A Man Above All Else – Fandom 4 Storms

Cullen818
Rated MA – Adult themes and content.
Summary – What would happen if Carlisle stayed behind to watch over Bella during those first few
months Edward left? What if he were the reason the family picked up and left in the first place?
Carlisle is just a man and Bella calls to him.
Carlisle Cullen
October
I made my way to the backyard and quietly stood under the huge oak tree just outside her bedroom
window. The night air was turning cooler, the leaves were changing colors and my coven; my family, had
been gone for a little over a month. I closed my eyes and shook my head, still reeling from their absence.
Bella would be asleep by now, but it wouldn’t last long. She always managed to somehow fall asleep,
but it never lasted for very many hours. And, in the time that she did sleep, it was hardly peaceful. She
thrashed around, pulling at the covers and mumbling his name while she sweated and cried. Then at some
point, she’d wake up screaming, causing poor Charlie to wake from his sound sleep and fumble down the
hall and to her room, where he would try unsuccessfully to calm his daughter down.
Morning would come entirely too fast and Bella would be forced to pull her exhausted body from bed, go
about her routines somehow making it through the day and then come and sit by her bedroom window,
waiting for someone who was never coming back.
This was not the way her life was supposed to turn out.
I had made it my mission to watch over her. The rest of the town thought I left with my family, but I
stayed behind because I had no other choice. Bella had no idea I was here and even if she did, I wasn’t
entirely sure she would care. But, I felt I owed it to her to stay and see her through this. After all, I was
partly responsible for Edward leaving…

***
Alice, Emmett and Rosalie had finally gotten Jasper calmed down after what had happened earlier in the
evening. It wasn’t Jasper’s fault, and Esme was trying to reassure him of that. Jasper had yet to come and
see me. I knew he was ashamed, but I didn’t blame him. I’d give him his space for now and let him settle
down before I went to see him. I wanted to make sure he knew he’d always be part of this family and no
amount of slip ups would ever change that.
The evening had started out perfectly, and Alice had done an incredible job with the party planning. She
left no detail unattended, but too bad she didn’t see the paper cut coming. It was strange to me that she
didn’t see it before it happened. Jasper’s actions may not have been foreseeable, since his reaction was
probably a last minute decision, but Bella cutting herself was always meant to be.
Poor Bella was devastated she had cut herself in front of us. She blamed herself and kept apologizing to
me over and over again as I stitched her up. I just smiled and tried to stay focused on the task at hand.
I explained to her that these things happened. But, then the conversation turned and I found myself
telling her about how I’d found Edward. She was so interested in what I was saying that on more than
one occasion, I had to stop myself from getting lost in those deep, warm, brown eyes of hers. I’d never
realized just how beautiful a creature she was. I’d only ever had eyes for Esme, and only saw Bella as a
fragile, human child.
But, the more I spoke, the more fascinated she became. Occasionally, she’d move her head to the side,
causing her long, soft hair to brush against my wrist. I told myself it was her love for my son that made
her ask so many questions, but I found that I kept talking to keep her with me, alone in that room. My eyes
were automatically drawn to her sweet, plump lips.
What would it be like to brush my own lips against them? Would I ever have the privilege?
I was being absurd. This child did not belong to me. She was Edward's and I was Esme’s. That was how
vampire mating work. We didn’t switch it up, or at least I didn’t think we did until Bella placed her small,
delicate hand on my upper arm for support as I continued to tend to her injury. Her touch seemed to
ignite a spark within me. One I had never experienced before. If I wasn’t so concentrated on making sure
she was taken care of properly, I might have jumped back.
I didn’t want her to let go. I wanted to put my arms around her and hold her against me. I wanted to
be surrounded in her warmth. I wanted to feel her hands run along my chest and down my stomach. I
imagined my hands, sliding up her creamy thighs, just underneath her dress. My fingertips teasing the
skin of her upper thighs and then moving inside her silky panties and touching what no man had ever
claimed before.
“That’s just perfect, Carlisle,” Edward said as he stepped out of the shadows of my study. He was deadly
calm and the look of disgust on his face didn't escape me.
“Edward! I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize you were in here.” I cleared my throat, but I knew it was too
late. The damage had been done.
“How could you know I was in here? You were too wrapped up in the disgusting images your mind was
conjuring up about my Bella.” He shook his head and continued to stare at me.
“I don’t know why,” I defended. “It was nothing but a momentary weakness.”
“First Jasper tries to drain her and now you want to violate her?” he yelled. "What is wrong with you
people?"
“God, no! Edward, it’s not like that at all,” I pleaded. “Just forget about it. How is Bella?”
“She’s sleeping,” he said. “Why, Carlisle?”
“I don’t know.” I was being honest.
I thought back to her skin again. It was so soft and she smelled divine; like no one else I’d ever
encountered.
“You’re not even trying to hide it,” Edward spat. “You’ve never felt this way about her before.”
“I know and it wasn’t until she touched me tonight that this happened,” I admitted. “It was almost as if
she was calling to me.”
“We’re leaving,” Edward said. “I made up my mind in the car on the way to Bella’s house. It’s not safe
for her to be around us, in more ways than one, apparently.” He looked at me with total disgust.
“I would never hurt her.”
“How about Esme? Would you hurt her?”
“Of course not,” I said. “I love her.”
“Then why do you want to touch Bella?”
“I don’t,” I said. “It was just a fantasy. We were close and it was inappropriate and it won’t happen
again.”
“You’re right,” Edward said. “We’ll be gone from here in a few days and we’ll never see her again.”
“You can’t abandon her,” I said. “She’ll be destroyed. She loves you, she loves all of us. You can’t leave
her. You can’t take Alice and Emmett or Esme from her.”
