Coaching Basics

I want to start this quest with some of the most basic elements of Coaching. It will
serve you as a guide to structure your conversations, and know that you will have the
needed skills to coach.

The biggest idea around coaching, that really changed my mindset about how I
approach this profession, is that coaching is not about hours. It’s about results.

It’s not about helping someone solve an immediate problem, create prescribed
goals or meet a set of standards. It’s about helping people understand what are their
core values, and discover their true hopes and dreams in order to create the intrinsic
motivation and confidence to achieve anything they want.

People will not hire you for the time they spend talking to you. They will hire you
because of the insights they will get after working with you. Because of the results
they will see translating into their everyday life, the shifts in mindset and behavior
they will experiment.

This is the power of coaching.

As a coach, you have to be open, curious and client centered. You have to invest in
your ongoing learning and growth continuously, as well as a reflective practice,
because you can’t take a client farther than you’ve gone yourself. You have to master
your emotional intelligence, and be prepared before your session.

You also have to be very clear when something falls out of your scope of practice, ask
for help when needed, and be willing to refer your client to another specialist when
your capabilities fall short of what your client really needs.

And remember, individual change is a process, not an event, so it will take time. How
much will vary from one person to another. Consider your approach to coaching as a
chance to discover diamonds!

How to think about a coaching session

You will be working with human beings. Independent, unique human beings, so even
though every coaching session is different, there are certain elements that have to be
present.

1. Agreements & Expectations

In the first session, it’s very important that you explain what the coaching relationship
will look like, cover the agreements of your coaching relationship. The duration of your
coaching relationship, the dates of your sessions, the expected outcome, yours and
your client’s responsibility. Here it is also important to set the boundaries. Fees,

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payment methods, cancellation policies, mutual respect and what can terminate the
relationship.

What agreements and expectations are you going to set in place?

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2. Connection
Your clients need to feel safe. They need to trust you before they can open
themselves to sharing their life with you. The most basic thing you can do for a person
that has built up the courage to seek help for their growth is to be compassionate.

And with this I don’t mean that you see your client as a victim.

What I mean is that you have to put yourself in their shoes and create a connection
with them. If there is no connection, there is no trust. If there is no trust, transformation
can’t happen.

How are you going to create connection with your clients?

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3. Presence & Awareness

Make sure you are centered and balanced. Leave your personal problems aside so
you can be completely present to the person in front of you. Also help your client be
completely present in the moment, ask them to turn off their phones and computers,
so you can create a place of self-discovery and insight.

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Only when you are fully present you’ll be able to access your intuition and interpret
the different cues that your clients present in a subtle way. Cues that reveal more
than what they are telling you.

Here you help them see the different factors that affect their way of thinking and their
behavior, how their limiting beliefs were born and the patterns that have governed
their lives until that moment. The client recognizes their strengths and weaknesses,
what they like and don’t enjoy, and they find what elicits their internal motivation.

What strategies do you use to be more aware and present in your coaching sessions?

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4. Communication
It is key that you learn how to communicate clearly, but also that you learn how to
listen attentively to what your clients say and don’t say.

Deep listening: Here you look for the way that your client sees their world, read their
body language to know when you have touched a sensitive subject or something
that matters to them, uncover the big dream behind their words and discover their
belief system.

Help your client find, reaffirm and articulate their personal vision (including dreams,
passion, purpose and values). In Deep listening you allow people to think and digest
new insights. This creates new neural pathways.

You listen for what really matters to them, not for your own agenda. You discover
what they think it’s possible, their fears and hopes. Active listening will also help you
summarize and clarify what they mean to say in order to create the agreements. It
also helps your client feel seen and heard.

Also listen for wants vs needs. Needs are something they must have in order to live
(food, shelter, safety). Wants are something they wish for (success, recognition).

Clear communication: Here it is key for you to communicate from a place of

compassion. You reflect back and summarize what your client says so they are clear
on their intention, you integrate and build on their ideas and suggestions.

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You should be clear and articulate in your message, be careful of not using words
that can be sexist, racist or judgmental in any way. Help them see the difference
between facts and interpretation, how they feel about something and what really is.

Summarizing: this not only helps them feel heard and seen, but they also get to hear
the way they see their world, be more mindful about the way they think, and invite
them to create change. It gives them another perspective about what they say they
want and what they really want.

