Sexuality & Culture (2018) 22:497–520

https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-017-9481-3

ORIGINAL PAPER

Coming Out to Parents in Japan: A Sociocultural

Analysis of Lived Experiences

Masami Tamagawa1

Published online: 17 November 2017

 Springer Science+Business Media, LLC, part of Springer Nature 2017

Abstract While empirical studies on LGBT individuals coming out to their parents
are common in Western societies, these studies are rare in non-Western societies.
This article attempts to fill that void by shedding light on the experiences of
Japanese individuals coming out to their parents. The coming-out narratives of
Japanese LGBT individuals (N = 43) were examined. This study revealed three
important findings. (1) Similar to the findings of studies in Western societies,
Japanese LGBT individuals typically consider coming out to their fathers consid-
erably more difficult than coming out to their mothers. Moreover, many study
participants expressed the absence of a significant relationship with their fathers,
even before coming out—making coming out to their fathers unnecessary. (2)
Similar to the findings in previous studies, Japanese mothers’ responses are often
reactionary and abusive; in fact, a disproportionate number of Japanese lesbian,
bisexual female, and transgender Female-to-Male/X-gender individuals reported
their mothers’ markedly negative, personal responses, illustrating why some were
reluctant to come out to their mothers. (3) By contrast, Japanese gay and transgender
Male-to-Female/X-gender individuals reported their mothers’ responses were
comparatively undemonstrative. Also, they typically attribute their mothers’ nega-
tive responses to the fact that mothers are the solo overseers of heteronormative
norms at home. Overall, Japanese LGBT individuals’ experiences reveal the gen-
dered effects of Japanese sociocultural configuration, as well as the Japanese cul-
tural implication of disclosing one’s sexuality.

Keywords Coming out to parents
Japan
LGBT
Culture
Narrative

Heteronormativity

& Masami Tamagawa

mtamagaw@skidmore.edu
1
Department of World Languages and Literatures, Skidmore College, 815 North Broadway,
Saratoga Springs, NY, USA

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498 M. Tamagawa

Introduction

While empirical studies on LGBT individuals coming out to their parents are
common in Western societies, these studies are rare in non-Western societies. This
article attempts to fill that void by shedding light on the experiences of Japanese
individuals coming out to their parents. Some argue that it is nearly impossible to
come out in Japan (Horie 2008; Dasgupta 2005; Chalmers 2002), especially to
parents (Sambe 2014; Hidaka et al. 2008); in fact, Japan has relatively few openly-
gay individuals (Tamagawa 2017; Dvorak and Inada 2013). As is the case in many
non-Western societies, Japan has yet to enact legal protections for LGBT rights at
the national level (Tamagawa 2016; McLelland and Suganuma 2009; Lunsing
2005a, b).
Japanese society has its own cultural configuration that discriminates against the
LGBT community, discouraging LGBT individuals from coming out. The idea of
the traditional Japanese family has been institutionalized and perpetuated (Tokuhiro
2010), reinforcing its heteronormative norms (Dasgupta 2005) and, thus, system-
atically excluding LGBT individuals (Chalmers 2002; Kakefuda 1992). The
mainstream media’s (mis)representation and exploitation of flamboyant drag queens
(onee) as entertainment pawns in Japan (Ishida and Murakami 2006; McLelland
2000) has long reinforced the sexual inversion myth and denied LGBT individuals
entry into the mainstream Japanese society as they are deemed ‘‘okama’’ (faggot) or
‘‘hentai’’ (perverts). In recent years, following the so-called ‘‘gay boom’’ of the
1990s, a rich history of nanshoku (male color), a cultural tradition of male–male
sexual relationship in pre-modern Japan, has been ‘‘re-discovered’’ (Moriyama
2012) and yaoi (Boys’ Love) manga (comics) has become increasingly popular,
especially, among young girls (Nagaike 2003). Predictably, Japan’s significant
generational gap—one of the biggest in the world—is illustrative of Japanese
attitudes toward homosexuality, with older people expressing more opposition and
younger people being more accepting of the LGBT community (Ipsos 2013).
Furthermore, this article examines ‘‘coming out’’ as a cultural import—exploring its
transculturation in the Japanese context (Suganuma 2007). This article explores
coming out as a sociocultural practice in a non-Western society through an analysis
of LGBT individuals’ experiences of coming out to their parents in Japan.
Following a cursory review of the relevant literature in English and Japanese on
coming out to parents, this article discusses the Japanese sociocultural configuration
concerning the lives of LGBT individuals. Next, the article introduces and discusses
many of the major themes and issues related to the lived experiences of coming out
to parents in Japan. This study revealed three important findings. (1) Similar to the
findings of studies in Western societies, Japanese LGBT individuals typically
consider coming out to their fathers considerably more difficult than coming out to
their mothers. Moreover, many study participants expressed the absence of a
significant relationship with their fathers, even before coming out—making coming
out to their fathers unnecessary. (2) Similar to the findings in previous studies,
Japanese mothers’ responses are often reactionary and abusive; in fact, a
disproportionate number of Japanese lesbian, bisexual female, and transgender

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Coming Out to Parents in Japan: A Sociocultural Analysis… 499

Female-to-Male/X-gender (LBFtM/X) individuals reported their mothers’ markedly

negative, personal responses, illustrating why some were reluctant to come out to
their mothers. (3) By contrast, Japanese gay and transgender Male-to-Female/X-
gender (GMtF/X) individuals reported their mothers’ responses were comparatively
undemonstrative. Also, they typically attribute their mothers’ negative responses to
the fact that mothers are the solo overseers of heteronormative norms at home.
Overall, Japanese LGBT individuals’ experiences reveal the gendered effects of
Japanese sociocultural configuration, as well as the Japanese cultural implication of
disclosing one’s sexuality.

Coming Out to Parents

It is understood that coming out to parents is a milestone for many LGBT

individuals, typically occurring long after coming out to peers (Savin-Williams
2001). LGBT individuals decide to come out to their parents for various reasons.
Some may consider their parents to be important to them, so disclosing their
sexuality seems a necessary step to continue their familial relationships. Others may
feel obliged to inform their parents about their sexuality as they may be unable to
fulfill their expected heteronormative roles (Savin-Williams 1989).
By coming out, these individuals risk rejection by the very people that are most
important in their lives. Consequently, LGBT individuals may suffer from negative
feelings about their sexuality (Cox et al. 2011). Gay and lesbian youths typically do
not expect their parents to be supportive of their nontraditional sexual orientation
(Savin-Williams 2003). Instead, they fear rejection, ‘‘provoking parental guilt,
worsening the relationship with parents, being blamed, and hurting or disappointing
parents’’ (Savin-Williams and Ream 2003, p. 430).
When gay and lesbian youth come out to their parents, they typically disclose
their sexual identity to their mothers first and then their fathers (D’Augelli 2003;
Savin-Williams 1998). They usually feel more at ease telling their mother, because
they believe their mothers understand them better, and, thus, hope they will
understand their sexuality as well. Moreover, they expect from their mothers a less
angry response than potential verbal or/and physical abuse from their fathers (Savin-
Williams and Dubé 1998). However, their actual experiences are a little different
from that expectation; upon coming out, gay and lesbian youth tend to receive
verbal abuse more from their mothers than their fathers (D’Augelli 2003).
Some studies report that children come out to their mothers and fathers
differently. Mothers are typically told directly; fathers, indirectly. Israeli gays and
lesbians usually disclosed their sexuality to their mothers in face-to-face meetings,
whereas they came out to their fathers through a letter or indirectly through their
mothers (Ben-Ari 1995). A sample of Chicago youth, likewise, told their mothers
directly (Herdt and Boxer 1993), as did a sample of gay and lesbian youth in the
American Northeast (Rossi 2010).
The coming-out experience may also be influenced by sociocultural factors. For
example, Ryan (2003) contests the ‘‘relevance of the modernist ‘coming out’ story’’
in Ireland and illustrates a ‘‘uniquely Irish ‘coming out’ experience,’’ fashioned by

