401 - Now You Know "Her timing was fatally flawed.

"

"The first thing you should know is that Edie Carlos turns and walks down the stairs.
Britt never actually intended to die. But
someone she loved was trying to leave her.
So she planned every detail from the silk scarf EDIE'S BEDROOM
she'd hang by, to the suicide note detailing
her despair. Now all Edie had to do was wait Edie's eyes open wide knowing she in trouble.
for her beloved to come home." She hears Carlos and Mrs. McCluskey
downstairs talking.

EDIE'S FRONT DOOR Carlos: "Mrs. McCluskey."

Carlos walks in. Mrs. McCluskey: "I need to show you

something. Come here!"
Carlos: "Hey, Edie! I'm here to get my stuff!"
Edie grabs the scarf trying to pull herself up.
Carlos begins walking upstairs.

"You see, to hold on to her man, Edie knew EDIE'S FRONT YARD
she'd have to find the perfect moment to let
go." Mrs. McCluskey and Carlos walk to the curb to
his garbage can.
Edie lets go of the overhead beam.
Mrs. McCluskey: "What's this!?"

EDIE'S FRONT DOOR Carlos: "Ahhh, those are trash cans."

Mrs. McCluskey enters, knocking on the open Mrs. McCluskey: "I know they are trash cans,
door. smart ass! I'm asking what they are doing
out on a Saturday night when the trash got
Mrs. McCluskey: "Hey Carlos!" picked up on Thursday."

"Sadly for Edie..."

EDIE'S BEDROOM
Carlos stops on the stairs
Edie's grip of the scarf is slowing slipping as
Mrs. McCluskey: "Could I talk to you?" she loses consciousness.
EDIE'S FRONT YARD SUSAN'S BEDROOM

Carlos: "Fine, I will take them in. Happy Mike is fast asleep and Susan is wide awake.
now?"
"It might be an impromptu wedding..."
Mrs. McCluskey looks upstairs to Edie's
bedroom window.
LYNETTE'S BEDROOM
Mrs. McCluskey: "Carlos? What the hell is
that?" Tom is fast asleep and Lynette is wide awake.

Carlos turns and looks upstairs to the window. "or a recently diagnosed tumor."
He sees Edie hanging and runs inside.

BREE'S BEDROOM
EDIE'S BEDROOM
Orson is fast asleep and Bree is wide awake.
Carlos runs in, grabs a chair, climbs up and
cuts Edie down. "Or a make believe pregnancy."

"And this is now Carlos Solis arrived just in the

nick of time to save the life of Edie Britt." WISTERIA LANE - NIGHT

Carlos: "Oh Baby. What did you do? Come An Emergency truck comes around the corner
on, girl, wake up. Come on please." with red lights and sirens.

"Of course had he known what she was about "Regardless, it's all they will think of until
to do to his life he would have let her hang something comes along to remind them that
there." other people have secrets too."

WISTERIA LANE - NIGHT

FAIRVIEW HOSPITAL
"There is a certain time of night when children
have been put to bed and husbands have Bree, Susan and Lynette come rushing in.
begun snoring, that women lie awake and They walk up to Carlos.
think of the secrets they've been keeping from
their friends." Susan: "Carlos. How is she?"
Bree: "What did the doctor say?" night you will never forget."

Carlos: "Ah, they've got Edie on a ventilator,

but she's gonna be okay." FLASHBACK

Lynette: "What the hell happened? How Gabrielle's Wedding Day

could she pull a stunt like this?"
Carlos: "Let's get out of here."
Carlos: "She left a note which pretty much
blames me." Gabrielle: "What?"

Lynette: "Ah, Sweetie." Carlos: "I'm serious. You, me, just screw it
all. Let's run away together."
Susan: "I can't believe this is happening. It's
like Mary Alice all over again." Gabrielle: "I just got married. There are two
hundred people out there waiting for me to
Bree: "Yes, but the good news is she is going lead a conga line."
to live."
Carlos: "Gaby, you just said you don't feel
Lynette: "I know it's her wedding night, but like Victor really loves you and you know I do.
do you think we should call Gaby?" I've never stopped."

Carlos: "Oh crap!" Gabrielle: "I can't dump him on our wedding
day. That's a horrible thing to do. Even to
Carlos runs out of the waiting room. Victor."

Carlos: "He'll get over it. But I've never

VICTOR'S BEDROOM gotten over losing you and I won't let it
happen again."
Victor, is knocking on the bathroom door.
Carlos grabs Gabrielle and kisses her. They
Victor: "Gaby, you know this better be one hear Victor outside.
hell of a wedding night considering how long
you are taking in there." Victor: "Gaby are you in here? Gaby?"

Gabrielle, fully dressed, is sitting in the Victor enters the room. Gabrielle is standing
bathroom next to her packed suitcases. very still holding a wedding present.

Gabrielle: "Trust me, Victor. This will be a Victor: "Oh hi."

Gabrielle: "Yeah, I was just counting gifts. Gabrielle: "Finally. Carlos, where the hell are
Ha Ha." you?"

Victor: "Oh, that's fine. I was actually Carlos: "I'm at the hospital. Edie tried to kill
looking for that publicist guy. You haven't herself."
seen him have you."
Gabrielle: "Oh my God, is she okay?"
Gabrielle: "No."
Carlos: "I found her just in time, but
Victor: "Okay, I'll give a holler when I need obviously, I can't come to pick you up
you." tonight."

Victor leaves. Gabrielle pulls up her dress. Gabrielle: "Okay, that's all right. I'll just take
Carlos crawls out. a cab and meet you."

Gabrielle: "Come out." Carlos: "Gaby. I can't leave Edie now. Look
maybe in a couple weeks."
Carlos: "Who doesn't wear underwear on
their wedding day?" Gabrielle: "In a few weeks? No, it has to be
tonight. Victor's in the bedroom right now
Gabrielle: "Focus you idiot! Come on, waiting to consummate."
when are we leaving?"
Carlos: "And Edie's on a ventilator. Look,
Carlos: "So, we're doing this? (Gabrielle you don't have to stay with Victor. You have
nods) Great. Ah, it'll take me a few hours to a house."
get things together. I'm gonna pick you up
tonight. Just be packed and ready to go. Gabrielle: "Okay, you know, running away
with you on my wedding night was crazy
Gabrielle: "Okay, wait. Aren't you going to enough, but running away to be alone is
kiss the bride?" insane!"

They kiss passionately. Carlos: "Gaby, please. She needs me. Can't
you just wait?"

PRESENT Gabrielle: "No! I would rather try and work

it out with Victor!"
Gabrielle sits in Victor's Bathroom. Her cell
phone rings. Gabrielle hangs up.
 want?"
Victor: "Gaby! Are you coming to bed?"
Mike: "Yeah, pretty much."

SUSAN'S KITCHEN Susan: "Ah ha!"

A card with "One Month Later" on the front. Mike: "Ah ha?"
It opens and a drawn picture of Susan's
wedding is revealed. Mike is reading it with Susan: Pretty much means there is
Susan over his shoulder. something that you want that you don't have.
How can I give it to you if you don't tell me
Susan: "Happy one month anniversary." what it is."

Mike: "Oh. I didn't know we were doing Mike: "Susan, I swear, I am ecstatically,
this." beyond my wildest dreams, lip-smackingly
happy. You got it?"
Susan: "Oh we've just been so happy the last
four weeks, I thought we should celebrate." Susan: "This marriage is doomed."

Mike smiles at the card, puts it down and Susan walks away. Mike shakes his head and
picks up the morning paper. looks out the window.

Susan: "You are happy, right?" Mike: "Hey, a moving van just pulled up."

Mike: "Yeah, I've never been happier."

BREE'S KITCHEN
Susan: "Oh, that's sweet. I don't believe
you." Andrew is sitting having a bowl of cereal.
Bree walking in trying to tie on her "fake"
Mike: "Susan." pregnant pack."

Susan: "I watch you sometimes and you Bree: "Andrew, I'm having trouble with my
seem very... disconnected, like something's strap, could you help me?"
missing."
Andrew: "Look, I told you three weeks ago I
Mike: "Nothing is missing." was no longer participating in your little hoax.
That includes strapping you in."
Susan: "So our life together is exactly how
you pictured it. You've gotten everything you Bree: "Oh for heaven's sake. Orson! Could
you come help me please? (to Andrew) I'll
remember this the next time you want money She throws off the pillow to reveal her bald
for leather pants." head and starts to get out of bed.

Andrew: "People are gonna find out and then Lynette: "Hey! Hey, my wig is gone. Where
we are all going to look like idiots." is it?

Bree: "Well, not if we're careful." Tom: "It's on the night stand."

Andrew: "This isn't the Fifty's, okay? Lynette: "No, no, I'm looking at the night
Teenage girls get pregnant all the time. I stand and all I see are a few stray hairs and
mean my ex lab partner is practically a this sports blooper DVD you thought would
grandmother." cheer me up."

Bree: "Look, this family's reputation is already
hanging by a thread. I mean first people
thought that your stepfather was a wife killer,
then your sister takes off with her history
teacher, and now we're supposed to parade
the little bastard up and down the street.
mean we might as well sit on the porch and
play banjos!"
Orson walks in.
Tom: "Tate Manning is funny."
Parker: "Mom!"
Lynette: "Hey, I'm coming! Don't' just lie
I there like a lump, come on and help me look!
Tom: "God, there are certain moments when
it occurs to me that wouldn't it be easier if we
just told everyone that you have Cancer!"

Orson: "Bree. You know there's a moving Lynette: "Oh, I found it!"
van next door."
Tom: "Look, I mean, I get not wanting to
scare the kids but to keep all of our friends in
LYNETTE'S BEDROOM the dark its..."

Lynette with a pillow on her face and Tom are Lynette: (putting on her wig) "Look, I can
fast asleep. Someone is knocking on the deal with the Chemo. I can deal with people
door. telling me my hair has never looked better,
but what I cannot deal with is the pity, so we
Parker: "Mom! Are you awake? are doing it my way."

Lynette: "Okay Honey, just give me a Tom straightens Lynette's wig roughly.
minute."
Tom: "You were crooked." Victor: "My house is over ten thousand
square feet, I'm pretty sure there are closets."
Lynette opens the bedroom door.
Gabrielle: "I'm just not in a rush to unload
Lynette: "Hey. Sweetie, what's up?" this house, okay? This was my home. I was
very happy here."
Parker: "There's a moving van across the
street." Victor: "Well you got a new home now.
Aren't you happy there?"

GABRIELLE'S HOUSE Gabrielle: "Yeah, it a great house."

Gabrielle walks in and overhears Victor talking Victor: "Well, good, then sell this place.
to a realtor. What are you waiting for?"

Victor: "So you'll handle this right away? Gabrielle: "I'm not waiting for anything. Oh
And don't worry about getting top dollar I look, a moving van."
want this place priced to move."

Gabrielle: "What's going on here?" WISTERIA LANE - DAY

Victor: "We're meeting with our realtor. Movers are unloading boxes and furniture.
Gaby, you remember Gill?" Bree, Susan, and Lynette are outside watching
as Gabrielle walks up.
Gabrielle: "I remember telling you I wasn't
ready to sell the house yet." Gabrielle: "New neighbors. What do we
know?"
Victor: "Gill, could you give us a minute
please?" Bree: "Well, dining chairs, there's a clue."

