It is argued by some that all students entering university should solely study subjects that are

necessary of use for their future. In my opinion, however, it would be more beneficial for them
to choose the courses that they have an interest in.
Good. You paraphrase the question and your opinion is clear.
You could improve your introduction by briefly outlining your main points.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some believe that university students
should only study subjects that will be useful after graduation. The first reason is that
courses such as science and technology provide lead to more employment opportunities and
higher salaries than subjects like arts or history. In Vietnam, for example, a candidate with
a degree in information technology would find it easier to get a job than a history major.
Another reason is that practical subjects that are considered to be useful (avoid repetition),
such as medicine, engineering or information technology, play an important role in the
development of any nation. More students taking these courses means more future
scientists and technology engineers who would make great contributions to their country.
Well done. A very well-developed paragraph.

On the other hand, I would argue that students should have the freedom to choose to study
whatever they enjoy. If a person loves what he is studying, he would devotes more time and
energy to his study, leading to higher academic results. By In constrastcontrast, if a student is
forced to study a useful subject that he is not passionate about, he would drop out of the
course due to boredom and stress. My cousin, for instance, quit his bioscience course which
is believed to be useful after three months because he was not interested in it.
Good. You develop your main idea well and your opinion is clear.
Avoid repeating phrases unnecessarily as this reduces your score for cohesion and
coherence.

In conclusion, although some people think that universities should only offer the most useful
subjects, I personally believe that students should have the right to study whatever they prefer.
You have a clear opinion here, but you have not summarised your main ideas. It is
important that you take the main ideas from the main body paragraphs and summarize
them in the conclusion.
Task Response- Band 8

You have sufficiently addressed all parts of the task.

You present a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and
supported ideas.
You have provided a very balanced answer and have given equal attention to both sides.

You have also made your position very clear throughout the essay.

Suggestion- This is a very strong answer.

You have looked at both sides equally and your ideas are really well developed.

I am particularly impressed with how specific your ideas, especially your examples. Keep
doing this and you will be fine.

Coherence and Cohesion- Band 7

You sequence information and ideas logically.

Your paragraphing is excellent with a clear structure and logical progression. You

manage most aspects of cohesion well.

However, there is occasional repetition which reduces coherence. Your

conclusion could be improved.

Suggestions- Try to avoid repeating phrases by using parallel expressions or

omitting them when appropriate. See my corrections above.

You should also summarize your main ideas in your conclusion. See my sample answer
below as an example of how to do this.

Vocabulary- Band 7

You use a wide range of vocabulary that allows you to convey meaning effectively. You use

less common words accurately and appropriately which is really impressive.

You do however produce occasional errors in word choice and word formation, which you
can see above.

Suggestions- Your vocabulary should be good enough to get a band 7. However, the worst
thing you can do is try to force this in the exam. By force I mean try to show the examiner
how good your vocabulary is because this will normally lead to mistakes. Just use words that
seem natural to you rather than forcing them. You only need maybe 2 or 3 less common
words per paragraph to get a high mark for vocabulary.

Synonyms and paraphrasing are important but you shouldn’t try and force these if you are
not sure about them. Only use synonyms when you are 100% that they directly translate
and the word formation makes sense.
It is better to repeat a word and get the grammar, meaning and word formation correct
than use a synonym that is wrong and causes you to make mistakes.

Grammar- Band 8

You use a wide range of grammatical structures and nearly all of your sentences are
complex.

The majority of sentences are completely error-free

You make only very occasional errors and these never impede communication.

Suggestions- Your grammar is good and most of your sentences have no errors at all.
Keep doing this and you will do fine.

Try to leave yourself at least 2-3 minutes at the end of the test to read your essay again and
check for small mistakes. Everyone makes small mistakes and 2 minutes at the end can
really raise your band score in this area.

Overall- Band 7.5

Overall, this was a very good essay, but you could improve it in the following ways:

 Outline your main ideas in the introduction.

 Avoid repetition.

 Reduce the number of vocabulary mistakes you are making by only using words and
phrases you are 100% sure about.

 Proofread your whole essay at the end.

Suggested Resources:

Conclusion- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/06/14/ielts-writing-conclusions/

Cohesive devices- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/08/12/cohesive-devices/

Vocabulary- http://ieltsadvantage.com/vocabulary/

Sample:

It is often argued that undergraduates should be forced to only take courses that will be of
use in the future such as science-related subjects, while others think that they should be free
to choose whatever they are most interested in. This essay agrees with the latter view
because forcing someone to do what they are not interested in
will often result in failure and students learn more effectively when they have a
passion for a subject.

If students are forced to study certain subjects, a large number of them will fail their exams.
This is because it is very difficult for a person to dedicate themselves to learning a topic they
dislike because they will have no motivation and find it more difficult to grasp the concepts.
For example, most parents in Vietnam force their children to study business- related subjects
at university because they think that this will enhance their career opportunities, but it has
resulted in a failure rate of nearly one third.

It is more preferable to have free choice because this will lead to higher engagement. That is
to say that the more passionate a person, the more likely they are to master that subject
because they will be highly engaged and dedicated to understanding it fully. For instance,
Queen’s University recently asked 16 year old students before taking their GCSE exams to
list their three favourite subjects and showed that the pupils were far more likely to pass
these subjects than others they were less keen on.

In conclusion, science-based subjects should not be made compulsory at third-level education

because many students will reject them and find them too difficult and they are much more
likely to be successful whilst studying a subject they have a genuine interest in.