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the traditional Irish denominational forces. Grierson and Smith (2005), on the other
hand, examine generational differences in coming out in Australia, arguing that the
practice of coming out reflects changes in the broader sociocultural context. Some
studies question the cogency of coming out in non-Western cultural contexts. For
example, Chou (2000) proposes ‘‘going home’’ with their boyfriends and
introducing them as ‘‘just a friend,’’ in order to avoid shaming their families in
Confucian Singapore. In addition, Yip’s (2004) study demonstrates how homosex-
uality is culturally censored and seen as a ‘‘Western disease’’ (p. 340) among ethnic
Muslims in England.
There are few empirical studies on coming out to parents in Japan, beyond a
number of anecdotal accounts (Otsuji 2005; Yanase and Ito 2001), which, although
courageous, are typically overly optimistic. Sambe (2014), through in-depth
interviews with 19 LGB individuals and 16 parents of LGB children, suggests that
coming out to parents is an exceptionally critical decision for Japanese LGB
children for their own survival. It is difficult for Japanese LGBT children to become
independent, because of the lack of legal protection for sexual minorities, Japan’s
economic recession, and the strong stigma Japanese society poses on LGBT
children and their parents, especially on their mothers. Also, some studies have even
found an ambivalence toward coming out in Japan. According to REACH Online
2007 (2008), an online health report of gay and bisexual men, about 8% of the
participants have come out to both parents, 6% to mothers, and less than 1% to
fathers.
Using online survey data from 136 LGBT individuals in Japan, a recent
quantitative study by the author examines reasons Japanese LGBT individuals
cannot come out, especially to their parents. The data suggest that: (1) the majority
of Japanese individuals consider coming out a desirable choice; (2) it is
considerably more difficult to come out to parents than to coworkers or
schoolmates; still, their experiences at work and school may not be wholly positive;
(3) between parents, although it is considered more difficult to come out to fathers
than to mothers, the experience of coming out to mothers is significantly less
favorable in Japan; (4) and, the coming-out experience of MtF/X stands out, with
the most difficult coming-out experience being to one’s mother and the easiest being
to school mates (Tamagawa 2017).

Coming Out in Japan from a Transnational Perspective

In the 1990s, Japan observed the first wave of coming out when the loanword
‘‘kamingu auto’’ (coming out) or ‘‘kamuauto’’ (come out), an American import,
appeared during the so-called ‘‘gay boom,’’ initiated by the media (Moriyama
2012). Some of the pioneering ‘‘coming out’’ events in Japan include the
publications of Puraibēto gei raifu (Private Gay Life) (1991) by Fushimi, a gay
activist, and Rezubian de aru to iu koto (On Being a Lesbian) (1992) by Kakefuda, a
lesbian writer. These groundbreaking works were followed by a number of ‘‘coming
out’’ publications by a wide variety of authors, including writers, activists, singers,

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teachers, politicians, and scholars, in which each disclosed their respective

sexuality.
Similar to the traditional term ‘‘kokuhaku’’ (confession), as in Mishima’s Kamen
no Kokuhaku (Confession of a Mask) (1949), the phrase has been used to mean
‘‘disclosure,’’ not restricted to self-identifying as LGBT in contemporary Japanese
society. Also, Suganuma’s (2007) study aptly suggests that coming out in Japan is a
cultural hybrid, as there are ‘‘multiple axes incorporated into [Japanese] queer
identity formation in the context of globalization’’ (p. 485). As the phrase was
widely appropriated, albeit in popular culture, some Japanese scholars offered an
analysis of major LGBT events in the emerging discourse of ‘‘coming out’’ in Japan.
For example, referring to the lawsuit over the Tokyo Metropolitan Government’s
homophobic decision to preclude homosexual groups from using Youth Centers
(seinen no i.e.), Kazama (2002), a gay scholar and activist, points out for the
Japanese reader the ‘‘politics of coming out,’’ highlighting the notion that coming
out involves a resistance to heteronormative society.
Some scholars question the relevance and viability of coming out in the Japanese
context, when adapting the notion from the American LGBT rights movement. For
example, Fushimi, in his Puraibēto gei raifu, casts doubt upon the feasibility of a
‘‘gay identity’’ in Japan (McLelland 2010; Harada 2001). Others pointed out that
Japanese ethnic identity or nationalistic sentiments may overshadow its sociopo-
litical effects. For instance, due to Japan’s relative lack of religious controls over
sexuality, there is a widespread assumption that Japan is ‘‘tolerant’’ (kanyō) of
sexual diversity (Kawaguchi et al. 1997—exemplified by a relative lack of anti-
sodomy laws in Japan (Tamaki 2011). Without apparent oppressive forces, the idea
that coming out is a political act lacks legitimacy. Also, some Japanese lesbians
have voiced ‘‘the impossibility of coming out.’’ The term ‘‘rezubian’’ or ‘‘rezu’’
(lesbian) has been exclusively used and associated with Japan’s so-called pink films
(soft adult films for straight men). In this regard, many Japanese lesbians expressed
reservations with espousing the nomenclature that connotes sexual fantasies for
straight men (Horie 2008; Kakefuda 1992). Kakefuda (1992) insightfully com-
mented that Japanese LGBT individuals seem ‘‘tolerated’’ as long as they remain as
the LGBT Other; yet, they are rarely welcomed as LGBT members of mainstream
society.