Gill: "Yeah." Lynette: "Yes, it proves they eat sitting down."

Gill leaves. Bree: "No, I mean they're Sticklys. That

means they have taste."
Victor: "Gaby, we agreed that after we got
married you would sell the house." Gabrielle: "And money. They've been
remodeling for weeks."
Gabrielle: "I still have a lot of stuff here."
Susan: "I wish Edie were here. Without her
there's no one here to give us the dish."
Katherine: "No very well, I'm afraid. That's
Bree: "Yet another illustration of the really the reason why we moved back. We
fundamental selfishness of suicide." didn't want poor Aunt Lily to spend her final
days in a nursing home"
An SUV pulls up in front of the home .
Bree: "That is so kind of you."
Gabrielle: "You think this is them?"
Susan: "Yeah, it is."
A woman steps out of the SUV
Katherine: "And as luck would have it, my
Susan: "Oh my God, Katherine." husband found a job here."

Susan runs across the street to the new Katherine's husband walks up the stairs
neighbor. carrying a box.

Susan: "Katherine!" Katherine: 'Adam, could you wave or

something?'
Katherine: "Ah, Susan!"
Adam: "Hello ladies. Looking forward to
They hug. meeting you when I'm a little less sweaty."

Gabrielle: "He's a cutie! What does he do?

KATHERINE'S KITCHEN Katherine: "He's a doctor."

Katherine is pouring lemonade into Susan's Lynette: "Okay, don't take this personally, but
glass. we hate you."

Susan: "I cannot believe it has been twelve In walks a young lady.
years. You haven't changed a bit."
Dylan: "Mom? I finished unpacking my
Katherine: "You clearly have, your eyesite's room. Do you need any help?
going." Susan: "Oh my God. This is not little Dylan?
I'm Susan, Julie's mom. She is going to be so
Gabrielle, Bree and Lynette are also in the excited to see you."
kitchen.
Dylan: "Great. Who's Julie again?"
Susan: "How's your Aunt? Katherine use to
live here with Mrs. Sims." Katherine: "Honey, you remember your best
friend when you were little." Katherine: "Well, I don't want to quarrel. We
will not touch that tree until we have come up
Dylan: "Oh right." with a solution to our problem. Curtains
perhaps?"
Katherine: "Why don't you go help your
stepfather with the last few boxes?" Susan: "So you're back. How fun. I should
have a brunch so that everyone can get to
Dylan: "It was nice meeting you all." know you."

She goes upstairs. Katherine: "No, no need. I'm having a

barbeque this Saturday. I'm inviting the
Bree: "What a beautiful family. I feel so whole neighborhood."
lucky to have you for a neighbor."
Susan: "Oh, you don't need to do that."
Katherine: "No, I am the lucky one. Look at
my view. Your garden is absolutely Katherine: "I insist. I have missed Wisteria
breathtaking. And that pine tree in the back Lane so much and I want to do something
yard." special for my dear old friends. And all you
lovely newcomers."
Bree: "It's my pride and joy."

Katherine: "Oh it absolutely kills me to have DEPARTMENT STORE

to ask you to cut it down."
Orson and Bree are shopping.
Bree: "Excuse me?"
Bree: "The nice thing about this fake
Katherine: "Well I'm sorry but I'm not going pregnancy is that my feet don't swell. And I
to be able to grow my prize winning really wouldn't be able to squeeze into the
vegetables with that tree blocking all the slingbacks if I really was eight and a half
sunlight." months pregnant."

Bree: "Oh, I'm sorry about your vegetables Mrs. McKeever: "Bree, don't you look
but that pine blocks my view of the Purcell's radiant."
back yard and if you've ever seen Mr. Purcell
sun bath, well you'd know exactly what that Bree: "Oh hello, Mrs. McKeever."
tree means to me."
Mrs. McKeever: "Well I heard that you were
Everyone laughs uncomfortably. expecting, but I had no idea how far along
you were. May I?"
 McKeever's hand tightly again.
Mrs. McKeever reaches to touch Bree's
stomach. Bree backs away quickly. Bree: "Are you gonna back off now?"

Bree: "Oh! There's no need. The baby's just Mrs. McKeever nods very frightened. Orson
not kicking right now." pulls Bree's hand off Mrs. McKeever.

Mrs. McKeever: "Sometimes, if you give them Orson: "Cars here dear. Lovely to see you
a little jiggle, you can get them to move." Mrs. McKeever."

She reaches for Bree's stomach again. Bree Orson escorts Bree away.
pulls back.
Bree: "Why must old ladies always do that?'
Bree: "Oh!!"
Orson: "I don't know but you've got to stop
Orson: "Oh, she doesn't really want to be roughing them up!"
jiggled right now. She's very sensitive down
there."
DOCTOR'S EXAM ROOM
Mrs. McKeever: "But I'll be gentle. You know
in my day mother's thought that it was good Susan sits in a hospital gown. Nurse walks in.
luck."
Nurse: "I'm sorry, Susan, Dr. Gornburg just
She reaches for Bree's stomach again. Bree had a patient go into labor. His new partner
grabs her wrist. is covering for him if you are comfortable with
that."
Bree: "Perhaps I need to make my point a
little more clearly!" Susan: "Sure, I'm just here for a check up."

Mrs. McKeever: "Bree. You're hurting me." Nurse: "Doctor?"

Store manager walks up. Adam, Katherine's husband walks in.

Manager: "Is there a problem here?" Adam: "Thank you. Hi, I'm Dr. Mayfair. I'm
gonna....
Bree: "No, not at all. I'm just saying hello to
a very dear friend of mine." He stops as he recognizes Susan.

Manager walks away. Bree grips Mrs. Adam: "Hold it. Have we met?"
Susan: "Yes, yesterday. Susan Meyer, your Susan: "Sorry.
new neighbor."
Adam: "And relax."
Adam: "Right."
Susan: "Sorry, Hey, not to change the subject
Susan: "I.. I didn't know you were this kind of but when is Dr. Gornburg coming back?"
doctor."
Adam: "Almost done. You know, Katherine
Adam: "I sure am." has talked about you for years. It's nice to
finally put a face to the name."
Adam pulls up the stirrups on the table and
sits between Susan's legs and begins putting
on gloves. BARCLIFF ACADEMY AUDITORIUM

Susan: "Listen, um,.. maybe this isn't..." Lynette is sitting with her mother, Stella.
Lynette keeps fidgeting with her wig.
Adam: "Feet up please." Murielle walks in looking for someone.

Susan: "Okay." Murielle: "Lynette!"

Susan lays down and puts her feet in the Lynette: "Murielle, how are you doing?
stirrups. What's up? You look good."

Adam: "And skooch down." Murielle: "Don't try to sweet talk me, Lynette
Scavo, I am fit to be tied. Did you or did you
Susan skooches. not volunteer to run the fundraising gala?"

Susan: "It's just that it's weird you know Lynette: "Yeah. Things have been a little
considering you're .. Where'd you go?" weird lately. "

Adam working between Susan's legs under a Murielle: "Don't even think of wriggling out
sheet. of this Lynette. Every other third grade mom
has chaired an event. It is your turn!"
Adam: "And relax."
Lynette: "Okay. I'll jump right on it."
Susan: "Sorry."
Murielle: "Great, okay."
Adam: "And relax."
Murielle walks away.
Susan: "Yeah. You know, one month off, two
Stella: "See, that's where someone with half a month on. That happens, right?"
brain would played the Cancer card."
Adam: "Ever experience night sweats?"
Lynette: "I can handle it."
Susan: "Um..sometimes. But Mike's a big
Stella: "Like hell! You've been nauseous all spooner. He's like sleeping with a Hibachi."
day from the Chemo."
Adam: "How about hot flashes?"
Lynette: "Shhhhh!"
Susan: "Okay, whoa. I'm gonna stop you
Stella: (whispering) "You shouldn't even be right there. I am way too young for that.
here." Please refer to your chart."

Lynette: "It's my life. Some stupid disease is Adam: "Susan, I know for a lot of women the
not going to keep me from living it. Beside, word Menopause has a lot of negative
Parker is expecting to see me." connotations. They hear aging, brittle bones,
loss of sexual desire."
Lynette waves at Parker peeking out from
behind the curtain. Parker waves back. Susan: "Okay, before we go any further can I
just check those diplomas cause I would just
Stella: "Okay he saw you. We'll duck out like to make sure they're not from some med
when the lights go down." school in the Philippines."

Lynette: "He's gonna be watching for me all Adam: "Look there's a simple blood test we
day. He's one of the leads." can use to find out..."

Stella: "He's Friar Tuck. It's a thankless role." Susan: "I don't need any test. I am not old
enough for Menopause. Now I don't know
Play begins, lights go down. what kind of nonsense they taught you at
Harvard Medical School, Class of 97? Oh My
God. I am old! Just gimme the damn test!"
ADAM'S EXAMINING ROOM

Adam walks in with Susan's chart. BARCLIFF ACADEMY AUDITORIUM

Adam: "Well everything seems normal. But Parker on stage.

you say you've been having irregular periods."
Parker: "We will live in these woods until our you a new purse."
work is done. If the Sheriff comes, we will
drive him away with our bows and arrows." Stella: "Fine, but that wasn't my purse."

Lynette is getting more and more nauseous. They both look down at the purse and sees
Her mother watches her. that it belongs to Murielle.

Stella: "You okay?"

WISTERIA LANE - DAY
Lynette: "I'm feeling a little .... I'm fine."
Katherine Barbeque. She is walking around
Parker: (on stage) "I beseech thee. Pray talking to guests.
that I may join your band of merry men."
Katherine: "Hello, do you have everything
Lynette fans herself. you need? You just let me know. Hi! Good
to see you. Oh you look great."
Parker: "I am more than just a jolly friar for I
can have both a sword and an arrow. We Mrs. McCluskey is at the buffet table getting
must support Robin Hood." food.

Lynette: "Oh, I'm gonna be sick." Katherine: "Mrs. McCluskey. Hello. How
are you? Do you remember me?"
Man sitting next to Lynette: "Right there with
you lady." Mrs. McCluskey: "You're Bess Truman, right?
Of course I remember you. If that's your way
Parker: (on stage) "All hail Robin Hood." of checking if my brains gone all tapioca, I'm
fine."
Audience applauds and stands up. Lynette is
getting more and more nauseous. Katherine: "Sorry."

Stella: "Okay, let's go." Mrs. McCluskey: "So I saw your kid and your
new husband. Nice catch."
Lynette: "It's too late!"
Katherine: "Oh, well, thank you. I'm very
Lynette grabs a large black purse off the floor eager for him to experience life on Wisteria
and vomits into it. She puts it back and Lane. Times that Dylan and I spent here were
stands up and claps. the happiest of our lives."

Lynette: "Bravo!! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll get Mrs. McCluskey: "Yeah? They why'd you
take off so suddenly? You skipped town Dylan: "Hi."
without even saying goodbye."
Julie: "It's me, Julie."
Katherine: "My, you do remember a lot, don't
you? Excuse me, I really must mingle." Katherine runs up.

