
ou.
 
Dad:Am Inotsupposet
obet
heonesay
ingt
hat
t
oy ou?
 
Me:
Haha,
nope.
 
Iki
ssedhim ont
hecheek.Hegav
ememy
money. 
Dad:
Begoodf
ordaddyandt
alkt
oKamo.
 
Me:
Yesdad.
 
Ir
oll
edmyeyesandhel
aughed.Imetupwi
th
Thul
iatt
hegat
e.Weshar
edahug. 
Thul
i
:Mm,
I'
m madaty
ou.
 
Me:
Whatdi
dIdo?
 
Iwasconfused.It
ri
edt
hinki
ngofsomething
butIcoul
dn'
trememberdoingheranybad. 
Thul
i
:Wel
l
,youandK-
mor
e. 
Me:
Whatar
eyouonabout
? 
Thul
i
:Hemadey
ouhi
swce.
Me:
Hiswhat
? 
Thul
i
:Womancr
ushev
ery
day
. 
Me:
Huh?
Iwasmor econf used.Iwaslosti
nthe
wildernessnje.Ihadnoi deaofal
lthatshewas
say i
ng.Shetookmebyt hehandandwewal ked
farawayf rom people. 
Wewereint
heschool
yar
dthough,
justbehi
nd
t
hecl
asses.
 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Shetookoutherphonef
rom herbagand
scr
oll
edthr
oughitandfl
ashedthescreenon
myface.It
ookthephonefrom hersoIcoul
d
v
iewpr
oper
ly.
 
Me:
Ist
hisme?
 
Thul
i
:Duuh!
 
Shesaidroll
inghereyesandIwasj usti
nawe.
Itwasapi ct
ureofme, sl
eepingandfrom t
he
outfi
tIcouldseehetooki tSatur
day
.Itwas
beauti
fulbutwhywoul dhet akeapi
ctur
eofme
sleepi
ng?That'scr
eepy .
 
Me:
Wow.
 
Thul
i
:Your
eal
l
ygothi
mfal
l
ingdeep.
 
Me:
Het
ookapi
ctur
eofmesl
eepi
ng.
 
Thul
i:
Howdidhegeti
tthough,
Imean,
Iknow
youdon'
thav
eaphoneso
Ipr
essedmyl
i
pst
oget
herandl
ookedar
ound.
 
Thul
i
:Bonga?
! 
Me:
What
? 
Thul
i
:Di
dyouguy
s..
.Youknow?
 
Me:
Eeuwno.
 
Thuli
:Thenenl
i
ght
enmepl
easecauseI
'
m
pret
tylost
. 
Me:Okayfi
ne.I
thappenedaf
ewhour
saf
ter
youl
eft
. 
Thul
i
:What
? 
Me:Ispentt
henightathi
spl
acebuti
t'
snot
whatyouthi
nk.
 
Shegri
nnedboldl
ylooki
ngatme.Thebel
lrang,
savi
ngherfr
om gri
ll
ingmewit
hquesti
onsand
wewenttoputourbagsdown.Wewentto
assembl
yafter
. 
Wewer
edi
smi
ssedbackt
oourcl
assesaf
ter
. 
Thul
i
:I'
m notdonewi
thy
ouy
et.
 
Me:
Haha,
what
everbabe.
 
Wegotinourclassandtheteachercameaf
ter
.
Atbr
eakti
me,Ineededt ogotalktoKamo,I
coul
dn'
tdel
ayitanylonger
. 
Thul
i
:Whatar
eweeat
ingt
oday
? 
Me:
Umm,
Ican'
tst
aywi
thy
ou.
 
Thul
i
:Oh?
 
Me:
Ineedt
ogot
alkt
oKamo.
 
Shesmil
edatmeandIchuckl
ed,
shaki
ngmy
head.
 
Me:
Don'
tgetanyi
deas.
 
Thul
i
:Andt
ell
mei
mmedi
atel
yhowi
twent
. 
Me:
Cool
babe.
 
Wehuggedshor tl
ythenIwentt olookf orthe
Presi
dent.Hewasout si
dehi sclass, f
lir
tingwit
h
somegi r
ls,ther
ewer el i
ket hreeoft hem and
theywerebusyr unningt heirhandonhi supper
body.Onewaspl ayi
ngwi thhistie,andt heother
hishai
r.Ithoughtoft urningbackatt hatpoint
butIhadt ogetthisov eranddonewi th.
 
Iwalkedtowher
etheywer
eandclear
edmy
thr
oat.Thegi
rl
sscannedf
rom upt
odown,
they
wer
ewear
ingski
mpyout
fi
ts.
 
Kamo:
Disappear
. 
Hesaidtothegir
ls,
fixi
nghist
ie.Ididn'
tev
enlet
whatIsawaffectmei nany
way ,
Ijustwantedt
o
getal
lofthi
soutofmychest .
 
Theyobli
gedbecausehegavethem veryscar
y
l
ooks,he'
sgotoneinti
midat
inglookshame. 
I
twasnowj
usthi
m andI
. 
Me:
Whyy
ousor
ude?
 
Kamo:
Iwasn'
trude.
 
Me:Tothi
nkyouwer
eenj
oyi
ngal
lthatat
tent
ion
bef
oreIcame.
 
Kamo:
Youj
eal
ous?
 
Me:
Notatal
l
. 
Kamo:I'
m wonder
inghowl
ongy
ougonnabei
n
deni
al.
 
Icl
earedmythroat
.Iwassuddenl
yscar
ed.I
don'
twhythough. 
Me:
Canwet
alk?
 
Kamo:
Ain'
tthatwhatwedoi
ng?
 
Me:
Imean,
somewher
eabi
tmor
epr
ivat
e. 
Ilookedaround.Awhol
elotofpeopl
ewer e
pay i
ngatt
enti
ontousandIcouldseetheywer
e
talki
ngaboutus. 
Kamo:
Come.
 
Het
ookouthi
shandf
ormeandIhel
ditt
henhe
l
edt
heway. 
Wewentt othegrade8cl assesandtherewas
onewhi chwasn'toccupied.Heclosedthedoor
beforesitt
ingdownwhi l
eIwat chedhim.Iwas
standingopposit
ehim, andwewer efacing
eachot her
.Hewasl eaningbackont hechair
andlookingatmei ntensely.
 
Kamo:
So?
 
Me:
Umm.
.I.
. 
God,
hewasmaki
ngmesoi
nti
midat
ed.Ihad
nevert
houghtI
'
dbet hi
sscar
edinhispresence.
Itookadeepbreat
hin,
Ihadtodothis.
 
Me:
Idon'
tknowwher
etost
art
. 
Kamo:
Justr
elax.
 
Itookadeepbr
eat
hagai
n.Hewasst
il
ll
ooki
ng
atme 
Me:
Younotmaki
ngi
teasy
. 
Kamo:Thi
sissti
l
lme.Ther
ude,
arr
ogantand
annoy
ingguy
. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:Bottom l
ineis,I
'
m scar
ed.I
'
vej
ust
..
.I'
ve
beenthroughalot.Noneofmymyrel
ati
onshi
ps
haveeverworkedand.. 
It
ookadeepbr
eat
hinandlookedup,
try
ingt
o
pr
eventt
het
ear
sfr
om fal
l
ing. 
Me:Thingis,t
heyallwantedt
osleepwit
hme.
They'
dev enadmitthatt
heyneverlov
edmeand
wereonlyint
erest
edi nmybody. 
Il
ookeddownandfi
ddl
edwi
thmyf
inger
s.At
l
eastIdi
dn'
tcr
y. 
Hetookmeandsatmeont
opofhi
m.Icoul
dn'
t
ev
enf acehi
m. 
Heli
ft
edmychinwi
thhi
sindexf
ingerandI
l
ookedathi
m. 
Kamo:Iwouldn'
tbechasingyouall
these
weeksforpussy,
trustme,I
'dsnapmyf i
nger
s
andhaveabitchbendoverforme. 
Myeyespoppedoutandhewasasser
iousas
canbe.
 
Kamo: Il
oveyouKhensani.Ilovedyoufr
om t
he
fi
rstti
meIsetmyey esony ouandIknewIhad
tomakey oumine.Icont
empl atedwit
h
approachi
ngyouandwhent hebashcame,I
knewIhadt omakeithappen.  
Me:
Somuchf
ornof
oul
play
. 
Kamo:
Ihadt
odowhatIneededt
ogety
ou.
 
Me:
I'
m gl
ady
ounev
ergav
euponme.
 
Kamo:
Myhear
twoul
dn'
thav
esur
viv
ed.
 
Me:
Kissme.
 
Kamo:
What
? 
Me:
Youhear
dmeKamogel
o. 
Ir
oll
edmyey
esandhechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Doest
hismean?
..
Inoddedandhekissedme.Itwasourf
ir
stkiss
asboyfr
iendandgir
lf
ri
endanditwasamazing.
 
[
08/22,21:
01]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

22
Thul
i
:Sohowdi
ditgo?
 
Shesai d,
immediatel
ywhenIent er
edandsat
nexttoher.Thebellhadrangalr
eady,si
gnal
li
ng
thatbreakisover
.Shedidn'tev
engivemea
minutebeforebombar di
ngmewi thaquesti
on. 
Ismil
edwhil
elooki
ngatherandshescreamed,
ear
ningusst
aresfr
om theent
ir
eclass.
 
Me:
Shhh.
 
Iwhi
speredt
oherandshekeptqui
etbefor
e
usi
ngherhandasafanforsomefr
eshair.
She'
stoomuchofadramaqueenItel
lyou. 
Thul
i
:So?
 
Me:
Wel
l
...
Ibl
ushedandl
ookeddown|
. 
Thul
i
:Khul
umaphel
a. 
Shehal
fshout
edandIgav
eheradeat
hstar
e.
Shewascausi
ngsomuchatt
ent
iononus.
 
Me:
Wedat
ing.
 
Iwhisperedandhereyespoppedout .Il
aughed
atherfacial
expr
essionandwheni tsankin,she
scr
eamedandIf oldedmyar msont hetable
andputmyheaddown.Thet eachercameand
shekeptquieti
mmedi at
ely
. 
Teacher
:Whowasmaki
ngsuchnoi
se?
 
Thewhol
eclasslookedatThul
iandIt
ri
edv
ery
muchtohol
dinlaughter
. 
Iwasv eryhappywhent hesirenrangforthe
l
astti
me, si
gnall
ingthatit'
sschool out
.I
coul
dn'twaitItellyou.Ijustwantedtogohome
andsleep.Wedi dn'tgetoutofclass
i
mmedi at
elythough,wewai t
edforabit. 
Thul
i
:So?
 
Me:
What
? 
Thul
i
:Det
ail
sphel
a. 
Me:Idon'
tknowwhatyouwant,
Angit
hiIt
old
youwetogether
,sowhatmor
eisther
e? 
Thul
i
:Don'
tgi
vemeat
ti
tude.
 
Il
aughed.Thul
ireal
l
ylovesbei
ngdr
amatic,
I
don'
tknowwhatmor eshewantedf
rom me. 
Me:
Aski
esmzal
a 
Thul
i
:Di
dy'
al
lseal
itwi
thaki
ss?
 
Me:
Yep
Isai
d,bl
ushi
ngandshegi
ggl
ed.
 
Thul
i
:Hemustbeagoodki
sser
,Lor
d! 
Sheclosedherey
esthenbitherl
i
psaf
ter
sayi
ngthatandIl
aughed.
 
Me:
That
'smyboy
fri
endy
out
alki
ngabout
. 
Sheopenedherey
esandgr
innedatme.
 
Thul
i
:Al
readypossessi
veIsee.
 
Me:
Hai
suka.
 
Ipushedherl
i
ght
lyandshecr
ackedupi
n
l
aughter.
 
Thul
i:I
t'
snotabadthi
ngthough,Ij
usthope
Nobuhlewon'
trui
nthi
ngsforyou.
 
Me:
Ihopesot
oo.
 
Thuliclear
edherthroat.Il
ookedatthedoorand
ther
eshewas.Whenshef inal
lysawshehad
ourattenti
on,sheclappedherhands.Isati
n
awe,lookingather.Thisti
me,Iwasn'teven
scar
edori
nti
midat
edbyher
.Beat
smet
oo.
 
Nobuhl
e:Congr
atsKhensani
,youwon.
 
Il
ookedather,per
plexed.Il
ookedatThul
iand
shewasjustasastonished.
 
Shecamecl
oser
,andagai
n,shewasal
one.
 
Nobuhl
e:Youtookevery
thi
ngawayf
rom me.
Myfri
end,myboyfr
iend-
"Shedi
dn'
t"
Welookedatwheret
hevoi
cewascomingf
rom
andi
twasKagiso.Now,
that
'saf
ir
st.
 
Kagiso:
It'
shight
imey oustoppedbl
aming
Nokubongaforever
ythingwrongthi
nggoi
ngon
i
ny ourl
if
e. 
Shewassur pr
ised,
Nobuhl
eImean,probabl
yat
Kagisonotbei
ngonherside.Shewasn'
t
suckinguptoheranymor
e. 
Nobuhl
e:Wow.
 
Kagi
so:
Sur
pri
sed?Wel
l
,it
'shi
ght
imesomeone
puty
oui
nyourpl
ace.
 
ThuliandIjustwat
chedthi
stwof
ormerbest
fr
iendsgoingheadtohead.
 
Nobuhl
e:Putmeinmypl
ace?Don'
tpat
ronize
meKagiso,Imadey
ouandIsur
eashellcan
br
eakyou! 
Canyoubeli
eveshe'
sonly15?Welly
eahbutt
he
wayshe'
sacting,
ohlor
d,you'
dthi
nkshe'
s
someelder
. 
Kagisosnicker
edindi
sbel
i
ef.Shelookedup
thenclappedoncebef
orel
ookingatheragai
n. 
Kagiso:Mademe?Li stentoyour
self
.Youmade
mey ourpuppet.AndIwasaf ooltoeverbel
i
eve
thatyouwerethebetterbate.
 
Nobuhl
e:Yout
hinky
ouawomannow?Youcan
t
alktomeasyouwant?
! 
"
Ladi
es,
what
'swi
tht
heshout
ing?"
SaidKamo,
enter
ingtheclass.Thesetwower e
readyt
omurdereachotherandhej ustr
uined
t
heshow.Tal
kaboutbei
ngr
ightont
ime.
 
Theykeptshoot
ingdeathstar
esateachother
andIwantedtolaughatthatmomentreal
l
y .
 
Thuli
:(whi
sper
ing)Yourboy
fri
endj
usthadt
o
rui
ntheshow. 
Il
aughedsil
entl
y.Hecamet
omeandki
ssed
meont hecheek.
 
Kamo:
Thoughty
ou'
dlef
tal
ready
. 
Me:
Iwasaboutt
o. 
Kamo:
Let
'sgot
hen.
 
It
ookmybag.Ibi
dThul
igoodby
eandwav edat
Kagi
sowhil
eNobuhl
ecl
i
ckedhertongue,
Ijust
l
aughed.
 
Kamo:
Whatwast
hatabout
? 
Me:
Iwoul
d'
veknowni
fyouhadn'
tcome.
 
HespankedmeandIj
umped.
 
Me:
Hey
! 
Kamo:
That
'st
ogety
oui
nli
ne.
 
Iroll
edmyey
es.Wewentoutoft
heschool
yard. 
Kamo:
Sodi
dyoubuyt
hephone?
 
Me:
Yep!
 
Kamo:
Sowhenwer
eyougonnat
ell
me?
 
Me:Ididtel
lyout
hatI
'
m goi
ngt
obuyi
t
yest
erday
. 
Kamo:
What
ever
,gi
vemey
ournumber
. 
Hesaid,
takingouthisphone.Tal
kaboutbal
li
ng.
Anyway,Ij
ustlookedathi
mt henbackatthe
road.
 
Kamo:
0?
Me:
Ihav
en'
tmemor
izedmynumbery
et.
 
Kamo:
Takemi
net
hen.
 
Me:
Idon'
thav
emyphonewi
thme.
 
Kamo:
Stopbei
ngdi
ff
icul
t,y
ouhav
eabagf
ull
ofbooksandpens.
Iroll
edmyey es.Ai
n'tboyfr
iendssupposetobe
niceandst uf
f?Wellmineissoar r
ogantand
annoy i
ng.Remindmeagai nwhyI '
minlovewit
h
thisperver
t?Okay,
don'ttel
l hi
m Ical
l
edhim
that.
 
Me:
Kamogel
o,t
hat
'st
oomuchwor
k. 
Heignor
edmethenwenttomybagwhichwas
onmybackandtookoutapenandpaper.He
wrot
edownhisnumberandputi
tback.
 
Kamo:Cal
lmeorwet
sepl
easecal
lwheny
ou
gethome.
 
Me:
Yes,
sir
. 
Kamo:
Don'
tbesuchababy
. 
Me:
Whyar
eyousor
ude?
 
Kamo:
Sor
rybaby
. 
Hekissedmeonthecheekandopenedthetaxi
doorforme.Iwav
edhim goodby
easthetaxi
dr
oveof
f.
 
IgotoutonmyGat easusualandwenttoour
home.Iopenedandgreeteddad,whowasbusy
onhislapt
op.Iputmybagdownt henchanged
outofmyuniform.Iwor
ecasuall
ythenwent
backtotheki
tchen.
 
Dad:
So?
 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:
Didy
out
alkt
ohi
m? 
Ibl
ushed,l
ooki
ngsideways.Daddoesn'
twast
e
ti
meItelly
ou,he'
sjustl
i
keThuli.Theyl
ove
i
ndabanje.
 
Me:
Idi
d. 
Dad:Judgi
ngbyhowy
oubl
ushi
ng,
Icoul
dsayi
t
wentwell
. 
Me:
Yep!
 
Dad:I
'
m happyforyoubaby.Ihopehedoesn'
t
hur
tyouorelseI
'l
lbusthi
sballsand-
Icuthi
m shor
t.
 
Me:
Okay
,enought
hreat
s. 
Hechuckl
edandIj
oinedhi
m wi
thl
aught
er.
 
Dad:
Ijustwanthi
mtot
reaty
our
ight
. 
Me:
Hewi
l
ldaddy
,don'
twor
ry.
 
Dad:
Hebet
terorel
se.
. 
Me:
I'
ll
makesur
eIt
ell
him.
 
Dad:
OrhecancomesoIcanhav
eat
alkwi
th
hi
m. 
Me:Hai
bobaba,no.I
t'
stooear
lyf
ort
hreat
s.We
j
ustst
art
eddati
ngtoday.
 
Dad:
Becar
eful
baby
. 
Me:
Iwi
l
l.
 
Ist
art
edwitht
hepot
s.Imadepapwi
thoxl
i
ver
andgrav
y. 
Whent
hefoodwasdone,
Idi
shedupf
ort
he
bot
hofus.
 
Aft
erweat e,
Iwashedthedishes.Goodthi
ngI
di
dn'thavehomeworks.Ir
emember edIhavea
phone,Kamoisprobabl
ywor r
iedwhereheIs.
 
Isear
chedforthepagehehadwr
it
tenhi
s
numberon.Ifoundit
.Ther
ewasal
soanote.
 
"SavemeasHubby |
"Il
aughed.God,
I'
m
whipped.Itookmyphoneandsavedhis
numberlikehehadinst
ruct
edme.Ihadsome
ai
rti
meandcal ledhi
m. 
Heanswer
edont
hesecondr
ing.
 
Kamo:
Yeah?
 
Me:
Ist
hathowy
ouanswery
ourphone?
 
Kamo:
Khen,
ist
haty
ou?
 
Me:
Ithoughty
ou'
dbeexpect
ingmycal
l
. 
Kamo:Iwas,Ij
ustthoughtyou'
dcal
l
i
mmediatel
ywheny ougethome.Ihadal
ready
gi
venuphopeofy oucall
ing.
 
Me:
Sor
ryt
odi
sappoi
nty
out
hen.
 
Kamo:
I'
m act
ual
l
ygl
ady
oucal
l
ed.
 
Me:
Missme?
 
Kamo:Yougotnoi
dea.Ist
il
lhav
ethatpi
ctur
e
ofyounakedi
nmymind. 
MycheeksreddenedbutIwasn'taboutt
oal
ert
hi
mthatI'
m blushi
ng.Ipr
etendedtobemad. 
Me:
Shameony
ouKamogel
o. 
Kamo:God,
every
timey
ousaymynamei
nful
lI
getahar
don. 
Me:
Arewer
eal
l
yaboutt
ohav
ephonesex?
 
Kamo:Ohno,
Itol
dyouI
'
m notgonnahav
esex
wit
hyou.
 
Me:Good,
theBi
blesay
ssexbef
oremar
ri
agei
s
asi
n. 
Kamo:
Idi
dn'
tthi
nky
out
her
eli
gioust
ype.
 
Me:
I'
m not
. 
Kamo:
Whynot
? 
Me:
Arey
ouaboutt
opr
eacht
ome?
 
Kamo:
It'
sasi
mpl
equest
ion.
 
Me:I
'
v egotmyreasons,
thoseIcannotr
esi
de
ov
erthephone.
 
Kamo:
Alr
ight
,you'
l
ltel
lmet
omor
row.
 
Me:
Doesi
tmat
tert
hough?
 
Kamo:
Mor
ethany
out
hink.
 
Me:
IguessIdon'
thav
emuchofachoi
ce.
 
Kamo:
Youdon'
tbaby
. 
Isighed.YouknowImi ghtbewar mingupto
theideaofGod, butIdi
dn'
tneedt oberushed.I
knowaf tertel
l
inghim myreasons,t
hey'
llbea
l
ongspeecht ofol
low,moreli
keadoct r
ineandI
wasn'tupf ort
hat.
 
Wet al
keduntil
myairt
imerunoutbutabout
othert
opics.HesentmeR100air
ti
meaf terI
tol
dhimitwasunnecessar
y .
 
Isl
eptwi
thasmi
l
eonmyf
ace.Tot
hinkIhad
beenagai nsttheideaofhi
m andIbeing
togetherbuther ewewere.Iwasabitanxi
ous
aboutourf uturebutIdi
dn'
twanttoworry
my self
. 
Iwasgoi
ngt
otakebabyst
eps.
 
.
[
08/22,21:
01]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

23
Iwaswokenupbymyal ar
m.Onlyt
womore
daysl
eftt
orecess.Isi
ghedasIgotupf
rom my
bed.
 
Dad:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Me:
Mor
ningdad.
 
Hegav ememybat hi
ngwaterandlef
tmet oit
.I
st
rippedt
hengotintothewat
er.Af
terbat
hing,I
dr
iedandlot
ioned.Iworemybraandpanti
es
thenst
ocki
ngs,ski
rtandgol
fshi
rt
.Itookmy
bagandphonethenwenttotheki
tchen.Iwas
slowl
ygett
ingusedtohavi
ngaphone. 
Dad:
Thepoorphonei
snev
erget
ti
ngabr
eak.
 
Hesaid,
taki
ngasi
pofhi
scof
feeandI
l
aughed.
 
Me:
Iwannagetusedt
ohav
ingaphonedad.
 
Dad:
I'
m gl
adi
tmakesy
ouhappy
. 
Me:
Youmakemehappy
. 
Dad:
Aren'
tyousupposet
osayt
hatt
o
Kamogel
o? 
Il
aughed.I'
m sti
ll
gonnasaythi
sagai
n,theway
ever
yonetalksaboutKamo,hi
searspr
obably
i
tchwithoutceasi
ng. 
Me:
Younotbei
ngf
unny
. 
Dad:
I'
m gl
ady
ouhappybaby
.Ev
eni
fitbecause
ofme. 
It
ookmypl
ateofbr
eakf
astandat
e,whi
l
e
chat
ti
ngwi
thKamoonwhat
sapp.
 
Hehadapict
ureofuski
ssi
ngashisdi
spl
ay
pi
ctur
eandIstol
eiti
mmediat
ely
. 
I
twasj
ustt
oobeaut
if
ul.
 
Aft
erbreakf
ast
,Iwentt
ochar
gemyphonet
hen
daddrovemetoschool
. 
Me:
How'
sKi
tso?
 
Dad:
Shei
sal
ri
ght
,youmi
ssher
? 
Me:
She'
sfunt
obear
ound.
 
Dad:
Iagr
ee,
she'
sgoodcompany
. 
Me:Andagoodinf
luence,
seei
nghowmuch
she'
sbr
oughtoutt
hebestinyou.
 
Dad:Your
eal
l
yhavebecomef
ondofher
,it
makesmehappy
.
Me:
I'
m war
mingupt
oher
. 
Dad:Soy
ouwon'
tmi
ndev
eni
fIwer
etomar
ry
her
? 
Me:
That
'snotf
unnydad.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Ijusthadt
ocheck.
 
Me:
It'
swayt
oosoon.
 
Dad:
Itwi
l
lhappenev
ent
ual
l
y. 
Me:I'
m al
readyget
ti
ngt
ir
edoft
his
conv
ersat
ion. 
Dad:
Mm,
alr
ightbaby
. 
Me:
Younotmar
ryi
ngherdad.
 
Dad:
Don'
twor
rybaby
. 
Iki
ssedhim ont
hecheekandhegav
ememy
money. 
Dad:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oodad.
 
Iwavedathi
m af
terget
ti
ngout
,ashedr
ove
off
. 
Thul
iwaswi
thKagi
soatt
hegat
e,nowt
hat
'
sa
f
ir
st.
 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Ihuggedt
hem bot
h. 
Me:
It'
sni
cet
oseey
ouguy
sget
ti
ngal
ong.
 
Thul
i:
Well
,she'
snotbadandaftery
est
erday
,I
knewIwasn'
twrongabouther
Kagi
so:
I'
m st
il
lher
eyouknow.
 
Wechuckl
edandwal
kedt
ocl
ass.
 
Thul
i
:Sohowdi
dyousl
eep?
 
Me:
Likeababy
. 
Ismi
l
edandt
het
wogi
ggl
ed.
 
Kagi
so:Youevenbecomi
ngl
i
ght
eri
n
complexi
on.
 
Thul
i
:Kamomustbehi
tt
ingi
tgood.
 
Me:
We'
veonl
yst
art
eddat
ingy
est
erday
. 
Them:
So?
 
Ichuckl
ed,
shaki
ngmyhead.Theset
wower
e
nowgangi
ngupOnme.Il
ett
hem be.
 
Wewenttoputourbagsdownbef
oregoi
ngt
o
assembl
y.
 
Af
terassembly,
wewenttocl
ass.Todaywe
werewri
tingear
lyasi
nst
rai
ghtaft
erassembl
y.
 
Thismeantnolessonsafterbreaksowewere
fr
ee.Iwasactual
lyglad.Aperson'sbr
aincan
onlyt
akesomuch.  
Thetestwasnott
hathardf
orme.Whenthe
si
renRang,wegotoutofcl
assi
mmediat
ely
. 
Thul
i
:Sowhoar
eyoudat
ing?
 
Sai
dThulitoKagi
so,shedi
dn'
tevenwai
tfort
he
poorgi
rlt
owar m upt
ousfir
st.
 
Kagisochockedonhersali
vaandthat
'swhen
webot hgaveheratt
ent
ionbecauseIhadbeen
focusedonThuli
. 
Shecl
ear
edhert
hroat
. 
Kagi
so:
Umm.
.Iwasn'
texpect
ingt
hat
. 
Thul
i
:Ordon'
tyout
rustusenough?
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
Thul
i
? 
Il
ookedatherwi thadroppedjawandshe
wasn'
tbarging.Icoul
dseet hepoorgi
rlwasnot
comfor
tablewithherquesti
on. 
Shefoldedherarmsandl ookedatKagiso,
nevermindingmyst ar
es.That'
sthethi
ngwi th
myf r
iend,sheneverstopsbudgi
nguntilshe
getswhatshewant sandIknewshewasn' t
goingtoletgounti
lKagisotel
lsherwhatshe
asked. 
Kagi
so:
It'
snotl
i
ket
hat
. 
Thul
i
:Howi
sit
? 
Kagi
so:
Promi
sey
ouguy
swon'
tj
udge.
 
Me:Bel
i
evemewhenIsay,I
'
mt hel
astper
son
who'
devent
hinkofj
udgi
ngyou.
 
Thul
i
:Wewon'
tj
udgey
ou.
 
Kagi
so:
I'
m bi
sexual
.
 
Us:
What
? 
Iwassur pr
isednoliebecauseshel
ooked
str
aighttome.Imean, wewer ebot
hshocked
andwer en'
texpect
ingthebombshej ustbl
ew
Tous. 
Kagi
so:
Youpr
omi
sednott
ojudge.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry,
wej
ust
..
. 
Thul
i:Shocked,
weshockedbutwenotj
udgi
ng
you.
 
Kagi
so:
Sot
hisdoesn'
tchangeany
thi
ng?
 
Me:
Arey
ouki
ddi
ng,
ofcour
sei
tdoesn'
t.
 
Shesmiled.Shel
ookedrel
i
eved.Ihuggedher
thenki
ssedheronthecheek.
 
Thul
i:Doesthi
smeany
ouhav
eaboy
fri
endand
agir
lf
riend?
 
Il
aughedatThul
i'
ssi
ll
inesswhi
leKagi
so
chuckl
edandshookherhead.
 
Kagi
so:
Notnecessar
il
y.Ihav
eagi
rl
fr
iendnow.
 
Me:
Whoi
sshe?
 
Thul
i
:Doweknowher
? 
Wewerebot
hcuri
ousshameandshekept
qui
etf
orawhil
ebefor
esayi
ngsomet
hing.
 
Kagi
so:
You'
l
lseehert
omor
row.
 
Me:
Can'
twai
t.
 
Thul
i
:Okay
,I'
m hungr
ynow.
 
Weal ll
aughedandwenttobuyfood.Iwas
eati
ngabunny chownow,notf
ruit
s.Iwas
hungryabit.Theyot
hert
wower eeati
ng
burger
s. 
"
I'
minl
ovewi
thy
ourappet
it
ebabe"
Mygi
rlsl
aughedwhi
leIr
oll
edmyey
es.I
twas
myannoyi
ngboyf
ri
end.
 
Me:
That
'snotacompl
i
ment
 
Kamo:
Bel
i
eveme,
iti
s. 
Irol
ledmyey eswhi
let
hegir
lsj
ustgi
ggl
ed.He
tookthebunnychowfr
om me. 
Me:
Thi
sisabusenj
e. 
Kamo:Welivet
osharebabe.Whathappenedt
o
what
'syour
sismine?
 
Me:
Yougoodwi
thwor
ds.
 
Het
ookaf
ewbi
tes.Iwasj
ustl
ooki
ngathi
m. 
Thul
i
:Isitmeory
ourboy
fri
enddoesn'
thav
e
manners? 
Me:
It'
snoty
ou.Henev
ergr
eet
s. 
Kamo:
I'
m st
il
lher
e. 
Het
ookanot
hermunchofmybunny
chow.
 
Kamo:
Let
'sgobabe.
 
Me:
Giv
ememyf
oodf
ir
st.
 
Thegi
rl
slaughed.Hegav
eitbackt
ome.
 
Kamo:
Orat
aDi
j
o. 
Me:
Ungt
handaNgi
nje.
 
Thegi
rl
sgi
ggl
ed.
 
Thul
i
:Ishoul
dhav
ebr
oughtsomepopcor
n. 
Kagiso:Theyar
etoocut
e.Ishoul
dhav
e
broughtmycamera. 
Me:
I'
m out
taher
e. 
Igotupandwal
kedawaywi
thKamo.
 
Kamo:
Youwr
it
ingaf
terbr
eak?
 
Me:
Nope.
 
Kamo:
Good.
 
Ist
oppedandl
ookedathi
m.Iwasal
readydone
eat
ing.
 
Me:
Why
? 
Kamo:
Youaski
ngt
oomanyquest
ions.
 
Me:
Ionl
yaskedone.
 
Kamo:
Sti
l
l.
 
Me:
Mxm.
 
Hetookmyhand.Idon'tev
enknowwherehe
wastaki
ngme.Wewentoutt hr
oughthegate
andit
'st
hent
hatIreal
izedweweregoingt
othe
shop.
 
Wegoti
nsi
de.
 
Kamo:
Wantany
thi
ng?
 
Me:
Iwantasoda.
 
Kamo:
That
'sal
l
? 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Heboughtasodaf
orme,
cigar
ett
esand
sweet
s. 
Me: Youdoknowt
hatsmoki
ngcausesl
ung
cancerri
ght
? 
Helookedatmebef or
eansweri
ng.Wewere
nowatthebackoftheshop,hel
ittheci
gar
ett
e
fi
rstbef
oreanswer
ing.
 
Kamo:
Iknow.I
t'
sev
enwr
it
teni
nthebox
. 
Inoddedandpr
essedmyli
pstoget
her
.Het
ook
afewpuffswhi
l
eIdrankmysoda. 
Kamo:
Nowt
ell
mewhyy
oudon'
tgot
ochur
ch.
 
Me:
I'
mjustnotaf
an.
 
Kamo:
Oh?
 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Kamo:
Whynot
? 
Me:
Doesi
tmat
ter
? 
Kamo:
Yeah,
nowt
ell
me.
 
Isi
ghed.AsmuchasIdi dn'twantto,ther
ewas
nothi
ngIcouldeverhidefrom thi
sguy .Hewas
si
tti
ngonacr ate,
whil
eIwasst andinginfront
ofhim.Ifi
ddledwithmyf i
ngersandt ooka
deepbreath.
 
Me: Allthechur chesI
'
v eeverwentt o..They
usedtoj udgeusandt hey.
.Thepeopl ewer etoo
mean, theyt ol
dmepai nfulwords..Ijust.
.I
thoughtchur chwassupposet obeapl ace
whereI'df eell
ikeIbel
ong,notlikesome
fugi
tiv
e. 
Kamo:
Seemsl
i
key
ou'
vebeent
hroughal
ot.
 
Me:
Yougotnoi
dea.
 
Kamo:
Whydi
dtheyt
reaty
oul
i
ket
hat
? 
Hepul
l
edmesoIcouldsi
tont opofhi
m.Thi
s
t
opi
cwasmakingmeemotional.Hewi
pedmy
t
ear
swithhi
shands.
 
Kamo:
Tal
ktomebaby
. 
Heki
ssedmyl
i
ps.It
ookanot
herdeepbr
eat
h. 
Me: Theycal
ledmeuglyandallsort
sofnames,
Iendedupbel i
evi
ngallt
heysai
d.Igotangr
yat
God.Istoppedbeli
evi
ngheexists.
 
Hehuggedmet i
ghtl
yunti
lIcal
meddown.The
bel
lrangbutwesti
l
ldidn'
tgo.
 
Kamo:
Youthemostbeaut
if
ulsoul
Iknow,
i
nsi
deandout
.Bel
i
evethat
. 
Ismil
edaswebroket
hehugandbl
ushedwhen
helookedatme.
 
Iwasf
eel
i
ngawhol
elotbet
ternow.
 
Kamo:
Iwantust
ospendt
hedayt
oget
her
. 
Me:
Righther
e? 
Kamo:Yeah,I
'
dt akeyouhomewit
hmebutI
don'
twantyouthinki
ngIwannat
akeadv
ant
age
ofyou.
 
Me:
okaybaby
. 
Iremember
edtheconv
ersat
ionIhadwi
thdad
andzonedoutabi
t.
 
Kamo:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Me:
Yeah,
j
ust
..
. 
Kamo:
What
? 
Me:
Somet
hingdadsai
d. 
Igi
ggl
edabi
twhenIr
emember
ed.
 
Kamo:
Aboutme?Whatdi
dhesay
? 
Me:Hesaidi
fyouev
erhur
tme,
he'
sgoi
ngt
o
busty
ourbal
l
s. 
Hechuckl
ed,
shaki
nghi
shead.
 
Kamo:
Yourdadt
hough,
whati
fyouhur
tme
i
nst
ead?
 
Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s. 
Me:
Heev
enwant
edt
ohav
eat
alkwi
thy
ou.
 
Kamo:
What
?
Hi
seyeball
spoppedoutandIl
aughedathi
s
f
aci
alexpr
essi
on.
 
Me:
Itol
dhi
mit
stooear
lyt
hough.
 
Hesi
ghedi
ndi
sbel
i
ef.
 
Kamo:
Your
eal
l
ygotmet
her
e. 
Me:Youshoul
dhav
eseeny
ourf
aci
al
expr
essi
on.
Il
aughedoncemor
e. 
Kamo:
That
'snotf
unny
. 
Me:
Sor
ryhoney
. 
Iperkedhi
m ontheli
psandheturnedi
tint
oa
makeoutsessi
onwher ehi
shandsevenwent
i
nsidemygolfshir
t.I
'
m nottheki
ndofperson
wholi
kestucki
ngshi
rt
sin.West
opped,
to
cat
chourbreat
hs.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyousomuchbabe.
 
Ibl
ushed.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Ispentthewholedaywi
thBaet
il
lthebel
lrang
forschoolout
. 
Wewentbackt
oschoolandheaccompanied
met
ocatchataxi
whil
eholdi
ngmybagf orMe. 
Heki
ssedmeont
hecheekt
henIgoti
n. 
Ireal
l
yhadagooddayt odayandhopedthatt
he
remainderofi
twon'
tberui
nedinanyway
. 
.
[
08/22,21:
01]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

24
Getti
nghome, AllIwantedtodowassl eep.I
wasj ustabitexhausted.Dadwasn' thomesoI
couldrestwi t
hnowor ri
es.Itookoffmy
uni
for mt henworeoneofDad' sol
dt ees.Imade
suretolockt hedoorthengotont opofmybed
anddr i
ftedtosleepalmostimmedi at el
y.
 
AsIwassl eeping,If
eltasuddengr i
pofmy
body .I
tstartedwithmyf eet,
Itr
iedmov ing
them butIcoul dn'
t.Theywerefrozen.Atthat
point,Iwant edtowakeupbutIcoul dn't
.It
'sl
ike
Ihadwenti ntodeepsleep,oneaper soncannot
wakeupf rom, nomat terhowmucht heywant
to. 
It
ri
edf
ight
ingi
tbutIcouldn'
t.What
everitwas,
i
thadt
akencont
rolofevenmyhands, Icoul
dn'
t
movet
hem. 
Asifthatwasall
,If
eltmy sel
frunningshortof
breat
he.Igaveupfi
ghting,Igaveupcont r
ol.I
f
thi
swashowIwasgoi ngt odiethensobei t
.I
onlyhopedthatGodreceivesmei nheaven.I
fel
tmyspiritdepar
ti
ngfrom mybody.Youknow
what'
swei r
d?Icouldactual
l
yseemybody .I
t
waslikeIhadinvol
untar
il
yperf
ormedanastral
proj
ecti
on. 
Ilookedaroundatmyr oom anditwasdi f
ferent
.
Idon'tknowhowIcanpossi blydescribei
tina
wayy oucanunderstand.I
twasst i
llthesame
room butitwasglor
ious.Isawami dstof
smokeal lovert
heroom butitwasn'tchoki
ng
mei nanyway .
"
Nokubonga"
Iheardsomeonecalli
ngmyname.Il ookedal
l
aroundbutIcoul
dn'tseeanyt
hing,
justthe
smoket hathadf
il
ledtheroom. 
"
Nokubonga"
Thevoiceechoedagainar
oundt heroom.
Somethingtol
dmet oanswer,Idon'
tknowbut
i
twasdeepf rom i
nsi
de.Idecidedtofol
lowmy
i
ntui
ti
onorwhat ev
eritwas. 
Me:
Her
eam I
. 
Justaft
erIsaidthat,Isawabr i
ghtli
ghtinthe
middleoftheroom.Itwast oobr i
ghtthatI
coul
dn'tl
ookati t
.Icov er
edmyey eswi thmy
handsbecauset heli
ghtwast oowhiteandway
toobri
ghtforme.Remember ,myphy sical
body
i
ssimplylyingonthebed.I tmightsoundcrazy
tomanybuti t'
sreal
lywhathappened.  
Idroppedonmyknees,i
twasl
i
keacer t
ain
for
cef or
cedmedown,nopuni
ntended.
 
"Fearnot
,forIhav
eredeemedyou;
Ihave
summonedy oubyname;youar
emine."
Icoul
dn'tf
athom whatthatmeant .Icouldn'
t
comprehendwhowast alkingtome.I twasl
ikeI
hadbeenbl i
ndedabit
.Icouldn'
tliftmyheadt o
l
ook.Thev oicehel
dsomuchpr estige,somuch
honouryetitwasasgentleasadov e. 
WhenIwokeup, Iwasinmybed.I t'
sli
ke
not
hingeverhappenedcauseIlookedaround
myroom anditwasstil
lthesame,therewasno
smoke,
not
hing.I
tfel
treal
,toor
eal
.
 
Thiswasreal
l
yfreaki
ngmeoutcauseIdi
dn'
t
under
standathi
ng. 
Iwasev enafrai
dtogobackt osleepbecauseI
wasstil
l t
ir
ed.WhatifIgobackt osleept hen
I'
m unabletowakeupf rom sleepagai n?Ithad
beenli
keaneardeat hexperience,withmyspi r
it
fi
ghti
ngt odepartfr
om mybody .Ifel
tlikeIwas
havi
ngsomesor tofheartat
tack. 
Iwenttobrushmyt
eet
hthenwenttothe
ki
tchentomakeacupofcof
fee.Mydadwasn'
t
homey et
. 
Ireal
lyneededtogot ochurch,al
lthesemight
signsorsomething.Isi
ghed.Whydi dthishave
tohappentome?Ihadbeent hr
oughal otl
atel
y
andthiswasjusttoomuchf orme. 
Whenthewat
erboil
ed,Ipouredintoacoffee
mug,al
ongwit
hcoffeeandsugar .Iwashavi
ng
i
tst
rongandbl
ack.Thecaffeinewasgoingto
r
efr
eshmeabi t
. 
Istoodthere,
star
ingintonothingwhil
edrinki
ng
mycof f
ee.Ihadnev ertol
dany oneaboutthese
dreamsorwhat evertheyare,Ij
ustdi
dn'twant
anyonethinki
ngI'
m crazyorsomet hi
ng.Imean,
noneoft hem madeanysenset ome. 
Ideci
dedtocook,
justt
ogetmymi
ndof
fthi
ngs.
Iwasactual
l
yhungry.
 
Imaderi
ceandmincewi
thveggi
es.Iwas
cooki
ngwhi
lehummingasongknownonlyt
o
me. 
"
Shi
nebr
ightl
i
keadi
amond 
Shi
nebr
ightl
i
keadi
amond.
."•
°•°
Iwasaboutt osi
ngal ongthenIr
emember ed
i
t'
smyr ingi
ngtone.Iquicklywi
pedmyhands
withawashingcloththenwenttomyphone
whichwasr i
ghtnexttoourboxtelevi
sion.Ihad
evenforgot
tenthatIhaveaphone, t
hat'show
overwhelmi
ngev er
ythinghadbeenforme.  
Ianswer
edont
hesecondr
ing,
notbot
her
ingt
o
checkt
hecal
l
erI
D. 
Me:
Hel
l
o
"
Nono,
it'
sme"
Me:
Dad?
 
Dad:
Yesbaby
Me:
Uphi
Vel
e? 
Dad:Aboutt
hat
,Iwon'
tbeabl
etocomehome
t
onight
. 
Me:
Yini
?!
 
Dadhasgottobeki ddi
ngme.Imean, whatam
Isupposet
odoal one?Ican'tbeal
one,notwi
th
all
thesewei
rdthi
ngst hathavebeenhappeni
ng
tome.Ican'
t,
Ireall
ycan't.
 
I
t'
senoughthathe'
shar
dlyev
erathomebut
whathe'
ssayi
ngnow,noways. 
Dad:I
'm caughtupi
nsomet
hingnow,
wil
lyou
beokayony ourown? 
Li
kehel
lI'
dbe!Thi
sguy
.No.Imeanhecan'
t
expectmet
obeal
one.Cer
tai
nlynotnowor
today.
 
Me:
Cha!
 
Dad:I'
l
laskKit
sot
ocomesl
eepwi
thy
ouj
ust
fort
onight
. 
Me:
Your
eal
l
ynotcomi
ng?
 
Ithurtali
ttl
e.ImeanIwasusedt odadal ways
sleepingwithme.Imi ghtnothat
eKi tsobutI
j
ustdi dn'
tthi
nkI'
dbeabl etoopent oher,she'
s
notdad.Imean, i
tjustwon'tbethesame.I
understandhe'st
ryingtogetus(Ki t
soandI)t o
buildacertai
nbondbutt hiswasn'tthewayt o
gowi thit
. 
Dad:
I'
m sor
rybaby
,Idi
dn'
tpl
ant
his.
 
Ihugged.Ther
ewasr eal
lynowayI '
dbeabl eto
changehismindsoIjustlethi
m be.I
t'snotli
ke
hewasaskingmef orpermissi
onany way.
 
Me:
Ify
ousaysoKe.
 
Dad:
Thanksf
orunder
standi
ng.
 
He'
ssay
ingi
tli
keIhadaChoi
ce.
 
Me:
Youwel
come.
 
Idr
oppedt
hecal
landwentbackt
omypot
s. 
Idi
shedupformysel
f.I
'
dhav et
heleft
over
s
tomorr
ow,si
ncedadisnotcoming.
 
Someoneknockedont
hedoorj
ustasIwas
eat
ing.
 
Me:
Iwonderwhot
hatcoul
dbe.
 
Isai
dtomy
sel
f,Igotupt
henwentt
oopent
he
door
. 
ItwasKi t
so.Fl
ip!Ihadf
orgott
enthatdadsai
d
he'sgoingtocallher
.Ir
eall
ydidn'
tthi
nkhewas
seriousabouti
t.OkayNokubonga,ti
metoplay
nice.Ismil
ed. 
Me:
Hey
. 
Ki
tso:
HiBonga.
 
Ist
aredatherforawhi
le.Shehadabagwith
her
."Letheri
n"mysubconsciousr
eminded
me.
 
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
. 
Me:
Youmaycomei
n. 
Imadespacesoshecanent
er.Icl
osedthe
dooraft
erhert
henbr
eat
hedoutbeforet
urni
ng
back.
 
Me:
Ihav
ejustcooked.CanIdi
shupf
ory
ou?
 
Ki
tso:
Kesi
ame,
may
bel
ater
. 
Inodded.Itwasgoingt
obepr ettyweir
deati
ng
al
one.Ijusttookafewspoonfulsthenwentto
puttheremainderi
nthefr
idge. 
Kitso:Sodi
dhet
ell
yout
hatI
'
m sl
eepi
ngov
er
tonight?
 
Me:
Yes,
hedi
d. 
Ij
ustt houghthewasnotgoingtogot hrough
wit
hi tkodwahereyouare.Idi
dn'tsaythatto
herthough. 
Ki
tso:
Good,
Ithi
nkReTl
aNnal
esebakasago
i
tsanebot
oka.
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Idon'
tunderst
andSet
swanat
hatmuch.She
gi
ggledsoft
ly.
 
Ki
tso:I
'
m sorr
y,It
houghty
ouunder
stand.
Andi
leandIusual
lycommuni
cat
einTswana.
 
WellI
'
m notAndi
lekeMina.Idoubtt
here'
sa
l
anguagedaddoesn'
tknow.He'smult
il
ingual
kal
oku. 
Ij
ustsmi
ledf
aint
lyather
.Ionlyknowbi
tsand
pi
eceswheni
tcomest oSetswana. 
Kit
so:
Anyway,Iwassayi
ngwecanuset
his
ti
meukwazanakancono.
 
Me:
Yeah,
probabl
y.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
ll
makecof
fee.
 
Il
etherbe.Ihadn'
ttal
kedt
oKamosi nceIgot
homesoIt ookmyphonetotexthi
mi nthe
meanti
me. 
Me:
Heybabe.
 
Her
epl
i
edi mmedi
atel
y,l
i
kehehadbeenwai
ti
ng
f
ormytext
. 
Kamo:
Myl
ove,
Imi
ssy
ou.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Imi
ssy
out
oosomuch.
 
Ki
tso:
Andt
hatsmi
l
e? 
Ii
mmedi
atel
yer
asedi
tfr
om myf
ace.
 
Me:
It'
snot
hing.
 
Shegav emealook.She'snott
hatbad,I
'mj
ust
notusedtoherthatmuch.Idounderst
andwhy
dadloveshersomucht hough,
she'
sagood
personyenashame,j
ealousdown. 
Ki
tso:
Ify
ousayso.
 
Shegav ememycupofcoffeeandIputi
ton
topofthetabl
ethenputmyphonei
nthe
count
er. 
Me:
So,
Howdi
dyoumeetdad?
 
Kit
so:I
'
veseenhi
m ar
oundacoupleofti
mes.
Heusedtocomebuymater
ial
justopposi
tet
he
shopIwor
kin.
 
Inodded.
 
Me:
He'
sagoodman.
 
It
ookasi
pofmycof
fee.
 
Ki
tso:
Hei
s.He'
samazi
ng.
 
Me:
Andy
ouseem l
i
keagoodwomant
oo
Shesmi l
edbr
ight
ly,
rev
eal
i
ngherper
fectwhi
te
teet
h. 
Icannev
ergetusedt
ohowbeaut
if
ult
his
womanis,nev
er.
 
Wet al
kedforawhil
e,justget
ti
ngtoknoweach
other,
not
hinghecti
c.Ifoundoutshehadno
ki
dsandsheev ensaidshewantedtohaveki
ds
ofherowninthefutur
e. 
Mademewonderifshewant
eddadtof
ather
herki
ds,
Idi
dn'
taskhert
hatt
hough.
 
Me:
So,
howol
dar
eyou?
 
Shesmil
ed.Atleastshedidn'
tfi
ndmyquest
ion
i
nappr
opri
ateinany way.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
m 27.
Ichokedonmycoff
ee.Iwasshocked.Idi
dn'
t
expecthert
obet
hatyoung.
 
Ki
tso:
Shocki
ng,
Iknow.
 
Me:
Youl
i
ke,
10y
ear
sol
dert
hanme.
 
Ki
tso:
Ist
il
ll
ovey
ourf
athert
hough.
 
Inodded.
It
ookourmugst
othewashi
ngbasi
n. 
Me:
Wil
lyoubesl
eepi
ngi
ndad'
sbed?
 
Ki
tso:
That
'swhathesai
d. 
Inodded.
 
Me:
I'
m goi
ngt
osl
eep.
 
Ki
tso:
Let
'spr
ayf
ir
st.
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Shel
aughedsweet
ly.
 
Ki
tso:
Don'
tyouguy
spr
aybef
oresl
eepi
ng?
 
Ishookmyhead.I
'
m notr
eal
l
yar
eli
gious
personshame.
 
Anyway,
shewasn'thav
inganyofit
.Shef
orced
ustopr
ay.Icl
osedmyey esandsai
d"Amen"
whenshewasdone. 
Ki
tso:
Nowwecansl
eep.
 
It
'saboutdungti
me!Inoddedandgoti
nsi
demy
coversandslept
. 
Thefol
l
owingmor ni
ng,Iwaswokenupbymy
al
arm.Kit
sobroughtwaterf
ormetobathandI
di
dexactl
ythat
. 
GoodthingIwaswri
ti
ngmyl
astpapert
oday
,I
doubtI
'dgotomorr
ow. 
Iwasjustexhaust
ed.Af
terbat
hing,
Iwor
emy
uni
for
m andt ookmybag. 
Iwentt
otheki
tchen.
 
Ki
tso:
Imadebr
eakf
ast
. 
Shegavememypl ateandInodded.Itookit
andst
artedeat
ingshame.I
twasj ustporr
idge.
 
Kitsodi
dn'
thaveacarsot
hatmeantI
'
dhav
eto
takeataxi
toschool
. 
Ibi
dherfar
ewel
lthenwenttowai
tforat
axi
.It
cameaft
erafewmi nut
es.
 
Iwasev
enearl
ytodaysoi
tmeantI
'
mtheone
whowait
edf
orThuli
Kamoev
encame,
findi
ngmeatt
hegat
e. 
Kamo:
I'
m somadaty
ou.
 
Me:
Nogr
eet
ingmf
ana?
 
Kamo:
I'
m noty
ourboy
. 
Me:
Youmyboy
fri
end.Ther
e'sboyi
nboy
fri
end.
 
Kamo:
I'
m st
il
lmadt
hough.
 
Hepout ed.Iwasjustconfused.DidIf
orgethi
s
bir
thdayorsomething?Idoubt ,Imeanwedon't
knoweachot heruptot hatpoint.
 
Ihadtoaskhi
m abouthi
sbi
rt
hdaysomet
ime
though.
 
Me:
Whatdi
dIdo?
 
Kamo:
Youl
eftmehangi
ngy
est
erday
. 
NowIr ememberedthatwehadstart
edchatt
ing
whenKi t
socamewi t
hthecoff
ee.Ievenwentto
sl
eepwi t
houtget
ti
ngbacktohim.Itcompl
etely
sl
ippedmymi ndbecauseIwasbusy
conver
singwit
hKitso.
 
NowIf
eltr
eal
l
ybad.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
rybabe.
 
Iper
kedhi
mli
ght
lyont
hel
i
ps.
 
Kamo:
Thatst
il
ldoesn'
tcuti
t.
 
Me:Iwasj usttal
kingwit
hmydad'sgir
lf
ri
end,
wewer egetti
ngt oknoweachot
herthati
t
completel
yslippedmymi ndt
hatwewer e
chat
ti
ng. 
Hef
oldedhi
sar
msandl
ookedatme.Hewas
r
eal
l
ymaki
ngi
thar
dforme.
 
Me:I'
mreal
lysor
ry.Ishouldhaveatl
eastmade
youawar
eifherpresence.Pl
easefor
givehi
m. 
Igav
ehi
m apuppyl
ook.
 
Hesi
ghedl
oudl
y.
 
Kamo:
Okayf
ine,
Ifor
giv
eyou.
 
Igr
inned.
 
Kamo:Yourpuppyf
acemakesi
thar
dformet
o
sayno.
 
Me:
Thanksbaby
. 
Ihuggedhi
mt i
ght
lyandbr
okei
twhenhi
s
handswenttomyass. 
Igi
ggl
edaf
ter
. 
Kamo:
Imi
ssedy
out
hough.
Me:
Met
oo.
 
Hekissedmeont
hef
oreheadt
henwentt
o
cl
ass. 
Thul
icameandweshar
edahug.
 
Thebellrangsowei
mmedi
atel
ywentt
ocl
ass
thenassembly.
 
.
.
[
08/22,21:
01]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

25
Me:
Youwon'
tbel
i
evewhatdaddi
d. 
Thul
i
:What
? 
Me:
Heaskedhisgi
rl
fr
iendt
ocomesleepwi
th
me,
tal
ki
ngabouthavi
ngsomest
ufft
ohandl
e. 
Thul
i
:Oh?
 
Me:
Yeah
Shel
aughed.I
twasnowbreakti
me, wewere
fi
nal
l
ydonewithourt
est
swet hu.Iwassi
tt
ing
withOnlyThul i
.Kagisowaspr obablywithher
gir
lfri
end,besides,wedon' tt
rustherenought o
speakev eryt
hingwi t
hher .Forallweknowshe
mightbespy i
ngonusf orNobuhl ewhile
pretendi
ngt heynotfriendsany more.People
canbedev i
ous, moreespeciallygir
ls.
 
Thul
i
:Howwasi
t? 
Me:Itwasgood,
alt
houghIthi
nkhewasj
ust
t
ryi
ngtogetustobondorsomethi
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Exact
lywhatIt
hought
.Yourdadt
hough.
 
Me:Heshoul
dhavej
ustbeenhonestwit
hme
yazi
,i
nst
eadofmaki
ngupsome" busy"stor
y. 
Thul
i:Hedidwhat'
sbestf
oryou.It
hinki
t'
l
l
makehim happyknowi
ngyouapproveofhi
s
gi
rl
fr
iend.
 
Me:
Hemustr
eal
l
yseeaf
utur
ewi
thher
. 
Thul
i
:Thatcan'
tbebadr
ight
. 
Me:No,he'
slif
ecannotbestuckwithme.
ThoughI'
m scaredhemightr
eplacemewit
h
her
. 
Thul
i
:Ihopehedoesn'
t.
 
Me:
Yeah.SoUphi
uXol
i
? 
Thul
i
:Ei
shnt
ombi
. 
Me:
What
'swr
ong?
 
Thul
i
:I'
m scar
edHl
e. 
Iwasnowconfused.Imeantheyweresohappy
bonasoIwonderwhyshe'dbesuddenl
y
scar
ed.
 
Me:
I'
mlostmgani
.
 
Thuli
:Thi
ngis,
hewant
sust
otaket
hingst
othe
nextl
evel
. 
Me:
Nextl
evel
? 
Beli
eveme, Iknewwhatshewast alki
ngabout
butIneededhert osayit
.Thatmademeabi t
anxious.Whati fKamogeloalsowantsusto
takethingstot henextl
evel
?Iwouldn'
tbeable
tohandl ei
t.Afteral
lIhadbeenthr
ough,Idon'
t
t
hinkI
'
dbeabl
etohandl
eitshame.
 
Thul
i
:Hewant
sust
ohav
e..Youknow 
Me:
Youav
irgi
nOri
ni?
 
Thul
i
:Umm.
.Yes.
 
Me:
Oh
Thul
i
:Imean,
Idon'
tthi
nkI
'
mready
. 
Me:Tell
himthat.Il
oveyouli
kemyownsist
er
Thul
iandandi
funiwenzethesamemist
akesI
di
d. 
Thul
i
:Whati
fhel
eav
esme?
 
Me:I
fhel
ovesy
ou,
hewon'
tev
ent
hinkabout
i
t.
 
Thul
i
:Act
ual
l
yyour
ight
.Thanks.
 
Weshar edati
ghthug.Ireal
l
ycar edforThul
i
andattimes,I
'
dwi shIwasstil
lav i
rgi
nbutwhat
happenedwasal essonf
orlif
e,atleastnowI
knowIshouldbemor ecaref
ul.Ididn'
twanther
toexperi
encewhatIdid,
Iwouldn'tevenwishit
onmywor
stenemy
. 
Me:
I'
m hungr
y. 
Thul
i
:Weev
enf
orgotaboutf
ood.
 
Me:
Wewer
ecaughtupezi
ndabeni
Thul
i
:Umm,
Bonga?
 
Me:
Yeah?
 
Thul
i
:Iwannagot
alkt
oXol
i
. 
Me:
Umm sur
e,I
'
llgof
indKamo.
 
Thul
i
:Yout
hebest
. 
Me:
Don'
tev
erf
orgeti
t.
 
Shegr i
nnedatmeandleft
.Wel l
,Ial
sost oodup
thenwenttotheseni
or'
sclass.Iwantedt oeat
hisfoodnamuhlal
ikehealwayseatsmi ne,it
's
onlyfai
r.
 
If
oundhi
m wi
thThut
othi
sti
me.
 
Me:
Mol
weni
. 
Thut
o:Heyandby
e. 
Ij
ustchuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Missme?
 
Me:
Youwi
sh 
If
oldedmyar
msandl
ookedathi
mthenpout
ed.
Me:
I'
m hungr
y. 
Kamo:
Soy
ouher
eforf
oodandnotme?
 
Me:
Iwanty
out
ofeedme.
 
Kamo:
Oh?
 
Herai
sedhiseyebrow,
Iwantedtol
aughbutI
cont
ainedmysel
f.Iwasasseri
ousashealway
s
i
s. 
Me:
Yes.
 
Hegotclosert
ome.Ohmy
,hewast
hinki
ngof
somet
hingelse.
 
Kamo:
Feedy
ou,
yousay
Me:
Yes.
 
Ourey
eswer
elockedt
oget
her
.You'
dswearwe
wer en'
tevenatschool
,i
nfrontofhi
sclassor
thattheyweren'
tevenasingl
epersonpay i
ng
attenti
ontousbutwehaddi ssol
vedal
l ofthat
andnot hi
ngmat t
eredbutus.
 
Hecuppedmyf aceandIhadmyhandsonhi
s
chest
,hol
dinghi
m bythecol
lar
. 
Hebr
oughthisf
acecl
osertomi
net
henblewai
r
onmyfaceandIgi
ggl
edthenbi
tmyl
ip.
 
Kamo:
Goddamn!
 
Hel i
ftedmyfaceabitbef
orehisl
ipsmetmi ne
andweengagedi nanappeti
zingkiss.Itwas
sl
owandpassi onateandIj
ustcouldn'tletgo.
HiskissesIj
ustthebesti
fI'
veneverment i
oned
before. 
Hebrokei
tbutsti
ll
lookedmei ntheeyes.I
smil
ed,morel
ikebl
ushed.Theideaofbeing
ser
iousj
ustwentoutofthewindow. 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyousomuch.
 
Me:
AndIl
ovey
out
oo.
 
Heputhi
shandonmyshoul
der
. 
Kamo:
Let
'sgof
eedy
ourass.
 
HespankedmeandIj
umpedabit
,gi
ggl
i
ng.We
di
dn'
tgooutoft
heschool
yar
dthi
sti
mebut
j
ustr
emainedi
nsi
de.
 
Wewenttothespazashopintheschooly
ard,
TheoneThul
iandIalwaysbuyourfoodat.
 
Kamo:
Whatdoy
ouwantmyl
ady
? 
Me:
Iwantabunny
chow.
 
Kamo:
Kekot
ant
hoeo.
 
Me:
Kel
ekgowa.
 
Hechuckl
ed.ThewayIsaidsoundedfunny
shamesoIlaughedaswell
.Hegottwo
bunny
chowsf orHi
m andIanda1.25Lofcoke.
 
Wewentt
osi
tonabenchandat
e. 
Kamo:
Youcomi
ngt
oschool
tomor
row?
 
Me:
Nope.
 
Kamo:
Why
? 
Me:
I'
m notwr
it
ingso.
 
Henodded.Wecontinuedwi
thourl
unchunt
il
t
hebellr
angthenwehuggedbeforepar
ti
ng
way
s.Hewaswr it
ingshame.
 
.
[
08/22,21:
01]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

26
Me:
Howdi
ditgo?
 
IaskedThulij
ustafterwehadallsatdown.
Everyonewashav i
ngt hei
rownconversat
ions
withwhoeversincewehaddonewr i
ti
ngallour
test
s. 
Sheshruggedhershoulder
s.Okay,
Iwasn'
t
expecti
ngthat
.NowIwonderwhatshecoul d
possibl
ymeanbyt hat
.Iwasactual
lyconf
used,
Icouldn'
tevenreadherbecauseshehada
blankfaci
alexpressi
on.
 
She'djusthav
etogi
vememor
ethant
his
bethuna. 
Me:
I'
mlost
. 
Shesi
gheddeepl
ybef
oret
urni
ngt
olookatme.
 
Thul
i
:Hesai
dit
sokaybutI
'
mjustnotbuy
ingi
t.
 
Me:
Whatdi
dyousayt
ohi
m? 
Thul
i
:Li
kewespoke,
ukbaI
'
m notr
eadyasy
et.
 
Me:
Howwashi
sreact
ion?
 
Thul
i:
Hekeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e,pr
obabl
yto
di
gestital
l
.
Me:
Bese?
 
Shehuf
fedthenputherheadont
het
abl
e
bef
orel
if
ti
ngitupagain.
 
Thul
i
:Hesai
dit
scool
,wedon'
thav
etor
ushi
t.
 
Me:
That
'scool
right
? 
Shesi gheddeeply.Shelookedf r
ust r
atingnow.
Mor elikeunderpressureandapar tofme
fearedshe'ddoitwhenshe' snotr eadyj ustto
pleaset heguy.I
'
vebeent here,Iknowandi t
actuallymakesmest upi
dattimes.I tmakesme
thinkmybr ainsj
ustendatt heclassr oom and
believ
emewhenIsayi t'
snotagoodf eeli
ng. 
Thul
i
:Ij
ustwasn'
tbuy
ingi
t.
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Thul
i:I
t'
sli
kehewast
ell
i
ngmewhatIwantt
o
hear
. 
Me:
Ithi
nky
ouwor
ryi
ngy
our
sel
fov
ernot
hing.
 
Thul
i
:Idon'
tthi
nkuy
andi
vaBonga.
 
Me:
Whatar
eyousay
ingKe?
 
Thul
i
:Whati fhefi
ndssomeoneel se,someone
who'
sgonnasat i
sfyhim seei
ngthatIcan't
?I
l
ovehim Bonga,Icannotlosehi
m, notl
ikethi
s. 
Me:
Youwon'
tl
osehi
m. 
Thul
i
:Howdoy
ouknowt
hat
? 
Me:
Hel
ovesy
ou.
 
Iwastryi
ngtoconv i
nceherbutt hatmademe
wondermor eaboutmyownr elat
ionship.Ij
ust
hopedthatKamol ovedmeenought owai tfor
me.Imeanhesai dithimselfhecoul dgetany
gir
ltobendoverforhim,Ijusthopedhe' dnever
cheatonmebecausehef eelsIcan'tsati
sfyhim.
Thethoughtalonemademyhear tcrack.Ireal
ly
l
oveKamogel o. 
Thul
i
:Your
ight
,I'
mjustwor
ryi
ngov
ernot
hing.
 
Me:
Yes.Youcomi
ngt
oschool
tomor
row?
 
Thul
i
:I'
m notsur
e,y
ou?
 
Me:
Nope.I
'
mti
redman.
 
Thul
i:
Weshoul
ddosomet
hing,
may
begot
o
themall
. 
Me:Thatcoul
dwor
k,we'
dgett
ospendsome
t
imetogether
. 
Thul
i
:Wi
thnoK-
mor
eandXol
i
. 
Me:
Yesbaby
! 
Wel aughed.I
twasni
ceseeinghermoodabi
t
upli
ftedkeandIwasactual
l
ylooki
ngfor
war
dto
spendingti
mewithher
.
Me:
Iwannaopenaf
acebookaccount
. 
Thul
i
:Youdon'
thav
eity
et?
 
Me:
Nope,
I'
vebeenpr
ocr
ast
inat
ing 
abouti
tnj
e. 
Thul
i
:Youandy
ourbigwords.Justopeni
tand
makesur
eI'
mthefi
rstf
ri
endy ouadd. 
Me:
Ofcour
sel
ove.
 
Wej
ustsati
ncl
ass,
chat
ti
ng.Kagi
soj
oinedus.
 
Kagi
so:
Doy
'al
lst
il
lwannaseeher
? 
Thul
i
:Who?
 
Kagi
so:
Mygi
rl
fr
iend.
 
Me:
Yes,
ofcour
seboo.
 
Kagi
so:
She'
swr
it
ingt
houghsol
eTl
aBobona
af
tert
hebel
lri
ngs.
 
Me:
Can'
twai
t.
 
Thul
i
:Soanypl
ansf
ort
omor
row?
 
Kagi
so:
Nonesof
ar,
why
?
Thul
i
:BongaandIar
ehangi
ngoutso.
. 
Kagi
so:
Asl
ongasmygi
rl
fr
iendcancomet
oo.
 
Me:I
t'
sonl
yadeal
ify
ouguyswon'tbepl
ayi
ng
Abol
oveydov
eysi
nourpr
esence.
 
Thul
i
:Imeanourboy
fri
endswon'
tbet
her
e. 
Kagi
so:
Nah,
don'
twor
ry.We'
l
lbechi
l
li
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Theni
t'
son.
 
Me:
Can'
twai
t.
 
Wel
lwejustchi
l
ledincl
assti
llt
hebel
lfi
nall
y
r
ang.Wetookourbagstoget
herwi
thKagiso.
 
Wefoll
owedhertotheircl
asses.Iwonder
ed
howthegi
rl
fr
iendlooked.I
sshel i
keatomboy
orj
ustagi
rl
ygirl
li
keuKagi so.
 
Wewereact
ual
l
ygoi
ngt
otheGr
adet
wel
ve'
s
cl
ass.
 
Kagi
so:
I'
ll
gogether
. 
Wewaitedoutsi
deforher
,Iwasj
ustgl
adi
t'
s
notKamo'scl
ass. 
Shecamewi thaverybeaut
if
ulstud.Shewas
wearingpant
s,car
amel i
ncomplexionwitha
fade.You'
dthi
nkshe'saboy.Ourjawlit
eral
l
y
dropped. 
Kagi
so:
Thi
sisAl
y,mygi
rl
fr
iend.
 
Wedidn'
tevenhearher
,wewer
ejustpay
ing
at
tent
iont
ot hi
sgir
l.
 
Kagi
sopokedme.
Me:
She'
sso.
. 
Thul
i
:Hot
. 
Al
ychuckl
ed.
 
Al
y:Igett
hatal
ot.
 
Herv
oicewasn'
tsof
tordeep.I
twaspr
ett
y
muchi
nthemi
ddl
e. 
Kagi
sogi
ggl
ed.
 
Kagi
so:
Thesear
emyf
ri
ends,
Thul
iand-
Al
y:Khen
Shehal
fsmi
rked.Idi
dn'
tthi
nkshe'dknowme,I
meanIwasevenseei
ngherforthefi
rstt
ime.
 
Me:
Howdi
dyou?
 
Al
y:K-
mor
eismyGee.
 
Me:
Oh.
Kamocamewhil
ewewer esti
ll
wit
hher.They
di
dsomeweir
dhandshake.I
twaslong,I
wonder
edhowonewouldmemor i
zeall
that
. 
Heki
ssedmycheek.
 
Kamo:
Metmyqueen.
 
Al
y:She'
spr
ett
y. 
Kamo:
Handsof
fni
gger
. 
Al
y:Nahman,
Igotmyown.
 
Kagi
sobl
ushed.
 
Thul
i
:Hai
,thi
scandl
eyashi
sa.
 
Weal
ll
aughed.
 
Thul
i
:Baby
,I'
l
lcal
lyouy
eva.
 
Me:
Yeahbabe,
don'
twor
ry,
Iwon'
tfor
get
. 
Thul
i
:Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Shel
eftandSodi
dKagi
soandAl
y 
Kamo:
Goi
ngsomewher
etomor
row?
 
Me:
Wej
ustgonnahangout
. 
Kamo:
Oh?
 
Me:
Yousounddi
sappoi
nted.
 
Kamo:Ij
ustt
houghtmay
bewe'
dspendsome
ti
metoget
her
. 
Me:
Ain'
tyoucomi
ngt
oschool
? 
Kamo:
Aft
er.
 
Me:
NowIf
eel
bad.
 
Kamo:
Arey
'al
lgonnachi
l
lforl
ong?
 
Me:
Idon'
tknow.
 
Kamo:
Justcal
lmewheny
oudone.
 
Me:
Eveni
pleasecal
l
? 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
It'
sst
il
lcool
. 
Me:
Alr
ightbaby
. 
Kamo:
Let
'sgety
ouhome.
 
Het
ookmybagawayf
rom meandwewal
ked.
 
Kamo:
CanIki
ssy
ouf
ort
hel
astt
imet
oday
? 
Me:
Doy
ouev
enhav
etoask?
 
Hegav
emeasi
desmi
l
e. 
Wewer
eatt
het
axi
rank.
 
Hi
shandsi
mmediat
elyt
rav
eledtomybut
twi
th
myhandswr
appedar
oundhisneck.
 
Wekissedsl
owlyandi
ntensely.Hepr
essedour
bodi
estoget
heraswecontinuedtoki
ss. 
Hebr
okei
tandwebot
hcaughtourbr
eat
hs.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Hebabyki
ssedmeandwepar
ted.
 
Isawmyf at
her'
scarpar
kedout
sidej
ustasI
gotofft
hetaxi
andasmi l
ecr
eptupOnmy
face.
 
Ii
mmediat
elyrani
nsi
detheyar
dandal
most
goti
nsi
dethehousewit
hthedoor
. 
Me:
Dad!
 
Dad:
Baby
! 
It
hrewmysel
finhi
sar
msandhecaughtme
i
mmediat
ely.
 
Me:
Imi
ssedy
ou.
 
Dad:
Imi
ssedy
out
oobaby
. 
Webr
oket
hehug.
 
Dad:
Wer
eyougoodwhenIwasaway
? 
Me:
Asal
way
sdaddy
. 
.
[
08/22,21:
01]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

3kl
i
kes 
  
27
Me:
Wer
eyour
eal
l
ycaughtupi
nsomet
hing?
 
Isaid,
stuffi
ngmymout hwit
hthetubofice-
cream hehadboughtforme,pr
obablytosoft
en
meup, ifonl
yheknewIwasn'tangryathi
mf or
anythi
ng.Infact
,hegaveusamomentt oknow
eachothermor ebet
ter(
Kit
soandI)
Heclear
edhi
sthroat.Letmetelly
ousomet hi
ng
aboutmydadincasey ouhav
en'tnoti
ced,
ever
yti
meheclearshisthr
oat
,justknowhe
won'tbehonest
.Ican'
tsayhe'
dbel
ying
becauseIwastaughtel
dersnev
erl
i
e. 
Dad:Angi
thi
ngi
kut
shel
i
lebengi
banj
we
okut
hil
e
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Dad:
Arey
oucal
l
ingmeal
i
ar?
 
Me:
Ofcour
senotdad,
Iwoul
dn'
t.
 
Itookanot
herspoonful
ofthechocol
ateand
vanil
l
aicecream.Il
ookedathi
m withasmil
e. 
Dad:
Andt
hatsmi
l
e? 
Me:
Not
hing.
 
Dad:
Real
l
y? 
Me:Justt
hat
,Ihadthoughtyouj
ustwant
edt
o
l
eav
emeal onewit
hKi t
so. 
Hesmi
l
ed.
 
Dad:
Whywoul
dIdot
hat
? 
Me:
Sot
hatwecanbondabi
t.
 
Dad:Wereyouabl
etot
hough?Justaski
ngout
ofcur
iosi
ty.
 
Me:
Cur
iosi
tyy
ousay
? 
Hechuckl
ed.Ismi
l
ed.
 
Dad:
Phendul
aBo 
Me:
Wel
lyeahandt
hat
'sal
lI
'm wi
l
li
ngt
osay
. 
HesmiledandIgiggl
ed.Icoul
dseeitmadehim
happyknowingIgetal
ongwi t
hhergi
rl
fr
iend.
 
She'
snotmuchofabadpersonany
waysoI
can'
tbetheev
ilst
epdaught
er.
 
Me:
Umm.
..Dad?
 
Dad:
Yesbaby
? 
Me:
Thuli
andIwer
eplanni
ngtohangout
t
omorr
owsoIneedsomecash. 
Dad:
That
'sal
l
? 
Me:
Yebobaba.
 
Dad:
I'
ll
giv
eyoui
nthemor
ning.
 
Me:
Thanky
oudaddy
. 
Ihuggedhi
m andhej
ustchuckl
edandIl
etgo.
 
Me:Doy ouknowshewant
edust
opr
aybef
ore
wesleep? 
Dad:
Kit
so?
 
Me:
Yeah,
shepr
act
ical
l
yfor
cedme.
 
Hechuckl
ed.Thi
swasser
ioust
omebutI
l
aughed.
 
Dad:
Shehar
dlyev
ert
akesnof
orananswer
. 
Me:
Your
ightt
her
e. 
Dad:I'
mj ustgl
ady
ouguy
sgotal
ongwi
thno
catf
ights. 
Me:
YouknowIdon'
tdov
iol
ence.
 
Dad:
I'
m gl
ad,
yout
urni
ngoutt
obeaci
vi
li
zed
l
ady.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Thanky
oudad.
 
Dad:
Justt
ell
i
ngi
tli
kei
tis.
 
Itwasalr
eadylate.Ichill
edwi t
hdadti
l
l Iwent
tosleepbecauseIwast i
red.Kamocall
edt o
saygoodnightandIfel l
asleepimmediatel
y
whenhehungup.Isl eptwithasmil
eonmy
faceagain.Thi
slovef amily!
 
Thef ol
l
owingday ,
Ididn'twakeupear l
y
becauseIwasn' tgoingtoschool soIfoundno
reasonto.Iwokeupar ound9am.Iwashedmy
faceandteethfirst.Dadhadal readyleftbuthe
l
eftmeanot ewi t
ht hemoneyIaskedofhi m.It
wasR200andi twasmor et
hanenoughf orme.
IsmiledwhenIsawi t
,Iwasn'texpectingthis
much.Don'tlookatmel ikethat. 
Aft
erbrushi
ngmyt eeth,
Iwenttotheki
tchen.I
washungrythough.Imademy sel
fafewslices
ofbreadwit
hbutterandstr
awberryj
am.Ialso
mademy sel
facupofRooi bostea.
 
Il
itthetel
evi
sionandwat
chedr
epeatof
soapieswhil
eeati
ng. 
Irecei
vedatextf
rom KamoandI
si
mul t
aneousl
ysmil
edwhenIsawhi
sname
fl
ashonmyphonescr een.
 
Iopenedi
t.
 
Kamo:
HowIwi
shy
ouwer
eher
e. 
Healsosentabeaut i
fulsnapofhimselfwit
ha
boredfaci
alexpr
ession,fr
om t hesur
roundi
ngs,
Icoul
dseehewasi nhisclassroom.I
i
mmedi atel
yputitasmydi splaypict
ureon
Whatsapp. 
Me:Goodt
hingwemeet
ingl
ateron,
Imi
ssy
ou
baby
. 
Kamo:
Youcoul
dhav
eatl
eastcamet
oschool
.
 
Me:
Don'
tmakemef
eel
any
mor
ebad 
Kamo:
I'
m sor
rybabe,
Ijustmi
ssy
ousomuch.
 
Me:
IknowbabyIknow.
 
Kamo:Teacherj
ustgoti
ncl
ass,
Ilov
eyou
baby
. 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Istar
tedwi
thcleaningt hehouseafterIwas
donewithmybr eakfast.Af
tercl
eaning,I
washedthedi
sheswhi chwereont hebasin.I
thenfi
ll
edt
heur banwi thwaterandpluggedit
onsoIcouldbat h.
 
Iheardaknockonthedoor.Iwasreal
l
y
surpr
isedcauseIwasn'
texpect
inganyone.I
meanThul i
andIweregoingtomeetatthe
mall.
 
Iwentt oopenthedoorandIwassur pri
sedt
o
seeTiiset
soont heot
herside.Icl
earedmy
throat
,wehadbeensi l
entandstari
ngateach
otherforoveraminut
e.Imadesomespace.  
Me:
Youcancomei
n. 
GoodthingIhadalreadycleaned,y
oucannever
knowwithTii
setso.Iactuall
ywonderedwhat
shewasdoingher e.I
t'
sbeenawhol ewhi
l
eand
Ihar
dlyseeheratschool .ShegotinandI
cl
osedthedoor. 
Me:
CanIgety
ouany
thi
ng?
 
Shecl
ear
edhert
hroat
. 
Ti
i
set
so:
Justwat
er.
 
Ipouredwaterf
rom t
hefri
dgeonaglassand
wenttogiv
eher.Shetookasip.Thi
swas
beyondawkward. 
Ti
i
set
so:
Thanky
ou.
 
Inoddedandj
ustl
ookedather
.Shegul
ped
downtheremai
nderoft
hewater.
 
Ti
i
set
so:
Youpr
obabl
ywonder
ingwhyI
'
m her
e. 
Ofcour
seIwas,
Iwasv
erycur
iousshame.
 
Me:
Act
ual
l
y,Iam.
 
Tii
setso:I
'
mj ustgonnacutst
raightt
othe
chase,Imissus,Imissourfr
iendshi
p,how
thi
ngswer el
ikebeforeIst
art
edt r
eat
ingyoul
i
ke
astranger
. 
Me:
Youdo?
 
Ti
i
set
so:
Yes,
thi
ngi
s,Idi
dn'
ti
ntr
oducey
out
o
myf
ri
endsatschool
becauseIwasj
eal
ous.
 
Isni
cker
ed.
 
Me:
Jeal
ous?
 
Tii
set
so:Yes,
Iwasactual
lyfeel
i
ngthr
eatened.I
knewtheyweregonnal
ikeyoumorethanme
andthatwassel
fi
shofme. 
See,she'snott hefi
rstpersontosayt his.At
fi
rst,
Ididn'tgetwhymostgi rl
sweret hreatened
bymeorj ealousofme.If eltsmallandal lIever
sawmy selfaswasugl y.It'
swhatIhadgr own
tobeli
ev emy selfasbeing.Ialwayslooked
downonmy selfbutnow, nowIwassl owl ybut
surel
yregai ningmyconf i
denceandsel f-esteem.
Iwasn'ttherey etbutIwasget ti
ngthere. 
Me:
Whyt
hough?
 
Tii
setso:LookatyouBonga.Youarebeaut
iful
,
youhav eagoodhear tandy
ou'r
esodownt o
eart
h.Plusy ouhaveanamazingper
sonali
ty.
 
Ismi
l
ed.God,
thecompl
i
ment
sI'
vebeenget
ti
ng
hav
eal
lcont
ri
but
edt
othechangei
nmyl
i
fe.
 
Me:
Iunder
standandt
hanks.
 
Tii
setso:
I'
mreal
l
ysor
ryaboutt
hewayIhav
e
tr
eatedyou.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
,Iunder
standandIf
orgi
vey
ou.
 
Ti
i
set
so:
That
'sal
lIwant
edt
ohear
. 
Ismi l
edandwehuggedabi t
.Ididn'
twannalet
heriny etlestIregreti
twhenshest absmeon
theback.Foral lIknow, shecoul dbeinitf
or
somet hing.Imeanwhywoul dshesuddenl y
wannabemyf r
iend?AllthatIhav ewent
throughi nmyl i
fetaughtmet obecaut i
ous,
especiallywheni tcomest ot rust
ingpeopl
e.
Youmi ghtt hinkIgottrustissuesbutit'
sli
fe
thattaughtmet obemor ewi se. 
Whenmywat erboi
l
ed,Iswi
tcht
heur
nof
fthen
accompani
edherhome. 
Ti
i
set
so:
Andagai
n,t
hanksf
orf
orgi
vi
ngme.
 
Me:
Youwel
come.
 
Wepar t
edway sandIwentbackhome.I
pr
eparedmybat hi
ngwat erthent
ookabath
af
terwards.Af
terbat
hing,Idri
edandl
oti
oned.I
woremypant i
esandnobr a. 
Iworeabl ackhighwaistedskinnyjeanthatwas
tornont hekneesandat i
ghtlongsleeves
croptop.IworemyVansandmedi um sized
goldhoops.Imadet wopony tai
lswithmyhai r
.I
pouredsomepar f
umet hent ookmybackpack,
witheverythi
ngincludi
ngt hemoneyf rom dad.
Itwasar ound11:30am.Iputamar oonmat te
l
ipsti
ckonmyl i
ps. 
Ihadchar
gedmyphoneatthekit
chensoItook
i
tandcall
edThul
i
.Sheansweredonthethi
rd
ri
ng.
 
Thul
i
:Heybubu.
 
Me:
Hi,
arey
oudone?
 
Thul
i
:Yep,
justdoi
ngsomef
inal
touches.
 
Me:
Alr
ight
,wel
lI'
m done,
aboutt
olockt
he
house.
 
Thul
i
:Ishoul
dfi
nisht
oo 
Me:
Yeah,
please.
 
Thul
i
:Don'
twor
ry.
 
Ijustchuckledandhangup.Itookmyphone
andl ockedthehouse.ThenIwenttowaitf
or
thet axij
ustout
sidethegate.I
tcameaft
erten
mi nutes.
 
Igoti
nanditdrov
emetot hemal
l,al
ongwit
h
someotherpeopl
ewhom Iwasn'
tpayi
ngany
att
ent
iontoshame. 
Igotoffatthet
axir
ank.Thul
icametwo
minuteslat
erandwesharedahug.
 
Me:
Wher
ear
etheot
her
s? 
Thul
i
:Pr
obabl
yont
hei
rway
. 
Sheshr
uggedhershoul
der
s.
Me:
Let
'sj
ustwai
tabi
tfort
hem.
 
Thul
i
:Yeah.
Wet al
kedwhi l
ewaitingforthem.Itwasgr eat
tohearshewasnol ongerwor r
iedaboutXoli,
I
j
usthopedsher eall
yt ookmyadv ice.Al
lIwant
i
sf orhert
obehappywi t
houthavingto
compr omisehersel
finany wayinorderto
pleaseherboyfr
iend. 
Theduocameaft
erabout15minut
es.They
real
l
ytookt
hei
rpreci
ousti
meshame. 
Al
y:Hel
l
other
e,sor
ryf
orbei
ngl
ate.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
. 
Thul
i
:Shoul
dn'
thappenagai
n. 
Ij
oinedt
hem i
nlaught
er.
 
Kagi
so:
Itsur
ewon'
t.
 
West ar
tedbybuyi
ngsnacksandtheyev
en
boughtwine,Namaqua,
pinacol
adaatPickN
PayLiquors.
 
Al
y:It
hinkt
hat
'smor
eli
kei
t.
 
Me:
Nah,
Iwantf
ood.
 
Thul
i
:Butt
her
e'ssnacks.
 
Me:
Snacksai
n'
tfood.
 
Theyalll
aughed.Iwasn'tabouttodr
inkonan
emptystomacht hough,
nev er.WewenttoKFC
andboughtaf amil
ymeal .Thenweallwentt
o
chi
llbehi
ndthehospital
wher emostkids
usuall
ychil
l
. 
Af ewhourslater
,wewereonoursecond
glassesofwine.Ever
ythi
ngwasj
ustchil
l
edt
il
l
thetwostart
edmaki ngout 
Me:
Youguy
sshoul
dgetar
oom.
 
Thul
i
:Pl
ease.
 
Kagi
sogi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Andy
ouguy
spr
omi
sednott
oo.
 
Al
y:NahFam,
Ibl
amet
hiswi
ne.
 
Thul
i
:Nami
ndi
funaumunt
uwami
manj
e. 
Me:Hai
bo,
nif
unaMi
naDIbambei
candl
e
kal
oku?
 
TheylaughedatmeandIwasn'tj
oki
ngshame.
Thul
ididcallXol
i,Iwasnowonmythi
rdgl
ass
ofwineshame.  
Xol
i
:Heyy
'al
l
. 
Us:
Hi.
 
Xol
i
:Baby
,let
'st
akeawal
k. 
Shest
oodup, damnshewasdr unk.Andshe
onl
ydrankaglassandhalf
.Imagineminawho
wasonthei
rthirdgl
ass.
 
It
ookmyphoneandt
ext
edKamo,
whocal
l
ed
meimmedi
atel
y.
 
Kamo:
Myl
ove.
 
Me:Pl
easecomepickmeup,LABantuar
ebusy
pl
ayi
nglov
eydovey
swhil
eI'
m hol
dingacandl
e. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Me:
It'
snotf
unny
. 
Kamo:
Sakwat
ababy
,I'
m onmyway
. 
Me:
Youbet
ter
. 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Ilov
emet
oo.
 
Hechuckl
edbefor
ehangi
ngup.Iconti
nued
dr
inki
ngwhil
ewait
ingf
orhim.Icoul
dfeelt
he
wi
nekicki
ngin.
 
Hecameaf t
er15mi
nutes,
Ihadtextedhi
m our
l
ocat
ion.Iwasmadshame,thatf
if
teenminut
es
f
eltl
i
keanhour. 
Kamo:
Baby
. 
Me:
...
Thet
wol
aughed.
 
Al
y:HadeBr
uh.
 
Kamo:
Whatdi
dIdo?
 
Al
y:Youmadeal
adywai
t.
 
Kamo:
Baby
,Khen
Me:
Ufunani
Kamogel
o? 
Kamo:
Yout
oldmet
ocomepi
cky
ouup.
 
Me:Youtheonewhoaskedmet
otel
lyouwhen
Iwanty
outopickmeup. 
Kamo:
I'
m her
ebaby
. 
Me:
Mxm.Hel
pmegetup.
 
Al
y:She'
sdr
unkbyt
heway
. 
Ishotheradeat
hstareandsherai
sedupher
handsasifshe'
ssur
render
ing.
 
Hehel
pedmegetup.Myl
egswereabitwobbl
y,
r
esul
tsofdr
inki
ngwhi
l
esi
tt
ingdown.
 
Me:
IfThul
icomes,
tel
lherIl
eftal
ready
. 
Kagi
so:
Sur
ebabe.
 
Al
y:Pl
easeusepr
otect
ion.
 
Me:
Nah,
Ipr
eferski
nonski
n. 
It
ookmybag,l
eav
ingthem wit
hthei
rdr
opped
j
aws.Ist
umbl
edabitbutIcoul
dwalk
Heopenedt
hedoorformeandIgotinthenhe
wentt
ohissi
de.Iwasdrunk,
nott
ipsy
. 
Kamo: Iwonderhowwe'dbeablet
ospendt
ime
toget
herwhil
ey out
hisdrunk.
 
Me:
Mymi
ndi
ssobert
hough.
 
Kamo:
Ithoughty
oudi
dn'
tl
ikedr
inki
ng.
 
Me:
Ithoughtt
hecarwoul
dbemov
ingbynow.
 
Kamo:
Khensani
! 
Ij
ustgi
ggl
edandhestar
tedt
hecar
.Iwasr
eal
l
y
get
ti
ngonhisner
ves.
 
Thewholeridewasfi
l
ledwi
thsi
l
encet
hatI
endedupsleepi
ng.Hewokemeupwhenwe
wereathi
shome.  
Kamo:
Let
'sgo.
 
Hehadalr
eadyopenedt
hedoorandIgotout.
Hetookmebymyhandandwewal kedinsi
de
t
hehouse.
 
Kamo:
Any
thi
ngt
odr
ink?
 
Me:
Justagl
assofi
cecol
dwat
er.
 
Kamo:
Goodchoi
ce.
 
Me:
Yesdad.
 
Hespanked.Ial
mostpul
l
edmymi
ddl
efi
nger
onhi
m butIheldmycool
. 
Hecamewi
thmywat
erandIdr
ank.
 
Kamo:I
'
m goi
ngf
orasmoke,
makey
our
sel
f
comf
ort
abl
e. 
Inoddedandwenttotheloungewher
eIli
tthe
TV.Itseemedasthoughhe'shomeal
one,I
didn'
taskanyt
hingt
hough. 
.
[
08/22,21:
01]Must
angMan:
Herst
ory
:The
ugl
ygir
l

28
Iwassi
tt
ingwhil
ewatchi
ngTV.Theal
cohol
wassl
owlyfadi
ngof
f.Hecame. 
Me:
Yout
ooksomucht
ime.
 
Kamo:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:That
'snottel
l
ingmewhyIhadtobeal
one,
i
nyourhouseforli
ke20mi
nut
es. 
Kamo:
DidIt
aket
hatl
ong?
 
Me:Yep,y
ousmel
lfr
esh.
.Wai
t,y
out
ooka
shower
? 
Kamo:
Justaqui
ckone.
 
Me:
Icoul
dhav
ejoi
nedy
ou.
 
Kamo:Wecanalwayst
akei
tagai
n,pl
usI
woul
dn'
tmindseei
ng-
Icuthi
m short.Iwasonlyplayi
nganyway.The
l
astthi
ngI'
dwanti sforust obeal
oneand
naked,
nextthinghe'sfor
cinghist
hingi
ntomy -
Letmenotev enthinkaboutit
. 
Me:
I'
drat
hernot
. 
Kamo:
YoudoknowI
'
veseeny
ounakedr
ight
? 
Me:
Yep,
theny
our
anaway
. 
Kamo:Idi
dn'
twannadoany
thi
ngy
oumi
ght
regr
et.
 
AsifIwouldhav eall
owedanythingtohappen.I
won'tbecont r
oll
edbymyfeelings,Ir
efuseto
al
lowt hem tocontr
olme.Notaf t
erallt
hatI
havebeent hroughshame,angeke. 
Me:
I'
m gl
ady
oudi
dn'
t.
 
Kamo:
Let
'sgot
omyr
oom.
 
Me:
Ist
hatagoodi
dea?
 
Kamo:
Youst
il
ldon'
ttr
ustme?
 
I
t'
snott hatIdidn'
ttrusthim.Ijusthadthi
sfear
ofhim wantingtojustsleepwithme.Youcan' t
bl
amemet hough,Iknowhe' snotthoseguys
buthe'
saguy .Soonerorlaterhe'dwantusto
havesex.Whati fthatwast hatti
me?  
Me:
Itr
usty
ou.
 
Kamo:Youst
il
lthi
nkIj
ustwannageti
nyour
pant
s. 
Howdi
dheknowwhatIwasthi
nki
ng?Doeshe
r
eadmi
ndsorwhat
?Wasitreal
l
ythatobv
ious.
 
Idoubti twasormay beIwant edt oconvince
my selfofthat.I
twasn'
teasyl ett
inggoand
mov ingonf rom ev
eryt
hing.Dat i
nghim wast he
fi
rststepandIhopedt hatI'dsoonj ustopenmy
hearttohim andt r
usthimf ul
l
y .Ihadtotry,
otherwiseI'dhavehim doubti
ngmyl ovefor
hi
m.  
Me:
It'
snotl
i
ket
hat
. 
Kamo:
Thenhowisitl
i
keKhensani
?Please
enl
i
ght
enmebecauseI'
minthedark.
 
Hefoldedhi
sarmsandlookedatme.Icoul
dn'
t
star
ebacksoIlookeddown.Idi
dn'
tknowwhat
tosayandIwasfeeli
ngsomuchpressur
e.
Moreespeci
all
ybecauseofthewayhewas
l
ookingatme. 
Me:I
..Ummm..(cl
ear
sthr
oat)
..
.It
'sj
ustnott
he
wayyouputi
t.
 
Kamo:Real
l
y?Doyouev
enl
oveme?Doy
ou
wannabewithme?
 
Me:Ofcour
seIdo.Il
ovey
ouKamogel
oandy
es,
Iwannabewit
hyou. 
Kamo: Thenletmein.Openyourhear
tforme.
Trustme, I
'
my ourman.Youneedtotrustt
hat
I
'dprotectyoual
waysandloveyou. 
Me:I
t'
snotthatIdon'
t,
I'
mjustscar
ed
Kamogel
o. 
Myey esbecametear
y.Iwasnowcompl etel
y
sober.Idi
dn'
twannacrybutIwasreal
lyscar
ed.
Hecameandgav emeanembr aceandthe
tear
sf el
lonhi
schest
. 
Kamo:
I'
m hearbabyandI
'
dnev
erhar
myou
del
i
ber
atel
y.
 
HebrushedmybackandIt
ookacoupleof
deepbreat
hsi
nandouttot
ryandcal
m mysel
f
down. 
If
inal
l
ydi
dandbr
okei
t.Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Kamo:
Youdon'
thav
etoapol
ogi
zebaby
.Itj
ust
hur
tst
haty
oudon'
ttr
ustme.
 
Me:
Pleasedon'
tsayt
hat
. 
Kamo: I
t'
strueKhensani
,youdon't
.IwishIhad
beentherewaybeforeal
lthathappened,I
wouldhaveprevent
edit,
Iwouldhav elov
edyou
andprotect
edyou. 
Ismi
l
ed.Wher
ehast
hisguybeenal
lmyl
i
fe?
 
Me:
Thanky
ousomuch.
 
Kamo:Il
ovey
ouandI
'
m sor
ryy
ouwentt
hrough
al
loft
hat.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
. 
Kamo: Ij
ustwi
shther
ewasawayIcoul dmake
al
lthosebadmemor i
esdisappear
,Iwi
shyou'
d
l
etmei nandfor
getallaboutt
hepast.
 
Me:
It'
snoteasy
 
Kamo:Trustmeiti
s.I
tst
art
swithy
ouNot
l
ett
ingi
taffecty
ouinany
way. 
Me:
Iwi
shIcoul
dbuti
tjusthappens.
 
Kamo:
Justopenupf
orme,
letmei
n. 
Hecuppedmyf acet henbr oughtitclosertohis.
Iclosedmyey es.Ifelthismout htouchmi ne
beforehest art
edki ssingmesof tl
y,
passionatelyandwi thal l
hishear t
.Itwasf il
l
ed
withsomuchemot i
onandi tf
il
ledacer tai
nv oi
d
thatIhadnoi deaexi sted.Ididn'twanthimt o
Stop,Icouldn't
.Iputmyhandsonhi sneckas
wecont inuedkissing,ataf asterpacet hanthe
fi
rst.Hishandswentt omywai stashebr ought
ourbodi estogetherbef orehishandsgr abbed
mybut tocks. 
Hebroketheki ssaswebot hcaughtour
breat
hs,Ihadbeenbr eat
hlessfrom al
lthatand
Icoul
dfeelthebutterf
li
esdancinginmy
stomach.Iblushedashelookedatmewi thhis
handsonmywai st.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyouNokubongaKhensani
.
Me:
Ilov
eyout
ooKamogel
o. 
Hebabyki
ssedme.
 
Kamo:
Letmei
n. 
Me:
Iwi
l
l,I
'
llwor
koni
t 
Kamo: AndI'l
lwait.I
'
llnevergi
v eupony ou,
I'
ll
neverstoplovi
ngy ou.Evenifithappenswe
don'tworkout,evenifwebot hmov eonbutI'l
l
al
way sloveyou. 
Me:
Yesbaby
.Thanky
oubaby
.AndIl
ovey
ou.
 
Kamo: Il
ovedyoufr
om dayone.Thever
yfir
st
ti
meIsawy ouandIst
il
lfi
ndi
thardtobel
ieve
thaty
ouher e,
inmyarms. 
Me:
Bet
terbel
i
evei
tbabe 
Igiggled.Hebroughtmybodycl oset
ohi sagai
n,
pressingourbodiestogether
.Theadrenali
ne
washi gh,hetonguekissedme,withhistongue
twirl
i
ngandcur li
ngonmymout hatthesame
pacewi thmine. 
Hebrokeitwheni
tgotmoreheat
ed,
Icoul
d
act
uall
yfeelhi
ser
ecti
on.
 
Kamo:
Youl
ooksosexybabe.
 
Hebi thisl
ipandthatmademeshyt hatI
blushed.Whatwashedoi ngt
ome?Ihadnev er
hadaguymakemef eelt
hisway.Iactuallyfelt
l
ikeIwast hecenterofhisuniver
se,ifitmakes
senset oanyone.Icouldseethelovehehadf or
meandIt hankedGodIhadhi minmyl if
e.I
mi ghtnotbeli
eveinGodbutIknewheexi sted. 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Kamo:
It'
sli
keIcoul
deaty
ouup.
 
Hesmackedmybut
tandIgi
ggl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Let
'sgot
omyr
oom.
 
Me:
Okay
.Ar
eyoual
one?
 
Kamo:
Yeah,
fornow.Mysi
steri
scomi
ngl
ater
on.
 
Me:
Par
ent
s? 
Kamo:
Outi
nbusi
ness.
 
Inodded.Het
ookmyhandandwel
eftt
ohi
s
room. 
Aft
erhangingout,taki
ngmanysel fi
estoget
her
andmakingoutcount lesstimes,
hetookme
home.Itwasjustafter8pm andIwasmi ssi
ng
myf at
hersomuch.Hewaspr obabl
yworri
ed
aboutme,wonderingifI'm saf
e.Myphone's
batt
eryhaddied.
 
Kamo:
HowIwi
shy
oudi
dn'
thav
etogo.
 
Me:
Missi
ngmeal
ready
? 
Wewer
epar
kedahouseawayf
rom mi
ne.
 
Kamo:Somuch,Iwishwewereal
readymar
ri
ed.
Thatway,I
'
dgettoseeyouandbewithy
ou
al
ways. 
Me:
That
'ssosweetbabybuty
ouknowweai
n'
t
mar
ri
edyet
. 
Kamo:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
omeKhen?
 
Ibl
ushed,
looki
ngdown.Iwasdoi
ngal
otof
bl
ushi
ngItelly
ou.
 
Hewasmakingmef eelsogood.Notonl
yabout
mysel
fbutaboutourr
elat
ionshi
paswell
. 
Me:
Ishoul
dbeaski
ngy
out
hat
. 
Kamo:
Hav
eIt
oldy
ouhowmuchIl
ovey
ou?
 
Me:
Somanyt
imesbaby
 
Kamo:
Wel
l
,Il
ovey
ouKhen,
somuch.
 
Me:
Iknowbaby
,andIl
ovey
out
oo.
 
Kamo:CanIhav
emygoodby eki
ssandmy
goodni
ghti
nadvanceki
ss?
Me:
Youdon'
tev
enhav
etoask.
 
Ibr
oughtmyf
acetohisandhemetmehalf
wayandweki
ssedforthel
ongestt
ime.
 
Webr
okei
t,cat
chi
ngourbr
eat
hs.
 
Kamo:
Imi
ssy
oual
ready
. 
Me:
Kamogel
o! 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
I'
mjustbei
nghonestt
hough.
 
Me:
Ihav
en'
tl
eftev
enl
eft
. 
Kamo:
Doy
our
eal
l
yhav
etogo?
 
Me:
YouknowIhav
etobaby
.
Kamo:
Iwi
shy
oudi
dn'
thav
etol
eav
e. 
Me:
Pleasedon'
tmakemef
eel
badabouti
t.
 
Kamo:
I'
m sor
rybaby
. 
Me:
Apol
ogyaccept
ed.
 
Il
aughedaft
ersay i
ngthatandgotout.Iwav
ed
goodbyeandIcouldfeelhi
m watchi
ngmeasI
walkedaway.Igoti
nsidetheyar
dsafely.
 
Iopenedt
hehouseandgoti
n. 
Dad:
Don'
tev
ergetmewor
ri
edl
i
ket
hat
 
Me:
I'
m sor
rydaddy
,myphonedi
ed.
 
Hehuggedmet
ight
ly.
 
Dad:
I'
mjustgl
ady
ousaf
e. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ryf
orget
ti
ngy
ouwor
ri
ed.
 
Dad:
It'
sokaybaby
. 
Webr
oket
hehug.
 
Dad:
Howwasi
t? 
Me:
Itwasgooddaddy
,thanks.
 
Dad:
Yousmel
ll
ikeaman.
 
Me:
What
? 
Ilaughed.Ir
eal
l
ywasn'
texpect
ingdadt
osay
that.
 
Dad:Youwerewit
hthatboy,
Ihopey
oudi
dn'
t
doanythi
ngIwoul
dn'
tdo. 
Me:
Whatwoul
dn'
tyoudo?
 
Dad:
Nokubonga.
 
Hesai
dwar
ningl
yandIl
aughed.
 
Me:
I'
mjustaski
ngdad.
 
Dad:
I'
m st
il
lyourf
ather
. 
Me:
Ijustcal
l
edy
oudad.
 
Dad:
Don'
tst
artwi
thmey
oungl
ady
. 
Ili
ft
edmyhandsupinsurr
enderwhil
elaughi
ng.
Iputmyphoneonthechar
gerthenconti
nued
tal
kingwi
thDad.
 
Ii
mmediat
elyf
ell
asl
eepwhenmyheadmett
he
pi
ll
ow.
 
Ididn'
thav
eanyplansforSat
urday
.Atl
east
that'
swhatIt
hought.
 
Iwokeupandwashedmyf aceandbr
ushedmy
teet
hasal
ways.I
twasjustaft
er9am 
Idon'
twakeupear
lywhenIdon'
tgot
oschool
,
evenmyownbodyknowsthat.
 
Dadwasr
eadi
nganewspaper
. 
Me:
Nobr
eakf
ast
? 
Dad:
Makei
t.
 
Me:
I'
mti
red.
 
Iwasreall
yfeeli
ngtir
ed,myheadwasabi
t
heav
y,probablyfr
om thewineIdr
anky
est
erday
.
Iwasfeeli
ngtheafteref
fects.
 
Dad:
Itol
dyouy
ouget
ti
ngl
azy
. 
Me:
Younotbei
ngni
ceatal
l
. 
Dad:
Any
way
,doy
ouhav
epl
ansf
ort
heday
? 
Me:
Notr
eal
l
y,why
? 
Dad:
Wel
l
,wegoi
ngt
ochur
ch.
 
Me:
What
? 
Iwasn'
treadyforchur
chmina.Yes,Iwantedt
o
gobutIwasstill
procr
ast
inat
ing 
aboutit
.I
wasn'
tready.
 
Dad:
Weget
ti
ngbapt
ized.
 
Me:
Hai
,I
'm notgoi
ng.
 
Dad:
Youdon'
thav
eachoi
ce,
Iwr
otedowny
our
nameaswel
lasmine.
 
Me:Youshoul
dhav
eatl
eastaskedmebef
ore
doi
ngthat
. 
Dad:Youmydaught
er,
Idon'
thav
etoasky
ou
anyt
hing.
 
Me:
Thi
sisabuse.
 
Dad:
Iti
swhati
tisbaby
,justsucki
tup.
 
Me:
Ithi
nkI
'
m goi
ngbesi
ck.
 
Dad:
ThePast
orwon'
tmi
ndpr
ayi
ngf
ory
ou.
 
Me:
Ineedt
oseet
hedoct
or.
 
Dad:TheBi
blesay
si nI
saiah53:5thatbyHi
s
str
ipeswear
ehealed,t
rustJehovahRaphamy
baby. 
Igr
oaned,
itseemedl
i
keIhadnochoi
ceher
e. 
Me:
Ihat
eyou!
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Ilov
eyout
oomybaby
. 
Hewentbackt
ohi
snewspaperj
ustl
i
ket
hat
.
HowthehellwasIgoi
ngtogetawayf
rom t
his?
I
twasfrust
rati
ngashel
l.
 
.
[
08/
22,
21:
01]Must
angMan:
Comment
s

Vi
ewEdi
tHi
stor
y
Herst
ory
:Theugl
ygi
rl

29
Itr
iedt ogetdadtochangehismindbuthewas
rel
uctant.It
ri
edemot i
onalbl
ackmail,
cry
ing,
everydecepti
ontri
ckyoucant hi
nkofbut
nothingworked.Ihadnochoicebuttoaccept
myf ate.Iwasgrumpytherestoftheday.
 
Hebr oughtmewat ersoIcanbat h.Ididn'tsay
anythingtohavebuthewasn' tbothered.I
groanedandgotof fthebed.Istri
ppedandt ook
abat h,thel
astthi
ngI'dwantisforhimt ocome
washmybodyf ormecauseIknowhewoul dn'
t
mindshame.Iact ual
lyhadnoot herchoi cehere.
ImeaneachexcuseIcamewi thcamewi tha
repl
yt hathadaquotef r
om theBible.Mydad
shouldjustbecomeaPast orcausehehadbeen
preachingtomet hewholeday .
 
Ifel
tli
ker
unni
ngawaybuttherewasreal
ly
nothi
ngIcoul
ddo.Ij
usthadtobracemysel
f
andsucki
tupnj
e. 
Af
terbathi
ng,
Idri
edandlot
ionedt
henwor
ea
matchi
ngbraandunder
wear. 
Idi
dn'
tevenknowwhattowearf
orchur
ch.I
t
hadbeensuchalongt
imesi
nceIwent.
 
Idon'tevenr
emembert
hel
astt
imeIwentt
o
church. 
Isati
nmybedbecauser
eal
l
y,Idi
dn'
tknow
whattowearshame.
 
Hecameint
othebedroom andlookedatme
wi
thafr
own.Ij
uststaredbackathim. 
Dad:
Whyar
en'
tyoudr
essed?
 
Me:It
houghty
oupickingclot
hesformesincei
t
seemsyoumakingeverydeci
sionforme.
 
Dad:
Don'
tsul
k. 
Ij
ustrol
l
edmyey es.Het
ookoutawhi t
eknee
l
engthdressandgol
dstr
ippedsandl
es.
 
It
ookt
hem andwor
e.Idi
dn'
tcar
ehowIl
ook
shame.Imadeabunwi
thmyhai
randj
ustput
Label
l
oonmyl i
ps.
 
Iwasn'
tgoi
ngwit
hmyphonesoIj
ustt
ookmy
bagandwelef
t.
 
Heopenedt
hedoorf
ormeandIgoti
nsi
de.
 
Hest
art
edt
hecaranddr
ove.
 
Me:
Sowhi
chchur
char
eyout
aki
ngmet
o? 
Dad:
Theoneatt
own.
 
Me:
Nice.
 
Dad:
You'
l
llov
eit
. 
Me:MaybeIwoul
difgoi
ngt
her
ehadbeenmy
choi
ce.
 
Dad:Don'
tbebi
tt
er,
I'
m doi
ngwhat
'
sbestf
or
you.
 
Me:Howi
sitwhat
'
sbestf
ormeI
fIdi
dn'
tev
en
hav
easayi
nit?
 
Dad:
Youwi
l
lthankmel
ater
Me:
Idoubt
. 
Ileanedbackont
heseatandl
ookedout
side
thewi ndow.
 
Dad:Whyar
eyousoscar
edofgoi
ngt
ochur
ch
anyway
? 
Me:
I'
m notscar
ed,
Ijustdon'
twantt
o. 
Dad:
That
'swhaty
out
hink.
 
Me:
What
ever
. 
Icl
osedmyeyesandenj
oyedt
her
ide.I
'
m bei
ng
sar
casti
cbyt
heway. 
Heshookmel
i
ght
lyandIopenedmyoneey
e. 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:
Weher
e. 
Me:
Yay
Isaidsar
casti
cal
l
y,androl
ledmyeyes.Ist
il
l
didn'
twanttobehere.I
nfact
,Iwant
edtorun
awaybutforhowlong? 
Isi
ghedandgotoutoft
hecar
Iexpect
edthechur
chtobehuge,
massi
vebuti
t
wasactual
l
ytheopposi
te.
 
I
twassmall
,i
nfact,out
side,youwoul
dn'tev
en
t
hinki
t'
sachur
ch.Itwasn'tsmall
smallbut
y
onaitwassmall
.
 
Thepeoplel
ookedfri
endly
.Weweregreet
ed
wit
hsmilesbytheusherswhousher
edusto
ourseat
s
Kit
sowasi nthestage,
shewaswi t
ht hepeople
wholookedl i
keachoir
.Itwasabout7ofthem
andtheyallhadmicsandwerewear i
ngclothes
ofsimil
arcolor.
 
Shesmil
edwhenshesawme,Ij
ustr
etur
nedi
t,
notwant
ingt
ocomeoutasr
ude. 
Thetrut
hisIdi
dn'
twantt
obeher
ebutIf
elta
senseofbel
ongi
ng.
 
Usual
ly
,withthechurchesI
'
dgoto,Ial
way
sfel
t
scar
ed.Buthere,
itfel
tli
kehome.Iwas
comf
ort
abl
eandIf
eltl
i
keoneoft
hem.
 
Okaymay becomi ngher ebutnothav ebeen
thatmuchofabadi dea.Theservicestart
ed.It
startedwi thprayerforsuchal ongtime.Mina,
ont heot hersidedidn'tpray
.HowcanIpr ay
whenIdon' tknowhowt oorwheretost ar
t?
Ubabay enaseemedl ikehewasusedt othis.I
feltoffplot. 
Il
ookedar oundandInot icedIwastheonlyone
notprayi
ng.NowIf eltli
keaheathen.Truthis,I
didn'
tknowhowt opray.Thesepeopledidn't
seem tostopwi t
htheirprayer
.Iwentoutside
becauseallofthi
swasov erwhel
mingforme.  
If
inal
l
ybr
eat
hedout
. 
"
Youdon'
thav
etost
ay"
Il
ookedaroundandt
herewasnoone.IswearI
hear
dav oi
ce.WasIbei
ngdel
usi
onalmaybe? 
Ihi
ghl
ydoubtt
hat
. 
"
Youcanal
way
sgo"
IknowIdidn'twanttobeher ebutgoing?That
wasfarfet
ched.Icouldn'tdothattodad.I
mean,hewoul dbesodisappoint
edinme.I
wrestl
edwitht hi
svoi
cewhi chtol
dmet ogo.I
keptonrefusing.
 
"
Arey
ouokay
?"
Il
ookedathisdi
rect
ion.I
twasamani nhi
s
ear
ly40s.I
tseemedlikehewasonlyar
ri
vi
ng
now.Hewast al
l
,abitbuffandy
ell
owin
complexi
on.
 
Inodded.
 
Guy
:Let
'sgoi
n. 
Idi
dn'
tsayanyt
hingandwentbacki nsi
de.I
wentt
ositatt
hebackt hist
imesincemyspace
wasoccupi
ed.Ididn'
tevenreal
i
seIhadbeen
gonef
orsuchalongt i
me. 
IguessImusthavezonedoutabit.Theguy
from outsi
dewhentothefr
ontandit'
sonl
ythen
thatIfoundouthi
sthepast
or.Hewaswayt oo
humbleanddownt
oear
th,
compar
edt
othe
past
orsIhav
emet.
 
YouknowIhav
enev
ert
houghtchur
chwoul
d
upl
if
tmethi
smuch.
 
IknowIalmostr
anawaybutI
'
m gl
adIdi
dn'
t.I
fel
tasenseofpeaceandt
hei
mmersi
onwasn't
whatIi
magined.
 
Wewerenoti
mmersedwi
thwaterl
ikeIt
hought
wewoul
dbebutwewerei
nsteadimmersed
wi
tht
heHolySpi
ri
t.
 
Thesamev oi
ceIhadbeenhear
ing.That
.Ithad
fi
ll
edtheenti
rer
oom andi
tfel
tli
kethegatesof
heavenhadopened.
 
Icoul
dnotev
enf
eelwhereIwas.Inol
onger
coul
dseemysur
roundi
ngs.
 
I
t'
sli
keIwasi
nanot
herwor
ld,
anot
her
di
mensi
on.
Anyway,
aft
ert
heserv
ice,
thesamePastor
wantedt
oseeus.Hewascomplet
elybl
ackand
Tswana.Hei
ntr
oducedhi
msel
fasPast
or
Morake.
 
Myf atherwasfondofhi
mt hough.Wewent
togethertohi
soffi
ce.Hefl
ashedhisper
fect
smileatus. 
Ps:
I'
m gl
ady
oucamewi
thher
. 
Dad:
Itt
ookawhol
elotofconv
inci
ng.
 
Convinci
ng?Morel
ikehefor
cedmebutIdi
dn'
t
regr
etnotevenonebit
. 
Ps:
Howar
eyouNokubonga?
 
Me:
Ngi
phi
l
il
e. 
Ps:Youknow,y
ourfat
heri
snott
heonewho
broughty
ouhere.
 
Iwasl
ostnowbecauseasfarasIr
emember,I
camewit
hmyf at
her,
wi t
hhi
scarandhe'
sthe
onewhofor
cedmeher e.
 
Me:
Idon'
tunder
stand.
 
Ps:
It'
sal
lGod.Hedr
ewy
ouher
eandy
ouwer
e
v
eryr
eluct
ant
. 
Me:
Arey
ouapr
ophet
? 
Him anddadchuckled.Iwantedtoknow
though.Hewasspeaki ngasifheknowsme
shame.Howcoul dheknowal lthi
sifhe'snota
seer?I'
veheardofprophetsandhowt heycan
seethefutur
eandal lhiddenmyst
eri
esand
secret
s. 
Ps:
I'
m anapost
le.
 
Inodded.Idi
dn'
twantt
oknowmor
e. 
Ps:Youmadeagoodchoi
cebycomi
ngandI
'
m
gl
ady oudi
dn'
tl
eav
e. 
Me:
Okay
. 
Ps:Youareav eryspeci
all
adyBongaandthe
devi
lhasbeent r
yingtosnat
chyoubutyouhad
theent
ir
eprotectionfr
om heav
en.
 
Inodded.Dadwasli
steni
ngatt
ent
ivel
ytohim.
MinaIwashungry,
theservi
cehadtookalong
ti
me. 
Idi
dn'tunderst
andwhyi thadtobeona
Satur
daynightthough.Alloft
hiscoul
dhav
e
beendonet omorrow. 
Dadpokedme, i
t'
sthent
hatIr
eal
i
zedIhad
zonedoutagai
n. 
Me:
Huh?
 
Ps:
They
'r
etr
yingt
odi
str
acther
. 
Hestoodupandt
oldmet
odot
hesameandI
di
d. 
Al
lIr
ememberi
shim,t
ell
i
ngmetocl
osemy
ey
esandt
herest
,I'
dbel
ying.
 
Iwokeupi
nmybedwi
thagr
umbl
i
ngst
omach.
 
I
twasalreadymor
ningandIdi
dn'
tremember
whenIcamehomeorwhenwel ef
t.
Ifel
tli
keaburdenhadbeenl
ift
edoffmy
shoulder
s,awholel
otofbur
den.Iwasact
ual
l
y
feel
i
ngpositi
ve.
 
DadwasnotAr
oundt
hehouse.If
il
ledt
heur
n
wit
hwatersoIcanbat
hbef
oregoi
ngt
omy
phone.
 
ItookmyphoneandIhadawhol eofmessages
andmissedcal
l
sfrom Bae.Ical
l
edhim.
 
Heanswer
edal
mosti
mmedi
atel
y.
 
Hehuf
fed.
 
Kamo:
Khensani
. 
Me:
Heybaby
. 
Kamo:
Whatdoy
ouwant
? 
Me:Look,I'
m sorr
y.Iwentt
ochur chy est
erday
andleftmyphoneinthehouse,Idon'teven
rememberhowIgotback.It'
sstil
l weirdt
ome
butI
'm sorr
y.Ionl
ywokeupnow, withno
knowledgeofwhathappened.
 
Kamo:
Didy
ousaychur
ch?
 
Me:Yes,
Dadforcedmetogoy est
erdaysoI
hadnochoi
ce.I
'
m sorr
yIdidn'
ttel
lyouandf
or
l
eavi
ngmyphonebehind.
 
Kamo:
Youdon'
tcar
eaboutmeKhensani
.
 
Me:
Ijustapol
ogi
zed.
 
Kamo:I
t'
sli
keI
'mt
heonlywhol
ovesy
ouher
e
andWenahaongr
ate.
 
Me:
YouknowIl
ovey
ou.
 
Kamo:
Youhav
eaf
unnywayofshowi
ng.
 
Me:
Baby
,pl
easeI-
Hecutmeshor
t.
 
Kamo:
Ineedt
ogetr
eadyf
orchur
ch.
 
Me:
Kamogel
o? 
Hehunguponme.Itri
edcall
i
nghim agai
nand
hi
sphonewentst
rai
ghttovoi
cemai
l.Iwas
conf
used.
 
Di
dhejustbr
eakupwi
thme?Imean,
itwasn'
t
myfaul
t.
 
Ididtr
ytoexpl
aint
ohi
m buthedi
dn'
tcar
e.Had
Ireal
l
ybeensuchabadgir
lf
ri
endt
ohim? 
I
thadbeensuchalongti
mesinceIdat
edandI
hadact
ual
lyf
orgot
tenhowitworks.
 
Itr
iedcall
i
ngThul
ibutherphoneal
sot
ookme
tovoicemail
. 
Iwasfr
ustr
ated,Idi
dn'
tknowwhet
hert
o
scr
eam,shoutorcry.
 
Iwasstr
essedout.Ikepttr
yinghi
sphonebut
st
il
lnot
hing.I
twentstrai
ghttovoi
cemail
.Isent
hi
m countl
essmessages. 
Igav
eupandtookabat
hsi
ncemywat
erhad
l
ongboi
l
ed. 
Idri
edandloti
onaf t
erwards.Thetearsjustf
ell
.
Ihadtr
iedtosuppressthem butIfail
ed
dismal
lyatt
hat.IlovedKamogel o,Il
ovehim
andall
ofthishurtmet othecore. 
Iwor
eadenim dr
essdungar
eewi
thmyf
li
pfl
ops
andwentt
ocook. 
Iwasn'
tev
enhungr
y.Idi
daf
ullcour
semeal.
Keepi
ngbusymademenott
hinkaboutwhatI
wasgoi ngthroughnoKamo.What'
swor sei
s
thattheschoolswerenowclosedmeaningI
won'tbebumpi ngint
ohim.Theonl
ythingI
coulddowasgot ohishouseandt
hatwas
anotherstory
. 
Ihadnev
ergonether
eonmyownsoIwouldn't
beabl
etogounlessIwantt
ogetl
ostt
her
e. 
Isi
ghed.Whydi
dli
fehav
etobel
i
ket
his?
 
Ihadf
ini
shedcooki
nganddadst
il
lwasn'
t
home.
 
Amessagedbeepedt
hroughmyphone.
 
Iopenedi
t.
 
Kamo:
I'
m out
side.
. 
Myheartleapedwithjoy
.Iwipedmyhandsand
wentout.Hewaspar kedafewhousesfr
om
minel
ikeusual.Iact
uall
yranoutoft
hehouse.
 
Hedi
dn'
tevenopent
hedoorf
orme,
Iguesshe
wasr
eal
lymad. 
Igoti
ntot
hepassengerseat
. 
Me:
Hi.
 
Kamo:
Yousmel
ll
ikef
ood.
 
Me:
Ijustf
ini
shedcooki
ng.
 
Kamo:
Good,
I'
m hungr
y. 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
tev
engr
eetme.
 
Kamo:
Wher
e'sy
ourhouse?
 
Hewasbit
terbutIdidn'
tblamehim.Hedoesn'
t
knowwhereIli
vespecif
icall
ybecausewe
al
wayspar
kawayf rom i
t.Hegoti nsi
det
heyar
d
andpar
kedthere.
Dadwasreal
l
ygoingtomurdermetoni
ght
.I
openedt
hedoorandhegotinaf
terme.
 
Kamo:
Smel
l
sgood.
 
Idi
dn'
tsayany
thi
ng.Idi
shedupf orhim and
mysel
f.I
twasatypi
calSundaycourse.
 
Igav
ehi
m hi
spl
ate.
 
Kamo:
Thanks.
 
That'
safir
st.He'
susual
lynotgrat
eful
.I
watchedhi
m asheate,notsayi
ngany t
hing.I
washungrynowsoIalsostart
edeat i
ngmy
food.
 
Kamo:
CanIhav
esomemor
e? 
Ididn'
tevenreali
zehehadf ini
shed.Imean, I
wasn'tevenhalfwaythroughmypl ate.My
thoughtswere,he'
seitherhungryormyf ood
arethatgood.BecauseIwast heoneatf ault
,I
didn'
thesit
ate.Ihadcookedmor et hanenough
anyway. 
Idishedupforhim agai
nandheat
e.Iguessi
t'
s
truewhattheysay,"Awaytoaman'
shearti
s
throughhi
sstomach"
Me:
Youdi
dnotev
enwashy
ourhands.
 
Kamo:
Iat
ewi
thaf
ork,
notmyhands.
 
Me:
All
thoseger
ms.
 
Wef
ini
shedatt
hesamet
ime,
wel
l
,whenhe
wasonhi
ssecondpl
ate.
 
Kamo:
Sant
ena.
 
a
Kit
so:I
t'
snotyourf
aul
t.Kamohurtyouand
yourf
atheraswel
li
ntheprocess.
 
Me:
Youknowwhatsucksr
ightnow?
 
Ki
tso:
What
? 
Me:
Ist
il
ll
ovehi
m 
Kit
so:Wedon'tchoosewhowef al
lfor
.Our
heartdoesandunfor
tunat
ely
,matt
ersofthe
heartarecompl
icat
ed. 
Me:
Tel
lmeabouti
t.
 
Isatdownagai
n. 
Ki
tso:
Ital
lget
sbet
terwi
tht
ime.
 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
Yeah,
yousuchagoodcounsel
or.
 
Ki
tso:
Yout
hink?
 
Me:Yeah,shoul
dhav
ebeenat
her
api
stor
somethi
ng. 
Shel
aughed.Ij
ustsmi
l
e. 
Ki
tso:
Ishoul
dconsi
deri
t.
 
Me:
Yeah,
shoul
dIcook?
 
Ki
tso:
Please,
I'
mti
red.
 
Inoddedandst
art
edwi
tht
hepot
s.Shewentt
o
takeashower
. 
Dadcamewhi
l
stIwasst
il
lcooki
ng.
 
Dad:
Bonga.
Me:
Hidad.
 
Dad:
Wher
e'sKi
tso?
 
Me:
Shewentt
oshower
. 
Dad:
Alr
ight
. 
Helef
tmet of
ini
shupwiththepot
s.Spaghet
ti
andmince,
nothi
nghect
ic.
 
Isett
hetablesoIcoul
ddishup.Ki
tsocame
andshehelpedmewi t
hthat
. 
Dadjoi
nedusandwestar
tedeat
ing.Weusual
l
y
hav
eourdinnerov
erl
i
ghtchat
sbutwewer eal
l
si
l
entandmi
ndi
ngourownpl
ates.
 
Itookthedi
shesbackt
ot heki
tchenwhenwe
weredoneandhelpedKi
tsowithwashi
ng
them. 
Ithenwentt
omyroom wher
eIstudi
ed,
try
ing
tobeonthesamel
inewit
hever
yoneinmy
class.
 
SomeoneknockedOnmydoorandIt
oldt
hem
togeti
n.I
twasdad. 
Dad:
Am Idi
stur
bing?
 
Me:
Umm,
no.Iwasj
ustt
ryi
ngt
ocat
chup.
 
Dad:
How'
sthatgoi
ng?
 
Me:
Nott
oobad.
 
Dad:
Alr
ight
,Iwon'
ttakel
ong.
 
Me:
Soundsser
ious.
 
Dad:
Ineedy
out
oknowI
'
m notpuni
shi
ngy
ou.
 
Me:
I'
m notsur
eIf
oll
ow.
 
Dad: Lookbaby ,
Kamogel oisnotgoodf ory ou.
Whathedi dtoy ou, togetherwi thyourfriend
showsj usthowl i
ttletheyv aluey ourpresence
i
nt heirl
ives.GodknowshowInev erwannasee
youhur tbecausewheny ouhur t,i
tkil
lsme.You
myl i
feBonga, myev eryt
hingandIl i
veev eryday
foryou.I'ddoany t hi
ngt omakesur eyoudon' t
feelanypai n,eveni fitr
isksmyf reedom i nthe
process.I'm notpr eventingy ouf r
om seei ng
Kamogel ot opuni shy oubutI 'mt ryi
ngtodo
what'sgoodf oryou.I fyougoseehi m,it
'llshow
himjusthowy oucan' tl
ivewi thouthim andi t'
ll
onlymakehi m seehowweaky ourloveforhi m
makesy ou. 
Me:Iunder
standdadandthanky
ou.Iknowyou
al
waysdowhat '
sbestf
ormeandI '
m sor
ryf
or
ev
eryt
hingquesti
oni
ngthat
. 
Dad:
It'
sokay
.Wegood?
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Wegood.
Dad:
Hug?
 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Iwentcl
osertohim andweshar
edanembr ace.
Hethenlef
tmet omybooksandIsleptwhenI
wasexhausted.
 
Iwokeupt hefoll
owingmor ni
ng,Tuesdayand
prepar
edmy selff
orschool.Icouldn'
tbel
i
eve
thatIwasturni
ng17t omorrow.Itwas
somethingformet ofocuson,rathert
hanall
theshitt
hat'
sbeenpoppi nginmyl i
fe.
 
Ibathed,dr
iedandloti
oned.Iwor emybr aand
underwear,st
ockingst
henmyschool tunic.I
sti
l
lthinkI'
m asizesmallerbecausei
tdidn'tfi
t
mel i
kebefore.I
twast i
ghtbeforebutIli
ked
howi twasnow. 
Iworemysocksandschoolshoesbefor
e
makingmybr ai
dsi
ntoabunthenItookmy
schoolbagandwenttot
hekit
chen.
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Them:
Mor
ning.
 
Isatdownanddi
shedupcer
eal
formy
sel
f.
 
Kit
so:
Yourlastdayasasi
xteeny
earol
d,how
doesi
tfeel
? 
Ichuckl
ed.Ir
eal
l
ywasn'
texpect
ingt
hat
. 
Me:
It'
sst
il
lear
ly.
 
Ishruggedmyshoulders.Itwasaneasy
soundingdi
ff
icul
tquestionwhichIr
eall
ydi
dn'
t
knowhowt oanswer. 
Who'
dbeabl
etoanswert
hat
? 
Thul
iwasn'tatschool
.Daddr
ovemeandwas
goi
ngtopickmeupagai n.
 
Idi
dn'tar
guewi
thhi
m.Not
hingmuchhappened
atschool
. 
IwasgladthatNobuhlestayedoutofmyway,
I
reall
yhopedthatIhadfi
nall
yputherinher
placebecauseKamohadf ail
edto.
 
Atbr
eak,
Thut
ocor
ner
edmeandIact
ual
l
y
didn'
twanttoknowwhathewant edbecauseI
knewiti
nv ol
vedKamo.Ij ustneededtomov e
onwithmyl i
fethatdoesn'ti
nvolvehi
m or
revol
vearoundhim. 
Me:
Idon'
twannaheari
t 
Thut
o:Heneedsy
ou.
 
Ichuckl
edindisbel
i
ef.Thi
sguyhasgottobe
ki
ddingme.Ilookedathim,unabl
etobel
i
evehe
j
ustsaidthat
.
Me:
Needsme?Needsme?Yeah,
right
. 
Thuto:He'
samess.Hedoesn'
teat
,hedoesn'
t
tal
k. 
Me:He'
sinhospit
alf
orfuckssake.Heneeds
somemedicalat
tent
ion,
I'
m nodoctor
. 
Thut
o:Pleasegoandseehim.Thedoct
orf
ear
hemighttryt
okil
lhi
mself
. 
Me:
I'm notgett
ingi
nvol
ved.Got
alkt
oThul
i
,
t
hat
'shergirl
fr
iend.
Thut
o:Hel
ovesy
ou,
nother
. 
Me: Iwashissidechi
ck.Idon'tevenknowwhy
I
'm sti
ll
talki
ngtoyoucausey oujustl
ikeyour
f
ri
end, youbothli
edtome. 
Thut
o:Youcan'
tbl
amemef
ort
hat
 
Me: Youcoul
dhavet ol
dme,youcoul
dhave
pursuadedhi
mt obef r
ontwi
thmebutIguess
youwer ej
ustwait
ingfort
hemomenthetell
s
youhowmypussyt ast
es.
 
Thut
o:What
? 
Me:
Wasi
tnotal
laboutsex?
 
Thut
o:That'
sri
dicul
ous.I
fitwas,
hewoul
dhav
e
l
ongfuckedyou.
 
Me:Itdoesn'tmatt
er.Hi
m andIar
eov
er,
soI
'
m
notgett
inginvol
ved.
 
Thut
o:Younothear
tl
ess.
 
Me:May
beit'
sti
meIbe.Af
teral
l
,theyal
l
pl
ayi
ngwit
hmyhear
t. 
Igotfr
eefrom hi
sgri
pandwenttomyclass.I
di
dn'twanttothi
nkaboutKamogel
oorThuli
. 
Idi
dn'
twanttoworr
yaboutpeopl
ewhodidn'
t
gi
veadamnaboutme.Itsucksbecauset
hey
coul
dn'
tevenfakei
t.
 
Igoti
nsi
demyf
ather
'scaraf
terschool
.
 
Dad:
Youokay
? 
Me:
Yeah,
don'
twor
ry.
 
Dad:
Youknowi
t'
simpossi
ble.
 
Me:
I'
m okay
. 
Dad:
okaybaby
. 
Me:
Whydi
dn'
tIknowaboutt
hebook?
 
Dad:
Whatbook?
 
Me:
Theonewhi
chsol
dout
. 
Heclear
edhisthr
oat
.Myf at
her
,myf
ather
.I
don'
tevenwannasayit
. 
I
'
mjustgonnakeepqui
etabouti
t.
 
Dad:
Iwant
edt
osur
pri
sey
ou.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Irol
l
edmyey es.Idi
dn'tbuyi
t.Myfatherwas
suddenl
ysosecreti
ve.Whycouldn'
the
suddenl
ytr
ustme?  
Any way,Idi
dn'
twannaarguewi
thhi
m.Next
thi
ngIwanti shi
m sayi
nghowmuchIdon'
t
respecthim. 
Dad:
Ofcour
se.
 
Me:
So,
what
'si
tabout
? 
Dad:I
'l
lgiv
eyouacopy
,soy
oucanr
eadf
or
your
self
. 
Me:
Justl
i
ket
hat
? 
Dad:
Yes,
you'
l
llov
eit
. 
Me:
Mm.
 
Igotoffwhenhepar
kedandwentt
omyr
oom,
thr
owingmybagont hef
loor
. 
Iwasexhaust
ed.
 
Iwaswokenupbypeopl
escreaming,i
tseemed
Ihadsl
eptl
ongert
hanIhadanti
cipat
ed.
 
Them:
HappyBi
rt
hday
! 
Theyscr
eamedsoloudt
hatIhadt
ocov
ermy
ear
swithmyhands.
 
Ireachedformyphone.Itwas00:
02am.Coul
d
theynotatleastwai
tformorni
ng?
 
Me:
Gosh,
youguy
s. 
Dad:
It'
syourbi
rt
hdaybaby
. 
Me:
It'
smi
dni
ghtf
orheav
enssake!
 
Ki
tso:
Doesi
tmeanwet
hef
ir
stones?
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Yesandt
hanky
ou.
 
Them:
Youwel
come.
 
Me:
CanIgobackt
osl
eepnow?
 
Theychuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Ofcour
se.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Ilai
dmyheadbackont hepil
lowandt
heylef
t.I
wasj ustaboutt
ofal
lasleepwhenmyphone
rang.
 
Me:
Thef
uck?
! 
It
ri
edtoignor
eitbutunf
ort
unat
elyi
twasn'
ton
si
l
entandwasi r
ri
tat
ingmenow. 
Me:
What
? 
"
Happy17t
hBi
rt
hday"
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
? 
Kamo:Justwant
edt
owi
shy
ouahappy
bi
rt
hday.
 
Me:
Youdi
dnothav
eto.
 
Kamo:
Iwant
edt
o. 
Me:
What
ever
,by
e. 
Kamo:
Pleasedon'
t-
Ihungupandswi
tchedmyphoneof
f.Ishoul
d
hav
ebl
ockedanddel
etedhi
snumber
s. 
Ir
eal
l
ywantednot
hingt
odowi
thhi
m now.I
wasi
nfactmadathim.
 
Iwasmadatmy selfforsti
l
llov
inghim
regar
dlessofwhathedi d.Whycouldn'
tIhat
e
him?Hedi dn'
tdeserv
et obelovedbyme. 
Iwantedtogetoverhi
m andifIcoul
d,I'
deven
changeschool
sbutIdidn'
twanttogivehimthe
sati
sfact
iont
hathehurtme. 
AndIthoughthecoul
dn'
ttalkorsomet
hing.Di
d
Thut
ojustwantmet ogovisithi
m? 
He'
sjustl
i
kehi
sfr
iend.
 
Twomonthsl
ater,
itwasnowMi
dJune
meani
ngwewer ewri
ti
ngourmi
dyearexams.
 
Apparentl
yThul
ihadtr
ansf
err
edtoanother
school,
IheardFr
om Kagi
so,t
heyweresti
ll
in
contact
. 
I
,ontheotherhand,
want
ednothi
ngtodowit
h
her
.Ihadevenchangedmynumbersandonl
y
Ki
tsoandmydadhadmynewnumber .Ij
ust
wantedt
ost
artt
hingsonanewsl
ate.
 
Il
asttalkedtoKamogel
owhenhecal l
edmeon
mybirthdayandthat
'sj
ustit
.Ist
il
ldi
dn'twant
anyt
hingt odowit
hhim andIwascontent.
 
Nobuhl
edi
dn'
tbot
hermeandIguesst
hings
werenowgoi
ngsmoot
hlyf
orme. 
.
.
[
08/
23,
19:
02]Must
angMan:
41
Iwaswri
ti
ng.Iwokeupandt
ookabat
h.Idr
ied
andl
oti
oned.
 
Iworemyunderwear,br
aandschoolunif
orm.
It
'swint
ersoIworetr
ousers,
longsl
eevesT-
shir
tanddryneckontop.
 
Icombedmyhai
rthenwor
eabeani
eont
op.
 
It
ookmyschool
bagandwentt
otheki
tchen.
 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Them:
Hey
. 
Isatdownandj
ustat
eaf
rui
tsal
ad.
 
Ki
tso:
Howar
eyoucopi
ng?
 
Me:
Wit
h? 
Ki
tso:
Examsandev
ery
thi
ng.
 
Me:
Wel
l
,it
'sal
lgoi
ngwel
l
.Thanksf
oraski
ng.
 
Dad:
Youcomi
ngwi
thme?
 
Me:
Ial
way
sgowi
thy
ou.
 
Dad:
ImeantKi
tso.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
m of
ftoday
. 
Dad:
Alr
ight
,let
'sgoNono.
 
Me:
Alr
ight
 
It
ookmybagandwel
eft
.
Dad:
CanIasky
ousomet
hing?
 
Me:
Yeah,
sur
e. 
Dad:
Wil
li
tbewr
ongi
fIwer
etohav
eachi
l
d
wi
thKi
tso?
 
Me:
Howcanhav
ingachi
l
dbewr
ong?
Het
ookadeepbr
eat
hinandout
. 
Dad:
Thi
ngi
s,Ki
tsowant
sababy
. 
Me:
What
?! 
Icouldn'
tbeli
eveit.Act
uall
y,Iwasshocked.I
real
lywasn'texpecti
ngthat.
 
Idi
dn'tknowwhatel
set
osay
.Iwasj
usti
n
awe. 
Hesi
ghed.
 
Dad:Ij
ust.
.You'veal
waysbeenenoughforme
andnow..Anotherbaby
?Ijustdon'
tknow.
 
Me:WellIUmm.
.Iunder
standy
our
f
rust
rat
ions.
 
Dad:
Ial
sodon'
twantt
odi
sappoi
nther
. 
Me:
It hi
nkyoushoul
dexpl
aint
oherhowy ou
f
eelaboutal
loft
his,
sheshoul
dunder
stand.
 
Dad:
Ijustt
hinki
tst
oosoon
Me:
Act
ual
l
y,i
tis.
 
Dad:I
'l
lj
ustbehonestwi
thher
.Ifshel
ovesme,
she'
l
lunderst
and.
 
Me:Ofcourseandwhat
everdeci
siony
oumake,
I
'l
lsuppor
tit
.
Dad:
Thanky
oubaby
. 
Me:
Youwel
come.
 
Wesharedashor
tembrace.Hegavememy
l
unchandtax
ifar
ethenIgotout
. 
Iwaswal
kingt
hrought
hegatewhenIbumped
i
ntosomeoneIr
eall
ydi
dn'
tthi
nkI'
dsee.
 
Kamo:
Hi.
 
Il
ookedupathim.Idon'
tknowwhyorhowbut
myheartwasraci
ng. 
Me:
H-Hi
Istut
ter
ed,Idon'
tknowwhyIwasthisner
vous,
consi
deri
ngIhadbeeninhi
spresencesomany
t
imes.
 
Me:
I..I
'
m sor
ryf
or.
.Umm.
.Yeah 
Hechuckl
ed.Iguesshecoul
dseehownervous
Iwas,
Ialmoststar
tedshaki
ngbutIt
ri
edbyall
meanstocontai
nmy sel
f.
 
Kamo:
It'
sokay
. 
Hesmi ledatme.Ilookeddownandpl
ayedwi
th
myfingers.Hispr
esencewassuddenl
yso
i
nti
mi dati
ngforme. 
Me:
Igot
ta.
.Umm.
.Go.
.Got
tago.
 
Kamo:
Whyy
our
unni
ngawayf
rom me?
 
Icl
earedmyt
hroatandgav
emy sel
fenough
cour
agetol
ookhimintheeyes.
 
Me:
I'
m not
. 
Kamo:
Real
l
y? 
Hegotclosert
omeandIst
eppedback.He
chuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Thoughtso.
 
Thebel
lrang,
sav
ingmef
rom mydi
smay
. 
Kamo:
Sav
edbyt
hebel
lHuh?
 
Me:
Yousai
dit
. 
Ist
art
edwal
ki
ngawayandhel
etme.
 
Kamo:
Youcan'
tranawayf
orev
erKhensani
. 
Idi
dn'
treplynort
urnback.All
Iwantedwasto
fi
ndmyselfinmyclass.Iputmybagdownthen
wentt
ot heassembly.
 
Af
terassembl
y,Iwentbackt
ocl
assandwe
st
art
edwi t
hourexams. 
Goodthi
ngaboutwri
ti
ngmi
dy earexamsi
st hat
weall
owedtoleav
eimmedi
atelyaft
erwr
it
ing. 
Thi
smeans,
wegett
osav
eourl
unchmoney
. 
"
Bonga"
Il
ookedbackt
ofi
ndKagi
so.
 
Me:
Hey
. 
Kagi
so:
Howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m okay
,thanks.You?
 
Kagi
so:
I'
mfi
ne.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Kagi
so:
I'
m sor
ryaboutwhathappened.
Me:
I'
m notf
oll
owi
ng.
 
Ireal
l
ywasconfusedandinthedar
kunti
li
thi
t
me.Thul
i
.Shedidment i
onthatt
heyhadbeen
communicat
ing.
 
Me:
Oh.
 
Ifrowned.Ireal
lydi
dn'twanttotal
kaboutt
his.I
want edtomov eonfrom ever
ythi
ngeven
thoughmyencount erwithKamogelomight
hav ebroughtmebackbutIwasgoi ngtotr
y. 
I
t'
snoteasyespeci
all
ywheni
t'
ssuchal
ove.
Kagiso:
Ireal
lydidn'
tknowunt
ilshepost
eda
pi
cturethenIaskedher.
 
Me:
Pict
ure?
 
Kagi
so:
Shepost
edapi
ctur
eofhernoK-
mor
e,
appar
ent
lyi
twast
hey
'r
esecondanni
ver
sar
y. 
Me:
Oh.
 
Shetookoutaphone,wi
thoutevenaski
ngme
thenshowedmetheirpi
ctur
e. 
Theyl
ookedsocosyandIfeltbadforfeeli
ng
thi
swayaboutaguywho'sprett
ymuchi nlove
wit
hanothergi
rl
.WhatastupidheartIhave. 
Ifel
tmyhear tshutt
ersil
entl
yandIcouldn'
tstop
butjustst
aredintothei
rpicandi
tlookedli
ke
theywereont opofabed.Thosecozypi ct
ures
ofacoupleinabed.  
Igaveherbackherphoneandshel
ookedatme
pi
tif
ull
y.Ij
ustf
akedasmi l
e. 
Me:
Tel
lherhappybel
atedanni
ver
sar
y. 
Kagi
so:
Bonga-
Me:
I'
mfi
ne.
 
Itur
nedandwal
kedaway
.Itt
ookawhol
elot
nottocr
y. 
Ij
usthadtohi
det
hel
umpt
hathadsur
facedi
n
mythroat
. 
It
houghtIwasov
erhi
m.WhywasIf
eel
i
ngso
muchpain? 
Anyway,
Ijustwalkedaway,andoutoft
hey
ard.
Idi
dn'
tevenfeelasli
ghthunger.
 
Somecarhoot
ed.Iwasj
ustwal
ki
ngnextt
othe
road,
not
axiwascoming.
Il
ookedbesi
desmeandi
twasmyex
boyf
ri
end.
 
Kamo:
Needar
idehome?
 
Il
ookedathi
m wit
hmytear
yeyesandhe
st
oppedandgotoutoft
hecar
. 
Kamo:
What
'swr
ong?
 
HecametomeandIjustcri
ed.Ihadsurpassed
t
hetear
sforsolongt
hatIcoul
dn'tpr
eventthei
r
f
all
inanyway.
 
Het
ri
edt
ouchi
ngmebutIy
ankedhi
shands
of
f.
 
Kamo:
Khen,
baby
,tal
ktome?
 
Me:
Whyhur
tmesomuchmor
e? 
Kamo:
Whatdi
dIdo?
 
Me:Youmademef al
l f
oryou,youhadmyhear
t
sodeepi
nlovewit
hy outhatIcan'
tev
enmove
on,
Ican'
tevenf
orgetaboutyou. 
Kamo: I
'
m sor
ryKhen.I'
m sorryforly
ingtoyou.
Bel
ievemewhenIsayt helastthingIever
wantedwastohurtyou.
 
Me:Butyoudi
dandyounotev
enceasi
ng,
you
st
il
lhur
tmeevennow. 
Kamo:
Whatdi
dIdo?
 
Helookedatmeconfused.Iwipedmytears.
Thishastobet
helastti
meI '
m cryi
ngoverhi
s
ass. 
Me:
Isawt
hepi
ctur
e. 
Kamo:
Whatpi
c..
.Oh,
youmeant
hat
. 
Me:
Oh?Oh?I
sthatal
lyougonnasay
? 
Kamo:
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
osay
? 
Me:
Not
hing.
 
Itr
iedtowal
kbuthest
oppedMeandpul
ledme
gentl
ytohi
m.Icoul
dn'
tfr
eemysel
ffr
om hi
s
gri
p. 
Me:
Letmego.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyou.
.Somuch.
..Onl
yyou.
 
Me:
Buty
out
aki
ngpi
ctur
eswi
thher
,notme.
 
Kamo:Whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?Youl
eftme
ri
ght
? 
Me:
Your
ight
,don'
tmi
ndme.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Justnotenought
ochoosemeov
erher
. 
Kamo:
That
'snotwhatImeant
. 
Me:
It'
sokay
.Letmego.
 
Kamo:
Ican'
t.
 
Me:
Youhav
eto.
 
Kamo:
No!
 
Hesaidpossessi
vel
y.Ij
ustt
ri
edgett
ingaway
f
rom hi
m butinst
ead,hesmashedhi
slipsi
nto
mineandmyownbei ngbetr
ayedmebecauseI
r
epli
ed. 
Itwasfi
l
ledwithsomuchemot
ionandi
twas
soint
imate,
itwasbey
ondsex.
 
Hebrokei
tandwi
pedt
het
eart
hathadf
all
en
f
rom myeye.
 
Kamo:
Onl
yyou,
Ilov
eonl
yyou.
 
Me:
May
bel
ovei
snotenough.
 
Kamo:
Khensani
 
Me:
ChaKamogel
o. 
Kamo:
Youhur
ti
ngme.
 
Me:
Bei
ngwi
thy
ouhur
tsev
enmor
e. 
Kamo:
I'
ll
leav
eher
,pl
ease.
 
Me:
Ican'
t.
.Ij
ust
..Ican'
tgot
hrought
hisagai
n. 
Kamo:
Youhur
ti
ngmenow.
 
Il
ookedatthepainedexpr
essi
ononhisf
ace
butIhadt
odot hi
s.Itwasbett
erthi
sway
,
maybehedeservedtobewithThuli
.
 
Iwoul
dn'
thandl
eshari
nghi
m buti
tseemedi
t
waseasyf
orThuli
. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Hehel
dmyhandsandl
ookedatme.
 
Kamo:
Ineedonel
astchance.
 
Me:
WhataboutThul
i
? 
Kamo:
Whatabouther
? 
Me:
May
bewej
ustnotmeantt
obe.
 
Kamo:
Don'
tsayt
hat
. 
If
reedmyhandsf
rom hi
s. 
Me:
It'
sther
eal
i
tywej
usthav
etof
ace.
 
It
urnedandwal
kedaway
.May
beIwasl
yi
ngt
o
myselfbutIcannev
ergot
hroughwhatIwent
t
hrough. 
Ial
sodidn'
twanttodisappoi
ntmydad,Iknow
ver
ywellhe'
dneveraccepthi
m andhealsohad
Thul
i.
 
Iwassuchafooltoexpecthi
mtothrowaway
twoyearsofar
elati
onshi
pforwhat
,forwho?
Me?Ihighl
ydoubtthat
. 
Ist
oppedataxiandgoti
n,t
ryi
ngt
oav
oidhi
m
fol
l
owingme. 
Idi
dn'
tdar
eturnback,
Iwasfocusedf
orwar
d.
Ther
ewasjusttoomuchatst
ake. 
He'
dli
edt
omebef or
e,t
her
e'snoguar
ant
eehe
won'
tdoi
tagai
n. 
Lov
ejusti
sn'
tsuf
fi
cientont
hiscase.
 
Igotoffatt
hegat
e.If
oundnoonei
nthe
ki
tchensoIwentst
rai
ghtt
omybedroom.
 
Ist
ri
ppedandtookahotshower.Ij
ustneeded
tol
etgoandsomehow,ithel
pedrel
ievea
por
ti
onoft
hest
ressIhad.
 
Idri
edandloti
onedt
henwor
eapant
yandan
oldT-shi
rt
. 
Ithr
ewmy sel
fonmybedandsl
ept.Iwasgoing
tostudywhenIwakeup,
wit
hafr
eshmi nd.
 
Somehow,
Icoul
dn'
tgetKamogel
oof
fmy
mind.
 
Iev
ent
ual
l
yfel
lasl
eep.
 
Whydoesl
ovehur
tthi
smuch?
 
.
.
[
08/
23,
19:
02]Must
angMan:
42
KAMO
Iwat chedherleav
eandf el
thertakingmyhear t
with.Itwashard,i
twaspainfulbuttherewas
nothingelseIcoulddo.Mydadal wayst ol
dme
thatonceIf i
ndsomeoneIr eal
l
yl ove,Ishoul
d
neverlethergobuthereIwas, doingtheexact
opposi
te.
 
Thatmemorywasexact
lywhatIhadinmy
mind,
dri
vi
nghome,Icouldn'
tgetherof
fmy
mind.
 
Whydidthingshavetobethi
scompli
cated?
Whycouldn'twejustbe?Whywasnatur
eso
agai
nstus? 
Iparkedj
ustnexttomyroom andunl
ocked,
got
i
nside.It
hrewmy sel
fonmybedandletital
l
out.
 
Mydadwoul dprobablyt
hinkofmeasa
weakl
ingifhewast oseemel i
ket hi
sbutIjust
coul
dn'thol
diti
nany more.I
ttookawhol elotof
menott ocryi
nherpresence.Ifonlysheknew
howshe'smyweaknessandhert earshurtme
morethanshecanev ert
hink.
 