“My mind is made up,” Edward said. “She’ll forget about us, eventually. It’s better this way. I’ll tell the
others.”
“I won’t allow this,” I yelled. “We will not leave Forks. You will not leave Bella.”
“The decision is already made,” Esme said from the doorway. “The only thing that is undecided is if
you’ll be joining us.”
“Esme?” I didn’t understand. Why would she want to leave Forks?
Alice walked into the room with Jasper close behind her. Rose and Emmett were standing behind Esme,
just in the hall outside my study.
Edward grabbed Alice’s arm and looked into her eyes. The pain was evident on his face.
“Are you sure?” he asked, clearly reading her thoughts.
She nodded apologetically.
“Sure about what?” I demanded. “What have you seen?”
“We’re leaving,” Alice whispered. ‘”And, you don’t want to come with us.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “But, why are we even entertaining leaving?”
“It’s time,” Esme said. “It’s become too crowded here.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“We’ve never had any secrets until Bella.” Esme looked down at her feet.
“We still don’t,” I insisted.
“I saw the way you looked at her tonight,” Esme said. “I stood in the doorway and watched as you took
care of her. You were so caught up in her that you didn’t even know I was there. You should have sensed
me. Maybe you did?”
“You’re insane,” I said. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Doesn’t she?” Edward asked.
Don’t you dare tell her what you heard in my head! I spoke for only him to hear.
“I don’t have to,” Edward whispered. “She already knows. Look in her eyes.”
I turned toward my wife and pleaded for her forgiveness. I never meant to hurt her. If I could've
controlled my thoughts about Bella, I would have.
“We’re leaving in the morning,” Esme said. “I’d like to think you’re coming with us, but Alice has yet to
see that.”
“I just think this is all too sudden,” I said. “And, why is it that all of you are making the decision. Have
you forgotten who leads this family?”
“Carlisle,” Jasper said. “You know that we can’t stay here. Bella is a liability we don’t need. She’ll tear
us apart.”
“It seems to me, she already has,” Rose said.
“Rosalie!” Alice said. “My visions are subjective.”
“Alice,” I said. “If you’ve seen something that affects all of us then I have the right to know.”
“I won’t stand here and listen while she tells you about this vision,” Esme said. “We all know how it
ends.”
Edward stared at me before quietly speaking, “Just come with us and it changes what Alice has seen.”
I looked around the room at my wife and children. I had created more than half of the vampires in this
room and I took Alice and Jasper in and treated them as my own. Why did it all feel like it was tumbling
like a house of cards?
“I think you should stay,” Alice whispered. “Carlisle, it’s for the best.”
“What?” Edward hissed.”How could you say that?”
“She is what he needs,” Alice said as Jasper put his arms around her, trying to ease her guilt. “I’m sorry,
Esme.”
“It’s not your fault, Alice.” Esme looked at me. “I know your mind is made up.”
“I haven’t had a chance to even think any of this through,” I said. “Five hours ago, we were celebrating
Bella’s birthday. We were all happy. This doesn’t make any sense.”
“The fact that you even have to think about it, tells me all I need to know.” She turned and walked out of
the room.
“Esme!” I started toward her, but Alice put her hand on my shoulder.
I stopped and stared at my children.
“We understand,” Emmett said. “You’ve always done the right thing.”
“This will never be right!” Edward said as he pushed past me. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“He’s going to destroy her.” I looked to Alice for confirmation.
She nodded before speaking, “But, you’ll be here to pick up the pieces. However she needs you, I know
you can be whatever she needs. I’ve seen it.”

***
The next day, my family left. Edward went out on his own. Emmett and Rosalie took off for Dartmouth,
and Alice and Jasper went to Texas. Esme chose the Denali coven in Alaska. She found comfort with
Carmen and Eleazar and I was happy for her. We spoke on the phone last week and I asked if I could
come and see her, but she said she wasn’t ready. I respected her wishes.
I didn’t think she'd ever be ready.
So, here I was standing outside Isabella’s bedroom window, trying to figure out exactly what it was that
I was supposed to be doing here. I closed my eyes and listened as she screamed. I climbed the tree and
perched on the closest branch to get a better look, but I had to be careful because Charlie came bursting
in, turning on the lights and sitting on the edge of the bed.
Bella pushed him away, sat up and told him she was fine. He shook his head, frowned and walk out of the
room. I didn’t need to be Jasper to feel his frustration, or Edward to know what he was thinking. All I had
to do was look at Bella and my heart broke.

November
I stood outside the kitchen window and listened as Charlie explained to Bella that he needed to resume the
night shift. It was something he was apprehensive about, but in the end he was left with no choice.
“Bells,” Charlie sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Listen, it’s been two months. I’ve traded
shifts, used vacation time and personal days, but I have to resume the night shift. We’re on a rotation and
the guys have been covering for me, but it’s not fair. They have lives too.”
Bella just stood there, motionless in front of the counter.
“I hate to leave you alone all night, but…”
She won’t be alone.
“It’s okay,” Bella whispered.
Bella didn’t speak much these days, so I was happy to hear her voice, no matter how defeated she
sounded.
“Are you sure?” Charlie asked. “I’m sure someone over on the Rez would be happy to stay with you.”
No wolves!
“No,” Bella said. “I’ll be fine.”
“Bella, have you thought about going to see your mom anymore?”
I’d heard Charlie on the phone with Renee, pleading with her to come and get Bella, but she didn’t think
taking her to Florida would help. I was rather pleased, since it would be much harder for me to stay
concealed in Florida.