Mike at the buffet table with Susan. Mike Katherine: "Julie's the one we were talking
smells his plate. about. Hi Honey."

Mike: "These eggs are passed their prime." Julie: "Hi."

Susan: "Oh, so you just shun them and throw Katherine: "She was your best friend."
them away?"
Julie: "Yeah, and I brought you a little welcome
Mike: "Well, yeah, since mayonnaise kept out back gift. You're favorite."
in the sun can kill ya. Everything okay? You
seem kinda moody today." Katherine: "Oh my goodness. You
remember how you use to love licorice."
Susan: "Yeah, get use to it."
Dylan: "I did?"
Mike: "Okay, did I do something wrong?"
Katherine: "Ah huh."
Susan: "No, I'm sorry. I'm just a little.... You
know, forget it. Let's eat." Dylan: "Okay."

Mrs. McKeever at a table with other older Julie: "Come on, I've got some of the old
ladies calls out to Susan. gang I want you to meet."

Mrs. McKeever: "Yoo hoo Susan, we saved Susan and Mike are sitting at a bench.
you a place."
Mike: "Menopause? Aren't you a little
Ladies: "Come on, we want you over here." young for that?"

Susan starts to cry and runs off. Susan: "I know. And you thought you
married a vibrant woman in her prime and
Julie walks up to Dylan and hugs her. instead you got a wife who is dry and dusty."

Julie: "Oh my God, Dylan." Mike: (laughs) "Oh, honey. It's a natural
part of life."
Susan: "Yeah, the part before death!" Susan: "Oh my gosh, she's out of the clinic."

Mike: "I know that it's upsetting, but it's Edie: "Thanks, Darling."
really not that big a deal."
Lynette, Bree, Gabrielle and Susan approach
Susan: "Yes, it is. What if you want to have Edie.
kids?"
Lynette: "Hi."
Mike: "We agreed that we didn't."
Edie: "Hi, oh careful, the neck."
Susan: "No you said you did. I said I didn't
and you changed your mind. What if you Lynette: "Oh, sorry."
change it back?"
Edie: "Thank you all so much for the cards.
Mike: "That's not gonna happen." Sometimes

Susan: "Listen, my last egg could be on its
way down the chute this very moment. If you
want to have kids you might want to jump on
it, right now!"
Mike: "All right, this is all very romantic but
let me be clear about this, okay? I love you
and if kids don't happen, I'm fine with that."
it takes a near tragedy to realize just how
much you're loved."
Edie tries to put her arm in Carlos' arm, and
he pulls away.
Carlos: "So why don't you talk to your friends
and I'll go unpack the car."

Susan: "I don't want you to be fine. I want Edie: "Oh, thanks Sweetheart."
you to be happy."
Carlos drives away.
Mike: "All right, I'm just trying to find a nice
way to shut you up so.." Edie: "I have to admit that I was little
concerned about how you would react when
Mike kisses Susan. you saw me, but this, throwing me a party."

Susan: "Yup, we're doomed." The ladies stare at each other awkwardly.

Mike: "Hey, look who's back." Susan: "Well, we just all love ya!"

Carlos is escorting Edie down the street. Lynette: "Edie you look great, especially... you
know.., given the circumstances." disappointment."

Edie: "You mean that I tried to hang myself? Gabrielle: "Neither am I! You told me you
Oh, it's okay, the doctor encouraged me to want to run away together and then I don't
talk about it." hear from you for a month!"

Bree: "Surely, not over food." Carlos: "That was only because I was going
through stuff with Edie, but it doesn't mean I
Edie: "Well, Carlos and I talk about it all the wasn't thinking about you constantly."
time. You know, and this whole thing has just
brought us closer together. We've actually Gabrielle: "You were not."
talked about marriage."
Carlos: "Yes, I was! Every second of every
The ladies laugh nervously. Katherine joins day!"
the group as Gabrielle walks away.
Gabrielle: "Yeah, well, I kinda thought about
Katherine: "Hello, I don't think we've met. you too."
I'm Katherine Mayfair, your new neighbor."
Carlos: "I need to be with you, Gaby."
Edie: "Oh, Edie. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Welcome to my party." Gabrielle: "Yeah? Prove it!"

Katherine stares at Lynette bewildered. Carlos Carlos: "Can you get away tonight?"
is by his car emptying the trunk. Gabrielle
walks up. Gabrielle: "Oh my god, are you serious?"

Gabrielle: "So I hear congratulations are in Carlos: "Damn right I am."

order. Edie just announced you are getting
married. Best wishes." Carlos pulls Gabrielle down behind the car.
They begin kissing passionately.
Carlos: "We're not engaged. That was kinda
of a 'what if' conversation." Carlos: "I just have to be back by midnight to
give Edie her pills."
Gabrielle: "Really because she thinks you're
getting married. Everyone else thinks you're Gabrielle pushes Carlos away.
getting married. So, again, best wishes."
Gabrielle: "What?"
Carlos: "Gaby, the woman tried to kill herself
because I left her. She's not real good with Carlos: "If we're gonna have an affair we've
gotta be discreet!" mustard on your chin."

Gabrielle: "Affair? I thought we were talking Bree goes to the table to get a napkin. The
about running away together." protruding fork pokes her in the "pregnancy
pack." She pulls away from the table with
Carlos: "I can't do that. Edie's too fragile the fork lodged in her "pack." Bree walks
right now." back to Orson to wipe his face.

Carlos pulls Gabrielle behind the car again and Bree: "I mean it's one thing to forgive bad
starts kissing her. Gabrielle hits him. behavior, it's another thing to reward it."

Gabrielle: "That old battleaxe is going to As Bree wipes the mustard off Orson Ida
outlive us all!" see the fork protruding from Bree's stomach.

Carlos: "Hey, don't talk about her like that." Ida: "Ahhhhh. Bree!! Oh my God!"

Gabrielle: "Oh far be it from me to speak ill Ida runs over frantic.
of the future Mrs. Carlos Solis."
Ida: "Are you all right?"
Carlos: "We are not getting married!"
Bree looks down and sees the fork protruding
Gabrielle: (storming away) "Best Wishes!!" from her belly and pulls it out.

Bree: "Oh no, I'm fine. I'm fine."

WISTERIA LANE - DAY
Ida: "You're bleeding."
Katherine's barbeque. Orson is serving
himself and Bree is on the cell phone. Two Bree: "No, no, no, it's just a little barbeque
boys run up to the table to get some chicken. sauce."
They leave the barbeque fork poking outward.
Ida: "Where is Katherine's husband? He's a
Bree: "That's my final answer! (hangs up) doctor."
That was Danielle. Now she wants us to send
a DVD player for her room." Orson: "She's fine."

Orson: "That hardly seems extravagant." Ida: (yelling) "Adam? Adam!"

Bree: "You're missing the point! It's a Adam runs over.

convent, not the Four Seasons! You have
Ida: "Get over here right now! Bree got Lynette and her mom are sitting and Tom
stabbed in the belly!" comes up behind them.

Adam: "Oh my God, are you all right? Let Tom: "Psycho mom at five o'clock. You say
me take a look!" the word and she gets a face full of pig
bones."
Orson steps in the way and Bree turns around.
Murielle approaches them.
Bree: "No it's nothing!"
Lynette: "Oh, my hero. (kisses Tom) I can
Orson: "We were just teasing Ida. It's handle her."
something we do."
Murielle: "Lynette, I just spoke with Helen
Bree: "Yes." and imagine my surprise when she told me
you'd not started on the decorations for the
Orson: "Look, it's a trick barbeque fork. We gala."
got it at a magic shop. Ahh, see! " (He stabs
Bree's belly) Lynette: "I'm in charge of decorations?"

Bree: "Ohh." Murielle: "Yes! Which you would have

known had you bothered to pick up the
Orson: "Retractable!!" packet!"

Orson and Bree laugh. Orson stabs her again. Murielle hands Lynette a package as her
mother looks on. Murielle walks away as
Bree: (laughing) "Oh, oh, my baby!" Lynette opens the packet.

Adam: "Wow, it's quite a trick." Lynette: "I don't want to hear it."

Orson: "Hey, let's go freak out Mrs. Stella: "Okay."

McCluskey."
Penny runs up to the table.
They "high five:' each other and Orson runs off.
Penny: "Piggyback, Mommy."
Bree: "He's such a scamp!"
Lynette leans over and starts picking up Penny
but she is too tired and cannot.
PICNIC TABLE
Lynette: "I'm sorry, Sweetie. I'm just... I'm
just too tired right now"
Orson: "How can you say that?"
Stella: "Here Honey. I'll get ya. Ohh.."
Bree: "Because I'm her mother. I know what
Stella picks up Penny and Penny giggles. I've created and that's the real humiliation.
Orson, this child deserve better. And I know
Stella: "Oh yes. Mommy has to conserve her what to do now. Please, please let me try."
energy for more important things."
Orson: "So really what you want is a second
chance?"
WISTERIA LANE - DAY
Bree: "Well would that be so horrible?"
Bree and Orson are running away from the
barbeque. Orson gently places his hands on the
pregnancy pack.
Bree: "We're not throwing in the towel over a
minor mishap." Orson: "Well then, let the charade continue."

Orson: "How many more mishaps are we As the walk back toward the picnic, Lynette
going to get away with? Yesterday it was an and Murielle are walking away.
old woman in the Macy's shoe department.
Today a magic fork in the belly! Pretty soon Murielle: "So you're bailing on me now?"
the whole charade will completely unravel and
we will be humiliated." Lynette: "I know the timing is terrible."

Bree: "We are already in too deep." Murielle: "Damn right, it's three weeks before
the Gala!"
Orson: "We could go on a trip. Tell people
you miscarried while we were away." Lynette: "I just didn't realize how tired I
would be when I took this on."
Bree: "And then what would happen to the
baby?" Murielle: "Oh we're all tired, Lynette! But
some of us still manage to honor our
Orson: "Danielle would keep it." commitments."

Bree: "You think Danielle could raise this Lynette: "Okay, I'm going to be honest with
child? You haven't seen her in action. She's you. I haven't been feeling that great."
shallow and she's selfish. She would ruin this
child's life!" Murielle: "Oh don't complain to me about
your aches and pains. I've had to same
migraine since '87. And my knee is so bad I Lynette: "I just liked being able to throw on
can't even use the treadmill anymore." my wig and join you guys for a cup of coffee
and a good gossip about the new neighbors.
Lynette: "Ahh, yeah. That's rough!" You know for five minutes I could pretend I
wasn't a sick person. But once your friends
Murielle: "Ummm!" know you're sick, you can't pretend anymore.
Cause you can see it in their eyes. The fear,
Lynette: "By the way... (pulling off her wig to the pity."
reveal her bald head) I have Cancer."
Susan: "Is that all you see in our eyes?"
Murielle: (staring in shock) "I'll give Helen a
call." Lynette: "No, no, of course not. You know
what, let's make a pact. No more secrets.
Murielle walks away quickly. Lynette looks up From now on we tell each other every
and sees Bree, Gabrielle and Susan looking at shocking detail of our lives."
her in shock.
Lynette holds out her hand. Susan holds it.

PARK BENCH Susan: "I'm in."