The LGBT Community’s Place in Japanese Society and Culture

Rooted in Confucianism, the traditional Japanese family system was defined as a

basic unit of Japanese society in the Meiji Constitution (1890), enforcing various
familial duties on its members based on gender and seniority (Sano and Yasumoto
2014). Although the old system was abolished in postwar Japan, Japan’s family
tradition persists, due mainly to the national family registry called ‘‘koseki’’ (Horie
2010). Remaining nearly unchanged, Japan’s family registry continues to oblige all
Japanese households to register their family members based on the traditional
family system. Each family registry is hierarchically organized, thus subjugating
women and excluding LGBT individuals (Tamagawa 2016). It also requires every

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family member to adopt the same family name (White 2014), thereby perpetuating
the idea of the patriarchal as well as heteronormative family as the basic unit of
Japanese society (Tamagawa 2016).
Another major characteristic of the family in postwar Japan is the so-called
absentee father (chichioya fuzai). Due to a prevailing image of the father as the
breadwinner, Japanese fathers are committed to work, often leaving their families
behind physically and emotionally. Single posting (tanshin funin), overtime
(zangyō), and long commuting hours (chō jikan tsūkin) are considered among the
main causes of the absentee fathers. Complementing the absentee father
phenomenon, the so-called ‘‘education mother syndrome’’ (kyōiku mama shin-
dorōmu) has arisen, by which a Japanese mother is expected to be the ‘‘everyday
instiller of everyday education’’ of her child(ren) (Allison 1996, p. 136). Japanese
mothers are considered the solo overseer of childrearing (Tokuhiro 2010).
Japanese heteronormative norms compel Japanese men to find jobs and become
good family providers. At work, male workers are regarded as ‘‘full-fledged men’’
(ichininmae no otoko) only after they marry and have children (Dasgupta 2005).
Japanese women, on the other hand, based on ideology of Japanese motherhood
(bosei), which urges them to become mothers, are expected to marry, then bear and
raise children (Chalmers 2002); thus becoming ‘‘good wives and wise mothers’’
(ryōsai kenbo). In addition, the maintenance and continuation of the family is
regarded as one of the most important facets of Japanese families (Sano and
Yasumoto 2014). Under such sociocultural conditions, some Japanese parents inflict
difficult burdens on their LGBT children, for example, by demanding they live as
heterosexuals and procreate like everyone else (Kawaguchi et al. 1997).
Despite a widespread belief that Japan is ‘‘tolerant’’ of sexual diversity, two
distinct forms of homophobia operate in contemporary Japanese society: quiet
(otonashii) homophobia and familial (uchi) homophobia (Tamagawa 2016). In the
public domain, although the heteronormative ideology prevails, homophobic
sentiments are not directly expressed, due to the Japanese cultural emphasis on
maintaining ‘‘good’’ public stance (tatemae)—equivalent to Goffman’s ‘‘working
consensus’’ (McVeigh 2013). Familial homophobia, by contrast, is aimed at one’s
own family members, as well as those in one’s inner circle (Shulman 2009). As
noted above, the family is the basic unit of Japanese society; therefore, the family is
the context where homophobic sentiments are most expressed (Tamagawa 2016). A
recent study on Japanese attitudes toward homosexuality reveals that the more
closely related one is to an LGBT person, the more likely they are to find
homosexuality ‘‘unpleasant’’ (iya) (Sankei News 2015). Another study based on the
World Value Survey (2010–2014) discovered that Japan’s oldest generation (60s
and older) is one of the most intolerant, while the nation’s youngest (20s) is one of
the most tolerant of homosexuality. Japan’s generational gap in attitudes toward
homosexuality is the largest among 57 countries worldwide (Maida 2015).
Japanese mainstream media is notoriously ‘‘queer’’ (Miller 2000) or ‘‘hentai,’’ a
popular umbrella term for those with an ‘‘abnormal’’ sexuality (McLelland 2006).
Flashy transgender MtFs, even transsexual MtFs, are often featured as entertainment
pawns, especially, on ‘‘variety shows,’’ while the other LGBT identities are notably
absent (McLelland 2000). In fact, very few famous people have come out in Japan

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(Dvorak and Inada 2013). Gays and transgender/transsexual MtFs are typically
referred to as ‘‘hentai’’ or ‘‘okama,’’ derogatory terms associated with sexual
perverts or effeminate men, while lesbians and transgender/transsexual FtMs are
referred to as ‘‘onabe’’ to a lesser extent (Lunsing 2005a, b). Given this condition, it
is arguable that Japanese heteronormativity as well as ‘‘sexual inversion’’
stereotypes are culturally reconstructed and perpetuated through the mainstream
media. However, Japanese gay men who do not appear ‘‘feminine’’ and ‘‘pass’’ as
‘‘normal’’ are often oversexualized and depicted as sexual predators in Japan’s
entertainment media (McLelland 2000).
There are also some examples of cross-gender performance in Japan, including
the Kabuki Theater and the Takarazuka Revue. Kabuki is one of Japan’s traditional
theaters and typically attracts older generations. Kabuki is performed only by men,
and one of its main attractions is its onna-gata (female-roles), who perform as
idealized traditional Japanese women (Robertson 1998). Takarazuka, on the other
hand, is an all-female theater, founded early last century. Its fan base is made up of
young schoolgirls, who idolize its otoko-yaku (male-roles). Unlike Kabuki’s onna-
gata, otoko-yaku are typically modern and androgynous (Robertson 1998).
Japan also bears a number of examples of homosexual relationships in its cultural
traditions, notably, nanshoku. Nanshoku refers to an intimate relationship between a
younger adolescent male and an older adult male that involves sexual acts, like
pederasty in ancient Greece. It is believed to have been widely practiced in Japan in
pre-modern times. During the Edo period (1603–1868), nanshoku evolved into
wakashū-dō (the way of youths). As ‘‘dō’’ (way) connotes an ethical tone, similar to
kadō (flower arrangement), it was pursued and perfected, typically, by samurai men
as well as wealthy merchant-class men (Kawaguchi and Kazama 2010; Leupp
1995). There were reference books, with illustrations, that discussed idealized
wakashū-dō (Kawaguchi and Kazama 2010; Leupp 1995). Men who relished
nanshoku were called ‘‘nanshoku-ka’’ (pederasts). They were usually married and
otherwise led a ‘‘normal’’ life. These men did not identify themselves as
‘‘homosexual’’; in fact, the term ‘‘dōsei-ai,’’ a translation of the English term
‘‘homosexuality,’’ was first introduced to the Japanese only in the beginning of the
last century (Furukawa and Lockyer 1994). Edo art and literature depicted many
instances of nanshoku relationships (Pflugfelder 1997), which are often ‘‘roman-
ticized’’ and ‘‘glorified’’ (Chalmers 2002, p. 18).
Lastly, Japan also has a few LGBT-inclusive subcultures. The so-called yaoi
(Boys’ Love) comics, which focus on romantic relationships between effeminate
young boys, have been popular since the 1970s, among young schoolgirls,
especially the so-called fujoshi (the rotten girls) (Zangellini 2009). Yuri (Girls’
Love) comics, less popular than the former, center around intimate relationships
between women (Nagaike 2010). In addition, since the rediscovery of a pre-modern
cultural tradition of nanshoku during the ‘‘gay boom’’ of the 1990s, Japanese
society, especially in the new millennium, has observed an increasing number of BL
nihonshi (Boys Love Japanese History) titles, a new subgenre of yaoi, as well as
popular publications (ippansho) concerning nanshoku. Many of the titles often
involve a sensationalized account of a well-known historical figure, who is assumed
to be involved a male–male sexual relationship, as well as a comic version of a well-

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known nanshoku literature title. On the other hand, there is the so-called lolicon
(Lolita Complex), a subculture, for young boys, which is typically sexist and centers
around prepubescent young girls, who are overly sexualized and scantily clad
(Takatsuki 2009).

