ANALYTICAL
CONFUSION

My transparent perspective on love

dating and relationships
 
 
 
 

AFI KINGDOM
 
 
 

Table of Contents
 
Preface
Monday: Perspective
Tuesday: Is Everyone Meant To Be In A Relationship?
Wednesday: Chemistry And Compatibility …..
Thursday: Do Opposites Really Attract? Where Is My Soulmate …
Friday: Recipe To Salvation
The Weekend: Assessment Of Early Visuals In Life
The Appraiser: Avoiding Your Nightmares
Anticipation: Contrasting Courting Vs Dating
Saturday Night: The Power Of Planning
Sunday: When The Meaning Of Love Changes!
The Composition Of King Fee.
Mind.Body.Heart And Soul.
In Your Dreams  When You Dream Of Success
What Do You See?
Analytical Conclusion
  
 
 
PREFACE
 

 
 

A
 
nalytical Confusion. The reason why the name of this book is for
a few reasons. Analytical is technically a computer.  I'm going to
open mine up to you. The confusion part is because it comes from
all over the place. A lot of my books are structured, however it's
just my pure transparent thoughts. This is me no filter not for an audience
but my own personal memoir other than this preface that I'm writing right
now. I talk about my true feelings on relationships marriage, why couples
last and why they don't last. The history of relationships and even I speak of
the history of my own upbringing and my views on relationships based on
what I saw growing up. I will discuss love vs. true love soulmates versus
life partners, compatibility, being evenly yoked, do opposites really attract. I
will also discuss marriage and is it actually for everyone. A lot of people
think that it's just the way of life but as time goes on and I'm meeting more
people like myself as well as failed relationships and seems like there are
other alternatives. Chemistry and compatibility are some of the main things
that I discussed as well as dating and integrating kids into relationships
between two parents. Should it be done, how should it be done if so. Enjoy
this experience as I speak out loud and you get to hear the thoughts that I
have inside of my mind, little confusion of a brain! I just spill it out onto
this paper for you to enjoy. Some of my views you may like, some of them
dislike. But at the end of the day we are all subject to our own opinion.
These are mine. Welcome to Analytical Confusion!
  
 
 
Monday
Perspective
 

P erspectives...We all have one.. Men and Women are as different as

things can be. Just like cats and dogs. Yes, they are both mammals,
animals, or if you would like to classify them as just simple house
pets!. The point being  they have similar wants and needs, on the flip side
they are considered polar opposites pertaining to wants, needs, value
personality traits etc. So, what is a perspective exactly, is it an opinion?
Well, kind of.. Well my opinion is this. An opinion is more of a way of
thinking giving a certain situation or circumstance they may arise or
become a topic of life or conversation. Perspective is more of a general way
of thinking more less like your own personal ideology. The definition of
perspective is "a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something, a
point of view. Importantly peoples perspectives can be changed, simply by
having an experience through someone else eyes, experiences or opinions
looking at without judgement.
I feel like relationships are very complex. It's like buying pieces to a puzzle,
without seeing the actual puzzle, picture or how many pieces are on the
actual box!lol..Imagine trying to piece two puzzles mixed together like the
whites and the colors in your washing machine. Doing this without
knowledge of what it is you're trying to create, not knowing the type of
pieces or the capacity, can be difficult. On the flip side with luck, it may be
easy, depending on who is on the other side trying to figure it out.
  
 
 
Tuesday.
Is Everyone Meant to be
in a Relationship?
 

I s everyone meant to be in a relationship? When you hear of

relationship goals by standard what comes to mind. Traditionally life is
set up by a pattern. Some agree, some disagree but we have all heard of
the "picket white fence" mentality or formula. You know the one; you
go through school, graduate, go to college, become successful in your
career, find your future wife, fall in love, purchase a home with a bright
picket white fence with a small dog and start having babies. That is the
ideology of success for a lot of individuals to follow. It's like a blueprint to
success from a traditional middle class standpoint. As life evolves such as
pager to smartphones (a cpu in your pocket) so should relationships. So if
you don't follow this blueprint for success in a traditional basic middle class
family home does that mean you cannot find success in life or in a
relationship? The major conflict is life! Everything doesn't always go as
planned. You may succeed in all these things but may have not followed the
typical order of the blueprint. Adding to that, everyone finds happiness in
different ways, things and value different social and tangible things. So
what happens when you don't follow the rules (blueprint), does that mean
you will not be not succeed? That's something to ponder on...
  
 
 
Wednesday
Chemistry and Compatibility
 

C hemistry and compatibility   is a tricky subject. Do we agree that

having chemistry is awesome! In life it's kind of amusing if you
think about it. How many people have you encountered throughout
your childhood or growing up in general? If you're an introvert maybe
hundreds. If you're normal, probably thousands! It's intriguing how all of
the people you meet or encounter only a certain selected few you choose to
hang out with, create new experiences, and share your life with. It's all
chemistry! It can be deep as similar life goals, interests or hobbies.
However some cases you may not have any of these things but for whatever
reason you and that other person mesh well. You may not have anything in
common but that other person you may find interesting and even enough to
pick up some of their traits and try some of their hobbies you may have not
previously been interested in. That's a pretty cool feeling, but in
relationships chemistry is often a plus but chemistry alone isn't enough to
have a long lasting relationship. You have to be compatible! You may like
to watch reality tv shows, your significant other may think your choice of
entertainment is silly. That doesn't affect your chemistry or possibility of
being compatible. On the contrary you like all the same shows, have all the
same hobbies and yet still that's not a guarantee that you and your partner
have long term compatibility in a normal loving functional relationship...
  