Lynette, sans wig, Susan, Bree and Gabrielle Gabrielle: "Me too."
are talking.
Gabrielle grabs their hands.
Lynette: "So I am halfway through Chemo
(Puts wig on) and my doctor is very confident Lynette: (to Bree who is holding her stomach)
that I'm going to beat this. So you can all "You with us?"
relax. I'm not going to die."
Bree: "Absolutely."
Gabrielle: "Well, not unless we kill you."
Bree pats her stomach and reaches for the
Lynette: "Huh?" girls hands.

Susan: "Damn it Lynette, what did we say Bree: "No more secrets."
after Mary Alice? After Edie? Why didn't
they tell us?"
VICTOR'S STUDY
Bree: "We're your friends. Why would you
shut us out?" Victor is reading a document. Gabrielle put a
bottle of wine on top of it. Victor looks up at April? I can give you two whole weeks in
Gabrielle holding two wine glasses. April."

Gabrielle: "You're right. I'm not happy.

Let's talk." EDIE'S HOUSE

Focus on half empty wine bottle. Carlos comes running down the stairs. Edie is
sitting on the couch.
Gabrielle: "All I'm saying is I just want to
know that I come first with you. Sometimes I Carlos: "I'll see you later, Babe."
feel less like a wife than a possession. It's
demeaning, its... why are you smiling right Edie: "Where are you going?"
now?
Carlos: "To Scavo's for a few beers."
Victor: "Because this is fantastic. After
weeks of shutting me out you're finally telling Edie: "Oh, can I come?"
me how you feel. We should do this all the
time." Carlos: "Ahhhh. No."

Gabrielle: "Well it's hard when you are so Edie: "Why not?
busy. Maybe we should go away. Let's just
take a couple weeks or a month. Let's Carlos: "Edie. I know you've been through a
rediscover what it made us fall in love to lot lately, but I can't hold your hand twenty
begin with." four hours a day. If you want this relationship
to work you gotta give me some down time."
Victor: "That is a great idea. Let's do it."
Carlos walks out.
Gabrielle: "How's next week?"

Victor grabs his calendar and flips through it. GABRIELLE'S HOUSE

Victor: "Let's see. Umm. Well I got the Carlos knocks and walks in.
meeting with the school board on Tuesday.
And the end of the month I've got that Carlos: "Okay, so I managed to get away
conference in Washington. Oh shoot! I've from Edie. What do you want?"
got the ground breaking for the new Civic
Center. Dad's birthday. Gabrielle: "To get you away from Edie."

Economic Development forum. How about Gabrielle grabs Carlos and they begin kissing
passionately. sitter."

WISTERIA LANE - DAY SUSAN'S OFFICE

Julie and Dylan are sitting at a park bench. Susan is working on her drawings.
Julie is showing photographs.
Adam: "Susan?"
Julie: "Oh, come on, you have to remember
your boyfriend, Joey Miller. You use to chase Susan: "I'm in here."
him around the jungle gym,"
Adam walks in.
Dylan: "Really, you think I would have gone for
this guy with the sexy finger up his nose." Adam: "Your front door was open."

Julie: "So you don't remember any of the Susan: "No problem. Ah, what's up?"
kids we use to play with?"
Adam: "First let me say this is one of the
Dylan: "No, to be honest, I don't remember more embarrassing moments of my career and
anything about living here." you have every right to hate me."

Julie: "Really? So what is your earliest Susan: "Adam, I have no idea what you're
memory." talking about."

Dylan: "I don't know if this is a memory but Adam: "Well your test results came back and
for years I've had to creepy dream. I'm really your Estrogen levels are fine. You're not
little and there's a guy in my room and he about to start Menopause."
tries to grab me."
Susan: "Really? That's fantastic!"
Julie: "That is creepy. Have you ever talk to
somebody about it?" Adam: "There's more."

Dylan: "You mean like a therapist? My old Susan: "More?"

baby sitter suggested that but my Mom got
mad and said no." Mike walks in.

Julie: "Really?" Adam: "You're pregnant."

Dylan: "Yeah. Then she fired the baby Mike: "What? What did he just say?"
 Edie: "Well you know. The one in the
Susan: "I'm pregnant?" Cayman Islands with ten million dollars in it. I
miss you when you're gone. Going through
Adam nods. Susan turns to Mike. your things makes me feel like you're with
me."
Susan: "He said I'm pregnant."
Carlos: "Okay, I know how this looks."
They laugh and Mike picks Susan up and they
kiss. Edie: "What did you think I was going to do?
Tell people? Turn you in? Try to get my little
Mike: "I have never been happier." hands on it? I don't care about money Carlos.
All I care about is you. That's why this
Susan: "Well now, I believe you." relationship is going to work. You can trust
me with your secrets. Just like I can trust you
not to hurt me."
EDIE'S LIVING ROOM

Carlos is sleeping on the couch. Edie comes WISTERIA LANE - MORNING

downstairs.
The paperboy is delivering the morning paper
Edie: "There you are." as kids are running to catch the school bus.

Carlos: "Ah, I'm sorry. I got in late last night "There is a certain time of morning. It occurs
and I didn't want to wake you." after kids have left for school. And husbands
have headed off for work."
Edie: "You don't have to explain. I trust
you."
LYNETTE'S HOUSE
Carlos: "Well good, you should."
Lynette is looking out her window drinking
Edie: "I just wish you trusted me a bit more." coffee with a scarf around her head.

Carlos: "What are you talking about?" "It's a time when women think of the secrets
they've been keeping from their friends."
Edie: "Why didn't you tell me about your off
shore bank account?"
GABRIELLE'S HOUSE
Carlos: "What?"
Gabrielle is looking out her window drinking
coffee. "These women think of their neighbors and
the secrets they may be keeping."
"And how shocked they would be if the truth
were discovered."
MAYFAIR HOUSE

BREE'S HOUSE Katherine is standing in a dark room upstairs.

Adam enters.
Bree is looking out her window drinking coffee.
Adam: "There you are. I've been calling you.
"And how they would do everything in their Is this the room?"
power to keep that from happening."
Katherine: "Yes. Dylan's been asking me if
she can move in here."
SUSAN'S HOUSE
Adam: "So let her. You may remember what
Susan is looking out her window drinking juice, happened here, but she can't."
smiling.
Katherine: "Doesn't matter. I won't allow it."
"But what of those lucky women who have no
secrets left to keep. What do they think Adam: "Hey, are you okay? Did we make a
about every morning?" mistake coming back here?"

Susan: (to Julie) "Hey. Is something wrong? They walk out and Adam closes the door and
lock it.
Julie: "It's just Dylan and I use to be best
friends. I mean we did everything together."
The End
Susan: "I know. She was like a sister to
you."

Julie: "Well, that girl that I've been hanging

out with, and I know this is going to sound
crazy but, that's not the same girl."

Julie picks up her backpack and leaves. Susan

turns back to the window looking at the
Mayfair house.
402 - Smiles of a Summer Night
GABRIELLE'S BEDROOM
WISTERIA LANE - DAY
Gabrielle and Carlos are in bed making out.
"The great crime wave hit Wisteria Lane on a
Tuesday afternoon. That's when residents "...an all together different type of crime."
found their barbeques upended."
Carlos: "Oh I gotta get back. Told Edie I was
going for a jog. Do I look sweaty enough for
BREE'S BACKYARD five mile run?"

Bree finds her barbeque tipped over. Gabrielle: "Yeah, unfortunately it's my sweat.
When are you gonna dump her?"
"Their clean laundry trampled."
Carlos: "It's complicated, okay? (Carlos
begins getting dressed) Besides, I don't see
KATHERINE'S BACKYARD you in any big hurry to dump Victor."

Katherine picks up a shirt from the ground Gabrielle: "Generally speaking women don't
that has a mud footprint on it. leave their husbands for guys who have
girlfriends. Just boot the Bitch. What are
"And their skateboards missing." you afraid of?"

Carlos: "Hey, I am not afraid of her."

SCAVO FRONT YARD
Carlos looks out the front window and falls to
Parker looks around but can't find his the floor behind the dining room table.
skateboard.
Carlos: "Oh my God!"
"Naturally everyone began to ask who could
be responsible for such carnage." Gabrielle: "What the hells the matter with
you?"
Bree and Katherine in the front yard talking.
In the background is Gabrielle's home. Carlos: (pointing outside) "Edie!"

"The answer lay in home of a neighbor who Gabrielle looks out to the front porch and
twenty minutes earlier had been engaging sees Edie coming up the steps. Edie knocks,
in...." Gabrielle grabs her clothes.
Edie: "Gaby? Are you in there?"
Gabrielle: "Edie! Edie wait! Wait, wait, wait,
Gabrielle: "One second!" don't go! Don't go!"

Gabrielle opens the front door. Edie: (stopping in the street) "Why?"

Gabrielle: "Edie? What brings you here?" Gabrielle: "You have a birthday coming up
and I don't know what to get you."
Edie: "I'm looking for Carlos. He went for a
run but it was hours ago." As Gabrielle leans on Edie's car window Carlos
runs across the street behind Edie's car.
Gabrielle: "Sorry, I haven't seen him." Carlos runs through the neighbor's gate into
Bree's yard knocking over the barbeque.
Edie: (entering Gabrielle's house) "Really?
Because Ida Greenburg said she thought she
saw him on your porch." EDIE'S CAR

Gabrielle: "That's impossible because he's Gabrielle: "Or maybe a coffee pot or scented
there! (pointing outside and yelling) There hangers or a nice clock radio."
he is! Carlos? He's at your house. Oh, he
just let himself in. There you go, he's home." Edie: "Gaby, I don't have time for this. Why
don't you just surprise me."
Edie: "Oh, okay, well thanks."
Gabrielle: "Ahh.. Wait, don't go! I need a
Edie leaves. Gabrielle closes the door as little more guidance!!"
Carlos comes out of hiding.
Edie drives off. Carlos runs across Bree's yard
Carlos: "You told her I was at home." into Katherine's yard and throw her laundry
hanging on the line. Edie continues driving
Gabrielle: "So?" home. Carlos sees Edie driving down the
street when a basketball bounces in front of
Carlos: "So I'm not at home! I'm here! her car causing her to brake. He stops
What the hell am I supposed to do?" Parker's skateboard. The Scavo twins run into
the street and chase the ball.

GABRIELLE'S FRONT YARD Edie: "Damn it boys! You should not be

screwing around in the street! Somebody's
Gabrielle comes running out of the house as gonna get hurt!"
Edie is driving out of Gaby's driveway.
As Edie begins driving home, Carlos, on the
skateboard, is hanging off the back of her car.
As she pulls in front of home, Carlos rolls off
the skateboard and runs to the house.
grabs at the locked door. Edie walks into the
front door.
Edie: "Carlos!"
Carlos is in the living room staring at the side
door in which the window is broken.
"You will never see the tiniest bit of regret."
He BREE'S FRONT DOOR
Orson exits with his briefcase. He goes to his
car as Edie passes by powerwalking.
"You see, the people who live here have
learned there is one sure way of hiding their
secrets from their neighbors."

Carlos: "Can you believe this? Someone Edie: "Hey/"

broke into our house?"