Icri
edbecauseIloveher,Icr
iedbecauseshe
thoughtIdi
dn'
tloveherandIcriedbecauseI
couldn'
tbewit
honl yher
.Iknowshewant sme
tochoosebutifonlysheknewt hati
twasn'
t
t
hateasy
. 
Idon'
tloveThuli
,that'
swhyithadalwaysbeen
easyformet ocheatonherbutwi t
hKhen,i
t'
s
di
ffer
ent.Ican'
tevenlookatanothergi
rl
wit
houtherfaceflashi
nginmymi nd. 
I
'venevercr
iedf
oragirlbefor
eandImean
never
.Idon'
tcry
.Inevercrybutt
helumpi
nmy
thr
oatwasjustt
oobig. 
Iwentt
otakeahotshower,
justtorel
ease
someofthest
ressIhav
e.Inevercoul
dhav e
i
maginedmyli
fewouldgett
hiscomplicat
ed. 
Idri
edandlot
ionedwhenIwasdone.Iwor
emy
bri
efs,
aT-shi
rtandsomeNikeshor
ts.
 
Idi
dn'thav
ehernumberandshewasn'
tmuch
act
iveonFacebook.
Isi
ghed,
thr
owi
ngmy
sel
fonmybed.
 
Someonebargedi
ntomyr
oom andIknewit
wasgoingt
obemyannoyi
ngtwinsi
ster.
 
Me:
I'
m noti
nthemood.
 
Ireal
l
ywasn' t.Il
oveherbutshealwaysgetson
myner ves,Iwasn'ti
nthemoodt oentert
ainher
.
Ihadlostmyhear tandt hi
shurtmorethanany
painphysicaloremotionalt
hatIhadever
experi
enced.
Kagi
:Youdoknowweoner
ight
? 
Isighed.IjustwishIhadmetherfir
stinst
eadof
Thuli,
thingswoul dbeawholelotbett
erforme.
Khensani justcompletesme,shemakesme
feelali
ve.Shedoesn'tseemyhandsomenessor
moneybutl ovesmef orther
ealme. 
I'
dgetbrokeoruglybutshe'
dsti
lll
oveme.It
'
s
notaboutprest
igeorhonourtoherbuti
t'
s
aboutl
ove. 
Me:
Idon'
twannat
alkabouti
t.
 
Kagi
:Youkeepst
uffawayf
rom menow?
 
Me:
It'
scompl
i
cat
ed.
 
Kagi
:Isi
tKhensani
? 
Me:
Whywoul
dyout
hinki
t'
sher
? 
Kagi
:You'
vebeenmi
ser
abl
eev
ersi
nceshel
eft
you.
 
Me:
Ilov
eher
,wi
thal
lofmyhear
t.
 
Kagi
:Thenmakehert
akey
ouback.
 
Me:
It'
snott
hateasy
. 
"Maybeloveisnotenough"Herwor dsechoed
i
nmybr ai
n.Coul
di tbeshewasr i
ght?It
hought
l
oveconquer sal
l.Howcani tnotbeenough?I
shouldnothaveletherleave,itwascowardof
met olethergol
iket hat
. 
Icoul
dseei nherey
est hatshedi
dn'
twanttogo
butI'
m guessi
ngherbrainconvi
ncedher
other
wisebecauseitcannotbeherhear
t.
 
Kagi
:Umm.
.Whatam Imi
ssi
ng?
 
Me:
Ther
e'sal
soThul
i
. 
Sheroll
edhereyes.Sheneverli
kedher.It
ri
ed
get
tingthem t
ogetalongbutfail
eddismall
y.
Whatam Isaying?Shealsodidn'
tli
keNobuhle,
I
'm wonderi
ngwhyshegott oloveKhen,may be
i
t'
sbecauset
hey
'r
ebot
hthi
ck.
 
Mybabyhasabeaut
if
ulbody
."Shel
efty
ou"my
subconsci
ousr
emi
ndedme. 
Nobodyl
eav
esK-
mor
eorsoIusedt
othi
nk.
 
Kagi
:What
'st
hedeal
wit
hyouandt
hatbi
tch?
 
Me:
Don'
tcal
lhert
hat
. 
Kagi
:Icancal
lherwhat
ever
,hoe,
skank,
needI
saymore? 
Isnor
ted.
 
Me:
Okayf
ine,
Igeti
t.
 
Idi
dn'twanttoar
guewit
hherevenmore.I
'
d
endupf i
ght
ingwit
hherandi
t'
sthel
astthi
ngI
needednow. 
Kagi
:Youst
il
lhav
en'
tanswer
edmyquest
ion.
 
Me:
Whatwasi
tagai
n? 
Kagi
:What
'st
hedeal
wit
hyouandThul
i
? 
Me:
She'
smy
..Mygi
rl
fr
iend.
 
Kagi
:Iknowyoudon'
tl
ovehersowhyar
eyou
st
il
lwit
hher?
 
Me:
Ican'
tl
eav
eher
. 
Kagi
:Whynot
? 
Me:
I..We.
.It
's.
.It
'scompl
i
cat
ed.
 
Kagi
:Howwil
lIhel
pify
oudon'
ttel
lme
anyt
hing?
 
Me:Whenwefir
stmet ,i
twasgreatandwe
werei
nlov
eorsoIt hought
.I.
.Wethenhadsex
andunf
ort
unat
ely,
shef el
lpr
egnantatj
ust14
Kagi
:What
?! 
Herjawdropped.Iknowshe' ssurpri
sed.Only
Thutoknowsaboutt his,Inevert
oldanyone
aboutit
.Icouldn'
t.ImeanIwasaki dthen,
I
di
dn'tknowwhatt odo.Iwasonl y16andmy
mindwasal lovertheplace. 
Shesl
appedandIl
ookedatherl
i
keWTF?
 
Shel
ookedpi
ssed.
 
Kagi:
Younev
erbot
her
edt
otel
lme?Yourt
win
si
ster?
 
Me:
Pleaseal
l
owmet
ofi
nish.
 
Isi
ghed.Ididn'
twanttofi
ghtwithher.The
questi
onswouldjusthavetofoll
owri
ghtafter
becauseIwasallabouthonestynow.MaybeifI
hadtoldKhensanial
lthi
s,shewould
underst
and.
 
Kagi
:GoonbutI
'
m somadaty
ou.
 
Shecl
ickedhert
ongue.Iwant
edt
olaughbut
thesi
tuat
iondi
dn'
tal
low. 
Me: Unfor
tunat
ely,
shelostthebaby.The
doctorshadtol
dusalreadythatther
ewasa5%
chanceofsurviv
aloft
hef oetusand
unfort
unatel
y,wewereunlucky.Heruter
us
wasn'tstr
ongenough. 
Kagi
:Youkepti
tfr
om usal
l
.I'
mreal
l
y
di
sappoi
ntedi
nyou. 
Me:
Iwasonl
y16andi
tcameasashock,
Ial
so
di
dn'
tknowwhatt
odo.
 
Kagi
:Tal
ki
ngal
way
shel
psy
ouknow.
 
Me:I
t'
swhatI
'
mtr
yingt
odoy
ety
oucan'
tev
en
l
etme. 
Kagi
:Sor
ry.
 
Me: Well
,af
tert
hemi scarri
age,t
hingsjust
weren'
tthesame.Ihadgot tenusedt othei
dea
ofami nimeandbeingr obbedofsucha
chance,Ist
art
edcheating.Shenev ergaveup
onme.Shewasst il
lthereformet hroughthi
ck
andthin.
Kagi
:Yeahr
ight
. 
Sher
oll
edhereyesandIshotheral
ook.So
muchforl
ett
ingmefini
sh.
 
Kagi
:okay
,sor
ry.
 
Me:Idon'
tknowwhatIwasthi
nki
ngthen.She
cameupwithani
deaofabloodcovenant
. 
Kagi
:Whatt
hef
uck?
Me:Wil
lyouj
ustshutthef
uckupandletme
f
ini
sh?
!Youdon'tknowthewhol
estor
y.
Kagi
:Okay
,sor
ry.
 
Shewasser i
ousl
ypissi
ngmeof
f.Ineededt
o
sayt
his.Ineededtogeti
tof
fmychest.
 
Me: Shecr i
edsayingshelovesmeandusedthe
miscarriagetogetmet oagree.Wemadea
covenantt oneverbeapartevenwi
thanopen
rel
ationship.
 
Kagi
:Sowhathappenswheny
ougoagai
nsti
t? 
Thet houghtoftheansweralonemademy
stomacht urn.Idon'
tknowwhyIhadt obet hi
s
stupi
d.Tot hinktherewasapointwhereI
actuall
ysawaf utur
ewi t
hherbutnow,nowI '
m
stuckwi t
hherandt here'
snoloveinv
olved.
 
Me:IfImar
rysomeoneel
se,i
tmeanswe'
l
l
havenobabi
essincet
her
ootofi
twasour
baby 
Kagi
:Soi
tmakesy
oust
eri
l
e? 
Me:Unfor
tunat
ely
.Ican'
tl
eaveherandbe
happywit
hsomeoneelse.I
tbi
ndsustoget
her
,
for
ever
. 
Kagi
:Thi
sisal
ltooov
erwhel
ming.
 
Me:
Iknow.
Kagi
:SoKhensani
? 
Me:
Ican'
tl
ethergo.Ij
ustcan'
t.
Kagi
:It
hinki
t'
shi
ght
imey
ouwentt
ochur
ch.
 
Me:
Imadet
hiscov
enantwi
l
li
ngl
y.
 
Kagi
:Not
hingi
simpossi
blewi
thGod.
 
Shepattedmeont heshoulderandlef
t ,
leavi
ng
mewi thMyt houghts.Itwasmor ecomplicated
thanshet hi
nks.Imagineachil
dlessmar ri
age.It
makesmebar ren,t
hest upi
dcovenantandThul i
i
sst i
l
linlovewi t
hme.Suchapi tythefeeling
i
sn'tmutual.Breaki
ngupwi thher,t
here'
sahi gh
chanceImi ghtevendie. 
Idon'
tknowwhatIwast
hinki
ngr
eal
l
y,whocan
hel
pfr
eemef
rom t
hischai
ns?
 
Onl
yGodknows.Kagi
sanowasr
ight
,it
'shi
gh
t
imeIwentt
ochurch.
 
Tot
hinkIhadpr
essur
izedKhensani
int
ogoi
ng.
 
Iendedupf
all
i
ngasl
eepi
nmyt
hought
s. 
.
KHENSANI
IwassuperhungrywhenIgotupsoIwentt o
thekit
chen.Iwasgivent
imeofffr
om house
choresbecauseI'
m wri
ti
ng.If
oundmyf oodin
themicrowave,warmeditupi
mmediately
. 
Ki
tso:
Idi
dn'
theary
oucome.
 
Shesai
d,ent
eri
ngt
heki
tchen.
 
Me:Umm.
.Ther
ewasnooneher
ewhenI
came.
 
Ki
tso:
You'
vebeencr
ying?
 
Me:
Ijustwokeup.
 
Ki
tso:
Yourey
esar
eswol
l
en.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Ki
tso:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Not
hing,
youdon'
thav
etowor
ry.
 
Ki
tso:
Isi
tKamo?
 
Me:
Whywoul
dyout
hinki
t'
shi
m? 
Kit
so:Iknowi
t'
snoteasyget
ti
ngov
ersomeone
youlove.
 
Me:
Tal
ki
ngf
rom exper
ience?
 
Shecl
ear
edhert
hroat
. 
Ki
tso:
Wenott
alki
ngaboutmeher
e. 
Me:
Mm 
It
ookmyplatefr
om t
heoven,satdownand
st
art
edeat
ing.Shewasl
ookingatme. 
Me:
What
? 
Ki
tso:
I'
m st
il
lwai
ti
ngf
ory
out
otel
lme.
 
Me:
Thul
ipost
edapi
ctur
eofherwi
thKamogel
o.
Theyl
ookedcosy
. 
Ki
tso:
Your
eal
l
ydol
ovehi
m. 
Me:
Somuch, i
thurt
s.Hemadehi
schoi
ceand
I
'mj
ustgonnaaccepti
t.
 
Ki
tso:
Thi
ngsar
en'
tal
way
sbl
ackandwhi
te.
 
Me:
Meani
ng?
 
Ki
tso:Theymightbeav al
idreasonwhyhecan'
t
l
eavehim andtrustmeit'
snotlovecausei
t'
s
evi
denthelovesyou. 
Me:
Butl
ovei
snotenough.
 
Ki
tso:
Trustme,
iti
s.Lov
econquer
sal
l
. 
Witht
hatsai
d,shel
eft
.Shel
eftmewi
thal
ott
o
t
hinkabout
. 
Coulditbedther
ewassomethi
ngkeepi
ngthem
toget
her?Whatifshe'
sbl
ackmai
li
nghim or
something? 
Whatcoul
ditbe?
 
If
ini
shedeat
ing,
washedmypl
ateanddr
iedi
t
thenwentbackt
omyr
oom andst
udi
edf
ort
he
upcomingexam.
 
Idi
dn'thav
eti
met
oplay
.Ishoul
dbedoingmy
matri
cnowsoIwasput
ti
nginal
ltheef
for
t.
. 
Kamowassti
ll
pret
tymuchinmymi
ndbutmy
bookswi
l
lal
wayscomefir
st.
 
Moreespeci
all
ybecausewenol
onger
t
ogether
. 
Iwasthi
nki
ngalotaboutwhatKit
sosai
d.
MaybeIhadov
erlookedthi
ngs.
 
MaybeThul iwasn'
tcompletelyhonestabout
ever
ythingandtherewasonl yonepersonwho
coul
dt ell
met hewholet
ruth.
Kamogel
o.ButhowwouldhedoThatwhenhe
coul
dn'
tevenbehonestf
rom t
hest
art
? 
Thi
ngswer
ejustcompl
i
cat
edf
ormenow.
 
Iwentt
osl
eepagai
naf
terst
udy
ing.
 
.
.
[
08/
23,
19:
03]Must
angMan:
43
Iwasablet
owri
temyexamswell
,It
ri
edmyout
mostbestt
oconcent
rat
eandIwasabl
etosl
ay
them.
 
Idi
dn'tknowhowIwasgoi ngtospendt he
holi
day sbutIknewIneededabr eak.Ididn'
t
haveanyf ri
endsandIdidn'
ttr
ustKagi so,more
especiall
ybecauseshewasf r
iendswi thThul
i.
 
Somehow,If
eltshehadchosenhersi
deandI
onl
ytal
kedtoheratschool
anditendedt
here.
 
Idecidedtost artusi
ngmyf acebookaccount
andact ual
lybecameact i
veoni t.Mostofmy
fri
endswer ekidsfr
om school andt herest
,
werejustr andom.Imost lyusedi tt
opost
pict
uresandcommentonwhat evereye
catchingst at
usthereis.Ial
sohadaf ew
foll
ower sonI nst
agram andt hatwasr ound
abouti t
. 
Weeksbecamemont
hsandmont
hsy
ear
s. 
Iwasnow18anddoi
ngGrade12.Ihadmade
myfat
herpr
oudsi
nceIhadpassedwit
hfl
yi
ng
col
our
s. 
Iwasst
il
l att
hesameschool
,thankGodther
e
wasnoKamogelo,hef
ini
shedtwoy ear
sago.I
wastur
ning19.
IonlyfocusedonMybooksandIhadl etgoof
Kamogel oandanyt
hingtodowithhim.Inev
er
thoughtI'
dbeabletoletgobuther
eIwas.Last
year,Iwaschosenascaptai
nofoursoccer
team andthatwasquiteanachi
evementfor
me. 
Dadwasalsohappyforme.Iwasnowasize32,
st
il
lthi
ckt
hough.Iwasgett
ingsexybyt
heday,
i
fIdosaysomy sel
f.
 
Tal
ki
ngaboutDad, hegotmarri
edtoKit
solast
monthandIwasj ustsohappyfort
hem.My
daddeservedsomehappinesstooandIwas
gl
adthingswereworkingoutf
orthem. 
Iwashappyandcont
ent
. 
Kit
sodidagreetowait
ingunt
ilmarr
iagefora
babysoit
'ssafetosay,t
her
ewassoongoi ngto
beanAndileJuni
orrunni
ngaroundthehouse.
That'
swhatpeopledoathoneymoonsright?
Makebabies? 
Anyway ,daddi dshowmehisbestsellingbook.
Iwasact uall
yscaredhe'
dwrit
eaboutmyl if
e
butcalmeddownwhenIsawi t.Itwasabouthi s
l
ifeandhowGodsav edhi
m.It
'sav er
y
emot i
onal bookandIwasproudofhis
achi
ev ement s.HehadajobasanEdi torof
someonl inenewspaper,weweren'tr
ichbutwe
couldaffordaf ewthi
ngs.
 
Godhadreal
lybeengoodtous.Ihadputal
lof
mytrusti
nHim.Hehelpedmeov ercomeal
ot
andIwasgratef
ult
ohim. 
Afewy earsago,
Iwasagi r
lwithnoconfidence
andself-
esteem,
alwayspull
ingher
selfdown
butnow,itwassafetosayIwasagr own
woman.
 
School
sopenedl
astweek.It
'sTuesdaytoday
andIwokeupandgotreadyforschool
.
Itookahotshower ,dri
edandl oti
oned.Dadhad
boughtmemymat ricuni f
orm.Wehada
diff
erenttunic,skir
t,shirtandti
e.Becauseit
wasTuesday ,Iwor eat unicwi
thal ongsl
eeves
shirt
,putonmyt ie,stockingsandwor emy
school shoes.Ihadpl aitedastrai
ghtbacksoI
j
ustspr ayeditthenwentt othekitchenwit
hmy
bag. 
Me:
Goodmor
ningf
ami
l
y. 
Them:
Mor
ning.
 
Isatdown.
 
Ki
tso:
Lookaty
oual
lgr
ownup.
 
Igiggl
ed.Shespokeasi fshehadn'
tseenme
foralongt i
me.It
'swhatshe'
sbeentell
ingme
eversinceIstar
teddoi
ngmat ri
c.Iwaseven
usedtoi tbynow. 
Me:
Younev
erceaset
oremi
ndme.
 
Dad:ThoughtIwast
heonl
yonewhonot
iced
t
hat.
 
Wealllaughed.I
twasnicebeingwithmymi ni
f
amily.Kit
sowasmor eofasisterthanmother
t
omeandIwasgr at
efulf
orherpresencei
nmy
l
if
e. 
Ki
tso:Youtur
ning19i
naf
ewmont
hskana.You
gr
owing. 
Me:Har
dtobel
i
evet
hough.Il
ookl
i
kea16y
ear
ol
d. 
Dadchuckl
ed.Iwassoti
nythough.Myage
woul
dbehar dtobel
i
eveinmostpeopl
ebutI
l
ovedit
. 
Dad:
Mor
eli
ke14.
Me:
Dad!
 
Dad:
It'
sthet
rut
h. 
Ki
tso:
He'
sri
ghtt
hough.
 
Ij
ustlaughedandfi
nishedwi
thbreakf
ast
.Iwas
eat
ingmuesliwit
hfruit
sandyoghurt
. 
Daddr
ivi
ngmet oschool
nevergotoldandI
l
ovedi
t.It
hinki
t'
swhatmaintai
nedthebond
bet
weenus. 
It
ookmybagandwewentt
ohi
scar
. 
Dad:
I'
m happywi
thhowf
ary
ou'
vecome.
 
Me:I
'
m al
sohappy.Inev
ert
houghtI
'
dgethere.
Wher
eIdon'
tcar
emuchwhatpeoplesayabout
meortome.
 
Dad:
I'
m pr
oudofy
ou.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Welaughed.Hegavememymoney ,Iki
ssed
hi
m onthecheekandgotof
fthecar
. 
"
Capt
ainmycapt
ain"
Il
aughed.I
twasLer
ato,
myt eammate.Shewas
doi
ngGrade11.Wesharedashor
thug. 
Me:
Howar
eyou?
 
Wewal
kedt
oget
hert
omycl
ass.
 
Rat
o:I
'
m good,
you?
 
Me:
I'
m bl
essed.
 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Rat
o:Youev
engl
owi
ng.
 
Me:
Arey
ouhi
tt
ingonme?
 
Ir
aisedaney
ebr
owandshechuckl
ed.
 
Rat
o:I
'
m asst
rai
ghtasar
uler
. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Justmaki
ngsur
e. 
Wegoti nmyclassandIputmybagdown.I
wassitti
ngwithsomeguy ,Li
kho.Hewasjusta
quiet
,nerdyguywit
hglassesandbraces.Your
ty
picalnerd.
 
Wewentt otheassemblysi
ncethebellhad
r
angagain.Iwassharingt
heclasswith
NobuhleandKagiso.Theot
hersideki
cklef
tlast
yearaf
terfai
li
ngGrade10agai
n. 
All
announcementswer emadeandweallwent
toourr
especti
veclassesandl
essonsbegan.
 
Atbreak,
Isatabi
tincl
asswhi
l
etheot
her
l
earnersr
ushedout
. 
"
Hey
"
Il
i
ftedmyheadup,
itwasKagi
so.
 
Me:
Hi.
 
Ismil
ed.Shesatnextt
ome,
myt
abl
emat
ehad
l
eftal
ready.
 
Kagi
so:
Sti
l
ldon'
twantust
obef
ri
ends?
 
Me:I
'vel
ear
nedal
otf
rom myexper
iencewi
th
Thul
i
. 
Kagi
so:
Buty
ouwer
ebot
hmyf
ri
ends.
 
Me:AndI'm notargui
ngwit
hthat
,al
lI'
m sayi
ng
i
s,Ican'
tbef r
iendswit
hyouwhil
eyoufri
ends
wi
thher. 
Kagi
so:
That
'snotf
air
. 
Me:
I'
veputi
tal
lbehi
ndmebuti
tdoesn'
t
changehowIf
eel
abouti
t.
 
Kagi
so:
SoK-
mor
e? 
Me: Youaski
ngnow?Wehappenedmor
ethana
yearago.
 
Kagi
so:
Oh,
Thul
ithi
nkshe'
scheat
ing.
 
Me:
Whyar
eyout
ell
i
ngmeal
lthi
s? 
Kagi
so:
Iwasj
ustt
ryi
ngt
omakeconv
ersat
ion.
 
Me:Youi
ndir
ect
lyj
ustaskedifI
'
m backwith
Kamogel
o.How'
sthatmakingconver
sat
ion? 
Kagi
so:
I'
m sor
ry,
Ijust-
Me:
I'
m notst
upi
dKagi
so.
 
Ist
oodup.
 
Me:Telly
ourfr
iendIhaven'
tseenKamogel
oin
ayearandfewmont hs.
 
Igotout
,leav
ingherwi
thadroppedjaw.Then
shesaysshewantstobefr
iendswit
hme.  
Iwentt
obuymy
sel
fsomef
rui
tst
henwentt
o
Chi
ll
withLerat
oandhert
wof
ri
ends,
Kar
abo
andThato.
 
Ler
ato:
Sti
l
lremembernakoy
aBoK-
mor
e? 
Theyl
aughed.
 
Karabo:I
twaslitt
hen.Ist
il
lhav
eacr
ushon
Thutothough 
Ler
ato:
Andhe'
ssof
uckenhotnow.
 
Shemadeaface,Ij
ustl
aughed.Thesegi
rl
s
werej
ustt
oocrazy.
 
Thato:
Ishoul
dhav ebeenyourfr
iendwhenyou
weredati
ngK-more,atl
eastyouwouldhave
hookedmeupwi t
honeofhi sfr
iends.
 
Kar
abo:
Plust
heywer
eal
lhot
. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Tool
atenow.
 
Ler
ato:Youguy
swer
egoodt
oget
her
,nott
hat
Thul
i.
 
That
o:Wasn'
tshey
ourf
ri
end?
 
Youknow,ifsomeonehadaskedmet hi
safew
monthsago,Iwouldhavebeensoemoti
onal
butt
hist
ime, Idi
dn'
tevenfeel
atwinkof
emoti
on.I
nstead,Ij
ustchuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Mor
eli
kemybestf
ri
end.
 
Kar
abo:Iwoul
dhav
epr
obabl
yki
l
ledherwi
thmy
ownhands.
 
Il
aughed.Ineverimagi
nedI
'
dbeabl
etotal
k
aboutthi
swithoutanyl
umponmythr
oatbut
hereIwas. 
Iwasact
ual
l
yfr
ee.
 
Me:
Nah,
shewasn'
twor
thi
t.
 
That
o:Iwoul
dn'
thav
emi
ndedbei
ngK-
mor
e's
si
dechi
ck.
 
Me:
Hey
!
Wealll
aughed.Ti
mer
eal
l
ydoesgof
astwhen
youhav
ingfun.
Thesi
renr
angandunf
ort
unat
ely
,wehadt
ogo
backtocl
ass.Iwast
heonl
yonedoingmat
ri
c
whil
etherestwer
edoi
ngGrade11.
It
ookmybagi mmediatel
ywhent hebel
lrang.I
wasexhaust
ed.If
irst
lywenttot
het apt
odr i
nk
watert
henIwenttocatchataxi
home.  
Igotof
fatourgat
e. 
"
Khensani
"
It
urnedt
olook.I
twasKagi
sano,
Kamo'
stwi
n. 
Me:
Hey
. 
Kagi:
Youknowjustbecausey
oul
ongbrokeup
wit
hmybr ot
her
,doesn'
tmeanwealsocan'
t
hangout
. 
Iact
ual
lylastsawheratmyfather
'sweddi
ng.
Wehardlytal
kedeventher
e. 
Me:
I'
mreal
l
ysor
ry,
I'
ll
makei
tupt
oyou.
 
Kagi
:Youbet
ter
. 
Me:
Youl
ookgood.
 
Kagi
:Tr
yingt
osof
tenmeup?
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Isi
twor
king?
 
Kagi
:Nah 
Shemadeaf ace.Il
aughedagai
n.She'sj
ustli
ke
hert
win.Justnotar
rogantandf
ullofher
self
. 
Kagi
:Gi
vemey
ournumber
s. 
Me:
Andbet
tercal
l
. 
Kagi
:Ofcour
se,
youowemeaf
teral
l
. 
Il
aughed.ShegavemeherphoneandI
munchedinmyt ens.
Kagi
:Thanks,
I'
ll
cal
lyou.
 
Me:
Awesome.
 
Wehuggedshor
tl
yandIgoti
nsi
demyhouse.
 
IwonderwhereTii
set
soi
s.Shewasdoi
ng
matr
iclasty
ear.
 
Any
way,
Iwentstr
aightt
omyroom whenIgot
i
nsi
det
hehouse.It
ookoffmyuni
form andt
ook
aquick,
war
m shower
.Idr
ied,
lot
ionedthen
woreashor
twit
hmysportsbr
aandf l
i
pflops.
 
Iwentt
othel
ounge.
 
Me:
Shoul
dIcook?
 
IaskedKit
so.Shewasof f
,act
uall
y,shehas
beenonleavesinceDecember.
 
Ki
tso:
Icooked,
yourf
oodi
sint
hewar
mer
. 
Me:
Oh,
alr
ight
,thanks.
 
Iwentt
otakemyf
oodandj
oinedheri
nthe
l
ounge.
 
Ki
tso:
Imi
ssedy
ou.
 
Me:
Yousawmei
nthemor
ning.
 
Ki
tso:
Ihadgott
enusedt
oyouguy
sbei
ngwi
th
mealldayl
ong.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Yousur
eyounotpr
egnant
? 
Shel
aughedandt
hrewacushi
onatme,
I
ducked.
 
Me:
Iwasj
ustaski
ng.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
m st
il
lyourel
der
. 
Me:
Sor
rymom.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.Shet
hrewanot
hercushi
onatme.
 
Me:
Thi
sisabuse.
 
Ki
tso:
Behav
e!
Welaughed.Iwashedt
her
emai
ningdi
shes
whenIwasdone. 
Idi
dn'
thav
ehomewor
ksoIj
ustst
udi
edabi
t 
WhenIhadhadenough, Itookmyphoneand
gotinsidemybl
anket
s,start
edchat
ti
ngunti
lI
fel
lasleepev
ent
uall
y.
 
Idon'
tknowwhendadcameifhedidbecause
hewasn'thomewhenIwentt
osleep.
 
.
.
[
08/
23,
19:
10]Must
angMan:
44
Itookabat haft
erwaki
ngup.Idri
edand
l
ot i
oned.ItwasWednesday,
meaning,
soccer
practi
ce.Iwasreal
lysocommitt
edtosoccer
,it
wasabi gpartofmylif
eandIlovedi
twit
h
passion.
 
Iworemyschoolpants,golfshi
rtandworemy
school
shoes.Ibr
ushedmyhai rthent
ookmy
bagandwenttothekitchen. 
If
ounddadal
one.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sy
ourwi
fe?
 
Dad:
Goodmor
ningt
oyout
oo.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry,
goodmor
ningdad.
 
Dad:
That
'smor
eli
kei
t.
 
Ij
ustl
aughed.
 
Me:
Sowher
e'smommy
? 
Hechuckl
ed.Shedi
dn'
tl
ikemecal
l
inghert
hat
,
apparentl
yImadehersoundoldandaccor ding
toher,shewasst
il
lver
yy oung.Yet,shelong
wantedababy.Anyway,Ididn'
ttel
lherthat
though. 
Dad:Bet
terpr
aysheneverhear
syousayt
hat
.
She'
sspit
ti
ngfir
etoday
. 
Me:
Whatdi
dyoudo?
 
Hebr
oughthi
seyebrowstoget
her
.If
oldedmy
ar
msandlookedathim.
 
Dad:
Whywoul
dyouassumeIdi
dsomet
hing?
 
Ij
ustchuckled.Maintaini
ngaseri
ousfacewas
hardert
hanIt houghtthatIj
ustcr
acked.He
j
oinedmei nlaughterandIsatdown,dishedup
cerealf
orbreakfast.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sshe?
 
Ithi
nkIwasaski
nghimt
hesamequest
ionf
or
thethi
rdt
imenow. 
Dad:
Shewasst
il
lsul
ki
ngi
nbed.
Me: Tal
ki
ngaboutbed,whatt
imedidyouar
ri
ve
causeyouweren'
tther
ewhenIslept
? 
Dad:Iwaswor
kingl
ateandnowshedoesn't
wantmetogobecauseofthat
.Shefeel
sIdon'
t
spendmuchti
mewithheranymore.
 
Me:
Don'
twor
ry,
she'
l
lcomear
ound.
 
Dad:
Yout
hink?
 
Me:
Yep,
IKnow.It
hinkIknowwhat
'sgoi
ngon.
 
Dad:
Enl
i
ght
enmepl
ease.
 
Me:
Don'
twor
ryabouti
t.
 
Dad:
Nokubonga!
 
Hewar
ned,
Ijustchuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Youdr
ivi
ngmet
oschool
or?
 
Dad:
Ify
out
ryi
ngt
ochanget
hesubj
ectt
hen-
Me:
Ithi
nkI
'
llj
ustt
akeat
axi
. 
Hesnor
tedandIl
aughedsi
lentl
y.Iknewhe' d
nev
eral
lowmetotakeataxi.Well
,atleastnot
i
nthemor
ning.I
t'
sourti
metogether
.If
ini
shed
wi
thmybr
eakfastthenwel
eft
. 
Dad:
How'
sitgoi
ng?
 
Me:
All
iswel
l
,nocompl
aint
s. 
Dad:
Ther
e'snodogbar
kingaty
ou?
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Dad:I
'
m askingi
fyouonl
yfocusi
ngonbooks
andnotboys.
Me:Nope,I'
mjustwai
ti
ngformyfutur
e
husbandnow,who'
sgoingtosweepmeof
fmy
feet
. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Andt
hat
'sonl
yhappeni
ngi
n10y
ear
s. 
Me:
Youcannev
erknow.
 
Ikissedhi
m onthecheekandgotof
faf
ter
takingmylunchmoney. 
Thebel
lrangjustasIent
eredt
heschoolyar
d
soIi
mmedi at
elywenttomyclasswhereIput
mybagdown.
 
It
henr
ushedt
oassembl
yaf
ter
. 
Iwaswit
hthegi
rl
sagain,
duri
ngbreakt
ime.I
t'
s
amazi
nghowtherewasneveradul
lmoment
wit
hthem. 
Kar
abo:
GuesswhoIbumpedi
ntoy
est
erday
. 
Il
ookedatherwi thnoideaofwhoi tmightbe.
Letmedescr i
bet hegi
rl
sshortly
.KaraboIstall
,
caramelandalittl
echubby.Thatoisabitdark,
beauti
fulandslenderwi
thal i
tt
leass.Ler
atois
abitli
keme, j
ustasizebigger.
 
Us:
Who?
 
Goodt
oKnowIwasnott
heonl
yoneconf
used.
 
Kar
abo:
K-mor
e. 
Me:
Oh 
Kar
abo:
Itdoesn'
tendt
her
e. 
Ler
ato:Bua,
thesuspensei
smur
der
ingus
manje.
 
Kar
abo:
Hewaswi
thy
ourf
ri
end.
 
Shesaid,
looki
ngatme.Ihadnoideawhoshe'
s
tal
ki
ngabout,asfarasI
'
m concer
ned,
Idon'
t
haveanyfri
ends.
 
Me:
Myf
ri
end?
 
Kar
abo:
Thul
i
. 
Me:
She'
sli
ke,
myf
ormerf
ri
end.
 
That
o:Exbestf
ri
end.
 
Kar
abo:
Itst
il
ldoesn'
tendt
her
e. 
Ler
ato:
Ther
e'smor
e? 
Theylookedatherinantici
pati
on.Idi
dn'
tthi
nkI
wantedtohearanyf ur
therbutsomehow,
whatevershewasaboutt osaysounded
i
nter
est i
ngsoast ospeak.Ionlywant
edto
knowf orcur
iosi
ty'
ssake. 
Kar
abo:
See,
Iwasj
ustwal
ki
ngi
nthemal
land-
That
o:Justcutst
rai
ghtt
othechase.
 
Wel
aughed.Kar
abonay
ewasj
ustj
umpi
ng
aroundt hebush.Youknow, ever
yti
meIhearof
Thuli,
Ialwaysgetsurpr
ised.Imeanj ust
yesterdayKagisosai
dKamoi scheati
ngonher
andnow, t
heywereseent oget
her.Idon'
tknow
who'sf ool
ingwhobutthisisnothowl ovei
s
supposedt obe. 
Kar
abo:
She'
spr
egnant
. 
Me:
Woah.
 
Theydroppedt
hei
rjaw,Ial
socoul
dn'
tbel
i
evei
t.
Sotheyhadbeenhi
tti
ngitr
aw? 
IwantedtolaughbutIcouldn'
t.Nowitmakes
sense.I
t'
sprobablyherhormoneswhichwere
play
ingwithherinsecur
it
iesmakinghert
hink
Kamoi scheati
ng. 
That
o:Iguesst
heyr
eal
l
yser
ious.
 
Ler
ato:
Howdoy
ouf
eel
aboutt
hat
? 
Me:
Who?Me?
 
Shenodded.Actual
l
y,Iwasn'
tevent
ouchedby
that
.AsfarasI'
m concer
ned,t
heydeser
veeach
ot
her
. 
Me:
I'
m act
ual
l
yhappyf
ort
hem.
 
That
o:IknowIwouldn'
tbe.Hear
ingmyex
i
mpregnatedmyexfri
end,st
eam woul
dbe
comingfr
om myeyes. 
Weal
ll
aughed.
 
Kar
abo:
She'
sci
vi
li
zed,
unl
i
key
ou.
 
Ichuckl
ed.Weal
lwentt
oourcl
asseswhent
he
bell
rang.
 
Aft
erschool ,
Ihadtogochangethenwentt
o
soccerpracti
ce.Karabowastheonl
yonewho
wasn'tpartofoursoccert
eam. 
Iwenttochangeaf
terpr
act
icet
henwenthome,
exhaust
edashell
. 
Ki
tso:
Youl
ookl
i
kehel
l
 
Me:
Ifeel
evenwor
se.
 
It
hrewmybagdownandwenttomyr oom
whereIt
ookashowerandanapr
ightaft
er.
 
IhadagreedtomeetupwithKagionSat
urday
.
Itwasj
ustaround2pm whenItookaqui
ck
showersoICouldgetr
eady.
Iwasgoingtovi
sitheratherhome.Iwasn'
tany
worr
iedaboutKamosi nceIwassooverhim.
 
Igotout,dri
edAndloti
oned.Iworemywhi te
anklegrazerwit
halongsleevesdenim shi
rtand
tuckeditinthef
ront
.Iworeblackstri
pped
sandalsandgoldhoopearri
ngs.Itookmysl i
ng
bag,withmyphoneandwal let.
 
Iwentbackt
ot hel
ounge,
findi
ngdadwit
hKi
tso,
whohadherlegsontopofmyf at
her
. 
Me:
I'
m goi
ngt
omeetupwi
thaf
ri
end.
 
Ki
tso:
Looki
ngl
i
ket
hat
? 
Me:
How?
 
Dad:
Likesomeonegoi
ngonadat
e. 
Me:
Ohpl
ease,
I'
ll
seey
ouguy
slat
er.
 
Dad:
Playi
tsaf
e.
Me:
Thatsay
ingi
sget
ti
ngol
dnow.
 
Kit
solaughed.Ij
ustl
eftandwalkedt
othei
r
house.I
twasamer etwomi nut
esther
e.Well
,
l
essthanfiveminut
es. 
Igoti
nthey
ard,
wentt
oknockont
heki
tchen
door.
 
"
Comi
ng"
Someonesaidfr
om t
hei
nsi
de.Iwentbackabi
t.
Theyopened.
 
"
Hey
"
Il
ookedup,
itwasKamogel
o. 
Me:
Hi,
I'
m her
efory
ourt
win.
 
Kamo:
Wow,
real
l
ycan'
tbel
i
evey
ouher
e. 
Me:
Ain'
tyougonnal
etmei
n? 
Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
.Ismi
l
ed.
 
Kamo:
Ofcour
se.
 
Hemadespacef
ormet
ogeti
n,Ihear
dhi
m
si
ghbehi
ndme.Iwasabouttowalktothe
l
oungewhenIf
ound.
..Wai
tfori
t,Thul
i.
 
Shecoul
dn'
tevenl
ookmei
ntheey
e.Idi
dn'
t
evensi
tdown.
 
Me:
Cany
oucal
lherf
orme?
 
Kamo:
I..Umm.
.Yeah,
sur
e. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Heexcusedhi
msel
f,wentsomewher
einsi
de
t
hehouse. 
Me:
Ihear
dcongr
atul
ati
ons 
arei
nor
der
. 
Ifi
nall
ymanagedt osay
,breaki
ngthei
ceof
si
lencewhichhadfil
l
edtheroom.Ihadlastsaw
herthedayIbrokeupwithKamogeloandyet,
herewerewe. 
Shel
ookedatme,puzzl
ed.Il
ookedather
tummy.That
'swhenshegotwhatImeant.
 
Shef
akedasmi
l
e. 
Thul
i
:Ohhy
ah.
 
Me:
Congr
ats.
Thul
i
:ThankYou.
 
"Youher
e"It
urnedt
olookather
.Weshar
eda
hug. 
Kagi
:Youl
ooksi
zzl
i
nghot
. 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Kagi
:Mybrot
herjusthadtobri
nghi
sgir
lf
ri
end
her
esoIguess,
we' l
lhavetogoout
. 
Me:
Idon'
thav
eapr
obl
em wi
thst
ayi
ngt
hough.
 
Kamo:
Youdon'
t?
 
Me:Unlessy
ouguyswantsomespace.
.Wai
t,
don'
tyouhavear
oom attheback?
 
Kagi:
Ineverthoughtaboutt
hat
,wecango
swimming. 
Me:That
'snotabadi
dea,
whi
l
esi
ppi
ngon
somecocktai
l
s. 
Shel
aughed.
 
Kagi
:Your
eadmymi
nd.
 
Me:
Idon'
thav
eswi
mwearwi
thmet
hough.
 
Kagi
:Don'
twor
ry,
Igoty
ou.
 
Il
ookedatThul
i
,herj
awhaddr
opped.
 
Me:Cl
oseyourmout
hsweet
ie,
bef
oreaf
lyget
s
i
nther
e. 
Kamogel olaughed.Kagisanotookmyhandand
Ithi
nkwewer egoingtoherroom.Ihadbeen
herebeforebutnev erwenttootherrooms
othert
hant heloungeandki t
chen. 
Kagi
:Ir
eal
l
ydon'
tl
iket
hatgi
rl
. 
Me:
Can'
tsayt
hesameabouty
ourbr
other
. 
Kagi:
He'sst
uckwit
hher.Any
way
,let
'snott
alk
abouther
.Redorwhit
e? 
Me:
I'
ll
gowi
thr
ed.
 
Shewasholdingt
woswimsuits,st
il
lhav
ing
pri
cet
ags.Itookoffmycl
othes.Shewentwit
h
whi
te.
 
Minehadanopenback, i
twasbeautif
uland
reveal
edall
ofmyst omach.YouKnowsoccer
keepsmeact i
ve,
I'v
egotabeauti
fulst
omach,
notmeaningtoblowmyownhor nbuthey! 
Kagi
:Wenankaony
ala,
ifIwasaboy
. 
Il
aughed.Iwasmuchbett
erwithSetswana
becauseofKi
tso,
alt
houghtal
kingwasabit
probl
emati
cbutIcoul
dhearit
. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Shegav
emeatowel,
whichIwrappedonmy
l
owerbody
.Wewentbacktot
helounge.
 
Kagi
:Youst
il
lher
e? 
Kamo:
Ili
veher
etoo.
 
Hisey
eswenttome.Hel ookedatme,more
l
ikest
aredatmeunt
ilThulicl
ear
edherthr
oat.
 
Thul
i
:It
hinkt
hebabyJustki
cked.
 
Iwant
edt
olaughbutcont
ainedmy
sel
f.She
wasst
il
lfeel
i
ngt
hreat
enedbyme,
ayearl
ater
. 
Ipi
tyhershame.Wemadeourcockt
ail
s,dad
wassogoingtokil
lmef
ornotst
icki
ngtothe
cur
few. 
IsawthatIwasr
eal
l
ygoi
ngt
ohav
emuchf
un
here.
 
Kamo:I
'
m goi
ngt
odr
opThul
iof
f,whatcanIget
you?
 
Kagi
:At
ubofv
ani
l
lai
cecr
eam,
that
'
sal
l
. 
Kamo:
Khensani
? 
Me:
I'
m good.
 
Theyleft
,alt
houghThuli
didn'
tl
ooktoohappy
aboutthat,
she'
llj
usthavetobest
rongwethu.
 
Kagi
:Fi
nal
l
y,somepeace.
 
Il
aughed.Ourcockt
ail
swer
enonal
cohol
i
cand
wealsomadesomesnacks. 
Wet
ookt
hem t
othepool
side.
 
Wet
ooksomanypi
ctur
eswhi
l
eswi
mmi
ng,
don'
taskmehowandsomei
nJuatour
swimwear
. 
I
twasawholel
otoff
unthatIev
enwi
shedI
di
dn'
thav
etogohome. 
Wewer ejustl
ayi
ngbyt
hepoolwhil
esi
ppi
ngon
cockt
ail
swhenKamogelocame. 
Kagi
:Whatdoy
ouwant
? 
Kamo:
Ijustcamet
ocheckupony
ouguy
s. 
Kagi:
She'
snotherefory
ouKamogel
o,gett
hat
thr
oughyourhead.
 
Kamo:
Igett
hat
. 
Kagi
:Tel
lme,
didy
ouf
eel
thebabyki
cki
ng?
 
Iwantedtol
aughy etagai
n, Kamojust
maintai
nedastr
aightface.Herstomachwas
bar
elyshowingyetshetalkedaboutthebaby
ki
cking,y
eahri
ght.
 
Kamo:
Younotbei
ngf
unny
. 
Me:
Readyt
obeadaddy
? 
Kamo:
I'
mreadyt
omakey
oupr
egnant
. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Iwaswarmingupt
othei
deaofbei
ngan
aunty
ouknow. 
Kagi
:AndI
'
llbet
hegodmot
her
. 
Me:
Iwonderi
fit
'sgonnabeaboyorgi
rl
. 
Kagi
:Ormay
bet
wins.
 
Wel
aughed.Hecl
i
ckedhi
stongueandl
eft
. 
Kagi
:Youknow,
thatgi
rli
sfarf
rom bei
nggood.
 
Me:
Ireal
i
zedt
hatl
atebuty
ea,
your
ight
. 
Kagi
:OneDay
,she'
l
lpayf
oral
lshedi
d. 
Me:
She'
l
lreapwhatshesow.
 
Afteragooddaywit
hKagi
,get
ti
ngtoknow
eachotherwel
l,
Ihadtogohome.
Sheaccompani
edmehome,toget
herwi
thher
twi
n.I
twasaround6:
30pm.
Kagi
:Docomenextt
ime.
 
Me:
Hopef
ull
y,we'
l
lbeal
one.
 
Kagi
:We'
l
ltal
konwhat
sapp.
 
Kamo:
Youhav
ehernumber
? 
Kagi
:That
'
snoneofy
ourbusi
ness.
 
Kamo:
She'
smy
-
Kagi
:Exgi
rl
fr
iend,
she'
smuf
ri
endnow.
 
Wel
l,
theyal
waysfi
ghti
ngli
ket
his,
Iguessi
t'
sa
t
winthi
ng.Wehuggedfort
hel
astti
me. 
Kamo:
Iwantaki
ss.
 
Me:
Yahl
any
a. 
Il
efthi
mther
eandwal
kedi
nsi
det
hey
ard.
 
Ir
eal
l
yhadagoodt
imeshame,
nodoubt
. 
.
.
[
08/
23,
19:
10]Must
angMan:
45
Iwasgoi
ngtochurchsoIgotup,tookabath,
dri
edandl
oti
oned.Ever
ythi
ngthathappened
yesterdayshowedmehowf arIhadcome.I
meanIusedt obescaredofpeopleofeven
goingoutbutnow, Iwasabletoevenstandup
formy self
.Ther
ewasev enat i
mewher eI'
d
changer outesi
mmediatel
ywhenIsaw
Kamogel oapproachi
ngbutnow, nowhewas
shittome.  
Ir
eal
lydowondersometimeswhatbindshimto
Thul
i
,evenabl
indpersoncanseethere'
sno
l
ovether
ebutagai
n,i
t'snoneofmybusiness.
 
Iworeamar oonbodyhuggingdress,that
reachedbelowmykneeswi thablackblazer
andIwor eBlackplatf
orm heel
s.Iworeaf ormal
hatonmyhead, t
ookmybagandputon
everyt
hingIwasgoi ngtoneedinit,i
ncludi
ng
myBi bl
e. 
If
oundt
hef
ami
l
yhav
ingbr
eakf
ast
. 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Dad:
Whendi
dyouar
ri
ve?
 
Me:
I'
m good,
thanksandy
ou?
 
Ki
tsogi
ggl
ed.
 
Kit
so:Leav
etheki
dal
oneAndi
l
e.Goodmor
ning
baby.
 
Dad:
Wenotdone.
 
Ij
ustchuckl
edandsatdown.Theywer
eal
ready
dr
essedforchur
ch.
 
Aft
erbreakf
ast
,weal
lgoti
nthecaranddr
ove
tochur
ch. 
Youknow, Ir
eallydon'tknowwhyInev er
wantedt ogot ochur chi nt hefi
rstplace, y
esit
wasbecauseofpeopl eandt heiratt
itudebutI
hadnowr eal
izedt hatallthatdidn'tmat ter.I
shouldhav einstead,justf ocusedonmy
rel
ationshi pwithGodi nsteadofal l
owi ngpeople
todictatemyl i
feforme, tomakemef eelsmall
andmaki ngmel ookdownonmy sel
f .
 
AsIgotmorecl
osertoGod,
myeyesgotopen
andIr
eal
izedt
hatitdi
dn'
tmatt
erwho'
sagai
nst
measl
ongasGodi
sforme.
 
Likeallot
herser
vicesweal wayshaveatchur ch,
thisonewasalsouni que.Iwaspartofthe
praiseandworshipteam andIlovedit.Ist
art
ed
offasshyandt r
embl ingbutnow,Iwasmuch
betterandIcoul
df i
nallyst
andandev enleada
songonmyown.  
Aft
erchur
ch,ourpast
oraskedmet ost
ay
behi
ndsoItolddadI'
l
ltakeataxi
back.
 
Dad:
Whati
fyougetl
ost
? 
Me:HowlonghaveIbeenstayi
ngher
e?Come
ondad,
I'
m 18forheav
en'ssake.
 
Dad:
You'l
lal
waysbeababyt
ome,
nomat
ter
howoldandGreyy
ouget.
 
Me:
Okayf
inedaddy
,Igety
ourpoi
nt.
 
Ki
tso:
He'
sgonnahavet
oacceptt
haty
ou
gr
ownupnowsoonerorl
ater
. 
Dad:
Iwon'
thav
etoacceptany
thi
ng.
 
Me:
Youknowt
hePast
ori
sst
il
lwai
ti
ngf
orme.
 
Dad:Fi
ne,youcangobutkeepyourphoneon
andcal
lmei fyouchangey
ourmindabout
taki
ngataxi.
 
Me:
Yesdad,
Iwi
l
l.
 
IhuggedEm shor
tl
yandr
anbackt
othe
church.
 
Iknockedoncebef
oreent
eri
ngi
ntohi
sof
fi
ce.
 
Ps:
Youmaysi
tdown.
 
Ididasi nstr
uctedandl ookeddown, playedwith
myf ingers.Idon'tknowwhybutIwasshi t
scared,Ikeptwonder ingifIhaddonewr ong
withGodwi thoutreal
isi
ngitorCoulditbeIhad
behav edinanungodl ymanner ?Awhol elotof
thoughtswer erushi
ngthroughmymi nd. 
Helookedatme,r
elaxed.Ionl
ystar
edback
onceandnoti
cedt
hesmi lethatwascr
eptupon
hi
sface. 
Ps:
Youl
ookner
vous.
 
Me:
Iwon'
tl
ie,
Iam.
 
Ps:
Rel
ax,
youdi
dnot
hingwr
ong.
 
Irel
axedabi
t.Hestilll
ookedatmef orawhile
befor
esayi
ngany t
hing.Itr
iednott
oov er
react
ortothi
nkofthi
ngst hatdon'
tmakeanysense. 
Ps:Youknow,Iwishyoucoul
dseey
our
sel
f
thr
oughGod'seyes.
 
Il
ookedathim,puzzl
ed.Ihadnoi deawhathe
wast al
ki
ngaboutnow.Ilookedathim,
expecti
nghi
mt oexpl
ainfurther
. 
Ps:SometimesevenIdon'tunder
standhow
Godwor ksbutwhatweshouldkeepi nmindi
s
thatev
erythi
nghappensforhisgl
ory.
 
Me:
Wit
hal
lduer
espect
,yout
alki
ngi
nri
ddl
es.
 
Hechuckled.Ijustl
ookedathi
m.Ihadt
oget
usedtohim alwaysfi
ndinghumori
n
ever
ythi
ng. 
Ps:Thi
ngsofGodnev
ermakesensebecause
hedoesthi
ngsHi
sway .JesusChr
istl
ovesy
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
ehi
mtoo.
 
Ps:
It'
sgoodt
oseehowf
ary
ou'
vecome.
 
Hel
ookedatmewi
thasmi
l
e,Ismi
l
edback.
 
Me:
It'
sal
lbyhi
sgr
ace.
 
Ps:Thet hi
ngaboutGodis,heall
owsust ogo
thr
oughchal l
engest
hatareameasur eofour
fai
th.Leanonhim al
ways,he'
ll
nev erf
orsake
you. 
Inodded.Hewast al
ki
ngi
npar
abl
esbutIt
ri
ed
mucht ounder
stand.
 
Ps:Doyouseey
our
sel
fget
ti
ngmar
ri
edi
nthe
fut
ure?
 
Me:
Umm.
.Wel
l
,yeah,
Ido.
 
Ps:Everyt
hingisgonnacomewi
thalotof
chal
lengesbutjustKnowGodwi
llbether
e
thr
oughitall.
 
Me:
Yes,
sir
. 
Ps:
That
'l
lbeal
l
,seey
ounextweekSunday
. 
Me:
ThankYousi
r.
 
Henodded,
Igotupandl
eft
. 
Chall
enges.Weallgothr
oughthem.Idi dn'
t
wanttoknowwhatki ndofchal
lengesbutI
knewthatIwouldbeabletotri
umphov erthem
becausegreat
erisHethatisi
nmet hanthe
devi
lintheworl
d. 
Itookat
axihome, t
ryi
ngnott othinkmuch
aboutmyconversati
onwi t
hthePast or
.One
thi
ngwit
hGodi s,hedoesn'ttel
lyouthespeci
fi
c
ti
mewhent hi
ngsar egoingtohappenbutyou
j
ustseethem happening.
Arri
vi
nghome, It
ookof
fmyheelsbecausemy
feetwerekil
li
ngmenow.Iwast i
redandhungr
y
butIdecidedtotakeashoweri
nstead.
 
Myparent
swereint
hedini
ngroom, eat
ing
wi
thoutmebutIwasn'
tanybot
hered. 
Itookawar m showerafterst
ri
ppi
ngcompl
etel
y
naked.Idr
iedandl ot
ionedwhenIwasdone.
 
IworeaT-
shi
rtandpantswit
hmysleepers
bef
oregoi
ngbacktotheki
tchenf
ormyf ood.
 
Theywer
edoneandwat
chi
ngTV.
 
Dad:
So?
 
Me:
So?
 
Isatdownonthecouchandst
art
edeat
ingi
n
fr
ontoftheTV.
Dad:
Whatdi
dhesay
? 
Me:
Not
hingmuch.
 
Dad:Hewoul
dnotj
ustcal
lyouf
or"
not
hing
much" 
Hedidthei
nvert
edcommasint
heai
r.Asmuch
asI
'm al
waysopenwit
hdad,
Idi
dn'
twantt
otel
l
any
oneaboutthi
s. 
EvenIwasconf
usedsohowmuchmor
ewi
l
l
theybewhenIt
ell
them?
 
Ki
tso:
May
beshedoesn'
twantt
otal
kabouti
t.
 
Me:
It'
snotabi
gdeal
,ther
e'snot
hingt
otel
l
. 
Ki
tso:
It'
sokay
,weunder
stand.
 
Thefol
lowi
ngweeks,Iconcentr
atedonmy
books,
chur
ch,Godandmyf amil
y. 
KagisanoandIwoul
dmeetonceinawhil
eand
Kamogeloalwaysmadeitapoi
nthe'
spr
esent
duri
ngallt
heseti
mes. 
SomehowIthinkhedi
di tonpur pose,
Icoul
dn'
t
under
standwhyhecouldn'tj
ustleavemealone
andconcent
rateonhi
sgi r
lfr
iendandthei
r
unbor
nbaby. 
Iwasstil
lfr
iendswithLer
atoandtheother
sand
I'
dchi
llwit
ht hem onmostbreakswhenI'
m not
busy.
 
Beinginmatri
cwasnoeasywor ksowe'd
sometimesevenattenddur
ingbreak,
itwas
crazybutIwasn'
tcomplai
ning.
 
Li
keIhadbeensay
ing,
Kitsowaspregnantand
shewasnowThreemonthspregnant
. 
I
twast
hebegi
nni
ngofMar
ch.
 
KagisanoandIhadagr eedt ogotothemal l
together
,wewerenowmor ecl
oserthanever
andIwasgl adshenev ertalkedabout
Kamogel oorhi
ntedany thingabouthim unl
ike
Kagisowhowasst il
lforcingfri
endshipwith
me. 
Ireal
lydon'tknowwhyshecoul dn'
tj
ustaccept
thatIdi
dn'twanttobef r
iendswit
hher.Shewas
wayt ool
oy altoThul
i,
you'dswearshehadher
onsomecont rol
l
ingspel
l orsomet
hing.
 
Idi
dn'
ttr
ustherandIst
oodmygroundandkept
ontel
l
ingherhowIwasreal
l
ynotint
erest
edi
n
bei
ngfri
endswit
hher.
 
AsfarasI
'm concer
ned,she'
sbadcompany
andfr
om whatIknow,badcompanycorr
upts
goodchar
acter.
 
Kit
so:Ireal
l
ydidn'
tthi
nkbei
ngfr
iendswit
hher
wasagoodi deabutImustadmi
t,she'
sgood
foryou.
 
Ismi
l
ed.Dadwaspr
obabl
yatwor
k,onSat
urday
soy oucani magine.Kitsowasglowing,
pregnancysui t
edherbutIdi dn'
twantto
ment ioni
t.Dadoncedi dandshegotmad,
sayinghecal l
edherf at
.Atjust3mont hs,I
wonderhowshe' sgoingt obewhenshe' sfat
andl ooki
nglikeawhal e. 
  Pl easedon't
ment ionIsaidthatthough,she'
ll
spendt he
whol eweeknott alki
ngt ome. 
Wewer
einmyr
oom,
Ihadj
ustt
akenabat
h. 
Me:
Idon'
tknowwhatt
owear
. 
Ki
tso:
Whoy
out
ryi
ngt
oimpr
ess?
 
Me:
Imightbumpint
omyfutur
ehusbandatt
he
mal
l,
Ineedtol
ookgoodal
ways. 
Shel
aughed.
 
Ki
tso:
Foramomentt
her
e,It
houghty
ou'
dsay
Kamo. 
Me:
Ohno,
that
'
snev
erhappeni
ng.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
m sohappyhe'
sjusthi
stor
ynow.
 
Me:Yeahhey,Imean,If
inal
l
ycanmentionhi
s
namewithoutcr
yingOrmyheartski
ppi
nga
beat
. 
Kitso:
Istil
lthi
nky
ouguy
sar
emeantt
obe
though. 
Me:
Ohno,
pleasekeept
hatopi
niont
oyour
sel
f.
 
Shechuckled.Itookoutabl uedeni
m skir
t,
whichhuggedmeont hehipsandwasabov e
mykneeswi thawhi teT-shir
tandputmy
l
eatherj
acketont op.Ithenworemyal lpi
nk
adi
dassuper st
ars. 
Me:
HowdoIl
ook?
 
Ki
tso:
Youl
ookspl
endi
d. 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Shet
ookoutherphone,
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Ki
tso:
Suchbeaut
yneedst
obecapt
ured.
 
Iposedasshet
ookpi
ctur
esofmeand
pr
omi
sedt
osendt
hem t
ome.
 
Me:Ithinki
t'
sti
meIgotanupgr
adeonmy
phone. 
Ki
tso:
Youshoul
dtal
ktoy
ourdad.
 
Me:Youknowhowhei s.Iwashopingy
ou
menti
onitdur
ingoneofyourbedr
oom tal
ks.
 
Shel
aughedandpushedmel
i
ght
ly.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
m st
il
lyourel
der
. 
Me:
Sor
rymom.
 
Sheshotmeadeat
hstar
e,Ij
ustl
aughed.It
ook
mybagandphone,
thenki
ssedheronthe
cheek.
 
Ki
tso:
Your
eal
l
yleav
ingmeal
one?
 
Herewego.Thi
sreal
l
ywasgoi
ngt
obeal
ong
pr
egnancyf
orus. 
Shedi
dnotwantanyofusl
eav
ingherbehi
nd.I
t
wasworsewi
thdad.
 
Me:
Youknow,
I'
mreal
l
yopent
othei
deaofus
get
ti
ngacat
. 
Ki
tso:
Awhi
te,
cut
eki
tt
en.
 
Shemadeaf
ace,
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Yeah,
weshoul
dtel
lhi
m.By
e. 
Iki
ssedheronthecheekthenl
eft
.Itookataxi
,
IwasgoingtomeetheratMcDonaldsandshe
tol
dmeshewast hereal
ready.
 
Iwal
kedtoMcDonaldsi
mmedi
atel
ywhenI
ar
ri
vedatthemal
l.
 
Sherai
sedherhandasIlookedar
oundsoI
coul
dseeitsherandIwalkedt
ohertabl
e,she
wasalone.
 
Me:
Hey
. 
Kagi
:Hi
. 
Shegotupandweshar
edahug.
 
Kagi
:Youl
ookhot
. 
Me:
Youl
ooksexy
. 
Shegi
ggled.Shewasweari
ngaredshor
t
j
umpsuitwithbl
ackgl
adi
ator
s. 
Kagi
:Ior
der
edf
ory
ou.
Me:
It'
sli
key
our
eadmymi
nd,
I'
m sohungr
y. 
Ouror
der
scamefi
veminuteslat
er.I
twasbeef
bur
ger
swithf
ri
esandacoke. 
Me:So,younev
ert
oldmeabouty
our
boy
fri
end. 
Isai
d,t
aki
ngabiteofmybur
ger
.Shelookedat
meforawhil
ethentookasi
pofhercoke.
 
Kagi
:I'
vebeensi
ngl
efort
hreemont
hs.
 
Myj
awdr
opped.Inev
ercoul
dhav
eimagi
ned.
 
Me:
Youki
ddi
ng.
 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Kagi
:Iwi
shIwas.
 
Me:
Whyt
hough?
 
Kagi
:Itwasamessybr
eakup,
neededt
imet
o
heal
.Whyar
eyousi
ngl
e? 
Il
aughed.It'
sbeenmor ethanay earandIjust
haven'
tfoundsomeonei nterest
ingandagai n,
I
di
dn'thaveti
mef orr
elati
onships.LasttimeI
gavesomeoneachance, Iendedupget ti
ng
hur
t. 
Me:
Hav
en'
tmett
heone.
 
Shelaughed.I
twasast
upi
danswer
,Il
aughed
wit
hher .
 
Kagi
:Don'
tl
ook.
 
Me:
What
?Wher
e? 
Kagi
:Shh.
. 
Myeyesstar
tedr
oamingar
oundt
ofi
ndt
hree
guy
sallst
ari
ngatus.
 
Me:
Ohmy
. 
Itur
nedandlookedather.Ihadmybackont he
guys,whowerejustattheentr
ance.Theydi
dn'
t
l
ooklikepeopl
estil
latschool
,theywere
pr
obabl
ypar
toft
hewor
kingcl
assbutnott
hat
ol
d. 
Kagi
:They
'r
ecomi
ng.
 
Me:
What
? 
Kagi
:Tr
yandcal
m down.
 
I
t'
sli
keshewassayingtheopposi
tet
omyhear t
whi
chstar
tedpounding,
Idon'
tknowforwhat
r
eason.
 
Someoneclearedt
hei
rthroat
.Welookedat
them andmyjawimmediatel
ydr
opped. 
Itwasonlytwoofthem.Onewaswhi teandt he
otheronewasblack,car
amelincomplexion.
Theylookedhandsomeandsoy oung.The
whiteonehadbroadshoulder
s,wastall
wi t
h
sparkl
ingbl
ueeyesandpi nkl
i
ps. 
Theblackonewasabitshort
erthanhi
m,ali
tt
le
buil
tup,wi
thonebr
acketandblackandpi
nki
sh
l
ips.Hehadli
ghtbr
owney es.
 
Kagi
sanopokedme.
 
Me:
Huh?
Theyalll
aughedandIreal
izedIhadbeen
drool
ingsomucht hatIdi
dn'thearany
thi
ng
theysai
d. 
Blackguy:
Isai
dI'
m Lut
hando,
what
'
syour
name?  
Me:
Umm.
.I.
.Khensani
,I
'm Khensani
. 
Lut
hando:
Nicename.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Lut
hando:Look,
Igot
tago,
canIhav
eyour
numbers?
 
Me:
Huh?
Kagisanopokedmeagai
n,Ir
eall
ydon'tknow
whatwashappeningf
orme.It'
sli
keIkept
l
osingtouchwithr
eal
i
tyever
yonceinawhi l
e. 
Kagi
:What
'sgoi
ngonwi
thy
ou?
Me:
What
? 
Lut
hando:
Ist
hisy
ourphone?
 
Hepointedatmyphonewhi
chwasont
opof
t
hetable,Inodded.
 
Het
ooki
tandasmi
l
efl
ashedonhi
sface.
 
Lut
hando:
Nopasswor
dhuh?
Hesmi r
ked.Hedidwhat
everhewasdoingand
gavemebackmyphonebef orebi
ddi
ngus
far
ewellandwentawaywit
hav er
yuni
que
walk.
 
Kagi
:He'
shotNeh.
 
Me:
What
?Who?
 
Il
ookedbackatherandshechuckl
ed.
 
Kagi
:Li
annet
ookmynumber
s. 
Me:
Who'
sthat
? 
Shel
aughedatmyconf
usedexpr
essi
on.
 
Kagi
:Youwouldhavenoti
cedhi
mify
ouwer
en'
t
busydr
ool
ingoverThando.
 
Me:
Iwasn'
tdr
ool
i
ng.
 
Idef
endedandshel
aughed,
Ijustl
etherbe.
 
Kagi
:Theyset
tl
edourbi
l
l.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Kagi
:Yep!
 
Shegr
inned.Wegotup,
tookourphonesand
bagst
henleft
. 
Wewentey eshoppi
ngf
ir
stbeforebuyi
ngwhat
weCouldaffor
d.Afewj
eans,bras,
short
s,
cr
oppedtopsandswimsui
ts.
 
Wewer
enowi
nthepar
kingl
ot.
 
Me:
Whatar
ewewai
ti
ngf
oragai
n?I
'
mti
red.
 
Kagi
:They
'l
lbeher
einaf
ew.
 
Me:Ir
eall
ydon'
thavet
imefort
his,
youshoul
d
hav
ejustl
etmetakeataxi
.
 
Kagi
:They
'r
eher
e. 
Idi
dn'trepl
y.Iwassit
ti
ngononeofmy
shoppingbags.Idi
dn'
tcar
e,Iwasj
ustt
ir
ed
fr
om alltheshoppi
ng. 
Ret
ail
ther
apyi
sexhaust
ing.
 
"
Sowemeetagai
n"
Thev
oicesoundedf
ami
l
iar
,Il
ookedup.
 
Ist
ruggl
edt
ofi
ndmyv
oicey
etagai
n.He
smil
ed. 
Me:
Umm.
.H-
Hi
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Khensani
.
 
Hegav
emehishandandhel
pedmeupt
hen
t
ookmyshoppi
ngbags.
 
Me:
Wher
e'smy
..
 
Thando:
InLi
aane'
scar
. 
Me:
Oh.
 
Thando:
Ihopey
oudon'
tmi
nddr
ivi
ngwi
thme.
 
Me:
Andi
fIdo?
 
Thando:
You'
ll
justhav
et obepat
ientwi
thme
j
ustfort
hosefewminutes.
 
Me:
Fai
renough.
 
Heopenedt
hedoorformeandIgotin.Heput
mybagsint
hebackseatandwentt
ohisside.
 
Thando:
So,
I'
m guessi
ngy
ouSt
il
li
nschool
.
 
Me:
Umm,
yeah,
it'
smyl
asty
eart
hough.
 
Thando:
Youi
nmat
ri
c? 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Thando:
Howol
dar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
mtur
ning19.
Thando:Youl
ooky
oungt
hough,
li
key
ou
probabl
y16.
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Yea,
Igett
hatal
ot.
 
Thando:
Howol
ddoIl
ook?
 
Me:
22may
be.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
I'
m 23.
Me:
Almostgoti
t.I
'
llgetof
fher
e. 
Thando:
Sosoon?
 
Hef
rowned.Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Timef
li
es.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
seey
ouagai
n,don'
tknowwhen.
 
Me:
May
be.
 
Thando:
Dopi
ckupy
ourphone.
 
Me:
Wil
ldo.
 
Hegavememybagsbef
orecomi
ngt
oopenmy
doorf
orme.
Thando:
Hugmay
be?
 
Me:
Idon'
thugst
ranger
s. 
Hel
aughed.
 
Thando:
Far
eenough.
 
Me:
Bye.
 
Hewat
chedmewal
kaway
,Icoul
dfeel
hisey
es
onme.
 
Ij
ustsmil
ed.Igoti
nsi
det
hehouse,
dad'
scar
wasoutsi
de.
 
Iwentt
oputmybagsinmyr
oom t
henhear
da
peepfr
om myphone.
 
Iopenedt
het
ext
. 
"
Missy
oual
ready
 :
( 
"
Ijustsmil
ed.Idi
dn'
trepl
y.Lut
hando
though. 

.
.
[
08/
23,
19:
10]Must
angMan:
46
OnMonday ,Iwokeupandt ookabath.Iwas
t
ired,Ibar
elyslept
.Ispentmostofmynight
t
alkingtoLuthandooverthephonet
hatIthi
nkI
feelasl
eepwhi l
ehewasst i
ll
speaki
ng.
 
Isnoozedmyalar
mt wicebef
oreIf
inal
l
ywoke
up.Ihadtoaddbathsalt
ssoIcoul
dgetouta
bitr
efr
eshed.
 
IgotoutwhenIwasdonet
hendr
iedand
l
otionedmybody.
 
Iwasabi tr
efr
eshedbutIcoul
dst
il
lfeel
exhaust
ioninmybody. 
Iworemyst
ocki
ngs,ski
rt
,T-shi
rtandti
e.I
combedmyhair
,Ihadunpl
aitedmyhair.Imade
twopony
tai
l
sandwenttot hekit
chen.
 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Iki
ssedt
hem bot
hont
hecheeks.
 
Ki
tso:
Someonei
shappy
. 
Dad:
Mor
ning.
 
Isatdown,
wit
hdadl
ooki
ngatmewi
thcaut
ion.
 
Me:
Andt
hen?
 
Dad:
What
?I'
m Iwr
ongt
olookatmydaught
er?
 
Me:
Kodway oulooki
ngatmel
i
keI
'
m aconv
ict
i
napol
icecell
. 
Dad:
Apol
ogi
est
hen.
 
Il
ethi
m beanddi
shedupsomebr
eakf
ast
,eggs
andst
uff
. 
Kit
so:Younev
err
eal
l
ytol
dmehowy
ouwenton
Satur
day.
 
Asmil
einvol
unt
ari
l
ycreptupinmyface.Dad
l
ookedatmewitharai
sedeyebr
ow.Haibo,t
his
guy
. 
Anyway,Iwipedthesmi
l
eof
f,cl
ear
edmyt
hroat
thenf
inal
lyspoke. 
Me:Ihadagoodidea.Kagi
sanoisr
eal
l
yfunt
o
bearound,
weevenwentshopping.
 
Ki
tso:
Icanseebyt
hebigsmil
eandhowyour
ey
esli
tupwhenyoutal
kedabouther
. 
Me:
Yeahhey
. 
Dad:
Ist
hatal
lthathappened?
 
Me:
Whatel
se?May
beI
'
m mi
ssi
ngsomet
hing.
 
Ishr
uggedmyshoulders.Ki
tsochuckl
edwhi
l
e
dadjustshookhi
shead. 
Dad:
Wel
l
,Ihopey
oubei
nghonest
. 
Me:
Hai
dad,
youbei
ngcr
eepynow.
 
Dad:Iwasj
ustsay
ing,
mov
ingon,
howdi
dyou
sl
eep? 
Me:
Umm.
.I.
.Good,
Isl
eptgood.
 
Dad:
Mm
I
t'
sli
kehecoul
dseeri
ghtthroughme.Idi
dn'
t
hav
eanyt
hingt
ohidethough. 
Anyway,af
terbr
eakf
ast
,Iwasi
nthebackseat
becauseKi
tsowasbackatwor
k. 
Ki
tso:
Ireal
l
ywi
shIwasn'
tgoi
ngt
owor
k. 
Me:
Tir
edal
ready
? 
Ki
tso:
LikeIhar
dlysl
ept
. 
Ifonl
ysheknewshewasn' ttheonlyone.Iwas
real
lyexhaustedthoughIwasn'tshowingbutI
knewt heti
rednesswill
overcomeast heday
proceeds.
 
Dad:
Pleasebehav
eyoui
nmat
ri
cnow.You
can'
taf
for
danydi
str
act
ions.
 
Me:
Yesdaddy
. 
Dad:I
'm pr
oudofhowfaryou'
vecomeandI
t
rustt
haty ouwon'
tl
etany
oneoranyt
hingbr
ing
youback. 
Me:
Yebobaba.
 
Ki
tso:
Takecar
e,wel
ovey
ou.
 
Me:YouguysdoknowI
'
m comi
ngbacki
nli
ke8
hour
sri
ght?
 
Theychuckl
ed.Ihadt
osaythatthough,
you'
d
swearI'
m goi
ngawayfordaysorweeksoreven
months.
 
DadgavememymoneyandIgotoff
,thebel
l
rangj
ustasIwasappr
oachi
ngt
hegat
e. 
I
tseemsI'
m al
waysl
atenow.Any
way
,Iwentt
o
putmybagint
heassembly
. 
Iwentbackt
ocl
assafterassemblyandlessons
commencedasusual
.Ireal
lywishthey
'dallend
thenwegot obr
eakwhenwe'veatt
endedall
l
essons.IknewIwasgonnacomebackand
sleepi
nclassaf
terl
i
keapregnantl
earner
. 
Whenthebel
lrangforbr
eak,
Igotoutandwent
t
odri
nksomewat erfi
rst
. 
Ithenwentt
obuyamagweny
awi
thchi
cken
feet.
 
Ler
ato:
Woah.
 
I
swhatshesaidimmedi at
elywhenshesaw
whatIwaseati
ng.I'
m notafanofoi
lyfoodbutI
r
eall
yfel
tli
keeati
ngthatatthatmoment. 
Me:
Don'
tev
ensayI
t.
 
Isai
dwi
thachuckl
e.Isatdown.
 
Kar
abo:
Youknow,
I'
mreal
l
yti
redofbei
ng
si
ngl
enow.
 
Ler
ato:
Whathappenedt
oXol
i
? 
Kar
abo:
Argh,
youmeant
hatdouchebag.
 
Me:
Wai
t.
..Whi
chXol
i
? 
NowIr eal
l
yneededtoknowcauset
heonl
yXol
i
thatcl
i
ckedonmymi ndwastheoneThul
i
datedatGrade10.
Hewasdoingmat
ri
clasty
ear
,pr
obabl
yat
var
sit
ynow. 
Thequest
ionthatwi
l
lfol
l
owi
fsheprovi
desme
wit
haconfir
mat i
oni
swhent
heyst
arted
dat
ing.
 
Idon'
tknowwhyIwassuddenl ycuriousto
knowbecauseThuliwasn'
tmyf ri
endanymor e
orcoul
ditbethatImaybewant edtoknowi f
sheli
edtomeaboutt hey'
rer
elati
onshipas
well
? 
Ir
eal
l
yhadnoaf
fi
rmat
iveanswerf
ort
hat
. 
Kar
abo:
Hewasdoi
ngmat
ri
cher
elasty
ear
. 
Bingo!Wetal
kingaboutthesameperson.Iwas
abouttoaskhermyf ol
l
owingquest
ionwhen
Thatospoke.
 
That
o:It
houghty
ouguy
swer
ehappi
l
yinl
ove.
 
Sheasked,
conf
usi
oncl
ear
lyaudi
bleI
nher
voi
ce.
 
Kar
abo:It
houghtsot
oo.I
t'
sjustnott
hesame
any
more 
Ler
ato:
Okay
,nowI
'
m conf
used.
 
Kar
abo:
Idon'
tl
ovehi
m. 
Me:
Howl
onghav
eyouguy
sbeent
oget
her
? 
Karabo:
We'
vebeent
oget
herf
ort
hreey
ear
s
now. 
Me:
Wai
t.
.What
? 
Ler
ato:
Yousoundsur
pri
sed.
 
Me:
It'
sjust
..Thul
ioncedat
edaXol
i
. 
Kar
abo:Ohy
eah,
youknowIt
hinkhe'
sst
il
li
n
l
ovewit
hher
. 
Me:
Okay
,I'
m conf
used.Whatam Imi
ssi
ng?
 
Ler
ato:Wel
lbasi
cal
l
y,heal
mostl
eftherf
or
Thul
i.
 
Me:
Wow.
 
Kar
abo:Il
ovedhi
m somucht hen.Iwas
act
ual
lyhappywhenshel
efthiminstead.
 
Me:
Inev
ergott
oknowhowt
hatended.
 
Kar
abo:Ij
ust.
.If
eelstuck.It
'sli
keI
'
m hol
ding
ontosomethi
ngthatain'
ttherenomore.
 
That
o:I
ssher
eal
l
ypr
egnant
? 
Thatwasprobabl
yherwayofchangi
ngthe
subj
ectbutIf
eelweweresti
l
lonthesame
topi
cinaway. 
Act
uall
y,Ial
sowonderedi
fshewasr eal
l
y
pr
egnant.ImeanThembekadi
df akeher
pr
egnancytotryandt
rapQui
nton. 
Itdi
dn'twor
kandwhatI
'mtry
ingtosayis,t
he
trut
halwayshasawayofcomingout,
regardl
essofwhatt
het
rut
hmi ghtbei
nt hi
s
case. 
Kar
abo:
Ithi
nksobutsomehow,
I'
m notbuy
ing
i
t.
 
Ler
ato:WeallknowK-mor
elov
edBongaand
nother
,shecouldpr
obabl
ybefaki
ngi
t.
 
Me:Youthinkshe'
dgotosuchext
remes?
They
'vebeentoget
herf
orsolong.
 
That
o:AllI
'
m sayi
ngis,wecannotputany
thi
ng
acr
ossthatgi
rl
.KonkeKuyenzeka,
especi
all
y
whenItcomestoher.
 
Me:I
'
mlooki
ngfor
wardtobeinganauntt
hough,
soIr
eal
l
yhopeshe'
spregnant.
 
Ler
ato:
Doy
our
eal
l
ymeant
hat
? 
Me:
Yep,
Ido.
 
Ler
ato:
Imean,
arey
our
eal
l
yov
erhi
m? 
Me:
Icanbetmyownl
i
feoni
t.
 
Kar
abo:Youknow,bei
ngsi
ngl
eisgoodony
ou.
Youevengl
owing.
 
Me:
Yousay
? 
Igr
inned.Theychuckl
ed.Weal
lwentt
oour
di
ff
erentclassesaf
tert
hat.
 
Iwasr eal
lyhappywhenthef
inal
Bel
loft
heday
rang.Isatdownalit
tl
e. 
Iwasexhaust
ed,
Isl
eptont
wooft
hel
ast
per
iods.
 
"
Onewoul
dthi
nky
ouwer
eupal
lni
ght
,ohav
er"
Il
ookedup.I
twasNobuhle.Myheadhadbeen
bowedonthetabl
eunt
ilshespoke.
 
Me:
HowIwi
sht
hatwast
rue.
 
Shesatdownbesi
desme.Okay
,what
'
s
happeni
ngnow? 
Nobuhl
e:Youknow,
webot hlostK-
mor
esoI
don'
tseewhywesti
llf
ight
ing.
 
Me: Wenotfight
ing,
youshoul
dknowt
hat
'
s
yourst
yle.Notmine.
 
Nobuhl
e:Ouch.IguessIdeser
vet
hat
. 
Youdeservemuchmor ebutbecauseI
'ma
Chri
sti
an,Iwasn'
taboutt
oletthedevi
ltakeany
cont
rolofmymi nd.
 
TheBibl
edoessay
;"Rebuket
hedev
ilandhe
wil
lfl
eefr
om you"
Anyway
,mov i
ngon,
Ididn'
trepl
ytot
hatbut
l
ookedatheri
nst
ead. 
Shecl
ear
edhert
hroat
. 
Nobuhl e:Ithinkitwasmor eofanobsession
thanl ov e.HadIknownhewaspl ayi
ngmeal l
along, Iwoul dn'thav
ef oughtforhi
m.AllI'
m
tryi
ngt osayi s,Iam t
rulysorr
yforallt
hatIput
yout hrough.Dat i
ngthepresidentt
urnedme
i
nt osuchabi tch.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.Thatwast
rue.
 
Nobuhl
e:I'
m notsay
ingwebefri
ends,
butI'
m
aski
ngthatweputevery
thi
ngbehi
ndus. 
Youknow.Iwasactual
lygl
adshewasendi
ng
what
everbeefsheusedtohav
ewithme. 
Iwasn'
ti
nter
est
edinhowgenui neshemightbe
ori
fshecoul
dbelyingbutt
hemat teroft
he
momentwasputti
ngeveryt
hingbehindusandI
coul
dn'
tsaynot
othat
. 
Me:Iagreewit
hy ou.Imean,
we'
vebeen
cl
assmatesforthreeyear
snow,
it'
sonl
yfai
rwe
getal
ong. 
Nobuhl
e:Exact
ly,
doest
hatmeany
ouf
orgi
ve
me? 
Ismi
l
ed,
looki
ngather
. 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Herey
esgl
owed.
 
Nobuhl
e:ThankYou.
Shest
oodup.
 
Nobuhle:
Justf
ortherecor
d,y
oubeaut
if
ul.Way
morethanyouthi
nk.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Shenoddedandl
eft
,tossi
ngherasssi
det
o
si
de.
 
I
twasti
meformetogonow.Al
lthatwason
mymindwasget
ti
nghome,t
aki
ngashower
andt
hrowi
ngmybi
gassont
hebed.
 
Isi
ghedandt ookmybag.HowIwishIwasa
magician,I
'
dsnapmyfinger
sandbehomeina
second. 
Anothersigh.Mybagev
enfel
tmor
eheav
ythan
usual,
ifyouknowwhatImean.
 
Thewal
ktotheGatewasl
ongert
hanMandel
a'
s
wal
ktofr
eedom. 
Idi
dn'
tevenbotherwalki
nganyf
urt
her
,Iwai
ted
ri
ghtt
her
ef orataxi
. 
Istoppedthefi
rsttaxiIsaw,sur
pri
singl
y,i
twas
empt ybutIdi
dn'tevenbothersi
tt
inginthefr
ont
passengerseat.
 
"
Youl
ookt
ir
ed"
Me:
Trustme,
Ifeel
mor
ethant
ir
ed.
 
Isai
d,sl
eepi
ngonmyar
ms.
 
"
Youdon'
trecogni
zemyv
oice?
"
Ir
eal
l
yhadn'
tbeenpay
ingt
hatmuchat
tent
ion
towhoevercoul
dbetal
ki
ngtomeandi
t'
swhen
heasked,t
hatIl
ookedupathi
m. 
Me:
Woah,
youat
axi
dri
vernow?
 
Hechuckled.I
twasthekinderchuckl
ethat
woul
dmakey ouLaugh,
nomat t
erhowangry
youmightbesoIendedupl aughingathi
s
l
augh,i
fthatmakessenset oyou. 
Thando:
No,
ifIwas,
thi
staxi
woul
dbef
ull
.
 
Me:
Sowhat
'shappeni
ng?
 
Thando:
Myf
atherownsat
axi
busi
ness.
 
Me:
Ohh,
soy
oucamet
opi
ckmeup?
 
Thando:Complet
elyacoi
nci
dence.Idi
dn'
teven
knowy ouweregonnacomeatthatti
meorthat
youevenschoolhere.
 
Me:IguessIj
ustbumpedi
ntoyout
hen.Lucky
me.I'
m gonnasavesomet
axif
aret
oday. 
Hechuckl
ed.God,
whywashedoi
ngt
his?I
l
aughedagai
n.Heneedst
ost
op. 
Iendedupj
ustsmi
l
ing.
 
Thando:
Wel
lbecausei
t'
syou,
I'
ll
leti
tsl
i
de.
 
Me:
Yeah,
plusy
ouoweme.
 
Thando:
Whatf
or?
 
Me: Youkeptmeupal
mostal
lni
ght
,nowI
'
m
exhausted.
 
Helaughed.Itwassexy
,ifthatev
enmakes
sense,butdon'
tworr
y,I
'm notgett
ingany
i
deas. 
Thando:Youact
ual
lytheonewhoowesmef or
sl
eepingwit
houtev
ensay i
nggoodni
ght.Ikept
sayi
ngKhensani
,Khen,BabybutDol
olorepl
y. 
Ibur
stouti
nlaught
er.It
houghtIwast
hecr
azy
onebuthewasthecrazi
est
.
Me:
Iguesswesquar
enow.
 
Thando:
Onl
yfornow.
 
Me:I
sitj
ustmeort
hist
axi
ismov
ingpr
ett
y
sl
ow? 
Hel
aughed.
 
Thando:
Ijustdon'
twannal
ety
ougo.
 
Hesang.Heact
ual
l
yhadagoodv
oice,
notbad.
 
Me:
Mor
e,mor
e. 
Icheer
edandhel
aughed.
 
Thando:
That
'smor
ethanenough.
 
If
rowned.
 
Me:
Yousuchamoodki
l
l.
 
Thando:
Don'
tworr
y,I
'
llsi
ngforyoueveryt
ime
yougotosl
eepf
ortherestofourl
i
ves. 
Me:
Yout
alki
ngl
i
kewemar
ri
edorsomet
hing.
 
Thando:Whoknowswhatdest
inyhasi
nSt
ore
forus.
 
Hest
oppedt
wohousesawayf
rom mi
ne.
 
Thando:
Iwannat
akey
ouout
. 
Me:
When?
 
Thando:
OnSat
urday
.Ther
e'sact
ual
l
ythi
sdo
t
heguy
sar
ehav
ing.
 
Me:
Youaski
ngmet
obeadat
e? 
Thando:
Wel
lyea,
youcanputi
tthatway
. 
Me:
I'
ll
thi
nkabouti
t.
 
Thando:
Kagi
sanowi
l
lal
sobet
her
e. 
Igi
ggled.I
twaspr
obabl
yhi
swayofmaki
ngme
sayyes. 
Me:
Okayf
ine,
I'
ll
gowi
thy
ou.
 
Thando:
ThankYousweet
ness.
 
Me:
Thanksf
ort
her
ide.
 
Igotoutandwavedathi
m.Heblewmeaki
ss,
madeaU- tur
nthenhehoot
edandl
eft
. 
Iar
ri
vedhome.Idroppedmybagatt
heki
tchen
Andstr
ippedwhenIgotinmyroom.
 
Idi
dn'
tevenlot
ionaf
tershower
ing.Ij
ustdr
ied
andwrappedatowelaroundmybody. 
It
hent
hrewmy
sel
fonmybedandf
inal
l
ysl
ept
. 
.
.
[
08/
23,
19:
10]Must
angMan:
47
Ican'tsayIknewwhatwasgoingonbetween
LuthandoAndI .Wehadn'
tputati
tl
eonitbut
wewer egr
owingpret
tycl
ose.He'
dcal
lme
everydayandtextme. 
Iknowhesaidi
twasacoi
nci
denceonMonday
buthe'
sbeenpi
cki
ngmeupfrom school
since
then.
 
Notwi
that
axi
ofcour
se.
 
Anyway
,it
'sFr
idayandt
omor
rowI
'
m goi
ngwi
th
hi
mt ot
hatdo. 
Kagisanobeggedmet ocomewith,onlyf
orme
totell
herthatThandohadlongaskedme, she
wasv eryexci
ted.She'
sonlyayearoldert
han
me, i
fIneverment i
onedandwewer ethebest
offri
ends. 
Iwassi
tt
ingwi
thmyf
ami
l
y,hav
ingbr
eakf
ast
. 
Ki
tso:
Ican'
twai
ttof
inal
l
ygi
vebi
rt
h. 
Me:
That
'sl
i
kei
nlesst
hanf
ivemont
hs.
 
Dad:Tel
lherbaby
.Iwonderhowyougonnaf
eel
whenyouat8mont hsAndheavy
. 
Sheshothi
m adeathst
are.Iwant
edt
olaugh
butj
usthel
diti
n. 
Ki
tso:
IfIwer
eyou,
I'
dchoosemywor
dswi
sel
y.
 
Us:
Woah!
 
It
henbur
stouti
nlaught
er,
Ijustcoul
dn'
thol
dit
i
nanymore.
 
Thedr
ivetoschoolwassi
l
ent
.Iwasn'
t
compl
aini
ngthough.
 
HegavememymoneyandIki
ssedhi
m ont
he
cheekandgotof
f.
 
I
tseemedIwaspret
tyear
lyt
hist
ime.Iwentto
myclass,
putmybagdownandjustsatdown.
 
Kagi
so:
Lookwho'
sear
lyt
oday
. 
Ir
oll
edmyey
esi
nwar
dly
.Ir
eal
l
ywasn'
ti
nthe
moodf
orher
. 
Nott
hatIev
eram.
 
Ij
ustplai
nlyi
gnor
edher.HowIwishIhadmy
phonewithmenow, I
'
dbescrol
li
ngdownonit
nowinsteadi
fhavi
ngtofacet
hisbi
tch.
 
Kagi
so:
SoIhear
dyouandNobuhl
ear
efr
iends
now.
 
Me:Pl
easef
orwar
dtot
hepar
twher
eIact
ual
l
y
gi
veadamn. 
Shelookedatmewi t
hhermouthhanging,t
rut
h
i
s,Ididn'
twantanyt
hingt
odowi t
hher.She'
s
toomuchofagossipandIdon'tknowwhatshe
Andherfri
end(Thul
i)wantf
rom me. 
Whycan'
ttheyj
ustl
eav
emeal
one?
 
Iknowthatwhatev
ersheasksme,
she'
sgoi
ng
torepor
tbacktoThul
i.
Kagi
so:Youi
nsuchamoodtoday.Can'
thandl
e
seei
ngK-mor
ehavi
ngababywithsomeone
el
se? 
Didshejustsaythat?Icouldn'
tbeliev
e.Ialmost
sl
appedbutshewasobv i
ouslygoingtothink
shehitanerve.Yazi
,Idon'tgetit
.Idon'tget
whytheyt hi
nkI'
m sti
llhanguponKamogel o.I
meanIbr okeupwi t
hhi m. 
He'
swithThuli
nowandthey'
rehav
ingababy
,
whycan'
ttheyfocusont
hat
? 
Whydot
heyst
il
lseemeasat
hreat
? 
Me:
Wit
hwho?You?
 
Iactedli
keIdi
dnotknowwhatshewast al
ki
ng
about.Ir
eal
lydi
dn'
tcarebutIwasgoi
ngto
l
eav eherwi
thsomethi
ngtotal
kabout
,that
's
forsure.
 
IwassickAndti
redofherr
ubbi
ngThul
i
's
rel
ati
onshi
pinmyfaceli
keIgi
veadamn.
ThesameThuliwhodi
dn'
ttr
ustheratfi
rst
,ifi
t
wasn'
tbecauseofme,
theywoul
dn'tbefri
ends
now. 
Sheshoul
dbegi
vi
ngmecr
edi
tfort
hati
nst
ead
ofannoy
ingmekunj
e. 
Shechuckl
ed.Il
etherbe.Shet
ookoutaphone,
scr
oll
eddownabi tandshowedmeapict
ure.
 
Kagiso:
Thuli
.ButIknowyouknow,shetol
dme
sheoncesawy ouathishome.Youreal
lyt
ryi
ng
tousehistwint
ogethim Neh?Wellsweet
ie,
it
won'twork.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Kagi
so:
Hel
ovesThul
i
. 
Me:
Oh,
yout
hink?
 
Kagi
so:
Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Me:
Youdon'
tgeti
t,doy
ou?
 
Kagi
so:
What
? 
Me:
Icangethi
m wi
thj
ustasnapofaf
inger
. 
Isnappedmyf
inger
.Shel
ookedatme
cauti
ousl
y.
 
Kagi
so:
Youwoul
dn'
t.
 
Me:
Wannabet
? 
Thebellr
angandIleftherwit
hthateggonher
faceandwenttoassembly. 
Ihadnointer
estinKamogel
owhatsoeverbut
sometimes,y
ouneedtojustl
etpeopl
ebeliev
e
whattheywantto. 
Iknewshewasgoi
ngtot
ell
herf
ri
endWhatI
sai
dbutIdi
dn'
tcar
e. 
Myr el
ati
onshipwithKamogel
owasdoomed
from t
hestartsoasmuchaswehadagood
thinggoi
ngon, Iwoul
dn'
twanttohaveal
lthat
bitsofbadback,soIcanhavethegood.
 
Ichi
l
ledwit
ht hegir
lsatbr
eakasusual
,Kar
abo
wasabsentthough.
 
Iwaseat
ingsomef
rui
ts.
 
Me:
Isshesi
ck?
 
Iasked,
aft
erIhadbeent
oldshe'
snotat
school
. 
Ler
ato:Sheal
way
shast
hosesev
ereper
iod
pai
ns. 
Me:
Thatsucks 
That
o:Somuch.So,
who'
sthehott
iewho'
s
al
wayspicki
ngy
ouupaft
erschool
? 
Lerat
o:Maybei
t'
sK-more.Theyprobabl
yback
toget
her
,Ihear
dhisdi
ckisaddict
ive.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Eeuw.
 
Ler
ato:
Don'
tactv
irgi
nonme.
 
Me:Ifonl
yyouknewwedi
dn'
tev
engett
othat
poi
nt. 
That
o:Youki
ddi
ngr
ight
? 
Me:
Nope,
I'
mforr
eal
. 
Theyl
aughed.Il
ookedatthem,conf
used.Di
dI
sayaj
okemay bewithoutr
eal
isi
ngit
? 
Ihadt
oask.
Me:
DidIsaysomet
hingwr
ong?
 
Ler
ato:
Youact
ual
l
yser
ious?
 
Me:
Yes,
li
keahear
tat
tack.
 
That
o:Wow.
 
Me:
What
'sup?
 
Lerat
o: K-
morenev
erdat
essomeoneandnot
fuckthem. 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Thato:
Yes,
he'
sfuckedal
mostal
lgi
rl
sint
his
school
. 
Me:
Exceptf
orme.
 
Ler
ato:
Iguessher
eal
l
ylov
edy
ou.
 
Thato:I
ndeed.Youmean,
henev
erev
en
touchedyoudownther
e? 
Igi
ggl
edAndshookmyhead 
That
o:I
fhecanf
uckagi
rlhe'
snotdat
ingand
f
uckhi
sgirl
ontheirf
ir
stweekandnoteven
t
ouchyouaft
eryoudatedsol
ong,hereal
ly
l
ovedy
ou. 
Me:
Iguesshedi
d. 
Lerat
o:Asf
ort
hatThul
i
,she'
sjustwast
ingher
ti
me. 
Thato:Asi
ftr
appi
nghi
m wi
thababywoul
d
work. 
Ler
ato:
Nev
er.Any
way
,ar
ey'
al
lbackt
oget
her
? 
Me:
What
?No.
 
That
o:Thenwho'
sthehot
ti
e? 
Me:
Lut
hando,
afr
iendofmi
ne.
 
Them:
Mm f
ri
end.
 
Ij
ustl
aughed,
shaki
ngmyhead.
 
Iwashappywhent
hebel
lfi
nal
l
yrangf
oraf
ter
school
. 
If
oundhi
m wai
ti
ngformeasusual
.Hewas
dr
ivi
ngat
axit
hist
ime. 
Anyway,wehuggedshor
tl
yandIgotin.He
knowsInevergeti
nthef
rontdoorIsatont
he
seatbehi
ndhis.
 
Thando:
Thi
ssucks.
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Bei
ngal
one,
int
hef
ront
. 
Me:
Youshoul
dbeusedt
oitbynow.
 
Thando:
Ican'
twai
tfort
omor
row.
 
Me:
Oh?
 
Thando:
Yeah,I
'l
lfi
nal
l
ygett
ospendawhol
elot
ofti
mewi t
hyou.
 
Me:
I'
mlooki
ngfor
war
dt oi
taswell.Ihope
t
her
ewil
lbel
otsandl
otsoffood.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Youl
ovef
oodNeh.
 
Me:That
'snosi
n.Besi
des,
theyar
emadet
obe
eat
en.
 
Thando:I'
l
lmakesureourcupboar
dsneverr
un
outoffoodthen,
fort
herestofourl
iv
es.
 
Me:
Didy
ouj
ustmakeav
ow?
 
Hechuckl
ed.Gosh,
ifonl
yheknewhowt
hat
al
waysmakesmef eel
. 
If
oundmysel
flaughi
ngaswel
l
,itcomes
i
nvol
unt
ari
l
y. 
Thando:
I'
m act
ual
l
yser
ious.
 
Me:
I'
ll
hol
dyout
oit
 
Itookmybagandgotout.Ist
oodonhi
s
passengerwi
ndow,
from out
side.
 
Me:
Tomor
row.
 
Thando:
12:
00noon.
 
Me:
Goti
t.Thanksf
ort
her
ide.
 
Iwi
nkedandhechuckl
ed.Ir
anhome.
 
Iwentt
ot akeashowerasal
way
sbutt
hist
ime,
Idi
dn'
tsleep.
IworeaT- shi
rtdr
esswi
thsl
i
pper
sandwentt
o
theki
tchen,tocook.
 
Iwasal
one.Andagai
n,Imi
ssedcooki
ng.
 
Iwasmaki
ngr
icewi
thchi
ckenst
ewandsome
col
esl
aw.
 
Therewasaknockonthedoor
.Iwasn'
t
expecti
ngsomeone,
soIwonderedwhothat
couldbe. 
Iwi
pedmyhandsbef
oregoi
ngt
oopen.
 
Iwassurpr
isedt
ofindKamogeloonmy
door
step.Whatwashedoinghere?
 
Imean,i
fdadwouldfi
ndhim her
e,Idon'
tev
en
wanttot
hinkaboutwhatcoul
dhappen. 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
? 
Kamo:
CanIgeti
n? 
Me:
Ufunani
LaKamogel
o? 
Hepushedmegentl
ytot
hesideandgotin.I
f
orgothowper
suasi
vehecanbe.Il
ethi
m be,
cl
osedthedoorandf
oll
owedhi
mtot
he
l
ounge.
 
Hehadmadehi
msel
fcomf
ort
abl
eont
he
couch.
 
Me:
Yazi
ubr
ave.
 
Kamo:I
'
llhav
eagl
assofj
uiceorshoul
dIpour
i
tmysel
f? 
Me:Youknowifdadf
indsy
ouher
e,y
ouwon'
t
comeali
vethi
sti
me. 
Kamo:Di
dyoureal
l
yhav
etobet
hatcr
uel
And
remi
ndmeofsuchamemory
? 
Il
aughed.Theexpr
essi
ononhi
sfacewas
pr
icel
ess.
 
Me:Shoul
dn'
tyoubef
eel
i
ngy
ourbaby
'sl
i
vings
bynow? 
Helookedatmewit
hastrai
ghtface.Igi
ggl
ed
andwentbackt
otheki
tchen.Hefoll
owedme. 
Me:
Youst
il
lhav
en'
ttol
dmewhaty
ouwant
. 
Kamo:
Iwanty
ou.
 
Me:
Yougoi
ngmadmf
undi
ni.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Your
eal
l
ycr
azynow.
 
Kamo:
Shel
i
edt
ome.
 
Me:
What
? 
Kamo:Shewasn'
tpregnant
.Thedoct
orsay
s
herwombisscar
red.
 
Me:
Whyy
out
ell
i
ngmeal
lthi
s? 
Kamo: Ican'tdothi
sanymore.Ican'
tbewit
ha
gi
rlIdon'tlovebecauseofsome..
.Trut
his,
I
wantyou, Ineedyou,Il
oveyou.
 
Me:
Ithi
nky
ouj
ustconf
used.
 
Kamo:
I'
m wi
l
li
ngt
ofi
ghtf
orus.
 
Me:
Ther
e'snousKamogel
o. 
Kamo:Youbr
okeupwit
hmebutI'mtheone
whocametoyou,
asfarasI
'
m concer
ned,i
t'
s
notov
erunt
ilIsayi
tis.
 
Me:
Theny
our
eal
l
ycr
azy
. 
Myphoner
angont
hecount
er,
itwasj
ustnext
t
ohim. 
Me:
Pleasepassmemyphone.
 
Het
ooki
t,l
ookedatt
hecal
l
eri
dthenl
ookedat
me.
 
Me:
Myphonedude.
 
Kamo:
Who'
sLut
hando?
 
Me:
Noneofy
ourbusi
ness.
 
Helookedatmewi
thhi
sey
ebr
owsbr
ought
t
ogether.
 
Itr
iedtaki
ngmyphoneawayfrom hi
m.
Luthandonay
ecoul
dn'
tstopcall
i
ng. 
Heanswer
edont
het
hir
dri
ng.
 
Me:
Kamogel
o! 
Iwar
nedbuthedi
dn'
tl
ist
ent
oanyoft
hat
.
Inst
ead,
heshotmeadeat
hst
areandIj
ust
shutup.
 
Kamo:
Khensani
'
sphonehel
l
o. 
Il
ookedathi
mindi
sbel
i
ef.
 
Kamo:Whoar
eyouandwhatdoy
ouwantf
rom
her
? 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:She'st
aken,f
uckof fman..
.Idon'tcare.
.
Yes,
I'
mt heboyf
ri
end..Idon'
tevenwannaknow
whatyoucapabl
eof..I
fyoudarecallagain.
. 
Hecl
i
ckedhi
stongueanddr
oppedmyphone.
 
Kamo:
Younotgoi
ngt
oseet
hisguyagai
n. 
Me:
That
'snotf
ory
out
odeci
de.
 
Kamo:
Iwon'
trepeatmy
sel
fKhensani
.
 
Me: Oh,nowbecausey ourpr
eci
ousgi
rl
fri
end
i
sn'tpregnantanymoreyourememberpoor
Khensani?WasIt her
ewheny ouwer
efucking
herwithnopr ot
ecti
on? 
Kamo:
Idi
dn'
t
.Thecondom br
oke.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Youmor
est
upi
dthanIt
hought
. 
Kamo:
Khensani
.
Me:
Leav
emeal
one,
justgo.
Kamo:
Youdon'
tmeant
hat
.
Me:
Ido.
 
Hecametome, keptcomi
ngcl
oser
.Icoul
dn'
t
st
epbackbecausemybackwasagainstt
he
fr
idge.
 
Kamo:
Youmi
neKhensani
,mi
ne.
 
Heki
ssedmynoseandlef
t.Ohmygod, hi
s
br
eat
hnextt
omyf acehadalr
eadysentchi
ll
s
al
lov
ermyspine.
 
Me:
Getagr
ipNokubonga.
 
Iwasn'
tgoingtoall
owmy sel
ftoevent
hink
abouti
t.Kamogeloiscrazy,I
'
m notgoi
ngtoget
backwithhim,
never. 
Idon'
tcar
ewhatbindshi
mtoThul
i
,that
'
snone
ofmybusiness.
 
Af
tercooki
ng,Idi
shedupforKi
tsoanddad,
I
wasn'
thungryany
more. 
Iwasgoingt
oeatlat
er.Iwentt
omybedr
oom,
cl
osedthedoorandsatonmybed.
Ineededtocal
lThandoandexpl
ainev
ery
thi
ng
tohim. 
Heanswer
edont
hef
ir
str
ing.
 
Thando:
Khensani
,i
sity
ou?
 
Me:
Umm y
eah,
it'
sme.
 
Thando:
ThankGod.Whathappenedear
li
er?
 
Me:
Thatwassomeannoy
ingexofmi
ne.
 
Thando:
Whatwashedoi
ngwi
thy
ourphone?
 
Me:Hewasheret
henwhenitrang,Iaskedhi
m
topassitt
omebuthedeci
dedtofagazainmy
busi
ness. 
Thando:
Ohwel
l
,het
oldmet
ost
ayawayf
rom
y
ou.
 
Me:
He'
sjustcr
azy
. 
Thando:
West
il
lonf
ort
omor
rowr
ight
? 
Me:Yeah.Youknowifyoukeeponaski
ngso
manyti
mes, Imi
ghtchangemymind. 
Hel
aughedabi
t.
 
Thando:
okay
,I'
m sor
ry.I
'
llst
opaski
ng.
 
Me:
Good.
 
Hetoldmetodropandcal
ledmebackandwe
cont
inuedt
alki
ngti
l
lIdon'
tknowwhen.
 
Kit
sohadlongt
oldmeshe'
shomeandI
'
m
guessi
ngdadwasworki
ngl
ate.
 
Iwasl
ooki
ngforwardtoTomor
row,I
'
m not
goi
ngt
ostressaboutKamohel
oshame.
 
.
.
  
[
08/
23,
19:
10]Must
angMan:
48
Youknow,
Idi
dn'
tneedanycompl
i
cati
onsi
nmy
l
if
eandKamogel
owasjustgoi
ngtobr
ingt
hat
. 
Icouldn'teventel
ldadAbouthim cominghere,
I
couldn'
tr i
skhim beati
ngt
hehelloutofhim
again.I
'm prett
yhewasgoingt okil
lhi
m andI
wouldn'tsurvi
vehav i
ngmyfatherinj
ailand
beingraisedbymyst epmother. 
Somethi
ngel
sehesaidwassti
l
lri
ngi
ngi
nmy
mind."
Shewasn'
tpr
egnant"
Sosheli
ed?Whywoul
dshedosomet
hingt
his
dev
iousthough?
 
Anyway ,Idi
dn'
twantt
oevent
hinkmoreabout
that.Ihadsomethi
ngel
setot
hinkabout
,the
date. 
Iknowit
'snotadat
edat
ebuti
t'
sst
il
ladat
e
ei
therway.
 
Hesai
d12,andf
rom whatIknowabouthi
m,
he'
l
lpr
obabl
ybeher
eby11:57am.
Itookabat
h,ahotbat
hwi
thal
lthebat
hsal
ts
andfoam. 
Ijustsati
nthereandrelaxed.I
twasli
kemy
ownspa, Ineededtogetridofallt
het
ensi
oni
n
myshoul der
ssoIcanr eall
yenjoymyday
today. 
Igotofft
hebathtubwhenthewaterwas
tur
ningcol
d,Idi
dn'tev
encareaboutmyski
n
bei
ngwr i
nkl
ed. 
Idr
iedthenIl
oti
onedandworemypant
ywith
nobra,
Ididn'
tknowwhatIwasgoi
ngtowear.
 
Kagi
sanocall
edmewhi
l
eIwasst
il
lthat
i
ndeci
siv
e. 
Me:
Hey
. 
Kagi
:Idon'
tknowwhatt
owear
. 
Ichuckl
ed.I
twasli
kesher
eadmymi
ndcauseI
alsohadnoideawhatt
owear
. 
Me:
Arey
oupsy
chi
corsomet
hing?
 
Shel
aughed.
 
Kagi
:Har
dly
.
Me:Li
kemyheadi
sst
uck.Idon'
tknowwhatt
o
weart
oo.
 
Kagi
:Idon'
twannabet oof
ancy
.Li
aanet
oldme
toj
ustwearanyt
hing.
 
Me:
Thenwearany
thi
ng.
Kagi
:Idon'
tknowwhybutIwannai
mpr
ess.
 
Me:Tr
yingt
ogety
ourgr
oov
eonwi
thawhi
te
guy
? 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Kagi
:That
'
scr
azybuty
eah.
.
Me:Youknowwhat,I
'
mjustgoingt
owear
what
ever
,Iai
n'
tgonnast
ress.
Kagi
:Argh,
met
oo.He'
l
ljusthav
etot
akeme
l
ikeIam 
Me:
Yeschommi
e. 
Shel
aughedandwehangupatt
hesamet
ime.
 
Iworeablackopenbacktopwit
hlonglace
sl
eeves,
Ididn'
twearabrabecausei
t'
stight.I
woreawhiteAnklegr
azerpant
swithmybl ack
andwhit
eVansol dSkool
. 
Icur
ledmyhai r
,yes,
mynatur
alhairandmadea
l
azy,loosebunthenIwor
emysilverearr
ings.
 
Iputonal
ipbal
m onmyli
ps,t
ookmysli
ngbag
Andputonmyphoneandever
ythi
ng.
 
It
henwentoutofmyr
oom.
 
Ki
tso:
Wow
Iscannedmy
sel
ffr
om upt
odown.
 
Me:
Isi
ttoomuch?
 
Ki
tso:
What
?Youl
ooksexy
. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Ismi
led.Ifdadwashere,hewouldn'
thavelet
megot hateasi
l
y.Hewoul dhav
epr obabl
y
want
edt omeetLuthandoandIknowt hat
woul
dnothav
egonewel
l
. 
Ki
tso:
Who'
sthel
uckyguy
? 
Me:
Whosai
dit
saguy
? 
Ismi
l
ed.Shechuckl
ed,
shaki
ngherhead.
 
Ki
tso:
Yourey
essayi
tal
l
. 
Me:
Bye.
 
Isai
d,wal
ki
ngawayandshel
aughedoutl
oud.I
bumpedint
osomeonewhenIopenedt
hedoor.
 
Il
ookedupandIal
mostf
ell
,Iwasr
ather
shocked.
 
Hewentbackabi
tAndl
ookedatmef
rom upt
o
down.
 
Kamo:
Wher
eyougoi
ng?
 
Ir
eal
l
ydidn'
tthi
nkhe'
dcomebackaft
erIt
old
hi
mtoleavemealoneyest
erday
. 
Hereal
lyhadner
ves,
comi
ngbackt
omyhouse
l
ikethi
s.Whati
fmydadwashome? 
Me:
Ithi
nky
oumor
ecr
azyt
hanIt
hought
.
Kamo:Youtheonedr
ivi
ngmecr
azy
.Youl
ook
beaut
if
ul.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
? 
Kamo:
I-
MyphonerangAndt hat
'swhenhest
opped
t
alki
ng.I
twasLuthandosoIhadtoansweri
t.
Me:
Hey
. 
Kamoshotmeadeat
hstar
eandIjustr
oll
edmy
eyes,
Iwasi
nnomoodforhi
m shame. 
Thando:
I'
m onmyway
,youdone?
 
Me:
Umm,
yeah.I
'
m act
ual
l
yout
side,
wai
ti
ng.
 
Thando:
Shoul
dIpar
kdi
rect
lyatt
hegat
e? 
Me:
Yes,
plusdaddyi
snother
e. 
Thando:
Umm,
alr
ight
.Seey
oui
naf
ew.
Me:
Cool
. 
Kamocl
i
ckedhi
stongue.Ihungupandf
olded
myar
ms,
looki
ngathi
m. 
Kamo:
Whatdoy
out
akemef
orNar
e? 
Me:
Justcutst
rai
ghtt
oyourpoi
nt.
 
Kamo:Yougonnatal
ktosomeguy,bl
ushi
ng
whi
leI
'
m here,st
andi
nginfr
ontofy
ou? 
Me:Youseem tof
orgetwebr
okeup,al
most
t
woy ear
sago.Youneedtogett
hat
,str
aight
i
ntoyourhead.
 
Kamo:
Wedidn'
tbr
eakup.Youdi
dandIdi
dn'
t
agr
eet
oit
.
Me:
Idon'tcar
e,al
lIknowi
s,Idon'
thav
eti
me
f
ort
his.
 
Ki
tso:
Bonga,
what
'sgoi
ng.
. 
HerfacelandedonKamo.Iguesswehadreal
l
y
beenthatloud.Shel
ookedathi
m,wi
thher
armsfolded
Ki
tso:
Whatdoy
ouwanther
e? 
Kamo:
Umm.
.Icamet
otal
ktoKhensani
. 
Ki
tso:
Regar
ding?
 
Kamo: Wi
thall
duer
espectsesi
,i
t'
snoneof
yourbusi
ness.
 
Kit
so:Respectyasel
omang?Youseem t
o
for
getyoustandingi
nmyyar
d,i
tsureashel
li
s
mybusiness. 
Kamo:Ithi
nkIshoul
dgobeforeIsay
somet
hingImightnotbeabl
etotakeback.
 
Me:
Yeah,
youshoul
d. 
Helookedatmewithhi
sey ebrowsbrought
t
ogetherbutIdi
dn'
tcar
e.Luthandoparkedi
n
t
hegatejustashewasleaving.
 
Me:
That
'smyr
ide.
 
Isai
dtoKi
tso,
wehuggedonel
astt
ime.
 
Ki
tso:
Besaf
e. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Pleasedon'
tbel
i
kedad.
 
Shel
aughed.Kamomar
chedt
oLut
hando.I
r
eal
l
ythi
nkt
hisguyi
slosi
ngi
t.
 
I
fonl
yheknewhowmucht
all
erandbuf
ferhe
wast
hanhim.
 
Lut
handogotoutwhenhesawmeappr oachi
ng
andKamogel
oattackedhi
m wi
thapunch.I
scr
eamed.
 
Thando:
Whatt
hef
uck?
 
Hesai
d,t
ouchi
nghi
sface.Hehadr
eal
l
ydone
somedamage.
Kamo:
Leav
emygi
rlal
one.
 
Wit
hthatsai
d,hewal
kedaway .Ij
ustst
ood
t
here,
wonderi
ngwhatjustwenton. 
Hisnosewasbleedi
ng,Ihadtogowit
hhim
backtothehouseandKitsohel
pedhi
m wi
tht
he
fi
rstai
dkit
. 
Ki
tso:
Yousur
ehe'
snotpsy
cho?
 
Me:
Ireal
l
ythi
nkhe'
sgoi
ngmad.
 
Ki
tso:
Youguy
sbr
okeupt
woy
ear
sago,
why
can'
thel
ety
ougo?
 
Me:
Iwi
shIknew.
 
Lucki
l
y,myout
fi
twasn'
trui
ned.
 
Thedr
ivet
othehousewher
ethechi
l
li
ngwas
goi
ngtobehel
dwassil
ent.
 
Hehadaplasteronhi
snoseandlookedpissed.
Idi
dn'
twanttoaddanymoresaltt
ot hewound. 
Hespoke,
final
lybr
eaki
ngt
hei
ceofsi
l
encet
hat
hadf
il
ledt
her oom. 
Thando:
Doy
oul
ovehi
m? 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Yesorno,
doy
oul
ovehi
m? 
Me:
Idon'
t.
 
Ianswered,
unsureofmyanswer.Thet
ruthis,
a
partofmewi l
lal
waysl
ovehim,Ij
ustwasn'ti
n
l
ovewi t
hhim. 
Thando:
Ican'
tbel
i
eveaki
dal
mostbr
okemy
nose.
 
Inevert
houghtKamogelocouldbethisv
iol
ent.
Imean,whendadhithi
m, hedidn'
teventr
yto
fi
ghtbacknowherewasLut handowitha
plast
eronhi
snose,al
lthankstoKamogelo. 
Ir
eall
ydon'
tknowwhyIev eragr
eedtodat
ehi
m.
Al
lthi
swouldn'
tbehappeningnow.
 
Nothi
ngwassaidaf
tert
hat.Hedroveint
osome
bi
ghousewhichwasn'
tthatbi
g.Itwasinthe
hood,wi
thmusi
cpumpingloud. 
Youwoul dn'
tthinkit
'ssti
l
lintheear
ly
aft
ernoons.Ididn'
tev enwaitf
orhimtogetmy
door,Ij
ustgotout .
 
Thando:
YouknowKhensani
,Ir
eal
l
yhopey
ou
notl
eadi
ngmeon. 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:Imi
ghthavesur
viv
edal ousypunch
becauseofy
ou,butIwon'
ttakebeingpl
ayed
easi
ly.
 
Me:
Wow.
 
Lastti
meIchecked,
ther
ewasnot
hinggoi
ngon
betweenus.
 
Ireal
l
ydidn'
thav
eanythi
ngel
set
osay.I
suddenl
ywonderedi
fIdi
dgoodbycomi
ng
here.
 
Anyway,hetookmyhandandwewentinsi
de
thehouse,t
othegar
denatthebackwher
eI
foundKagi
. 
Shemetmehalfwayandwehugged.Shewas
wear
ingashor
tjumpsui
t 
Kagi
:Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Me:
Andy
oul
ooksi
zzl
i
ng.
 
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Kagi
:Thanks.
 
Me:
Youwel
come.
 
Thandowentt
ohi
sfr
iends.
 
Kagi
:Whathappenedwi
thhi
m? 
Me:
Yourt
winhappened.
 
Shel
ookedatmeconf
used.
 
Me:
Stor
yforanot
herday
,I'
mthi
rst
y. 
Kagi
:Al
cohol
or?
 
Me:Any
thingnon-
alcohol
i
c,ai
n'
taboutt
hat
any
more. 
Kagi
:I'
l
lcal
lLi
aane.
 
Sher
aisedherhand.Ij
ustl
ookedar
ound.
 
IwonderedifIwasreal
l
yatther
ightpl
ace.
Therewasjustalotgoi
ngoninmymi ndandI
real
l
yhopedIhav efunher
e.
Alothashappenedalr
eadyi
noneday
,Ij
ust
hopednomor edrama. 
Idon'
tknowwherei
t'
dbeabl
etof
iti
nmy
al
readymessedupday.
 
Wayt
ogoKamogel
o,wayt
ogo.
 
.
.
[
08/
23,
19:
10]Must
angMan:
49
Kagi
:Youdon'
tseem t
obeenj
oyi
ngt
hepar
ty.
 
Shesaid,br
ingi
ngmebackt
oreal
i
ty.Mymi
nd
wasjustsofarawaywhi
l
emybodywasher
e,
si
tt
ingnexttoher.
 
Wehadj ustbeenser
vedourplatesoffoodand
foraper
sonwhol ovedfood,
Ididn'thaveany
appet
it
e. 
Iwasthi
nkingmostlyaboutwhatLuthandosaid.
AsfarasIknow, weweren'
tdati
ngorany t
hing.
Iact
uall
ydidn'
tknowwhatt hehell
wasgoi ng
onbetweenus,itdi
dn'
thaveat i
tl
e. 
Me:
Ijust
..It
hinkIshoul
dn'
thav
ecomeher
e. 
Eversi
ncewear r
ived,Thandonevercamet
o
checkonme.It'
slikeIhadcomeher eonmy
own.Iknowhe'smad, Ialsowoul
dbebutit
's
notmyfaul
tthatKamogel oiscr
azy. 
IfIcoul
d,Iwouldhaveprev
ent
edt hepunchbut
Iwasstil
lshockedthathe'
ddothat.
 
Maybei
twasmyfault
.Imean,i
fIhadnever
dat
edKamo,t
hiswoul
dn'
thavehappened.
 
Whydi
dIhav
etobet
heonewi
thabi
tt
erex?
 
Kagi
:Isi
tbecauseofThando?
 
Me:He'snevercometocheckuponmeev er
si
ncewear r
ivedinher
e.Wewer esupposeto
bespendi
ngt hi
stimetoget
her
. 
Kagi
:He'
l
lcomear
ound,
don'
twor
ry.
 
Me:MaybeIshoul
djustgo.If
eel
sooutof
pl
ace.
 
Kagi
:Pl
easedon'
t
.Atl
eastf
orme.
 
Me:
Youhav
eLi
aane.
 
Kagi
:Andy
ou'
remybestf
ri
end.
Isighedandcont
inuedpl
ayi
ngwithmyfood.
Liannecametoherandtheyki
ssedshor
tl
y.
 
Ij
ustlookedaway
.Ev
ery
onewashav
ingf
un,
exceptforme.
 
"
Whyy
oupl
ayi
ngwi
thy
ourf
ood?"
IlookedupanditwasLut hando,
it'
sact
ual
ly
thenthatIr
eal
izedKagisanoandLiaanewere
nolongeronmysi de.
 
Me:
I'
m nothungr
y. 
Thando: Youknowhowmanypeopl
ewouldki
l
l
forthatplateoff
oodandWenay
oubusy
play
ingwi thit
? 
Me:
Lut
handopl
ease.
 
Isai
d,Iwasn'
tint
hemoodt of
ight
.Ij
ustt
ook
onespoonful
offoodandputi
tonmymout h.
 
Hesi
ghed,
sit
ti
ngnextt
ome.
 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:
Why
? 
Thando: Ibroughtyouhereandlefty ouallal
one.
I'
mr eal
lysor r
y.I
t'
snoty ourfaul
tthaty ourex
can'
tlety ougo.Iwasj ustsomad, thinki
ngyou
sti
ll
inlov ewithhim. 
Me:
I'
m not
.Imadei
tper
fect
lycl
eart
oyou.
 
Thando:AndI
'mreal
l
ysor
ry.Weweresuppose
tobespendi
ngthi
sdayt
ogether
. 
Me:Youri
ghtaboutt
hat
.Iev
ent
houghtof
l
eav
ing.
 
Thando:
Come.
 
Hest
oodup.
 
Me:
Wher
eyout
aki
ngme?
 
Thando:
Justcome,
it'
stoonoi
syi
nher
e. 
Het
ookmyplateandIgotup,
fol
lowi
nghi
m.
Wegoti
nsi
dethehouseandtosomebedr
oom.
 
Heputmypl
ateont
het
abl
e. 
Thando:
Pleaseeat
,I'
l
lgogety
ouadr
ink.
 
Me:
Makesur
eit
'sseal
ed.
 
Thando:
Youdon'
ttr
ustme?
 
Me:
Noty
ou,
them.
 
Henoddedandlef
tthenIst
art
eeat
ingmyf
ood
whi
chhadturnedcol
d. 
YouknowhowredmeatI
swhenit
'scol
d,t
heoi
l
j
ustt
urnssol
i
dbutIat
eanyway
. 
Hecamewithmycanofcoke,IopenedAnd
dr
ankthencont
inuedeat
ingwhi
lehewatched
me. 
Thando:
Yougood?
 
Inodded,gi
vi
nghim mypl
atewhi
chhel
eftwi
th,
totheki
tchenIt
hink.
 
Igotupandwal kedar
oundtheroom.Itwastoo
femini
nethatIwonderedwhoitbel
ongsto.
 
Ididn'
taskany
thi
ngwhenhecameback
though.
 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngonbet
weenus?
 
Ihadbeencontempl
ati
ngtoaskforawhil
enow
andIcoul
dn'
tignor
eorprocr
asti
nateany
l
onger.
 
Thando:
Youmean,
ati
tl
e? 
Me:
Yousai
dyouwon'
tsur
viv
ebei
ngpl
ayed.
 
Thando:
I..Il
ovey
ouKhensani
.
 
Me:
Youdo?
 
Hecr
ouchedi
nfr
ontofme.
 
Thando:Iwantedt owai tfir
stbecauseIt hought
i
twasear l
ybutIj ustcan'twaitanylonger .Ilove
youKhensani,
Ir eall
ydoandI '
dreall
ylov eitif
youbecomemygi r
lfr
iend.Ipromisetot reaty ou
asyoudeservetobet reatedandnev erlety ou
fal
l
.I'
ll
beheref ory oualway sandnev erhur t
youint
enti
onall
y. 
Il
ookedathi
m.Myheartwasraci
ngabit.I
didn'
tknowwhatt
osayandhelookedatme,
expecti
ngmetosaysomet
hing.
 
Ican'
tsayit'
slovebutIknewIli
kedhim and
hadfeeli
ngsforhim.I'
veneverf
eltt
hiswayfor
anyotherguyeversinceKamogelo.
 
Thando:Youdon'
thav
etosayany
thi
ngy
ounot
sur
eof .
 
Me:
CanIatl
eastgetsomet
imet
othi
nkabout
i
t? 
Hest
oodupandki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
 
Thando:
Ofcour
se.
 
Hesmi
led,
tookmyhandandwewentout
side
t
other
estofthepeopl
e. 
Hedrovemehomear ound6pm.Ir eal
l
yhada
goodti
mewi thhim, t
her emai
ningtimewe
spentt
ogetheraftermakingup,thoughIdi
dn'
t
dri
nk.Wedidn'tspendasmucht i
meas
anti
ci
patedbutitwasr eall
ysomethingtome.
 
Hepar
kedaf
ewhousesf
rom mi
neasusual
.
 
Thando:
Ireal
l
yhopey
ousayy
es.
 
Ismil
ed.Ihadal
readyagr
eed,
hej
ustdi
dn'
t
knowityet
. 
Me:
Don'
twor
ry.
 
Iki
ssedhi
m onthecheek.Hegotoutoft
hecar
andcametoopenthedoorforme. 
Wehuggedt
ight
lyandf
ort
hel
ongestofTi
me.
I
twaswar
m butIst
il
lbetonKamo'
shugs.
 
Webr
okei
tandhest
aredi
ntomyey
es.
 
Thando:
Youbeaut
if
uly
ouknowt
hat
. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Thando:
Ican'
twai
tfort
het
imey
oubecome
mine.
 
Iputmyhandsonhisneckandleanedup,
bri
ngi
ngmyf acecl
osert
ohis.Hemetme
hal
fway,
reali
zi
ngwhat'
sabouttotranspi
reand
ki
ssedmei nst
ead.
 
Hishandswenttograbmyassast heki
ss
deepened.I
twasslow,passi
onat
eandgood
j
ustwithnoemotion.
 
Webr
okei
taf
teraf
ew,
cat
chi
ngourbr
eat
hs.
 
Me:
Sti
l
lwonder
ingwhatmyansweri
s? 
Thando:
Soi
t'
sof
fi
cial
? 
Inodded.Heper
kedmyl
i
ps.
 
Thando:
Thanky
ousomuch.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Justdon'
tbr
eakmyhear
t.
 
Thando:
It'
sthel
astt
hingI
'
dev
erdot
oyou.
 
Ibl
ushedthi
sti
me.Hepull
edmycheek.My
phonerang,
andasIl
ookedatt
hescreen,
itwas
dad.
 
Me:
Igot
tago.
 
Thando:
Alr
ightbaby
,Il
ovey
ou.
 
Ij
ustnoddedandlef
t.Icoul
dn'tsayi
t.
SomehowIthoughti
twasj usttoosoon.
 
Iwant
edt
osayi
twhenIr
eal
l
ymeani
t.
 
Iranbackt
othehouseandf
ounddadpi
ssedas
fuck.
 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Ki
tsowassi
tt
ingdown,
looki
ngatmydadwho
waspaci
ngupanddown. 
Dad:
Wher
eyoucomi
ngf
rom?
 
Me:
Iwentt
oachi
l
li
ng.
 
Dad:
Whatwast
hatboydoi
ngi
nmyy
ard?
 
IlookedatKi
tso,
whol ookedaway
.Ireal
ly
didn'
tthi
nkshe'
dtel
ldadAboutthi
s,knowing
thathealmostki
l
ledtheguy. 
IknowKamogel ohadnori
ghttocomeintoour
yardanddi
srespectKi
tsot
hewayhedi dbut
shehadnorighttogooutcr
yingtodadAbout
i
t. 
Dad:
Iaskedy
ouaquest
ion.
 
Me:
He-
Hewasher
eforme.
 
Hest
oppedonhi
sst
epsandl
ookedatme.
 
Me:
Itol
dhi
mtol
eav
emeal
one.
 
Dad:
Doeshehav
eadeat
hwi
sh?
 
Ki
tso:Hesur
edoes.Thewayhespoketome,
in
myy ar
d..
.NCNC,t
henerveoft
hatboy.
 
Myfamil
yusedtobesof
ondofKamogel
ount
il
hef
uckedup. 
Theynowdespisedhim andhedi
dwor
seby
cominghere,
knowingverywel
lhowmyfat
her
feel
sabouthi
m. 
Dad:
What
'sy
ourdeal
wit
hthatboy
? 
Me:
Ther
e'snodeal
baba.
 
Dad:
Isweari
fheevercomesher
eagai
n,he
won'
tcomeoutal
i
ve. 
Hecl
i
ckedhi
stongue.
 
Dad:
CominghereAnddisr
espect
ingmywi
fe,
whothehel
ldoeshet
hinkheis? 
Me:I'
m sor
rybaba,
abouthi
sbehav
iorandI
'
m
sor
ryKit
so.
 
Dadt
urnedt
olookatme.
 
Dad:
Whyar
eyouapol
ogi
zi
ngf
orhi
m? 
Me:I'
mt heonewhobroughthimint
oourli
ves.
I
fIhadn'tdatedhi
m,noneofthi
scouldhav
e
happened. 
Ki
tso:
Don'
tbl
amey
our
sel
fforhi
sani
mal
sti
c
behav
ior
,it
'snoty
ourf
aul
tthathedoesn'
thav
e
anymanners.
 
Dad: Ibl
amehisparent
swhodidapoorjobin
rai
singhim.It
hinkIshoul
dpaythem av
isi
t,
giv
et hem api
eceofmymi nd.
Me:
Dad,
Idon'
tthi
nkt
hat
'snecessar
y. 
Ki
tso:
Umm y
eah,
Andi
l
e.That
'
sabi
text
reme.
 
Dad:
I'
ll
bei
nmyr
oom.
 
Helef
tandIbr eat
hedoutAndsatdown.
Kamogelojustrui
nedanychanceofmypar
ent
s
everf
orgi
vi
nghi mforwhathedidtome.
 
Ki
tso:
Ihadt
otel
lyourdad.
 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
thav
eto.
 
Kit
so:Ididn'
ttel
lhi
m aboutt
heguyhepunched
orhowIhadt ocl
eanupthemesshemade.He
di
srespectedmeandIwasn'tgoi
ngtotakethat
l
yingdown.  
Me:
It'
sokay
,Iunder
stand.
 
Idi
dn't
.Ij
ustdi
dn'twanttoargueabouti
t.I
t'
s
notl
ikeKamogelocursedherorsomethi
ngbut
agai
n,Idi
dn'
twanttot al
kaboutthi
sanymore.
 
.
KAMOGELO
Iwaswi thThulii
nmyr oom.Shedidn'
tknow
thatIknow.Ilookedatthefal
sebabybumpin
herstomachandIwant edt
opuke. 
Howmuchofaf
ool
didshet
hinkIwas?
 
Thul
i
:Ar
eyouokay
? 
Sheasked.Ij
ustl
ookedatherfaint
ly,
maint
aini
ngmyexpressi
onlessface.
 
Me:
Yeah,
why
? 
Thul
i
:Youl
ookabi
tof
f.
 
Themoresheactedl
ikeev
erythi
ngi
sokay
,the
moreshewaspissi
ngmeof f
. 
Iwasmad.Iwasmadatherf
orl
yi
ngtomeand
fort
hatst
upi
dcov
enantwemadeandIwas
madatKhensanif
ormovi
ngonwithsome
otherguyandmadatmy
selff
orev
erlet
ti
ngher
go. 
Thetrut
his,
thatguywasprobabl
ygoi
ngto
tr
eathermuchbettert
hanIcoul
deverdo.
 
Myhear tsti
l
l lovedher,i
tsti
l
lcaredforherand
i
twaski ll
i
ngmer acyandevery
dayhav i
ngtogo
onlikeeverythingisokaywhil
eI'myearni
ngf or
her.Justtolookdeepl yi
ntoherbeauti
fuleyes,
Tohearherl aught erwhi
chalwaysmademy
heartski
pabi tandt oki
ssherli
pswhichInev er
couldgetenoughof .
Me:
Whenar
ewehav
ingsex?
 
That'
stheot
hert
hing,ev
ersi
nceshest
art
ed
"showi
ng",we'
veneverhadsex.
 
Shesuddenl
ydoesn'
twantmetotouchhernot
thatIcar
edbutnowIknewther
easonwhy. 
Thul
iusedtofor
cemeandbegmet ofuckher
butnow,shewasal
laboutt
hebaby
. 
Shecl
ear
edhert
hroat
. 
Thul
i:Umm..Youknowt
hatt
he.
.Ummm.
.The
doct
or..He-
Me:
Fuckt
hedoct
or.
 
Icametoherandki
ssedher,
Khensani
'sface
wasalli
nmymi ndandasIki
ssedher,
Ithought
ofher
. 
That'
showIev ergott
ofuckher,bypret
endi
ng
thati
t'
sKhensaniandnother
,italway
smade
thi
ngseasi
erforme. 
Shest
oppedmeandIgr
oanedi
nfr
ust
rat
ion.
 
Me:
Whatnow?
 
Thul
i
:Ican'
tdot
his.
 
Istoodupandpacedar
oundt
her
oom.I
stoppedandf
acedher.
 
Me:
Takeof
fyourcl
othes.
 
Thul
i
:What
? 
Shel
ookedatmewi
thherey
espoppi
ngout
,
shewasner
vous.
 
Me:
Isai
dtakeof
fyourcl
othes.
 
Isaid,
calmlybutIcoul
dhearherhear
tbeat
ing
offherchest.
 
Thul
i
:Why
? 
Me:Iwannafeelyourski
nonmi ne,
wewon't
havesex.Iwoul
dn'twannar
iskharmingmy
baby.
 
Thul
i
:I.
.Umm.
.I
Shewasstut
ter
ing,
evenablindpersoncoul
d
seeshewaslyi
ngAndthatescal
atedmyanger
towar
dsher.
 
Me:
Wantmet
ohel
pyou?
 
Thul
i:Umm,
Igot
tago,
mymom j
ustcal
l
ed
and.
. 
Me:WhencauseInev
erhear
dyourphone
r
ingi
ng?
 
Thul
i
:Just
..
 
Icoul
dn'tt
akei
tanymore.Ipushedheront
op
ofthebedAndgotontopofher .
 
Thul
i
:K-
mor
epl
ease.
 
ShebeggedbutIdi
dn'
tcar
e.Itor
ethedr
ess
shewaswearingi
ntwobefor
eandexposedal
l
herl
i
es 
Me:
Youbi
tch!
 
Ist
rangl
edherandst
oppedj
ustasshewas
l
osingherbr
eath.
 
Shestar
tedcoughi
ngandcoughi
ng.Iknewshe
hadbeenlyi
ngtomebutseeingi
tmy sel
fwas
somethi
ngelse.
 
Ikepthopi
ngthedoctorwassomehowwrong
orthatmaybeImisheardhi
m butt
her
eitwas.
 
Shehadaf
akebel
l
y,madeofcot
ton.
 
Thul
i
:I'
m sor
ry.
 
Shesai
dasshecr
ied.Shecamet
okneel
in
fr
ontofme.
 
Thul
i
:Pl
easef
orgi
veme.
 
Me:
Yousi
ck.Yout
ri
edt
rappi
ngme!
 
Ishout
ed,
looki
ngatheri
ndi
sgust
. 
Thul
i
:Il
ovey
ousomuch.
 
Me:
It'
sov
er.
 
Thul
i
:No,
please,
pleasedon'
t.
 
Me:I
t'
soverThul
i
.Ican'
tbel
i
evei
vebeenso
st
upi
d. 
Thul
i:IwaspregnantbutIlostt
hebabyandI
coul
dn'tbar
etell
ingyouIlostourbabyy
et
agai
n. 
Me:
Soy
oudeci
dedt
oli
etomei
nst
ead?
 
Thul
i
:Icoul
dn'
tbar
ethet
houghtofl
osi
ngy
ou.
 
Me:
Yousi
ck.
 
Thuli
:Please,
don'
tl
eav
eme.Wemadea
covenant.
 
Me:
Ast
upi
dcov
enant
.Idon'
tcar
eifIdi
eor
whatbutweov
er.Gett
hef
uckoutofmyr
oom.
 
Shewail
edloudl
ybutIdi
dn'
tcare.Ipul
ledher
outofmyroom andcl
osedthedoor. 
Shebangedoni
t,i
nfur
iat
ingmeev
enmor
e. 
Iopened.
 
Thul
i
:Kamogel
opl
ease.
 
Idi
dn'
tl
ist
entoher,
Ipull
edherbyherheadand
thr
ewheroutt
hegate.
 
Iwasmad,IwassomadandIhat
edmysel
ffor
al
lowi
nghertocont
rol
mewit
hthi
scov
enant.
 
Iwasgoi
ngtomakeapl
ant
obr
eaki
tandgo
getmyhear
tback.
 
.
[
08/
23,
19:
10]Must
angMan:
50
LuthandoandIwereoff
ici
all
ydatingandhad
chosentotakethi
ngssl
owly.Hewasn' tr
ushi
ng
mei nanyt
hingandIst
il
lhadn'tt
oldhim an"I
l
ovey ou".Iwantedt
osayitwhenI '
m sureAnd
I
'
m gr
atef
ulheunder
stoodt
hat
.
Itwasthr
eemont hslat
er,
Kit
sowasalmost
sevenmonthspregnantandheav
y.Shewasfat
andatealotshame. 
Wewereonthevergeoff
ini
shi
ngwi
thour
mi
dyearexami
nati
ons.
Ihaven'theardfr
om Kamogeloeversincehe
camehomeandcausedal lt
hathavocAndI
washappyt hatI
'
llatl
eastgett
ohav ea
peacefulli
fe. 
Winterwashi
tt
inghar
dnow.Itwasthemi
ddl
e
ofJuneandli
fewasabitpeacef
ulf
orme.
 
Iwokeupandgotreadyforschool.Therewas
goi
ngtobesomemat ri
ccampussoi twas
goi
ngtogetbusyf
ormeandI '
m gratefulmgani
boyf
ri
endandfami
lyunderstoodthat. 
Itookabat h,dr
iedandloti
oned.Iwor
emy
unif
orm, obvi
ouslytr
acksui
tsandmy
grasshoppers.Iputabeanieonmyhead,
took
mybagandwentt
otheki
tchen.
 
I
twasonl
ydad.
.
Me:
Nobr
eakf
astt
oday
? 
If
rownedathi
m andhechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:What
soeverhappenedt
ogr
eet
ings?
Manner
smt anam. 
Igi
ggl
edandsatdown.
 
Me:
Sor
rydad,
goodmor
ning.
 
Dad:
Mor
ningbaby
,howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m goodandy
ou?
 
Dad:
I'
m bl
essed,
undert
hegr
ace.
 
Me:
Wher
e'smom?
 
Dad:
Probabl
ysl
eepi
ng,
she'
sget
ti
ngl
azy
. 
Me:
Haudad,
that
'sr
ude.
 
Hechuckled.Iknewhewasn'
tgoi
ngto
apologi
zebutagain,
Isawhewasn'
tser
iousso
Itookitasajoke.
 
Sincenobreakfasthadbeenpr
epar
ed,
wehad
tosti
cktocereal.
 
Dad:
Yazi
,Ican'
twai
tforhert
ogi
vebi
rt
h. 
Me:Thenwe'
ll
havet
odealwit
hababywaili
ng
al
lni
ghtwhi
lesomeofusar
etryi
ngt
osleep. 
Dad:Yazi
ukhul
umaNgat
hiy
ouwer
enevera
babyandyouwerel
i
keawhi
stl
ewi
thy
oursoft
voi
ce. 
Il
aughedoutl
oud.Dadjustt
hrewashadeat
meandshowedmef lamestosaythel
east
. 
Afterbreakf
ast,
hedrovemetoschool.Kitso
hadal r
eadystar
tedwit
hhermater
nit
yl eave.I
'm
reall
ygoingtoagreewi
thdad,
she'
sgot tenlazy.
You'dswearshe'scar
ryi
ngtwi
nsortri
plets. 
ImaginethreeAndil
ejuniorsrunni
ngaroundthe
house,they'
dprobablydriv
emecr azy.Iwas
act
uallyusedtobeingababybutIcan' twaitt
o
haveal i
tt
lebrot
herorsister.
 
Hegav
ememyl
unchmoneyandt
axi
far
e.Wel
l
si
nceLuthandohadmadei tapoi
nthepicksme
upfr
om school,
Ididn'
tneedthetaxi
far
ebutof
cour
se,Iwasgratef
ulI
'm sav
ingsomethi
ng. 
Dad:
Behav
eandgoodl
uckony
ourexam.
 
Me:Yazi
dad,youalwayst
ell
met
obehav
easi
f
I
'v
eevermisbehav
ed. 
Dad:
Ther
e'saf
ir
stt
imef
orev
ery
thi
ng.
 
Ichuckl
ed,
shaki
ngmyhead.
 
Me:Youneedtohav
eal
i
ttl
etr
usti
nyour
par
enti
ngski
ll
s. 
Dad:Inev
ercoul
dhavei
maginedI
'
dbeabl
eto
doitonmyownbutlookaty
ounow. 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Youdi
dagoodj
ob.
 
Dad:
Youmadei
teasy
. 
Heki
ssedmeont
hecheek.
 
Me:
Hey
!I'
m supposet
odot
hatt
oyou.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Yout
ooky
ourownt
imenj
e. 
Ifr
ownedandhelaughed,Iendedupj
oini
ngme
andit
'st
heri
ngi
ngoft hesir
enthatmademe
comebacktoli
fe.
 
Me:
Nowy
oumademel
ate.
 
Dad:
I'
llmakei
tupt
oyou.Nowgo,
andmake
meproud.
 
Me:
Siry
essi
r!
 
Isal
utedhim andl
eft
,runni
ngt
omycl
ass
whereIputmybagdownandwenttothe
assembly
. 
Afterassembl
y,Iwentt
otheexaminat
ion
center,
satdownInmyposit
ionandtheexam
began. 
Goodt
hingwewereal
lowedtogohome
i
mmediatel
yaf
tert
heexam. 
Nobuhl
e:Hai
,mat
ri
cist
oohar
d. 
Ichuckl
ed.Wewer en'
tfr
iendsbutwe'dtal
kher
e
andther
e.It
'ssaf
et osay,wegotalong.
 
Me:Yoh,
Iwonderhowv
arsi
tyi
sgoi
ngt
obe
l
ike.
 
Nobuhl
e:Pressur
e,pr
essur
eandmor
e
pr
essur
e. 
Wewenttogetsomefood,withsomeother
cl
assmateofour
sandjustsatoutsi
deour
cl
assandate.
 
IhadcomewithmyphonesoIcant
ell
Luthandot
ocomepi
ckmeup. 
Ithoughtoftaki
ngat axibutIknowhe'
dbemad
atmeandI 'dneverheardtheendofit.
 
Isenthi
m atextandwai
ted.Igotupwhenmy
phonebeeped.
Nobuhl
e:Umm,
canIhav
eyournumber
? 
Me:
Onl
yunderonecondi
ti
on.
 
Nobuhl
e:Li
steni
ng.
 
Me:Kamogel
o,Thul
iandKagi
sonev
ergett
o
hav
eit,
nomatterwhat.
 
Shelaughed.Iwasseri
oust
hough.Idi
dn'
twant
al
lthosepeoplehavi
ngmynumber .
 
Nobuhle:
Ineverl
i
kedThul
i,Kagi
sobet
ray
edme
andI'
m sooverKamogel
o. 
Ichuckl
edandgav
ehermynumber
. 
Me:
Don'
tdecor
atewi
thi
t.
 
Nobuhl
e:Iwoul
dn'
tdar
e. 
Shewi
nkedatmeandIleft
.Ifoundhi
ml eani
ng
onhi
scar,
assoonashesawme, hecamet o
hugmeandImelt
edinhisarms. 
Hekissedmeont
hef
oreheadAndopenedt
he
doorforme.
 
Thando:
Missedme?
 
Me:
Somuch.
 
Ipout
edandheper
kedmyl
i
ps.
 
Thando:
Tot
hinkI
'
m goi
ngt
ost
artseei
ngl
ess
ofy
ou.
 
Me:
Don'
tsul
k.It
houghty
ouwer
eokaywi
thi
t.
 
Thando:Iam.Ofcour
seyourstudi
escomefir
st.
I
'mjustwonderi
nghowI'
m goingtosur
viv
e. 
Me:Di
stancemakesthehear
tgrowf
onder
.
Whoknows,itmi
ghtdrawasevenmorecl
oser
. 
Thando:
Yousosmar
tforat
eenager
. 
Hepull
edmycheekwi
thhi
sfr
eehandandI
chuckl
ed.
 
Me:Youdoknowi
t'
smyl
asty
earasat
eenager
r
ight
? 
Hel
aughed.
 
Thando:
Kunj
eyouf
inal
l
ytur
ned19.
Me:
Yeah
Igi
ggl
ed.Hepul
l
edoutaf
ewhousesf
rom
mine.
 
Thando:
Ilov
eyouokay
. 
Me:
Iknow.
 
Thando:
Ijusthopeonedayy
ou'
l
lbeabl
etosay
i
t.
 
Me:
Don'
twor
ry.
 
Thando:
Studyhar
dandmakemepr
oud.
 
Me:
Yesdaddy
. 
Hechuckl
edandIlaughed.Hebr
oughthi
sface
cl
osert
omi neandwekissed.
 
Heopenedt
hedoorfr
om insi
def
ormeandI
gotout
,wav
inghi
m goodbye.
 
It
ookashower
,ateAndstudi
ed.Icoul
dn'
t
af
for
dtosl
acknakanj
ani
. 
.
.
  
[
08/
24,
10:
01]Must
angMan:
50(
cont
inuat
ion)
KAMO
Mom:
Youst
il
lgoi
ngt
otel
lmeany
thi
ng?
 
Me:
Mot
herpl
ease.
 
Mom: YoudoknowIl
ovebot
hyouandy
our
si
sterr
ight
. 
Me: You'
vebeengoneforayear,
awhole
fucki
ngy earandy
oulef
tusaloneandnowyou
wannacomebackandpl ayhappyfami
li
es?I
t
doesn'tworkli
ket
hat
. 
Istoodup,leav
inghersniffi
ng.Iwasj
ust
str
essed.Isawt hepictur
eKhenpostedwit
h
herboyfr
iendandi tmademesomadatmy sel
f
foreverl
etti
nghergo.  
I'
vebeensearchi
ngforwayst
obreakthe
covenant
,anditwasn'
tgoi
ngtobeeasy 
I
'vebeengoingf
rom chur
cht
ochur
cht
ryi
ngto
fi
ndasolut
ionbuti
tseemsnonear
ewi
ll
ingt
o
help.
 
Thul
isti
l
ldi
dn'twanttol
etgoofme.Weit
seI
wonderwhatIeversawi
nher,shehasal
way
s
beenev
il
.Atwot
onguedsnakeandIhat
edher
evenmore.
 
Igotonmycaranddr
oveof
ftowhat
ever
. 
I
'
dalway
spassbyherhousebutIcoul
dn'
tgo
i
n. 
Eversi
ncewhathappenedt
hel
astt
imeIwas
ther
e,Ij
ustcan'
t.
 
Thuto:Wow,
lookwhodeci
dedt
ovi
sitme
today.
 
Ichuckl
edandpushedhi
m soIcangetin.He
hadgottenhi
msel
fanicebachel
orf
lat
,wellhi
s
parent
sdid.
 
Thut
o:Youl
ookl
i
kehel
l
. 
Il
ookedatmyref
lect
ionont
hemi
crowav
e.My
bear
dhadevengrown. 
Thepastf
ewweekshav
ebeenr
eal
l
yst
ressf
ul.
 
Thut
o:Ar
eyouokay
? 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
I'
mfarf
rom i
t.
 
Thut
o:I
sitKhensani
? 
Me:
Ican'
tl
ethergoBr
uh.
 
Thut
o:I
t'
sbeent
woy
ear
s. 
Me:
Ilov
eher
. 
Thuto:
Isawt
hepi
ctur
eshepost
ed,
theyl
ook
happy.
 
Me:
It'
sthey
'r
emat
ri
cdancet
oday
. 
Thut
o:Ihopey
ounott
hinki
ngany
thi
ngst
upi
d. 
Me:
Ijustwannaseeher
. 
Ihaven'tseenKhensani
inal
mostsixmont
hs.I
t
wast helastweekofNovembernow.OnFr
iday
,
the25th. 
Il
astsawherwhenshewasatt hemal lwi
thher
boyfr
iend,
shedidn'
tseemet hough.I'
vebeen
tr
yingtobreakt
hiscovenantbutf
ail
ing.
 
Idon'
twantt
obr
ingmybaggagewi
tht
oher
. 
Thut
o:May
bey
oushoul
djustl
ethergo.
 
Me:
Ican'
tman,
Ican'
t.
 
Thut
o:Sowhatar
eyougoi
ngt
odonow?
 
Ir
anmyhandonmyhai
r,Iwasf
rust
rat
ed.
 
Me:
Whydi
dIhav
etol
ovehert
hismuch?
 
Thut
o:Matter
soft
hehear
tar
eal
way
s
compli
cat
ed. 
Me:
That
'ssot
rue.
 
Thut
o:Youknow,i
fyouloveherasmuchasy
ou
sayt
henyougott
afightf
orher.
 
Me:Whati
fI'
m unabl
etomakeherashappyas
hemakesher
? 
Thut
o:ThatguyI
snotasi
nnocentashel
ooks.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Thut
o:I
'
vedonemyr
esear
ch.
 
Me:
Tel
lmemor
e. 
May
bet
hiswasgoi
ngt
odr
awherbackt
ome.I
meani fsheknowstheki
ndofguyshe'
sina
rel
ati
onshipwit
hthenshecanfi
nal
lyconsi
der
giv
ingmeachance.  
.
KHEN
Ihaddecidedtodomyhairt
odayi
nst
eadof
yest
erdayjustsoi
tcoul
dsti
l
lbenewandfr
esh.
 
Ican'
tbeli
eveIhadf i
nall
ycomplet
edmymat r
ic.
Wewr oteourlastpaperonTuesdayandIwas
confi
dentIpassed. 
Ihadappli
edtofi
veuniver
sit
iesalreadyand
washopingtheyacceptme.Isti
llhadn't
deci
dedwhichoneI'm goi
ngto. 
Ki
tso:
Thehai
rst
yli
sti
sonherway
. 
Inodded,
taki
ngBandil
efrom her
.Shegave
bir
thtoabeauti
ful
boy.Hewasnowonl ytwo
monthsandwithchubbycheeksandver
ylight
ski
n. 
Ipl
ayedwi
thhi
scheeksandhegi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
He'
ssobeaut
if
ul.
 
Ki
tso:
Hel
ooksj
ustl
i
key
ou.
 
Shewasr
ight
,hedi
dlookabi
tli
keme.
 
Mydresshadarri
vedandIdecidedtot
akea
shower
,gi
vingherthebabyback. 
NobuhleandIwer
efr
iendsnow.Tothi
nkshe
usedtobull
ymeandIfoundouthowmuchofa
goodpersonsher
eal
l
yi s.
 
Iwrappedat
owelar
oundmybodyandwent
backtomyroom.
 
Myphonerang,
itwasLuthandoandIanswer
ed.
Goodt
hingIwasalone.
 
Me:
Myl
ove.
 
Thando:
Your
eady
? 
Ichuckl
ed.Iwasf
arf
rom i
t.
 
Me:Onewoul
dsayi
tsy
ourdance.Thewayy
ou
soeagerf
ori
t.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Ijustcan'
twai
ttoseey
ou.
 
Me:
Andy
ouwi
l
l,j
ustwai
t.
 
Thando:
Okay
,Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Thando:
What
? 
Igi
ggl
ed.I
twasthefi
rstt
imeheev
erhadme
sayi
tandImeanti
t 
Ir
eal
l
ylov
edhi
m. 
Me:
Yes,
Ilov
eyou.
 
Thando:
Wow,
Ican'
twai
ttoheary
ousayi
tto
myface.
 
Me:
Inal
i
ttl
ewhi
l
ebabyIgot
tagetr
eadynow.
 
Thando:
Alr
ight
,by
e. 
Wehadbeendat i
ngforaboutei
ghtmont
hs
now,
ifI'
m notmist
akenandwewer emorei
n
l
ovethanever.
 