“No!” She screamed. “I’m sorry. Can I go to my room?”
“Sure,” he said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
A few hours later, Bella was sitting in the rocking chair by her window, just like she did every day. She
had a blank stare on her face and she hardly moved. I didn’t do it often, but since I knew Charlie wouldn’t
be home until morning, I climbed in through the window and stood in the corner. If Bella knew I was
there, she didn’t seem affected by my presence.
She was so far away when she was like this. She stayed focused on something outside. I wasn’t sure what,
but she never moved her gaze until it was time to get ready for bed. She was almost catatonic, but I knew
she was aware because she was able to go about her daily routines. Once everything in her life was taken
care of, she would devote several hours every evening to just sitting and getting lost within herself.
“Bella,” I whispered, but she didn’t even blink. “Won’t you consider coming back?”
She didn’t move, just continued to stare. She looked so helpless and alone. I had been around for a very
long time, and had seen lots of heartache and sorrow, but none of them tugged at my soul the way this
did. She was lifeless and had generally lost her way.
After a few minutes, I moved closer to where she was sitting and dropped down in front of her, kneeling
at her feet.
Nothing.
“Bella?” I whispered. “Can you look at me?”
This was unnerving, even for a vampire. The way she sat there; motionless, barely breathing. I sat very
quietly and very still. I didn’t want to disturb her. After I while, I noticed a lone tear sliding down her
cheek. I acted before I actually thought and I reached up and wiped it from her face. She didn’t even
flinch.
“You know I’m here,” I said as I rested my hand on her lap. “I won’t abandon you. I’ll stay as long as
you need me.”She squeezed her eyes shut as more tears escaped and slipped down her cheeks. “You don’t
have to speak, but can you give me some indication that you want me to stay?”
Still nothing.
I nodded. I could wait her out. I had nothing but time on my side.

***

A few days later, I found myself settling into a new routine. Charlie would head off to work and I would
climb into Bella’s window and take my spot by her feet. When the tears would start to flow, I’d place my
hand in her lap until it was time for her to go to bed. She was so regimented that I knew at precisely 10
pm she would stand up and head to the bathroom, prepare for bed, and then lie there a few hours before
drifting off to sleep. While she did that, I’d go for a hunt and then get back just in time to hear her scream
out his name.
I tried to soothe her with my words, but nothing seemed to work. She would just roll over onto her side,
close her eyes and eventually fall back asleep. I was mentally and emotionally drained. That was a task in
itself, but watching her suffer this way was taking it out of me. While she sat and stared, I talked. I spoke
about my life before I was turned, told her all about my upbringing, what life was like in my era. Then I
moved on to my time with the Volturi. I described to her in great detail Aro, Marcus and Caius. I told her
about Jane, Alex, Felix and Demetri.
When I ran out of stories from my time in Italy, I shared with her my experiences with my medical
training and how I came to Chicago. I worried that I’d get an adverse reaction when I retold the details of
me turning Edward. I thought a breakdown would be better than her constant silence. She was a tough one
though. She never even looked at me.
I explained how I found Esme, and what it was like for me to change her. How much I wanted a
companion and Esme seemed so perfect for me. I shared all the details of the years we spent together.
How we toured Paris and Italy. I told her about the island I’d purchased and named for her; Isle Esme. I
spoke of our wedding day and how happy my life was.
Was?
Could it have been a lie? All of it? The way we lived as a family? The years we spent living in harmony?
I didn’t even realize I was speaking out loud but I lost myself in her vacant eyes and began sharing
my own pain and agony over losing my family. How hurt I was over Esme leaving without a proper
explanation. If we weren’t together anymore, I wanted a reason why things had to be this way. I was still
confused.
I smiled up at Bella. Even if she wasn’t listening to me, it was very therapeutic to talk to her about these
things. When I realized it was getting close to ten, I slowly moved my hand from her lap, but on this
particular evening, Bella did something unexpected.
As I was moving away, she was grabbing my hand and holding it against her lap. She still wouldn’t look
at me, and I wasn’t sure if her gesture was for me or her, but I liked when she touched me.
“Bella?” I whispered.
She didn’t say anything, but she tentatively interlocked our fingers and gently squeezed my cold, hard
hand.
An indication she wanted me to stay.
We sat this way for a few more hours that evening and every night thereafter when I took my position by
her chair, she reached for my hand.
I tried to talk to her, tried to get her to communicate with me, but she refused. I wanted to approach her
out in the open, but I couldn’t blow my cover. I wasn’t even supposed to be in Forks, and I knew what it
would look like if I engaged her at school or outside of her house. She was a high school senior and I was
supposed to be a family man, a prominent doctor and in the eyes of everyone else, especially her father, I
was an older man with adoptive children the same age as Bella.
In Bella’s vulnerable state, I just couldn’t take the chance of approaching her in public and running the
risk that I’d do more damage. I’d just have to wait until she snapped out of this strange funk and hoped
that she’d eventually need me.
Why did I want her to need me so much?

December
Things were about the same. Bella mindlessly went about her routine. Charlie was on the verge of having
her committed. I felt his pain. She functioned when she had to, but it was the bare minimum. She had no
outside interests and no friends. She was nothing but a shell of her former self and it was time for me to
figure out how to bring her back.
I could kill Edward for this. As long as I existed, I’d never understand why he chose to leave her this way.
How could he? She had done nothing to deserve this treatment. Where was his compassion? I didn’t even
share the connection he had with her and I couldn’t bring myself to leave her.
While Bella got ready for bed, I went for a hunt. Even though she appeared not to notice my comings and
goings, I knew she waited for me. She even left the window open before she climbed into bed.