Edie: "Oh my God!" KATHERINE'S FRONT YARD

"And so ended the great crime wave on Katherine waves at Gabrielle, Bree and Susan
Wisteria Lane. No one ever found out who who are having coffee in Susan's front yard.
was responsible." They wave back.

Carlos puts his arm around Edie. Edie pulls "That's why in the suburbs there is nothing
away. more deceptive than a smile."

Edie: "Ooo. You're all sweaty. Go clean up." Bree: "So what did Julie say exactly?"

"Because.. it was an inside job." Susan: "She said Dylan's not the same girl."

Gabrielle: "Not the same girl like she's

WISTERIA LANE - DAY
A young man smiling, walking his dog passes
a smiling Ida Greenburg.
"You will never see despair here, or rage."
changed or not the same girl like she's been
replaced by a robot?"
Susan: "I know it sounds weird but Julie says
Dylan does not remember anything about
living here."

A mailman handing a resident her mail, Bree: "Well maybe she blocked it out. Did
smiling. something bad happen to her when she was
young?"
 Gabrielle: "Oh yum!"
Susan: "I'm not sure but there was
something odd about the way the left." Katherine: "Yeah, here's the thing. The
movers lost my salad bowl. My pie plates on
Katherine walks up. the other hand..."

Katherine: "So if it isn't the early morning Bree: "Will not be needed. As I said I always
gossip brigade. Who are we dishing today?" bring dessert."

Gabrielle: "Oh, Susan." Susan: "I know. I will lend you my salad
bowl. You really don't want to miss Bree's pie.
Katherine: "She's standing right there." It's perfect."
Gabrielle: "Oh my god! Have you been
there this whole time?" Katherine: "Who am I to argue with
perfection. Oh I'm sorry, it just something
Susan: "Ha ha." has been driving me crazy!"

Katherine: "Anyway. I wanted to talk to you Katherine pulls mini scissors out of her pocket.
girls about Lynette." Leans over and snips a hanging thread off
Bree's skirt.
Susan: "What about her?"
Katherine: "Now you're perfect."
Katherine: "Well since she's been so tired
from Chemo, I thought it would be nice if we Katherine turns and walks away as the girls
something for her like bring her lunch?" look shocked.

Susan: "Ah, that sounds great."

FAIRVIEW HOSPITAL - CANCER WARD
Bree: "Yeah, let's do it. Gaby, why don't you
bring your vegetable lasagna, Susan you do Lynette is receiving chemotherapy while she
beverages. And Katherine why don't you and Tom are playing cards. Tom keeps
bring a simple green salad." staring at the needles going into Lynette's arm.

Katherine: "I'd rather bring dessert." Tom: "Does it hurt?"

Bree: "Oh, no need dear. I always bring Lynette: "It's a little uncomfortable but I'm
dessert. Oh, I'm thinking my Lemon fine. Pick a card."
Meringue pie."
Tom picks a card and puts it down
immediately. Lynette picks it up. Tom: "Honey, I'm sorry. It's just I love you
so much." (tearing up again)
Lynette: "Hey, I told you I'm collecting
queens, pay attention." Lynette: "Out!"

Tom: "Remember we played this when you Tom: "What?"

went into labor with Parker? Forty two hours
without meds. I'll never forget what a trooper Lynette: "You are supposed to be distracting
you were." (starts tearing up.) me not depressing the hell out of me!"

Lynette: "Well let's not compose my eulogy Tom: "You're kicking me out of chemo?"
just yet. I'm still troopin. Pick a card."
Lynette: (waving him away) "I'll see you at
Tom: "Right." home."

Tom picks a card. Tom: (getting up) "Honey. I'm your ride."

Tom: "It's funny. We played cards on our Lynette: "Just go. I'll cab it!"
honeymoon the day that it rained. Do you
remember that? We lit a fire..." Tom: "There's that trooper that I admire so
much." (tearing up again)
Lynette: "You're doing it again."
Lynette: "Out!"
Tom: "Sorry."
Tom leaves as Lynette shakes her head.
Tom puts down a card.

Lynette: "Hey, I told you I'm collecting WISTERIA LANE - DAY

queens."
Carlos arrives home and sees a brand new
Tom: "Shoot. That's right." convertible in front of their house. Edie
comes running out of the house.
Lynette: "Oh my god! Are you letting me
win?" Edie: "Carlos! Hi!"

Tom: "I just want to make you feel good." Carlos: "Hey. There's my birthday girl. Nice
car. Got company?"
Lynette: "By taking all the fun out of the kill?"
Edie: "No."
 Edie: "Don't worry, I have a thought, and it's
Carlos: "Whose is it then?" right in your price range."

Edie: "It's your birthday present to me. Edie speeds away.

Surprise!"

Carlos: "A car? Ah.. I was going to get you KATHERINE'S HOUSE
earrings."
Susan walks up the steps with a salad bowl
Edie: "So, get em. And I will drive around and rings the bell.
with the top down so everyone can see them."

Carlos: "Edie, I can't afford this." FLASHBACK

Edie: "Of course you can. Just move some Katherine house long time ago. Katherine
of your off shore money, on shore." opens the door. A young Susan and young
Mary Alice are at the front door.
Carlos: "I told you that account was a secret.
Which is not going to be for long if I start Susan: "Hey, what's going on?"
buying eighty thousand dollar cars."
Mary Alice: "Why is there a moving van in
Edie: "Now I'm sensing that this little nest your driveway?"
egg of yours is a tinsy bit illegal. Where'd it
come from?" Katherine: "Oh, I meant to call you. It's just
been so nuts! I got a new job in Chicago."
Carlos: "You don't need to know that and the
IRS doesn't either. You want me to go to Mary Alice: "So you're just leaving like that?"
jail?"
Katherine: "I know it's crazy, huh? I really
Edie: "Goodness Carlos. I had no idea that wish I had time to talk but I gotta finish
your situation was so precarious. Well. I packing."
guess I'll just have to take this back to the
dealership." Susan: "Oh no, hang on. Let me just run
and get Julie so she can say goodbye to
Carlos: "Thank you for understanding, Babe. Dylan."
Look, if you don't want the earrings, just pick
something else out instead. Just not too Katherine: "Oh, we're really in a rush. I don't
extravagant." think we're going to have time."
A crashing noise comes from upstairs. Katherine: "I've got something on the stove.
I'd better go."
Katherine: "That's okay guys, keep packing.
I'll clean it up." Katherine closes the door on a bewildered
Susan.
Susan: "Katherine. Are you okay? You
seem a little jumpy."
SUSAN'S KITCHEN
Katherine: "I..I just had a long night and I
have a lot to do. I'm really going to miss Mike and Susan are having breakfast. Susan
you." has a full plate of pancakes and fruits which
she is pouring syrup on.
She closes the door on them.
Mike: "Susan."

PRESENT DAY Susan: "What? I'm eating for two."

Katherine opens the door. Mike: "Well do both of you want to be fat?"

Susan: "Katherine, hi. Oh, I brought you Susan: "Okay, when I'm in labor and I'm
that salad bowl." pushing and screaming to bring your child
into the world, do you really want me to
Katherine: "Oh thank you. You are so remember that you denied me syrup?"
thoughtful."
Mike: "Carry on."
Susan: "No problem. Hey, you know, I was
meaning to ask you. How did that job in Julie enters
Chicago work out?"
Julie: "Mom, I need to talk to you about
Katherine: "Job?" tonight. (looking at Susan's full plate) Oh my
god. (Mike shakes his head)
Susan: "You know the one that you left so
suddenly for." Susan: "Is it about Matt's party?"

Katherine: "Oh right, yes, of course. It Julie: "Yeah. It turns out that is doesn't start
worked out well. Very challenging." until Ten so can I stay our until One?"

Susan: "Oh." Susan: "Well, um. Well the Johnson's live

right down the road. Yeah. I guess it's fine."
 case. Um, but I think I'm gonna have to
Julie: "Thanks." agree with, ah, and you know I love you both."

Mike: "Whoa, whoa. Is this the Johnson's Julie: " Decide!"

over on Crestview?"
Susan: "Mike, I'm going with Mike."
Julie: "Yeah."
Julie: "What?"
Mike: "Yeah. I don't think you should go to
that." Susan: "Well, it sounds like this party could
be on the wild side and it is starting very
Julie: "Why not?" late."

Mike: "I've done a couple jobs at that house Julie: "This is so unfair."
and they have some really wild parties. I
don't even want to tell you what I've snaked Susan: "I'm sorry, Honey, you wanted a
out of that toilet." decision. This is my decision."

Julie: "Those are his brother's parties. Matt's Julie: "Ahh."

not like that."
Julie disgusted, walks away. Susan pours
Mike: "All seventeen year old guys are like more syrup.
that. The only reasons my buddies and I
even had parties was to get girls wasted." Mike: "More syrup?"

Julie: "Well, I don't drink." Susan: "Missy Taylor?"

Mike: "Neither did Missy Taylor and fast Mike: "Carry on."
forward to her tying her bra on my antenna."

Julie: "I really appreciate your concern but KAREN MCCLUSKY'S FRONT YARD - DAY
my Mom already told me I could go."
Karen is getting her mail just at Dylan walks
Mike: "Well, that's true. Just giving my by.
opinion. It's up to your Mom."
Karen: "Look at your little Dylan. All grown
Mike and Julie stare at Susan. up. Karen McCluskey. I babysat you way
back when. You were a biter."
Susan: "Well, um, you both make a good
Dylan: "I hope I didn't hurt you."
Gabrielle takes a mouthful.
Karen: "Nah, you were a cutie, but loud! I
remember the racket you use to make on your Gabrielle: "Wow!"
tricycle. I gave your Dad hell for putting that
horn on it." Susan: "Oh my God. That is like the best pie
you've ever made."
Dylan: "My Dad? How could you know my
Dad? He left when I was a baby." Bree: "Well, thank you. I don't think I did
anything differently."
Dylan: "Nah, he use to come around once in
a while. Anyway, nice to have you back." Bree takes a bite.

Karen walks away. Bree: "This is not my pie."

Katherine: (laughs) "Okay you caught me.

LYNETTE'S KITCHEN It's mine."

Susan, Bree, Gabrielle and Katherine are Bree: "What happened to the pie that I
working as Lynette sits at the kitchen table. brought?"

Lynette: "Please let me help, I feel so guilty Katherine: "Oh I was a little sneaky and I put
just sitting here." in the fridge. I just wanted you to try mine."

Bree: "Do not move. We want to pamper Bree: "Well did we or did we not agree that I
you, please let us." would bring the dessert."

Lynette: "Thank you." Katherine: "I know but everyone says you're
such an amazing baker and I was hoping you
Susan: "Hey, so how's the Chemotherapy could give me some tips to improve my
going?" recipe."

Gabrielle: "Oh, no, no. She doesn't want to Bree: "Clearly no tips are needed. As my
talk about that." friend said, best pie ever made."

Lynette: "I don't mind." Katherine: "Well then perhaps you shouldn't
have said anything. I would have been happy
Gabrielle: "Come on, let's dig into the pie. It to let everyone think it was yours."
looks amazing."
Susan: "So back to Chemo. How's that Orson: "She upstaged your Lemon Meringue
been?" pie? You've gotta be kidding."