 
 
Thursday
Do Opposites Really Attract?
Where is My Soulmate
 

D o opposites really attract? In order to find your soulmate, the

magic key, to find the polar opposite of yourself then ride off into
the sunset of happiness..Relationships as far as strengths and
weaknesses go, it's good to have someone preferably the other half in your
relationship to balance you out. What areas that i'm strong in may be your
weakness. Collaborate. It is key to long term companionships!
Where is my Soulmate?
We often hear people discuss soulmate .People think it's some cool thing to
say, like a story ,let's say a Tyler Perry movie.Now this is not to criticize his
work. I have respect and admire anyone who has a dream and a goal and
accomplished things.  I'm not speaking on him as a man, i'm not speaking
on his filmography.Feel free to check Wikipedia for a synopsis of 75% of
his films lol. Anyway I'll save you the trouble. Single woman, or women in
a bad relationship. Struggle, hardships, sad music. Prince Charming comes
along, saves the day, falls in love, happy music. THE END!!! Same
scenario, different cast. This is real life though, not to say people are not
happy and content with their lives, what I'm saying is that in the average
person's life there is no happy ending. Like the saying goes “life has no
guarantee”. What exactly it is you want out of life, you have to plan and
apply. You can't sit around and wait for your Prince Charming or your
WcW to make your life complete or you may be waiting at a funeral home!
Sure people get lucky, just like anything else, but when it comes to life and
love don't bank on luck, it is not a dependable word trust me lol. So with
soul mates people a lot of times just use this like it's just a cool saying.
People think it's cute to say "yea I'm married to My best friend" but if you
ask them about the soul of their partner a lot of questions may go in
answered. They may get core things such as favorite tv shows, color, food
etc but nothing about character really. So if we're to write down a q&a of 20
questions and your lady gives me the answers, I pretty much know the same
about your woman as you do. She is my soulmate now, you can have her
back in a little bit!lol All jokes aside, soul mate is about a connection. Love
doesn't equal soul mate. Being together 79 years doesn't either. You can
meet your soulmate today! Having 20 things in common with your boo,
during the honeymoon season doesn't make your soulmate so either! That is
the C.T.I.C phase (create things in common) but I'll save that for another
time!lol
People often incorporate soulmate as a magical thing, like a lotto ticket, a
key to happiness which everyone doesn't receive but with "luck" you
cherish it because you're lucky to receive it. In a way it's kind of is like that.
The differences between the majority of people. Only incorporate that word
with their husband or wife, bf gf etc. In fact the actual definition of a
soulmate is " aPERSON ideally suited to another as a close friend or
romantic partner. I agree with this theory as I feel I have found mine and we
are not romantically connected. This says nothing about when you find your
soulmate, marry them, start a family etc. With the fantasy of books Your
soul imagination and film, as well as others ideas passed down, hopeless
romantics have no choice but to fantasize about .This idea of finding love
and being with your soulmate conforming to happiness. Before you spend
your life searching for this person make sure that "your" soul is intact first
and foremost. Think of it like receiving a package at home that you have
been
waiting for, but you were not prepared to receive it, in result you missed
that package (blessing).Whatever blessing that manifests in your life you
have to be prepared for the delivery!
  
 
 
Friday
Recipe to Salvation
 

B ack in the old days like your great grandmother, grandpa etc from
what I know and seen, most situations I have heard of “love” were
slightly different back then. People didn't seem so fixated on the
image of what love was. They preferred to discover that feeling.
There was no internet, no selfies or a way for public admiration and the
opinion of others. It didn't matter, it was shared between those two people.
So it puzzles me that there are so many broken homes nowadays that it is
almost common. I can meet a married women during a hardship in their
relationship, and with a few common interest, a date or two, she will let me
have the same exact privileges as a man she vowed before God "through
thick and thin" etc just because things may have been a little complicated
for a short period of time. With that being said trust becomes an issue as
well as integrity which in result for the most part is broken homes, divorce,
baby daddies and step kids lol etc. What ever happened to stick it out with
your "best friend" or soulmate? The mentality has changed. Falling in love
is a major step in life. It shouldn't happen often, and it can be kind of a
scary thought to give your heart to another person! Before you met this
person your heart was only yours! Getting engaged is another big step. It's
like saying I feel this other person of the many billion people that there is in
the world makes me feel great, makes me better and there isn't another
option out there for me besides this one other person! When you finally
decide to break engagement and actually get married, it's the same, but the
slight difference is, the word "feel" has shifted and graduated to “I know"
and you invite GOD and your family along for your roller coaster of love.
Wow that's deep, now it seems as people treat love like Panda Express! Free
samples lmao.Yea that looks pretty tasty, grab your tooth pic (insert your
favorite item) try it, then now let's see what else I can taste!!!
The importance of marriage and its significance, and hearing about
marriages lasting 6 months, even two three years baffles me. Seriously No
fareal! I've known couples who were together five years, ten years , but
decided to make the next step in their union before God and that
commitment may not even last half of that time. Sometimes not even that!
Isn't it fun being a little different! I suppose that's what makes life cool.
Imagine going through life without Having different perspectives. That is
why the name of this book wasn't chosen by any of it. How we gain
perspective Is through experience, and when we obtain these experiences
our perspectives may also change. I think the problem, well I cant say its a
problem because that my "perspective"lol lets say the issue..Well I feel the
major issue is this. People have these obstacles and experiences but a lot of
time they react the way that they do, or heal etc , then after the storm they
carry on life like they always did previously. You should learn from your
mistakes, there is nothing wrong with making them, we are mammals. We
are human, we run off our instincts and emotions. People tend to make the
same mistakes over and over without receiving the lesson that should have
been brought out of eternity into your skull!
Let's say I have a job that I love. I go to it everyday, do my task whatever it
may be. Then one day I get fired from that job. I'm heartbroken and I don't
have income. So what are my options? Get another job obviously, well this
would be the smart option!lol Ok, so the reason I was fired from my job is
because I couldn't get there on time. Insert excuse (traffic) easy solution get
my ass up earlier. Some solutions require sacrifice, sorry people. A lot of
time we have the solution to our problem but we are not willing to Make the
Sacrifice to acquire the outcome we desire!  Whenever I do the work
required to get another job, and I'm fired again,
What shall be my excuse this time? Traffic, better yet they “be hating”, or
“your boss is an asswhole" lol. No matter how much I need to pay bills, let
me get up an hour earlier because I know what the result of getting to work
late may be.
Relationships are a job also. Stipulations and requirements may vary!lol. So
what these are as easy or difficult as they may be as an adult I know that if
certain requirements are meant, then I can be fired! This could be gifts, sex,
quality time, hot cool dates, loyalty, being truthful, not being disrespectful
every person has their own personal love launguage. So every time I don't
hold up to any of my partners expectations it's like being written up at work.
If you're a person over the age of 18 years old, what happens after you get
so many write ups? That's for you to answer, not me.  Now if you do not
know your partner's love language,Then you're either a terrible listener or a
bad communicator which you have 2 out of 3 strikes on your relationship
status going into it (we're talking healthy relationships people). In that case
you probably don't need to be in one anyway.
  