Method

This study’s data were pulled from a larger project I conducted on ‘‘Coming out of
the closet in Japan.’’ This project surveyed Japanese LGBT individuals on a popular
web survey site from May 27 to July 21, 2015. Methods of recruitment varied: the
great majority through cooperation with a number of Japanese LGBT associations
and the rest by indirect solicitation through social network services. The online
survey allowed me to reach a wide range of LGBT individuals in Japan. The
participants were encouraged to comment on or explain their answers in their own
words throughout the survey questionnaire, thereby allowing me to collect a wider
range of answers than closed-ended questions alone. In addition, follow-up
questions were sent to those who had expressed an interest in further elaboration.

Participants

There were 136 valid survey responses. The survey questionnaire asked various
categories of questions, including attitudes toward coming out and coming-out
experiences. Sixty-five out of 109, including those who could have come out (nearly
60%), responded that they had come out to their mothers, while 36 out of 93 (39%)
to their fathers. The average age for coming out to one’s mother is 23 years old,
while 23.9 to one’s father. Table 1 shows some of the major characteristics of the 43
participants. Roughly even numbers of LGBT participants are examined, except that
there is only one bisexual male participant. In addition, there is one female
participant who identified as pansexual. Their age groups vary from as young as
18 years old to those in their 50s, while those in their 20s or younger make up about
half of the participants. About two-thirds of the participants have some college or
higher education. The majority are either students or regular company employees.
About half of the participants live in urban areas.

Results

Case Study 1 (Mina, Lesbian, Early 20s)

When… in high school, I went to see… movie[s] on occasion with a male

classmate,… a childhood friend. My mother liked him, so repeatedly asked,
‘Why don’t you date that boy?’… While doing karaoke once, I couldn’t bear it
anymore,… I went to the bathroom and cried. Since then, I could no longer
tolerate the sight of him. I became overwhelmed with worries and paralyzed

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Coming Out to Parents in Japan: A Sociocultural Analysis… 505

Table 1 Participants (narratives)

# Namea LGBT Age Highest level of Employment status Area of
identity group education residence

1 Haruto Gay Early Some college Student Urban

20s
22 Yui Bisexual 18/19 Some college Student Suburbia
female
26 Yūto Gay Early High school Other Rural
20s
29 Yuki Transgender 40s High school Other Urban
Mt?
51 Rui Transgender 30s Bachelor’s degree Employed—regular Urban
FtM
56 Yuna Lesbian Late Some college Employed— Suburbia
20s temp/part-time
59 Hina Bisexual Early Some graduate Student Rural
female 20s school
68 Sora Transgender 40s High school Self-employed Suburbia
FtM
69 Mina Lesbian Early Some college Student Urban
20s
71 Kei Transgender Late Bachelor’s degree Employed— Urban
FtX 20s temp/part-time
80 Sōta Gay Late Bachelor’s degree Employed—regular Urban
20s
82 Hayato Gay 40s High school Employed— Urban
temp/part-time
92 Haruki Gay 30s Vocational school Employed—regular Urban
95 Rio Bisexual 30s Middle school Other Rural
female
106 Mei Bisexual Late High school Employed— Urban
female 20s temp/part-time
116 Haru Transgender 40s Bachelor’s degree Other Urban
MtF
120 Ayumu Transgender 30s Middle school Other n/a
MtF
137 Akihisa Gay 50s Vocational school Self-employed Urban
140 Mio Lesbian 40s Vocational school Other Urban
147 Sōsuke Gay 40s Bachelor’s degree Self-employed Urban
155 Aika Pansexual 18/19 Some vocational Student Urban
female school
160 Hiroki Gay Early Some college Student Urban
20s
164 Saki Lesbian 40s High school Self-employed Suburbia
170 Mirai Transgender 40s Graduate degree Other Urban
MtF
186 Tatsuya Gay 40s College degree Employed -regular Suburbia

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Table 1 continued

# Namea LGBT Age Highest level of Employment status Area of

identity group education residence

187 Kokona Bisexual 30s Bachelor’s degree Employed— Urban

female temp/part-time
188 Nagisa Transgender Early Vocational school Other Urban
FtM 20s
202 Shion Transgender 30s Bachelor’s degree Self-employed Urban
FtX
204 Haruka Lesbian 18/19 Some college Student Suburbia
205 Tomo Transgender Early Some college Student Suburbia
FtX 20s
210 Akari Lesbian Late High school Self-employed Rural
20s
212 Momoka Lesbian Early High school Employed— Suburbia
20s temp/part-time
213 Sōma Gay Early Some college Student Rural
20s
256 Tsubasa Transgender Early Some college Student Suburbia
FtM 20s
267 Satoshi Gay 40s Bachelor’s degree Employed—regular Rural
279 Sakura Bisexual Early Some college Student Suburbia
female 20s
310 Jun Transgender Late Bachelor’s degree Employed—regular Suburbia
MtF 20s
315 Aki Transgender Late High school Employed— Rural
FtX 20s temp/part-time
317 Kaito Bisexual Early Some college Student Urban
male 20s
323 Yūsei Gay 30s Some graduate Employed—regular Urban
school
325 Kazu Transgender Early Some graduate Student Urban
FtM 20s school
328 Yume Lesbian 40s Graduate degree Employed—regular Urban
370 Sara Bisexual Late Vocational school Other Suburbia
female 20s
a
All names are pseudonyms

with a fear I couldn’t explain[,] but would bring me to tears… Now,… when I
recall these memories, I become upset, so I can’t see him. I felt guilty not
being able to respond to my mother’s expectations and to bear her grandchild.
I always blame myself. (All translations are mine unless otherwise noted.)

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Coming Out to Parents in Japan: A Sociocultural Analysis… 507

Mina, originally from a prefecture on the coast of the Sea of Japan, noted that she
came out to her mother at age 16, about one year after her ‘‘happy’’ experience
coming out to high school classmates.
Encouraged by her positive coming-out experience at high school, Mina
expressed her optimism and explained her coming out to her mother as: ‘‘I felt that I
had a debt to pay (to her).’’ Mina also ‘‘felt guilty about not being able to give her
mother a grandchild.’’ Mina’s mother, however, dismissed her coming out as a
‘‘temporary adolescent thing’’ and, at the same time, set her up with one of Mina’s
childhood friends ‘‘in the fashion of a marriage meeting (omiai).’’ Albeit against her
will, Mina participated in the ‘‘marriage meeting,’’ out of sympathy for her mother.
‘‘I thought that, when my parents’ work friends and our close relatives and
neighbors… got to know my sexuality, some of them might think my mother raised
me wrong and hurt her feelings saying cruel things to her.’’
After finishing high school, Mina left home to attend a university in Tokyo. Then,
after five long years, Mina came home with her girlfriend. ‘‘Is she your girlfriend?’’
her mother demanded. Instead of answering, Mina determinedly responded, ‘‘What
do you think about it?’’ A long fight ensued. Yet, this time Mina did not give into
her mother’s unreasonable demands until her mother finally accepted her second
coming-out. Evidently Mina’s painful experience of coming out to her mother,
including self-blame, is engraved in her memory and continues to greatly affect her
sexuality and her relationship with her mother.
Another important aspect of Mina’s coming-out story is her father’s absence.
Mina reports that she has not come out to her father and views coming out to her
father as more difficult than to her mother. When asked why, Mina explains,
I can’t have a friendly conversation with him. During my adolescence,
especially, we fought a lot. I have never talked with him more than
30 minutes. By the end of each conversation, we always fought and my father
yelled at me or chased me away. So, I think coming out [to him] would be
difficult.
Further, Mina explains, ‘‘I’ve never had or will [never] be able to have a heart-to-
heart talk with him’’; thus, she is not planning on coming out to him.
As extreme as these comments sound, Mina’s experience with her mother as well
as her view of her father are suggestive of the station of Japanese parents in the lives
of LGBT individuals in contemporary Japanese society.