Help them differentiate between requests (what would be a “nice to have”) and
requirements (what is a must have or deal breaker)

How can you improve your communication skills?

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5. Insights
Here is where the “aha moment” comes in. Insights elicit changes in behavior,
thoughts and feelings. Encourages clients to take action and move them closer to
realizing their personal vision.
Nothing happens until the client has an insight on their own.

One way to create insights is by asking powerful questions.

• They have to be open-ended - This means that they can’t be answered with a
simple yes or no. The client has to actually reflect on what to answer.
• Ask questions that invite self-discovery, commitment or action.
• Challenge your client’s beliefs and assumptions

Other tips about questions:

• Ask only one question at a time and wait in silence for the answer. Allow space
• Why vs What: Lean towards the “What” questions. WHAT is better because is
not a way for you to look for solutions, it allows for insights, and when you ask
“why” questions, people might get more defensive. Example Why did you do
that? vs What did you expect to happen?

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Examples of great questions:

• What’s on your mind? - How they see their world.

• What’s going on in your life? - What is most important for them.
• If you really knew me, you would know that I… - What they are not saying.
• What’s the real challenge here for you? - invite them to dig deeper and explore
what they really want to work on.
• If you can create anything you want, what would that be? - elicits positive
thinking and increases creativity.
• If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you try? - Invites them to take action
and remove fear.
• And what else? Helps people go deeper, find new creative ways to solve a
problem. You can ask this question again and again, until you feel the person is
complete.
• If the person is complete, and you want to offer a different option, you can ask:
“Have you thought about…?”
• How can I support you? - Makes them verbalize what exactly they expect from
you.
• What are you saying yes to? - Helps them clarify their commitment.

Another way of getting clients to get an insight is storytelling. When you share your
personal stories, and how you overcame an obstacle, it helps the client identify more
with you as another human being. It gives them hope, and opens them to use their
creativity to overcome their own limitations.

What other questions can you think of?

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What are some stories that you can share with your clients that will help them see
their world differently?

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6. Action
Here is where you help your client translate their insights into the reality they want to
create. You can co-create plans for them to take steps forward engage in continuous
learning, create an accountability system for them to self-reflect. The plan should
have results that are attainable, measurable, specific, and have target dates.

You engage the client to explore alternative ideas and solutions, to evaluate options,
and to make decisions. You encourage them to stretch out of their comfort zone and
raise their threshold.

You can also help your client adjust their plan as they move forward, change their
belief system and behavior.

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How do you invite your clients to take action?

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7. Commitment & Accountability

You can only get so far with a client. Taking action and modifying behavior is
something that they have to do by themselves, so commitment is a key factor in their
own success. Sure, you will be there to support them, but you can’t do the work for
them. Self-discipline is very important for them to develop in order to be successful in
the long run.

You can bring to their attention what they committed vs what they actually did, and
have them think about the results they got. You also get to celebrate their wins, in
order to increase their confidence and motivation.

Here you can explore new factors that came in the client’s story and how that relates
to their current situation. Focus on what’s going right and the improvements they are
incorporating into their life and help them overcome obstacles that come in their way.

How do you create accountability for your clients?

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Structure of a Coaching Session

A coaching session always follows 4 parts: Rapport, Goal Setting, Coaching, Action.

Rapport is all about creating connection with your client. In the first session you might
take 15 minutes to build this rapport. In the following session you still want to invest at
least 5 minutes on it. This rapport building is vital for the session.

Your rapport-building activity will help them go from thinking about a problem to a
better, more positive state.

Goal setting is setting intention for the coaching session. What would they like the
session’s outcome to be. Is there something on their mind. If not, be prepared to have
some ideas for great goals you could work on. You would know this because when
you enrolled them as a client you must have set some intentions you were to help
them achieve. Lean into those intentions to find a focal point to work on in this
session.

Then comes Coaching. Which you are learning through the quest. Questions,
listening, strategies all are covered in this quest so I am going to not take too much
time explaining this part.

Lastly is Action. You must always leave with an action for your client. You are a coach
which means in some way you are helping your client change for the better. Change
starts at the coaching session but really happens with consistent action. These
action steps and your follow up on it creates the change your client seeks.

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