I slipped into her bedroom and watched as she slept. I was surprised she was already asleep. It usually
took her much longer to settle in and get comfortable enough to actually find slumber. I sat in the corner
and read a medical journal. In the last few months, I had much time to read and research some of the
cutting edge medical breakthroughs. With my family and wife gone, I had many hours to myself. I was
getting used to it.
“No!” Bella screamed out in her sleep.
I stood up and walked over to her bed. Usually if Charlie were home, this would be my cue to leave, but
he was working tonight. She was breathing heavily, and tossing from side to side.
“Don’t leave!” she cried out. “You can’t go!”
“Bella,” I whispered.
“Don’t leave!” She was screaming louder now, so I sat down next to her and pulled her into my chest, in
an attempt to calm her. I stroked her hair and whispered that everything would be okay.
She never opened her eyes, just settled against me and whispered, “You came back,” as she drifted off to
sleep.
I closed my eyes and let her indulge in the memory of Edward. I was here to be whatever she needed, and
if sleeping against me helped her, I’d do it.
This went on for a few more weeks, and I noticed that Bella was sleeping better and was responding more
during the day. Charlie was pleasantly surprised she was engaging him in more conversations throughout
the day. I could see the relief on his face. It mirrored my own.
She wasn't sitting by the window so much anymore either, so I stopped coming as early as I had been
before. I missed that time we were spending together, but I was there to serve a purpose, and if she didn’t
need me as much then I needed to back off. She was healing, and I needed to let that happen.
My hunt took longer than usual tonight and it was raining pretty steadily, so I stopped home to put on dry
clothes before heading to Bella’s bedroom. When I got there, she was already asleep, but I noticed she
had the covers pulled back on “my side” of the bed, and a pillow propped against the headboard for me.
Perhaps she’d been waiting for me. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t me at all that she was preparing for. I
didn’t care. If I had the opportunity to be close to her, then I’d take it.
I crawled in next to her and as soon as I was situated, she cuddled against my chest. She looked so
content, so peaceful. Who was I to deny her anything?
I stroked her hair and pulled her closer to me. Bella wasn’t the only one taking what she needed. I took
from her as well. I needed to feel her body against mine, I wanted to take in her smell and memorize
every detail of her sleeping face. She was so angelic; so beautiful.
She started to stir, so I held her tighter, reassuring her I was here. We didn’t need to speak to
communicate. She expected me to be here for her and I wanted to meet that expectation, even if I was a
substitute for Edward. Like Alice said, I was here to be whatever Bella needed, however she needed me.
Bella was awake now. I sensed it, but she didn’t speak, not right away. I wondered if she’d be upset or
feel betrayed when she realized it was me who was holding her.
“You stayed,” she whispered.
I nodded, still unsure if she could handle the fact that I wasn’t who she thought I was. But, then she said
it, and I swear it jolted my heart into beating.
“Carlisle,” she whispered. “Why did you stay?”
“You know it’s me?” I asked. “You know I’m the one who has been holding you?”
“Yes,” she said in a low voice. “You’re the only thing that has been keeping me going these past few
months. You’re the only one who stayed. I wanted to tell you, but at first, I thought I imagined you.”
I softly laughed.
“I’m not imagining you, right?” She wanted confirmation. “I’m not crazy, am I?”
“No, Bella,” I said. “You’re not crazy. I’m just happy to hear your voice again.”
“You didn’t answer my question. Why didn’t you leave with the others?”
“You needed me,” I whispered. “I just couldn’t go.”
“You won’t go now, will you?” She sat up and stared at me with a look of sheer terror on her
face. "Because I can't, I mean, you won't?"
“No, no.” I reached for her hand. “I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”
“Promise?” she asked as she pleaded with her big, brown eyes.
“I won’t go until you tell me to,” I said. “And, even then, I might have a hard time.”
“Okay.” She looked relieved. “I have a lot of questions, but I’m really tired and I seem to sleep better
when you’re here, so can we talk tomorrow?”
“Of course.” I gently pulled her toward me. “Sleep now.”
My mind was made up now. At first, I thought I’d stay as long as she needed me, but now I didn’t think
I could ever be away from her. She wanted me here, she wanted me to hold her and offer her comfort. I
wanted to be the man who brought her happiness.
But, how was I going to manage that?
January
Bella finally managed to pull out of her phase. She had color back in her cheeks, her eyes had a glint to
them that had been missing for the past few months and she even managed to smile occasionally.
I still went to her room each night and held her while she slept. We’d talk for a few hours before she’d
eventually fall asleep. She had many questions about why the family left, where Esme had gone and when
she’d be coming back. I answered them as best as I could. I told her the truth. I didn’t think that Esme was
coming back.
It didn’t seem to matter as much anymore.
While Bella had been going through her meltdown, I had many hours, days and weeks to mull over the
direction of my own life. At first, it was unthinkable to me that Esme would leave. But, I had known
her for many years; loved her for decades. She wouldn’t just up and leave me if she didn’t have a strong
feeling about it. Whatever she saw in that room between me and Bella that night in September was
enough to make her go.
I heard her truck pull into the driveway, but I detected her heartbeat several minutes before that. I
wondered what she was doing here. It was still early; she must have just come from school.
I opened the door before she could knock, but I clearly startled her.
“Sorry.” I smiled.
"I…I hope its okay that I'm here." She fidgeted on the porch.
"You're welcome in my home anytime, Bella." I pulled the door opened and said, "Please come in."
She hesitantly walked in, flashing me a small smile as she walked into the foyer. She looked
uncomfortable, but I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and kiss her deeply.
"What brings you here today?" I motioned for her to sit on the couch in the living room.