Coming Out to Father

The Traditional Father

Mirroring the typical images of the traditional father, Japanese participants

described their fathers as ‘‘conservative’’ (Mirai, MtF, 40s), ‘‘strict with himself
and with others’’ (Sara, bi-female, late 20s), and ‘‘sexist’’ (Momoka, lesbian, early
20s). Haru’s (MtF, 40s) comment aptly captures these characteristics:

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My father usually doesn’t say much. I came out to him when he was with my
mother and relatives. He showed no reaction. It wasn’t like he was ignoring
me. He really doesn’t show his feelings or say anything on such an occasion. I
thought that I couldn’t help. It really didn’t matter, because I just wanted to
inform him. Nothing could have changed anyway.
As Haru explains, many participants appear to communicate minimally with their
fathers. Tsubasa (FtM, early 20s) explains, ‘‘My family is a quiet family. My father,
especially, doesn’t say much, so I grew up not having much conversation with him.
I feel it’s difficult to start a conversation with him.’’ Accordingly, Tsubasa finds it
particularly difficult to come out to his father. Another participant noted that her
‘‘father fell in silence’’ upon her coming out (Akari, lesbian, late 20s).
Some believe their fathers are prejudiced against LGBT individuals. Momoka
noted, ‘‘When watching TV, my father makes fun of homosexual people.’’
Likewise, another participant explains, ‘‘I’m reluctant to come out to my father,
because I often see his prejudiced behavior against sexual minorities’’ (Rui, FtM,
30s). One MtF participant came out to her father and described that upon coming
out, ‘‘He yelled at me, ‘Be a man!’’’ (Yuki, Mt?, 40s). Not surprisingly, many
participants expressed reservations about coming out to their chauvinistic fathers.
Naturally, similar to the findings in previous studies, a number of participants
said that they ‘‘came out’’ to their fathers indirectly, typically through their mothers:
‘‘I came out to him via my mother’’ (Sora, FtM, 40s); ‘‘My mother has already told
my father about my sexuality’’ (Kaito, bi-male, early 20s); ‘‘My mother sent him a
long email message about my coming out’’ (Akari). Similarly, Kazu (FtM, early
20s) wrote, ‘‘Instead of coming out to him by myself, my mother told him for me.’’

The Japanese Father

A recurring theme regarding Japanese fathers is their physical as well as emotional

unavailability, due typically to the absentee father social phenomenon. One
participant explains that she has not come out to her father because ‘‘[h]e currently
works on a temporary post away from the family, so I really don’t see him much’’
(Haruka, lesbian, 18/19). Some participants are not able to relate to their fathers, due
to long single-posting company assignments. Another wrote, ‘‘I don’t live with him,
so [my coming out] wouldn’t affect him’’; thus, she does not plan to come out to
him (Ayumu, MtF, 30s).
Moreover, while previous studies suggest that LGBT individuals feel compelled
to come out to both parents, more or less, equally, albeit in different ways, the
present study found that a number of Japanese participants consider coming out to
their fathers to be unimportant. One participant noted, ‘‘I think he’ll understand, but
I don’t think it’s necessary [to come out to him]’’ (Yūto, gay, early 20s). Some
participants even expressed that they do not consider their fathers to be important in
their lives. Shion (FtM, 30s) wrote, ‘‘Things haven’t been going well with my
father. I considered him as my father for only a very short time in my life.’’ Some
participants do not seem to care if their fathers already know, or what their reactions
will be when they find out. Nagisa (FtM, early 20s) noted, ‘‘I guess my mother told

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Coming Out to Parents in Japan: A Sociocultural Analysis… 509

him.’’ Another noted, ‘‘I don’t know what his reaction was, because my mother told
him’’ (Haruto, gay, early 20s).
In addition, one lesbian participant complained about one of the difficulties when
she came out to her father. ‘‘[My father] wanted to ask me sexual things. I think
adult film has a strong influence on him,’’ referring to the popular lesbian pink films
(Mio, lesbian, 40s).

Case Study 2 (Yui, Bi-female, 18/19)

Yui, a bisexual female college student in Tokyo, insightfully reflects on the different
experiences she had coming out to her parents:
I was able to communicate with my father in Japanese, unlike my mother who
was confused and screaming…. I gained nothing after coming out to my
father, but he didn’t take anything away from me. However, my mother took
away a lover, a few friends, and a positive spirit from me, in addition to the
trusting relationship between us.
Her experience with her father was likely not favorable; yet, unlike her mother, her
father responded calmly. Yui explains,
When I came out to my mother, she told me to ‘correct’ it. I was so
humiliated…. She called me things like, ‘a pervert,’ ‘disgusting,’ and ‘the
shame of the family,’ and ordered me to sever connections with the family,
remove my name from the family registry, and separate from my girlfriend.
She also mentioned that she wouldn’t give me a [family] bank-book until I
married a man.
Yui intends to comply with her mother’s future plans for her.
According to my mother, my future plans (still) include marriage, bearing, and
raising a baby. When my mother found out, both of us were hurt, so we
pretended that nothing happened. She told me to marry someone [of the
opposite sex]. I didn’t object to it. I thought she was right. So, for now, I am
planning on finding someone through a marriage meeting.

Case Study 3 (Yūsei, Gay, 30s)

When I came out to my mother, she said, ‘I knew it, so don’t say any more’
and cried. So, I couldn’t explain to her well [at that time]. My mother told me
to be careful with the disease [HIV/AIDS] and not to wear women’s clothes.
She also told me not to come out to my father, because she thought that he
wouldn’t be able to understand anyway…. It took four years for me to explain
to her. Now, everyone, including my family, friends, and coworkers, recognize
that I’m gay. I don’t need to lie. And, I have a same-sex partner. I think that
being gay is the foundation of my happiness.

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510 M. Tamagawa

Yūsei, a gay graduate student in Osaka, is happy that he came out to his mother after
all, although his experience is suggestive of some of the major stereotypes and
issues LGBT individuals experience when they come out.