Lynette: "Yeah, so far, not that bad. Though Bree: (busy mixing a bowl on the stove) "I'm
I did have to kick Tom out yesterday." not. That despicable woman was just
supposed to bring a simple green salad. She
Susan: "Why?" not only brought a pie, she hid mine and
served hers!"
Lynette: "He was getting so emotional, it felt
like the last twenty minutes of 'Brian's Song.' Orson: "That's beyond despicable, that's
So I guess I'm in the market for a new Chemo culinary terrorism!"
buddy."
Bree: "Oh, it gets worse. Her pie was better
Bree: "Well, I would be more than happy to than mine!"
go with you."
Orson: "Impossible!"
Susan: "Count me in."
Bree: "It's true. Everyone thought so. Even
Katherine: "I'll sit with you. I volunteer at me. Oh and that simple green salad. Mosh
the hospital so I'll be there anyway." and baby arugula with duck con fete and
candied walnuts!"
Lynette: "Oh, my God you guys. I'm so
touched you're all willing to do this." Orson: "My god she plays to win."

Susan: "What are friends for?" Bree: "I have been here for hours trying to
replicate her recipe and nothing have even
Lynette stares at Gabrielle who is practically come close!"
buried in her coffee cup.
Orson: "Don't be so hard on yourself. (eating
Lynette: "Gaby?" pie) This one's fantastic!"

Gabrielle: "Oh, no cream for me thanks." Bree: "That's hers!!"

Orson: "Sorry."
BREE'S KITCHEN
Bree: "Orson. What am I gonna do?"
There are numerous pies on the counter with
one pie missing. Orson: "You might have to bite the bullet
and ask her for her recipe."
 When everyone was offering to come with me
Bree: "What? Surrender? Debase myself?" to Chemo, even Katherine who I don't even
know, you sorta clammed up. What was that
Orson: "Bree! It's your signature pie! You about?"
make it for parties, church suppers, bake sales.
If she's always right there behind you with her Gabrielle: "Well, it just seemed like everyone
superior version, staking out her claim at had it pretty well covered."
Fairview's Number One homemaker!"
Lynette: "Yeah, but, between us, you're the
Bree: "She will have stolen my entire one I really want there. Out of everyone,
identity." you're the most fun and I need that now."

Orson: "Well I wouldn't go that far." Gabrielle: "That's sweet. But to be honest, I
don't like hospitals."
Bree: "No it's true. The only thing about me
that's special is what I can do in the kitchen. Lynette: "Nobody likes hospitals.
You're right. I have got to get that recipe. Unfortunately that's the place you have to go
By any means necessary." when you're sick. Or your friends are. You
are my friend, right?"

GABRIELLE'S FRONT YARD Gabrielle: "What, is this a test of our

friendship?"
Gabrielle is throwing out her trash as Lynette
walks up. Lynette: "Yeah. Kinda. Can I pencil you in?"

Lynette: "Hey, Gaby." Gabrielle: "I can't wait."

Gabrielle: "Hey, what's up?"

SUSAN'S KITCHEN
Lynette: "Well, I felt a little weird about
something that happened at lunch and I Julie is studying as Susan sneaks in.
thought we should talk about it."
Susan: "Pssst. (whispering) Come here. "
Gabrielle: "I know. Do you believe that pie
business? I thought Bree's head was gonna Julie doesn't follow.
explode!"
Susan: "Okay, I'll come there. Are you still
Lynette: "No, not that. Okay, I don't know mad at me about the party?"
how to say this so I'm just going to say it.
Julie: "Oh you picked up on that, did you?" turns and gives a "thumbs up" to Julie and
mouths "have fun."
Susan: "Okay, look. I've been thinking about
things and just forget what I said earlier."
KATHERINE'S FRONT PORCH
Julie: "You mean I can go?"
Bree knocks on the door.
Susan: "Shhh. Geezz, oh. Mike's in the
other room." Katherine: "Bree."

Julie: "You're not gonna tell him? Bree: "I hope this isn't a bad time. I just
wanted to bring you a housewarming gift.
Susan: "No! And neither are you!" It's my recipe for my special minced meat pie.
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving at my house
Julie: "Ah. Why are you walking on eggshells? without it."
You are my Mother. You have every right to
override him." Katherine: "Well, very thoughtful."

Susan: "I know. I just think it's sweet that he

worries about you and I want him to feel that
he's part of the decision making process."
Julie: "Oh, well clearly he's not if you're going
behind his back."
KATHERINE'S KITCHEN
Katherine opens her recipe box.
Katherine: "I'll just file this in my recipe box."

Susan: "Do you want to go or not?" Bree: "Well as long as we're swapping pie
recipes I would love the one for your fabulous
Julie: "Yes! I really want to go to the party." Lemon Meringue."

Mike walks in. Katherine: "Really? So flattered you'd ask.

But I don't share that!"
Mike: "Party? You guys still talking about
that?" Katherine slams the recipe lid down and put
the box in her cupboard.
Susan: "Ah. Can you believe it? Oh. (to
Julie) Let it go! You know Mike and I Bree: "Excuse me?"
decided. No Party and that's final."
Katherine: "I experimented for years before I
Mike and Susan walk out the door. Susan came up with my secret ingredient."
 back to shoulder that burden for you."
Bree: "Which is what? Vanilla? Nutmeg?
Cardemen?" Bree: "Just give me the recipe!"

Katherine: "If I told you it wouldn't be a Katherine: "Sorry, I can't. I do hope this
secret anymore. It would just be an doesn't keep up from being friends because I
ingredient." like you, Bree."

Bree: "Well that hardly seems neighborly Katherine opens her front door. Bree walks
after all I just gave you the recipe for my out the door.
Minced Meat pie."
Katherine: "And I'm sure that if you put your
Katherine: "Yes, it's a very good one. I have mind to it, you can come up with an even
the book it came from." better Lemon Meringue pie than mine. The
trick is finding that perfect blend of sweet and
Bree: "The recipe's not from a book. That sour."
recipe was handed down to me from my
mother." Bree: "Well, you've certainly mastered that,
dear."
Katherine: "Well unless your mother was Betty
Crocker she got it from a book. Oh dear, Katherine closes the door on Bree.
now I've upset you."

Bree: "No, no, I'm not upset. I'm just SUSAN AND MIKE'S BEDROOM
confused as to why you seem so determined
to get off on the wrong foot. First you bring Mike is lying in bed eating strawberries.
a pie to Lynette's when I clearly assigned you
the salad." Mike: "So when do I get to see my big
surprise."
Katherine: "Now see, that's where I'm
confused. Just what, please, gives you the Susan comes out in very sexy underwear.
right to decide who brings what to a luncheon
that I suggested." Susan: "Wait for it. Ta Da!"

Bree: "Well, it's tradition! I always organize Mike: "Whoa! All that syrup went straight to
our little get togethers and I always bring your boobs!"
dessert."
Susan: "So it's not my imagination, they're
Katherine: "Well then how lovely that I'm bigger right?"
 Mike: "Well, I can go get some."
Mike: "Ah, yeah. Especially the right one."
Susan: "No, No, you've worked all day. You
Susan: "Mike!" stay here."

Mike: "Just kidding. Put those up and bring Susan grabs some clothes from the closet.
them over here."
Mike: "Gonna eat more syrup?"
Susan: "Well, I'd better warn you I might
have to work the shoulders."
EDIE'S HOUSE
Susan walks over sexily. They begin kissing.
Carlos puts a birthday cake with one lit candle
Mike: "Hey, that thing with Julie and the party on it on the table.
this morning. Thanks for backing me up. It
meant a lot. I know it wasn't easy for you." Carlos: "Make a wish."

Susan: "Ah, yeah, well, sometimes you gotta Edie blows out the candle and Carlos claps.
hang tough."
Carlos: "So I let me see what I got you.
Mike: "Well, you did the right thing. I drove How thoughtful was I?"
by that house tonight. That party was out of
control." Edie: "Very."

Susan: "What?" She hands Carlos and envelope. Carlos opens

a card that says "Yes."
Mike: "Yeah, there were kids staggering
around drunk. Puking in the gutter. I saw Carlos: "Yes!"
some girls running around topless. I'm sure
the cops will be there any minute." Edie: "No yet, I haven't asked the question."

Susan: "Ahhh. We need whipped cream." Edie gets down on one knee.

Mike: "What?" Edie: "Will you marry me, Carlos Solis? And
you say?"
Susan: "Well I don't think you can have sexy
date night without whipped cream. Can't and Carlos: "You're proposing?"
won't."
Edie: "You said you didn't want to spend too
much. So what's more affordable than a
promise?" Dylan: "Yeah right. I could never do that.
She isn't cool like your Mom."
Carlos: "Look, Edie."

Edie: "I'm doing this for you. If the IRS gets MATT'S FRONT DOOR
wind of your rainy day fund they could make
me testify against you. But if I were your Matt opens the door to find Susan scantily
wife." dressed.

Carlos: "How are they going to find out?" Matt: "Hi, it's my birthday."

Edie: "Honey, people talk. Angry people. Susan: "That must mean you're Matt. I'm
Disappointed people. Come on say your line. Susan Meyer and I..."
It's my birthday."
Matt grabs Susan's hand and pulls her in. He
Carlos: "Fine. We're engaged." drags her to the back room where a bunch of
young boys are.
Edie: "Oh Carlos. I think I'm gonna cry."
Matt: "Boomer, you actually did it!"
Carlos: "Yeah, me too."
Boomer: "It wasn't me but happy birthday,
Man!"
MATT'S HOUSE - PARTY
Matt: "It was somebody but who cares!
Julie and Dylan are talking. Gather around men,"

Dylan: "So how weird it that. My Mom The guys set up the chairs facing Susan.
always told me that my Dad took off right
after I was born." Matt: "You like this music>"

Julie: "So did she explain what McCluskey Susan: "Yeah, it's fine. Would somebody just
said?" tell me where I can find....."

Dylan: "I didn't tell her. She kinda freaks out Boomer: "Enough talking, take it off! We're
every time I bring him up." feeling generous tonight.

Julie: "Dylan, you have a right to know about Boomer tires to puts a dollar in Susan's bra.
your Dad. You've got to confront her."
Susan: "Oh my God! I'm not a stripper!"
Susan: "Believe it, we're going. You too
Matt: "You're not?" Dylan, come on."

Boomer: "Is this going to happen or what?" Julie: "And what are you wearing? You're
embarrassing me."
Matt: "Boomer, she's not a stripper."
Susan: "Yeah, well, Boomer likes it."
Boomer: "Well what's with the implants?"

Susan: "I'm pregnant!" SUSAN'S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Guy # 3: "That's hot!" Susan, Julie and Dylan arrive home.