"You went to see Charlie," she said. "He told me."
I nodded.
"He said that you were here because the research facility you were working for sent you to work back
here at the hospital for a few weeks. He warned me that it was just you and I shouldn't get my hopes up."
"I thought maybe, since we've been getting along so well, that you'd like a change of scenery. Not that I
mind coming to you."
I didn’t care where we were as long as I could be close to her.
"But, at least if Charlie knows I'm back, we'd be able to see one another in public, if you wanted." I wasn't
sure why I was finding it so hard to communicate with her. I was nervous about how she would react.
This was absurd! How old was I?
"Charlie said I should come see you and have you explain why you all had to leave," she said. "I guess he
doesn't know you've been hanging out in my bedroom for the past few months."
"No." I smiled. "He could probably arrest me for that."
"I'm over the age of consent." She ran her fingers through her long hair, but she had no idea how
appealing she was.
I knew exactly how old she was, but it still made me feel like a dirty old man.
"Anyway, I'm glad you went to see Charlie."
"Really? How come?"
"Because I like spending time with you and now, we won't have to hide. Thank you for making that
possible."
I sat down next to her and gently stroked her cheek. She didn't back away. Actually, she leaned into my
touch. "I didn’t just do it for you, Bella."
She nodded.
"Can I take you to get something to eat?" I asked. "You've been at school all day and you're probably
hungry."
"Okay," she said. "I'd like that."
I stood up and extended my hand for her. "Let's go."
She took my hand, and stood in front of me. She looked like she was debating on something.
"Carlisle?"
"What is it?"
She stood on her toes and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. Her lips were warm and soft and I had to
suppress a smile when I noticed the way her cheeks blushed.
"What was that for?"
"I don't know. I just felt like it." She bit her lip. "Is that okay?"
"More than okay." I smiled as I led her to the garage.
We spent the next few weeks casually seeing one another. Charlie liked the idea of me spending time with
Bella. He told me how depressed she'd been and I couldn't exactly tell him I'd been watching over her
the last four months, so I just listened to him recount the past few months. I, of course, had to apologize
for my son's behavior, explaining that they'd had a falling out and Edward was far too young to deal with
the responsibilities of a relationship. Charlie said he understood and was happy that Bella seemed to be
responding to me. I felt ashamed about all of the lies, but I felt far worse about the inappropriate feelings I
had for this man's daughter.
It all seemed innocent enough. I'd take her to dinner, sit with her at the library while she studied, and even
had dinner at their home a few times at Charlie's invitation. Bella always thought it was rather amusing to
watch me eat. I still spent the evenings in her bedroom once Charlie headed to bed. That was my favorite
time of the day. We'd talk for hours. She was eager to learn about my past and my travels. I promised her
that after she graduated, I'd take her anywhere she wanted to go. She seemed to like that idea because
after that conversation, I noticed a few books on Australia scattered on her desk.
But as the days passed, I wanted more of her. I wanted to touch her in ways she'd never been touched
before. I wanted her to need me the way a woman needed a man.
The way I needed her . . .

February
I climbed into her bedroom window, but she wasn't in her room. I heard her finishing up in the bathroom.
She'd just showered and was now drying her hair.
I walked over to her desk and picked up the book on Australia and mindlessly thumbed through it while
I waited for her to return. We’d been reading the book together each night and discussing a possible trip
there this summer. We still had to figure out a way to break the news to Charlie. It wasn't as if we were
doing anything wrong, but I was supposed to have a wife and family that depended on me, so how were
we going to explain the two of us traveling to another country? We still had a few months to figure things
out.
I heard Bella walk down the hallway and quickly open her bedroom door. Neither of us were prepared for
what we were about to see.
"Carlisle!"
"Sorry!" I dropped the book. I actually dropped the book at the sight of her. She was standing in the
doorway in nothing but a tiny towel. My fingers twitched when I thought about pulling that towel from
her body.
She slowly walked over to me, bent down and picked up the book, placing it back on the desk. "I didn't
think vampires were supposed to drop anything."
"Yeah." I smiled as I averted my eyes. I was trying hard to be a gentleman, but I was just getting harder
by the second.
She leaned closer to me and grabbed the pile of clothes that were sitting on the desk. She smelled like
roses and vanilla. I had to fight the urge to run my tongue along her exposed shoulder.
"Carlisle?"
Her soft voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Yes, sweetheart."
"Can you turn around while I get dressed?"
"Oh, well, I can just wait downstairs, if you'd like."
"That won't be necessary. It'll only take me a few seconds." She slowly ran her tongue along her top lip.
I was so mesmerized by her that I forgot what she'd asked me to do. I couldn't think straight, so instead of
doing the right thing and leaving her bedroom, I moved closer to her. It was as if I didn't have a choice.
She was calling to me without the use of words. I placed my hands on her shoulders and gently pulled her
to me.
"Bella," I whispered and my cool breath on her face caused her to shiver. "I can't stop thinking about
you."
"You're all I think about, all day long." She reached up and placed her hand on my cheek. "It's not the first
time I've felt this way."
"It isn't?"
"It's my fault they left, isn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
"The night of my birthday, when you were stitching me up, I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt something
for you. I was ashamed, and I tried to tell myself it was just a moment of weakness, but then you stayed
and I felt it every night you held me. I feel it every time you're around me and I try to fight it because I
know it's wrong."
"Why is it wrong?" I had to know what she was feeling.
"Because you're in love with Esme, you're Edward's father, and you're never going to feel this way about
me. I'm not even sure how I feel about you, but I know it's different than it was before that night of my
birthday. I just feel things." She looked down and I could tell she was ashamed of her admission. I knew
exactly how she felt. "I'm sorry."