Coming Out to Mother

Mothers Know Better

Similar to previous findings, Japanese participants of various sexualities/gender

identities stated they feel closer to their mothers, and, because their mothers
understand them better it is easier to come out to them. One participant explains
why he will come out to his mother first. ‘‘My mother closely watches and looks
after me. Also, I have more conversation with her than with my father’’ (Hayato,
gay, 40s). A similar optimism regarding coming out to one’s mother is noted by
other participants.
My mother knows that I don’t want to wear women’s clothes. She didn’t
welcome that at some time before, but she became gradually used to it. I feel
that, likewise, she’ll accept my sexuality as a matter-of-fact. I don’t think she
fully understands my sexuality, but I hope that she already knows, ‘I don’t like
to live as a woman.’ (Tsubasa)
Although his mother was surprised at first, he hopes she will get used to it, even if
she may not be able to understand.
There were a number of participants who had favorable coming out experiences
with their mothers. Their mothers were understanding and sympathetic saying
things like: ‘‘You didn’t do anything wrong or inconvenience others’’ (Yūto); ‘‘You
are still my pride’’ (Haruto); ‘‘I’m sorry that you couldn’t tell me and had a hard
time’’ (Yume, lesbian, 40s); and ‘‘You should have come out to me sooner’’ (Mei,
bi-female, late 20s). Another participant stated, ‘‘My mother enthusiastically asked
me various things about LGBT. We often watch TV shows featuring LGBT issues’’
(Shion). Thus, there are ‘‘hearty’’ (Satoshi, gay, 40s) Japanese mothers who are
understanding of and/or eager to learn more about their LGBT children.
Some Japanese subcultural genres, including manga (comics) and anime
(Japanese animation), are more LGBT inclusive. Kei (FtX, late 20s) explains that
because his mother is open to and familiar with LGBT people, their relationship did
not change after he came out.
[O]ne of the reasons our relationship didn’t change after my coming out is that
my mother likes manga (comics) that include gender-neutral characters… and
characters that look the opposite gender…. Also, she reads some manga titles
related to LGBT people in manga magazines.

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Coming Out to Parents in Japan: A Sociocultural Analysis… 511

Japanese Mothers and Their LBFtM/X ‘‘Children’’

Reactionary Responses

In sharp contrast to understanding mothers, a number of the participants,

particularly LBFtM/X participants, including Mina, met with harsh reactionary
responses after coming out to their mothers. Yui’s mother verbally abused her,
adamantly refused to accept her, and ordered her to ‘‘correct’’ her sexuality.
Similarly, Yuna’s (lesbian, late 20s) mother called her ‘‘psychotic,’’ told her that she
was ‘‘the shame of the family,’’ told her ‘‘don’t tell anyone,’’ and did not let her
leave the house. Afterwards, the participant noted that she had to leave home, so she
created a family registry for herself and became estranged from her family. She
added, ‘‘There is nothing positive about my sexuality in my life.’’ Her mother’s
punitive reactionary response to her coming out had a profound impact on her and
her sexuality.
Some mothers refuse to accept or will ignore it when their ‘‘children’’ come out.
Kazu describes, ‘‘When I came out to my mother, she… said, ‘You are a woman,
aren’t you?’ I felt irritated.’’ Another explains that her mother ignored her, ‘‘I told
my mother that I didn’t want to live as a woman any more. But, nothing followed
and nothing changed. She disregards what I worry about seriously, so nothing really
changed’’ (Tomo, FtX, early 20s).
Some mothers tried to dismiss it as a ‘‘typical adolescent thing.’’ Similar to
Mina’s mother’s reaction above—that it was a ‘‘temporary adolescent thing’’—Hina
(bi-female, early 20s) wrote, ‘‘My mother said that it’s probably an admiration for
someone of the same-sex typical among adolescents.’’ Another describes that her
mother has been ‘‘bewildered’’ for six years since her coming out (Aki, FtX, late
20s). On the other hand, Sakura (bi-female, early 20s) describes that her mother
endlessly nags her, hoping that, because she is bisexual, she will bring home
boyfriends and not girlfriends.
When I came out to my mother, I was a little hurt because she said she would
accept [my coming out] but [bisexuality] is disgusting…. After that, she
sometimes grumbles about it saying, ‘I can’t understand it after all. I accepted
[your coming out,] but it’s disgusting,’ so I feel irritated. When I began to like
a man, she looked relieved. She told me once, ‘Bring a boyfriend home, not a
girlfriend.’

Reasons Not to Come Out: Internalized Mothers’ Parental Responsibilities

A number of participants, typically LBFtM/X ‘‘children,’’ stated they are not

planning on coming out to their mothers, because they fear hurting their mothers’
feelings; this fear is common. Rui, similar to Mina above, wrote, ‘‘I haven’t come

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out to my mother, because I worry that she would blame herself thinking she gave
birth to and raised me improperly.’’
Some participants feel obliged to their mothers already and are afraid that their
sexuality would become another source of worry or a burden for their mothers. Rio
(bi-female, 30s) explains, ‘‘I think, in fact, my mother already knows [my sexuality]
and also shows her support of [LGBT] people on TV news. But, I can’t decide if I
want to give another source of worry to her. She is old.’’ Essentially, some
participants—aware of their mothers’ overwhelming parental responsibilities—are
discouraged from coming out to them.
Kokona (bi-female, 30s) explains that her mother’s desire for grandchildren is
why she cannot tell her she is bisexual. ‘‘I introduced my partner to my mother as a
friend. They are on good terms. But, my mother said, ‘One of my dreams… is to
hold my daughter’s baby in my arms.’ I can’t make it true, so I really can’t come out
to her.’’ Saki (lesbian, 40s), on the other hand, explained that the generation gap was
a major obstacle in coming out to her mother, believing that her mother would not
be able to understand [her sexuality] at all. Another lesbian participant explains why
her mother opposes her sexuality: ‘‘My mother is expecting me to take care of her in
her old age. She really hated my partner’’ (Mio). Taking care of parents in their old
age is another important aspect of the traditional Japanese family, which requires
the continuation of the family.

Case Study 4 (Haru, MtF, 40s)

Haru lives with her family in Tokyo and helps her family’s business.
When I came out to my mother, she asked me what a gender identity was and
what I wanted to do from there on. She also asked…, ‘Do you have to be that
way? Can’t you do anything about it? Can you make a baby? Even when you
live as a woman, can’t you have a partner to make a baby?’…. I didn’t think
she understood [my gender identity] properly. But, I thought that she was
trying to absorb it in her terms. She worried about many things, including an
heir for the family, and also blamed herself…. My mother was raised in an
older fashion way, so her view is biased toward the family and she is upright
and stubborn…. I feel that she is trying to understand [my coming out] in her
[own] way.
His mother is sympathetic and trying to understand her ‘‘son’s’’ gender identity; yet,
she is a traditional Japanese mother who fixates on one of the core values of the
Confucian family: the maintenance of the family line through a son. Haru’s mother
expects her to make an heir, even using reproductive technology against her will.
I was an heir to the family, so my mother had wanted a grandchild…. I think
she had perhaps held on to find out if there was anything she could do about
me. I told her that I couldn’t do anything about it…. She asked me if I could
still make a baby. I told her that I was not sexually attracted to women. Also, I

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told her that I didn’t feel right about [the use of reproductive technologies like]
sperm banking. I explained to her that the use of such a technology would
create more of a complicated situation and I wouldn’t be able to cope with it.