 
 
The Weekend
Assessment of Early Visuals in Life
 
 

I   grew up in a single parent household. My mother was amazing, I

actually couldn't ask for anything more. She was married twice but
from us having conversations as adults I understand that she has lots of
integrity and doesn't take no shit! She learned from her mistakes as far as
relationships go. I state that because my father was a complete opposite of
the man she first married. But this went far from the term "trying something
new". She realized from her past what would work and what wouldn't work
for her. If a man didn't have what she felt she needed then why waste her
time entertaining. She didn't need a cool guy to mold or have someone else
just to keep her company. Why, She was content with herself, she didn't
need a man for sex, money, or to kick it with. Only a man that would add
value to her life would be considered because assets are far more valuable
than stress and liabilities. My father died of cancer when I was three years
old, but they remained married until he passed away. She never married
again, I was never exposed to "mommy friends' ' because she knows what
she wants and won't consider settling for less just to have a man around. It
takes an impeccably strong individual to do so. I'm sure she wouldn't mind
meeting another guy, falling in love and even getting married again. I would
love to also see that. As well as be able to witness my mother in love again.
I know that she was back then obviously, but I was too young to witness or
experience. On the contrary there is a humongous difference between
wanting and needing something! If you "need" something or someone to
complete you what then happens if you don't have it. Things tend to fall
apart. People feel they need someone to feel complete. In life you may ask a
lot of questions.
That is fine because with questions you basically get to find out what they
know or think. The best way to judge that though is to observe their actions
however.
Women for example will say they "don't need a man". But they will go out
to the club, go on dating sites, ask for hook ups etc. Now It's all good is if
you just want to have fun, dance , get free meals etc, realistically a lot of
them get caught in the rapture, have failed relationships, marriages,
unwanted baby fathers and that is because they at one point were actually
needing for a moment. What I'm saying is going through these motions they
developed a sense of expectation. You cannot be truly let down if you didn't
subconsciously have expectations in these endeavors. There is nothing
wrong with having expectations at all. In fact we should all have them. The
difference is some women use the “I don't need “a man as camouflage. If
you don't need a man you can easily work on you and if one comes along he
can "ENHANCE" her life. So the "I don't need” theory is kind of like an
excuse That women often say to justify why they're single. Of course we all
should "want" a man, woman, who wants to grow old by themselves. Let's
be honest, Should we entertain or aggressively pursue situations we don't
need or care about?
When dating BE SURE OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT!
Do you want to be happy for 6 months, 5 years, or 2 days?
I personally have even been a victim to this. Conforming to others ideas and
what they think is good or bad, or is best for you.Always be open to
opinions, but you have the choice to listen, follow, or adapt. For a while I
was content and happy, and I let others ideas of who I am and how I should
live my life cloud my judgement of what I should be doing. Now let's be
straight, I don't have a drug problem or anything like that, to where others
would be concerned of my health, well being or safety. I mean who I am as
an individual. I'm not a follower at all but when you hear the same thing
from every other person you encounter sometimes, at least in my case I
began to second guess myself. I was fine with my ideologies in life, happy,
but always wondered why others would be so concerned with my lifestyle
and happiness when I was happy. Never complained, really always upbeat
and pretty proactive. After a while I would start to question myself "am I
tripping" "am I crazy"?
Being true to myself wasn't satisfying to others, and people requested
change. Eventually as I started feeling myself conforming to others needs I
didn't find self happier at all. Honestly I didn't even get the approval I was
thinking that I would receive. I guess you could say I went from abnormal
to normal, but I didn't like normal better! My head wasn't clearer, I wasn't
having more fun, My problems didn't go away. I just had more things that I
could relate to with others. I guess that can be kinda cool also, but I
Wouldn't choose one over the other. Self peace is a fruit that you cannot
buy, and it's a blessing that you don't have to get on the side of your bed and
on your knees and pray for it to be received. Why, because it's "SELF"
peace which means "YOU" are in Control. Knowledge, wise people know
this.
To be technically sound, self peace is really an inner peace. You may be
happy with someone, have fun and enjoy another person's company. Your
wife or husband may even complete you as they say. Another person or
thing cannot award you self peace.
Why in life wouldn't you want to obtain something that you don't have to
earn, spend money on, or need, want, think you want, kind of need lol, or
need someone else to receive and experience. Always be true to yourself,
you know what nourishes your soul. We all have things that personally float
our boat...or rock our world lol. Let me ask you this serious informative
question though. If in life you get the gift of self inner piece, not having a
want or need in the world, and you oragically meet another person ( notice I
didn't say man or woman) who is complete as you are, not needing you but
ONLY Wanting you, and vice versa...How pleasurable would life be?...
  