Iwon'
tsayIl
ovedhi
m asmuchasIl
ovedKamo
buti
twasal
mostt
her
e. 
Anhourl
ater
,Ihadj
ustgot
teni
ntomydr
ess
andKi
tsowasdoingmymakeup. 
Shewasgoodatthis.Iwasweari
ngaNav yblue
mermaiddr
esswithasl i
tfr
om mythighdown,
i
thadagoldenl
acei nthefr
ontandlong
sl
eeves.
 
Ilookedbeaut
if
ulthatIalmostcr
ied.Thi
swasi
t.
Itwasreal
lyhappening.
 
Dad:
Wow.
 
Isal
lhesaidasIcametothel
ounge.Het
ook
count
lesspict
uresofme.
 
SomeIt
ookwi
thKi
tso.
 
Myphonebuzzed,
itwasat
extf
rom Lut
hando.
 
Me:
Mydat
eisher
e. 
Dad:Ineedtohav
eat
alkwi
tht
hatboy
fri
endof
your
sf i
rst
. 
Me:
Dad!
 
Dad:
Angf
uni
anot
herKamogel
osaga.
 
Me:
He'
snotKamogel
o 
Asifhe'
dli
sten,
hewentoutKeandwehadt
o
fol
l
owhim. 
Iwasweari
ng6i nchheel
s,Bl
acki
ncol
or,Ihad
mypursewhichhadpowderformynose,
my
phone,
li
pst
ick,f
acewipesandmoney.
 
Hewasl eani
ngonaWhit
eF-ty
peJaguarwi
th
Blueri
ms.Hestoodst
rai
ghtwhenhesawmy
father
. 
Hewasweari
ngaNavybl
uetuxi
dowhi
chhada
Chi
neseCol
l
orandbl
ackI
tal
i
anformal
shoes.
 
Thando:
BabDl
ami
ni.
 
Dad:
Whoar eyouandwhatdoy
ouwantf
rom
mydaught
er? 
HelookedatmeandIj
ustl
ookeddowni
n
embarrassment
. 
Whycoul
dn'
tmydayj
ustgoeasy
? 
.
.
[
08/
24,
10:
01]Must
angMan:
51
Me:
Dadpl
easedon'
tdot
hisnow.
 
Ifi
nal
l
ymanagedtosay,
Iactual
l
ydi
dn'
t
under
standt
heneedf
orthi
s. 
Imean, Inev
ereventol
ddadhe'
smyboyf
ri
end.
Asf arasheknows,Iwassi
ngl
eorsoI
thought.
 
Theonlythi
ngIsai
dwasmy"Mydat eishere".
Ineversai
d"boy
fri
end"
,Isai
d"dat
e"soIreal
ly
didn'
tgetwhyhewascausi
nganunnecessar
y
feudnow. 
Notthatit'
safeudbecauseit
'sonesi
dedbutI
wasj ustfr
ust
rat
edbythis.Ti
mewasn'tonour
sideandnowwehadt odealwit
hdadandhis
tantr
um.  
Luthandoclearedhi
st hr
oat,
Ilookedathim.I
couldn'
treadtheexpressi
ononhi sfaceor
makeouthowhewaspr
obabl
yfeel
i
ngatt
hat
moment.
 
Thando:
Igamal
am nguLut
handoandI-
Ki
tsocuthi
m shor
t.
 
Ki
tso:Youdon'
thav
etoexpl
ainy
oursel
f.I
'
m
pr
ettysur
eyouguysar
ealr
eadyl
ateasis.
 
Dad:
I-
Ki
tsoshorthim adeat
hst ar
eandhestopped,I
wantedt
ol augh.Imouthedathanky
out oKit
so
Andshewi nkedatme. 
Dadcl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
. 
Dad:
Wenotdone.
 
Hesai
d,poi
nti
ngatLut
handobef
oreKit
sot
ook
hi
m byt
hehandanddraggedhi
mt ot
hehouse.
 
IbreathedoutwhenIsawt
hedoorclosi
ng.
Luthandojusthuggedmet
ight
ly,
hesmelledso
good. 
Hebr
okei
tandki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
 
Thando:
Youl
ookv
erybeaut
if
ulmyl
ove.
 
Hesai
d,bi
ti
nghi
sli
pandIj
ustbl
ushed.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Heopenedthedoorf
ormeandIgotinashe
wenttohi
sside.Weevenhav
eachauff
eur
baby 
#Lev
els 
 
Anywhot hecarwasv erybeaut i
ful
insi
dewith
bl
ueandwhi teinnings.Iactuall
ywonder edhow
hewasabl etoaffordallofthis.Comet othi
nk
ofit
,Idi
dn'tevenknowwher ehewor ksi
fhe
does.
Idon'
tknow,i
tjustnevergottothatpointofme
aski
ng.Ij
ustknewhisf at
herhasat axi
busi
nessandthat'
sit.
 
Thando:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Ir
eal
izedthenthatIhadbeensoabsorbedby
myownt houghtsthathi
svoicewaswhat
br
oughtmebackt or eal
i
ty.
 
Me:
Yesbaby
,justabi
tner
vous.
 
Thando:
Justr
elax.
 
Heki
ssedmyhandandtherestoft
hedri
vewas
wi
thmusicpl
ayi
ngandusholdi
nghands.
 
Arr
ivi
ngatthev enue,
Icoul
dhearthescreams
ofthelear
nersprobabl
ybecauseofthecar.I
t'
s
aJaguarafterall
. 
Myheartbeatescal
ated,Thandoj
usthel
dmy
handandtoldmet or
elax. 
Whenthecarstopped,Itookaf ewbreathsi
n.
Hecoul
dn'tki
ssmeont hel i
psbecauseof
cour
se,Idi
dn'
twanttor uinmylipsti
cksohe
j
ustki
ssedmyhandcount lesst
imest r
yingt
o
getmetocalm down. 
WhenIf i
nall
ydi d,whi
chdi dn'tt
akelong,hegot
outandIhear dthegirl
sscr eamingtheirl
ungs
out.Ij
ustgiggled,Iwasfeelingveryproud
knowingthatall t
heyscreami ngatismine.
Hecametoopenmydoor ,
Itookoutonef
eet
f
ir
standpeopl
ejustscr
eamed. 
Whenwewer enowbothoutandholdi
nghands,
theyscr
eamedevenl
ouder.I
'
m pret
tysur
e
eksenit
heywon'
thav
ethei
rv oi
ces.
 
Anyway,wegotinsidethevenueandever
yone
j
ustlookedatus.Luthandowaswalki
ngli
kea
bossandmi naIwasabi tshy.
 
Hepull
edachairf
ormeandIsatdownt
henhe
di
d,r
ightnextt
ome. 
Nobuhl
e:Youl
ooksi
zzl
i
nghot
. 
Shesai
d,wi
thagr
inandwi
nk.Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Thanks.Youl
ookexqui
sit
e. 
Nobuhl
e:Andy
ourdat
e..
 
Shesai
dwhi
sper
ing,
Ijustl
aughedsi
l
ent
ly.
 
Igotacerti
fi
cateofcourseinspor
tssi
nceIwas
thecaptai
nofthesoccerteam andal
soonefor
beingthebeststr
ikeri
nourteam. 
Luthandowentwi
thmet ot
hestageandmy
fel
l
owschoolmatesJustwentcr
azy.
 
Hewasblazi
ngSonny
,hewas
booming 
    AndIwast
hepr
oud
gi
rl
fr
iend 

Ial
sogotonei nacademi csforEconomics,
Engli
shandMat hematics.Iknewmyf ather
wouldbesopr oudofmeandsowi l
lKit
so,of
courseLuthandowaspr oudtoo.Weev en
ki
ssedonst agejustaf
terIrecei
vedmyl ast
cert
ifi
cat
e. 
Itwasaftereat
ingthatIhadt
heur
getopee.
Luthandowantedtocomewi thmebutI
assuredhimI'l
lbealr
ight
. 
Thando:
I'
ll
comel
ookf
ory
oui
fyout
akel
ong.
 
Me:Alr
ightbabyandpleasebehave.Idon'
t
wantanygirl
ssnatchi
ngyoufrom me. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
IknowI'm hotandall
buty ougot
nothi
ngtoworr
yabout .Mygi
rlf
riendi
sthe
mostbeaut
if
ulandamazi ngpersonIknowand
Iwoul
dn'
twantany
oneel
se.
 
Ibl
ushedandkissedhi
m ont
hecheekasIwent
tot
hetoil
ets.
 
Ther
ewasnooneelsei
nthet
oil
ets.Any
way
,I
goti
n,peedandwi
pedt
henIf
lushed.
 
IgotoutandasIwaswashingmyhands,Isaw
theref
lect
ionofsomeoneIr
eal
l
ywasn't
expect
ing.
 
Ievenscr
eamedabi tbecauseitwasscar
yhow
heappeared.It
urnedandIwasn'ti
magini
ngit
orhall
uci
nati
ng.Hewasher e.How?Igotno
i
dea. 
Me:
Arey
oust
alki
ngme?
 
Hechuckl
ed.Hewaschi
ll
edanditwas
annoyi
ngme.If
oldedmyarmsandlookedat
hi
m.  
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
? 
Kamo:Icametosavey
oufrom maki
ngt
he
worstmi
stakeofy
ourl
if
e. 
Il
ookedathi
m,conf
used.Whatt
hehel
lwashe
onabout
? 
Kamo:
He'
snotwhoy
out
hinkhei
s. 
Iwasnowev
enmor
eper
plexed.
 
Me:
Who?Whatar
eyouonabout
? 
Kamo:
Yourboy
fri
end,
Lut
hando.
 
Me:LookKamogelo,
ift
hisi
soneofy
ourway s
tot
ryandlur
eyourwaybackint
omyli
fe,
it'
snot
goi
ngtohappen.
 
Kamo: Iwisht
hatwastr
uebutno.Icar
eabout
yoursafet
ymor et
hananyt
hing.
 
Me:Thenwhyar
eyouher
e,badmout
hingmy
boy
fri
end?
 
Hechuckl
ed,
shaki
nghi
shead.
 
Kamo:
He'
snotasi
nnocentasy
out
hinkhei
s.
He'
s-
"Oh,
ther
eyouar
e"
I
twasLut
hando.Hel
ookedatmebef
ore
l
ooki
ngatKamogel
owhowasi
nfr
ontofme.
 
Thando:
DidIper
hapsi
nter
uptsomet
hing?
 
Me:
Umm,
no.
 
Thando:
What
'shedoi
ngher
e? 
Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s,Ir
eal
l
ydi
dn'
tKnow
too.
 
Me:Iwaswat
chi
ngmyhandswhenIsawhi
s
r
efl
ecti
onont
hemir
ror
. 
Thatwast hehonesttr
uthandThandosawthat
Iwasn'tlyi
ngtoo.Mindyou,
wewer eint
he
femaletoil
etswhenallt
heseconver
sati
on
transpi
red.
 
Kamo:
Tel
lhert
het
rut
h. 
Me:
Whatt
rut
h? 
Thando:
Yes,
whatt
rut
h? 
Kamo:
Howy
ou-
"
Wegot
tagodude"
I
twasThut
o,whowast
alki
ngwhi
l
elooki
ng
behi
nd.
Kamo:
Justami
nut
e,Ineedt
o-
Thut
o:Wedon'
thav
emucht
imedude.
 
Hegroanedinfrust
rat
ionasthei
reyesdi
dmost
ofthetal
kingandhefoll
owedhisbestf
ri
end
rel
uctant
ly.
 
SomehowIf eltt
hatwhathewasabouttosay
coul
d'v
echangedmyl if
eandthedeci
sions
ther
eof,f
orever.
 
Me:
Okay
,whatj
usthappened?
 
Thando:
Yourexi
ssuchasor
eloser
. 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:ButIunder
standwhyhecan'
tlety
ou
go.Yousuchanamazi ngper
son.Pl
easedon'
t
l
ethim comebetweenus. 
Me:Whatdidhemeanwhenhesai
dIgot
ta
knowt
hetruth?
 
Thando:
Nawey
ousawt
hatIwasj
ustsur
pri
sed
asyounje.
 
Heshruggedhi
sshoul
der
s.Hewasr
ight
t
hough,hedidl
ooksur
pri
sed.
 
MaybeKamogel
owasj
ustt
ryi
ngtocome
bet
weenusbymaki
ngmedoubthim.
 
Anyway,
wetookourst
uff
,mor
eli
kehedidand
wewentbacktot
hecarsi
ncet
heeventwas
over
. 
Ididn'
tevengetachancet
otal
ktosomeofmy
schoolmates.
 
Thando:
YouknowIl
ovey
our
ight
? 
Inodded.
 
Thando:
Ineedt
oheary
ousayi
tbaby
. 
Me:
Iknow.
 
Thando:Don'
tl
ety
ourbi
tt
erexmakey
oudoubt
me,doubtus.
 
Me:
Iwon'
t.
 
Thando:
Good.
 
Ibrushedital
lof
fmymi
ndandf
ocusedont
he
present.
 
IwasnotgoingtoletKamogel
ofil
lmyhead
withhi
snonsense.Isawustaki
ngadif
ferent
routet
hantheonehome.  
Me:
Wher
ewegoi
ng?
 
Thando:
Ibookedusahot
el.
 
Me:
Wow,
butwhy
? 
Thando:Iwon'
tsl
eepwi
thy
oui
fthat
'
swhaty
ou
aski
ng. 
Me:
No,
Iwasn'
taski
ngt
hatIj
ust
..
 
Thando:
Real
l
y? 
Me:
Ijustt
houghtwe'
dtal
kabouti
tfi
rst
. 
Thando:AndIthoughtIwast
hemani
nthi
s
rel
ati
onshi
p. 
Me:
I..I
'
m sor
ry.
 
Ist
aredout
sidet
hewi
ndowassi
l
encef
il
ledt
he
car
. 
I
twasabeauti
ful
,fi
vestarhot
elandoursui
te
washugeandi
npur ewhit
e. 
I
twasl
ikeroyal
ty.Myj
awjustdroppedand
y
enahelookedli
kehewasjustusedtothi
s. 
It
ookof
fmyshoes,
myf
eetwer
eki
l
li
ng.
 
Thando:Youcanorderwhat
every
ouwantor
sl
eep,I'
l
lbeback.
 
Me:
What
? 
Sur
elyhewasn'
taboutt
oleav
emeher
e,al
one
orwashe? 
Thando:
Youneedt
her
estandIneedt
ogosor
t
somethi
ngout
. 
Me:
It'
s1am i
nthemor
ning.
 
Thando:I
'm notanAnt
ichr
isti
fthat
'
swhaty
ou
sayi
ng. 
Me:
That
'snott
hepoi
ntIj
ust
 
Heshutmeupwi t
haki
ss,
Idi
dn'
trepl
yatf
ir
st
butIendedupgi
vi
ngi
ntot
heki
ss.
 
I
twasj
ustt
oogoodt
oresist
.Hebr okei
taf
tera
f
ewandwebot
hcaughtourbreat
hs. 
Thando:
I'
ll
makei
tupt
oyou.
 
Ijustnoddedandwatchedhimleave.Si
nceit
wasal r
eadypassmidnight
,It
ookof fmydress
thentookashowerandwor eagownbef or
e
getti
nginbedanddrif
ti
ngimmedi at
elyt
o
sleep.
 
Whatanev
ent
ful
nighti
thadbeen.
 
Ididn'twanttot
hinkaboutany
thi
ngandI '
m
gratefulmybodyunderst
oodthat
,reasonwhyI
fel
l asleepi
mmediatel
ywhenmyheadhi tthe
pil
low. 
Iwasn'
texpect
ingmydayt oendl
i
kethi
sbutI
'
ll
j
uststr
essaboutever
ythi
ngtomorr
ow. 
Now,
Ineededt
her
est
. 
.
[
08/
24,
10:
01]Must
angMan:
52
Icouldfeelsomeonelookingatme, morel
ike
stari
ngsinceIwasst i
llsl
eepi
ng.Iopenedone
eyetof i
ndLuthandoandIhalfscreamedfrom
shock.Imean, Idon'
trememberhearinghi
m
enterbutjusthi
m sayi
nghehast o"sort
somet hi
ngout".
Isatonmybut tashelaughedandthi
stime,I
didn'
tevenlaughwit
hhim becausehi
slaught
er
i
sal waysfunnybuti
nstead,
Ifol
dedmyar ms
andjustlookedathi
m. 
Hestopped.Hewassmel l
ingfreshandhehad
changedint
ocasualcl
othes,Iguesshebat
hed
whereverhehadgoneto. 
Thando:
Mor
ningmyl
ove.
 
Idi
dn'
trepl
ybutinst
ead,Igotof
ffrom t
hebed
andwalkedtot
hebathroom soIcoul
dhavea
bat
h. 
Ihear
dhi
mfol
l
owme.
 
Thando:
Youmadatme?
 
Isti
lldi
dn'
tsayanything.Iwascompl et
ely
nakedunderneat
hther obeandbecauseIwas
somad, Iwasnotev enthinki
ngabouthis
presenceorworr
iedabouthi m seei
ngme
naked. 
Ibrushedmyt eethasthebathwasfil
l
ingwith
water,Idi
dn'tevenknowwherethetoothbr
ush
camef rom buti
twassealedAndv er
ynew.He
waswat chi
ngmyev erymovebutIdi
dn'tgi
vea
ratassabouthimr i
ghtnow. 
Ifheknewhewasgoi ngt
ohavetogoAnd" sor
t
somethingout",Hecoul
dhavejustt
akenme
home.I'
m pret
tysuremyfamil
ycouldhave
welcomedmewi thopenarms.
 
Thando:Khensani
,babyplease,
I'
m sor
ryand
ngi
shil
othatI'
ll
makei tuptoyou. 
Me:
Yougonnawat
chmet
akeabat
hnow?
 
Thando:
Youmywoman,
ofcour
seIwi
l
l.
 
Me:
Whydi
dIev
enbot
heraski
ng?
 
Isai
d,rol
li
ngmyey es.Ipouredf
oam andbat
h
sal
tsbeforedroppingmyr obeandIheardhi
m
swall
owhar dbehindme.Hehadnev erseenme
nakedbefore.
 
Igoti
nthet
ubandl
ett
hebat
hsal
tsdot
hei
r
j
ob. 
Thando:
Umm I
..You'
l
lfi
ndmei
ntheUmm.
.
Yeah.
 
Idi
dn'
tevenpayhim anyat
tent
ionasIcl
osed
myeyesandjustenj
oyedmybat h.
 
Whent hewat ergotcol d,Igotoutandbecause
Ihadstayedi nthereforsol ong,myskinwas
evenwr i
nkled.Idri
edt henwr appedatowel
aroundmybodyasIgotoutoft hebathroom so
Icouldlot
ionint hebedr oom. 
Thando:
Ior
der
edsomebr
eakf
ast
. 
It
ooktheloti
onf
rom thecl
osetandstar
ted
l
oti
oni
ng.Ifel
thi
m behindme,Icoul
dfeelhi
m
st
andi
ngbehi
ndme.
 
Thando:
Youhav
eabeaut
if
ulbody
. 
Hesaid,
standingri
ghtbehindhim andIf
elthi
s
breat
honmyneck.Mi ndy ou,Iwasnakedsince
Iwassti
lll
oti
oning.
 
Hest art
edbi
ti
ngmeonmyneckwi t
hhishands
brushingmystomach.Iwasn'
tgoingtol
etthi
s
goonanyf ur
ther
,asmuchasi twassending
chil
lsonmyspine,Ij
ustcoul
dn't
. 
Iwaswaypastt
hepoi
ntoft
hinki
ngwi
thmy
bodyi
nst
eadofmymind.
 
Me:
Pleasest
op.
 
Thando:
Why
?
Hesaidashi
shandwenttomybreastandI
swall
owedhar
d.Icoul
dn'
tdot
his,
Iwasn't
ready
. 
Me:
PleaseLut
hando.
 
Isai
d,wi
thabr
eaki
ngv
oiceandhest
opped
i
mmedi
atel
y.
 
Thando:
What
'swr
ong?
 
Idon'tknowhowbutIfel
tthetearsembr
aci
ng
myf ace,i
t'
swar
mthclearl
ysensible.
 
It
ookthegownandworei
tasIwipedthetear
s
whichwerepour
ingl
i
kear
iver
.Iwassuddenly
soemotional
.
 
Itwasbecauseofal lthet hingsIhadbeen
through.Somehowt hememor iesjustcame
flashi
ngback.Yes, Imi ghthav ebeenwi l
l
ingt o
sleepwi ththosetwoguy s, y es,neitheroft hem
forcedthemsel vesonmebuti tallstartedt hi
s
way .Witht hem pouringt heirhear ttome,
conv i
ncingmeoft heirlov ef ormeandaf t
er
theygetwhatt heywant ,
t hey '
dspitmeoutl i
ke
anov erchewedgum.Sexwassomet hingIwas
compl etelyscaredof ,Ineededst abi l
it
y. 
Iwasn'
tdoubti
nghim Oranyt
hingbutIj
ust
wasn'
tready
.Yes,Icoul
dbef r
eearoundhimin
mynakednessbutIcouldnothaveanyt
hing
mor
e. 
Isankdownont hecouchandIcriedashelay
myheadonhi schestandbrushedmybackas
thetearsjustfel
l.It
houghtIhadmov edon
from thi
s,IthoughtIhadhealedbutIjust
couldn't
. 
Aft
erIcal
meddown,heki
ssedmeont
he
for
eheadbef
oreget
ti
nguptogi
vemeagl
assof
water
. 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:
I..I
t'
snoty
ourf
aul
t.
 
Thando:
What'sgoi
ngonNokubonga?Whati
sit
thatI
'
m missi
ng? 
Me:
I..Ican'
tdoi
t.
 
Thando:
Youav
irgi
n? 
Ishookmyhead.
 
Thando:
Thenwhat
? 
Me:
Ijust
..Ican'
t.
. 
Thando:
Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
ohav
esexwi
thy
ou,
I
tol
dyouthat
.
Me:IknowbutIjust.
.I'
m notreadyAndy
ou
t
ouchingmel i
kethat
..I
tbroughtbackal
otof
memor i
es.
. 
Thando:Youneedtoletmei
nKhensani
,We'v
e
beentogetherf
orabout8mont
hs.Yousay
ing
yousti
lldon'
ttr
ustme? 
Me:
Itr
usty
ou.
 
Hesi
ghed.Ijustl
ookeddownandpl
ayedwi
th
myfi
ngers.
 
Thando:
It'
sokay
,Igoty
ousomecl
othes.
 
Hepi
ckedupapaperbagf
rom t
hef
loor
,nextt
o
t
hecouchandgav
eittome. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Thando:
I'
m goi
ngf
orasmoke.We'
l
lleav
ewhen
Icomeback.
 
Inoddedandhel
eft
.Iwor
ethepant
yandbr
a
hehadbought
,Idon'
tev
enknowhowheknew
aboutmysi
ze.
 
AnywayIwor
ethejeanandt
eet
henwor
ethe
sneaker
shehadbought
. 
Itookmyphoneandputevery
thi
ngel
seinthe
bag.Hecame,t
ookmyst uf
fthenwegotout.
 
Wedi
dnotev
ensi
gnout
. 
Therestoft
her
idehomewasinsil
ence,
Iwas
l
ooki
ngoutthewindowt
hroughoutt
hewhole
ri
de.
 
Wewer en'ti
nthejaguarsoIassumedithad
beenhiredbutwereinsteadinaMercedesAMG
GT-R.Yetanotherexpensiv
ecar.Idi
dn'
task
anythi
ng. 
Thando:
Wil
lyoubeokay
? 
Inodded.Hehuggedmeaft
erIgotout
.Itwas
ti
ghtandwarming,It
ookmybags.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
cal
lyoul
ater
. 
Me:
Okay
. 
Gett
inginthehouse,therewasnoone.I
act
uall
ywasn'tinthemoodf orpeopl
e.Ineeded
tobealoneforawhile. 
Iwenttoputev
erythi
nginmyclosetthenwent
wit
hmyphone, outsi
de,
atthegardenjustsoI
Couldcl
earmymi nd.
 
Lateron,
dur
ingt
heday
,pr
obabl
yar
ound2pm
Kit
socame. 
Ihadj
ustf
ini
shedwi
thcooki
ng.
 
Ki
tso:
Hey
,youback?
 
Me:
Ther
ewasnoonewhenIcameback.
 
Ki
tso:
Hehadt
ogof
orhi
svacci
nat
ions.
 
Me:
He'
ssl
eepi
ng?
 
Kit
so:
Yeah,hehadbeencry
ingev
ersi
ncewe
camefrom t
hehospi
tal
. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
It'
spr
obabl
ytheneedl
e. 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Ki
tso:
Yeahl
etmej
ustgoputhi
m down.
 
Me:
Okay
,I'
l
ldi
shupi
nthemeant
ime.
 
Isetthet
abl
ethendishedforKi
tsoandI
,
putt
ingdad'
sfoodi
nt hewarmer.
 
ShecamethensaidGraceaswesatdownt
hen
webothst
artedeati
ng.
 
Ki
tso:
Sohowwasi
t? 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:Itwasamazi
ng,
thewayt
hepeopl
e
scr
eamedforus,
God
Iscr
eamedandshel
aughed.
 
Ki
tso:
Musthav
ebeenr
eal
l
ygood.
 
Me:Yougotnoidea,
Iwasabi
tner
vousthough
butLut
handohel
dmyhandthr
oughital
l
. 
Ki
tso:
Lut
handoNeh.
 
Il
aughed.Shesai
ditl
i
kei
tst
heonl
ypar
tshe
hear
dandt
hel
ookshegav
eme,
ohgod.
 
Me:
Mm
Kit
so:Yourf
aceev
enbr
ight
ensatt
hement
ion
ofhisname.
 
Il
aughed,hi
dingmyf
aceandshechuckl
ed.I
wasblushi
ng. 
Kit
so:I
t'
sgoodtoseey
ouhappy
,Ijusthopehe
doesn'
ttur
noutt
obeworset
han..Youknow. 
Me:
Ihopesot
oo.Il
ovehi
m. 
Ki
tso:
Justdon'
trusht
hings,
gowi
tht
heFl
ow.
 
Inodded.Shealwaysgi
vest
hebestadv
ices.I
washedthedishesaft
erweate.
 
Dadcamel
ateron,
itwaspr
obabl
yaf
ter5.
 
Me:
Good,
younowal
lhear
. 
Dad:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Kitsowenttowar
m hi
sfoodasIwentt
omy
room soIcoul
dgetmycert
if
icat
es.
 
Me:
Tada!
 
Ifl
ashedt
hem i
nthei
reyes.DadtookThem And
Icoul
dseeasmilefl
ashuponhisface.
 
Hest
oodupandsuf
focat
edmei
nahug.
 
Heki
ssedmeal
lov
ert
hef
ace.
 
Dad:
I'
m sopr
oudofy
ou.
 
Me:
I'
m gl
ad.
 
Ki
tso:
Congr
atul
ati
ons 
baby
. 
Shehuggedmet
ooandki
ssedmeont
he
cheek.
 
Kit
so:Youneedtobeawar
dedf
orsuchgr
eat
perf
ormances.
 
Me:
Yousai
ditMom.
 
Sheshotmeadeat
hst
areandIl
aughed.
 
Dad:Yourmot
heri
sri
ghtt
hough,
thi
sdeser
ves
areward.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
ll
leti
tsl
i
dej
ustt
hisonce.
 
Wechuckl
ed.
 
Thandocall
edmesoIwentoutsi
desoIcoul
d
tal
kfreel
ywit
hmyboyf
ri
end. 
Idi
dn'twantdadaskingmeanyquesti
ons,
sni
ffi
ngintomybusiness.Ianswer
edonthe
thi
rdri
ng. 
Me:
Myl
ove.
 
Thando:
Iwasj
ustaboutt
ogi
veup.
 
Me:
Ineededt
ogetsomepr
ivacyf
ir
st.
 
Thando:
Yourdad?
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Yeah,
youknowhowhei
s. 
Hechuckl
edont
heot
hersi
deandIl
aughed.
 
Thando:
Howar
eyounow?
 
Me:
I'
m muchbet
ternow.
 
Thando:I
'm gl
ad.Youdoknowwe'
l
lhav
etot
alk
aboutthi
seventual
l
yri
ght
? 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
Yes,
Iknow.
 
Thando:
Iwon'
trushy
ou,
don'
twor
ry.
 
Iwasabouttor
eplywhenIhadanal
ertt
hat
ther
e'sani
ncomingcal
l
. 
Me:
Umm babe?
 
Thando:
Yeah?
 
Me:CanIgetbackt
oyou?Ther
e'sani
ncomi
ng
cal
l
. 
Thando:
Umm,
alr
ight
.Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Iswi
tchedcal
l
sandanswer edthatf
rom t
he
numberIcoul
dn'
trecogni
ze. 
Cal
l
er:
Khensani
? 
Me:
Speaki
ng.
 
Cal
l
er:
It'
sKagi
sano.
 
Me:
Youchangednumber
s? 
Kagi
:Ibor
rowedaphonesoIcoul
dtal
ktoy
ou.
 
Me:
Soundsser
ious.
 
Kagi
:Cany
oucomet
hroughnow?
 
Me:
It'
slat
eKagi
sano.
 
Shesi
ghed.
 
Kagi
:Tomor
rowmay
be?
 
Me:
I'
ll
comei
nthemor
ning.
 
Kagi:
ThankYou.Pl
easedon'
ttel
lLut
hando
aboutit
. 
Me:
Wher
edoeshef
iti
nher
e? 
Kagi
:Justdon'
ttel
lhi
m.I
'
llseey
out
omor
row.
 
Me:
Umm,
okay
. 
Shehungupl
eav
ingmewi
thal
ott
othi
nk
about
. 
Fir
sti
twasKamogel
oandnowi
t'
sher
e,what
thehel
li
sgoi
ngonhere?
 
Any
way
,Iwentbackt
othehouseandev
en
f
orgotaboutcal
l
ingLut
handoback.
 
Ij
ustwentt
omyroom,changedintomy
pyj
amasandgoti
nsi
demybl anket
s. 
Whydoesitseem t
hatev
ery
onei
sagai
nst
Lut
handoandI? 
Kagi
sanomightnothavesai
danythingbutI
knewitwasprobabl
ytodowithLuthando.
 
Whycoul
dn'
ttheyj
ustl
etusbe?
I
fthi
ngsdon'
twor
kout
,it
'dbemymi
staket
o
make.
 
Ipushedi
tal
ltot
hebackofmymi
ndassl
eep
consumed.
 
.
[
08/
24,
10:
01]Must
angMan:
53
YazisomehowIwasusedtoschoolandhavi
ng
towakeupearlyfort
hat
.Al
thoughi
twasthe
weekend,somehowmybodywasstill
onthat
kindoft
ip.
 
Iwaswokenupbymyphonebusybuzzi ng.
From t
hedarknessclear
lyvisi
bleoutside,
I
knewitwasn'
tmor ni
ngy etorrather
,thesun
hadn'
tcomeouty et.
 
Isi
ghedasIsatdownonmybuttandanswer
ed,
notbot
her
ingtocheckt
hecal
l
erid.
 
"
Iwai
tedandwai
ted,
why
?"
Isi
ghed.Ther
ewasnodoubti
nmymi
ndabout
whothatcoul
dbe.
 
Me:
Lut
hando.
 
Thando:
Don'tsaymynamel
i
keIf
orgoti
t.Iwas
worri
edKhensani
. 
Me:
IknowandI
'
m sor
ry.
 
Thando:
Isi
taboutyest
erday
?It
houghtwe
werewaypastt
hat.
 
Iwantedt
otell
him butKagisanoaskedmenot
toevenmenti
onitt
ohi m. 
Ihadt
othi
nkofsomet
hingandIhadt
othi
nkof
i
tfast.Unfor
tunat
ely,meandlyi
ngaredefini
tel
y
notfr
iends.Ifi
nditsohardtoli
ebecauseI
wouldneverli
keitifsomeoneisnothonest
wit
hme, reasonwhyIt r
iedtobeashonestasI
canbe. 
Me:
No,
it'
sjust
..If
orgot
. 
Thando:
Whowasi
t? 
Me:
Huh?
 
Thando:
Thepersonwhocalled.Theperson
whomadeyouforgetabouttheobli
gati
onyou
hadmadetoyourboyfr
iend.
 
Me:Umm.
.It
's.
.It
'sj
ust
..Youwoul
dn'
tknow
hi
m. 
Thando:
YoudoknowIcanheary
oul
yi
ng
ri
ght?
 
Me:
I..
.Umm.
. 
Thando:
Don'
tfuckwi
thmeKhensani
.
 
Me:
Language.
 
Thando:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Not
hingi
sgoi
ngon.
 
Thando:Ar
eyouhav
inganydoubt
s?Aboutme,
about.
.Us?
 
Me:
No,
I'
m not
. 
Thando:
Thenwhat?Whydoesi
tseem l
i
key
ou
don'
twannal
evel
withme? 
Me:
Canwenotar
gueaboutt
his?
 
Thando: Howisi
tar
guingwhenI'
mt r
yingt
o
compr ehendt
hesuddenmist
rusty
ouhav e
towardsme?  
Me:
Itr
usty
ou.
 
Thando:I
fyoudi
d,y
ouwoul
dn'
tbekeepi
ng
secr
ets.
 
Me:
SoI
'
mtheonekeepi
ngsecr
ets?
 
Thando:
Whatar
eyout
ryi
ngt
osay
? 
Me:Youwantmetobehonestwit
hyouyett
he
onl
ythi
ngIknowabouty
ouisyournameand
age.Idon'
tknowwher eyouworkorhowy ou
abl
et oaff
ordal
lthesecarsandfi
vestarhot
els.
Idon'
tevenknowwher eyouli
ve!
 
Atthi
spointIwasgrat
efulI
'
minmyownr oom
causeitwoul
dn'
thavebeenaconversat
ionI
wouldhavehadwithdadinmypresence. 
Thando:
Act
ual
l
y,Ial
sodon'
twannaar
gue.
 
Me:
Wow.
 
Thando:We'
llt
alkf
acet
oface.Conv
ersat
ions
l
ikethesear
en'
thel
dovert
hephone. 
Me:
What
everman.
 
Thando:
Khensani
.
. 
HewarnedbutIdi
dn'
tli
stenbuti
nst
ead,hang
uponhim.Hecall
edbackimmediat
elyandI
rol
l
edmyey esbef
oreansweri
ng.
 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:I
'mtheonewhocal
ledandyounot
gonnafuckenhunguponme.Idon'
tknowwhat
gotyoui
namoodbutthatdoesn'
tgi
vey outhe
ri
ghttot
reatmel
i
keshi
t.Where'
stherespect?
 
Me:
Sor
rybabami
. 
Thando:
Mxm.
 
Hecl
i
ckedhistonguebef
orehangi
ngupAndI
nowf
eltbadforhowIspoket
ohim. 
I
'l
lhavetoapologi
zewhenhecool
sdown
becausetal
ki
ngt ohi
m whi
l
ehe'sl
i
kethi
s
wasn'tgoi
ngtohelp.
 
Iwentbackt
omysleepsinceIwasst
il
lsl
eepy
.
Idi
dn'
tevenbot
herchecki
ngtheti
me.
 
IwokeupwhenIf
eltt
hesun'sr
ayshi
tti
nghar
d
onthewi
ndowandref
lect
ingonme. 
Idon'
tknowwhoopenedt
hecur
tai
ncauseI
sureashel
l
. 
Si
nceitwasSunday,
Iknewitwasdadwhowas
waki
ngmeupf orchurch.
 
Ij
ustsi
ghedbef
oreget
ti
ngupandgoi
ngt
othe
bat
hroom wher
eIt
ookabat
h. 
Idri
edandlot
ioned.Iwant
edtogooutofmy
room onl
ywhenI'm donewi
thever
ythi
ng.
 
Iworeawhi t
ebodyhuggingdresswit
hgold
sandalsandletmyhai
rloose.Ij
ustputal
ip
balm onmylips,t
ookmybagandphonet hen
wentout. 
Iwasact
ual
l
yali
tt
let
iredfr
om l
ackofsl
eepbut
i
twasnotmuchofadeal.
 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Dad:
Youcansl
eep.
 
Me:
Thanksf
ort
hecompl
i
ment
. 
Isatdown.
 
Dad:Youbet
ternotbepr
egnantbecauseI
swear.
..
 
Il
aughedoutl
oud.Whowoul dhavemademe
pr
egnant?ImeanIhav
en'tsleptwi
thanyone
si
ncefor
everandfr
om thelookofthi
ngs,i
t
wasn'
tgoi
ngt
ohappenanyt
imesoon.
 
Me:
Youwor
ryt
oomuch.
 
Ki
tsowasnotgoingwit
hussi
nceherbabyi
s
st
il
labi
tsmallf
orcrowds.
 
Iat
ecerealf
orbr
eakfastasusual
.Iwas
act
uall
ybusyeat
ingwhenIreceiv
edacall
from
apri
vatenumber
. 
Il
ookedati
tforawhil
e,cont
empl
ati
ngAbout
answer
ingi
tornot
. 
Dad:
Justanswert
hedamnt
hing,
it'
sdi
stur
bing
mypeace.
 
Igi
ggl
ed,
rol
l
ingmyey
es.
 
Me:
It'
sapr
ivat
enumber
. 
Thecal
l
ernay
ewasn'
tgi
vi
ngup 
Dad:
Ther
e'sonl
yonewayt
ofi
ndout
. 
Ianswer
edi
tasIgotupt
ogoout
side.
 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
"ThankGody
ouf
inal
l
yanswer
ed!
"
Me:
Kagi
sano?
 
Kagi
:Pl
easedonott
ell
mey
ouf
orgot
. 
Me:
For
gotabout
? 
Kagi
:Wewer
esupposet
omeet
. 
I
thadcompl etel
ysli
ppedmymi ndandI
promised.I
nfact,whenIdi
d,Ihadeven
forgot
tenaboutchurch 
Me:
Fli
p! 
Kagi
:Pl
easeKhen,
it'
simpor
tant
. 
Me:
Can'
ti
twai
tunt
ilaf
terchur
ch?
 
Kagi
:No,
itcan'
t.
 
Igroaned.Idi
dn'tknowhowIwasgoingtodo
thi
s.Imean, i
fIleavenowt
ogomeetupwi th
her,I
'l
ldefi
nit
elybelat
eAnddadmightendup
l
eav i
ngwithoutme. 
Again,
ifIdon'
tgotoher
,Imi ghtneverbeabl
e
toanditdidsoundi
mportantconsideri
nghow
she'
sst
il
lnotl
ett
inggo.
 
Andagain,Iwascuri
oustoknowwhatitcoul
d
bethat'
smakingherwanttomeetupwithme
kanj
e,shedidtel
lmenottotel
lLut
handoabout
i
t.Curi
osit
ydidki
llt
hecataft
eral
l.
Me:
Okay
,fi
ne.I
'
m comi
ng.
 
Kagi
:ThankYousomuch.
 
Ihadj
ustdr
oppedt
hecal
lwhendadcamewi
th
mybag.Shi
t!
Me:
Wel
eav
ingal
ready
? 
Dad:
Yes.
 
Me:
ButIhadt
o-
Hecutmeshor
t.
 
Dad:What
everi
tiswi
l
lhav
etowai
tforaf
ter
chur
ch.
 
Me:
Kodwababa-
Dad:Ha.
aNono.Godcomesf
ir
st,
Ther
estcan
fol
l
owafter
ward.
 
Ihuf
fedandjustwal
kedtothecar.Iswit
ched
myphoneoffbecauseIdi
dn'thavetheheartto
cal
lKagi
sanooreventel
lherthatI
'm nolonger
coming.
 
I
twouldhavebeenusel
essar
gui
ngwi
thdad
Abouti
tany
way .
 
Heisright
,Goddoescomefi
rst
.Hedr
oveusto
churchwhil
eli
steni
ngt
osomesermononthe
radi
o. 
Ever
yserv
icei
salwaysuniqueandIwasbr
ave
enought
ogogiveatesti
monyabouthowGod
hadbeengoodtome. 
Tr
uthis,
Iwouldn'
thavecomet
hisf
ari
fit
wasn'
tbecauseofhi
m. 
IsangasongbyJoy ousCel
ebrat
ionti
tl
ed
"Bengingazi
".I
tbasi
call
ytal
ksaboutGod'sl
ove
formeandal lHedidformejusttoshowhis
l
ov eforme.
Af
tert
heser
vice,
Ihadt
owai
tfordadwhowas
busygr
eeti
ngpeople.Iwast
ir
edbuti
thadbeen
anamazingser
vice.
 
It
'salwaysgreatt
obei
nthepr
esenceoft
he
almightyGod. 
Justresti
nginhispresenceandall
owinghi
mt o
takecontrol
ofy oursoul
,yourhear
tandyour
spir
it
,it
'samazing. 
Whendadf i
nal
lycame,Iwasint
hecaralr
eady.
Ishoul
dhavejustt
akenthekeyf
rom hi
m and
drovemysel
fhome. 
Kitsodi
dteachmehowtodri
veafterall
.I
missedherandl
it
tl
eBandi
l
e,Ihadn'tseenthem
today.
 
Dad:
IhopeIdi
dn'
tkeepy
ourwai
ti
ng.
 
Thener
veoft
hisguy
!Ifhewasn'
tmyf
ather
..
NcNc. 
Anyway
,Idi
dn'
treply.Thatt
omesoundedmor
e
l
ikeast
atementthanaquestion.
 
Hedr
oveusst
rai
ghthomeAndIwasonl
ytoo
happy
. 
Iswit
chedmyphoneoni
mmedi
atel
ywhenIgot
offt
hecar.
 
Kagi
sanowaspr
obabl
ymadatmewher
ever
shei
s. 
Iwashungr
y,wehadbeenatchur
chf
orsolong.
Goodthi
ngIwasn'
tweari
ngheel
sormyfeet
woul
dhavebeenkil
l
ingmenow. 
Me:
Mommy
! 
IscreamedjustasIwasent
eri
ng.Ihear
dher
giggl
einthelounge.
 
Iwentt
osuf
focat
eherwi
thahug 
Ki
tso:
Bandi
l
eist
heonewho'
ssupposet
ocal
l
methat 
Me:
Buty
ouar
emymot
her
. 
Ki
tso:
Wel
l
,yesbutIst
il
lpr
eferj
ustmyname.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Imi
ssedy
ou.
 
Kit
so:Aker
eyoudi
dn'
tev
ensaygoodby
ebef
ore
youlef
t.
 
Me:
Blamet
hishusbandofy
our
s 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Ki
tso:
Wel
l
,Imi
ssedy
out
oo.
 
Shesqueezedmycheek.
 
Me:
I'
m hungr
y. 
Ki
tso:
Shoul
dIdi
shup?
 
Me:
Please.
 
Ihel
pedhersetupt
het
abl
e,Dadcamewi
tha
wail
i
ngBandil
e. 
Me:
Andt
hen?
 
Dad:
Her
efusest
oshutup.
 
Ki
tso:
Didy
oucheckhi
snappy
? 
Dad:
Yes,
Iev
enchangedi
t.It
hinkhe'
shungr
y. 
Ki
tso:
Hej
ustat
e. 
Dad:
Hehasqui
teanappet
it
e.Remi
ndsmeof
someoneIknow.
 
Me:
Hai
bo!
 
Wel aughed.Ki
tsot
ookBandiandfedhi
m whi
l
e
Icontinuedwit
hset
ti
ngupforlunch.
 
Ki
tsowenttoputhi
m downt
hengotbackand
weall
ate.
 
Ki
tso:
Howwaschur
ch?
 
Me:
Amazi
ng!
 
Someoneknockedont hedoorj
ustasIwas
aboutt
otel
lherever
ything.
 
Weal l
lookedateachot her.Itwascl
earnei
ther
ofthem werethinkingofgoingtocheckwhoit
i
ssoIst oodup,wi pedmyhandsandwentt o
checkoutwhoi tis. 
Iopenedt
hedoor
. 
Me:
Thehel
l
? 
Thando:
Hi.
 
Thi
sguyhasadeat
hwar
rant
.Icl
osedt
hedoor
asIwentout
sidewithhi
m.Imagineifdad
woul
dhavebeent heonetoopenthedoor,what
coul
dhehavesaid? 
Me:
Arey
oucr
azy
? 
Thando:Youshoul
dreal
lystar
twat chi
nghow
youspeaktome.I'
m notyourfr
iend. 
Ir
oll
edmyeyesinwar
dly
,wewentt
ohi
scar
.
God,myf
ood? 
Anyway,Iwant
edhimtoj
ustgetoutoft
hey
ard,
I
'l
lexpl
ainwhenIcomeback.
 
Hest
art
edt
hecarandwedr
oveof
f.
 
Me:
So,
wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
 
Thando:
Youwant
edt
oseewher
eIl
i
ver
ight
? 
Me:Asifyouwoul
dhav
eshownmei
fIhadn'
t
menti
onedit
. 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.
 
Thando:
That
'si
mpol
i
te.
 
Me:
Yazi
,yousoaboutcont
rol
l
ingme,
it'
snot
f
unany
mor
e. 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ryt
hen.Idon'
twantt
ofi
ght
. 
Me:
Wewer
eact
ual
l
yeat
ingy
ouknow.
 
Thando:Youandf
ood,
Igetj
eal
ous
someti
mes. 
Me:
That
'snotni
ce.
 
Thando:
Ilovethatyounotli
keothergir
lswho
tr
ytoactli
kesomeonet hey'
renot,Al
li
nt he
nameofimpressingthei
rboyfr
iends.
 
Me:
Wel
lI-
Myphonerang,
int
err
upt
ingmef
rom say
ing
whatIwant
edtosay.
 
I
twasactual
lyinmybr east
sdoItooki
tout
whi
lepr
ayingit
'snotdad,Iwant
edtodealwi
th
hi
m whenIgethome. 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
"Pl
easedonott
ell
mey
ouwi
thhi
m"
Il
ookedatLut
handowhowasmor
efocusedon
hi
sdr
ivi
ng.
 
Me:
Iam.What
'sup?
 
Kagi
:Kamogel
otol
dmeabouthi
m. 
Me:
Oh?
 
Idi
dn'
twanthi
mt ogetanysuspi
ciousabout
thi
sphonecal
lsoIhadtoactcool
. 
Kagi
:Yes,
look,
he'
snotwhoy
out
hinkhei
s. 
Me:
I'
m notf
oll
owi
ng.
 
Kagi
:Ther
e'smor
etohi
mthanwhaty
ou-
Thando:
Whoi
sit
? 
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
. 
Me:
I'
ll
cal
lyou 
Kagi
:Youneedt
oheart
his.
 
Me:
Idon'
tknow,
probabl
ytomor
row.
 
Kagi
:Khensani
! 
Me:
Haha,
bye.
 
Ihungup.
 
Me:
ItwasNobuhl
e,myf
ormercl
assmat
e. 
Thando:
Okaybaby
. 
Hel
ookedbackattheroadandmyhear
t
i
mmediat
elywentbacktoit
splace.
 
WhatisI
tabouthi
mt hatt
heset
winsar
e
war
ningmeabout? 
Thando:
Weher
e. 
Hesai
dasheopenedmydoor,knocki
ngme
backi
ntor
eal
ity
.Ihadn'
tev
enr
eali
zedthecar
hadst
opped.
 
Hestr
etchedhi
shandoutt
omeandIhel
dit
andgotout 
Il
ookedaround.Thehousewasinabushy
nei
ghborhood.I
twasasinglest
oryand
por
tabl
eenoughf orabachel
or.
 
Thev
iewwast
odi
efor
. 
Me:
Wow.
 
Thando:
Lov
eit
? 
Me:
Toomuch.
 
Hespankedmyass,
Ijumpedabi
t.
 
Thando:
Let
'sgoi
n.Icooked.
 
Il
aughedandhewasser
ious.
 
Me:
Youcancook?
 
Thando:It
ryandhavi
ngagi
rl
fr
iendwi
than
appeti
tedoesn'
tl
eav
emewithmuchofa
choi
ce. 
Ij
ustgi
ggl
edandwewenti
nsi
de.
 
Me:
Wow.
 
I
twasact uall
ybi
ggerthanitl
ookedont he
i
nside.Ther ewasevenapool atthebackand
i
nside,ithadanopendesi gnki
tchenwitha
l
i
vingr oom andlounge. 
Ther
ewast hr
eebedroom al
lensuit
esanda
ci
nemaroom wit
hahugeTVscr eenanda
sel
ect
ionofmovies.
 
Me:
It'
sbeaut
if
ul.
 
Thedecorhadanaturef
eel
,andbecausei
twas
abiti
sol
ated,
itwasther
apeut
ic.
 
Thando:
Thanks.
 
Heki
ssedmeont
hecheek.
 
Thando:
Let
'sgocheckoutt
hemai
nbedr
oom.
 
Me:
Alr
ight
. 
Hetookmyhandandj
ustasweent
ered,
I
r
eceiv
edamessageonmyphone.
 
Iopenedit
,itwasapi ct
ure.Openi
ngit
,I
screamedbeforethrowi
ngmyphoneont he
fl
oorandIlosttouchwithreal
it
yforawhil
easI
hearditbr
eak. 
[
08/
24,
10:
01]Must
angMan:
54
Thando:
What
'swr
ong?
 
Il
ookedathi
m butmymindwassti
l
lonthe
pi
ctur
eIsaw.Ist
art
edshaki
ngt
remendousl
y.
 
Iwashav
ingapani
cat
tackcauseIcoul
dfeel
t
hewal
l
sofmychestcl
osi
ngup.
 
Thando:
Breat
he,
please,
youscar
ingme.
 
Ididasinst
ruct
edbecauser
ightthen,
itwasmy
l
ifethatmatt
eredt
hanhowImi ghtbefeel
ing.
 
I
maginebeinginar el
ati
onshipwit
hsomeone
f
or8mont hs,openingyourhear
ttothem and
l
ovi
ngthem onl yt
of i
ndoutyoudon'tknow
t
hem li
keyout hought.
 
Whenmybreathingbecameabi
tnor
mal
,The
t
earsj
ustf
ell
hy ster
ical
l
y. 
Helookedatmeconfused,
hehadnoi deawhat
washappeningandwit
hmyphonebr oken,
t
herewasnowayhe'df i
ndoutunl
essItell
him
whatIsaw. 
Me:
Iwannagohome.
 
Helookedatmeli
kehecoul
dn'tbel
i
eveIj
ust
sai
dthat,
Iwipedt
hetear
swhichwere
str
eamingdownmyface.
 
Hewasper
plexedbutIdi
dn'
tcar
e.Het
ri
ed
hol
dingmyhandsbutIy
ankedt
hem of
f.
 
Istil
lhadtoexplai
ntodadwhyIl ef
thome
withoutsayi
ngany t
hingandagai
n,whowasat
thedoor.I'
l
ljusthavetodeal
withthatwhenI
gethome.  
Hethenchuckl
edindisbel
i
efbeforeIsawanger
embracehisf
ace.Ihadneverseenhimli
kethi
s,
thi
sangry
. 
Thando:Fir
stlyy
oucr yi
ngli
kesomeonej ust
died,
youbrokey ourphoneforreasonsonly
knownt oyouandnowy ouwantmet ot
akey ou
home, doIlookcrazytoyou? 
Me:
Yout
heonewhobr
oughtmeher
e. 
Thando:AndI
'
lltakey ouhomewhenIwantto.
Nowt el
lmewhaty ousawt hatal
mostmade
youhaveapanicattack. 
Me:Soyouj
ustgonnapr
etendev
ery
thi
ngi
sfi
ne?
Whatki
ndofper
sonareyou?!
Hel
ookedatmeasi
fhedi
dn'
tknowwhatIwas
tal
ki
ngaboutbutIknewhedi
d.Hemightnot
knowwhatIknowbutheknowswhathe's
done.
 
Hesatdownonthebedandf
oldedhi
sar
ms
t
henshotast
areatme. 
Thando:
Youhavenori
ghttoraiseyourvoi
ceat
me.What'smymom goi
ngtothi nkwhenshe
fi
ndsoutmygir
lf
ri
enddoesn'
trespectme? 
Me:Andy
ouhav
enor
ightt
otel
lmewhatt
o
do.
 
HegroanedbutIdi
dn'
tgiveadamn,
Ipi
ckedmy
phonefr
om thefl
oor
,toget
herwi
tht
hebatt
ery
andbackcover.
 
Iswit
chedmyphoneonandr ej
oicedthati
twas
funct
ional
,al
thought
hescr
eenwasr uptur
ed.
Iheardhim br
eat
heoutl
oud.Whatdi
dIget
my sel
fint
o? 
Iwassuddenl
yscar
edofhim,
myhear
twas
beat
ingoutofmychest
. 
It
'snocoi
ncidencet
hatKamogelowasi
njured
thesamenighthedisappear
edonmeto"sort
somethi
ngout "
Whatkindofpersoni
nfl
ict
ssuchagonyon
another
?All
becauseofwhat?Him want
ingt
o
tel
lmesomet hi
ngabouthim?
 
Hell
no.I
'
llhav
etogot
oKagisanojustsoI
knowhowmuchdeepshi
tI'
mi n.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
takey
ouhome.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Ifol
lowedhimtohiscarandthedr
ivehome
wassosilent
,Ibetyou'
dhearanai
lfal
ldown
shouldi
tfal
l.
 
Mymi ndwasi
ntur
moi
l
,Idi
dn'
tev
enheart
he
carst
op. 
Thando:
Ibr
oughty
ouhomel
i
key
ouasked.
 
Il
ookedathim, god,Il
ov ehi
m.Iev engot
emoti
onalleaviwhil
ethingsarenotokay.Apart
ofmeregrettednottal
kingtohim aboutthi
s,
hearhi
ssi
deofthestor
ybutapartofmewas
hel
lamadathi
mf orbei
ngsosavage. 
Whathappenedtotalki
ngt
osolvethi
ngs?Why
notgoonandnotpayanyattent
iontopeopl
e
whoareony ourt
ail
? 
Well
unless.
.Unl
essyougotsomet
hingt
ohide
andfr
om whatIsaw,
itseemedhehadalotto
hi
de.
 
Igotoutofthecarandneverl
ookedback.Iwas
evennolongerhungry
,Ij
ustwentstr
aightt
omy
room. 
WhydidIcar
ewhathappenstoKamogel
o?Why
can'
thej
ustbesomeoneIusedtodat
eandnot
anyofmyconcer
n? 
I
'
lldef
ini
tel
yhav
etogoseeKagi
sano.
 
Ihadj
ustt
akenashowerwhenIhear
daknock
onmydoor.Ij
ustsi
ghedandwentt
oopen.
 
Dad:
Whendi
dyoucomeback?
 
Me:
Aboutanhourago.
 
Dad:
Wher
edi
dyougo?
 
Me:
Dadpl
ease,
Ihav
eonl
otonmypl
atenow.
 
HesatonmybedandIsawconcernembrace
hi
sface.Ial
sodi
dn'
tknowwhatwashappeni
ng
wi
thme.  
Trut
his,
Iact
ual
lysawafut
urewi
thLut
hando
sowhywasIlet
ti
ngpeopl
egeti
nthewayof
that
? 
Dad:YouandIusedt
ot al
kaboutev
eryt
hingbut
now,wehardl
yevert
alk.Youknowseei
ngy ou
hur
t,hur
tsme. 
Me:Iappreci
atey
ourconcer
nkodwai
t'
s
not
hingIcan'
thandl
e. 
Dad:
Real
l
y? 
Me:
Yes.
 
Dad:
Isawy
ouwheny
oucameback.
 
Idi
dn'
tevent
urnt
ol ookar
oundwhenIcame.
WhenIlef
thi
scar
,itwasli
keIwasleav
inga
par
tofmebehi
nd.
 
Hedidn'tcheatonme,Ishouldhav
ejust
confrontedhi
m aboutt
hingsandnowhe
probablythi
nksI'
m chi
l
dish.
 
Dad:
Whywer
eyoucr
ying?
 
Me:
Iwasj
ust
..Ov
erwhel
medwi
themot
ions.
 
Dad:
Isi
tthatboy
fri
endofy
our
s? 
Me:
Hai
bo,
I'
m 19dad.I
'
m notaki
d. 
Dad:Youmyki
dandI'
m goi
ngtoprotecty
ou
andcaref
ory
outi
ll
I'
m 6feetunder
. 
Ichuckl
ed.Tot
hinkt
her
ewasapoi
nthekept
tel
li
ngmet ogr
owupandnowhe'
sbabyi
ngme 
Me:
CanIgetdr
essed?
 
Dad:Iwon'
tfor
ceitoutofyou.Justknowi
fyou
wannatal
k,I
'l
lal
waysbet her
eforyou. 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Thefol
l
owingweekwasthemostmiser
abl
e.I
coul
dn'
tst
opthi
nki
ngaboutLut
handoandhe
wasn'
ttal
ki
ngt
ome.
 
Ther
ewasti
mesI '
dpi
ckupmyphone,dialhi
s
numberwhi
chIhadmemorizedbutmypri
de
coul
dn'
tl
etmegoonwi t
hit
. 
Ki
tso:
Justcal
lhi
m. 
Me:
What
? 
Shechuckl
ed.Iwaslooki
ngatmyphone,my
st
upidmindsti
llt
hinki
nghe'
l
lcal
lmaybe.
 
Iwasav oi
dingcal
lsfr
om Kagi
sano,
though
she'dcal
lmewi t
hanunknownnumberbutI
onlywantedtoseeLuthando'
snameflashi
ng
onmybr okenscreen.
 
Ki
tso:
You'
vebeenst
ari
ngaty
ourphonef
or
ov
eranhournow 
Me:
You'
vebeencount
ing?
 
Kit
so:You'
vebeenmi serabl
efort
hepastfew
weekandI'v
enev erhear
dy ougoi
ngoutsi
deto
tal
ktoyourphone,areyouguysfi
ght
ing? 
Isi
ghed.Unli
kedad,
shewaseasi
ertotal
kto
becauseshe'
dgivemeadv
icesAndnotresor
t
tovi
olence.
 
Shedidn'
tj
udgemeorcondemnmebuti nst
ead,
sheopenedmyeyest
oal otoft
hingst
hatI
wasn'
tseeing.
 
Me:
It'
scompl
i
cat
ed.
 
Ki
tso:
Uncompl
i
cat
eitf
ormemosadi
. 
Me:OkaysoIr ecei
veapi ct
ureofuKamogel o
badl
yi nj
uredandwi t
hacapt i
onof"Your
boyfr
iend'shandiworks".Iwasshocked, I
mean, Ineversawhim asav i
olentt
ype.Even
whenhepunchedhi m, hedidn'
tdoany t
hing
aboutit.
 
Ki
tso:
That
'sr
eal
l
ycompl
i
cat
ed.
 
Me:Iwasmad,Angaziwhy.AndKagisanohas
l
ongaskedmet ocometoherbecauseshehas
somethi
ngimport
anttot
ellme.Idon'
teven
wannaheari
tbecauseIf
eelthey'
real
ltr
yingt
o
br
eakusapar
t.
 
Kit
so:It
hinkthebestt
hingtodoist
otalkto
hi
m aboutthis,
tel
lhi
m every
thi
ngandthenyou
guyscan'
ttakeitf
rom t
here.
Me:I'
vebeencont
empl
ati
ngi
tthi
spastf
ew
weeks.
 
Ki
tso:
Youev enlostwei
ghtbecauseoft
hat
l
it
tl
eprideofyours.
 
Il
aughed.I
twasMondayanddadwasatwor
k.
Wewer esi
tt
ingi
nthel
ounge.
 
Me:
Whati
fhedoesn'
tpi
ckup?
 
Ki
tso:
Ther
e'sonl
yoneWayt
ofi
ndout
. 
Me:
I'
m scar
ed.
 
Isai
d,bi
ti
ngmynail
s.Ireall
ywasscared,I
meanlastti
meIsawhimt hingswer
eshakyand
thewayItal
kedt
ohim..Ijustdi
dn'
tknowhey.
 
Shet
ookmyphonef
rom me.
 
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
 
Isai
d,pani
cki
ng.
 
Ki
tso:
It'
sri
ngi
ng.
 
Me:
No!
 
Ki
tso:
Yes.
 
Iburi
edmyf
aceinmyhands,
Iwasn'
treadyt
o
tal
ktohi
myet.
 
Ki
tso:
Hey
..No,
I'
m herpar
ent
..She'
sher
e
Shelookedatme,
Iwant
edt
ocr
y,shegav
ethe
phonetome. 
Ibr
eathedoutloudandcl
ear
edmyphone,
I
di
dn'teventhi
nkaboutmyai
rt
imewhi
chwas
bar
elythere.
 
Me:
H-Hi
. 
Thando:
Hel
l
o
Myt hroatsuddenl
ydr
iedup,
IlookedatKi
tso
whoj uststoodupandgavemeapatont he
back. 
Ir
emai
nedsi
l
entbecausemyhear
twasbeat
ing
outofmychest
.
Thando:
Yougonnat
alkorshoul
dIhungup?
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ryI
..Ij
ust
..Ican'
t.
. 
Thando:Youst
utt
eri
ngandI
'
mrunni
ngoutof
pati
ence.
 
Ibr
eat
hedi
nandout
. 
Me:
CanwemeetupAndt
alk?
 
Thando:Youknowwher
eIst
aynow,
you'
l
lfi
nd
met her
e. 
Me:
Lut
handopl
ease.
Thando:Whatdoyouwantmetodo?Comeget
you?Am Isupposet
oaskhowhighev
eryt
ime
youtel
lmet oj
ump? 
Isighedastear
sfel
ldownmyf
acebutIqui
ckl
y
wipedthem off
. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry
Iwhisper
ed.Hewasmaki
ngthi
ngshardf
orme
butIcoul
dn'tbl
amehi
m.Ihadr
eal
lyt
reat
edhi
m
l
i
keshi
t.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
comegety
ou.
 
It
hinki
t'
sthesadnessinmyv
oicet
hatmade
hi
m giv
eintomebef or
ehedr
oppedthephone
onme. 
Igotupandwentt
owashmyf ace.Idr
iedand
putpondsonmyfaceandal
i
pbal m. 
Ihadshoweredal
readyandIwaswear
inga
summerdressandfli
pflops.
 
Ir
ecei
vedat extonmyphoneandwhenIl
ooked,
i
twasfrom Luthando.
 
"
I'
m out
side.Come.Now."
Isighed,
Iwentt
oKit
sototel
lherI
'
m goi
ngand
tookmyphonethenl
eft
. 
If
oundhi
m parkedafewhousesfr
om mine.I
j
ustt
ookabreathinandwenttohi
scar
. 
Iknockedonthewi ndowandheloweredit
,he
evenhadsunglasseson.Helookedf
lamingin
them andIhadmi ssedhim somuchandseei
ng
him, Ij
ustfel
tli
keembraci
nghim andpl
aci
ng
kissesalloverhi
sface.
 
Thando:
Geti
n. 
Usual
l
y,he'
dopenthedoorformebutnowhe
wasbeingpl
aincol
dbutIguessIdeser
vedi
t.
 
Ij
ustopenedt
hebackdoorandgotI
n. 
Thando:
I'
m notachauf
feur
. 
Me:
Huh?
 
Thando:I
'
m notgoi
ngtobet
heonlyi
nthef
ront
whil
ether
e'sonl
ytwoofusi
nthi
scar
. 
Yazii
fthi
swasanotherday
,Iwoul
dhav
elong
gotoutandwenthome. 
Ihadt ogetoutfrom thebackandgot othe
frontseatt
henhef inall
ystar
tedthecarand
droveoffwiththeradiopumpi ngi
nhisVrrrpha.
Itwasmyf ir
sttimeseei nghi
m driv
ethat.
 
Hewaspl
ayi
ngsomeKwai
tomusi
c,dr
ivi
ngl
i
ke
hi
stheshi
t.
 
Thi
sfel
tli
ket
ort
urebutagai
n,Ihaddonet
hist
o
mysel
f.
 
ImeanhadInotletpeopl
ebetheonesdi
ctat
ing
ourr
elat
ionshi
p,wewouldn'
tbeher
e. 
I
twasmybedandIhadt
olayi
nit
. 
.
[
08/
24,
10:
01]Must
angMan:
55
Whenwearri
vedathi
splace,
Ihadtofoll
ow
hi
minsidewi
thatai
lbet
weenmyl egs.Li
fewas
humbl
ingmeshame. 
Heimmedi at
elywentt ohisfri
dgeandt ookout
a500ml canofCast l
eLi t
e.Heopenedi tand
star
tedsippi
ngoni t
,withhisshadesst i
llon.I
knowhewasl ooki
ngatmet hroughhisglasses
andtheviewwasj ustoutoft hi
sworld,Ialmost
meltedri
ghtthereandt hen.
 
Thando:
Ring'
aKe.
 
Il
ookedathi
m, Idon'
tknowwhybutIwas
ner
vousandyenahewaschi l
led,
enj
oyi
ng
havi
ngmeunderhi spower
. 
Me:
Doy
our
eal
l
yhav
etobet
hiscol
d? 
Thando:Theonl
ythi
ngt
hat
'scol
dist
hiscanI
'
m
hol
ding.
 
Irol
l
edmyey es.Howdi dIfallf
orthi
sar rogant
andyethandsomejerk?Idecidedtojust
swall
owmypr ideandtalk.ImeanI'mt heone
whot r
eat
edhiml i
keshit
, soIdeserv
eal lthi
s.
Thefactt
hathecamesi gnifi
essomet hing
ri
ght? 
Me:
I'
mjustgonnabef
rontaboutev
ery
thi
ng.
 
HenoddedandIsawhi
mremovehisshades,
putt
hem onthet
abl
eandl
ookedatme.
Ij
ustlookeddownbecausethewayhewas
star
ingatmewasmaki ngmesonervous,
I
coul
df eelmysel
fshaki
ng.
 
Any
way
,It
ookabr
eat
hei
ntocal
m myner
ves
downabitbeforefi
nall
ytal
ki
ng.Ididn'
tev
en
knowwheretostartbuttherootofthi
sal
lwas
thepi
ctur
eIreceiv
ed. 
Me:I'
m sorr
yaboutt hewayIspoket oyoul
ast
Sunday.I
twast otal
l
ydisrespect
fulofmetoyou,
asmyboy fr
iend.Thingis,
Iwasjustmad
knowingImightbedat i
ngahooligan.
 
Thando:
Wai
t.
.What
? 
Il
ookedathi
m,hehadhi
sey
ebr
owr
aised.
 
Me:
Iknowwhaty
oudi
dtoKamogel
o. 
Hechuckl
edandcl
appedhands,
Ist
oodther
e
l
ikeafool
,l
ooki
ngathi
m.WhatdidImi
ss
kunj
e? 
Thando:Yousomet
hingel
seKhensani
.Igi
ve
youthat
. 
Me:Any wayI
'm sorryandIrealizeIoverr
eacted.
UKagisanonayewasbusycal lingmeandt el
l
ing
meshehassomet hingimportanttotellmeand
af
tergetti
ngthatpictur
eonmyphone, Ij
ustgot
pi
ssed
Thando:
Youtel
li
ngmey
oudon'
tseewhat
'
s
goi
ngonhere? 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Iwasnowconf used,Ilookedathi
m per
plexed.
Whatwashet alki
ngabout ?ThewayIwasi n
thedar
k,If
eltsoill
it
erateshame. 
Thando:
They
'r
ejustt
ryi
ngt
ocomebet
ween
us.
 
Me:
I'
m notf
oll
owi
ng.
 
Heputhi
scanonthecounterandcamet
o
st
andinf
rontofmeandtookmyhandsint
o
hi
s. 
Thando:
Imi
ssedy
ousomuch.
 
Hekissedmyhands,washereal
lyt
ryi
ngt
o
changethesubj
ectnoworwhat?
 
Hi
shandswentt
omyfaceandcuppedi
t,Iwas
j
ustl
ooki
ngathi
m. 
Thando:Il
ovey
ousomuchandi
tsuckst
hat
yousti
ll
hunguponyourex
. 
Me:
Wh-
Hekissed,
notall
owingmetofi
nishi
t.Idon'
t
knowwhyheal waysdidt
hat
,ki
ssedmet oshut
meupbutIl ov
edit.
 
Icannevergetenoughofhiski
sses,t
hey'
re
alwayssayi
ngsomet hi
ngthatwordsf
ail
edto
say.
 
Hebrokeitandkissedmeont heforehead
bef
orepicki
ngmeupl i
keI'
m nothi
ngand
put
ti
ngmeont hetopofthekit
chencounter.
 
Thando:
Idi
dn'
ttouchhi
m. 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
t?
 
Thando:Nope,
ifIhad,
Iwouldhavekil
ledhim
wit
hmybar ehandsandy ouwouldhavehated
mef or
ever
.Thatboydisr
espect
edmewayt oo
manytimesandIhadtoputhimi nhi
splace.
Me:
Ist
hatwhaty
ougoi
ngt
odot
omewhenI
disr
especty
ou?Fuckmyf
aceupt
ono
recogni
ti
on? 
Isai
dwit
hfearali
tt
leevi
denti
nmyvoice,he
l
aughedl
ikeIhadj
ustsai
danOscarwinning
j
okebutIneededt
oknow.Hehadtotellme. 
Whenhewasdonelaughi
ng,hecametostand
i
nfrontofmebet
weenmyl egsandbr
ushedmy
t
highs.
 
Thando:Your
ight
,I'
l
lfucky
ou,
noty
ourf
ace
though.
 
IgaspedAndhel
aughed.
 
Thando:
Youshoul
dbehappyhe'
sal
i
ve.
 
Me:
SowhatdoesKagi
knowabouty
ou?
 
Thando:
Probabl
ywhatyourboyf
ri
endtol
dher
.
Angit
hiy
enanefri
endyakhedeci
dedtodi
gshi
t
aboutme. 
Me:That'
swhatKamowant
edt
otel
lmeatt
he
dance?
Henodded.
 
Thando:Idon'
thav
eanyt
hingt
ohi
det
hough.
MyfatherIsaPast
or.
 
Me:
Whoownsat
axi
busi
ness?
 
Hechuckl
ed.Iendedupl
aughi
ngt
oo.
 
Thando:
Yes,
aswei
rdast
hatsounds.
 
Me:
AndWena?
 
Thando:
Whataboutme?
 
Me:
Whatdoy
oudof
oral
i
ving?
 
Thando:
I'
m ahust
ler
. 
Hesai
dwi
thagr
inandIl
aughed.
 
Me:
YouaGee?
 
Thando:
I'
m aboss.
 
Heper
kedmeont
hel
i
ps.
 
Thando:Tel
lme,whathappenedi
nyourpast
thatmadeyousoscaredofsexsi
nceyounota
vir
gin?
 
Therewereti
meswhent alkingaboutt hi
swould
makemecr yar i
verorevenf eell
essofmy sel
f
andmakemel ookdownonmy sel
fbutnot
anymore.Godwasabl etof or gi
vemeofal lmy
si
nsandpur i
fymeagai nsoIwasn' tany
ashamed.Allt
hatIwentt hroughmademet he
womanIam t oday.
 
Thandoissuchastrai
ghtt
alkershame,hesay
s
thi
sjustastheyar
eanddoesn'trunar
ound
try
ingtofi
ndacorneri
nacircle.
 
Somehow, Ishoul
dhavebeenhonestaboutmy
pasttohim andsi
ncewewereont hever
geof
Putt
ingthi
ngsont het
abl
eandIwasmor ethan
wil
li
ng. 
Me:Well,gr
owingupwhenIwasj ustbecomi
ng
ateenager,
Ihadalowselfest
eem And
absol
utel
ynoconfidencei
nmy sel
f.
 
Thando:
Umhl
ekanj
e? 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Wel l
,yeah.Il
ostmyv i
rgini
tyattheageof
14tosomepunkwhol aidmeaf akebedofl ove
androses.Ibeli
evedhim whenhesai dheloved
mebutheonl ywant edtosleepwi t
hme.He
di
dn'tevenwaittogobr aggingt ohisfri
ends
andtell
mehowhewasonl yinterestedinmy
bodyandhowugl yIam. 
Thando:
What
'shi
sname?
 
Me:HaiThando,
youmi
ghtj
ustgoandbeatt
he
poorguyup.
 
Hechuckl
edandIl
aughed.
 
Thando:
YoudoknowI
'
llf
indourei
therway
? 
Me:I'
m ov
erit,
please,
andstopint
err
upt
ingme,
Iwannafi
nishtel
li
ngyouevery
thi
ng. 
Thando:
Ithi
nkIgotev
ery
thi
ng.
 
Me:
Oh?
 
Thando:
Youscar
edthatt
henextguyyou'
ll
sl
eepwithi
sgoi
ngtoleav
eaft
erhit
ti
ngit.
 
Me:
Plussexbef
oremar
ri
agei
sasi
n. 
Thando:Wozamamf
undi
si
.Dadwoul
dlov
eyou
shame. 
Il
aughed.Heki
ssedmynose.
 
Thando:
Cont
inue.
 
Me: Wheni thappenedt hesecondt i
mewi th
anotherguy ,Iwentint oseverecl
ini
cal
depression.Ihadt ol eaveschoolandbehome
schooled,reasonwhyIdi dmatri
cat19.Dad
andImov edf r
om ar eat oar
eabecauseoft he
bull
yingandIev entriedcommi tt
ingsuici
de
countlesstimest i
lldadt ookmet oat her
apist
whohel pedmedeal wi t
heveryt
hing.
 
Thando:
You'
vebeent
hroughal
ot.
 
Me:Iknowandi t
'sactual
lythefi
rstt
imeIspeak
abouti
t,wi
thoutsheddingtears.
 
Thando:You'
vegrownuptobeast r
ong,
beaut
iful
ladyandI'
m pr
oudofyou.Ijustwish
youwouldhavetrust
edmeenoughbef ore,
to
t
ell
meaboutt
his.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Thando:
It'
sokay.Youtel
l
ingmey
ouhav
en'
t
hadsexinwhat,
fouryear
s? 
Inodded.
 
Thando:
Youmustbeav
irgi
nnow.
 
Me:
Ohpl
ease.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:Iwon'trushyout
houghandit's
defi
nit
elynotwhatIwantfr
om you.It
'spretty
hardbecauseI'
m usedtosametimedel i
very
whenitcomest osexbutI'
vesur
vivedsol ong
andyou'reworthit
. 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Heki
ssedmyl
i
ps.
 
Thando:
Cookf
orme.
 
Me:
Younotgoi
ngt
oask?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
NoandIneedtoknowi
fI'
m goi
ngt
o
marryal
ousycookornot
. 
Me:
Didn'
tseey
ouast
hemar
ri
aget
ype.
 
Thando:
It'
sal
lyoubaby
,al
lyou.
 
Iblushedandhechuckl
ed,
maki
ngmecovermy
face.Heputmedownandspankedme.
 
Me:
Hey
! 
Thando:
I'
m wai
ti
ngf
ormyf
oodmf
azi
.
 
Il
aughed,
hesatonabarchai
randsi
ppedon
hi
sbeerwhil
elooki
ngatme.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwannaeat
? 
Thando:
I'
m aman,
Iwantmeat
. 
Il
aughed.Icookedwi
thhi
m watchingmeand
spanki
ngmyassev er
ynowandt hen.I'
dcur
se
athim andhewouldj
ustl
aughatme.  
Icookedpap,chakal
akawi
thst
eakandwor
s.I
dishedupforhi
m andmysel
f.
 
Me:
SayGr
ace.
 
Thando:
Wahl
any
a. 
Il
aughed.Ihadneverhear
dhi
m speakTswana
bef
ore,Ij
ustlethi
m be.
 
Isai
dGraceandwestart
edeati
ng.Hefi
nished
eati
ngaf
teraminut
ethatmyjawdropped. 
Thando:
What
?It
'snotmyf
aul
tyousuchagood
cook.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Andher
eIwast
hinki
ngy
ouwer
ehungr
y. 
Thando:
Aret
her
esomel
eft
? 
Me:
Umm,
no.
 
Thando:
ButI
'
m notsat
isf
ied.
 
Me:Yout
heonewhobuysf
oodt
hat
'
senough
t
ofeedonl
yoneper
son.
 
Thando:
Ili
veal
one.
 
Me:
Yeah.
Icont
inuedwi
theat
ingandhewaswat
chi
ng
me. 
Me:
Yoh,
takemi
net
hen.
 
Thando:
Thanks.
 
Ithoughthewasgoi
ngtodecli
nebutNah.I
gavehim myplat
eandwenttopourmyselfa
gl
assofJuiceandgul
peditdown.
 
Iwashedthedi
shesIhadmade,
toget
herwit
h
thoseIf
oundther
eandhecamewithmyplate.
 
Thando:Howmuchar
ewel
ooki
ngatf
or
l
obola? 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
I'
m st
il
l19,
wai
t.
 
Thando:Ineedtogobl
owanATM justf
ory
ou.
Mymom woul dlovet
his.Fi
ndi
ngmywomanin
mykitchen,washi
ngdi
shesandbei
ngal
l
domestic.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Youshoul
dbehel
pingmedr
ythese
di
shes.
 
Thando:
I'
m notawoman.
 
Hetookoutanot
hercan,
hewasonhi
sfour
th
onenow. 
Me:Howyougoingt
odr
ivemehomewhi
l
eyou
dr
unkli
ket
his?
 
Thando:
I'
mti
psy
,notdr
unk.
 
Me:AndIst
il
lval
uemyl
i
fe,
thanky
ouv
ery
much.
 
Thando:
Thensl
eepov
er.
Me:
Icanal
way
sdr
ivemy
sel
fhome.
 
Thando:
Ishoul
dbuyy
ouacart
hen.
Me:
Wit
hal
i
cense.
 
Hel
aughed.
 
Thando:
That
'si
l
legal
.
 
Me:
Asi
fit
'dbet
hef
ir
stcr
imey
ouev
er
commi
tt
ed.
 
Thando:
Myr
ecor
dIscl
eanbabe.
 
Me:
Youhav
en'
tbeencaughty
et.
 
Thando:
Yout
hinky
oucl
everEnt
lek.
 
Il
aughed.Hedr
ovemehomeaf
terandhewas
st
il
ldri
nki
ng.
 
Me:
Sdagwa.
 
Thando:
Youl
ovemel
i
ket
his.
Hepar
kedaf
ewhousesf
rom mi
ne.
 
Thando:
Yazi
thi
sisnotf
air
. 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:Ihav
en'tseeny ouinaweekandwhen
we'v
efinal
lyf
ixedthings,yougohome. 
Me:Youknowhowmyf atheri
s,howwoul
dI
hav
eexplai
nednotsl
eepi
ngathome? 
Thando:
Youwer
ewi
thy
ourman.
 
Me:
Yeah,
right
. 
Thando:
Letmeseey
ourphone.
 
Me:
Why
? 
Thando:
Justl
etmesee.
 
Igav
eitt
ohi
m.Hedi
dn'
tev
engot
hroughi
t.
 
Thando:
All
becauseofapi
ctur
e. 
Me:
Hai
bo.
 
Thando:Youdi
dn'
tev
enr
eactt
hatwaywhenhe
punchedme. 
Me:
Younev
erl
ett
ingt
hisgor
ight
. 
Thando:
Nev
erbabe.
 
Hebroughthisf
aceclosert
omi neandwe
ki
ssed.Icoul
dfeelt
healcohol
inhismouthand
somemi ntfr
om t
hegum hewaschewi ng.
 
Hebr
okei
tandper
kedmyl
i
pst
wice.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
comepi
cky
ouupi
nthemor
ning.
 
Me:
Why
? 
Thando:
Youl
i
keaski
ngquest
ions.Hamba.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Youki
cki
ngmeoutofy
ourcar
? 
Thando:
Yes.
 
Me:
I'
ll
gety
ou.
 
Hechuckl
ed.Heopenedthedoorformefrom
i
nsi
deandIgotout,wavi
nghim goodby
e. 
AsIenteredt
heyardofourhouse,Isawan
unfamil
i
arcarpar
kedinsi
detogetherwit
hmy
fat
her'
s.
 
Iwenti
nsi
de,
justsoIcoul
dfi
ndoutwhot
his
i
s. 
Me:
Dad!
 
Iscr
eamedasIent
eredi
nsi
det
hehouse.
 
Dad:
Int
hel
ounge.
 
Iwentt
her
etomeetawomanwi
thal
i
ttl
egi
rl
. 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Ki
tsowassi
tt
ingdownandIcoul
dseeshehad
beencryi
ng,
makingmemor econf
used.Dad
hadjustapl
ainexpr
essi
ononhisf
ace. 
Dad:
Thi
sisKhol
i
swa.
 
Me:
Oh.
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
myourmot
her
. 
Il
aughed.Sur
elyshecan'tbeser
ious.Imean,
sur
ethereweresimil
ari
ti
eshereandt her
ebut
shecan'
tbeserious.
 
Il
ookedatev
eryoneandi
tseemedIwast
he
onl
yonefi
ndingthi
sasaj
oke. 
Me:
No.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Yes.
 
If
eltt
helumpi nmyt hroatgr
owingbi
ggerand
bi
ggerunti
lthetear
sj ustf
ell
. 
How?
 
.
.
  
[
08/
24,
17:
22]Must
angMan:
56
Me:
Dad?
 
Il
ookedathi
m buthedi
dn'
tsayany
thi
ng.The
ner
veofthi
swoman.
Ihadcol
lapseddownandcr
iedt
il
li
thi
tmet
hat
,
shewasn'twort
hit
.
Ist
oodupandwi
pedMytear
s.Idi
dn'
tgetwhy
shewasher
eandwhydadev
enletheri
n. 
Aft
erall
theseyears,shecomesbackandjust
wannapretendasifevery
thi
ngisokay
.It
doesn'
tworkli
kethat. 
Wher ewasshewhenIneededher ?WhenIgot
myf ir
stperi
odandneededhertoguideme
throughital
l
?WhenIhadmyf i
rsthear
tbr
eak
andneededhert owi
pemyt ears?Wherethe
fuckwasshe?  
It
hankGodformyf at
herwhobecamebotha
motherandf
athert
ome.Apartfr
om t
hathe
becamemycomf
ort
er,
mypi
l
larandashoul
der
tocryon.
 
Dad:Nokubonga,t
rustmewhenIsayi
t'
sal
so
noteasyforme. 
Khol
i
swa:Whatdi
dy ousayt
omydaught
er?
Whydoesi
tseem l
i
keshehatesme?
 
Ki
tso:
Excuseme.
 
Shegotupandlef
tandatt
hatpoi
nt,
Ifel
tli
ke
fol
l
owingherl
ead.
 
Thefactthatshewasevensitt
ingdowntel
l
s
meadi f
ferentst
ory
.Whatholdcouldshehave
overdadandanotherquest
ion,whywasKit
so
cr
y i
ng? 
Khol
i
swa:
Nokubongamyc-
Me:
Youst
opi
tri
ghtt
her
e. 
Shelookedatme.Iwasangry.Iwasangr
yat
herf
orleavi
ngmeanddef i
nit
elyangr
yforhert
o
j
ustcomebacklikesheneverlef
t.
 
Me:I'
m notyourchi
l
dandasfarasI
'
m
concer
ned,y
ounotmymot her
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Khensani
mnt
anami
,I
'm sor
ryt
hatI-
Me:Heyii
,I
'm notyourchil
d,andi
kwazimi
na.
TheonlymotherIknowi sthatwomanwhowas
si
tt
ingasforyou,AngaziufunaniLa.
 
Dad:
That'
snowayt otalkt
oyourel
dersNono,
i
t'
snothowItaughtyou.Don'
tl
ethermakeyou
l
oseall
yourmanners. 
Me: Iact
ual
l
ydon'thav
etoli
stent
othi
s.I
'
m
goingandIbet
ternotf
indy
ouwhenIcome
back!
Icli
ckedmyt ongue.Isawt ear
sf allf
rom her
eyesbutIwasn'thavinganyoft his.Iwasn'
t
goingtolethermanipulat
emewi thher
crocodi
letears.
 
Ifshewasexpect
ingtobewel comedwithopen
armsthenshe'
swr ong,
itdoesn'twor
kli
kethat
famil
y.Comingwi
thherpor chcarwhil
eIhadto
st
ruggl
egr
owi
ngup,
hel
lno.
 
Itookoutmyphoneandcall
edLuthandosohe
cancomepickmeup, sur
pri
singl
y,heanswer
ed
al
mostimmediatel
y.
 
Thando:
Myl
ove?
 
Ididn'
trepl
ybutj
ustcri
edoverthephone,Ij
ust
brokedownbecauseIhadbeent r
yingtopai
nt
thepainint
oangerbutfai
l
eddismally
. 
Thando:
Ugr
ant
? 
Me:
Please(
hiccup)-come(
hiccup)-getme
Thando:
I'
m.Onmyway
. 
IsatI
nfrontofourgat
ewi t
htear
sjustf
all
ing
downmyf ace.Iwasdoingsowell
,whydidshe
havetocomenow?  
WhenIhav
ethi
ngsundercont
rol
andshejust
comes,
why?Toder
ailme?Topullmeback? 
Iwassoconsumedinmycry
ingandthepai
nI
wasexper
ienci
ngt
hatIdi
dn'
thearhi
m pul
lup.
 
Thando:
Khenbaby
? 
Il
ookedathim, wit
htearsbl
indi
ngmyv isi
on
andhejustkneeledinf
rontofmet hen
embracedme, makingmecr yevenmore. 
"I
'
llt
akei
tfr
om her
e"
Iheardadeepv oi
cesayandIknewitwasdad.I
didn'
twanthim,asfarasIknow,heal
lowed
thatwomant obeheresoIwasnotjustgoi
ng
toforgetj
ustl
ikethat
. 
Thando:
Umm,
BabDl
ami
niI
..
 
Dad:
Iwasn'taski
ngyou.She'
smydaughterand
mypri
ori
tyandresponsi
bil
i
ty,
 
noty
ours.
 
Thando:
Iunder
stand.
 
Hegotup.
 
Me:
Pleasedon'
tgo.
 
Imanagedt
osay
,li
ft
ingmyheadt
olookat
hi
m. 
Dad:
Let
'ssor
tthi
soutasaf
ami
l
y. 
Me:
I'
ll
gowi
thy
ou.
 
Dad:
Nokubonga 
Me:Ineedt
oclearmyheadf
rom al
lthi
s,i
t'
s
ov
erwhelmi
ng.
 
Dad:Iunder
standthaty
ouhurtandal
lbutt
his.
.
That
'snothowt hi
ngsaredone.
 
Thando:
I'
m wi
thy
ourf
atheront
hisone
Iwonder edhowhewasabl et
osuppresshi
s
drunknessbecauseIcoul
dsti
llsmel
lthe
al
cohol onhimthoughitwasi
ntoxi
cati
ngwhil
e
mixedwi thhi
sparf
ume. 
.
.
  
[
08/
24,
17:
22]Must
angMan:
57
Igaveintomyfatherandwewenti
nsidethe
houseasLuthandoleft
,af
terpr
omi
singtocal
l
melatersoastocheckuponme.Ijusthadno
st
rengt
hinmet
ofi
ght
. 
Dad:I'
m sor
ryaboutev
ery
thi
ngbutpl
ease,
just
hearherout
. 
Me:
It'
snotl
i
keIhav
eachoi
ce.
 
Dad:I
'
m notsayi
ngacceptherorf
orgi
veher
,
j
usthearherout
. 
Me:
Alr
ightdad.
 
Ihuffedandwewentt othelounge.Thel
i
ttl
e
gir
lcamet omeandsmi led.Shewassocute
thatIjustpi
ckedherupAndsatheronmyl ap
Me:
What
'sy
ourname?
 
Gi
rl
:Thandi
we,
you?
 
Me:
Khensani
. 
Khol
i
swacl
ear
edhert
hroatandIl
ookedather
. 
Khol
iswa:
I'
m sor
ryf
orj
ustcomingli
ket
his,I
hadbeentr
yingt
ocomebutyourdadwouldn'
t
l
etme. 
Il
ookedatdad,
whoj
ustl
ookedaway
.Sohe
knewaboutherandnev
erbot
her
edt
otel
lme?
Wow. 
Idi
dn'
tknowhowt ofeelatt
hatpoint,Imean
maybedadwasj usttryi
ngtoprotectme, seei
ng
howfarI'
vecome.Ibelieveever
ythinghedi d
waswhathesawasbestf orme.I '
dhav etoask
hi
m aboutitl
aterbutnow,Ihadtol i
stentoher.
 
AsmuchasIdi dn'
twanttobeinherpr esence
now, Ihadtodoitj
usttogetheroffmyback
causei t
'spr
ett
ymuchcl earshewouldn'thave
l
eftifIdidn'
tgi
veherachancet oexplain.
 
Dad:YouknowwhyIdidn'twantyoutocome
butyouhadtofor
ceit
,I'
m stil
lwonder
inghow
youevenfoundwher
ewel ive.
 
Hesai
d,angeraudibl
einhisvoi
ceandIcoul
d
seet
hathewassl owlyget
ti
ngmorepissed.
 
Khol
iswacl
earedhert
hroatsomyat
tent
ion
shi
ft
edtoher.
 
Khol
i
swa:
She'
smydaught
erAndi
l
e,I
'
mtheone
whocar
ri
edherf
orni
nemont
hs.
 
Dad:Yety
oudidn'
tthi
nkt
wicewheny
oul
efther
,
whenyoulef
tus. 
Khol
iswa:
Sot
hat
'swhati
t'
sabout
,youandnot
her
? 
Dad:
Don'
tyoudar
etr
yandt
wistmywor
ds!
 
Hesai d, wi
thaut hori
tyAndmyheadwas
turningt owhoev erwast al
king.Idon't
under standhowt heywerenowf i
ghti
ngabout
meandspeaki ngasi fI'
m notintheroom andI
alsocoul dn'
tunder standwhydadseemedmor e
angr ythatshel efthi
m, andnotme.May be
that'swhyKi tsowascr y
ing,becauseofthist
wo
actinglikelostloverswhoj ustreuni
ted. 
Khol
i
swa:I'
m her
eformydaught er
,stop
pi
nni
ngthi
sonmeal one,youtheonewhokept
movi
ngaroundmakingitmoreharderformet
o
fi
ndyouguys.
 
Dadchuckl
edandIcoul
dcl
ear
lyheart
he
sar
casm i
nhi
svoi
ce.
 
Dad:
Ohpl
ease,
asi
f-
Me:
Okay
,enough!
 
Ihalfshout ed,Idi
dn'
tcarehowdisr
espectf
ul I
mi ghthav esoundedbutthi
shardtostop.They
bot hturnedtolookatme.Iwasjustsi
ckoft he
l
ittl
eshowt heywereputti
ngonandtheyreally
didn'thavet odoallt
his,
infr
ontofme. 
Ift
heywantedtoreki
ndlet
heirrel
ati
onshipor
evental
kaboutmatter
softhehear t
,they
shoul
dhavemadeat i
meandmetsomewher e
pri
vat
e,wit
houtmeanddef i
nitel
ynotwi t
h
Thandipr
esent
. 
Me: First
ly,Kholi
swa,youwereexpl ainingwhy
youl eftmeal lt
hisyearsandWenababa, you
forcedmet osithereandhearhersi deoft he
story,yetyounotl et
ti
ngherfi
nish.Ify ouguy s
knewy ouwer egoingtobeallpersonal ,you
shoul dhavetoldmet oexcusey '
allwhi leyou
poury ourheartsouttooneanot her. 
Iwasr eall
yTi
redandfedup.I
fIwas
disrespect
ful
,Godfor
giv
emebutthathadt
obe
said. 
Dad:Youright
.Imightnotagr
eewi t
ht hetone
youusedtospeaktome, asyourfatherbut
whatyoujustsai
d,madecompl et
esense.I '
l
l
j
ustleav
ey ouguystotal
kandgocheckonmy
wif
eandson.  
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Henoddedandstoodup.Inot
icedar
ingonmy
Mother
'shand,
Iguesst
heyhadbothmoved
on.
 
Anyway,
itwassil
entatf
irstaft
erdadl ef
tandI
wasn'
tabouttosayanyt
hing,aft
erallshe'
sthe
onewholeftmeandwhodef ini
telyowesmean
expl
anat
ion.
 
Khol
iswa:Umm. .I
..Li
keIwassay i
ng,
Idi
dtr
y
l
ookingforyoubuttheleadsIgotwer
eal
ways
havi
nglooseends. 
Me:
Whynow?
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
m notf
oll
owi
ng.
 
Me:You'
vebeengoneall
theseyear s.Youlef
t
mewhenIwast hr
ee..
.T-
H-R-E-
Et heny oucome
backnow,whenI'
m what
?Nineteen?Why ?
 
Kholi
swa: Mylifehasn'
tbeeneasymychi l
d.
EversinceIleftyou,
thi
ngswer ej
ustnotthe
same.I twasn'
tbychoice,t
rustmeandIr egr
et
l
eaving, It
houghtIwasdoingwhat'sbestfor
you.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:Howi sgrowingupwi t
houtmymot hera
goodthi
ng?Whowasgoi ngt ohel
pme, bether
e
formeduringpubertybecausesheunderst
ands
whatI
'm goingthrough?Who?  
Kholi
swa:Iwasst
il
lyoung.
.Ijust
..Di
dn'
tthi
nk
thi
ngsthr
oughtothatpoi
nt.
 
Shel
ookeddown,ashamedprobabl
y.All
I
want
edtoknowiswhy ?Whydidshetakethe
easywayout
?Whycoul
dn'tshebeli
keastr
ong
womanwhoholdsaswordintheshar
pend? 
Me:Youjustdi
dn'
tl
ovemeenought
ost
ay.Was
Iamist
ake? 
Shetur
nedtol
ookatme,shewascr
yingandI
coul
dseehowhurtshewas.
 
Khol
iswa:No,youaremybaby,Il
oveyou,so
much.Please,
justl
etmetel
lyouever
ythi
ng. 
Me:
Okay
. 
Iagreedbecausei twasonl yfai
renought ohear
hersideofthest ory,inst
eadofonl yDad's.I
rememberal l
thathesai d,aboutmymot hernot
event hi
nki
ngtwi cebef oreleavi
ngus,About
howhebeggedhert ostay,tr
iedtoconv i
nceher
thattheycandot hisbutshenev erbotheredto
l
isten.Theywer eabl etoraisemeunt i
l Iwas
three,whycouldn'tshepr esson?Whycoul dn'
t
shekeeppushi ng?Whydi dshet aketheeasy
wayout ? 
Khol i
swa: Iwasonl y17whenIhady ou,atf i
rst,
i
twaseasybutt hen,myf ami lydisownedme,
want ednot hingtodowi thme.Theywer ev er y
disappointedwhenIgotpr egnantandwant ed
met ogivey ouawaybutIcoul dn'
t.Oneday ,my
mot hercamet ome, t
oldmehowmyf atherwas
will
ingt oforgiveme, onlyifIcomeback
withouty ou.IknowImadeasel fishdecision
buthewaswi l
l
ingtopayf ormyschool f
ees
andt hewhol eofmyv arsi
tyf eesandIcoul d
fi
nal l
ytakecont rolofhiscompanysi nceIwas
theonl ychild.Ihadal r
eadydi sappointedthem
andIknewv erywel lt
haty ourf atherwoul dbe
ablet otakecar eofy ou,Isawhowhewaswi t
h
youandIknewy ou'dbesaf eandhe' dgivey ou
allthelovey oudeser ve. 
Me:Whataboutamothersl
ove?Washe
supposet
ogivemethat,
Huh? 
Kholi
swa:I'
mr eal
lysor
ry,fr
om thedeepofmy
heart
.Yes,IhadthemoneyandIbecame
successf
ulbutmyhear tneverf
orgotabouty
ou.
Youwer esti
ll
allthatIthoughtabout,ev
en
whenIgotmar r
ied,It
oldmyhusbandabout
youandhepr omi sedtohelpmef indyou.I
searchedforyouf orf
iveyears,
fiv
ey ear
sand
nevergaveup,unt i
lnow. 
Me:Sohe's.
.(cl
osedmyey esandopenedt
hem)
He'
sthereasonyoulookedforme?
Khol
i
swa:What
?Ofcour
senot
,hehel
pedme
fi
ndyou.
 
Me:
Idon'
tknow.
.Ir
eal
l
ydon'
tknow.
 
Kholi
swa:Ij
ust..Iwantarel
ati
onshipwithyou,I
knowI'v
emi ssedoutonsixt
eeny ear
sofy our
l
ifebutIwon'tbeabletosur
viv
eonmi ssi
ngout
more. 
Me:Iappreci
ateyouref
fort
sinsearchi
ngand
f
indi
ngmeandnaweuy abonangi y
aphil
abut
youneedtoleavenow.Myl i
fei
sjustperf
ect
wit
houtyouandI'dli
keitt
oremainthatway.
 
IputThandi
ont
heseatnextt
omeandst
ood
up.
.
Kholi
swa:
Nokubongapl
easemybaby
..I
'
m
beggi
ngyou.
 
Me:
You'
l
lwal
kyour
sel
fout
. 
Withthatsaid, Iwal
kedawayandt omy
bedroom wher eIgotinandlockedthedoor
aft
erme.Ist rippedAndtookacoldshower
whichallowedmet ocryyetagai
nandbecause
ofthewat erfalli
ngdownonme, Ididn'
tbot
her
wipingthetear s.
WhenIwascontent,
Igotoutanddriedmybody .
Iworemypyj
amas, t
ookmyphoneandpl ugged
i
nmyearphonesthengotinbedwhi l
eli
steni
ng
tosomemusicunti
lIdr
if
tedtosleep. 
Atfi
rst
,Idi
dn'
tunderst
andwhythi
salways
happenedanyt
imemyhear twasbr
okenunti
lI
cameacrossacert
ainver
seonthebibl
e. 
"
Psal
m 34:
18
TheLORDi
sneart
othebr
okenhear
tedAnd
sav
est
hosewhoar
ecr
ushedi
nspi
ri
t.
"
IknowI'
m havi
ngav i
sit
ati
onwhenIf eel
my
wholebodyfr
eeze.Itstart
swi t
hthel
eg,and
comesupuntilonthelastfingeronmyhand. 
Ifel
tli
keIwashav i
ngsomesor tofatt
ackwhen
Ifel
tmyspiritf
ight
ingtodepar
tfrom mybody
andIjustr
elaxedandleti
tbe. 
Theenvi
ronmentaroundmechanged,
itgot
bol
derandpurer
. 
"
Bel
oved"
Il
ookedar
oundandt
her
ewasnoone.
"
Bel
oved"
Ij
ustanswer
ed.
 
"
YesMyLor
d"
Iwaswear
ingal
lwhi
teandt
heenv
ironmentI
wasinwaspur
e. 
Acertai
nfor
cef
orcedmet
okneel
down,
nopun
i
ntended.
 
Icov
eredmyey esastheli
ghtwast
oowhi
te
andthebri
ghtnesswastoomuchto
comprehend.
 
"
Ephesians4:32-Andbey ekindonet oanot
her
,
t
enderheart
ed,for
givi
ngoneanot her
,evenas
GodforChrist
'ssakehat
hf or
givenyou."
Hesai
dbef
oredisappear
ingandIwentback
i
ntomysl
eep,al
thoughIhadbeensl
eepingal
l
al
ong.
 
WhenIwokeupt hefol
l
owingday,ther
ewasa
cer
tai
nheavinessi
nmyspi r
it
.It
ri
edignor
ingi
t
buti
twasjusttoomuch. 
ItookmyBibl
eont opofmyst udyt
abl
eand
j
ustopenedbecauseIdidn'
tknowwheret
o
read.
Myeyeslandedonacer
tai
nscri
ptur
eandthat
wasenoughconvi
nci
ngthatI
twasindeedGod
t
alki
ngtome. 
Mat
thewChapt
er6
15Forifyeforgiv
ement hei
rtr
espasses,
your
heavenlyFatherwil
lal
sofor
giveyou:
16Butify
eforgivenotmenthei
rtr
espasses,
nei
therwil
lyourFatherf
orgi
vey
ourtrespasses.
Isi
ghedandclosedmyBibl
e.Ihadnochoi
ce,
I
cannoti
gnor
et heHol
ySpir
it
,Ican'
t.
 
Iremember
edat i
mewhenmypast ortal
ked
abouthowunforgiv
enessist
hereasonwhy
manyareunabletohearthevoi
ceofGod. 
She'
smymot her
,sur
elyshedeser
ves
for
giv
eness.
 
Notforgi
vi
ngherisonl
ygoingtodest
royme
andmyr el
ati
onshi
pwithGod,howwil
lGod
for
givemeifIcan'
tfor
giv
emyownmot her
? 
Imean,i
twil
lonl
ykil
lmebei
ngangryather
i
nsteadoffi
xi
ngthi
ngswi
thherbecausel
if
eis
tooshor
t.
 
Idon'
tknowwhatcanhappent
omor
row,
ort
he
comingweek.
 
Isi
ghed,
alotofthought
swer
ejustr
unni
ng
thr
oughmymi nd.
 
Ir
eal
l
ydi
dn'
tknowwhatt
odo.
 
Iwenttot
akeabathandgotoutwhent
he
waterwasget
ti
ngcol
d. 
Idr
iedt
henl
oti
onedandjustwor
easi
mpl
e,
pl
aindr
esswi
thmysleepers.
 
Dad:
Howdi
dyousl
eep?
 
Askedmydad, i
mmediat
elywhenIgotinthe
kit
chen.Ki
tsowasj
ustqui
etanddrinki
ngher
tea.Theat
mospherei
nthehouse,wasforthe
fi
rstti
me,ver
yheav
yandtense.
 
Me:
Ican'
tcompl
ain.
 
Ki
tso:
Luckyy
ou.
 
Shesai
d,notevenlooki
ngatme.Ilookedat
dad,
whojustshruggedhisshoul
ders.
 
Thi
ngswer
enowpr
ett
ymuchawkwar
d. 
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
. 
Me:
How'
sBandi
l
e? 
Kit
so:St
il
lasbubbl
y,hegotnoI
deawhat
'
s
goingon
Me:
Umm.
.Okay
Shesai
dthat
,looki
ngatdad.Isawhi
m st
and
up.
 
Dad:
I'
ll
eatonmywayt
owor
k. 
Ki
tso:
Goahead,
runaway
. 
Dadj
ustl
ookedathert
henl
eft
. 
Ireal
l
ydidn'
tthi
nkmymot
her
'sr
etur
nwi
l
ltur
n
thi
ngsthi
ssour.
 
"Mymother"Ican'
tbel
i
ev eIj
ustwrot
ethat
,al
l
Iknewwas,i
twasn'
tgoingtobeeasy.
 
Ihardl
yknowanythi
ngaboutherexceptforher
name.Ididn'
tev
enknowhowev erythi
ngwas
goingtoworkwit
hmegoingtov ar
sity
. 
Ist
il
lwasn'tsur
eyetwher
eIwasgoingtogo
andIdi
dn'tevenknowwhereshel
i
ves. 
Idi
dn'tknowany
thi
ngabouther
.Myown
mother. 
Isi
ghedt
henmademy
sel
fsomecer
eal
.
 
Ki
tso:
Howar
eyou?
 
Me:
Umm.
.Okay
,Iguess.
.You?
 
Kit
so:Hesti
lll
ovesherBonga,Isawhowhe
l
ookedather.Ifel
tli
keanoutsi
derinmyown
home.Allt
hatwasl ef
twasforthem t
ojustki
ss
i
nf r
ontofme. 
Me:
She'
smar
ri
ed.
 
Ihadtogiveherthatcomfor
t,sheshoul
dn't
feel
threat
enedbyKhol i
swabecauseshe'
s
marri
edandsoi sdad,toher
. 
Asmuchasanychi l
dwouldlov
et ohavebot
h
thei
rpar
entst
ogether,
Iwascontentwi
thKit
so.
Shehadbeensomuchofamot hertomethan
Kholi
swacanevertr
ytobe. 
She'
l
lpr
obabl
yjustt
hrowmoneyatmet ot
ry
andmakemefalli
nlovewi
thherorsomet
hing.
 
Growingupt hewayIdi
d,mademeKnowv
ery
wellhowmoneycannev erbuyl
oveor
happiness.
 
Ki
tso:Ij
ust
..Iknowshe'syourmotherbutIfeel
sooutofpl
ace..Whatifyounolongertal
kto
meaboutstuffbecausesuddenl
yshe'sinthe
pi
ctur
e? 
Igaveherar
eassur
ingsmi
l
eandshookmy
head.
 
Me:
Thatwi
l
lneverhappen.Youmor
eofa
mot
hert
omethanshecanev ert
ryt
obe.
 
Ki
tso:
Youmeani
t? 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Igotupandwentt
oher
,weshar
edat
ighthug.
 
Me:
Mom
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Ki
tso:
Don'
tpushi
t.
 
Me:
Shoul
dIcal
lKhol
i
swat
hat
? 
Shepushedmeof
fhergent
ly.
 
Me:
Toosoon?
 
Shenodded
Me:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Shesmi
l
edgenui
nel
yatme.
 
Ki
tso:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Wehuggedagainbef
oreshemadeussome
properbr
eakf
ast
.Iwasn'
tfi
l
ledf
rom t
hecer
eal
anyway. 
Imeantever
ywordIsai
dtoherandt
oldmysel
f
nott
oletKholi
swacomebet
weenherandmy
dad.
 
Nev
er!
.
[
08/
24,
17:
22]Must
angMan:
58
Irecei
v edacall
from myboy fri
endjustaf
terI
hadf i
nishedwashingdishes.Iansweredj
ust
wheni thadstar
tedringi
ng. 
Me:
Hey
. 
Thando:
Youdone?
 
Me:
Done?
 
Thando:It
oldyouI'
l
lcomegety
oui
nthe
morningAngit
hi.
 
Fli
p,IhadTot
all
yfor
gottenaboutt
hat
,good
thi
ngIhadalr
eadybathed. 
Me:
Umm I
..If
orgot
.
Thando:Wel
l
,nowI'
vejustr
emindedy
ousoI
'
ll
gi
vey out
enminut
estogetready
. 
Me:
Idon'
tknow,
Ijustdon'
tfeel
li
kegoi
ngout
. 
Thando:
Baby
,youpr
omi
sed.
 
Me:It'
sjust
..Wi
thevery
thi
ngt
hat'
sbeen
happening,
Idon'
tthi
nkI'
ll
begoodcompany
. 
Thando:Idon'
twantgoodcompany ,Iwanna
spendthedaywi t
hmygi r
lf
riend,Iwannamake
youfeelgood.Ican'
tbewithy ouonlywhenyou
happyormar r
y.Throught
hickandt hinr
ight
? 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
Whatdi
dIev
erdot
odeser
vey
ou?
 
Thando:I
'
mtheblessedonehere.Youmadea
manlikemef
all
sodeeplyinlov
e. 
Ibl
ushedont
heot
hersi
de.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyou.
 
AndImeantev
erywor
d.
Thando:
I'
m onmyway
. 
Me:
Hai
bo!
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Getyourfatassupandgetr
eady
,I'
m
comingtof
etchyou. 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Yessi
r.
 
Ihungupt
henwenttomyroom.Idi
dn'
teven
knowwhatIwasgoi
ngtowearandaft
er
changi
ngf
ivet
imes,
Iset
tl
edonaBlackdeni
m
skir
t,whichwasabov emyknees,
wit
hawhiteT
-shi
rttuckedinandmyVansoldSkoolt
henput
adenimj acketontop.
 
Iwor
epinkhoopear
ri
ngsandputonabr
own
matt
eli
psti
ck.
Ihadputmyphoneoncomplet
esil
enceandI
knewhowmuchLuthandomighthavebeen
tr
yingt
oreachmetonoavai
l
. 
IwenttoKi
tso'
sroom andf
oundherbur
ping
Bandi
le.
 
Ki
tso:
Lookaty
ou,
looki
ngal
lgor
geous.
 
Igi
ggl
edandsmi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Thanks,
I'
m goi
ngoutwi
thLut
hando.
 
Ki
tso:
Hmm,
he'
ssuchal
uckyguy
. 
Me:
Haha,
youshoul
dtel
lhi
mthat
. 
Kit
so:Andri
skboost
inghi
sal
readyov
ersi
zed
ego?Nah. 
Il
aughed,
Ibi
dherf
arewel
landl
eft
.If
ound
Lut
handopar
kedr
ightatt
hegat
e. 
Hehadbeent
oopati
ent,Idi
dn'
tevencheck
howmuchhehadcontactedme.
 
Iopenedt
hedoorf
ormy
sel
fandgoti
n. 
Me:
Hey
. 
Thando:
Wow,
yousur
edi
dtakey
ourt
ime.
 
Me:
Don'
tsul
k. 
Thando: KodwaHai i
Nokubonga,Il
ongtoldyou
togetready ,Iknowyouhadbathedal
ready,
I
j
ustdon' tknowwhatdelayedyoucauseyou
don'
tev enputonmakeup.  
Me:
Iwasst
ruggl
i
ngt
ofi
ndsomet
hingt
owear
. 
Thando:
You'dcomei
nar
ackandy
ou'
dst
il
l
l
ookbeauti
ful
. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:That
'scut
ebabybutIcan'
tbeseenwear
ing
ar
ackinpubli
c. 
Thando:
All
I'
m say
ingi
s,y
oudon'
thav
eto
i
mpr
essme.Iabsol
utel
ylov
eyoui
nwhat
ever
y
ouwear
ing.
Me:
No,
noty
ou.
 
Thando:
Meani
ng?
 
Helookedatmewitharaisedey
ebr
ow,
Ijust
l
aughedandstar
tedsi
nging. 
Me:
"ShutupAnddr
ive"
Hel
aughedandst
art
edt
hecar
. 
Thando:
IfIdi
dn'
tl
ovey
ou.
.NCNC 
Hesai
d,shaki
nghi
sheadAndIj
ustl
aughed.I
di
dn'
tevenknowwher
ehewastaki
ngme. 
Heputhishandonmyexposedthi
ghwhil
e
dri
vi
ngandIjustl
ethi
m beandl
ookedoutsi
de
thewindow,
itwasonl
yJeremi
ahplay
ingon
l
ow. 
If
elthi
shandgoingupandupandt hat
'swhenI
l
ookedathim.Hehadhisshadeson,Iputmy
l
egstoget
herandhechuckl
ed,looki
ngAtme. 
Thando:
Yout
urnedon?
 
Thewayhesaid,
goditj
ustmademel augh,
and
hechuckl
edandfoundapar
kingspot
. 
Wegotoutandheforcedt
ohol
dmyhand,
we
wer
eattheparki
nglot.
 
Me:
Youdoknowt
hatI
'
m al
lyour
sri
ght
? 
Luthando:
Trustme,
Idobutt
heydon'
tknow
that.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.
 
Me:
Wher
ewegoi
ng?
 
Thando:
You'
l
lsee.
 
Inoddedandwewalkedi
nandIsawuswal
ki
ng
i
ntoanMTNst or
e. 
Me:
Andt
hen?
 
Helookedatmeandsmiled,
theygaveusa
magazinewit
hthei
rdeal
sandeveryt
hing.
 
Me:
Idi
dn'
tknowy
ouwant
edanewphone.
 
Thando:I
t'
snotforme,
tel
lme,
whi
chone
wouldyoupick?
 
Ipagedthrough,
looki
ngatt
hephonesandt
hei
r
feat
ures.
 
Me:
They
'r
eal
lsoconf
usi
ng.
 
Thando:
Takey
ourt
imebaby
. 
Hekissedmeont hecheekandIcont
inued
pagi
ngt hr
ough.
 
Me:
Wai
t,pr
icedoesn'
tmat
terr
ight
? 
Hel
ower
edhi
sshadesabi
t.
 
Thando:
Itol
dyoubabe,
I'
m aboss.
 
Withthatsai
d,heputthem backagai
nandI
guessthatwasay es.Iwentwit
hSamsung
GalaxyS7edge,i
ngol dandsil
ver
. 
Thando:
Yousur
e? 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Thando:
Okaybaby
,wai
ther
e. 
Hewant
edtoki
ssmeonthel
ips,
onsucha
publ
i
cpl
acebutIgav
ehi
m mycheek.
 
Hedi dn'
tleav
eittherebutt
urnedmyheadand
tonguekissedmet hatIl
ostmy selfi
nitand
evenf or
gotaboutthepeopl
esur roundi
ngus. 
Hebr
okeandper
kedmeont
hel
i
ps.
 
Thando:
I'
m comi
ng,
behav
e. 
Me:
Ial
way
sdo.
 
Thando:I
'
m sti
l
ltooy
oungt
ogot
ojai
lfor
murderpl
ease.
 
Witht
hatsaid,
hefi
nall
ygotupandIj
ust
remai
nedseatedandscrol
l
edthr
oughmy
phonetokeepbusy.
 
"
Itwasr
eal
l
yyou"
IlookedupandsawsomeoneIr eall
ywasn't
expecti
ng.Kamogel
o.Iwasherewi t
hLuthando,
thesameguywhohadf uckedhisfaceup, I
don'tknowwhyhewast r
yingt
opr ovokethi
s
beast. 
Me:
Kamogel
o. 
Hedidn'
tlookasbadasi
nthepict
uret
hough,
j
ustabluedeyeandsomebandageonthehead
andhand. 
Hesatdownnextt omeandImov edawayabi
t.
Idi
dn'twantLut
handocomingandhavi
ngsome
i
dea,Ididn'
twanthimthi
nki
ngsomethi
ng
happenedonhisabsence.
 
Iwast
oldt
obehav
eaf
teral
l
. 
Kamo:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Me:Thanks,
Ican'
tsayt
hesameabouty
ou
t
hough. 
Hechuckl
ed,Idi
dn'
tfi
ndanyhumouri
nwhatI
sai
dthough.
 
Kamo:I'
m pr
ett
yfuckedupbutI
'
m aman,
I'
ll
sur
viv
e. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Youaman?
 
Kamo:
Yes,
whatdoy
out
akemef
or?
 
Me:
Mm
Welaughedandthat
'swhenLut
handocame
backandIst
opped. 
Thando:
Don'
tst
oponmyaccount
. 
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
. 
Me:
Youdone?
 
Thando:
Yeah,
let
'sgo.
 
Me:
Okay
. 
Il
ookedatKamogel
o. 
Me:
Umm,
I'
ll
seey
ouwhenIdo.Getwel
lsoon.
 
Hel
aughed.
 
Kamo:It
oldy
ou,
youdon'
thav
etowor
ryabout
me. 
Hegotupandl
eftandwedi
d,j
ustaf
terhi
m. 
Thando:
Wantsomet
hingt
oeat
? 
Me:
Umm.
.No.
 
Thando:
Iwantsomebeer
. 
Me:You'
l
lenduphav
inganov
ersi
zedbeer
bel
l
y. 
Thando:Haha,Nah.Iwasblessedwithan
amazingphysique.Whi
l
eWenay ouwerebor
n
noMkhaba, Iwasbornwit
hasi xpack. 
Ijustlaughedandpushedhi
m sl
owly,
hewas
holdingtheplast
icf
rom MTN.Anyway,wewent
toPickNPayl i
quor
sandheboughthi
scastl
e
l
ite.
Thando:
Cany
oupl
easespendt
heni
ghtwi
th
me? 
Me:
Youknowhowi
tisathome.
 
Thando:
Butbaby
,you19.
Me:
Ial
sol
i
veundermyf
ather
'sr
oof
. 
Thando:
ThenIshoul
dpayl
obol
aver
ysoon.
 
Il
aughed.Heboughtwi
nef
ormeasi
fIasked,
it
wasDryred.
Anyway,
wewenttoputt
hestaf
finthecar
bef
orecomi
ngbackandwindowshopping.
IsawblackpumacreeperbyFent
yforRihanna
andjustf
ell
inl
ove.I
thadabitofgold.
Thando:Youhav
ebeenst
ari
ngf
orl
i
kef
ive
minutes.
 
Irol
l
edmyey esandhegav
emeast
rai
ghtf
ace,
apparent
lyi
t'
s"i
mpol
it
e"
Asi
fIcar
e. 
Me:
Ishoul
dtel
ldadaboutt
his.
 
Thando:
Mxm.
 
Hepull
edmei
nsi
det
hest
oreandwentt
othe
cashi
er.
 
Thando:
Youasi
zet
hreer
ight
? 
Inoddedandhet
oldtheguy,whobr
oughti
tfor
meandhepaidwithhiscar
d. 
Icoul
dn'
tst
opt
hanki
nghi
m. 
Thando:
Ist
il
lthi
nki
tst
oocheap.
 
Me:
Pleasedon'
trui
nthi
sforme.
 
Thando:
Okaybaby
.
Hekissedmeont hecheek.Wewentt ospor
t
sceneandheboughtusmat chingAdidas
tr
acksuit
s,bl
ackandwhiteincolour
. 
Heal
soboughtAdi
dasNMDs,
minei
nBl
ueand
Hi
sinRed.
 
Me:
Your
eal
l
yrel
ati
onshi
pgoal
s. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Youmeanwear
erel
ati
onshi
pgoal
s. 
HeperkedmynoseandIbl
ushedandhe
l
aughed,Icov
eredmyf
ace.
 
Thando:
Lookaty
oual
lshy
.
Me:
Mxm.
 
Hechuckl
edagain,
wewentfori
cecr
eam t
hen
at
easwewal kedtohi
scar
. 
Thando:
So,
whathappenedy
est
erday
? 
Me:
Tur
nsout
,mybi
ologi
cal
mot
heri
sal
i
ve.
 
Thando:
I'
m notsur
eIf
oll
ow.
 
Ihuf
fed.
 
Me:Shecamebackyest
erdayandt
alkedabout
f
ixi
ngthi
ngs,
aft
er16years.
 
Thando:
I'
mreal
l
ysor
rybaby
.
Me:Ijustfeel
Iwasdoi
ngj
ustf
inewi
thouther
butnow..Idon'
tknow.
 
Thando:
Don'tst
ressmuchabouti
t.Whatev
er
youdeci
de,
I'
llbewithy
oueveryst
epofthe
way. 
Me:
Thanksbaby
. 
Iki
ssedhim onthecheekandwecont
inued
wit
hourice-
creams. 
Me:Idi
dn'
tthi
nky
ouhav
easweett
oot
h
t
hough.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Idon'
t,
justoncei
nawhi
l
eandIknow
howgi
rl
slov
esweett
hings.
 
Il
aughed.
Me:
Ayey
e.
Thando:
Mxm.
 
Heputhi
shandovermyshoul
der
,wewent
backt
ohiscar
. 
Heopenedt
hedoorf
ormeandwegoti
n. 
Thando:
Yousl
eepi
ngov
err
ight
? 
Me:
Itol
dyouIcan'
t.
 
Thando:
Theni
t'
sset
tl
ed.
 
Me:
Wai
t,what
? 
Thando:We'
ll
justdeal
wit
hyourf
ather
tomorr
ow. 
Me:
Andwhatwi
l
lIsaywhenhecal
l
s? 
Thando:
Yousleepi
ngov
eratmypl
aceand
you'
ll
usepr
otecti
on.
 
Il
ookedathi
m andhel
aughed,
thi
swasa
ser
iousmat
tert
ome.
 
Thando:I
'
m ki
ddi
ngbabe.I
'
llhandl
eyour
fat
her.
 
Me:
Oh?
 
Il
ookedathi
m wi
thar
aisedey
ebr
ow.
Thando:
Justt
rustme.
 
Wi
ththatsai
d,wedr ov
ehome..Hishomeand
myheartwasjustbeat
ingoutofmychest
. 
I
twaseasyf orhimt osaybutdadi
sso
unpredi
ctabl
e,Ididn'
tknowhowhewasgoi
ng
torespondtoallofthi
s. 
Ij
usthopedi
tdoesn'
tendwi
thabeat
ing.
 
Hemighthav
eneverbeenv
iol
enttowardsme
bef
orebutwi
thhi
m, y
oucanneverknow. 
Dadi
ssounpr
edi
ctabl
enowaday
s. 
Thando:
Rel
ax,
Itol
dyouI
'
llhandl
ehi
m. 
Me:
Easyf
ory
out
osay
. 
HeopenedmydoorandIgotout ,
bit
ingmy
nai
ls.Hetookourshoppi
ngbagsandwewent
wit
ht hem i
nsi
dethehouse.
 
Iwasjustfol
lowi
nghi m ar
oundwithmymi nd
ondad.Yes,itwasn'tl
ateyetbutwhathappens
whenhef i
nall
yreal
izesI'
m notcomingafter
wai
ti
ngf orsuchalongt i
me?  
I'
veneverdonethi
stomyf
ather
,atl
eastnot
si
ncetheKitsosaga.
 
Thando:
Doy
out
rustme?
 
Idi
dn'
thearhi
m atf
ir
stbecausemymi
ndwas
j
ustondad. 
Thando:
Nokubonga?
Il
ookedathi
m,f
inal
l
yget
ti
ngbackt
oreal
i
ty.
 
Me:
Yes?
 
Thando:
Doy
out
rustme?
 
Me:
Ido.
 
Thando:
Thenr
elax,
Yousur
eaboutt
hisphone?
 
Me:
Ist
il
lhav
en'
tseent
her
eal
thi
ngy
et.
 
Hetooki
toutf
rom t
hebox,
wesatdownonhi
s
bed.
 
Itwasal
readyact
ivat
edandst
uff
.Itl
ooked
evenmorebeauti
fuli
nli
fe.
 
Iev
ent
ookapi
ctur
e. 
Me:
It'
sper
fect
. 
Thando:
It'
syour
s. 
Me:
Andt
hecamer
ais.
..Wai
t,what
? 
Il
ookedathi
m wi
thadr
oppedj
awandhe
smil
ed.
 
Thando:
It'
swhaty
ouwant
ed.
 
Me:
Youki
ddi
ngr
ight
? 
Il
ookedAthi
m wit
hmyey
espoppi
ngoutand
heshookhi
shead.
 
Me:
Lut
hando,
thi
sphonecost
s15000.
.
Thando:
So?
 
Me:
Ican'
tacceptt
his.
 
Itr
iedgiv
ingi
tbackt
ohi
m butheshookhi
s
head. 
Thando:Justt
akei
t,y
oubr
okey
our
sandi
twas
wayoutdated.
 
Me:
It'
stoomuch.
 
Thando:
It'
snothi
ng,youmygir
lf
ri
endandi
t'
s
mydutytotakecareofyou.
 
Me:
ButI-
Thando:
No.
 
[
08/
24,
17:
22]Must
angMan:
59
Thando:
Let
'st
akeashower
. 
Me:
Yousay
ingIst
ink?
 
Thando:
Yourwor
ds,
notmi
ne.
 
Ipunchedhi
mli
ght
lyandhel
aughed.
 
Thando:
That
'smanAbuse.
 
Il
aughedoutl
oud,
hewassay
ingl
i
keIev
endi
d
anydamage.
Me:
Ohpl
ease.
 
Thando:
Come.
 
Hemademest andup.Hecuppedmyf
aceand
ki
ssedme,
slowlyandint
imat
ely.
 
Igotl
osti
nit,asourt
onguestwi
rledtoget
her
andhepressedourbodi
estoget
her. 
Hebr
okei
tandwebot
hcaughtourbr
eat
hes.
 
Thando:
Shoul
dIundr
essy
ouor
? 
Me:
Whatf
or?
 
Thando:
Youcan'
tshowerwi
thy
ourcl
otheson,
comeon. 
Me:Actual
ly
,Theideaofy
ouundr
essi
ngme
soundsli
kefun.
Thando:
Oh?
 
Me:
Yes.
 
Ibi
tmyl
i
p.Hest
art
edof
fwi
tht
aki
ngof
fmy
j
acket
,nopuni
ntended,
wit
hhi
sey
esl
ockedon
mine.
 
Hethentookof
ftheT-shi
rtIwaswear i
ng,If
elt
l
ikeali
tt
leki
dbutagain,i
twascute.Iwasnow
j
ustinmybraontop,hebithi
sli
pf i
rstbef
ore
t
akingoffmybr
a. 
Mindyou,
wehadnev
erbeeni
nsuchasi
tuat
ion
befor
e.
Thando:
Thesear
ebeaut
if
ul.
 
Ibl
ushedashecuppedmybr
easts,
bef
ore
bendi
ngabitandki
ssi
ngt
hem. 
If
eltt
het
emper
atur
eint
her
oom suddenl
yri
se.
 
Thando:
Thi
sist
empt
ati
onati
tspeak.
 
Heunbut
tonedmyski
rtbef
orel
ett
ingi
tfal
l
,he
t
ookoffmyshoeswit
hmyskirt
. 
Thando:
Youhav
eabeaut
if
ulbodyKhensani
. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Ibl
ushed.
 
Thando:
Let
'sgoshower
. 
Me:
Youmean,
toget
her
? 
Thando:
Yes,
Iwantust
ocr
eat
eint
imacy
. 
Me:
Nosex?
 
Thando:Iwoul
dnev
ert
akeadv
ant
ageofy
ou
l
ikethat
. 
Inodded.Heal
sot
ookoffhi
scl
othes.My
mouthhangopenasIsawhi
s"t
hing"
Thando:Baby
,youhav
etot
akeof
fyour
panti
es.
 
Me:
Umm.
.I.
.It
's..
we 
Hechuckl
edandcamet
otakethem of
fforme,
t
ookmyhandandwewentinsi
detheshower.
 
Thewayhewassogent lewithmewasjust
amazing.Wedidcr
eateint
imacy,ast
hewater
dri
ppeduponournakedbodiesandaswe
ki
ssedwhilecl
osetoget
her.
 
IwasTur
nedonbutheknewIwasn'
tready
.I
hadnev
erhador
alsexbef
ore.
 
Whathedi dt
omypussy ,pl
ayingwit
hmycl i
t
beforehi
stonguetappedonitandplay
edwith
i
t.Ifel
tmyselfbui
l
dupasMyt oescurl
ed.
 
Iwasmoaninghisnamesof t
lyandIfel
tmy
l
egsshakeasIreleasedandreachedor
gasm.
 
Myv er
yfi
rstorgasm.Hepi
ckedmeupbecause
Iwasshakingandwewenttotakeabat
h
i
nstead.
 
Hescrubbedmyback,whil
ekissingmeonmy
neck.Iwassof
reearoundhim andIfel
t.
.
Compl et
e. 
Thando:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Mm.
.Met
oo.
 
Thando:
Iwon'
tbeabl
etosur
viv
elosi
ngy
ou.
Me:
Youwon'
t.
 
Thando:
Ihopeso.
 
Me:
Don'
twor
ry.
 
Gett
ingoutoft
hetub,
ast hewatergotcold,
he
dri
edMybodybeforedry
inghisandIwor ehis
gown. 
Hewant
edust
osl
eepnakedbutIr
efused.
 
Thando:
JustknowIwon'
tdoany
thi
ngt
oyou,
unl
essyouask.
 
Hesaid,
getti
ngbehi
ndmei
nbedandhugged
mefrom behi
nd.
 
Me:
Iknowbaby
. 
Wet
alkedunt
ilIf
ell
asl
eep,
event
ual
l
y. 
"Youneedt
oshowmey
oul
oveme"
"Idol
ovey
ou"
"
Thenpr
ovei
t,maket
hiscov
enantwi
thme"
"Abl
oodcov
enant
?"
"Doitforourdeadbaby,i
t'
sanet
ernal
promise
wemaki ngtohim.Thatwe'
llr
emai
ntogether
,
for
everti
lldeat
hdouspart"
"Idon'
tknowLi
l
i,Idon'
tknow"
Shedroppedat ear,
Icoul
dn'
tseethef
aces,j
ust
voi
cestal
king.Fir
stofagir
l,t
henofaboy.
 
Asshewasaboutt otal
k,Isawt wohor ns
devel
opinherheadandwhatl ookedli
kea
beardofagoat,
thatwasn'tblurry
.Hereyes
becamefir
ebuttheboydidn'tseet hat
. 
Shespokei
nadeep,
boldv
oicewhi
chi
roni
cal
l
y,
wassweett
otheboy.
 
"
Ithoughty
oul
ovedme"
 
"Ido"
"Thendot
hisf
orme"
Shelookedathi
m andheagr eed.Shetookout
asmallneedl
e,cuthert
humbt henhetoldhim
todothesameandt hebloodwasmi xed. 
"Youmi
ne.
.For
ever"
Thel
astpartechoedasadev
il
ishl
aughar
ose
fr
om her
,fi
l
lingther
oom
Iwokeupsweat
ing,
itwasj
ustadr
eam,
butso
r
eal
. 
Thando:
What
'swr
ongbaby
? 
Me:
It'
s.
.I.
.Justabaddr
eam.
 
Thando:
Come,
sleep.
 
Ihadbeenonmybutt
,theposi
ti
onIoccupi
ed
whenIgotupf
rom t
hedream. 
Somehow, i
tfel
tli
keIknewthosepeopl
e,ev
en
thoughIcoul
dn'
tseetheirf
aces.
 
Hehuggedmef r
om behi
ndandev
ent
ual
l
y,If
ell
backt
osleep.
 
IwaswokenupwhenIf eltmyhistongueonmy
templeandIj
ustmoaned.Ihadnev erthought
ther
ewaspleasur
ewithoutpenet
rationbutthi
s..
Thiswasthebest
. 
Imoanedasheateme,
wit
hhi
shandst
ight
ly
squeezi
ngmyass.
 
WhenIcame,
hecametomyfaceandwe
ki
ssed,
ashel
etmetast
emysalt
yjui
ces.
 
Iusedtothi
nkt
hiswas.
.Di
sgust
ingbutno,
I
didn'
tknow.
 
Thando:
Mor
ning.
 
Me:
Hey
. 
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
 
Thando:
Let
'sgobr
ushourt
eet
h. 
Me:
Okay
. 
HespankedmyasswhenIgotupandIgi
ggl
ed,
cov
eri
ngmy sel
fwithhi
sgown.Hehadwi
ped
mewithatowelthatwasonhi
sbed.
 
Hegavemeanewtoot
hbrushwhi
chIusedf
or
myteet
handIal
sowashedmyface.
 
Wewenttotheki
tchenwher
ewemade
br
eakf
ast
.Infact
,hemadebreakf
astf
orus.
 
Thando:
So,
whatdi
dyoudr
eam about
? 
Me:Justsomeboyandgi
rl
,i
t'
sal
lfuzzy
.Idi
dn'
t
seemuch. 
Henodded.
 
Thando:
I'
vehear
dthatdr
eamsal
way
sconv
eya
cer
tai
nmessage.
Me:
Andt
othi
nki
tfel
treal
. 
Thando:
Don'
ttakei
tli
ght
ly.
 
Me:I'
mt hi
nki
ngofaski
ngmypast
orAbouti
ton
Sunday.
 
Thando:
Yeah,
dot
hat
. 
Me:
Doy
ougot
ochur
ch?
 
Thando:Idon'
thav
emuchchoi
ce,
myfather
wouldcomepickmeupanddri
vemestr
aight
ther
e. 
Me:
Oh,
thePK.
 
Thando:
Please,
don'
tremi
ndme.
 
Ilaughed.Hedi
shedupf
ort
hebot
hofus.Hi
s
foodtastedamazi
ng.
 
Me:
I'
mimpr
essed.
. 
Thando:
I'
m gl
admyl
ove.
 
Wewentt
oshoweraft
ereat
ingandIhadt
o
f
acet
hereal
i
tyofgoi
ngbackhome. 
Thando:
Don'
tfor
gety
ourphone.
 
Me:IwonderhowI
'
m gonnaexpl
aint
hist
o
dad.
 
Thando:
Youwor
ryt
oomuch.
 
Il
eanedbackonmyseat
,ashedr
ovemehome
whil
eli
steni
ngt
other
adi
o. 
Sur
pri
singly
,hewentintoparkhi
scarinthe
yar
d.Ididn'
tevensayanyt
hingabouti
t.
 
Myheartwasbeati
ngoutofmychest
,Ij
ust
wonderedwhatemoti
onmyfat
her'
smindisi
n
r
ightnow. 
Thando:
Rel
ax.
 
Heki
ssedbot
hofmyhands,Idi
dn'
tevenwait
f
orhi
mt ocomeopenmydoorbutj
ustgotout.
 
Thando:
Hai
bo,
Nokubonga.
 
Ist
art
edbi
ti
ngmynai
l
sagai
n,Iwaspani
cki
ng
Shame.
 
Thando:
Youev
enshaki
ng.
 
Me:
Youdon'
tknowmyf
atherl
i
keIdo.
 
Hetookt
heshoppi
ngbagsformewhileIj
ust
hel
dmyphonesandIknockedbef
oregett
ing
i
n. 
Dad:
Oh,
it'
syou.
Me:
Mor
ningdad.
 
Thando:
BabDl
ami
ni.
 
Itookthebagsf
rom him andwenttoput
every
thingi
nmyr oom.Ijusthopedt
hatKi
tso,
somehowcov er
edf orme. 
Shecameint
omyr
oom,
whi
l
eIwasput
ti
ngt
he
st
affaway
.
Ki
tso:
Lwenay
oushoul
dhav
etol
dmey
ou'
re
sl
eepi
ng.
 
Me:
I'
mreal
l
ysor
ry,
itwasnotmyi
dea.
 
Ki
tso:
Ihadt
oexpl
aint
oyourf
atherwhyy
ou
nothomeandev enendedupchewi
ngmor
e
thanIcaneat
. 
Me:
ThankYousomuchmom,
Iowey
ou.
 
Shel
aughed.
 
Kit
so:
Yes,youdoandkeepthati
nmind.Imi
ght
needyout
odosomebaby si
tti
ngforme.
Me:
Any
thi
ngy
ouwant
,I'
l
ldo.
 
Wel
aughedandgotoutofmyr
oom,
wal
ki
ngt
o
t
her
est.
 
IfoundDadandLut
hando,
tal
ki
ngl
i
keol
d
fr
iends.
 
AsifIhadl ef
tforages,whi
l
eitwasjusttwo
minutes.Il
ookedatKi t
soandsheshruggedher
shoul
der s.
 
Dad:
That
'sGodf
ory
ou,
alway
samazi
ng.
 
Thando:Yes,
andpeopl
eal
wayswonderhow
i
t'
spossibl
eformydadtobeapast
orandTaxi
owner.
 
Dad:That
'st
ypicalst
ereoty
pes.Theythi
nkit
spel
l
soutcorrupti
on,for
getti
ngthatTheear
th
i
sGod'sandev er
ythi
nginit.
 
Thando:Yesandi
twastheHol
ySpir
itwhot
old
hi
mt ostartat
axi
busi
nessandnow,it
's
prosper
ing.
 
Dad:
Grace,
grace,
grace.
 
Thando:That
'si
nabundanceandi
n
abundance.
 
Istoodagape, unabl
etocompr ehendthatthi
s
wasLut handospeaking.Ihadneverknownof
him asar el
i
giouspersonandhewast al
king
l
ikeat r
uePast or'
ski
d. 
Youcoul
dheart
hatt
hisguyknewwhathewas
tal
ki
ngabout
.
Dad:
Bonga,
gomakeussomet
ea.
 
Iwantedtosay"
I'
m notamai
d"butIr
espectmy
fat
hertoomuch.
 
Iwant
edt
oli
steni
nont
hei
rconv
ersat
ionbutke,
Icoul
dn'
tdi
sobey
. 
Luthandowi
nkedatmesecret
lyandIgiggl
ed
si
lentl
yanddr
aggedmyfeettotheki
tchen,
whereImadethetea.
 
WhenIwasdone, Iputev er
ythi
nginatr
ayand
wenttoserv
et hem, f
indingKitsoal
sohabi
ts
j
oinedinontheirconversati
on. 
Iwasj
usthappyt
hatdaddi
dn'
tscol
dmef
ornot
sl
eepi
ngathome.
 
Thatwasmybiggestf
ear
.Aknockcame
thr
oughj
ustasIwasaboutt
oseatdown.
 
Me:
Expect
ingsomeone?
 
Dadl
ookedatKi
tso.
 
Ki
tso:
Nott
hatIknowof
. 
Inoddedandwentt
oopen,f
indingmydear
"mother
"andshewasal
onethisti
me.
 
Khol
i
swa:
CanIgeti
n? 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
"Forgi
venessKhensani
,forgi
veness"Ihear
d
theHolySpir
itwhi
spert
ot heearsofmyheart.
 
Hewasri
ght
.Ishoul
dfor
giv
eher
,justasGod
wasabl
etof
orgi
vemeofallmysi
ns. 
Shef
oll
owedmet
othel
ounge.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Howar
e..Thando?
 
Shelookedathi
m,conf
used.Heal
sol
ookedat
her
. 
Khol
iswaAndThando:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ng
her
e? 
Theysai
dateachot
her
,si
mul
taneousl
y.
 
Me:
Youknoweachot
her
? 
Noonesaidanythi
ngtomeastheylookedat
mebefor
ef aci
ngeachot
heragai
n. 
Khol
i
swa:
Yes.
Me:
H-How?
 
Thando:
Umm,
baby
-
Khol
i
swa:
Baby
? 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Okay
,what
'sgoi
ngonher
e? 
Wealll
ookedattheset
wobecauseitseemsI
wasnottheonl
yoneawait
inganexplanat
ion.
 
.
.
[
08/
24,
17:
22]Must
angMan:
60
Theybothdidn'
tsayany
thingbutjustst
aredat
eachother
,Iwasgoingcrazy,i
nturmoil
,
wonderi
ngwhatIcouldbemi ssi
ng. 
Howdot hesetwoknoweachot herbecause
fr
om whatIwasseeing,
theykneweachot her
pret
tywell
,butt
hequesti
onis,How?  
Mil
li
onsoft houghtsr
ant hr
oughmymi ndasI
t
ri
edt othinkofsomet hingbutnothi
ngcamet o
mind.Iwasi ntur
moilandIjustkepthopingf
or
t
hebest, Ijustwishedthey'
renotrel
atedin
anywaybecauset
hatwoul
dbeakni
fest
abbed
deepl
yint
omyhear t
. 
Dad:
Howdoy
ouknoweachot
her
? 
Heasked,l
i
kehehadbeenr eadi
ngmymind.It
wassomethingIhadf
ail
edtosayandbythat
moment,Iwasverygr
atef
ulfort
hat
. 
Myheartstart
edbeat i
ngoutofmychest,
aswe
allawai
tedanexplanati
on.I
twashardtr
yingto
readwhatwasi nLuthando'
smind,
andhej ust
hadaplainexpressi
onon. 
Khol
i
swa:Whyar
eyouguy
smaki
ngi
tsucha
bi
gdeal
? 
Dad:Youcan'texpectustoj
ustactnor
mal,
whenyougether ethenyoul
ookathimlikehe'
s
yourl
onglostlover
. 
Shechuckl
ed,thatmusthavehurtKi
tsoabit.I
couldcl
ear
lyhearthej
ealousyi
nmyf ather
's
tone.
 
Idon'
tknowwhyshehadt
ocomebackand
compl
i
cat
ethi
ngsf
orusal
l
. 
Thando:Wel
l
,she'
smar
ri
edt
omyFat
her
's
brot
her.
 
Ifel
tmyhear
tcal
m downandf
inal
l
ybeat
normal
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Don'
ttel
lmey
out
woar
edat
ing.
 
Thando:
Khol
i
swapl
ease,
justchi
l
l.
 
Shel
aughed,
bef
orecl
appi
ngonce.
 
Kholi
swa:Chi
ll
?She'
smydaught
erandI
'
m not
abouttoal
lowyoutopl
aywi
thher
. 
Thando:
Wai
t,y
ourwhat
?! 
Me:
Wel
l
,that
'smyl
ongl
ost"
mot
her
"
Idi
dtheinv
ert
edcommasi nt
heai
r.Iwonder
ed
whatsheshemeantby"
playme"
Thando:WaytogoKhol iswa,youl
eaveyour
daughterf
orwhat.
.16y ears?Thenyoucome
j
udge,acti
ngall
betterwhileyouhavescar
ier
skel
etonsint
hecloset.
 
Shel
ookeddown,seemedli
kehehitanerve.I
t
wascl
earthatt
hesetwodon'
tgetal
ong. 
Iwonderwhat
'st
hest
orybet
weent
hem.
 
Ij
ustlef
tthem,andwentt
othekit
chent
oget
somewat er
.Ev
er y
thi
ngwasjustt
oo
over
whelmingforme. 
MymotherAndnowf i
ndi
ngoutshe'
smar
ri
ed
i
ntomyboyfr
iend'
sfamil
y.
 
Wemightnotberel
atedinany
waybutt
hiswas
j
ustt
oomucht oswallow.
 
It
ookwat
erf
orthef
ri
dgeandpouredmysel
fa
gl
ass,
whi
chIgul
peddowninonego. 
"Idi
dn'
tknow"
Il
ookedbehi
ndmetof
indThando,
Ididn'
teven
knowhehadfol
l
owedme.Hecamet ostand
nextt
ome. 
Thando:Idi
dn'
tev
enknowshehadal
ongl
ost
daughter
. 
Me:I
twasfine,
compl
etel
yfi
newi
thouthert
hen
shej
ustcomesandcompli
cat
est
hings.
 
Thando:
I'
mreal
l
ysor
rybaby
. 
HeembracedmeandIj ustsnuggledmysel
fin
hi
sarms.Ididn'tcr
ybutjustwantedtofeel
him
socl
osetomeandj ustli
stenedtothebeat
ing
ofhi
sheartsincehe'st
all
erthanme.  
WhenIwascontent
,webr
okethehugandI
accompani
edhi
mt ohi
scar.
 
Me:
Soy
ouanddad?
 
Thando:
Whataboutus?
 
Me:
Youseemedl
i
keol
dfr
iends.
 
Thando:
Tot
hinkheoncehat
edme.
 
Ij
ustl
aughed.
 
Me:
That
'sabi
thar
sh.
 
Thando:
Rememberwhathesai
dtome?
 
Me:Whoareyouandwhatdoy
ouwantf
rom
mydaught
er.
 
Webothlaughed.Mydadcangetcr
azy
someti
mes.ButIjustl
ovehi
m,he'
sjustt
he
best
 
Noteverymaleisabletojuggl
ebeingbot
ha
motherandfathertoagirlchi
l
dbuthe
managedandI '
llf
oreverbegratef
ult
oGodfor
hi
m. 
Thando:Hisl
oveforyoui
sexcept
ional
.I'
ve
neverseenafat
herlovet
hei
rchi
ldli
kethi
s. 
Me:
Hopef
ull
y,y
ou'
l
lbet
hesamet
oourki
ds.
 
Thando:
Ofcour
sebaby
. 
Heper
kedmeont
hel
i
ps.
 
Thando:
You'
l
lbef
iner
ight
? 
Me:
Yesl
ove.
 
Wehuggedonel
astt
imebeforehegotinhis
carandIwav
edt
ohim unt
ilhedi
sappeared.
 
Isi
ghedandturnedback,
itwast
imet
ofacemy
demonsyetagain.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Yout
ookl
ong.
 
Irol
l
edmyey esandsatdown, whothehell
doesshet hi
nksheis?Theonl yper
sonwho's
supposetobecompl ai
ningi
smydadandhe
wasn'tsayi
ngany t
hing.Shehadnoright
.
Absolutel
ynoright
. 
Dad:
Leav
emybabyal
oneWena.
 
Ki
tso:
Excuseme.
 
Shegotup.
 
Dad:
Youdon'
thav
etol
eav
emyl
ove.
 
Ki
tso:Ijustt
houghty
ouguy
swant
edt
otal
k..
Withoutme. 
Me: AsfarasI'
m concerned,
youmymot her.It
mightnotbebi ol
ogi
call
ybutyouweretherefor
mewhenshewasbusyenj oyi
ngherl
if
ebef or
e
shefinal
lyrememberedshehasadaught erand
unfort
unatelyf
orher,
itwastoolat
e. 
Dad:Allt
heseangerisrepul
siv
emybaby ,
don't
l
etitdest
royyou.Don'tl
etherchangey
ou,your
hear
t.
 
Isighed,
hewasright.Shewasj
ustr
ubbi
ngme
offthewrongwaynje.
Kholi
swa:
I'
m sor
ry,
Iwasn'
ttr
yingt
opi
ssy
ou
off
. 
Shesighed.Isatdown.Iwasgoingt
ofor
giv
e
her
,Icannotdoi tal
oneandIknowmyGodi s
abl
e,He'l
lhelpmet hroughi
t.
 
Iwouldn'
tbeabl
etodoitonmyown.Howdo
youforgi
vesomeonewhohasn'
tbeent
her
efor
youfor16year
s? 
Shoul
dIbehappyt
hatshe'
sher
e? 
Irememberat i
mewhenIwaswat chingt
he
SteveHarv
eyshow.Hesai dsomet hingabout
l
ookingatthefuture,r
atherthant hepast.Yes,
sureshewasn'ttherefor16y ears,butrather
,I
shouldl
ookatthet imeshe'sher eandt hemany
yearswecouldspendt ogether. 
Al
thought
hatt
imehewasgi
vi
ngout
r
elat
ionshi
padv
ice,
itact
ual
l
yfi
ther
e. 
Kholi
swa:AllIwanti
stobeapar tofyourli
fe
agai
n.Togett oknowyouandt hewonder f
ul
womany ou'v
ebecome.I'm notsay i
ngmakeup
forl
ostti
mecausei t
'si
mpossi blebutIjust
wantustobui l
dmemoriestoget her
.Iknowi t
won'tbeeasybutall
I'
m askingf ori
sasecond
chance.
 
Me:Canyoupleasegiv
emesomet
ime?To
t
hinkaboutev
erythi
ng.
 
Khol
i
swa: Ofcour
se,Iknowi
twon'
tbeeasy
.
AndItot
all
yunderst
and. 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Khol
iswa:I
'mt
heonewhoshoul
dbet
hanki
ng
younow. 
Shestoodupandt
ookoutherbusi
nesscar
d
andgaveitt
ome. 
Khol
iswa:Pl
easecal
lmewheny
ou'
vemadea
deci
sion.
 
Somehow,shemadeitsoundlikeshehadjust
pi
tchedmeabusi
nessdeal butanyway,It
ookit
andputi
tinmypocket.
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
ll
beonmyway
. 
Inoddedandjustwentt
omyr oom.Get t
ing
there,
Ithr
ewmy sel
fonmybedt henjustst
ared
attheceil
i
ng,
thinki
ngaboutwhatev
er. 
Idi
dn'twannastr
essmy sel
f,Idi
dn'
twantto
thi
nkalotabouti
t.Ther
ewasst il
lvar
sit
yand
befor
ethat,r
esul
tsday.
 
Isti
llhadn'
tmadeadecisionregar
dingwhich
campusI '
m goi
ngtoenrollatbutf
ir
st,aft
erI
knowwher eI'
vebeenacceptedandwhi ch
bursari
esIgot,
therestcanfoll
ow.
 
Amonthlat
er,
Ihaddeci
dedt
ofor
giv
eher
.Not
f
orher
,buttofr
eemysel
f.
 
Forgi
venessisaf
terall
,oneofthef
rui
tsofthe
HolySpiri
tandasaf ul
l
ydevotedChri
sti
anand
daughterofGod,Ihadtofol
l
owi nt
hefootsteps
ofChr
ist
. 
Hedidsayifweforgi
vethosewhowrongedus
t
heirtr
espasses,
he'l
lal
soforgi
veusour
t
respasses.
 
I
twasthelastweekofDecemberandt
hatof
t
heyear.
 
Bandi
lehadgrownupver
ywel
landhewas
becomingaspit
ti
ngi
mageofdad.
 
Ihadagreedtov i
sitKagi
sanobecause
regar
dlessofeverythi
ngthathadhappened,
she
wasstill
myf r
iend.
 
Wedecidedtojustputev
er y
thi
ngbehi
ndusand
shepr
omi sednottomentionmyboyfr
iend.
 
Chr
ist
maswastomorr
owandwell,
wewere
goi
ngtochur
chAndwerej
ustgoi
ngtohav
e
l
unchwhenwecomeback.
 
Mymot herwantedmetospenditwit
hherand
herfamil
ybutItol
dherst
rai
ghtupthatshe'
s
pushingt
hings.
 
Sheagreedwit
hmydeci si
on.For
givi
ngher,
di
dn'tmeanall
owi ngherbackint
omyl i
fe.She'
d
j
usthavetowait,Iwasn'tr
eadyyetandI
neededhernottopushme.  
ItwasaTuesdayAndwhenIwokeup,Ij
ust
brushedmyteet
handfacebef
oregoi
ngtothe
kit
chenforbr
eakf
ast
. 
Me:
Fami
l
y. 
Iki
ssedthem bothonthecheeksandsatdown.
Ican'
tbel
ieveIhaven'
tseenLuthandot
he
wholeofthi
sweek. 
Hedidn'tt
ellmemuchdetai
l
sofwher
ehe'
s
goingbutjustpr
omi
sedtobewit
hmebyNew
year'
seve.
 
Imi
ssedhi
m somuch,
Ifel
tmymi
ndgocr
azy
. 
Iy
earnedforhim,
forhi
stouchandjust
ev
ery
t hi
ng,ev
entohearhi
sfunnychuckl
ethat
al
waysmakesmel augh.
 
Ki
tso:
Youokay
? 
Andthat
'swhenIwasbr
oughtt
oreal
i
tyand
fr
om myt hought
s. 
Me:
Umm.
..Yeah,
justhav
eal
otonmymi
nd.
 
Dad:
Youmeant
hatboy
? 
Me:
Dadpl
ease.
 
Ki
tso:
Leav
emybabyal
oneAndi
l
e. 
Dad:
IthoughtIwasy
ourbaby
. 
Ki
tso:
Hai
suka,
youol
dthi
ng.
 
Il
aughed,
Dadwasr eal
lybei
ngababyand
somehow,Itwasj
ustcute.
 
Iwasjustgl
admymot herdi
dn'tcomebet
ween
them,inf
act
,theywer
emor einlovenowt
han
ever.
 
Dad:
Ijusthopehedoesn'
ttur
noutl
i
ke
Kamogelo.
 
Me:
Hewon'
t,
don'
twor
rydad.
Dad:Icanseehemakesyouhappyandthat
'
s
al
lIwant.Idon'
twantmyl
it
tl
egir
lcry
ing.
 