Japanese Mothers and Their MtF/X and Gay ‘‘Children’’

A number of other MtF/X participants believe that Japanese heteronormative norms

were to blame for their mothers’ difficult reactions. Like Haru’s mother, two major
concerns for Japanese mothers are the maintenance of one’s family line and public
perception. Some mothers told their children to lead ‘‘normal’’ lives. Jun (MtF, late
20s), another MtF participant, explains,
My mother… worried about keeping up appearances to the public and didn’t
feel right that I was trying to deviate from my physical nature…. She also
requested that I do not come out to others for the same reason. Further, she
told me to marry someone as a man. I said firmly, ‘It’s impossible in my
heart.’
Jun’s mother still objects to her gender identity, so she thinks ‘‘it’s going to be a life-
time fight.’’ One of the most difficult aspects of this participant’s coming out was
her mother’s concern over public perception, asking her to marry a woman to keep
up appearances in public. This stubborn reaction was present with other mothers of
MtF/X participants.
Coming-out experiences for Japanese gays were noticeably similar. Sōsuke (gay,
40s) explains, ‘‘We have quarreled over [my sexuality] for the last 15 years. Now,
my feeling for her is gone.’’ Some were told to hold their ‘‘private matter’’ within
themselves after coming out. Sōsuke noted, ‘‘My mother told me that it’s a private
matter, so lead a [‘normal’] life carrying it on my shoulder for the sake of the
family.’’ Some participants blamed the difficulty of coming out in Japanese society
on mainstream media stereotypes. Sōma (gay, early 20s) describes his mother’s
reaction upon his coming out: ‘‘When I came out to my mother, she cried and asked
me, ‘You said you were gay, so are you an onee?’’’ Haruki (gay, 30s) explains that
he came out to his mother to correct her misunderstanding: ‘‘My mother raised me
telling me that I would become a transsexual person (the so-called new half or nyū
hāfu). So, I came out to her, saying I wouldn’t.’’ His mother was not aware of the
difference between gay and transsexual, and inadvertently asked her gay son to
become transsexual.
A similar concern was voiced by some female participants. One bisexual female
participant worried that her mother would misunderstand: ‘‘It was very difficult for
me to come out to my mother. She imagined that gays were people like the drag
queens that we saw on TV. I worried if she would be able to understand’’ (Hina).
Saki, who is lesbian, holds a similar concern and explains, ‘‘She laughed at the
‘gays’ on TV and raised her eyebrows when she saw beautiful ‘gays[,]’ [though she
was] really referr[ing] to… ‘‘drag queens.’’ Thus, Saki felt that coming out to her
would be ‘‘useless.’’

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‘‘Kamingu Auto:’’ A Hybridity of ‘‘Coming Out’’ in Japan

Coming Out as a Love Confession

Some participants stated that their sexuality/gender identity was not important to
their parents. One reason is that ‘‘coming out’’ is understood as ‘‘a declaration of
one’s love,’’ not as one’s queer identity. For example, Saki explained, ‘‘I came out
to my coworker because I liked her.’’ Likewise, non-LGBT individuals in Japan
who have witnessed their acquaintance’s coming out may misunderstand his/her
intension as a love confession, thus creating an extremely awkward situation for
both parties.
Tatsuya (gay, 40s) explained, ‘‘When I came out, my schoolmate questioned why
I came out to him…[saying] [h]e didn’t want to hear it [from me].’’ Haruki, who is
also gay, came out to his coworker who now thinks he will ‘‘be sexually assaulted,
so [he is] constantly running away from me.’’ Consequently, Haruki believes that
his coming out disrupted business operations. Both Tatsuya and Haruki felt
misunderstood and deeply regret coming out.

No Need for Coming Out

Although the majority believed that more LGBT individuals in Japan should come
out, a number of the participants, typically gays, cast doubt on whether coming out
was necessary or desirable. For example, Sōta (gay, late 20s) emphatically stated, ‘‘I
don’t think coming out is necessary, because I can find a lover and lead a happy
life.’’
Some believe it is a personal matter. For example, Sōta wrote, ‘‘I don’t think
coming out is necessary and it’s a personal matter, although I wish [Japanese]
society to welcome people who want come out.’’ Highlighting its personal effect,
Hiroki (gay, early 20s) explained, ‘‘I think coming out is a proof of personal trust. I
feel uncomfortable making coming out something [LGBT individuals] should do.’’
Likewise, Akihisa (gay, 50s) said, ‘‘I think you’d better come out if you feel guilty
at not having come out. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s necessary.’’ In addition,
Akihisa warned, ‘‘It’s all up to the person. If you do, you would be responsible for
the consequences.’’ Some comments also indicate prevalence of such sentiments
among non-LGBT individuals in Japan. For example, Hiroki ‘‘feels anger when
heterosexual people say, ‘Coming out specifically about one’s sexuality is rude. You
don’t need to tell [other people about it].’’’
Further, some questioned its feasibility. For example, Akihisa commented, ‘‘To
be honest, I want to come out more…. But, there are too many conservative people
who discriminate [against LGBT people] in Japan.’’ He explained, ‘‘People are not
familiar with [LGBT], I don’t think coming out is accepted here.’’

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Discussion: Coming-Out Experiences and Gender Relations in Japan

While Japanese fathers are seen as symbolic patriarchs, many Japanese LGBT
individuals described their fathers as absent from their lives and/or uncommunica-
tive with them. Essentially, the absentee father phenomenon leads to physically or
emotionally unavailable fathers; therefore, Japanese LGBT individuals do not relate
to or perceive them as important to their lives. Naturally, they do not consider
coming out to their fathers to be ‘‘important,’’ and, accordingly, often choose not to
do so. If they do come out, often indirectly, some seem not to care about their
fathers’ reactions.
The findings regarding the fear of the father many Japanese LGBT individuals
hold are similar to those from previous studies; yet, the waning significance of the
father in the lives of LGBT individuals outside Japan is yet to be documented,
though increasingly more parents, especially fathers, ‘‘work anything but 9 to 5’’
(Kantor 2014) and spend even less time with their children. This is a trend in any
post-industrial economy, although the trivializing comments the study participants
made regarding their fathers, whom, as breadwinners, might deserve more respect,
may not be common outside contemporary Japanese society and may require
additional explanation.
In contrast, Japanese LGBT individuals typically consider coming out to their
mothers easier. Naturally, more participants came out to their mothers than to their
fathers, mostly using a direct method. Similar to previous studies, a number of
Japanese LGBT individuals reported unfavorable experiences when coming out to
their mothers. This study also found that Japanese LBFtM/X individuals reported
considerably difficult experiences when coming out to their mothers, as they were
met with abusive, emotional responses. While being dismissive of their LBFtM/X
‘‘children’s’’ sexuality, the Japanese mothers seemed mostly concerned with their
personal happiness or future, which could be threatened by their ‘‘children’s’’ non-
heteronormative sexuality/gender identity.
Additionally, this study revealed that Japanese MtF/X individuals and gays
experienced comparatively disapproving reactions from their mothers; however,
their mothers’ responses, although persistent, were typically less demonstrative,
expressing concerns over the maintenance of the family line through a male heir.
Japanese mothers also expressed their concerns over the public perception of their
MtF/X ‘‘children’’ and gay sons, due typically to mainstream media stereotypes.
Some Japanese mothers advised their queer ‘‘children’’ to lead ‘‘normal’’ lives, to
avoid the label ‘‘okama,’’ which could affect their queer ‘‘children’’ as well as their
families.
Sexism inherent in the traditional Japanese family system, as well as the familial
responsibilities of Japanese mothers explain these different responses. The
traditional Japanese family prizes ‘‘daughters’’ less than ‘‘sons’’ and, accordingly,
Japanese mothers treat their LBFtM/X ‘‘children’’ differently. Japanese mothers are
socioculturally configured as the solo overseers of heteronormative norms at home,
especially regarding the sexuality of their ‘‘sons.’’ Thus, a mother could not sanction
a ‘‘child’s’’ non-heteronormative sexuality, particularly a son’s, as it is important to