 
 
The Appraiser.
Avoiding your Nightmares
 

O kay readers. I have a question.. if you could create your ideal

partner what would they have? What would they be? How would
they treat you? Now take a minute to write this down and put
some real thought into it. You can write it on paper or take your phone out
and put it in your notes. After you see all the great things that you feel like
this person should have and the list of things you feel you deserve from this
person go down the list and honestly answer if you have these things to give
to someone. Do you have all the things you would require someone to
have? I've noticed that people want perfection from a mate but don't have
any of the qualities or any of the attributes of someone perfect. Truly
working on yourself and being the best you is the only way to truly be
happy and have love. This is a life changing mindset you need to adapt !
I often hear women and men speaking and wishing of what they want out of
their ideal partners. Women want good credit, fine, a gentleman etc. Of
course there are more attributes. I'm just using prime examples. Like men,
women who are fine,educated ,loyal, a freak, no kids etc. Let's stop and
think. Evaluation time. Get your pen and paper out ( yea we are going old
school) we want that old school love like your grandma and grandpa kinda
married for 50 year kinda love!lol. Men right down 10 things, and our
beautiful sistas write down 10 things too. Out of all these 10 let's break
down our wants and needs. So we are going to narrow our list down to 5.
Personally I want a woman with hella money and a fatty with zero kids
freak in the sheets and loyal!lmao. Something like this may have made my
top ten, because it's ideal in my lil infatuation with the perfect woman and
future mother to my child! Realistically however, in this exercise not one of
these need to make my top five. All Those things are great (for me at least)
but none are mandatory or a guaranteed list for a successful long lasting
(key word) relationship.
  
 
 
Anticipation
Contrasting Courting vs Dating
 

W hat is the difference between courting and dating? I feel that

this may be a difficult topic to address but I shall try my best.
Reason being, is this new free for aLL form of dating that we
have now. I'm the perfect age to be able to remember when you actually had
to have a little mouthpiece and charisma to get women. Me and my buddies
would try to come up with the best pickup lines and even share the
successful ones lol. My pickup game was quite successful. I knew that
what's your name, do you have a man approach that was much overused! So
I used this to my advantage. I would observe a woman, her shoes, her
accessories hair, just pretty much paying attention to details. These are
things women pay attention to when getting themselves ready for the day.
So when you acknowledge any of these things, it's putting a better foot
forward in the game.
So just like dating and courting, there are easy and lazy ways and harder
more efficient ways that take a little more time, patience and consistency
but in the long run may produce better, more long lasting results. I've
constantly had this debate on dating vs courting, what's the difference and
best solution to receive the better result or reward! Before I can try to
compare I think you as the reader need to ask yourself. Are you looking for
a long lasting relationship? Are you dating for companionship or is your
ultimate goal to get married? Answering these questions and being real with
yourself will help you choose your journey and apply which of dating or
courting you are comfortable with in living your lifestyle, as well as what
lifestyle you want to live.
In my opinion there isn't one that is better than the other. When it comes to
spending time with others, some people are very selective of whom and
when they spend or split their time with others. A Lot of people think when
you're dating that means you're seeing or spending time with multiple
partners. Kind of weighing your options of the selected partners or
prospects that you may have. This may lead to a courtship threw process of
elimination by trimming the fat and finding the one partner you may have in
mind to start to grow and may have a relationship with! That sounds logical
right? Let me play with a few ideas. It's fair to yourself of course, but what
about the prospects that you're spending your time with? What if one of
those guys, or girls catches feelings for the other person? So that raises
another question. When you're single dating multiple people is it their
business if you're seeing other people? Or is it not necessary to tell because
you're not in a committed relationship.
In my dating experience I openly tell women that I'm seeing other women.
To me honestly is everything. whether the woman likes it or not, i have no
bad blood within my spirit because at that point she has a choice to either
stay or go. Women a lot are cool with the idea, but tend to lose focus and
pretend to themselves there are not any other women as they grow feelings.
It's not fair to force a relationship on someone because YOU want one!
Also why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't
want one themselves? That is not a good start from a good beginning of a
nourishing bond. In my case I date, but not too much of courting for me lol.
Why? well i'm honest with myself. I'm not looking for a relationship. Does
that mean if i'm interested in someone and organically begin to grow
feelings would I be against having one? Of course not. But when I look
back at my experiences with women and life in general, how often do you
find things when you're looking for them?
I realize how much time commitment and unselfishness it takes to be in
one. Not just a relationship, I'm speaking of a healthy loving one. So to me
if I were to court someone, that would be me finding someone whom I was
comfortable with and confident enough to pursue a committed relationship.
That would mean quality time, not just going on dates, meeting family,
discussing goals and what life fulfillment would be with that person and
within themselves. Always remember what may be important to you may
have less significance to your partner. ALways be true to yourself
regardless of what others say or feel. We all know the person who
understands their wants and needs and what makes them happy is YOU!!
  