Ismiled,
hemadememi
sshi
m ev
enmor
ebutI
didn'
tshow.
 
Dad:
Youev
engai
ningwei
ght
..
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Il
ookedathim,conf
used.Iwassti
l
lwear
ingt
he
samesizeandnoneofmycl ot
heswer
eti
ght
fi
tt
ingsoIhadnoideawhathewasonabout.
 
Icouldhav
enot
icedi
fIwasgai
ningsome
weight.
 
Hemademet hinkofwat
chi
ngwhatIeat
becausether
e'snowomanIknow,who'
dwanna
hearthatt
hey'
regaini
ngwei
ght
.
Ki
tso:
Youl
ookt
hesamet
ome,
justgl
owi
ng.
 
Iguessshecouldunder
standwhatwasgoing
oninmymi nd,l
ikeme,shewoul
dn'twantt
o
hearshe'
sgaini
ngweight.
 
Dad:Ij
usthopey
ounotpr
egnant
,I'
m st
il
ltoo
youngtobeanOupa.
 
Il
aughed.I
fonl
yheknewwehadn'
tev
enhad
sex.
Me:AfterIgetmydegr
eeandgetmar
ri
ed,
def
ini
telynotnow.
Dad:
Good,
Bandi
l
eisal
readyahandf
ul.
 
Kit
so:Yetj
ustyest
erday
,youwant
edust
otr
y
foranot
herbaby.
 
Dad:
Whyy
ouspi
l
li
ngourbedr
oom t
alks?
 
Il
aughedandgotup.
 
Me:
That
'smycue.
 
Iwentt
omyr
oom soIcant
akeashower
. 
Ikeptlooki
ngatmyphone,hopi
nghecall
s.Yes,
wedi dtal
koncei
nawhi l
e,onl
ywhenit
'shim
call
i
ngmeandwhenIt r
ytocallhi
m,hi
sphone
j
usttakesmet ovoi
cemail
. 
Imi
ssedhi
m somuch.
 
Ij
ustcoul
dn'
twai
tforNewy
ear
'sev
e. 
Tomor
rowi
sChr
ist
masandwej
ustgoi
ngt
ogo
t
ochurchandhav
esomel
unchasaf
ami
l
y
whenwecomeback.
 
Idr
iedandl
oti
onedwhenIwasdone.
 
Iwor
emypant
ybef
orel
ooki
ngf
orsomet
hingt
o
wear
. 
Iwor
eaGreyt
ightcr
optopwi
thnobra,and
bl
ackAnkl
egr
azersandmycreeper
. 
Ist
il
lhadmyweav ef
rom t
hedanceonsoIj
ust
putapinkgol
fcapontopofi
t 
Iwor
egol
dhoopear
ri
ngsandputal
i
pbal
m on
myli
pst
hent
ookmyphoneandbag.
 
Daddidn'
tmakemuchofabuzzaboutt he
phonebutjustt
hat,
Icouldhav
easkedhimto
buymeaphonei nsteadofmyboyf
ri
end. 
I
fonl
yheknewIdi
dn'
tev
enaskhi
mtoo.
 
WhenIwasonmywayout
,Ishout
edt
odad.
 
Me:
Dad,
I'
mleav
ing!
 
Ihadal
readyt
oldhi
m aboutgoi
ngt
o
Kagi
sano'
s.
 
Dad:
Okay
! 
heshout
edbackandIcl
osedt
hedoorand
wal
kedtohercr
ib.
 
Iwassur
pri
sedtofindabitofacrowdwhenI
wasappr
oachinganditseemedtheywer
e
havi
ngapart
y. 
Somet
hingKagi
sano,
def
ini
tel
ydi
dn'
tment
ion.
 
WhenIgotint
heyard,Ical
l
edherbecauseI
wasn'
taboutt
ogothroughthecr
owdt olook
f
orher.
 
Ijustdi
dn'
tknowhowtofeel
aboutthi
sparty
,I
thoughtwewerej
ustgoi
ngtohangout
,justt
hr
twoofus. 
"Hey
"
It
urnedt
olookathi
m. 
Me:
Umm.
.Hi
. 
Kamo:
Shet
oldmet
ocomef
etchy
oucause
she'
sbusywi
thsomet
hing.
 
WhatIdi
dn'tunder
standi
swhyshedidn'
t
menti
onthatovert
hephonebutinst
ead,
deci
dedt
osendhert winbr
other
. 
Me:
Oh.
. 
Kamo:
Yeah,
youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Me:
Thanks,
younott
oobady
our
sel
f.
 
Hechuckl
edandIj
ustsmi
l
ed.
 
Kamo:
Let
'sgety
out
omysi
ster
. 
Me:
Ofcour
se,
aft
ery
ou.
. 
Kamo:
Nah,
ladi
esf
ir
st.
 
Me:
Soy
oucanwat
chmyass?hel
lno.
 
Hel
aughedandIf
oll
owedhi
min.
 
What
'sgoi
ngt
ohappenher
e? 
.
.
[08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
61
Me:
Youshoul
dhav
etol
dmey
ouhav
ingapar
ty
t
hough.
 
Kagi
:Itwasn'
tmyi
dea.
.Ist
hisdr
essf
ineor
? 
Me:
Ithoughty
ou'
dbeDonebynow.
 
Wewer ei
nherr oom nowasshewasget t
ing
dressed.Shewasonherf our
thoutfi
tandwith
eachone, she'
df i
ndasinglef
aultandtake
everyt
hingoff.
 
Kagi
:Younothel
ping.
 
Idi
dn'
tseeanytr
oublewit
hwhatshewas
weari
ng,
justl
i
kewiththeprev
iousout
fi
ts.
 
Me:
It'
sfi
ne.
 
Kagi
:Younotevenpay
ingat
tent
ion,
youbusy
l
ooki
ngatyourphone.
 
Me:
I'
mjust
..Expect
ingacal
l
. 
Kagi
:I'
m notev
engoi
ngt
oask.
 
Shet
ookoutt
hedr
ess.
 
Me:
Hai
bo?
 
Kagi
:It
'sj
ustnotwor
kingout
. 
Kamo:
Youst
il
lnotdr
essed?
 
Hesai
d,get
ti
nginsi
det
hensatdownnextt
o
meonthebed. 
Kagi
:Bongaj
usti
sn'
thel
ping.
 
Me:
Don'
tbl
amemegi
rl
. 
Kamo: Shealwaysdoesthis.She'
dputmany
outf
it
sont hentakeem offbecauseshe'
d
apparent
lyfi
ndfaultwi
ththem.
Il
aughedbecausehewassay
ingexact
lywhatI
hadbeenthi
nking.
 
Kagi
:Don'
tev
ent
hinkofgangi
nguponme.
 
Il
ookedatKamogeloandwebot hbur
stoutint
o
l
aughter,
sheendedupjoi
ningusandthr
owing
Hersel
fonthebed.
 
Me:
Areweev
ergoi
ngt
ojoi
nthepar
ty?
 
Kagi
:May
beweshoul
djustst
ayi
nmyr
oom.
 
Kamo:
Yourboy
fri
endi
swai
ti
ngf
ory
ou
out
side.
 
Kagi
:What
? 
Shegotupandgotofft
hebed,
andst
art
ed
paci
ngaroundt
heroom. 
Me:
Youmaki
ngmyheadspi
n. 
Ist
oodupandwentthroughhercloset
,looki
ng
thr
oughf
orsomeclothesforher
. 
Kamo:
Thev
iew.
. 
It
urnedandgav
ehi
m mymi
ddl
efi
nger
,he
l
aughed.
 
Me:
Per
ver
t.
 
Kamo:
Youoncel
ovedt
hisPer
v. 
Kagi
:Umm,
backt
ome.
 
Ichuckledandthrewajeanather
,goodt
hing
shetalkedbecauseIdi
dn'tev
enknowhowt o
repl
ytowhatKamogel ohadsaid.
 
Ial
sothr
ewabody
sui
ttopatherandshef
inal
l
y
gotdr
essed.
Kamo:
Your
eal
l
ygoodatt
his.
 
Me:
Thanksl
ove.
 
Kamo:
Don'
tdot
hat
. 
Me:
What
? 
Kamo:
YouKnowwhatI
'
mtal
ki
ngabout
. 
Igi
ggl
ed, weall
gotoutandwentt
ojoi
nthe
par
ty,
finall
y.
 
MyphonerangjustasIwasonmysecondcan
ofal
cohol
,Iwasn'tpl
anni
ngonget
ti
ngdrunk,
j
ustti
psy.
 
Iwentawayfrom t
hecr
owdandanswer
edon
thesecondr
ing.
 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
Cal
l
er:
Baby
. 
Me:
Ohwow,
final
l
y. 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ryf
orgoi
ngal
lM IA
Me:
It'
l
ltakemor
ethanj
ustt
hatt
oear
nmy
f
orgi
veness.
 
Thando:
Iknowbaby
,wai
t.
..Youatapar
ty?
 
Me:
Umm,
yeah.
 
Thando:
Wher
e?I
sitev
ensaf
e? 
Me:
Iti
s,I
'
m atKagi
sano'
scr
ib.
 
Thando:
Yourexi
sal
sot
her
e? 
Me:
He'
sact
ual
l
ytheonewhot
hrewt
hepar
ty.
 
Hetookabreat
hef
orawhi
l
ebef
oref
inal
l
y
br
eathi
ngout.
 
Thando:
Itr
usty
oubaby
. 
Me:
That
'sgr
eat
. 
Thando:
It'
shi
m Idon'
ttr
ust
. 
Me:
Soy
ougonnagethi
m beatupagai
n? 
Thando:
Don'
tfuckwi
thmeKhensani
.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
I'
mjustaski
ng.
 
Thando:
Youdr
unkNeh.
 
Me:
I'
mjustt
ipsy
. 
Hesi
ghedl
oudl
y,Ij
ustgi
ggl
ed.
 
Thando:
Ithi
nkIshoul
dcutt
hist
ri
pshor
t.
 
Me:
Imi
ssy
out
oobaby
. 
Thando:
Ithi
nky
oushoul
dgohome.
 
Me:
Thepar
tyj
ustst
art
ed.
 
Thando:
I'
m notaski
ngf
ory
ouropi
nion.
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
younotbei
ngser
ious 
Thando:
Khensani
,Idon'
twannaf
ightwi
thy
ou.
 
Me:
AndI'm notaboutt
oal
l
owy
out
odi
ctat
e
myl
ifef
orme.  
Thando:
Idon'
twantanyhar
m happeni
ngt
o
you.
 
Me:
Icant
akecar
eofmy
sel
f.
 
Hesi
ghedandIj
ustfel
tli
kehangi
nguponhim
t
hengoi
ngtodri
nkandhav ef
un,l
i
kether
e'sno
t
omor
row.
 
Ev
ery
thi
ngel
sewi
l
ljusthav
etowai
t.
 
Thando:
Okay
,I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
,Il
ovey
ou.
 
Thando:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Ihungupandwentback,asmuchasIwant
ed
todri
nkmysel
ftobl
ackout,Icoul
dn'
t.
 
Ihadchur
cht omor
rowandbeingaworshi
pper
Inchur
ch,Icoul
dn'
tactr
epul
siveorr
ebel
li
ous.
 
Ist
ucktoEner
gydr
inksfr
om then.Kagi
sano
haddi
sappear
edwi
thLiaaneandIwantedtogo
homenow. 
Wehadhadf uny
eah,
andtookawhol
elotof
pi
ctur
esbutnowIwantedt
ogo.
 
Kamo:
Youokay
? 
Heasked,comingtositnextt
omei nthe
ki
tchen.Iwasbusytappi
ngmyf ootdown. 
Me:
Ijustwannagosl
eep.
 
Kamo:
Shoul
dIaccompanyy
ouhome?
 
Me:Please,
I'
vebeenwai
ti
ngf
ory
oursi
sterbut
she'
snotcoming.
 
Kamo:
Let
'sgot
hen.
 
Me:
Nof
unnybusi
nesst
hough.
 
Kamo:
Youshoul
dtr
ustme.
 
Me:Youdon'twantmetor
emindy
ouwhat
happenedt
helastti
meIdi
d. 
Kamo:
Fai
renough.
 
Ifol
lowedhimt ohiscarandheopenedt he
doorfor.Isomehowt houghtthi
swasj usta
wasteofpet rolsincemyhousewasn' tfarfr
om
hi
sbutagai n, Idon'tt
hinkIwouldhave
managedt ol ethim gobackallaloneaft
er
accompany ingmesoIdi dn'
tcompl ai
n. 
Kamo:
I'
mreal
l
ygl
ady
oucame.
 
Me:
Itwasn'
tfory
out
hough.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:Iknowbutitwasgoodseei
ngy
ouand
I
'm gl
adweabletotal
k,l
i
kethi
s. 
Me:
Met
oo,
thoughIwasoncesomadaty
ou.
 
Kamo:I
t'
smyfaul
twedi
dn'
twor
koutbutI
'
ll
al
waysl
ovey
ou.
Me:Myboyf
ri
endwoul
dprobabl
yhatemei
fhe
hear
sthi
sbutI
'
llal
way
sloveyoutoo.
 
Hechuckl
edandIsmi
l
ed.
 
Kamo:
Iwi
shIhadbeenhonestf
rom t
hest
art
. 
Me:
May
bewej
ustwer
en'
tmeantt
obe.
 
Kamo:Ihi
ghl
ydoubtt
hat
,Ist
il
lfeel
thespar
k
bet
weenus. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
May
bei
t'
stheal
cohol
speaki
ng.
 
Kamo:
I'
m sober
. 
Me:
Whyt
hough?
 
Kamo:
Icoul
dn'
tgetdr
unki
nyourpr
esence,
Ne
ki
l
osokodi
sa.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
I'
m gl
ady
ousobert
hen.
 
Kamo:
Youknow,
Iwi
shy
oudi
dn'
thav
etogo.
 
Me:
I'
m homenow.
 
Kamo:
I'
m gl
adImadesur
eyougoti
nsaf
ely
. 
Me:
Thanksagai
n. 
Kamo:
It'
smypl
easur
e. 
Igotoutandwenti nsidethey ard,hedr
oveof
f
asIopenedt hedoortogeti n..Itext
ed
LuthandothatI'
m home, sinceitswhathe
wantedandIwassur pri
sedt ohearmyphone
ri
nging,Ij
usttookachance.  
Me:
Hey
. 
Thando:Youdi
dn'
tdoany
thi
ngy
oumi
ght
regr
et? 
Me:
Nope.
 
Thando:
I'
m gl
ady
ousaf
e. 
Iwant
edt
osay"t
hankKamogel
o"butIdi
dn'
t
wantt
opi
sshi
m off
. 
Me:
Iwannasl
eepnowt
hough.
 
Thando:
Ofcour
sebaby
,goodni
ght
. 
Me:
Goodni
ght
. 
Thando:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
HehungupandIj ustt
ookmyshoesoffand
threwmy selfI
nbed,notevent
aki
ngoffthe
clothesIhadbeenwearingandIwasgl
adthe
ener gydr
inkdi
dn'
tdeprivemeofanysl
eep. 
"You'
remi
ne,
for
ever"
Thi
sti
me,
thef
acewasv
ivi
d. 
Me:
Thul
i
. 
Isai
djustasIr
oseup,
sit
ti
ngonmybed.Idi
dn'
t
under
standwhatGodwastr
yingt
otel
lmewit
h
thi
sdream.Whowasshetal
kingt
o? 
Ikneel
eddownandsatashor
tpr
ayer
. 
Me: Father
,inthenameofJesusChr i
st,I
beli
evey ouknowbestandr ightnow,I'
m aski
ng
foryout ogi
vemedi rect
ion.Onlyyouknow
whatt hi
sdream means,showmet heway ,t
ell
mewhatt odo,takecontrol
heavenlyFather
,in
Jesus'sname.Amen.  
Icl
i
mbedbackonmybedandsl ept,bel
iev
ing
wholehear
tedl
ythatGodi
sincontr
ol. 
Thefoll
owingday,
Iwokeupandimmediat
ely
tookabath.Ihadt
hesamedream ov
erand
overagai
n. 
Iwasjustwai
ti
ngf
orGodt
otel
lmewhati
t
means. 
Igotoutwhent hewaterwasgett
ingcol
d,dr
ied
thenlot
ioned.Iworemyunderwearandbra,
thenworeawhi tebodyhuggi
ngdresswit
hgold
heels.
 
Il
etmyweav
eloose,
wor
esomeear
ri
ngsand
tookmybagwi
thmyphoneandev
ery
thi
ng
else.
 
I
twasonl
ydadi
ntheki
tchen.
 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Dad:
Hey
,Idi
dn'
theary
oucomey
est
erday
. 
Me:
Youguy
swer
epr
obabl
ysl
eepi
ng.
 
Dad:
Howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m okay
,you?
 
Dad:
I'
m gr
eat
,asl
ongasy
ouar
efi
ne.
 
Me:
Ncooa.
 
Hechuckl
ed,Isatdownandpour
edmy
sel
f
somejui
ce.
 
Me:
IsKi
tsocomi
ngwi
th?
 
Dad:
Yeah,
she'
sst
il
lget
ti
ngdr
essed.
 
Me:
Youl
ookdashi
ngl
ove.
 
Hel
aughed.
 
Dad:
I'
m notLut
handomi
naKe.
 
Me:
Youknowy
oumynumberman.
 
Dad:
I'
m gl
ad.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Yizwa.
 
Helaughed,Imadesomesandwi chesforus
andweat e,
whiletal
kingandwaitingforKi
tso
whojustwasn'tgett
ingfi
nishedwithwhatever
shewasdoing. 
Me:
Yousur
eshe'
sjustget
ti
ngdr
essed?
 
Dad:
That
'swhatIt
hought
. 
"
I'
m her
e"
Wet
urnedt
olookatherandourj
awsdr
opped.
 
Ki
tso:
Youguy
sgoi
ngt
osaysomet
hing?
 
Shelookedbr eat
htaki
ngl
ybeauti
ful.Shewas
weari
ngabl ackandwhi t
ebodyhuggi ngdress,
andbecauseoft heweightshegainedInthe
ri
ghtplaces,shewassexy. 
Dad:
Wow.
 
Me:
Youl
ookamazi
ng.
 
Shesmi
l
ed.
 
Ki
tso:
Thanksbaby
. 
Dad:
I'
m speechl
ess.
 
Shegiggl
ed,
shewasreal
lybeaut
if
ul.I
under
stoodwhydadcoul
dn'
tevensay
anyt
hing.
 
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
62
There'snothi
ngthatsurpassesthegreat,
i
ndescr i
bableandamazingf eel
ingofbeingi
n
thepresenceofGod.TheBi blesaysinthe
presenceofGodt her
eisf ul
lnessofjoyandI
can'tagreemorewiththat. 
Justrest
inginhispr
esenceandall
owinghi
mto
takecontrol
,i
tmakesthingseasi
er,
hereal
l
yis
ourredeemer. 
Theservi
cetodaywasjustoutofthi
swor l
d.
Becauseit
'st
hecelebr
ati
onofthebirt
hof
Chri
st,maybeyouwouldhavethoughtthati
t
wouldal
lbeaboutwhenChr
istwasbornand
st
uffbutt
heservi
cewasver
yunique.
 
Themai
nmessagewasf
rom Mat
thew11:
28-
30.
 
Il
oveverse29mor ewhi
chsays"Takemyy oke
uponyou,andlear
nofme;forIam meekand
l
owlyinheart
:andyeshal
lfi
ndrestunt
oyour
soul
s."
Jesust
ell
sustogiv
eour sel
vesawaytohi
m
andwewillf
indr
est.Suchawonderf
ul
message.

Ki
tso:
I'
ver
eal
l
ymi
ssedt
his.
 
Me:
Itwasamazi
ngNeh.
 
Ki
tso:
Somuch, If
eel
li
keabur
denhasbeen
l
if
tedoffmyshoul
der
s. 
Me:
Speaki
ngoft
hat
,Iact
ual
l
yfeel
li
ght
er.
 
"
Khensani
"
Il
ookedbackandi
twasourpast
or.
 
Past
or:
MrsDl
ami
ni.
 
Hesai
d,greet
ingKitsoandt
heyshar
edahug.
Dadwasstil
lgreet
ingsomeofthemember
sof
t
hechurch.
 
Hecamet
omeandwehuggedt
oo.
 
Past
or:
Howar
eyou?
 
Hesai
d,l
ooki
ngatus.
 
Me:
I'
mfi
neMf
undi
si.
 
Il
ookedatKi
tso.
.
Ki
tso:
I'
m al
sogood,
all
byt
hegr
ace.
 
Hesmi
l
ed.
 
Past
or:I
'
m gl
ad,
canIbor
rowt
hisl
adyf
ora
whil
e?
Kit
so:Ofcour
seMor
uti
.Bonga,
you'
l
lfi
ndusi
n
thecar
. 
Inoddedandf
oll
owedt
hepast
or.
 
Past
or:
Howhav
eyoubeen?
 
Me:Wel
l,good,j
ustt
hatI
'
vebeenhav
inga
wei
rddr
eam.  
Past
or:
Oh?
 
Weenteredhi
soffi
ceandIsatdown,
opposi
te
hi
m ontheothersi
de.
 
Me: Yes,
Ijustdon'
tknowwhatitmeans
becauseitkeepscomingback.
 
Pastor
:Wel l
,ify
oust
il
lrememberitandi
fit
's
recur
ri
ng,itmeansGodistr
yingt
oshowy ou
something..
 
Me:
Ipr
ayedtoGodandaskedhi
mt oexpl
aini
t
t
omecauseIreal
l
ydon'
tunder
standi
t.
 
Past
or:
Tel
lmeaboutt
hisdr
eam.
 
Me: Twopeople,aboyAndagi rlt
alki
ng.I'
m
onlyabl
etorecognizethegirl
.They '
retal
king
aboutabloodcov enantandthent hegirl
suddenl
yturnsint
osomecr eaturewithburni
ng
eyes,agoatbeardandhor ns.I
t'sactual
ly
scar
y. 
Past
or:
Hmm.
. 
Hesai dandIjustl
ookedathim.He'sal
waysso
chil
led,you'
dtel
lhi
my oudy
ingbuthe'
d
probablyrepl
ybysay i
ng"There'
snobett
erj
oy
thandy i
ngintheLord"
Pastor:Acov enanti
slikeavow,i
tbi
ndspeopl
e
together.Remembert heBibl
esayst
hat
whatev erwebindinear t
hisal
soboundi
n
heaven. 
Inodded,Ist
il
ldi
dn'
tunder
standwhatt
he
dream meant.
 
Pastor
:Godisshowingyouwhati shidden,
whatwasdonei nsecr
et.Itwasalli
nfluenced
bythedevi
lbutnowwe, thechil
drenofLi ghtar
e
awareandit
'suptoustohel pthesechildrenof
God.RememberChr i
stdiedforall
,i
ncluding
thosei
nthedark.
Me:
Howdowedot
hat
? 
Past
or:Godwil
ltel
lyou,
justli
stent
ohi
m and
hewil
lguidey
ouandshowy outheway
. 
Isi
ghed,
sinki
ngbacki
nthechai
r.
 
Past
or:Worr
ynot.ReadNumbers30.Al
lshal
l
bewell
.Rememberthosewhoarewit
husare
many,comparedt
othoseagai
nstus.
 
Igotupandlef
t,mymi ndi
nt ur
moi l
.Heal
ways
speaksi
nparabl
esandr i
ddles,someti
mesI
j
ustfeel
sostupidbutIbel
ievedthatGodwil
l
showmet heway. 
Thedr i
vehomewassi lentormay beIjust
wasn'tpayi
nganyattenti
ontot heconversat
ion
thatt
ookplaceinthecar.Iwasj usti
nawor ld
ofmyownandt hi
nking,alot.
 
Ki
tso:
Youokay
? 
Inodded,mymindsti
llsofarawayandshejust
l
etmebeAndwegotof ft
hecar.
.Myfeetwere
exhaust
ed,Ihadbeenonheelsthewhol
eday .
It
ookof
fal
lmycl
othesandt
ookacol
dshower
j
ustt
oref
resh.
 
Idri
ed,l
oti
onedandworeashor tandashi
rt
withnobraAndmyfli
pflops.Iputmyphonein
thepockett
henwenttothelounge. 
Dad:
Ithoughty
ouwer
esl
eepi
ng.
.
Me:
I'
m hungr
y..YouKnowdad,
Idon'
t
r
ememberyouwi shi
ngmeamerryChr
ist
mas.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Didy
ouwi
shmeamer
ryChr
ist
mas?
 
Me:Romans12:
21Benotov
ercomeofev
il
,but
ov
ercomeevi
lwi
thgood.
Hel
aughedandsodi
dI.
 
Dad:
Tothi
nktherewasapoi
ntwher
eyou
want
ednot
hingtodowit
hGod. 
Me:
Iwasi
nthedar
kthen,
nowI
'
mint
hel
i
ght
. 
Dad:AndI
'm sohappyaboutt
hat
,gohel
pyour
motherwi
ththefood.
 
Inoddedandgotup,
wentt
otheki
tchen.We
setthet
ableup,
thendishedupbefor
edad
j
oinedus,wesai
dGr aceandstar
tedeat
ing.
 
MyphonerangjustasIwashal
fthr
oughsoI
excusedmysel
fandwenttoansweri
tout
side.
 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
"
MaDl
ami
ni"
Ihadn'tevenl
ookedatthecal
l
eri
dbutI
recognizedwhothatwas.
 
Me:
Hey
. 
Thando:
Howar
eyou?
 
Me:I'
m good,
justmi
ssi
ngy
ousosomuch,
you?
 
Thando:I
'
mf i
ne,I
'my
ear
ningf
ory
out
oo.Mer
ry
Chri
stmasbaby.
 
Me:
Thanks,y
ouactual
lyt
hef
ir
stonet
owi
sh
meamerryChri
stmas.
 
Hechuckl
edAndIl
aughed.Ial
way
scan'
thel
pit
nj
e. 
Thando:
Iwannaseey
oubabe.
Me:I'
m sti
lleati
ng,youknowmeandf
oodand
besi
des,Idon'tevenknowwher
eoneart
hyou
are.
 
Thando:
Whati
fIt
oldy
ouIwasj
ustbehi
nd
you? 
Me:
Thatwoul
dn'
tbeaf
unnyj
oke.
 
Thando:HowaboutIcanseeyourexposed
thi
ghsandyourassal
loutwit
hy ourbeaut
if
ul
toesi
nyourfl
ipfl
opsand-
Me:
No!
 
Thando:
Yes!
 
HespokebehindmeandIt ur
ned,
ranafew
st
epstohim andthrewmysel
fonhisar
ms.And
hecaughtme,justi
ntime.
 
Me:
Ican'
tbel
i
evey
ou'
reher
e 
Thando:
Ijustmi
ssedy
ousomuch,
Ihadt
o
comeback. 
Me:
Wher
edi
dyougo?
 
Thando:
Botswanababe,
Ishoul
dtakey
ouwi
th
nextt
ime. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Idon'
tev
enhav
eapasspor
t.
 
Thando:You'
l
lgetoneandi
fitt
akesl
ong,
we'
l
l
organi
zeafakeone.
 
Ibr
okethehugAndlookedathi
m andhe
l
aughed,Iendedupj
oini
nghi
m. 
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nkIwoul
dhav
esur
viv
edanot
her
. 
Thando:
Buty
oudon'
twantmepay
ingl
obol
a. 
Me:
Notanyt
imesoon.
 
Thando:Ij
ustlov
eyousomuchandy
ou'
l
lbe
worththewait
. 
"Nonowhowas.
..Oh,
hel
l
o"
Thatwasdad,comingoutsi
de,probabl
y
becauseIhadtakensolongoutsi
deandI
wasn'tev
endoneeating.
 
Thando:
BabDl
ami
ni.
 
Dad:Whydi
dn'
tyoui
nvi
tehi
min?Wher
e'sy
our
manner
s? 
Ichuckl
ed,
shaki
ngmyhead.
.
Me:
He'
smyboy
fri
endbaba.
.
Dad:
So?
 
Lut
handochuckled,
theywenti
nsidewit
hdad
andIj
ustr
emai nedoutsi
de,
get
tingfr
eshai
r.
 
Iwasn'
tev
enhungr
yany
mor
e. 
It
'swhenI'
m al
onethatIt
houghtmuchabout
ever
ythi
ngandall
thepastorhadt
oldme. 
"Trusti
ntheLor
dwithallt
hinehear
tandl
ean
notonyourownunderst
anding"
IswhatIhear
dwi
ththeearsofmyhear tandI
j
ustrel
axedandt
oldmy sel
fthatIwasonl y
goingt
oactwhenGodsay sIshould.Idon't
evenknowwhatI
'm supposedtodo.
Thando:
Yourdadagr
eedt
hatImi
ghtt
akey
ou.
 
Me:
Iwonderwhaty
ouf
eedi
nghi
m. 
Thando:
I'
m aChr
ist
ianbabe.
 
Il
aughedandIcouldseehewasactual
ly
ser
ious.Hi
sli
fest
ylesai
dcomplet
elyt
he
opposit
ebutwhowasIt oj
udge? 
Me:
Wher
eyout
aki
ngme?
 
Isai
d,j
ustashest
art
edt
hecar
. 
Thando:
Wegoi
nghome.
 
Me:
Yourhouse?
 
Thando:
Imeanmyf
ather
'shouse.
 
IswearIt
houghtIwashal
luci
nati
ngorhear
ing
thi
ngs.Hedi
dn'tj
ustsayt
hatri
ghtordi
dhe? 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Yes,
it'
snott
hatf
ar.
 
Me:Luthandol
wakhe,
 
I'
m wear
ingshor
tswi
th
f
lops.
 
Thando:
Wowbabe,
youj
usthadt
ocal
lmyf
ull
name.
 
Me:
That
'snott
hepoi
nt.
 
Thando:
Youper
fectl
ove.
 
Me:
Yousai
dhe'
sapast
or.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
askmom t
obor
rowy
ousomet
hing.
 
Me:
Wow.
 
Isai
d,l
ooki
ngupandcl
appi
ngonce.
 
Thando:
What
'swr
ong?
 
Me:Youdr
oppedt
hisbombonme, notev
en
bot
heri
ngt
oletmeknowaboutt
his.
Thando:Butmylove,
I'
vemety ourfami
l
yand
theyknowme, ev
enyourbi
ological
mother
.I
thoughtyou'
dbehappytof
inall
ymeetmy
famil
y. 
Me:
Idi
dn'
tthi
nkI
'
dmeett
hem l
i
ket
his.
 
Thando:Woul
dyouhav
eagr
eedhadIt
oldy
ou
fr
om thest
art
? 
Il
ookedawayandsi
ghed.
 
Thando:
Exact
ly,
don'
twor
ry.They
'l
ll
ovey
ou.
 
IwishIcoul
dbel
i
evet
hat
,Iwi
shi
twast
hat
easy.
 
OfallthepeopleIhavedated,
Ihav
enev ermet
thei
rfamily
,li
keintr
oducti
onsandstuf
fsoIjust
prayedthatal
lgoeswell.
Ofcoursether
ewasthatf
ear
,thatv
oicebusy
whisper
inginmyear
,"Whati
ftheydon'
tli
ke
you?"
Isankbackonmyseatandl
ett
het
hought
srun
aroundi
nmymi nd.
 
Icouldn'
trel
ax,
itwasn'
taseasyashesai
ditt
o
be. 
I
fonl
yheknewhowIwasf
eel
i
ngr
ightnow.
 
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
63
Iwassurpr
isedt
oseethecartur
ningt
ohis
houseandmyheartbeatdr
oppedabit
.Idi
dn'
t
evenaskhi
m whywewerechangi
ngrout
es,
I
j
ustwasn'
treadyt
omeethi
sfamil
yyet.
 
Hestoppedj
ustnextt
othefrontdoor
,gotout
andcametoopenmydoor .
 
Me:
Changeofpl
ans?
 
Iaskedasweent er
edthehouse,Icoul
dn'
tkeep
i
tinanymore.IknowIsaidIwasn'tgoi
ngtoask
butIhadto.
 
Thando:
Iboughty
ouchangi
ngcl
othes.
 
Me:
Oh.
 
WasallImanagedt
osay
,Iguesst
her
ewasno
escapi
ngthi
s. 
Thando:
Ther
e'sonemor
ethi
ng.
 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Yourmot
heri
sal
sogoi
ngt
obet
her
e. 
Me:
Youki
ddi
ngr
ight
? 
Thando:Nobaby.Youknowshe'smarri
edt
o
myuncle,Ij
usthopeshedoesn'
tcause
unnecessar
ydr
ama.
 
Idi
dn'treply.Icouldn'tdef
endmymot her
becauseIdon' tevenknowt heki
ndofper son
sheis.Ijustlookedf orwar
dt oseei
nglit
tl
e
Thandi.Iactuall
ymi ssedherabi t
,eventhoughI
onlysawheronce.  
Hegavemeashoppi ngbag,probabl
ywi
thmy
cl
othesandIpeepedthr
ough. 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
t!
Helaughed,
kissi
ngmycheek.I
twasadressI
hadbeeneyeingl
astt
imewewentshopping.
 
Thando:
Idi
d. 
Iputthebagdownandgav
ehim at
ighthug,
whichendedwhenhi
shandswentt
omybut t.
 
Hechuckl
ed.Andki
ssedmeont
hecheek.
 
Me:
Iwannagetdr
essed.
 
Thando:
So?
 
Me:
Ineedspace.
 
Thando:Hai
kentombi
,you'
ll
hav
et ofi
ndspace
somewherebecauset
hisIsmyroom and
ngi
zohlal
aLa. 
Irolledmyeyesandhegavemeaseriouslook.
He'llbestr
ongshame.Hesatdownonthebed,
foldedhisarmsthenl
ookedatme,moreli
ke
wat chedme. 
Me:
Umm,
I'
m notwear
ingabr
a. 
Thando:Inot
iced.Imeanyourni
ppl
esal
lout
ther
e,onewouldswearyouhorny.
 
Me:
What
? 
Hechuckl
edandIj
ustf
oldedmyar
msand
l
ookedathi
m. 
Thando:Youper
fectwi
thnobr
aon.Gi
vesme
easyaccess.
 
Ii
nwar
dlyr
oll
edmyeyesandconti
nuedwit
hthe
st
ri
ppi
ngsoIcanweart
hedresshebought
. 
I
twasn'
tfancyorformalbutIl
ovedi
t.I
twas
mar
oonincolour,
tightwi
thanopenbackanda
l
i
ttl
esl
i
tont
heback.
 
Ifel
thisbr
eathonmyneckandhi shands
cuppingmybreasts,
Ibi
tmyli
p.Hest ar
ted
ki
ssingmeont heneckandIt
urnedabittogi
ve
hi
m mor eaccess.
 
Me:
Thando.
. 
Iwhisper
edandhedi
dn'
tdar
est
op.Ihadn'
t
dressedyet
. 
Hi
sfi
ngerst
rai
l
edpat
ter
nsonmystomach,
he
wasbehi
ndme,wi
thhi
sdickonmyass.
 
Hetur
nedmeandpressedhi
sli
psonmi
neand
wesharedaki
ss,
deepeni
ngi
tbythemi
nut
e. 
Ihadmissedhi
m andsomehow,
thi
swasj
ust
whatIhadbeeninneedof
.
Hishandswentinsidemypantiesandcupped
mybut t
,maki
ngmemoani nhi
smout handthat
creptasmi
rkonhi sface,
sati
sfiedwi
thhowmy
bodywasreact
ingt ohist
ouch. 
Thando:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Hesaid,
aft
erbr
eaki
ngtheki
sswhi
l
ebreathi
ng
heav
il
yasIwasalsocat
chi
ngmybreat
h. 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Thando:
Mar
ryme.
 
Me:
Hai
bo.
 
Thando:
Iwanty
out
obemi
ne,
for
ever
. 
Me:
I'
m st
il
lyoung,
whatdoIknowabout
mar
ri
age?
 
Icouldseeiti
nhi seyest hathewasseri
ousbut
Ij
ustwasn'tready.May bewhenIhav emy
degreeandI'm worki
ng, Icanfinal
l
ythi
nkabout
marriagebutjustnotnow.  
Isti
ll
havealotoft
hingsIwanttoachi
eve,
dreamsIwanttopercei
vebefor
eIcaneven
thi
nkoftaki
ngsuchadr ast
icst
ep.
 
Heki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
 
Thando:Youmyfut
ure,
themotherofmyki
ds
butI
'm get
ti
ngol
dbaby,Ineedst
abil
i
ty.
 
Me:
I'
ll
alwaysbeher
e,f
oryouandwe'
l
lget
mar
ri
ed,whenthet
imeisr
ight
. 
Thando:
Ibel
i
evey
ou.
HespankedmyassandIj
umpal
i
ttl
e. 
Thando:
Getdr
essed,
I'
m goi
ngf
orasmoke.
Me:
Yousmoke?
 
Thando:
Notr
eal
l
y. 
Hespankedmyassagai nbef or
eleav i
ngAndI
gotdressed,
itwasperfect.Itookaf ewmi r
ror
sel
fi
esandwor emyfl
ipfl
opssi nceitwasn'ta
for
mal thi
ng,besi
desIdidn'thaveanyot her
shoes. 
WhenIwascontent
,Iwentoutwithmyphone
andf
oundhi
mi nthekit
chen,dr
inki
ngbeer
. 
Me:
I'
m done.
 
Thando:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ulmyl
ove.
Ibl
ushed.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Thando:
Your
eady
? 
Me:
Mor
eli
kener
vous.
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Let
'sgo.
Het
ookmyhandt henwel ef
t,wi
thhimlocki
ng
t
hedoorbehindusthenheopenedthedoorfor
meandIgotin.Hewenttohissi
de,andstar
ted
t
hecar
.Itri
edbyallmeanstorel
axandbesides,
mymotherwasalsother
e. 
Tothi
nkIhadtol
dherIcan'
tspendChr
ist
mas
wi
thherthent
hishappens.
 
Ij
usthopedthi
ngsgoappr
opr
iat
elyand
absol
utel
ynodrama.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
bewit
hyoual
lthewayandifany
one
andImeanany
onemist
reatsy
ou,we'
ll
leave
neh.
 
Inoddedwhi
l
ebi
ti
ngmynai
l
s. 
Wehadar
ri
ved,
Icoul
dseel
i
ttl
eki
dspl
ayi
ng
outsi
dewit
ht hemusicpumpingonthelow.
Gospelmusicnogalbuti
t'
sunderst
andabl
e
becausehi
sfatherI
sapastor. 
Hecamet oopenmydoorandlooki
ngatt
he
cr
owd,Isuddenl
ydi
dn'
tfeel
li
kegoingout
. 
Thando:
BabyHl
e.
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nkIcandot
his 
Thando:
Youcan'
tbai
loutonmenow.
 
Me:
Ther
e'r
esomanypeopl
eher
e.
Thando:St
opbeingababy,
let
'sj
ustgo.My
famil
yhaslongbeenwai
ti
ngforyou.
 
Isighedandgotout,t
henHecl osedthedoor.
Therewer eafewcarsoutsideAndthey
seemedl i
keabigfamily.Tothi
nkIhadnev er
metev enmyf at
her
'ssideoftheFamily
,itwas
alwaysjusthi
m AndI. 
Thandorantomej ustasweapproachedwher
e
theywer
e.Shewasv er
yfondofmeandwehad
suchanindescr
ibabl
econnecti
on.
 
Ipi
ckedherupAndpul
l
edhercheek,
she
gi
ggled.
 
Me:
Yougood?
 
Thandi
:Yes,
missedy
ou.
 
Thando:
Whataboutme?
 
Me:
Jeal
ousydoesn'
tsui
tyoubabe.
 
Hechuckl
ed,
shakinghi
shead.Iputherdown
andwewentinsi
de. 
Thewomenwer edi
shi
ngupandmymot her
wasoneoft hem,shewassur
pri
sedtoseeme.
Thingsarejustsoawkwardbet
weenus,wecan
evenhardlymaintai
naconver
sati
on.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Nokubonga,
Unj
ani
? 
Me:
Wel
l
,I'
m goodandy
ou?
 
Khol
i
swa:I
'
m good,
Idi
dn'
tknowy
ouwer
e
comi
ng.
Thando:She'
sher
ewi
thme,
somet
hingy
ou
di
dn'tnot
ice.
 
Hetookmyhandi
ntohi
sAndl
ockedt
hem
t
ogether
. 
Woman:Andy ouj
ustgoingtoi
gnor
eyour
motherl
i
kethatbecauseyoubr
oughtagi
rl
home? 
Shesai d,wi
pingherhandswithaclot
hbefore
comi ngtous,shehuggedmef ir
stbefor
e
huggingLuthandowhosheki ssedall
overthe
face.Ijustl
aughed,Idi
dn'
tthi
nkofhim asa
mama' sboy .He'
salwayssotoughwithme. 
Thando:Youreal
l
yneedtoStopwitht
hisma,
especi
all
ynotinf
rontofmygir
lf
ri
end.
 
T'
smom:
Shel
ookssoy
oungt
hough.
 
Khol
i
swa:
She'
s19.
Herj
awdr
opped.
 
T'
smom:
Hai
bo,
Thando?
 
Thando:
Pleasedon'
tmakeaf
ussabouti
t.
 
T'
smom:
Yout
eny
ear
sol
dert
hanher
. 
Didshejustsaythat
?IswearIdi
dn'thearher
proper
ly,
IlookedatThandowhojustlooked
down. 
T'
smom:
Youdi
dn'
tknow?
 
Me:
Umm I
..Idi
d. 
Ihadtoli
e,Il
ovehi
m andI'l
lj
usthavetoask
aboutt
hiswhenwel eav
ehereoratleastwhen
wealoneanddefi
nit
elynoti
nacr owd.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Andy
oucool
wit
hdat
ingagr
andpa?
 
Thandoshotheradeathst
are,
Iwant
edt
he
ear
thtojustopenupandswall
owmeatt
hat
moment. 
All
thesewomenwer elookingatme,expect
ing
met osaysomethingandIj ustwant
edtocry.
Hesaidhe's23,
Twot hreebutnow,I
'm hear
ing
somethingcompletel
ydi f
ferent
. 
I'
m sti
l
linshockandIjusthav
etopret
endl
ike
all
iswell.NowIgetwhathemeantwhenhe
saidhe'
sget t
ingol
d,i
t'
sbecauseVel
ehe'
sold.
 
Me:
Mot
herpl
ease.
 
T'
smom :
Mot
her
? 
Khol
i
swa:
She'
smydaught
er.
 
Ot
herwoman:
Yourwhat
? 
Dr
ama,drama,dr
ama.Ishoul
dhav
eknownt
his
woul
dhappen.
 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
HewhisperedinmyearandIjusti
gnoredhi
m.I
wasn'
tgoingtoent
ert
ainhim now,notaf
ter
whathedid,l
yi
ngtomel i
kethat.
 
"
Son,
you'
reher
e."
Iassumedthatwashi
sfat
her
.Itwasatal
l,dar
k
manbuthewashandsomeAndl ookedso
muchlikehi
m. 
Hisvoi
cewasfi
l
ledwit
hsomuchaut
hor
it
yand
youcoul
dheart
hatt
hiswasat
ruemanofGod.
 
Hehadmanagedtochanget
hesubj
ectbut
f
rom whatIsaw,
thi
swasgoi
ngtoresume.
 
Theyshar
edamainl
yhugbef
orehel
ookedat
meandsmi l
ed.
 
Hi
m:Hel
l
other
e.
Me:
Hi 
Hi
m:Shel
ookssoshy
 
Hesai
d,l
ooki
ngatThandowhoj
ustsmi
l
ed.
 
Hi
m:Andsoy
oung 
T'
smom:
She'
s19.
Hi
m:Notbad.
 
Thandowakhonaj
ustgr
inned.Seemsl
i
ke
daddywasonhissi
de.
 
Kholi
swa:Youknow, hadIraisedyou,
noneof
thi
swouldbehappeni ng.Idon'tev
enknowhow
Andil
econdonesyouDat ingamanwho' sonl
y
tenyear
syoungerthanhi m. 
Thando:Youreal
l
ygonnabor
emenow
Kholi
swa,j
ustshutup.
 
T'
sdad:
Sonpl
ease,
cool
itdownabi
t 
Thando:
Shej
ustr
ubsmeof
fthewr
ongway
. 
T'
smom: Youtwomustbehungryandwedidn'
t
ev
enbotherof
fer
ingyouadri
nk,
thepoorgi
rl
mustbeti
redf
rom al
lthi
sst
andi
ng. 
Thando:
Ithi
nkweshoul
dleav
e. 
Khol
i
swa:
Mydaught
eri
snotgoi
ngany
wher
e..
 
Thando:Thesamedaught
ery
ouabandonedf
or
16years.
 
Thatsomehowhi thome, al
lthememor ies
fl
oodedback.AllthatIwentthroughbecauseof
mymot her'
sabsence, t
hehurt,thepai
n,the
cursesandthecri
tici
sm. 
Ij
ustranoutandhefol
l
owedme.Thet
ear
s
keptonfal
l
ing,i
thur
tsomuch.
 
If
elthi
shandsembracemeandhetur
nedme
soIcoul
dfacehi
m andIj
ustcr
iedi
nhisar
ms.
 
It
hinkit
'shi
smotherwhobr
oughtmeagl
ass
ofwaterandIdr
ank.
 
Hekeptr
epeat
ing"sor
ry"whi
l
ebr
ushi
ngmy
back.
 
Me:
Ithur
ts.
 
Imanagedt
osaywi
thahuskyv
oice.
 
Thando:
Iknowbaby
,I'
m sor
ry.
 
WhenIhadfinall
ycalmeddown,wewentt
ohis
carandIj
ustsleptatthebackf
orabi
twhi
le
wait
ingf
orhim. 
Someoneknockedont
hewi
ndowt
henIopened,
i
twashismother.
 
T'
smom:
I'
m Ler
atobyt
heway
. 
Me:
I'
m Khe-
Ler
ato:
Khensani
,Iknow.
 
Inodded,shesatdownbesi
demeandcl
osed
thecardoor.Iwasint
hebackseat
. 
Lerat
o:I'
m sorr
yforwhathappenedbackt
her
e.
Mysoni sstubbor
nandKholiswaisj
usta
handful
.
Me:
Itsokayma,
it'
snoty
ourf
aul
t.
Ler
ato:
Youknowmysonwasv eryhappywhen
hecamewi t
hyou,Icoul
dseeitinhiseyesand
weshouldn'
thav
edoneal l
that
. 
Me:
I'
vebeent
reat
edwaymor
ewor
se.
 
Lerato:
Iapol
ogi
zeandIreall
ywishwecanhav
e
anotherti
metomeetandrightal
lthese
wrongs. 
Me:
It'
sokay
. 
Lerato:Youseem l
i
kesomeonewho'
sbeen
throughalotandI'
m sor
ryy
ouhadtorel
i
veal
l
that.
 
Me:
It'
sjust
..I
twasn'
teasy
. 
Lerat
o: AndI'
m sorryforseemi
ngl
ikeIdon'
t
accepty ourr
elat
ionshipwit
hmyson,Ireal
l
y
shouldn'thav
e. 
Me:
Mar
eal
l
y,i
t'
sokay
. 
Ler
ato:
I'
m sor
ryy
ouguy
sar
eleav
ingt
hisway
,I
pr
omi
set
hingswi
l
lbemuchbet
ternextt
ime.
 
Inodded.
 
Ler
ato:Pl
easecomeagai
ninNewYear
,
Khol
iswawon'tbet
her
e. 
Ichuckled,
Ican'
tbeli
eveshe'
smymot her.I
actual
lywonderhowshewaswi thdad,Ishoul
d
askhim andmay bethen,
I'
dunderst
andwher e
she'scomingfr
om.  
Me:
Ifonl
ymydadper
mit
s. 
Ler
ato:
That
'sf
airenough.
 
Thandocameandshegotoutandtheyhugged.
Shewav edmegoodby
ebeforehef
inal
lystar
ted
thecarandIsl
epty
etagai
n. 
Idi
dn' tevensaygoodbyetoThandi
.Hewoke
meupwhenwewer ebackathi
shouseAndi
t'
s
actuallyt
henthatIsawtheplat
eshehadcome
wit
h, probabl
ywithourfoodbutIwasn'
t
hungry .
 
I
nst
ead,
Iwentt
ohi
sbedt
hensl
eptf
orawhi
l
e. 
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
63
Iwassurpri
sedtoseethecarturningt ohis
houseandmyhear tbeatdr
oppedabi t.Idi
dn't
evenaskhim whywewer echangingr outes,I
j
ustwasn'tr
eadytomeethisfami l
yy et. 
Hestoppedj
ustnextt
othefrontdoor
,gotout
andcametoopenmydoor .
 
Me:
Changeofpl
ans?
 
Iaskedasweent er
edthehouse,Icoul
dn'
tkeep
i
tinanymore.IknowIsaidIwasn'tgoi
ngtoask
butIhadto.
 
Thando:
Iboughty
ouchangi
ngcl
othes.
 
Me:
Oh.
 
WasallImanagedt
osay
,Iguesst
her
ewasno
escapi
ngthi
s. 
Thando:
Ther
e'sonemor
ethi
ng.
 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Yourmot
heri
sal
sogoi
ngt
obet
her
e. 
Me:
Youki
ddi
ngr
ight
? 
Thando:Nobaby.Youknowshe'smarri
edt
o
myuncle,Ij
usthopeshedoesn'
tcause
unnecessar
ydrama. 
Idi
dn'treply.Icouldn'tdef
endmymot her
becauseIdon' tevenknowt heki
ndofper son
sheis.Ijustlookedf orwar
dt oseei
nglit
tl
e
Thandi.Iactuall
ymi ssedherabi t
,eventhoughI
onlysawheronce.  
Hegavemeashoppi ngbag,probabl
ywi
thmy
cl
othesandIpeepedthr
ough. 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
t!
Helaughed,
kissi
ngmycheek.I
twasadressI
hadbeeneyeingl
astt
imewewentshopping.
 
Thando:
Idi
d. 
Iputthebagdownandgav
ehim at
ighthug,
whichendedwhenhi
shandswentt
omybut t.
 
Hechuckl
ed.Andki
ssedmeont
hecheek.
 
Me:
Iwannagetdr
essed.
 
Thando:
So?
 
Me:
Ineedspace.
 
Thando:Hai
kentombi
,you'
ll
hav
et ofi
ndspace
somewherebecauset
hisIsmyroom and
ngi
zohlal
aLa. 
Irolledmyeyesandhegavemeaseriouslook.
He'llbestr
ongshame.Hesatdownonthebed,
foldedhisarmsthenl
ookedatme,moreli
ke
wat chedme. 
Me:
Umm,
I'
m notwear
ingabr
a. 
Thando:Inot
iced.Imeanyourni
ppl
esal
lout
ther
e,onewouldswearyouhorny.
 
Me:
What
? 
Hechuckl
edandIj
ustf
oldedmyar
msand
l
ookedathi
m. 
Thando:Youper
fectwi
thnobr
aon.Gi
vesme
easyaccess.
 
Ii
nwar
dlyr
oll
edmyeyesandconti
nuedwit
hthe
st
ri
ppi
ngsoIcanweart
hedresshebought
. 
I
twasn'tf
ancyorformalbutIl
ovedi
t.I
twas
maroonincol
our,
tightwi
thanopenbackanda
l
it
tl
esli
tontheback. 
Ifel
thisbr
eathonmyneckandhi shands
cuppingmybreasts,
Ibi
tmyli
p.Hest ar
ted
ki
ssingmeont heneckandIt
urnedabittogi
ve
hi
m mor eaccess.
 
Me:
Thando.
. 
Iwhisper
edandhedi
dn'
tdar
est
op.Ihadn'
t
dressedyet
. 
Hi
sfi
ngerst
rai
l
edpat
ter
nsonmystomach,
he
wasbehi
ndme,wi
thhi
sdickonmyass.
 
Hetur
nedmeandpressedhi
sli
psonmi
neand
wesharedaki
ss,
deepeni
ngi
tbythemi
nut
e. 
Ihadmissedhi
m andsomehow,
thi
swasj
ust
whatIhadbeeninneedof
.
Hi
shandswenti
nsi
demypant
iesandcupped
mybut t
,maki
ngmemoani nhi
smouthandt
hat
creptasmi
rkonhisface,
sati
sfi
edwi
thhowmy
bodywasreact
ingtohist
ouch. 
Thando:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Hesaid,
aft
erbr
eaki
ngtheki
sswhi
l
ebreathi
ng
heav
il
yasIwasalsocat
chi
ngmybreat
h. 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Thando:
Mar
ryme.
 
Me:
Hai
bo.
 
Thando:
Iwanty
out
obemi
ne,
for
ever
. 
Me:
I'
m st
il
lyoung,
whatdoIknowabout
mar
ri
age?
 
Icouldseeiti
nhi seyest hathewasseri
ousbut
Ij
ustwasn'tready.May bewhenIhav emy
degreeandI'm worki
ng, Icanfinal
l
ythi
nkabout
marriagebutjustnotnow.  
Isti
ll
havealotoft
hingsIwanttoachi
eve,
dreamsIwanttopercei
vebefor
eIcaneven
t
hinkoft
aki
ngsuchadr
ast
icst
ep.
 
Heki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
 
Thando:Youmyfut
ure,
themotherofmyki
ds
butI
'm get
ti
ngol
dbaby,Ineedst
abil
i
ty.
 
Me:
I'
ll
alwaysbeher
e,f
oryouandwe'
l
lget
mar
ri
ed,whenthet
imeisr
ight
. 
Thando:
Ibel
i
evey
ou.
HespankedmyassandIj
umpal
i
ttl
e. 
Thando:
Getdr
essed,
I'
m goi
ngf
orasmoke.
Me:
Yousmoke?
 
Thando:
Notr
eal
l
y. 
Hespankedmyassagai nbef or
eleav i
ngAndI
gotdressed,
itwasperfect.Itookaf ewmi r
ror
sel
fi
esandwor emyfl
ipfl
opssi nceitwasn'ta
for
mal thi
ng,besi
desIdidn'thaveanyot her
shoes. 
WhenIwascontent
,Iwentoutwithmyphone
andf
oundhi
mi nthekit
chen,dr
inki
ngbeer
. 
Me:
I'
m done.
 
Thando:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ulmyl
ove.
Ibl
ushed.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Thando:
Your
eady
? 
Me:
Mor
eli
kener
vous.
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Let
'sgo.
Het
ookmyhandt henwel ef
t,wi
thhimlocki
ng
t
hedoorbehindusthenheopenedthedoorfor
meandIgotin.Hewenttohissi
de,andstar
ted
t
hecar
.Itri
edbyallmeanstorel
axandbesides,
mymotherwasalsother
e. 
Tothi
nkIhadtol
dherIcan'
tspendChr
ist
mas
wi
thherthent
hishappens.
 
Ij
usthopedthi
ngsgoappr
opr
iat
elyand
absol
utel
ynodrama.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
bewi
thy
oual
lthewayandi
fany
one
andImeanany
onemi
str
eat
syou,
we'
l
lleav
e
neh.
 
Inoddedwhi
l
ebi
ti
ngmynai
l
s. 
Wehadar r
ived,Icouldseeli
tt
leki
dsplayi
ng
outsi
dewit
ht hemusi cpumpingonthelow.
Gospelmusicnogal buti
t'
sunderst
andabl
e
becausehi
sf at
herIsapastor. 
Hecamet oopenmydoorandlooki
ngatt
he
cr
owd,Isuddenl
ydi
dn'
tfeel
li
kegoingout
. 
Thando:
BabyHl
e.
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nkIcandot
his 
Thando:
Youcan'
tbai
loutonmenow.
 
Me:
Ther
e'r
esomanypeopl
eher
e.
Thando:St
opbeingababy,
let
'sj
ustgo.My
famil
yhaslongbeenwai
ti
ngforyou.
 
Isi
ghedandgotout,
thenHeclosedthedoor
.
Therewer
eafewcarsoutsideAndthey
seemedli
keabigfamil
y.Tothi
nkIhadnever
metevenmyf at
her
'ssi
deoft
heFami
l
y,i
twas
al
waysjusthi
m AndI.
 
Thandorantomej ustasweapproachedwher
e
theywer
e.Shewasv er
yfondofmeandwehad
suchanindescr
ibabl
econnecti
on.
 
Ipi
ckedherupAndpul
l
edhercheek,
she
gi
ggled.
 
Me:
Yougood?
 
Thandi
:Yes,
missedy
ou.
 
Thando:
Whataboutme?
 
Me:
Jeal
ousydoesn'
tsui
tyoubabe.
 
Hechuckl
ed,
shakinghi
shead.Iputherdown
andwewentinsi
de. 
Thewomenwer edi
shi
ngupandmymot her
wasoneoft hem,shewassur
pri
sedtoseeme.
Thingsarejustsoawkwardbet
weenus,wecan
evenhardlymaintai
naconver
sati
on.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Nokubonga,
Unj
ani
? 
Me:
Wel
l
,I'
m goodandy
ou?
 
Khol
i
swa:I
'
m good,
Idi
dn'
tknowy
ouwer
e
comi
ng.
Thando:She'
sher
ewi
thme,
somet
hingy
ou
di
dn'tnot
ice.
 
Hetookmyhandi
ntohi
sAndl
ockedt
hem
t
ogether
. 
Woman:Andy ouj
ustgoingtoi
gnor
eyour
motherl
i
kethatbecauseyoubr
oughtagi
rl
home? 
Shesai d,wi
pingherhandswithaclot
hbefore
comi ngtous,shehuggedmef ir
stbefor
e
huggingLuthandowhosheki ssedall
overthe
face.Ijustl
aughed,Idi
dn'
tthi
nkofhim asa
mama' sboy .He'
salwayssotoughwithme. 
Thando:Youreal
l
yneedtoStopwitht
hisma,
especi
all
ynotinf
rontofmygir
lf
ri
end.
 
T'
smom:
Shel
ookssoy
oungt
hough.
 
Khol
i
swa:
She'
s19.
Herj
awdr
opped.
 
T'
smom:
Hai
bo,
Thando?
 
Thando:
Pleasedon'
tmakeaf
ussabouti
t.
 
T'
smom:
Yout
eny
ear
sol
dert
hanher
. 
Didshejustsaythat
?IswearIdi
dn'thearher
proper
ly,
IlookedatThandowhojustlooked
down. 
T'
smom:
Youdi
dn'
tknow?
 
Me:
Umm I
..Idi
d. 
Ihadtoli
e,Il
ovehi
m andI'l
lj
usthavetoask
aboutt
hiswhenwel eav
ehereoratleastwhen
wealoneanddefi
nit
elynoti
nacr owd.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Andy
oucool
wit
hdat
ingagr
andpa?
 
Thandoshotheradeathst
are,
Iwant
edt
he
ear
thtojustopenupandswall
owmeatt
hat
moment. 
Al
lthesewomenwer el
ooki
ngatme,expect
ing
met osaysomet
hingandIj
ustwant
edtocry.
Hesai
dhe's23,
Twot hreebutnow,
I'
m hear
ing
somet
hingcomplet
elydif
fer
ent.
 
I'
m sti
l
linshockandIjusthav
etopret
endl
ike
all
iswell.NowIgetwhathemeantwhenhe
saidhe'
sget t
ingol
d,i
t'
sbecauseVel
ehe'
sold.
 
Me:
Mot
herpl
ease.
 
T'
smom :
Mot
her
? 
Khol
i
swa:
She'
smydaught
er.
 
Ot
herwoman:
Yourwhat
? 
Dr
ama,drama,dr
ama.Ishoul
dhav
eknownt
his
woul
dhappen.
 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
HewhisperedinmyearandIjusti
gnoredhi
m.I
wasn'
tgoingtoent
ert
ainhim now,notaf
ter
whathedid,l
yi
ngtomel i
kethat.
 
"
Son,
you'
reher
e."
Iassumedt
hatwashi
sfat
her
.Itwasatal
l,dar
k
manbuthewashandsomeAndlookedso
muchl
i
kehi
m. 
Hisvoi
cewasfi
l
ledwit
hsomuchaut
hor
it
yand
youcoul
dheart
hatt
hiswasat
ruemanofGod.
 
Hehadmanagedtochanget
hesubj
ectbut
f
rom whatIsaw,
thi
swasgoi
ngtoresume.
 
Theyshar
edamainl
yhugbef
orehel
ookedat
meandsmi l
ed.
 
Hi
m:Hel
l
other
e.
Me:
Hi 
Hi
m:Shel
ookssoshy
 
Hesai
d,l
ooki
ngatThandowhoj
ustsmi
l
ed.
 
Hi
m:Andsoy
oung 
T'
smom:
She'
s19.
Hi
m:Notbad.
 
Thandowakhonaj
ustgr
inned.Seemsl
i
ke
daddywasonhissi
de.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Youknow,
hadIr
aisedy
ou,
noneof
thi
swouldbehappening.Idon'
tev
enknowhow
Andil
econdonesyouDatingamanwho'sonl
y
tenyear
syoungerthanhim. 
Thando:Youreal
l
ygonnabor
emenow
Kholi
swa,j
ustshutup.
 
T'
sdad:
Sonpl
ease,
cool
itdownabi
t 
Thando:
Shej
ustr
ubsmeof
fthewr
ongway
. 
T'
smom: Youtwomustbehungryandwedidn'
t
ev
enbotherof
fer
ingyouadri
nk,
thepoorgi
rl
mustbeti
redf
rom al
lthi
sst
andi
ng. 
Thando:
Ithi
nkweshoul
dleav
e. 
Khol
i
swa:
Mydaught
eri
snotgoi
ngany
wher
e..
 
Thando:Thesamedaught
ery
ouabandonedf
or
16years.
 
Thatsomehowhi thome, al
lthememor ies
fl
oodedback.AllthatIwentthroughbecauseof
mymot her'
sabsence, t
hehurt,thepai
n,the
cursesandthecri
tici
sm. 
Ij
ustranoutandhefol
l
owedme.Thet
ear
s
keptonfal
l
ing,i
thur
tsomuch.
 
If
elthi
shandsembracemeandhetur
nedme
soIcoul
dfacehi
m andIj
ustcr
iedi
nhisar
ms.
 
It
hinkit
'shi
smotherwhobr
oughtmeagl
ass
ofwaterandIdr
ank.
 
Hekeptr
epeat
ing"sor
ry"whi
l
ebr
ushi
ngmy
back.
 
Me:
Ithur
ts.
 
Imanagedt
osaywi
thahuskyv
oice.
 
Thando:
Iknowbaby
,I'
m sor
ry.
 
WhenIhadfinall
ycalmeddown,wewentt
ohis
carandIj
ustsleptatthebackf
orabi
twhi
le
wait
ingf
orhim. 
Someoneknockedont
hewi
ndowt
henIopened,
i
twashismother.
 
T'
smom:
I'
m Ler
atobyt
heway
. 
Me:
I'
m Khe-
Ler
ato:
Khensani
,Iknow.
 
Inodded,shesatdownbesi
demeandcl
osed
thecardoor.Iwasint
hebackseat
. 
Lerat
o:I'
m sorr
yforwhathappenedbackt
her
e.
Mysoni sstubbor
nandKholiswaisj
usta
handful
.
Me:
Itsokayma,
it'
snoty
ourf
aul
t.
Ler
ato:
Youknowmysonwasv eryhappywhen
hecamewi t
hyou,Icoul
dseeitinhiseyesand
weshouldn'
thav
edoneal l
that
. 
Me:
I'
vebeent
reat
edwaymor
ewor
se.
 
Lerato:
Iapol
ogi
zeandIreall
ywishwecanhav
e
anotherti
metomeetandrightal
lthese
wrongs. 
Me:
It'
sokay
. 
Lerato:Youseem l
i
kesomeonewho'
sbeen
throughalotandI'
m sor
ryy
ouhadtorel
i
veal
l
that.
 
Me:
It'
sjust
..I
twasn'
teasy
. 
Lerat
o: AndI'
m sorryforseemi
ngl
ikeIdon'
t
accepty ourr
elat
ionshipwit
hmyson,Ireal
l
y
shouldn'thav
e. 
Me:
Mar
eal
l
y,i
t'
sokay
. 
Lerat
o:I'
m sor
ryy
ouguysarel
eavingthi
sway,I
promisethi
ngswi
llbemuchbet
ternextti
me.
 
Inodded.
 
Ler
ato:Pl
easecomeagai
ninNewYear
,
Khol
iswawon'tbet
her
e. 
Ichuckled,
Ican'
tbeli
eveshe'
smymot her.I
actual
lywonderhowshewaswi thdad,Ishoul
d
askhim andmay bethen,
I'
dunderst
andwher e
she'scomingfr
om.  
Me:
Ifonl
ymydadper
mit
s. 
Ler
ato:
That
'sf
airenough.
 
Thandocameandshegotoutandt
heyhugged.
Shewavedmegoodbyebefor
ehefi
nal
lystar
ted
t
hecarandIsl
epty
etagai
n. 
Idi
dn' tevensaygoodbyetoThandi
.Hewoke
meupwhenwewer ebackathi
shouseAndi
t'
s
actuallyt
henthatIsawtheplat
eshehadcome
wit
h, probabl
ywithourfoodbutIwasn'
t
hungry .
 
I
nst
ead,
Iwentt
ohi
sbedt
hensl
eptf
orawhi
l
e. 
.
.
  
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
64
Ifel
tmuchbett
erwhenIwokeupbutIst
il
l
hadn'
tfor
got
ten.Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
oletgoofthi
s
soeasi
ly.
 
Iwentt ohi
sbat hr
oom whereIwashedmyt
eet
h
andf acebefor
egoingtolookforhi
m.Hewasi
n
thelounge,watchi
ngTV.Mor eli
kei
twas
watchinghim. 
Isatnexttohi
m andheimmedi
atel
yswi
tchedi
t
offt
hent ur
nedtofaceme.
 
Thando:
Youawake?
 
Me:
Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
osl
eepf
orev
er.
 
Thando:IguessIdeser
vet
hat
,pl
easeal
l
owme
toexpl
ain.
 
Me:Explai
nwhat ?Oh,whyIhadtofindout
fr
om yourmot hert
hatyou29,af
terdati
ngfor9
monthsandy ouhavingtol
dmey ou23?Why
di
dyoulie? 
Thando:
Igett
haty
oumad,
andI
'
m sor
ry.
 
Heheldmyhands,Iwant
edt
otaket
hem back
butIj
ustl
ethi
m. 
Thando:Il
oveyou.Ilovedyouthefi
rstmoment
IsawyouatMcDonal dswit
hy ourfr
iend,
andI
knewIhadtohavey ou.Thelookyougaveme
whenIaskedforyournumber sandyouhad
zonedoutwhil
edroolingoverme
Ichuckl
ed,
Icoul
dn'
tbel
i
evehest
il
lremember
s
thatandIhadbeensoembar rassedfor
drooli
ngov eraguyl
i
kethat.Ihadneverdone
thatwithanyonebef
ore,
hisbeautyjustsor
tof
mesmer izedmeinaway .
 
Hewentontocontinue,
stil
lhol
dingmyhands.
Helookedsohandsomewhenhe' sseri
ous,
I
wantedtoj
ustshovemyt ongueonhismouth
butIwassti
l
lquit
emadathi m. 
Thando: Mybi ggestfearhasal
way sbeen
l
osingy ou,evenbef oreyouweremi ne.IknowI
shouldn'thaveliedAndI '
vecomet oreali
zehow
muchy ouv aluehonest y
.Iwasjustscared,I
wasscar edy ou'
dt hi
nkofmeast oooldforyou
andsomehow, i
twasmuchbet t
erwheny ou
thoughtI'm notthatold.
 
Hestaredatme,wait
ingformetosay
something.Hel
ookednervous,
anemoti
onI
hadneverseeni
nhim.  
Ididn'
tsaysomethi
ngforawhi
l
e,Iwasst
il
l
processi
ngthi
s.Apartofmewant
edtosl
ap
hi
m butIknewhowdisrespect
ful
thatwoul
d
makemesoIj usthel
dmy sel
f.
 
Thando:
Please.
.Pl
ease,
saysomet
hing.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
osayLut
hando?
 
Thando:
Any t
hing,
justany
thi
ng.Yoursi
l
encei
s
ki
ll
ingme. 
Ifol
dedmyarmsandlookedathim,hest
ared
backwit
hbeggi
ngeyesandIjustcoul
dn'
thol
d
i
tinanymor
e. 
Me:AllIneededwashonest y
,honestyThando.
Didyourfat
hernevertel
lyouofav er
sethat
says"Thetrut
hshallsetyoufr
ee?".
Thando:
Hedi
dandI
'
m sor
ryf
orl
yi
ng.
 
Me:Idon'
tknow,
howcanItrusty
ouify
oucan
l
ieaboutasi
mplethi
ngsuchasage?
 
HesighedbutIhadt
obehonestaboutmy
f
eel
ingsregar
dingal
lthi
s. 
Thando:
Ishoul
dn'
thav
ebutt
ell
me,
woul
dyou
haveagreedtobemygirl
fr
iendhadIbeen
honestFrom t
heonset
? 
Ididn'
trepl
y.Ij
ustdi
dn'
tknowwhatt
osay
,or
even,howtosayit.
 
Thando:Exact
ly,
sopleaset
ryandunder
stand
whereI'
m comingfr
om.  
Me:
Teny
ear
s..Idon'
tknow.
 
Thando:Pleasedon'
tsayt
hat
.Youlov
eme,
I
l
ovey ou,
whyshoul dagemat
ter
? 
Me:Youtenyearsyoungerthanmyfat
her
,how
doy
out hi
nkhe'sgoingtorespondt
othat
? 
Thando:
So,
youbr
eaki
ngupwi
thme?
 
Hesai d,
almostasi fitwasthereal
it
yhedidn'
t
wanttohav et ofaceorev enacceptbutt
hat'
s
notwhatIwast hinking.Iknowhedidn'
tl
ook
thatoldbutIknewaLot t
apeopleweregoingto
j
udgeusf orthi
sandIwast hi
nki
ngaboutthe
futur
eAndwhatwecoul dprobabl
yhavetoface
becauseoft hisagedi ff
erence.
 
Me:
Iwoul
dn'
tdot
hat
. 
Ihear
dhi
m br
eat
heouti
nrel
i
ef.
 
Me:Butthatdoesn'
tmeanIhav
efor
got
ten
aboutwhatyoudid.
 
Thando:
That
'sf
airenough.
 
Me:Ij
ustneedyoutobehonestwi
thmef
rom
nowon,nosecr
etsplease.
 
Thando:
Doest
hatmean.
.?
 
Me:
Promi
semef
ir
st.
.
Thando:
Okay
,Ipr
omi
set
obehonestwi
thy
ou
fr
om nowon.
 
Me:Good.Nowtel
lme,whatdoy
oudofora
l
iv
ingandwhatwerey
oudoingeBot
swana?
 
Thando:
Ohwow.
 
Igav
ehi
m adeat
hst
are.Andhechuckl
ed.
 
Me: Wel
lifyouseemeasajoke,
Ishould
probabl
yjustleav
eandgohome,atl
eastthey
takemeser i
ously.
Thando:
Okay,I
'
m sorr
ybaby ,
it'
sjustt
hat
..
.I
real
l
ywasn'
texpect
ingthat
. 
Me:
Youpr
omi
sedt
obehonest
. 
Thando:
Ofcour
se.I
'm anar
ti
chect
.AndIal
so
havesomeshar
esinafewcompanies.
 
Me:AndBot
swana?Whydi
dyout
ell
mey
oua
bossKe?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:Iwast herestr
ictl
yonbusiness,
there'
s
amal l
they'r
ebuildingther
eandtheyneeded
myequi t
ies.AndIam aboss, Igi
veordersand
takenonf r
om any one.
 
Me:
Doy
out
hinkI
'
m agol
ddi
gger
? 
Helookedatmei ndisbeli
ef,
thenbroughthi
s
eyebr
owstogether.Ihadtoknow.May bethat
wasthereasonwhyhewasn' tcomplet
ely
honestt
omeabouthi sjobdescri
pti
on. 
Thando:
Whyt
hehel
lwoul
dyout
hinkt
hat
? 
Me:Whatam Isupposetothi
nkthen?Maybe
i
t'
swhatyouthoughtandthendeci
dedtonot
t
ellmeanyt
hing.
 
Thando:NobabyIdon'tt
hinkso.Il
oveyouand
younotli
keallt
heothergi
rlsI'
vemetwhower e
j
ustinitf
orthemoneyandt hebenefi
tst
hat
comeswi t
hdati
ngme.You' r
erealandsoisour
rel
ati
onshi
p. 
Me:
Okay
,I'
m hungr
y. 
Thando:
It'
sunder
standabl
e,
 y
oudi
dn'
teat
.I'
l
l
gowarm upyourf
ood. 
Me:
Icanmanage.
 
Thando:
Justal
l
owmet
odot
hisf
ory
ou.
 
Me:
Okayf
ine.
 
Hegotupandwentt owarm myfoodforme
andIt
ooktheli
bertyofswi
tchi
ngonthe
Tel
evi
sionandl
eftitonamusicchannelwhi
l
e
hecamewi t
hmyf ood.
 
Het
ookmehomet
hef
oll
owi
ngdayandIcoul
d
seehedi
dn'
twantmet ogobutIhadto.
Nothi
ngmuchhappenedthepr
eviousni
ght
,I
j
ustatet
henwewenttobedandcuddledTo
sl
eep.
 
ICoul
dseemymother
'scarpar
kedi
noury
ard
andIj
ustwant
edt
ogoback. 
Shehadcausedenoughdramayester
dayandI
wonder
edwhatshewant edher
.Forsomeone
whowantedustogetalong,
shewasn'tput
ti
ng
i
ntheeff
ort.
 
Thando:
Shoul
dIgowi
thy
ou?
 
Me:
It'
sfi
ne,
I'
ll
manage.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
cal
lyoul
ater
. 
Me:
Okaybaby
. 
Wekissedbriefl
yandIgotoutwithhi
sbagthat
hadmyclothes.Hehadtogobuysomet hi
ngf or
metoweart hismorni
ng,i
ncludi
ngunder
wear. 
Itookadeepbreathi
nbefor
efi
nal
l
yopeni
ng
thedoorandgett
ingi
nsi
de. 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Isai
dasIpassedt
hroughthel
oungeandwent
tomyroom,notev
enwaiti
ngfort
hem tor
epl
y.
 
Ihadshoweredalr
eadyf r
om Thando'
sand
becauseofmymot her,Ij
ustwantedt
oremai
n
i
nmybedr oom andli
stentomusiconmy
headphonesinf
ullbl
ast. 
"
Sisi
"
I
twasli
tt
leThandi
'
ssof
tvoi
ceandIgotup
f
rom mybedandwentt
oopen.
 
Me:
Hey
,comei
n. 
Imadespaceforherandshegotin,Icl
osedthe
door
.Ididn'
twantmymot herj
ustbargi
ngin,
I
wastry
ingtoavoi
dher. 
Thandi
:Imi
ssedy
ou.
 
Me:
Ncooa,
Imi
ssedy
out
oo.
 
Ipl
ayedwi
thhercheeksandshegi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Yougood?
 
Shenodded.Wespentmostti
meinmyroom,
wit
hmel i
steni
ngtoherst
ori
eswhi
chr
eall
y
di
dn'tmakeanysense.
 
Daddecidedt
oopent
hedoor
,notbot
her
ingt
o
knock.
 
Me:Ngi
yazi
it'
syourhousekodwaknocki
ng
woul
dn'
thavebeensuchabadt hi
ngtodo.
 
Youthi
nkhelist
ened?Hedi
dn'
t,
it'
sli
keIdi
dn'
t
evensayany
thing.
 
Dad:
Youcan'
tav
oidherf
orev
er.
 
Iguesshenoticedbutshedidn'
tl
eavemewi t
h
muchchoice.Thewayshehadbehav edwas
tot
all
ywrong,shehadnor i
ghttojudgemeor
Thando.
 
Itwasabsol
utel
ynotanyofherbusinessand
shecan'
tbetryi
ngtocontrolmyli
feoreven
dict
atemyli
feforme.Ifshewantedustowor k,
shehadtotr
yandt hatst
artedwit
hrespecti
ng
meandkeepinginmi ndthatshewasn'
tther
e
f
ormef
or16y
ear
s. 
Me:
Ijustcan'
tdeal
wit
hhernow.
 
Dad:
Iknowwhathappened.
 
Il
ookedathi
m,conf
used.
 
Dad:Imean,
wheny
ouwhent
omeetThando'
s
par
ents.
 
Me:
Whatdi
dshet
ell
you?
 
Dad:Thatt
heyhadafal
loutandshef
eel
sbad
abouthowthi
ngstur
nedout. 
Me:
I'
m sur
eshedoes.
 
Dad:
Don'
tbel
i
ket
hat
.
Me:
Likewhatdad?
 
Dad:Don'
tbebitt
er.Iknowy ourmotheri
squit
e
ahandful
butinsi
deofal l
thatisaverysweet
andgoodperson.
 
Me:
Tel
lme,
howdi
dyouhandl
eher
? 
Hechuckl
ed.
Dad:Iwasinloveandwell
,Ihadmyownway
s
ofputt
ingherinherpl
ace.
 
Me:
Iwonderhowherhusbandmanages.
 
Dad:Al l
I'
m sayingis,don'
tbet oohardonher .I
knowi t'
snoteasybecauseshe' sbeenawayf or
si
xteeny earsbutshe'sherenowandl ifeistoo
short.Lookatthebr i
ghtside,you'
vebeengi ven
anotherchancet oknowy ourmot herAndI '
m
notsay i
ngacceptheri nt
oy ourli
febecauseit's
al
lupt oy oubutplease,don'tbeangryfortoo
l
ong. 
Me:
Kit
somar
ri
edav
erywi
seman.
 
Hechuckl
edandembracedmet
ight
lyt
hen
ki
ssedmeonthefor
ehead. 
Dad:
Bet
tert
ell
hert
hat
. 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Thanksdad,
it'
sal
lIneededt
ohear
. 
Dad:
It'
smypl
easur
e,y
oumynumberonel
ady
. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
IhopeKi
tsonev
erhear
dthat
. 
Dad:
She'
dki
l
lme.
 
Welaughed,
Dadr eal
lydi
dt el
lmeal lIneeded
t
ohearandItol
dmy sel
fthatI'
l
l t
ryandsee
wher
eshe'scomingf r
om from nowon.  
Therewassti
l
ltheNewYearsl
unchandIwas
posit
ivet
hatt
hingswoul
dcomeoutdif
fer
ent
ly
thi
stime.
 
.
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
65
Me:
I'
ll
seey
ouagai
nsoonVA.
. 
Thandi
:OkaySi
si.
 
Wehuggedonemor
eti
me.Khol
i
swahadcome
t
ofet
chher.
 
Khol
i
swa:
CanIpl
easet
alkt
oyouBonga?
 
Me:
Okay
,fi
ne.
 
It
'snotthatIwant
edtobutagai
n,sheneededt
o
apologi
zeforheranomal
ousbehavior
. 
Wewentout si
deandshegav eThandithekey
tohercarsoshecouldst
ayinside.I
tseemed
shewashappyt oknowmeandshecoul dn't
stayawayfrom meandthatmademef eelso
appreci
atedandli
keImatter
,notthatIdi
dn't.
 
Kholi
swa: I'
m sor r
y ,Ireall
yam sor r
yf ormy
behavioryesterday .It
'shight i
met hatI
acceptedthaty ou'regr ownandcapabl eof
makingy ourowndeci sions.IknowI '
v eacted
l
ikequiteabi t
chandashar dast hi
smi ghtbe
foryoutobel i
ev e,Ilovey ouandIonl ywant
what'sbestfory ou.I fLuthandoi swhat 'sbest
thenyouhav emybl essing.Ionlywannasee
youhappyandagai n, I
'm sorryforallthepain
thatIhavecausedy out hroughoutt hey ears
andnow.Mydeci sionwascompl etelyselfi
sh
AndIshoul dhav eputy ouf i
rst.Pl
easef i
nditin
yourhearttof orgi
v eme.  
Me:Ifor
giv
ey ou,
Ilongdi
d.AndIaccepty
our
apol
ogy,Ij
usthopeyoumeanit.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Bel
i
eveme,
Ido.
 
Me:Okay,sotel
lme,doyouhav
emor
echi
l
dren
ot
herthanThandiandI
? 
Khol
i
swa:
Wel
l
,I'
m act
ual
l
ypr
egnantagai
n. 
Me:
Woah,
what
? 
Il
ookedatherstomachanditwascompl
etel
y
fl
at.Mymotherhadthesamebodyli
kemine
wit
hahourglassfi
guresoIknewwhereIgoti
t
al
lfrom.
 
Shechuckl
ed,
probabl
ybecauseofmyf
aci
al
expr
essi
onatthatt
ime.
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
mfi
veweekspr
egnant
. 
Me:
That
'sUmm.
.Ni
ce.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Wel
l
,myhusbanddoesn'
tknowy
et.
 
Me:
Why
?It
hinkhe'
sgonnabehappy
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Hewant
sason,
IjusthopeIdon'
t
di
sappoi
nt.
 
Me:
Typi
cal
ofsomement
othi
nkanhei
risa
mal
echi
l
d. 
Khol
i
swa:
Yout
oosmar
tfora19y
earol
d. 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Igett
hatal
ot.IguessIgotdaddy
'sbr
ains 
Khol
iswa:Hey,I
'm notal
ldumb.I
'
mthemaj
or
shar
eholderofagoldmine. 
Me:
ChesaKhol
i
swa.
 
Welaughed.Iwasj
ustgl
adt
hatwewere
get
ti
ngalongnow,wit
hnognashi
ngoft
eet
h. 
Khol
iswa:
I'
m nott
ryi
ngt
opushbutI
'
dreal
l
yli
ke
fory
outovisi
tme.
 
Me:I'
l
ltr
yandmakesomet
ime.Ist
il
lhav
eyour
busi
nesscar
d
Kholi
swa:Eish,
that
.I'
m sor
ry,
youpr
obably
thoughtIwastaki
ngthi
sassomebusiness
deal.
Me:
Act
ual
l
y,Idi
d. 
Kholi
swa:Haha,
I'
m sor
ryaboutt
hat
.CanIhav
e
yournumberKe? 
Me:
That
'ssowei
rd.
 
Welaughed.Shegav
emeherI
PhoneandI
munchedinmynumber.
 
Me:
Wishwecoul
dexchangephones.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Icoul
dal
way
sbuyy
ouy
ourown.
 
Me:
Ha.
atoosoon.
 
Shel
aughed,wesharedahugwhichwasv
ery
warmforourfi
rstoneandshel
eft
. 
Dad:
Iseey
ouguy
sbonded
Il
aughedandsatdownnex
ttohi
m ont
he
couch.
 
Me:
She'
snott
hatbadaf
teral
l
. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
See?It
oldy
ou.
 
Me:
Thanksagai
nfort
het
alk.
 
Isai
dandt
hrewmy sel
finhi
sar
msandhe
ki
ssedmycheek.
 
Ki
tso:
Whatt
alk?
 
Shesaid,
comi
ngwi t
hBandi
leandIgotf
ree
fr
om dad'
sembraceandhel
dtheminime. 
Well
,I
'm sayi
ngt
hatbecausehel
ooksl
ikeme.I
ki
ssedhim al
lov
ertheface,
maki
nghim gi
ggl
e. 
Dad:
Ijustaskedhert
oseewher
ehermot
heri
s
comi
ngf r
om. 
Ki
tso:
Oh.
 
Me:
Shewon'
trepl
acey
oui
nanyway
. 
Kitso:Youdon'
thav
etosayt
hatt
omakeme
feelbett
er.
 
Me:
Imeani
tthough.
 
Icont
inuedpl
ayi
ngwit
hBandil
eunti
lhefel
l
asl
eepagainAndIwentt
otuckhi
mi n.
 
Icookedl
uncht
hendi
shedupwhenIwasdone.
I
twasjustpapwit
hfr
iedchi
ckenandgr
avy
,
not
hinghect
ic.
 
Ki
tso:
Lut
handoisonel
uckybast
ard,
thi
sis
amazi
ngKhen.
 
Ismil
ed.I
fonl
ysheknewt hatt
hey'r
eactuall
y
thesameage.Imagi
neyourboyfr
iendbeingthe
sameageasy ourst
epmother.
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Dad:Don'tencour
agethem,
hest
il
lhast
opay
yourbr
idalpri
cefi
rst
. 
Il
aughed.Dadcanjustswit
chfr
om beingan
i
ntel
l
ectualt
obeingacultur
almani
nt hesnap
ofafi
nger.
 
Ki
tsohel
pedwit
hthedi
shessi
nceIwast
heone
whocooked.
 
Itookmyphone,putonsomeheadphonesand
j
ustwentforawalk.Icoul
dn'
twai
tforVar
sit
y,
beinghomejustsuckssomet
imes.
 
I
twasact
ual
l
ybor
ing,
andt
othi
nkt
hiswas
gonnagoonf oraboutt
hreeweeksmademe
wannajustsl
eepandwakeupj usti
nti
mefor
regi
str
ati
on. 
"Bonga"
Icoul
dcl
earl
yrecognizethatvoi
cebutnotwhat
coul
dhavebroughtherhere.
 
I
twasNobuhleandshewaswi t
hTii
set
so,never
thoughtI
'
dseethedaythist
wobecomefr
iends,
notthatt
heywereenemies.
 
Me:
Hey
 
Ihuggedt
hebot
hoft
hem.
 
Buhl
e:Wewant
edt
osur
pri
sey
oubutgotl
ost
. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Ncoaa,
that
'
ssosweet
. 
Ti
iset
so:
Inevercoul
dhavethoughtyouwer
e
l
iv
ingint
hesamest r
eetasK-more.
 
Il
ookedatt
hem,abi
tconf
usedonhowt
hey
cametoknowoft
hat
. 
Buhl
e:Oh,I
'
mtheonewhoshowedherhispl
ace.
Usedtocomewhenweweretoget
her
. 
Me:
Oh,
yeah 
IhadTotall
yforgott
enaboutt
hat
.Weact
ual
l
y
weren'
tthatfarfr
om whereIl
i
ve.
 
Me:Iwasact
uall
yjustgoi
ngf
orwor
k,st
ayi
ngat
homeissobori
ng. 
Buhl
e:Toomuch,
Iact
ual
lycan'
twai
tforr
esul
ts
dayt
oknowwhereIst
and. 
Tii
set
so:Yoh,metoo.Let
'sgotothe
chi
sanyama,Ihear
dthey'
rehunksther
e. 
Il
aughed,Inev
ercouldhavei
magi
nedI'
dhear
hersaythat
.Haike,
Ididn'
tmi
ndsi
nceIdi
dn'
t
haveanythi
ngtodo. 
Wewalkedt
here,
tal
ki
ngaboutt
hingst
hatr
eal
l
y
di
dn'
tmakesenseunti
lwear
ri
ved. 
Seet
hewal kt
her
e,Isabitl
ongbutsi
nceIhad
company
,itwaspret
tyshor
tsoastosay.
 
Buhl
e:Man,
it'
spacked.
 
Me:
KeDecembernt
ate!
 
Welaughedandwentt
ofi
ndour
sel
fat
abl
e
f
ir
st.
 
Me:
Yazi
,Idon'
thav
eanymoneyonme.
 
Buhl
e:Andevenifyoudid,
wewoul
dnothav
e
l
etyoupayforanyt
hing.
 
Ti
i
set
so:
Wet
heonewhot
ooky
ououtaf
teral
l
. 
Me:
Wel
li
nthatcase,
azi
she.
Welaughed.Istay
edbehi
ndwhiletheywentt
o
getussomedr i
nksandsnackssi
nceItol
d
them Iwasn'
thungry
. 
"Hey
"
Il
ookedupt
omeetKagi
,wi
thThut
oandKamo.
 
Me:
Umm,
hey
. 
Thut
o:Thi
sisasur
pri
se.
 
Me:
Indeedi
tis,
Iwasn'
texpect
ingy
ouguy
sto
beher
e. 
Kagi
:Act
ual
l
y,wej
ustgother
e. 
Me:
Oh,
 
Kamo:
It'
sact
ual
l
yki
ndapackedsowegonna
chi
l
lwi
thyou.
 
Me:
Howaboutaski
ngmay
be?
 
Buhle:Khen,
wef
inal
l
ygotouror
der
..Oh,
hey
guys. 
Kamo:
Y'al
lar
echi
l
li
ngt
oget
her
? 
Me:
Yeah,they
'r
eact
ual
l
ytheonewhobr
ought
meher
e. 
Thut
o:Wel
l
,itdoesn'
tmat
ter
. 
Kamo:
I'
ll
gobuyussomet hi
ngtodr
inkand
somef
oodfi
rst
,I'
m si
tt
ingnextt
oKhen. 
Irol
ledmyey
esandtheylaughed.Thut
osat
nexttomewhil
eKagisatbetweenBuhl
eand
Tii
setso.
 
Kagi
:Sot
ell
me,
howdoesi
tfeel
tobe
unempl
oyed?
 
Us:
Itsucks!
 
Welaughedathowweal
lsai
dthatatt
hesame
t
ime. 
Thut
o:Tr
ustme,
you'
l
lgetusedt
oit
. 
Buhle:Idon'
tseet
hathappeni
nganyt
ime
soon. 
WecontinuedTal
ki
ngwhileeati
ngt
hesnacks
t
hathadbeenboughtbeforeKamogel
ocame
wi
thalcoholandmeat
. 
Hesatonmyot
hersi
de,soIwasbet
ween
Thut
oandKamogel
o. 
Kamo:Sotel
lmeKhen,
howdoesi
tfeel
todat
e
someonesoold?
 
Il
ookedathi
mindi
sbel
i
ef.Di
dher
eal
l
yhav
eto
dothat
? 
Buhl
e:Don'
tmindhi
m.Imeanmyboy
fri
endi
s
l
iket
enyearsol
der.
 
Kamo:
What
'shi
sname?
 
Buhl
e:Tshepo.
 
Trut
his,
myhear tj
ustcal
meddownwhenI
hear
dthatbecauseIwoul
dn'
twantt
othi
nk
she'
sdati
ngmyman.  
Me:
Agai
n,whywet
alki
ngaboutme?
 
Thut
o:Causey
oui
nter
est
ing.
 
Kagi
:AndLi
lbr
other
,thatwasal
owbl
ow.
 
Me:
Ithi
nkIshoul
dleav
e. 
Kamo:Pl
easedon'
tl
eav
e,I
'
m sor
ryf
orwhatI
sai
d. 
Me:
Howdi
dyouev
enknowabouthi
m? 
Thut
o:Wel
l
,wedi
dal
i
ttl
eresear
chonhi
m. 
Kagi:
Tur
nsout
,he'
snotascl
eanasy
oumi
ght
thi
nk.
 
Buhle:Thi
stomeseemslikeaplant
otr
yand
getKhenbackwithKamo.She'
shappywi
th
Luthandoandcomparedt
osomeoneIknow,
he'
snotacheat
er.
 
Kamo:Thensheshoul
daskhi
m whyhi
sfi
ancee
l
efthi
m
Me:
Hiswhat
? 
Kamo:
Oops,
youdi
dn'
tknow?Mybad.
 
Ididn'
tev
enwai
t,Ij
ustst
oodup.Thi
swasj
ust
toomuch. 
Buhl
e:Pl
easedon'
tl
eav
e. 
Icouldhearherbutsomehow,
Ifel
tdizzy
.All
thatkeptr
ingi
nginmymi ndwas"Fi
ancee"
Idi
dn'tknowhowt
ost
omacht
his,
Iwas
shocked. 
Icoul
dn'
tev
encr
y,Idi
dn'
tknowhowt
oreact
. 
Imeanthishappenedbef
oreIwasinthepi
ctur
e
butagai
n,itwoul
dhavebeenbett
ertoheari
t
fr
om him
Whydi
dKamogel
ohav
etobesobi
tt
er?
 
Iact
ual
l
yhat
edhi
m att
hatmoment
.Why
coul
dn'
thej
ustl
etmebehappy
? 
Icoul
dn'tunder
standwhyt
heycoul
dn'
tj
ustl
et
usbe. 
Iwasn'
texpect
ingLuthandotobeperf
ectandI
real
l
ywouldhavenev ert
houghtt
hatKamogelo
wouldst
oopsol ow,asifhe'
sper
fectyena.
 
Getti
nghome,
Ijustwenttomyroom.Idi
dn'
t
evenfeel
anyt
ir
ednessfrom t
helongwal
kIhad
taken.
 
Al
otoft
hought
shadbeenr
unni
ngthr
oughmy
mi
ndandIwasjustf
eel
i
ngnumb.
 
ImeanIdidn'
tknowwhet
hertocryorscr
atch
mysel
formay bepi
nchmysel
fjustt
oknowi f
thi
swasreali
ty.
 
Ithr
ewmy sel
fonmybedandi
t'
scomf
ortwas
real
l
yal
lthatIneeded
Whenmyphoner ang,Icoul
dn'
tevenbr
ing
my sel
ftoanswerit
.Ij
ustleti
tri
ngandinst
ead,
sangalongtoit
sringi
ngTone. 
Fr
om t
hen,
floodedt
ext
sandIj
ustdi
dn'
tbar
ge.
Dad:
Whyy
ounotanswer
ingy
ourphone?
 
Andit'
sthent
hatIr
eal
i
zedIhadn'
tev
encl
osed
thedoor.
 
Il
ookedathi
m,hehadhisphoneinhi
shand.I
coul
dn'
tevenbr
ingmysel
ftoanswerback.
 
Dad:
What
'swr
ong?
 
Me:
Umm,
not
hing.
 
Hegav emealookthatsai
dI'
m notbuy
ingt
hat
befor
ehelef
t,af
tert
ell
ingmetoanswermy
phone. 
Ij
ustnoddedsohecangi vemesomespace.
Whenitrangagain,
Ijustanswer
edwi
thout
checki
ngthecal
lerid.
 
"What
'sgoi
ngon?"
Lut
hando,
wel
l
,Idi
dn'
tsayany
thi
ng.
 
Icoul
dn'
t.
 
Thando:
Khensani
? 
Me:
I'
m her
e. 
Thando:Whyhav
en'
tyoubeenanswer
ingy
our
phone? 
Me: Ij
ustdon'
tknowLut
hando,
Ineedsome
space. 
Thando:
Whatt
hehel
l
? 
Me:
Ineedt
othi
nk.
 
Thando:
Whatt
hehel
lyouonabout
?Don'
tfuck
wit
hmeKhensani
.
Me:
Bye.
 
Thando:
Don'
tyoudar
edr
opt
hephoneonme!
Idi
dn'
tbutj
ustkeptqui
et,
notsay
ingany
thi
ng.
Mymindwasjustsofaraway.
 
Thando:
Nowt
ell
me,
what
'
syourpr
obl
em?
 
Me:
Youar
e. 
Hechuckledanditwasn'
tthesamef unny
chuckl
e.Theprobl
em wasn'thi
m butitwaswit
h
meandal lt
hecrazypeopl
eIhaveinmyl i
fe.
 
Whydi
dthi
ngshav
etobesocompl
i
cat
ed?
 
Thando:
I'
ll
giv
eyouy
ourspace.
 
Witht
hatsai
d,hehungupandIj
ustt
hrewmy
phoneonmysideandslept
. 
Maybet
herestwasgoingt
ohel
pmet
akea
br
eakfr
om over
thi
nki
ng.
.
.
  
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
66
LUTHANDO'
SPOV
Gett
ingofft
hephonewi thKhensani,Ial
most
thr
ewitagainstt
hewall.Space?Spacesa
masimba.Iwaslit
eral
l
ygoi ngcrazy
,wonderi
ng
whatwrongIcouldhavedonet hatwouldmake
hersuddenl
ywantspace. 
Il
ookedupattheheavens,
may beGodwill
be
abl
etoexpl
ainwhatthehel
lisgoingon.
 
Me:God,whydi dy oumakemyheartf
all
inl
ove
wi
ththisgirl
likethi
s?Whydidshehav
etobe
t
heonet obringallthesel
i
ghti
nwhathadbeen
adark,
mi serableheart
?Why? 
Ididn'
tknowwhereIhadgonewrongwithher
,I
thoughtwewerewayoverthi
sageissueso
whatcouldbewrongnow? 
Iwenttothekit
chenandst r
aightt
othefri
dge
andtookoutacanofCast l
eLi t
ewhichIdrank
l
ikenobody'sbusi
ness.Iwasjuststr
essednje,I
didn'
tknowwhatt odoandIwasn'tgoingtolet
herthi
nkshecontrolsme,Iwasgoingtogive
herthespacethatshewantsbutIwasn'tgoing
togiveuponher. 
WhenIf i
nishedthefi
rstcan,
Ijustt
ookt
he
remaini
ngf i
ve,putt
hem onthetabl
eand
star
teddri
nking. 
"Tr
yingt
odr
owny
oursor
rows?"
Il
ookeduptofi
ndTi
zz,
oneofmyni
gger
s.We
fi
stpumped.
 
Me:
Bruh.
 
Ti
zz:He'sr
eall
yall
outt
orui
nyouguy
sandi
t'
s
nolongerf
unny.
 
Il
ookedathi
m,confused.Howt
hehel
ldi
dhe
knowthatwenotal
ri
ght? 
Me:
Shewant
sspaceBr
uh.
 
Hechuckled,
tookonecanandsatdownont
he
barchai
ropposit
etome. 
Tizz:
Youknow,youshoul
dhav
eletmepopa
caponthatki
d. 
Me:
Nah,
youknowt
hat
'snothowIoper
ate.
 
Tizz:Andyethereyouar
e,dr
owni
ngy
our
sorrowsinalcohol
.
Me:
Whatdoeshehav
etodowi
tht
his?
 
Ti
zz: Youknowmywomanandy
ourgi
rlar
e
fr
iends. 
Me:
Tel
lmemor
e. 
Ti
zz:
Tur
nsout
,theywer
echi
l
li
ngechi
sany
ama
whent
hatki
dandhi
sfr
iendsdeci
dedt
ojoi
n
t
hem. 
Myjawclenched,
thi
skiddi
dn'
tknowwhatki
nd
ofbeasthewasprovoki
ng.
 
Me:
Whatdi
dhesay
? 
Ti
zz:Well
,het
oldheraboutyourf
ianceeanda
l
it
tl
egli
mpseofwhyshel ef
tyou. 
Me:
Sonofabi
tch!
 
Isai
d,squeezi
ngt
hecant
hatIwashol
dingand
i
t'
scontents.
 
Ti
zz:
Justsayt
hewor
dandi
twi
l
lbedone.
 
Me:
Ithi
nki
t'
shi
ght
imeIpai
dthatboyav
isi
t.
 
Ti
zz:
Wul
fr
icman,
Idon'
tthi
nkt
hat
'
sagood
i
dea.
 
Me:He'
sMessingupwit
hmylif
eandhegotno
i
deawhothefuckhe'
smessi
ngwit
h! 
Tizz:
AndwhatwillKhensanisay
?Youknow
shehasasoftspotforhim. 
Me:
Your
ight
,let
'sj
ustl
ethi
m be.
 
Ti
zz:Justt
ell
herallabouty
ourpast
.Thatway
,
i
twon'tbeasurpr
isewhenshehearsitf
rom
hi
m orsomebodyelse. 
Me:Sayst
heguywhohasbeent
alki
ngabout
poppi
ngacaponanigger
. 
Wechuckledandj ustcont i
nuedtodrink.My
mindwasact uall
ywonder ingwhyKhensani
wouldletmypastmi stakesgett oher.Inev
er
j
udgedherf orhermistakessowhyshoul dshe
j
udgemebasedonmypast ?Shewassuppose
t
ogivemet hebenefi
toft hedoubt,notdemand
"
space"overhearsays,nomat t
erhowt ruet
hey
mightbe. 
Ti
zz:
Issheav
irgi
n? 
Me:
Techni
cal
l
y,shei
s. 
HelaughedbutIwasrightthough,she'
sonly
hadsextopleasesomeone, shehadnever
exper
iencedthepl
easureinlovemaking.Thi
ng
aboutTizzis,wecantal
kaboutever
y t
hingandI
tr
usthim.He'sbeenmyni ggerf
rom dayone,
andalt
hought hebit
chestri
ed,t
heyhavenever
gott
enbet weenus. 
We'
vebeent
hrought
hickandt
hin.
 
Ti
zz:
Whatt
hef
uckman?
 
Ichuckl
ed.Thewayheaskedwasj
ustf
unny
man. 
Me:
Exact
lyt
hat
. 
Tizz:
Okay,what
ever
,Ij
ustthi
nkitshi
ghti
me
yougavehersome.Thatgi
rlneedssomedick
i
nherl i
fe.
Me:
That
'smygi
rly
out
alki
ngaboutman.
 
Tizz:
I'
mj ustsayi
ng.Youcan'
tbekeepingy
our
di
ckt oy oursel
fman,lesty
ousuff
erfrom
Lamar ckism. 
Me:
Dude,
whatt
hef
ucki
sthat
? 
Ti
zz:
Didn'
tyoudosci
encei
nhi
ghschool
man?
 
Me:Howthehel
lam Isupposet
oremember
somet
hingadi
dmoret hanadecadeago?
 
Hechuckl
ed,
he'
sjustcr
azy.Ihadnoi
deawhat
t
hefuckhewastal
kingabout.
 
Tizz:I
t'spret
tysimple,Conti
nuousandextra
useofor gansmaket hem moreeff
ici
entwhile
thecont i
nueddisuseofsomeot herorganslead
totheirdegenerat
ionandul t
imate
disappearance,i
ny ourcase,t
hedisuseofyour
dick.
 
Il
ookedatmypant
sandbackathi
m. 
Me:
Youcr
azy
. 
Ti
zz:
Don'
tsayIdi
dn'
twar
nyouman.
 
Wechuckl
ed,mydoorbel
lrangandIkeptqui
et,
j
ustt
oli
stenwhothatmaybe. 
"
Thandomyson!"
Me:
Shi
t!
 
Ti
zz:
What
? 
Me:
That
'smymot
her
. 
Iwhi
speredanddisposedofallt
hecansqui
ckl
y
bef
oregoingtoopenupf orher
. 
Me:
Mot
her
. 
Mom:
Whoar
eyouhi
dingher
e? 
Me:
What
?Noone,
geez.
Shedidn'tevenwaitf
ormetosayshecan
comei nbutjustgoti
nandst
art
edlooki
ng
around,Ifol
l
owedher .
 
Mom:
Oh,
heyTshepo.
 
Hewasdr
unkbutheknewbet
tert
hantoshow
i
ttomymothersowebot
hhadtoactsober
. 
Ti
zz:
HeyMa.
 
Mom: Ihopey ounotcheat
ingonKhol
iswa'
s
daughter
,Iseehowy oureyeswer
eshowing
gui
lt
.Ihopey ounothidi
ngsomegirli
nhere.
 
Shesai
dthat
,poi
nti
ngaf
ingeratme.Theway
shel
ovesKhen,y
ou'
dswearshe'
sknownher
f
orev
erbutt
heyonl
ymety
est
erday
,imagi
ne.
 
Ti
zz:
That
'smycue,itwasni
ceseei
ngy
ou
mamzo.I
'
llcal
lyouman. 
Me:
Sur
enj
ayami
Wef
istpumpedandhel
eft
,leav
ingmet
oface
t
hemusical
lal
one.
 
Mom:
So?
 
Me:
Whatma?
 
Mom:
Wher
e'sshe?
 
Me:
Ther
e'snooneher
ema.
Mom:
Thi
spl
acesmel
l
sli
keabr
ewer
y.
Shesai
d,openi
ngthewindowsbef
oreshe
st
art
edcleani
nguptheenti
repl
aceandfor
cing
metohelp.
 
Thewaymymom t r
eat
smel
i
keachi
l
d,y
ou'
d
swearI
'
m not29.
Ihadt
oli
stentohercomplai
nandt
ell
mehow
l
azyIAm andall
thatst
uff
. 
Aftercl
eaning,shestar
tedcookingandIcoul
d
fi
nallyr
est.Itwasalr
ightsolat
ebutIcouldn'
t
evenaskifshe'sspendingthenightornot
,Ij
ust
l
etherbe. 
Iwaswatchi
ngTVwhi
l
ewai
ti
ngf
orhert
ofi
nish
wit
hthecooki
ng.
 
Mom:
She'
sst
il
lcomi
ngt
othedi
nnerr
ight
? 
Me:
Who?
 
Shehaddishedupf
orthebot
hofusandf
orced
metositonthedi
ningt
abl
ewithher
. 
Mom:
Don'
tpl
aydumbwi
thme,
Khensani
.
 
I
fonlysheknewt hatsheact ual
lydemanded
thatIgi
v eherspace.Ijustdon'tgetwhyi
t'
sso
hardforKhensani t
otalkthingsthroughwit
h
me, i
nsteadofrunningaway.
Iwasactual
l
ymadatherforbehav
ingso
chi
ldi
sh,
she'snol
onger16aft
eral
l.
 
Mom:
Tumel
oweh.
 
Knowt
hatshi
thashi
tthef
anwhenshecal
l
s
mebymyTswananame. 
Me:
Shewant
sspace.
 
Shedroppedherf or
k,asifshedidn'tbeli
eveI
j
ustsaidthat.I
twaspr et
tyhardtobel i
evefor
metoobutIwasn' tgoingtorunafterher,l
est
shetakesmyl oveforherforgr
antedand
deci
destof uckmeup.  
Mom:
War
eng?
 
Me:That'swhatshet
oldmesoI
'
m gi
vi
ngher
herspace. 
Mom:
Odi
ri
leng?
 
Me:
Who?Me?
 
Mom:
Yes,
you.
 
Me:Idi
dn'
tdoanyt
hingMa.Whywoul
dyou
t
hinkIdi
dsomethi
ng? 
Mom:
Causey
oual
way
smesst
hingsupWena.
 
Me:
Idi
dn'
tdoany
thi
ng.Shehear
dsomet
hing
aboutmeandinst
eadofaski
ngmeabouti
t,
shedeci
dedt
osulk. 
Mom:
Whatdi
dshehear
? 
Me:
Iwasonceengaged.
 
Mom:
Oh.
 
Me:
Ithappenedl
i
kewhat
,6y
ear
sago?
 
Mom:
Butdoessheknowt
hat
? 
Me:Sheshoul
d'
vecometomeandaskedme,
i
nst
eadofdemandingsomespace.
 
Mom: LeENEwhydi
dshehav
etoactso
chi
l
dish? 
Shesi
ghed.Mymom r
eal
lyl
ovedKhensani
,I
don'
tknowwhyshewasdoi
ngthi
s. 
Mom:
Fixi
t.
 
Me:
ButMa,
I-
Mom:Justfi
xitTumel
o,bet
hebi
ggerper
sonI
n
t
hisi
ssue.
 
Me:
Lit
eral
l
y,Iam.
 
Mom:Thenactl
i
kei
t.Iwannaseeheratt
hat
di
nner
. 
Shest
oodup 
Mom:
Andwasht
hosedi
shes.
 
Me:
Yesma'
am.
 
Wit
hthatsai
d,shedisappearedint
othehouse,
pr
obabl
ytotheguestroom causeIknowhow
muchshehatesdri
vi
ngatni ght.
 
Iwashedt hedi
shesasperhercommandwhi l
e
thi
nkingaboutt
hisKhensanii
ssue.Ir
eall
y
thoughtIhaddealtwi
ththi
sboybutitseemedI
hadn'tdonenot
hingatal
l. 
Theonlythi
ngIcoul
ddoknowwastotel
lKhen
ever
ythi
ng,t
hatwayshe'
dknowbef
oreheeven
thi
nksofsayi
ngsomethi
ng.
 
Nay e,whywasshest
il
lent
ert
aini
ngherbi
tt
erex?
Ican'tbetr
yingt
oputa20yearoldboyi
nhis
place. 
Idon'
tunderstandwhyhecan'
tj
ustgetal
i
fe
andletKhensanibe.
Thef ol
l
owingmorni
ngwhenIwokeup,I
brushedmyteet
handtookashower
.Idri
ed
andloti
onedwhenIwasdone.
 
I
twasaFri
day,meani
ngther
ewer
eaLot
ta
par
ti
esal
loverandvi
bes.
 
Iwor
emyadi dasshort
s,wi
thaT-
shi
rtandwor
e
myadidassandal
s. 
Goi
ngtotheki
tchen,mymotherwasn'tt
her
e
andIsawanotestuckont
hef r
idge.
 
"Iwentbackhome.Breakfasti
sint
heov
en.
Don'
tforgetwhatIsai
d,Il
oveyou."
Ihavet
hebestmotherint
hewor l
dshame.I
tookmyfoodandate,whi
let
hinki
ngaboutal
l
thi
sthi
ngwit
hKhensani,i
twasdrivi
ngmecrazy
.
Me:
Argh,
fuckt
his.
 
Itookmyphoneandcarkeyst
henl
eft,
locki
ng
thedoorbef
oreget
ti
ngint
omycarthendriv
ing
of
f.Toherpl
ace.
 
Iwasn'
tgoi
ngtol
etali
tt
leboyr
uinwhatwe
have,
somethi
ngwehadworkedsohardt
o
bui
ld.
 
Noway
. 
She'
l
ljusthav
etof
orgetaboutt
hisspace
busi
ness. 
Idon'
tcar
e.Space?Whatspace?
 
.
.
  
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
67
Dad:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Ifakedasmile.Idi
dn'
twannawor ryhi
m.Ihad
beenlooki
ngatmyphone, hopinghe'l
lcal
lbut
whoam Ikidding?I
'mtheonewhowant ed
spacesoIshouldn'
tbesurpri
sed. 
Me:
I'
mfi
ne.
 
Dad:You'
vebeenpl
ayi
ngwi
thyourf
oodf ora
whil
enowandsomeofushavelongfi
nished.
 
Me:
Idi
dn'
treal
i
ze.
 
It
ookthef oodt
hatIhadbar
elyeatenandputi
t
onthefri
dge,wehadbeenhavingour
br
eakfast.
 
Me:
I'
ll
bei
nmyr
oom.
 
Hesi
ghed.
 
Dad:Okaybaby.Justknowt
hatI
'
llbeher
eif
youwanttotal
k.
Inoddedandl ef
t,goi
ngtomyroom wher
eIjust
gotinandlayonmyback.Iputmyheadsetson
andjustli
stenedtothemusi
c,whi
lest
ari
ngat
theceil
i
ngwi thmyheadrest
ingonmyhands. 
Icl
osedmyey esasIenjoyedthemusi
cbutdi
d
notsleep,Iwasjustl
ett
ingthemusi
cdothe
heal
ing. 
It
houghtIwasdr
eami
ngwhenIfel
tsomeone
ki
ssi
ngmeonmyneckbutitwasfunny
becauseIwasn'
tsl
eepi
ng.
 
Iopenedmyeyestofi
ndLut
hando.Whent
he
hel
ldidhegether
e? 
Iwasaboutt
osaysomethi
ngwhenheshutme
upwithaki
ssandconsi
deri
nghowmuchIhad
missedhi
m,Iki
ssedhi
m back.
 
Hi
shandsroamedaroundmybodyandfort
hat
mi
nute,
Icouldn'
tev
enheart
hemusic.
 
"Imissedy
ou"hewhi
sper
edi
nmyearandI
smil
ed. 
Me:
Met
oo.
 
Irepli
ed,heremovedmyheadphonest
hensat
up,justnexttome. 
Thando:
Comewi
thme.
 
Me:
Ihav
en'
tbat
hedy
et.
 
Thando:Ihaveabathr
oom andyoul
yi
ng,
you
al
way sbathwhenyouwakeup. 
Igi
ggl
ed.Heknewmet
oowel
l
. 
Me:
Letmequi
ckl
ychangeKe.
 
Thando:
Youl
ookf
inet
ome.
 
Me:
Ial
sowannawearshor
tsandaT-
shi
rt
.
Thando:
Youcopycat
. 
Ichuckl
edandgotupf r
om thebed.Iwas
weari
ngoneofdad'soldshir
ts.Iworeadenim
ri
ppedbumshortwi
thanov ersi
zedTee.Iwasn't
usedtohavi
ngmybut tcheeksallexposed.
 
Iwor emyadi
dasSandalsthenwecoul
dfi
nal
l
y
l
eav e.Myhai
rwasn'
tthatmessedupsoIj
ust
brusheditwi
thmyhands. 
Thando:
Youl
ooksobeaut
if
ul.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
.
.
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
68
Thando:
Soy
ouwant
edspace?
 
Theonequest ionIreallythoughtandwas
hopinghewoul dn'task..Aboutspace.Idon'
t
knowwhatIwast hi
nking,hewasn'tofanyfaul
t
i
nt hi
sissue.Itwaswr ongofmet oholdhis
pastagainsthim causei twasjustthat
..Hi
s
past. 
Il
ookeddownbutIknewhewasn'
tgoi
ngt
olet
i
tgo,he'
sver
ypersi
stent
. 
Me:
Canwepl
easenott
alkaboutt
hat
? 
Hechuckl
ed,Iguessheli
kedtheposi
ti
onIhad
putmysel
fincauseitmeanthegetst
ocal
lthe
shot
snowandI '
llj
usthavetofol
l
owhimli
kea
l
ostpuppy.
 
Heparkedthecarandcametomysi
deand
openedthedoorforme.Wewer
ealr
eadyi
nhi
s
house.
 
Hespankedmybut
tjustasIwasaboutt
oopen
t
hedoor. 
Me:
Thehel
l
? 
Thando:
I'
mjustt
est
ingt
hewat
ers.
 
Me:
Test
ingt
he.
.What
?
Hechuckl
edandopenedthedoorandmade
spacef
ormetogetinandhegotinaft
erIdi
d. 
Thando:
Any
thi
ngt
odr
ink?
 
Me:
Icoul
ddowi
thagl
assofwi
nenow.
 
Thando:
Nothappeni
ng.You'
l
lhav
ejui
ce.
 
If
oldedmyar
msAndl
ookedathi
m. 
Me:WhydidyouaskmeVelei
nthef
ir
stpl
acei
f
yougonnamakethedeci
si
onf
orme? 
Thando:ThenIguessi
twasar
het
ori
cal
quest
ion.
 
Iroll
edmyey esashepouredmyj uiceandjust
sighed.Iknewweweresti
llgonnatalkabout
this,
somet hi
ngIr
eal
lywasn'tl
ookingforward
to. 
IknowIshouldn'
thav
easkedforSpacebut
that
'sbecauseIdi
dn'
tknowwhattodo,
ev
erythi
ngatt
hatpoi
nt,
wasov
erwhel
mingf
or
me. 
Ihadalotoft
hought
srunninginmymi
ndandi
t
soundedli
keagooddeci
sionthen.
 
Thando:
Her
e. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
It
ookasi pofmyjui
cewi
thhi
mlooki
ng
i
ntensel
yatme. 
Thando:
Sospace?
 
Me:
Aboutt
hat
..
.
Thando:
Mm?
 
Itookanot hersi
pofmyj ui
ce.Winecouldhave
madet hi
ngseasierbutI
'm notmuchofan
alcohol f
anandr i
ghtnow,Iwasn'
tinthemood
forit
.Iwasj ustplay
ingwhenIaskedforaglass
ofwi ne. 
Me:I
'm sor
ry,
Ididn'tknowwhatIwast
hinki
ng.I
j
usthadalotofshitinmymind. 
Thando:
Soy out
houghtpushi
ngmeawaywas
what'
sbest
? 
Me:
Ijust
..
.IguessIwasn'
tthi
nki
ng.
 
Thando:
Whycan'tyoujusttalkt
omeabout
thi
ngsKhensani
?Whydon' tyoueverconfi
dein
me?Imean, I
'
my ourman,y ouneedtotrustme
enoughtol
eanonme.  
Me:Idon'
tknow.I
t'
snoty
ou,
thepr
obl
em i
sjust
wi
thmeIguess. 
Il
ookeddown,Ir
eal
lywasf
eel
i
ngbadand
ev
erythi
nghewassayi
ngwastr
ue.
 
Thando:
Youknowwhaty
ourpr
obl
em i
s? 
Il
ookedathi
m. 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Youl i
kelet
tingwhatpeopl
esayaff
ect
youwhenit'
sjustnoneofyourbusi
ness.
Someone'sopini
on,nomatterhowtr
ue,
shoul
dn'
tmat t
ertoyou. 
Isighed.Itseemedasifheknewexact l
ywhat
happened.Howcoul dKamogelost oopsolow
though?Imeani t'
sreal
lynotwhatIexpected
from hi
m butagain,hedidli
etomer egardi
ng
ThulisoIshouldknowIcannev erknowwhatt o
expect. 
Me:
Your
ightandIr
eal
l
yfeel
bad.
 
Thando:ThatKamogel
oki
dneedst
ost
ayi
nhi
s
l
anethough. 
Me:
Howdi
dyou.
.?
 
Thando:
Itdoesn'
tmatter
.Hejustneedst
o
moveonwi t
hhisli
feandlety
oube. 
Me:
Your
ight
,hedoes.So,
it'
str
ue?
 
Thando:
What
? 
Me:
Youcheat
edony
ourf
iancee?
 
Thando: Whathedidn'ttel
lyoui
sthathappened
sixyearsago,Iwasonl y23anddef i
nit
elynot
readyformarri
age.AllI'
m sayi
ngis,that'
smy
pastandy ou'
remypr esentandfuture,don'
tl
et
any
oner
uinus,
rui
nthi
s. 
Me:Okay
,it
'sf
ine.Iact
ual
lyr
egretl
ett
inghi
m
gett
ome.Imissedy ousomuch. 
Thando:
All
becauseofspace.
 
Me:
Younev
erLet
ti
ngt
hisgo,
arey
ou?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Nev
er.It
hinkIal
sowantsomespace.
 
Il
ookedathi
m andhewasser
ious.
 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Iwantsomespacei
nyourhear
t.
Il
aughed,
hereal
l
yhadmet her
e.Hecameto
st
andinfr
ontofme,
thengavemehishand.
 
Thando:
Comewi
thme.
 
Itooki
tandwel eft
,headi
ngtohi
sbedr
oom.I
satdownonthebedandhesatnexttomethen
heldmyhands.Ilookedathi
m. 
Thando:
Youknow,
eversi
ncewhathappened
wit
hmyengagement ,Ij
usttol
dmy selft
onev
er
commi tt
osomeoneunlessI'mreall
ysure
aboutit
.Turnsout
,Iwasn'
ttheonlyone
cheati
ngsoshedidn'
tdumpme, weboth
agreedtoendthi
ngs.
 
Me:
So,t
hismeansyoucoul
dhavebeen
mar
ri
edbynow,hadthi
ngswor
kedout?
 
Thando:
Yeahbutt
heydi
dn'
tandher
eam I
. 
Me:Can'
tbel
i
evey
ouwer
eengagedwhenIwas
l
ike13.
Hechuckl
edandpul
l
edmycheek.
 
Thando:
Wheny
oul
osty
ourv
irgi
nit
y. 
Me:
Hey
!Iwas14whent
hathappened.
 
Thando:
Sameshi
ttome.
 
Ipunchedhi
mli
ght
lyandhechuckl
ed.
 
Me:
That
'snotni
ce.
 
Thando:
Shoul
dhav
ebeenme.
 
Me:
Thatwoul
dhav
ebeenst
atut
oryr
ape.
 
Hel
aughed.
 
Thando:
Noti
fyouenj
oyedi
t.
 
Me:Whatgi
vesy
out
heguar
ant
eeIwoul
d
hav
e? 
Thando:
Icanonl
yshowy
out
heny
oudeci
de.
 
Me:
Oh?
 
Thando:
Yes.
 
Me:
Azi
sheke.
 
Helaughed,
probabl
ybecauseoft
hewayIsai
d
i
t.
 
Hestoodup,Iwaswat chinghim andmademe
al
sostandup.Hishandswentt omywai st
,and
hepressedourbodi
est ogetherbeforehe
l
eaneddownandki ssedme, sl
owly. 
Hi
shandswenttomybut
tandsqueezedi
tas
Hebroughtusev
enmor
ecloser
,makingme
f
eelhiser
ecti
on.
 
Hel
i
ftedmeupt
henl
aidmeont
hebed,
het
ook
offhistopthengotontopofme.Iwasj ust
l
ookingathi m.Hecamet omyneckki ssedit,
l
eav i
ngbitesbefor
etakingoffmytopthen
ki
ssedt hetopofmybr east
s,Ibitmyl
ipasI
enjoyedwhathistouchwasdoi ngtomybody ,
i
nt hi
scase, hi
sli
ps. 
Heunhookedmybrathent
ooki
toff
,al
l
owi
ng
myerectbr
east
stospri
ngfr
eel
y.
 
Thando:
They
'r
ebeaut
if
ul.
 
Hesai
d,t
aki
ngamomentt
oadmi
ret
hem whi
ch
madememor ear
ose.
 
Hethenstar
tedsucki
neachoft
hem,whil
e
l
ookingatmeandImoanedbecauset
he
pl
easurewastoomuchandIwasgett
ingmor
e
andmor ewet.
 
Hethenki
ssedmeal
lthewayt
omyst
omach
andbel
owmybell
ybutton.
 
Helookedatmebefor
etaki
ngoffmyshort
s.I
bi
tmyl i
p,Iwassohor
ny,i
t'
snotev
enfunny.
 
Hebrushedmypussy,
justontopofmypanty
.
Hewast easi
ngmeandIreal
lywasrunni
ngout
ofpat
ience. 
Hesl
owlyt
ookoffmypant
ies,wi
thhi
steeth
andt
hatwassuchasexyt
hingtowat
ch. 
Thando:
Yousowet
. 
Hesaid,
looki
ngatmewi
thasmi
rkandI
bl
ushed.
 
Hi
sf i
ngertrai
l
edonmynuna, thenIf
elti
ttr
ying
t
omakei tswayinsi
de.Igaspedashestart
ed
t
ofingerfuckme,i
thadbeenqui t
eawhile.
 
Iclosedmyey esasImoaned,f
eel
inghis
tonguealsoeatmesimult
aneousl
y, 
wit
hno
knowledgeofhowhewasabl etomulti
taskl
i
ke
that.
 
Hecamet omyfaceaf
terIcame,nopun
i
ntended,
andki
ssedmeandIj ustgotwet
agai
n. 
Thando:
Your
eady
? 
Me:
Iam.
 
Thando:
Sayi
t.
 
Me:
I'
mready
. 
Henoddedthentookof
fhisshor
tsandbri
efs.
All
Inmymi ndIwasthi
nki
ngandreal
lyhopi
ngit
doesn'
thur
t.
Iwouldn'
tbeablet
ohandl
ethat.I
thadbeen
aboutfouryear
ssi
nceIl
asthadsex,andIhad
onl
yhadi tt
wicewi
thtwoguys.
Hespr
eadmylegswidebefor
ehet
ri
edent
eri
ng
meandIscr
eamed,i
thurt
. 
Thando:
Justr
elax.
 
Iswal
l
oweddeepl ybef
orehet r
iedagai
n,andI
tol
dmy sel
ftojustbestrongcauseitsur
ehurt
morethanbreakingmyv ir
gini
ty.
 
Hekeptontryingast
hetearsjustf
ell
,i
twas
hel
luvapai
nfulandwhenall
hisdickwas
thr
ough,hedidn'
tmovebutlookedatme
i
nstead.
 
Thando:
Youokay
? 
Inodded.IwasinpainbutIwantedt
his,
as
muchashedi d.Iaskedfort
hisandIwasn'
t
backi
ngoutnow.  
Thando:
Ineedt
oheary
out
ell
me.
Me:
I'
m okay
. 
Heki
ssedmewithhisdickst
il
li
nsi
deofmef or
awhi
leandt
hekissjustgotmemoreinthe
moodandIf
orgotaboutthepai
nforawhil
e. 
Thando:
Yousot
ight
. 
Hesai
dbefor
ehestart
edtomov
eandIf
eltt
he
pai
nchangei
ntopl
easure.
.
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nkI
'
llbeabl
etowal
k 
Hechuckl
ed,hewasf
indi
ngthisf
unnybutI
wasn'
t,
myv agi
nawasreal
lyonfi
re.
 
Thando:
You'
l
lbef
ine.
 
Heper
kedmyl
i
ps,
Ifol
dedmyar
ms.Wewer
e
st
il
ll
ayi
ngont hebed,
justaf
terouramazi
ng
l
ovemaking.
 
Fort
hefi
rstt
ime,Idi
dn'
tregr
et,
inf
act
,If
elt
moreinl
ovewit
hhim. 
Thando:
So,
wasIr
ight
? 
Ibl
ushed.
 
Me:
Yes.
 
Thando:
ThankYouf
orgi
vi
ngmey
ourv
irgi
nit
y. 
Me:
Iwasn'
ta-
Thando:
Youbl
ed.
 
Hesai
d,wi
thagr
in.
 
Me:
Idi
d. 
Thando:
Yep.
 
Ifr
eakedoutandmanagedtogetoutofbedi
n
thespeedofl
ight
,Iev
enfor
gotIwasinpain.
 
Helaughedatme,
Ilookedatt
hesheet
sandhe
wasright
. 
Me:
I'
ll
washt
hem now,
getof
f.
 
Thando:
No.
 
Me:I
t'
smybl oodLuthando,getoffandl
etme
gett
hiscl
eaned.I
t'
snothy gi
enic.
 
Thando:
Younotcleaningt
hissheets,
I'
mt he
onewhodidt
histoy ousoI'
llf
igur
eitout.
 
Me:
Please.
 
Thando:
No.
 
Hegotupf
rom t
hebedt
oo.
 
Thando:
Let
'sgoshower
. 
Inoddedandhepi
ckedmeupbr
idal
sty
leand
weleft
.
I
t'
sonlywhenwewer
einsi
det
heshowert
hat
heputmedown.
 
Alt
houghhetri
edbutnothi
nghappenedi
nthe
shower,
Iref
usedbecausethepai
nwasstil
ltoo
much. 
Wedr
iedandl
oti
onedt
henIj
ustwor
ehi
sT-
shi
rtwi
thnounder
wear
. 
Thando:
Youl
ooksexy
. 
Hesai
d,bi
ti
nghi
sli
p.Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Thando:
Youspendi
ngt
heni
ght
? 
Me:
Ican'
tgohomeWal
ki
ngl
i
keat
ort
oise.
 
Thando:
Youknowwhatwi
l
lmakei
tbet
ter
? 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Doi
ngi
tagai
n. 
Me:
Wahl
any
a! 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Myphonebeeped,
Itooki
tfr
om t
hebedsi
de.
 
WewereinbedandIwasl
ayingi
nhi
schest
,I
coul
dn'
tgoanywher
eagai
n. 
Thando:
Shoul
dIor
dersomef
ood?
 
Me:
Please,
I'
m sohungr
y. 
Henoddedthengotoutf
rom bed.I
twasa
f
acebooknoti
fi
cat
ion.
 
"
Thul
itaggedy
ouandt
woot
her
sinapost
"
Me:
Int
erest
ing.
 
Isaid,
loggingi
ntof
acebookandmyj
aw
dropped. 
.
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
69
"Conf
essi
onofagi
rlwhowasj
usti
nlov
e
Itallstartedashi m sav i
ngMef rom thewor l
d.
Hewaski ndofmykni ghtinshiningarmor ,
therewhenIhadnoone.Iwasmer el
ya
teenager ,attheageof14Andheshowedme
l
ov e.Iwasnewi nschool withnof ri
endsand
absol utel
ywi thnoonehav inganyi nt
eresti
nme
buthedi d.Byt hen,Iknewnot hi
ngaboutl oveor
even, beinginar el
ationship.IguesswhatI 'm
tryi
ngt osayi s, hetaughtmeal lIknow.It'
ssafe
tosayhewasmyf irst,i
nall t
haty oucan
i
magi
ne.
 
Itwasn'tl
oveatfir
stsight.West ar
tedoutas
fri
endsAndast i
mewenton, wegotmor e
closerandeventuall
yfell
inlove.Iguessthe
feeli
ngwasn'tmut ual
.Ikeptthi
nkinghe'dcome
backt omebutIguesshewasj ustatypi
cal
fuckboy ,
bangedmyasst henlookedf or
someonepr obablybetter
. 
Ican'tev
encountt hemanyt i
meIwentt obed
cryi
ngbecauseofhi m.Iblamemyev ilhear
tfor
everlovi
nghimthismuch.Ev ilbecause,well
,
ourlovewasjusttoxic.Idon'
tknowwhatIwas
thi
nkingbutwhenIf ellpr
egnant,It
houghthe'd
fi
nall
ybemi nealone. 
Youmightthink"Shetr
appedhim"butNahNah,
Il
ovedhim.Igavemyal lt
ohim andstupi
dme
evenl
ethim hiti
traw.WhenIlostt
hebaby,I
l
ostabigpartofme.  
Icouldn'
tlosehi
mt oo,
Iwouldn'
tal
l
owmy sel
f
tothenIletthedev
ilwhi
sperint
omyear
.So
muchforbeingaChr i
sti
anIknowbutIwas
desper
ate.I
fy ou'
vebeeninl
oveasIhavebeen,
you'
dunderstand.
 
Hewast heonlymanIknewandt heonl
yone
whomademebel iev
einmy sel
f,whoshowed
mel ove.Ihadtheprivi
l
egeofowni ngaphone
thathadt hemeasureofinternetsoIwentto
google.Youknowwhatt heysay"Desperate
ti
mescal l f
ordesper
atemeasur es"
Whatmadesenset henwasabl oodcov enant
butIdi
dn'tknowwhi chextentitwentt o.HadI
knownhowi twasnotonl yphy si
call
ybutsoul
andspir
it
ual binding,Iwouldn'
thavegone
thr
oughwi t
hi t.Imanagedt oconv i
ncet hel ove
ofmylif
eabouti tandheagr eed.Ididn'tev en
knowthatunf ortunatel
y,Ihadascar redwomb.
Theconditi
onwas, i
fwepar t
,wewon' tbeable
toevenhavechi ldrenwithotherpart
ner s. 
Idi
dn'
tthi
nkhe'dl
eave,It
houghthewasmine
Tohaveforet
erni
tybutIwaswrong.WhenI
was15, doi
nggr ade9, hecheatedsomuch
thatwedecidedt ohaveanopenr el
ati
onshi
p
becausethehear t
achewasj usttoomuchf or
met odealwith.Heagreed. 
Li
ttl
edidIknowt hatay earl
ater
,thi
ngswoul
d
changeforev
er.Hedidn'tseemet hesame
anymore.Hedidn'tl
ovemel ikebefor
eandmy
mindjustwentcrazy,tr
yingtofi
ndoutwhat
coul
dhav ecausedthis.
 
Shewasj ustascar ed,
innocentbeing.Ibecame
herfri
endbecauseIcoul dseehownoone
seemedi nterestedinher.She,alsoli
keIused
tobe,lackedconf i
dencei nherself
.Icouldn'
t
understandwhyhe' dpr ef
erherinsteadofme
butthenitclicked,hewant edtosav eherli
kehe
didwithme.  
Allshesawi nher
selfwasanuglygi
rl
.Shelet
mei nonherstory,howshegrewuprunni
ng
awaybecausenoonewant edher
.Thestr
uggle
thatshefacedwithherfat
herandhow
everyonecri
tici
zedandridiculedher.She
openedherhear tf
ormebutIt ookthatf
or
advantage.Shewasagoodf ri
endt ome, l
oved
me, caredandwasal wayst hereforme.But
becauseofmysel fi
shnessandev i
ldesi
res,I
tookadv ant
ageofthat.Ili
edt oherAndIwasi n
toodeept ogobackf rom t
hat . 
NokubongaKhensani Dl
ami ni
,youdidn'
t
deservet hatandI '
m sorry.Youagoodper son,
beautifulinsideandoutwi thagoodhear t.I'
m
sorry,deeplyf rom thebot
tom ofmyhear t.You
weregoodt omeandev enmymot herknew
that.Ican'tcountt henumberoft imesshe's
askedabouty ouandnowIr eal
izeIl
ostagood
fri
end. 
Kamogel o,I'
mr eall
ysorr
y.Whaty ouhadwi t
h
Khensani wasv erypowerful
andIr egr
etever
rui
ningthat.Iguessy ouweren'tminetohave.
Wheny oubr okeupwi thme, If
eltmywhol e
worldcl
osi ngdownonme.Thet rut
his,y
ou
weremywor ld.Iloveyoumor ethanli
fei
tself
.I
cont
emplatedsuici
desomanyt i
mesbutIj ust
coul
dn'
t.I
'
m sorryforstandi
nginy ourwayof
tr
uelov
eandIknowy ouloveKhensani ,t
helov
e
youtwoshareisjustoutofthi
swor ld.
 
Tr
uthis,
Iwaswr ong.Iwasjusti
nlov
eofthe
i
deaofhav i
ngacute,handsomeboylookmy
way.Hegavemeat tent
ionandgrowi
ngup
wi
thoutthat
,If
oundi ti
nthewrongpl
ace. 
Khen,I
'm beggi ngyouf r
om thebott
om ofmy
hear
t.Pleasef orgiv
eKamo, he'smiser
abl
e
wit
houty ou.Ibelieveyoutheonlyonewhocan
hel
pbr eakthiscov enantandIprayImoveon
fr
om this."
Thando:
Whyy
oucr
ying?
 
Iheardhim butIjustcoul dn'treply
.Al
lalong,I
thoughtThuliwast hebadper soni nt
hisbutli
ke
me, shehadalsosuf fered.Al l
becauseofl ov
e,
thesamel ovethatmademegi v
eupmy
vir
gini
tyattheageoff ourteen.Wehadbeenf ed
withthewrongideaofl ove. 
AsItr
iedwipingthetears,t
heykeptonfal
l
ing.
Thul
ididn'
tdeservethi
sandapar tofmewas
mad,whycoul dn'
tKamoj ustbehonest
? 
Thingswoul
dhavebeendifferentnow.Nowit
al
lmadesense,t
hedr eam Ihadbeenhaving.I
can'tbl
ameThul
iforwhatthedev i
ldi
dwith
her. 
Isti
llhadmyphoneonmyhands, Ifel
tbet
ray
ed.
Thingscouldhav ebeendi
ff
erentnow.But
again,IhadLuthandoandIbeli
evedthi
ngs
workedoutf orthebest
. 
Thando:
Baby
? 
Igavehim myphonebecauseIjustwoul
dn'tbe
abletoexplai
n.Nowev er
yoneknewandInev er
wantedsomuchat tenti
ononme.Whycoul dn't
shejustinboxmeinsteadofput
ti
ngital
loutfor
theworldtosee? 
Whydidmyl i
fehav
etogett
hiscompli
cated?I
mean,thi
ngsweregoi
ngsowellunt
ilt
his
happened.
 
Hedidn'
tsayanyt
hingbutinsteadpull
edme
andIcri
edinhi
sarms.Itrustedherandnow,
nowshet ol
dever
yoneaboutme, Aboutwhat
Kamodid. 
Iknowi thappenedt
woy earsagobutsomehow,
Itallcameback.Icr
iedt
ill
Ieventual
l
yfel
l
asleep. 
Wakingup,thesunwasblazinguphigh.My
headwasheav y,
probabl
yfrom al
lthecry
ing
andbringi
ngitf
rom thepi
ll
ow,Ihadamaj or
headache.
 
"Hey
"
Hesaid,get
ti
ngi
ntheroom wi
thatr
ay.Icoul
d
feel
thatmyeyeswer
eheavytooandprobabl
y
swoll
en. 
Thando:
Yougood?
 
Heki ssedmeonthefor
eheadandIjust
shrugged.Idi
dn'
tknowhowtofeel
aboutthis,
thewhol ewor
ldknowi
ngaboutmyli
f ewasn'
t
somethi
ngIwanted.Icouldn'
tev
enr eadt
he
commentscauseeverythi
ngwasj ust
over
whelmi
ngforme.  
Thando:Ibr
oughtyousomebreakfast
.Pl
ease
eatafewspoonful
ssoy oucandri
nksome
morningaft
erpi
ll
sandpainki
ll
ers.
 
Me:
Wai
t.
.What
? 
Thando:
Wedi dn'
tusepr
otect
ionandIknow
younotreadyf
orababy.
 
Me:
Wedi
dn'
t?
 
Ihadn'
tev
ent houghtaboutthat
.Ihadnev
er
hadsexwithoutprot
ecti
onandIstil
ldi
dn'
t
knowhowIl ett
hishappen. 
Any
way
,Ihadal
otonmymi
ndnow.
 
Thando:
Yeah,
any
way
,justeat
. 
Me:
I'
m nothungr
y. 
Thando:
Younev
ersaynot
ofood.
 
Me:
Lut
handopl
ease.
 
Thando:Justaf
ewspoonf
ulssoy
oucandr
ink
thepi
ll
s. 
Inoddedandst art
edeating.Idi
dn'
thav ean
appetit
esoIjustforcedthefoodthrough.Iev
en
fi
nishedtheplateanddrankthepil
ls. 
IwenttotakeabathafterthenbecauseI
neededtogohome.Imi ssedmyf ather
, I
missedKitsoandofcourse,li
tt
leBandi
le.
 
Idr
iedt
henl
oti
onedwhenIwasdone.
 
Thando:
Igoty
ousomecl
othes.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Iworethebraandpanti
esthent
hesimpl
e
deni
m dressthenworemyshoes.Iwasf
eel
i
ng
ali
tt
lebetterdownt
here.
 
Thedri
vehomewassi l
ent.Icoul
dn'
tevenpost
asimplepi
ctur
eonfacebookbecauseIknew
peopl
ewereprobabl
ylookingatmedif
ferent
ly
now. 
Thando:
Yougonnabeokay
? 
Me:
Ithi
nkso.
 
Heki
ssedmyli
psandmyforeheadthenopened
t
hedoorfr
om i
nsi
deandIgotout.
 
Iwentt
ot heki
tchenwhereIpour
edmy
sel
fa
gl
assoficecol
dwat er
. 
"Youokay
?"
Igotst
art
ledandevendr
oppedthegl
assIwas
hol
dingAnditshat
ter
edi
ntopi
eces.
 
Me:
I-I
'
m sor
ryaboutt
hat
..
 
Ibentdowntotryandpickupt
hepi
ecesbut
theycutmeinsteadAndIhadt
oatt
endtomy
bloodwound. 
Ki
tso:
Pleasel
eav
ethat
,I'
l
lcl
eani
tup.
 
Igotup,
thenr
anthetaponmyf i
nger
.Itwas
j
ustasli
tbutt
hebloodj
ustkeptonfl
owing.
 
Dad:
Whathappenedher
e? 
Me:
I..I
-I
t'
smyf
aul
t.
 
Dad:
What
'swr
ongNono?
 
Me:
It'
sjust
..Myhandgotcutbyagl
asspi
ece.
 
Kitsowasdarl
i
ngenoughtocomeupwitha
fi
rstai
dkidandputaplast
eronmywoundaft
er
cl
eaningup.
 
Iwasnowintheloungewi
thmyf
ami
l
yandI
knewIhadtosaysomethi
ng.
 
IknewIwouldn'
tbeablet
odealwit
hthi
salone,
Ineededsomehelpfr
om someoneandri
ght
now,Ihadthem.
 
Iwasscared.Idi
dn'
twannagoback,Ihad
comesof arandbei
ngremindedofever
ythi
ng
broughtanuneasyf
eel
ing.
 
Me:All
Icansayis,
mypasthasbeenai
redi
n
publ
i
cforal
ltosee.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:It
'sf
inei
t'
sjust
..Idi
dn'
tthi
nki
twi
l
lal
lcome
outsosoon.
Dad:Youknow,youdon'
thavetol
ett
hisbri
ng
youdown.It
'sy
ourpastyesbutl
ookatthe
bri
ghtside.Youabeautif
ul,
youngwomanwho
di
dn'tl
etherpastinfl
uenceheri
nabadway .
Peoplearealwaysgonnatalksoi
tshoul
dn'
t
mattert
oy ou.Attheendoftheday,
li
fegoes
on.
 
Me:Act
ual
l
y,y
our
ight
.Ineedt
odosomet
hing
now.
 
Them:
What
? 
Me:
Ineedcl
osur
e. 
Theylookedateachotherthenatme, conf
used.
Idi
dn'tsayanyt
hingbutjustgotup,
Ileftmy
phoneinthechargerasIwalkedtoKamogel o'
s
cri
b. 
Heowedmesomeanswer
sandnowwast
he
t
ime.
Iknockedacoupleoftimesi
nhisroom.He
opened,looki
ngli
keamess.Hisey eswere
bloodshotredanditl
ookedl
i
kehehadbeen
drinki
ng.Thesmellal
sowasn'
tpleasant
. 
Gett
ingi
n,Iopenedhi
scur
tai
nssosomeai
r
coul
dgetin.
Me:
Youl
ookl
i
keamess.
 
Kamo:
Iguessy
ousawt
hatt
oo.
 
Apartofmewasl ike"Duuh!Iwast
aggedinit
"
butno,Iwasn'
tabouttoki
ckahorsewhil
eit'
s
down. 
Me:
Idi
d.I
'
llpr
epar
eyouabat
h,y
oust
ink.
 
Onemightt
hinkI
'
m af ool,doi
ngthi
sf orhi
m
aft
eral
lhedi
dbutIdidn'twanttoholdagrudge.
Somehow,hewasalsofeelingl
ikeIwas. 
Iwenttohisbathr
oom andprepar
edhi
sbat
h.I
cal
ledhim whenIwasdone. 
Hedidn'
tdecl
i
ne,Ilef
thi
mtoi
tandst
art
ed
cl
eaningar
oundhisroom.
 
HecamewhenIwasalmostdonet
henIwent
outsohecoul
dgetdr
essed.
 
Kamo:
Youcancomeback.
 
Hewasweari
ngsomesweatpant
sandav
est
wi
thhi
sAdidassandal
s. 
Iwentbacki
nandi
tact
ual
l
ysmel
tbet
ter
. 
Kamo:
Ican'
tbel
i
evey
ouher
e,af
terev
ery
thi
ng.
 
Me:
Har
dtobel
i
evef
ormet
oo.
 
Kamo:I'
mr eal
l
ysorr
yaboutwhatIdi
dthatt
ime.
I
twasnotmypl acetot
ell
youabouthi
m orhi
s
pastf
orthatmatt
er.
 
Me:
That
'snott
her
easonI
'
m her
e. 
Kamo: Ohy
eah.Ineededt
otaket
hatout
though.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
,If
orgi
vey
ou.
 
Kamo:
Ireal
l
ynev
erdeser
vedy
ou.
 
Ihuf
fed.INeededt
ogett
other
ealr
easonwhyI
washere.It
ookadeepbr
eatht
henl
ookedat
hi
m. 
Me:
Why
? 
Atf
ir
st,
hedi
dn'
tknowwhatIwast
alki
ngabout
.
Icoul
dseeconf
usi
oni
nhi
sey
esbutIneededt
o
know.
 
Me:
Whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
me?
 
Iasked,al
mostasawhisper.Ihadbeenhonest
tohim aboutmyli
fe,
Ineededtoknowwhyhe
founditi
mpossibl
etodothesame. 
Hedi
dn'
tsayanythi
ngf
orawhil
ebefor
ehe
cl
ear
edhi
sthroatandf
inal
l
yspoke.
 
Kamo: Ifel
tashamed.Iwasst upi
d, t
rustmeI
thoughtoft ell
ingyoubutjustcouldn'tbring
my selftoit
.HowwasIgoi ngt osayi t
?Ohh. .
Khen, Imadeabl oodcovenantwi t
hThul i and
that'
swhyIcan' tl
eaveher?Ilovey ou,Ireallydo.
Alway shav eandal wayswil
l.Mybi ggestf ear
wasal way slosingyouandIr eal
lythoughtIwas
protectingyou, pr
otect
ingus.
Me:Wecoul dhavefoundawayar oundt
his.We
coul
dhav edeal
twiththistoget
her
,asacouple.
Iwoul
dhav eunderstood.Comeon,youknow
mebetterthanthi
s. 
Het
ookadeepbr
eat
h. 
Kamo: IknowandInev erwantedyoutofi
ndout
thi
sway .Ifeelsobad.Aboutt
his,
about
ever
ything.Itr
iedworki
ngoutwaystobreak
thi
scov enantsoIcancomebackf oryoubutI
j
ustcoul dn'
t.
 
Me:I.
.Ihadadream aboutt
his,
Ijustdi
dn'
t
t
hinkitwasyou.
 
Kamo:
Adr
eam?
 
Me:Yes.It
oldmypast
orandwel
l
,it
'sal
lIn
God'
shandsnow.
Kamo: Ev
ersinceyoul ef
tme,I'
venev erhad
peace.Ir
egreteverl
yingtoyou,everbreaking
yourhear
t.Trut
his,youar emyfir
stlove. 
Me:I
'
m sorry
.I'
l
ltryasmuchasIcant
ohel
p
yout
hroughthi
s. 
Kamo:ThankYou.Your
eal
l
yhav
eagood
hear
t.
 
Me:
Youdon'
thav
etot
hankme.
 
Kamo:
It'
samazi
nghowy
oucansti
l
lgetmet
o
doasyouwi
shaft
ert
woyear
s. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Youwerest
inki
ng.Pl
usy
oul
ookmuch
bet
ternow.
 
Kamo:Thanksforcl
eani
ngar
oundher
e,Idi
dn'
t
hav
ethestrengt
h. 
Me:
Youwel
come.
 
Kamo:
He'
sagoodman.
 
Me:
Who?
 
Kamo:Lut
hando.Youev
engl
owi
ng,
showshe'
s
goodf
oryou.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Kamo:IpromiseIwon'tst
andi
nyourwayof
happi
nessfrom nowon.Asmuchasithur
tst
o
seeyouhappywi t
hsomeoneel
se,asl
ongas
youhappythenI'
m good. 
Me:
ThankYou.Ihopey
ouf
indsomeonet
oo,
who'
dlov
eyoumor
ethanIev
erdi
d. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:IdoubtIev
erwi
l
l.You'
l
lal
way
shav
emy
hear
t.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Eit
herway
.Iwannaseey
ouhappyt
oo.
 
Kamo:
Fri
ends?
 
Me:
Fri
ends?
 
Weshar
edahandshake.
 
Me:Asyourf
ri
end,It
hinky
oushoul
dtakei
t
easyont
hebott
le.
 
Hel
aughed.
 
Kamo:
Iwon'
tar
guewi
tht
hat
,If
eel
li
kehel
l
. 
Me:
Sui
tsy
ou.
 
Kamo:
Hey
! 
Hesai
d,pushi
ngmel
i
ght
ly.Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
It'
sthet
rut
hthough.
 
Kamo:
Fai
renough,
I'
ll
stop.
 
Me:
Goodchoi
ce.
 
Kamo:
Soy
ougonnaal
socookf
orme?
 
Me:
I'
m noty
ourwi
fe.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Itwaswor
that
ry.
 
.
[
08/
25,
10:
23]Must
angMan:
70
OnSunday ,
Iwokeupandgotr eadyforchur
ch.
Ihaddecidedtoputeveryt
hingbehindmeandI
neverevenbother
edtoreadt hecomment son
thepost,theywer
ejustgoingtoderai
lme.Ijust
didn'
tcare. 
Ihadbeencont emplati
nggoi ngtoseeThulibut
Ihadn'treachedaconcl usi
ony et
.Maybeafter
churchbutI '
l
ljustsee.Isti
ll
di dn'
tknowhowI
wasgoi ngtof aceherafterthisbutagai
n,she
neededt oknowIf orgiv
eher .Itwasnouse
cl
i
ngi
ngont
othepastnow.
 
Ihadj usttakenashowersoIdr i
edthen
l
otioned.Iwor eamust ar
ddr esswithbei ge
heels.Ibrushedmyweav ewhi chIreallyneeded
totakeoutnowsoIwasgoi ngt oaskdadf or
somemoney .Iworehoopear r
ings,t
ookmy
bagwi thmyBi bleandevery
thingincludingmy
phonet henl eft.
 
Me:
Mor
ning.
 
Dad&Ki
tso:
Mor
ningbaby
. 
Isatdownanddi
shedupf
ormy
sel
f.
Me:
Sodad?
 
Dad:
Yes?
 
Me:Iwast
hinki
ngofdoi
ngmyhai
r,i
t'
sbeena
whi
l
e. 
Dad:
MinaNgi
ngenaphi
lapho?
 
Me:Youmyf
atherandsol
epr
ovi
derofmy
needs.
 
Dad:
Youdon'
tev
enask.
 
Me:Dad,cany
oupl
easegi
vememoneyt
odo
myhair
? 
Dad:
It'
shighti
mey ouhadabankaccountnow.
Whatninet
eenyearol
ddoesn'
thaveone? 
Me:
Act
ual
l
y,I
'
venev
ert
houghtoft
hat
. 
Dad:We'
llgotoget
hersoyoucanopenone.
Thatway
,I'l
lj
usttr
ansf
ermoneytoyouvi
a
mobil
ebanking.
 
Me:
ThenIdomyhai
r.
 
Dad:
Yes,
thatt
oo.
 
Inoddedandateov ermeani
ngl
ess
conver
sati
ons.Kit
sowasn'tcomi
ngwi
thusso
webidherfarewel
lthenlef
t.
 
Theservi
cewasheartfeel
ingasusual
andIf
elt
alotofburdenhav
ingupli
ftedf
rom my
shoul
ders.
 
Iact
ual
l
yfel
tli
keanewper
son.Iwasatt
he
doorwi
thmyfat
herwhi
legreet
ingotherchur
ch
members,
somethi
ngIhar
dlyeverdo. 
Ps:
Howwast
heser
vicet
oday
? 
Ismil
ed.Wehadj
ustshookhands.I
twasmy
past
or.
 
Me:
Itwasamazi
ng.
 
Ps:
Youenj
oyed?
 
Me:Somuch.I
fitwasuptome, Iwoul
dhav
e
want
editt
ogoonwi t
houtceasi
ng. 
Hechuckl
edandIj
oinedhi
m. 
Ps:That'
swonderf
ulmydaught
er.I
t'
sgoodto
seepeopleenj
oyi
ngthepr
ivi
l
egeofbeingi
nthe
presenceofGod.
Me:
Indeedandi
t'
smar
vel
ous.
 