Matt is leading Susan out of the room. Julie: "Cal me tomorrow. We'll go to a movie
my Mom can drag us out of."
Matt: "Sorry, I should have known you were
Julie's Mom. You're way to gorgeous to be a Susan: "Look, I get that you're upset."
stripper."
Julie: "No, I'm confused. First I can go to
Susan: "If that's your lame attempt to keep the party, then I can't cause Mike says no,
me from calling the your parents, it worked. then I can, but don't tell Mike and behave
Well played." yourself. So I behave myself and you punish
me."
Susan sees Julie across the room. She starts
going across the room and trips. Susan: "Okay, I admit that there's a certain
lack of consistency."
Julie: "Mom, what are you doing here?"
Julie: "It's like ever since you got married I
Susan: "I'm taking you home. This party is can't win."
out of control."
Susan: "Do you think this is easy for me?
Julie: "No it's not." Trying to keep peace between a new husband
and a teenage daughter. You're always
Susan: "Well of course you don't think it is. putting me in the middle."
Because you are knocking back a big cup of
(Susan drinks from Julie's cup) orange soda." Julie: "I don't do that."

Julie: "I don't believe this." Susan: "Please. Every time you and Mike
disagree on something you give me the look. is really starting to chap my ass!"
That pitiful face that says if I don't back you
up I love the other one more." Julie: "I'm going to bed."

Julie: "I don't expect you to side with me Susan: "Please tell me this isn't going to be
every time. Just make a decision and stick to more of those things where you leave me and
it. And no more lying." I go screaming down the street."

Susan: "Well, you're right. I'm an adult and I
need to be honest about these things and I
will be starting tomorrow."
They walk in the front door. Mike is sitting
on the steps reading a paper.
Mike: "Why'd you go behind my back?"
Susan: "I'm sorry. You gotta understand for
so long it's just been Julie and me and I've
made all the decisions alone. You felt so
strongly."

Susan: "Look who I picked up coming out of Mike: "It was just an opinion. Really. She's
the movies. A PG movie. Is this the perfect your daughter. I completely respect your right
teenager or what?" to raise her however you want."

Mike: "Movies, huh? That's funny. One of Susan: "Thanks."

Julie's friends just called to make sure she got
home from the party. She was worried when Mike: "Now that being said, this baby is ours
she saw you leaving with a stripper." so we get to make all those parenting
decisions together. Right?"
Julie: "The jig is up, Mom."
Susan: "Right. So can we get back to date
Susan: (whispering) "No, no, we can salvage night?"
this. Just work with me."
Mike: "Only if you work the shoulders."
Julie: "I did go to the party. Mom went
behind your back and told me I could. But I
didn't drink or do anything I shouldn't do." FAIRVIEW HOSPITAL

Mike: "Glad to hear it. And thanks for your Chemotherapy room. Lynette is receiving her
honesty." chemo. Gaby walks in.

They both stare at Susan. Lynette: "Gaby, where have you been? You
went to the bathroom about half hour ago."
Susan: "You know this perfect teenager thing
Gabrielle: "Oh sorry, I stopped off to get you don't you care enough to make an effort?"
some magazines."
Gabrielle: "You think I don't care?"
Lynette: " 'Top Ten New Hairstyles.' Yeah
well I'm kinda bald right now but thanks." Lynette: "I get it. You're uncomfortable.
Just go. I'm fine. I'm fine."
Gabrielle: "Oh well why don't I just go get
some other ones." Gabrielle starts to leave then stops.

Lynette: "No, no, no. I don't need Gabrielle: "Did I ever tell you about my
magazines. I need company. Sit down. Father? He had Cancer too. It started in the
You've been bouncing around since you got Liver and into his bones. Ten months later he
here. So how do you like being the first lady was dead."
of Fairview?"
Lynette: "Thanks for that encouraging story."
Gabrielle: "It's good. You cold? They keep
it cold in here." Gabrielle: "I'm not finished. Those last
weeks every day we thought we would lose
Lynette: "I'm fine. So tell me something when him and everyday before I would go into his
you go to ribbon cutting do you get to keep room, my Mom would say, 'no tears. Daddy
those gigantic novelty scissors?" wants to see you smiling. If you're gonna cry,
you can't go in.' So the last night. I sat
Gabrielle: "You must be freezing. You know there and I watched him die. His eyes were
I have the cutest shawl in the car so I'm just closed but I thought he could still see me so I
gonna run out and get it for you." kept smiling. All night. I was five."

Lynette: "Boy, you really don't want to be Lynette: "Oh my god."

here, do ya?"
Gabrielle: "But on the plus side, I made a
Gabrielle: "What are you talking about? I'm pretty good career out of knowing how to
trying to help." smile when I didn't really feel like it. But I
can't pretend with you. Not when I'm
Lynette: "Yeah, in any way that gets you out scared I'm gonna lose you."
of this room."
Lynette: "You're not gonna lose me."
Gabrielle: "I'm sorry. Hospitals are hard for
me." Gabrielle: (crying) "You promise? If I did....
God., I'm such a mess..."
Lynette: "Yeah, you told me but geez Gaby
Lynette: "It's okay. Come here. Let it go."
"She did have the key to Katherine's house."
Lynette comforts Gabrielle.

BREE'S FRONT YARD

KATHERINE'S HOUSE
Bree is watering and waves to Katherine and
Dylan finds her baby book. She takes it up to Dylan as they drive away. Bree turns off the
her room. She looks through and see hose and runs to Katherine's house with the
pictures of her and Julie when they were key.
young. She finds a picture of when she was a
baby. Her mother is holding her and on her
other side is a figure that has been cut out. KATHERINE'S HOUSE

Katherine: "Honey." Bree sneaks inside. She opens the cabinet

with the recipe box and sees it is locked.
Dylan hides the book. Katherine comes in.

Katherine: "I'm going out. I'll be right back." MIKE'S HOUSE

Dylan: "Mom. Can I talk to you about Bree knocks on the door.
something?"
Mike: "Hey, what's up?"
Katherine: "Sure. If you don't mind talking
in the car." Bree: "I'm doing a little baking and was
wondering if I could borrow something."

BREE'S KITCHEN Mike: "Sure, what do you need? Flour,

sugar?"
Bree is working in her kitchen.
Bree is walking away with steel cutters. She
"Bree Hodge persisted in her effort to unlock enters Katherine's house and pulls the recipe
the secret of Katherine Mayfair's Lemon box out of the cupboard.
Meringue. But after several failed attempts it
occurred to Bree that while she may not have
the key to Katherine's recipe..." KATHERINE'S DRIVEWAY

Bree opens her cupboard. Many labeled keys Katherine, Dylan and Adam come home
are hanging.
Katherine: "You can't believe what Karen
McCluskey tells you. She's an old woman. Adam: "Well maybe that's the problem. She
Practically senile." doesn't know what you've done for her."

Dylan: "She did sound senile to me." Katherine: "Nobody does. And it's going to
stay that way."
Adam: "Dylan, maybe this is not the time,
okay?" Adam: "Are you sure. She's just going to
keep asking questions."
Dylan: "You said my father didn't care about
me. But she says he came here and wanted Katherine: "Then we'd better start coming up
to see me. Why would you not tell me that?" with better lies."

They enter the house. Bree is just about to Bree sneaks out of Katherine's house and goes
cut the lock. home.

Dylan: "He's my father I deserve to know." Orson: "I was wondering where you'd gone
to. "
Katherine: "The only thing you need to know
about that man is that he's a monster." Bree: "I just let myself into Katherine house
to get that recipe."
Dylan: "I'll decide that for myself. Where is
he?" Orson: "Well that seems a little extreme.
Well at least you know her secret now."
Katherine: "I don't know."
Bree: "Yes, and it has nothing to do with pie."
Dylan: "You're lying."

Adam: "No she's not." DARK BAR

Dylan: "Yes, she is. She's been lying to me my Carlos: "Here's the thing. I got a real chance
whole life. I'm starting to think that you're of getting back with my ex but this woman is
the monster." standing in my way. She knows about the
money and she's made it clear that if I leave
Katherine slaps Dylan. Bree is listening to she's gonna blow the whistle. You gotta
everything. Dylan runs upstairs. understand I really did care for Edie but I
can't let her ruin my life".
Katherine: "She can't talk to me that way.
Not after everything I've done for her." Carlos pushes an envelope full of money
across the table. who hide behind them."

Carlos: "That's where you come in." Camera on Katherine.

A hand pulls the envelope. A man sees a lot "Some flash their teeth as a polite warning to
of money in the envelope and looks at Carlos. their enemies."

Camera on Gabrielle.
FAIRVIEW HOSPITAL
"Some put on put on beaming faces to keep
Chemotherapy Room. Lynette, Susan, Bree, their tears from falling."
Gabrielle and Katherine are sitting around.
The room is filled with balloons. Camera on Lynette. Lynette makes a funny
face.
Katherine: "Guys we better behave or the
nurses are going to kick us out." "Others wear silly grins to mask their fear."

Bree: "It's our Chemo party and we'll laugh if The camera clicks.
we want to."

Lynette: "Gaby this was a wonderful idea and DARK BAR

I cannot tell you how much it means to me."
Carlos smiles.
Gabrielle: "Oh don't get sappy on me. I
won't stand for it. All right Susan, is the "But then, there is that rare smile that is
camera ready?" actually genuine."

Susan: "Yeah. Got it." Man across the table from Carlos looks at the
money in the envelope.
They all get ready to have their picture taken.
Man: "I'll take care of it."
Susan: "Okay once the light starts blinking
we've got ten seconds so everybody say Carlos smiles.
cheese and hold it. One, two, three."
"It's the smile of a person who knows his
The Ladies: "Cheese." troubles will soon be over."

"There is nothing more deceptive than a smile.

And no one knows this better than the people The End
403 - The Game political thing. Damn. Damn. Damn."

WISTERIA LANE - DAY Susan: "Ahhh. You have to come. You're

the best Charade's player I know.
The street is filled with children riding their
bikes and jumping rope on the sidewalk, and
tossing a Frisbee. LYNETTE'S LIVING ROOM

"All children love to play games. But before Lynette is lying on her couch on the phone.
they can race their bikes or jump their ropes
or toss their frisbees, children must Lynette: "That's sweet and totally accurate,
understand that they must first convince their but I'm really whipped from the Chemo so...
friends to play along with them. They same Oh, there's my other line... can you ask me
is true for adults." next time, okay Hon? Okay, bye."

Lynette hangs up and clicks to her other line.

SUSAN'S KITCHEN
Lynette: "Hello. Oh hey Bree. Ummm.
Susan is on the phone. What's up?

Susan: "Hi Gaby. I'm throwing a party

Saturday night. Guess what kind? BREE'S LIVING ROOM

Bree is on the phone.

GABRIELLE'S KITCHEN
Bree: "I stopped by Katherine's yesterday to
Gaby is on the phone. get a recipe and you'll never guess what I over
heard.
Gabrielle: "A Charades party? Did you just
throw one?"
GABRIELLE'S EXERCISE ROOM
Susan: "No, that was a year ago."
Gaby is on the treadmill.
Gabrielle: "Oh, right, guess it's time for
another one." Gabrielle: "She slapped her kid? No!"

Susan: "Sure is. Can you come?" Bree: "Yes. And get this. When Adam said
Dylan would just keep asking questions,
Gabrielle: "Ahh. Sorry, Victor needs me at this Katherine said, and I quote, 'Well, we're just
going to have to find better lies.' Oh, hang you should invite?"
on, I've got another call."
Lynette talking on the phone.
Gabrielle: "Don't answer it. It's Susan. She's
hosting another game night." Lynette: "Yeah, I am feeling much better so
count me in. Will our new neighbor be
Bree: "Another one? It's time for an coming?"
anonymous letter."
Bree talking on the phone.
Lynette at home, taking pills and talking on
the phone. Bree: "Of course! I love your charades
parties. And I hope you're inviting that
Lynette: "Wait. Is Katherine going to Susan's delightful Katherine Mayfair.
charade night?"