"Isabella." I tilted her chin up so she had to look into my eyes. "I do have feelings for you. They're
complicated, but they're very strong."
"But, what about all the other stuff? Esme, Edward and the others?"
"Edward and Esme have left and it wasn't your fault," I said. "They left because they had no control over
what was happening."
"What is happening?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "I wish I did."
She leaned closer to my lips and gently pressed them to mine. My eyes darkened, but she didn’t back
away. She did the opposite, wrapping her arms around my neck and deepening the kiss. I twisted my hand
in her hair and slowly slipped my tongue inside her mouth. She tasted so sweet. I sucked her bottom lip
into my mouth and ran my other hand down her spine. She sighed against my lips. She allowed me to
indulge for a few seconds before pressing her hand against my chest in an attempt to push me back.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as I kissed her forehead. "I shouldn't have …"
"No." She looked up at me, pressing her finger to my lips. "You want me, like that."
"Of course I do." I stroked her hair.
"You're not afraid you'll hurt me?"
"I could never hurt you."
"You won't lose control if we …" She blushed.
I ran my thumb along her bottom lip, wishing we were still kissing, but I didn't want to rush her. "No," I
whispered. "I wouldn't lose control."
"It's not wrong to have these feelings for you?"
"No, it's not wrong, but we don't have to decide anything tonight." I gently kissed her lips before turning
around and facing the opposite wall. "Why don't you get dressed?" I couldn't focus with her standing in
front of me, practically naked.
We spent the rest of the evening trying to sort out what we were feeling. I confessed to her what had
happened in my study after Edward returned from taking her home. I admitted what he had heard in my
head and while I was embarrassed, I was glad she knew. I also told her Edward's mind was made up
before he heard what I thought. She said she wasn't surprised. She knew the relationship was one-sided,
and he never made her feel like he wanted her. I couldn't believe how unwanted my son had made this
beautiful creature feel. It was shameful.
Maybe there was a reason I was here …
***
I could sense the impending storm brewing in the air all day long. The weather reports indicated it was
going to be a severe winter snowstorm. I took an early hunt because I wanted to get to Bella's house
before it started coming down heavy.
Now that we were kissing, I thoroughly enjoyed the evenings I spent cuddled up against her. Poor Bella
was seriously lacking sleep, but I couldn't seem to keep my lips off her. I could spend hours kissing her
and I usually did. Some mornings her lips were so swollen she needed an ice pack before school.
I couldn't stop.
I wanted more and I could tell by the way she responded to me, she did too. I just wasn't sure she was
ready. And, Charlie hadn't been working the nightshift since we declared our feelings for one another, so
neither of us was comfortable doing anything more than kissing with him just in the next room.
I heard her pull into the driveway and I wondered what she was doing here. I quickly ran outside and
opened her door for her.
"Hey." She smiled.
"Hey." I leaned into the driver's side door and slowly kissed her. "What are you doing driving around in
the snow?"
"You sound like Charlie." She giggled.
I loved hearing her laugh. It was such a welcome change from just a few short months ago.
"Well, that's not exactly the comparison I was looking for." I cleared my throat. "But, I guess it's because
we both worry about you."
She nuzzled my neck. "Can we go inside? I'm freezing."
Before she knew what was happening, I scooped her up and carried her into the house. I flipped on the
gas fireplace and situated her in front of it. The whole process took about three seconds.
"My head is spinning." She laughed. "Come sit with me." She extended her hand for me.
I dropped down on the floor next to her and pulled her into my lap. "You didn't tell me why you're here."
I pushed the hair from her neck and gently kissed the skin just behind her ear.
"Charlie's going to stay at the station, so I brought him dinner and then I told him I was going to check on
you. He suggested that since the roads were starting to get bad, maybe I should spend the evening here."
"Really?" I liked that idea.
"If it's okay with you. I mean, I don't have to if you don't want. I'm sure you could get me back home
safely." She looked down and fidgeted with her hands.
"Do you want to stay with me?" I continued to kiss her neck. I really wanted her to stay.
"Yes." She turned in my lap so she was facing me. "I want to sleep in your bed."
There won't be much sleeping…
I cupped her face between my hands and whispered, '"Do you have any idea the things you do to me?
You've made me feel things I've never felt before."
"Not ever?" she whispered.
"I had no idea I could feel this way," I admitted.
"Kiss me." She looked up at me with those desperate wide eyes and I knew after tonight there'd be no
turning back.
I pressed my lips to hers and eagerly attacked her mouth. She was so soft and her skin was so much
warmer than mine. It was as if I melted into her. After a few minutes, I let her go so she could catch her
breath.
"Sorry, I get carried away with you."
"I want you to get carried away. I like the way you kiss me. You're not afraid I'll break. You make me feel
like a woman." She innocently chewed on her lip.
"You're an extremely desirable woman, Isabella," I said. "I try to take things slow with you, but when
we're close like this, I seem to lose control. I won't hurt you and if you ever tell me to stop, know that I
will, but if we're going to be intimate, I can't make any promises that I can be gentle."
I had only ever been with a vampire. I never had to worry about my strength when I was being physical,
so I knew I'd have to be somewhat careful. I was very confident that I could have her without hurting her,
but because of our physical differences, things could get a bit rough for her.
"I don't care if you hurt me when we're close. I know you don't mean it. But, what about my blood? Is it
hard for you to kiss me?"
"No." I laughed. "It's my new favorite thing to do. I literally count the hours until I can put my lips to
you."
She smiled.
"I've never had any desire for human blood, least of all yours, so no; it doesn't bother me at all."