Ps:Hav
ey oudeci
dedwher
eyougoi
ngt
o
pur
sueyourstudi
es?
 
Me:Noty
et.I'
m act
ual
lysti
l
lwai
ti
ngf
orr
esul
ts
dayt
henI'
l
ltakeitf
rom t
here
Henodded.
 
Ps:
Anymor
edr
eams?
 
Me:
Umm. .Notreal
l
y.ThoughIknownowwho
t
hepeopl
einthecovenantar
e. 
Ps:That
'sgood.Thatmakesthi
ngseasi
er,
moreespecial
l
yifthey
'r
ebothWill
i
ngtobreak
i
t.
 
Me:
Ithi
nkso.
 
Ps:
We'
l
ltal
k. 
Inoddedthenl
eftwi
thmyfather
,tohiscar
.We
drovehomewhil
econver
singabouttoday'
s
serv
ice.
Dad:Youseehowmuchyouwer
emi
ssi
ngout
becauseofy
ourunbel
i
ef?
 
Ichuckl
ed.Di
dher
eal
l
yhav
etogot
her
e? 
Me:Isee.Now,Ial
way
swi
sht
heser
vicecoul
d
j
ustgoonnje. 
Hel
aughed.
 
Dad:Iknow.Ki
tsowasreal
l
yanangelwho
changedmypercept
ionofl
if
eandofGod.
 
Me:
Shewasr
eal
l
yheav
ensent
. 
Dad:
ReasonwhyIl
ovehersomuch.
 
Me:
Shel
ovesy
out
oo.
 
Dad:
Youknow, Inev
err
eal
lythoughtIcoul
d
l
oveagai
nti
llshecameint
omyl if
e.Shedidn'
t
seemeasoldorpoorbutj
ustacceptedmeasI
wasandhel
pedmebecomeabet terman. 
Me: Youknowwhattheysay
,'Behi
ndever
y
successful
manisawoman' orsomet
hing
aroundthosel
i
nes.
 
Hechuckl edandpar kedthecar
.Wehadar r
ived
athome.Igotoutt henwentstr
aighttomy
room, myf eetwerekil
li
ngme.Itookaquick
shower ,
thenwor easi mplef
lor
aldresswi
th
sleeperthenwentt othedini
ngroom. 
Kit
sowasjustaboutt
osetupf
orl
unchsoI
hel
pedher
. 
Wesatdowni nourt
able,
saidGraceand
star
tedeat
ing.Weweregett
ingalongandIwas
happy.
 
Me:
Umm dad,
Kit
so 
Theyst
oppedwhatt
heywer
edoi
ngandl
ooked
atme. 
Me:
I'
mthi
nki
ngofgoi
ngt
oseeThul
i
. 
Ki
tso:
That
'sUmm.
.Why
? 
Me:SheneedstoknowIf orgav
eherfor
ev
erythi
ngandIjustwanttoputital
lbehi
nd
me. 
Dadl
ookedatmewi
thasmi
rk.
 
Dad:
That
'sbi
gofy
oubaby
,I'
m pr
oudofy
ou.
 
Me:Thanks.Ther
e'snousest
ayi
ngmadather
whi
l
eIf or
gaveKamo.  
Dad:
Youdi
d? 
Theydi
dn'
tknowaboutt
hecov
enantorme
goi
ngtoseehim.
Me:
Yesandwef
ri
endsnow.
 
Ki
tso:
HowdoesLut
handof
eel
aboutt
hat
? 
Me:
Hedoesn'
thav
eapr
obl
em wi
thi
t.
 
Dad:That'
sgoodbaby
.ThatKamogel
oki
d
bet
terstayi
nhisl
aneor 
Me:
Hai
dad.
 
Welaughed.Iwashedthedi
shesbef
oret
aki
ng
at
axitoThuli'
spl
ace. 
Dadoff
eredtodri
vemet
her
ebutIt
oldhi
mthat
wasn'
tnecessar
y. 
Igotof
fr i
ghtathergat
e,Ihadn'
tbeenher
efor
twoyears.Thehousewaspr et
tymuchsti
l
lthe
same. 
Ir
angtheint
ercom andt
heyopenedupf
orme.I
di
dn'
tevenhavetoknock.
 
Thul
i
:Ican'
tbel
i
evei
t'
syou.
Me:
Int
hef
lesh.
 
Thul
i
:Pl
ease,
comei
n. 
ShemadespaceformeandIgotin.Thei
rhome
i
sjustamazi
ng,
outoft
hisworl
d. 
Thehelpcamet
ousandaskedi
fIwant
ed
anyt
hing.
 
Me:
Somej
uice,
wit
hice.
 
Shenoddedandl
eft
. 
Me:
Isawy
ourpost
. 
Ifel
tIhadtocutri
ghtt
othechase,more
especi
all
ybecausewenotfr
iendsany
mor e.
 
Idi
dn'thateherbutIdoubtI
'
dbeabletotr
ust
heragain.That
'ssomethi
ngIcannoti
gnor
e
Thul
i
:If
eel
badaboutev
ery
thi
ng.
 
Shesaid,
looki
ngdown.Themaidgavememy
j
uiceandIthankedhert
henshel
eft
. 
Me:
It'
sokay.ThoughIdi
dn'
tthi
nky
ou'
dexpose
meli
kethat
. 
Thul
i
:Idel
etedt
hepost
. 
Me:
oh?
 
Thul
i
:Yes.
 
Shechuckl
edandl
ookedup.
 
Thul
i:YouknowKagisanoal mostst
rangl
edme
todeathabouti
t.Apparentl
yK-morewasall
l
ockedupi nhi
sroom, dri
nkingandref
usi
ngto
getout.
 
Me:
Hewasmess.
 
Shel
ookedatme,
ali
tt
leconf
used.
 
Me:
Iwentt
oseehi
m. 
Thul
i
:Oh.Youguy
swer
esogoodt
oget
her
. 
Me:Yeah,
butgoodt
hingsal
way
scomet
oan
end.
 
Thuli
:Tothi
nkitusedt
obeus.(
Sigh)Now
ther
e'snot
hingtohol
dont
oanymor e.
 
Me: I
ttookmemor ethanay eartomoveon.All
I'
m sayingis,itwon'tbeeasyforyoutoo.More
especiall
ysincey ouhadbeent oget
herformore
thanthreey ears.
 
Shesi
ghedt
hensmi
l
edf
aint
ly.
 
Thul
i
:Your
ight
.Let
ti
nghi
m gowast
hef
ir
st
st
ep. 
Me:
Yousee?Ev
ent
ual
l
y,y
ou'
l
lgett
her
e. 
Thul
i:
It'
sgoodt
oseey
ousoconf
ident
.If
eel
so
l
it
tl
enow.  
Me:
Thi
stooshal
lpass.
 
Iheldherhandinassurance.Idi
dn'thateher
andsomehow, Icouldfeelherpain.Shehad
actedstr
ongsomanyt imeswhi leshewas
breaki
nginsi
de.Itcoul
dn'thavebeeneasyf or
hertowatchmewi t
hKamogel owhi l
eknowing
howmuchshel ov eshi
m.  
Me:
Ijustwant
edt
otel
lyout
hat
,If
orgi
vey
ou.
 
Shelookedatmeasifshedidn'
tbel
i
ev eIsai
d
that
,tear
sfil
l
edhereyesandshequickl
ywiped
them off
. 
Thul
i
:Idon'
tdeser
vet
his.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:Youdo.Ther
e'snousehol
dingont
othe
past
. 
Thul
i
:ThankYou,
somuch.
 
Me:
It'
smypl
easur
e.Tel
lme,
wher
e'sy
ourdad?
 
Thul
i
:he'
satwor
k. 
Me:
OnaSunday
? 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Thul
i
:He'
smar
ri
edt
ohi
sjob.
 
Me:
Wal
kmeout
. 
If
ini
shedmygl
assofj
uiceandwel
eft
.
Me:Regardl
essofev
ery
thi
ng,
youst
il
lmyf
ir
st
t
ruefr
iend. 
Thul
i:
Althoughitwasal
lbasedonev
ilagendas,
I
'mreall
ysorry
. 
Me:
It'
sokay
.For
giv
eyour
sel
ftoo.
 
Thul
i
:Thanksf
orcomi
ng.
 
Me:
It'
sapl
easur
e. 
Iwav
edhergoodby
easIgoti
ntot
het
axi
. 
"
Youf
ri
endsagai
n?"
I
t'
sonlyt
hent
hatIr
eal
i
zedIwasal
onei
nhi
s
t
axi.
 
Me:
Youst
alki
ngmeorsomet
hing?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Don'
tfl
att
ery
our
sel
fbabygi
rl
. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Whaty
oudoi
ngher
e? 
Thando:
Iwasv
isi
ti
ngsomef
ri
ends.
 
Me:
Ijustcamet
otal
kthi
ngst
hroughwi
thher
. 
Thando:
That
'sgoodbaby
. 
Me:Wenotf
ri
endst
hough.Idoubtwecanev
er
be.
 
Thando:
Youdon'
ttr
usther
? 
Me:
Notev
enal
i
ttl
ebi
t.
 
Thando:
It'
sunder
standabl
ethough-
Me:
Hol
dthatt
hought
. 
I
twasmyphoner
ingi
ngwhi
chIanswer
ed
i
mmedi
atel
y.
 
Me:
Hi.
 
"
Hel
l
ochommi
e"
Ichuckl
ed,
itwasKamogel
o. 
Me:
Wher
edi
dyougetmynumber
? 
Kamo: Ihady
ournumbert
hemi
nut
eyou
changedSims. 
Me:
Youl
i
e!
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:Forreal
.Ij
ustneverusedi
tcauseIknew
youwouldn'
thaveanswered.
 
Me:Andnowthatwef
ri
ends,
yout
aki
ng
adv
antage?
 
Kamo:
Fri
endscheckoneachot
heroncei
na
whi
l
e. 
Me:
Sti
l
lont
hat
,howar
eyou?
 
Kamo:I
'm act
ual
l
yal
otbet
ter
.Iwentt
o
chur
ch.
 
Me:
That
'samazi
ng.I
'
m pr
oudofy
ou.
 
Kamo:
It'
sal
lthankst
oyou.
 
Me:
That
'swhatf
ri
endsar
efor
. 
Kamo:
Thi
sfr
iendzonet
hough.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Bet
tergetusedt
oit
. 
Kamo:
I'
ll
gett
her
e.Yougood?
 
Me:
Iam,
thanks.
 
Kamo:
I'
m gl
ad.Takecar
e. 
Me:
Yout
oo.
 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Bye.
 
Webot
hhungupatt
hesamet
ime.
 
Thando:
Whowast
hat
? 
Ihadev
enf
orgot
tenIwasst
il
li
nhi
staxi
.
 
Me:
Oh,
Kamogel
o. 
Thando:
Youguy
swer
etal
ki
ngl
i
kel
over
s. 
Me:
Wej
ustf
ri
ends.
 
Thando:He'
syourexwho'
sst
il
lver
ymuchi
n
l
ovewithyou.
 
Me:AndI
'
minl
ovewi
thy
ou.Heagr
eedt
oback
of
f.
 
Thando:
Yesbutf
orhowl
ong?
 
Me:
Pleasel
et'
snotmakeabi
gdeal
outoft
his.
 
Thando:
What
every
ouwant
. 
Me:
Youmad?
 
Thando:
Whywoul
dIbe?
 
Me:
Baby
,don'
tmakehi
m at
hreatI
nour
r
elat
ionshi
p. 
Thando:Ifheev
ert
ri
esamov
eony
ou,
I'
ll
kil
l
hi
m my self
. 
Hesaidi
twi
thsomuchaut
hor
it
ythatIf
eltmy
Hear
tski
pabeat.
 
Idi
dn'
tsayany
thi
ng.Whatcoul
dIpossi
blysay
? 
.
.
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
71
Heparkedri
ghtatthegat
e.Idi
dn'
tsayany
thi
ng,
Iwasabouttogetoffonl
ytofi
ndthatt
hedoor
i
slocked.
Il
ookedathim andhegav
emeapanty
dr
oppingsmirk,It
ri
edmyall
nott
obl
ush.God,
I
l
ovethisman. 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Yousupposet
opayf
orat
axi
.
 
Me:
WhyungashoVel
e? 
Irol
ledmyey esinwardlyt
hentookoutat
en
randnote.Hejustlookedati
t.
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
whatnow?
Thando:
Youcan'
tbepregnantal
readyso
what'
switht
heat
ti
tude? 
Me:
May
beI
'
m PMSi
ngorsomet
hing.
 
Hesi
ghed.
 
Thando:
Whatam Igoi
ngt
odowi
thy
ou?
 
Ichuckl
ed.Heki
ssedmeont hecheekt
hen
openedthedoor
,Igotout
. 
Ki
tso:
Howdi
ditgo?
 
Sheaskedi
mmedi
atel
ywhenIgoti
nsi
det
he
house.
 
Isatdownnexttoher
,shewasmaki
ng
Bandil
e'
sbott
le.
Me:Good.Shewassi
ncer
eandIt
oldherI
f
orgi
veher.
 
Ki
tso:
That
'sgood.I
t'
sbeent
woy
ear
s,y
ou
wouldn'
thav
ebeenabl
etomov
eonwi
thal
lthat
baggage.
 
Me:
Yeah,
itwasl
ongov
erdue.
 
Ki
tso:
I'
m pr
oudofy
ou.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Weshar edahug.IwenttowatchTVfort
he
remaini
ngtimeunti
lIf
elthungr
yandwentto
quickl
ymakesomet hi
ngtoeat.Tur
nsout
,I
wasn'ttheonl
yonehungry.
 
Imademacar
oniandcheesefordi
nner
.I
di
shedupwhenIwasdone. 
Dad:Youshoul
dwakeupear
lyt
omorr
ow.I
don'
twanttospendmywhol
edayi
nabank
queue.
 
Me:
Yesdad.
 
Kit
so:Pl
usi
t'
sthef
est
iveseason,
tendst
oget
busy.
 
Dad:
Exact
lyandi
t'
sthe30t
htomor
row.
 
Me:
Igeti
tguy
s. 
Theylaughed.Ki
tsohel
pedwi
ththedi
shesaft
er
whil
eIbidthem far
ewel
landwenttomyroom. 
Ichangedi
ntomypy
jamasandgoti
ntobed
withmyphone.
 
Thando:
CanIseey
out
omor
row?
 
Me:
Yousawmet
oday
. 
Wewer etal
ki
ngov erwhat
sapp.Moreli
ke
chatt
ingandIwasgladhecouldn'
tseeme
causethatmeantIgottomakewhateverfaces
Iwantandroll
myey escount
lessti
mes. 
Iwasjustt
easi
nghi m.Idon'
tknow,Il
i
ke
pressi
nghi
sbuttons,i
t'
sintr
igui
ngf
orme. 
Thando:SeemsIdi
dn'
tdoenoughdamaget
o
yourpussy.
Me:
Itst
il
lhur
ts.
 
I
nst
eadofr
epl
yi
ng,
hecal
l
edandIl
aughedf
ir
st
bef
oreanswer
ing.I
twasav
ideocal
l
. 
Me:
Hey
. 
Thando:Whydoy
oudi
srespectmesomuch
Khensani
? 
Me:
DidI
? 
Thando:
ThewaybeoRi
ng'
anam l
i
keI
'
myour
l
it
tl
ebrother
. 
Me:
I'
m sor
rybaba.
 
Thando:
So,
am Iseei
ngy
ouornot
? 
Me:I'
m goi
ngt
odomyhai
rbutwegoi
ngt
othe
bankfi
rst
. 
Thando:
We?
 
Me:
Yes,
DadandI
. 
Thando:
Whatf
or?
 
Me:
He'
sgoi
ngt
oopenanaccountf
orme.
 
Thando:That'
sagoodi
dea.I
'
llbeabl
eto
tr
ansferyousomemoneyaswell.
 
Me:
That
'snotnecessar
y. 
Thando:Youmygi
rl
fr
iend,
what
'
smi
nei
s
your
s. 
Me: Igetthat
.Li
key
ourcar
,pl
usIhav
ea
l
icense. 
Thando:
OrIcoul
djustbuyy
ouy
ourown.
 
Igaspedandhechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:Cl
osey
ourmout
hbef
oref
li
esgeti
n
ther
e. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
It'
sni
ght
,whatf
li
es?
 
Thando:
Youcannev
erknow.
 
Me:
Hai
suka.
 
Thando:
Yousay
ingy
ouwon'
tbef
ree?
 
Me:
I'
ll
seey
ouatt
hedi
nneronWednesday
. 
Thando:I
t'
stoof
ar.I
'
llcomepi
cky
ouupf
rom
thesal
on.
 
Me:
I'
ll
bewi
thdad.
 
Thando:
Trustme,
youwon'
t.
 
Me:
Whyar
eyousosur
e? 
Thando:
Youf
orgethehasaj
ob.
 
Me:
Oh,
that
. 
Thando:
Yes,
nowst
opbei
ngdi
ff
icul
t.
 
Me:
I'
ll
cal
lyouwhenI
'
m doneKe.
 
Thando:
That
'smygi
rl
. 
Ial
mostr
oll
edmyey
es.
 
Thando:Youknow,
Iwi
shy
ouknewhowmuchI
l
ovey ou.
 
Me:
Youal
way
sremi
ndmebabyandIl
ovey
ou
t
oo.
 
Thando:
I'mjustwai
ti
ngf oryoutobereadythen
wecanfinal
l
ygetmar r
ied.I'
m gett
ingol
d. 
Me:
Youl
ooksoy
oungt
hough.
 
Hechuckl
edandIl
aughed.
 
Thando:Say
sani
net
eeny
earol
dwhol
ooks
fi
ft
een. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Hey
,that
'sr
ude.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Sor
rybaby.Ican'
twai
tfort
hetimeyou
car
rymybabywit
hmyr i
ngonyourl
efthand.
 
Ibl
ushed.I
twasev er
ything.Hi
m seei
ngaf
utur
e
wit
hmei nit
,Il
ovedit.I
tmademeseehow
ser
iousheisaboutme, aboutus.
 
Me:Metoo.WhenI
'
m wor
kingandgotmy
degr
ee.
 
Thando:Yes,
ofcourse.Iwantyoutof
oll
ow
yourdr
eams,aslongI'm par
tofthem.
 
Me:
Youar
ebaby
. 
Thando:
ThenI
'm gl
ad.Nowsl
eepbaby
,I'
l
lsee
youtomorr
ow.
 
Me:
Whosai
dI'
mti
red?
 
Iy
awnedAndhechuckled.Icoveredmyf
ace
wi
thmyhandandcl
ickedmyt ongue.
 
Thando:
Goodni
ght
. 
Me:
Goodni
ghtbaby
. 
US:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Webothbur stouti
ntol
aught
erandhungup.I
i
mmediatelyputmyheadont hepi
l
lowand
sl
eepovercameme.  
Thefol
lowingday,Igotupthentookabath.
For
tunatel
y,Iwasn'
tlatebecausedadwas
goi
ngtobreatheov ermyneckaboutit
. 
Aftert
akingmybat h,Idr
iedthenl
otioned.I
wor ematchi
ngbr aandpanti
es.Ialsowor ea
blackdenim ankl
egrazer,wi
thadenim shir
t
andacaponmyhead.Iwor ewhit
eSuper star
thentookmybagandphone.  
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Isai
d,i
twasonl
ydadi
nthedi
ningr
oom.
 
Dad:Iwasaboutt
ogetupandgowakey
ou
myself
. 
Hesai
d,putt
inghi
snewspapernextt
ohi
m on
t
hetabl
e. 
Me:
Sor
ryt
odi
sappoi
nty
ou.
 
Isatdownanddi
shedupsomet
oastandeggs
formysel
f.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sKi
tso?
 
Dad:Shewentbackt
obedaf
termaki
ng
br
eakfast
. 
Me:
Oh.
 
Dad:
She'
snotsi
ck.
 
Inodded.Af
terbr
eakf
ast,
wel
eft
.West
art
ed
offatAbsaf
ormycard. 
Wewaitedf
orhal
fandhourbef
oreget
ti
nghel
p.
Peopl
ewakeupearl
ytogettot
hebankshame.
 
Anhourl
ater
,Ihadmycardi
nmyhand.
Somehow,If
eltl
ikesomemi
ll
ionai
reev
en
t
houghi
twasn'
tabl
ackcar
d. 
Dad:
You'
l
lcat
chat
axi
homer
ight
? 
Me:
Yes.
 
Dad:
I'
ll
transf
ersomemoneyt
oyounow.
 
Me:
Okaydad.
 
Wepartedway
s.Iwenttot
hesalonwhil
ehe
wentt
ohisworkpl
ace.Myphonebeeped.
 
Hehadsentmesomemoney.Iendedupdoi
ng
mynai
ls,
justt
obel
adyl
i
ke. 
Iwasgoingt osignupforladiessocceratt
he
varsi
tyI
'm goingtoenr
ollat.Iknewmybei ng
captai
nwasgoi ngtocomehandyandagai n,I
l
ovesoccer .
 
Iwasdoinglongthint
wistthatreachedmyass.
Theyhadt oremovemyweav ethenwashmy
hairf
ir
stthenstr
aight
enitbecauseofthecur
ls.
Itwassolong. 
Any
way
,Isatdownandwai
tedf
ort
hem t
odo
whatt
heywantasIwast
alki
ngonmyphone.I
wasactual
l
ychat
ti
ngonwhatsapp.
 
Kagi
:What
every
oudi
dtomybr
otherhel
ped.
 
Me:
Idi
dnot
hing.
 
Kagi
:Real
l
y? 
Me:
Yes.
 
Kagi:Hemanagedtogetoutofhi
sroom fora
fi
rst
,evendi
danewhai r
styl
eandstopped
dri
nki
nghisl
ifeaway.
 
Me:
I'
m happyf
orhi
m. 
Kagi:
AndKhen,
I'
m sor
ryaboutt
heLut
hando
thi
ng. 
Me:
Wat
erundert
hebr
idge.
 
Kagi
:Doest
hismeanwecanst
il
lhungout
? 
Me:Idon'
tknowaboutt
hat
.Imean,
youhat
e
myboyfri
end.
 
Kagi
:He'
sfr
iendswi
thmyboy
fri
end,
Ican'
that
e
hi
m. 
Me:
Youdon'
thav
etosugar
coati
twi
thme.
 
Kagi
:IguesssomehowIl etThut
oandKamof
il
l
myheadwi t
hnonsense.Liaanewasev
enmad
atme. 
Me:
Howi
sitgoi
ngwi
thy
ouguy
s? 
Kagi
:Good.Wehavet
roubl
eslikeanycoupl
e
butot
herthant
hat
,wegood. 
Me:
How'
sdat
ingawhi
teguyt
hen?
 
Kagi
: 
    He'
ssowi
l
d.Thet
hingshe
doestome.
 
Me:
Idon'
tev
enwannai
magi
ne.
 
Kagi
:Gi
rl
!He'
ssuchabeast
. 
Me:
Now,
Icani
magi
ne 

Wecont inuedt
alki
ngaboutLianneand
everyt
hingwhil
eIdidmyhair.Itt
ookroughl
y
fourhoursandbythen,myasswaski l
li
ngme. 
Lut
handohadcomeanhouragoandheended
uppayi
ngfori
tbutIwasn'
tbot
her
ed.Mor
e
moneyf
ormetospend.Bei
ngbr
okesucksand
mydadisr
eal
l
ytr
ying.
 
Thando:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Hekeptl ooki
ngatmeov erandov
eragai
n.And
Icouldn'
tstopblushi
ng.Myheadwasabit
painf
ul t
hough. 
Me:
Myassi
ski
l
li
ngme.
 
Icomplai
nedandhesqueezedi
t.Iwassot
ir
ed
fr
om sit
ti
ngfort
hatl
ongandIwashungryas
well
. 
Thando:
Shoul
dImassagei
t? 
Me:
I'
m hungr
y. 
Thando:
Let
'sgot
owi
mpy
. 
Hishandwasst
il
lonmyassandIjustt
hought
hewastry
ingt
omar khi
ster
ri
tor
yinaway. 
Thando:
Youdi
dyournai
l
s? 
Me:
Youonl
ynot
ici
ngnow?
 
Iwav
edmyhandonhi
sfaceandhechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
I'
m onl
yaski
ngnow.They
'r
eni
ce.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Theysui
tmeNeh.
 
Thando:
Yes.
 
Hekissedmeont hecheek.Wegoti
nwi
mpy
andIorderedamil
kshakeandsomebuf
fal
o
wingswithchi
ps.
 
Thando:
Somuchf
ood.
 
Me:
I'
m hungr
y. 
Irol
ledmyeyes.Iwashungr
yandwell,hehas
nevercompl
ainedaboutmyfoodi
ntake. 
Heorderedthesamemeal
thenweat
eov
era
l
ightchat.
 
Thando:
Wher
eyougoi
ngt
omor
row?
 
Me:
Newy
ear
'sev
eNeh 
Henodded 
Me:Notsur
e.MaybeBuhl
eandt
heot
her
sgot
somet
hingi
nmind. 
Thando:Ther
e'sthi
sNewyear'
sevepar
tyatmy
fr
iendspl
ace,Buhlewi
l
lbether
e. 
Me:
Okay
. 
Thando:
Pleasecomewi
thme.
 
Me:
I'
ll
askdad.
 
Thando:
Okaybaby
. 
Aft
ereati
ng,
hepai
dthenwelef
t.Iwassof
ull
,I
fel
tli
kesomepr
egnantwoman.
 
Thando:
Youshoul
dn'
teatl
i
ket
hat
. 
Me:
Younothel
ping.
 
Hewaslaughi
ngatmeandIwast
oof
ull
todo
any
thi
ngaboutit
. 
Wedidsomegrocer
yshoppi
ngf
orhi
m bef
ore
wecoul
dfi
nal
lyleav
e.Iwassot
ir
ed.
 
Thando:
Iwi
shy
oudi
dn'
thav
etogo.
 
Me:
Wegonnameett
omor
rowt
hough.
 
Thando:
Iknow,
Ican'
twai
t.
 
Me:
Met
oo.
 
Wesharedalong,passi
onat
eki
sswhi
chl
eftus
bot
hbreathl
ess.
 
Thando:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Igotoutandlef
t.Iwasj
ustaboutt
oopenthe
doorwhenIreceivedat
extonmyphone.
 
"Imi
ssy
oual
readyxoxo"
Igiggl
edasIl
ookedbackathi
m andwav
ed.He
droveoff
. 
Icouldn'
twaitf
ortomorr
owandapar
tofme
actuall
ymissedKhol
iswa.
 
Iknowwe'vej
ustmetbutIf
eel
some
connect
ionwi
thher
.She'
smymotheraf
teral
l
. 
.
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
72
Me:
Umm,
dad?
 
Dad:
Yes.
 
Me:Lut
handoaskedmetogowithhi
mt othi
s
newyear'
sevepar
tysoIwaswonder
ingifi
t'
s
cool
withyou.
 
Hel
ookedatKi
tsof
ir
stt
henbackatme.
 
Dad:
Ofcourse.Youdidn'thavet
oaskbuty
ou
di
dandI
'm glad.Justkeepitsaf
eNono.
 
Igr
innedandhuggedhi
m. 
Me:
Thanksdaddy
. 
Dad:
Youwel
comebaby
. 
Hekissedmyfor
ehead.Wewer
ehav
ing
br
eakfastbyt
heway. 
Me:
Can'tbel
i
evey
ouguy
shav
ebeenmar
ri
ed
f
orayear.
 
Theyl
ookedateachot
hert
hensmi
l
ed.
 
Kitso:
Hardtobel
iev
eformet
oo.Inev
er
thoughtwe'
dgethere.
 
Dad:
Andy
ether
ewear
e. 
Me:
Youi
nspi
reme 
Dadl
aughed.
 
Dad:
Don'
tgetanyi
deas.
 
Me:
Actual
ly,
Lut
handohi
ntedsomet
hingabout
mar
ri
age. 
Ki
tsogi
ggl
edwhi
l
edadhadast
rai
ghtf
aceon.
 
Dad:
Unlesst
hatboyhasadeat
hwi
sh,
he
woul
dn'
teventhi
nkabouti
t.
 
Ichuckl
ed,
Iwasj
ustpul
l
inghi
sleg.
 
Me: DadI'
m ni
neteen.Ican'
thav
ebabi
eswhen
I
'm allol
dandGrey. 
Hecl
enchedhi
sjaw,
Kit
soandIl
aughed.
 
Dad:
Nokubonga.
. 
Hesai
dwar
ningl
y.Ij
ustl
aughedev
enmor
e. 
Dad:
Ialmosthadahear
tat
tack.Justt
he
t
houghtofhi
m ontopof
-
Icuthi
m shor
t.
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
baba!
 
Ki
tsolaughed.Igotupandwenttotheroom.
Myfami l
ythough.It
ookabath,
driedthen
l
oti
oned. 
Iworeadenim dressdungareewit
hawhiteT-
shi
rtandbl
ackv ans.Iletmybrai
dsloset
hen
putonbighoopear r
ings. 
It
ookmyphoneandcal
l
edKholi
swa.She
pi
ckedupal
mosti
mmediat
ely
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Khensani
? 
Me:
Hel
l
oma.
Khol
i
swa:
It'
sreal
l
yyou?
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Yes,
it'
sme.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Ijustdi
dn'
tthi
nky
ouwi
l
l.
.Howar
e
y
ou?
 
Me:
I'
m okay
,you?
 
Khol
iswa:I
'mfi
ne,
Ijustmi
ssy
oubutIdon'
t
wannapushyouawaybycomi
ngontoo
st
rongl
y. 
Me:Actual
l
y,Iki
ndofmi
ssy
out
ooandl
i
ttl
e
Thandi
. 
Shedi
dn'tsayanythi
ngf
orasecondli
keshe
wastr
yingtoprocessWhatIj
ustsai
d. 
Khol
i
swa:
Youdo?
 
Me:
Duuh!Whywoul
dIcal
l
? 
Shebr
eat
hedoutl
oudl
y.Ichuckl
ed.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Ofcour
se,
wher
ear
eyounow?
 
Me:I'
m home.Iwasactual
lyt
hinki
ngofgoi
ng
outwit
hThandiforsomeice-
cream. 
Khol
i
swa:
Whataboutme?
 
Me:
Whatabouty
ou?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Ouch.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Cany
oucomepi
ckmeup?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Uyangusermanj
e. 
Il
aughed.Khol
i
swai
ssuchadr
amaqueen
Yoh.
 
Me:
Okayf
ine,
youcancomeal
ong.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Okaybaby
,I'
m comi
ng.
 
Il
aughed.She'
sreal
l
ysomethi
ngel
se.Tr
uthis,
I
wasgoingtoaskhertocomeal
ongaswell
. 
Anyway,Iwentt
owai
tint
hel
oungewi
thmy
phoneandbag. 
Ki
tso:
Goi
ngsomewher
e? 
Me:
Umm y
eah,
Ihopei
t'
sokaywi
thy
ou.
 
Ki
tso:
What
?Ofcour
se.
 
Me:
I'
m goi
ngwi
th.
.Khol
i
swa.
 
Ki
tso:
Oh.
 
Me:
Yeah,
pleasei
fyouhav
eapr
obl
em,
tel
lme.
 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Kit
so:Idon'
t.I
'm act
uall
ygladyouworki
ng
thi
ngsoutwithyourbiol
ogical
mother
.It
'dbe
sel
fishofmenott oapprov
e. 
Me:
ThankYousomuch.
 
Wehugged.Acarhoot
edoutsi
desoItookmy
bagandl
eft,
myphonewasinmyhand.Iwas
j
ustgl
adthatKi
tsowasgoodwithev
eryt
hing.
 
Thel
astthi
ngIwantishert
hinki
ngI'
m
si
del
i
ningherbecauseofmymot her
. 
Me:
Hey
. 
Isai
d,get
ti
ngi
nthepassengerseat
. 
Khol
i
swa:Forasecondt
her
e,It
houghti
twasa
pr
ankti
l
lIsawyoucomingout
. 
Il
aughed.It
urnedt
otheback,
findi
ngThandi
.
 
Me:
Heybabygi
rl
. 
Shesmi
l
edshy
ly.
 
Thandi
:Hel
l
oSi
si.
 
Me:
Yougood?
 
Shenodded.
 
Me:
I'
m gl
ad.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Didy
oueat
? 
Me:
Yeah,
Ijusthadbr
eakf
ast
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Okay
.Wow,
youdi
dyournai
l
sgi
rl
? 
Il
aughedandwav
edmyhandonherf
ace.She
l
aughed.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Ishoul
ddomi
ne.
 
Me:
Copy
cat
! 
Khol
i
swa:
Hai
suka.
 
Il
aughed.Wearri
vedatthemall
andshepar
ked
hercar
.Igotoutt
henopenedthedoorf
or
Thandiandhel
dherhand. 
Khol
i
swa:
Iwannadomyhai
rfi
rst
. 
Thandi
:Met
oomom.
 
Il
aughed.She'
sonl
yfivekana.Anyway,
we
wentwit
hmom t ohersal
onandt heyev
en
pour
edussomewi newhileshedidherhai
r.
 
Shejustr
emovedherweavet
henr
elaxedand
cur
ledhernat
ural
hairwhi
chi
ssol
ong.You'd
swearshe'
snotbl
ack. 
Thandidi
dast
rai
ghtbackt
henwel
eftf
or
l
unch. 
Kholi
swa:Let
'sgobuyafewoutf
it
s.Ihear
d
aboutthedi
nnerwhi
chI'
m noti
nvi
tedto.
 
Il
aughed.
Me:Angi
thi
youdr
amat
ic.Asi
funi
Idr
ama
kal
oku.
 
Shel
aughed.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Yousayi
tli
keI
'
m suchabadper
son.
 
Me:
Nomot
her
,youj
ustcan'
tbehav
e. 
Khol
i
swa:
Ouch.
 
Shet
ouchedherchestdr
amat
ical
l
y,Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Trut
hhur
ts.
Ijustl
aughed.Aftereat
ing,wewentshopping
foroutf
it
s.Iendedupbuy ingawhitejumpsuit
whichIwasgoi ngtoweart odayf
ortheparty
andsomebeaut i
fulf
entywedgedboot s,
pinki
n
colour
. 
Acoupl eofjeans,
andtopsandsomeheel
sand
sneakerstoo.Weal l
wentoutwi
thmany
shoppingbags.
Khol
i
swa:
I'
m sot
ir
ed.
 
Me:
Ineedamassage.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Let
'sgoputt
hesei
nthecar
. 
Wewentt
oputev
ery
thi
ngi
nthecar
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Iwantust
ogosomewher
e. 
Thandi
:Wher
e? 
Il
aughed.You'
dswearshewast
alki
ngt
oher
. 
Khol
i
swa: Tothespa,
forsomebackmassage
andfaci
als.
 
Me:
Youl
i
vingl
i
keawhi
tegi
rlHuh?
 
Shel
aughed.
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
m notacoconutWena.
 
Il
aughed,wewenttothespaandgotsome
backmassagesandfaci
als,
theyev
enwaxed
mylegs.
 
Ifel
trej
uvenat
edandr ev
ital
i
zedaft
erever
ythi
ng.
Myphoner angjustaswewer egoi
ngtoher
car.
 
Me:
Shi
t!
 
Isaidbeforeanswer i
ng,itwasLut
hando.We
fi
nishedaround5, Ididn'
treal
i
zewehadspent
somucht i
met ogether. 
Me:
Baby
. 
Thando:
Hey
.Youdone?
 
Me:
Umm,
thi
ngi
s..I
..Wel
l
Thando:
Youst
utt
eri
ng.
 
Me:
I'
m not
..Done
Isai
dthel
astpar
tal
mostasawhi
sper
.Thando
pull
edmyhand.
 
Thandi
:Si
si
,l
et'
sgo.
 
Me:
Umm,
yeah 
Ihungupandl
eftwi
thThandi,
Iknewhewas
goingt
obemadbutI'
ll
justcal
lhi
m whenIget
home. 
Khol
i
swa:
Ever
ythi
ngokay
? 
Me:
Yes,
all
iswel
l
. 
Shest
art
edthecaranddr
oveoff
.Igotoutwi
th
myshoppi
ngbagsandwentstr
aightt
omy
room.
 
Ist
ri
ppedthenwr
appedatowelar
oundmy
body.It
ookmyphoneanddi
aledThando'
s
number.
 
Heanswer
edont
het
hir
dri
ng.
 
Thando:
Nokubonga.
 
Me:
Iwasatt
hemal
lwi
thKhol
i
swaandIdi
dn'
t
t
hinkweweregoi
ngtotakesolong,
I'
m about
t
oshowernow.Sorr
yforhangi
ngupony ou.
 
Thando:
Takeat
axi
tomyhousewheny
ou
done.
 
Wi t
hthatsaid,hehungupandIsighed.Hehad
beensocol dtowardsmeov ert
hephonebutI
didn'
tblamehi m.I
'ver
eal
izedhehasquitea
temper,remindsmeofKamosomet i
mes. 
Iendedupt aki
ngahotshower
,inst
eadofa
bath.Idr
iedwhenIwasdonethenloti
oned.I
woremyLaceyunderwearbutdidn'
tevenwear
abra. 
Ithenwor ethejumpsuit
,whichwast ight
erthan
Ithought.Itwaslong,wi
thlongsleevesandan
Oi nthefrontreveal
i
ngmycl eavage.Iworethe
fentybootst henmadeonesmal lbunwi t
hmy
braidsAndl eftt
herestl
oose.Iputonmar oon
mat tel
ipsti
ckandsmal l
earri
ngs. 
Ispr
ayedsomeparfume,t
ookmybagand
phonethenl
eft
.Ican'
tbel
i
eveI
'
llbet
aki
nga
t
axi
. 
Me:
I'
m out
! 
Ishoutedt
hengotoutatt
hedoor
.Itwas
almosthal
fpastsi
xnow. 
Acarst
oppedinf
rontofme,Idi
dn'
trecogni
zei
t
andIwasst
il
lwai
ti
ngforataxi
. 
Kamo:
(whi
stl
es)Wow.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Kamo:
Eyakaet
sel
a? 
Me:
I'
m goi
ngt
omymankal
oku.
 
Kamo:
Geti
n,I
'
llgi
vey
oual
i
ft.
 
Me:
Youdon'
tknowwher
ehest
ays.
 
Kamo:
You'
l
ldi
rectme.
 
Igotin,
Ihadwai
tedsomemi nut
esf
orat
axi
whichwasn'
tcomingsoIgotin.
 
Me:
Nicer
ide.
 
Hewasdr
ivi
ngsomeBMW somet
hing.
 
Kamo:
Thanks,
it'
smydad'
s.
 
Me:
He'
shome?
 
Kamo: Yep.Theyhav
ingsomebr
aai
wit
h
fr
iends.
 
Inodded.Wet
alkedal
it
tl
ewhil
eIdi
rect
edhi
m
toThando'
spl
ace.Hedr
oppedmeatthegat
e. 
Kamo:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ulbyt
heway
. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Hegotoutandcametoopenmydoorf
orme,
somet
hingIwasn'
texpect
ing.
 
Kamo:
Andf
uckabl
e. 
Me:
Fot
shek.
 
Hel
aughed,
Igotout
. 
Me:
Thanksf
ort
her
ide.
 
Iwinkedandhel
aughed,
Iwal
kedawayi
ntot
he
yar
d. 
If
oundLut
hando,
int
heki
tchenanddr
inki
nga
canofCast
lel
i
te.Hedi
dn'
tev
enseemegeti
n. 
Me:
Hi.
 
Thando:
Youher
e. 
Me:
Umm y
eah.
 
Het
urnedt
olookatmeandhi
sjawdr
opped.
 
Me:
Ist
her
esomet
hingwr
ong?
 
Thando:
Youl
ook.
.Wow,
beaut
if
ulandsassy
. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Thando:
Younotgoi
ngt
othepar
tywear
ingl
i
ke
that
. 
Me:
Likewhat
? 
Thando:Al
lmyassetsareoutt
here.Lookat
yourcl
eavage,
yourass.
.God,t
hosecurves.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Thando:
I'
m ser
ious.
 
Hecameclosert
omeandputhishandsonmy
wai
st.Heki
ssedmycl
eav
age. 
Thando:
Youbasi
cal
l
ynaked.
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
youexagger
ati
ngnow.
 
Thando:
NoKhensani
.
 
Me:
NoThando.
 
Thando:
Yousay
ingnot
ome?
 
Me:
Yes.
 
Igotf
reef
rom hi
m andfol
dedmyar
ms.He
l
ookedatmeforawhile.
 
I
t'
slikehewascontemplat
ingsomethi
nginhi
s
mind.Ist
aredr
ightbackathi
m shame. 
Iwasn'
taboutt
oloseont
hisst
ari
ng
competi
ti
on.Noways.
 
.
.
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
73
Thando:
Arev
aye.
 
Hesai
d,af
teranhour
.Icoul
dn'
tbel
i
evehewas
gi
v i
ngintome,justl
i
kethat.Anyway,It
ookmy
bagthenfoll
owedmeout .Ihadstoodmy
ground.AndIwasproudofmy sel
f. 
Any way,heopenedthedoorf ormeandIgot
i
ntohi scar.Hewentt ohissidet henwelef
t.He
wasbl asti
ngToKwest aftCassper-Ngud.The
songwasonr epeatthatIevengott oknowt he
l
y r
icsinKwesta'sverse.Okay, I
'
m kiddi
ngbut
reall
y,hewasov erpl
ayingthesongnay e. 
Itwasv erycrowded,l
i
kether eweresomany
car soutsi
de.I'
m nott
alki
nganycar ,I
'mtalki
ng
flashycars.Somehow,IfeltIdi
dn'tdeserveto
beher e.Imean, t
heywerealloutofmyl eague. 
Thando:
Uzophumaorwhat
? 
Idi
dn'
tevenr
eali
zehehadopenedt
hedoorf
or
mebecauseIhadzonedout
. 
Me:
I..Ar
eyousur
eweatt
her
ightpar
ty?
 
Thando:Yes,
I'
m alr
eadyi
ntheyar
dandI'
ve
parkedmycar.Iknowthi
shousel
iket
heback
ofmyhead.
 
Me:
Thatdoesn'
tmakesense.
 
Thando:
JustcomeoutKhensani
.Weal
ready
l
ateandubusyyapepeza.
 
Iinwar
dlyroll
edmyey esandgotout.Hel
ocked
thecarthentookmyhandi nt
ohisandweleft
.I
tookafinalbreathebefor
egoingint
othehouse.
Therewereact uall
ypeopleout
sideaswel
l,t
he
musicwaspl ayingsoloud. 
Nobuhlecametomei mmediat
elywhenwegot
i
nthelounge.Shewasprett
ydrunk.Wehugged
br
iefl
ythenshetookmyhandandwewentt o
si
tinoneofthecouches.
 
Buhl
e:Whyar
eyousol
ate?
 
Me:
Someonehadapr
obl
em wi
thmyout
fi
t.
 
Shelaughed.Shewaswear
ingar
edmi
nit
ight
dress.
 
Buhl
e:Younottheonl
yonekal
oku.Ihadt
oli
ck
andsuckhi
sdickforhi
mtofi
nall
yletmebe.
 
Me:
Eeuw.
 
Shelaughedandgulpeddownthecontentsof
herdri
nk.Itwasonlygi
rl
swherewewer e
seat
edandIdi dn'
tdareaskwhotheyare.
 
Thandocamet
omewi
thagl
assofIdon'
tknow
what.
 
Thando:
It'
snonal
cohol
i
c. 
Me:
Excuseme.
 
IsaidtoBuhl
eandshenodded.Thismanwas
test
ingmypatiencenow.Wewenttothe
kit
chenwherethereweren'
tal
otofpeopl
e. 
Me:Icamet
oapar
tyandy
ouexpectmet
ost
ay
sober
? 
Thando:Theonlytimeyouget
ti
ngdr unki
swith
me.Youdecidedt osi
twit
hyourfr
iendsoy ou
won'tdr
inkanyalcohol
.
Me:
I'
ll
gosi
twi
thy
out
hen.
 
Thando:
Yousur
e? 
Me:That
'swhatyouwantright?Towatchmy
ever
ymov e,
tel
lmewhattowear ,whattodr
ink.
ImeanhereIwasthi
nki
ngIl eftmyfat
herat
homeonlytofi
ndoutI
'm datinghi
m. 
Helookedatmef oramoment, l
i
kehedidn't
bel
ieveIjustspoketohi
mlikethatbutIwas
j
ustti
rednow, Iwasf
edup.Ididn'
tcareabout
whattheconsequencesofmyact ionsmaybe
butIneededt opourmyheartout. 
Thando:Youwi
ll
neverspeakt
omel i
ket
hat
,
youhearme?Iwil
lnotal
lowmysel
ftobe
disr
espect
edbyawoman.  
Me:
Takemehome.
Hel ookedatmewithar
aisedey
ebrowbutI
staredback.Hehadani
ntimi
dat
inglookonbut
Ididn'tcar
e. 
Thando:Uy
any
a.Come,
we'
l
lgochi
l
lwi
thmy
fr
iends.
 
If
oldedmyar
msandl
ookedathi
m.I
'
m nothi
s
t
oy,
Iwon'
tl
ethi
m di
ctat
eov erme,dominate
meli
keI
'
m hi
ssubmissi
ve.Ayiangekemina.
 
Hechuckl
ed,l
ooki
ngatme.Het
hent
ookabar
chai
randsatonit
. 
Thando:
Iguesswe'
l
lhav
eourownpar
tyher
e. 
"Lu?
"
Het urned,Iwasfaci
ngthegi
rl
.Hegotupfrom
thechairandtheyhuggedti
ghtl
y.Shewas
slender,beaut
if
ulwit
hsmallboobsandanass 
Ilookedatt hesetwot alkl
ikelostlover
s,wit
h
hertouchinghi scheek.Iswearatt hatmoment ,
theonlythingt hatwasleftwasf orThem tojust
kissdeeplyinmypr esence. 
Ifel
tmyheartbr
eakintoamill
ionpieces.He
i
gnoredme,completel
yignor
edmeand
enter
tai
nedhi
sgirl
fr
iendorwhatevershewasin
fr
ontofme. 
It
ri
edmyal
lnott
olett
het
ear
sfal
l
. 
Thando:
Oh,
I'
m sor
ry.Meetmyf
utur
ewi
fe
Khensani
. 
Wow,sotheyf
inal
l
yreal
i
zedt
hatI
'
mint
he
pi
ctur
e?Waytogo. 
Shelookedatmebef or
esmi
li
ng.Icouldn'
t
makeouti ft
hesmil
ewasfakeOrsincere.I
fit
's
fakethenshe'
sreal
l
yagoodactor.
 
Lady
:Hi
. 
Inodded.Myv oi
cejustfai
ledme.Howcoul
d
Thandohur tmeli
ket hi
s?Howcouldhef
li
rt
wit
hanot hergi
rlr
ightinfr
ontofme? 
Ijustwant
edtorunout
side,
sitonar
ockandl
et
thetear
sfall
. 
Lady
:Any
way
.I'
m Shant
ell
. 
Buhl
e:Khen,
youdeci
dedt
o-Ohh,
Hi
Shesaid,comi
ngintothekit
chenf r
om the
l
ounge.Shecouldclear
lysensethetensioni
n
theai
r,i
twasjusttooheavyafteral
l.
 
Buhl
e:I
'
llj
ustgo.
..Umm y
eah,
out
side.
 
Me:
I'
ll
comewi
thy
ou.
 
ThandogavemealookbutIj
ustignor
edhim,
I
fol
lowedNobuhl
eout
sideandIcouldf
inal
l
y
breat
he.
 
Buhl
e:What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Ishruggedmyshoulder
sandfeltatearonmy
cheek.JustasIwaswipi
ngi
t,therest
fol
lowed. 
Buhl
e:Hey
,what
'sgoi
ngonKhen?
 
Icoul
dn'
tspeak, Ijustsobbed.Shecametohug
meandIj ustcri
edi nherarms.Howcouldhe
tr
eatmet hi
sway ?Afterhetol
dmet ocome
wit
hhimt othepar tythenhechoosesto
complet
elyignoreme.  
Icri
edIdon'tknowforhowl ongandwhenI
fi
nall
ycalmeddown, shewentt ogetsome
waterforme.Atthatpoint
,Ididn'
tcareabout
Thandoorwhathecoul dpossiblybedoing
whereverheis.
 
Buhl
e:Her
e
Itookt
hebott
leofwat
er,
itwasst
il
lseal
ed.I
openedanddr
ank. 
Me:
HowIwi
shIcoul
dhav
ejustst
ayedhome.
 
Buhl
e:Whatr
eal
l
yhappened?
 
Me:
I'
drat
hernott
alkabouti
t.
 
Shenodded.
 
Buhl
e:Justdon'
tleti
trui
nthi
sdayf
oryou.I
t'
s
newyear'
seve,wesupposetobemerr
y.Not
sadandsobbing.
 
Il
aughed.Lastt
imeIcheckedIwastheone
cry
ingbutshewasri
ght.Hedidn'
tevenbot
her
comingt ol
ookf
orme.How' st
hatforacar
ing
boyfr
iend? 
Shetookmyhandandwewentbackt othe
l
ounge.Thosetwoweregone.Ididn'
twantto
thi
nkaboutThandoandwhathecouldpossibl
y
bedoingwit
hthatShant
ell
lady,
Ididn'
twantto
thi
nkabouti
t.She'
swayoldert
hanmeandwel l
,
Iwast
aughtt
orespectmyel
der
s. 
Theyweresmoki
nghookah.Ij
ustwanted
somethi
ngtot
akemymi ndoffthi
ngs.
 
West ar
tedsmokinganddri
nking.Ther
ewas
vodkami xedwit
hli
mewater.Theyhadmixed
f
orusal l
.BuhleandIwer
etheonl ygi
rl
sand
t
hreeguy s. 
Ij
ustf
orgotaboutmytroublesandf
ocusedon
whatwashappeningatthatmoment.
 
Buhl
e:Oh,
baby
! 
Il
ookedatwhoshewast al
ki
ngabout
.Hewas
wi
thThando,whodidn'tl
ookimpr
essedbutI
di
dn'
tcare.Ij
ustcont
inuedsmoki
ng,myhead
wasspinni
ng.
Guy
:Di
sappear
. 
Hewast alki
ngtotheguys.Theywer etooold
formet obepushedoverli
kethatandt hey
disappoi
ntedmebydoingexactlythat.
 
Buhl
eandIl
aughed.It
hinkt
heHookahwas
mixedwi
thweedorsomet
hing.Iwashi
ghas
f
uck.Anddr
unk.
 
Buhl
e:Ti
zz,
Tizz,
Tizz.
 
That
'showIknewhi sname.Shesaiditwhi
l
e
gi
ggl
ing.Tizzcl
i
ckedhistongue.Whatki
ndof
nameisTizzVele?
 
Ti
zz:
Let
'
sgo.
 
Buhl
e:I
'
m st
il
lenj
oyi
ngt
hepar
ty,
rightKhen?
 
Me:
Yesbaby
! 
Hecame,pi
ckedherupli
keasackofpot
atoes
t
henlef
t,wi
thheronhershoul
der
. 
Me:
Wow.
 
Thando:
Yout
hinkt
hat
'swor
se?
 
Ilaughed.WeedCanmakeoneseem l
i
kea
fool.
 
Hemademest and,t
ookthecupIwashol
ding
andsmashedi
twithit
scontent
s. 
Me:
Hai
bo!
 
Thando:
Woza.
 
Me:
Angi
yindawowowo 
Il
aughedaft
ersayi
ngthat.Gosh,
IknewIhear
d
someonesaysomethi
ngl i
kethat
.Probabl
yon
TV,j
ustcan'
tremembertheprogr
am.  
Hecli
ckedhist
onguethencameanddragged
mewi t
hmyhairtothecar
.Ikeptonscr
eaming
butnoonecametohelpbecause,y
es,t
here
werepeopl
ewatchi
ng. 
Me:
Youhur
ti
ngme 
Ibegged,
witht
earsfal
l
ingbuthedi
dn'
tbar
ge.I
swearIbecamesobberatt
hatmoment.
 
Het hrewmei nsi
dethebackseatandIcoul d
fi
nallyfeelmyscalpbreathe.Ihadav ery
massi veheadacheandIjustl ayattheback,
holdingmyheadandcr yi
ng.Ihadj ustdoneit
thi
sweek, onMonday .Onlyf oraday .
Iwasj
ustsobbi
ngsi
l
ent
lyi
nhi
scar
. 
Iwokeupal
one,
inhi
sbed.Imusthav
efal
l
en
asl
eepint
hecar.Thememor
iesj
ustcame
fl
oodi
ngback.
 
Icoul
dn'
tbel
iev
ehehaddonethist
ome.He
hadtr
eatedmelikeadog,
li
kesomesl
ave.
 
Hehadneverbeenviolentwit
hmeandt helook
hehadonhisfacewassomet hi
ngel se.Iwent
tot
akeacoldshower .Iwasfeel
ingsomuch
pai
nnotonlyphysi
callybutemotionall
yand
psy
chol
ogical
ly 
aswel l
. 
Throughal
lthet
urmoil
,IknewIdidn'
twantto
everseehi
m agai
n.Iwasnevergoingtof
orgi
ve
hi
mf orthi
s. 
Af
tershoweri
ng,Idr
ied,l
oti
onedt
henwor
ea
si
mpleblackdresswhichwaspar
tofmy
cl
othesathi
splace.
 
Itookmybagandputt hejumpsui
tIhadbeen
wearingyest
erday
.Ii
gnoredthepai
nIwas
feel
ing.
 
It
ookmyphoneandwentoutoft
hebedr
oom,
I
waswear
inghi
sadi
dassandal
s. 
Thando:
Iwasaboutt
obr
ingy
oubr
eakf
asti
n
bed.
 
Ilookedathi
m.Howt hehell
didheexpectme
togoonl i
kenot
hinghappened? 
Myownf at
herhadnev erputhi
shurtsonme,
hehasneverinfl
i
ctedpainonmey ettheman
whoclai
mst olovemewi thhi
sall
didmel i
ke
thi
s? 
Iwalkedpasthi m.He'
l
leathispat
heti
c
breakfast.I
t'
s1pm anyway,
heshouldbe
servi
ngl unch.
 
WhenIwasabouttoleavet
hroughthedoor
,he
pull
edmegent
lybackinsi
de.Iyankedmyarm
fr
om hi
sgr
ip.
 
Thando:
Abouty
est
erday-
Igav
ehi
m myhand.
 
Me:Don'
tbot
her.I
'l
lsendsomeonetocome
pi
ckupmyclothesandtheyshoul
dfi
ndthem
ni
cel
ypacked.
 
Thando:
BabyI-
Me:HappyNewYearLuthando,
Ihopey
ou
enj
oyyournewy
earwithoutme. 
Thando:
What
? 
Me:
It'
sov
er.
 
Itookoffmysi
m cardandmemor
ycardf
rom
thephoneheboughtAndthr
ewi
tathi
m. 
Theuberhootedfrom outsi
de,
Itookmybag
Andlef
twithhim beggingme. 
Idi
dn'
tgi
veontohim,Iwasveryhear
tbroken.
He'
stheonewholedmet odri
nki
ngthenI'mthe
onewhogetspuni
shedfori
t?Hel
lno. 
Thedri
vehomewasl
ongforme,Ikeptt
ryi
ngto
wipet
hetear
swhi
chwerebli
ndi
ngmyv i
sion.
 
Iknowsomeonemi ghtsayIdeservedi
tand
shitbutIdi
dn'
t.Iwasn'tgoingtost
aywit
h
someonewhot r
eatsmel ikeshi
t.
 
I
tmighthav
ehappenedonl
yoncebuti
twas
onet
imetoomany. 
Dr
iver
:Weher
e. 
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s. 
Me:Pleasecomewi
thmesomyf
athercanpay
you.
 
Ihadnomoneyonme.HesawIwasn'
ti
na
goodspacesoheagr
eed.
 
If
ounddadi
ntheki
tchen.
 
Dad:
Whathappened?
 
Hegav
emeapi
ti
ful
look.
 
Me:
Pleasepayhi
m. 
Wit
hthatsai
d,Iwentt
omyroom.Icoul
dn'
t
bel
i
eveThandohaddonet
histome. 
Imean,
ital
lst
art
edwi
thmyout
fi
tthent
his.
 
Icoul
dn'
tbel
ievealothadtranspi
redi
none
night
.Myheadwaspoundi ng,i
twasspinni
ng
andIhadakill
erheadache.
 
Iwentthr
oughmydr awerandt
ookal
lthe
pai
nkil
l
ersthatwer
et her
e. 
Ij
ustneededsomethi
ngtotakecar
eoft
hepai
n.
Bothphysi
calandemoti
onal
. 
I
tdidn'
ttakelongf
ormet ofeelmyeyel
ids
get
tingheavyandevent
uall
y,Ibl
ackedout
. 
Icoul
dfeel
thepeace.
 
.
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
74
Beep.
.Beep.
.Beep.
.Beep.
.Beep.
.Beep.
.Beep 
Soundedl i
kesomemachi nes.Idi
dn'tknow
whereIwas.It riedopeningmyey esbutI
coul
dn't.Icouldn'tf
eelanypar tofmybody .I
di
dn'tdoany thingbutjustremainedinthesame
posi
tionIwasi n. 
Ihear
dsomeonetal
ki
ng,
whosoundedl
i
kemy
dad.Wai
t,i
twasmydad.
 
Hehel
dmyhand,
Itr
ied,
Ireal
l
ytr
iedt
osqueeze
hi
sbutIcoul
dn'
t.Icoul
dn'
tdoany
thi
ng.He
soundedsobr
oken. 
Dad: Nonopl easewakeup, Idon'
tknowwhat
wedi dbutpl ease.Il
ovey ou,Ican'tgoon
withoutyou.Ihav en'
tsleptforfiv
eday s.I
promi seafteryouwakeup, I'
l
ltr
y.I'
llchangef or
thebet t
er,Kitsocan'
tstopcr yi
ngandev en
Kholiswai samess.Pl ease, j
ustwakeup.Doi t
forusal l
.Wecanwor kt hr
oughi t
,what everthat
broughty ouher e,
wecant r
yandsol veit.Ican't
l
osey ou,youmyl if
e. 
Hear
ingmyf at
hertal
kliket
hatpi
ercedthrough
Myheart.Thisisthemanwhohasbeent here
f
ormet hroughitall
,Ihadtowakeup.Ifnotfor
methenf orhim. 
Asheavymyey el
i
dswere,Ipushedmy sel
fto
openthem Andaft
ermuchstruggl
e,Idid.
 
Iclosedmyeyesagai
nsincemyv isi
onwas
blurr
yandpat
tedmyey esthr
ice.WhenIfi
nal
l
y
openedthem,Il
ookedatmydad, who'sey
es
werebloodshotred.Ihadanoxy genmaskon
andfr
om t hen,
Imadeoutt hatIwasin
hospi
tal.
 
Hestil
lhadn'
tnoti
cedthatIwasupsoItr
iedt
o
squeezehishandandhelookedatme,hehad
beenstari
ngatnothi
ng. 
Dad:
Ohmygod,
youawake!
 
Heexcl
aimed,
hewashappy
. 
Dad:
I'
ll
cal
lthedoct
or.
 
Iwasinmyownr oom andthatal
onewas
enoughtoal
ertmethatI'
minapr i
vat
e
hospi
tal
. 
Iwatchedhimleav
ethencamebackwithalady
wearingawhit
ecoatandIassumedshewas
thedoctor
.Sheremovedt
heoxygenmaskfrom
mesoIguessIhadbeeni nacoma.Icoul
d
fi
nal
lybreat
heonmyown.  
Sheshotsomewhitel
ightoneachofmyeyes
andwrotesomet
hingonanA4boar dshewas
hol
ding.
 
Icouldn'tbr
ingmysel
ftotal
k,Icoul
dn'tsay
anything.Ij
ustwat
chedthem towhateverthey
want ed. 
If
eltsomet
hingt
ickl
i
ngmyf eetandwhenI
l
ooked,i
twasthedoctor
. 
Dr
:Cany
ouf
eel
that
? 
Inodded.
 
Dr
: Sheneedstor
estnow,
I'
ll
tel
lanur
set
o
br
ingherpil
ls.
 
Dad:
Okay
,thanksdoc.
 
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
 
Dad:
Whywoul
dyoudot
hat
? 
Me:
W-Wat
er 
Myvoicewasabi
tscr
atchy
.Hepour
edwat
er
i
ntoaglassf
ormeandgavemetodri
nkwi
tha
st
raw
Justt
hen,
anur
secamewi
thmypi
l
ls.Iwas
bei
ngf
edt
hroughanI
V. 
Nur
se:
I'
m sor
rysi
r,v
isi
ti
nghour
sar
eov
er.
 
Hedidn'tsayanythi
ng.Hecamet
oki
ssmy
cheekthenleft
. 
Isl
epti
mmedi
atel
yafterdr
inki
ngmypi
l
ls.They
j
ustgotmedr
owsy. 
Wakingupthefol
l
owi
ngday,thenursewaski
nd
enoughtot
ellmewhatdayi
tis.Tuesday
. 
Thistomemeantthatthematri
cresul
tswere
outalr
eadyandIwasfeel
ingabitanxi
ous.The
resul
tshadcomeoutyester
dayAndIwonder ed
howIcouldhaveper
formed. 
Igavethebreakf
astIhadbeenbrought,
they
hadtakentheIVoffsinceIwasawake.Iate
thendrankmypill
s.Ihadalr
eadyshowered
befor
et hat
. 
Isl
ept
,thepill
salway
smademedr owsy.Ihada
l
otofthoughtsinmymindbutwhatwasloudis
whatbroughtmehere.Al
lIr
ememberistaki
ng
thepil
l
sbecauseIwastryi
ngtotogetri
dorat
l
eastnumbt hepai
n.Lut
hando-Icoul
dn'
t
beli
evehehadmanhandledme,justl
i
kethat
. 
It
rustedhi
m,myst upi
dheartst
il
ll
ovehi
m and
apartofmeregr
ettedbreaki
ngthi
ngsof
f.
Shoul
dIblamemy self
? 
Imean,Ipushedhi
m overtheedge,Idr
ank
whi
lehestri
ctl
ytol
dmenott o.I'
m ateenager
,
wasthatmuchofaf aul
t? 
Ki
tso:
Youawake.
 
Shesai
d,gett
inginandcomi
ngt
osuf
focat
eme
i
nanembr ace. 
Me:
Youki
l
li
ngme 
Imanagedtosayandshebrokei
t.Shekissed
meont hef
oreheadt
hensatdownont hechair
nextt
omeandhel dmyhand. 
Ki
tso:
Wef
ail
edy
ou 
Atearfel
ldown.Idi
dn'
ttr
ytoki
l
lmyself
,I
wouldn'
tevent
hinkofdoi
ngsomet
hingso
sel
fi
sh,
Ijustwant
edt
hepai
ntogoaway
. 
Shewipedmytear
sasher
sfel
landshequi
ckl
y
wipedthem.
 
Ki
tso:
Whathappened?
 
Me:
I..Ij
ustwant
edt
hepai
ntogoaway
. 
"Byki
l
li
ngy
our
sel
f?"
Il
ookedatt
hedoorandi
twasdad.
 
Me:
ofcour
senot
,Iwasn'
ttr
yingt
o..
.No
Dad:
Ithoughtwewer
epastt
his.
 
Me:Weare.Ihadamassiveheadacheand
endedupdri
nki
ngmorethantwopill
s. 
Dad:Andyoust
il
lsay
ingy
oudi
dn'
tat
tempt
sui
ci
de? 
Il
ookeddown.Ki
tsosqueezedmyhand.
 
Ki
tso:
Pleasedon'
tev
erscar
eusl
i
ket
hat
. 
Me:
Iwon'
t,
Ipr
omi
se.
 
Dad:
Wel
ovey
ou,
somuch.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Weshar
edagr
ouphug.
 
Afewhoursl
ater
,mymot hercamet ov i
sitwi
th
Thandi
andsomeman.Shehadaf ruitbasket
wit
hherAndasmallchocolat
ecake 
Themanstoodaf
arwhi
l
etheycameand
huggedme.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Iwhispered,wi
thtearsf i
l
li
ngmyey es.If
eltbad
andlikeamonst er
.Iwasn' tt
ryingtokil
lmy sel
f,
Iwoul dn'
t.I
nmypur suitoftr
yingtonumbt he
pai
n, Iendedupinfl
icti
ngitonot herpeopl
eas
well
. 
Khol
i
swa:
It'
sokay
. 
Shebrushedmyback.If
inal
l
ycal
meddown.
Thandialsocamet
ohugmeandIkissedheron
thecheek. 
Khol
i
swa:
Don'
tev
erscar
eusl
i
ket
hat
. 
Me:
IswearIwoul
dnev
er.
 
Khol
i
swa:Thethoughtoflosi
ngj
ustaf
ter
meeti
ngy
ou..Ij
ust,Ican'
t.
 
Me:
IfGodwi
l
ls,
I'
m her
etost
ay.
 
Kholi
swa:Iknowyouprobabl
ydon'
twannat
alk
aboutitsoIwon'
task.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Khol
i
swa:Ler
atoev
enthoughtI
'mtheonewho
madeyounotcometot
hedinner
. 
Herson-Iwant
edtosaybutIknewbettert
han
toeveri
nvol
vemypar
entsinmyr el
ati
onshi
p
aff
air
s. 
Me:
I'
ll
makei
tupt
oher
. 
Khol
i
swa:
She'
l
llov
ethat
. 
Thandij
oinedmeonthebedandwet al
kedt
il
l
vi
sit
inghourswer
eover
.Turnsout
,theman
washerhusband.MrNgcobo.
 
Hel
ookedmuchl
i
keThando'
sfat
her
,Iwas
meet
inghi
mfort
hef
ir
stt
ime.
 
Hewasal
sowar
mingl
i
kePast
orNgcobo.
 
Afewday sl
ater
,Iwasfi
nall
yreleasedfrom
hospi
tal
.Icoul
dn'
twaitt
ogohome.Asmuchas
thebedwascomf or
tabl
e,Imissedsleepingi
n
myownbed.  
Dadwast heonewhosignedmydischarge
paper
s.Luthandohadnevercometoseeme
andIdidn'
tblamehim.I
twasMonday ,
the13t
h
ofJanuary.
 
WewenttoMacDonaldsfi
rstf
oraburgerand
t
heirmacfl
urr
y.I
twasgoodtofinal
l
ygetsome
f
reshai
r. 
Myhairhadact
uallybeencut,
Idon'tknowfor
whatr
easoncauseIdi dn'
tbumpmyheadbutI
wasn'
tcomplai
ning.Ineededthechange.
 
Dad:
Your
eadyf
orv
arsi
ty?
 
Iwasgoi
ngtoconti
nuewi
thther
apysessi
ons
si
nceIwasonsuici
dewat
ch.Idi
dn'
tcomplai
n
causetheywer
egoi
ngt
ohel
pmecopewi
th
every
thi
ng. 
Me:
Ist
il
lhav
en'
tmadeachoi
cey
et.
 
Dad:
Regi
str
ati
oni
sal
readygoi
ngon.
 
Me:Don'
tworr
ydad.AssoonasIgetaphone,
I
'l
lputev
ery
thi
ngi
nor der
. 
Dad:
Whathappenedt
oyourpr
evi
ousone?
 
Me:
Losti
tatt
hepar
ty.
 
Isaid,
gulpi
ngdownmyglassofsoda.Icoul
d
seehedidn'
tbel
iev
emebutIknewhewasn' t
goingtoaskmeabouti
t.
 
Wearr
ivedhomearound2pm i
ntheaft
ernoon.
I
twasprett
yqui
et.
.Tooquieti
fyouaskme. 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Dad:
Not
hing.
 
Hecamet
oopenmydoorandIgotout
. 
"SURPRI
SE!"
Theyscreamedimmedi atel
ywhenIopenedthe
doorandIlaughed,cov
eringmyfacewit
hmy
hands.Iwaswear i
ngblackadi
dastr
acksui
ts
wit
hThando'sadidassandals.
 
Me:
Dad!
 
Igi
ggledandpunchedhi
mlight
ly.Ther
ewasa
sti
ckerwri
tt
en"Welcomebackhome"ont he
wall
. 
I
twasjustKit
so,wi
thKhol
i
swaandThandi
.I
f
eltv
eryspeci
alandlov
edatt
hatmoment.
 
Kitso:Andcongr
atul
ati
ons 
ony
ourmat
ri
c
result
s. 
Ismiled.Ihadgot
tent
hreedist
inct
ions,
in
Maths, Economi
csandEngl
ish.Therestwer
e
B's.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Wehugged.
 
Khol
iswa:Igotyousomethi
ng,
itmightnotbe
anyt
hingbigbutIhopey
ouacceptandloveit
. 
Me:
Ncooa.
 
Il
aughed.Shegav
emeasmal
lbox
. 
Me:
It'
stoosmal
l
 
Shel
aughed.
 
Iunwr
appedi
tthenopenedi
t.
 
Me:
No!
 
Khol
i
swa:
Yes!
 
I
twascarkey
sofapol
o. 
Me:
Wher
eisi
t? 
Ishout
ed.Wewentt othegarageandtherewas
mybaby .Thel
atestTSI.I
twasRedI'm col
our
withbl
ackleat
herseatsandgoldri
ms.Iwasin
l
ovewithit.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Isai
d,t
hrowi
ngmy
sel
finherar
ms.
 
Dad:
Yourmot
herj
usthadt
osett
hebarso
hi
gh.
 
Wel
aughed.
Dad:
Igoty
ousomet
hing,
cour
tesyofmywi
fe
andI
. 
Heal
sogav
emeabox.I
twasabi
tbi
gger
. 
Iopenedi
tandi
twasanAppl
elapt
op.
 
Me:
Dadt
hisi
s..
 
Iwi
pedat
ear
. 
Ki
tso:
Youdeser
vei
t.
 
Me:
ThankYouguy
s,al
lofy
ou.
 
Ihuggedt
hem onebyone.
 
Iwasn'
tov
erThandobutIj
ustdi
dn'
twantt
o
thi
nkmuchabouthi
m. 
Thandi
:Igoty
ousomet
hingt
oo.
 
Me:
You?
 
Thandi
:Yes.
 
Shegr
inned,
Ilaughed.
 
Shegav
emeabox.
 
Me:
Wow!
 
Thandi
:It
'
sfr
om dadandI
. 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Iki
ssedheront
hecheek.I
twasanI
Phone6 
WhenIwasdoneentertai
ningmyguest s,Iwent
tosl
eepcauseIwasreall
ytired.Ithadbeena
pret
tyl
ongdayformebutt ruthis,theyhad
mademyday .
 
Dad:
Ican'
tbel
i
evey
oul
eav
ing.
 
Me:Ineedachangeofenvir
onment
,Iwantt
o
getoutoft
hecomfortzone.
 
Iwasgoi
ngt ost
udyatNWU.Icouldhav
egone
tot
heporchcampusbutIdon'
tknowAfri
kaans
soIwasgoingtoMafi
keng.
 
Ki
tso:
Wegoi
ngt
omi
ssy
ou.
 
Me:
I'
m goi
ngt
omi
ssy
ouguy
stoo,
somuch.
 
Dad:
Pleasebehav
eandt
akecar
eofy
our
sel
f.
 
Me:
Yessi
r.
 
Helaughed.Iwasgoi
ngt
ostudyFi
nanci
al
account
ing,Iwasgoi
ngt
ogetadegreei
n
economicslat
er.
 
ItwasaFriday
, Ihadalr
eadyregisteredonline
andgottenafl
att hatwasjustwalkingdistance
tocampus.Ididn'twanttosharewi thanyone,
reasonwhyIdidn'tappl
yforresincampus.  
Ihadabursar
ywhi
chwaspay i
ngforever
ythi
ng
andgi
vingmepocketmoneyontopofwhat
dadandKholi
swaweregoi
ngtosend. 
Dad:
Gomakeuspr
oud.
 
Ihuggedthem onelastt
imet
heneveryt
hing
wasloadedint
omycar ,
mycl
othesthati
s.The
fl
atwasfull
yfurni
shed. 
Iwasgoi
ngt
odr
ive.Theywav
edasIdr
oveof
f.
 
Thiswasgoingtobeanewst artforme.Away
fr
om allt
heheart
breakandIwasgoi ngtof
ocus
st
rict
lyonmybooks.Boyswer ejustgoi
ngtobe
adist
racti
onforme. 
Iwasst
il
lgoi
ngt
ocont
inuewi
tht
her
apy
. 
.
.
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
75
BythegraceofGod,Iarr
ivedsaf
ely.It
hanked
mymast erbecausef
rankl
y ,
Iwouldn'
thavehad
ar
ri
vedsaf el
yifi
twasn'
tbecauseofGod
Al
mi ght
y. 
Icall
edmyfatherbefor
eIevengotoutofthe
car.Heansweredalmosti
mmediatel
y,l
ikehe
hadbeenawaitingmycall
. 
Dad:
Final
l
y! 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Haubaba
Dad:I
'
vebeengoingcrazy
,wonder
ingi
fyou
ar
ri
vedsafel
yornot.Youshoul
dhavej
ustl
et
medrivey
ou. 
Me:
Hai
I'
m ol
denought
odr
ivemy
sel
fnow
dad.
 
Dad:Youmyprincess,
youdeser
vet
obe
t
reat
edliker
oyalt
y. 
Me:That
'ssweetdad,
Ijustwant
edt
otel
lyouI
ar
ri
vedsafel
y.
 
Dad:I
'm glady oudi
dbaby,pl
easetakecar
eof
your
selfthere.Don'
tlosef
ocusandneverfor
get
t
ohav eti
mef orGodandprayer
. 
Me:YesdadandIgotmyBibl
ewi
thme.I
'
llev
en
f
indagoodchurchher
e. 
Dad:
That
'sgood.Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.Ki
ssBandi
l
eandKi
tsof
or
me.
 
Dad:
Wil
ldo.Takecar
e. 
Me:
Bye.
 
Ihungup.Thi
sisi
t.Igotoutofmycar
,then
wenttotakemykey.
 
Af
terget
ti
ngi
t,Icoul
dfi
nal
l
ymov
ein.
 
Aweekl ater,
Ihadmanagedt ofi
tinabi
t.I
twas
actual
l
yni celi
vingalone,Ihadpeaceofmind
andIreali
zedt hatIwouldn'thav
ebeenableto
sharewithsomeone.  
Iwasonl yl
ef twi
thaweekbeforel
ect
uresstart
andattendingtheori
entat
ionpr
ogr
am helped
mef amili
arizemysel
fwithwher
emylectures
weregoingt obeheld.
 
Themal lwasawal ki
ngdistancesoIdi
dn'
thave
tousemycart ogot her
eunl essIwasgoi
ngto
buygroceri
es.ItwasSaturdayandIwasjust
chi
ll
inginthelounge,watchingTV.Mymom
hel
pedwi thsomeoft hefurnit
ure.
 
Itwasn'
tasf ul
l
yfurni
shedasIhadbeen
previ
ouslytol
d.Ihadtogetmysel
fafew
essenti
alsandthat'
swheremymom gotin.
 
Iwasactual
lyf
eel
ingveryl
azy,Idon'
tknowwhy.
Iwasholdi
ngapacketofLays,munchingwhi
l
e
focusi
ngonwhateverpr
ogram thatwas
playi
ng.
 
Someoneknockedonmydoor,atfir
stIthought
i
twasnextdoorbutt
hepersondidn'
tstopsoI
gotupt
henwenttoopen.
Buhl
e:Hey
Myjawdropped,
whatthehel
lwasshedoing
her
e?Sheroll
edherey
esatmethanlaughed.
 
Buhl
e:Wei
nthesamecampusdummy
. 
Me:
Oh
Iwasst
il
lconf
used.
 
Me:
Howdi
dyouknowt
hatI
..
. 
Buhle:
Ili
vehertoo,Isawyouacoupl eoft
imes
butyouwereinahur r
ysotoday
, Igotyouj
ustin
ti
me.I'
veactual
l
ybeencomi nghereand
knocki
ngtil
lmyfingeral
mostdroppedandf el
l
. 
Ichuckl
ed,shewasov
err
eact
ing.Imadesome
spaceforher.
Me:
Youcancomei
n. 
Buhl
e:I
t'
saboutt
ime.
 
Il
aughedt
hencl
osedt
hedoor
. 
Buhl
e:Youl
i
veal
one?
 
Me:
Yeah
Buhl
e:Luckyy
out
hanme.
 
Me:
Yougotar
oommat
e? 
Iasked,
pour
ingheragl
assofj
uice.
 
Buhl
e:YeahandUy
abor
a. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Why
? 
Buhle:
Shealwayswearsl
ongski
rt
sandcov
ers
herhair
.She'
ssoupti
ght.
 
Me:
Haha,
that
'snott
oobad.
 
Buhle:Ohno,itI
s.She'
salwaysgoi
ngt
ochur
ch
withthatst
aronherbreast.Ev
engodwi
ll
get
ti
redofherprayers.
 
Il
aughedev
enl
oudl
y,Idi
dn'
texpectt
his.
 
Me:
Yousomet
hingel
se,
youknowt
hat
. 
Buhl
e:What
?It
'st
rue.
 
Me:Therear
epeopl
ewhoact
ual
l
ytakeGod
ser
iousl
yyouknow.
 
Buhl
e:AndI'
m notsay
ingsheshoul
dn'
tbutHai
,
she'
sover
doingit
. 
Me:
What
'shername?
 
Buhl
e:Ionl
yknowi
tst
art
swi
thaB.
 
Me:
Haa!
 
Buhl
e:What
?I'
m noti
nter
est
edi
nherupt
ight
,
ZCCass.
 
Me:
Youapr
obl
em y
azi
. 
Buhl
e:Ar
gh,suka.So,
what
'
shappeni
ngwi
th
youandThando? 
Me:
Not
hingact
ual
l
y. 
Buhl
e:Real
l
y? 
Inodded.
 
Buhl
e:Il
astsawhi
m att
hepar
tyt
henDol
olo,
he
di
sappear
edi
ntot
hinai
r.
 
Me:
Iact
ual
l
ydon'
tknowat
hing.
 
Buhl
e:Ti
zzal
sosai
dhe'
sdi
stant
. 
Me:
That
's.
.Notgood.
 
Buhl
e:Yeah,
anyway,Idi
dn'
tknowKagi
sano
wasdati
ngLiaane.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Buhl
e:Yeah,Imean,I
'veneverhear
dtheboy
sor
Li
aanetal
kingaboutheroranythi
ng.
 
Me:
Theyt
alkaboutme?
 
Buhl
e:Theypri
dethei
rselfi
nwhothey
'r
edat
ing
andLuthandonev
erstoppedbr
aggi
ng. 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
May
behewasn'
tready
. 
Buhl
e:Nah,
Ithi
nki
t'
ssomet
hingel
se.
 
Me:
What
? 
Buhl
e:Hewasn'
tser
iousabouther
,phel
athat
guyi
saplay
er.
Me:Ormay
behepr
efer
skeepi
ngt
hingsl
ow
key
. 
Buhl
e:Pr
obabl
y.
 
Weconti
nuedtal
ki
ngandIev enmadeusa
snackt
henshelef
t,l
aterdur
ingt
heday.
 
Iwentt
otakeabat
ht henwor
emypy j
amas
bef
oregoi
ngdownstair
stowatchmor
eTV.
 
Ihadafleecebl
anketcov er
ingme.Apar
tofme
wasworriedaboutLuthandoandwhatcoul
d
havepossibl
yhappenedwi t
hhim. 
Iendedupswi
tchi
ngof
ftheTVt
henr
eadi
ngmy
Bibl
e. 
"3Ifawomanal sovowavowuntotheLORD,
andbindhersel
fbyabond,bei
ngi
nherfat
her
's
houseinheryouth;
5Buti
fherfat
herdi
sal
lowherinthedaythat
Hehear
eth;
notanyofhervows,orofherbonds
wherewi
thshehat
hboundhersoul,shal
lst
and:
andtheLORDshall
forgi
veher
,becauseher
fat
herdi
sal
lowedher.
"
ThosewerethewordsIcameacr
ossi
n
Numbers30.Iact
uall
ywonder
edwhatt
hey
meant.
 
Iwoul
djusthav
etoaskGodt
ocl
ari
fyt
hist
ome
evenmore.
 
Me:
Soul
bonds?
 
It
houghtf
orawhi
l
e. 
Iwasgoi
ngt
oleav
eal
ltoGodsoIj
ustwentt
o
sl
eep.
 
The2ndofFebr
uar
y,l
ect
uresbegan.
 
I
twasaMondayandIhadacl assat07:45.I
wokeupat05:30becauseIwantedtotakemy
t
imeprepar
ingmyselfformyfi
rstl
ectur
eev er
. 
Me:
I'
m up
Isai
dtoKi
tsowhohadj
ustcal
l
edmeaf
terI
mademybed.Shegi
ggl
edont
heot
hersi
de.
 
Ki
tso:
Thehousei
ssol
onel
ywi
thouty
ou.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Goodt
oknowmypr
esencei
sal
way
sfel
t.
 
Kit
so:Ofcour
se,
yousuchal
oudmout
hsoy
ou
canimagi
nethepeace.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:AndhereIwast
hinki
ngy ougoi
ngt
o
compl
imentmeorsomething. 
Ki
tso:
Bot
tom l
i
nei
s,Imi
ssy
ou.
 
Me:Imissyoutoomom butr
ightnowI
'
m
gonnagetl
ate.
 
Shel
aughed.
 
Ki
tso:Okaybaby,I
'
lll
eav
eyout
oit
.Goodl
uck
onyourfi
rstday
. 
Me:
Thanky
ou.Il
ovey
ouandmyl
i
ttl
ebr
other
. 
Ki
tso:
Wel
ovey
out
oo,
bye.
 
Me:
Goodby
e. 
Ihungupandsmil
ed,Il
ovemyfamil
ynodoubt
.
Iwenttot
akeabath,
dri
edthenl
oti
oned.
 
Iworemypant i
esandnobra,
mybreastswer
e
actual
lypai
nful
,myper
iodswerepr
obably
approachi
ng. 
Iworeablackdenimjean,wi
thanoli
vev estand
adenimjackett
henwor emyAdidasNMD.I
combedmyhai r,Ist
il
lhadmynaturalhairnj
e
thenputsomelipbal
m onmyl i
ps.
 
It
ookmybag,
phoneandcarkey
sthenl
eft
,
l
ocki
ngt
hedooraf
terget
ti
ngout
. 
I
twasexactly07:45whenIpar
kedmycarsoI
r
ushedtothel ect
urehall
andl
uckyf
orme,t
he
l
ect
urerhadn'tarr
ivedyet
. 
"
Hey
"
Sai
daguyIf oundmyselfsi
tt
ingnexttooand
tur
ningtolookathi
m, Isawimmedi at
elyhe
wasn'tst
raight.
 
Me:
Hi
Ir
epl
i
ed.
 
Guy
:Nt
ando.
 
Me:
Khensani
. 
Nt
ando:
Youbeaut
if
ul.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Thanks 
Turnsout
,wedoingt
hesamecour
sesowe
hangoutt
oget
herdur
ingt
her
estoftheday
. 
Ourl
astcl
asswasAt15:
30soatlunchti
me,we
wentt
ogetsomethi
ngtoeatatt
hecafet
eri
a. 
Nt
ando:
Sogi
rl
,wher
eyouf
rom?
 
Me:
Sowet
o,y
ou?
 
Nt
ando:
I'
mfr
om KZN 
Me:
Soy
ouapur
eZul
uNeh 
Hel
aughed.
 
Nt
ando:
Yep.Ihear
daboutTswanaguy
sand
t
hei
rhot
nesssoIcamest
rai
ghtt
othei
rden 
Il
aughed,
thatwasenoughconfi
rmat
iont
hatI
wasri
ghtabouthi
ssexual
it
y. 
Me:
Iknowhey
,Ioncedat
edone.
 
Nt
ando:
Andy
oul
ethi
m go?
 
Me:
Tur
nsoutt
hey
'r
echeat
erst
oo.
 
Nt
ando:
I'
ll
crosst
hatbr
idgewhenIgett
her
e. 
Il
aughed,
Iboughtsomef r
iesandabur
gerf
or
mysel
fwithabott
leofj
uice. 
Heboughtt
hesamebutwi
thasandwi
ch
i
nst
ead. 
Nt
ando:
Youst
ayi
nres?
 
Me:
Act
ual
l
y,I
'
mrent
ingaf
lat
. 
Nt
ando:
I'
m act
ual
l
yshar
ingwi
tht
hishotguy
.
Me:
Oh?
 
Ntando:Yeah,I
'
m st
il
lwor
kingonhowt
o
seducehim. 
Me:
Chesagi
rl
! 
Wehi
ghf
ived.
 
Nt
ando:
Phel
ami
naIdon'
tpl
ay.
 
Me:
Icanseet
hat
. 
Ntando:
Andy oulookl
ikeav
irgi
n,t
ell
me.When
l
astdidyougetlai
d? 
Igaspedandhel
aughed,
Iwasn'
texpect
ingt
hat
shame. 
Me:
Hai
bo.
 
Nt
ando:Mustbeages.Ishoul
dhooky
ouup
wi
thsomeone.
 
Me:
Not
hanks.
 
Nt
ando:
Wai
tunt
ily
oumeethi
m. 
Me:
Ha.
aYoh 
Helaughed,weatewit
hhimt el
li
ngmeabout
hi
scountlessboyf
ri
ends.Hewasgood
companyandf ul
lofj
okes.Iact
uall
yenj
oyedhi
s
company. 
Wewenttoat
tendourl
astl
ect
urebef
ore
par
ti
ngways.
 
Iwasast
ir
edasadog.
 
Gett
inghome,
Iwentst
rai
ghtt
othebat
hroom
andtookacol
dshower
. 
I
t'
sli
keIhadbeenlif
ti
ngsomethingheavyandI
washungrybutIdi
dn'
tevenhavethestr
ength
t
ocook. 
Att
hatpoint
,IwishedIhadaboyf
riendwhoI
wasjustgoi
ngtocallandhe'
ddoitforme.
 
Iwrappedat owel
aroundmybodywhenIwas
doneandt hr
ewmy sel
fonmybed,Iendedup
fal
l
ingasleep. 
IguessIwast
hatt
ir
ed.
 
Iev
enforgotIwashungr
yandIendedupbei
ng
wokenbymygr umbl
ingst
omach. 
Me:
OhGod!
 
Igr
oanedt
henwor
eagownt
ocov
ermynaked
body
,taki
ngof
fthet
owelthenwentdownst
air
s
andmadesomenoodlest
henate 
Theydi
dn'
tdoany
thi
ngsoIendedupcooki
ng
somepapandwors.
 
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
76
Iwokeupfeel
i
ngabitbet
terthef
oll
owingday.I
wenttot
akeawarm bat
h,dri
edandloti
oned
whenIwasdone.Ial
wayswashmyt eeth
bef
oreIbat
h. 
Anywho, Iworeablacksleevel
essbody
huggi
ngdr esswit
hadeni mjacketontop.I
combedmyhai rthenwor ewhit
eallst
ar.Iput
ever
ythi
ngi nmybag, i
ncl
udingmyphone, puta
nudeli
pstickonmylipsthenIwentdownst ai
rs
tomakebr eakf
ast.
 
Imadecer
ealwit
haf r
uitsal
adonthesideand
asmoothi
e.MyphonerangasIwasbusy ,It
ook
i
toutofmybagthenanswered,notbot
heri
ngto
checkt
hecal
leri
d. 
Cal
l
er:
Osl
ege
Me:
Kamo?
 
Kamo:
Wer
eyouexpect
ingsomeoneel
se?
 
Me:
Umm no,
Ijustdi
dn'
tl
ookatt
hecal
l
erI
D
Kamo:
Ireal
l
ythoughty
ouwer
egonnast
udyat
UJ
Me:
Ineededachangeofscener
y 
Kamo:
You'
rel
i
ket
hreehour
saway
. 
Me:Dist
ancemakest
hehear
tgr
owf
onder
r
ight
? 
Hechuckl
ed.
Kamo:
Yout
hinky
oucl
everNeh 
Me:
Howar
eyouKamogel
o? 
Kamo: I
'm nev
ergonnagetov
erhowsexyy
ou
pronouncemyname.  
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
I'
m someone'
sgi
rl
fr
iendy
ouknow,
that
'
sso
i
nappr
opr
iat
e. 
Kamo:
I'
mjustbei
nghonest
 
Me:
So,
whathav
eImi
ssed?
 
Kamo:
Wel
l
,Imetsomeone.
 
Me:
Youdi
d? 
Kamo:
Yeah,
west
il
lj
ustf
ri
endst
hough.
 
Me:
It'
sgoodt
haty
oumov
ingon.
 
Kamo:Yeahhey ,
Inevert
houghtIwoul
dmore
especi
all
ybecauseIwassohungupony ou 
Me:
I'
m pr
oudofy
ou.
 
Kamo:
I'
m st
il
lol
dert
hany
ou.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Ohpl
ease,
youmeanbyaf
ewmont
hs.
 
Kamo:
Yeahbutst
il
l,
I'
m ol
der
.Cal
lmedaddy
. 
Me:
Iny
ourdr
eamsmyni
gger
,iny
ourdr
eams.
 
Kamo:
Waphapha.
 
Me:
Areyouevergonnahungup?ImeanIknow
myvoi
ceIsni
ceandallbut
..
 
Hechuckl
edandIl
aughed.
 
Kamo: Yourv
oicesoundsli
keachi
ckenhel
dat
theneck.I
nfact,
achick.
 
Me:
Hah!
 
Hel
aughed 
Me:
Uyabor
a 
Kamo:
Ilov
eyout
oochommi
e 
Me:
Mxm,
tsek
HelaughedandIhungup.Isatdownonahigh
chai
rthenindul
gedonmybr eakf
astwhi
l
egoing
thr
oughmyphone.  
Iwasjustbr
owsi
ngthroughnje.Iwashedthe
di
shesIhadbeenusingaft
ereatingthenItook
mybagandev er
ythi
ngthenIl
ef t
,locki
ngthe
dooronmywayout .
 
Ar
ri
vi
ngi
ncampus,
Iwentandpar
kedmycar
thent
ext
edNt andomywhereabout
s.Tur
nsout
,
hewasn'
tthatfarf
rom t
heparki
ngl
otsohe
cametowhereIwas. 
Nt
ando:
Heyy
ou 
Me:
Hii
Weshar
edahugt
henwal
kedToget
her
. 
Nt
ando:
Yougood?
 
Me:
I'
mfeel
i
ngbet
tert
oday
,you?
 
Nt
ando:
I'
mfabul
ousasal
way
s. 
Il
aughed,
wewentt
othel
ect
urehal
lToget
her
. 
Duri
nglunch,ImetupwithBuhl
eandNtando
deci
dedtotagalong.Shewaswithsomewhit
e
bl
ondegirl
. 
Thebl
ondegi
rlwasi
ntr
oducedasPear
l.
 
Me:
Howar
eyou?
 
Buhle:I
'
m get
ti
ngt
her
e,v
arsi
tyi
ssomuch
work. 
Wesatdown.
 
Me:
Don'
tremi
ndme,
I'
m sohungr
y. 
Nt
ando:
Youal
way
shungr
y. 
Buhle:
You'l
lhav
etogetusedt
oherbi
g
appeti
te.
 
Pear
l:Iguessy
ouguy
sdon'
tseewhatIsee.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ousee?
 
Pear
l:Huh?
 
Buhl
e:Let
'sgobuysomef
ood.
 
Me:
TakeNt
ando,
I'
mti
red.
 
Shelookedatmewi tharai
sedeyebr
ow.I
wasn'tti
red,Ijustwant
edtoremainwit
hthi
s
Pear
l character.
 
Pear
l:Thecov
enanti
sal
readybr
oken.
 
Me:
Idon'
tunder
stand.
 
Pearl
:Youknow,
all
theyhavetodoi
sunbi
nd
thei
rsoul
sthent
hey'
ll
befree.
 
Me:
Justl
i
ket
hat
? 
Pear
l:Yeah.At
hreeday
sfast
ingf
il
ledwi
th-
Buhle:Ihopey
oual
ldon'
thav
eapr
obl
em wi
th
fr
ies. 
Me:
They
'r
eunheal
thy
. 
Nt
ando:
Youwer
eeat
ingt
hem y
est
erday
. 
Me:I
'm act
uall
ywat
chi
ngwhatIeatst
art
ing
f
rom t
oday. 
Iwasst
il
lthi
nki
ngaboutwhatPearlsai
dandI
wonder
edwhatshewas.Howdi dsheknow? 
Shehadbeental
kingabi
tinr
iddl
esbutIknew
whatshemeant.
 
Godr eal
lyworksi
nmir
aculousways.He
broughtmesomeoneIdidn'tknowtobr
ingt
he
messaget ome.Iwassti
llhowever
,more
concernedaboutt
hefi
rstpart
. 
Buhl
e:Younoteat
ing?
 
Me:
Umm.
.Iam
Pearll
ookedatmethensmil
ed.Shewasbei
ng
abitweir
d.Anyway
,Iatewhi
leweconver
sed
l
ightl
y.
 
Iwenttoat
tendt
hetworemai
ningcl
assesaf
ter
andgotathome,ar
ound5:
20pm si
ncethel
ast
oneendedat5pm. 
Iwasdogt
ir
edshame.Iwentt
otakeaqui
ck
shower
.
Thefol
l
owingdays,
Iwasall
aboutbooksand
nopl
ay.Idi
dn'
tgoanywher
e,al
lIdi
dwasr ead,
sl
eepandpray
. 
Ihadbeenthinki
ngaboutwhatPearlsai
dand
thewei
rdthingis,Inev
ersawheragain,
not
evenwit
hBuhl e.
 
Matthew18:18"Ver i
lyIsayuntoyou,
Whatsoevery
eshallbindonearthshal
lbe
boundinheaven:
andwhat soeveryeshal
ll
oose
onearthshal
lbeloosedinheaven."
Idon'
tknowhowIwasgoi
ngt
odot
hisbecause
i
twasn' tsomethi
ngIcoul deasi
lyspeaktothem
about,overthephone.Ireal
lywantedthem to
mov eonsoIwoul dhav etovisi
thomewhenI
fi
nishwr i
ti
ng. 
Wehadn'tevenstar
tedyetsoitwasgoingto
happeni
naf ewweekst ocome.Ijusthoped
thatt
hebothpart
ieswil
lcomplywiththi
s.I
knowKamowi ll
,I
'mjustnotsureaboutThul
i.
 
Yes,
shedidsayshe'
slet
ti
nggoofhi
m butwas
shereal
l
yupfori
t? 
Ij
ustwonderwhyshehadtogot
hroughsuch
dr
asti
cmeasurestokeepamanbutagai
n,who
am It
ojudge?
 
I
twast he12thandVal ent
ineswasgoingtobe
onSaturday,i
t'
sThursday.Ireal
l
ydi
dn'tt
hinkI
'
d
besingl
ebyVal ent
inesbutwhathappened,
happened. 
Ist
il
lhaven'
theardfr
om hi
m, notext
,nocal
l
whatsoever
.Idon'
tblamehi
m, I'
m act
ual
lyt
he
onewhobr okeupwithhi
m butIhadeveryr
ight
t
o.Hetreatedmel i
keadogandthe
mother
fuckerdidn'
tbot
herapol
ogizi
ng.Idi
dn'
t
wantmyselftobepartoft
hestati
sti
csof
Domesti
cv i
olence.
 
Iwasi
nf r
ontofthef
ull
bodymirr
orstar
ingat
myref
lect
ion.Iwasj
ustinmypantyandbra.
 
Idon'
tknowifi
twasjustmebutIhadgai
neda
bi
tofweight
.Iwasgoingbackt
omysize34I
guessandIwashappy. 
Iknowal otofwomenwoul
dbemadt
ogai
n
weightbutIwasn'
t.
 
Myphoner
ang,
whi
l
eIwasst
il
ldoi
ngt
hat
. 
Me:
Mot
her
,thi
sisasur
pri
se.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Hey
,howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
mfi
ne,
you?
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
m good.Cany
out
alk?
 
Me:
Umm,
yeah.
 
IsatdownonmybedsoIcoul
dli
stent
owhat
shewasaboutt
osay
. 
Khol
iswa:
Good,
Ler
atowoul
dli
ket
otal
kto
you.
 
Me:
Ler
ato?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Lut
hando'
smot
her
. 
Me:
Ohokay
Shi
t!Ican'
tbeli
eveIl
astsawherl asty
earandI
nev
erev enmadeittothedinnersoIdon'
tknow
howshe'sgoingtobelikenow. 
Ler
ato:
Khensani
? 
Me:
Dumel
aMa 
Ler
ato:Theny
oudeci
dedt
ojustgowi
thout
vi
sit
ingme?
Iscr
atchedmyhead,
Ihadr
eal
l
yfor
got
ten
abouther.
 
Me:Noma, t
hingi
s,Ihadbeenhospi
tal
izedfor
somedaysandwhenIgotout,Ihadalotto
deal
wit
h. 
Ler
ato:
Hospi
tal
i
zed?
 
Me:
Itwasnot
hinghect
ic,
I'
mfi
nenow.
 
Ler
ato:
Youshoul
dhav
eletmeknow.
 
Me:
Idon'
thav
eyournumber
. 
Ler
ato:
AskTumel
otogi
vei
ttoy
ou.
 
Me:
Tumel
o? 
Ler
ato:
Yourboy
fri
end?
 
Me:
Thandoi
sTumel
o? 
Lerat
o:Yes,
hedoesn'
tl
ikethatnamet
hough.I
thi
nkthat
'swhyy
oudon'tknowit. 
Me:
Thi
ngi
s,meandhi
m ai
n'
t.
.Youknow 
Ler
ato:
Idon'
tev
enwannaknow,
you'
l
lcal
lme.
 
Tj
oo,thi
swoman.Shewasr
eal
l
yput
ti
ngmei
n
ati
ghtspotnow.
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
m comi
ngt
hatsi
denextweek.
 
Me:
Busi
nessorpl
easur
e? 
Khol
i
swa:
Busi
ness,
I'
dli
ket
oseey
out
hough.
 
Me:I
'
llmakesometi
me.Youcanj
ustsl
eep
ov
erheret
hough.
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
dlov
ethat
. 
Me:
Awesome,
greetThandi
andt
heunbor
nfor
me.
 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Wil
ldo.Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Ihungup.IknewThando'snumberbyhear
tsoI
deci
dedtojustsav
eitNje.Iwentov
ertohi
s
whatsappandther
ewasapr ofi
lepi
ctur
eofhi
m
wit
hal i
tt
leki
d. 
Thi
ngaboutt
hiski
dis,hel
ookedsomuchl
i
ke
hi
m.Yes,i
twasaboy .
 
Il
ookedathi
slastseenonl
ytof
indhi
m onl
i
ne.
 
Myheartr
acedabi
t.Idi
dn'
twantt
oov
ert
hink
much 
I
'
mtheonewhol
efthi
m sohedi
dn'
toweme
anyexpl
anati
on.It
houghthewasnowher
eto
befoundyether
ehewas, onl
ine.
 
Ij
usti
gnor
edt
hepi
ctureandthest
atuswhi
ch
was"Mini
me"andtypedhi
m amessage. 
Me:Hel
lo.Pl
easesendmey
ourmot
her
's
number
. 
Iputt
hephonenexttomeaf
terpr
essi
ngsend
andwait
edforhi
sreply
. 
Myphonebeeped.Iopenedi
t.
 
Thando:
07*
***
**
Ireal
l
ywasn'
texpect
inghi
mtojustsendt
he
number.No"howareyouKhensani
?",
nothi
ng.
 
Anyway
,It
ookt
henumberandst
oredi
tthenI
sl
eptwi
thmybr
okenhear
t.
 
WhatwasIex
pect
ingVel
e? 
Ibrokeupwi t
hhi
m aft
erall
andit
'scl
earhe
doesn'tcar
e.Imean,
it'
sonl
ybeenamont hbut
Iguess,
itwasn'
tmeantt
obe.
 
Iguessr
elat
ionshi
psar
ejustnotf
orme.
 
.
.
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
77
Ispenttherestofmydaysnuggl
edupinmy
couch,wit
habl anki
eandatuboficecr
eam.
 
Iwasactuall
yinf r
ontoftheTV, wat chingsome
sadromanticmov iewit
haboxoft issues.I
didn'
twanttothinkaboutany t
hingandagai n,
thatmoviewasj ustwhatIneededt ocr ymy
eyesout.Iwaswat chi
ngEv erafter
.I nthemood
thatIwasin,Ishouldhavewat chedt i
tanic.
 
WhywasIbl ami ngmy sel
f?No.Thi si
snotmy
fault
.It
'shisfault.He'
stheonewho
manhandl edme, mademef eell
ikesomecheap
hookerandheshoul dapologize.AsmuchasI
l
ov ehim butthis,thi
swast oomuch.  
Iswi
tchedof
ftheTV,
wor
emysl
eeper
sthen
wentupst
air
stomyr
oom.
 
Ij
ustt
hrewmy
sel
fonmybedandsl
epti
tof
f.
 
Iwokeupfeel
ingabitbett
er.Ionlyhadtwo
l
ectur
esonFriday'
sandwithnospacei n
bet
ween.Mylectureonl
ystartsat09:15soI
hadenoughti
met ogoforajog. 
Iwasgoingtoshoweraf t
ermyjogsoIj
ust
brushedmyteeth,washedmyfaceandhal
fof
mybody .IworeAdidasl
eggi
ngs,apumavest
withNikeRosh.If
il
ledabott
lewit
hwatert
henI
l
eftformyjog. 
WhatIhadplannedtobeanhourjogendedin
j
ust20minutesbecauseIdi
dn'
thavethe
ener
gy.Iwal
kedbackt omyfl
at,
feeli
ngthe
i
mpactofthejog. 
Me:
Ial
mostdi
ed 
Isai
d,leaningbythekitchencount
er.Ir
eall
y
almostkil
ledmy sel
f.Idon'tknowwherethi
s
exhausti
oncomesf rom.  
Igul
peddownthebot
tl
eofwaterbef
oregoi
ng
upst
air
sandhavi
ngalong,war
m bat
hfil
l
ed
wit
hbathsal
tsandst
uff
. 
Aft
ermyl ongbat
h,Igotout,dri
edthenlot
ioned.
Iworeabl ueboyfr
iendJean,withablackT-
shi
rttuckedinandbl ackandwhiteAdidas
sandals.Icombedmyhai r,putonpinkhoop
earr
ingsandabr ownmat t
eli
psti
ckonmyl ips.
 
Itookmybag, phoneandcarkey
sthenwent
downstai
rs.Imademuesliwit
hfrui
tsand
yogurt
. 
Aft
ereat
ing,
Ilef
tlocki
ngmydooronmyway
out
. 
Ir
ecei
vedacal
lfr
om dadj
ustasIwaspacki
ng
mycar.
 
Me:
Dad?
 
Dad:
Nono,
Unj
ani
? 
Me:
I'
mfi
nedad,
andy
ou?
 
Dad:
I'
m okay
,justchecki
ngony
ou.
 
Me:
Ial
mostt
houghty
ouhadf
orgot
tenabout
me.
 
Dad:
Nev
er,
youmynumberone.
 
Me:
That
'ssweet
,Imi
ssy
ousomuch.
 
Dad:Imi
ssy
out
oobaby
,Thehousei
ssoqui
et
wit
houty
ou.
 
Me:
Arey
oucal
l
ingmel
ouddad?
 
Hechuckl
edandIl
aughed.
 
Dad:
Youl
i
vel
y,i
t'
sacompl
i
ment
. 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Ift
hat
'st
hecaset
hent
hankYou 
Dad:
Youwel
come,
Ihopey
oubehav
ingt
her
e. 
Ichuckl
ed,
Dadwi
l
lnev
erchange.
 
Me:Whatdoy
oumean?I
'
m al
way
swel
l
behav
ed.
 
Dad:
I'
m say
ing,
don'
tst
opt
hen.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Iwon'
tst
opt
hen
Dad: Good,t
hat
'smygir
l.Apar
tofmeis
actuall
yhappyt
hatyoudeci
dedtost
udyfar
fr
om home.  
Me:
Hai
bo!Why
? 
Dad:Atl
eastther
e'snoLuthandother
ewho
mightt
rytogetsmartwit
hy ou. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Hecanal
way
str
avel
. 
Dad:
Don'
tgetanyi
deas.
 
Il
aughed,
Iwasnowstandi
ngoutsi
dethe
l
ectur
ehall
,Iwasabi
tearl
ysoIsti
l
lhadsome
minut
estospare.
 
Me:
Iwon'
t.Justt
rustme.
Dad:Khol
i
swat
ell
smeshe'
scomi
ngt
her
enext
week. 
Me:
Youguy
stal
k? 
Dad:
Ofcour
sewedo,
shewasher
eact
ual
l
y. 
Me:
AndKi
tsowascool
wit
hthat
? 
Dad:
Weal
lgr
ownups,
rel
ax.
 
Me:
Ijustdon'
twantany
thi
ngupset
ti
ngmy
mom. 
Dad:
Whi
chone?
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Theonewhohast
hesamesur
nameas
me.
 
Dad:
Okaybaby
,it
'sgoodt
haty
oust
il
ll
oveher
. 
Me:I
'
llal
waysdo.Ev
enify
ouguy sbr
eakupt
hen
youf
indsomeoneel
se,
she'l
lal
waysbeMy
mom. 
Dad:Event houghIdon'
tseethatever
happening.I'
m glady
ouf eel
thatwayabouther
.
Tothinkyoudi dn'
twanther.
 
Il
aughed,
someonepokedme.I
twasNt
ando,
I
wavedathi
m.
Me:
Igot
tagodad,
thanksf
ort
hecal
l
. 
Dad:
It'
smypl
easur
e.Takecar
e,Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Ihungup.
 
Me:
Hey
Nt
ando:
Hi
Weshar
edahugt
hengoti
nsi
det
hel
ect
ure
hal
l
. 
Me:
Yougood?
 
Nt
ando:
I'
m amazebal
l
s,y
ou?
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
I'
m awesome,
thanks.
 
Thel
ect
uregoti
nandt
hel
essonbegan.
 
Whenwehadattendedourl
astl
ect
ureoft
he
daywecoul
dfi
nall
ygo.
Nt
ando:
Cany
ouaccompanymet
othemal
l
? 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Nt
ando:
Ineedt
opr
epar
emy
sel
fforVal
ent
ines 
Hesai
dwi
thagr
in,
Ilaughed.
 
Me:
Wozamgani
!
 
Wehi
ghf
ived.
 
Ntando:Ihaveadat
ephel
a.Ican'
tgowi
tht
his
scrubbyhair
. 
Me:
Iact
ual
l
yneedt
odosomet
hingwi
thmi
ne
t
oo.
 
Ntando:Yougonnahel
pmechooseanout
fi
t
r
ight? 
Me:
Yougoi
ngal
loutNeh 
Hel
aughed.
 
Ntando:Igotto.Phel
a,t
hisismyf
utur
e
husbandwet alki
ngabout.
 
Me:
Ayey
e.We'
l
lgr
abl
unchatt
ownNeh.
 
Ntando:
YeahandI
'
llpayf
ori
t.Wet
aki
ngy
our
carri
ght
 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Wewalkedtomycar
.Iunl
ockeditthenwegot
i
nsidet
hendrov
etot
ownwhi l
eli
steningt
o
somemusic.
 
If
oundaper
fectpar
kingspotthenwegotout
.
Wewentt
oKFCf orsomef ood.
 
Iorder
edatwist
er,bur
gerandashaket
henhe
wentforChampionmealorsomethi
ngar
ound
thosel
ines.
 
Nt
ando:
Sowena,
anypl
ansf
orv
alent
ines?
 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
Iwish.I
'mjustgoi
ngt
ospendt
hedaywi
th
myTVscreen.
 
Ntando:
Yabona?Youshoul
dhav
ejustl
etme
hookyouup.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Not
hanks,
I'
m act
ual
l
ygoodal
one.
. 
Nt
ando:I
fIdi
dn'
thaveadat
e,Iwasgoi
ngt
o
makeyoumyval
enti
ne.
 
Welaughed.Ourf
oodcameandweat e.Aft
er
eat
ing,
wel ef
tsi
ncehehadal
readypai
d. 
West
art
edof
fatt
hesal
on.
 
Nt
ando:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
 
Me:
Idon'
tknowhey
. 
Theguy
,whol
ookedgaycamet
oat
tendus.
 
Guy
:I'
m Tash,
whatar
ewedoi
ngt
oday
? 
Me:
I'
m act
ual
l
yconf
used.
 
Isai
d,scr
atchi
ngmyhead.
 
Ntando:
Iwantaf
adewi
thsomebl
ondeont
he
t
ips. 
Tash:
Okay
.Tr
yal
acef
ront
. 
Me:
Ismyhai
rnotshor
t? 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Tash:Nohoney
,wegoi
ngt
ogl
uei
tont
opof
yourhai
r.
 
Me:
Ify
ousaysot
henI
'
m good.Ineedi
tli
ke
16i
nchl
ong.
 
Tash:
Col
our
? 
Me:
Brown.
 
Henodded.
 
Theystart
edwithNtandofi
rstbef
or ecomi
ngt o
me.Ittookaboutt
hreehoursforthem tof
ini
sh
offwit
hmeandImustsay ,
Ilookedbeauti
ful
. 
Ii
mmedi at
elyt
ookapict
ure,
wi t
hNtandoof
cour
seAndputi tasmydi
splaypict
ureon
Whatsapp.
 
Nt
ando:
Youl
ooksi
zzl
i
ng.
 
Me:
Thanks,
youl
ookdashi
ng.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Nt
ando:
Iknow.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Yousof
orwar
d. 
Nt
ando:
Let
'sgol
ookf
ort
omor
row'
sout
fi
ts.
 
Me:
Minaangi
yindawo.
 
Ntando:Ther
e'snothi
ngwr
ongwi
thdr
essi
ngup
f
ornor easonnje.
 
Me:
Ift
hat
'st
hecase,
theny
essi
r.
 
Wehighf iv
ed.Wet henwentintostoresandhe
hel
pedchoose.Somest uffwer et
oor eveal
i
ng
soIdidn'tt
akeem butwedidqui t
eal otof
shopping.EvenboughtmatchingT-shir
tsfr
om
Markham.  
Aft
erourl
ongassshoppi
ng,
wedr
oveto
Nandoswher
ewehadsomequart
erchi
cken.
 
Nt
ando:
Whataday
! 
Hesaid,wipi
ngof
fimagi
nar
ysweatf
rom hi
s
f
orehead. 
Me:
Pleasedonotr
emi
nd,
Ineedamassage.
 
Nt
ando:
Don'
tment
ioni
t.
 
Af
tereat
ing,
Ipaidt
hebil
lthenweleft
.I
dr
oppedhim of
fatResbeforedr
ivi
ngtomyf
lat
.
Itookallofmyplast
icsthenwenttomyfl
at,
putti
ngthem downthenopeningthedoor
beforepi
ckingthem agai
n. 
Iwenttoputt
hem i
nmyr
oom t
henst
ri
pped
andtookashower
. 
Isl
epti
mmedi
atel
yther
eaf
ter
. 
Iwaswokenupbysomeoneknocki ng
vigor
ouslyonmydoor ,
atf
ir
stIwantedto
i
gnor ebutIcouldn't
.Imagi
neheari
ngaknock
that'
sdownst ai
rsallthewayfr
om myr oom.I
groanedthengotup, putonmygownt henwor
e
mysl eepersbeforedraggi
ngmybody
downst ai
rs.
 
Theper
sonst
il
ldi
dn'
tst
op.
 
Me:
I'
m comi
ng!
 
Ishout
ed,j
ustsotheycanstop.I
twassti
llabi
t
earl
yanddarkout
side.Ihadtoli
ghti
nthe
l
ounge. 
Me:
What
?!
Isai
d,i
mmediatel
ywhenIopenedandmy
thr
oatj
ustwentdry.
 
Thando:
Arey
ougonnal
etusi
n? 
Hewashol di
ngthesamebabyIsawinhis
di
splaypi
ctur
e.Howdidheevenknow..
Nobuhle.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
? 
Ifi
nal
l
ymanagedtosay,Thebabywassl
eepi
ng,
he'
sactual
l
ynotababybutatoddl
er.
 
Hepushedmeabi
tasi
det
hengoti
nwi
thhi
s
bag.
 
Me:
Thi
sismyhouse!
 
Hedidn'
tpayanyat
tent
iontomebutjustwent
upst
air
sthencamebackalonet
hist
ime. 
Thando:
Youwer
esl
eepi
ng?
 
Me:
Whatdoy
out
hink?
 
Thando:Okay
,pl
easel
ookaf
terhi
mforawhi
l
e,
Ineedtogosomewher
e. 
Me:
Whatt
hehel
l
? 
Hemustbeki
ddi
ngme.
 
Thando:Ever
ythi
nghemightneedisinhi
sbag.
He's3sobasical
ly,
heeat
sany t
hingandItr
ust
yourcooki
ngskil
ls.
 
Me:
Tumel
oweh,
don'
tpat
roni
zeme.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:Iseeyou'
vebeenspeaki
ngt
omom.
Cheersbabe.
 
Hekissedmeont
hecheekandat
tempt
edt
o
l
eave. 
Me:Younotl
eavi
ngmewi
thy
ourson,
whom I
knownot
hingof
. 
Thando:I
'
llexplai
never
ythi
ngwhenIcome
backbutIreal
lyneedtogonowbaby.
 
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,hel
eft
 
Me:
Wayt
ogoKhen,
wayt
ogo.
 
Imean,
howt
hehel
lI'
m Igoi
ngt
odot
his?
 
Thisboydoesn'tknowmeandIr
eal
lydon'
t
knowwhatI'm gonnadowhenhewakesup.
 
Iswearatt
hatpoint,
whatev
erounceofsl
eepI
hadinme,disappear
ed.
 
.
.
  
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
78
Ithi
nkIspentanhour,st
agnanttr
yingt
oleti
tal
l
si
nki n.Itwasar
ound7am whenIrecei
veda
call
from NtandoAndIansweredalmost
i
mmedi atel
y.
 
Nt
ando:
Fri
endshi
p. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Heybabe.
 
Nt
ando:
Yousounddef
eat
ed.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Ifonl
yyouknew.
 
Isi
ghed.
 
Nt
ando:
Whathappened?
 
Me: SoI'
m sl
eepi
ngpeaceful
l
yonmybedwhen
Ihearsomeonebangi
ngonmydoor,dr
aggi
ng
myasst oopenonlyt
ofindmyexwi
thacut
e,
adorabl
ebaby. 
Hel
aughed.
 
Nt
ando:
Sohedumpedy
ouwi
thababy
? 
Me:Yes,l
ikenot
hingeverhappenedbet
weenus
t
henrushedoff,
leavi
ngmewi ththeboy
. 
Nt
ando:
That
'ssad.
 
Me:
Yougotnoi
dea.Iev
enf
orgotaboutf
ood.
 
Hel
aughed,
hef
oundal
loft
hisamusi
ng.
 
Nt
ando:
Igotani
dea.
 
Me:
I'
mli
steni
ng.
 
Nt
ando:
Takeashower
,dr
essupi
nthat
f
reakum bl
ackdr
esst
hengooutwi
tht
heboy
. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Hedoesn'
tev
enknowme.
 
Nt
ando:
Yout
ryi
ngt
opi
sshi
m of
fri
ght
? 
Me:
Iguess.
 
Ntando:
He'
ll
comeback,
findy
ouguy
snot
t
hereandhe'
llf
li
p. 
Me:Act
ual
ly
,thatdoesn'
tsoundl
ikeabadidea.
Imean,
I'
veal
way sl
ovedpissi
nghim of
f.
 
Ntando:
Good,whenheasks,
you'
l
ljustsayy
ou
wentoutonadate.
 
Il
aughed,IwonderwhyIhadn' tt
houghtofthat
.
Luthandojustcan'tcomeintomyl i
fe,
dropme
wit
habombandexpectev ery
thi
ngtojustbe
okay.What'sbetterthangi
v i
nghimthe
i
mpr essi
ont hatImov edon? 
Thatwayhe'
l
lst
opt
hinki
ngmyl
i
fer
evol
ves
aroundhi
m. 
Iwentupstai
rs,hewassti
ll
sleepi
ngAndjust
wenttothebathroom,br
ushedmyt eet
hthen
washedmyf ace. 
Iwentdownst ai
rstomakesomebr eakf
ast
.I
didn'
tknowwhathel ikesbutIj
ustmadesome
eggs,bacon,sausagesandtoast
.Imade
fr
eshlysqueezedorangejui
ceandsomef r
uit
saladontheside. 
"Mama?"
Asmal lv
oicesaid,hewascomi ngdownt he
stai
rswhiler
ubbinghiseyes.He'ssol i
ghtin
complexi
onbutl ooksj
ustli
keLut handobuthe
hasmedi um si
zedcurl
yAfro.
Me:
Umm,
hi.
 
Hi
m:Hel
l
o,y
oumynewmommy
? 
Dammi tLuthandoforput
tingmeinsucha
posi
ti
on,hel ookedsocutewhensayi
ngthat
andtherewasr eal
lynot
hingel
seIcouldsayso
Inodded. 
Hi
m:I
'
m Romeo.
 
Me:
I'
m Khensani
 
Hesmiled,
rev
eal
inghi
sdeepdimpl
es,
Ijust
melt
ed.HowIwishhewasbornsomeyears
ear
li
er!
Me:
Imadebr
eakf
ast
. 
Romeo:
Eggs?
 
Heaskedwi
thagr
in,
Inodded,
chuckl
i
ng.
 
Romeo:
Yes!
 
Hesai d,cl
appi
nghishandsandIj
ustgiggl
ed.I
pickedhim upthenputhi
m ononeofthehigh
chairs.
Idi
shedupf
ort
hebot
hofusandgav
ehi
m hi
s
pl
ate.
 
Romeo:
ThankYou 
Ismiledthenweat
esil
ent
ly,
hewasreall
yan
adorableki
dandIwonder
edwhathappenedt
o
hismot her
. 
Iwentt
oswitchont
heTV, putt
hechannelon
cart
oonnet
workandgothim of
fthechai
rsohe
coul
dwatchasIwashedthedir
tydi
shes.
 
Iwentt
oqui
cklyTakeabathwhi
lehewasst
il
l
enj
oyi
ngwatchi
ngTV.Idr
ied,
lot
ionedt
henI
woreagownandwentdownstai
rs.
 
Me:
Let
'sgobat
h. 
Romeo:
Okay
Ipi
ckedhi
m up,
puthi
m onmywai
stt
henwent
upst
air
swit
hhim. 
Ipreparedhi
sbathingwaterthenIbathedhi
m.
WhenIwasdone, Idr
iedhim andl
otionedhi
m
withVaseli
ne.It
ookouthisbr i
eff
rom thebag
thendressedhim up.
 
Wewor emat chi
ngoutfi
ts.Iwaswear ingmy
blackl
ongsleevesbodyhuggi ngdress,which
wasabov emykneeswi t
hAl lwhit
esuper ga
sneaker
s.Idressedhi
mi nblackpant switha
whitel
ongsleeveshir
tandBl ackandWhi te
Adi
dassuperst
ars.Iputonanudeli
pst
ickt
hen
wor
epearlshapedsilv
erear
ri
ngs.
 
Itookafewpi ct
uresofus,thenIt
ooka
backpack,putonallwegoingtoneed,i
ncl
udi
ng
mywal l
et.Iwasgoingtoleavemyphone
behind,
justtoworryhi
m evenmor e.
 
Me:
Let
'sgobaby
. 
Itookmycarkeyst
henwewentupst
air
s,we
gotoutandl
ockedthedoor
. 
WewenttomycarandIdrovet
oMaf i
kengmal
l.
WeparkedthenIwentt
ogethi
m somecott
on
candyf
ir
st.
 
Romeo:
ThankYou.
 
Hecl
appedoncet
hent
ooki
t.
 
Wethenwentforsomeshoppi ngatChecker
s.I
l
ethi
mt akewhateverhewanted,i
twasactuall
y
f
un.Hewasont hetroll
eyt
hatIwaspushing. 
"Ishoul
dtakeapi
ctur
e"
Sai
dadeepvoiceandIl
i
ftedmyhead.He
smil
ed,
rev
eal
inghiswhi
teteet
h. 
Guy
:Thor
iso
Me:
Khensani
. 
Thor
iso:
Ist
haty
ourson?
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Yes.
 
Thor
iso:
Butr
eal
l
y,I
'
dlov
etot
akeapi
ctur
e. 
Me:Soy
oucanmakemoneyof
fus?Rat
her
not
. 
Hechuckled.Hewasjustf
ine,
hewasslender
wit
hbrackets,t
all
wit
hbroadshoul
der
s,darki
n
compl
exion. 
Hewaswear i
ngnav
ychi
nos,
blackT-
shi
rtwi
th
whi
tesneaker
s. 
Thor
iso:
Theysayapi
ctur
elast
slonger
. 
Me:
Try
ingt
obesmar
twi
thmeNeh 
Thor
iso:
NotAtal
l
. 
RomeotappedmeandIlookedathim,he
poi
ntedatwinegumssoIputthem i
n. 
Thor
iso:
Wher
etof
rom her
e? 
Me:
Wegoi
ngonadat
e. 
Thor
iso:
Oh?
 
Me:
Yes.
 
Thor
iso:
CanIgety
ournumbert
hen?
 
Me:
Idon'
tgi
vemynumber
stost
ranger
s. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thor
iso:
Ijustwantt
obey
ourf
ri
end.
 
Me:
Whosai
dIwantanyf
ri
ends?
 
Thor
iso:
Youl
ookl
onel
y.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Ohpl
ease.
 
Thori
so:Okay,
I'
mr eal
l
yinahur
ry.MayIpl
ease
haveyournumber?
 
Me:
Okayf
ine,
nof
unnybusi
ness.
 
Hel
aughedandnodded.
 
Thor
iso:
I'
ll
behav
e. 
Me:
Giv
emey
ourphone.
 
Hegavemehi
sphoneandIt
ypedi
nmy
number
. 
Thor
iso:
Thanks.
 
Hesmiledatmethenlef
t,If
ini
shedoffwithour
l
it
t l
egr
ocery
.Al
sotookat ubofchocol
ateice-
cream,abl
ackf
orestcakeandsomecust ard.I
t
wasawholebunchofjunkthenIwenttothet i
l
l
andpaidwit
hmycard. 
WethenwenttomycarandIputev
ery
thi
ngi
n
t
heboot.Ipi
ckedRomeoup 
Me:
Wher
ewoul
dyoul
i
ket
oeat
? 
Romeo:
Wimpy
. 
Me:
Okaybi
gboy
. 
Iki
ssedhi
m ont
hecheekandhegi
ggl
ed.We
wentt
owimpyandor
der
edsomebur
ger
s,f
ri
es
andmil
kshakes.
 
Ourorderarr
ivedandwedugin.Therewer
ea
fewcouplesallbei
ngcosyandki
ssing.
 
Ididn'
twanttoletthatgettome, Icouldn'
tget
enoughoft hebubblegum mil
kshaket hatI
orderedanotheronewi t
haquarterchickenand
chips. 
Aftermybigmeal,
weleft
,goi
nghome.Iwas
ti
red,myfeetwer
ekil
l
ingme. 
Me:
Didy
ouhav
efun?
 
Henodded.
 
Romeo:
Somuch.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
I'
m gl
adbaby
. 
Iparkedmycar
,thentookoffall
myplast
ics
thenwewenttomyf l
at.Sur
prisi
ngl
y,i
twasn'
t
l
ocked.Cont
rar
ytohowIl ef
tit.
Me:
Baby
,wai
ther
eNEH.
 
Henodded,
myheartwasbeati
ngpr et
tyfast
.I
wasscar
ed.Di
dsomeonejustbreakint
omy
f
lat
? 
If
eltt
hesweatbui
l
dingupasIwenti
n. 
"Youf
inal
l
yback"
Mxm.Her
eIwasthi
nki
ngi
tssomeoneel
se.I
putt
hepl
ast
icdownt
henwentt
ogetRomeo. 
Me:
DaddyI
sback.
 
Hesmiledthenrani
nsidethehouse,t
o
Lut
hando.Istar
tedpacki
ngmyj unk,
putt
ing
what'
snecessaryi
nthefri
dge.
 
Thando:
Wher
edi
dyougo?
 
Idi
dn'tevenreal
izehewasbehi
ndmebutIwas
notgoingtoentert
ainhi
m. 
Idi
dn'
treplybutjustconti
nuedwithwhatI'
m
doi
ng.Itookoutapl ast
icbowl,
thenpoured
somecar amelpopcorn.Iwasgoingtowatcha
movi
eorsomethi
ng.Iputi
nsomewinegums,
somelay
sandchocolat
esweet
s. 
Thando:
I'
mtal
ki
ngt
oyou.
 
Icouldseehewasget t
ingmadbutIdi
dn'
tcar
e.
Ipouredmy sel
fagl
assofyoghur
tthenwentt
o
thelounge,
wi t
hhi
mf ol
lowi
ngme. 
Hedoesn'texpectmet oactli
kenot hi
ng
happened,hesti
llneedstoexplainhimsel
fto
me.I'
m notgoingtojustgoonl ikenothi
ngever
happened.
 
Myphoneranginmyroom,
Itwassoloud.Just
t
hethoughtofget
ti
ngupmademetir
ed. 
Thando:
I'
ll
gogeti
t.
 
Thatwasenoughtomakemegetup.Geti
t?For
who?Forwhat? 
Iputev ery
thi
nginthetabl
ethengotup,
draggingmyf eetupthest
air
s.Iwasgett
ing
l
azy .Ieventookoffmyshoesthenwore
sl
eeper s.
 
Ianswer
edont
het
hir
dri
ng.
 
Nt
ando:
Myl
ove.
 
Me:
SthandwaSaam.
 
Isatont
hebed.
 
Nt
ando:
Ishebacky
et?
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Yes,he'
sdownstai
rs,
try
ingt
ost
art
somethi
ngwithme. 
Hel
aughed.
 
Nt
ando:
Thatmeansi
twor
ked.
 
Me:
Soy
ou?
 
Nt
ando:
Whataboutme?
 
Me:
Howwast
hedat
e? 
Hegi
ggl
ed.
 
Nt
ando:
Soamazi
ng,
wei
npal
ms.
 
Me:
Woah.
 
Nt
ando:
Wel
l
,youknow 
Thando:
Canwet
alk?
 
Il
ookedathi
m. 
Me:
Can'
tbel
i
evey
ouhav
ingf
unwi
thoutme.
 
Ifr
ownedbecauseThandowaswatchi
ngme
andIj
ustwantedtopi
sshim of
fev
enmore.
 
Nt
ando:
Ncooa,
someonemi
ssesme.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Ofcour
seImi
ssy
ou,
lookbabe,
Igot
tago.
 
Nt
ando:
Okaygi
rl
,l
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Lov
eyout
oo.
 
Ihungupt
hengotup.Iwasaboutt
ogetout
whenhebl
ockedmyway .
 
Me:
Andt
hen?
 
Thando:
Arey
oucheat
ingonme?
 
Ichuckl
ed,
thismustbesomesor
tofaj
okebut
hewasserious.
 
Me:Don'tbul
l
lshi
tmeTumel
o.Shi
ft
,Iwanna
getout
. 
Thando:
Khensani
,don'
tyoudar
eswearatme!
 
Hesai
d,wi
thaut
hor
it
y. 
Me:
Sor
ry
Isai
d,r
oll
i
ngmyeyes.Hegroanedthentur
ned
Andpunchedt
hewallnextt
othedoor.Mytear
s
fel
l.
 
Het
urnedashehear
dmysob.
 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ryi
fI.
.Scar
edy
ou 
Hebr
eat
hedoutl
oud.Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s. 
Me:
Pleasel
etmegodown.
 
Hesi
ghed.
 
Thando:
Ijustwantust
otal
k. 
Me:
WhataboutRomeo?
 
Thando:Il
ockedt
hedoorandhe'
sjust
downstai
rs.
 
Me:
Atl
eastGogetmyf
ood.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Okaybaby
. 
Hekissedmeont hef
oreheadthenr
ushedout
.I
satonthebed.Hecameaf t
eraminut
e. 
Thando:
Romeowasdr
inki
ngt
hey
oghur
t.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
Imunchedonmysnackswhi
l
ewai
ti
ngf
orhi
m
tot
alk.
 
Thando:
RememberShant
ell
? 
Inoddedwhi
l
est
uff
ingmyf
ace.
 
Thando: Ifoundoutonthatdaythatshe'sbeen
play
inghappyf amil
ieswithmyson.Ihadt ofind
outfrom oneofmyboy sandshehadt henerve
tobri
nghert ot
heparty
.IswearIdidn'tknow
shehasababy ,worsemine.Iwassomadand
that
'swhyIgotev enmor eangrywhenIf ound
youdr i
nkingandsmokingwi t
hthoseguy s.
 
Me:
Soy
oudeci
dedt
omanhandl
eme?
 
Hesi
ghedt
henl
ookeddown.
 
Thando: I
'
mreal
l
ysorryaboutthat
,youdon'
t
knowhowmuchIhat emy sel
fforeverdoi
ng
that
.Iblamedmysel
fforyouendingupin
hospit
al,t
hat
'
swhyIdidn'
tcomet ocheckupon
you.
 
Me:
Okay
. 
Iy
awned.
 
Thando:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Me:
Yes,
justt
ir
ed.
 
Thando:
It'
sjust
..Youl
ooksohot
. 
Hewasstar
ingatmythi
ghs,
Itr
iedt
obr
ingmy
dr
essdown.Hechuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Ishoul
dgocheckonRomeo.
 
Thando:
Younotgoi
ngt
osayany
thi
ng?
 
Me:
What
?Webr
okeupmoss 
Thando:
Wedi
dn'
t.
 
Il
aughedandhewasser
ious,
Ilookedatt
his
guy.
 
Thando:
It'
snotov
erunt
ilIsayso.
 
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,hegotup.
 
Thando:
You'
l
lfi
ndmedownst
air
s. 
Hekissedmeont hefor
ehead,
leav
ingme
dumbstruck.Hel
ookedsoseri
ousandl
ikehe
meantev er
yword.
 
Nkosi
yami
! 
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
79
Ineverevenwentdownst
air
s,Ij
ustat
emy
snacksthenIsl
ept.
 
WhenIwokeup, Iwasn'
tal
oneont hebed,Iwas
wit
hHim andRomeo.Idon'tev enknowwhat
t
imeitwasbutIwashungry .Islowlygotf
ree
f
rom hi
sgripthenwenttothebat hr
oom whereI
washedmyt eet
handmyf ace. 
Iwor
emysl
eeper
sthenwentdownst
air
s. 
Thando:
Whyy
ouup?
 
Igroaned.Whycan'thejustleavemeal one?I
wast oler
ati
nghimy esbutjusthispresence
annoy edtheshi
toutofhim.Ididn'tevenrepl
y
tohim.  
Hecamet
ost
andnextt
ome.
 
Thando:
Whyar
eyouact
ingup?
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwantf
rom meLut
hando?
 
Iasked,t
earsfi
ll
ingmyey es.Heheldmethen
cuppedmyf ace.Iyankedhishandsof
f.The
tear
sjustfel
l.
 
Me:
Please,
leav
emeal
one 
Isai
d,al
mostasawhi sper.Hewasaboutto
repl
ywhenmyst omachgrowledandI
rememberedwhyIwasher e.Hej
ustlookedat
me.Itookoutthecakefr
om thefr
idgeandcut
abigsli
cethenIwarmedsomemi lk 
Thando:
You'
venev
erbeenaf
anofj
unkf
ood.
 
Me:
Thi
ngschange.
 
Itookthemi l
kandst art
edeating,Ist
il
lwasn't
fi
ll
ed.Ipouredmy selfaglassofcustardthen
drank.Ineededsomet hingmeaty.Itookout
halfcookedsteakfrom thefri
dge.
 
Thando:
It'
s10pm.
 
Me:Whydon'
tyougobackt
osl
eep?Andst
op
i
rr
it
ati
ngme! 
Thando:Don'
tshoutKe.Makeenoughf
ort
he
bothofus.
 
Me:Didyouev
erseeyour
sel
fbuy
ingf
oodher
e?
Thi
sisnotahotel
. 
Hechuckl
edl
ikeIhadjustsai
dajokebutI
di
dn'
tmindhi
m andfri
edmyst eak.
 
Me:
Pleasemakemesomet
oast
. 
Thando:
Yougoi
ngt
oeatt
hatwi
tht
oast
? 
Me:
Ormay
besomef
ri
es.
 
Thando:
Soi
ndeci
siv
e 
It
hrewthebot t
leofoilathi
m andheducked.
Hewasj ustget
tingtomeandasmuchasI
wantedhim her
e, Iwi
shedhecouldj
ustleave.
 
Thando:
Thef
uck?
 
Me:
Justl
eav
e,go.Getawayf
rom her
e,f
rom
me.
 
Thando:
Ithoughty
oul
ovedme.
 
Me:YouhurtmeThandoandIj
ustcan'
tfor
get
aboutt
hat
. 
Iwentt
otakethebr
eadt
hendi
shedupt
he
st
eakformysel
f.
 
Thando:
Yougoi
ngt
oeatal
loft
hat
? 
Igr
oaned.
 
Me:
Youst
il
lher
e? 
Iscreamedoutinf
rustrat
ionandheraisedhi
s
handsasifhe'
ssurrenderi
ng.Ij
ustneededhi
m
toleavemealone.
 
Hewenttothelounge,swi
tchedont
heTVandI
coul
dfi
nal
lyeatinpeace. 
Thef oll
owingday,Igotupandpr
eparedmy sel
f
forchurch.Thori
sohadcalledmeint
he
mor ningandaskedmet ovisi
thi
schurch.
 
Iwasint
hebathtubwhenThandogoti
n.I
cover
edmybreastswi
thmyhandsandhe
l
aughed.
 
Me:
Justgi
vememyspaceman.
 
Thando:Wher
e'sy
ourbag?Iwanty
ouraccount
det
ail
s. 
Me:Somewherei
nther
oom,
justgett
hef
..Get
outofher
e. 
Helef
tandIbathedfast
lyt
hendriedand
l
oti
onedinthebathr
oom.Iwrappedatowel
ar
oundmybodyt henwentbacktotheroom t
o
l
ookforsomethi
ngtowear. 
Thando:I
sitj
ustmeory
ou'
vegai
nedabi
tof
weight
? 
Me:Youri
ght.Mymom i
scomingt
odayso
bet
termakesurey
ougonewhenIcomeback.
 
Thando:
Yougoi
ngsomewher
e? 
Me:
Yes.Cany
oul
eav
e?Iwannagetdr
essed.
 
Thando:
It'
snotl
i
kei
t'
snot
hingIhav
en'
tseen.
 
Me:
Justl
eav
eman.Yourf
aceal
onei
senough
t
omakemepuke.
 
Thando:
Wow
Witht
hatsai d,heleftandIclickedmyt ongue.I
woreawhi t
ebubbl edr esswithblacksandals.I
ti
redmyhai rintoalazybunt henputal ipbalm
onmylips.Idi dn'
tputonanyear r
ings.Itook
mybag, wit
hmyBi bleandphonet henwent
downstai
rs.Thor i
sowaspi ckingmeup.  
Me:
Heybaby
Isai
dt oRomeowhowaseati
ngsomecer
eal
andkissedhi
m ont
hecheek.
 
Imademy
sel
fsomecer
eal
wit
haf
rui
tsal
ad
andsmoot
hie.
 
Thando:
Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
 
Me:
That
'snoneofy
ourbusi
nessTumel
o. 
Thando:IknowwhatIdi dwasn'tagoodthi
ng
andI'
v eapol
ogizedbutthat
'snoreasont
otreat
melikeshit,
disrespectmeandtalktomethe
wayy oufeell
ikeit.
 
Ir
oll
edmyeyesathi
m andjustcont
inuedwi
th
mybreakf
ast
.MyphonerangjustasIwas
dr
inki
ngmysmoothi
e. 
Me:
Hey
 
Thandol
ookedatmebutIdi
dn'
tcar
e. 
Thor
iso:
Hi,
I'
m al
readyout
sidet
hecompl
ex.
 
Me:
Alr
ight
,I'
m comi
ng.
 
Thor
iso:
Cool
.
 
HehungupAndIqui
ckl
yfi
nished.
 
Iwentt
oRomeoandcr
ouchedi
nfr
ontofhi
m. 
Me:
Mommyi
sgoi
ngt
ochur
chNeh,
behav
e. 
Romeo:
CanIcomewi
th?
 
Me:
Umm,
younotbat
hedy
et.
 
Hef
rownedandIf
eltback.
 
Me:Tel
lyouwhat
,I'
l
ltakey
ououtf
orpi
zza
whenIcomeback.
 
Romeo:
Promi
se?
 
Me:
Ipr
omi
se.
 
Iki
ssedhischeekthenl
eft
.WhenIgott
o
Thori
so,wesharedahugbefor
eheopenedt
he
passengerdoorf
ormeandIgotin.
 
Thor
iso:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Therestoft
heridewassi
lent
,Iexpectedabig
chur
chbutitwasabitsmall
,Ieventhoughtwe
weregoingtot
ownbuttomysur pri
se,wewere
i
nav il
l
age. 
Igotoutofthecarandwewentinsi
de.Wewer e
abitear
ly,
theyweresti
l
lpr
epari
ngtheplace.
 
Thor
iso:
Thi
sist
hePast
or'
swi
fe.
 
Shehuggedmeshort
ly,
theywer
esohumbl
e
anddowntoear
th.
 
Me:
I'
m Khensani
. 
P'
swi
fe:
Wel
comet
oourchur
ch
Inodded.Iknewt henthatthi
swasgoi ngtobe
thechurchI'm goi
ngtoattendoverhere,I
actuall
ydidn'
tfeell
ikeavisi
torbutIf
eltl
ikeI
belonghere,li
keIhadbeenapar tofthem
for
ev er
. 
Ihel
pedwipethechair
sandsoonenough,
The
serv
icest
art
ed.Thori
sowasanushersohe
wasattheback,doi
nghisj
ob.
 
Theserv
icewentoutandwewereaskedt
ogo
for
ward,t
hosewhower ev
isi
ti
ngfort
hefi
rst
ti
me. 
Atl
eastIwasn'
ttheonl
yonesoIwent
,wi
th
others.Wehadt osayourname,wewel i
veand
whoi nvi
tedus.I
twasnowmyt ur
n.Peoplehad
beent al
kingi
nSetswanabutminewasn't
perfectsoIspokeEngl
ish.
 
Me:Igr eetyoual
linthenameofJesusChr i
st
ourLor d.Mynamei sKhensaniDl
amini
,
ori
ginallyfr
om GautengbutInowstayatuni
t5,
Iwasi nvit
edbyThor i
so.
Theycl
appedhandsforus,
asongwassang
andther
estofthecongr
egati
oncamet
ogreet
us.
 
Man:
Pleasedon'
tgoasy
et.
 
Eh!I
fIwasinanotherpl
ace,
Iwouldhavefr
ozen
butIj
ustr
emained,Iwasactual
l
yrel
axed.
 
Man:Iknowyouhaveanawesomev oi
ce,
we
woul
dlikej
ustonesongf
rom you.
 
Therestofthecongr
egat
ionwer
echeer
ing.I
don'
tevenknowhowheknewbecausewewer e
meeti
ngf orthef
ir
stt
ime.
 
Icl
earedmythr
oatbef
oretaki
ngt
heMi
ke.I
smil
ed.Thenst
art
edki
ssing.
 
Me:"CauseYoudeservethegl
oryandthehonor
Il
if
tmyhandsinwor shi
pandIblessYourholy
name 
Causey
ouar
egr
eat
,youdomi
racl
essogr
eat
 
Ther
eisnooneel
sel
i
key
ou"
Ievenf orgotIwasav i
sit
orandjustl
etmysel
f
restinthewonder f
ulpresenceofGod.WhenI
openedmyey es,Therestofthecongr
egat
ion
hadgi venmeast andingovati
onandtheywere
clappingtheirhands. 
Ij
ustsmi
l
edandwenttosi
tdown,
tur
noutt
he
manwasthepast
or.
 
I
'vereall
yneverbeentoaserviceasspi
rit
uall
y
ful
fi
ll
ingasthisone.I
twasgr eat,
awholelot
bett
erandev ery
timeIsang,IswearIf
eltl
ikeI
wassi ngi
ngwiththeangel
s. 
Bef
oret
heser
viceended,
thePast
orst
art
ed
pr
ayi
ngforpeopleal
ongwi
thotherpast
ors.
Whenhecamef orme,het
ouchedmeonmy
st
omachandIlookedathi
m,confused.
 
Ps:
shewi
l
lli
ve 
That'
swhatHewassay i
ng,
looki
ngatmy
st
omach.Ijustl
ethim beashepray
edandt
he
other
sal
socame.  
Thor
isocamet
omeaf
terchur
ch.
 
Thor
iso:
Idi
dn'
tknowy
oucoul
dsi
ngl
i
ket
hat
.
Me:
Youdi
dn'
task.
 
Isai
d,chuckl
i
ng.
 
Thoriso:ThePast
orwoul
dli
ket
oseey
ou
though. 
Me:
Oh
HeledthewayandIfol
lowedhim ofcour
se.I
wenttothel
i
ttl
eroom wheret
hepastorwas
seat
edandheletmesitdown. 
Ps:
Khensani
,howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I..I
'
m goodsi
r,y
ou?
 
Ps:I
'
m blessed.Howwasy
ourf
ir
stdayi
nour
chur
ch? 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:Itwasgreatandwelcoming.It
'ssaf
etosay
Ij
ustfoundmy sel
fachurcharoundhere.
 
Ps:I
'
m gl
ad.Youcanalwayscomewhenev
er
youwant
,eveni
fit
'snotf
oraserv
ice.
 
Me:
Goodt
oKnow.
 
Ps:Youknow,
foral
adyt
hisshor
t,y
ouhav
ea
bi
gv oi
ce.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Ps:AndIseetheenemyI
star
get
ingy
ou
thr
oughyourchi
ld.
 
Me:
My.
.Mychi
l
d? 
Hesmi
l
ed.
 
Ps:
Theoney
oucar
ryi
ng.I
t'
sagi
rl
. 
Il
aughedhyst
eri
cal
l
y,Ihadnoi
deawhathewas
onabout.
 
Me:
I'
m notpr
egnant
. 
Ps:
Mm, pleasecomeforourser
viceon
Wednesday,f
ordel
iv
erance.
 
Me:
Umm,
okay
. 
Ps:I
twasgoodseei
ngy
ouAndpl
ease,
don'
t
gi
veuponhim. 
Me:
Who?
 
Ps:
Ithi
nky
ouknowwhoI
'
mtal
ki
ngabout
. 
Ididn'taskany t
hingbutjustgotup,alotof
thoughtswer egoi ngthr
oughmymi nd.I
refusedtobelieveIwaspr egnant.I
'
m onlyon
myf ir
sty ear
,itcan'tbe.
 
IaskedThorisotofi
rst
lyt
akemet otownso
thatIcanbuyPizza.Heparkedr
ightat
DebonairsandIboughtalarget
ri
pledeckpi
zza
wi
tha2l
i
trecoke.
 
Me:
I'
drat
herbuyj
uicef
ormy
sel
f.
 
Ihadt
othinkofthebaby
.Godisnotmant hat
hecanli
eandI'v
egrownenoughspir
it
uall
yto
beabl
etodiscernwheni
t'
sGodspeaking.
 
Idon'tknowhowI'
m goingtodot his,Idi
dn'
t
knowhowdadi sgoingtoreacttot hi
sbutIwas
goingtowaitt
oshowf i
rstbefor
et ell
i
ng
everyone.
 
I
tstil
lhadn'
tsankinthatIwaspregnantat19.I
wasmadatThandof ordoi
ngthistome, Idi
dn't
underst
andhowt hi
shappenedwhenI
rememberhim gi
v i
ngmemor ningafterpi
ll
s. 
Hedrov
emebackhomeaf t
erev
ery
thi
ngt
hen
wehuggedandIwentback.
 
Romeorantomei mmedi
atel
ywhenIopened
soIputev
eryt
hingdownt
henpickedhi
m up,
ki
ssi
nghim. 
Me:
Youwer
egoodwi
thdaddy
? 
Romeo:
Yes.
 
Me:
Iboughtpi
zza.
 
Hecheer ed.Iwenttoputeveryt
hingi nthe
ki
tchen.Ididn'twanttothi
nkaboutt his
pregnancyandsi ncemom hadputmeonher
medicalaid,Iknewshe'dautomaticall
yknow
shouldIconsul tusi
ngit
. 
Icouldpr
obabl
yaskLut
handobutIwasn'
t
readytot
ell
evenhi
m. 
Thando:
Youokay
? 
Me:
Umm,
yeah.
 
Thando:
Youl
ookl
i
key
ouhav
eal
otony
our
mind.
 
Me:
Stoppsy
choanal
yzi
ng 
meLut
hando!
 
Isai
d,abi
ttool
oud.
 
Me:
Sor
ry.
 
Iwastooti
redt
oshower,
soIjustt
ookoffmy
dresst
henworeashor
twithj
ustmybra.
 
Iwentbackdownstai
rs,Lut
handowhistledandI
j
ustrol
ledmyeyes.Itookoutaplate,
theywere
havi
ngpizzaanddi
shedupf oursl
icesfor
myself
. 
Thando:
Ther
e'snot
hingy
ouwannat
ell
me?
 
Me:
Whatcoul
dIpossi
blywantt
otel
lyou?
 
Iknewwi
thi
nwhatbutIj
ustcoul
dn'
tsayi
t.
 
Thando:
It hi
nkIshoul
dtakey
out
othedoct
or
befor
eIleave.
 
Me:
I'
m notsi
ck.
 
Thando:
Eat
ingt
hismuchf
oodcan'
tbegood.
 
Ifr
ownedthenputbacktwosli
cesandj
ustate
two.It
ri
edmyalltostopthet
earsfr
om f
all
i
ng. 
Thando:
Idi
dn'
tst
arv
emy
..
.St
arv
eyour
sel
f.
 
Me:
Justl
eav
emeal
one.
 
Ipour
edmy selfaglassofjui
cethenwenttosi
t
onthecouch.Ithoughtt
heywoul dhavel
eftby
now.Mom wascomi ngnextweek,event
hough
It
oldThandot
oday
. 
Hewentupstai
rswi
thRomeot
hencameback
af
teranhour
. 
Thando:
Wel
eav
ing.I
'
llsendy
ousomemoney
. 
Icouldn'
tdecl
i
nebecauseIwant
edt
ogot
othe
doctor.
 
Me:
Okay
. 
Romeo:
Byemommy
. 
Me:
Bybaby
. 
Ihuggedhi
mthenki
ssedhi
m ont
hecheek.
 
Thando:
Andme?
 
Me:
Got
oyourShant
ell
.
 
Thando:
Iki
l
ledher
. 
Il
aughed,
hewasser
iousbutIwoul
dn'
tl
iket
o
bel
iev
ehe'samur
der
er. 
Heforcedahug,
pressi
ngourbodi
escl
ose
makingmemoanal it
tl
e.Hi
shandswentt
omy
ass,
grabbi
ngi
t.
 
Me:
Stop
Iwhisper
ed,hecoul
dhearIdi
dn'
twanthi
mto
buthestopped.
 
Thando:
I'l
lseeyounextweek.Textmewhen
yourmotherleav
es.
 
Me:
Okay
. 
Helef
tandIjustwantedtocry,
Iwasgoingto
misshi
m butagain,
couldIreal
lygoonwit
hhim
agai
n? 
Hesayshekil
l
edhisbabymamaandknowi
ng
hi
mlikeIdohedoesn'
tbl
uff
. 
Ij
ustwasn'
tsur
eifi
t'
stheki
ndofv
ibeIwant
ar
oundmybaby .
 
It
hought
,br
ushi
ngmyf
latst
omach.
 
.
[
08/
25,
10:
11]Must
angMan:
80
Khol
i
swacal
l
edmej
ustaf
terIat
tendedmy
secondlectur
efortheday.IwaswithNtando,
chil
l
ingatthecafet
eri
aandwi thhi
mt el
li
ngme
howhehadspenthi sValenti
nesday. 
Ianswer
edont
hef
ir
str
ing.
 
Me:
Mot
her
? 
Khol
i
swa:
HeyKhensani
,howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m goodt
hanks,
you?
 
Kholi
swa:I
'
m okay.Look,
I'
veal
readybookeda
hotel
room andI
'
m onmyway ,canwedodi nner
l
ater?
 
Me:
Yes,
ofcour
se.Myl
astl
ect
ureendsat5.
Khol
i
swa:
I'
ll
cal
lar
ound6pm.
 
Me:
That
'scool
wit
hme.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Alr
ightbaby
,Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Lov
eyout
oo.
 
Ihungupt
henwentbacktoNt
andosi
ncehe
wasonthevergeoft
ell
i
ngmemoreabouthi
s
spl
endi
dday. 
Me:
Whatel
se?
 
Nt
ando:Well
,aftert
heshooter
sandcockt
ail
s,
wewentst
raighttobusi
ness,i
fyouknowwhatI
mean.
 
Hesaid,
winki
ngandIl
aughed.Iknewexact
ly
whathemeant.
 
Me:
Bet
tery
out
hanme.
 
Nt
ando:Yousayi
ngyouspentt
heweekendwit
h
ahunkandyoudi
dn'
tevengetaQui
ckynyana?
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
I'
m notaboutt
hat
.Besi
des,
webr
okeup.
 
Ntando:Thewayy
oukeepbri
ngi
ngthatup,i
t'
s
l
ikeyoutryi
ngt
oconv
incey
oursel
fofthaty
et
f
aili
ng. 
Me:
It'
snotl
i
ket
hat
. 
Ntando:Youlovehim,Ij
ustdon'
tknowwhyy
ou
punishi
ngyoursel
fli
kethi
s. 
Me:
I'
m notpuni
shi
ngmy
sel
f.I
'
m doi
ngwhat
'
s
bestf
orme.
 