 
 
Saturday Night
The Power of Planning

P lanning Life. We all know life doesn't always go as planned. Does

that mean that you should avoid planning? No, whatever the case
you should still have goals and things in life and relationships that
you're working towards. I people watch and observe relationships as well.
Now of course it is much easier to evaluate a situation when your personal
feelings are not involved. You can point out all of the red flags and signs
that there may be as if you were a traffic director. Even still, I'm aware of
people in love married or in committed relationships that have no goals, at
least in a partnership sense. It's kind of like, He loves her, she loves him,
we're faithful, split the bills and hang out on the weekends.
I feel when you're lucky enough to find someone that you're willing to give
half your time to and share half of your life with, that you should be
planning or at a minimum discussing your future. I'm not saying that you
both should have the same or similar goals in life (although that's a plus)
but you guys should have goals as far as progression in your relationship.
This goes far from how many kids you want to have with each other, and
what city you may want to move to. This partnership should work as a
team. Even if you may have similar individual goals, you may not know
how your partner may be able to assist you through interest, support, and
resources that can make your goals more attainable and life easier!
It's always really dope to have your own hobbies as an individual. However
I see so many couples that do their own thing. Not having any interest in
each other's goals and passions. Let me even go deeper to say in a lot of
cases it may not even be that interesting but even worse people sometimes
aren't even aware of them.
I enjoy painting for example , I don't need my friends ( friends are a
relationship to) to support my art work to encourage me to continue or
perfect my craft, but a lot of them aren't even aware of the fact that I do! I'm
saying that to say this, sometimes having talks and showing interest in
things other than yourself, may open up many new doors in your
relationships. This goes along with planning, the more you talk and put
things on the table the more you learn about your partner. This can do
wonders for you guys!!
My circle is always supportive of me. That is goals, interest, even pushing
me to try new things. So I always see it in her because she is such a good
mother to her kids that she should maybe work with children in some form
or capacity. Now she would always immediately shut down the idea for
many reasons, one being that she doesn't want or have any interest in other
people's kids. So I can tell her about my day or different experiences (i’m
an educator myself) not that she didn't care, but that was my thing. Fast
forward for whatever reason, GOD, fate, or luck she got herself involved.
Now lemme tell you Ms thing turned into a work horse. She is like an
advocate for children now!
Other people's children (yeah I said it) lol. She does not stop, and so
passionate I think she slipped up on her calling and she is just having fun in
that puddle!lmao.  She has never since to amaze me now, with the ideas she
comes up with. She is so passionate and the progress she has made in little
time, I'm overwhelmed with being proud, and just overall admiration!!! We
have been connected, but over the last 5-6 we may connected on a level that
eclipse the remaining 15 plus years. This was able to happen because of
planning and excellent communication. Now we can motivate each other,
give ideas and connect on different levels that we were not able to before.
When dealing with your partner, communicate often and keep an open
mind.You may never know what hobbies of theirs or vice versa can become
yours. How you can help and motivate each other and how it may seal your
already tight bond yall may have to another level you may have never
imagined or thought could be lived up to in true existence!!!
I'd like to see myself as a romantic spirit even though people who may
know me or past relationships I've been in might not see me that way. In my
head I have an idea of what I want out of a relationship, out of the person I
want to spend my life with, a companion. I also need to be free. I think I get
that from my mother. I hate feeling smothered and attached. I like affection,
but I love to be alone because I'm often wrapped up in my thoughts and
obsessing over possibilities! Growing up you kind of get hardened and you
get jaded by how realistic  things are and you see so many bad things that it
kind of makes you think that the good things that you want are kind of
impossible and so you end up settling.
So if these are the thoughts and I already can't communicate in relationships
at that young of an age I carry those things over into my next relationships,
not growing from them necessarily and I can't grow from them because I
never figured out that the problem.Is communication or the problem was
not being able to feel comfortable enough letting someone know what I was
thinking or what I was feeling or what I wanted without that causing a
conflict. Everyone has their own set of issues and insecurities but in
relationships they all translate over into the same common issues. So when
you have a deadline of when you should be in a relationship, married, and
starting a family sometimes all those things get swept under the rug and not
addressed in a manner that you can grow from. So the end result is feelings
of disappointment, and being inadequate that could cause you to stay in a
situation longer than you should or not see how holding on could just
prolong the inevitable.
As people we often have life expectancy. You know the ones. I will have
my first house when I'm 30. I will have my first child at 25. I will be
married and have a house at 40!lol. Of course it's always good to have goals
and make plans as far as your life goes. That's not the point though. The
issue is when people don't live up to their own expectations some start to
scramble. What do I mean by this? Well first off life is all about
relationships and decisions! That's pretty much it. Any situation if it's