She trailed her finger down my cheek and then over my lips. I closed my eyes and relaxed into her touch.
I wanted so much more with her. The possibilities were astounding.
"It's so much different with you," she whispered. "You treat me like an adult. You make me feel wanted
and special. I want more with you, Carlisle. More than I ever wanted with anyone else."
I knew she was comparing me to Edward, but I didn't mind. I was happy I was different for her. I wanted
her to know that I wanted her as a woman. I saw who she really was.
"I'll give you whatever you want." I pressed her fingers to my lips. "You're very special to me. I still don't
understand what's happening between us or if it's even right, but I can't deny that we're something to one
another. I want to explore it."
"Me too," she said. "And, if it feels right to us, isn't that all that should matter?"
"You're perfect." I smiled "I couldn't have said that better myself." She shivered against my chest. "I can
get you a blanket."
"Do you mind if I take a hot shower?" she asked. "I still can't seem to get warm."
"Sure." I said. "Use the bathroom in my bedroom. Are you hungry?"
"No, I ate before I came," she said.
"Okay." I helped her up. "Take your time and I'll bring you up some hot chocolate when you're finished."
"Now you're the perfect one." She laughed as she kissed my cheek. "I won't be long."
I watched as she made her way up the staircase and to my bedroom. I went into the kitchen to fix her
some hot chocolate, but so many thoughts were running through my head.
Was this right?
Should I have left with my family all those months ago?
Should I just leave Bella alone and leave her to live her life?
I had no answers. Just questions. I didn't want to do anything to hurt that beautiful girl and I knew if I left,
I'd destroy her. Not to mention the fact that I didn't have any desire to leave her. In the end, I'd have to
let Bella make her own choices. She came to me tonight for a reason. She was now upstairs, naked in my
bathroom for a reason. So, why was I downstairs making hot chocolate?
Get your head in the game, Carlisle!
I stood in the doorway, mesmerized by the sight before me. Bella was standing in front of the mirror,
brushing her long hair, wearing nothing but one of my white dress shirts. It was big on her, so she rolled
the sleeves up to her wrists and the bottom hung just above her knees. I had to take a moment to compose
myself, because I could see through the thin material of the shirt that she wasn't wearing anything else.
"Carlisle?" She looked up and smiled at me.
The sound of her angelic voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "I'm sorry." I walked toward her. "I was
just admiring you."
"I hope you don't mind that I borrowed this." She blushed as she ran her hand over my shirt. "But, my
clothes were damp from the snow."
"No." I smiled. "You wear it well."
She moved closer to me and gently ran her fingers through my hair. I lowered my lips to her jaw and
trailed my nose along her sweet smelling skin, working my way down to her neck. She tightened her hold
on my hair, guiding me lower. I stopped just at the tops of her breasts. She hadn't button the shirt all the
way, so I could see her creamy mounds peeking out of it. I'd imagined what it would be like to touch
them, to lick and suck her nipples. I wanted to see every inch of her. Claim every part of her unchartered
body.
I placed a soft kiss just inside the unopened shirt and then looked up at her.
"Please don't tell me you don't want to do this," she whispered.
She looked so alone and lost, almost like she did when she'd sat at the window and stared for hours at a
time. I didn't want her to ever slip back into that darkness again. I scooped her up and carried her to the
bed, gently placing her in the center.
"I want to do this, Bella." I kicked off my shoes and pulled my shirt over my head. Her eyes were situated
on my bare chest and her breathing picked up as she watched as I removed my pants. "I want to do
everything to you."
I climbed in next to her, propping myself up on my elbow. "Will that be okay with you?"
"Yes." She lay back on the pillows and slightly spread her legs. Her arousal assaulted my nostrils and
caused a small growl to escape my lips.
Bella wasn't afraid. She turned her head to face me, ran her hand down the center of her body and then
hiked her shirt up, revealing herself to me. "Show me, Carlisle. Please, I've waited so long for you."
"Bella," I groaned as I fiercely attacked her lips. "I want you so bad."
I slipped my hand up under her shirt and gently ran my fingertips over her nipples. She arched her body
off the bed and into my hand. I palmed her breasts as I kissed her neck, moving my way down her throat.
I rolled on top of her, wrapping her legs around my hips as I ground my hard cock into her. She was so
wet I could feel her soaking through my boxers. As I moved against her, I pulled down her shirt just
enough to capture her nipple between my lips. She moaned and writhed underneath me as I swirled my
tongue over it. She tightened her grip around my waist with her legs and rocked against me.
"Carlisle," she whispered. "More … please."
I moved back on my side, hiking her leg up over my hip and sliding my fingers inside her as I pressed my
lips against hers. She swiveled her hips and moved her body in time with my fingers.
"Let go, Isabella," I whispered against her mouth. "Cum on my fingers."
"I…" Her chest was rising and falling at the same time her muscles were clenching around my fingers.
She was so close, I could feel how much she wanted to let go. "Carlisle…"
She squeezed her eyes shut and released hard as she shuddered against me.
I gently kissed her lips, jaw and neck as she settled down. She opened her eyes and smiled at me. She sat
up and slowly unbuttoned her shirt and then slipped it off her shoulders. She was so comfortable with me.
She was offering herself to me in this quiet gesture.
I let my eyes travel down her body, but I had to touch her. I reached up and trailed my fingertips down her
neck, over her breasts and nipples, moving my way down her stomach. She giggled when I traced over
her bellybutton.
I couldn't help but laugh. She was so innocent, even in this situation there was a purity about her. Her
scent lingered on my fingers, but I needed to taste her. I gently pushed her back onto the pillows and then
moved down between her thighs. She looked down at me and I saw the uncertainty in her eyes.