Ntando:
Yourpr
idewon'
tgi
vey
ouanor
gasm
shame. 
Il
aughed,pushi
nghim awayli
ghtl
y.Healway s
hasawayofl i
ghteni
ngmymood.Thet r
uthis,I
missedThandobutitsuckedbecause
ever
ytimehewasher e,
heannoyedandpi ssed
meof fnj
e.Iact
uall
ygotonwithRomeoandnot
hi
m.  
Anyway,wewenttoattendourl
astlect
urefor
theday
.Iwasdogt i
redaftermylastl
ectur
eand
all
Iwantedwastotakeabat ht
henbur ymysel
f
i
nmybed
Kholi
swacall
edmej ustaf
terIpar
kedmycar
.I
answeredonthesecondri
ng. 
Me:
Ma?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Arey
oudone?
 
Thixowami
!ThewayIwassoti
red,
Ijusthi
tmy
headacoupl
eofti
mesonthest
eeri
ngwheel. 
Me:
Justar
ri
vedbackatt
hef
lat
. 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
ll
giv
eyouanhourt
ogetr
eady
. 
Idi
dn'
tev
encomplai
n,Ij
ustknewshewasn'
t
goi
ngtotakenof
orananswer.
 
Me:
Okay
,I'
l
lgetr
ighti
ntot
hat
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Cal
lmewheny
oudone.
 
Me:
Okay
. 
Ihungupthengr
oaned.Iwassot
ir
ed.Igotof
f
thenwenti
ntomyfl
at.
 
Get
ti
nginmyroom,Itookof
fmyshoest
hen
t
ookoffal
lmyclot
hes. 
Il
ookedatmystomach, t
heblackli
newas
abovemybell
ybut
tonbutsomehow, Ij
ust
bel
ievedt
hosewerejustsuper
sti
ti
ons.
Iwenttotakeashower
,Iknewabathwould
j
ustdelayme.WhenIwasdone,Idri
edthen
l
oti
oned.Iworemypantythenl
ookedfor
somethingtowear
. 
Iwor el
eggingsandadeni
m shi
rt
.Iwor
eblue
NikeRoshandmadeal azybunwithmyweave.
IjustputVasel
ineonmyli
ps,t
ookmyphone
thenleft
. 
WhenIgotdownstair
s,Ical
l
edmymom who
answer
edimmediatel
y. 
Me:
I'
m done.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Okay
,I'
m comi
ng.
 
Webothhungupatt hesamet i
meandImade
mysel
faquicksnackwhilewait
ingf
orher.I
di
dn'
twanttoeatmuchsi nceshewastaking
meoutfordinner
. 
Amadeasandwi chwithlett
uce,t
omato,
cheeseandpeanutbut t
erthensqueezedsome
chocolat
esauceont op.Itt
astedsoamazing
thatImadeanotherone. 
Khol
i
swaj
ustbar
gedi
nwi
thoutknocki
ng.
 
Kholi
swa:Hai
boNokubonga,
I'
mtaki
ngy
ouout
al
ready.
 
Me:
It'
sjustaqui
cksnack.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Smel
l
samazi
ng.
 
Igav
eherawei rdl
ook.Thewayshewas
l
ookingatI
t,Ij
ustgavehert
heremai
ning
pi
ece. 
Khol
i
swa:
Thanks.
 
Sheclosedherey
esanddi
dthat"
mmm"sound,
Ichuckl
ed. 
Wecouldfi
nal
l
yleav
e.It
endt
oforgetshe'
s
pr
egnant,
shewasshowi
ngali
tt
lenow. 
Shewasnow11weekspr
egnanti
fI'
m not
mist
aken.
 
Any
way
,shedr
oveust
oOceanbasket
. 
Me:
Fish?Real
l
y? 
Sherol
ledherey
es,
Ijustsankbankonmy
seat
. 
Sheparkedt
henwewenti
n,wewer
eshownt
o
atabl
e. 
Me:
Thi
spl
acei
snotsmel
l
ingni
cef
orme.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Itsmel
l
sjustf
inet
ome.
 
Wai
ter
:Your
eadyt
oor
der
? 
Kholi
swa:Yeah,
I'
dli
kesomeprawns,
fri
edwi
th
boi
ledfi
shandsomecalamar
i.
 
Wai
ter
:Youma'
am?
 
Me:
Justwat
er.
 
Wai
ter
:Yousur
e? 
Me:
Yes
Ihadmyhandcover
ingmynose,
ital
lsmel
t
horr
ibl
eforme.
 
Khol
i
swa:
What
'sgoi
ngonwi
thy
ou?
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Ithoughtweagr
eedondi
nner
 
Me:
Yes,
dinner
,notOceanbasket
 
Khol
i
swa:
But-
Myphoner
ang,
sav
ingmef
rom t
his
conversati
on.Iexcusedmy
sel
fthenwent
outsi
det oanswerit.
 
Idi
dn'
tev
enbot
herchecki
ngt
hecal
l
erI
D 
Me:
Hel
l
o? 
"Heyst
ranger
"
Me:
Kamo?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
For
gotmyv
oiceal
ready
? 
Me:
Ijust
..Wasn'
texpect
ingy
ourcal
l
. 
Hel
aughed.
 
Kamo:
Yeahr
ight
,howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m okay
,you?
 
Kamo:I
'mf
inehey
,whenar
eyoucomi
ng
home?
 
Me:
Missmemuch?
 
Kamo:
Yougotnoi
dea.
 
Me:
Ncaaw,
that
'
ssosweet
. 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Kamo:IknowitsoundscheesybutIknow,
the
hoodj
ustain'
tthesamewithout
. 
Me:
Right
,how'
syourgi
rl
fr
iend?
 
Kamo:
Wow,
try
ingt
ochanget
hesubj
ect
? 
Me:
It'
sasi
mpl
equest
ion.
 
Kamo:
Yousoundj
eal
ous 
Me:HowIwishthatwastrue,
itwoul
dhav
e
hel
pedboosty
ouroversi
zedego. 
Hel
aughed.
 
Kamo:
Youst
il
lthi
nkt
hatofme?
 
Me:
Youhav
en'
tchangedmuchKamogel
o. 
Kamo:Well
,toansweryourquesti
on,
she'sokay
.
Iwanthert
omeett hefi
rstgir
lwhoevermade
thi
sarr
ogantassfal
linl
ov e.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Ihopet
hat
'sThul
i
. 
Icoul
dheart
heser
iousnessi
nhi
svoi
ce.
 
Kamo:
Don'
t.
Me:
Toosoon?
 
Khol
iswa:
Youshoul
d'v
ejustsai
dnoi
fIwas
goi
ngtohavedi
nneral
one.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es,
mymot
herl
i
kesat
tent
ion.
 
Me:
Igot
tago,
mymot
heri
scompl
aini
ng.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Iunder
stand.Il
ovey
ou 
Me:
Lovy
out
ooboo.
 
Ithenhungupandwentinsi
dewi t
hmymot
her
.
Herorderhadal
readyar
ri
ved,t
hesmel
lwas
enoughtomakemyst omachturn.
 
Me:
Excuseme.
 
Igotupthenr ant
othetoil
ett
othr
owup,
feel
i
ngmyst omachtr
yingtocomeoutt
owi
th
myintest
ines. 
Iusedsomewaterfrom t
het
apt
ori
nsemy
mouth.ThenIwentback.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Youokay
? 
Shehadaconcernedl
ookon,
Ijustnodded
cover
ingmynose. 
Khol
iswa:
I'
ll
takethi
sasat
akeaway
,wher
edo
youwannaeat? 
Me:
I'
dreal
l
ylov
esomepi
zza 
Isai
dwithagrin.Ev
ersincey
est
erday,Ij
ust
can'
tgetenoughofpizzaasl
ongasithaslot
s
andlot
sofcheese. 
Khol
i
swa:
Okaybaby
. 
Shecall
edawaiterov
erandhewentwi
thher
food,
putitont
akeaway.
 
Wewentt oDebonai
rswher
eIgotmypizzaand
i
tther
e,Ievenmadeherbuyonel
argepizzaas
t
akeaway. 
Shej
ustl
ookedatmewei
rdl
y.
 
Mymot herl
eftonWednesdayandIcould
act
uall
ybreathe,sheleftmewithsomemoney
soItol
dmy selfI'
l
lgot othedoct
oronFr
iday
si
ncemydayi sshort
. 
Luthandohadsentmeov ertenthousandandI
real
lyfel
titwasn'
tnecessary,Imeanwhatt he
hellwasIgoingtodowi t
hsomuchmoney ?He
j
ustt ol
dmet hati
t'
sevenasmal lamountand
saidhe'l
lsendmoresoIl ethim be.
 
OnFriday,Iwokeupt hentookal ongwar m bat
h.
Igotout,dri
edandlotioned.IworeGr eyAdidas
sweatpantswithablackpl ai
nhoodieand
sneakers.Imadetwobunswi thmyweav ethen
putonapur plel
ipst
ick.Itookmybag, t
ogether
wit
hmybooksf ortheday ,Wall
et,phoneand
carkeys. 
Iwasjustaboutt
ositdownwhensomeone
bangedonmydoor ,
Igroanedt
henwentt
o
open.
 
Me:
What
? 
Isai
d,j
ustasIopenedt
ofi
ndLut
hando.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sRomeo?
 
Thando:
Ain'
tyougonnai
nvi
temei
n? 
Me:
Asi
fyouwon'
tcomei
nifIdon'
t.
 
Imadespacef
orhim andhegotin.Heonl
yhad
hi
sphoneonhishandsandcarkeys. 
Thando:
Howar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
mfi
ne.You?
 
Iwasj
ustaboutt
omakemysel
fbr
eakf
astsoI
j
ustst
art
edwitht
het
oast
. 
Thando:
I'
m okay.Ijustwantedust
ospend
somequali
tyti
met ogether
. 
Me:
Why
? 
Isai
dwi
thar
aisedey
ebr
ow.
 
Thando:
Weacoupl
esongsi
tsonl
yri
ght
 
Hesai
d,shruggi
nghisshoul
ders.Il
ethi
m be
Andcont
inuedwithmybreakf
ast.Imadeeggs,
baconandworsi
nst
eadofsausages.I
twasso
oi
lybutt
hat
'showIpref
err
editatt
hatpoint
.I
al
somadesomeomel et
testhenafrui
tsal
ad
wit
hyoghur
t.
 
Thando:
Yousur
eyougonnaf
ini
sht
hat
? 
Me:
Yep
Isatdownandstart
edeati
ng,hewasj ust
l
ookingatmeandlikeIsai
d,Ifi
nished
every
thi
ngandburped.
 
Me:
Sor
ry.
 
Thando:
It'
sokay
.Imi
ssedy
ousomuch.
 
Me:
Youwer
eher
elastweek.
 
Thando:
I'
dbewi
thy
ounowandSt
il
lmi
ssy
ou.
 
Ibl
ushedandhechuckl
ed.
 
Me:
That
'ssosweet
. 
Igotupandt
ookmybag.
 
Thando:
Yougoi
ngal
ready
? 
Me:Yeah,myl
ect
urest
art
sinaboutt
went
y
mi
nutes. 
Thando:
Alotcanbedonei
ntwent
ymi
nut
es.
 
Hegavemeamischi
evousl
ookt
hatmademe
swal
l
owhard.
 
Me:
Don'
tev
ent
hinkabouti
t.
 
Hegotupandstoodi
nfr
ontofme.Ilookedup
Athi
m andhehadasmir
konhisface. 
Thando:
whatam It
hinki
ng?
 
Hesai
d,put
ti
nghi
shandsonmywai
st.
 
Me:
Igot
tago.
 
Iwhispered,hesmashedhisli
psonmi ne,
I
endedupdr oppi ngmybagandputt
ingmy
handsov erhisneckashishandswenttomy
assandhepi ckedmeup,Imoanedinhis
mout h.
 
Heputmeontopoft
heki
tchencount
erand
br
oketheki
ss.
 
Thando:Iwantustofi
xthingsbef
orewecan
eventhi
nkofdoingthi
s. 
Ij
ustnoddedbecausemymi ndwasjuston
gi
vingmybodywhati twant
sandtheriv
ert hat
wasflowi
ngdownt herewasNott
obemi ssed.
 
Me:
Igot
tagot
othet
oil
et.
 
Thando:
Okay
Hegavemeapi ggyridet
othetoi
l
etandIwas
j
ustgi
ggl
ing.If
inal
lydrov
etocampusaft
erand
Ihadasmil
eonmyf ace.
 
Af
terourl
astl
ect
ure,
Ntandopul
l
edmeasi
de.
 
Nt
ando:
Andt
hen?
 
Me:
What
? 
Nt
ando:
What
'swi
tht
hesmi
l
e? 
Me:
It'
snot
hing.
 
Nt
ando:
Real
l
y? 
Me:
Yep
Isai
dwi t
hagr in.Hej
ustletmebe, wewentt o
thecafet
eri
aandboughtsomef ood.After
eati
ng,Idi
dn'tgohomef ir
stbutstr
aighttothe
doctor
.Iwassoner vous.Thegynaedidn'thav
e
manypat i
ent
ssoIgoti n. 
Gy
nae:
I'
m Doct
orNkosi
orj
ustcal
lmeLi
ndo.
 
Me:
I'
m Khensani
. 
Li
ndo:
Whatbr
ingsy
ouher
e? 
Me:
Iwantapr
egnancyt
est
. 
Hel ookedatmewi
thasmil
e.Hehadgl
asses
on,andwascarameli
ncomplexi
onwi
tha
brush. 
Li
ndo:
Str
aightt
obusi
nessIsee.
 
Ijustsmil
ed.Hegavemesomet hi
ngandIwent
topeeoni tt
hengavet
hestickbackt
ohim.We
waitedforawhil
eanditwasconfi
rmed,
I'
m
pregnant.
 
Heal
sotooksomebl
oodt
estst
odeter
mine
howf
arIam.Hemadesmall
tal
kswhil
ewait
ing
f
ort
her
esul
ts.
 
Li
ndo:
Howol
dar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
mtur
ning20.
Li
ndo:
Singl
e? 
Me:
It'
scompl
i
cat
ed,
you?
 
Li
ndo:
I'
m engagedt
oabeaut
if
ulbr
unet
te.
 
Ichuckled,hewasy ourtypical
coconut
s.The
resul
tsfinal
lycame,Luthandowaspr obably
wonderingwher eIam.Idi dn'
twanttothi
nk
aboutitAtthatpoint.
 
Li
ndo:Ev
eryt
hingi
sal
lcl
ear
,youf
iveweeks
pr
egnant
. 
Ifakedasmi le,hegav ememypr escr
iptionand
wel l
Isignedhim upasmygy nae.Heev endida
scanandhear i
ngmybaby 'sheart
beatjust
erasedallmywor r
ies.Hegavemet hepi ct
ures
andIwentt ot hepharmacyandboughtmy
vi
t aminsthendr ov
ebyDebonai r
sforsome
pizzaandf i
nallywenthome. 
Thando:
Yout
ooksol
ong.
 
Me:
Umm y
eah,
wentt
othedoct
or.
 
Thando:
Ever
ythi
ngokay
? 
Me:
Yeah.
.Justwentf
orsome.
.Fl
umeds.
 
Thando:
Mmh 
Iputthepi
zzaonthet
ablet
henwentt
olock
ever
ythi
nginmyroom. 
Ithenwentbacktothelounge,
andatesome
pizzawit
hThando.Isti
lldi
dn'
thav
ethegutst
o
tellhi
mI'
m pregnant
. 
.
.
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
81
Idon'
tevenrememberhowIcamet obedbutI
guessIwasreallyt
ir
ed.ImeanIr
emember
si
tti
ngIntheloungewit
hThandowhil
eeat
ing
pi
zzabuthereIwas. 
Igotupandwentt
othebat
hroom wher
eI
brushedmyt eet
handwashedmyf ace.WhenI
gotback,IfoundThandosi
tt
ingonmybedwi t
h
atrayinhishands.
 
Ir
oll
edMyey
esandhechuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Youst
il
lher
e? 
Thando:There'
snowhereI
'
drat
herbe.I
broughtyoubreakf
ast
. 
Me:
Smel
l
sgood.
 
Itookthetr
ayawayfr
om hi
mt henuncovered
thefood.I
twasasimplebr
eakfastwit
heggs,
baconandsausageswit
htoastedcheese
sandwichesandagl
assofjui
ce. 
Me:Wher
e'smyf
rui
tsal
adAndt
wosl
i
cesof
pi
zza?
 
Thando:Thatbr
eakf
astwassupposet
obef
or
thetwoofus. 
Me:
Idon'
theary
ouanswer
ingmyquest
ion.
 
Thando:
Hai
Nokubonga,
whydon'
tyou
appr
eci
atemyef
for
ts?
 
Iputt
hepl
ateonthecount
erAndf
oldedmy
armsandf
rowned. 
Me:
Iwon'
teati
tke.
 
Thando:
Meansmor
eforme.
 
Hetr
iedtaki
ngthetraybutIpushedhi
m away
andstar
tedcry
ing.
 
Thando:
What
'swr
ongnow?
 
Me:
Youdon'
twannamakememyf
rui
tsal
ad.
 
Thando:Shh,
pleasedon'
tcr
y.Ngi
zo'
yenza(I
'
ll
makeit)
Ismi l
edbet weenmyt earsandhel
eft
.Istart
ed
eatingthebr eakfastwhichwassodeli
cious
thatIfi
nishedi tall
.Bythet i
mehecamewi t
h
pizzaandt hef rui
tsalad,Iwasl
ongdone. 
Helookedatmewithhi
seyespoppi
ngout
,I
j
ustshruggedmyshoul
der
s. 
Me:
ThankYou.
 
Isaidtaki
ngt hepi
zzaandfr
uitsal
ad,
Igul
ped
downt heglassofjui
cewhenIwasdonethen
burped. 
Hewassti
ll
standi
ngt
her
e,l
ooki
ngatmei
n
amusement
. 
Me:Pleasebr
ingmypi
l
lsf
ormef
rom t
hat
cupboard 
Ipointedati
t.Att
hatpoint
,Iwasn'
tev
en
thi
nkingabouthimfi
ndingout.
 
Thando:
What
'st
hisKhensani
? 
Ilookedathim.Shit!Hewasholdingtheli
tt
le
envelopethathadthescans,Igotupandwent
totakethem from him andhi
m beingtal
l
er,I
couldn'
treachthem.  
Me:
That
'snoneofy
ourbusi
ness.
 
Hethenopenedtheenvel
opeandl
ookedatme,
Ist
eppedbackwards.
 
Thando:
What
'st
hisKhensani
? 
Me:
TheyUmm.
..Theybel
ongt
oaf
ri
end.
 
Isai
d,busybi
ti
ngmylips.Idi
dn'
twanthimto
fi
ndoutthi
sway,Iwasshitscar
ed.ImeanI
knowThandohasatemper ,t
her
e'snotel
l
ing
whathecando. 
Thando:
Ungazonghl
any
isa,
thesehav
eyour
namehere.
 
Me:
I..I
'
m sor
ry
Istar
tedcr
ying.Iwasshaking,
Iwasthatscar
ed.
Ifheknowsnowt henit
'sonlyamatt
eroftime
befor
emyf amilyfi
ndsout.
 
Thando:Ihadmysuspici
ons,
Imeantheweight
gai
n,Theappeti
teandOhh,Theat
ti
tudebutI
j
ustneededyoutotel
lme. 
Me: I
'm scaredokay
,I'
m scar
ed.Mymom'
s
pregnantthenI'
m al
sopregnant
,howdoy
ou
thi
nkthatmakesmef eel
? 
Hecameandhuggedme, Irest
edmyheadon
hi
schestandj
ustcr
ied,
thiswasn'
tanyeasyf
or
me.Hekeptonbr
ushi
ngmybackunt
ilIcal
med
down.
 
Thando:
Wei
nthi
stoget
herokay
Hesai
d,hol
dingmyhandsthenpl
acedakisson
myfor
ehead.Inodded.Hewi
pedmytear
swi t
h
hi
shand.
 
Me:
Andi
fit
'snoty
our
s? 
Hef
reedmyhandst
henl
ookedatme.
 
Thando:
Whoel
secoul
ditbe?
 
Me:
Remembert
henewy
ear
sev
epar
ty?
 
Henodded.
 
Me:
Therewast
hisguyIwassi
tt
ingnextt
oAnd
wewer
ebothdr
unkthen.
. 
Thando:
Don'
tpi
ssmeof
fKhensani
!
 
Il
aughed,
hewasal
readyt
urni
ngor
ange.
 
Me:
I'
m ki
ddi
ng.
 
Isai
d,pul
l
inghi
scheek.
 
Thando:
Soy
oucar
ryi
ngal
i
ttl
eThando?
 
Inodded,
smi
l
ing.
 
Thando:
Youdon'
treal
i
zehowhappyy
ou'
ve
mademe.  
Me:Easyf
ory
out
osay
.Ist
il
lneedt
ofacemy
f
ather
. 
Thando:
Itol
dyouwei
nthi
stoget
her
. 
Het
henputhi
shandsonmywai
st.
 
Thando:
Nshapekal
amza(Ki
ssme)
Me:
Idon'
twantt
o. 
Thando:
Odl
alahar
dtogetnou?
 
Me:
Yep.
 
Thando:
Hai
suka
Hethenleaneddownt oki
ssmeandofcour seI
repl
ied,
Ijustcoul
dn'tdecl
inenomat t
erhow
muchIwant edto.HiskisswasjustwhatI
neededAndmyhor moneswer egoingcrazyon
me. 
Hewentont ograbmyass,bri
ngingourbodies
cl
oseandIcouldfeelhi
shardoneandar iver
wasalr
eadyformingdownthere.Heputhis
handsi
nsi
demypj bott
om,hemust '
vedressed
meupinmypy jamaswhenhecamet oputme
i
nmybed.  
Imoanedinhi
smouth,hechuckl
edandbroke
theki
ss.Hi
seyeswer
eslight
lyopened.
 
Me:
Youl
eav
ingmehangi
ng?
 
Thando:
Tel
lmewegoodf
ir
st.
 
Ibi
tmyl
i
pandl
ookedathi
m. 
Me:
Wegood.
 
Aft
ersayi
ngt
hat,herippedof
fmypjtopandI
gasped,
myperkybreastsspr
ungf
reel
y.
 
Hepickedmeupandsmashedhi sli
psonmine,
Thekisswasfi
l
ledwit
hlustanddesir
e.Heput
meont hebedthent
ookoffmypj pant
s
toget
herwit
hmypanty.
 
Thando:
Imi
ssedt
his.Youhav
eabeaut
if
ul
bodyKhensani
. 
Ismi l
ed,heplacedakissonmyneckwhilehi
s
otherhandplay edwi
thmycli
t.Imoanedsoft
ly
butsomehow, Iwasj
usttoowetfort
he
forepl
ay,Ineededhiminme. 
Me:
Ican'
twai
tanyl
onger
 
JustasIsai
dthat
,IcameAndhechuckl
ed.Al
l
hedidwasplaywi
thmycli
t.
 
Het
ookof
fhi
scl
otheswhi
l
egi
vi
ngmeadi
rt
y
smi
rk.
 
Iopenedmylegs,gi
vi
nghimfr
eeaccessbutI
sti
l
lcan'
tgetoverhowhugehi
sdi
ckis. 
Whenheent er
ed,
itwaspainf
ulbutashe
continuedtomove,Ist
art
edtofeelt
hepleasur
e
creepingin.
 
Het henbentmeov erandputapil
lowto
supportmeandhi ti
tfrom behi
nd.Icoul
dn't
holdinmymoansandscr eams,whenhefinal
ly
came, hecol
lapsednexttomeandwebot h
caughtourbr
eat
hes.
 
Thando:
Let'
sgoshower
,Iwannat
akey
ouf
or
someshoppi
ng.
 
Me:
I'
mti
red.
 
Thando:
Stopbei
ngl
azy
. 
Wewenttot
akeashower
,hav
ingoner
oundi
n
t
heshowert
henhedri
edandl
oti
onedme.
 
Iworemypant iesthenworeabl ackankl
e
grazerwithawhitepeblum topandwhite
sandals.Il
eftmyweav eloosewithnomakeup.
 
Hejustworesomeshor
tsandat
eewi
th
sneaker
s. 
It
ookmyphonet
henwel
eft
. 
Me:
I'
m hungr
y. 
Isai
d,i
mmedi
atel
ywhenwegoti
nthecar
. 
Thando:We'l
lgr
absomebreakf
astatMuggand
BeansinceIdi
dn'
teveneat
. 
Me:
Blamey
ourdaught
er.
 
Thando:
Howdoy
ouev
enknowt
hegender
? 
Me:
Iknowi
t'
sashe.
 
Afterbr
eakf
astatMuggandBean,
hedr ov
eus
totownthenIwentt
obuysomeclothesand
foodandsomeshoes. 
Ij
ustwental
loutsi
nceIwasn'
ttheonepay
ing.
Weev
enboughtt
wol
argepi
zzas.
 
ThingsbetweenmeandThandoweregoing
prett
ywell
,event
houghwe'
darguehereand
therebutwewerefi
ne.
 
HeoncecamewithRomeoandwespentt
he
weekendt
oget
her.
I
twasnowt helastweekofMarchandIwas
goi
nghome.Iwasact ual
l
ygoingtowri
temy
l
astsemestert
estthendri
vehome.I
twasa
Thur
sday,
the26thofMar ch.
 
Iwasnow10weekspr egnantandthebump
wasbarel
yther
e.You'
dthinkit
'sj
ustabeer
bel
ly
.
Iwokeupandtookabat
h,Iwaswri
ti
ngat
8:
30am.Idr
iedwhenIwasdoneandlot
ioned.
 
Iworeabodyhuggingdress,navybl
ueincol
our
andsomegol dsandal
s.Iputablackcaponmy
head,Vasel
i
neonmyl ipsthenlef
t.
 
Getti
ngdownstai
rs,Imadecer
ealandwarmed
somepizzathenatewithacupofRooi
bos,I
tookanappl
eandpeart henl
eft
. 
Igoti
nmycarthendrovetocampus.Iwas
aboutt
enminutesear
lysoIquickl
yat
emy
fr
uit
sthengoti
ntoGreatHal
l.
 
Nt
ando:
Ican'
tbel
i
evey
oul
eav
ing.
 
Me:
I'
m notgoi
ngbackf
orev
er.
 
Hehuggedmet i
ghtl
y.Wehadj
ustgott
enoutof
t
hehallandst
andingnextt
omycar.
 
Ntando:I
'
llpr
obabl
ygohomeinwint
er,
I'
m
spendi
ngrecessatmyboy
fri
end'
sapar
tment
. 
Me:
Chesagi
rl
! 
Wehi
ghf
ived.
 
Nt
ando:
Babydaddypi
cki
ngy
ouup?
 
Heal
readyknewI
'
m pr
egnant
. 
Me:
Nop,
hewentoutonsomewor
kfunct
ion.
 
Nt
ando:
Alr
ight
,pl
easecal
lmewheny
ouhome.
 
Me:
Iwi
l
l.Youshoul
dvi
sitsomet
imes.
 
Ntando:
Ifonl
yyoupr
omi
set
ocomet
oKZN
t
oo. 
Me:
Ofcour
se 
Wehuggedf
ort
hel
astt
imeandIgoti
nmycar
.
WhenIarriv
edinmyf l
at,Itookmysui
tcaseand
bagdownstair
s.Iwastakingonehuge
sui
tcase.
 
It
henpackedsomesnacksformysel
fandI
wasgoi
ngtostopatDebonai
rsforpi
zza.
 
Ir
ecei
vedacal
lfr
om Thando.
 
Me:
Tumel
o? 
Thando:
Ireal
l
yhat
ethi
sthi
ngofy
oudr
ivi
ng.
 
Me:
I'
m notev
enshowi
ngy
etsost
opwor
ryi
ng.
 
Thando:I
twoul
dhavebeenbet
teri
fIwasthere
thenIwoul
dhavebeent
heonetodri
veyou. 
Me: Thesoonery
ouhungup,
thesoonerIcan
dr
ive. 
Thando:Pleasebesaf
e,Iwoul
dn'tl
iv
ewit
h
myselfknowingsomethi
nghappenedtoy
ou
two.
 
Me:
We'
l
lbesaf
e. 
Thando:
Don'
tfor
gett
opr
ay.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Ofcour
sebaby
. 
Thando:
Okay
,I'
l
lseey
out
omor
row.Il
ovey
ou.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
HehungupandIwentt
opackev
ery
thi
ngi
nmy
car
. 
Isai
dashor tpr
ayerbef
orel
eavi
ng,cov
eri
ngthe
carandroadwiththebl
oodofJesusChri
stof
Nazaret
h. 
Il
eft
,andwhenIgott
otown,
wentt
obuypi
zza
bef
oreIfi
nal
l
ylef
t.
 
Ist
oppedatCar
lt
onv
il
lef
ort
het
oil
etandsome
water
. 
It
hinkIhadjustpassedthr
oughKr
uger
sdor
p
whenIsuddenlyfel
tdrowsy.
 
Everythi
nghappenedsof ast
.Iwasattherobot
andv erysur
ethati
twasatgr eenandaboutto
driv
eof fwhenanothercarcamefrom t
heright
,
crushingri
ghti
ntome.  
Al
lIr
ememberi
scarshooti
ngandt
her
estofi
t
wasbl
ank,
Ibl
ackedout
. 
Ev
ery
thi
ngj
usthappenedatt
hespeedofl
i
ght
. 
.
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
82
IswearIsawmyl if
ef l
ashi
nginf r
ontofmy
eyes.Iwasn'tanysurpri
sedwhenIhear d
beepingsounds,Icouldsti
llseeital
l.The
memor ywasst il
lveryfr
eshinmymi nd.Idon't
understandhowt hi
shappened.ImeanIl ooked
atbothsidesbeforecrossi
ng, l
it
tl
edidIknow
thatthi
swasgoi ngtohappen.  
Ishoul
dhavewai
ted,
maybeifIhadtookacab
noneofthi
swoul
dhavehappened.
 
Itr
iedblinki
ng,It
ri
edopeningmyey esbutIj
ust
couldn'
t.Icoul
dhearpeopletal
ki
ng,fi
rsti
twas
abitfai
ntbutthentheygotmorelouder.
 
Voi
ce1:Wejustkeepi
nghertomonit
orher
pr
ogressandofcourse,
thebaby
. 
Voi
ce2:
Thebaby
? 
Voi
ce1:
Yessi
r,she'
spr
egnant
. 
Voi
ce2:
Ithi
nky
oumadeami
stake.
 
Voi
ce1:Wedi
dn'
t,
they
'r
ebot
hver
yluckyt
obe
al
iv
e. 
Iheardf
ootst
epsandatt
hatpoi
nt,
Ireal
l
y
wantedtowakeup.
 
Voi
ce2:
Nono,
pleasewakeup 
That
'showIknewi twasdadandasmuchasI
wasgladmybabymadei t
,IWasscared.Ihad
di
sappoint
edmydadandwaki nguptofacehi
m
wasgoingtobesomet hi
ngelse.Idi
dn'
twant
hi
mf i
ndingoutt
hisway .
 
Iwasmadatt hedoctor
,whathappenedt
o
doct
or-
pat
ientconfi
denti
ali
ty?
Ibatt
ledwithopeningmyey esandfi
nall
ydi
d.
Thelightwast oobri
ghtsoIclosedmyeyes
againandblinkedacoupleoftimesandmy
vi
sionwasabi tbet
ter
. 
Dad:
Youwokeup?
 
Inodded,
Icouldn'
tev
enfacehim.Hegaveme
somewat ert
odr i
nkt
hensatdownagai
n,next
tome. 
Dad:
Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?Anypai
n? 
Me:
I'
m okaydad.Justmyheadi
sabi
theav
y. 
Dad:
I'
ll
cal
lthedoct
or.
 
Hewasbei ngplai
n,Icoul
dn'
treadhis
expressi
onandatthatpoint
,Icoul
dn'
ttel
lhow
hewasf eel
ingorwhathecouldprobabl
ybe
thi
nking.
 
Hecamebackwi
ththedoctor
,whoshineda
l
ightonmyey
es,
thenwroteonhisboard.
 
Dr
:Youknow,
youv
eryl
ucky
. 
Me:
Iam?
 
Dr:Yourcardoesn'thaveanyscratchesandso
far
,youandt hebabyareallgood.Wej ust
keepi
ngy ouherejusttomakesur ewedi dn'
t
missanythi
ng. 
Me:
Oh
Dr
:Yes,
thenur
sewi
l
lbr
ingy
ousomef
ood.
 
Me:
Whendi
dIgether
e? 
Dr
:Yest
erday
. 
Me:
Okay
. 
Helef
t.Itwasal
lbyGod'sgr
aceandIsaida
pr
ayerinmyheart,
thanki
ngHim.Idon'
tknow
whatwouldhavehappenedi
fIhadn'
tprayed.
 
OhThando,hemustbewor
ri
edsickwher
ever
hei
s,Iwonderi
fheknowsI
'm her
e
Dad:
Soy
oupr
egnant
? 
Thatbroughtmefrom thewonderi
ngthought
s
thatweregoingoninmymi nd.Iswal
l
owed
hardandslowlynodded. 
Dad:Iwonderwher
eIev
erwentwr
ongwi
th
you.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry
Isai
dwit
hatrembl
ingvoi
ce.Icoul
dn'
teven
l
ookhimint
heeyes,Ir
eal
lydidn'
twanthi
m
fi
ndi
ngoutl
i
kethi
s. 
Dad:
Isi
tLut
hando?
 
Me:
Yes.
 
Dad:ImeanwhatwasIexpect
ingf
rom a29
yearold.He'
swhat
..10y
earsy
oungert
han
me?  
Me:
It'
s.
.Wedi
dn'
tpl
ant
his.
 
Dad: I
'
mv erydisappoint ediny ouNokubonga.I
real
lythoughty ou'datl eastgety ourdegr ee
fi
rstbefor efall
ingpr egnant .Thandohas
everyt
hinghe' dwantandmor e,hislif
eis
compl eteandst able.Idon'twanty ou
dependi ngonhi mf orther estofy ourlif
e.I
real
lythoughty ou'dmakesomet hingof
yourselff i
rstbutIguessIwaswr ong.You
makingt hesamemi stakey ourmot herandI
made.  
Me:
I'
mreal
l
ysor
rydaddy
. 
Isai
d,looki
ngdownasthetearsf
ell
.Thelast
thi
ngIwant edwast
odisappoi
ntmyfather,I
real
lywantedtomakehi
m proud.
 
Ididn'
tdeser
vet
obehisdaught
er,hehadbeen
toogoodt omeandnow,nowIfel
tsobad.
 
Dad:Don'tcr
y,please.Ijust.
.Il
oveyouNono
andIonlywantwhat 'sbestforyouandri
ght
now,IdoubtLuthandoi s. 
Thatwasenought
ogi
vemecour
aget
olookat
hi
m. 
Me:
Hel
ovesmedad.
 
Dad:
Doesheknow?
 
Inodded.
 
Dad:Thenhebet
terdowhat
'
sri
ght
.Ihav
eto
go.
 
Heki
ssedmeont
hef
oreheadandl
eft
. 
Ijustcri
edthemor e.Thenur
secamewi t
hmy
foodandIdi dn'
tevenhaveappet
it
e,Ij
ust
forcedthem insi
nceIwasbeingkeptf
or
observati
on. 
Shetookmypl
ateandl
eftt
henIsl
owl
ydr
if
ted
tosl
eep. 
WhenIwokeup,
Thandowasi
nmyr
oom,
pl
ayingwit
hmyhai rwhi
l
est ar
ingi
ntospace.I
cl
earedmyt hr
oatandhelookedatmebefore
squeezi
ngmybodyt i
ght
ly. 
Me:
I-can'
t-
breat
h
Isaidandhef
inal
l
yletgoandhepl
acedawet
kissonmyfor
ehead.Hisey
eswerebl
oodr
ed,
l
ikehehadbeencryi
ng.
 
Thando:
Ireal
l
ythoughtIl
osty
ou.
 
Me:
Her
ewear
e. 
Ismi
l
edf
aint
ly.
 
Thando:
You'
vebeencr
ying.
 
Me:
Ishoul
dbesay
ingt
hatt
oyou.
 
Thando:Ij
ustdi
dn'
tsl
eepmuch.Whywer
eyou
cr
ying? 
Me:
He'
ssodi
sappoi
ntedi
nme.
 
Isai
d,l
ooki
ngdownandf
iddl
i
ngwi
thmy
fi
nger
s. 
Thando:
Yourdad?
 
Me:
HeknowsI
'
m pr
egnant
. 
Thando:I
t'
sunderst
andabl
e,
 hewasn'
t
expect
ingthat
. 
Me:
He'
sri
ghtt
hough.
 
Thando:
Rightaboutwhat
? 
Me:
I'
m maki
ngt
hesamemi
stakeshedi
d.
Thando:
Ourchi
l
disnotami
stakeNokubonga.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Thando:She'sabl
essi
ng,
apr
oductofour
amazinglove. 
Me:
May
bedad'
sri
ght
,may
bey
ounotgoodf
or
me.
 
I
ttookawhi l
eforthatt
oregi
stert
ohi
m andI
j
ustlookedaway. 
Thando:Younotl
eav
ingmebecauseoft
his
Khensani
. 
Me:I
'mjust19,doi
ngmyfir
styearwhi
l
eyour
l
if
eisst
able.Yougotahouse,
ajobbutwhatdo
Ihav
e? 
Thando:
Youhavemeandt
hat
'
sal
lthatmat
ter
s.
Il
oveyou,somuch.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Thando:Nowstopbeingcrazy
.Weshouldbe
tal
kingaboutwhatwegonnanameourkid,
i
nsteadofargui
ngaboutnothi
ng.Romeo'
s
bir
thdayisal
socoming.
 
Me:
Oh,
when?
 
Thando:
Ont
hef
ir
stofApr
il
. 
Me:
Wel
l
,Pai
gewant
ssomepi
zza.
 
Thando:
Who'
sPai
ge?
 
Me:
Ourdaught
er,
Romeo'
sli
tt
lesi
ster
. 
Thando:
Ist
haty
ourwayoft
hrowi
ngmeout
? 
Me:
Iwoul
dn'
tdot
hat
. 
Thando:
I'
ll
gogety
ourpi
zza.
 
Me:
Thanksbaby
. 
Hel
eaneddownandki
ssedmebef
oregoi
ng.
 
Ispentt
womor eday
satt
hehospi
tal
bef
oreI
wasdischar
ged.
 
I
twasMondaythe30t
handRomeo'
sbi
rt
hday
wasi
ntwodays. 
Dadcamet ogetme,shewaswit
hKitsoandmy
motherandtheyj
ustcameandatt
ackedme
wit
hhugs. 
Me:
Okay
,Ineedt
obr
eat
he.
 
Theychuckl
edandl
etgoofme.
 
Kit
so:
Iwassoworri
ed.I'
velongwant
edto
comebutIcoul
dn'
tbecauseofBandi
l
e. 
Me:
It'
sokay
,I'
mfi
ne.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Can'
tbel
i
eveIal
mostl
osty
ou.
Me:
Idon'
tev
enhav
eascr
atch,
I'
mfi
ne.
 
Khol
i
swa:Andy
oucoul
dn'
tev
ent
ell
mey
ou
pr
egnant
. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Il
ookeddown.If
eltl
i
kesuchan
embarr
assment.
 
Ki
tso:Youdon'thav
etobeashamed,
achi
l
dis
agif
tfrom God. 
Khol
i
swa:Ican'
tbeli
evemydaught
eri
s
pr
egnantwhi
leI
'm pregnant
. 
Dad:
Youpr
egnant
? 
Khol
i
swa:
Yes
Shesaid,
brushi
ngherstomach.Shewas
weari
ngabi gl
oosetopsoherbumpwasn'tt
hat
vi
sibl
ebutitwaswhenshebrushedher
st
omach. 
Dad:
Umm,
congr
atul
ati
ons.
 
Me:
Canwego?
 
Dad:
Ofcour
se,
Isi
gnedy
ourdi
schar
gef
orms.
 
Ki
tso:
Goandchangef
ir
st.
 
ShegavemeabagandIwentt ochangei
nto
thet
racksui
tshehadbr
oughtandsl
eeper
s. 
Khol
i
swa:Yourcarisatyourf
ather
'shouse,
al
ongwi
theveryt
hingthatwasinsi
de.
 
Me:
That
'squi
tear
eli
ef.
 
Wedr ov
ehomewhi l
eItal
kedwi
thLut
handoon
Whatsapp.Hewasbusytel
li
ngmeabouthow
exci
tedhismom i
s. 
Me:
Dadsay
syoushoul
ddot
her
ightt
hing.
 
Thando:Iwaswi
thhim onSat
urdayandt
alked
aboutpayi
ngdamages.
 
Me: Iact
uall
ydon'
tthi
nkal
loft
hati
s
necessary.
 
Thando:
It'
sther
ightt
hingt
odo.
 
Me:
Imi
ssy
ou.
 
Thando:Imissyout
oobaby.Ican'
twai
tany
l
ongerforyoutocomeher
e. 
Me:
Iwishy
ouhadbeent
heonet
ocomepi
ck
meup.
 
Thando:
Idi
dn'
twantt
ost
epony
ourf
ather
's
t
oes.
 
Me:Iunder
stand.Sowhatar
ewedoi
ngf
or
Romeo'sbi
rt
hday .
 
Thando:Wecanal
way
shav
esomebi
rt
hdaysex
onhispart
. 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Andt
hen?
 
Me:Justsomej
okeonf
acebook.Ut
handa
i
zi
ndabalomama 
Any
way
,It
ypedar
epl
y.
 
Me:
Thatdoesn'
tsoundl
i
keabadi
dea.
 
Thando:Ithi
nkweshoul
dst
artt
oni
ghtandj
ust
pract
ice.
 
Me:
Idoubtdadwi
l
lal
l
ow.
 
Thando:
ButImi
ssy
ou.
 
Me:
I'
ll
makeapl
an.
 
Wepassedbyt
hephar
macyf
ormymedsand
boughtsomepi
zzaatDebonai
rs.
 
Me:
Igot
taeatnowbaby
. 
Thando:
Pizza?
 
Me:
BlamePai
ge.
 
Thando:
Ithi
nkwehav
ingaboy
. 
Me:
Wannabet
? 
Thando:
Namey
ourpr
ice.
 
Me:
I'
ll
tel
lyouwhenI
'
vet
houghti
tthr
ough.
 
Thando:
Okayeatnow,
I'
ll
cal
lyoul
ater
 
Il
oggedoutt
henat
eint
hecarwi
thKhol
i
swa.
 
Whenwegothome,
Iimmedi
atel
ywentt
omy
r
oom andsl
ept
. 
WhenIwokeup,Iwashungryandmyst omach
wasgrowl
i
ng.Iwentt
ot hebat
hroom and
washedmyfaceandteeth.
 
Iwenttotheki
tchenandl
uckyf
orme,
Kit
sohad
cooked.
 
Me:
Ngat
hiy
ouknewhowhungr
yIam.
 
Shelaughed,
Isatdownandshegavememy
pl
ate.Itwaspapwit
hsteakandwor
s. 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Ki
tso:
So,
howf
arar
eyou?
 
Me:
Almostt
hreemont
hs.
 
Ki
tso:
YouNotev
enshowi
ng.
 
Me:Iknowhey
.It
'spr
obabl
ybecauseofmy
boobs.
 
Ki
tso:
Ohy eah.Ican'
tbel
i
eveI'
m goi
ngt
obea
gr
annyatsuchay oungage.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Andy
oul
ooksoy
oung.
 
Ki
tso:
Youl
ookev
enwor
se.
 
Me:
Iknow,
I'
mjustanxi
ousaboutget
ti
ngbi
g. 
Ki
tso:
I'
m surey
ou'
l
llookj
ustasbeaut
if
ulor
ev
enmor e.
 
Me:
Ihopeso.
 
Idr
ankagl
assofj
uicewhenIwasdoneeat
ing
andwar
medupsomepi zza.
 
IwaswatchingTVwithmyf amil
ywhenI
recei
vedatextf
rom Thando.I
twasjustaf
ter
7pm. 
Thando:
I'
m out
side.
 
Ij
ustgotupwithoutsay
ingawordandwent
out
side,
leav
ingmyphoneont hechar
ger
. 
Ithr
ewmy sel
finhi
sarmsandhecaughtme,
squeezi
ngmet i
ght
. 
Me:
Yousmel
lsogood.
 
Thando:
Ist
il
lsmel
lthesame.
 
Me:
Imi
ssedy
ousomuch.
 
Thando:
Met
oobaby
,met
oo.
 
Webrokethehugandheki
ssedmeont
he
f
orehead.
 
Thando:
Yougoi
ngwi
thme?
 
Me:
Ify
ouwantmet
o. 
Thando:
Ofcour
seIdo.Geti
n. 
Heopenedt
hedoorf
ormeandIgoti
n. 
Hedroveustohi
shouseandIev
enendedup
sl
eepi
ngInthecar
.Iwokeupwhent
hecar
st
opped. 
Me:
Youcooked?
 
Thando:
Mom di
d.Shewasher
eear
li
er.
 
Inoddedandopenedt
hedoorandwegoti
n. 
Ij
ustwentst
rai
ghtt
othepot
sanddi
shedupf
or
mysel
f.
 
Thando:
Idi
dn'
tbr
ingy
ouher
efort
hef
ood.
 
Me:
Whatdi
dyoubr
ingmeher
efor
? 
Thando:
Oh,
Ithi
nky
ouknowv
erywel
l
. 
Hesai
d,gi
vi
ngmeasmi
rk.Igi
ggl
ed,
shaki
ng
myhead.
 
.
.
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
83
IwokeuptoThandost
ari
ngatmewi
thasmi
rk
onhisf
ace.
 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Youl
ooksopeacef
ulwheny
ouasl
eep.
Me:
AndwhenI
'
m awake?
 
Thando:
You'
rechaot
ic.
 
Me:
Hey
!
Ismackedhi
mli
ght
lyandhechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
That
'sf
eat
herl
i
ght
. 
Me:Idon'
twannabehel
dresponsi
blef
orwhat
myhandscando. 
Thando:
Whatcany
ourhandsdo?
Me:
Thi
s. 
Isai
d,gr
abbi
nghi
sdickandhegr
oaned,
I
l
aughedathi
mthengotup.
 
Thando:
Wher
eyougoi
ng?
Me:
Bat
hroom,
Igot
tagohome.
 
Thando:
It'
sonl
ywhat
..
.8am?
 
Me:Ijustgotupandl
eft
,they
'r
epr
obabl
y
wor
ried. 
Thando:
Theyknowy
ouwi
thme.
 
Me:
ButIdi
dn'
ttel
lhi
m. 
Thando:
Yourbut
tisget
ti
nghuge.
 
Me:
I'
veal
way
shadanassf
orday
s 
Thando:
Huwi
i
,at
ti
tude!
 
Il
aughedandwenttopr
epar
ebathi
ngwater.
Whenitwascool
,Igoti
nandIf
elthi
m geti
n
behi
ndme. 
Wejustbathedinnocentl
ybecauseIseri
ousl
y
hadtogo.Idri
ed,lot
ionedandwor ehi
s
sweatpant
sandhoodi ewithmysleeper
s.I
combedmyhai rthenmadeal azybun. 
Thando:
Youl
ooksocut
einmycl
othes.
 
Hesai
dwi
thagr
in.Ij
ustchuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Thanks.I
'
m hungr
ynow.
 
Thando:
Shoul
dwegot
owi
mpyf
ir
stt
henIt
ake
youhome? 
Me:
Cool
wit
hme,
cooki
ngwi
l
ltaket
ool
ong.
 
Thando:
Alr
ightbaby
. 
Hishandwasonmyassunt
ilwegott
othecar
andheopenedt
hedoorf
orme. 
Igoti
nandhedr
oveust
oWimpy.Wegotin,
order
edt
henat
ewhenourf
oodarr
ived.
 
Thando:Wespendi
ngt
hedayt
oget
her
tomorr
ow? 
Me:
Wit
hRomeor
ight
?I'
myett
obuyhi
m agi
ft
. 
Thando:Yourpr
esencewi
l
lbemor
ethan
enough.
 
Me:
Iwannabuyhi
m agi
ft
. 
Thando:
Thatwoul
dbeabonus.
 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Whenweweredone,hepai
dthebi
llandwentt
o
buymypi
zzafi
rstbef
orewewenthome. 
Hepar
kedatt
hegat
e. 
Thando:
You'
l
lbeokayr
ight
? 
Me:
Yesbaby
. 
Webabykissedthenheopenedmydoorfr
om
i
nsi
de.Igotoutwithmypizzat
henwenti
nside.
 
Iputt
hepi
zzai
nsi
det
hef
ri
dge.
 
Dad:
Youf
inal
l
yremember
edy
ouhav
eahome.
 
Hesaid,i
mmedi
atel
ywhenIr
eachedt
he
l
ounge. 
Me:
Umm,
goodmor
ning.
 
Hewasalone,
readi
nganewspaper
.It
hink
Ki
tsowassomewherei
nthehouse.
 
Dad:Soyoucoul
dn'
tevenbothersay
ingno,I
won'tbecomi
ngback,
y ouguyscanlockt
he
house? 
Me:
I'
m sor
rydad.
 
Isai
d,l
ooki
ngdown.
 
Dad: That'
sallyouknow-sayi
ngsor ry
.You
neverev enshowt haty
oureal
lysorry
,youj
ust
apologizeandcont i
nuedoi
ngthesamet hi
ngs.
Li
kesor ryjustsol
vesevery
thi
ngright 
Idi
dn'tknowwhattosay.Hewasr i
ghtandIf
elt
bad,Ifel
tsosadandthetear
sjustfel
l
.Whoever
sai
dt hatt
hetr
uthhur
tswasv er
yright
. 
Dad:Forsomeonewhodecidedtofal
lpr
egnant
onthei
rfi
rsty
ear,y
ounotremorsef
ul.
 
Wit
hthatsai
d,hegotupandIjustwentt
omy
r
oom.Getti
ngther
e,Isankdownandjustcr
ied.
IknowwhatIdidwasn'
trightbuthedidn'
thav
e
tobesorude.Al
loft
hiswoul dn'
thav
e
happenedi
fIwasn'
tpregnant. 
Aft
ermycr yi
ngsessi
on,Iwor
emysleeper
s
bootsthentookmyphone,pl
uggedi
nmy
headsetsandlef
t.
 
Idi
dn'
tev
enbot
herwashi
ngmyf
ace.
 
Ki
tso:
Youokay
? 
Me:
Yep.I
'
m goi
ngt
oKamogel
o'
scr
ib.
 
Kit
so:I
'm sor
ryaboutyourf
atherbutpl
ease
under
standwherehe'scomingfrom. 
Me:
Hehur
tmeMom.
 
Kit
so:He'salsohurt.Thispr
egnancythi
ngi
s
notanyeasyf orhim andhereal
lywasn'
t
expecti
ngitandy oumadet hi
ngsworsebyj
ust
uppingandleaving.
 
Me:
AndIapol
ogi
zed.
 
Ki
tso:
Justgi
vehi
mti
me,
he'
l
lcomear
ound.
Me:
Okay
. 
Inoddedt
henwentoutt
hehouseandpl
ayed
somemusic 
Iwenttoknockbyhi
sdoor,
Iwasn'tupto
seei
ngKagi,r
easonwhyIwentst
raightt
ohi
s
room. 
Heopenedaf
tersomet
ime.
 
Helookedf
reshbutIcoul
djustf
eel
he'
snot
al
one. 
Me:
Wrongt
imi
ng?
 
Hef
lashedasmi
l
e. 
Kamo:
Cannev
erbewr
ongwi
thy
ou.
 
Hepull
edmei nforati
ghthuganditwasso
comfort
ingt
hatIendedupcryi
nginhisar
ms.
He'sal
waysbeentheonetogiveWarm,good
hugs.
 
"
Who'
sther
e?"
Igotfr
eef
rom hi
sembraceandlookedatt
his
gi
rl,
whowaswear i
ngnot
hingbuthi
sT-shi
rt
. 
Shewassl i
m, andyel
l
owincomplexi
on.She
hadlongeyelasheswit
haPeruv
ianweaveand
thoselongnail
s.m
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Isai
d,wi
pingmyt
ear
s.Shesmi
l
edatme.
 
Gi
rl
:I
t'
sokay
.I'
m Mot
sobyt
heway
. 
Me:
I'
m Khensani
. 
Mot
so:
Youokay
? 
Ismi
l
edf
aint
ly.
 
Me:
I'
ll
bef
ine.I
'
llcomesomeot
hert
ime.
 
Kamo:Youdon'
thav
etogo.Mot
sowasj
ust
..
Leav
ing.Comei
n
Me:
Idon'
twannai
ntr
ude.
 
Mot
so:
He'
sri
ght
.I'
l
ljustgochi
l
lwi
thKagi
. 
Withthatsai
d,shel
eftgoi
ngi
ntot
hemai
n
house. 
Kamopul l
edmeinsi
deandj
ustsatusbot
hon
thecouchandgavemeanot
herembrace.
 
Inev
err
eal
lyt
houghtthatmyrel
ati
onshi
pwith
mydadwil
lbethi
sshaky.He'
smyl i
feandhi
m
bei
ngsomadatmedi dn'
tsi
twellwi
thme. 
Ij
ustcr
iedthemor eunt
ilmyst
omachgr
owl
ed
andhechuckled.
 
Me:
Don'
tmakef
unofme.
 
Kamo:
Sor
rybabe.Tal
ktome,
what
'
sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Youwoul
dn'
tunder
stand.
 
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
sandgotup.
 
Me:Ihopeyouandy
ourgi
rlwer
en'
tfucki
ngi
n
t
hiscouch.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Whatdoy
out
akemef
or?
 
Me:
OhIknowhowspont
aneousy
oucanbe.
 
Kamo:
Youknowmet
oowel
l
. 
Hesai
d,wi
nki
ngatme.
 
Me:
Eeuw.
 
Hel
aughedandIendedupj
oini
nghi
m. 
Me:
I'
m hungr
yman.
 
Kamo:
Ithi
nkwegotbr
eadsomewher
e. 
Me:I
'
m aguestmi
na.Makemesomet
hing,
as
l
ongasI
t'
soil
ywit
hcheese.
 
Helookedatmewithar
aisedey
ebr
ow.Igav
e
hi
mt he"what"l
ook.
 
Kamo:
Am Imi
ssi
ngsomet
hing?
 
Me:
Why
? 
Kamo:You'
veal
way
sbeenaheal
thyf
ood
fr
eak.
 
Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s.Hejustnoddedand
mademeasandwichwit
hOrangejuice.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Kamo:What
'sgoi
ngonKhen?Whywer
eyou
cr
ying?
Hegavemeaconcer nedlook.Ifi
guredIshoul
d
j
ustt
ellhi
m becausesoonerorlaterhe'
sgonna
f
indoutAndIhadt obr
acemy selfalr
eadynow. 
Me:
I'
m..
.I'
m pr
egnant
. 
Isai
d,l
ookingdownatmygl assofjui
ce.I
coul
dn'
tfacehim,l
esthelectur
esme.Ihad
hear
denoughf r
om dadandt hehonestt
rut
his,
mypur
ehear
twoul
dn'
tbeabl
etohandl
eit
. 
Hedi
dn'
tsayanyt
hingf
orawhi
l
eandIguesshe
wasst
il
li
nshock.
Kamo:
Wow.
 
Me:Pleasedon'
tjudgeme.I'
vejustgot
tenout
ofhospit
alandIwouldn'
thandl
eany morepai
n. 
Kamo:
Hospi
tal
? 
Me:
Caracci
dent
. 
It
urnedt
olookathi
m.Hewassur
pri
sed.
 
Kamo:
HowcomeIdi
dn'
tknow?
 
Me:Nothi
nghappenedt
ome.ButI
'
mjustst
il
l
ov
erwhelmed.
 
Kamo:I
t'
sjust
..Ir
eal
l
yt houghtt
hatI
'
dbet
he
onet
ofathery
ourbabies.
 
Il
ookedathi
m,helookedhur
tandIj
ustl
ooked
backatmygl
ass 
Me:
Thi
ngsdon'
tal
way
sgot
hewaywehope.
 
Kamo:
Butar
eyouhappy
? 
Me:Dadissomadatme,ourr
elat
ionshi
pis
j
ustshakyandapar
tofmewondersifit
'sal
l
wort
hit.
 
Kamo:Don'
tst
ressmuchabouti
t.I
t'
snotgood
fort
hebaby
. 
Ichuckl
ed,
wipi
ngmyt
ear
s. 
Me:
Andhowdoy
ouknowt
hat
? 
Kamo:
Ijustdo.CanIt
ouch?
 
Me:
What
? 
Kamo:
Yourst
omach.
 
Isatonthebedandl
i
ftedmytopup.Hepl
aced
hissof
thandsonmystomachandnoneofus
saidaword.
 
Mot
so:
KamoIwasj
ust-
Shest
oppedwhenshesawusandIquickl
y
remov
edKamo'shand.Shehadj
ustbar
gedin.
 
Shel
ookedatKamot
henatmet
henbackat
Kamo.
 
Mot
so:
What
'sgoi
ngonher
e? 
Kamo:
Youshoul
dtr
yknocki
ng.
 
Mot
so:
Wow.
 
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,shebangedt
hedoorasshel
eft
. 
Me:
Thatwasr
ude.
 
Kamo:
Shecanbet
oomuchsomet
imes.
 
Me:
She'
stheoney
out
oldmeabout
?
Kamo:
Yeah.
 
Me:
She'
spr
ett
y,sl
i
m andy
ell
ow.
 
Kamo:
Don'
tdot
hat
. 
Me:
What
?
Kamo:
Don'
tcompar
eyour
sel
ftoher
. 
That'
sactual
l
ywhatwasgoingonthr
oughmy
mind.She'
sever
ythi
ngIwasn'
tandst
il
lai
n'
t.
 
Me:
Any
way
,Icameaboutt
hecov
enant
. 
Kamo:
Oh?
 
Me:
Yes.Thr
eeday
sfast
ingwi
thpr
ayer
. 
Kamo:
Didy
ouTel
lThul
i
? 
Me:
Youcal
lhert
hent
ell
her
.I'
l
lbeonmyway
. 
Kamo:
I'
ll
wal
kyouout
. 
Igotoutt
henhedi
dandcl
osedt
hedoor
. 
Kamo:
CanIt
akey
ououtt
omor
row?
 
Me:
Nott
omor
row,
Thur
sday
. 
Kamo:
Sti
l
lcool
. 
Hehuggedmethenwentback.Isi
ghedandgot
i
nsi
detheyar
d. 
Iwasn'
treadytofacemyfat
herbutIknewit
wasboundt ohappenany
waysincewel i
vei
n
thesamehouse. 
Dad:
Nono.
 
Me:
Baba?
 
Dad:
I'
m sor
ryaboutear
li
er.
 
Me:It
'sokay,i
twasmyf aul
tanyway.Ishoul
dn'
t
havel
eftwit
houtsayingany
thi
ngthencome
backthefol
l
owi ngday.
 
Dad:
Andyoujustgotoutofhospi
tal
,youneed
t
otakei
teasy
. 
Me:
Iwi
l
ldad.
 
Dad:Ionlywantwhat'sbestforyouandI '
m
gonnasaythisagain,IdoubtLuthandois.He
evenmakesy ousleepoverathisplaceli
ke
you'
rehiswif
e.Heshoul dmar r
yy outhenifhe
wantsyousleepi
ngnextt ohim. 
Me:
I'
m st
il
ltooy
oungf
ormar
ri
age.
 
Dad:Theny
oushoul
dst
artact
ingl
i
keachi
l
din
her
e. 
Me:
Okaydad.
 
Heopenedhi
sar
msformeandIwenti
ntohi
s
ar
msandwehugged.
 
Dad:
Pizza?
 
Me:
Yes!
 
Hel
aughedt
henwentt
owar
m ussomepi
zza 
Iwasj
ustgl
adt
hatwehadsor
tedt
hingsout
. 
.
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
84
Me:
Dad?
 
Dad:
Yes?
 
Me:CanIpl
easegoouttomorrow?I
t'
sRomeo'
s
bi
rt
hdayandI'
dreal
l
ylov
et ospendt
hedaywit
h
hi
m. 
Dad:
Who'
sRomeo?
 
Me:
It'
sUmm.
.Thando'
sson.
 
Hedidn'
tsayanyt
hingforawhi
l
e.Pr
obabl
y
t
ryi
ngtodigestal
lofthat
. 
Dad:
Hehasason?
 
Me:Hejust.
.Foundoutrecent
lyandIhav
en'
t
seenhi
mi nawhiledaddy,Imi
sshim.Idi
dn'
t
evenbuyhi
m agif
tsoIwast
hinki
ngofgoi
ng
outear
lysoIcanbuyi
t.
 
Dad:
Yout
ooy
oungf
orsomuch.
.Baggage.
 
Me:
It'
snotbaggagedad.
 
Dad:Whycoul
dn'
tyouatl
eastgof
orsomeone
yourage?
 
Me:You'
venev
erhadapr
obl
em wi
thhi
m
bef
ore.
 
Dad:
Idi
dn'
tknowhowol
dhewast
hen.
 
Ihuf
fed.Ir
eal
l
ymi ssedspendi
ngtimewit
h
Romeo.Inowdidn'tknowwhattosayt
o
convi
ncedadtoletmego. 
Idi
dn'
twantt
oov
erst
eponanyboundar
ies.
 
Dad:It
'sokay,
youcangobuty
ouhav
etocome
back.Behereat6pm.
 
Me:
Okaydaddy
,thanks.
 
Ihuggedhi
m andt
henwentt
omyr
oom.
 
Thef
oll
owi
ngday
,Iwokeup,
brushedmyt
eet
h
t
hent
ookahotshower
.Idr
iedwhenIwasdone
t
henl
oti
oned.
 
Iwor
eblueskinnyj
eans,
tornatthekneeswi
th
awhi
teshir
tthenworeblackst
ri
ppedsandal
s. 
Imadealazybunwit
hmyweavethenspr
ayed
par
fumeonmebef or
etaki
ngmybag,wal
let
andcarkey
s. 
Me:
Mor
ning.
 
Isai
d,si
tt
ingdownandt
heyr
epl
i
ed.
 
Dad:
Yougoi
ngnow?
 
Me:
Yes,
Ihav
etogogi
ftsear
chi
ng.
 
Ki
tso:
Gif
t? 
Dad:
Yourdaught
erherei
splay
inghappy
fami
l
ieswi
thanotherwoman'
sson. 
Me:
Baba!
 
Dad:
What
?It
'st
rue.
 
Ki
tso:
Youbei
nghar
shonherAndi
l
e. 
Dad:
Thi
sguyi
snotgoodf
orher
. 
Ki
tso:
Younev
erhadapr
obl
em wi
thhi
m bef
ore 
Exact
lywhatIhadsai
dbef
ore.Yest
erdayt
hat
i
s. 
Dad:That'
sbeforehedeci
dedt
oimpregnat
e
heronherfir
styeart
hennowshehastomot her
hi
sbaby .
 
Ki
tso:
That
'sabi
text
reme.
 
Icoul
dn'thol
diti
n,Ij
ustcri
edsi
l
entlywhi
le
wipi
ngmyt remendoustear
swhichcoul
dn'
t
stopfal
l
ing. 
Icouldn'
tstandupandj
ustleavecausethat
wouldhav ecomeoutasdisrespect
ful
soIhad
tositdownandbarethecrucif
yingnai
lshewas
penetrat
ingint
omyheartwitha
sledgehammer .
 
Kit
so:Nowyouhur
ti
ngy
ouroneandonl
y
daught
er.
 
Dad:
Lookwhathemademedo.
 
Hecame,mademestandupandhuggedme
t
ight
lywhi
l
esayi
ng"
sorry"
Il
eftwhenIhadcal
meddown,tr
yingsomuch
nottot
hinkaboutt
hebi
tt
erst
artt
omyday .
 
Itj
ustseemedthatmyrel
ati
onshi
pwit
hThando
andthepregnancywaswhatisal
way
sgoingto
makemef ightwit
hmydad. 
Igoti
ntomycarandt
ookaf
ewbr
eat
hs.
 
Ist
art
edi
tthenIdrovet
othemallwhi
le
l
ist
eni
ngtosomegospelmusictocal
m me
downandjustgetmyspi
ri
tint
heri
ghtspace.
 
If
oundapar
kingspott
henpar
ked.
Iwentfr
om st
oret
ostor
e,t
ryi
ngt
of i
ndagi
ft
per
fectf
orafoury
earol
dbutnot
hing.
IwenttoDebonai
rsf
orsomepizzawhi
l
etr
ying
tot
hinkaboutsomet
hingwhenmyphoner
ang. 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
Thando:
Your
eadybaby
?I'
m comi
ngt
ogety
ou.
Ilookedatt
imeonmywr i
stwat
ch.Ihadev
en
forgott
hatwemeet
ing.
 
Me:
I'
m att
hemal
lal
ready
. 
Thando:
Youdr
ovey
our
sel
fther
e? 
Me:
Yes,
Idi
d. 
Thando:
Aft
erwhathappenedy
oust
il
l-
Me:Pl
easedon'
t.I
'
m al
readyhav
ingabadday
asi
s. 
Hehuff
edbutr
eall
y,Icoul
dn'thandl
eanot
her
l
ect
urenow.Ij
ustcouldn'
t.
 
Myheadwasact
uallybuzzi
ng.Ihat
ednot
get
ti
ngal
ongwit
hmyf at
herandIneededt
o
hav
eapeacef
ulpregnancy.
 
Thando:
Okay
,wher
ear
eyou?
 
Me:
Debonai
rs 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Shoul
dhav
eknown.
 
Ihunguponhi m andjustat
emypi zza.Iwas
suddenl
yfeel
ingsosad, Idi
dn'
tknowwhyt he
suddenheavi
nessi nmyheart.
 
Ijustsatdownwi t
hmyinnerpersonfeel
ingl
ike
Iwasj ustsomewherequi
etandalonewi t
honly
thebirdsandtreesmaki
ngnoise.Ineeded
somei nnerpeace. 
"Mommy
!"
AndIknewwhot
hatwas.Il
i
ftedupmyhead.
Romeo:
Whomadey
ousadmommy
? 
Me:
I'
m notsai
d. 
Romeo:Mymom usedtotel
lmethatwhen
someonecr
ies,
itmeanst
hey'
resad.
 
Idi
dn'
tevenreal
izeIhadbeencryi
ngunt
ilhe
menti
oneditandIquickl
ywipedofft
het
ears. 
Me:
I'
m notcr
yingnow.
 
Isai
d,smi
l
ingandpi
ckedhi
m up,
puthi
m onmy
l
ap. 
Lut
handowasjustl
ookingatmeandnotsayi
ng
any
thi
ng.Af
termypizza,whi
chRomeofini
shed,
welef
t.
 
Thando:
We'
l
ltal
kaboutt
his.
 
Ij
ustl
ookedaway
. 
Me:
Soi
t'
syourbi
rt
hdaybi
gboy
? 
Romeo:
Yes!
 
Hesai
d,r
aisi
nghi
shandsupandIgi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Whatwoul
dyoul
i
kef
ory
ourbi
rt
hday
? 
Romeo:
Iwantagui
tar
. 
Me:
Woah.
.Cany
oupl
ay?
 
Romeo:
Yes
Hesaid,
cov
eri
nghi
sfacewi
thhi
shands.I
l
aughed.
 
Wewentt
ost
eer
swher
eThandohadbookeda
t
abl
e. 
Ther
ewasapar
tyt
hemegoi
ngon,
wit
hcake
andsomesnacks.
 
Me:
HappyBi
rt
hdaybaby
. 
Romeo:
ThankYou.
 
Isathi
m downonhisseatt
hensatdownon
mineandsodidThando.
 
Thecakehadf ourcandl
esandIwasactual
l
y
gl
adt hathewashappyandThandonever
broughtuptheissuebutmadei
tall
about
Romeo.  
Weactual
lyhadf
unandf
rom St
eer
s,wewent
shoppi
ng.
 
IboughtRomeohisgui
tarev
ent houghThando
prot
estedandwantedt
opayf oritbutIcoul
dn'
t
al
lowthat.
 
Hehadboughthimt hoseminicarst
hatKi
ds
candri
vesohewasdr i
vi
ngitthr
oughthemal
l,
underoursuper
visi
onofcourse.
 
Iact
uall
ywonder
edwherei
twasgoingt
ofi
t
andthatwasbef
oreIsawt
hecarhecame
wi
th.
 
I
twasa4x4For
dRanger
,whi
tei
ncol
our
. 
Thando:
Ain'
tyouget
ti
ngi
n? 
Me:
No.Ibr
oughtmycaral
ong,
youknowt
hat
. 
Thando:
I'
ll
getsomeonet
ocomegeti
t.
 
Me:
Rat
hernot
. 
Iputt
hesleepingRomeointhebackseatsi
nceI
wassti
ll
holdinghim whi
l
etalki
ngtoThando. 
Thando:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Not
hing,
Ihav
etogo.
 
Hepull
edmegentl
yjustasIwasaboutt
oleav
e
andIbouncedi
nhi
schest.
 
Thando:
Tal
ktome.
 
Me: I
'mjust..I
'mtiredTumel o.I
'mtir
edof
fi
ghtingwithmydadandi thur t
s.Thelastt
hing
Ieverwantedwast odisappointhi
m andnow,
nowwe' l
lalway sfi
ghtabouty ouandaboutmy
pregnancy.Ijustcan'tdoitanymore. 
Thando:
Whatar
eyousay
ingNokubonga?
 
Me:Ineedt
obr
eat
he.Wi
l
litbet
oomucht
o
ask?
 
Thando:
Arey
ousay
ingI
'
m suf
focat
ingy
ou?
 
Me:It
'sdad,thenit'
syouandthenme,hav
ingto
deal
wi t
hbeingpr egnantandt
he
di
sappoint
mentt hatIhavetur
nedoutt
obe. 
Thando:Yout
alki
nginr
iddl
es.Khul
umaIsi
Zul
u
orTswanacauseIdon'
tunder
standwhaty
ou
sayi
ngmanje.
 
Me:IneedabreakLut
hando.Ineedt
obeal
one,
f
rom ever
ythi
ngandever
yone. 
Thando:
Likeav
acat
ion?
 
Me:Morethant
hat.I
'
mti
redofcry
ing,ofhav
ing
topl
easepeopl
eanddor
ightbyever
yone.Why
can'
tIdome? 
Iwascryi
ngbythen.Hel
etmecr yi
nhischest
whil
ebrushi
ngmyback.Ever
ythi
ngwasjusttoo
muchforme.Itwasover
whelmingAndIfel
t
l
i
keIwassuf
focat
ing.
 
I
'vebeenherebefore.ButIwasn'
tgoi
ngtolet
my sel
fsl
ipback.Backintothedar
k,wor
ldof
depressi
on.
 
Ihadachi
ldIneededtot
hinkaboutandl
i
vef
or.
Idi
dn'
tneedtheextr
astr
ess.
 
Wasitwr
ongt
obesosel
fi
shandt
hinkofonl
y
mybabyandI
? 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Igotfr
eefrom hi
sembr
aceandwal
kedabi
t
di
stantfr
om hi
m
Me:
Please.
 
Thando:
What
? 
Me:
Ican'
tdoi
tThando.I
t'
sal
ltoomuchf
or
me.
 
Thando:
Whatar
eyousay
ing?
 
Me:
I'
m say
ingIneedabr
eak.
 
Thando:
Wej
ustgotbackt
oget
her
,don'
tdo
t
his.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Thando:
Khensani
.
. 
Me:
No.
 
Isai
d,wal
ki
ngawayashecal
l
edandr
ant
omy
car.
 
Ij
ustcoul
dn'
tdot
his.
 
Get
ti
nginmycar,Iwastr
yingsomuchnott
o
br
eakdown.Thi
sstresswasnotanygoodf
or
meorformybaby. 
WhenIgothome, Isawmymot her'
scarparked
i
nthey ar
dandIreall
ywasn'ti
nthemoodf or
heroranyoneel
seforthatmatt
er.
 
Ispentaboutt
enminut
esi
nthecar
,tr
yingt
o
cal
m my sel
fdown.
 
Igotoutaf
ter
,lockedI
tandwentinsi
de.Ihad
l
eftmyshoppingbagsinthecar
. 
Me:
Aft
ernoon.
 
Dad:
Youbackear
ly.
 
Me:
Ihadacur
few.
 
Iwasaboutt
ogot omyroom whenKhol
i
swa
cal
l
edme.Isighedandt
urnedback.
 
Me:
Ma?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Me:
Yes,
Iam.
 
Dad:
Youl
ookl
i
key
ou'
vebeencr
ying.
 
Me:
Somet
hinggoti
ntomyey
es.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Younotokay
,Icanseet
hat
 
Me:
Mot
herpl
ease.
 
Khol
iswa:
Actual
l
y ,Icametoaski
fyoudon'
t
wanttovi
sitmeforawhile.
 
Me:
Visi
tyou?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Youhav
en'
tseenmyhouseKhen.
 
Il
ookedatdadt
henbackather
. 
Me:
Act
ual
l
y,t
hatdoesn'
tsoundl
i
keabedi
dea.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Real
l
y? 
Me:
Yes,
I'
dlov
etov
isi
tyou.
 
Maybethi
scouldbethebreakIneed.Iknow
mom doesn'
tli
vear
oundandapl aceawayf r
om
homecouldhel
pmeof fl
oad. 
Awayf
rom ev
ery
oneandev
ery
thi
ng.
 
Asmuchasi
t'
dbewit
hKholi
swabutatl
easti
t
won'
tbei
nmycomfor
tzone.
 
Abr
eat
heoff
reshai
risexact
lywhatIneeded.
 
Ij
usthopei
thel
ps.
 
.
.
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
85
LUTHANDO
Iknowshithadhitt
hef anwhenIsawhercar
dri
veoffbutIst
il
ldidn'
twanttobeli
evei
t.
Someonemi ghtaskmewhyIdi dn'
trunaft
er
herbutIwasstil
lar
restedbyshock.
 
Atthi
spoint
,Ifel
tdefeat
edandjustgoti
ntomy
caraf
terabouttwent
ymi nut
es.
 
Il
ookedatmysonwhowassl eepi
ngso
peaceful
.Atthi
spoint
,Iwi
shhecouldt
alksoI
canjustaskhim. 
Me:Whydidmyhear
tchoosesuchahar
d
headedwoman?
 
Butreal
ly
,Khensani
justl
i
kesbei
ngdi
ff
icul
tfor
noreason. 
Ican'
tspendmywholeli
ferunni
ngaft
erher.I
'
m
toool
dtobeplay
inghideandseekkunje.
 
IloveherbutIswearmyloveforherwouldbe
theendofme.I '
vesacr
if
icedsomuchf orour
l
ov eandshecan'tdoasimplethi
ng-stay.
 
Ipar
kedoutsidemymother
'shouseandgotout
wit
hasleepingRomeo.
 
Mom:
Iwasn'
texpect
ingy
ousoear
ly.
 
Me:
Iknow.
 
Iwenttoputhi
mi nhi
sbedwi
thmom fol
lowing
me.Ican'
tlookaft
erRomeof
ull
timeandthat'
s
whyhestayswithmom.
Ionl
ycometogethi
mfrom Wednesdayni
ght
si
nceIonl
yworkatmyownpace. 
Mom:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Wewerenowsit
ti
ngintheloungewhil
ehav
ing
somet
eawhichIfoundhermaking.
 
Isi
ghed.Mymom wassof ondofKhensani but
IdoubtsheknewwhatIwasdealingwith.
Khensanii
ssochil
dish,
someti
mesIwonder
whyIevenputupwithherbutagain,
theheart
wantswhatitwant
s. 
Me:
Yourdaught
eri
nlaw.
..Ei
sh
Mom:
Wenzeni
? 
Me:
Shewant
edspace,
agai
n. 
Mom:
What
? 
Me:
Shedi
dn'
tev
enbot
herf
ight
ingf
orus.Al
li
t
tookwasasi
mpl
eargumentwithhi
sdadabout
meandmanjeUf
unaibr
eak.Ican'
tdot
his
anymore.
 
Shesighed.Mymom hasalway
sbeengoodi
n
gi
vingadvice,
Iguessi
tcomeswit
hmarr
ya
pastor
. 
Mom:Ihatetosayt
hiskodwaNgi
vumel
ana
nawe(Iagreewi
thyou)
Iwasexpectinghertomaybet
ryandmakeme
seethingsfr
om Khensani
'
sperspect
ivebutshe
wasn'tchoosinganysi
de.
 
That
'sactual
lyal
lIwanted.Ididn'
tdoanythi
ng
toKhen,Mom knowsIwoul dhav etol
dherbut
shejustdeci
dedtoletherpregnancyhor
mones
cont
rolherAndmakehert hinkirr
ati
onal
l
y. 
Mom: I
nlove,wehav
etofightandst
and
t
ogether
,unit
edwhatev
erobstacl
escomeour
waybutsheseemstoloverunni
ngaway.
 
Me:
Youknowwhat
'
swor
se?
 
Mom:
What
? 
Me: Shev
isi
tedherexboy
fri
endyester
dayand
spentawholelotoft
imewit
hherthennamhla
thi
shappens. 
Mom: Don'
ttel
lmey
oukeepi
ngt
absont
he
gi
rl
. 
Me:
I'
m notmom.Kgomot
sot
oldme.
 
Mom:
Ooh,
youal
mostgotmet
her
e. 
Me:
Howdoy
out
akememom?
 
Mom: Iwasj
ustaski
ng.Iknowhowcr
azyy
ou
canget.
 
Me:I'
vegrownupnowandIhav
etwoki
dsI
needtothi
nkof.
 
Mom:
Whenar
ewepay
ingdamages?
 
Me:
Iwasthinki
ngthi
sweek.Yazi
,Ial
sowant
ed
t
opayl
obolabutI'
m hav
ingmydoubtsnow.
 
Mom:Sheneedstogr
owup.Ifshecan'
thandl
e
asi
mplehi
ccup,howwil
lshehandl
emarri
age? 
Me:
Exact
lywhatIt
hought
. 
"Son,
thi
sisasur
pri
se"
Me:
Dad.
 
Dad:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Hesai
d,comi
ngt
osi
tdownnextt
ome.
 
Me:
I'
m okay
. 
Mom l
ookedatmeandIneverev
enr et
urned
t
hegaze.Idi
dn'
twantt
otal
kmor eaboutthi
s. 
Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
ogi veuponKhen, Ij
ustwantt
o
gi
veherti
metojustgrowupnjethenwhenI'm
cont
ent,
Icant
hinkoffixi
ngt
hingsbetweenus. 
IfIfor
ceitnow,Imightendupregr
ett
ingit
.
Rightnowshe'sjustconf
used,
notsureofwhat
shewants. 
Imean, howdoessheexpectmet ofeel
Ngi
yazi
thatshe'sbusyvisi
ti
ngherex,
locking
themselvesinroomswhilecar
ryingmybaby? 
Tr
ustme,
ifi
twasn'
tbecauseofRomeo,
God
knowsIwoul
dn'
thav
ebeenr
esponsi
blef
ormy
acti
ons.
 
Dad:I
'my
ourf
ather
,youknowy
oucan'
tl
iet
o
me. 
Me:
Youseem t
ofor
gett
hatI
'
mtur
ning30.
 
Dad:Luthando,ev
enifyouyou56yearsoldand
Grey,aslongasI'
m st
il
lal
iv
e,you'
l
lalwaysbea
chil
dtome.  
Me:
I'
m out
taher
e. 
Dad:
Runni
ngaway
? 
Me:Dadplease,
Ijustneedtogosort
somethi
ngout.I
'm sl
eepingher
etoni
ght
. 
Dad:Ihopey
ouwon'
tdoany
thi
ngy
oumi
ght
regr
et.
 
Me:
Don'
twor
rydad.
 
It
ookmycarkey
sandl
eft
,Ihadt
odot
his.
 
I
fshedoesn'
tcomebacktome,I'
l
lknowit
wasn'
tmeanttomebutonethi
ngisforsur
e,I
won'
tbehert
oy.
 
.
KHENSANI
Dad:
Youdon'
thav
etogo.
 
Me:Ineedabreakdad,Ineedt
obreat
heand
t
hismightbeexact
lythatf
orme. 
Dad:Buty
ou'
veonl
ybeenher
eforwhat
..2
days? 
Me:
IknowandI
'
m sor
rybutI
'
m doi
ngt
hisf
or
me.
 
Kit
so:Iactual
l
ygetwher
ey oucomingf r
om.
You'v
ebeent r
yingt
oworkony ourr
elati
onshi
ps
wit
hev er
yoneelseandf
orgotaboutnumber
one.Wejustneedtobeself
ishsometimes. 
Dad:
Youagr
eei
ngwi
tht
his?
 
Kit
so:Letthekidbr
eatheAndil
e.Youbusy
suff
ocati
ngherandshehast othinkabout
someoneel senow.Surel
yyoudon'twanther
r
elapsi
ng.
 
Me:
Guy
s,I
'
m st
il
lher
e. 
Ididn'
twantthem argui
ngov ermeandIknow
mydad, hewouldn'thav
eleftitunt
ilhehasthe
l
astwor dandatthatpoint
,itwasthelastt
hing
thatIwanted.
 
Dad:She'
smydaughter,Ineedhernextt
ome.
Youknowatt
hispoint,
Iwi shyouhadchosen
UJ.
 
Kit
so: She'
sourdaughtery
es,butyoucan'
t
expecthertost ayher
ewhil
eyoualways
scol
dingher .Shehasababytothi
nkofandy ou
ofallpeopleshouldknowhowcrucial
thef
irst
tr
imest eri
s. 
Dad:
Okay
,Igeti
tAndI
'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:It
'sokaydad.Besi
des,
I'
m onl
yleav
ingon
Sunday.
 
Dad:
IhopeKewe'
l
lbeabl
etospendsomet
ime
t
ogethert
hen.
 
Me:Yeah,
so,
Bandi
l
eist
urni
ngonesoon.Iwas
t
hinki
ng-
Ki
tso:Woah,
slowdown.He'
sbi
rt
hdayi
sli
ke
monthsaway.
 
Hewasact
ual
l
ytur
ning7mont
hsnow.
 
Ki
tso:
Weshouldbet
alki
ngabouty
ourbi
rt
hday
si
nceit
sApr
il
. 
Me:
I'
mreal
l
ynotl
ooki
ngf
orwar
dtoi
t.
 
Dad:
Whynot
? 
Me:
Wel
l
,because-
MyphonerangsoIl
ookedati
tfi
rstbef
ore
l
ooki
ngatdad. 
Dad:
Goahead,
justdon'
tdi
sappear
. 
Me:
Okaydad.
 
Iwentt
otheki
tchent
oansweri
t.
 
Me:
Hel
l
o? 
Thando:
I'
m out
side,
Ineedt
oseey
ou.
 
Me:
IthoughtIt
oldy
out
hat-
Hecutmeof
f
Thando:
Thi
swon'
ttakel
ong.
 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
I'
m comi
ng.
 
Iwentbackt
othel
ounge.
 
Me:Thandowantstospeakt
omeabout
somethi
ng,canIgo?
 
Dad:
I'
m gi
vi
ngy
out
went
ymi
nut
es.
 
Me:
Okaydad.
 
Ikissedhi
scheekthenwentout
.Itwasactual
ly
around7pm andabitdar
k.Hewaspar kedat
thegatesoIhadtowalkall
thedi
stancether
e. 
Istoodnextt
ohi
scar
,wher
ehewasal
so
standi
ng.
 
Thando:
Yougood?
 
Inodded.
 
Thando:I'
l
ljustcutstrai
ghttothechase.I'm
ti
redKhensani.I
'mt i
redofrunningafteryou.
NowIf eell
ikeTom, busyrunni
ngaf terJerr
y
whil
eIknowI 'l
lnevercatchher.Itendshere
now. 
Me:Iwasn'
tsay
ingr
unaf
terme,
all
Iaskedwas
some-
Thando:SpaceandI'
m giv
ingy
outhat.Il
ove
youKhensani,
somuch, Il
oveyouevenmore
thanIl
ovePaigebutIcan'
tdothi
s. 
Me:
I..Idon'
tunder
stand 
Thando: It
hinkit
'sbestifwejustgoour
separ
at eway s.I
'
llbethereforyouasthe
motherofmybabyandi t'
l
lendthereunt
ilI
'm
surethatyou'vegott
eny ourpri
ori
ti
esstr
aight.
 
Me:
You.
.Br
eaki
ngupwi
th..
me?
 
Iaskedwi
thabreaki
ngv
oice.Idi
dn'
twantt
o
cry,
Icoul
dn'
t.
 
Thando:
I'
mjustgi
vi
ngy
ouspacet
odoasy
ou
wi
shAndI'm say
ingIwon'
tl
ety
oucometome
whenyouwanttoandtossmeasi
dewhenshi
t
hi
tst
hefan.
 
Ij
uststartedgoingbackwardsthenr
anback
i
ntothey ard.Thandobrokeupwithme.Hegot
mepr egnantandnowhe' sleav
ingme. 
Idi
dn'
tneedt
othi
nkmuchabouti
t.
 
Dad:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Me:
Ithi
nkI
'
llbel
eav
ingt
omor
row.
 
Iwasst
il
li
nshock,Idi
dn'
twanttobel
iev
eit.I
di
dn'
twanttobel
i
evethathel
eftme,helef
tus. 
Ther
ewasnot
hingmor
etot
hinkabout
. 
Hedidn'tl
ovemeany
more.Wasitbecauseof
t
hewei ghtgai
n?I
'
veal
waysbeenabiggirl
,I
t
houghtheknewthat
. 
Fourweeksl
ater
,itwasthef
irstweekofMay
andIwasnowof f
ici
all
y20years.
 
Ican'
tsayi
twaseasybecausei
twasn'
tbutt
he
f
ast
ingal
sohel
pedme.
 
Thi
ngaboutf ast
ingis,i
tbringsusclosertoGod.
Asyourphysicalbodygetsweak, t
hespiri
tual
mangetsstrengthened.Remembert hatour
GodIsaspiri
tandt hestrongerourspir
it
ual
mangets,t
hecl oseroneget stoGod. 
IwashappythatIwasablet
ohel
pandIhoped
thatthetwodon'
tmakethesamemi
stake
twice. 
OurGodmi ghtbegraci
ousandf
orgi
vingbutwe
shoul
dn'ty
ouhisgraceasanopport
unit
yfor
thefl
eshtosin.
 
Wecannotcont i
nueinsinsot hatgracemight
abide.Weneedt okeepinmi ndthatwedonot
deservethisgracebutthroughthesheddingof
thebloodofJesusChr ist
, weobtainedgr
ace.
Romans6: 23"Fort hewagesofsi nisdeath;
butthegiftofGodi seter
nallif
ethroughJesus
ChristourLord."
ThandoandI
..Wel
l
,whatcanIsay
? 
Iwasjustmoreconcer
nedaboutmyspi r
it
ual
l
if
eandmydaught erabov
eeveryt
hing.Idi
dn'
t
wannastressmysel
f.
 
Ilovehi
m, Ir
eal
l
ydobutmyl if
ewasn'
tgoi
ngt
o
revol
vearoundarel
ati
onshi
p. 
Weof tenbendov erbackwar
dst opleasepeople
thatwef orgetaboutour
sel
ves.I'
m oneofthe
peoplewhohasl i
vedmostoftheirli
vestr
ying
topleasepeopl ebutwhenIacceptedJesus,I
l
earnttol i
vetopleasehim.
 
Int
hisj
ourneyofsal
vati
on,weslipandfal
lbut
whatmatter
sisgett
ingup,dust
ingoursel
ves
andcont
inui
nginthejour
ney.
IhadaskedGodforf
orgi
venessandrepent
ed
becausethet
rut
his,
Ihadbeenli
vingasinf
ul
l
ife.
 
Iwasnow4mont hspr
egnantandcoul
dn'
tget
enoughofmybabybump.Itl
ookedsocut
e. 
Nt
andohadal
readyappoi
ntedhi
msel
fas
Pai
ge'
sgodmot
her
.
Yes,thedoct
orhadal
soconf
ir
medt
hatIwas
carr
yingagir
l.
 
It
'sWednesdayt
odayandIhavejustt
akena
showerandstar
ingatmyr
eflect
iononthe
mirr
or.
 
Iputmyhandsonmyst
omachbef
oreIst
art
ed
tal
ki
ng.
 
Me:Goodmor ni
ngbaby .Mommyl ovesyouso
much,nev
erforgett
hat.IpromiseI'
ll
do
anyt
hingt
oprotectyouandwi l
lgiv
ey out
he
bestl
oveandcareyoucanev erthi
nkof.I
'l
l
al
waysbethereforyou,thr
oughitall
. 
IthentookoutGr
eyleggi
ngs,
wit
haGr ey
hoodieandNikeRosh.I
twasabitchi
l
ly
outsi
de. 
Isti
llhadmyweaveonandIwasthi
nkingof
goingtotakei
toutanddoi
ngsomesimple
str
aightback.
 
Anyway
,Iputev
ery
thi
nginmybag,
tookmy
phonet
henwentdownst
air
s. 
Gett
ingt
here,Imademy
sel
fsomef
rui
tsal
ad
andsmoothie.
 
Itext
edThandosinceIwantedhimtobring
Romeoov erbecauseImissedhi
m.Just
becausehisfat
herandIarenolongert
ogether
,
doesn'tmeanIcan'
tspendanyti
mewi t
hhim. 
Thando:
We'
ll
comeonFr
iday
,needany
thi
ng?
Maybesomecash?
 
Me:
No,
I'
m good.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
sendsomenj
e,f
ort
hebaby
. 
Me:Youdon'
thav
eto.Themoneyy
ousentl
ast
monthi
ssti
ll
inmyaccount
. 
Thando:
Iwasn'
taski
ngy
ouKhensani
.
 
Me:
Ofcour
se,
whydi
dIev
enbot
hersay
ingno?
 
Thando:
Idon'
twannaf
ight
.Il
ovey
ouandby
e. 
Me:
Bye.
 
Thando:
Isai
dIl
ovey
ou,
kissmybabyf
orme.
 
Me:
What
ever
. 
Ihungup,
war
medsomepi
zzat
henl
eftaf
ter
eati
ng.
 
Nt
ando:
Yougl
owi
ng.
 
Hesaid,i
mmedi
atel
ywhenIbr
okef
reef
rom hi
s
embrace.
 
Me:
Pregnancygl
owmgani
. 
Ntando:
AndhereIwast
hinki
ngy
ou'
l
ltel
lmeof
somemor ni
nggl
ory.
 
Me:
Aah,
sor
ryt
odi
sappoi
nt.
 
Nt
ando:
Anywho,
Ihav
eadat
eonFr
iday
. 
Me:
Wit
hwho?
 
Ntando:
That
'sf
ormet
oknowandy
out
ofi
nd
out.
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
Ithoughtwewer
efr
iends.
 
Nt
ando:
Thi
sonei
stoohot
..Andbi
sexual
Il
aughed.
.
Me:
Soy
out
hinkI
'
lldoy
oul
i
ket
hat
? 
Nt
ando:
It'
snoty
ouIdon'
ttr
ust
. 
Ij
ustl
aughedandwegoti
nsi
det
hel
ect
urehal
l
. 
Ihav
en'tseenNobuhl
einawhile,Iwonder
what'
skeepingherpr
eoccupi
edthesedays.
 
.
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
86
Igothomesot
ir
ed.Li
kemyl
egswer
eki
l
li
ng
me. 
Ijusttookoffmyshoesatthekit
chenandwent
tothrowmy selfont
hecouch.Ineededto
breatheali
ttl
eandit'
sthehungerthatt
ookme
offthecouch. 
Iwouldhavewenttoshowerfi
rstbutwhoam I
kiddi
ng?Iwashungryandever
ythi
ngelsehad
tostopbecausemybabyjustl
oveseati
ng.
You'dthi
nkshe'
snotagirl
. 
IshouldnameherPizzasi
ncei
tswhatI
'
m
alwayscrav
ingnowadays.
 
Iwentt
owarmfoursl
i
cest
henpour
edmy
sel
fa
gl
assofTr
opi
ka.
 
Itookmypi
zzaandj
uicet
henwenttosi
tont
he
couch,
wit
hmylegsonthecof
feet
able.
 
Aknockonmydoorwaswhatgotagr
oanf
rom
me.
 
Me:
Goaway
! 
Ishout
ed.Iwasj
ustl
azyt
ogetupnj
e. 
Theydi
dn'
tstopshamesoIsnor
tedthent
ook
myfeetof
fthetabl
eandwal
kedtothedoor.
Me:
What
?..
.Oh,
hi.
 
Thor
iso:
CanIcomei
n? 
Me:
Umm,
ofcour
se.
 
Imadespacef
orhi
mtogeti
n. 
Thor
iso:
Icamewi
thf
ood.
 
Hesai
d,f
lashi
ngabr
ownpaper
bagi
nmyf
ace.
 
Igr
innedandhechuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Please,
makey
our
sel
fathome.
 
Iclosedt
hedoor.Het
ookoutt
wopl
atesand
dishedupforus.
 
I
twastakeawaysf
rom Nandosandt
hear
oma
wassoinvi
ti
ng.
 
Hegav
ememypl
ateandwewentt
osi
tdown.
 
Hechuckl
edwhenhesawIhadbeeneat
ing.
 
Me:
Don'
tev
ensayi
t.
 
Thor
iso:
Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
osayany
thi
ng.
 
Me:
Goodchoi
ce.
 
Thor
iso:
Youl
ookgood.
 
Me:
I'
mfat
. 
Ir
eal
lywasfatbutIdi
dn'
tcar
e.I
t'
snotl
ikeIhad
amanIhadtoimpresssomeoneIwasgood
wi
thhowIlooked.
 
Thi ngaboutbeingi narelat
ionshipi
sy outryso
mucht oi
mpressy ourspecialsomebody ,
you
tryt oalwayskeept hefi
reburning,t
okeept hem
i
nt erestedbecauseoff earofhavingthem fal
l
forsomeoneel se.Thebiggestfearbeingthat
ofl osingthem becausesomehowy ou've
conv incedyourselfyoucan'tl
ivewithoutt
hem. 
Thor
iso:
Idon'
tseef
atany
wher
ether
e. 
Me:
That
'scut
e,y
oubei
ngni
ce.
 
It
ookabi
gbi
teofmychi
cken.
 
Me:
Del
i
cious.
 
Hesmi
l
ed.
 
Me:
How'
swor
k? 
Thori
so:
It'
sokay,ther
e'spr
essur
ebutWel
l
,it
's
nothi
ngI
'm notusedto. 
Me: Goodtoseeyouenjoywhatyoudo.I'v
e
heardofpeopl
ebeingmi ser
abl
eTheirwhol e
l
ivesbecausetheychosethewrongcareers.
 
Thor
iso:Peoplear
emor ef
ondofchasi ng
moneyinsteadoffol
l
owingtheirhear
ts.They
'r
e
l
ookingforthehi
ghestpay
ingjobinsteadof
bei
ngpatient.
 
Me:
It'
sadogeatdogwor
ldorsoI
'
vehear
d. 
Thor
iso:
Butitdoesn'
thavetobe.Theri
chkeep
get
ti
ngrichandthepoorkeeplosi
nghope.
 
Me:ButweChri
sti
ansr
ight
?It
'sourj
obt
otake
car
eofthepoor
. 
Thori
so:
Wedoourpar
tbutt
hepeopl
eneedt
o
l
earntol
ist
en.
Me:
Your
ight
.Ignor
ancei
snotbl
i
ss.
 
Thor
iso:
Exact
ly.Andhowar
eyou?
 
Me:
I'
m okay
,you?
 
Thor
iso:I
'mf
ine.I
'
veseent
hewor
ksy
oudoat
chur
ch. 
Me:
WhatdoIdo?
 
Thor
iso:
Youwor
shi
pint
rut
handi
nspi
ri
t.
 
Me:OurGodi
saspi r
itandthosewhoworshi
p
hi
m shoul
dworshi
pintrut
handi nspi
ri
t 
Thor
iso:
John4:
24
Welaughedandconti
nuedtal
ki
ng.Hechi
ll
ed
wit
hmeunt i
lIst
art
edy awni
ngandIwal
kedhim
out
. 
Iwentbackinsi
det
henswi
tchedof
fthel
i
ght
s
downstai
rs.
 
Iwentupandtookaquickshowersi
nceIknew
Iwasgoingt
of al
lasl
eepint
hebatht
ubifIwere
tot
akeabath. 
Idr
ied,
lot
ionedt
henwor
emypy
jamasandgot
i
nsi
demybed.  
Iimmedi
atel
yfel
lasl
eepwhenmyheadt
ouched
thepi
l
low.
 
Fri
daycamesoonert
hanIt
houghtandIj
ust
coul
dn'
tWait
. 
Ihadj
ustat
tendedmylastl
essonfort
heday
andwewereinthecaf
eter
iawhil
ehavi
ngsome
f
ri
eswi
thr
oll
s. 
Nt
ando:
Sohe'
scomi
ngwi
thhi
sson?
 
Me:
Yeah,
Ijustmi
ssRomeo.
 
Ntando:Oryoujustusi
nghi
m asanexcuset
o
seethatsexy,
dashingman.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Notr
eal
l
y.Ij
ustmi
sshi
m. 
Nt
ando:
Denyi
tal
lyouwant
. 
Me:Actuall
y,youshoul
dcomewi
thmet
hen
youcanfinal
lymeetthem.
 
Nt
ando:
That
'si
fIwon'
tmel
tinhi
spr
esence.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
He'
snott
hathot
. 
Nt
ando:
Your
ight
,he'
sfl
ames.
 
Wel
aughed.Hemadeaf
anwi
thhi
shand.
 
Me:
Whenl
astdi
dyouseeNobuhl
e? 
Nt
ando:
Hav
en'
tseenheri
nawhi
l
e.
Me:
May
beshe'
sbeenbusy
. 
Nt
ando:
Probabl
y 
Heshruggedhi
sshoul
der
s.Weat
eov
ersi
l
ly
chat
sthenwewenttomycar.
 
Wegotinanddr
ovetoRoman'
spizzaf
ir
st
bef
oreIf
inal
l
ydrov
eustomyflat
. 
Thedoorwasn'
tl
ockedsoIj
ustassumedt
hey
wereher
e. 
Nt
ando:
Youdi
dn'
tment
ionhehasy
ourkey
. 
Hesai
d,whi
sper
ing.
 
Me:
Inev
erev
engav
eitt
ohi
m. 
Iwhisperedback.Iputt
hepi
zzaonthet
abl
e
andtookof fmyshoesAndjustwal
kedi
nmy
socks. 
Wewenti
nandRomeowasal
one,
wat
chi
ng
TV.
 
Herant
omeandIpi
ckedhi
m upandki
ssed
hi
m. 
Me:
Howar
eyoubi
gboy
? 
Romeo:
I'
m good,
justmi
ssedy
ou.
 
Me:
Imi
ssedy
out
oo.
 
Nt
ando:
I'
ll
godi
shupsomepi
zzaf
ory
ou.
 
Me:
Ncooa,
thanksbabe.
 
Hechuckl
edandwent
. 
Thando:
That
'smyr
epl
acement
? 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
HeyTumel
o. 
IputRomeodownsi
ncehewasget
ti
ngheav
y
formenow. 
Ntandocamewithmypl at
eandIt hinkhe
hadn'
tseenLut
handoy etbecausewhenhedi
d,
hestoppedonhi
stracksandj ustf
roze.
 
Lut
handol ookedathi
m wei
rdl
ythenatme,I
j
ustlaughedandtookthepl
atefr
om hi
m. 
Me:
Thanks 
Hewasst
il
lfr
ozen,
coul
dn'
tev
ent
alk.
 
Ipokedhi
m. 
Ntando:
Umm. .I
.It
hinkIhav
eto.
.Yeah.
.Umm.
I
'l
lseeyoul
ove. 
Me:
Letmewal
kyouout
. 
Iputmypizzaont
het
abl
ethenwal
kedhi
m out
whil
elaughi
ng.
 
Heexhal
edloudl
ywhenwegotout
side,
I
coul
dn'
tst
oplaughi
ngathi
m. 
Nt
ando:
Stopl
aughi
ng,
it'
snotf
unny
. 
Hesaid,maki
ngafanwit
hhishandwhi
l
e
br
eathingi
nandoutl
oudl
y. 
Nt
ando:
Idi
dn'
tthi
nkhewast
hishot
. 
Me:
Youcanhav
ehi
m. 
Ntando:
Iwon'
tbeabl
etohandl
esomuch
saucemgani
. 
Il
aughed.Wehuggedt
henIwal
kedback.
 
WhenIsawThando,
Ijustlaughed.Hel
ookedat
mewit
hhiseyebr
owsbr oughttoget
her
 
Ij
ustsatdownt
hensatRomeoonmyl
ap.
 
Me:
Youwer
esay
ing?
 
Thando:
TsekKhensani
.
 
Me:
Wannagoout
? 
IaskedRomeoandhenodded.
 
Me:Good,Ineedsomenewcl
othes.Mi
near
e
j
ustsobig.
 
Thando:I
t'
sbecausey
oual
way
sst
uff
ingy
our
facewit
hfood.
Me:
Iwasn'
taski
ngf
ory
ouropi
nion.
 
Isai
d,r
oll
i
ngmyey
es.
 
Romeo:
Areweal
sogoi
ngt
ogowi
thAunt
y-
Thando:
Romeo,
don'
tyoudar
e. 
Me:
Aunt
y? 
Hel
ookedatThandowhoj
ustshookhi
shead.
 
Me:
Lett
heki
dspeakTumel
o. 
Thando:WhatdidIsayaboutki
dswhodon'
t
knowthei
rplace? 
Romeo:
Thatt
hey
'r
e..Naught
y? 
Thando:
Arey
ounaught
y? 
Romeo:
Nodaddy
. 
Thando:
Thendon'
tst
artnow.
 
Helookeddownandst
art
edpl
ayi
ngwi
thhi
s
f
inger
s. 
Me:
He'
sjustaki
dThando.
Thando:
Youknowwhatmymom usedt
osay
? 
Me:
Obv
iousl
yIdon'
tknow.
 
Thando:
Leoj
wal
esal
emet
si.
 
Me:
Huh?
 
Thando:Si
mplymeansy ouhav
etot
amet
hem
whil
ethey'
rest
il
lyoung.
 
Me:
Idon'
tev
enknowwhyy
oudi
dn'
tl
ethi
m
fi
nish,i
tshoul
dn'
tbemuchofabi
gdeal
.Letme
quickl
ygochange.
 
Iputhi
m nextt
omet
henwentupst
air
s. 
Itookaquickshowerthenworeamaxidr
ess,
whichwast i
ghtbutIwasjustgl
adt
hati
tcoul
d
actual
l
yfeetwithsl
eepers.
 
Iwasal
sogoingt
odomyhai
r,somet
hingIhad
beendr
eadi
ngforawhi
l
enow.
 
Iworeadeni
mjackett
henacaponmyhead,
tookmyphone,
carkeysandbagt
henwent
downst
air
s. 
Thando:
Ohno,
younotdr
ivi
ng.
 
Me:
What
? 
Hest
oodupandt
ookt
hecarkey
sfr
om me.
 
Me:
Yougot
tabeki
ddi
ngme!
Thando:
Arey
oucomi
ngor
? 
Isnor
tedandj
ustf
oll
owedhi
m,whi
l
ehol
ding
handswit
hRomeo. 
Heopenedt hedoorf
ormeandIgoti
nthen
buckl
edRomeoatt hebackt
henwenti
ntot
he
dri
verseat
. 
Me:
Can'
twai
tfory
out
ogoback.
 
Thando:
Wel
lfornow,
youst
uckwi
thme.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
esandsankdownonmyseat
. 
Hepl ay
edsomemusicanddr
oveoff
.He
parkedatt
hemal
lthencamemysideand
openedmydoorf
orme.  
It
ookmyphoneandbagt
hengotoutand
cl
osedt
hedoor
.Hehadal
readyunbuckl
ed
Romeo.
 
Me:
Soy
oual
sogoi
ngt
ofol
l
owus?
 
Thando:I
'
llbear
oundt
hemal
l
,you'
l
lcal
lwhen
youneedme. 
Me:
That
'sbet
ter
. 
ItookRomeoandwewalkedi
n.Ist
art
edoffat
thesal
on.Theyt
ookof
fmyweav e,
washedmy
hai
rthenaf
terdry
ingi
t,t
heypl
ait
edmebi
g
conr
owsinblack.
 
Me:
Youhungr
y? 
Henodded.Wewentt
oMacDonal
dsforsome
burger
sandfr
om t
her
e,wewentf
orour
shoppi
ng.
 
IwasatGameandwewer
eatt
het
oyai
sle
whenThandocame.
 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Ifor
gott
ogi
vey
out
his.
 
Hesai
d,gi
vi
ngmehi
scar
d. 
Me:
I'
mfi
ne,
goti
tcov
ered.
 
Thando:
Stopbei
nghar
dheadedandt
akei
t.
 
Me:
I'
ll
paywi
thmyownmoneyTumel
o. 
Thando:
Youmaki
ngmef
eel
usel
ess.
 
Me:Wenolongert
oget
her,y
oudon'
thav
eto
wor
ryyour
sel
faboutme. 
Thando:Youshoul
dknowbynowt
hat
,that
'
s
i
mpossible.
 
Me:
Youst
il
lher
e? 
Thando:
Iwon'
tgounl
essy
out
akei
t.
 
Me:
okayf
ine.
 
It
ooki
tfr
om hi
m. 
Me:
Happy
? 
Thando:
Yes.
 
Heki
ssedmeonthecheekt
henlef
t.Howdi
d
heev
enknowwherewewere? 
Hethi
nksmetaki
ngthecar
dismepay
ingwi
th
i
t?Hemustbecrazy
. 
IletRomeopickwhathewant
edthenwewent
topay,Ipai
dwithmycardact
ual
l
y. 
WethenwenttoSpor tscenewher ewebought
matchi
ngshoesandIboughtsomehoodi esfor
myself
.Ni
keonei npink, Adi
dasinblackand
Pumainnavyblue.Islalom boughtsomet ops
thenpai
dwi
thhi
scar
djustt
osav
emy
sel
f
somemoney.
 
Wewentt
obuysomeclot
hes,
foodandbyt
he
t
imeweweredone,
Iwasdogti
red.
 
"Needhel
p?"
Me:
I'
m okay
. 
Idi
dn'
tev
ent
urnt
olookatwhowast
alki
ng.
 
"Khensani
?"
It
urned.
 
Me:
Mpho?
 
Hesmil
ed.Hewassot
all
thatIwasl
ooki
ngup
athi
m. 
Mpho:
Youev
enmor
esexynow.
 
Per
v! 
.
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
87
Me:
Sti
l
lanasshol
eIsee.
 
Hechuckl
ed,
rev
eal
i
nghi
sgol
dtoot
h. 
Mpho:
It'
sbeensi
xyear
sKhen,
peopl
echange.
 
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
eVel
e? 
Mpho:Igotaj
obar
oundher
e.Shoul
dbeaski
ng
yout
hat. 
Me:
Var
sit
y. 
Mpho:Imustadmi
t.Youl
ookgood,
real
l
y
good.
 
Hesaid,bi
ti
nghisli
ps.Mphohasalwaysbeen
handsome.Hewasev enmorehandsomenow,
wit
hasmal lbear
dandthosepineappl
e
hai
rsty
les.
 
Hewaswear
ingsemi
for
mal
.Aj
ean,
wit
hashi
rt
andt
ie.
 
Romeo:
Mommy
,who'
sthi
s? 
Mpho:
He'
syour
s? 
Me:
Whatdoy
out
hink?
 
Iasked,
rol
l
ingmyey
es.
 
Mpho:
Whydi
dIev
erl
ety
ougo?
 
Me:
Tool
atet
oaskt
hat
. 
Mpho:I
'
vehear
daper
soncannev
erf
orgett
hei
r
f
ir
st.
 
Me:I'
m act
ual
l
ywai
ti
ngf
ory
out
ogett
othe
poi
nt.
 
Mpho:
Fei
sty,
Ili
ke.Look,
I'
minar
ush.Her
e's
mynumber
,maybewecancatchup.
 
Hegav
emehi sbusinesscardt
henki
ssedme
ont
hecheekbefor
el eav
ing.
 
Thando:
Who'
sthat
? 
Me:
Noneofy
ourbusi
ness.
 
Idon'
tev enknowwher eheappearedf
rom.My
mindwasst i
ll
onMpho.Wedat edwhenIwas
14,he'sactual
lytheguywhobrokemyv i
rgi
nit
y
thenleftmewi thabrokenhear
t.
 
Ihat
edhim mostofmyli
febutnow.
.Ij
ust
wasn'
tther
eanymore.
 
Ilookedatt hebusinesscardhegaveme.He
hadal waysbeenol derthanmeandmor e
experienced,Iguessthat'
swhyIneverreal
i
zed
thathewaspl ayi
ngmeunt ilhehadgot
tenwhat
hewant ed. 
Oh,
howst
upi
dIhadbeen.
 
Wewentt
othecarpret
tysi
lentandIguess
ev
ery
onewasint
heirownthoughts.
 
Ionlyr
eal
isedhewasmadwhenhedidn'
topen
thedoorf
ormeandIendedupget
ti
nginthe
back,wi
thRomeo. 
Thando:
I'
m notdr
ivi
ngt
hepr
esi
dentNna.
 
Ididn'
trepl
y.Hewasf
oldi
nghi
sar
ms,
andNot
start
edthecar.
 
Iact
uall
ywonder
edwhatt
hehel
lhewason
about
. 
Romeo:
Daddy
,dr
ive.
 
Thando:
Asl
ongasI'
m st
il
lal
oneher
e,Iwon'
t
dri
ve.Wemi
ghtev
enspendtheni
ghti
nthecar.
 
Me:
Hai
phuma,
I'
ll
dri
vemy
sel
f.
 
Thando:Don'
tpi
ssmeof
fmor
ethany
ou
al
readyhave.
 
Me:
Thendr
ive.
 
Thando:Isai
dI'
m notachauf
feurandI
'
m not
dri
vi
ngthepresi
dent.I
'
m notanevenanescor
t.
 
Ireal
izedthati
fIdi
dn'
tdoanythi
ng,
wewere
goingtospendthewholedayi
nheresoIj
ust
gotoutthenwenttothefr
ont.
 
Heimmedi
atel
ystar
tedt
hecarAnddrove.
Whenwegothome,Iimmedi
atel
ygotoutwhen
t
hecarst
oppedandtookmyshoppi
ngbags 
Thando:
Nicehai
rst
yle.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Thando:
So,
whowast
hatguy
? 
Me:
Mynewboy
fri
end.
 
Isai
d,rol
l
ingmyey es.Hewashol
dingRomeo
andtheotherbags.
 
Thando:
Don'
tfuckwi
thmeKhensani
.
 
Me:Youbrokeupwit
hme,sur
elyy
oudi
dn'
t
t
hinkIwouldn'
tmov
eon.
 
Thando:
Act
ual
l
y,Idi
dn'
t.
 
Me:
Wel
l
,toughl
uck.
 
Ist
art
edpacki
ngt
hef oodIhadboughtt
hen
warmedupsomepizzaformysel
f.
 
Iwassoti
redt
hatIf
ell
asl
eepont
hecouch
wit
hthepl
atei
nmyhands.
 
Iwaswokenupbymygr owli
ngst
omach.I
di
dn'twantt
ogetupbutIcoul
dn'
ti
gnor
ethe
hunger.
 
Iwasi
nbed,
inmypyj
amassoIguessThando
i
sthewhobr
oughtmeher
e. 
Iwasj
ustgl
adhewasn'
tsl
eepi
ngwi
thmeon
mybed.
 
Iwenttothebathr
oom whereIri
nsedmymout
h
thenwenttotheki
tchenwhereIfr
iedsome
wi
ngsf
ormy
sel
fthenat
ewi
thbr
eadr
oll
s. 
Ipour
edmysel
fagl
assofJui
cet
henwar
med
upsomepi
zzaandate.
 
Af
terbur
ping.Iwentbackupst
air
sandsl
ept
. 
Idi
dn'
tev
enknowwhet
herIwasal
oneornot
. 
.
.
  
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
88
Iwaswokenupbyabeaut i
ful
aromacoming
fr
om thekit
chenandi
tseemsithadf
il
ledthe
enti
refl
at.
 
Iputonmysleepersthenwenttothebat
hroom
whereIwashedmyf aceandbrushedmyteeth
thenwentdownstai
rs.
 
Romeor antomejustasIcamedownandI
kissedhi
m onthecheekbecauseIwast
ool
azy
topickhi
m up.
 
Me:
Mor
ning 
Isai
dtoThandowhowasmaki
ngbr
eakf
astand
henodded.Okay
. 
Iopenedthefr
idgeandtookoutsomefrui
ts,
yoghurtandj
uicethenputthem i
nabl
ender
andmademy selfasmoot hi
e. 
Thando:
IthoughtI
'dbr
ingyousomebr
eakf
ast
i
nbedbuty oubeatmetoit
. 
Me:That
'ssweetbutI'
m hungr
ynow.AndI
'
m
sur
eRomeoi stoo,
right
? 
Romeonodded.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
qui
ckl
ydi
shup.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Thando:
Anypl
ansf
ort
oday
? 
Me:Nope.I'
m st
ayi
ngindoor
s,wi
thmyson
whi
l
ewat chi
ngmov i
esandstuf
fi
ngourf
aces.
 
Thando:
Oh,
wel
l
,I'
l
lleav
eyouguy
stoi
t.
 
Me:
Goi
ngsomewher
e? 
Thando:Yeah,t
houghIwouldhav
elov
edt
o
takeyouwithbuti
t'
scool
. 
Me:
Okay
. 
Hedi
shedupf
orusandweat
e. 
Iwashedthedishesaf
tereat
ingthencleaned
aroundwithhi
shelpwhil
etakingabreakevery
fi
vemi nut
esbutsoonenough,wewer edone
andIwashungr y.
 
Thando:
Wegoi
ngt
ohav
esuchaf
atchi
l
d. 
Me:
Chubbyi
sthewor
d. 
Thando:
Hav
eyout
houghtofnamesy
et?
 
Me:JustPai
ge.I
'
venev
err
eal
l
ythoughtofa
pr
opername. 
Thando:
Iwast
hinki
ngSi
phesi
hle.
Me:
Siphesi
hle.
.Goodname.
 
Thando:
Soi
t'
sSi
phesi
hlePai
geNgcobo.
 
Me:
Siphesi
hlePai
geDl
ami
ni.
 
Thando:Youcar
ryi
ngmychil
dKhensani
andmy
chi
ldisaNgcobojustl
i
keRomeoisaNgcobo.
 
Me:
Doesn'
tRomeohav
eanot
hername?
 
Thando:
Hedoes.
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
youwai
ti
ngf
ormet
oasky
ou?
 
Thando:
Ist
il
lhav
en'
tbr
oughty
ourbi
rt
hday
gi
ft.
 
Me:It
'sMayandwel
l
,youdi
dn'
thav
etobuyme
one.
 
Thando:Yout
hemot
herofmyki
ds,
ofcour
seI
haveto.
 
Me:Webr
okeupThando,
youdon'
thav
etodo
any
thi
ngf
ormeanymore.
 
Thando:
Idon'
twannaar
gue.I
'
llseey
ouguy
s
whenIcomeback.
 
Me:
Bye.
 
Hekissedmeonmycheekandal
soki
ssedhi
s
son.
 
Thando:
Ilov
eyouguy
s. 
Me:
Okay
,by
e. 
Thando:
Whyar
eyoubei
ngl
i
ket
his?
 
Me:
Whyar
eyoust
il
lher
e? 
Hecl
i
ckedhi
stonguet
henl
eft
.Iwentt
olock
t
hedoor
. 
Me:
I'
m goi
ngt
obat
hNeh,
thenwecanwat
cha
movi
e. 
Romeo:
Okaymommy
. 
Ithenwentupst ai
rs.Icouldn'
ttakemyown
ti
mei nthebathtubsinceIhadaki doverso
afterbathing,Idri
edthenlotioned.Iworemy
under wearthenabi gov er
sizedhoodiewitha
l
eat herleggingandboot ssleepers.
 
Iworeabl
ackMinni
emousebeani
ewi
thTwo
ear
sthenwentdownst
air
s. 
Me:
Let
'spr
epar
esomesnacksboy
. 
Romeo:
Okay
. 
Hegotupthencamewi
thmeandwepr
epar
ed
somesnacks.
Itwascheesecurl
s,mar
shmall
ows,smarti
es,
winegums,chocol
atepops,
Layssnacksand
somebiscuit
s. 
Ialsomadepopcorn,andsomesandwiches
withmuffi
nsweboughty est
erdayandsome
j
uicethenwewentt oputever
ythi
ngontopof
thecoff
eetabl
e. 
Me:
So,
whi
chmov
iedoy
ouwannawat
ch?
 
Romeo:
Thesmur
fs.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Thesmur
fsi
tis.
 
Wespentt hewhol
edaywatchi
ngever
y
ani
mationmov i
eyoucant
hinkofandImust
admit
,Ireall
yenj
oyedt
hem. 
Wehadev enor
deredsomepizzasowewer
e
j
ustst
uff
ingourfacesnj
e. 
Thando:You'
l
lbecr
yingtomewhenyoucan'
t
l
oseallt
hebabyweightbecausey
oucan'
tst
op
eat
ing.
 
Me:
Fot
shekLut
hando.
 
Thando:
Youdi
dn'
tev
encook.
 
Me:
I'
m noty
ourwi
fe,
chi
ni.
 
Romeo:
I'
mti
redmom.
 
Me:
Let
'sgot
ucky
oui
n. 
Wewenttomyroom andIt
uckedhimi
nand
wat
chedhi
m ashefell
asl
eepwit
hinaminut
e. 
Iwentbackdownst
air
sandt
idi
edup.
 
Thando:
What
'st
his?
 
Hewashol
dingt
hebusi
nesscar
dMphogav
e
me.
 
Me:
Iwasact
ual
l
ythi
nki
ngofbur
ningt
hat
. 
Thando:
Thi
sist
hesameguyf
rom y
est
erday
. 
Me:
He'
sjustsomeoneI
'
drat
hernev
ersee
agai
n. 
Thando:
Icanmaket
hathappen.
 
Me:
Iwasn'
taski
ngy
out
oint
erv
ene.
 
Thando:
What
'st
hest
oryt
her
e? 
Me:
Thandopl
ease,
I'
drat
hernott
alkabouti
t.
 
Thando:
Whynot
? 
Me:
Pleasest
opbar
ging,
naggi
ng.
 
Thando:
Okay
,sor
ry.
 
Me:
Whatwoul
dyoul
i
ket
oeat
? 
Thando:
Iat
e. 
Me:Thenwhydi
ditbot
hery
out
hatIdi
dn'
t
cook?
 
Thando:
Okay
,I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:
Justgetoutofmyf
ace!
 
Thando:
Yoh
ButThandowasseri
ousl
yget
ti
ngonmynerves.
Hewascomplaini
ngaboutmenotcooki
ngand
thenwhenIaskhi
m whathewant
s,hesay
s
he'sf
ull
. 
That
'spur
edi
srespect
ful
.
 
Anyway
,Imadesomebr
ownr
iceAndchi
cken
st
irf
ryf
ormysel
f.
 
Iwasactuall
ybusycooki
ngwhensomeone
knocked.Iwi
pedmyhandsthenwentt
oopen.
 
Me:
Hey
. 
Thor
iso:
Hi,
wow,
youl
ookgood.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou,
youcangeti
n. 
Thando:
Whowast
hatont
he.
..Who'
sthi
s? 
Me:Iwascooki
ng.Atl
eastIwon'
thav
etoeat
al
one.
 
Thor
iso:
ThenIcamej
ustI
nti
me.
 
Thando:
Whoar
eyou?
 
Thor
isol
ookedatmet
henbackathi
m. 
Thor
iso:
Thor
iso.
 
Thando:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e? 
Thor
iso:
Icamet
oseeKhen.
 
Thando:
Regar
dingwhat
? 
Me:
Hai
bo,
Lut
hando,
leav
ethepoorguyal
one.
 
It
ookThor i
so'
shandandwentbacktot
he
ki
tchen.Lut
handowasfol
l
owingus. 
Me:
Giv
eusabr
eakTogo.
 
Thando:
Arey
oucheat
ingonme?
 
Ichuckl
edi
ndi
sbel
i
ef,
thi
sguy
. 
Me:I
'
m notcheati
ngony
ouLut
hando!Wenot
ev
enTogether
. 
Thando:
Don'
tyoudar
erai
sey
ourv
oiceatme.
 
Thor
iso:
Ithi
nkIshoul
dleav
e. 
Me:
Younotgoi
ngany
wher
e. 
Thando:Actual
ly
,vay
abef
oreIdosomet
hingI
mightregr
et. 
Thor
isoj
ustchuckl
ed.
 
Thor
iso:
I'
ll
seey
ousomeot
hert
ime.
 
Wehuggedt
henhel
eftwi
thmewal
ki
nghi
mto
t
hedoor.
 
Igr
oaned,
get
ti
ngbacki
ntot
hehouse.
 
Me:
Whatt
hehel
lwast
hat
?! 
Thando:Youbusyinv
iti
ngmeninher
ewhenI'm
absent
?Ishethereasonyouwant
edspace?
 
Me:Areyouevenlist
eni
ngtoyour
sel
f?This,
r
ighther
eisthereasonIwant
edspace.You
i
mpossibl
eTumel o. 
Igr
oanedt
henwentt
odi
shupf
ormy
sel
f.
 
Thando:
Ithi
nkyoushoul
dmov eoutofher
e,I
'l
l
fi
ndusahouse,
evenclosert
oyourcampus. 
Me:Wenolongertoget
her!Youbrokeupwi
th
me,y
oushouldstopacti
nglikewesti
ll
t
oget
her
. 
Thando:
He'
sev
enmaki
ngusf
ight
. 
Me:
Indabay
oual
way
smakey
ourown
conclusi
onswi
thoutaski
ng.Thatguyy
oujust
chasedoutisj
ustafri
end,wegotothesame
church! 
Thando:
He'
sst
il
laman.AndIknowhowt
hey
thi
nk.
 
Me:
Lut
handopl
ease.
 
Ifel
tasharppai
nonmystomachand
screamedabiti
nagony
,hol
dingwher
eIwas
feeli
ngpai
n. 
Thando:
Youokay
?
Hesoundedconcer
ned.
 
Me:
Justl
eav
emeal
one.
 
Ibreat
hedinandoutunt
ilt
hepai
nceasedt
hen
satdown. 
Thando:
Youokay
?
Me:
I'
mfi
ne.
 
Ist
art
edeat
ingandhewaswat
chi
ngme.
 
Me:
Yousuf
focat
ingme.
 
Thando:Youj
ustgr
oanedi
npai
n,whatdoy
ou
expectmetodo? 
Me:May beify
ouwer
en'taboutal
waysst
art
ing
somethingwit
hme,t
hiswouldn'
thav
e
happened. 
Thando:
Please,
let
'sj
ust-
Me:
No,
justl
eav
emeal
one.
 
Thando:
Khensani
 
Me:
No.
 
Hef i
nal
lyl
eftmeandIcoul deat.Iwasj
ustti
red.
Thisist
hesamer easonwhyIwant edspace,
becauseofhim andhishabitofal
ways
suff
ocati
ngme. 
Thorisoisharmless,
hedidn'tevendeserv
eto
betreatedthatwayandhej usthadtocome
thenactlikeAll
control
isi
nhi shands. 
.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
.
Ihadpackedmostofmycl
othessi
nceIwas
goi
nghomef
ort
hehol
i
day
s. 
Iwasn'
tdri
vingt
hist
ime,mom hadbookeda
fl
i
ghtformeandapar tofmewonderedi
fit
's
evensafeornot
. 
Ihadneverev
enbeenonaplanebef
oresoI
waskindofscar
edandanx
ious.
 
Iwasnow23weekspregnantandevenabl
i
nd
per
soncoul
dseeI
'm pr
egnant,t
hat'
showmuch
Iwasshowi
ng.
 
Shehadsentsomeoneov
ert
odr
ivemet
othe
ai
rpor
t.
 
Iwasi
nthekit
chen,hav
ingsomeRooibost
ea
whensomeoneknockedonthedoor
. 
Iwentt
oopen.
 
Me:
Woah.
 
Buhl
e:Hey
. 
Me:
Wher
ehav
eyoubeengi
rl
? 
Isai
d,gi
vi
ngherahug 
Buhl
e:Youl
ooksobi
g. 
Me:
I'
m pr
egnant
.Geti
n. 
Buhl
e:Thanks.Yougoi
ngsomewher
e? 
Me:
Yeah,
home.
 
Buhl
e:Oh,
nice.
 
Me:
Youai
n'
tgoi
nghomeWena?
 
Buhl
e:It
'
sjust
..Ineedt
otal
ktoy
ouabout
somethi
ng.
 
Me:
Oh,
Umm.
.Okay
 
Wewenttositdowni
nthel
ounge.Myf
li
ght
wasat12:
00pm.
Me:
So?
 
Buhl
e:I
..Idon'
tknowwher
etost
art
. 
Me:
Thi
ssoundsser
ious.
 
Buhl
e:I
t'
sjust
..
.It
'saboutLut
hando.
 
Me:Hai
ke,y
oudon'
thav
etot
ell
mebecausewe
br
okeup.
 
Buhl
e:Pl
easeunder
standt
hatitwasami
stake
andi
tshoul
dn'
thavehappened.
 
Me:
What
? 
Buhl
e:Ti
zzandIwer
efi
ght
ingt
henwel
l
,we.
.
I
t'
s 
Me:Khul
umaphel
a,y
ouknowIdon'
thav
emuch
t
ime. 
Buhle:
I'
m pr
egnantandIt
hinkThandoi
sthe
fat
her.
 
Me:
What
? 
Buhl
e:I
twasami stake,Il
oveTizz,
Ireal
l
ydo
butwedidn'
tmeanf orI
ttohappenandmy
fami
lywantshi
mt omar ryme.
 
Ifel
ttheai
rget
ti
ngthi
nnerandt
hinnerunt
ilI
coul
dn'tev
enbreat
he.
 
Myheadwasspinni
ng,ev
ery
thi
ngwasgett
ing
bl
urr
yandbl
urr
y,Icoul
dn'
tevenst
andup.
 
Buhl
e:I
'
mreal
l
ysor
ry.
 
Me:
Getout
. 
Buhl
e:Khensani
I. 
Me:
GetoutNobuhl
e! 
Buhl
e:Pl
easej
ust
It
ri
edgett
ingupbutf
eltav
eryshar
ppai
non
mystomach. 
Buhl
e:Youbl
eedi
ng.
 
Me:
Justl
eav
e! 
Isai
d,try
ingtoactli
kethepai
nwasn'
tther
ebut
i
tjustkeptget
ti
ngwor seandwor
seandIthink
that
'swhenIblackedout.
 
.
.
  
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
89
LUTHANDO 
Me:
Youdi
dwhat
? 
Buhl
e:Shehadt
oknow.
 
Me:
Know?Ar
eyouf
uckenoutofy
ourmi
nd?
 
Buhl
e:I
'
m car
ryi
ngy
ourbaby
. 
Me:
She'
scarr
yingmybaby .Idon'
tev
en
r
ememberushavingsex!
 
Buhl
e:Becausey
ouwer
edr
unk.
 
Me:
Inev
erdr
inkov
erboar
d. 
Buhl
e:Idon'
tknowwhyy
oukeepdeny
ingt
his.
 
Me:Idon'
tev
enknowwhyI
'
m st
il
ltal
ki
ngt
o
you!
 
Buhl
e:She'
sinhospi
tal
.
 
Me:
What
? 
Buhle:
Thingi
s,sheki
ndofcol
l
apsedaf
terIt
old
herandshewasbleedi
ngand-
Ihungupandt
hrewmyphoneagai
nstt
hewal
l
. 
Ifel
tbad.Idon'
tknowhowt hi
sevenhappened.
Sheclai
mswef uckedbutIdon'
teven
r
emembershi
t.
 
Iwasgoingcrazy,Idi
dn'
tknowwhet
hert
o
scr
eam orshout.Thisbi
tch!
 
Igr
oaned,
pul
li
ngmyhai
r.I
'm outoft
hecount
ry
andmybabyusadmi
tt
ed. 
Howam Igoi
ngt
odot
his?
 
Ti
zz:
Wul
fr
icmyman.
 
Me:Thi
sbi
tchofy
our
sisr
eal
l
yget
ti
ngonmy
ner
ves.
 
Ti
zz:
Pleasedon'
ttel
lmeaboutt
hathoe.
 
Me:
Shemusthav
espi
kedmydr
ink.
 
Tizz:Iwouldn'
tputi
tpasther
.She'
scapabl
eof
anything.
 
Me:
Howdi
dsheev
enknowwher
eIl
i
ve?
 
Ti
zz:Ikindofshowedhersomet
imewhenwe
werejustpassi
ngby.
 
Me:I
t'
sgoi
ngt
otakeme20Hr
stogett
oSout
h
Af
ri
ca. 
Ti
zz:
Butwej
ustgother
e,y
oucan'
tl
eav
e. 
Me:Khensanii
sinhospit
al.Shewasbleedi
ng,
shemighthavelostt
hebaby ,
don'
tyouknow
howtr
aumat i
cthatmightbeforher
? 
Ti
zz:
Okay
,cal
m down.
 
Me:
Don'
ttel
lmet
ofuckencal
m down!
 
Zi
k:Jōshi
waanat
anotamenij
unbi
gadeki
te
i
masu(Thebossi
sreadyf
ory
ou)
Me:Chōdowatashi
tachi
nishunkanoat
aer
u
(Justgi
veusamoment )
Zi
k:Sate,nagai
ji
kanwakakar
imasen(Okay
,
don'
ttakelong)
Me:
Wat
ashi
tachi
hashi
masen(Wewon'
t)
Henoddedandl
eft
. 
Tizz:Youknowhowi mpati
entthatfuckercan
get ,
justpul
lyour
sel
ftoget
her
,we'll
talkabout
this.
 
Me:
Easyf
ory
out
osay
. 
Tizz:Remember,y
oudoingt
hisf
orKhensani
,
foryourfut
uref
amily
. 
Me:Theremi
ghtnotev
enbeaf
ami
l
ybecause
ofher
. 
Tizz:Ican'
tbel
i
eveshepl
ayedmejustl
iket
hat
.
Khant eal
lshewant
edwastogeti
ntoyour
pants. 
Me:
Thatbi
tchr
apedme.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Ti
zz:
Youcr
azy
. 
Me:
Let
'sgoman.
 
Okay,youprobablywonderi
ngwher eIam.I'mi
n
Tokyoforamul t
i-bi
l
li
ondoll
arDeal.They'
re
buil
dingsomethingmajorandknowi ngour
capabil
it
ies,
wewer ethefi
rstonthedeal. 
Ift
hisgoeswel
l
,Imi
ghtnev
erev
erhav
etowor
k
all
myl i
fe.
 
Icoul
dn'
tkeepmymi
ndof
fKhensani
. 
Wecan' tevenki
llt
hisNobuhl
esinceTi
zzwas
stupi
denought oletheri
nonsomeofourdeals
andturnsout,shehadbeenworkingwi
thoneof
ourbigrival
ssothere'
snoeasywaytogetat
thi
s. 
Threehoursl
ater
,wewer
edonewi t
hour
present
ati
onandhopi
ngthatwegetit
. 
Wewer ebacki
nourhotelr
oom.Wehad
bookedaroom atTheToky
oStat
ionHot
el.
I
twasn'
teasyt
ryi
ngtothi
nkaboutmybabyand
howshecoul
dbefeel
ing.
 
GodknowshowmuchIl oveKhensani
,howI'
d
doanythi
ngforherandi
tsuckedt
hatIwasso
farf
rom hernow 
Ti
zz:
Let
'
ski
l
lher
. 
Me:
Youknowt hepol
i
cewoul
dbeonourt
ail
in
amil
l
isecond.
 
Ti
zz:NayeKhensani
shoul
dn'
thav
etaken
Nobuhl
e'
sman.  
Me:
That
'swhati
t'
sal
labout
? 
Tizz:Yep.Shewant
edhertof el
lthepai
nshe
feltwhenhelef
therforKhensani
. 
Me:
Who'
sthatdog?
 
Ti
zz:
Kamogel
o. 
Me:
Sonofabi
tch!
 
Ti
zz:Tothi
nksheev
enknowswhi
chhot
elwe
bookedi
nto.
 
Me:Shedoesn'
tknowmewell
.Call
ingmeon
mypersonal
phone,WAnt
lwael
a! 
Ti
zz:Youdoknowthatshouldwegett
hisdeal
,
we'
ll
spendaboutsi
xmont hsher
e? 
Me:
Don'tevenment
iont
hat
.Khensani
wil
lhat
e
meaft
erthi
s 
Ti
zz:Youshoul
dhav
etol
dher
,inst
eadofj
ust
l
eavi
ng. 
Me:Youknowhowstubbor
nshecanget
.I
shoul
dgetsomeonet
okeepaneyeonher.
 
Ti
zz:
Asy
ourl
i
ttl
esi
ster
. 
Me:
Youknowshe'
sdat
ingt
hatKamogel
oki
d, 
Ti
zz:
So?
 
Me:
Idon'
twanthi
m nearmygi
rl
. 
Tizz:
Yaziyourl
it
tlepri
dewon'tgetyou
anywhere.Youshouldhavethoughtaboutt
hat
beforey
ouwentf oragirl
yoursist
er'
sage. 
Me:
Youf
uckedNobuhl
ewhi
l
eshewas16.
Tizz:
Thatbit
chbrokemyheartman.I'
m done
withthi
sdati
ngshit
.Ishoul
djustf
indmyselfa
Japanesechi
ckandmar ryher
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Goodl
uckwi
tht
hat
. 
Zik:
Ket
teigakudasar
eta(Thedeci
sionhas
beenmade)
Me:
Nokkudeki
masenka?(Can'
tyouknock?)
Zi
k:KorewaMi namiafur
ikade 
wanainode,
nani
osubekikaoshiet
ekudasai(Thisi
snotSouth
Af
ri
ca,
don'
ttel
lmewhatt
odo)
Ti
zz:
Mxm,
let
'sj
ustgo.
 
Me:
YaziLaBant
ut hi
nkt
hey
'r
etheshi
twi
th
t
hei
rhal
fopeneyes. 
Wel
aughedandf
oll
owedhi
m. 
Me:
Khensani
isgonnahat
emedog.
 
Ti
zz:Youkidding?Wejustgotamulti
-bi
l
li
on
dol
lardealandyouonlyworri
edaboutKhensani
?
Weshoul dbecelebr
ati
ng,we'
reri
ch.
 
Me:We'veal
waysbeenrich.Ishoul
dpr
obabl
y
cal
lNobuhl
e,askherwhereshe'sadmi
tt
ed.
 
Ti
zz:
Wit
hwhatphone?
 
Il
ookedatmyphonewhi
chwasi
npi
eces 
Ti
zz:Let
'
sjustgetdr
unkandcel
ebr
ate.We'
re
bi
l
li
onair
es!
 
Me:
Iguessy
our
ight
. 
Ti
zz:
Ofcour
seIam.
 
Adrinkwasexactl
ywhatIneededatthatpoi
nt
andIneededtorej
oice.Thi
sisexact
lywhatwe
needed.
 
Thi
smeantaft
er6mont hs,Iwon'
tevenhav
eto
l
if
tafi
ngerandnei
therwil
lKhensani
.
 
Ij
usthopesheunder
stands.
 
.
#NARRATED
Buhl
ewasinthehospi
tal
,thedoct
orswer
e
busy
ingwor
kingonKhen. 
Shesmi
rked,
looki
ngatherachi
evement
s. 
Shehadf
inall
ygott
enherrev
engeonherAnd
shewaspregnantwi
thhi
sbaby.
"If
inal
l
ygott
heman"shet
houghtt
oher
sel
f.
 
Shedidt
hiscauseshebeli
evedKhensani
neededt
opayf orwhatshedidt
oher. 
Shehadl
ovedKamogelowithal
lofherhear
t
andshe(
Khensani
)justcame,t
akingal
lofthat
f
rom her
. 
Notonlydi
dshet akeherman,butsheal
so
tookherfr
iendsandherposi
ti
onast hemost
popul
argirli
nhighschool
.
 
Shewasti
redofbei
ngi
nhershadow,t
ir
edof
Khenal
wayshavi
ngwhatshecoul
dn'
thave.
 
Lut
handowast heperfectman, hewasexact
ly
whatshewanted.Hewasn' tli
keTizz,whowas
abitt
oosoftforher,
shewant edt hebadboy
andthatwasLuthandof orher
. 
PoorNobuhl
e,sheneveractual
l
ysawt
hatshe
wasbeingusedbythedevil
. 
Thet
hingaboutLuci
feris,
he'
sgoodat
mani
pulat
ingpeopl
ewi t
houtt
hem knowi
ngi
t.
 
He'
llpl
antal
levi
lthought
sinyourmi
ndandif
yougul
li
ble,
you'
llendupdoingal
lhi
smissi
ons
wit
houtyouevenreali
zi
ngthat
. 
Hef
oundNobuhl
efil
l
edwi t
hbitt
erandanger
t
owardspr
eci
ousKhensaniandknowi
ngwhat
Godhadpl
acedi
nher
,hechar
gedf
orher
. 
Angerwer
ehisfr
uit
sandhejustwateredthe
seedswhi
chwerealr
eadyi
nNobuhle'sheart
andsheendedupfal
li
ngunderhi
str
ap.  
Howeasilyshewentfr
om bei
ngKhensani'
s
fr
iendtoenvyi
ngherandwanti
ngal
lthatshe
had. 
Whatshef
ail
edt
oknowwas,
Godwi
l
lal
way
s
wi
n. 
.
KHENSANI
Iwasinaver
yqui
etpl
ace,
ver
ypeacef
ulandso
cal
ming.
 
Ihadnowei
ghti
nmyshoul
der
,Iact
ual
l
yfel
t
fr
ee.
 
Il
ookedatthecl
othesIwaswear
ing,
theywer
e
pur
ewhite.
 
Myhai
rwasl
ongandcur
ly.
 
"
Khensani
"
Ihear
dav
oicecal
l
ingme.
 
Il
ookedar
oundandt
her
ewasnoone.
 
"
Khensani
"
Thesamev
oicesai
dagai
n. 
Me:
Wher
ear
eyou?
 
"
Chi
l
d,don'
tl
ist
ent
ohi
m"
Thisonewasdi
ff
erent
.Itwasgent
leand
angeli
c.I
twasavoi
ceyou'dwannahearal
lyour
l
ife.
 
"
Comet
omeKhensani
,"
Thev
oicesai
dagai
n,t
hesecondonet
hati
s. 
Isawabr i
ghtli
ghtshi
ningthroughand
suddenl
ytherewaswhatl ookedli
keamist
. 
Il
ist
enedtothi
stwovoi
cest
alki
ngtomeal
lat
oncebutIknewwhi
chonetofol
low.
 
Iwentcl
osert
othebr
ightl
i
ght
.Itwaswhi
te,
pur
ewhi
te.
 
WhenIwascl
osetoit
,itengul
fedmeandt
hat
'
s
whenIsawmysel
finhospit
al.
 
Iwasl
ookingatmybody
,wi
thal
lthosepi
pes
ar
oundit
. 
Themachi
nesst
art
edbeepi
ng.
 
Nur
se:
Wel
osi
ngher
. 
Dr
:Br
ingt
hedef
ibr
il
lat
or,
Ineedt
orev
iveher
. 
No,
no,
Ican'
tdi
e. 
No.
 
Nur
se:
Clear
. 
Astheystar
tedrev
ivi
ngme,If
eltmy
sel
fbeing
pul
ledbackint
omybodyuntil
Iwascompletel
y
backandstart
edcoughi
ng.
 
"
Yes,
yes,
yes"
It
ri
edopeningmyey es,
andwhenIfi
nal
ly
managedto,myvi
sionwasabitbl
urr
y. 
Ibli
nkedacoupl
eoft
imest
henopenedmy
eyes.
 
Nur
se:
Wel
comebackt
oli
fe.
 
Shebroughtmesomewat
erandremov
edt
he
oxygenmaskandhel
pedmedri
nk. 
Dr
:Thi
sist
rul
yami
racl
e. 
Me:
W-Whathappened?
 
Dr
:Justr
est
,youneedi
t.
 
Immediat
elywhenhesaidthat,
Ibecame
drowsyunt
ilev
entual
l
y,Idr
ift
edint
odeep
sleep.
 
Al
lIwonder
edwas,
whatt
hehel
lhappened.
 
.
.
[
08/
25,
16:
04]Must
angMan:
90
WhenIwokeupagai
nthisti
me,It
hinki
t'
ssaf
e
t
osaythatIwasf
ull
yconsci
ous.
Iopenedmyey esandasecondl at
er,If
eltpai
n
scream all
overmybody .Thepainjust
embr acedmelikeafl
ood, notal
lowingmet he
chancet oswi
mf rom i
torev en,
toescape.
Ipressedmyl ipstoget
hertotr
yandcontai
nthe
scr
eam t hatbadlywantedtobesetf
reeasthe
agonygotl ouderandlouder
,nopunint
ended.
Thet ear
sjustfell
. 
Reali
tyjustcomesinanunusualway,
asIhad
beenconcent r
ati
ngonthei
mmer seand
tr
emendouspai nIhadbeenfeel
i
ng,mymind
broughtmebackt owhatgotmehere. 
Nobuhle.Oh,
howmuchithurt
stolove.Il
ove
Luthandosomuchandasmuchashehad
brokenupwithme,
myloveforhi
m never
ceased. 
Howcouldshedothistome?How?Isawher
get
ti
nginmyr oom andIcl
osedmyey essi
nce
shehadn'
tseenmey etandpret
endedtobe
asl
eep.
 
Buhl
e:Thoughty
ou'
dbeawakebynow.
 
Ist
il
ldi
dn'
topenmyeyes.Iwasn'
taboutt
oface
her
,notwhenshebet
ray
edmeandst abbedme
i
ntheback.
 
Buhle:
Youshoul
dhavedied.Youbit
ch!You
tookKamoawayfrom me,weweregoodunt i
l
youcamealongandsnat
chedhim awayfrom
me.Ishoul
dhavebeencarry
inghi
sbaby .
Shel
aughed.
 
Buhl
e:Wellnow,I
'm carry
ingyourboyfr
iend'
s
baby
.Funnyhowl i
feturnedout.I
'm goi
ngt o
gi
veLuthandothebabyy oufai
ledtogivehim
andwegonnagetmar r
ied.
Shel
etoutanev
ill
augh.
 
Buhl
e:Iwon.Goodl
uckbur
yingy
ourbaby
. 
Ihear
dthedoorcl
osingandt
hat
'
swhenIknew
she'
sgoneandfi
nall
yopenedmyey
es.
 
It
ouchedmyst omachandfoundi
tfl
atandj
ust
cr
ied.Att
hispoint
,Idi
dn'
tcar
eaboutt
hepai
nI
wasinfl
i
cti
ngonmyl
owerabdomenandj
ust
cr
ied.
 
Nur
se:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
 
Shesaid,barginginbutIdidn'
tevencare.Iwas
gri
evi
ngf ormybaby .Mybabywhom Iwoul dno
l
ongerfeel ki
cking,whowon'tgivemer easont
o
wakeupandconquerev er
yday,sur
elyshehad
tounderstandatleastaninchofhowIwas
feel
i
ng. 
Ifeltsoalone.Whatdi
dIdotodeserv
esuch
pain?Whydi dthi
shavetohappentomeaft
er
everythi
ngthatIhadbeent
hrough?
 
Whyme?
 
Nurse:I
'l
lbr
ingyousomepai
nki
l
ler
sbuty
ou
can'
ttouchyourst
omach.
 
Ijustsatt
here,
star
ingi
ntospacewit
htears
fall
ingsl
owlydownmycheeks.Ithur
t,i
thur
tso
much.  
"I
fnoty
ou,
thenwho?
"
Wasi
tself
ishofmet owi
sht
hatt
hishappens
t
oanybodyelsebutme? 
"
Bel
oved,
remembert
hewor
dofy
ourMast
er"
Iknewverywel
lthevoicet
hatwasspeaki
ngto
theear
sofmyhear t
.Itwasthevoi
ceofGod.
Thecounsel
or,
thecomf or
terAndt
hati
s,the
HolySpi
ri
t.
 
"1Peter2:9Butyeareachosengenerat
ion,a
royalpr
iest
hood,anholynati
on,apecul
i
ar
people;t
hatyeshouldshowfortht
hepraisesof
him whohathcall
edy ououtofdar
knessinto
hismarvell
ousli
ght:
"
Nur
se:
Yourpi
l
lsma'
am 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Shehelpedmesitup,t
henItookthepi
ll
sand
drankwitht
hewatershehadbroughtf
orme.
 
Ihadalott
othi
nkabout
.ThiswasGod'
swi
l
l
andIshoul
dn'
thav
equesti
onedhi
m. 
Yes,
ithur
tbutIhadt
otr
usti
nhi
m.Ihadt
o
trustinhispowerandi nhismi ght.TheBi ble
tell
susi nRev elati
on21:4thatthereiscomi nga
ti
mewhenal lsor r
ow,t
ears,painanddeat hwi ll
passaway .Ther e'
scomingawonder ful
day
whenGodwi l
l wipeawayall t
earsfrom theey es
ofHi schil
dren, andoursorrowwi l
lendf orever.
Thiswast heti
meIhadt ol
ookforwardto,
not
thepr esentbutthef
utur
e.Thefutur
ebeing
eternalli
feinJesusChri
stwhereeveryt
earwi
ll
bewi pedf rom myeyesandever
ypainandhurt
will
ceaseandIshal lbeli
kehi
m.  
Nur
se:
I'
ll
cal
lthedoct
or.
 
Inoddedandshel
eft
.Thedoct
orcameshort
ly
aft
erher.I
twasaman,pr
obabl
yinhi
searl
y
thi
rt
ies.
 
Dr
:Mi
ssDl
ami
ni.
 
Il
ookedathi
m. 
Dr
:I'
m DrTl
ale.
Me:
Okay
. 
Dr:
Youwerebroughti
nbyaNobuhl
e,bl
eedi
ng
andpr
egnant
.
Me:
Umm,
yes.
 
Dr:
Ist
il
lcan'
tbeli
eveweal
mostlostyou.I
t'
s
act
ual
l
yami racl
ethaty
ou'
rest
il
lali
ve.
 
Me:
It'
sal
lbyGod'
sgr
ace.
 
Dr:
Indeed.Hesawitwor
thytospar
eyourl
i
fe,
beforev
ergrat
eful
tohi
mf ort
hat.
 
Me:
Iwi
l
l.Al
way
s. 
Dr:
Yourcasei
soneoft hef
ewrar
ecases.
Actual
l
y,I
'
veneverseenany
thi
ngl
iket
his.
 
Me:
I'
m notf
oll
owi
ng.
 
Dr:
Itwaseit
heryouory ourbabyandwhenshe
cameoutali
ve,welostallhopei
ny ou
sur
viv
ing.
 
Me:
Youmean.
.She'
sal
i
ve?
 
Il
ookedathi
m, t
earsbl
indi
ngmyvisi
onandI
qui
ckl
ywipedthem of
f.Hesmil
ed.
 
Dr:
Ofcourse.She'
sinanincubat
orandshe' s
goi
ngtoremainther
eforthecomingt hree
monthssi
nceshewasbor nprematurelyand
someofherorgansarenotful
lymatured. 
Me:
Oh,
canIseeher
? 
Dr:
Yes,youmay.Khensani
,youreal
lyluckyt
o
beali
veandgett
ohav eyourbabyinthe
pr
ocess.
 
Me:
It'
sal
lGod.
 
Dr
:It
'sonl
yhewhocanmakedr
yl andi
nthe
wat
er.Thi
swasoneoft
hosesi
tuati
ons.
 
Me:Iusedt
othi
nkdoct
orsbel
i
evei
nsci
ence
t
hanGod. 
Dr:Ibegtodi
ffer.Godisthehealer
.Itdoesn't
mat t
erwhatwedoct orsdobutifit
'sti
mef ora
persontodi
e,theywi l
ldi
e.I
fit'
syourtimetobe
healed,
you'
ll
beheal ed.Notbecausewegav e
yousomemedi cinebutbecauseGodor dai
ned
i
t. 
Me:
Arey
ouapast
or?
 
Dr
:I'
m adoct
orMi
ssDl
ami
ni 
Hesmil
edthenwentout,
leav
ingmest unned.
Thenur
secamewi t
hthewheelchai
randhelped
metositoni
tthenshewheel
edmet owher e
mybabywas. 
Nur
se:
That
'sher
. 
Ij
ustsobbed.Shewassot i
ny,
shecould
probabl
yfiti
ntomyhand.Herski
nwaswr i
nkly
andsopinkandshehadmanypi pesconnect
ed
i
ntohertinybody
 
Ijustcr
ied.Shedi
dn'
tdeser
vethis.Shewas
supposet obeinmywombwi thmebei ngabl
e
totakecareofherbutt
hishappened. 
Ij
ustcoul
dn'
ttakei
tany
moreandorder
edt
he
nur
setotakemebacktomyroom. 
WhenIgott
here,Thor
isoWaspaci
ngupand
downther
oom.Hecamet ousthentookov
er
fr
om t
henurse.
 
Me:
Easyt
iger
. 
Hechuckl
edandhelpedmebacki
ntothebed
andpr
eparedthepil
l
owsformesoIcoul
dlean
mybackagainstt
hem
Thor
iso:
Ibr
oughty
ousomepi
zza.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:IdoubtI
'
llbehav
ingi
tasmuchasIused
t
o. 
Thor
iso:
Whynot
? 
Me:
Ther
e'snot
hingher
e. 
Isaid,t
ouchingmystomach.I
thurtsomuch
butIwasgr atef
ult
hatshewasali
veand
breathi
ng,Iwasgoingtopr
ayforher.
 