buying a car, getting a job, cooking breakfast, even getting dressed in the
morning!! Everything in your life, it boils down to the two things you and
the relationship between that other thing, and then the decision that you
choose to make. I wanted to get up early and go to the gym, but the
relationship between me and my bed was so good and comfy, add a lil rain
and that made my decision! That was an unproductive one, but hey "blame
it on the rain" (milli vanilli you youngsters google to get the pun) lol and
also the fact that its a hump day (excuse to be lazy)!
Back to the issue at hand! So now when I say people tend to scramble, it's
like they can't accept that life had a different path or journey for them.
Instead of just adapting to the cards they may have been dealt with at the
time they scramble and shuffle trying to catch up. This can cause a
catastrophe in your life and even make mistakes that cannot be fixed or
repaired. Even if they are fixable, you may have taken a bigger detour from
your life expectancy than you initially had just by trying to scramble and
play catchup. Example from a woman's point of view, maybe she wanted to
be married by 30. When the 30 doorbell comes knocking she may find
herself scrambling trying to catch up to the idea of what she had in mind for
her life. So what does this mean? This woman let’s say her name is Jane.
Jane is in a relationship for 3 months, not a bad relationship but kind of a
shaky unstable one. However much time she usually examines and
prequalifies a man for companionship and commitment may be sped up a
little. She feels the man loves her, he treats her decently, has a great job and
they're in a committed relationship so what's the next move. Engagement.
She is 29 approaching 30 and they seal the deal. Life is short, you only live
once blah blah etc! Later in life she finds out how inconsistent her man is,
he may be a liar and a cheater as well. Now Jane is stuck with wasting years
of time with this guy, debt, heartbreak,more baggage and expensive divorce
and a child to take care of. All because she rushed a decision on a
relationship that truly wasn't fit for her. What she wanted was the instant
gratification, satisfying the thirst she had for the highest level of
commitment by the age she wanted to be to feel content and accomplished.
Now she has to back track and figure things out, and start over pretty much.
Was it worth it...
I have even subjected myself to this behavior. I'm not throwing anyone
under the bus. I have also made mistakes. lol. I've always wanted to be a
father. I didn't have one in my life. So as a man I wanted what I didn't have.
At the sametime I was honest with myself and knew what exactly it was I
was missing. I never been with the baby mama stuff or content with having
a baby without a relationship. Now it's only right to be honest and true to
myself. I'm not the norm, marriage is a beautiful thing. However I have
more value in having a strong bond trust and respect with someone and less
value in the piece of paper that makes it official. Am I against marriage? Of
course not. But people sometimes emphasize too much on the decoration
and color of the cake instead of appreciating more of what's inside, how it
tastes and how it is made. When I hit 30 I myself started to scramble for a
relationship. Things I may have not entertained I find myself giving plenty
of excuses and benefit of doubts. Why? because I wanted to be a father. It
was a want but at the time it felt like a need. Now I wasn't foolish enough to
go online meet a girl and impregnate her.
Thirsty as I was im not stupid. I did feel the need to at least be in the
relationship and build with that person to obtain that goal. Ignoring certain
reg flags and deficiencies and ignoring my own consciousness because I
wanted that instant gratification. I was yearning for it! Gladly I didn't make
choices that would defer and set back my life. I do however understand the
thought process and frame of mind though. I was there! 
What it is that you have to realize is though is that you have a purpose.
Everyone does. But the idea in your head may not be what the purpose you
foreseen. Everything doesn't need to be fixed or be made to be what...
You think in life. Me, myself I love to talk to older people and even
homeless people. Why, because they have years of experience that they can
offer me wisdom. I have yet to be old, so there is know way I can obtain 50
years ,70 years etc experience with my only 30 plus years of life.Not that I
need to have a blueprint but its still great to have somewhat of a guide and
knowledge pre experience. People who look opposite to you may have had
similar trials and tribulations that a person you never expected may arise
and have the answers for you. Some relationships are homework and
preparation for the next. Think about times you felt hopeless or defeated. At
the time you may not know and ask God why, but in retrospect now it
probably makes complete sense or at least more since than it did at the time
when your circumstances were current.
Some people are meant to drop jewels on you. Personally I receive these
jewels as well as search for more. You can never get enough knowledge. As
well as game and experience given to you by others. We all become who we
are by our experiences and the things we go through in life. A relationship
you are in may not be the final one like you think, but just training your
mind, body and soul for the next person. Why? Well the person that you're
may not be compatible with the person that you are now, but be perfect for
the person that you become. You're just not open to it yet. You haven't had
the capacity in your mindset to think this way, nor have had the experiences
yet in your current life to provoke your feelings and change the way you
think about certain things or even particular people. The saying "everything
happens for a reason" is so true and one of my favorites. We just get caught
up alot of times spending our brain in a frenzy asking ourselves why? My
thoughts are.. just keep focused , don't ignore the signs, and let life happen!
  
 
 
Sunday ...
When the meaning of
LOVE Changes!
 