I licked the juices from the inside of her thigh, but I needed more. "You smell delicious," I mumbled
against her heated flesh. "Just relax for me." I spread her apart with my fingers and swiped my tongue just
inside her entrance. She shivered from the coolness, but she instantly relaxed. She responded to what I
was doing to her immediately.
She twisted her fingers in my hair and tugged gently as she thrust her hips against my face. I worked her
with my fingers as my tongue delved deeper into her heat.
"Oh, God…" she moaned."You don't need to breathe…"
I smiled against her, but I kept moving my tongue. I could lick her for hours.
"Carlisle!" She screamed out. "I'm gonna cum."
I moved my tongue at vampire speed, causing her eyes to roll in the back of her head as she climaxed.
I tugged at my boxers, ripping them off and quickly moving up her body. I didn't give her any time to
recover as I covered her body with mine. She knew what I wanted because she wrapped her legs around
my waist and gripped my shoulders. I grabbed her hips and quickly entered her. She held her breath as I
pushed deep inside her and with one swift move, I broke her barrier.
She opened her eyes and cried out. I smelled the blood as it trickled out of her and onto me. I stilled my
movements, stroked her hair and whispered, "Do you want me to stop?"
"No," she whispered. "I need you."
"You have me, sweetheart." I slowly moved in and out of her, taking my time to feel every inch of her.
After a few minutes, she relaxed and move with me. "You're so beautiful."
She reached up and pressed her palm to my cheek. "You won't leave me."
"Not ever." I promised. "I couldn't."
She grabbed onto my shoulders again, wrapped her legs tightly around me and let me take the lead. There
was no rush. We took our time and melted into one another. The only sound that could be heard was our
labored breaths.
"Bella," I moaned. "I'm gonna cum." I ran my fingers through her hair and quickly released deep inside
her. I didn't want to stop moving and I couldn't bring myself to break our connection. I rolled onto my
side, pulling her to face me. I continued to roll my hips and move within her.
She ran her fingers through my hair and then down my cheek and over my lips.
"Are you okay?" I gently kissed her.
"Yes." She smiled. "That was amazing."
I still couldn't stop moving. I was already hard again but I knew she needed time to recover, even if I
didn't.
"You don't have to stop, do you?" She arched a brow at me. "I mean, you can keep going?"
"I don't have to stop, but I will." I slowly kissed her, slipping my tongue inside her mouth and rubbing it
against hers. "I just like being close to you, being inside you."
"Can we do it again?" She sucked my bottom lip into her mouth.
"I think that's what we’re doing, beautiful." I thrust deeper. "But, I don't want to hurt you."
She threw her head back and moaned, "You won't…just don't stop."
I ran my fingers along her back, while she licked and nipped at my neck. I never had a human try to bite
me before.
She slowed her movements because she was tired, but the thought of separating tugged at my chest. I
wanted to stay with her just a little longer, so I quickly pulled out and nudged her onto her knees.
"Carlisle?" She panicked. "I don't want you to stop yet."
"Shh." I placed her hands on the headboard and guided her hips, so that I could enter her from behind.
"Oh!" she moaned.
I was hitting a completely different angle now and from the way she was whimpering and grunting, I
had a feeling she liked it. I pulled her body up, so that her back was against my chest. I moved my hands
along her breasts, paying special attention to her nipples before sliding my hand down her stomach and
between her moist folds.
"I need to be everywhere, Bella," I whispered into her hair. "I want to touch every inch of your gorgeous
body."
"Yessss…"
I glanced down and watched as my balls slapped against her ass and my cock disappeared inside her
pretty little sex. I was so close, so I worked her faster with my fingers and soon she was screaming out my
name.
I followed a few seconds later, collapsing onto her back. We stayed that way until she was able to speak
and her breathing returned to normal. I rolled off her and pulled her onto her side so that we were facing
one another. I needed to looked into her eyes and make sure she was okay.
"I didn’t hurt you?" I looked her over and saw the bruises forming on her pale skin. Her face was flushed,
her lips were swollen and her hair was a tangled mess, but I'd never seen her look so satisfied and content.
She smiled at me.
"What is it?"
"I…" she stopped.
"Bella? You have to talk to me." I had no idea what she was thinking or feeling and that drove me crazy.
"I just..." She was crying now and I was feeling stressed.
Should I not have done that with her? Maybe she wasn't ready.
I stroked her hair and tried to sooth her. "I'm sorry. I thought you wanted to. I didn't mean to take
advantage of you." I ran my hand through my hair, trying to figure out how I was going to fix this. "This
is all my fault."
"No." She shook her head and gently kissed my lips. "I'm crying because I've never felt so wanted before.
I'm just overwhelmed by what I'm feeling for you."
"I understand." I kissed her again. "You're what's been missing in my life."
"For me too." She nodded as the tears streamed down her face.
"Don't cry." I wiped her cheeks. "We can be happy, Bella. We have a lot to figure out, but I swear to you,
I'll find a way."
We had many obstacles. Technically, I was still married, but that was just a formality at this point. She
was so much younger than I was; an understatement, I know, and her father wasn't going to be thrilled
about this. And, then there was my son. He wouldn't stay away forever. But none of it mattered as long as
I had her.
"Carlisle?"
"Yes, beautiful?"
"Can you ever love me?" She looked at me with those deep, trusting eyes and I was done for.
Was she serious?
"I already do."
"It will all work out." She slowly kissed me. "I know it will."
I believed her when she said it.
It would all work out…
***Thanks to my pre-reader Lady Tazz and to my beta TwiCarol.