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maintain familial stability, which depends on the ‘‘sons’’ and their ability to comply
with the heteronormative norms.
Japanese mothers may also worry about being perceived publicly as failures
because their children do not lead ‘‘normal’’ lives in accordance with Japanese
heteronormative norms, making them the object of public ridicule like ‘‘onee’’ or
‘‘okama’’ in Japan’s mainstream media or of lewd curiosity like ‘‘lesbians’’ in the
pink adult film. Some parents also expect their female children to be primary
caretakers when they age. These concerns are internalized and reflected in some of
the comments by Japanese LBFtM/X study participants, as they are often concerned
with the possible negative effects coming out might have on their mothers, so they
opt to not come out to their mothers.
By contrast, Japanese mothers who appreciate Japan’s LGBT-inclusive subcul-
tures and are more open-minded than those who adhere to Japan’s traditional media;
however, they seem a minority. No participants reported appreciation of Japan’s
LGBT-inclusive subcultures by their fathers. Incidentally, explaining why the
relationships with their schoolmates did not change after their disclosure, two
female participants pointed out a positive influence of yaoi. Hina said, ‘‘We were
both fujoshis;’’ the other (Aika, pansexual female, 18/19), so ‘‘[m]y [school]friend
was a fujoshi and understanding.’’ No male participants reported similar advantages
from Japan’s subcultures, LGBT-inclusive or not, over their disclosure.
In contrast to empathetic Japanese LBFtM/X individuals, Japanese gays seemed
more inclined to cast doubt on coming out, voicing, for example, that one’s
sexuality is a private matter. Also, ‘‘coming out’’ in Japan may be seen as
unnecessary, as in the cultural tradition of nanshoku, and regarded more as a private
confession in the traditional Japanese sense than stating one’s LGBT identity,
especially among gay and bisexual males. At the same time, although a lesbian
participant reported that her relationship with her coworker improved after coming
out, some gay participants reported major difficulties after coming out at work. As
discussed, the mainstream media’s depiction of ‘‘passable hentai’’ men may explain
their hardships and the gender discrepancy. Gays and bisexual males are particularly
oversexualized and seen as threats in the Japanese popular culture.
Overall, one’s sexuality may be seen as a strictly personal matter in
contemporary Japanese society, leading to culturally censored disclosure, albeit
for different reasons depending on gender. Accordingly, Japanese LGBT individuals
may not feel compelled to come out, particularly to their parents, or to challenge the
heteronormative family that excludes them.

Conclusion

From the above observations, it seems safe to say that, in contrast to Yip’s (2004)
study, Japanese LGBT individuals do not object to coming out because homosex-
uality is seen as a ‘‘Western disease.’’ Nor is coming out seen as too Western. Also,
unlike Chou’s (2000) study, Japanese LGBT individuals do not consider ‘‘going
home’’ as an option. Further, Japanese LGBT individuals’ concern over their own
economic independence and survival do not typically discourage them from coming

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out. Japanese LGBT individuals, particularly LBFtM/X individuals, expressed their

desires to be recognized as such by their family members, in particularly, by their
mothers, while some gays explicitly stated that coming out was unnecessary. In
Japan, coming out may be seen more as a private confession than stating one’s
sexual/gender identity. Some Japanese LGBT individuals also explained that some
Japanese people were too conservative and not ready to accept LGBT individuals.
Unlike Ryan’s (2003) study, very few Japanese participants indicated religious
forces shaped their coming-out experiences. Moreover, these narratives of difficult
coming-out experiences or reluctance to come out overturns the widespread notion
that Japan is tolerant of sexual diversity. As the notion of familial (uchi)
homophobia suggests, the home is indeed the context where Japanese LGBT
individuals experience such discriminatory sentiments, especially, by their mothers.
Through a close examination of Japanese LGBT coming-out narratives, this study
demonstrated that coming out to parents in Japan is a multifaceted, gendered
experience; and, one of the major reasons Japanese LGBT individuals cannot come
out to their parents is that one’s sexuality is seen as a personal manner, so disclosing
it is culturally censored.
It is foreseeable that Japanese mothers’ reactionary responses may negatively
influence their LGBT children. Therefore, parents should become more informed
about and change their attitudes toward the LGBT community. Japanese society
should understand that being LGBT is not the result of a mother’s childrearing
failures or the absence of the father; thus, the belief that the heteronormative family
is the best Japanese family system may need to be challenged. Legalization of same-
sex marriage in Japan could be a catalyst. In addition, Japan’s mainstream media
may also need to be more realistic and diverse in order to rid itself of stereotypical
depictions of LGBT individuals.

Limitations and Future Research

While exploratory, this article focused on only a limited sample of people. A

systematic study with a larger sample would supplement and may or may not
substantiate the findings of this study. Also, the findings may be transitory. In
addition, while I believe that the anonymity of the online survey helped recruit a
wider range of participants, with respect to age and location, follow-up interviews
would have been helpful, allowing participants to elaborate and enhancing the
examination of changing Japanese attitudes towards coming out. For now, there
remain pertinent questions yet to be addressed: Are similarly gendered coming-out
experiences found outside Japan? Are there socioeconomic factors that explain
considerably different reactions among Japanese mothers? What about fathers’
involvement in childrearing? The answers to these questions would help further
identify and resolve some of the major reasons Japanese LGBT children find it
difficult to come out to their parents.

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518 M. Tamagawa

Acknowledgements Portions of this research were supported by a Faculty Research Grant at Skidmore
College, whose support is gratefully acknowledged. The views expressed are those of the author and do
not necessarily reflect the views of Skidmore College.

Compliance with Ethical Standards

Conflict of interest The author declares he has no conflict of interest.

Human and Animal Rights All procedures performed in studies involving human participants were in
accordance with the ethical standards of the institutional and/or national research committee and with the
1964 Helsinki declaration and its later amendments or comparable ethical standards.

Informed Consent Informed consent was obtained from all individual participants included in the study.

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