M y belief is you only have one true love. When or if you ever
find that person is up to you. Sometimes you have things
happen in your life that prepare you for the life that God
designs. If we choose our own paths foolishly we could miss out on things
that God promised. A lot of us prematurely get into relationships, when
you're young it's called puppy love, high school age is considered
sweethearts, that's followed by young love and then one day you feel you
met "The One" it's true that your past experiences have helped you by
showing you what you want/ don't want, helps you pick up on red flags or
just brought out some of your best and worst qualities that you can now
reflect on.
What if by design you are supposed to be a kid when you are a kid, focused
on studying in high school and college  and then after you have an
education you have started a career that you dream about you find someone
who is the missing puzzle piece. In my early teens into adult hood I always
received a lot of attention from the opposite sex. To the point it was very
noticeable to anyone who was around me. That amount of attention was a
distraction because that became part of who I was. If I had not started
dating so young my life would be SUPER DIFFERENT!
  
 
 
The Composition of King Fee.
Mind.Body.Heart and Soul.
 

I 'm an individual! I feel that I'm an intellectual, smart, funny, and

artistic! I'm not bloating or tooting my own horn, I'm just the type of
man who constantly evaluates as well as re-evaluates himself. I feel
this is a must as far as any type of relationship can be mended. You as a
man or a woman need to know what you bring to the table. On the level of
searching deep within, not superficial, job accomplishments or acquisitions.
A voluminous amount of us are perpetual in inducing ourselves that are
"shit don't stink '' or we have it all together. In that case it may be accurate!
TO YOU!!...We all have our journey, our purpose in life..its gods plan.
When, where and how to configure this is the tricky part. It's called life,
knowone said that it would be easy. If it was, how enjoyable could it be. If
everything came as you wanted it or demanded what type of world would
we live in?  I'm sanguine and assured that everyone would wish to be
successful on some level. The definitive ideology of success and fulfillment
may vary between us, but im positve knowone would wish to be broke,
dead, in jail, or lonely!
I feel like people feel they have the assets and vision to figure life out
without the lord. Yes you may be talented but you must be ready and
prepared to intake and process what god has to give you. You have to be
open to it. A Lot of people obtain severe success. Well success in what the
modern image of success is. Money, marriage, children, fame are all what
the majority of people look at as the american dream! On the flipside you
have no idea what this person did to get to that level that you're envious
of.You may be emulating someone who sold their soul to the devil. I
assume that may sound a little drastic to you, but we have cults and the
higher anarchy who pull strings so it's not as far fetched as you may think.
It's all propaganda, we love what's popular, it gives us something to reach
for and feel a part of. I have an idea, how about instead of wanting to be or
feel popular, try being popular with god. It doesn't matter if you go to
church everyday and can quote anything out of the bible, that's just
dedication and repetition. Sorry guys im keepin it 1000 here.lol Seriously
People think God is just a magic man, you pray to him, and he just gives
you stuff!
Indeed god does give you stuff though! He puts people in your life at
certain times for certain reasons. Those are to receive the lesson or the
blessing of that particular thing or relationship. With that dual combination
at hand it draws circumstances and emotions from you. With those you have
choices in how to proceed with your next move to make your next level up
in life. I remember being hypnotized once. Hypnosis is a very real tangible
thing! Have you ever been dreaming and had that dream disturbed? I'm sure
you have, you're in a state to be able to respond to whatever that distraction
may be, whether it be someone talking to you or that annoying obnoxious
alarm clock. However you are also still at a place to enjoy the dream, or
continue it! Those emotions and visuals in your subconscious mind feel so
real, so tangible, that you want it to continue, more than get up and enjoy
your present life!
Now I'm using this example for a few reasons. Just like being hypnotized,
you have to want it to be done. It's not magic, if you try to deny it it simply
won't happen. You have to put your trust in someone else, GOD or the
hypnotizer to guide you and give you the steps, tell you the actions to
take...Get it?...Also as well as the dream it shows that you can get
fulfillment from things other than "stuff" or even "love".  Just the
consciousness to know someone else is guiding you, you feel safe , assured,
even through adversity. So if it is love and success, your yearning, and
desiring, put faith in God and put your wants and needs on the backburner.
Its Ok to have these things, but just look out for the signs. When something
is not for you, trust in God and the signs he is revealing to your soul and or
presenting to you dead in your face. Some things and people are just not
FOR YOU!!!
Stop thinking you know better or your way is faster. He will definitely show
you who is in charge and who is the boss. I remember me and BF went
skydiving. I had gone prior to that time. I remember this is a person who
thought that kind of thing was crazy! Now here we are 18,000 ft in the sky
about to jump out of a freaking plane. I kept asking were they Ok and I to
myself was recollecting the experience in my brain. They were so
unbothered, and gave me three words that stuck with me forever "I GOT
FAITH". That was it , and I watched them just bounce out that plane like
shrrommmmm..lmao..I soon followed right after but that statement affected
my soul. So have faith, whatever is happening in life, believe there is a
reason for it. When someone hurts you, DON'T CRY, JUST THINK WHY.
What's the lesson to come out of it? What situations should I put or not put
myself into!. Faith is a feeling and once you have it it will change your
whole life and perspective. Like I stated earlier evaluate yourself and what
you bring to the table, as well as how to maximize those attributes. Figure
out what works, and will not work for you...We are all individuals..so be the
best version of you. If it's Love ,children or relationships you're wanting,
just focus on what I just said and have FAITH! Enjoy the journey it's not on
your time it's on GODs time enjoy your seasons and blessings as they
come!
  
 
 
In Your Dreams
When you Dream of Success
what do you see?