Thor
iso:
I'
m sosor
ry.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
,it
'spar
tofl
i
fe.
 
Thor
iso:
Howar
eyouhol
dingup?
 
Me:If
eelsoweak.If
eel
drai
ned.If
eel
.
.
Def
eated.
 
Thori
so:
It'
snormalt
ofeell
i
ket
hatbutwe
shoul
dalwaysrunt
oGodinwhatev
erwego
thr
oughandleanonhim.
 
Me:
Your
ight
. 
Thori
so:1Peter4:
13saysInstead,r
ejoi
ceas
youshareinthesuff
eri
ngsofChr i
st,sothatyou
mayalsorejoi
cewithgreatj
oywhenhi sgloryis
rev
ealed.
Me:And2Timothy2:12saysI
fwesuffer
,we
shal
lal
sorei
gnwithhi
m:ifwedenyhi
m, He
al
sowil
ldenyus:
Thori
so:Yes,
he'
swithyoualway
s.Hesai
dhe'
l
l
neverl
eaveusnorf
orsakeus 
Me: Iknow,Ijustwi
shthatmybabydidn'
thave
toendurethiswithme.She'
ssoti
ny,shewas
alsosupposet obebornthr
eemonthslat
er,not
now. 
Thor
iso:
She'
sal
i
ve?
 
Me:
She'
sinani
ncubat
or.
 
Thor
iso:ThenweshouldthankGodforspar
ing
herl
if
e.I'
ll
call
herTshegofat
so,abl
essi
ng
i
ndeed. 
Me:
Siphesi
hleTshegof
atso,
per
fect
. 
Thor
iso:
Andnow,
thepi
zza.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
It'
saboutt
ime.
 
Iwasr
eleasedt
wodaysl
aterbutt
hesadt
hing
i
s,mybabyhadtost
aybehi
nd. 
Thelastt
hingIeverwantedwasnott obe
aroundmybabyaf t
ergi
v i
ngbirt
htoher.I
twas
j
usthardtoacceptthereal
it
ythatshe'
sinan
i
ncubator
,fight
ingf
orherli
fe. 
ButIhadt
o.Godal
lowedthi
stohappenf
orhi
s
gl
oryandi
tshal
lpr
evai
l.
 
Thor
isocametofetchme.Theyhadal
ready
madeabirt
hcert
ifi
catef
orher.
 
Shewasbor
nont
he26t
hofJune.Si
phesi
hle
Tshegof
atsoPai
geDl
ami
ni.
 
YesDl
amini
.Lut
handodidn'
tdeser
vet
ohav
e
mybabycar
ryhi
ssurname.
Wher
ewashewhenIneededhi
mthepost
? 
Iknowthatwher
everheis,
heknowswhat
happenedbutst
il
l,
hedidn'
tcome.
 
Wasguil
teat
inghi
m up?Ormay
behej
ustdi
dn'
t
car
e. 
Iwasveryqui
etonmywayhome.I
twast
he
2ndofJuly
,aThursday
. 
HepassedbyMacDonaldsandgotussome
t
akeawaysbef
orehedrovemehome.  
Thegoodt hingwas,Igavebir
thnatural
l
ysoI
onl
yhadst it
chesdownt here,
myst omachwas
nolongerthatpainf
ulthoughorshoul
dIsay,
mylowerabdomen.Idon' tev
enknowhowt hat
waspossiblesinceIwasf arf
rom myduedate
butonlyGodknows.  
Hepar
kedt
hecart
hencamet
oopenmydoor
f
orme.
 
Igotoutthenhehel
pedmewal
kinsi
de,
asi
fI
coul
dn'twalk.
 
Mom:
Mybaby
Shesaid,
runni
ngt
omet
henhuggi
ngme
ti
ght
ly.
 
Me:
Youki
l
li
ngme.
 
Mom:
I'
m sor
ry,
Iwassowor
ri
ed.
 
Me:Youcoul
dhav
ecomev
isi
tedmeat
hospi
tal
. 
Mom:Weonlyfoundy
est
erdayandt
hat
'
swhyI
cameher
etoday.
 
Thor
iso:
I'
ll
leav
eyouguy
stoi
t.
 
Me:
Thanky
ouagai
n,f
orev
ery
thi
ng.
 
Isai
d,hol
dinghi
shands.
 
Thori
so:I
t'
smypl
easur
e.Youdon'
thav
eto
thankme. 
Helef
tandIwentt
ositdown,andputsome
pi
l
lowsbehi
ndmet osuppor
tmyback. 
Me:
Pleasedi
shupf
orus.
 
Mom:
Whathappenedt
oPi
zza?
 
Me:Iatet
oomuchpi
zzadur
ingt
hepastf
ew
months.
 
Mom:
That
'saf
ir
st.
 
Mom wasnowsevenmonthspr egnantandher
st
omachwasbig.Ir
eal
l
ymi ssedmybump.
Thi
swasnotgoi
ngtobeeasyf orme.  
Mom:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Mom:
Youdon'
thav
eabumpKhensani
.
 
Me:
She'
ssot
inyma
Isai
d,cryi
ngagain.Shereal
l
ywassot
iny
,I
coul
dn'tbel
iev
eittoo. 
Mom:
Youmeany
ou.
.?
 
Me:
Iwenti
ntopr
emat
urel
abor
.
Mom:
I'
m sor
rymybaby
,atl
eastshe'
sal
i
ve.
 
Me:
She'
saf
ight
er.
 
Wet henst
art
edeati
ngandshef i
nishedway
beforemeandateanotherburger
,y ou'
dswear
thefoodwasboughtforher.
 
Me:
Youcaneatshame.
 
Mom:
Hai
suka 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sdad?
 
Mom:Theycomi
ngtomorrowwit
hKi
tso,
you
knowhe'
sgotademandi
ngjob.
 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Mom:
Lut
handoy
ena?
 
Me:
Idon'
twannat
alkabouthi
m. 
Mom:
Ishet
her
easony
ougav
ebi
rt
hsoear
ly?
 
Me:
I'
drat
hernott
alkabouti
tmom.
 
Mom: SoI
'mright
?Ial
way sknewhewasn'
t
r
ightf
oryou.Ij
ustwonderwhathedi
dthi
s
t
ime. 
Me:I
t'
sbeenthr
eemonthssi
ncehebr
okeup
wi
thme,thr
eemonths.
 
Mom:
What
? 
Me:
I'
mjustgonnadr
inkmypi
l
lst
henl
i
edown.
 
Ididn'
twantt
ohavetodeal
withmymom now.
Iwenttodri
nkmypil
l
sthenslowl
ygotont
he
stair
sthenwentt
omyroom. 
Igotontopofthebedt henslept
,layi
ngonmy
stomach.I
twasn'teasybutitwast heonl
yway
Iwasgoingtogetbackmyabs.I twasgoingto
star
there 
Thegoodt
hingwas,
Idi
dn'
thav
est
ret
ch
marks.
 
Justt
heonesonmyassandmyt
highs.
 
Ot
hert
hant
hat
,Iwasgood 
Iact
ual
l
ydozedof
fimmedi
atel
ywhenmyhead
metupwit
hthepi
l
low.
 
.
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
91
Ispentt
heremaini
ngofthedaysl
eepi
ngsi
nce
themedici
nefi
nall
yki
ckedin.
 
DadandKi
tsodidcomethefoll
owingday,
whi
chwasFridayint
heaft
ernoonandIjustr
an
t
odadandcriedinhi
sarms. 
Imi ssedhim, Imissedbei
ngi nhisembr aceand
hewasj ustthecomf or
tIneededatt hatti
me.
Dadhadbeenwi thmet hr
oughev er
ythingand
beingi nhisarmswasassur ingenoughf orme
thatev er
y t
hingwill
bealri
ght.Iwasabl etopass
throughal lt
hecriti
cs,t
heinsult
sandt hecurses
becauseofDadwhosawwhatnooneel se
didn'tseeinme.Hesawabeaut i
fulbabygirl
withabr ightfut
ureandhenev erceasedt o
remi
ndmeoft
hewonder
ful
thought
shet
hinks
ofme. 
Dad:
It'
sokaybaby
. 
Hesaid,brushi
ngmyback.WhenIhadcal
med
down, wesatdownwi t
hmeonhisl
apandKit
so
broughtmeagl assofwat
er.
 
Me:
ThankYou.
Isaid,wi
thafaintsmileanddr ankthewat er
.
Hav i
ngmyf amilyherewasj ustthesupportI
neededandapar tofmewi shedThandowas
herebecausehewast heonlyonewhocoul d
reall
yunder
standt hepainIwasgoi ngthrough
sinceshe'
sourdaught er
. 
Dad:I
'
m sor
ryIcoul
dn'
tcomeseey
oui
n
hospi
tal
.
Me:
It'
sokaydaddy
,youher
enowandt
hat
'
s
mor
ethanenoughforme.
 
Ki
tso:
Howar
eyouhol
dingup?
 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
It'
snoteasybutI
'
m hangi
ngi
nther
e. 
Dad:
Youknowy
oucanal
way
scomeback
home. 
Me:Myli
fei
sher
enowdad.Igotv
arsi
tyandI
al
sohav
emydaughter
. 
Dad: Buti
t'
l
lmakemef eelbet
terwhenyou
closetome, wher
eIcanactual
lyt
akecareof
youandbet heref
oryou.
 
Me: AndIappr eci
atethat,y
ouknowIdobutI
can'
tmov ehernow.She' sfi
ghti
ngforherl
ife,
thedoctorssaidI'
llonlybeabletotakeher
homeaf terthr
eemont hsandthat'
sjustan
esti
mation.Ifcomplicati
onscanarise.
.
Ibr
eathedout
,quickl
ywipi
ngtheteart
hathad
managedtoescapefrom myeye.
 
Kit
so:Neverl
oseHope.It
rustGodwi
l
lbet
her
e
foryouandher.
 
Dad:
Whathappened?
 
Ir
eal
l
ycoul
dn'
ttel
lhi
mthet
rut
h.Iknowl
yi
ngi
s
asinbutIcoul
dn'
tthr
owLut
handoundert
he
busli
kethi
s 
Ididn'
tev enknowi fNobuhlewast r
ulyhonest
ornot.ItjustsuckedthatLuthandowasn'ther
e
toexplainthings,t
otellmewhatr eal
ly
happenedandheknowshowmuchIhat e
dishonesty. 
Icouldn'
tbel
iev
ehe'dfor
sakemej ustl
iket
his.
Abandonme, abandonourdaught
er.Thisi
sso
unli
kehim. 
Dad:
Nono?
Me:
Huh?
 
Dad:
Iaskedwhathappened.
 
Me: Idon'
tremembermuch.Dadpl ease,I
'
d
rat
hernottalkaboutt
his.Whathappened,
happened. 
Dad:
Wher
e'sLut
hando?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Hebr
okeupwi
thher
. 
Shesaid,
gett
ingi
nthrought
helounge.Shehad
wentouttogetwhatev
ershehadbeencr av
ing.
Ioff
eredtogobutsheunder
stoodthekindof
spaceIwasinanddecidedt
orathergo.
 
Me:
Hai
bo!
 
Khol
i
swa:
What
?It
'st
rue.
 
Shehadnor ighttosaythatt
hough,i
twasn'
t
herplace.It
oldherthati
nconfi
dence,notf
or
hertojustbl
urbitout.
 
Dad:
Hedi
dwhat
? 
Me:
Dad,
please.
 
Dad:
Whendi
dthi
shappen?
Me:
Awhi
l
eback.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Thr
eemont
hsago.
 
Dad:
Andy
ounev
erment
ionedI
ttome?
 
Me: Wi
thall
duerespectdad,myrel
ati
onshi
p
wit
hLuthandohasnothingtodowit
hy ouor
anyonefort
hatmatter
. 
Dad:Hemadey oupregnant
!Howdarehe
l
eavesyouaft
erthat
?I shet
hereasony
ouwent
i
ntopremat
urelabor
?  
Idi
dn'
tsayany
thi
ngbutjustl
ookeddownand
fi
ddl
edwithmyfi
nger
s. 
Dad:
He'
sgoi
ngt
opay
!
Igotupf
rom hi
m andsatnextt
ohi
m. 
Me:
Dadpl
ease,
don'
tgeti
nvol
ved.
 
Dad:OhIwill
.See,t
hat'
swhyIsaidhe'
snot
goodforyou.Uphimanje?He'
srunni
ngaway
fr
om hisr
esponsibi
li
ti
es. 
Kit
so:I
'l
lgomakesomef ood.Youneedtorest
Bonga.Youshoul
dact
uallybeinbed,l
yi
ngon
yourst
omachsothatyoucangetreadofthe
bell
ypouch.
 
Me:
Yesma'
am.
 
Shechuckl
edandIwentupstai
rstomyroom.I
wasactual
l
yalsoavoi
dinghavi
ngtol
ist
ent o
dadtal
kaboutput
ti
ngLuthandoinhi
splace.
 
Iknowwhathappenedlastt
imehedi
dthat
.He
beatKamotoapulp. 
Comet othi
nkofit,
all
thi
swoul
dn'
thav
e
happenedifIhadn'
tmetKamo.
 
Nobuhledi
dthisbecauseofhim.Shewas
blami
ngmeandshe' sright
.They'
dsti
l
lbe
toget
herhadInotdatedKamo. 
Iact
uall
ywishIhadnev
ermethi
m, t
henI
wouldn'
thavet
odealwit
hhi
sbit
terex.
 
Ireall
ythoughtthataft
eral
ltheseyear
s,she
wouldhav eleti
tgo.Ithadbeenthreeyear
s,
threeyearsyetshewasst i
l
lholdi
ngont othe
past. 
Wasi tnotenoughthatshebulli
edme,call
ed
meal lthosenamesandev enslappedmei n
Grade10?Idi dn'
tholdal
lthatagai
nsthersoI
real
lydon'tunder
standwhyshehadt oholdthi
s
againstme. 
Ispentt
her
emai
ningday
sofr
ecessmaki
ng
endl
esst
ri
pstot
hehospi
tal
andchecki
ngon
mydaught
er.
 
Thedoctor
skepttell
inghowmuchofaf ighter
sheisandIneverceasedprayi
ngforher
.Iloved
herwit
hmyal l
andi t
'ssaf
et osayt
hatIl
ivedfor
her.
 
Isti
l
l wenttochur
chonSunday
'sandthe
congregati
onwassuppor
ti
veandstoodwit
h
mei nprayer
s. 
Al
thoughmyf
ami
l
yhadl
eft
,IknewIwasn'
t
al
one. 
Isti
ll
hadn'
thear
dfr
om Thandoandhi
sphone
alwayst
ookmet ov
oicemai
l.
 
Recesswasov
erandt
hatmeantbackt
o
busi
ness.
 
I
twassti
llwi
ntersoyoucanimaginehowcol
d
i
twasoutsi
de.ItookabathandwhenIwas
donewi
theveryt
hing,
Idr
iedandloti
oned.
 
Ki
tsohadl
eftmewi
thsomebel
tthatIputi
nmy
stomachtohel
pmakei tfl
atagainsoIputiton
thenworebl
ackthi
ckstockingsandtrackpant
s
thenIworeahoodi
eont opwi t
htracktop.I
woresomesneakersandabeani eonmyhead.  
Itookmybag,putonal
lthest
udyguidesIwas
goingt
ouseAndbooksthentookmyphone
andcarkey
sthenwentdownstai
rs.
 
Imademysel
fmuesli
wit
hyogur
tandfr
uit
pi
ecest
henatewhi
lewat
chi
ngthenews.
 
Il
eftaf
terbr
eakf
ast
. 
Nt
ando:
Lookaty
ou.
 
Hesai
d,huggi
ngmeandl
i
ter
all
ysqueezi
ngt
he
l
if
eoutofme. 
Me:
Youki
l
li
ngme.
 
Hechuckl
edandl
etgoofme.
Nt
ando:
Imi
ssedy
ousomuch.
Me:
Imi
ssedy
out
oo.
 
Nt
ando:
Somet
hingi
sdi
ff
erentwi
thy
ou.
Me:
What
? 
Il
ookedathi
m wai
ti
ngf orhi
mtosay
somethi
ngashescannedmef r
om t
opt
o
bot
tom. 
Nt
ando:
Yourbump!
 
Hesai
d,snappi
nghi
sfi
nger
s. 
Me:
Oh.
 
Nt
ando:
Youhadami
scar
ri
age?
 
Heasked,
wit
haconcer
nedl
ook.
Me:
Notr
eal
l
y. 
Nt
ando:
Youhadanabor
ti
on?
 
Hewhi
sper
ed,
looki
ngar
oundAndIchuckl
ed.
 
Me:
What
?No.Iwenti
ntoear
lyl
abor
.
Nt
ando:
Andy
ouher
e. 
Me:Ther
e'snot
hingmuchIcando,
she'
sinan
i
ncubat
or.
 
Nt
ando:
I'
m sor
ryf
ri
end.
 
Hesaid,
huggingmeandIpulledoutjustasI
wasabouttobreakdown.Idi
dn'twannacry,
at
l
eastnotincampusandinthepresenceofso
manypeople.Ihadt
okeepittogether
. 
Wegoti nthelect
urehallandIt
ri
edmyall
to
concentr
ate.I
twasn'teasy,mymindwasj
usti
n
mybabyandhowshe' sprobabl
ydoing
whereversheis.
TimewentonandItri
edtofocusonmybooks
fort
hatti
mebecauseIknewthatwhenshe
comes,Iwon'
tbeabl
et o.
 
Itwasonl
yamonthl
eftf
orhert
ocomenow
andIknewIhadt
omakeaplan.I
twasAugust
,
shewascomingont
he30thofSept
ember
. 
Ij
ustneededt ohaveevery
thingreadywhenshe
comes.ItwaseitherIf
indanotherplaceor
maketheflatchil
dfri
endl
yandIwaspr et
ty
muchstil
lindeci
siveAboutthat.
 
Mybabywasmakingpr
ogr
essandshewas
wei
ghi
ng2,9kgnowandIwassohappy
. 
I
twasonlyamat
teroft
imeunt
ilIbr
ingher
homewit
h. 
Ihadlostt
hebabyweightf
astandIt
hinkasi
ze
ofmynor mal
weight
.Iwore32nowbutIwas
heal
thysoIwasn'
tcomplai
ning.
 
Iwassnuggl
edupi
nmycouchwhi
l
ewat
chi
ng
somemov i
eonaFr
idayni
ght
. 
Iwasn'
tsl
eepyyetreasonwhyIwasstil
lup.I
wasmunchingonsomedr yf
rui
tswhi
lethi
nki
ng
ofhowIwon'thav
et i
mef ort
hiswhenshe
comes.
 
Iwonder
edifshe'sal
sogoingt
ocr
yev
eryf
ive
minut
esandallthosest
uff
. 
Aknockont hedoorwaswhatbroughtmeback
t
oreali
ty.I
twasaround9pm soIwonderedwho
t
hatcouldbesolate.
 
Iwor
emysl
eeper
sandwentt
oopen.
 
Thando:
Hey
. 
Hewashol
dingasl
eepi
ngRomeoi
nhi
shands.
Tr
uthi
s,i
fitwasn'tbecauseofRomeo,
I
woul
dn'
thavelethimin. 
Idi
dn'
tsayanyt
hingbutj
ustmadespacef
or
hi
mt opass.
 
Ihadmi xedf
eel
ingsaboutt
his.Idi
dn'
tknow
whethertobehappyhe'
shereorjustmadthat
hehadbeenabsentallt
hist
ime. 
Iact
ual
l
ydi
dn'
tknowwhathewant
ednow.
 
Iwentbacktowatchi
ngmymov i
eAndwhenhe
cameback,hesatonacouchopposi
temi
ne
thenswi
tchedt
heTVof f
. 
Me:
Iwaswat
chi
ngt
hat
. 
Isaid,
star
ingatthebl
ankTVscr
eenandNot
botheri
ngtolookathi
m. 
Thando:
Ihav
etogoback,
Ijustr
eal
l
yneededt
o
seeyou.
Idi
dn'
treply
.Iwasplanni
ngoni
gnor
inghiml
i
ke
hehasignoredmeforsomanymonths.
 
Iwasn'tgoingtoj
ustembr
acehiml i
kenothi
ng
happened.Likehedi
dn'
tdi
sappearwithouta
tr
aceorev enmakeNobuhlepregnantAndnot
havethedecencytotel
lme. 
Iwasmadathimf ornotbot
heri
ngt ocal
ltoat
l
eastaskhowhisdaughteri
sdoing.Theonly
thi
ngthathedi
dwassendmehugeamount sof
moneythathadthebankcal
li
ngmeendl essl
y. 
Thando:I'
vebeeni nTokyo,workingonamaj or
dealandI'
m supposet oflybacktomorrow
night
.I'
mr eal
lyti
rednowbecauseIj ustarr
ived
nowandIhav en'
trest
ed.Iknowwehav ealot
total
kaboutbutcanwej ustgotobed.Ijust
wannaholdy ouandsl eepwithyouinmyar ms. 
Ilookedathim,thi
nkingmaybet hi
sisaj
okebut
hewasser i
ous.Ijustgotup,wi
thhimfol
lowi
ng
meandbangedt hedoorInhisfacewhenIgot
tomybedr oom andlockedit
. 
Iwasn'tgoi
ngt
oent
ert
ainhi
m.Notaf
ter
ever
ything.
 
Igotinsi
dethecov er
sandsl
ept
,pushing
whateverthoughtofmywrat
hagainsthi
min
thebackofmyhead.  
Ihadact
ual
lybeent
alki
ngt
ohi
smot
herwho
wasgonnacomesoshecanhel
pwi
tht
he
baby.
 
Ij
usthadtothi
nkaboutthehousethi
ng.That
'
s
movingorst
ayi
ng.Ist
il
lwasn'tsur
e. 
.
.
  
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
92
Iwasjust.
..Def
eat
ed.Idi
dn'
twantt
othi
nk
aboutThandonow,Iwasmoreworri
edabout
mydaughter. 
He,asal
ways,j
ustcameanddroppedabomb
onme.Idon'
tevenknowwhyhebot her
ed
comingi
fheknewhe'sgonnal
eaveagain.
 
Hedidn'tevenexplainbutj
usttol
dmehewasi n
Tokyo.Angaziift
hatToky odoesn'thave
roamingorsomet hingcauseI'
m prettysur
ehe
wouldhav ebeenabl et
ojusrcontactme. 
Orwai t
,howaboutt el
li
ngmebef oreheleav
es
thathe'
sgoing?It'
snotlikeIwouldhave
stoppedhim butatleastIwoul
dnothavehad
toaskmy sel
fwher ehecouldbe. 
Iwouldn'
thav
ethoughthehasdesert
edmeand
may beIwoul
dhaveconsi
deredfor
givi
nghi
m
forwhatev
erhemighthavedonewit
hNobuhle.
 
Iknowweweren'tt
ogetherwhent
hathappened
butali
tt
let
houghtforhi
sbabymamamay be? 
Imustadmit
,ithur
tandseei
nghi
m agai
nnow,
br
oughtbackallt
hepai
n. 
Ihadjustl
ostal
lhopeofusget
ti
ngback
toget
hernow. 
Thefi
rstt
hingIdi
dwhenIwokeupwaskneel
downandpr ay
.IaskedGodf
orst
rengt
h,and
alsotoprotectSihl
eAndIal soprayedf or
Nobuhlewhowascl ear
lyundertheinf
luenceof
theeviloneandIpr ayedforGodt orel
easeher
from t
hechai nsofbondageoft heev i
lone. 
Ij
ustprayedforalotoft
hingsandact
ual
l
yfel
t
bet
teraft
erthat.
 
Iimmedi
atel
ywenttothebathr
oom whereI
tookahotshower
,thendr
iedandl
otionedwhen
Iwasdone.
IworeGr eyleggi
ngswit
hav estandsandal
s
thengatheredenoughstr
engthtogo
downstairs.
 
Romeo:
Youmaki
ngbr
eakf
astmommy
? 
Me:
Mor
ningRomeo.
 
Hegi
ggl
ed.
 
Romeo:
I'
m sor
ry,
mor
ning.
 
Me:
Missedme?
 
Romeo:
Yes
Hesai
d,cov
eri
nghi
sfaceandIchuckl
edand
wentt
ohim.Hehadbeenwatchi
ngTV. 
Me:
Giv
emeahug.
 
Hecameandwehuggedt
ight
ly.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sy
ourf
ather
? 
Romeo:
Sleepi
ng.
 
Hemusthav
ebeenv
eryt
ir
edl
i
kehesai
dhe
was.
 
Me:
Youhungr
y? 
Henoddedr
epeat
edl
y.
 
Me:
Let
'sgomakebr
eakf
ast
. 
Romeo:
Yeah!
 
Ipickedhim upt
henwewenttotheki
tchen.I
puthim onabarchai
rthenImadehi
m alitt
le
cerealsohecaneatwhil
eI'
m maki
ng
breakfast
. 
Imadeflapj
ackssi
nceheaskedandeggs,
baconandsausages.Ial
somadeafr
uitsal
ad
andsmoothi
et henwewentt
oputev
ery
thi
ngi
n
thedi
nnert
able. 
Iwasn'tgoi
ngtoeatalloft
hatandIt
hinki
fI
wasstill
pregnant
,Iwouldhav
eseenthe
breakf
astassomet hi
ngsosmall.
 
Thando:
Smel
l
sgoodi
nher
e. 
Hesai
d,comingdownthestai
rsandIdi
dn'
t
ev
enbotherl
ooki
ngathim. 
Romeo:
MommyandImadebr
eakf
ast
. 
Thando:
Looksgood.
 
Idi
shedupsomef
rui
tsal
adf
ormy
sel
f.
 
Me:
Hel
pyour
sel
f.
 
Isai
d,af
terawhi
l
eandhesatdown.
 
Thando:
Thanks.
 
Iwasmad, r
eallymadbutIdidn'
twantt o
evi
dent
lyexpressmymoodi nf r
ontofRomeo
andhemustbet hankf
ulf
orhispresence.
 
Comet
othi
nkofi
t,Hemusthav
ebeenusi
ng
Romeot
otr
yandsof
tenmeupbutIwasf
ed
up.
 
Iwasti
redofl
ett
ingThandopl
aymeforaf
ool
,I
wasti
redofbei
ngtakenforar
ide.
 
Aft
erbreakf
ast,It
ookthedi
shest
otheki
tchen
andputthelef
tover
sinthef
ri
dge.
 
It
henst
art
edwashi
ngt
hedi
shes.
 
Thando:
Letmehel
p. 
Me:
Icanmanage.
 
Thando:
Please.
 
Me:
Okay
. 
Ithr
ewt
heclot
hathi
mthenwentt
othel
ounge
andwat
chedTVwit
hRomeo.
 
Idon'
tevenknowwhyIwast ol
erat
inghi
m.My
l
oveforhim wasmaki ngmeweak,Ithi
nkit
's
whatmadehi mthinkhecangetmet odo
whatev
erandIwi l
ljustobl
i
ge. 
That
'swhatIhat
eaboutdat
ingandt
hingswer
e
j
ustbett
erthi
sway .Bei
ngsingl
ewasless
st
ressf
ulbutthethoughtofhi
m wi
thsomeone
el
sewasagoni zi
ng. 
Thando:
Canwet
alk?
 
Me:
Oh,
youdone 
Thando:
Yeah.
 
Me:
Okay
. 
Thando:
So?
 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
Canwet
alk?
 
Me:
That
'swhatwedoi
ngnouMoss.
 
Thando:
Nother
e,i
npr
ivat
e. 
Me:Ther
e'sonl
ythr
eeofusher
e,pr
ivacyf
or
what
? 
Thando:
Idon'
twantust
oar
guei
nfr
ontoft
he
ki
d. 
Me:
Okay
,fi
ne.
 
Igotupandwewentupst
air
s,t
omyr oom.Isat
onthebedandhepul
ledmystudychai
rthen
sati
nfrontofme.
 
Me:
Tal
k. 
Thando:
It'
s.
.I.Idon'
tknowwher
etost
art
. 
Me:Howaboutwhereyouhadsexwith
Nobuhl
eandshegotpregnantwit
hyourchi
l
d
andyouguy
saregett
ingmar r
ied,
howabout
ther
e? 
Hesi
ghed.
 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:
Don'
tbe.Webr
okeup,
didn'
twe?
 
Thando:
Khensani
I-
Me:Nowai t
,youbrokeupwi t
hme.NowI
act
uall
ywonder,wasshether easonyoubr oke
upwithme?Soy oucanbet ogetherwithout
poorKhensanii
nthepict
ure?It'
sfine,
youcan
j
ustbefrontabouti
t.
 
Thando:Dammi
tKhensani
,wi
l
lyouj
ustshutup
andli
sten?
! 
Heshouted.HadIbeent
heoner
aisi
ngmy
voi
ceathim,onl
yGodknowswhatwoul
dhav
e
happened.
 
Ij
ustf
oldedmyar
msandl
ookedAthi
m
bl
ankl
y.
 
Trustme,Iwouldhaverepl
iedbutIj
ustchose
tocontai
nmy sel
finst
ead. 
Thando:
I'
m sor
rybutpl
easel
etmef
ini
sh.
 
Hesai
dsof
tl
y,Inoddedandheexhal
ed.
 
Thando:Ri
ght
,soI
'
llst
artwi
tht
heNobuhl
e
si
tuat
ion.
 
Myhear tj
ustst
art
edbeati
ngabi tf
aster,Iwas
anxi
ousandmost l
yhopingthatwhateverhe'
s
abouttosaydoesn'
tpi
erceri
ghtthroughmy
heart
. 
Thando:
Yazi,
thi
smi
ghtsoundcr
azybutshe
rapedme. 
Ichuckled,maybehe'
str
yingt
obef unnybuthe
wasser ioussoIst
oppedandlookedathi
mi n
disbel
i
ef . 
Me:
What
? 
Thando: Idon'
trememberasi nglething.Itri
ed
tot hi
nkhar daboutitbutIdon't.Al
lIremember
i
swaki ngupnakednextt oherandt hat '
sit.The
truthis,Iwasashamed.HowwasIgoi ngtot el
l
youhowshespi kedmydr i
nkt hensleptwithme?
I
tdoesn' tmakesenset omeei ther
.Shecl aimsI
wasdr unkandmay beshe'
srightbutInev er
forgetwhathappened, nomat terhowdr unkI
mi ghthav ebeen. 
Me:
Soy
ousay
ingshedr
uggedy
ou?
 
Thando:
That
'swhatIt
hink.
 
Me:
Wow
Isai
d,clappi
ngoncethenl
ookingup.Nobuhl
e
neverceasestoamazemey azi.
 
She'
ssounbel
i
evabl
e.Wasshet
hatdesper
ate
togetbackatmet hatshe'
ddosomet hi
ngso
devi
ousanddecei t
ful
?Butagain,
ithasal
way s
beensaidthatdesper
ateti
mescallfor
desper
atemeasur essoIguessshewast hat
desper
ate.
 
Me:
Sot
hemar
ri
aget
hing?
 
Thando:Shesentherel
derstomypar ents'
s
houseandtheysaidsomethi
ngaboutme
marryi
ngherbutIref
used.I
'm notev
ensur eif
she'
spregnantori
fthebabyisevenmi ne. 
Me:
Wasn'
tshedat
ingy
ourf
ri
endkgant
e? 
Thando:Turnsout
,shewasjustpl
ayi
nghi
m out
forafoolandwasoutforv
engeance.
 
Me:
ForKamogel
o. 
Thando:
Yep.I
'
mreal
l
ysor
ry.
 
Me:
Ibety
ouar
e. 
Thando:
Khensani
please.
Me:
Younev
erbot
her
edt
ocal
lThando,
tocal
l
j
usttoaskatleastaboutyourdaught
eri
fnot
aboutme.Ineededy ou,
weneededy ou.
 
Thando:
I'
m doi
ngt
hisf
orus,
forourf
utur
e. 
Me:Soy
ousayi
ngeTokyoyoucan'
tspar
ea
mi
nutej
ustt
ocall
andaskhowwedoing? 
Thando:
Isor
tofbr
okemyphone.
 
Me:YouhavemoneyLut
hando,y
oucanaf
ford
tobuyanewphone,
sodon'ty
oudar
eusethat
asanexcuse.
 
Thando:
Watchyourt
onewheny
ouspeakt
o
meKhensani
. 
WasIsurpr
ised?No.He'stheonlyonewhocan
repr
imandmebuti t
'swrongwhenIdothe
samebutIwasn'tgoingtoexpl
ain.
 
Me:
She'
swei
ghi
ng2.
9kgnow.Suchaf
ight
er.
 
Thando:
I'
m onl
ylef
twit
hfourmont
hst
henI
'
ll
bebackhomeforev
er.
 
Me:
She'
l
lbesi
xmont
hsbyt
hen.
 
(NB:ThoughSphewasbor near l
i
er,westart
counti
ngheragefrom theti
meshegotoutof
hermother'
swombsodon' tf r
eakout.She'
s
twomont hsnow,thenshe'
llbethreemonths
whenIbringherhomeev enthoughherbody
mightsaysomethingel
se)
Thando:
Iknow,
IknowbutI
'
m doi
ngt
hisf
or
us.
 
Me:Doitforyoursonanddaught
erbecause
we'
redone. 
Thando:I
'm goi
ngt
omakei
tupt
oyou,
I
promise.
 
Me:
Don'
tmakepr
omi
sesy
oucan'
tkeep.
 
Thando:
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:AndIl
oveyoutoo.I
fIrememberwel
l
,you
sai
dit
sonl
yoverunti
lyousaysori
ght
? 
Thando:
Wher
eyougoi
ngwi
tht
hat
? 
Me:Itmeanswereall
yoverandtheonl
y
connect
iont
her
emi ghteverbebet
weenusi
s
ourki
ds.
 
Thando:
Don'
tdot
his.
Me:Youdi
dthi
stousThando,
nowf
acet
he
music.
 
Ist
oodup.
 
Me:Goodl
uckwi
thwhat
everi
skeepi
ngy
oui
n
Japan.
 
Thando:I
'
m notl
osi
ngyouKhensani
,notli
ke
thi
s.WhenIcomeback,
I'
mfight
ingforus.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Yeah,
right
. 
Iwentbackdownst
air
stoRomeo.
 
Icookedusl unchl
ateron,Iwasplanningon
spendingthewholedayindoorswith
him(Romeo)si ncet
hey'dbeleavi
ngt omorr
ow
soIneededt ospendasmucht i
measIneed
withhi
m.  
Thando:
Ihat
ethaty
ou'
vel
ostsomuchwei
ght
andIf
eel
par
ti
all
yresponsi
ble.
 
Me:Iact
ual
l
ypref
erthesli
mmerbody
.Icanget
mysel
fsomehotyoungthi
ng.
 
Isai
dwi
thagi
ggl
e. 
Thando:
That
'snotf
unny
. 
Me:I'
m si
nglehey
,sowhynotgetmydaught
er
astepfat
her?I
'mthi
nki
ngawhiteguyi
nhis
ear
lytwent
ies.
 
Iwasjustplayi
ngwi t
hhim.Idon'tseemysel
f
gett
inginanyrelat
ionshi
panytimesoon.I'
d
rat
herfocusonmyr el
ati
onshi
pwi t
hGodand
mydaught er.
 
Menar
ejustabucket
ful
ofst
ress.
 
Thando: I
fyouevergetanyguycloset
omy
daughter,i
ftheyevenbreat
hethesameai
r,
you'
llknowmepr et
tywell
. 
Me:Youmeanyou'
l
lki
l
lmel
i
key
ouki
l
led
Romeo'
smother
? 
Thando:
Goodt
oknowweont
hesamepage.
 
Me:Unlessweel
ope.YouinTokyo,
wecoul
dtry
Canadaonawholenewidenti
tyt
ip,
Ithi
nkmy
mom canhookusupwi t
hthemoney. 
Thando:I
'dtr
acky
oudownandki
l
lyouwi
thmy
barehands.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Ohplease,ther
e'ssurgery
.Icoul
dalways
goonafullfacechanging.Wait,
youdon'
teven
knowhowy ourdaughterlookssochancesare,
youwon'
tevenbeabl etof i
ndus. 
Thando:
Don'
ttestmeKhensani
. 
Me:Don'tyougett
ir
edofal
wayst hr
eateni
ng
me?Youshouldknowbynowt hatyourthr
eats
don'
tscareme,younotGodLuthando.
 
Thando:
Oneoft
hisday
sI'
m gonna-
Me:
Steakorchi
cken?
 
Thando:
Chi
cken.
 
Me:Youlooksosexywheny
oumad,
Icoul
d
j
usteaty
ouup. 
Thando:
Try
ingt
osof
tenmeup?
 
Me:
Don'
tfl
att
ery
our
sel
f.
 
Thando:
I'
mjustgonnagowat
chTVwi
th
Romeo. 
Me:
Please,
bemyguest
. 
Amont hf
lewbyandIcoul
dfi
nal
l
ytakemy
babyhome. 
Iwassoecst at i
c,justbeingabl
et oholdherin
myar msf orthatlongwasev er
ything.Even
thoughIcouldn'tbr east
feedherbutIwas
happy.Breastfeedingwoul dhaveenabl edust
o
buil
dabigbondbutt hedoctorhadassur edme
thatwebui l
tabi ggerbondwhenshewasi nmy
womb.  
Iwaswit
hLerat
o,Lut
hando'smotherandwe
hadj
ustgot
tenfr
om thehospi
tal
.
 
Me:
She'
ssobeaut
if
ul.
 
Ler
ato:
Justl
i
kehermot
her
. 
Me:
Shel
ooksmor
eli
keLut
handot
ome.
 
Ler
ato:
She'
ssol
i
ghtt
hough.
 
Me:
Mymom i
sal
sol
i
ght
. 
Ler
ato:
Ohy
eah.Shoul
dIdr
ive?
 
Me:Yespl
ease.Passbyt
hephar
macysoIcan
buyhermeds.
 
Ler
ato:
Ofcour
se.
 
Igoti
nthebackseatwit
hmydaught
erandshe
wenttothedr
iver
'sseat
. 
Thandohadfoundusahousewhichwasmor
e
ki
dfriendl
yandor
gani
zedever
ythi
ngfr
om
Tokyo. 
Hecall
edmor
enowandi
twasact
ual
l
yabi
t
annoy
ingf
orme.
 
Hewasonlydoi
ngitnowbecauseI
r
epr
imandedhim,t
hatbroughtanuneasy
f
eel
ingt
ome.  
Li
kewoul
dhebecal
l
inghadwenev
ercal
l
ed?
 
Thehousewasn'
tthatbi
g,j
ustsomethi
ngsmall
fort
heti
mebeingandRomeowasal sohere,
l
ivi
ngwithus.
 
Ithadfourbedrooms,t
wobathroomsanda
kit
chen, l
oungeanddi
ningr
oom.Wehadt ur
ned
oneoft heroomsint
oanurseryforSphe.
 
Romeo:
That
'smyl
i
ttl
esi
ster
? 
Me:
Yesbaby
. 
Romeo:
She'
sbeaut
if
ulmommy
. 
Me:
Justl
i
key
ouNeh?
 
Romeo:
No,
you.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Thanks.
 
Wedrovet
othephar
macyfi
rstf
orSphe'
s
medi
cinet
henshedr
oveushome. 
Wehadcookedbef
orewel
eftsowehadno
st
ress.
 
Thehousewasi
nGol
fvi
ew,
justcl
oset
otown.
 
WegothomeandIcoul
dfi
nal
l
ywel
comemy
babyi
n
Me:
Wel
comehomebaby
. 
Shewassl
eepi
ng.Icoul
dn'
tst
opst
ari
ngather
. 
Iwassoexci
ted,
Ihadbeenwai
ti
ngf
ort
hisday
forsol
ong.
 
.
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
93
Me:
Ist
il
lcan'
tbel
i
eveshe'
sher
e. 
Lerat
o:Iknow,
itwasn'
teasybutGodst
il
lcame
thr
oughforus 
Me:
AndI
'
llf
orev
erbegr
atef
ult
ohi
mfort
hat
. 
Ler
ato:
Youneedt
orestnow,
youhav
en'
tsl
ept
i
ntwodays.
 
Me:
I'
m okayma.
Iyawned.Maybe,justmaybeI'mt i
redbutI
coul
dn'tl
eaveherside,Ij
ustcouldn't.Ihadl
eft
heral
laloneatthehospit
althatIjustneededto
al
waysbei nherpresencenow, seeingshe's
cl
osetome.  
Lerat
o:No, younot.Youreyesev
enhav
ebags
underneath,
y ougoingtocampusonMonday
,
howwi ll
youcope?  
I
twasaSunday,wehadbroughtSphehomeon
Fr
idayandI
'
vebeenbyhersidesi
ncethen.
 
Me:I
'l
lgor
estf
orawhi
l
e,pl
easecheckupon
herf
ormeand-
Lerat
o:Ihav
ethr
eeki
ds,youcan'
tbe
questi
oni
ngmyaudaci
tynow. 
Me:I'
m sorr
yma.It'
sjust.
..I
t'
smyf
ir
stt
ime
doi
ngthissoI'
m soanxious. 
Ler
ato:
Andi
t'
sunder
standabl
e,
 nowgor
est
. 
Me:
Yesma'
am.
 
Shepushedmeoutoft
henur
ser
yandI
chuckl
ed,
goi
ngt
omyr
oom.
 
Itookoffmyshoesandj
ustthrewmy sel
fon
topofthebedandimmedi
atelydozedoffto
sleep.
 
JustasIwasenj
oyi
ng,j
ustasIwasdr
if
ti
ngi
nto
cl
oud9, myphonehadtori
ng.
 
I
tmadesuchanoi
set
hatIcoul
dn'
tj
usti
gnor
e
i
t.
 
Ij
ustanswer
edf
uri
ousl
ywi
thoutchecki
ngt
he
cal
lerI
D. 
Me:
What
? 
Kamo: That
'snothowy
ousupposet
oanswer
yourphone.
 
Me:
Ufunani
Kamogel
o? 
Kamo:
Okay
,what
'
sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:What
'sgoi
ngoni
sIwasabouttodr
if
tint
o
somever
ygoodsl
eepunt
ily
oucal
ledme 
Kamo:
I'
m sor
ry,
Ireal
l
yam.
 
Me:
Youhav
en'
tanswer
edmyquest
ion.
 
Kamo:Iwasjustchecki
ngupony
ou,
Ihear
d
aboutt
hebaby. 
Me:
I'
mfi
ne,
your
eal
l
ydon'
thav
etowor
ryabout
me.
 
Kamo:Youweret
heref
ormeinmytr
oubl
es,of
cour
seI'
m al
sogoi
ngtocar
e.Howar
eyou? 
Me:That
'ssweetbutIr
eal
l
yneedt
ogobackt
o
sl
eepnow. 
Kamo:
Whydi
dn'
tyoucomehomel
astweek?
 
Me:Foraweek?I'
drat
hercomekaDecember
wer
et her
e'smor
eweekstsarecess.
 
Kamo:
Makessense,
Ijustmi
ssy
ou.
 
Me:
CanIgobackt
osl
eep?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Yes,
I'
m sor
ryf
ordi
stur
bingy
oursl
eep.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
,by
e. 
Ihungup,
notwai
ti
ngf
orhi
mtor
epl
yandwent
backtosl
eep.
 
Iwokeupl
ate,
Ithi
nki
twasaround9pm.I
act
uall
ydi
dn'
treal
i
sehowt
ir
edIwasuntil
I
sl
ept.
 
Ifi
rstl
ywenttoshowerandwor
emypyjamas
andgownwhenIwasdonewi thal
lmyhygi
ene
processes.
 
Iwenttotheki
tchenbecauseIwassohungry
.
GoodthingThando'
smom hadcookedsoI
di
shedupf ormyselfandat
e,whi
lesi
tt
ingona
barchai
ratthekit
chen. 
Ler
ato:
Youwer
ereal
l
yti
red.
Me:
Ireal
l
yneededt
her
est
. 
Ler
ato:
Iunderstandwher
eyoucomingfrom,I
dobutyoudon'thavet
oover
workyoursel
f.I
'
m
her
etohelpyou.
Me:AndIappr
eciat
ethat
.Iwasj
ustsoexci
ted
t
hatshe'
sfi
nal
lyhome. 
Ler
ato:
Andshe'
l
lal
way
sbeher
e. 
Me:
IguessInev
ersawi
tthatway
. 
Lerat
o:Godhasbeenver
ygoodt
oyou,
you
shoul
dthankhi
mf ort
hat
. 
Me:
Indeed.
 
Thefol
l
owingdayswer
ever
ymuchl
esshect
ic
andIwasall
owi
ngtobehel
ped.
 
Daddi
dcal
lmeandsodi
dKhol
i
swaandKi
tso.
 
Kholi
swahadgi
venbir
thtoabounci
ngbaby
boyonthe15t
hofSeptemberandhewas
probabl
yamonthandfewweeksoldnow.
 
Hi
snamei
sLungani
.Suchabeaut
if
ull
i
ttl
eboy
 
Afewmonthsl
ater
,Iwasall
fini
shedwit
hmy
examsandwecoul
dfinal
l
ygohome.  
I
twast
he12thofDecember.ASat
urdayand
wewer
epacki
ngourstuf
f.
 
Oh,If
orgott
omentiont
hatBandi
lewasnowa
oneyearol
d.Sphewasfi
vemonthsol
dnow,
t
urni
ngsi
xmont
hsont
he26t
h. 
Itwasjustaf
ter10am andshewasst
il
l
sleepi
ng.
Ler
ato:
Youmanagedt
obookourf
li
ght
? 
Me:
Isi
tsaf
etr
avel
i
ngwi
thhert
hough?
 
Ler
ato:
Idoubtt
her
e'sanypr
obl
em.
 
Me:
Iguess,
weleav
ingat08:
00am tomor
row.I
r
eal
l
ywantedtogotochur
chthough. 
Iwasonlygoingtocomebacknexty earbutI
wil
lalway
skeept hem inmyheart
.Ihadlearned
alotanditwasgoodbei ngi
nami ni
str
ythat'
s
al
laboutJesusChristandedi
fyi
nghisname
andhismajesty
. 
Ler
ato:
Suchawonder
ful
chur
ch.
 
Romeo:
I'
m hungr
ymommy
. 
Me:
Nogoodmor
ning?
 
Hegi
ggl
ed 
Romeo:
Sor
ry,
goodmor
ning.
 
Me:
Come,
I'
ll
godi
shupf
ory
ou.
 
Romeo:
Thanky
ou.
 
It
ookhi m byt
hehandandwewentt othe
ki
tchen.Wehadalreadyeat
enbreakf
astand
si
ncehewassl eepi
ng,wehadlefthi
m some.
 
Idi
shedupeggs,
sausagesandbacont
hen
warmeditf
orhi
m bef
oreIgavehi
m wit
htoast
. 
Romeo:
Thanky
ou.
 
Me:
Youwel
comebaby
. 
Ther
ewasaknockonthedoorsoIhadt
ogo
openupf
orwhoevert
hatmightbe.
 
I
twasadel
i
ver
yguy
. 
Guy
:Khensani
Dlami
ni?
 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Guy
:Pl
easesi
gnher
eforme.
 
Me:
Whatam Isi
gni
ngf
or?
 
Guy
:I'
mjustadel
i
ver
yguyma'
am.Pl
easesi
gn.
 
Ij
ustnoddedandsignedandthat'
swhenIsaw
anothercomewit
habi gbanquetoff
lower
s.
PinkLil
li
e'
stobeexactandtheysmelt
amazing. 
It
ookthef
lower
sandt
heboxofchocol
ates.
Ther
ewasalsoasmal
lbl
ackboxandanote.
 
Ist
oodther
ewonder
ingi
fIhav
easecr
et
admir
erorwhat
.
Ler
ato:
Wow.
 
Me:
Iknowr
ight
? 
Ler
ato:
Who'
sitf
rom?
 
Me:
I'
myett
ofi
ndout
 
Ler
ato:
Goon,
opent
hecar
d. 
Iputt
hefl
ower
sont
het
abl
eandopenedt
he
envel
ope.
 
"I
sitt
ool
atet
osaysor
ry?"
Me:
Wei
rd.
 
Ler
ato:
Theydi
dn'
tev
enLeav
eacl
ueofwho
t
heymi
ghtbe.
 
Me:Exactl
y.Well
,whoev
ertheymightbe,at
l
eastIgotaboxofchocolat
esandwhat ever
t
hismightbe. 
Ler
ato:
Apar
tofmewi
shesi
twasmyson.
 
Me:
Yoursoni
snotar
omant
icMa,
noof
fense.
 
Shel
aughed.
 
Ler
ato:
HowIwi
shhewasmor
eli
kehi
sfat
her
. 
Me:Iactual
lylovedthathe'
sdiff
erent.He
showedmel ov ehi
swayandascr azyasthat
mightsound,Isti
lll
ovehim ev
ennow.  
"Il
ovey
out
oo"
Me:
Am Igoi
ngcr
azyordi
dIj
ust
..
?No
Ler
ato:
Lookbehi
ndy
ou.
 
Isl
owlyturnedanddroppedtheboxof
chocol
atesthatIwasholdi
ng. 
Hewasstandi
ngthere,
looki
ngsizzl
ingi
nal
l
whi
tewi
thawhi t
eroseinhishand. 
Hecameandgav eitt
ome.Itookit
.Tokyo
musthavebeenverygoodonhi
m.Ormay bei
t
wasbecauseIhadn'
tseenhi
mI nawhil
e. 
Thando:
Beaut
if
ulRose,
forabeaut
if
ulwoman.
 
Romeo:
Daddy
! 
Scr
eamedRomeoashecamei nt
ot hekit
chen
andIhear
dmydaught
ercry
ingfr
om the
nur
serysoIwentt
oat
tendtoher
,leavi
ngthese
twobond.
 
Shekeptqui
eti
mmedi
atel
ywhenIhel
dherI
n
myarms. 
Ithi
nkshewaswokenupbyRomeo'
s
screami
ng.
 
Thando:
That
'sher
? 
Me:
Nope,
justaki
dIpi
ckedupont
hest
reet
s 
Isai
d,sar
cast
ical
l
y.Whatquest
ionwast
hat
anyway? 
Thando:
MayI
? 
Me:
Your
eal
l
yamazi
ngy
azi
Tumel
o. 
Thando:
Whatdi
dIdo?
 
Me:Youjustal
way scomebackandactlike
not
hingeverhappened,l
iket
hingsarej
ustfi
ne.
ImeanIhaven'tseenyouinwhat,f
ourmonths?
 
Thando:
Buty
ouknewwhenI
'
llbeback.
Me:
Youj
ustsosel
fi
sh.
 
Thando:
Iwasdoi
ngi
tforus.
 
Me:Doingwhat?..Idon'
tev
enwannaknow.
Youshouldbetell
ingmeifNobuhl
egavebir
th
ornot,
Isawapi ct
ureshepostedonI
nstagr
am,
she'
squit
ebig.
 
Thando:Youalwaysgonnabr
ingherup
ever
yti
meIt r
ytotal
kaboutus? 
Me:It'
sjusthurt
s,i
thurtsthatthisisactuall
y
happening.It
hought.
.Ireall
ythoughtt hiswas
somehowal i
ebutshe'sreal
lypr egnant.Surel
y
youcan'texpectmetojustbef inewi t
hi t
. 
Thando:
I'
m notev
ensur
eifshe'
scar
ryi
ngmy
baby.
 
Me:
Ohbutshei
s. 
Spheissomethi
ngelse.Yazi
shesleptwhi
lewe
weretal
ki
ngAndIreallyt
houghtshe'
dcryor
somethi
ngyetwhenRomeoscr eamedshe
cri
edsoIwasconfused. 
Iputherbackinhercott
henwentoutoft
he
nurser
ywiththebabymonit
or.
 
Yes,Nobuhl
ewasreal
lypregnantandsobig.I
knewthatbabywasLuthando'
s.Ij
ustknewAnd
i
thurt.
 
Iknowhesaidhedoesn'trememberat hing
aboutthatni
ghtbuti
twon'tchangethefact
thati
thappened,i
twon'
tchanget hefactthat
shemightpopoutevery
time. 
Tothi
nkIwasn'
tabl
etocarr
ymybabyunti
lthe
l
astweekbutshewasst
il
lonit
,ithur
t.
 
ButGod'
swi
l
lpr
evai
l
edandIwasgl
adt
hatmy
babysur
viv
edandt
hat
'sal
lthatmat
ter
ed.
May beI
'
llgetanotherchanceatt
hispr
egnancy
thi
ngwhenI 'm al
lmarri
edandstuf
fbutfornow,
IwasgratefulforwhatIhave.
 
Thando:
Khenpl
ease.
 
Me:I'
m happythatthi
ngswentgoodf
oryou.I
seeyoueatingcott
onnow,naweyougonna
scr
eam "Sidli
kot
ini
"
Hel
aughed.Iact
ual
l
ysangt
hesi
dli
kot
ini
par
t.
 
Me:
IknowI
'
m agoodsi
nger
.
Thando:
Youcr
azy
. 
Me:
Youusedt
olov
ethi
scr
azyass.
Thando:
Inev
erst
opped.
 
Me:Ai
n'
tyousupposet
ocatchupwithy
our
mot
herandson?Theyhav
en'tseeny
ouina
whi
l
e. 
Thando:
Whyar
eyoupushi
ngmeaway
? 
Me:
I'
m notpushi
ngy
ouaway
,you'
vebeenaway
f
orawhi
l
eandt
hatwasy
ourchoi
ce.
 
Thando:
Canwest
artov
ert
hen?
 
Me:
CanIbehonestwi
thy
ou?
 
Thando:
Umm,
okay
. 
Me:
Thi
ngsi
sI-
Hecutmeshor
t
Thando:
Youmetsomeone?
 
Me: CanIt
alkormanj
eyoucanreadmindsand
alr
eadyknowwhatIwanttosay
?ShouldIshut
upsoy oucantel
lmewhatIwasabouttosay
ke? 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ry,
goon.
 
Me:Idon'
tmindstar
ti
ngoverbutt
hatdoesn't
meanI'
m accepti
ngyouassomeonemor ethan
j
ustmybaby'sfat
her
. 
Thando:
Whatdoy
oumean?
 
Me:I'
m okaywi
thbei
ngsingl
e.I
nfact,Il
ove
bei
ngsingl
eandI'
dpref
eritt
ostaythatway.
Youmybaby'
sfat
herandthat
'swhatyou'
l
lonl
y
betomeorwecouldj
ustbefri
ends.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Fri
ends?
 
Inodded.
 
Thando:
DoIl
ookl
i
keIneedf
ri
ends?
 
Me:
Thenbabydaddyi
tist
hen.
 
Thando:Whycan'twegetbacktoget
her
?It'
s
notli
keIevercheat
edonyouwhi l
stwewere
toget
herandwhathappenedwit
hNobuhle
happenedwhenwehadbr okenup,whycan'
twe
mov eonfr
om this?
 
Me: I
twon'
tchangethefactt
hatshe'
saboutt
o
givebi
rt
htoyourbaby.Besi
des,t
hat'
snott
he
reasonwhyI
'm say
ingno. 
Thando:I
sitbecauseoft
hosef
lower
sandbox
ofchocol
ates?
 
Me:
What
?No.
 
Thando:
Don'
tl
iet
omeKhensani
,youhave
someoneel
sewho'
sev
ensendi
ngy ougi
ft
s. 
Me:Idon'tevenknowwhosentt hosegi
fts.I
'
m
sayi
ngIwantt ofocusonGod,SpheandRomeo
andgett
ingmydegr eeandsinceyoudon'twant
tobemyf ri
end,Iguessourki
dswi l
lonl
ybe
what'
sconnectingus. 
Thando:
I'
m notaccept
ingt
hat
. 
Me:I
t'
supt
oyou.Wher
ear
etheot
her
sbyt
he
way
? 
Thando:Iwant
edustospendsomet
ime
toget
hersoIsentt
hem away
.
Me:
Wow,
real
l
y? 
Thando:
It'
sbeenf
ourmont
hs.
 
Me:Can'
tbel
i
evey
ou30,
youshoul
dhav
ehada
par
ty.
Thando:
Soy
oust
il
lhav
eapr
obl
em wi
thmy
age? 
Me:
Idon'
thav
eapr
obl
em wi
thy
ourage.
 
Thando:Keepfool
ingy
our
sel
f.I
nthemeant
ime,
I
'dli
kesomef ood.
 
Me:
Youhav
etwohands,
yenzakwenzeke
Thando:ThetimeI'
m gonnadisci
pli
neyou,
you'
regoingtoapologi
zeinadvancefory
our
att
it
udeItell
you. 
Ichuckl
ed.Yeahr
ight
.
Thandoneedst
ost
opt
hinki
nghecanbul
l
yme
around.
 
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
94
Idon'
tknowhowt hi
shappenedbutwhenI
wokeupt hef
oll
owingday,
itwassolat
e. 
Iusual
l
ywakeupear
lyandtur
ningtol
ookat
thewatchont
hewal
l,i
twas09:15am.
Me:
No!
 
Iscr
eamed,
get
ti
ngup.Ihadmi
ssedmyf
li
ght
.
Howt
hehel
ldi
dthi
shappen?
 
Ijustwor
emyshoest
henwentt
othenur
ser
y,
tocheckonSphe.
 
Shewasst
il
lsl
eepi
ng.
 
Iwentt
olookforLer
atobutshewasn'
tther
e
andnei
therwasRomeo. 
Thando:
Youokay
? 
HeaskedassoonasIgotint
ot heki
tchen.He
wasweari
nganapron,
probablyabouttomake
hi
mselfbr
eakf
ast.
 
Me:
Whydi
dn'
tyouwakemeup?
 
Helookedatme,
wit
haconf
usedf
aci
al
expr
ession.
 
Asi
fthatwasgenui
ne.
 
Me:
Iwassupposet
obeatt
heai
rpor
tbef
ore08.
Thando:
Oh 
Me:
Oh?That
'sal
lyougonnasay
? 
Thando:I
t'
sreal
l
ynotmyfaul
tthaty
ou
over
slept
,Idi
dn'
tev
enknowyouhadbookeda
fl
i
ght. 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Il
ookedathi
m wi
thf
oldedar
ms.
 
Thando:Youwokeupt hreeti
mest ocheckup
onSphe.Youshouldhav esetanalarm.You
knowhowmuchy ouloveyoursleepandIalso
knowy oudon'
tli
kebeingdistur
bedjerkyou
sl
eepingsoitr
eall
ycan'tbemyf ault
. 
Hesai
d,shr
uggi
nghi
sshoul
der
s. 
Me:
IguessIdon'
thav
eachoi
ce.
 
Helookedatme,per
plexedunt
ilhef
inal
l
ygot
whatIwasimpl
yi
ng. 
Thando:
Don'
tev
ent
hinkabouti
t.
 
Me:
Ineedt
ogethome.
 
Thando:Younotdr
ivi
ngther
eal
oneNokubonga.
Webot hknowwhathappenedt
hel
astt
imey ou
di
d. 
Me:
Youneedt
ost
opt
reat
ingmel
i
keaki
d. 
Thando:
I'
ll
stopt
hemi
nut
eyoust
opact
ingl
i
ke
one.
 
Me:
Arey
oucal
l
ingmechi
l
dish?
 
Thando:
Yousai
dit
. 
Hethenwentbackt
owhathewasdoi
ng,
l
eav
ingmewi t
hmydr oppedj
aw.
 
WasIreall
ychi
ldi
sh?Maybejustal
i
ttl
ebi
tbut
hedi
dn'thavet
opointi
tout
. 
Me:
Whyy
oubei
ngsomean?
 
Isnortedthenl
eft
,goingbacktomyr oom.I
str
ippedthenwrappedat owel
aroundmybody
andwentt othebathr
oom whereItookabath.
 
Icouldn'
trel
axcausemydaughterj
ustdoesn'
t
haveTiming.Idr
iedthenwr
appedatowel
aroundmybody .
 
WhenIgotbackt
omyr
oom,
hewast
her
e. 
Thando:
Yourphonei
sri
ngi
ng.
 
Hehadi
tinhi
shands
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Isai
d,t
aki
ngi
tandhewasst
il
ll
ooki
ngatme.
 
Me:
Amomentpl
ease.
 
Hest
il
ldi
dn'
tmov e,
Ijustknewhewasn'
tgoi
ng
t
osoIanswered.
 
Icoul
dn'
trecogni
zet
henumbert
hough.
 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
Cal
l
er:
Yougotmygi
ft
s? 
Me:
Who'
sthi
s? 
Cal
l
er:
Yousay
ingy
ouf
orgotmyv
oice?
 
That'
sactual
l
ywheni
tfi
nal
l
ydawnedmewho
thati
s. 
Me:
Oh,
you 
Isai
d,i
nvol
unt
ari
l
yrol
l
ingmyey
es.
 
Mpho:
Yes,
me.Iaskedy
ouaquest
iont
hough.
 
Me:
Ifor
gav eyoualongti
meago.Thanksf
or
t
hefl
owers,Thechocol
atesandwhat
everi
son
t
hesmallbox.
 
Mpho:
Yousay
ingy
ouhav
en'
topenedi
t? 
Me:
Inev
ergott
oit
. 
Mpho:
Ouch.Thathur
ts.
 
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwantf
rom met
hough?
 
Mpho:
Comeopent
hedoort
heny
ou'
l
lfi
ndout
. 
Me:
What
?No.
 
Mpho:
Yes.
 
ThereasonIwassay i
ngnois,
hej
ustdi
dn'
t
knowwhatmi ghthappen.
 
Lut
handobei
ngher
e,Ij
ustdi
dnotknow.
 
Ihungupandl
ookedathi
m. 
Thando:
Soheboughty
out
hosegi
ft
s? 
Me:
NowIr
eal
l
ywi
shIhadn'
taccept
edt
hem.
 
Li
kehehadsai
d,heknockedont
hedoorandI
l
ookedatLut
hando,
bit
ingmynai
l
s. 
Thando:
Don'
ttel
lmehe'
stheoneatt
hedoor
. 
Me:
Wel
lI.
.Thi
ngi
s..
 
Thando:I'
l
lgogeti
t.I
nthemeant
ime,get
dressedbefor
eImakeyouscr
eam y
ourlungs
out 
Heki ssedmeonthecheekthenlef
t.Il
oti
oned
thenwor emypant
yandadeni m dr
esswithmy
sleepersandt
iedmyhairi
ntoalazybun. 
Get
tingout
,If
oundMphosi
tt
ingdownwit
h
Lut
handoopposi
tehi
m.Wel
l,t
hat'
sbei
ngciv
il
. 
Me:
Wow.
 
Mpho:
Soy
ousenty
ourmant
oopenup?
 
Il
ookedatLut
handowhowasv
eryser
ious.
 
IwasabouttoanswerwhenSphecri
ed.Ij
ust
wenttothenur
seryandatt
endedt
oher.Ist
il
l
hadn'
thadmybr eakf
ast
. 
Ichangedhernappyt
henwentwi
thhert
othe
ki
tchenwher
eImadeherbot
tl
e. 
Thando:
I'
ll
hol
dher
.Goat
tendy
ourboy
fri
end.
 
Hetookherawayfrom meandIcont
inuedwi
th
makingherbot
tl
e. 
Mpho:Soy
ougav
ebi
rt
h?Shoul
dhav
ebeenour
baby
. 
Me:Yougotwhaty
ouwant
ed,
whatmor
edo
youwant
? 
Mpho:Iwannarect
if
ymymist
akes.Eversi
nceI
l
ostyou,myli
fewasnev
ert
hesame.  
Me:Andsomehowy ouhav
ethi
sper
ver
tedi
dea
t
hatIact
ual
lycar
e. 
Mpho:Youdon'
tfor
gety
ourf
ir
stKhensani
andI
wasyourf
ir
st.
 
Hesaid,get
ti
ngcl
osert
omet
henbr
ushedmy
cheek.
Thandocl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
. 
Thando:
Thebot
tl
epl
ease.
 
Ipasseditt
ohi
mthenheleft
.Icoul
dn'
t
underst
andwhyhewasbeingsochi
ll
edabout
ever
ythi
ng. 
Me:
Pleasel
eav
e. 
Mpho:
Stopdeny
ingi
t.
 
Me:I'
m notdenyi
nganythi
ng.Whatwehadwas
goodwhil
eitlast
edbutnowit'
sover
.Idon'
t
makethesamemi st
aketwi
ce.
 
Mpho:
Sowewer
eami
stake?
 
Me:
That
'swhywedi
dn'
twor
k.Nowl
eav
e. 
Mpho:I
'
m notgoingt
ogiveupt
hiseasy
.You
wi
llbemineagai
nKhen.
 
Hekissedmeontheforeheadthenl
eft
.He
mustbecrazyI
fhethi
nksI'l
lev
ergetbackwi
th
hi
m. 
HebrokemesomuchthatIj
ustcan'
tal
l
ow
mysel
ftogot
hrought
hatagai
n. 
Il
ockedt
hedoort
henl
eanedoni
t,cl
osi
ngmy
ey
es.
 
Thando:
Hemusthav
emadequi
teani
mpacton
you.
Iopenedmyey
es,
hewasst
andi
ngi
nfr
ontof
me. 
Me:
Har
dly
. 
Thando:I
'
vebookedaf
li
ghtf
ort
omor
row.I
t'
sat
10am. 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Thando:
Iwasact
ual
l
ydoi
ngi
tformydaught
er.
 
Me:
Not
hingi
sgoi
ngonbet
weenusThando.
 
Thando:
Webr okeupr
ight
?Youdon'
thav
eto
expl
ainyour
sel
ftomeanymore.
 
Me:
Lut
hando.
..
 
Thando:
Imadebr
eakf
ast
,shoul
dIdi
shupf
or
you? 
Thatwaspi
erci
ngtomyhear
t.Ij
ustnodded.He
di
shedupforme. 
Therestoft
hedaywasspentwithhi
m onl
y
tal
ki
ngtohisdaught
erandnotsayi
nganyt
hing
tome. 
Idi
dn'
tthi
nkMpho'
svisi
twasgoi
ngt
oaf
fectus
thi
smuch.Ir
eal
l
ydidn't
. 
Hewasbei
ngsocol
dtomethatIst
opped
t
ryi
ngt
omakeaconver
sat
ionwit
hhim. 
Goodthi
ngIhadl
ongpackedourst
uff
.Imade
sur
etowakeupearl
ythefol
l
owingday.
 
It
ookashower,dri
edandlot
ioned.Iworebl
ack
l
eggingswi
thalongsl
eevesdenim shi
rtand
whit
esneaker
s. 
Icombedmyhai
randmadet
wobuns.
 
Ithenwentt
othenurseryandbathedmy
daught
erwhil
eshewasst il
lsl
eeping.Shewoke
upduri
ngthatbutdi
dn'tcr
y. 
Idri
edher,
v asel
i
nedhert henIdressedherup
i
nherpinkonesie.Shelookedsocut ethatI
tookcount
lesspict
uresofher. 
Iwentwit
hhertotheki
tchenandputheronher
babychai
rwhi
leImadeherbottl
e.Thandowas
nowheretobeseen,hewasprobabl
ystil
l
sl
eepi
ng. 
Myphonerangandasmil
ecr
eptonmyf
ace
whenIsawwho'scal
l
ing.
 
Me:
Daddy
. 
Dad:
Whenar
eyoucomi
nghome?
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Younotev
engonnaaskhowy
ouronl
y
daught
eri
sdoing?
 
Dad:
Youwer
esupposet
obeher
eyest
erday
. 
Me:
Imi
ssedmyf
li
ght
. 
Dad:
So,
whenar
eyougonnacome?
 
Me:
I'
m comi
ngt
oday
. 
Dad:
It'
saboutt
ime,
Imi
ssy
ou.
 
Me:
Imi
ssy
out
oo,
somuch.
 
Dad:
Justgether
e,Ican'
twai
ttoseey
out
oo.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Ican'
twai
ttoo.
 
Dad:
Ilov
eyou,
bye.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Ihungupandj
ustsmi
l
ed.
 
Thando:
Mustf
eel
goodNeh.
 
Me:
Oh,
hey
. 
ItookSphet
henwentt
othel
oungesoIcan
feedher.
 
Thando:
Your
eady
? 
Me:
Yes,
wear
e. 
Thando:
All
packed?
 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Henodded.Shesl
eptaf
tereat
ingsoIwentt
o
putheri
nhercott
henmadebr eakf
ast
. 
Imadeaf
arm br
eakf
astf
orThandot
henIj
ust
mademy
sel
fasmoot
hie,
frui
tsal
adandmuesl
i
. 
Thando:
Youeatt
hatf
orbr
eakf
ast
? 
Me:
What
'swr
ongwi
thi
t? 
Thando:
Wasj
ustaski
ng.
 
Inodded.
 
Aft
ereat
ing,wepackedal
lourbagsi
nthecar
andfi
nal
lylef
tfort
heair
port
. 
Afewhour sl
ater
,wehadar
ri
vedathomeandI
nolongerhadababy.
 
I
'm say
ingthatbecauseKi
tsoandDaddi
dn'
t
wannagiveherbacktome. 
Me:
Youguy
sshoul
djustmakey
ourownbaby
. 
Ki
tso:
Youl
oveat
tent
ionnawe.
 
Il
aughed.I
'
dmi
ssedher
. 
Me:
Letmegoputhert
osl
eep.
 
Dad:
Don'
twor
ry,
Igott
his.
 
Ij
ustr
aisedmyhandsi
nsur
render
. 
Bandi
l
e:Khen.
Heopenedhi
sar
msf
ormesoucant
akehi
m
soIdi
d. 
Me:
Missedme?
 
Henodded.
 
Iwasj
ustsohappyt
obehome.
 
IspentChri
stmaswi
thmyfami
lyandIwas
goingtospendnewyear
satmymom'splace.
 
I
twasnewyear
seveandt
hatmeantSphewas
now6mont
hsold.
 
Shewasgr
owi
ngsof
astandt
hatwar
medmy
hear
t.
 
I
twasaround5pm whenIrecei
vedacal
lfrom
Thandowhi
chIanswered.He'
dcomefrequentl
y
j
usttobewit
hthebaby. 
Thi
ngsbetweenuswer ej
usttoof
ormal.It
ried
makingt
hingsabiteasybuthedi
dn'
tbarge.To
hi
m,Iwasj ustt
hebabymamaandIhadno
choi
cebutt
oacceptt
hat
. 
Ir
eal
l
ythoughtwecoul
dbef
ri
endsatl
east
. 
Me:
Hi.
 
Ianswer
edt
hecal
l
. 
Thando:
CanIseemydaught
er?
 
SeewhatImean?St
rai
ghtt
obusi
ness.
 
Me:
I'
ll
bri
ngher
. 
Thando:
Thanky
ou.
 
Hehungup.Ij
ustdidnotunderst
andwhyhe
woul
dn'
tcomeint oseeher.Anyway
,Iwentt
o
t
akeherf
rom Kit
so. 
Me:
Lut
handoi
sher
eforher
. 
Ki
tso:
Howcomehenev
ercomesi
n? 
Dad:
Becausehe'
snotwel
comeher
e. 
Me:
He'
snot
? 
Dad:
Yes.Anddon'
tev
enaskmewhy
. 
Idi
dn'
t.Ij
ustt
ookmybabyt
oherf
ather
.Hegot
outwhenhesawusappr
oachi
ng.
 
Isati
nthebackseatwhi
l
etheybonded.
 
Isati
nther
eforl
i
ketwohourswhi l
eheplay
ed
andtal
kedwit
hhisdaught
erunt
ilshepr
obably
fel
lasl
eep.
 
Thando:Ican'
twaitf
ort
het
imeI
'
dbeabl
eto
takeyouhomewi t
hme. 
Hi
sphoner
angandheputi
tonl
oudspeaker
. 
"I
'
minl
abour
!"
IknewitwasNobuhl
e,Iknewt
hatv
oicev
ery
well
. 
Thando:
What
? 
Nobuhl
e:Ahhhhhh.
..Justcomeal
ready
. 
Thando:
Now?
 
Nobuhl
e:Yes.
.Ahh.
..Nowdammi
t!
 
Thando:
Shi
t.I
'
m comi
ng.
 
Nobuhl
e:Youbet
ter
! 
Shehungupandhegav
eSphet
ome.
 
Thando:
Igot
tago.
 
Idi
dn'
taskanyfur
ther
.Ijustt
ookmybabyand
wewentbacktothehouse.Hiscarspedof
f.
 
Thathurt
.Itwaspier
cingt
omyheart
.Knowi
ng
thathewasn'ther
ewhenIgav
ebir
thandyethe
ranimmediatel
ywhenNobuhl
ecal
led.
 
Ij
ustknewthenthatchancesofusev
erget
ti
ng
backtoget
herwherenon-exi
stent
IwenttoputherinBandi
l
e'sol
dcott
henwent
tomyr oom whereIt
ooktwosl
eepi
ngtabl
ets
andslepti
toff.
 
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
95
AsIwassl eepi
ng,Iwantedt
oescapefr
om
real
it
yal i
tt
lebi
t.Iwant
edmysubconscioust
o
refl
ectbackonmyl i
feandallt
hemist
akesI
hadmade.  
See,i
nmysl
eepi
tdi
dn'
thur
t.Icoul
dn'
tfeel
the
pai
n.
IguessIbroughtt
hisonmy sel
fandIj
usthad
tolethi
m go,i
twasn'tgoi
ngtobeeasybutI
wasgoingtotry.
 
Imademybedandi
twast
imeIl
aidoni
t.
 
Iremember edsomethingthepast
oroncesai
d,I
don'tknowwhyi tcamenowandi nmy
consciousl
yunconsciousstat
e,i
fitmakes
sensebutitdid.
 
"Don'
tgi
veuponhi
m"
See,att
hatti
meIhadnoi deawhohemight
havebeental
kingaboutandnow,
nowIknew. 
Iwasn'
tgoingtoforceanyt
hingbutIwasgoing
tobethereforhi
m.Itoldmyselft
hatI'
m done
wit
hdatingandit'
shighti
meIst i
cktothat
. 
Iwokeupandwentt
otakear
efr
eshi
ngbat
h. 
YaziIsl
eptonthe31stsoitmeantthisdaywas
thestar
tofanewy earanditwasgoingtobea
goody
earf
orme.
 
Iknewt
hey
'dbechal
lengesbutIal
soknewGod
wasgoi
ngtocomethroughforme.
 
Hesaiditi
nhiswor
d;"Iwi
l
lnev
erl
eav
eyou
norf
orsakeyou"
Andbecausenobodysai
ditbutGodhi
msel
f,i
t
set
tl
esit
. 
Idri
edthenl
oti
onedandwor
esweat
pant
sanda
T-shi
rtwi
thsl
eeper
sandcombedmyhai
rand
madeapony t
ail
wit
hit.
Iwenttothekit
chent
of i
ndt
hefami
lyhav
ing
breakf
ast.Sl
eepi
ngpil
l
scanreal
l
yknockyou
outbutIneededther
est.
 
Iwasgoi
ngtofacel
i
fei
nadi
ff
erentper
spect
ive
fr
om nowon.
 
Iwasgoingtofocusonthet
hingsthatr
eal
l
y
matterandthatwasGod,myfamil
yandmy
educati
on.
 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Ki
tso:
Youcansur
elysl
eep.
 
Me:
IguessIwassot
ir
ed.
 
Kit
so:I
fshewasn'
tthi
scut
e,I
'
dbescol
dingy
ou
now. 
Il
aughed.Shewashol
dingSphe.
 
Me:
Ipr
omi
sei
t'
snev
erhappeni
ngagai
n. 
Dad:Itbet
ternot
.Weloveourgranddaughter
butIalsodon'
twanttost
artt
hinki
ngthatyou
can'
ttakecareofher
. 
Me:
Ofcour
sedad,
Iwasj
ustt
oot
ir
edt
hat
'
sal
l
. 
Ki
tso:Andi
t'
sunder
standabl
e,
 y
ou'
vebeen
worki
ngsohard.
 
Me:
Wel
l
,Ican'
twai
ttogobackt
ocampus.
 
Dad:
Younol
ongerl
oveusIsee.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:YouknowIloveyouguy
ssomuchbutI
got
tagetmydegree.
 
Dad:Ibel
i
eveyouwi
l
l,y
ourr
esul
tswer
e
out
standi
ng.
 
Me:Per
ksofhavi
ngav
eryi
ntel
l
igentdad,
Ithi
nk
i
t'
sinmygenes.
 
Wel
aughed.
 
Dad:I
'
dli
ketotakecr
editbutit
'sal
lyouand
put
ti
ngal
lthatknowl
edgeintouse.
 
Me:
Ofcour
se.Imi
ssedt
his.
 
Isai
d,t
aki
ngabi
teofmyomel
ett
e. 
Ki
tso:
Youshoul
dcomehomemor
eof
ten.
 
Me:Iwil
l,
thoughy
ourgr
anddaught
eri
ssucha
handf
ul.
 
Dad:Evenifi
t'sj
ustf
oraweekend,
Ilov
ehav
ing
youaround. 
Me:ThenI
'l
ldefi
nit
elycome.Pl
usI'
l
lbedoing
mysecondyear,whi
chmeanslessmodulesAo
I
'l
lhav
emor eti
meonmyhands.  
Ki
tso:
Asl
ongasi
tdoesn'
taf
fecty
ourwor
k.
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Dadhel
dSpheasIhelpedKit
sowit
hthedi
shes
af
ter
wards.Bandi
ledi
dn'
twantt
oleav
ehis
ni
ece'
spresence.
 
Hewassoex ci
tedt
ohavesomeonetoplay
wi
th,
asl i
tt
leashei
sandmydaughtercoul
dn'
t
st
opgiggli
ng.
 
Iwashappythatshe'
shappyandt
hatwas
ever
ythi
ngtome. 
Aft
erwashi
ngthedishes,
Iwenttobat
hSphe
si
nceweweregoingtomymom' shousef
ora
newyear
slunchthi
nggoingonther
e. 
Idressedherupinawhi
tej
eggingt
henapink
wool dressont
opandputaMickymouse
beanieonherhead.
 
Idi
dn'
tchange.Ij
ustwor
esneaker
sthent
ook
mybabyandherbagandwel ef
t.
 
Ibi
dfarewel
ltoev
ery
oneatt
heki
tchent
henI
wentout.
 
Iputheri
nhercarchai
r,t
uckedandbuckl
edher
upthenwenttothedri
ver
'sseat
.Herbagwas
j
ustnexttomyseat.
 
Idr
ovewhil
eli
steni
ngtosomegospelmusi
c
j
usttogetmyspiri
tint
heri
ghtmood.
 
Apparent
lyIwasgoi
ngtomeetsomeofmy
st
epdad'sfami
lyandIj
usthopedi
tal
lgoes
well
. 
Arrivi
ngthere,
therewereaf ewcarsparked
out si
deincl
udingthatofmybabydaddy .Idi
dn'
t
thinkIwasgoingt oseehimt hi
ssoonbutIwas
gladbecauset hi
swoul dgi
vemeachancet o
askhi m howitall
wentwi t
hNobuhle. 
If
oundapar
kingspott
henpar
kedmycar
. 
Igotoutwi
thherbagthenwenttogether,she
wokeupjustasItookheroutofhercarchai
r
andwewentinsi
de. 
Igr
eet
edasIgoti
nthenwentt
olookformy
mom.Ireal
l
ydi
dn'
thavet
imeforal
lthese
peopl
e. 
Iknockedonherdoort
hengoti
n. 
Khol
i
swa:
Youcame?
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Ofcour
seIdi
d. 
IputSphe'
sbagdown.
 
Me:
Howar
eyou?
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
m goodhey
.How'
sSphe?
 
Me:
She'
sal
sogood.How'
sthel
i
ttl
eone?
 
Khol
i
swa:
Qui
teaheadache.
 
Mom' sbabywasthreemonthsnow.I
t'
saboy,
Lungi
saniSiy
abul
elaNgcobo.Suchacute,
chubbybaby.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Thi
sonei
squi
teanangel
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Arey
ouokay
? 
Il
ookedather
.Abi
tper
plexedcauseIdi
dn'
t
quit
egetshewasaski
ngi
nref
err
alt
owhatbutI
short
lynodded.
 
Khol
iswa:
Ihear
daboutwhathappenedwi
th
Lut
hando.
Me:
We'
l
lbef
ine.
 
Kholi
swa:
Ihateseei
ngy
ouhur
t.Lookathow
thi
nyouare.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Whyi
sev
ery
onesoconcer
nedwi
thmy
wei
ght
? 
Kholi
swa:Becauseit
'snotyou.We'
l
lst
art
thi
nki
ngthatMahikengisnotgoodonyou.
 
Me:
Lookont
hebr
ightsi
de,
I'
m br
ight
ernow.
 
Shel
aughed.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Youcr
azy
. 
Me:Youdi
dn'
ttel
lmei
t'
sgonnabet
hispacked
t
hough.
 
Khol
i
swa:
TheNgcobo'
sar
eabi
gfami
l
y. 
Me:SoIsee.CanIputherdownsomewher
e?
She'
ssl
eeping.
Khol
i
swa:
Puthernextt
oheruncl
e. 
Me:
Soundswei
rd.She'
sol
der
. 
Wel
aughedandIputhert
her
e. 
Me:
I'
ll
comecheckonher
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Okay
. 
Getti
ngout,Iwentt
ot heki
tchenwher
eIf
ound
Lerat
owi t
hsomeot herwomenandwehugged
short
ly.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sRomeo?
 
Ler
ato:
They
'r
eatt
heback.
 
Iwasabouttoworkher
esoIimmedi
atel
ywent
out
,bumpingint
osomegir
l.
Me:
I'
m sosor
ry.
 
Ipi
ckedupherphonef
orher
. 
Gi
rl
:Khensani
. 
Me:
Isi
tMusaorMot
so?
 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Gi
rl
:Mot
so.
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
Ofcour
se.Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e? 
Mot
so:
It'
smyuncl
e'
shouse.
 
Me:
Uncl
e? 
Mot
so:
I'
m Lut
hando'
sli
tt
lesi
ster
. 
Me:
Whoa.
..What
? 
Shegr
inned.
 
Mot
so:
Iknow.I
'
mthel
astbor
n. 
Me:
Whowoul
dhav
ethought
..
 
Mot
so:
Iknowr
ight
.Wher
e'smyni
ece?
 
Me:
She'
ssl
eepi
ngi
nmymom'
sroom.
 
Mot
so:
I'
ll
gowakeherup.
 
Me:
Hai
ke,
don'
tcal
lmewhenshe'
scr
yingher
l
ungsout
. 
Wel
aughed.
 
Mot
so:
Don'
twor
ryabouti
t.
 
Me:
Giv
emey
ournumber
,weshoul
dhangout
. 
Mot
so:
Your
eadmymi
nd.
 
WeexchangednumbersthenIf
inal
lywentt
o
t
hebackwher eIf
oundRomeowi t
hThandiand
t
wootherkids.
 
RomeoandThandi
rant
omeandweshar
eda
gr
ouphug.
 
Me:
Howar
eyouguy
s? 
Them:
Fine.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sy
ourf
ather
? 
Isai
dtoRomeo.
 
Romeo:
Comemom,
I'
ll
takey
ou.
 
Me:
Okay
. 
If
oll
owedhi
mtowher
eLut
handowasand
foundhim al
ongwit
hsomeguy
sandgi
rl
s,
dri
nkingandhavi
ngfun.
 
Me:
Okay
,youcangoback.
 
Iper
kedhim onthel
ipsandher
anback.I
appr
oachedthem. 
I
twasTi zzandLiaanebutLiaanewasn'twi
th
KagibutIwasn'tgoingtoaskanyt
hing.I
greet
edandt heyrepli
ed.Il
ookedatThando.
 
Me:
Canwet
alk?I
twon'
ttakel
ong.
 
Thando:Yazi
,I
'mt
ryi
ngtohav
eaDr
inkand
rel
ax,gi
bestr
essf
ree.
 
Theyl
aughed.I
fthi
swasanyotherday
,Iwoul
d
havej
usttur
nedbackbutIdi
dn'
t.
 
Me:
Don'
twor
ry,
it'
snot
hingbi
g. 
Thando:
Letmedeal
wit
hmysexybabymama.
 
Theol
dKhensaniwoul
dhavefeltsosmall,
l
ooki
ngathowthosegir
lswheredressesbutI
di
dn'
tcar
e. 
Iwassosel
fconsci
ousnow.Idi
dn'
tcar
eabout
whatany
bodyel
sethought
.
Me:
Didshegi
vebi
rt
hwel
l
? 
Thando:
That
'swhaty
oucal
l
edmef
or.
 
Me:
Yep,
Ijustwannaknowaboutt
hebaby
. 
Thando:I
t'
saboy,andyes,shegav
ebirthwel
l
.
Actual
l
y,shegav
ebirt
haround1am todaysohe
wasbornonthe1stofJanuary.
 
Me:
That
'sgr
eat
.Goodt
oknowt
hey
'r
eokay
 
Thando:Yeah.Ihatet
osaythi
sbuthe'smine
andI'
m goingtotakecar
eofhim assoonas
theygetout.
 
Me:Iknowhe'syour
sandwell,
goodl
uckwit
h
ever
ythi
ng.Maybewhentheri
ghtt
imecomes,
Sphemightmeetherbr
other
. 
Thando:
I'
dli
ket
hat
. 
Me:Youcangobackt
oyourboy
s,andget
dr
unk,ubemnandi
.
 
Thando:
Youcanj
oinus.
 
Me:
May
bei
fIhadn'
tcomewi
thmydaught
er.
 
Thando:
She'
sher
e? 
Me:
Yeah.
 
Thando:
Bri
nghert
ome.
 
Me:Likehell Iwi
ll
.Youar ebusydr
inki
ngand
smoking,thatwon' tbegoodformydaughter.I
don'
twanthergoi ngbacktohospi
talbecause
ofyourrecklessness. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Okay
,br
ingmeapl
atet
hen.
 
Me:
ByeLut
hando.
 
Isai
d,notevenl
i
steni
ngtoonemorewor
d.I
wasjustgl
adhewasn'tt
hatcol
dtomenow.
 
Turnsout
,Thandohasalitt
lebrot
her
,who
l
ookedjustl
ikehi
m butli
ghteri
ncomplexi
on.
HisnameisTumisho. 
Hewasahandsomey
oungmanandhadadeep
v
oice.
 
Tumi
sho:
Howol
dar
eyou?
 
Me:
Younotev
engoi
ngt
oaskmyname?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
Tumisho:Khensani
,thegi
rlwhostolemy
brot
her'
sheart.Youl
ooksoy oungthough.
 
Me:
I'
m 20.
Tumi
sho:
I'
m 25.
Me:
AndMot
so?
 
Tumi
sho:
She'
s20.
Me:
Soi
t'
saf
ivey
eargapki
ndert
hing?
 
Tumi
sho:
Yeah,
youcanputi
tthatway
. 
Ispentt
herestoft
hedaywit
hhim whil
egoi
ng
tocheckonmydaughterwhowasbeing
passedfr
om auntt
oaunt.
 
Overal
l
,itwasagooddayandIev
enendedup
spendi
ngtheni
ghtther
e. 
I
twasgoodknowi
ngtherestoft
hef
ami
l
yandI
wascont
entwi
thever
ythi
ng.
 
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
96
Il
ookedatmysel
fontheful
lref
lect
ionmir
ror
.It
wasactual
l
yhardtobel
i
eveformet oo.
 
Itur
nedar
oundtogetaref
lect
ionofmyass,
andhowperf
ectthedr
esswashuggingmy
body. 
Me:
Thi
sisi
t 
Isai
dtoDadwhowasl
ooki
ngatmeont
he
mirr
or.
 
Dad:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ulmyl
ady
. 
Igi
ggl
edandt
urned.
 
Me:
Thanky
oudaddy
. 
Dad:I
'm soproudofyouKhensani
,Isti
ll
can'
t
bel
iev
et hi
sishappeni
ng.Iwi
shsomeonecoul d
j
ustpinchmesoIcanknowi fI'
m dreamingor
what
. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Har
dtobel
i
evef
ormet
oo.
 
Dad:
Myl
i
ttl
egi
rli
snotsol
i
ttl
eany
mor
e. 
Me:
Iknowr
ight
,I'
mtur
ning23
Isai
dwit
hagr
in,
hechuckl
ed,
shaki
nghi
s
head.
 
Dad:Andyougr
aduat
ing.Nowt
hat
'
shar
dto
bel
ieve.
 
Me:Andmyr
esul
ts.
.Amaz
ing,
ifIdosayso
mysel
f.
 
Wel
aughed.
 
Dad:
Don'
tfor
getwher
eyougotal
lthatwi
sdom
fr
om. 
Me:
Wel
lGod.Pr
over
bs1:
7 
Us:Thefearoft
heLor
dist
hebegi
nni
ngof
knowledge 
Dad:
Yeah,
yeah.
 
Me: Thankyoudad.Forev er
ythi
ng.Forl
ovi
ng
mewhenIknewnot hingaboutloveandbei
ng
thereformewhenIf eltl
i
keIhadnooneand
holdingmyhandt hr
oughitall
.Thepain,
thejoy
andt hehappi
ness. 
Dad:Youmypr
incessandI
'
ddoi
tagai
nifI
havetoo.
 
Wesharedanemot i
onalembracet hatspoke
vol
umesf ort
hebot hofus.Trut
hi s,Iwouldn'
t
behereifi
twasn'tbecauseofthismanandI '
l
l
for
everbethankf
ul t
ohimf oreverythi
ng. 
Iowehi
m andGodf
ormyl
if
e.I
t'
ssafet
osay
Godgav
emeanangelf
orafat
her
. 
Whenwebr okethehug,
wewer
ebot
hcr
ying
t
henlaugheditoff
. 
Mom:
Hai
bo,
Khensani
? 
Sheshout
edwhenshebargedint
omyroom.
Mymom neverknocks,
int
err
upti
ngt
hehear
t-
hear
tIhadbeenhav
ingwi
thmyf
ather
. 
Me:
Himom.
 
Mom: Don'
thi
mom me,
whyar
en'
tyoudone
yet
? 
Me:
Iam.
 
Isai
d,shr
uggi
ngmyshoul
der
s. 
Ki
tso:
Yourmakeupi
smessedup 
Il
ookedatdadandwel
aughed.
 
Me:
Wher
e'smygown?
 
"
Comi
ng"
Shout
edTumi
shoandhegoti
nwi
thi
t.Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Hesmi
l
edback.
 
Romeo:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ulmommy
. 
Me:
Thanksbaby
. 
Ibentdownandki
ssedhi
m ont
hel
i
ps.
 
Sphe:
Bit
if
ulmama(Beaut
if
ul)
Igiggl
edandalsoki
ssedher
.Mybabi
eshad
grownbethuna.
 
Sphewast
urning3.Romeowas7y
ear
snow
anddoi
ngGrade2.
Hehadabi
gAf
ro,
andi
tlookedgoodonhi
m. 
Bandil
ewast ur
ning4AndSi
yawastwo,al
so
tur
ning3.Thandiwas8,doi
ngherGr
ade3and
wassot al
kati
ve.
 
Shej
ustnev
erst
oppedt
alki
ng.
 
ThandoandIwer edoingv er
ywelli
nthi
sco-
parent
ingthi
ngandIdon' tknowabouthi
m butI
wasstill
verymuchsingle. 
MotsoandIwer
eprett
yclose.We'dvi
siteach
ot
herever
yonceinawhil
e.Shewasst ayi
ngin
Pr
etori
aandIwassti
l
linMaf i
keng.
 
Mphostoppedpursui
ngmeandit
'ssaf
etosayI
wasl
iv
ingapr et
tystr
essf
reel
i
fe.
 
Njabul
o,Nobuhle'
ssonwas2y earsandf
ondof
me.Hewasal sostayingwi
thLerat
oand
Nobuhleneverceasedtomakeitknownshe'
s
herson. 
I
t'
ssadshesawmeascompet i
ti
onwhileI
di
dn'
tevencar
eaboutheranymore.Iwasgood,
bei
ngonmyownandIact ual
l
ylikedit
. 
Wet ooksomanypict
urestoget
her
,wi
tht
he
ki
dst ooandf
inal
l
ylef
tsinceti
mewasnoton
ourside.
 
Iwasgoingwit
hDadandTumishotocampus
andthewomenwerestay
ingbehi
ndtoprepar
e
somelunch.
 
Mot
sowasf
lyi
ngher
elat
er.
 
Thegr
aduat
ioncer
emonywasst
art
ingat08:
30
andwewereabitl
ate.
 
Anyway,
IwalkedoutofGr
eatHal
lfeel
i
ngver
y
pr
oud.Thor
isowasheresowehuggedbri
efl
y 
Hegotmar
ri
edt
ohi
sbabymama,
theyhada
f
iveyearol
ddaught
ert
oget
her
.Suchasweet
l
ady.
 
Me:
Thanksf
orcomi
ng.
 
Thor
iso:
Iwoul
dn'
tmi
ssi
tfort
hewor
ld.
 
Me:
Sti
l
lcan'
tbel
i
evey
ousomeone'
shusband.
 
Thor
iso:
Youdidn'
twantt
omar
rysoIhadt
o
makeaplan.
 
Il
aughed.Don'
tworr
y,he'
sjustpl
ayi
ng.They
'd
beentoget
herwaybefor
eIknewhim. 
Theyactuall
ygotmarr
iedl
asty
earandIeven
sangabeaut i
ful
songasaweddingpr
esent
ki
nderthing.
 
Tumi
sho:
Timet
ogohon.
 
Me:
Youcomi
ngwi
th?
 
IaskedThor
iso.
 
Thor
iso:
Whosay
snot
ofr
eef
ood?
 
Il
aughed.He'
scr
azy
. 
Me:
We'
l
lmeetathome.
 
Thor
iso:
Ofcourse.I
'
m comi
ngwi
thmywi
fe
andkidt
hough.
 
Me:
YouknowIdon'
tmi
nd.Pl
usImi
ssBonol
o. 
That
'shi
swi
fe'
sname.
 
Thor
iso:
They
'l
lbot
hbehappyt
oseey
ou.
 
Wehuggedonemor
eti
meandhewentt
ohi
s
car
. 
Dad:
Suchabeaut
if
ulcer
emony
. 
Me:
Iknow.If
inal
l
ygotmydegr
ee.
 
Tumisho:Atl
eastSphewasn'
tyouronl
y
degr
ee. 
Ichuckl
edandpushedhi
mli
ght
ly 
Me:
Beni
ce.
 
Dad:
Tel
lhi
m Nono.
 
Welaughed.Wewalkedbackt
othecarwit
hmy
ar
m ondad'swai
standhisonmyshoulder
.He
openedt
hedoorformeandIgoti
n.Tumi
sho
wastheonedr
ivi
ng. 
Get
tingbackatmyhouse,
ther
ewer
eaf
ewcar
s
par
kedinsidet
heyar
d. 
Ij
ustt
hinkt
heywer
emaki
ngt
hispr
ett
ymucha
bi
gdeal.
 
Motsor
ushedtomei mmedi
atel
ywhenIgotout
oft
hecarandatt
ackedmewithahug.
 
Shesmel
l
edsogood.
 
Me:
I-can'
t-br
eat
h 
Shechuckl
edandl
etgoofme.
 
Motso:Lookaty
oul
ooki
ngal
lki
ndsof
f
abulous.
 
Igi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Thanky
ouandy
oul
ookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Motso:WhatcanIsay
?Myman'
str
eat
ingme
good 
Me:
Icanseehowy
ourf
acebeamswheny
ou
t
alkabouthi
m.
Shewasst i
l
ldati
ngKamoandt heyhadagood
thi
nggoingon.Iwashappyf
orthem.Iwas
actual
l
ymor ecl
osewit
hherthanIwaswith
Kamogelo.
 
Mot
so:
He'
sher
etooact
ual
l
y. 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Mot
so:
Yeah.Hedi
dn'
twannast
aybehi
nd.
 
Me:Come,Ineedt
ochangeoutoft
hisdr
ess
andheel
s. 
Mydr esswasn'
tthatl
ong,r
eachedbel
owmy
knees,wasmaroonandhuggedmei nall
the
ri
ghtplacesandImatchedi
twithbl
ackpenci
l
heel
s. 
Ichangedi
ntoablacksil
kjumpsuitwit
hbl
ack
fl
ops.Myfeetwer
ekill
ingmewet hu. 
Themusi
cwaspl ay
ingdownlow.Youknow
howi
tiswit
hthesesemisuburbs.
 
Kamo:
Hey
. 
Me:
Hii
Wehugged.Unl
ikeme, hehadl
onggr
aduated
andwasactual
l
ywor ki
ngnow.Hewasalways
twogr
adesahead. 
Me:
Youl
ookgood.
 
Hesmi
l
ed.
 
Kamo: Ishoul
dbesay
ingt
hesamet
oo,
Imean
thatass.
..
 
Mot
so:
Hey
! 
Shesai
d,punchi
nghi
mli
ght
lyandwel
aughed.
 
Kamo:
Don'
twor
rybabe,
I'
m al
lyour
s. 
Hesai
d,ki
ssi
nghercheek.
 
Me:
Ncooa 
Welaughed.Wewenttositout
sidewith
Tumisho.Thori
sowasher
ewi t
hNol oandthei
r
ki
dwaspl ayi
ngwit
hRomeoandt heot
hers.
 
Tumi
sho:
So,
I'
m hungr
ynow.
 
Me:
Wher
edoIf
iti
nther
e? 
Tumi
sho:
Ain'
tyougonnahel
pabr
otherout
? 
Me: Well
abr
otheral
sogott
wohandsl
i
kea
si
ster.
 
Kamo:
Youcr
azy
. 
Mot
so:
Socr
azy
. 
Me:
Hai
bo?
 
Welaughed.Igotupwit
hNoloandMotsoand
wehelpeddist
ri
butet
heplat
estothepeopl
e 
Weren'tmanybutwerealot
,ifi
tmakessense.
I
wast hankf
ulf
orever
yonewhocame.Ireal
ly
don'tthi
nkIwoul
dhavebeenablet
ohandlea
crowd. 
Mot
so:
So,
whatnow?
 
Me:Hav en'
tthoughtaboutt
hat
.Igott
adomy
honoursfir
stthenIcanthi
nkaboutever
ythi
ng
el
se. 
Nol
o:Wel
l
,wepr
oudofy
ou.
 
Me:
Thanky
ouguy
s. 
Theyhelpedwit
hthedi shesaf
tereat
ingt
hen
somepeopleleft
,incl
udingThori
soandhis
fami
ly.
 
Motsowassleepi
ngoveral
ongwithher
boy
fri
end.Thehouseki
ndofhadroom andwe
wer
ev er
yclosetoaguest
house.
 
Sphe:
Daddy
! 
Sheshout
ed.Ididn'tev
enknowshewas
somewhereclose.Sherunt
oLuthandoj
ust
aft
erheparkedhiscar.
 
Iactual
lydi
dn'texpecthi
mtocome.Ler
atot
old
meshecan' tcomeandIunderst
oodher
reasons.
HehadNjabul
owit
hhim,whom heputdownso
hecanpi
ckuphisdaught
er.
 
Tumisho:Iguessthat
'smybr
otherbei
ng
fashi
onablyl
ate.
 
Wealll
aughed.Hecamet
ous.Hegr
eet
ed,
put
ti
ngSphedown. 
Thando:
Andcongr
atul
ati
ons 
ony
ourdegr
ee.
 
Me:
Thanky
ousi
r.
 
Tumi
sho:
Onl
yonet
hingl
eftnow.
 
Me:
What
? 
Tumi sho:Wel
lyou'v
ehady ourmatr
icdance
dress,yourmater
nitydr
ess,andnowyour
graduationdr
ess,It
hinkyouknowwhatI
mean.  
Me:Ir
eal
l
yhopey
ounotsay
ingmyweddi
ng
dr
ess.
 
Mot
so:
I'
ll
gladl
ybet
hemai
dofhonor
. 
Kamo:Iact
ual
lyknewherbef
oreyousoI
shoul
dbethebestmanorsomethi
ng.
 
Me:
Youguy
stal
kli
keI
'
m nother
e. 
Thando:
They
'r
etal
ki
ngsenset
hough.
 
Tumi
sho:
Mar
rymebaby
. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
I'
drat
herbebl
i
nd.
 
Mot
so:
That
'smyf
avor
it
esong.
 
Kamo:Andi
t'
swor
secausey
oucan'
tev
en
si
ng.
 
Mot
so:
Ohf
uckof
fKamogel
o. 
Me:
Tel
lhi
myounott
ryi
ngt
owi
naGr
ammy
. 
Mot
so:
I'
m nott
ryi
ngt
owi
naGr
ammy
. 
Shethenstuckhert
ongueout
.Il
aughed.I
twas
get
ti
nglatenow. 
Theygotupandleft
,sayi
ngthey'
reti
redandI
act
uall
ydidnotbuythatbutagai
n,i
twasnone
ofmybusiness.
 
Tumi
sho:
I'
ll
gowar
m ourbed.
 
Me:
Okayhubby
. 
Hel
aughedandgotup,
Iwasl
eftwi
thThando.
 
Thando:
Hey
. 
Me:
Hi.
 
Thando:
Igoty
ousomet
hing.
 
Me:
Youdi
d? 
Thando:
It'
snot
hingbi
gthough.
 
Me:
Youmeani
t'
ssomet
hingbi
g? 
Thando:
Trustme,
it'
snot
. 
Me:
Okay
,I'
m wai
ti
ng.
 
Thando:
Closey
ourey
es.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Thando:
Justdoi
t 
Ihuf
fedt
hencl
osedmyey
esandwai
ted.
 
Thando:
Okay
,openup 
Me:
Yousur
e? 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
Justdoi
t 
Iobl
i
gedandmyj
awi
mmedi
atel
ydr
opped 
Me:
Thando.
. 
Thando:
Youl
i
ke?
 
Me:
They
'r
ebeaut
if
ul.
 
It
ookt
heear
ri
ngs,
wit
habr
acel
etandr
ing.
 
Me:
Howmuchdi
dthesecost
? 
Ther i
nghadabig,r
ubyr
edr ockandthe
earr
ingsal
sohadredpet
als.Every
thi
nglooked
pret
tyexpensi
ve.
 
Thando:
Thatdoesn'
tmat
ter
. 
Me:
Thanky
ouman.
 
Wehugged.Thehuglast
edabitlongert
hani
t
shoul
dhaveanditwasbrokenbyRomeo
pul
li
nghi
sdad. 
Ij
ustsmi
l
ed.
 
Romeo:
Imi
ssedy
oudad.
 
Thando:
Lookaty
oual
lgr
own.
 
Hepi
ckedhi
sson.
 
Ij
ustl
ookedatt
hem t
henbackatmygi
ft
. 
Ther
ingl
ookedsobeaut
if
ulandbi
g. 
.
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
97
Thando:
Wannagoi
nsi
de?
 
Me:
Yespl
usI
'
mti
rednow,
Iwannasl
eep.
 
Iyawnedinv
olunt
ari
l
y,Iwasreal
lyt
ir
ed.Ipi
cked
Spheupandwewenti nsi
dethehouse.I
twasa
bi
tquietsoIfi
gur
edthatpeopl
ewerealr
eady
sl
eeping.
 
Iwenttomyr oom wit
hmybabygirl
.Gett
ingi
n,I
tookoffthej
umpsuitIwaswear
ingthenwore
mypy j
amasandt ookSphe,
wenttobathher
sinceshewassodirty.
 
Theti
meIwasdone,shewasal r
eadysl
eepi
ng.
Il
oti
onedhert
hendressedherupinher
pyj
amasthengoti
ntobedwithher.
 
Thando:
Khen?
 
Il
ookedupathi
m,hewasatt
hedoor
,hol
ding
Nj
abulo.
Me:
Yeah?
 
Thando:
Ther
oomsar
eki
ndoff
ull
.
 
Me:
Thi
shousehasf
ivebedr
oomsThando.
 
Thando:Andthere'
syourmotherandhert
wo
ki
ds,Kit
so,yourdad,Bandi
l
e,Romeo,Kamogel
o
andMot soAndthere'
sTumisho.
 
Me:Idi
dn'
tthi
nkoft
hat
.Soy
ougonnasl
eep
her
e? 
Thando:
Wedon'
thav
emuchofachoi
ce.
 
Me:
Ther
e'sonl
yonebed.
 
Thando:
It'
saki
ngsi
zebed.
 
Ihuf
fed.
 
Me:
Okayf
ine.
 
Imov
edt
othesi
dewi
thmydaught
ersot
hey
canbeabl
etof
iti
ntot
hebed.
Me:Isti
l
ldon'
tunderst
andwhyy
ouhadt
o
knockonmyroom though.
 
Thando:
Shh,
Theki
dsar
esl
eepi
ng.
 
Irol
ledmyeyesandf
acedtheot
hersi
de.The
kidswerebet
weenusAndIwasrat
hergrat
eful
forthat
. 
IwaswokenupbySpheblowi
ngaironmyf
ace
wit
hhert
inyhandscuppi
ngmyface.
 
Ichuckl
edandopenedmyey
es.
 
Me:
Heybaby
. 
Sphe:
I'
m hungr
ymama.
 
Iki
ssedherl
i
ps.
 
Me:
Let
'sgor
inseourmout
hfi
rst
. 
LuthandoandNjabul
ower
en'
tonbed,
Ifi
gur
ed
theygotupear
ly. 
Lucki
ly
,wefoundnooneatthebat
hroom sowe
ri
nsedourmouthsandwashedourf
aces.Tur
ns
Mom andKi
tsohadal
readymadebr
eakf
astsoI
di
dn'
thavet
odoat hi
ng.
 
Me:
Goodmor
ning 
Isaidthensatdownastheyr epli
ed.Weall
ate
breakfastov
erli
ghtconv
er sati
onsandIcould
fi
nall
yhav emyspace.Nott hatImindt
hat
everyonewasherebutIalsoneededmyspace
back. 
Afewhoursl
ater,
Iwasonl
yleftwit
hRomeo,
SpheandTumishowhil
eThandosaidhegot
somethi
ngheneedstosor
tout. 
Iwasi
ntheki
tchenpr
epar
ingsomel
atel
unch.
 
Tumi
sho:
Can'
tbel
i
evey
oual
lgr
ownup.
 
Ichuckl
ed,Looki
ngupbecauseoft
heoni
on
thatIwaschoppi
ngwhichwasmakingmecry
i
nv ol
unt
ari
ly.
 
Me:
Tal
kasi
fyoumetmewhenIwasl
i
ttl
e. 
Tumi
sho:Act
uall
y,Idi
d.Youhadal
i
ttl
ebaby
andwer
ealwaysbreat
hingfi
re.
 
Me:
What
?Me?
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Tumi
sho:Yea,
y ou.I
nawhi l
eyou'
l
lbewor
king
andl
ooki
ngallcorpor
ate.
 
Me:
AndIact
ual
l
ycan'
twai
tfort
hatt
ime.
 
Iwashedmyhandsaf
terchoppi
ngt
heoni
on.
.
Me:
Nowt
ell
mewhyy
ousi
ngl
e. 
Tumi
sho:
I'
m gay
. 
Me:Ihaveagaybest
fri
end,
Icoul
dal
way
shook
youup.
 
Tumi
sho:
Your
eal
l
ysomet
hingel
se.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Butr
eall
y,i
t'
dbewei
rdt
ohav
eagay
Ngcobobrot
her.
 
Tumisho:Actual
l
y,Ineedt
osettl
edown.I
'
m
tur
ning28,shoul
dbemar r
iedbynow.
 
Me:
Sowhat
'sst
oppi
ngy
ou?
 
Heshr
uggedhi
sshoul
der
s. 
Tumi
sho:
Hav
en'
tmett
heoney
et.
 
Inodded.
 
Me:Makessense.Atl
eastonmysi
de,
ther
e's
nor
ush. 
Tumi
sho:
Whywer
eyousi
ngl
eforsol
ong?
 
Me:
Rel
ati
onshi
psar
eabagf
ulofst
ress
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Tumi
sho:
I'
ll
dri
nkt
othat
. 
Her
aisedhisimagi
nar
ygl
assi
ntheai
r,l
eav
ing
mei
nst i
tches.
 
Idi
shedupforthefourofuswhenIwasdone,
l
eavi
ngThando'sfoodintheovensi
ncehesai
d
he'
snotcomingbackwi t
hNjabul
o. 
Ther
estoftheweekj
ustdr
aggedsl
owl
y.
Tumi
shoalsolef
t.
Iwasactual
lyhappywi
thwher
eIwaswi
th
ever
ythi
ng. 
Mybi
rthdayalsocameandIr eal
l
ydidn'
twant
t
odoany t
hing.Dadhadthrownabigpartyon
my21stsoIjustwantedtospenditwit
hmy
t
wobabies. 
Iwassleepi
ngwhenIfeltSphesl
apmewit
hher
ti
nyhand.Ij
ustchuckl
edandopenedmyeyes.
 
Me:
Youhur
ti
ngmommy
. 
Sphe:
Sor
rymommy
. 
Ij
ustchuckl
edandki
ssedhercheek.
 
Sphe:
Comemama.
 
Me:
Wher
eyout
aki
ngme?
 
Sphe:
Fir
stgobr
ushy
ourt
eet
h. 
Me:
Okay
 
Iworemygownt henshepul
l
edmet ot
he
bat
hroom whereIbr
ushedmyteet
hand
washedmyf ace.
 
Sphe:
Comemama.
 
If
oll
owedherasshel
edt
hewayout
side,
att
he
gar
denspaceandmyjawjustdr
opped.I
'
m st
il
l
wonder
inghowshewokeupbeforeme. 
Ther
ewasat abl
esetforf
our,
whi
leIhada
chai
rthatWascover
edwithawhi
tecl
oth.Ij
ust
smil
edandsatdown.
Romeo:
Breakf
ast
? 
Heasked,comi
ngwithatrayonhi
shands.I
j
ustgi
ggledandnodded.
 
Romeo:
HappyBi
rt
hdaymommy
. 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Iatebreakfastwi
thSphe,
busypul
li
ngbacon
fr
om mypl ate.I
twassoamazing,
Romeowas
eventakingpict
uresofme. 
Iwassohappy
. 
Me:
Whyar
ether
efourchai
rs?
 
Romeo:
Otheronei
sfordaddy
. 
Me:
Wher
eishe?
 
Sphe:
Ther
emommy
 
Shepoi
ntedatthedoor,
hehadafl
owerand
cakeonhishands.Hecameandputi
tinf
ront
ofme,i
thadcandles.
 
Ij
ustl
aughed.
 
Me:
I'
m notaKi
dTumel
o. 
Thando:
Iknowbaby
. 
Hekissedmeont hecheek.Suddenl
ythi
ngs
werediff
erent
,hecaredmor eandspentmore
ti
mewi thme.Idon'tknowwhatt hi
smeantAnd
Idi
dn'twanttoreadmor eint
oit.
 
Myl
i
fehadbeenpeacefulwhenIwasal
onebut
myl
oveforLut
handoneverceased.
 
Theysanghappybir
thdaytomewhi l
eIbl
ewt
he
candles,
itwasanamazingmomentandof
courseRomeowast aki
ngpict
ures.
 
Isl
icedthecakeandweal
late,i
twassucha
heartwarmi
ngdayforme.Bestwaytostar
tmy
mor ni
ng.
 
Therestoftheday,
messagesweref
loodi
ng
fr
om myf r
iendsandfami
ly
,wishi
ngmeahappy
bi
rthday
. 
Theyhadevenboughtgi
ft
sformewhi
chIwas
supposedt
ofetch.
 
Ntandoal
socall
edme.Iansweredalmost
i
mmedi at
ely
.Iwasi
ntheloungewithmyli
ttl
e
f
ami l
y.
 
Me:
Baby
ThandolookedatmeandIgotup,
goi
ngt
omy
room. 
Ntando:Whenar
eyoucomi
ngt
oDur
ban
again?
 
Ihadwentt heresometimetovi
sithishome
whichwasamazi ng.Hismotherissosweet
andhisfatheristhebest,
Thewayt hey
acceptedhim asheis,i
t'
samazing.He'sthei
r
fi
rstbornchil
dsot heyl
ovehimtobi t
s. 
Me:
Act
ual
l
y,Icoul
ddowi
thahol
i
daybutI
'
llt
ell
y
ou.
 
Nt
ando:
Imi
ssy
ousomuchchomz 
Me:
Imi ssyout
oobabe,
you'
vebeengonef
or
t
oolong. 
Ntando:I
'm comi
ngbacknexty
earf
ormy
honours.
 
Me:
Ofcour
se,
Ican'
twai
t.
 
Nt
ando:
AndI
'
m get
ti
ngmar
ri
ed.
 
Iscr
eamed,
Icoul
dn'
thol
dit
,Iwasexci
ted.
 
Me:
Noway
! 
Nt
ando:
Yesway
! 
Hesaidexci
tedl
y.Iwassohappyf
orhi
m.Ij
ust
l
oveitwhenmyf ri
endsar
ehappy.
 
Me:
ToZai
ne?
 
Nt
ando:
Yes,
mywhi
teBae.
 
Me:
Ncooa,
soI
'
mthemai
dinhonorr
ight
? 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Nt
ando:
Doy
ouev
enhav
etoask?
 
Wecont i
nuedtal
ki
ng, andhetoldmehowhe
proposedandeveryt
hing.Iwasjustsoexci
ted,
you'dswearIwastheoneget t
ingmarri
ed. 
Ihungupthecall
tobumpi
ntoLut
handoj
ustas
Iwasabouttotur
n. 
Me:
Dude!
 
Thando:
Who'
sget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed?
 
Me:Ntando.Whodi
dyout
hinkIwast
alki
ngt
o
Vel
e? 
Heshr
uggedhi
sshoul
der
s. 
Day
swentonandIgotallmygif
ts.Ievenhad
t
ogotoJobur
gsoIcangetev er
ythingbutI
washappy
.Ij
ustf
eltIdi
dn'
tdeservesomuch. 
Mom gav emesomesharesonhercompany,it
wasal lt
oomuchf ormebutshesaidIdeser
ved
i
tandmor e.Idi
dn'
twanttodi
sappoi
nthersoI
tookthe20%shar essoIwasnowa
shareholder
. 
DadboughtmeaMacBookandKit
sobought
meawat ch.Iwasj
usthappy
. 
Ial
sor ecei
vedcashfrom Tumi
sho,
Motsoand
al
lthosewhodi dn'
tknowwhattobuyf
orme. 
Verysoon,itwasJuneandmybabywas
offi
cial
l
yturning3andherfatherwasthrowing
herapar t
ybackathome.Nt ando'swedding
wasonOct obersoIhadalotoftimeonmy
hands.Hewassoexci t
edandIwasj ustgladhe
foundlove.Itpl
easedmeseeingpeoplear ound
mesohappyi nthei
rrel
ati
onships.
 
Thepartywasofcour
sebei
ngheldonSat
urday
thoughherbi
rt
hdaywasonTuesday.
 
Thando:
Youal
lpacked?
 
Me:
Yep.
 
I
twasThur sday,wewer egoinghome.The
par
tywasbei ngheldatThando'splacesowe
weregonnast ayt
here.Iactual
lythoughtt
hey
weremakingabi gdealofthiscauseshe'sa
babybutIwasal
sohappybecauseher
happi
nessmeansever
ythi
ngtome. 
Thando:
Can'
tbel
i
eveshe'
ssogr
own.
Me:Iknowhey.I
twasjustawhil
eagowhen
shewasti
nyinthati
ncubat
or.
Thando:
I'
m sor
ryIwasn'
tther
e. 
Me:
Waterunderthebr
idge.Atl
easty
ouwer
e
t
her
ewheny oursonwasborn. 
Thando:
That
'snotf
air
. 
Me:
It'
snotabi
gdeal
Aft
erloadingourbagsinthecar
,wewenttoeat
br
eakfast.Thekidsweresoexci
tedabout
l
eavingandIwasj usthappy.
 
Thandoneverr
eall
ytal
kedtomeaft
erthatbut
whatIsai
dwast r
ueinever
yaspect
. 
Afewhourslat
er,wehadarr
ivedathishouse.I
wassoti
redbuttheki
dswant edt
opl aysoI
wentt
ohisroom,tookoffal
lmyclothesand
sl
epti
njustmypant
y.Iwasr
eal
l
ythatt
ir
ed.
 
Iwokeupandt ookashower ,Iwasf eeli
ng
ref
reshednow.Idriedandthenlotioned,worea
yel
lowsummerdr esswi t
hflopsandl etmyhair
l
oose.Goodthingthehousei saircondit
ioned
orIwouldhavefrozetodeath. 
Ihadjustwentt
owashitonMondayanddr
ied
i
t,I
'v
eal way
shadcur
lyhair
. 
IwassohungryandIi
mmedi
atel
ysmi
l
edwhen
IsawLer
ato.
Weshar
edat
ighthug.
 
Me:
Smel
l
sgoodi
nher
e. 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Ler
ato:
Andher
eIwast
hinki
ngy
oumi
ssedme.
 
Me:
Ofcour
seIdi
d,Ij
ustmi
ssedy
ourf
oodt
oo.
 
Wesharedalaugh.Ihelpedherwit
hthe
cooki
ng.Thekidswerewat chi
ngTVwit
hthei
r
fat
her
,Njabul
owasal soher e.
 
Ihel
pedhersett
het
abl
efort
hedi
nnert
henwe
satdown.
 
Ler
ato:
So,
thepar
tyonSat
urday
? 
Me:
Yep.
 
Ler
ato:
How'
sev
ery
thi
ngcomi
ng?
 
Me:Good.Actual
l
y,I
'
mint
hecat
eri
ngandcake
depar
tment.
 
Shel
ookedatThando.
Thando:It
'sgoinggoodmom.I '
vehi
reda
st
retchtent,apopcor
nandcot t
oncandy
machine,sli
des,andal
lthatshi
t.
 
Me:
Language!
 
Thando:
Sor
ry.
 
Romeo:
CanIt
akepi
ctur
esatt
hepar
tymom?
 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Hegri
nnedwidel
y.Ij
ustsmil
ed.Romeoloved
hi
sguit
arandcamera.Theywereti
meswhen
we'
dlockour
selv
esinhisroom andI'
l
lsi
ng
whi
l
ehepl
ayst
hegui
tar
. 
Wehadboughthim abiggeronesi
ncet
hatone
Iboughthi
m whenheturned4.
Seemslikehewasgoingtogr
owupasa
romant
ic,compl
etel
ydif
fer
entfr
om hi
sfat
her
. 
Wewashedthedi
shesaf
terdi
nnerandi
twas
bedt
imefort
heki
ds. 
OnFri
day
,IwenthomesinceIhadtogomake
pay
mentsandcheckhowfarthecakei
s. 
Iwasgoingwi
thKitso.Iparkedmycarnextt
o
thedoorandj
ustbargedin.Bandi
l
erantome. 
Me:
Missedme?
 
HenoddedandIki
ssedhi
m al
lov
ert
hef
ace.
 
Ki
tso:
Youher
e? 
Me:
Nope,
it'
smyghost
. 
Shechuckl
ed,
IputBandi
downandwehugged.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sy
ourhusband?
 
Ki
tso:
Wor
k. 
Me:
Mustbeni
cest
ayi
ngathome.
 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Ki
tso:
Har
dly
.It
'sexhaust
ing.
 
It
ookBandi
leandwewenttomycar.Istr
apped
hi
minthebackthenwentt
othedr
iver
'sseat
. 
Ki
tso:
Can'
tbel
i
evey
oust
il
lusi
ngt
hiscar
. 
Me:
It'
sbeenf
oury
ear
s.Ineedanewbaby
. 
Ki
tso:
Isecondy
ou.I
t'
stooy
oungf
ory
ou.
 
Me:
Hey
! 
Wel aughedt
hendroveoff
.Aft
erever
ythi
ng,
we
endedupgoingshoppingandbuyi
ngsome
cl
othes. 
Iwenttodropthem of
fandwentt
oThando'
s
house.Iwasdogtir
ed. 
Thando:
Tooky
oul
ongenough.
 
Me:
Oh,
Igotcar
ri
edaway
. 
Thando:Andf
orgett
haty
ouhav
eki
dst
oget
backto?
Me:Don'tst
artwit
hmeThando.I
'
mti
redand
def
ini
tel
ynotinthemood.
 
Iwasactual
l
yconfusedbythi
sbehavior
.I'
m not
hi
swifeandtheleasthecoul
dhavedonewas
askmewher eIwas,nott
hathedi
dn'tknow. 
Idi
dn'
twaitforhi
mtorepl
ybutj
ustwenttothe
guest
room t
histi
meandputmyclot
hesinthe
cl
oset.
 
Ist
ri
ppedt
henwentt
otakeashower
. 
Afewhoursl
ater
,itwasSat
urdayandt
heday
oft
hepart
y. 
Iwokeupandt ookabat h,alongr elaxi
ngbat h
andgotoutwhent hewat erwast urningcold.I
dri
edthenlotioned.Iworeabl ackhi ghwaisted
ti
ghtanklegrazer,wit
habl ackbaggyNi ke
hoodieandmywhi tepumacr eeper .Iti
edmy
hairi
ntoalazybun, putonl i
pst i
ckonmyl ips
t
hent
ookmybagwi
thmyphoneandwentt
o
t
heki
tchen.
 
Me:
Goodmor
ning.
 
Theygr
eet
edback.
 
Romeo:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ulmommy
.
Me:
Thanksbabe.
 
If
inal
l
ygotthecakeandt hecat
eri
ngpeople
werebusy,
theyall
broughtpl
att
ers.Ev
ery
thi
ng
wasgoingwell
. 
Thetentwasset
,themachineswereher
e.They
hadabarbi
ethemegoingonandmybaby
l
ookedbeauti
ful
inherbar
biedress.
 
Mypar entswerehere,incl
udi
ngKholi
swawit
h
herfamilyandLuthando'sdad.Motsowaswi
th
KamoandKagi sano, andTumishohadcome
wit
hsomewhi t
egi r
lwithredhair
. 
Bandil
ewasMrPar
tyandev
ery
thi
ngwent
pret
tywel
l.
 
Iwasact
ual
lyhav
ingagooddayunt
ilKamo
pul
ledmeasi
de 
Wehadj usteat
enandpeopl
ewer
ehav
ing
dr
inksnow. 
Wewereatt
hef
ront
,wer
ethecar
swer
e
par
ked.
 
Kamo:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Ismi
l
ed.Her
anhi
sfi
nger
sthr
oughhi
sfade.
 
Me:
What
? 
Kamo:
It'
sjust
..Ineedy
ourhel
p. 
Me:
Oh?
 
Kamo:YouandMotsoar
eclosesoIfi
gured
*shr
ugs*.
.Youknowwhatsheli
kesandstuf
f 
Me:
Wher
e'st
hisgoi
ng?
 
Kamo:
I'
m pl
anni
ngt
opr
opose.
 
Me:
What
? 
Il
ookedathi
m, wai
ti
ngforhimtotel
lmethis
wasajokebuthedi
dn't
,helookeddadser
ious.
 
Myl
ipsst
art
edshaki
ng.Whyt
hehel
lwasI
f
eel
i
ngthi
sway? 
Kamo:
Youokay
? 
Hesai
d,gi
vi
ngmeaconcer
nedl
ook.Idi
dn'
tsay
any
thi
ngbuti
nst
ead,
wal
kedaway.
 
Thi
swasj
ustt
oomucht
odi
gestf
orme.
 
.
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
98
Iwentinsi
det
hehouseAndt oThando'
sroom
andtookmycarkeys.Ijustneededadri
ve,j
ust
tocl
earmymind.Iactuall
ydon'tknowwhat
wasgoingonwit
hme.  
Iwasfi
newithev
eryt
hing,wit
hthem dat
ingbut
nowthat
'si
t'
smarri
age..Ij
ustdon'
tknow. 
May
beIwasf
eel
i
ngl
eftout
.Thor
isogot
marri
ed,Nt
andoisgett
ingmar r
iedandnow
Motsoisal
soabouttogetthepr oposal t
heni
t'
s
j
ustme..Assel
fi
shasitmi ghtsound, Ial
so
neededtobehappy
.Sur e,
Ihadmyki dsbutI
neededmore.
 
Kamo:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Hewasstandi
ngnexttomycarandopenedthe
doorf
ormeandIgotin,gi
vi
nghimthekeys.
 
Hegoti
nthedr
iver
'sseat
. 
Me:
It'
snoty
ou.
Kamo:Real
l
y?Iunder
standwher
eyoucomi
ng
fr
om. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Idoubty
oudo.Wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
 
Kamo:
Toaspeci
alpl
ace.Wej
ustgonnat
alk.
 
Me:
Beenawhi
l
e. 
Kamo:Youweremoreint
erest
edinmy
gi
rl
fr
iendal
lofasudden,
othert
hanme.
 
Me:Haibo.Andany
way
,Thandonev
erl
i
kedour
f
ri
endship 
Kamo:
You'
vebeensi
ngl
eforl
i
ke.
.Twoy
ear
s? 
Me:
Ithi
nkt
hreebuti
tdoesn'
tmat
ter
. 
Kamo:
Sti
l
lcan'
tbel
i
eveI
'
m her
e,wi
thy
ou.
 
Me:
Don'
tsayi
tli
ket
hat
,wher
ewegoi
ng?
 
Kamo:
Weher
e. 
Il
ookedout
side.
 
Me:
Kamogel
o..
 
I
tcameoutasawhisper
.Hesmil
edthencame
t
omysideandopenedthedoorf
orme. 
Kamo:I
'v
eal
way
slov
edt
hewayy
oucal
lmy
name.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
esandgotout
,hechuckl
ed.
 
Me:Iwasact
ual
l
ywonder
ingwhyt
hedr
ivet
ook
sol
ong. 
Kamo:
Itwasonl
y20mi
nut
es.
 
Wewer ebehi
ndthespaza,
theoneinfr
ontof
ourhi
ghschool.I
t'
swhereheusual
l
ysmoked
andwouldfor
cemet ocomechil
lwithhi
m. 
Irememberaski
nghi
m whyAndhesai
dandI
quote"
Iwantyoutobecomf
ort
abl
e"
Me:Youshoul
dhav
ebr
oughtsnacksor
somethi
ng.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
That
'swhatyoushoul
dhav
ethoughtof
,
wheny
oudeci
dedtorunaway.
 
Il
aughed.Hewassi
tti
ngonacranesohe
pul
ledmet osi
tont
opofhim.
 
Kamo:
Memor
ies.
 
Me:St
il
lfeel
sli
kei
twasjusty
est
erday
.And
now,y
ougetti
ngmarr
ied.
 
Kamo:
I'
ll
alway
slov
eyou.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Youdon'
thav
etoconsol
eme.I
twas
sel
fi
shofmet
oreactt
hatway
. 
Kamo:
Youst
il
ll
oveme.
 
Me:I'
l
lal
waysloveyoubutit
'sbeen6yearsand
I'
mtheonewhokeptpushingyoutomov eon.I
shoul
dbehappy.Youwit
hmycousi nnow. 
Kamo:Thef
eelofy
ousocloset
omebr
ings
backsomanymemori
es.
 
Ifonl
yheknewIwasf
eel
i
ngt
hesameway
.He
chuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:Ial
waysthoughtI
'
dbet
heonet
omake
youpr
egnant
. 
Me:Nowweal
lgrownupnow.Har
dtobel
i
eve
I
'v
ebeensi
ngl
eforsol
ong.
 
Hemademet
urnsoIcanf
acehi
m,st
il
lont
op
ofhi
m. 
Kamo:You'
l
lal
way
sbemyf ir
stl
oveandGod
knowsi
thasal
waysbeeny
ou.
Il
ookeddown,
hel
i
ftedmyheadwi
thhi
sthumb
onmychi
n. 
Kamo:Can'
tbel
i
eveaf
teradaught
er,
youst
il
lso
ti
ny 
Igi
ggl
ed 
Me:
I'
m act
ual
l
yasi
ze32now.
 
Kamo:
Myt
hickmammi
e. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
I'
m noty
our
s. 
Kamo: Wecoul
dal
waysel
ope.TakeSphe,
star
t
oversomewher
eandwe'
dallbeonehappy
famil
y. 
Me:
WhataboutMot
so?
 
Kamo:
Whatabouther
? 
Me:
Thoughty
oul
ovedher
. 
Kamo:
NotasmuchasIl
ovey
ou.
 
Hebroughthisfacecl
osert
omi neandIcoul
d
f
eelhisbreat
hing.Ibi
tmyli
pthenclosedmy
ey
esandourl
i
pst
ouched.
..Justt
ouched.
 
Kamo:
Itf
eel
ssor
ight
. 
Hebi
tmyl
owerl
i
p.Ibr
eat
hedout
. 
Me:
Buti
t'
ssowr
ong.
 
Igotupfrom hi
m.Icoul
dn'tdothi
stoMotso,
theyweresohappy.Ij
ustneededtogetmy
feel
ingsi
ncheck. 
Heal
sogotupandst
oodi
nfr
ontofme 
Kamo:
Sti
l
lremembert
het
imeIgoty
ouher
e? 
Me:Irememberever
ythi
ngaboutus.Thebi
tt
er
sweetmemori
es. 
Kamo:ButIcanbett
hegoodout
wei
ghst
he
bad.
 
Me:Debatable.ButIf
oundoutthati
nsideal
lthe
ar
rogance,there'
sagoodhearti
nthereand
Motsoisblessedtohaveyou.
 
Kamo:
Shewant
sababy
. 
Me:
Youbot
hwor
king.Don'
tseeany
thi
ng
wr
ongwi
tht
hat
. 
Kamo:Ial
sodobutIcan'
thav
emybabybor
n
outofwedl
ock.
 
ThatHithomebutIlovedmydaughter.Tothi
nk
ofhowdev ot
edIhadbeentoGodt henhavea
chil
doutofwedlock,i
tmademeseem
rebel
li
ousbuthi
smer ci
esendur
ethforever
. 
Me:
Iheary
ou.
 
Kamo:
Idi
dn'
tmeani
tli
ket
hat
. 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
It'
sokay
,I'
l
lhel
pyou.
 
Kamo:
Youwi
l
l? 
Me:Yeah.I
'
llt
akeheroutthenwe'
l
ltal
k.Touch
ont
histopi
cthengetbacktoyou.
 
Kamo:Asl
ongasshedoesn'
tsuspect
any
thi
ng.
 
Me:
Don'
twor
ry,
shewon'
t.
 
Kamo:
Yout
hebest
. 
Hehuggedme,l
if
ti
ngmeupthenspunme
ar
oundbefor
eputt
ingmedownandIgi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:
Okay
,youcanputmedownnow.
 
Hedi
d. 
Kamo:
Thanky
ou.
 
Heki
ssedmyforehead.Westaredateachot
her
f
orawhil
e,wi
thoureyeslocked. 
Idon'
tknowbutIf
eltal
loft
hosef
eel
i
ngs
comingbackandt
heloveweshar
ed.
 
Il
ookeddown,
breaki
ngt
hegaze.
 
Me:
Weshoul
dgo.
 
Kamo:
Fuckt
his.
 
Hepickedmeupi nthespeedofli
ghtand
pi
nnedmeagai nstt
hewallwithhi
sonehand
hol
dingmyhandsabov emyheadandsmashed
hi
sli
psonmi ne,Iwantedtopushhim awayand
notr
eplybutIj
ustcouldn'
t.
 
Thef
eel
ofhi
sli
psonmi
newasamazi
ngandas
hedeepenedt
hekiss,
Ifel
thist
onguetwi
rlwi
th
mytongueasheranhishandsal
lovermy
body.
 
Whenwebrokei
t,webot
htr
iedt
ocat
chour
br
eat
hes.
 
Me:
I..Weshoul
dgo.
 
Kamo:
Come
Anditwasawkwar
dfrom t
henbutIdi
dn'
tregr
et
i
t,aswrongasi
twas.
 
Mydaughterwasasl
eepwhenIgotback,
itwas
pr
ett
ylat
e. 
It
ookherandwentt
obuckl
eherupi
nmycar
,
whil
esl
eepi
ng.
 
Thando:
Youshoul
djustl
eaveherheret
hen
comegethert
omorrow.Act
ual
ly,whyar
eyou
evengoi
ngnow? 
Me:I'
m goi
ngtosl
eepi
nmyr
oom,
atmy
par
ent'
shouse.
 
Thando:
Hav
eity
ourway
. 
Af ewday sl
ater
,Itol
dmy selfnottothinkabout
thistoomuch.Ifel
tbad,guil
twaseat ingmeup
andmysubconsci ousremindedt hati
twasj ust
aki ssbutwi
thKamoandI ,
itcannev erbejusta
kiss. 
Anyway,
itwast
hesecondweekofJul
ywhenI
metupwithMot
sowhowasv isi
ti
ngme
ekhay
a. 
IwasgoingbacktoMafi
kengnextweek.Ij
ust
fel
tthatmostofmyl
if
eisther
eandit'
swher eI
wantedtobe. 
Me:
Any
thi
ngt
odr
ink,
jui
cemi
l
kcof
fee?
 
Mot
so:
Youhav
eRooi
bost
ea?
 
Me:
Wit
hLemon?
 
Mot
so:
Youknowmet
oowel
l
. 
Imadetwocupsforus.Dadwasatwor
kand
Ki
tsowasoutwit
hthekids.
 
Igav
eherher
s. 
Mot
so:
Thanky
ou 
Me:
DidIt
ell
youNt
andoi
sget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed?
 
Mot
so:
Youki
ddi
ng!
Shesai
dwi
thast
oni
shment
,Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Itel
lyou.I
'
mthemai
dofhonor
 
Isai
dpr
oudl
y.
 
Mot
so:
Heshoul
dmakemeabr
idemai
d. 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Hedoesn'
tknowy
out
hatway
. 
Mot
so:
Ohshutup.
 
Wel
aughed.
 
Me:YouknowZaineproposedontopoft
abl
e
mountai
nwhil
elooki
ngdownont hevi
ewof
CapeTown. 
Ishowedhert
hepi
ctur
esshegasped.
 
Mot
so:
Soni
ce.
 
Me:Iknow.Iwonderhowmyspeci
alsomeone
wi
ll
propose. 
Mot
so:
Mybr
otheri
snotar
omant
ic.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Iknow.
 
Motso:Wel
lI'
dlikeawholer
estaur
antbooked,
acandl
eli
ghtdinnerandasItr
ytotakea
munchofthedessert,
Ifi
ndtheri
ngjustasI
'm
aboutt
ochew. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Youonl
yseet
hati
nthemov
ies.
 
Motso:AndIal waysloveit
.Ormaybeasur
pri
se,
l
ikewesitti
ngInar estaur
ant,
havi
ngourl
unch
thensuddenlyhegoesdownononekneeand
suddenl
yev ery
thingi
shappeningi
nslow
motion.
. 
Ichuckl
edandt
hrewacushi
onather
. 
Me:
Yousuchasnob.
 
Mot
so:
Wai
t,whatwoul
dyoul
i
ke?
 
It
houghtf
orawhi
l
e. 
Me: I
'
venev erbeenaf anofacr owdsoIdon' t
wantapubl icengagement .Justsomet hi
ng
simpleli
kewaki ngupwi ththeri
ngonmyf i
nger
l
ikeont hatmov ie,
Diaryofamadbl ackwoman.
Ormay be,acandl eli
ghtdinnerathomewi th
rosesalloverthehouse, sof
tmusi cplayi
ngand
j
ustast hedinnerends, hegetsdownonwi ne
kneeandpopst hequest i
on. 
Mot
so:
Ncooa.
 
Wel
aughed.
 
Motso:Let
'swat
cht
hatmov
iey
ouj
ustt
alked
about
. 
Me:
Thoughty
ouknewi
t.
 
Mot
so:
Ineedsomet
hingt
omakemecr
y. 
Il
aughed.Iwentont
oboxof
fi
ceandwer
ent
ed
amov i
e. 
Weact
uall
yendedupcry
ingwhi
l
ehav
ingi
ce-
cr
eamsitwascrazy
. 
Ij
ustknewt
henthatMot sowasper
fectf
or
KamoandIwasn'tabouttor
uint
hat.
 
OctobercameandIwasonmywayt
oDur
ban
wit
hRomeoandSphe. 
Bandil
ehadf inal
lyt
urned4i nAugustandthey
hadhispartyatsteers.Dadwascompl ai
ning
aboutthegiftIboughthim butIdi
dn'
tseethe
bi
gdeal .I
twasanXbox.  
Anyway,
itwasact
ual
lyonThur
sdayandt
he
weddi
ngwasonSatur
day.
 
Ican'
tbel
iev
eZainehadtopaylobola.Nt
ando
comesfrom aver
ytr
adit
ional
familywhil
eZai
ne
i
sjust.
.Whit
e. 
I'
mr eal
l
ynottryi
ngt
ober
aci
statt
hat
,just
stat
ingfact
s. 
Wef
inal
l
ylandedatDur
banandNt
andocame
t
opi
ckusup 
Romeowasj ustf
ascinat
edbyt hewhol
epl
ace
andAllhedi
dwast akepict
uresaswedrov
eto
Ntando'
shome. 
Nt
ando:
Ican'
tbel
i
evey
ouher
e. 
Me:
Yout
alkl
i
kei
tsmyf
ir
stt
imeher
e. 
Nt
ando:
Argh,
youknowwhatImean.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Ofcour
seboo.
 
Nt
ando:
Didn'
tknowy
oubr
ingi
ngt
heki
ds.
 
Me:Thandoiscomingtomor
rowwit
hNjabulo
andMotsotoo.Ofcour
seIcan'
tl
eavemykids
behi
nd.
 
Ntando:
Mom wi l
ltakecar
eoft
hem whi
l
ewe
expl
orethepl
ace. 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Ican'
twai
t.
 
.
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
99
Thandodidcomeandhewast heonetolook
aft
ertheki
dswhileIwenttoNtando'sbachel
or
part
y.Heisamanaf teral
l,
eventhoughhe'sthe
bri
de,i
fitmakessense. 
Nt
ando:Iwonderwhatt
hosebi
tchesgot
pl
anned.
 
Me:
Yout
ell
i
ngmey
oudon'
tknowat
hing?
 
Nt
ando:
Theysai
dit
sasur
pri
se.
 
Me:
OhmygodNt
ando!
 
Hel
aughed.
 
Nt
ando:
Itwast
hei
ridea.
 
He'stal
ki
ngabouthi
sfr
iendsar
oundDurban.
It
'sFr
idayni
ghtandwespentmostoft
heday
si
ghtseei
ng.
 
Now,
itwasf
inal
l
yti
met
oletgoandgetdown.
Soonenough,
themi
nibuswewer
egonnat
rav
el
wit
hwasher
eandt
hatal
onemadet
hings
easi
er.
 
I
tmeantnodr
unkdr
ivi
ng.
 
Ntando:SoKhen,
thi
sisZi
nzi
,Annaand
Camill
a. 
Me:
Lov
elymeet
ingy
ougi
rl
s. 
Zi
nzi
:Youbeaut
if
ulKhen.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.So,
it'
sjustt
hef
ourofus?
 
Anna:
Ther
e'st
hreeot
her
s.Guy
s. 
Me:
Ithoughti
twasonl
ygi
rl
s. 
Nt
ando:They
'r
emyf
ri
endsaswel
l
.Andi
t'
smy
ni
ght
. 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Zi
nzi
:Champagne?
 
Nt
ando:
Yes!
 
Well
,thebot
tl
epoppedandweal
lhadour
gl
assesInourhands.
 
Theguyswerepi
ckedupandcont
rar
ytomy
thought
s,t
heywerest
rai
ght
. 
Zi
nzi
:AndKhen,
that
'sThabi
so,
Zul
uandSi
ya 
Me:
Lov
elymeet
ingy
ou,
I'
m Khensani
. 
Zul
u:She'
scut
e. 
Si
ya:
Lookssoy
oung.
 
Nt
ando:
Okayboy
s,Kheni
sof
fli
mit
s. 
Thabi
so:
Andi
tseemsshe'
ssocl
oset
oyour
hear
t.
 
Nt
ando:Herboy
fri
endwi
l
lhav
ey'
al
lfor
br
eakf
ast.
 
Zul
u:Idon'
tseeherboy
fri
endher
eso
Hesai
d,l
ooki
ngar
ound.Ij
ustchuckl
ed.
 
Me:
I'
m st
il
lher
eyouknow.
 
Zi
nzi:
Andthey'
venev
ernoti
cedanyofus.
Thabi
so,
where'
syourfi
ancee?
 
Thabi
so:
Uyabor
aYoh 
Il
aughed.
 
Anna:
AndZul
uhasababymama.
 
See,
Annaiswhit
ewhileZi
nzii
sbl
ackand
Camil
lai
scol
ored.Theyal
lhav
esl
im bodi
es.
 
Thabi
soisdarki
ncomplexionandtal
l
,Zul
uis
car
amelwithabuffbodyandSiyai
salsodar
k,
j
ustali
tt
lechubby.
 
Si
ya:
AndI
'
m al
lsi
ngl
e. 
Me:
Arewet
her
eyet
? 
Cami
l
la:
Wayt
ogogi
rl
,wayt
ogo.
 
Theylaughed.Well
wearri
vedatt
hecl
ub,
Iwas
l
ayinglowont heal
cohol
. 
Idi
dn'
twanttogetdr
unk,
justal
it
tl
eti
psy.We
wereatt
heVIPareaandt
henightwasst
arted
wit
hshooter
s. 
Zul
u:Now,
wecanf
inal
l
ygett
hispar
tyst
art
ed.
 
Us:
Yes!
 
I
twasagoodni
ghtandpeopl
ereal
l
ygotdr
unk.
Ihadnotpl
annedi
tbutIal
sogotal
i
ttl
edr
unk.
 
Wewerenowdanci
ngt
othemusi
cthatwas
pl
ayi
ng.
 
I
twasnothinghect
icandwhenwegotback
home,ourkneeswereadrag.Atl
eastt
here
werenostri
pper
s.Butover
all
,i
twasallf
un. 
Thedif
fi
cul
tpar
twasget
ti
ngupt
hef
oll
owi
ng
day.
 
Ntandowasdr
unkonhisownweddi
ngday
.The
wholepar
twasact
ual
l
yf unnyf
orme.
 
Thando:
Whataweddi
ng.
 
Me:
Inev
ert
houghty
ou'devercomet
owi
tness
t
womenget
tingmar
ried.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
I'
m nothomophobi
c. 
Me:
Nowi
t'
sbackhome,
backt
oreal
i
ty.
 
Wewerei
nhiscar
.Theki
dsweresleepi
ngi
n
t
hebackandhewastheonedr
ivi
ng.Wewere
goingbackhomeonSunday ,theweddingwas
onSat ur
dayandev er
ythi
ngkindahappenedand
endedont hatday
.Myf ri
endwasof fi
cial
l
y
mar r
iedandIwashappyf orhim shame. 
Me:
Whydowehav
etodr
ivebackt
hough?
 
Thando:
Hai
I'
mti
redoff
lyi
ng.
 
Me:
Isee.
 
Thando:
So,
whathappenedatSphe'
spar
ty?
 
Me:
Shehadf
un,
washappy
. 
Thando:
Youdi
sappear
ed.
 
Me:
Am Iunderi
nvest
igat
ionorsomet
hing?
 
Thando:
It'
sjustaquest
ion.
 
Me:May
beI'm adumbonecauseIdi
dn'
tqui
te
cat
chaquest
ionmark.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
keept
omybusi
nesst
hen.
 
Me:
Goodchoi
ce.
 
Thando:
Whyar
eyousost
ubbor
n? 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Youjustkeeponpr
essi
ngmywr
ong
but
tons.
 
Thando:
Soy
ou'
drat
herIpr
esst
her
ightones?
 
Me:
Yousmar
t.
 
Thando:
Ili
ket
hesoundoft
hat
. 
Me:
Iwonderwhaty
out
hinki
ng.
 
Thando:
Youdodon'
tyou?
 
Me:
Ohpl
ease.
 
Hechuckl
ed.Ispentt
herestofthey
ear
pr
obabl
yjustchi
ll
ingathome. 
I
'dtr
avelt
omyf at
herwhenI'm boredbutI
pref
err
edbei
nginMaf i
kengbecauseitwas
morepeacef
ulandit
'swhereIfoundmy sel
f.
 
Bei
ngawayf rom homeal l
owsonetogrow
out
sidethei
rcomf ortzoneandev
eryt
imeIwas
away,i
twaslikebeingawayf r
om mycomfor
t
zone.
 
Iact
uall
yspentmostofmyt i
mewi t
hmy
daught
er.We'dgoouttoget
her,got
ochur ch,
shoppi
ngorjustpl
ayaroundthehouse.Thando
wouldal
soVisit
,spendsomet i
mewithus. 
Sheisev
ery
thi
ngt
omeandIwasgl
adIhad
her
. 
I
twasoneoft
hoseday
swhenIwaspl
ayi
ng
wi
thSphe.
 
ItwasDecemberandIhaddeci
dedtojust
spendmostofither
eandonlygother
efor
Chri
stmas.
 
Homethatisandit
'swhenmyphonerang.
Sphehadbeenplayi
ngwithi
tsoshegavei
tto
me.Actual
l
y,wewer epl
ayi
ngsomegameon
myphone. 
Me:
Hel
l
o. 
Mot
so:
Ohmygosh!Ican'
tbel
i
evet
hisKhen!
 
Shewasal
lscr
eami
ngandIcoul
dheart
he
exci
tementi
nherv
oice.
 
Me:
OhI
'
m goodt
hanksMot
soandy
our
sel
f? 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Mot
so:
I'
m sor
ry,
it'
sjust
..I
'
m soexci
ted!
Me:
Youwont
hel
ott
ery
? 
Mot
so:
Hepr
oposed!
 
Me:
What
?Who?
 
Okay,Thel
astquesti
onwaspr ett
ystupi
d.Iwas
j
ust.
.Shocked.Ihadact
uall
yforgott
enabout
t
hisorevenusspeakingaboutit
. 
Mot
so:
Kamogel
osi
l
ly!
 
Me:
That
'samazi
ng.
 
Motso:
Iknowit
'sj
ust
..Ican'
tbel
i
eveI
'
m
get
ti
ngmarri
ed.
 
Me:
I'
m happyf
ory
ou.
 
Iwasr
eal
l
y. 
Mot
so:
Thanky
ou.Yougonnacomer
ight
? 
Me:
Youal
readysett
hedat
e? 
Motso:
It'
sgoi
ngtobeanaut
umnweddi
ng,
pr
obablyi
nMarch.
 
Me:
Soy
ouget
ti
ngmar
ri
edi
nthr
eemont
hs?
 
Motso:Thesooner
,Thebet
tert
henwecanget
st
artedonthebabymaki
ngpart.
 
Me:
Don'
tyout
hinky
oumov
ingabi
t.
.Fast
?
Motso:Pl
easedon'
trui
nthi
sforme.We
supposet
obehappy. 
Me:OfcourseI
'
m happy
,itwasj
ustanhonest
quest
ion.
 
Motso:Thanksforcari
ngbutIwantthi
s.We'
ve
beentoget
herforthr
eey ear
sandI'
m not
gett
inganyyounger.
 
Me:Umm.
.Ofcour
se.I
t'
sjust
..Mar
ri
agei
sabi
g
st
ep.
 
Mot
so:
AndI
'
mreadyf
ori
t.
 
Me:
That
'sAl
lIwant
edt
ohear
. 
Mot
so:
So,
wil
lyoubemymai
dofhonor
?
Me:
Me?
 
Motso:
I'
m mostcl
osetoyouandIthinky
ou
knowmebett
erthananyoneIcant
hinkof.
 
Me:
I'
ll
behonor
ed.
Again,
mai dofhonor.Idon'tknow,i
twasj ust
notgoingtobethateasy .ImeanIknowt hem
bothpersonal
lybutagain,Ididn'
twantt
o
di
sappointher.
 
ShewassohappywhenIagreed.Idi
dn'
tthi
nk
Kamowasgoingtot
akesolongt opr
opose
though.
 
Iwashappyf
orhershame.
 
Mot
so:
Thanky
ousomuch.
 
Me:
It'
smypl
easur
e. 
Ihungup,
af t
erwechatt
edforawhi
leofcour
se.
Shewasveryexci
tedbutIdothi
nkt
hingswere
mov i
ngabittoof
astbutwhoam It
oargue.
 
Me:
Youwantsomecake?
 
Sphe:
Yesmama.
 
Me:
Let
'sgogi
rl
. 
Itookherinmyarmsandwewentbackinsi
de
thehouse.Iguessmyl
if
ewasabitbor
ing.
 
IwenthomeonChr i
stmasEve,mor
eli
kedr
ove
ther
ebutwhatThandodoesn'
tknowwon'
tkil
l
him.Itwasgoodandasusual
,Iwentt
omy
mother'
shomeonNewYear swithmybaby
. 
I
twasj
ustaspackedl
i
kei
tusual
l
yis.
 
Me:
Youguy
sar
esuchabi
gfami
l
y. 
Khol
i
swa:
Thoughty
ouusedt
othatbynow.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
IdoubtIcanev
ergetusedt
othat
. 
Khol
i
swa:
SoKgomot
soi
sget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed.
 
Me:Yepandsheaskedmet
obehermai
dof
honor
. 
Khol
i
swa:
That
'sgr
eatKhen.
 
Me:
That
'swhyIsai
dyes.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Yourt
imewi
l
lcome.
 
Me:
Oh,
I'
m noti
nahur
ry.
 
Khol
i
swa:That'
sgood,mar
ri
ageisabigstep
andyoumustbereadyt
ogiveup"I
"for"
we"
and"
me"for"us"
Me:
Kit
sogotmar
ri
edi
nherl
atet
went
ies.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Soy
our
eal
i
zet
her
e'snor
ush?
 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Lobol
aisonSat
urday
. 
Me:
Woah.
.What
? 
Kholi
swa:
Thi
ngsarehappeni
ngpr
ett
yfast
,I
thi
nkshe'
spr
egnant
. 
Me:
Ist
hatpossi
ble?
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
veseeni
thappenbef
ore.
 