S
 
peaking of success lets elaborate. What's your definition of success?
Is it money love career fulfillment, children, giving back? What is it
that means the most to you that would make you content in life.
Notice keyword "content" because we know that success is not a guarantee
to happiness. A Lot of times we think we know what's best for us, but as
life goes on our feelings about things change. I always wanted to be an
educator since I was young. I looked up to certain teachers and followed
their transcriptions and remember them to this day. I honored the fact that a
particular person could teach me things that I didn't already know.
Also the fact I was learning things from someone other than my parents or
parents. I admit I'm a person who can be a little bit jaded at times. What I
mean by this is that I'm just a very opinionated individual. I'm that type of
person. I'm a people watcher! I love to sit back and observe others just as
much as I like to articulate!
I am inspired by example. I understand we all have the same 24 hours, so
for instance art. I love art and consider myself an artist as well. But if you
can't showcase your art or your work by example I can become less
engaged by what it is you're trying to show me.However if I see anything
I'm impressed with my personality type is more less motivated and not
deflated. If this person or that person can do this why can't I!! I feel I'm a
great awesome individual, but on the contrary not to the point of my ego not
being able to accept and appreciate other awesome qualities and
awesomeness.
I had a math teacher. He is awesome. He is from Korea and his English is
very bad. When you're trying to learn something like math, which can be a
foreign language to some working adults like myself, someone with English
not so good, sometimes hard to comprehend sounds like a terrible atrocious
nightmare. This man is smart though. Not for the obvious reasons. He
realized his weakness is his language barrier. So In order to connect to
others to demolish his disadvantage into a strength. By initially Bringing his
weakness to the class's attention from the gate, not taking himself too
seriously, making fun of it, what he did was disarm our pre judgement.
Bringing himself down to us ,the students level, although he is the leader of
the class he himself Had his faults. By tapping into us it made him more
relatable in contrast we became more teachable. He liked to tell a lot of
stories and contrast them to math in a way we all adults in the class can
understand and relate to. I myself see how it works and how effective it is. I
will apply that strategy to my craft as well. So as well as learning math I
picked up on a valuable asset that I can use as well!!! He is a smart dude, I
think it's great to learn while being taught something, but it's awesome to
also teach yourself While you're learning!!!So as far as success goes, I'm
pretty simple. Well kinda lol. I think the best thing to have in life is your
piece of mind. To me that's most important. I'd like to receive my doctorate.
No, I don't want to be a doctor, but that's the highest level of education
success that's obtainable. So why not shoot for something that will build my
character knowledge, success and status that is sitting there waiting for me.
It just takes hard work and dedication. Keeping your eyes on the prize. I
want to have my art in a gallery, publish books and I've seen it be done by
others which lets me know it can be done by me too. My ultimate goal is to
write or direct film.
The great thing about that is there isn't a time bracket or age you should be.
The more I enjoy my journey in life, treasure hunting, gaining experience
making mistakes and becoming better when it's time for that chapter I will
have more to talk/write about and be in a more creative space. It is not the
time for that but i'll enjoy the ride before the final destination.I realized
years ago I'm a caregiver. I love to help others. This can be good and bad.
Sometimes others can take your shine
Or drain your soul with you having nothing to gain yourself. So I want to
help people on a big stage. I feel like I'm a natural born leader, the best way
to help the most people is to lead by example. The most I make of myself
the longer I continue to achieve goals as well as new ones.I'm creating a
bigger stage and platform for myself. I'd just like to be on a stage to help
and motivate others. As well as encouraging individuals to help themselves.
When you generate the biggest attention, the biggest billboard it grabs you
baits you in. I'd like to be in that position where people want, not need to
listen to aspire others.
That's when
I feel I've become a success..,
Appreciate greatness in others.
Tarik Afi Kingdom
  
 
 
Analytical Conclusion
 

I n conclusion I just hope that you took this book and read it with a grain
of salt. You don't have to agree with everything that I said, however I'm
branching off new ideas for you to think about. These ideas will help
yourself grow as well as they help me grow reading them feeling them and
now even looking back at them. Love is a language that everyone speaks
and it's unavoidable in life. The reason why we are here is because either
two people loved each other, or two people lustedb  after each other and had
sex, now here I am reading to you in here are you are reading this book.
Take down notes on what things you may or may not agree with. You will
find things interesting coming that we are from completely different places
and had different experiences yet you should be able to obtain information
and relate to at least two or three things throughout these transcripts. So as I
opened up my journal ,my Memoir of my analytical confusion, My personal
clinical thoughts. We all come from different experiences and different
backgrounds, so I felt like instead of just telling you how I felt about certain
things, I gave you pieces of my background to give you a better interest
back of who exactly I am where I come from and how I think. Feel free to
share this book with others and see what they think of it. Make an
observation mate will look at it and see what he or she agrees and what they
don't agree with. A lot of people, especially women think about their
soulmates. Sometimes the line between your soulmate, marriage, and
relationships is simple. Just ask the right questions, communication and
trust is everything and everything that I said and spoke of if you don't have
those two things you won't have anything. So unpack this book and even if
you're out of your ideologies are different, look at your partner ask the right
questions,and even watch their behavior in the way that they move and
roundabout to see if this person is the one for you. Through my mind I'm
giving you something to think about. When it comes to success given
career, life, relationships it all boils down to decisions and exchanges of
ideas. Hopefully with my ideas I can give you a clearer understanding of
either yourself, or the person who you're spending time dating, for that
future person that you've been desperately desiring but haven't come across
yet in this lifetime. This is my life oh, this is my journey, This Is My Mind,
my Analytical Mind, this is analytical confusion.