Me:
Int
erest
ing.Mot
her
,I'
l
lseey
ou.Ican'
tst
ay
l
ockedupi
nyourr
oom f
orev
er.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Okay
,I'
l
lseey
ouwhenIgetout
. 
Me:
Whyy
oui
nher
eagai
n? 
Khol
i
swa:
Idon'
twannagetmyhandsdi
rt
y. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Yousol
azy
. 
Iwentout
,bumpi
ngi
ntoKamoatt
hedoor
. 
Me:
Youher
etoo?
 
Kamo:
We'l
lbefamil
ysoon.Yougonnaseeme
i
nmoreoft
heseevents.
 
Me:
Mm,
nice.
 
Kamo:
That
'sal
l
? 
Me:
Am Isupposet
osaymor
e? 
Kamo:
Soy
oucool
wit
hit
? 
Me:
I'
m act
ual
l
yhappy
.Congr
atul
ati
ons.
 
Kamo:
Thanky
ou.
 
Me:
Sohowdi
dyoupr
opose?
 
Kamo:
Candl
eli
tdi
nner
. 
Tumi
sho:
Khen?Wow.
 
Ismi
l
ed,
hewasget
ti
ngt
hrought
hedoor
. 
Me:
Wow,
it'
sbeenawhi
l
e. 
Wehugged,
hegav
emeasqueezet
henbr
oke
i
t.
 
Tumi
sho:
Ithas.Howhav
eyoubeen?
 
Me:
Good.You?
 
Tumi
sho:
I'
m good.Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Me:
Thankyou.Oh,
soy
ourl
i
ttl
esi
steri
sget
ti
ng
mar
ri
ed? 
Tumi
sho:
Yeah,
tot
hatdouchebag.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:I
t'
sint
eresti
ng,y
ouandyourbrot
herare
si
ngl
eandy ourl
it
tl
esist
erj
ustbeaty
'al
ltoi
t.
 
Tumi
sho:
Angi
thi
youdon'
twantei
therofus,
senzeni
ke?
 
Hesai
d,shr
uggi
nghi
sshoul
der
s.Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Youf
unny
. 
Tumi
sho:
I'
m act
ual
l
yser
ious.
 
Wit
hthatsai
d,hel
eft
.Leav
ingmewi
thsucha
bomb.
 
Kamo:
Ithi
nkhel
i
kesy
ou.
 
Me:
Hecan'
t.
 
Kamo:
Wecanst
il
lel
ope.
 
Me:
Yousomeone'
sfi
ance.
 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
Justasuggest
ionKhen.
 
Me:
SoLobol
aSat
urday
..
 
Kamo:
Youcomi
ng?
 
Me:
Woul
dn'
tmi
ssi
tfort
hewor
ld.
 
Kamo:
Great
.
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
100
Jeremiah29:11ForIknowthethoughtst
hatI
thi
nktowardyou,sai
ththeLORD,thought
sof
peace,andnotofevi
l,t
ogiveyouanexpected
end.
Thishasbeenthestar
ttomydayeversinceI
acceptedChri
stasmyLordandsav
iour.This
versealwaysr
emindsmeofhowgreatl
yGod' s
l
ovei sformeandhowmuchhev al
uesmyl if
e. 
Atti
mes, youmi ghtbewonderi
ngifGodhears
you,i
fheseesy ouandifhe'
sther
eforyoubut
hasitevercrossedyourmindthati
t'
shispl
an
prev
ail
ing? 
Romans8: 28Andweknowthatall
thi
ngswor
k
togetherf
orgoodtot
hem t
hatlov
eGod, t
o
them whoar et
hecal
l
edaccor
dingtohis
purpose.
Thatv
erseal
sor
emi
ndsust
hatev
ery
thi
ng
that
'shappeni
nginourli
vesisforthegoodof
uswhol oveGod.I
tmeanst hebadhappeni ngin
ourli
vesisonl
ytemporaryandit'
stostrengthen
us,notpushusdown. 
John16:33Ihavetoldyouallt
hissothatyou
mayhav epeaceinme.Her eoneart
hy ouwil
l
havemanyt r
ial
sandsor r
ows.Buttakeheart
,
becauseIhaveovercomet heworl
d.”
Whyshouldweworr
y?Godhasov er
comet
he
worl
d!Thedev
ili
sunderourf
eetand
conquer
ed.
Jesusknewbef
orewewereevenconceiv
ed
thatwewoul
dfacet
ri
alsandt
ribul
ati
ons.
 
ThiswashowIhadt ol
dmy sel
ftofaceeachday
.
I
nr emembr anceofwhatGodhasdonef orme.
Hel ov
edmesomucht hathegavehisonl
y
begottensonforme. 
That
'st
hegr
eat
estl
oveoft
hem al
l
! 
Soi
nal
lsi
tuat
ions,
prai
seGod,
giv
ehi
mthe
gl
ory
,hedeser
vesi
t.
 
2Cori
nthi
ans12:
10That’swhyItakepleasur
e
i
nmyweaknesses,andintheinsul
ts,har
dshi
ps,
per
secuti
ons,
andtr
oublesthatIsuff
erfor
Chr
ist
.ForwhenIam weak,thenIam str
ong.
I
nev er
ythi
ngthaty
ougoingt
hroughr
ejoi
ce
pr
aisehim.He'swort
hy!
 
So,Theweddi
ngwascomi ngsoon.Imean,
Lobol
aandofcourseIwaslooki
ngf or
war
dto
thefr
eefoodandever
ythi
ng.Ki
dding! 
Iwasj
ustl
ooki
ngf
orwar
dtoev
ery
thi
ng.
 
Ki
tso:
Can'
tbel
i
eveKamoi
sget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed.
 
Wewerehavi
ngbreakf
asti
nthedi
ningr
oom.I
t
washer
,dad,
Bandil
eandSphe.
 
Dad:
He'
sgr
ownupt
obeagoody
oungman.
. 
Me:Youmeannott
hesameguyy
oumessedup
t
hatti
me? 
Dad:
Ofcour
se.He'
s.
.Responsi
bleand
r
espect
ful
. 
Me:
Hei
s. 
Ki
tso:
Howdoy
ouf
eel
aboutal
lthi
s? 
Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s. 
Me:Idon'
tknow.Apar tofmefeel
severyt
hing
i
shappeni
ngsof astbutagai
n,i
t'
sreal
lynotany
ofmybusiness.
 
Dad:Idoagr
eewithyouther
e.Ijustdon'
t
underst
andt
herushbecausethey'
reboth
young. 
Me:Mom thi
nksMotsoispregnantbutshetol
d
methebabymakingisonl
ystarti
ngaftert
he
weddi
ng.
 
Kit
so:Maybetheyj
ustloveeachot
heranddon'
t
seethepoi
ntofwait
ing. 
Me:
Thatcanal
sobet
rue.
 
Dad:
I'
mveryproudofyouNono,
fornotr
ushi
ng
t
ogetmarr
iedandfocusi
ngonyourst
udi
es. 
Me:Iwannamakeanamef ormyself
,be
i
ndependentt
henIcant
hinkaboutset
tl
ing
down.
 
Ki
tso:
YourdadandIar
eproudoft
hey
oung
womanyouhavebecome.
 
Me:Thankyouguys.NowIgot
tabat
h,Iwanna
buyanoutf
itf
orSatur
day.
 
Dad:
Women.Al waysbuy
ingcl
othesev
enwhen
i
t'
snotnecessar
y. 
Us:
Hey
! 
Wel aughed.It
ookmydaught erthenwewent
tomyr oom wherewetookabat htogether
,wi
th
herplayi
ngwi t
hmybreasts.Somehow, she
foundthem amusingandIjustlether.She'
d
eventrytosuckonem, Ij
ustlaughed. 
Wegotoutt henIdriedherfir
stthenmy self
.I
wrappedat owelaroundmybodyt henlot
ioned
herbefor
eget t
ingherdressedinapi nkMinnie
mousedr esswithblackleggi
ngsandsneaker s.
ShehadabigAfro,soIcombedi
tthenputa
headbandonherhead.
 
Isatheront
opoft
hebedwi
thmyphonet
hen
l
otioned.
 
Iworeablackdeni m ski
rt
,abov
et hekneeswith
apinkT-
shirttuckedinandVansol dSkool.I
waseventhinkingofdoingmyhai rwhichI
combedbackt henwor eablackleathergol
fcap
ontop.
 
Igaveherherli
tt
lesl
i
ngbagandtookmine.I
putonpinkli
psti
ckandsomeparf
umethenwe
l
efttaki
ngmyphoneandcarkeys.
 
Me:
Weout
. 
Dad:Pl
easebesaf
e.I'
dhat
eforany
thi
ngt
o
happent
oy out
wo. 
Me:
We'
l
lbesaf
edad.
 
Iki
ssedhi
scheekAndwel
eft
. 
Ibuckl
edSpheint
hebackseatthenwentt
omy
seat,
star
tedt
hecaranddroveoff.
 
Wearr
ivedatt
hemall
,andImadesur
etol
ock
mycarandwewentoff.
 
West
art
edof
fatt
hesal
onf
ir
st.
 
Me:
Wannadoy
ourhai
r? 
Sphe:
Yes.
 
Il
aughed.Theydi
dastr
aightuponherandon
mewasa20i nchMongol
ianloosecur
lsombr
e
col
our 
It
ookpi
ctur
esofus,
post
edt
hem onf
acebook.
 
Sphe:
Beaut
if
ulmama.
 
Me:
Beaut
if
ulbaby
. 
Wewenttowimpyforsomel unch.Themal
l
waspackedsi
ncei
tsthefi
rstweekofJanuary
. 
Par
entsbuyi
nguni
for
msfort
heirki
dsand
st
ati
oner
y,somebuyi
nggr
oceri
esandall
that
st
uff
.
Any
way
,wehadsomebur
ger
s. 
"
Bonga"
Il
ookedup.
Me:
Thul
i
?Wow.
 
Igotupandwehugged.
 
Me:
Howar
eyou?I
t'
sbeenal
ongt
ime.
 
Thuli
:I'
m good,
youlookbeaut
if
ulandt
he
hai
rstyl
eisamazing.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou,
pleasesi
tdown,
joi
nus.
 
Thul
i
:Youdon'
tmi
nd?
Me:
Ofcour
senot
.Thi
sismydaught
er,
Sphe.
 
Thul
i
:She'
sbeaut
if
ul.
 
Shesatdownandj
oinedus.
 
Me:
So,
wher
ehav
eyoubeen?
 
Thuli
:Iwasactuall
ystudy
ingatUP,
andI
graduat
edlastyear.
Me:
Youl
ookamazi
ng.
 
Shedi
d,shewasgl
owi
ngandwel
l
,itseemed
l
i
fewast
reat
inghergood.
 
Thuli
:Andi t
'sallt
hankstoyou.Eversi
ncethe
covenantwasbr oken,Isawanimmer sechange
i
nmyl ife.Thingshavebeengoingverywell
.I
evenhav eajobatmydad' scompany ,I
'
m
star
ti
ngnextweek.  
Me:Congrat
ulat
ions andpl
ease,
thankGod.I
wasjustamerev essel.
Thul
i
:ThenIthankGodforhav
ingbroughty
ou
i
nmyl i
feandIhear
dK-moreisget
ti
ngmar ri
ed.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Ithoughtt
hatnamewasl
ongf
orgot
ten.
 
Shechuckl
ed.
 
Thul
i
:He'
salway
sbeK-
mor
e,ev
enwhenhe'
s
ol
dandGrey
. 
Me:
Ofcour
se.I
'
m act
ual
l
ythemai
dofhonor
. 
Thul
i:Imustadmi
t,Ial
waysthoughty
ou'
dbe
theonetogetmar
riedtohi
m. 
Me:
ItseemsGodhadot
herpl
ans.
 
Sheorder
edtooandweate,whi
lehavi
ngali
ght
chat
.Itwasmoreli
keacat
chingupchat.
 
Shet
oldmeaboutherl
i
feandsodi
dI.
 
Thuli
:I'
veseeny
ourpi
ctur
esonf
acebook
though.
 
Me:
Butr
eal
l
y,webr
okeup.
 
Thul
i
:SoNobuhl
edi
dthat
? 
Me:Yep.Andt
hei
rsoni
sliket
hreenow.Hi
s
bi
rt
hdaywasonthe1st
. 
Thul
i
:Howcany
oubesost
rong?
 
Me: I
'
vecriedsomanyt i
mesinmyl i
feThuli
.I'
ve
cri
eduntilIf
eltmyvoi
cegetfai
ntandcriedli
ke
myl i
fedependedonit
.I'
m notst
rongbutI
foundstr
engthinChri
st 
Thuli:
CanIhaveyournumber
?Iknowi
t'
sbeen
alongt i
mebutI'
dreal
lyl
ovef
orustot
alk
again. 
Me:
Ofcour
se.
 
Shegav
emeherphoneandIpunchedi
nmy
number
s. 
Thul
i
:I'
l
lcal
lyou.Igot
tagonow.
 
Me:
Bye.
 
Thul
i
:I'
vepai
dal
ready
. 
Me:
Hai
bo,
when?
 
Thul
i:Youwer
eatt
het
oil
et,
whenSphewant
ed
topee. 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
thav
eto.
 
Shesmi
l
ed.
 
Thul
i
:Iwant
edt
o. 
Anyway,wetookourbagst
henweal
sowentt
o
oursepar
atedir
ect
ions.
 
Ifi
rst
lyboughtat r
adit
ional
Tswanajumpsui
t
whichwasBl ue,bl
ackandwhitej
eremane.I
t
hadacr oppedjackett
hingandadoek.
 
Iboughtamat chi
ngdr
essforSpheandWhi
te
supergasneakerst
omatchwith.
 
Ial
soboughtsomeear
ri
ngst
hent
hatwasi
t.
 
Wewentt oPi
nknPaywher
eIboughthersome
snacks.
 
Sphe:
Mama.
 
Me:
Yesl
ove?
 
Sphe:
Ther
e'sdaddy
. 
Wewer
est
il
li
npi
cknpay
. 
Me:
Wher
e? 
Il
ookedbehindmeandshewasr ight
.Hewas
wit
hsomewhi t
elady,Icoul
dn'tseeherproper
ly
butj
ustsawt hehair
.Theywer eabitfar
,Sphe
mustreal
lyknowherf ather
. 
Sphe:
Iwantdaddy
. 
Itookherof
fthetrol
l
eyandwatchedherr
anto
herfat
herwhopickedherupandtheywal
kedt
o
me. 
Thando:
Hey
. 
Me:
Hi.
 
Thando:
Thi
sisMel
l
isaandt
hat
'
sKhen.
Mel
l
isa:
Lov
elymeet
ingy
ou.Il
ovet
hehai
rst
yle.
 
Me:
Umm,
thanks.That
'smydaught
er,
Sphe.
 
Mel
l
isa:
Oh,
Iknowher
. 
Me:
Youdo?
 
Mell
i
sa:
I'
veseenherpi
ctur
esonhi
sphoneand
heal
waysbr
agsabouther.
 
Me:Ohokay
.Goodmeet
ingy
oubutwegoi
ng
now.
 
Thando:
Ithoughtwecanal
lgot
oget
her
. 
Me:
Ohno,
Icamewi
thmycarsoI
'
m good.
 
Thando:
CanIatl
eastLeav
ewi
thmydaught
er?
 
Me:Haibo,youknowwher
ewestaysoify
ou
wanther,y
oucancomegethert
here.
 
It
ookSphet
henwel
eft
.Goodt
hingshedi
dn'
t
hesi
tat
etocomet
ome.
 
Ij
ustwentt
ogetourpar
cel
s,notev
enbuyi
ng
whatwehadputonthet
rol
l
eythenIbuckl
ed
herupi
nmycarandwenttomyseatthendrov
e
off
. 
Igoti
n,shewassleepi
ngalreadythencar
eful
l
y
pi
ckedherupthenwentinsi
dewi t
hherinmy
handsandwenttoputherinmyr oom. 
Me:
Goodev
eni
ng 
Dad:
Nowy
ouseeus.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Idi
dn'
twantt
owakeherup.
 
Iwentout
sidet
ofi
ndThandopar
kedbehi
ndmy
car
. 
Me:
Hai
bo.
 
Thando:
Whydi
dyoudot
hat
? 
Me:
Dowhat
? 
Wewer
est
andi
ngnextt
ohi
scar
. 
Thando:
Disr
espectmel
i
ket
hat
. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ryt
hen 
Hesi
ghed.Ir
eal
l
ydi
dn'
twantt
oar
gue.
 
Thando:
CanIhav
ehert
omor
row?
 
Me:Ofcourse,aslongasshe'
ll
bewi thme
Thursdayni
ghtbecausewegoingt oyour
mom' shouseonFr i
dayf
oril
obola.Ipr
omised
tohelpout.
 
Thando:
I'
ll
takehert
her
eonFr
iday
. 
Me:
Okay
. 
I
twasTuesday
. 
Theweekwenton, Thandodi
dcometotakeher
daughteronWednesdayandIl
ethi
m as
agreed.
 
Thulicall
edmeonThur sdayandIgaveherthe
di
rectionstotheLerato'
shouse.Shewantedto
comehel pout,eventhoughtheydidn'
tknow
herthatwell.
 
Anyway,IhadjusttakenabathonFr i
dayt
hen
dri
edandl ot
ioned.IworeanavyblueMaxi
dresswithwhitesandalsandadoekonmy
headsinceIwasn'tgoingther
eforteaand
bi
scuit
s. 
Ipackedanov er
nightbag,whi
chconsi
stedof
Sphe'scl
othesfortomorrowandshoesof
course.
 
Ihadal
readyeatenbr
eakf
astsoIbi
dev
ery
one
far
ewel
lthenlef
t. 
Ler
ato:
Youcame?
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Idi
d.Wher
eshoul
dIputmybag?
 
Lerat
o:InSphe'
sroom f
ornow,
I'
ll
fixy
out
he
guestr
oom. 
Me:
Okay
. 
Iwentt
oputi
tdownt henhel
pedwher eIcoul
d.
Wewerebaki
ngsconeswhiletal
kingwit
hsome
oft
hewoment her
e.Iwasactual
lythe
y
oungest
. 
Tumi
sho:
I'
vecomet
osav
eyou.
 
Hewhi
sper
edi
nmyear
.Ichuckl
ed.
 
Tumi
sho:
Sphewant
shermot
her
. 
T'
saunt
:She'
sSphe'
smot
her
? 
Ler
ato:
Ohy
eah.KeWaKhol
i
swa 
T'
saunt
:Shel
ooksy
oung.
 
Ler
ato:
Shei
s. 
Ichuckl
edandl
eftwi
thTumisho.Thandohadn'
t
comewi t
hmydaught
eryetAndImi ssedher
. 
Tumisho:Can'twai
ttot
ast
ethosescones,
especi
all
ysinceyoumadethem. 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Iwasact
ual
l
yhel
ping.
 
Wesatdowni
nthev
erendaout
side.
 
Tumisho:Whyy
ouhi
dingy
ourhai
rst
ylewi
th
thatdoek?
 
Me:Idi
dn'
twantanyt
hingmaki
ngcontactwit
h
myhair
.Besi
des,
thehair
sty
lei
sfort
omor r
ow. 
Tumi
sho:
It'
sjustl
obol
a,not
hinghect
ic.
 
Me:
Imi
ghtf
indmyf
utur
ehusbandt
her
e. 
Tumi
sho:
ChesaKhensani
!
 
Welaughed.Ispentt hedaywi
t hhi
m unt
il
Thandocameandj oinedusnoThuli
,who
coul
dn'
tstopfli
rt
ingwi thTumishoandI'
djust
l
augh.Wehelpedf eedpeoplewhohadcome
ther
eandweal soat e. 
Theyhadsl
aught
eredacow.You'
dev
ent
hink
i
t'
sthereal
weddi
ng.
At
extbeepedonmyphoneandIopenedi
t.
 
"
Ishesi
ngl
e?"
I
twasf
rom Thul
i
.Ial
mostl
aughedoutl
oud.
 
"
Yep"
Ir
epli
edandshesmil
ed.Wewerehavi
ngsome
dr
inks.Iwasonwi
nenoThul
iandtheguy
s
wer
eonbeer
. 
Me:
Wher
e'sMot
so?
 
Ihadn'
tseenherev
ersi
nceIgother
e. 
Thando:She'
saner
vouswr
eck.She'
satmy
house.
 
Thuli
:Ican'
tbel
i
evey
ourbestf
ri
endi
smar
ryi
ng
yourex. 
Shewasal
readyt
ipsy
. 
Me:
Iti
swhati
tis.
 
Tumisho:
Sinceyoufr
iendswi
thKhen,
wil
li
tbe
aprobl
em ifImarr
yyou? 
Shebl
ushedandIchuckl
ed.
 
Thul
i
:Wel
lI.
.Umm
Me:
Right
. 
Anothert
extcamet
hroughmyphoneandI
openedit
. 
"
I'
mthr
eehousesaway"
I
twasf r
om Kamo.Il
ookedatt
hispeopl
ethen
backatthet
ext
. 
Me:
I..Igot
tago,
I'
ll
beback.
 
Thando:
It'
slat
e.Wi
l
lyoubeokay
? 
Me:
Yes,
lookaf
terSphef
orme.
 
Thul
i
:Don'
twor
ryf
ri
end,
Igoty
ou.
 
Il
aughed.Thandowasl ookingatme
suspi
ciousl
y .Ijustshruggedmyshoulder
sthen
gotupandl eft.Ireal
lydon'tknowwhatKamo
wasplayingat .
 
Hewasparkedl
i
kehesai
dandgoodt
hingno
onef
oll
owedme. 
Me:
Hi.
 
Kamo:
Geti
n. 
Heopenedt
hedoorf
ormeandIgoti
n. 
Me:
Howdi
dyouknowI
'
m her
e? 
Kamo:
Iknowy
ou.
 
That'
sal
lthathesaidthendr
oveof
f.Hepar
ked
outsi
dehi
sr oom athi
shome. 
Me:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Heopenedt
hedoorthenIgoti
nandhe
f
oll
owedmeandclosedthedoorbehi
ndhi
m. 
Me:
Kamogel
o? 
Heswi
tchedont
hel
i
ght
s. 
Kamo:
Ijust
..Imi
ssy
ou.
 
Me:
Kamogel
oI-
Hesmashedhi
sli
psonmi
ne,
shut
ti
ngmeup
wi
thaki
ss. 
IwishI'
dsayIdidn'trepl
ybutIdid,al
lowing
myselftoenjoyitandjustl
ostmy sel
finthe
mov ementofhislipswithmineandhe
deepenedit
,lett
ingourtonguesdancet oget
her
i
nhar mony. 

[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
101
Kamo:
Shel
i
edt
ome.
 
Me:
What
? 
Kamo:
Shepl
ayedmeKhensani
.
 
Me:
Idon'
tunder
stand.
 
Kamo:YourbabydaddyAndmy*chuckl
es*
fi
anceeconspi
redt
okeepusapar
t.
 
Il
aughed.Ij
ustt
houghtt
hiswasaj okeor
somethi
ngbuthewasserious.Il
ookedupat
hi
m. 
Me:
No.
Kamo:Al
lthi
sti
me,I'
vebeenspendingt
ime
wit
hher,
makinghermypriori
tyonl
ytof
indout
Iwassomepawninthei
rsill
ygame. 
Me:Motsowoul
dneverdothat
..Okay
,Thando
yesbutMot
so.
.Idon'
tknow 
Kamo:That'
sexact
lywhatIt
hought
.Ishoul
d
hav
eli
stenedtoThuto 
Me:
Idon'
tknow.
.Itj
ustdoesn'
tmakeany
sense.
 
Kamo:They'
resi
bli
ngsandKgomot
sowi
l
ldo
any
thi
ngforherbrot
her
. 
Me:That
'swhysheal
waystal
kedaboutyouin
ev
eryconver
sat
ion,
yout
hinkshewantedtosee
myreact
ion?
 
Kamo:
Probablywant
edt
oseehowf
art
hey
'r
e
pl
anwasgoing. 
Me:I
'm act
ual
l
ynotsur
pri
sed.Thandonev
er
t
rust
edmeany way
. 
Kamo:
Ijustf
eel
li
keaf
ool
. 
Me:
Youj
ustgotpl
ayed!
 
Il
aughed,
hest
art
edt
ickl
i
ngme.
 
Me:
Okayokay
,I'
m sor
ry.
 
Kamo:
SayI
'
mthebest
. 
Me:
No
Hecont
inuedt
ickl
i
ngmeandIwasr
unni
ngout
ofbr
eat
h 
Me:
Okay
,yout
hebest
. 
Iwhi
sper
ed,
het
ickl
edmeagai
n. 
Kamo:
Louder
Me:
Kamogel
oist
hebest
! 
Kamo:
Yes,
that
'
smor
eli
kei
t.
 
Me:
Ishoul
dgo.
 
That'
sact
uall
ywhenreali
tyhiti
n.Thismanwas
gett
ingmarr
iedt
oday.Lobolaismarri
agei
nthe
bl
acksoci
etyandIactual
lyreal
izedwhatI
'
ve
done. 
Kamo:
Youcr
ying 
Itouchedmycheeks.Idi
dn'
tev
enr
eal
i
zet
hat
tearsweref
all
i
ng. 
Ij
ustwi
pedt
hem.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Kamo:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Youget
ti
ngmar
ri
edt
oday
. 
Kamo:
Hey
,don'
tfr
own.
 
Me:
Weshoul
dn'
thav
edonet
his.
 
Kamo:
Soy
our
egr
eti
t? 
Me:
Shouldn'
tI?If
ell
int
othecl
awsof
t
emptat
ion.OhmyGod. 
Istar
tedpani
cki
ng.WhathaveIdone?Iwi
shwe
couldhavel
efti
tatki
ssi
ng.Idon'
tknowhowI
all
owedmy sel
ftodothi
s.
I'
vebeenall
aboutGod,
butnowI '
VEjust
commi t
tedaver
ybigsi
n-For
nicati
on.
 
Isleptwit
hatakenmanandi
twasn'
tevenone
round,thel
ovebit
esal
lov
ermybody,
ohmy
god. 
Ijustputmyheadonmybentkneesandcri
ed.I
feltdi
rt
y,If
eltbad.Iwasj
ustgoi
ngcr
azy
 
HowcanIdot
his?
 
Kamo:
Youscar
ingme.
 
Me:
They
'r
epr
obabl
ywai
ti
ngf
ory
ou.
 
Igotof
fthebedandst
art
edget
ti
ngdr
essed.
 
Kamo:
Khensani
cany
ouj
ustst
op?
 
Me:
Pleasegi
vememoneyf
orat
axi
.
Kamo:
Justst
opsowecant
alk.
 
Me:Ther
e'snot
hingtotal
kabout.Youdon'
t
knowhowbadIf eel
.I'
l
lneverbeabl
etolook
heri
ntheeyes.
 
Kamo:
Youdi
dn'
tdoany
thi
ngwr
ong.
 
Me:
Isl
eptwi
thherman!Wehadsex!
 
Kamo:
Wemadel
oveandIdon'
tregr
eti
t.
 
Me: Youpl annedthi
s,didn'
tyou?That
'swhyyou
sentt hatt
extr i
ght
?Soy oucansleepwithme?
Youj ustli
kealltheguysI'
veevermet.Iguess
I'
l
lalway sbet hi
sstupi
d.
Kamo:What
?I'
l
lnev
erdot
hatt
oyouKhensani
.I
l
oveyou!
 
Me:
Don'
tpi
tyme
Kamo:
I'
m not
..Khensani
 
Me:Nothi
ngyousaywi
l
lev
ermakemef
eel
bet
ter
.So,j
ustst
op.
 
Kamo:
Nokubonga!
 
Me:
Thet
axi
far
e. 
Ist
ret
chedoutmyhandt
ohi
m.Hebr
eat
hedout
l
oud.
Kamo:
I'
ll
dri
vey
ou.
 
Me:
No.Justgi
vemet
hemoneysoIcanl
eav
e. 
Kamo:
Pleasedon'
tdot
his.Youhur
ti
ngme.
 
Me:Youshoul
dn'
twor
ryaboutme.I
'
m abi
g
gi
rl
. 
Kamo:
Youcr y
ing.Yourt
ear
shav
eal
way
sbeen
myweakness.
 
Me:
Theydon'
thav
etobenow.
 
Kamo:
Khensani
 
Me:St
opcal
l
ingmynameandgiv
ememoney
ory
ouwantmetogohi
ke?Act
uall
y,Icoul
djust
gohome.
 
Kamo:CanIdr
ivey
ouhomeke?Ineedt
omake
sur
eyouokay 
Me:
Shar
p. 
Heworesomeshort
sandT-shi
rtt
hendrov
eme
home.Noonesai
danyt
hingint
hecarandI
di
dn'
twantt
ohearathi
ngfrom hi
m. 
Ij
ustneededsi
l
ence.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Isaid,whenthecarst
oppedandj
ustwent
i
nside.Mypar ent
swereher
ebutIcoul
dn'
tev
en
facethem. 
Dad:
Nono?
 
Me:
Dadpl
ease.
 
Dad:
Whywer
eyoucr
ying?
 
Me:
Idon'
twannat
alkabouti
t.
 
Iwentst
rai
ghtt
omybedroom,
str
ippedand
washedawaymyshame.Howwil
lIbeablet
o
evenst
epint
ochur
chyar
dsaft
erwhatI'
ve
done?
 
Godpr
obabl
yhat
esmef
orwhatI
'
vedone.
 
Iscrubbedmybodyunt
ilIfel
tmyskinhur
twi
th
hotwat erf
all
i
ngov
ermet ogetherwi
thmy
tear
s. 
Howcoul
dIdot
his?
 
I
fDadknew,Idoubthe'
dwannacal
lmehi
s
daught
er.
 
Maybei
t'
sbesti
fIl
eav
e.I
fIj
ustgobackt
o
Nor
thWest.
 
Igotout
,dr
iedandl
oti
oned.
 
Iworetr
acksui
tswi
thsneaker
s.Idi
dn'
tev
en
feel
li
keeati
ng.
 
Ineededt
ogogetmucar
. 
Iwentoutt
hrought
hegar
agedoor
. 
Ihadtakensomenot es.Ist
oppedataxiand
goti
n.Iwasalsogoingt ogetmydaughter.I
wassurpri
sedthatdadwasher e,
Ithoughthe'
d
beatt
heceremony
,may
bet
heywer
egonnago
backt
her
e. 
Peopl
eweredanci
ng,someweresingi
ng.I
guesst
henegoti
ati
onswereasuccess.Mycar
wassti
ll
exact
lywhereIpar
kedi
t.
 
Iwenti
nsi
det
hehouse,
meet
ingwi
thLer
ato.
 
Lerat
o:Good,
youher
e.Pl
easehel
pdi
str
ibut
e
theplat
es.
 
Me:
I..Ican'
t-
Lerat
o:Weneedmor ehands,
thosepeopl
ear
e
ti
red,t
hey
'vebeenher
esincemidni
ght.
 
Isi
ghedandjusthel
pedout
.Itwasclearshe
wasnevergoi
ngt ot
akenoforananswer. 
Anyway,Ifedal
lthepeopl
eoutsi
de,
evenhadt
o
feedThandoAndhi sf
ri
ends.
 
Thelookhegaveme..It'
sli
keheknewwhatI
haddoneAndthatalonemademef eel
more
gui
lt
y,Icoul
dn'
tevenlookhimintheeyes.
 
Ij
ustl
eft
. 
Me:
I'
m done.
 
Ler
ato:
Younotgonnaeat
? 
Me:
I'
m okay
.Wher
e'smydaught
er?
 
Ler
ato:
Inherr
oom wi
thy
ourmot
her
. 
Inoddedandwentt
other
oom.Iknockedonce
andgotin.
 
Me:
Wel
eav
ing.
 
Khol
iswa:
Ohhi
,Khensani
I'
m goodt
hanksand
you?
 
Itookmybagsandcarkey
s.Ihadl
eftmy
phoneathome.
 
Khol
i
swa:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Not
hingmot
her
. 
Khol
i
swa:
Real
l
y? 
Me:
Yes,
pleasej
ustst
opf
ussi
ng.
 
It
ookmybagsandj
ustasIopenedt
hedoor
,
t
her
ewasMot
so.
 
Mot
so:
Mom t
oldmey
ouher
e. 
Shel
ookedatmybags.
 
Mot
so:
Youl
eav
ingal
ready
? 
Me:
Yes,
Iam.
 
Khol
i
swa:
Andshej
ustgother
e. 
Mot
so:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Ijust
..Ican'
tdot
his.
 
Mot
so:
Dowhat
? 
Me:
Ican'
tbey
ourmai
dofhonor
. 
Mot
so:
Idon'
tunder
stand.
 
Me:
Youdon'
thav
etounder
stand.
 
Mot
so:
Khensani
. 
Me:
Sphe,
let
'sgo.
 
ShecameandIj ustwal
kedoutoft
hatroom.I
t
wasn'teasyandIwasn'
tgoi
ngtopret
endthat
not
hinghappened. 
I
fsheknewwhatIdi
d,shealsowoul
dn'
twant
metobepar
tofherwedding. 
Ij
usthopeshef
orgi
vesmef
ort
his.
 
Iputt
hebagsi
nthebootofmycar
. 
Thando:
Youl
eav
ing?
Me:
Yes.
 
Thando:
Yousl
eptwi
thhi
m. 
Me:
Lut
hando,
I'
m noti
nthemoodf
ort
his.
 
IputSphei
nthebackseatandbuckl
edherup.
 
Thando:
Howcoul
dyoudot
hist
ome,
tous?
 
Me:
Youdon'
twantt
ocauseascene.
 
Thando:
Ain'
tyouashamedofy
our
sel
f? 
Me: Iam andthankyouformaki ngmef eelany
mor ebad.That'
swhyI '
ml eavi
ngandy oudon't
havet oworr
yaboutmer uini
ngyoursi
ster'
s
preciousweddingbecauseIwon' tbeapartof
i
t. 
Thando:Soyouthi
nkrunni
ngawayisgoi
ngto
hel
p?Ididn'
tknowyoucouldbesuchawhore!
Howt hehel
ldi
dIfall
inlov
ewithsomeoneso
evi
l?
 
Il
ookedathim andthetearsj
ustfel
l.Hewas
ri
ghtandIdeservedal
lthosewords.People
werelooki
ngandagain,Iwasembar rassed.
 
Ij
ustl
ookeddown.
 
Thando:
Ohpl
ease,
crymear
iver
. 
Ij
ustgoti
nmycaranddr
oveof
f,wi
tht
ear
s
bl
indi
ngmyvi
sion.
 
Ij
ustcouldn'tstandt
hereandpret
endli
kewhat
hewassay ingwasn'ttr
ueoreven,t
hati
twasn'
t
penet
rat
ingi ntomyheart.
 
Ihadnooneel
set
obl
amebutmy
sel
f.
 
Idi
dn'tgohome,Idr
oveustoahotel
,passi
ng
bythegaraget
ofil
lupmytankf
ir
st. 
I'
vebeenjudgedbefor
e,I
'
vebeenper
secut
ed
andscoldedbutthatt
imeitwasmer
ely
becauseofmyexi
stence,
notaboutwhatIhad
done. 
Ij
ust
..Iwoul
dn'
tbeabl
etohandl
eit
. 
Iwon'tbeabl
etoli
stentopeoplecrucif
ymeas
i
fthey'v
eneverdonemistakes,asi
fthey'r
eof
nofault
s.Asift
heyhavenopl anki
nt hei
reyes
yett
hey '
dbesoquicktotal
kaboutthest al
kin
myey e. 
Shewasasl
eepwhenIgotatt
hehot
elsoI
bookedar
oom f
orusthenwentt
oputher
down. 
Ior
der
edabot
tl
eofwi
nei
nthemeant
ime.
 
Mywal
l
etwasi
nmybag.
 
Il
ookedatthebot
tl
ethenatmysl
eepi
ng
daught
er.
 
Me:
Ican'
tdot
hist
oher
. 
Ij
ustgoti
nbedwi
thher
,cuddl
edherandwe
sl
ept.
 
Ispentt
woni
ght
satt
hehot
elt
henwentback
homeonMonday.
 
Goodt
hingTher
ewasmor
eofSphe'
scl
othes.
 
Andmyfat
herwasprobabl
ybackatwor
k,I
woul
dn'
tbeabl
etohandlet
hemanyquesti
ons.
 
Me:
Wegoi
nghomebaby
. 
Sphe:
Yes!
 
Il
aughed.
 
Idr
ovehomebutfi
rstpassedbyMacDonal
ds
andgothersomeburgerandf
ri
est
hendrove
home. 
Kit
so:Yourf
atherwassowor
ri
edandy
oul
eft
yourphone.
 
Me:
Dadshoul
dst
opst
ressi
ngaboutme.
 
Ki
tso:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:I'
ll
bedoingmyart
icl
esatsomeaudi
ti
ng
companyinRust
enbur
g.I'
vedeci
dedt
oaccept
thei
roff
er,
I'
ll
bedoi
ngmyhonourspartt
ime.
 
Ki
tso:
Youl
eav
ing?
 
Me:
It'
sfort
hebest
. 
Ki
tso:
Younotgoi
ngt
owai
tfory
ourf
ather
? 
Me:
Pleaseexpl
aint
ohi
m.I
'
llcal
lhi
mtoo.
 
Ki
tso:
Youdr
ivi
ng?
 
Me:
Idi
dn'
tbookaf
li
ght
. 
Ki
tso:
What
'st
her
ush?
 
Me:
Ijust
..Ther
e'snor
ush.
 
Ki
tso:
Whatdidy
oudo?Ihear
dabouty
ourf
ight
wi
thThando.
.
Me:I
'dr
athernott
alkabouti
t.Pl
easewat
chher
whi
l
eIgopack. 
Ki
tso:
Okay
. 
Iwasj
usthappyshedi
dn'
tfi
ghtmeaboutt
his.
 
Iwenttomyroom andpackedmyclot
hesand
Sphe'
sclot
hesthenwenttoputev
eryt
hingi
n
thecar
. 
WhenIwentoutofmyr
oom wi
tht
hel
astbag,
dadwasher
e. 
Dad:
Soi
t'
str
ue?
 
Me:
Youdi
dn'
thav
etocome.
 
Dad:What
'sgoi
ngonwithy
ouNokubonga?You
pushi
ngever
yoneaway
. 
Me:Ineedtost
andonmyownandj
ust
..Fi
gur
e
t
hingsoutonmyown. 
Dad:
All
owust
obet
her
efory
ou.
 
Me:
Ify
ouknew,
youwoul
dhat
eme.
 
Dad:
Iwoul
dnev
erhat
eyou.
 
Me:
Sphe
Shewaseati
ngtheburger
sIcamewi
th,
wit
h
Bandi
l
e.Shelookedatme. 
Me:
Let
'sgo.
 
Kit
so:Wi
l
lyoubeabl
etohandl
ewor
kingand
her? 
Me:
I'
ll
findheraday
car
eorcr
eche.
 
Dad:
Pleasedocal
lus.
 
Me:
Iwi
l
ldad.
 
Wehugged.Itcoul
dhavebeenthel
astti
me.I
don'
tknowifI'
devercomebackher
e. 
Idon'
tknowi
fI'
dbeabl
eto.
 
WhatRust
enbur
ghol
dsf
orme,
I'
dfi
ndout
. 
Ihadt
ogot oMafi
kengf
ir
stsoIcanmov eout
fr
om t
hathouseandmaybefi
ndatenanttor
ent
i
t. 
Fornow,
thi
swasi
t.
 
.
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
102
Wear r
ivedsafel
yinMafikeng,al
lbythegrace
ofGod.Iwaswayt ootir
edt odoany t
hing,
Sphe
wassleepingaswellsoclearl
y,Iwasn'
ttheonly
ti
redone. 
IwenttosafelyTuckherin,
justnextt
ome
si
ncewe'dbesl eepi
nginthesamebedt hen
wenttolock.Ial
soswitchedtheli
ghtsofft
hen
snuggl
edinbedwi thmydaught er
,pul
li
ngher
cl
osertomesowecoul dcuddle. 
Thefol
lowingmorni
ng,Iwaswokenupbymy
daught
erwhowassl appi
ngmelight
lywit
hher
ti
nyhands.Igi
ggl
edandopenedmyey es. 
Me:
Mor
ningbaby
. 
Iperkedherli
psandshesmiled.She'
sat r
ue
ref
lecti
onofherfat
her
,justl
ightwhil
eweboth
caramel.Shetookmymom' scomplexion.
 
Sphe:
Mor
ningmama.
 
Me:
Let
'sgobr
ushourt
eet
h. 
Sphe:
Peemama.
 
Me:
Yes,
come.
 
Iwor
emysl eepersthentookheri
ntomyarms.
Wewentt ot
hebat hroom wher
eshepeedthen
webrushedourteeththenwashedourf
aces,
wel
lIWashedherf
ace.
 
Myphoner angf
rom t
hebedroom andIwentt
o
geti
t,asSphewenttotheki
tchen.
Me:
Hel
l
o? 
Dad:GoodnessNono,
whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
mey
ou
ar
ri
vedsafely
? 
Me:I
'm sor
rydad.Iwasti
redwhenIgothome
andwewentstrai
ghttobed. 
Tr
aff
icwasheav y
,that'
soneoft
hereasons
whywearri
vedlateplusImadeafewstops
al
ongtheway.Drivi
ngalonei
snoteasy.
 
Dad:
But
,ar
eyouokay
? 
Me:
I'
mfi
nedad,
we'
ref
ine 
Dad:
Pleasedon'
tdeser
tus.
 
Hesai d,
withconcernaudiblei
nhisvoice.I
smiled,t
helovehehasf orme..Somet imesI
thi
nkIdon'tdeserv
ei t
,mor eespeci
all
ybecause
ofthekindofpersonIhavebeennowaday s.
 
Me:
Iwon'
tdad.
 
Dad:
Whatr
eal
l
yhappened?
 
Me:
Dadpl
ease,
Idon'
twannat
alkaboutt
his.
 
Dad:Yourmom t
oldmeaboutwhatthat
Thandoguydi
d,embar
rassi
ngyouinfrontof
ever
yoneli
ket
hat.
 
Me:
Hedi
dapr
ett
ygoodj
obi
nthat
,Iknow.
 
Hesi
ghed.Ijustdi
dn'
tev
enwantt orefl
ectback
ont
hat,Ij
ustwantedtof
orgetaboutitandjust
moveon. 
Dad:
I'
m sor
rybaby
,ifIev
erseehi
m,I
'
m goi
ng
t
o-
Me:
Dadno,
he'
snotwor
thi
t.
 
Dad:
It'
shi
ght
imeIputhi
minhi
spl
ace.
 
Me:
YoudoknowI
'
mtur
ning24r
ight
? 
Dad:
So?
 
Me:
I'
m ol
denought
ofi
ghtmyownbat
tl
es.
 
Dad:
Youst
il
lmyonl
ybabygi
rl
. 
Me:
Kit
soi
snotpr
egnantagai
n? 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Ther
e'sal
readySphe,
Ithi
nkI
'
m done.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me: Youonl yhav
etwokids,
actuall
yonesi
nce
I'
m allgrownup,maybeIshoul
dt al
ktoKi
tso
aboutt hi
s. 
Hechuckl
ed.
 
Dad:
Leavemywifeal
one.Whatwedowhenwe
al
oneisnoty
ourbusi
ness.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Yesdad.
 
Dad:Any
way
,I'
l
lseey
ouatt
heweddi
ng.Il
ove
you.
 
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
 
Icoul
dn'
ttel
ldadt
hatIwasn'
tcomi
ngt
othe
weddi
ng.Ican'
tgother
e,knowi
ngwhatKamo
andIdi
dthenactli
kenothi
ngeverhappened.
 
I
t'
sbestIi
sol
atemy
sel
ffr
om t
hesi
tuat
ionat
hand.
 
Anyway,ImademybabyherRiceKrispi
eswi
th
warm mil
kt henf
ri
edsomebacon,eggsAnd
sausagesformysel
f.
 
Ther estoft
heweek,Ispentl
ookingforaplace
tostayinRustenbur
gandalso,packi
ngallmy
stuf
f. 
Ihadhi
redat
rucktohel
pmemoveandThor
iso
andBonol
ohadalsocomet
ohel
pmemov e.
 
Wehadnowpackedal ltheboxes.Ev
ery
thi
ng
wasalldone.What
'
sleftwasfindi
ngatenantt
o
occupythi
shousebutIhadplacedanAdon
Themail,OLXandgumtree.
 
I
twasSatur
day.Ir
eceiv
edacal l
onmyphone
whi
chIanswer
edwi t
houtchecki
ngt
hecal
ler
I
D. 
Me:
Hel
l
o? 
"
Isi
ttr
ue?"
Iwasperpl
exed,Ir
emovedthephonefr
om my
earsoIcoul
dlookatt
hecallerI
Dtoseewhoi
t
wasandIgaspedinshock.
 
Myheartst
artedbeati
ngfastbutIwasn'
tabout
tosayanyt
hingunti
lI'
m sur
ewhatshe'son
about
. 
Me:
Whati
s? 
Motso:
Don'tpl
aydumbwit
hmeKhensani
,you
knowexact
lywhatI
'mt
alki
ngabout
! 
There,
thereistheat
ti
tudet
hatrunsi
nt he
Ngcobov ei
ns,Thesamespit
ti
ngatti
tude
Thandohas. 
Me:Angazi
.Unlessyoutal
ki
ngaboutconspi
ri
ng
wi
thThandotokeepKamoandIapar t.Nott
hat
wewereevertogether
. 
Idon'
tknowwhereIgotthebr
aver
ytosayt
hat
butIhadtocomeupwithacoverupformy
pani
c. 
Mot
so:
Howdi
dyou.
.?
 
Me:
Het
oldme.
 
Motso:
Look,i
twasthepl
anatfir
stbutIr
eal
l
y
l
oveKamo,Iendedupfal
l
ingforhi
m.Thando
coul
dn'
tst
andlosi
ngyou,hel
ovesyouand-
Me:
He'
stheonewhobr
okeupwi
thme.
 
Motso:Kamogel
owantshi
slobol
amoneyback,
hebrokeupwit
hme. 
Me:
Oh
Motso:Oh?Oh?That'
sal
lyougonnasay ,
oh?I
j
ustlostmyfi
anceandyoujustgonnasayoh?
Me:
I'
m sor
ry 
Gui
l
tcrepti
nasitfi
nal
l
yhi
tmet
hatIcoul
dbe
t
hecauseofthi
s. 
Mot so:Yousleptwit
hhim!IhateyouKhensani
,
Ireall
yhatey ouandI'
m sogladmybrother
dumpedy ourbit
chyass.Ihopeyouhappywit
h
whatyouhavedone.You'
veembarr
assedme
andI'
llmakesur
ethewholefami
lyknowsabout
yourJezebel
ways!
 
Shecli
ckedhert
onguethenhungupandI
col
lapseddown,
huggedmykneesandjust
cri
ed. 
WhywasItheonlyonebl
amedfort
his?What
happenedt
o"I
ttakest
wotoTango"?
Again,i
t'
sthegi
rl'
sfaul
t.I
twill
alway
sbethe
gi
rl'
sfaultj
ustl
i
keineveryt
hingandwit
h
ever
y t
hing.
 
Thor
iso:
Youokay
? 
HeaskedandIj
ustnodded,
wit
hmyheadst
il
l
bur
iedi
nmyknees. 
Sphe:
Mama?
 
Ifel
thert
inyhandstouchme.Atthatmoment,
I
knewIhadtobest r
ong.Ifnotf
orme,thenf
or
her.
 
Bonol
obr
oughtmeagl
assofsugarwat
er,
whi
chIgul
peddownt
henIwascal
m. 
Me:
Thanky
ouguy
s. 
Thor
iso:
whatev
eri
tis,
itt
ooshal
lpass.
 
Ihi
ghl
ydoubt
edbutIdi
dn'
ttel
lhi
mthat
. 
Ist
art
edworki
ngonthefi
rstweekofFebr
uar
y.I
hadal
readyr
egi
ster
edformyhonoursatNWU. 
Ihadfoundanear
bycrecheforSphe.Wewer
e
rent
inganapar
tmentaroundtown.
 
Therewasaf amil
yoffourwhichwasr ent
ing
myhouseatMaf i
kengandIusedpartofthe
moneyt opayrentfort
heapartment
.Ithadt wo
ensui
tebedrooms, aki
tchenandanopenpl an
di
ningroom,loungeandl i
vi
ngroom.
 
I
twasWednesday
,myt
hir
ddayatwor
k.
Il
ovedworki
ngandt
hepeopl
ewer
eki
ndand
humble.
 
Ihadafri
end,
Jessi
,she'
swhi
teandor
igi
nal
l
y
fr
om CapeTownbutshewasalsor
ent
ingan
apar
tment
. 
Wecl
i
ckedt
hemomentwemet
. 
Any
way,af
teralongdayatwor
k,Iwentt
ofet
ch
mydaught
erthenwewenthome. 
Myf
eetwer
eki
l
li
ngme.
 
Me:
Howwascr
eche?
 
Sphe:
Good,
Ilov
ecr
eche.
 
Shedidn'
tevencryonherfi
rstday.Shewas
real
l
ysmar tandIal
waysprayedthatshe
doesn'
tgrowupwi t
hthesamei ssuesIhad.
 
Evenat23,i
t'
sst
il
lhardformenott
opay
at
tent
iontowhatpeoplesay
. 
Ihav
en'tt
alkedt
oMot
soev
ersi
nceshecal
l
ed
andinsul
tedme.
 
Myphonehadbeenof
fsi
ncet
hen.I
t'
sbeent
wo
weeksnow.
 
Justt
het
houghtofever
yoneknowi
ngabout
thi
smademepanic.
 
Howisdadgoi
ngtol
ookatmenow,
Khol
i
swa,
oh,
notfor
get
ti
ngLer
ato.
 
Theyprobabl
yal
lhat
emeandIj
ustcan'
tdeal
wit
hthat.
 
Afterall
,theyallgonnabl
ameme.I '
mtheoneat
faulthere.Thesinglewomanwhosleptwitha
takenmanasi fIforcedmysel
fonhim.Societ
y,
alway ssobiased.It
'ssaf
etosayI'
VEsleptwit
h
everyguyI '
vedated. 
It
ookoffmyshoesimmedi
atel
ywhenwegot
i
nsidet
hehouseandwal
kedbaref
oot
. 
Ican'
tbel
i
eveIhaven'
tbeeni
nchur
chev
er
si
ncetheyearst
art
edbutdoyoubl
ameme? 
Ifeel
everyonewillknowwhatIhav
edone.
Forni
cat
ion.It
's.
.It
'sashame. 
Me:
Youhungr
y? 
Shenodded.
 
Me:
Youal
way
shungr
y. 
Iworeanapr
onandstart
edonthef
ood.Iwas
goi
ngtoshoweraf
tercooki
ng.
Sphe:
Yourphonemom.
 
Me:
Youswi
tchedi
ton?
 
Shenodded.
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
Siphesi
hle 
Sphe:
Sor
ry.
 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
Gopl
ayagame.
 
Themessagescouldn'
tstopcomi
ngandIdi
dn'
t
evenwannareadanyofthem. 
Icont
inuedwit
hcooki
ng.Justr
iceanda
chi
ckenstew.Shewaswatchi
ngTV. 
Sphe:
It'
sdadmom.
 
Igr
oaned.Shegi
ggl
ed.
 
Sphe:Imi
ssy
out
oodad.Iwentt
ocr
eche
today
. 
.
..
Sphe:Yesdad.
..Li
hle.
..She'
sfunny*
giggl
es*
okay
Sphe:
Dadwant
stospeakt
oyou 
Igr
oanedandt
ookt
hephonef
rom her
. 
Me:
Hel
l
o
Thando:Youcan'tkeepmeawayf
rom my
daughterNokubonga 
Me:
I'
m notkeepi
ngy
ouawayf
rom her
. 
Thando:Your anawaywithher.Justbecause
youcouldn'thandl
ethemessy oumade.Now
mysisterishurti
ngbecauseyourexbrokeup
wit
hherAndt ookhisl
obolaback,j
ustbecause
youcouldn'tkeepyourl
egsclosed.
 
Me: Don'
tyoudare!Hebrokeupwithher
becauseshebuil
ttherel
ati
onshiponli
es.No
wondershewantedhisbabysohecoul dtr
ap
hi
m wi t
hit
.Hadyounotconspiredwit
hher,thi
s
wouldn'
thavehappened.
 
Iwasj ustti
redofalwayslett
ingLuthandobull
y
meandwal kalloverme.Wasn' ti
tbadenough
thatIblamedmy sel
ffort
his?Nowhej usthad
toaddsal tt
omyal r
eadyopenedwounds.  
Thando:
IwantmydaughterKhensani
.Don'
t
makemef i
lef
orful
lcust
odycauseIwon'tl
ose.
Youcankeeprunni
ngaway,Idon'
tcar
ebut
don'
tmakeherapartofi
t.
 
Me:
Youdone?
 
Thando:Sat
lont
enaWena!Whodoy
out
hink
youtal
ki
ngto? 
Me:Idon'
twannaf
ightwi
thy
ou.I
'
mjustgonna
hungup. 
Thando:
Nokubonga 
Hewarned,Ij
usthungup.Idon'
tknowwhyhe
wasf
ighti
ngwithmel i
kethi
s. 
Mov
ingher
ewassupposedtobeanewstar
t
f
ormebutitseemedmypastwascomi
ngback
t
ohauntme. 
It
houghtt
hiswasgoi
ngtobeabreakforme,a
br
eathoff
reshai
rbutunf
ort
unat
ely
,itwasn'
t.
 
Isi
ghedandwentbacktot
hepot s,t
ryi
ngnott
o
thi
nkaboutwhathesai
dbutIcouldn'
t.
 
Icouldn'
tstopt
hinki
ngabouti
t.Whati
fher
eal
l
y
takesmet ocour
t? 
Iwouldn'
tbeabl
etosurv
ivewi
thoutmy
daughter
,Ir
eal
lywoul
dn'
t. 
Howdi
dIgetmy
sel
fInt
hismess?
 
Myphoner
angyetagai
n.Ii
gnor
edi
tbuti
t
woul
dn'
tst
opri
ngi
ng. 
Ij
ustpi
ckedi
tup.
 
Me:
What
? 
Dad:Don'
ttal
ktomelikethat
,mor
eespeci
all
y
af
terwhatyou'
vedone. 
Me:
Dad.
 
Dad:
Don't"dad"me,
howcoul
dyouembar
rass
meli
kethis?
Me:
I'
m sor
rydad.
 
Dad:Whycouldn'
tyoutel
lme,Ihadtohearit
fr
om yourmother
.Iknewy ouwererunni
ng
awayfrom somet
hingbutthi
s..NCnc
WhatIhat
edwast hefactthatnoonebot hered
t
ohearmysideoft hestory.Nott
hatitwould
makeanydif
ference,
instead,mydir
tylaundry
washangedforevery
onet oseeandspi tat
. 
Me:IknowIembarr
assedyouandyou'r
e
pr
obablyashamedt
ocallmeyourdaughterbut
I
'mreall
ysorr
y 
Thet
earsfel
l.Dadhatedme.Hedidn'
thav
eto
sayi
tbutIcouldheari
tinhi
svoi
ce. 
Dad:I'
m notashamed,y
ou'l
lalway
sbemy
daughter
.Ijustwi
shyoucouldhavet
oldme
thi
s. 
Me:ThatIhadsexwi
thsomeone'
sfi
ance?How
dad,
how?  
Dad:
Weusedt
otal
kaboutt
his.Justl
i
key
ou
t
oldmewhenMphobr
okey
ourv
irgi
nit
y.
Me:
Ifeel
dir
ty,
Ifeel
ashamed.
 
Dad: YouknowKholiswacamebar gi
nginhere,
wantingtotalktoy
ouaboutthisandthen
cursedme, tol
dmehowIhadf ai
ledtor
aiseyou
ri
ght,cal
li
ngmeabadpar ent
.Blamingmef or
yourbehavior 
Me:
I'
m sor
ryy
ouhadt
ogot
hrought
hat
. 
Dad:I
'm disappointed,v
erydi
sappoi
nted.She'
s
ri
ght
,Ifail
edt oraiseyouri
ght
.It'
sal
lmyf aul
t.
 
Me:
It'
snotdad.I
'
mtheonewhodi
dthi
s. 
Dad:
MaybeifIhadi
nsti
ll
eddi
sci
pli
ne,
noneof
t
hiswoul
dhavehappened.
 
Hehunguponme,
leav
ingmewi
thal
ott
othi
nk
about
. 
Icanimaginewhatever
yonethi
nksofmenow.
Tumisho,heprobabl
yhatesme.
 
Ler
ato,
probabl
ydoesn'
twantt
oev
erseeme.
 
I
fItwasn'
tbecauseofSphe,
IIdon'
tthi
nkI
wouldst
il
lbeali
ve.
 
Shewastheonl
ythi
ngkeepi
ngmeal i
veandif
Thandowastot
akeher
,I'
dneversur
vive.I
woulddi
e. 
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
103
Everfel
tdrained?Liketheli
tt
lest
rengt
hy ouhad
i
ny ouIsnol ongerther
eAndasmuchasy outr
y
toholdony oucan'tbecausesomehow, y
our
l
egsar efai
li
ngy ouandy outryt
ocrybutItjust
can'
tcomeout ? 
That'
showIfelt
.Irefl
ectedonhowf arIhad
comebutsti
ll
,Ihadonl yoneprobl
em andthat
'
s
l
etti
ngwhatpeoplethinkaboutmeaf f
ectme. 
Ifeltl
ikemyfatherhat
edme.Ididn'
tevenwant
tothinkaboutKholi
swawho,ofcoursewas
quickt oj
udgeli
kesheknewathingaboutme. 
OnThur
sday
,Igotupandpr
epar
edmy
sel
ffor
wor
k. 
Ibat
hedthendressedupinabl
ackpenci
lskir
t
wit
hawhi t
efor
mal shi
rtandbl
azert
henwore
sl
eepersandwenttowakeupSphe.Shedidn'
t
hesi
tat
e. 
Ibat
hedhert
hendr
essedherupf
orcr
echet
hen
wewenttomakebr
eakfast
.
Act
uall
y,wehadcerealf
orbr
eakf
ast
.Ial
sohad
afr
uitsal
adontheside.
 
HadIbeenworki
ngher
eforlong,
Iwoul
dhav
e
tookafewday
soffj
usttospendem wi
thmy
daught
er.
Iwenttoputonpropershoesthenwentt
omy
carwhereIst
rappedherinthebackandwentt
o
myseat. 
Idr
oppedherof
fatcr
echeandwentt
owor
k. 
Jessi
:What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Sheaskedwhenwesatatt hecaf
eteri
afor
l
unch.Iguessshehadnot
icedmyf oulmood.
 
Me:
I'
mjust
..Ti
red.
 
Jessi
:Iknowwehav
en'
tknowneachot
herf
or
l
ongbutsometi
mestal
ki
nghel
ps. 
Me:Isl
eptwit
hmybesti
e'
sfi
ancewhohappens
t
obemyexandmybabydaddyhat esmeandis
t
hreat
eningt
otakemybabyf
rom me. 
Jessi
:That
'sal
l
? 
Il
ookedatherli
ke"whatthehel
l
?".Ir eal
l
y
di
dn'
texpecthertosaythat
.Shelaughed.
 
Me:
Youf
indt
hisf
unny
? 
Jessi
:Noi
t'
sjust
..
.Ir
eal
l
ythoughty
ouhadr
eal
probl
ems.
Me:Ido.Myf at
herisdi
sappoint
edInmeand
mymom i sblaminghi
mf orwhatIdid.I
t'
sli
ke
I'
mtheonlyonewhomadeami st
akeand
ever
yoneisjudgi
ngmel i
keIrapedtheguyor
somethi
ng. 
Shel
aughed.
 
Me:
Your
eal
l
yfi
ndi
ngal
loft
hisasaj
oke.
 
Jessi
:I'
m sor
ry,
it'
sjust
..Wow
Me:
Iknow.
 
Jessi
:I'
vebeeninarelati
onshipwithamar ri
ed
manf ort
hreeyear
sandhe' sbeenpr omisi
ngt o
l
eavehiswifeformesincet hen.Thesadpartis,
she'
smyf ri
end.Al
lI'
m sayingis,yourpr
oblems
arenothi
ngcomparedt omi ne.
 
Me:
Yoh.
 
Jessi:
Iknow.Ev er
yti
met heyf i
ght
,shecomes
tomeandIcan' teventellherI'
mthecause.I
l
ovehi m somuchKhenandIknowwhatI '
m
doingIsnotri
ght.See,Icameher eafterfi
nding
outI'
m pregnantwhil
eshet hinksI
'm singl
e. 
Me:
Whyar
eyoust
il
lfr
iends?
 
Jessi
: We'vebeenfr
iendsbef
orehecameint
o
thepictur
e.Ican'
tj
uststopbeingf
ri
endswit
h
her.
 
Me:
Youknowt
hisexf
ri
endofmi
nei
smybaby
daddy
'ssi
ster
. 
Jessi
:It
hinkweneedt
ogot
ochur
ch.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Jessi
:I'
m seri
ousthough.Weneedsome
heavenl
yinter
vent
ion.
 
Me:Iact
uall
ycan'
tremembert
hel
astt
imeI
wenttochur
ch.
 
Jessi
:Thi
sSunday
? 
Me:
Yoh,
sosoon?
 
Jessi
:Yes.Andt
hingi
s
Me:
What
? 
Jessi
:It
'
dbemyf
ir
stt
imei
nchur
ch.
 
Il
aughedthi
nki
ngshe'
sjoki
ngbutshewas
ser
ious.
 
Me:
Youser
ious?
 
Jessi:It
ell
you.Ashar
dasi
tistobel
i
evesince
I
'mt heonewhocameupwiththi
ssuggest
ion
buti
t'
str
ue.
 
Me:Wel
l,i
fit
'sanyconsol
ati
oni
t'
dbemyf
ir
st
t
imethi
syear. 
Jessi
:Theni
t'
sadat
e.I
'
llpi
cky
ouup 
Me:
Whi
chchur
ch?
 
Jessi:
IfGodcoul
dleadt
heIsraeli
test
othe
promiselandt
henhecandefi
nitel
ymakeaplan
forus 
Me:Forsomeonewhodoesn'
tgot
ochur
ch,
you
knowalotaboutGod 
Jessi
:Mysist
erisadev ot
edChr
isti
an.She'
s
al
wayspreaching.AsmuchasIalwaysactl
ikeI
ai
n'tl
i
steni
ng,Ialwaysdo.
 
Me:Youknow,ther
ewasapointi
nmyl
i
fe
wher
eIdidn'
tbeli
evei
nGod.
 
Jessi
:Oh,
why
? 
Me:BecauseofhowIhadbeenj
udgedand
r
idi
cul
edbyt hesamepeopl
ewhocall
themselvesChr
ist
ians.Iwasjustakid,gr
owing
up.Wewer everypoor,mydadt ri
edtomake
endsmeetAndI '
dalway sbetoldabouthow
uglyIam andhowI '
m adisgr
acet ohuman
beings.I
tmademehat eGod.
 
Jessi
:Soy
oucar
eaboutwhatpeopl
esayabout
you? 
Ishr
uggedmyshoul
der
s. 
Me:
Ican'
thel
pit
 
Jessi:Any
way,y
ougotme.I
'
llhel
pyou
overcomethi
ssyndr
ome.
 
Me:
Syndr
ome?
 
Jessi
:The"
whatwi
l
lpeopl
esay
"sy
ndr
ome.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Youcr
azy
. 
Jessi:I
'
mforr
eal
though.It
hinkwemetf
ora
reason.
 
Me:
Ibel
i
eveso.
 
Jessi
:I'
vealway
shear
dopposi
teat
tractbutI
di
dn'tseethi
scomi
ng.
 
Me:
What
? 
Jessi:
I'
m whi
te,youbl
ack.I
'
mtall
,youshor
t.
I'
mt hi
n,yout
hick.I
'
mloudandyoushy.I
t'
s
amazing.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Youwei
rd.
 
Jessi
:Lov
eyout
oobabe.
 
Me:Howcomey
oupr
egnantandy
ourst
omach
i
sfl
at? 
Jessi
:I'
m onl
y6weekspr
egnant
. 
Shesai
d,br
ushi
ngherf
latst
omach.
 
Me:
That
'sgr
eat
. 
Jessi
:Iknowhey.Let
'sgobefor
ethatvi
per
comesandr ui
nsther
emainderofourday 
Il
aughedAndwegotupgoi
ngbackt
oour
st
ati
ons.
 
Ihadmyphoneswi
tchedof
ffort
her
estoft
he
week.
 
Jessi
wasr eal
lyablessi
ngInmylif
e.Wespent
ti
metogetherandshe'devencomeandI'
dcook
andwe'deattoget
herwithSphe.
 
Shehel
pedmeNottot
hinktoomuch.She
hel
pedtakemymi
ndoffthi
ngs.
 
OnSatur
day,wewer
egoi
ngoutf
orl
unch,
The
t
hreeofus 
Itookabathwit
hmydaught
erandt
hendr
ied
andlot
ionedherandmy
sel
f.
 
Iworeablackanklegrazerwit
habl acklace
cr
opt opandadenimj acketontop.Idressed
Spheinadenim dungareeswithapinkT- shi
rt
i
nsideandwhitesneakers. 
Wer eal
lyneededt
odoourhai
r.Iwor
epi
nk
superst
arsneaker
sthent
ookmybagwit
h
wall
etandcarkeys. 
Ihadt
oswi
tchmyphoneon.Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
o
hi
def
orev
er.
 
Ipost
edapictur
eIhadt
ookofSpheAndIt
hen
wait
edforJessi
. 
Shel
ether
sel
fin,
wit
houtev
enknocki
ng.
 
Jessi
:Youguy
slookbeaut
if
ul.
 
Spheopenedherar
msandshet
ookher
. 
Me:
Thanks,
youl
ookgoodt
oo 
Wewenti
nhercar
.Shewasdr
ivi
ng.
 
Jessi
:Wegoi
ngt
oachi
sany
ama 
Me:
Your
eal
l
ylov
ebei
ngbl
ack.
 
Jessi
:Muchbet
tert
hanbei
ngwhi
tet
rustme.
 
Me:
Weshoul
dswi
tch.
 
Shelaughed.Ihadmyphoneinsil
ent
.Idi
dn'
t
wantanythi
ngdistur
bingt
hisday
. 
Wedi
dgotoachisany
ama.Weorder
edsteak,
l
ambchopsandworswit
hpapandchakal
aka.
 
Jessi
:Smel
l
sdi
vi
ne.
 
Me:
Ibeti
ttast
esev
enbet
ter
. 
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
103(
cont
inuat
ion)
Thefoodwasamazi ng.From thechisanyama
wewenttothemal lwherewehadi ce-creams
Anddidabitofshopping.Itwasactuall
y
amazingAndmademef or
getaboutev eryt
hing
Ihadbeengoingthr
ough.  
Me:
Thanky
ouf
ort
his,
Ihadagoodt
ime.
 
Shesmi
l
ed.Sphewassl
eepi
ngi
nmyar
ms.
 
Jessi
:Ishoul
dbethanki
ngyou.Yousur
eyou
don'
twantmet ocomewithyou? 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
I'
m pr
ett
yol
dfort
hat
. 
Sher
oll
edherey
es,
maki
ngmechuckl
e. 
Jessi
:YouknowwhatImean.
 
Ismi
l
ed.
 
Me:
Yes,
I'
m sur
e.I
t'
sokay
. 
Jessi
:Al
ri
ght
,I'
l
lseey
out
omor
row.Ber
eadyat
9.
Me:
West
il
lgoi
ng?
 
Jessi
:Yesanddon'
tev
ent
hinkofdodgi
ngme.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Don'
twor
ry.
 
Iwinkedather.Shedr
oveoff.Sphewasreal
ly
heavyonmenow.Iunl ockedthehouseand
wenttoputherdownthenwentt otakemy
shoppingbags. 
Iwasalsopret
tyti
red.Iwenttotakeashower
andjustworemygownt henwentt ot
helounge
whereIsat,
watchi
ngTVunt il
Irememberedmy
phone. 
IhadsomanytextsthatIf
eltmyheadgett
ing
dizzy
.Idi
dn'
tev
enbot herr
eadingt
hem but
call
edKit
soi
nsteadandwet al
kedforawhil
e. 
She'
stoosweetandev
ent
oldmet
ocomev
isi
t
soon.
 
Ipr
omi
sedherIwi
l
ldur
ingEast
er.
 
MyphonerangandIj
ustanswer
ed,
wit
hout
checki
ngt
hecall
eri
d 
Me:
Hel
l
o? 
"Khensani
"
Me:
Kamogel
o?Thi
sisasur
pri
se.
 
Kamo:
I'
vebeent
ryi
ngt
ocal
lyouf
orweeks.
 
Me:
Myphonewasof
f.
 
Kamo:What'
sgoi
ngon?Hear
dyou
di
sappear
ed.
 
Ichuckl
ed.
 
Me:Youwoul
dn'
tbehear
ingf
rom mehadI
di
sappear
ed.
 
Kamo:I
'
vebeensodamnwor
ri
ed,
Iev
ent
urned
pi
nk.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
You'
veal
way
sbeenpi
nk.
 
Kamo:
Thi
sisnotf
unnyy
ouknow.
 
Me:IknowbutIj
ustcan'
thel
pit
.Whatdoy
ou
want?
 
Kamo:
You.
 
Me:
Idon'
thav
eti
mef
orgamesKamogel
o. 
Kamo: Yout
heonepl
ayi
nggames.Youbusy
runni
ngawayfr
om me. 
Me:I
'm alr
eadyint
roubl
ebecauseofy
ou.Don'
t
makethingsevenmoreworse.
 
Kamo: ButIl
ovey
ouandIcan'
tj
ustmakeal
lof
thatgoaway.
Me:Lov
eisagoodthi
ngandevenGod
commandsustol
oveoneanot
her.
 
Kamo:
Cany
oubeser
ious?
 
Me:
Let
'sv
ideocal
l
. 
Hedi
dn'
trepl
ybutdr
oppedi
tthenv
ideocal
l
ed
me.
 
Hewaslooki
nggoodshamewi
thhi
scoar
se
,dr
eadl
ockedhai
r.
 
Kamo:
Wher
eyouat
? 
Me:
I'
minheav
enbaby
It
eased.Helookedatmewi
thhi
sey
ebr
ows
br
oughttoget
her. 
Kamo:
Cany
ouj
ustbeser
iousf
orami
nut
e? 
Ipout
edanddi
dn'
trepl
y.
 
Kamo:
Weneedt
otal
k. 
Me: Whatdoyouthinkwedoingnow?Actual
l
y,I
thinkI
'
vesaidenoughandalongthosel
i
nes,I
alsoaskedyoutoleavemealone.
 
Kamo:
IdoubtIcanev
erl
eav
eyoual
one.
Me:
Try
. 
Kamo:
Wedi
dn'
tusepr
otect
ion.
 
Iswearmyey espoppedoutatthatmoment .
Whatifhe'
sinfect
edmewi t
hsome. ..I
ll
ness?
He'ssl
eptwit
haboThul i
andNobuhl eandwho
knowswhethertheyusedprot
ectionornot.
 
Ihadev
enf
orgot
tenIwasi
nacal
lwi
thKamo.
 
Kamo:
Youokay
? 
Me:
DoIl
ookokayt
oyou?
 
Kamo:It
'
sbeent
hreeweekssi
ncewe.
.You
know 
Me:
You'
vebeencount
ing?Howgr
eat
 
Isai
drol
l
ingmyey
esandhechuckl
ed.
 
Kamo:
YouKnowwhatt
hismeans?
 
Me:ThatImightbeinfectedbysome.
.Il
l
ness
consi
der
inghowIdon' tknowhowmanyot her
peopl
eyou'
v ebeensleepingwit
handwhether
youusedprotect
ionornot ?
 
Hecli
ckedhi
stongue.HewasrednowsoI
pi
ckedupthathewasangryatmyhonest
ybutI
j
usthadt
o. 
Kamo:
Howdoy
out
akemeNar
e? 
Me:
I'
mjustbei
nghonest
. 
Kamo:
Soy
out
hinkI
'
m si
ck?
 
Me:It
'snotwr
it
tenony
ourf
orehead,
howcanI
know? 
Kamo:
It'
swhaty
ouassumed.
 
Me:
OhI
'
m sor
ry.
 
Kamo:
What
ever
 
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,hehungup.Okay
. 
Well
,Thef
oll
owingdayIdi
dgetupearl
yto
pr
eparemysel
fandmybabyforchur
ch. 
Iwaski
ndofner
vousbutknowingthatI
'
m
goi
ngtoanal
lnewchurchAndnooneknows
mether
ewasenoughconsolat
ion.
 
Iworeawhit
ehighwai
stedskir
twhichhada
l
acecover
ingwit
hit
smat chi
nglongsleev
est op.
Sphewasalr
eadydr
essedinherblueumbr el
l
a
dr
essAndwhi
tesandal
s. 
Jessi
:I'
m soner
vous.
 
Wehadal
readyfoundachur
chandwer
eint
he
yar
dAndsti
ll
inhercar
. 
Trut
his,Iwasal
soner v
ous.Idon'tknowwhy
butmaybeit'
sbecauseithadbeensol ong
si
nceIfoundmy sel
finthepresenceofGod 
Me:
Younott
heonl
yone.
 
Jessi
:Let
'sgo.
 
It
ookmybagandSphe' sbagthenwewentout.
Thechur
chwasj ustaverage,
nottoof
ancy
.It
wasbigbutnothuge. 
Seemslikewewereri
ghti
ntimebecauset
hey
weresti
llpr
ayi
ng.Wewereusher
edtoour
seat
s. 
Havey ouev
erbeeni
nchurchandf
eltl
iket
he
pastor
'smessagewasdi
rect
edtoyou?Well
,
that
'showIfel
t.
 
I
t'
sli
keGodwasanswer
ingallt
hequesti
ons
whi
chhadbeenr
unni
ngthroughmymi ndusi
ng
Hi
m. 
Hewaspr eachingaboutrepentance,
forgi
venessandt ell
ingpeopletostopjudgi
ng
other
s.Tot hinkIhadspentday scruci
fymysel
f
andnev erdidIthinkofrepenti
ng. 
Hehadbeeni
ntr
oducedasApost
leMol
osi
.
 
Apostle:TheBi bl
esay sinthebookofRomans
3:23"Foral lhavesinned,andcomeshor tof
thegloryofGod; ".Thistel
lsusthatthereisno
oneli
v i
ngonear thwhohasnev ersinned,
i
ncludingmesowhoar eyoutojudge?Peopl e
arealway squicktopointoutotherpeople's
faul
tsbutnev ertakeamomentt ointrospect
themselvesbef oretheyeventhi
nkofj udging
other
s. 
Thecongr
egat
ionshout
edagl
ori
ous"
Amen"
TheHolySpir
itwasdel
iver
ingav erypower
ful
messagethatwecouldall
relat
et o.
 
Apost l
e:Imean, Matt
hew7: 3saidit
,"Andwhy
doy oulookatt hespeckinyourbrot
her'
sey e,
butdonotr emovetheplankinyourowney e?"
Bathong, t
logel
anggoat l
hola.St
opjudging
others.
 
"
Amen!"Wechant
edagai
n. 
Hewentont
ospeakaboutt
hestor
yofthe
womanwhowascaughti
ntheactofadul
ter
y. 
Thephar asiesandt hescribeswerequickto
pointoutt hi
swoman' ssinsbutt heminute
Jesussai d,"Lethewhoi swi t
houtsi
n,castthe
fi
rststone", theywereal
l convict
edbytheir
ownsi ns. 
Apostle:Andthere'
ssomet hingIloveinthi
s
chapter.Whenwegodownt overse11"She
sai
d,Noman, Lord.AndJesussai dunt
oher,
Neit
herdoIcondemnt hee: go,andsinno
more."WhatGodi stell
i
ngi s,whenoursi nshas
beenf orgi
ven,i
tdoesn'tmeanweshoul d
conti
nuet osinsot hatgracemi ghtabidebut
rat
her,weshouldst
op.Yes,youaforni
cater,
an
adult
erer
,ali
aroramurdererbutI'
m heretotel
l
youthatyoursi
nshavebeenf or
giv
en. 
"
Amen!"Weshout
ed.Jessi
squeezedmyhand.
 
Apostle:But
,si
nnomor e.What
ev erl
iveyouhad
beenlivi
ng,what
ev eryouhavedone,it'
s
for
givenbutdon'tgobackintothatli
fe.Godi
s
giv
ingusanewl ifetodayandweshoul dgrabit
withbothhands. 
Andthat
'sexact
lywhatIwasgoi
ngt
odo.Iwas
goi
ngtograbitwit
hbothhands.
 
Apost l
e:AndbecauseGodf orgaveus,we
shouldalsoforgiv
et hosewhohavewr ongedus.
It
'sthereinourprayer:For
giveusour
trespassesaswef orgivet
hosewhot respass
againstus.Imean, howdoy ouexpectGodt o
forgiv
ey ouwhileyoucannotforgi
veyourfell
ow
brethren?.
Me:
Amen.
 
Jessi
:Whatapower
ful
message.
Me:
Iknowhey
,itwashear
tpi
erci
ng.
 
Jessi
:Youknowi
fIhadknownchurchwasthi
s
good,Iwoul
dhav
elongtookmysist
eronher
off
ertobri
ngmetochur
ch. 
Il
aughed.Weweresit
ti
ngi
nthedi
ningt
abl
e,at
herplacewhi
l
eeati
ngthef
oodshehad
prepared.
 
Me:Iknow.I
t'
sli
ket
hatmessagewaspoi
nted
atme. 
Jessi
:Andme.That'
swhyIdi
dn'
thesi
tat
ewhen
theymadeanal
tercal
l.
 
Me:
Godi
sgood.
 
.
.
  
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
104
Me:
I'
m gonnami
ssy
out
oobuty
ouknowby
Monday
,we'
l
lbeher
e. 
Jessi
:Yeahwel
l
,I'
mjustusedt
oseei
ngy
ou
two. 
Ismi
l
ed.Wehuggedagai
n.Thi
spr
egnancywas
maki
ngherov
eremoti
onal
.Shewascry
ing.
 
Iwi
pedhert
ear
s. 
Sphe:
Mama,
let
'sgo.
 
Me:
Someonecannotseem t
owai
t.
 
Wel
aughed.
 
Jessi
:Shecan'
twai
ttoseeherf
ather
. 
Me:She'
sbeenonmythr
oatpl
ussomehowshe
knowshowtocal
lhi
m.She'
sbeennaggi
ngt
o
seehi
m. 
Jessi
:Wel
lgo,
bef
orey
oumi
ssy
ourf
li
ght
. 
Me:
Pleaset
akecar
eofy
our
sel
fandJuni
or.
 
I
twasjustali
tt
lebumpnow.Shewas3mont
hs
pr
egnantnow. 
Wewer egoinghomefort
helongweekend.I
t'
s
Thursdayandthehol
i
dayist
omorrow,onthe
21stofMarch. 
Ourf
li
ghtwasat8pm.Wehadt
odr
iveal
lthe
waytoMafi
keng.
 
Any
way
,wegoti
nJusti
nti
mef
orourf
li
ght
. 
Twohourslat
er,
Iwasknocki
ngonThando'
s
door
.That'
sli
keat10pm.
 
IknowIshouldhavejustwenthomebutIdidn'
t
wanttodisappoi
ntmydaughterandIguessI
wasn'tr
eadytofacedadandt hel
astt
hingI
wantedwast owakethem up.
 
Atl
eastLut
handoknewwewer
ecomi
ng.
 
Me:
Whyar
en'
tyousl
eepi
ngagai
n? 
Sphe:
I'
mti
red.
 
Shey
awned.
 
Me:
Let
'shopedaddyopensup 
Af
terknocki
ngf
orawhi
l
e,someoneopened.I
t
wasMell
i
saandatt
hatpoi
nt,
Iregr
ett
edgoi
ng
t
here.
 
Mel
l
isa:
CanIhel
pyou?
 
Me:
IsLut
handoher
e? 
Mell
isa:
Don'ty
outhinkwesleepi
ng?Who
knocksat10pm wi
thakid?
 
Sphe:
Let
'sgomommy
. 
Me:
Youdon'
twannaseedaddy
? 
Shewashidi
ngbehindme.Il
ookedbackather
sheshookherhead.
 
Lut
hando:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
We'
l
lleav
e.Idi
dn'
tknowy
ouhadcompany
. 
Canyoubel
ieveIhaven'tseenhi
minthr
ee
mont
hs?Iactual
lydon'tevenknowwhatI
want
edhere. 
Ishoul
dhavej
ustwenthome.Iwast
ir
ed
actual
l
y. 
Mel
l
isa:
Youcancomei
n.
Ohnowshewasbei
ngni
ce?
 
Lut
hando:
Gopr
epar
etheguest
room f
ort
hem.
 
Shenoddedandl
eft
.Sphefi
nall
ycameout
behi
ndmeandwentt oherf
ather
. 
Ididn'
ttakeanyofourbagsout
.Iwasj
ust
ti
red. 
Mel
l
isa:
All
done.
 
Shef
akedasmi
l
e,Ir
etur
nedagenui
neone.
 
Me:
Thanky
ou.
 
Ifol
lowedhertot
heguestr
oom.Iwassotir
ed
thatIdi
dn'
tevenshowerf
ir
st.I
nst
ead,
Itookof
f
theclot
hesIhadbeenweari
ngandgoti
nbed. 
Iwasgoi
ngt
ogohomef
ir
stt
hingi
nthe
morni
ng.
 
Islepti
mmedi
atel
ywhenmyheadhi
tthepi
l
low,
that'
showt
ir
edIwas.
 
Thefoll
owingmorni
ng,
Iwokeupthenwor
emy
cl
othes.Iwasgoi
ngtobat
hathome.Ij
ust
brushedmyteethandwashedmyfacewi
tht
he
sealedtoi
l
etr
iesi
nthebat
hroom.
 
It
ookmyphoneandbagwi
thcarkey
sthen
wentout
. 
Thando:
Youl
eav
ing?
 
Me:
Yes.I
'
llcomecheckonherl
ater
. 
Idi
dn'
twai
tforhi
mt orepl
ybutj
ustwentout
,
goti
nmycarthenlef
t.
 
Dad:
Mybaby
. 
Wehuggedt
ight
ly.
 
Me:
Imi
ssedy
out
oo.
Hel
etgoandki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
 
Me:
Ineedt
ogobat
hthenwecancat
chup.
 
Iwenttomyr oom wher
eIputmybagsdown
thenIbat
hed.IworeasimpleMaxidressand
fl
opsthenwentbacktothekit
chenwher eI
foundKit
so,DadandBandil
ehavingbreakf
ast
. 
Ki
tso:
IthoughtAndi
l
ewaspl
ayi
ngwi
thme.
 
Wehugged.ThenIsatdown.
 
Bandi
l
e:Imi
ssedy
ouKhen.
 
Me:
Imi
ssedy
out
ool
i
ttl
eguy
 
Ikissedhischeek.Hehadgr
ownshame.He'
s
fouryears,t
urni
ngfiv
e. 
Me:
What
'sf
orbr
eakf
ast
? 
Ki
tso:
Eggs,
bacon,
Theusual
.
 
It
ookapl
ateanddi
shedupf
ormy
sel
f.
 
Me:
So,
whatdi
dImi
ss?
 
I
t'sthenthatIgott
ohearexact
lywhat
happenedwhi l
eIwasaway.Iwasjusthappy
theydidn'
ttouchonTheKamo, Motsosaga.
 
Iexpect
edthi
ngstobetenseorawkwar
dbut
surpr
isi
ngl
y,t
heywerepret
tygood.
 
Lat
eron,Ichangedshoes.Ineededtogocheck
onmydaught ereventhoughIhadn'
ttal
kedto
ThandoaboutitbutatleastIt
oldhi
m befor
eI
l
eft.
 
Ij
ustwasn'tusedt
ohavi
ngSphesoawayf
rom
me,def
ini
telynotf
orsol
ong.
 
Me:
I'
ll
beback.
 
Dad:
Wher
eyougoi
ng?
 
Me:
Justar
oundnj
e.I
'
llbeback.
 
Dad:
Alri
ght
,besafe.Pl
easecall
ify
ouspendi
ng
t
henightwher
everyougoing.
 
Me:
Yesdad,
Iwi
l
l.
 
Idr
ovetoThando'
spl
ace,passingby
MacDonal
dsfir
stf
ort
heirburgerandfr
ies.
 
From t
here,Idr
ovewhil
eeati
ngandlisteni
ngto
somemusi c.Hiscarwaspar
kedoutsidethe
garagesothismeanthewasprobabl
yhome.  
Igotoutwi
thmyf
oodAndknocked.
 
Mel
l
isa:
Youagai
n. 
Thi
stime,shewaswear
ingjustherowncl
othes.
Sheopenedinhi
sshi
rty
esterday.Shewas
weari
ngbumshort
sandaspor t
sbr a.
 
Iact
ual
l
ydon'
tknowwhyshehadapr
obl
em
wit
hme. 
Me:
Ain'
tyougonnal
etmei
n? 
Sherol
ledherey
esAndmadespacef
ormet
o
pass.
 
Mell
isa:
Forsomeonewho'
sal
readyf
at,
you
sur
eeatalot.
 
Thesar
casm bandl
a!Yoh!
 
Me:
Wher
e'sThando?
 
Mel
l
isa:
Teei
sar
ound.
 
Me:
Isawhi
scarout
side.
 
Mell
i
sa:
It'
snothi
sonlycar
.Butagai
n,y
ou
woul
dn'
tknowthat
. 
Me:
Your
ight
. 
"
Mommy
!"
Itur
ned,
theyhadjustgoti
n.Sher
ant
omeand
Ihadtogi
vemyf oodtothi
swomanthenpi
ck
mydaughterup 
Me:
Missedme?
 
Sphe:
Yes.
 
Me:
Imi
ssedy
out
oo.
 
Iki
ssedheral
lov
ert
hef
ace,
maki
nghergi
ggl
e. 
Mel
l
isa:
Thi
sissonoton.
 
Withthatsai
d, shecat
walkedupstai
rs,l
eavi
ng
theremainderofmyf oodonthecoffeetabl
e..
SeeMel li
sahasoneoft hosemodelBarbiedol
l
bodies,completel
ycontr
arytomine.
 
Me:Sor
ryf
or.
.Comi
ngl
i
ket
his.Ij
ustmi
ssed
mydaught
er.
 
Thando:Westil
lneedtotal
k.Ist
il
lhav
en't
for
gott
enthatyour anawaywit
hmydaught er
,
makingmemi ssthreemonthsofherl
if
e.That
wassoselfi
shofy ouKhensani
. 
Me:AndI'
m sor
ry.Ishoul
dhav
ekeptcont
act
andevent
oldyouwher ewemovi
ng.
 
Thando:
Yes,
youshoul
dhav
e. 
Me:Myli
fei
sther
enowandwe'l
lhavet
otr
y
andr
eachaconcl
usi
veconcl
usi
on 
Madesenseri
ght?Act
uall
y,Idi
dn'
tevenknow
namibutI
tsoundedri
ghtwhenIsaidit
. 
Anyway,Isatdownwit
hSpheontopofmewho
gotoffmeandwenttomyf r
ieswhi
chshe
star
tedmunchingon 
Thando:
Seemsshegoty
ourappet
it
e. 
Me:
Asi
fyoudon'
teatmuch.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.
 
Thando:
Iwantmydaught
erwi
thme.
 
Me:
No.
 
Thando:Youcan'
tkeepmeawayf
rom my
daughter
. 
Me: I
'
m notkeepi
ngyouawayfrom her.I
'
llgi
ve
youmyaddr esst
henyoucancomeseeherany
t
ime, whenshe'
snotatcr
echeofcourse.That'
s
i
t. 
Thando:
Ineedhercl
osert
ome.
 
Me:RomeoandNjabul
odon'tl
i
vewit
hy ou.You
werej
ustfi
newit
husstay
ingatMafi
kengbut
nowsuddenl
yyouhaveaprobl
em? 
Thando:They
'r
egoi
ngtoli
vewit
hmewhenI
fi
ndahousebigenought
oaccommodat
ethem
al
lfr
eely
. 
Me:
Andwho'
sgoi
ngt
olookaf
tert
hem?
 
Thando:
Mell
isawi
ll
andbesi
des,
I'
m home
mostofthet
ime.
 
Me:
No.
 
Thando:
What
? 
Me:I
'
m nothavi
ngyoursupermodelgi
rl
fr
iend
l
ookaft
ermydaughterandyounotseparat
ing
mefr
om her.
 
Thando:
Thenmov
ebackher
e. 
Me:
No, I
'
m not
.I'
vet
oldy
oumyter
msand
t
hat
'si
t.I
'l
ll
eav
emyaddresswi
thy
oubut
pl
ease,makesur
etot
ell
mef
ir
stbef
orey
ou
come. 
Thando:
Andwhyshoul
dI?
 
Me:You'
ll
thi
nkyousurpr
isi
ngusonl
ytoendup
bei
ngtheonesur
pri
sed. 
Thando:Youbet
ternotbeent
ertai
ningyour
boyf
riendsi
nmydaughter'
spresence.
 
Me:Youmeanl ikehowy ouenter
tai
ningMel
li
sa
i
nherpresence?IwonderhowRomeof eel
s
aboutt
his.Anyway,I
'm outofher
e. 
Ist
oodupandki
ssedmydaught
er'
scheek.
 
Sphe:
Iwannal
eav
ewi
thy
ou.
 
Me:
Youst
ayi
ngwi
thdaddy
.
Sphe:
Staymama.
 
Me:
He'
l
lbr
ingy
ouhomet
omor
row.
 
It
henst
art
edwal
ki
ngbef
oreIst
opped 
Me:Bet
terbr
ingheront
ime,
Idon'
twannaf
ight
wi
thyouaboutthi
s. 
Thando:
Youraddr
ess?
 
Me:Ohpl
easeThando,
webot
hknowy
ou'
ve
l
onghadi
t.
 
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,Il
eft
. 
Afewweekspast.Thingswer
egoi
ngj
ust
..I
don'
tknow,
fineIguess. 
Li
keIhadsai d,ThandoknewwhereIst
ayed
andcontrar
yt omypl ea,
heal
wayscame
unannounced. 
Idon'
tknowwhatwaswr
ongwi t
hgi
vi
ngme
someheadsuporsomet
hing.
 
Anyway,
itwasthel
astweekofApr
ilandIhad
al
readyt
urned24.
Jessi
andIwer esti
llver
ymuchfr
iends.Shehad
beenthesupportIneededandmuchmor e.
 
Ist
il
lhadn'
thear
dfrom Kamogelo.Actual
ly
,I
l
asttal
kedtohimthelastti
mehecalledthen
hungupbecauseIhad..Pushedhi
mt oofar.
 
Anyway,Iwokeupfeel
ingnauseous.Ij
ust
di
dn'tknowwhat'
sgoingonwithme.  
Ihadn'
teatenany
thingunl
essIwasfed
somethi
ngi nmysleepsoIrant
othetoi
let
whereIthr
ewup,feeli
ngli
kemyint
esti
nesare
comingupatthesamet i
me. 
Me:
I'
m dy
ing.
 
Ifl
ushedAndspl
ashedcol
dwat
eronmyf
ace
thenri
nsedmymouth.
 
IwashometwoweeksbacksoIwasonl
ygoi
ng
toseet
hem AtJune,
ifIcome.
 
I
twasaSat
urdaymor
ning.
 
Me:
Mor
ningbaby
. 
Sphe:
Hal
o. 
Me:
Didy
oubr
ushy
ourt
eet
h? 
Shenodded.
 
Me:
Washedy
ourf
ace?
 
Shenoddedagai
n. 
Me:
Hungr
y?
Shenodded.
 
Me:
Hai
bo,
andt
hen?
 
Shel
aughedandhersweetv
oicemademe
gi
ggl
e. 
Jessi
:Goodmor
ning.
 
Me:
Oh,
hey
Shewasget
ti
ngi
nthr
ought
hef
rontdoor
. 
Jessi
:I'
m sohungr
y. 
Me:
Iwasj
ustaboutt
omakebr
eakf
ast
. 
Jessi
:Countmei
n. 
Me:
Iwasn'
texpect
ingt
oseey
ouher
esoear
ly.
 
Shesi
ghed.
 
Jessi:
Iknow.It
'sj
ust
..Idon'
twannagohome.
Me: Whynot?
 
Jessi
:Theydon'
tknowaboutt
hepregnancyy
et
andift
heyfi
ndout,I
'l
lhav
etoexpl
ainwhothe
f
atheri
s. 
Me:
Y'al
lst
il
ltoget
her
? 
Shesl
owl
ynodded.
 
Jessi
:I'
mjustnotr
eady
 
Me:
Youcan'
tkeepr
unni
ngawayf
rom i
t.
 
Jessi
:Your
ight
.Any
wayI
'
m hungr
y. 
Me:
Comehel
pme.
 
Ifi
rst
lymadecer
eal
forSpheint
hemeant
ime
andwestart
edonbreakf
ast
. 
ThebaconWassuddenl
ysmelli
ngfunnyand
agai
n,mademenauseous.Ij
ustthr
ewupi nt
he
si
nk.
 
Jessi
:Eeuw,
weeatt
her
e. 
Me:
Iwokeupf
eel
i
ngsi
ck 
Ir
insedmymouthri
ghtther
e(y
uck)t
hen
washedthesi
nkcl
ean.
 
Me:
I'
ll
justhav
ecer
eal
.
 
Imadeitwi
thmyt
humbandindexfi
nger
cov
eri
ngmynosethenwentt
ojoi
nSpheint
he
l
ounge.
 
Somet
hingwasdef
ini
tel
ywr
ongwi
thme.
 
.
.
  
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
105
I
'
mi nthedoctor'
soffi
ce,await
ingmytest
r
esul
tsinanti
cipati
onwhilebusy,t
appi
ngmy
f
ootdown.I'
m anxioustoknowwhatcould
r
eal
lybewrongwi thme. 
Jessiwaskindenoughtolookaft
erSphefor
mewhi l
eIcameher e.Ineededt
oknowwhat
couldbewrongwi t
hme.Whywoul dIbefeel
ing
sosickandwhyt henausea. 
Ikeptrubbingmyhandst
oget
her
.Iwasscar
ed,
veryscared. 
Thenur
secamebackwiththeresul
tsf
rom the
l
abandgavethem t
othedoctort
henexcused
her
sel
f.
 
Dr
:Shal
lwegetdownt
oit
? 
Inodded.Wor
dshadf
ail
edme,
Icoul
dn'
t
speak.
 
Dr
:Well
,youtest
ednegat
ivef
orHI
V,STDsand
ev
ery
thi
ngelseiscl
ean 
Me:
So,
that
'si
t? 
Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
. 
Dr
:Yout
est
edposi
ti
vef
orsomet
hingel
se.
 
Me:
What
? 
Isai
d,al
mostasawhisperasIf
eltmyhear
t
beat
ingoutofmychest
. 
Dr
:Pr
egnancy
. 
Me:
What
? 
Il
ookedathi
m wit
hmyeyespoppi
ngoutbut
i
nstead,
hesmil
edAtme.
Dr
:Congrat
ulat
ions,
youar
e14weeks
pr
egnant
. 
Me:
What
? 
Dr
:Woul
dyoul
i
keascan?
 
Ij
ustcouldn'tbel
i
evet
his.ImeanIremember
Kamogelot ell
i
ngmewedi dn'
tuseprotect
ion
butneverforoncedi
dpregnancyevercrossmy
mind.
 
Il
aydownonthebed.MytopWasli
ft
edupt
o
mybreast
sandhedidhi
sbusi
ness.
 
Afterspreadingt
hegelonmeandt henmov
ed
thethingyonmyst omachunt
ilIhear
daver
y
str
onghear tbeat
. 
Me:
Wow.
 
Dr
:Iknow,
bestf
eel
i
ngev
er.
 
Me:
Howcomemyst
omachi
sst
il
lsof
lat
? 
Dr
:It
'snotreal
lyf
lat
,younotshowingyet
.It
's
pr
obablybecauseyouhavebigboobs 
Me:
Ist
hatappr
opr
iat
etosayt
oapat
ient
? 
Hel
aughed.
 
Dr
:Don'
twor
rychi
l
d,I
'
m mar
ri
ed.
 
Ij
ustl
aughed.
 
Hewi
peditof
fthenIgotof
fthebed.Hegav
e
memyprescr
ipt
ionst
henIlef
t.
 
Idr
ovetothepharmacyforthemedst
henwent
toMacDonaldsf
orburgers,
fri
esanda
mil
kshake.
 
Idr
ankt
hemi
l
kshakeasIdr
ovehome.
 
Jessi
:And?
 
Isi
ghedandsatdown.
 
Me:
Iboughtbur
ger
s. 
Sphe:
Danki
emama.
 
Jessi
:So?
 
Me:
It'
sjust
..I
'
m pr
egnant
. 
Jessi
:What
? 
Me:
Iknow.Dadi
sgonnaki
l
lme.
 
Jessi
:Howf
arar
eyou?
 
Me:
14weeks.
Jessi
:So,thet
hrowingup?Doesn'
ti
thappeni
n
thefi
rstt
ri
mester?
 
Me:Appar
entl
ythenauseacanevenhappen
t
hroughoutt
hewholepregnancy
. 
Jessi
:Wow.Ican'
tbel
i
evewebot
hpr
egnant
. 
Me: Thi
sisamess.Idon'tevenknowhowI '
m
goingtotel
lmyparentsaboutthi
s.Spheisj
ust
3,turni
ng4andy etI
'm pr
egnantagain.Wor
se,
fr
om anotherman. 
Jessi
:Achi
l
disagi
ftf
rom God.
 
Shesai
d,munchi
ngont
hef
ri
esf
rom her
bur
ger.
 
Me:
I'
mreal
l
ysuchadi
sappoi
ntment
. 
Jessi
:Youcan'
tpleaseever
yoneKhen.You
needtostopl
iv
ingy ourl
i
fetr
yingt
oplease
people.Itdoesn'tworkli
kethat.Youmadea
mistakey es,butyouneedt oforgi
vey our
sel
f.
Youahumanbei ng,younotperfect.Remember
whatt hepast orsai
d,"Forall
hav efall
enand
fel
lshortoft heglor
yofGod".ThesameGod
for
gav eus, stoppunishi
ngyourself
. 
Me: Iheary
ou,Ir
eal
lydo.Butwhatabout
Luthando.Whati
fhetakesmydaughteraway
fr
om me?  
Jessi
:LuthandoisnotGod.St
opbei
ngsoafr
aid
ofhim andlet
ti
nghim wal
kallov
ery
ou.I
t'
shigh
ti
mey oustooduptohim. 
Shewasr i
ght.It
hinkI'
mt heonewhogav e
Thandotheideathathecanwal kall
ov erme
becauseIneverrepri
mandedhim.I'vealway s
all
owedhimt ohavehiswaywi t
hme, t
oi nsul
t
measmuchashewant sandneverhaveIev er,
foroncest
oodupt ohim. 
She'
s18weeksnow,
whi
l
eI'
m 14weeks.
 
Iwasj
ustgl
adt
hatatl
eastIhadsomej
oband
ofcour
sethedi
vi
dendsf
rom mysharesi
nmy
mom'scompanysoIwil
lbeabl
etotakecar
eof
mybabies.
 
Sphe'
sfat
heral
way
ssenthermoney,t
oomuch
i
fyouaskmesoatleastt
hey
'r
eall
takencar
e
of.
 
AMonthl
ater
,Ideci
dedt
otel
lKamoAbout
t
his.
 
Icouldhav
eprobabl
ychosenott
otel
lhi
m buti
t
wouldn'
tbefai
rsi
nceit
shisbaby
. 
Itwast
hebegi
nni
ngofJuneandIwasal
so
aboutt
ost
artwri
ti
ngf
ormyHonours 
Ihav
en'tseenLuthandoi
nweeksandf
rankl
y,I
wasfinewithi
t.
 
It
'sonlysadforSphebecauseshemi
ssesher
fatherbutasforme,i
twasgivi
ngmetimeto
actuall
ythi
nkaboutever
ythi
ng. 
It
ookabat
haft
erbreakf
ast
.Mybaby'
sbi
rt
hday
wascomi
ngsoon.
.Shewastur
ning4i
nafew
weeksandIr
eal
l
yneededi
ttobespeci
alf
or
her
. 
Iworeal
eggingwit
hahugekni
tt
edJer
seyand
woremysleeper
s. 
Mystomachwasshowingkancanenj
e,i
twas
cut
eactual
l
ybutIknewitwasgoingt
ogetbi
g
i
naf ewweeks.
 
Iwas18weekspregnant
,andeat
ingl
i
ke
nobody
'sbusi
ness.
 
Jessi
ontheot
herhandwasget
ti
ngbi
ggerand
bi
gger.
 
Me:
Baby
. 
Sphe:
Mama.
 
Me:
Unj
ani
? 
Sphe:
Shar
pmama.
 
"
HoneyI
'
m home"
Iknewexact
lywhot
hatwas-
Lut
hando 
Me:
Your
eal
l
yneedt
ost
opbar
gingi
nli
key
ou
t
hemanoft
hehouse.
 
Sphewasjusthappyherf
atherwashome.She
rant
ohim.Hewaswi thNjabul
owhocamet o
me. 
Ipickedhi
m upthensathi
m onmylapasI
browsedthrought
heTVchannel
s. 
Thando:
WasIr
eal
l
ygonef
ort
hatl
ong?
 
Me:
Yeah.I
ncasey
ouhav
en'
tnot
iced.
 
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.
 
Thando:
Wel
l
,thi
sti
meI
'
m st
ayi
ngf
oramont
h. 
Me:Goodf
ory
ou.I
'
m sur
ether
e'sahot
el
ar
ound.
 
Thando:
WhywouldIwast
emoneyst
ayi
ngata
hotel
whil
eyouhav
eanapart
ment
? 
Me:Youtal
kasift
hat'
l
lev
enmakeadi
ff
erence
i
nyourbankbal
ance.
 
Thando:
Eit
herwayI
'
m st
ayi
ng.
 
Me:
ThenI
'
llbookmy
sel
fint
oahot
elusi
ngy
our
money
. 
Thando:
Sphe,
youwantt
ost
aywi
thdaddyand
mommy ? 
Shenoddedwi
thagr
inandLut
handochuckl
ed.
 
Me:
Don'
tyoudar
eusemydaught
er.
 
Thando:Whyyousoangr
y?Orkeng,
you
sexual
lyf
rust
rat
ed?
 
Il
ookedathim Andhel
aughed,
sit
ti
ngont
he
couchnextt
omi ne.
 
Me:Shoul
dn'
tyoubet
appingsomewhi
teass
i
nst
eadofirr
it
ati
ngme? 
Hi
sfacetur
nedser
ious.-It
hinkIhi
taner
ve.I
l
ookedathi
m andsmirked.
 
Thando:
Yazi
uyanj
way
ela
Me:
Whyy
oucat
chi
ngf
eel
i
ngsnow?
 
Thando:
Youknowt
hatbi
tchdi
dsomet
hingt
o
myson. 
Me:
Whi
chone?
 
Thando:Romeo.Angazi whatkodwahestart
ed
acti
ngfunny,
nol ongerwantedtocomehome
wit
hmeandt henIcaughthermakingNjabul
o
dri
nkalcohol
thenshecl ai
msshewasj ust
tr
yingt
omakehi mf allasl
eep.
 
Il
aughed.Iknowitwasn'
tfunnybutIj
ust
coul
dn'
thelpit.
 
Tothinkhewantedhert
olookaf
termy
daughter
..Hai
ke.
 
Thando:
It'
snotf
unny
. 
Me:
I'
m sor
ry,
it'
sjust
..Youhi
l
ari
ous.
 
Hecl
i
ckedhi
stongue.
 
Me:Tothi
nky
ouwant
edhert
olookaf
termy
chi
l
d..Yoh
Thando:
Ijustneedtocl
earmyhead.
Rel
ati
onshipsj
ustsuck.
Me:Indeed.Wel
l
,myboy
fri
endi
scomi
ngsoon
so 
Thando:
Youhav
eaboy
fri
end?
 
Me:
Yep,
Ido
Justaft
ersay i
ngthat
,myphoner
ang.Itwas
JessibutIsmiled,
Iwasgoi
ngtopret
endit'
s
someoneel se.
 
Me:
Hibabe
Thandolookedatmewit
harai
sedey
ebr
ow.I
putNjabul
odownthenst
oodupandwal
ked
outsi
de. 
Jessi
:Youbusy
?I'
m hungr
y. 
Me:
It'
sjustaf
ter11,
howcany
oubehungr
y? 
Jessi
:It
'
sthi
sbabyt
hatI
'
m car
ryi
ng.
 
Me:
Ihav
en'
tcooked.
 
Jessi
:Makesomepancakes,
I'
m comi
ng.
 
Ichuckl
edandhangup.Iwenti
nsi
det
hehouse
tofi
ndSphe,t
alki
ng.
 
Sphe:
Daddy
,whati
spr
egnant
? 
Yazi
lengani
!Yoh.
 
Me:
Wher
edi
dyouheart
hat
? 
Thando:
Who'
spr
egnant
? 
Ii
mmediatel
ywentt
otheki
tchenandt
ookout
abigmi
xingbowl
. 
Thandocamemar
chi
ngi
n. 
Thando:
Youpr
egnant
? 
Me:
Whosai
dIam?
 
Thando:Sphet
oldme.Youpr
egnant
Khensani
?! 
Hehal
fshout
ed.
 
Me:Don'
trai
sey
ourv
oiceatme.Younotmy
f
ather
. 
Isaidcal
mly
.Icont
inuedwi
thwhatIwas
doing.
 
Thando:
He'
sthef
ather
? 
Me:
Doesi
tmat
ter
? 
Thando:Ofcour
seI
tmat
ter
s.Il
ovey
ou
dammi t
! 
Me:
Keepi
tdown.Theki
dsar
en'
tsl
eepi
ngy
et.
 
Thando:
Whatdoest
hatmeanf
orus?
 
Me:Ther
e'snous.Youcan'tjustcomebackto
mecausey ourMell
i
saisincompet entwheni
t
comestolookingaf
tery
ourki ds.
 
Thando:
Doesheknow?
 
Me: Ihaven'
ttol
dhi
myetbuthehashi
s
suspici
ons. 
Hebr
eat
hedoutl
oud.
 
Thando:
Thenwe'
l
lrai
set
hebabyt
oget
her
. 
Me:
What
? 
Thando:
I'
m wi
l
li
ngt
oaccepthi
m/her
 
Me:
Thi
siscr
azy
. 
Thando:Ican'tkeepdoingthi
sKhensani
.Ican'
t
keeponpr et
endinglikeIdon'
twantyouwhil
e
I'
m evenmor einlovewithyounowthanIever
was.
 
Me:NoTumel o.Youcal
l
edmenames,
embarrassedmeinfr
ontofy
ourfami
lyand
i
nsult
edme.AsmuchasIf orgav
eyou.Idi
dn'
t
for
get.
 
Thando:I
t'sjust..Iwashurt.It'
snoexcusebutI
washurt,Iwant edy outofeelatleastaninchof
thepai
nIhadbeenf eel
ing.It'
sbeenf ouryear
s.
Ican'
tkeepl yi
ngt omy sel
flikethis.I
'
m getti
ng
old,
Ineedt oset tl
edown. 
Me:
Ijustdon'
tknowLut
hando.
 
Hecamet
ost
andi
nfr
ontofmeandcuppedmy
f
ace.
 
Idi
dn'tknowhowtofeel
aboutanyofthis.Sur
e,
Il
ovehim andI'
venev
erstoppedbuthe'
sonly
get
ti
ngbackwi t
hmebecausehebr okeupwi t
h
Mell
isa. 
Whati
ftheyhadwor
kedout
? 
Idon'
twantt
obesomef
ool
whohe'
l
lcomet
o
whenev
ert
hingsdon'
twor
kout
. 
Iknowit'
sthefi
rstt
imebutagai
n,what
happensifhecan'
tdeal
withmycrazi
nesst
hen
breaksupwithme? 
Whati
fIgethi
m angr
yagai
n?Thandohasa
t
emper.
 
Thando:
Iknowwecandoi
t.
 
Me:
Ineedsomet
imet
othi
nkaboutt
his.
 
Thando:
What
'st
her
etot
hinkabout
? 
Me:Excuseme,
Ineedt
omakeJessi
'
s
pancakes.
 
Thando:
Who'
sJessi
? 
Me:
Myboy
fri
end.
 
Isaid,
rol
li
ngmyey es.Het
ookhi
shandsof
fme
thenwalkedaway
. 
Igotonwit
hthepancakesandshecamej
ust
whenIgotdown.
 
Jessi
:Icoul
dsmel
lthem al
lthewayf
rom
out
side.
 
Me:
Real
l
y? 
Weshar
edagi
ggl
e. 
Jessi
:Whendi
dhecome?
 
Me:
Int
hemor
ning.
 
Jessi
:Youneedt
oputhi
m onal
eashf
orr
eal
.
 
Me:
Hewant
stogetbackt
oget
herwi
thme.
 
Jessi
:What
? 
Me:
Iknow.
 
Jessi
:Youconsi
der
ingi
t? 
Me:
Ilov
ehi
m. 
Jessi
:Whataboutt
hebabydaddy
? 
Me:
Ihav
en'
ttol
dhi
myet
. 
Jessi
:Hedeser
vest
oknow.
 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
Iknow.
 
Amessagecamet
hroughonmyphone.
 
Iopenedi
t.
 
"There'
saworkf
uncti
ononMondaythatI
'
m
att
endingi
nSunCit
y.Ineedapl
acet
ostay"
Me:
He'
scomi
ng 
Jessi
:Wher
e? 
Me:
He'
scomi
ngt
oRust
enbur
g. 
Jessi
:Good.Theny
oucant
ell
himf
acet
oface.
 
Me:
Hewant
sapl
acet
ost
ay.
 
Jessi
:Youcan'
thav
ehi
m her
ewhi
l
eLut
hando
I
shere. 
Thando:
I'
ll
go.
 
Ireal
l
ydi dn'
twanti
ttocometothi
s.Heact
ual
l
y
saidthatWalki
ngoutwit
hNjabul
o. 
Icoul
dn'
treadt
heexpressi
ononhi
sface.I
guesshe'
dbeenli
steni
ng. 
Icoul
dn'
tev
enst
ophi
m.Howdi
dmyl
i
fegetso
compl
i
cat
ed?
 
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
106
Thelastthi
ngIcoul dhav eeverwant edwasto
hurtsomeonebutIneededt i
mef orsomeself-
i
ntrospecti
on.Ididn'twanttorushint oany
thi
ng
buttheThandoIsawt herel
ookedbr oken,
his
heartl
ookedshat teredbuttothinkofallhehad
donetome, nothol dingitagai
nsthim butI
neededtimetof orgetaboutit.
 
Icannotbeholdi
ngitagai
nsthi
m.Kamo,ont
he
otherhandwassurelygoi
ngtopushTous
beingtoget
herbutIj
ustcoul
dn'
t.
 
Il
ovet
hem,Ireal
lydobutIt
hinki
t'
sbestIbe
al
oneunt
ilI
'
mr eal
lysur
ewhoIwannabewi t
h. 
Ical
ledKamoaft
erJessi
lef
t,nowIwi
shed
Thandocoul
dhavelef
twit
hSphebutagai
n,i
t
wasprobabl
ygoodshe'
shere. 
Heanswer
edi
mmedi
atel
y.
 
Kamo:
Hey
. 
Me:
Hi,
whenar
eyoucomi
ng?
 
Kamo:
Tomor
rowni
ght
. 
Me:Ain'
tcompani
essupposet
obookhot
elsf
or
youguys? 
Kamo:
Iwantt
ost
aywi
thy
ou.
Me:
Younotr
eal
l
yanswer
ingmyquest
ion.
 
Kamo:AndIwon'
t
.I'
l
lcomebyyourapart
ment
tomor
row.Wegoi
ngtostayt
oget
herforaweek.
Me:
Aweek?
 
Kamo:
Yes.
 
Me:
Oh,
wel
l
,weneedt
otal
k. 
Kamo:
We'
l
ltal
kwhenIgett
her
e. 
Me:
Ain'
tyougonnaaskwhati
t'
sabout
? 
Kamo:
No,
Iwon'
t.By
eKhen,
Ilov
eyou.
 
Me:
Lov
eyout
oo.
 
IhungupAndsi
ghed.
 
Sphe:
Mama?
 
Me:
Yesbaby
? 
Sphe:
Ngi
funababa
Me:
I'
ll
cal
lhi
m. 
Shenodded
Ihadtocal
lhi
m.Idi
all
edhi
snumberandi
trang,
unanswer
ed. 
Iguesshewassti
ll
mad.May bei
t'
sbecauseI
di
dn'tst
ophi
mf r
om leav
ing.
 
Me:
He'
sbusy
Il
i
ed.Icoul
dseeshewasdi
sappoi
nted.
 
Me:
Shoul
dImakey
ousomet
hingt
oeat
? 
Sphe:
Iwantpi
zza.
 
Me:
Pizza?
 
Shenodded.Il
aughed,
rememberinghowmuch
Il
ovedpizzawhenIwaspregnantwit
hher
. 
Any
way
,wegoti
ntomycart
henIdr
ovet
o
Debonai
rswher
eweor
der
edt
wol
argepi
zzas.
 
Weal soboughtcokeandjui
cef
ormeanda
packetofMagnum minis(inwi
nter
)yes.
 
Wedr
ovehomeandmunchedont
hepi
zza.
 
Thefol
lowingday,
Igotupandbat
hedf
ir
st.We
weregoingtochur
ch.
 
Ij
ustdr
ied,
lot
ionedt
henwor
emypant
yand
gownwhenIwasdone. 
Sphewasawakeal
readysoIt
ookhert
henwent
tobat
hheraswel
l.
 
Idressedherupinwarm cl
othessi
ncewint
er
wassl owl
ybutsurel
yapproachi
ng.Iev
enputa
beanieonherheadthengavehermyphone
whichshewentwi t
htotheloungewhil
eI
remained,dr
essi
ngup. 
Iworemyt hi
ckstocki
ngsandaGreywool
dresswit
hmybl ackmili
tar
yboot
sandworea
cardi
ganontopAndabeani eonmyhead.
 
Jessi
:Honey
,I'
m home!
 
Iqui
ckl
ysprayedmyparf
umethentookmybag
wit
hmyBi bl
eandphonethenwentt
othe
l
ounge,whereshewascal
li
ngfr
om. 
Wehugged.
 
Jessi
:Hav
eyouhadbr
eakf
asty
et?
 
Me:Umm no,
Idi
dn'
texpectt
oseey
ouher
eso
ear
ly.
 
Jessi:
Iknow.Let
'sgo,
I'
mtaki
ngy
'al
loutf
or
breakf
ast.
 
Me:
I'
dli
ket
hat
,Spheal
sohasn'
teat
en.
 
Jessi
:Good.
 
Wetookourbagsandl
eftwi
thhercar
.She
dr
oveustoWimpy. 
Any
way
,wegoti
nAndwewer
egi
venat
abl
e. 
Weor
der
edsomebr
eakf
astofcour
se.
 
Sphe:
Mama.
 
Il
ookedather
,shepoi
ntedatt
heent
rance,
it
wasThandowithNj
abul
o. 
Me:
Got
othem.
 
Hereyesbeamedasshegotoffthechai
rthen
hal
frantothem andLut
handoi
mmedi at
ely
pi
ckedherup. 
Theyt
alkedandIsawherpoi
ntt
ous,that
's
whenmyat t
ent
iontur
nedbackt
oJessi.
 
Jessi
:Iwonderwhatt
hepast
ori
sgonnapr
each
abouttoday
.
Me:
Iwondert
oo.TheHol
ySpi
ri
tnev
erceases
t
oamazeme. 
Jessi:
Youknow,Inev
ert
houghtbei
ngbor
n
againwoul
dchangemyli
fel
ikethi
s. 
Me:
Oh?
 
Jessi
:Yes.Iwannatr
yli
vi
ngli
feaccordi
ngt
o
God'swil
landthat
'swhyIhav
edecidedtol
eav
e
hi
m.  
Me:
Woah,
yousur
e? 
Jessi
:Remembert
hescr
ipt
ureaboutt
he
adul
ter
ess?
 
Me:
Yeah,
whatabouti
t? 
Jessi
:Jesussai
dtoher;"Gohome, andsi
nno
more".Iwasfor
giv
enyes,butIdon'
twantt
o
conti
nueinsi
nnomor e.
 
Me:
I'
mreal
l
ysopr
oudofy
ou.
 
Jessi
:WhatcanIsay
?I'
m changi
ngf
ort
he
bett
er.
 
Me:
So,
thebaby
? 
Jessi:Ofcoursehe'
l
lhaveaccesst
ohi sbaby
butthat'
sit.Il
ovehi
m butIcan'
tdoitanymore.
 
Me:That
'sgood.Ican'
twai
tforJuni
ort
o
come.
 
Shewascar
ryi
ngaboy
. 
Jessi
:Ican'
twai
ttoo.
 
Ourfoodcameandweat e.Thandowassi
tti
ng
abitfarf
rom us.WhenIwasdoneeati
ng,
I
excusedmyselfthenwal
kedtothem.
 
Me:
Hi.
 
Henodded.
 
Me:
Youwer
en'
tpi
cki
ngupmycal
l
s. 
Thando:
I'
m sor
ry.
 
Me:
Youmadatme?
 
Thando:
Ihav
enor
easont
obe.
 
Me:
Youal
soseem t
ofor
gett
hatIknowy
ou.
 
Thando:Idon'
twannaf
ightwi
thy
ou
Nokubonga. 
Isi
ghed.
 
Me:
Shoul
dIl
eav
eherwi
thy
ou?
 
Thando:
Please.She'
snowt
heonl
yreason
keepi
ngmeher e.
 
Ouch.
 
Me:
Oh,
okay
. 
Iki
ssedhercheekthenwalkedbacktoJessi
andweleft
,aft
ershesett
ledthebil
l
. 
Theserv
iceatchur
chwasv eryupl
if
ti
ngas
usual
.Fr
om theworshi
ppi
ngt othepreachi
ng
andofcourse,
Thetest
imonies.
i
twasgoodandv
eryuni
que.
Thepast
orwaspr
eachi
ngaboutl
ovet
hist
ime.
 
OhhowgreatGodlov
edust
hathegav
eushi
s
onl
ybegot
tenson.
 
Andt
hat
'st
hegr
eat
estl
oveoft
hem al
l
. 
Thethi
ngaboutbei
ngpr
egnanti
showAper
son
i
salwayshungr
y. 
IswearIf
eltthehungert
hemi
nut
eIst
epped
i
ntothecar.
 
Me:
I'
m hungr
y. 
Jessi
:Younott
heonl
yone.
 
WewenttoNandosandorder
edaf
ull
chi
cken,
r
oll
sandchi
ps.Andjui
ce.
 
Me:
Wegonnaf
ini
sht
his?
 
Jessi
:Idoubt
 
Wesatdownandat
e,tooursur
pri
se,
we
f
ini
shedi
tandj
ustl
aughed.
 
Jessi
:I'
m gonnaonast
ri
ctdi
etaf
tergi
vi
ng
bi
rth.
 
Me:
Younott
heonl
yone.
 
Weleft
,shedroppedmeofft
hendr
ovetoher
pl
ace.Iunl
ockedthent
ookoutmyshoesand
wal
kedinonmysocks. 
Iwassolazyt
ocookthatwhenIgothungry
,I
j
ustwarmedthel
eft
overpi
zzafr
om yester
day.
 
Thehousewassolonel
ywi
thoutPai
ge.My
door
bellr
angar
ound8.
Ij
ustt
houghti
twasThandosoIwentt
oopen.
 
Me:
Idi
dn'
t.
.Oh,
Kamogel
o 
Kamo:
CanIgeti
n? 
Me:
Umm sur
e,ofcour
se.
 
Imadespacef
orhi
m andhegoti
n.Hehada
l
uggagebagwi
thhi
m.Ireal
l
ythoughthewas
bl
uff
ing.
 
Kamo:
Didy
oucook?I
'
m sohungr
y. 
Me:
No,
Idi
dn'
t.
 
Kamo:
YouknewI
'
m comi
ngnj
e. 
Me:I
'm noty
ourwif
e.Ther
e'saf
ewsl
i
cesof
pi
zzaonthefri
dge.
 
Kamo:
Iwantahomecookedmeal
.
 
Me:
YouknowIcanst
il
lchasey
ououtr
ight
? 
Kamo:
I'
ll
gof
ort
hepi
zza.
 
Me:
Good.
 
Hewentt
owarm hi
msel
fpizzawhi
l
eIwat
ched
TVwhi
ledri
nki
ngsomej
uice. 
Kamo:
Youwant
edt
otal
k? 
Hehadal
readyat
eandfor
cedtoswi
tchof
fthe
TVthenl
ookedatmest
rai
ghtonmyeyes.
 
He'
sal
way
shadav
eryi
nti
midat
ingl
ook.
 
Me:
Umm.
.Iwentt
othedoct
orl
astmont
hand
I
..
. 
Kamo:
You?
 
Me:
I..I
'
m pr
egnant
 
Hel
ookedatmeforawhi
l
ebeforehegr
inned
wi
del
ythenpi
ckedmeupandspanmear ound.
 
Me:
That
'senough,
youmaki
ngmedi
zzy
. 
Heputmedownandki
ssedmycheek.
 
Kamo:
Thanky
ousomuch.
 
Hel
i
ftedmypj
topupandki
ssedmyst
omach.
 
Kamo:
Heyt
her
eli
tt
leguy
. 
Ti
mewentonandIwasget
ti
ngbi
ggerand
bi
gger
. 
Isti
llhadn'twenthomeandonlytalkedtomy
parentsov ert
hephone.Ij
ustcoul
dn'tface
them.Iknowt hiswasn'
tri
ghtbutIwasscar ed,
soscar ed.Idi
dn'tev
enwanttothinkaboutmy
dadandhowmadhecoul dbeatme.  
Khol
i
swaonl
ysentmemoneyAndcal
l
ed
someti
mes.Ithinki
t'
swhathappenedwi
th
Motsothatcausedari
ftbet
weenus.
Iwascar
ryi
ngagi
rlagai
n,Thedoct
orhad
conf
ir
medit.
 
Kamogelowassohappy
.Iwasalsohappy.I
hadn'
tcomeupwit
hanamey etbuthehad,
Remorati
l
e. 
Iwas8monthsandsobi
g.Jessi
wasv
erycl
ose
togi
vi
ngbi
rt
h. 
Shewasnol
ongerwor
king.Iwasst
il
lgoi
ng
though.
 
Iwasactual
l
yhappythatmypregnancyhad
got
tenthi
sfar.Wi
thSphe,Ihadl
onggiven
bi
rt
h. 
Anyway,i
twasaFri
daynightandwewereAt
myplacewatchi
ngmovi
eswi t
hpopcor
nandi
ce
-
cream.Sphewassl
eepi
ng. 
I
twasthel
astweekofSept
ember
.Act
ual
l
y,The
30t
h. 
Thi
ngsbetweenLuthandoandIwerejust
..
Shaky.Wedi
dn'tt
alkli
keweusedto.Heonly
cal
ledwhenhewant edtoseeSpheandhe
nevercamei
ntomyhouse.  
Theonlyt
imehedidwaswhenRomeowanted
toseemeandthatwasi
nJuly
,duri
ngthe
hol
iday
swherewespentaweektoget
her
. 
Hewasgr
owi
ng.Hewas8anddoi
nghi
sGr
ade
3.
AsforKamogelo,ourr
elat
ionshi
pwasj
ust
aboutourchi
l
d. 
Imadeitcl
earthatIdi
dn'
twantt
obewi th
anyoneandIthi
nkherespect
edthat
.Jessihad
brokenupwit
hherbabydaddyandithurther
somuchbutsheknewi twaswhat'
sbest. 
Wewer
ewat
chi
ngwhydi
dIgetmar
ri
ed.
 
Jessi
:Angel
aisr
eal
l
ysomet
hingel
se.
 
Me:She'srat
chetandsol
oudbutIl
oveher
char
acter.
 
Jessi
:It
hinky
oushoul
dal
sodot
hatl
i
st.
 
Me:
Whatl
i
st?
 
Jessi:
Oneaboutthegoodononesideandt
he
badont heot
hersi
deandseewhichone
exceedstheot
her.
 
Me:Act
uall
y,y
ouri
ght
.Idon'
tknowwhyInev
er
t
houghtoft
hat.
 
Jessi
:Mmm
Me:
Youokay
? 
Jessi
:Ij
usthav
eapai
nonmyback,
it'
snot
hing
bi
g. 
Me:
Ihopey
ounoti
nlabour
. 
All
thathopef
lushedawaywhenshest
art
ed
scr
eaming,myeyesshotopen.
 
Me:
Fuck,
no.
 
Jessi
:Mywat
erbr
oke.
 
If
roze.Il
it
eral
l
yf roze.Iknewshewascl
oseto
gi
vingbir
thbutjustdidn'
tthi
nknow.I
twaslat
e,
ar
ound11pm andIdi
dn'
tknowwhatt
odo.
 
Jessi
:You'
llhav
etodr
ivemet
othehospi
tal
or
I
'l
lgiv
ebirt
hhere. 
Me:
WhataboutSphe?
 
Jessi
:I'
minpai
nher
e. 
Istar
tedpaci
ngupanddown,
Ireal
l
ydi
dn'
t
knowwhatt odo.
 
Jessi
:Khensani
!!
 
Istoppedasshebr
oughtmebacktoeart
h.I
tookoutmyphoneandcall
edthef
ir
stpersonI
thoughtof
,hopi
ngheanswers.
 
Thando:
What
? 
Me:
Jessi
cai
sinl
abourandIdon'
tknowwhat
t
odo. 
Thando:
Am Iami
dwi
fe?
 
Shescr
eamed.
 
Me:
Sor
ry 
Ihungupf
eel
i
ngdef
eat
ed.
 
Me:
I'
ll
hav
etodr
ivey
ou.
 
Myphonerangagai
n,Ianswer
edwi
thout
checki
ngt
hecall
eri
d. 
"I
'
m onmyway
,don'
tl
ock"
Me:I'
m dr
ivi
nghert
ohospi
tal
.Sphei
s
sl
eepi
ng. 
Thando:
Okay
Idi
dn'
tevenaskwherehewascomi ngfrom.I
hel
pedJessist
andup.Shewasclearl
yinpain,
I
don'
tknowhowt hi
swasgoingtoworkandI
don'
tevenknowwhereIgotthest
rength.
Iwaspr
egnantandheav
ymy
sel
f.
 
Wegoti
nmycarandIdroveli
keamaniac,
hopi
ngwedon'
tgeti
ntoanyacci
dent
. 
Thehospi
tal
wasn'
tthatf
ar.
 
I
mmediat
elywhenwegotin,
Iraninsi
de(
not
l
i
ter
all
y)andwentt
ocall
anur sewhocame
wi
thawheel
chai
r.
 
Me:
She'
sinl
abour
. 
Jessiwascr
yingandcl
ear
lyr
unni
ngoutof
str
ength.
 
Ij
ustpr
ayedt
hatnot
hinghappenst
othebaby
. 
Iwasevencr
yingbecauseIwasner
vousand
scar
ed.
 
I
magineapregnantwomanbr
ingi
nganot
her
pr
egnantwoman. 
Nur
se:
Youokay
,nopai
ns?
 
Me:
I'
mfi
ne.
 
Nurse:Come, soIcanputyoui
nbedt
hent
he
doctorwil
lcheckhowfaryouare.
 
Me:
OhnoI
'
m 8mont
hs.
 
Shegi
ggl
ed.
 
Nur
se:
Sorry,
it'
sjust
..
.It
houghtmay
bey
ou
wer
ealso.
.Youknow 
Me:
Ohno
Iwaspacingupanddown, Icoul
dn'
thel
p
worryi
ngandjusthopedev
er y
thi
nggoeswel
l
forher
. 
.
[
08/
26,
10:
33]Must
angMan:
107
Thedoct
orcameback.Ihadbeensi
tt
ingdown.
 
Dr
:Shedel
i
ver
edabounci
ngbabyboy
. 
Me:
CanIgoseet
hem?
 
Dr
:Ofcour
se.
 
Ifoll
owedhi
mt owheretheywere.Shewas
holdi
ngherbaby,
cover
edi namnioti
cfl
uid.I
t
wasMor ni
ngalr
eady
. 
Ti
medoesf
lywheny
ouwor
ri
ed.
 
Me:
Ohmy
Isai
d,l
ooki
ngatt
hebeaut
if
ulboywi
thbl
ack
curl
yhai
r.
 
Me:
What
'shi
sname?
 
Jessi
:Jer
omeKl
einThompson 
Me:
Sohe'
staki
ngy
oursur
name?
 
Jessi
:He'
smysonaf
teral
l
. 
Me:Ij
ustthi
nk,noinf
actIknowthathi
sfat
her
i
sgoingtodisagr
eewiththat
. 
Jessi
:It
'
snotuptohi
m.I
'
mtheonewhocar
ri
ed
hi
mf or9months.
 
Nur
se:
Youneedt
orest
. 
Shetookthebabyawayfrom herandIalsoleft
.
Iwashungryandsofreaki
ngtir
ed.Ihadn'tsl
ept,
notevenadent.
 
Igotbacki
ntomycart
hendr
ovehome.
 
Iwasact
ual
l
ydr
aggi
ngmy
sel
fin.
 
Iwentt
othef
ri
dgej
ustt
olookf
orsomet
hingt
o
eat
. 
Thando:
Youback?
 
Me:
Yeahandsohungr
y. 
Thando:
So,
didshedel
i
ver
?
Me:
Yeah.Ababyboy
.Ther
e'snot
hingi
nher
e. 
Thando:
CanIl
eav
ewi
thher
?Imi
ssedher
. 
Me:Umm,sur
e.Whatwer
eyoudoi
ngher
e
any
way?
 
Thando:
Busi
ness.I
'v
eal
readypackedherbag
andshe'
sbat
hed. 
Me:
Comegi
vemommyahug.
 
Iopenedmyar
msf
orherandshecameand
huggedme.
 
Ikissedherl
i
psandsheleftwit
hThando.I
endedupeatingsomechocolat
ecakefr
om the
fr
idgewithaglassofmi
lkthenwentt
osleep. 
.
Thr
eeweeksl
ater
Kamohadbeenwit
hmeforaweekbecause
appar
ent
lyhewant
edt
obether
ewhenIgive
bi
rt
h. 
Jessi
wasatCapeTownbecausesheneeded
hermother
'shel
pwi
tht
hebaby 
West
il
ltal
kedovert
hephoneandf
acet
imed.
Weweresti
ll
pret
tymuchcl
ose.
 
Anywayi
t'
swhenIwassleepi
ngthatIf
elta
shar
ppainonmylowerabdomen,i
twasmor e
l
ikeacontr
act
ion.
 
Ij
ustt
houghtit
sBraxt
onhickssoIi
gnor
edi
t
andwentbacktosl
eep. 
Ami nutelater,
thepai
ncamebackevenmore
sharperthisti
meandIjustknewt
hatIwas
probablyinlabor.
 
Ist
oodupf
rom t
hebedandt
ookt
hebabybag
andmybag
Shi
thi
tthef
anwhenmywat
erbr
okeandI
scr
eamed.
Kamocamer
ushi
ngi
n.Doesn'
thesl
eep?
 
Kamo:
What
'sgoi
ngon?
 
Me:
Mywat
erj
ustbr
oke.
 
Kamo:
Ohshi
t,ar
eyoui
npai
n? 
Me:Noty
et.Thesear
eourbags,
I'
ll
gowakeup
Sphe.
 
Ican'tsayIknewexact
lywhatwasgoingon
throughmymi nd.I
t'
sli
keIwasn'
tfuncti
oni
ng
prettywell
.
Ithi
nksomehowheknewthathenceheended
upgoingtowakeherupwhi
l
eIwai t
edfort
hem
attheki
tchen.
 
Theti
met hecontr
acti
onscameback,I
'
dswear
theyweretenf
oldst
rongandIhadt
hissudden
urgetopush. 
"I
t'
saboy"
Thedoct
orsaidaf
terIhadspentmor
eli
kea
l
if
eti
meinlabouri
fyouaskme.  
Ismi
l
edf
aint
ly,
Iwast
ir
ed.Il
ookedatmyson,
confusedbutagainj
oyf
ulbecauseIhadbeen
tol
dI'm expect
ingagi
rl
. 
Helookedsoli
ghtincomplexi
on,
cryi
nghi
s
l
ungsoutwithhiscur
lyhai
randcover
edin
amniot
icfl
uid.
 
Hisf at
herwhohadbeenholdingmyhand
throughital
lsmi
ledAndhistearsf
ell
ashehel
d
hissonf ort
hefi
rstt
ime.
 
Kamo:
Myson.
 
Hewaspr
oud.Iwaspr
oudbutIhadt
orest
. 
Icl
osedmyeyesanddri
ftedt
osleep.Sphewas
sl
eepi
ngint
hechil
dren'
sward.
 
Iwasact
uall
yhappy
,IwashappyIhadcarr
ied
ful
l
ter
m andmysonwashealthyandsochubby.
WhenIwokeup,
Ifel
tabitbet
terbutofcour
seI
hadpai
nsonmylowerabdomen. 
Wecoul
dgohomet
woday
slat
er.
 
Kamogel
ocamet
opi
ckmeup,
signedmy
di
schar
gef
ormsandwef
inal
l
ywenthome.
 
Hehadbr
oughtsomecl
othesf
orme,
tracksui
ts
t
obespeci
fi
c. 
Iwashol
dingmysonwhom Icoul
dn'
tst
op
st
ari
ngat
. 
Me:
Can'
tbel
i
evet
heysai
dIwascar
ryi
ngagi
rl
. 
Kamo:Tothi
nkofal
lthepi
nkcl
otheswe
bought
. 
Il
aughed.Hewaswear
ingpi
nkcl
othesand
l
ookedsocute.
 
Me:
Iguesswe'
l
lhav
etobuynewones.
 
Sphe:
CanIhol
dhi
m? 
Me:
You'
l
lmakehi
mfal
l
. 
Sphe:
He'
smyl
i
ttl
ebr
other
. 
Me:
Yes,
hei
s. 
Sphe:
Whati
shi
sname?
 
Me:
Remor
ati
l
e 
Kamo:
That
'ssogi
rl
isht
hough.
 
Me:He'
l
lsur
viv
e.It
hinkIshoul
dal
soname
hi
m. 
Kamo:
Goodi
dea.
 
Me:
Sibusi
so 
Sphe:
Sibusi
so,
Ilov
eitmom.
 
Hewasi
ndeedabl
essi
ngi
ntomyl
i
fe,
int
oour
l
iv
es.
Wear
ri
vedathome.
 
Iknewthatsoonerorlat
er,Ihadt
of acemy
famil
yandunfort
unately
,itwasatthatmoment
.
Icoul
dn'
tpossibl
ycopeonmyownwi thmy
baby.
Idi
dn'
twanttothi
nkaboutwhatmydadi
s
goi
ngtosaybutIknewhe'dbever
y
di
sappoi
nted.
 
Any
way ,
wedidpackourcl
othesandthoseof
mykidsandpr
eparedour
sel
fforther
oad. 
Remowasonl
yaweekol
dwhenwewentback
home.
 
Myhear twasrai
sing,
Itri
edt othi
nkposi
ti
vely
andallIhopedforwasforhimt obeaccepted
regar
dlessofhowangr y
,disappoi
ntedorupset
theymightbe.
 
Kamo:
It'
l
lal
lbeokay
,don'
twor
ry.
 
Me:
Easyf
ory
out
osay
. 
Kamo:Myf
ami
l
yhast
odor
ightbyy
ou,
byour
son.
 
Me:
Hai
no.Theydon'
thav
etodoany
thi
ng.
 
Kamo:Heal
soneedst
omeethi
sot
hersi
deof
thef
amil
y.
 
Me:
Dot
heyknow?
 
Kamo:It
oldev
ery
one,
wel
l
,af
tery
ougav
e
bi
rt
h. 
Wewereout
sidemyf
ather
'shouse.Wehad
ar
ri
ved.
 
Iwassti
ll
pret
tymucht
ryi
ngt
ogat
hersome
st
rengt
htogoon. 
Sphewassl
eepi
ngi
nthecar
,justnextt
ome.
 
HewentouttoopenthedoorforusandIknewI
hadt
odot hi
ssoonerorl
ater
. 
Itookt
hesl
eepi
ngSphewhi l
ehetookRemo
andwentt
oknock.Iusual
l
yjustgetI
n. 
Bandil
ewasthef
ir
sttosaycomei
nandI
openedAndgoti
n. 
Iwassurpr
isedhewasn'
tsl
eepi
ngy
etcausei
t
wasaft
er7pm
Me:
Goodev
eni
ng.
 
Igr
eet
edDadandKitsowhower
ehav
ingdi
nner
andwentt
oputSphedown. 
IknewIhadtoexpl
ain.It
ookRemof rom
KamogeloAndhecamewi thourbags. 
Dad:
What
'sgoi
ngonNono?
 
Ki
tso:
CanIhol
d..
Inoddedandgavehi
mt oherthenwentt
oput
thebagsatmyroom andwalkedKamoout.
 
Kamo:
Goodl
uck.
 
Inoddedandwehugged.
 
Kamo:
I'
ll
cal
lyoul
ater
. 
Me:
Okay
It
ookadeepbr
eat
hbef
oregoi
ngbacki
nsi
de.
 
Bandi
l
e:What
'shi
sname?
 
Me:
It'
sUmm.
.Remo
Dad:
Ishet
her
easony
ouhadn'
tbeencomi
ng
home? 
Me:
Idi
dn'
thav
eanyf
reet
ime.
 
Dad:
Don'
tl
ie.
 
Me:
I'
m sor
rydad.
 
Ki
tso:
SoKamogel
oist
hef
ather
? 
Isl
owl
ynodded,
looki
ngdown.
 
Dad:
Whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
me?
 
Me:Iwasashamedbaba,Iwasscared.Thelast
t
hingIev
erwantedwastodisappoi
ntyou. 
Dad:You24yearsol
dNono.Yes, I
'
m
di
sappoi
ntedbutababyisablessi
ng.Youhav
e
gi
venmeanothergrandsonandI'
m happy.
 
Me:
Youar
e? 
Dad: Li
fei stooshor tt
obeholdinghate.All I
wanti stoknowwhat '
shappeninginyourlife
andnow, Ifeell
ikeIdon'tknowy ou,If
eel l
ike
I'
velosty ou.Ineedmydaught erback,Ineed
mygi rlback.Imi ssedyou.SomuchandI 'm so
happyy ouher e
Me:
Ohdad
Iwipedthet ear
sthathadf al
l
enandwentto
him.Idisappearedinhisarmsaswehugged
ti
ghtl
y.Hekeptbr ushingmyback.Ir
eall
y
thoughthe'dbeangr yatme.HadIknownhe
wouldn'
t,Iwouldhav elongcamehome. 
Remocr
ied,
dist
urbi
ngourmoment
.
Heki
ssedmyfor
eheadandIgotf
rom hi
m and
t
ookmyson.
 
Isatdownandbr
east
fedhi
m. 
Hesuckedmyni
ppl
eli
kehi
sli
fedependedon
i
t.
 
Ki
tso:
He'
sbeaut
if
ul.
 
Dad:
WhatdoesRemost
andf
or?
 
Me:
Remor
ati
l
e. 
Dad:
Theboyshoul
dhav
eaZul
uname.
 
Me:
Sibusi
so 
Dad:
Dlami
ni.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Me:
Haubaba.KeMol
efe.
 
Dad: Thatboydi
dn'
tmarr
yy ou.Idon'
t
understandwhymygrandsonhast ohav
ehi
s
surname. 
Me:
It'
shi
sson.
 
Dad:
Whom y
oucar
ri
ed.
 
Il
aughed.
 
Kitso:
Andi
l
e,goputBandi
l
e'sol
dcoti
nBonga'
s
room
Dad:
Whyme?
 
Ki
tso:
Justgo.
 
Ilaughed.Dadst
oodup.Iburpedhi
mthenwent
tolayhim downandwentback. 
Me:
I'
m sohungr
y. 
Ki
tso:
I'
ll
dishupf
ory
ou.
 
Me:
Ohno.Icanmanage.
 
Shel
aughedandl
etmebe.
 
Iatewhil
ecatchi
ngupwi t
hmyf ami
l
y.Anyway,I
wenttomyr oom af
tert
hentookashowerand
changedint
omypy jamas.
 
Irecei
vedacal
lfr
om NtandojustasIwas
abouttolaymyheaddown. 
Nt
ando:
Heyst
ranger
Il
aughed.
 
Me:Ishoul
dbecal
l
ingy
oust
ranger
,it
'sbeena
l
ongtime. 
Nt
ando:
How'
smypr
incess?
 
Me:
Pri
nce,
I'
ll
sendy
ouapi
ctur
e. 
Nt
ando:
Soi
t'
saboy
? 
Me:
Yes,
Igav
ebi
rt
haweekago.
 
Nt
ando:
Andy
oudi
dn'
tbot
hert
ell
i
ngme?
 
Me:
You'
vebeenoutofr
eachnj
ena.
 
Ntando:Youri
ghtbutIhat
ei t
.Weusedtobeso
t
ightbutthen,mar
ri
ageisalsodemandi
ngand
t
here'swork,v
arsi
ty 
Hel
etoutagr
oanandIgi
ggl
ed.
 
Me:Regar
dless,
weshoul
dmaket
imef
oreach
ot
her.
 
Nt
ando:
Ofcour
sebutIpr
omi
sei
t'
sgonna
changef
rom nowon.
 
Me:
It'
sal
lupt
ous,
sot
ell
mewhatImi
ssed?
 
Nt
ando:
Wel
l
,we'
ret
hinki
ngofadopt
ing.
 
Me:
That
'samazi
ngbabe.
 
Nt
ando:Buti
t'
snotcert
ainyet
,may
bewhenI
'
m
madepermanentorsomethi
ng.
 
Me:
Wel
l
,Iwi
shy
oual
lthebest
. 
Weconti
nuedt
alki
ngandwhenwehungup,
I
sl
ept
. 
.
5YEARSLATER
Dad:
Ican'
tbel
i
evey
ouget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed.
 
Me:
Trut
his,
Ial
socan'
tbel
i
evei
t.
 
Dad:
Itseemsli
kej
ustyesterdaywheny ou
camecryi
ngtomeaft
ery ourfir
sthear
tbreak.
 
Me:
Dad!
 
Isl
i
ght
lypunchedhi
sshoul
der
. 
Dad:Icanneverbepr eparedfort
hisday.Just
knowthatyou'l
lalway sbewelcomebackat
home.Ifhedoesn'ttreatyouasyoudeserve,
l
ikehowIhav etreat
edy ouandasmyonl ygi
rl
thenyoucancomehome.Il ovey
ou,always
hadandalwayswi ll
. 
Ki
tso:Okay
,that
'
senoughnow.She'
sev
en
cr
ying 
Shesai
d,getti
ngint
other
oom Iwasi
n.Itr
ied
wipi
ngthetearsbutmymakeupwasal
ready
rui
ned.
 
Khol
i
swa:
I'
ll
fixt
hisupqui
ckl
y.
Me:
Thanky
oumom.
 
Nt
ando:
Myl
ove
Heki
ssedmycheek.
 
Me:
Wher
e'sLi
tt
leHai
l
ey?
 
Nt
ando:
She'
swi
thherf
ather
. 
Theyhadadopt
edababywhowast
urni
ngt
hree
years,theyhadherafewdaysaf
tershewas
bornandt hey'
verai
sedherev
ersi
nce.Shewas
coloredwithbrownhair
. 
Jessi
wasmymai dofhonor
.Sheal
socame
andkissedmycheek.
 
Jessi
:Your
eady
? 
Me:
Ascanbe.
 
Nt
ando:Ican'
tbel
i
evey
ouf
inal
l
yget
ti
ng
marr
ied.
 
Me:
Hey
,whatar
eyousay
ing?
 
Hel
aughed.
 
Ntando:Thewayy
ouwer
econf
usedbet
ween
t
woguy s. 
Dad:
West
il
lher
e
Wealll
aughed.Myfutur
ehusbandmustbe
anxi
ousonthealt
ar.
 
Khol
i
swa:
All
done.
 
Jessi
:Fi
nal
l
y! 
Mybri
desmai
dswentf
ir
st,
wit
hofcour
semy
mai
dofhonor
. 
Dad:
Thi
sisi
t.
 
Itr
iednottocr
yasmyfat
herwal
kedmedown
theaisl
e.I
twasaver
yemoti
onal
timef
orme.
 
Dad:
Pleaset
akecar
eofmyonl
ydaught
er.
 
Wit
hthatsai
d,hehandedmeov
ert
omysoon
t
obehusband.
Bishop:Wearegatheredheretodayt
owi t
ness
theUnionoftwosouls.KhensaniNokubonga
DlaminiandLut
handoluhl
eTumel oNgcobo 
Yes,
youhear
dri
ght
 
IwishIhadknownall
alongt
hatt
hepast
orwas
tal
kingabouthi
m. 
Hi
sfamilyhadgi
venmeanewname,
Nol
uthando.
 
See,al
othashappeneddur
ingt
hesepastf
ive
year
s. 
Kit
soanddadhadanot
herson,
who'
stwoy
ear
s
ri
ghtnow.
 
Well
,KamoAndIdi
dtryhavi
ngsomethi
ngaf
ter
Remowasbornbuti
tdidn'
twor
kout.
 
Iguesswebothreal
i
zedthatwewer
ebet
terof
f
wit
hotherpar
tnerst
hanasacoupl
e. 
Hegotmarr
iedayearagot
oav
erysweetl
ady
namedTumalano.
 
ThandoandI..Well
,let'
sjustsay,Ihadcheat
ed
onKamowi t
hhi m af ewtimes.Somehow, he
wasalwaysthereformei nev er
ythi
ng,hewas
ther
ewhenIneededt ooffl
oadandwhenI
neededashouldertocryon. 
Weonlydateday
earaft
erKamoandIbrokeup.
Tur
nsout,wewerebot
hcheat
ingbutwehadno
har
dfeel
ings.
 
Romeowaslivi
ngwit
hhismotherintheUK.
Tur
nsout,
Luthandodi
dn'
tkil
lherbutshelef
t.I
wasact
uall
ygladhedi
dn'
t.Hesayshel i
edto
protectus.He'sbeenhonesteversi
ncet hen.
She, Shannel,l
aterr
eal
izedshecouldn'
tlive
withouthersonbuthedoescomet ov i
sitever
y
oncei nawhile. 
Nobuhlewasnowher etobefound.Shej
ust
di
sappearedi
ntothi
nair,
leav
ingmet ol
ook
af
terhersonbutIdi
dn'tmind. 
Thuli
andTumi showeredat
ing.Ist
il
lcan'
t
bel
ieveit
.Ital
lstar
tedt
hatt
imeatthelobola
negoti
ati
ons. 
Shewasexpecti
ng,sti
l
lhar
dtobeli
eveitforher
si
ncethedoct
orstoldhert
hechancesof
concei
vi
ngaresl
im butGodisst
il
lthegreat
est.
 
Anyway.Wehadbeentoget
herfort
woy ear
s
andnow,marr
ied.OnVal
enti
nesday.Thevery
samedaywegotbacktogether
. 
MotsoandIdi
dputev
ery
thi
ngbehi
ndusand
t
heyaccept
edmysonandI.
 
Sphewast
urni
ng9y
ear
sol
d. 
Remo,whol
ooksj
ustl
i
kehi
sfat
herwast
urni
ng
5year
s. 
Andwell,
Ihadanothersonwho'
sjusttur
neda
yearl
astmonth.Hi
snameI sSandi
le.
 
I
t'
sbeenagr
eatj
our
ney
. 
I
'm grat
efulf
orev ery
onewhowasabl etoread
myst or
yandIr eall
yhopethaty
ouhav en'
t
l
earnedsomet hingfrom i
tandyouwereablet
o
r
elatetoit
. 
Ihadlivedal
l myli
fetryi
ngtopl
easepeople,
tr
yingtober el
evantandIwasridi
cul
ed,
cri
tici
zedandscoldedallmyli
febutI
'm gr
ateful
becauseallthathappenedhastur
nedmei nt
oa
verystrongwoman.  
Godsaidi
nhiswor
dthatari
ght
eousmancan
fal
lsev
enti
mesbuthewil
lal
waysstand.
 
Trusti
nGodwithally
ourmi
ghtandl
eannoton
yourownunder
standi
ng.
 
Hesai
dinJohn14:
"33Theset
hingsIhav
e
spokenuntoy
ou,t
hati
nmey emighthave
peace.I
nthewor
ldyeshal
lhavet
ri
bulat
ion:but
beofgoodcheer
;Ihav
eovercomethewor l
d."
Icansaf el
ysaythati
nthisworl
dIhav
ehad
tr
ials,t
ri
bulat
ionsandsorr
owsbutnow,Ican
boldlysayIhaveseentheglor
yofGodinme. 
Nev
ergi
veuponGod.
 
I'
m say i
ngthisassomeonewho,
atonepoi
nt
didn'
tbelieveinGodbuthi
sgr
acewas
suffi
cientforme. 
Her
edeemedme.Ihav
ebeensav
ed.
 
Ther
e'snor
ight
eousman,
notev
enone.
 
EventheBibl
esaysinRoman's3:23thatf
oral
l
havesinnedandcomeshortofthegl
oryof
God. 
I
,now,awif
e,mot
her
,andCEOofDl
ami
nico.
Audi
ti
ngfi
rm. 
I
twasallbyhismer
cy,
hisgr
aceandt
heblood
ofChr
istourwor
ldwhi
chsti
l
lsav
eseven
t
oday
. 
Iam Nolut
handoNgcoboandt
hishadbeenmy
stor
y. 
.
*
THEEND*