Gabrielle: "Probably, why?" KATHERINE'S FRONT YARD

Lynette: "We should go too. Get a few Katherine is watering her flowers as Susan
drinks in her, see if she loosens up." walks up.

Bree: "Well, I doubt a woman like Katherine Susan: "So you were paid a very nice
is going to spill her secrets just because she's compliment today."
had a little wine."
Katherine: "I was?"
Lynette: "I don't know. You came out with
some interesting things before you swore off Susan: "Yes. I am hosting a Charades party
the sauce." and all of my friends went out of their way to
insist I invite you."
Bree: Well, none that I recall."
Katherine: "Really?
Lynette: "Did you tell me you lost your
virginity in the back seat of a ......"
BREE'S HOUSE
Bree: "Point well taken! I'll bring the wine."
Bree is looking out her window at Katherine
Gabrielle talking on the phone. and Susan.

Gabrielle: "Susan, good news! We can come "Yes, not all adults like to play games..."
to the party after all. Hey you know who else
Katherine looks over and sees Bree looking Stella: "Well, ah. I know something that
out the window. Bree quickly back away. might help your nausea and boost your
appetite. Perhaps a little visit from my old
"But the ones who do, play to win." friend, 'Mary Jane?"

Lynette: "You're suggesting Pot?"

BREE'S KITCHEN
Stella: "A lot of Chemo patients use it. Hell,
Stella is looking through a cookbook. I did! Come on. Let mama score you some
kick ass chronic."
"Stella Winfield hated to cook. Still she spent
that Friday morning grating cheese and Lynette: "Kick Ass Chronic? Ah-huh. You're
greasing a pan and lying in macaroni. a grandmother. Shouldn't you be off
Because her eldest daughter was sick" somewhere knitting an afghan?"

Stella brings a plate of macaroni outside to Stella: "Just trying to ease your pain."
Lynette.
Lynette: "Well thanks. But I prefer not to get
"And Stella could no longer sit by and do my medication from someone under a
nothing." bridge."

Stella: "Lunchtime!" Stella: "Suit yourself!

Lynette: "Oh, no thanks."

SUSAN'S FRONT YARD
Stella: "Oh come on, I made it for you special.
You've gotta keep your strength up." Susan is taking out the trash. She sees Mike
in the garage making a baby crib.
Lynette: "I appreciate the effort but I told
you I can't keep anything down. And FYI, Susan: "Hey, what's this?"
mac and cheese is halfway to vomit. You
might as well have given me a plate of Mike: "A crib. And look. (raising the side
creamed corn." of the crib) a safety latch. I figured if the
baby takes after you, accident proof is key!"
Stella: "Are you taking the anti nausea drug?"
Susan: "Honey, you know I'm still in my first
Lynette: "Yeah, I am taking it. It's just not trimester. Don't you think it's a little early to
working." be making cribs?"
Mike: "Early would be painting this thing Susan: "Yeah, I don't know. It's getting a
blue. But (Mike holds up a can of blue and a little weird. You know Adam is my neighbor."
can of pink paint) I got both so we're covered
either way." Bree: "Well you don't mind Orson being your
dentist."
Susan: "Great."
Susan: "Well that's because I don't blush
Mike: "And whether it's boy or a girl, (Mike when Orson says "open wide."
attaches a football sticker on the crib) Colts
fan. That's not negotiable." Bree: "You know, my OB is all they way
across town. You just do not want to drive
Susan: "Umm. Bree's home, I'll be right back. that far."

Susan: "Oh well, we could schedule our

BREE'S DRIVEWAY appointment together and carpool. You know,
pregnant gals on the road."
Bree and Orson get out of the car.
Bree: "Ha ha ha. It does sound fun. But I
Orson: "Look sharp, Susan!" don't think my doctor's taking on any new
patients."
Bree: "Guy, it's getting harder and harder to
keep her at arm's length. I never knew she Susan: "Oh I'll talk him into it. What's his
was such a hugger." name?"

Orson: "Want me to run interference?" Bree: "I, um, don't remember."

Susan: "You don't remember?"
Bree: "No, no, getting good at props."
Bree: "You know, I usually just call him
Bree takes a bag of groceries as Susan "doctor."
approaches.
Susan: "Bree. Just get me the number.
Bree: "Hey, Susan. What's up?"

Susan: "I need a favor. Um, I remember you BREE'S KITCHEN

mentioning that you liked your Obstetrician.
Can I get his number?"
Bree: "I thought you were using Dr. Mayfair?"
Bree is thumbing through the yellow pages.
She finds "Obstetricians" and grabs a paper
and pen. She closes her eyes and pokes.
She writes down the number she poked.
 the hose turns off. Adam turns to see why.
She takes it outside to Susan.
Katherine: "I'd say the car is clean enough."
Bree: "Here you go, but please don't mention
my name. As I said he's overbooked and I just Adam: "Katherine."
don't want to get on his bad side."
Katherine: "She seemed awfully friendly. Do
Susan: "I'm so excited. Pregnant gals, you know her?"
sharing a doctor!"
Adam: "No, we said two words. She
She reaches out to hug Bree. Bree sneezes. criticized my car wash."

Susan: "Oh, bless you." Katherine: "Umm, it's funny. When I criticize
you, you don't put on a big goofy grin!"
Bree: "Oh sorry. Probably just allergies but,
you know you don't want to take any Adam: "You really need to stop this."
chances."
Katherine: "Given our history, shouldn't I be
Susan covers her nose and mouth and runs saying that to you."
away.
Adam: "Katherine, I just can't not speak to
women. I'm a Gynecologist for god's sake."
KATHERINE'S DRIVEWAY
Katherine: "Yes, I know. But you don't have
Adam is outside washing the car. A young to bring your work home with you.
woman jogs up.

Woman: "Hey, can I get a drink?" GABRIELLE'S HOUSE

Adam: "Yeah, sure." Gabrielle is on the porch and watches

Katherine drive away. She goes back in.
Young woman drinks from the hose.
Gabrielle: "You leaving already?"
Woman: "Thanks. By the way you missed a
spot." Carlos: (getting dressed) "Edie asked me to
help her pick out a gift for her sister. So I
Adam: "Ah, thanks." gotta swing by the mall. When can I see you
next?"
The young woman jogs away and suddenly
Gabrielle: "Well, Victor has a teacher's union Stella: "Here's the thing. My daughter has
thing on Thursday." Cancer. She is so nausea she stopped eating
and I can't just stand by and watch her waste
Carlos: "Guess I'll see you on Thursday." away. So I asked around and people thought
you might be able to get me what I need.
Gabrielle: "Carlos, what's happening here Follow my drift?"
with us? I mean why are we still sneaking
around?" Andrew: "Ahh. Yeah, you want me to score
you some weed?"
Carlos: "You know exactly why."
Stella: "Best stuff you can get. Nothing's too
Gabrielle: "Oh come on. Edie's recovered good for my little girl.
from her little suicide attempt. Don't you
think it's time to move on?" Stella hands Andrew money.

Carlos: "I've got some things going on and I

need them to pay off before I can make a BREE'S HOUSE
move. Really, I don't have a choice."
Orson walks into the bedroom.
Gabrielle: "Okay, but if you did have a choice
would it be a hard one? I mean, it's not like Orson: "Darling?"
you're in love with Edie, is it?"
Bree: "What is it?"
Carlos: "No, I don't love Edie. And I've got a
plan to get her out of my life forever. Just Orson: "I don't want you to worry. I just got
give me two weeks. Okay?" off the phone with the convent. It seems
Danielle took a little spill."
Gabrielle: "Bracelet's always nice. For Edie's
sister." Bree is talking on the phone.

Carlos: "Good idea." Bree: "You're eight and a half months pregnant!
What in heaven's name were you doing
rollerblading?
WISTERIA LANE - DAY

Carlos sneaks out of the side gate of DANIELLE'S ROOM AT THE CONVENT
Gabrielle's house. Stella is at the side of
Lynette's house talking to someone. Danielle: "I'm bored. All I do is lay around."
Bree: "In your condition that's what you
should be doing. And where on Earth did Tom: "Honey."
you get skates in a convent?"
Lynette: "Sorry."
Danielle: "I borrowed them from one of the
eating disordered girls. They have got all the Tom: "At least eat a little. We need you in
good exercise equipment." fine form for Charade's tonight."

Bree: "What if your reckless behavior had Lynette: "Yeah, about that. I don't think I'm
hurt the baby?" gonna make it."

Danielle: "They are going to exam me. I'm Tom: "You have to! You are the Charade's
sure the baby's fine." assassin! They still talk about the night you
guessed the "Americanization of Emily' in
Bree: "Yes, it is going to stay that way fifteen seconds."
because I've instructed Sister Teresa to keep
you sequestered in your room until the baby Lynette: "Twelve. That's my point. I'm
is born." undefeated. Why spoil my winning streak
when I'm not up to it."
Danielle: "What am I supposed to do for fun.
You won't even get me a DVD player." Tom: "People know that you are sick. They
don't expect you to be at your absolute best."
Bree: "Well, I was hoping that you would use
these last few weeks for reflection and Doorbell rings.
personal growth."
Lynette: "Tom. Hair loss and constant
Danielle: "I hate you." nausea, those are inconveniences. Losing at
charades to Susan Meyer, that is just flat out
Bree: "Clearly it would be time well spent. intolerable!"

Tom answers the door.

LYNETTE'S KITCHEN
Tom: "Hey, Andrew."
Lynette is reading a magazine, drinking water
with plate of uneaten Lasagna next to her. Andrew: "Hey."

Tom: "How was the Lasagna?" Tom: "What's up?"

Stella: "Why don't you ask it yourself?" Andrew: "Hey Mr. Scavo. A package for
Lynette's mom got delivered to our house by Porter: "Like the grown-up ice tea you always
mistake, so..." drink?"

Stella: (running up) "I've got it Tom. It's a Stella: "Similar! How bout some ice cream
pattern. I'm knitting Lynette an afghan." instead? And you can watch TV until your
eyes fall out."

SLEAZY DOCTOR'S OFFICE All Kids: "Yeah!"

Susan is looking through a very dirty fish tank They all run off but Stella stops Parker.
with one dead fish floating on the top. Susan,
careful not to touch anything, walks to one of Stella: "You! Stay! Grandma needs a favor.
the chairs. On the table is a bowl with a sign And you've got just the face for it.
"free condoms, take one." Susan pulls a
Kleenex out of her purse, puts it on the chair
then sits down. A woman who looks like a LYNETTE'S BEDROOM
streetwalker, watches her.
A very sick looking Lynette is lying in bed.
Susan: (to streetwalker) "A friend of mine Parker comes in with a plate of brownies.
recommended this place. It's not exactly
what I expected. Must be one heck of a Lynette: "Wow, Sweetie, those really look
doctor though, huh?" delicious but I just don't feel like eating right
now."
Streetwalker: "I don't know. I just come here
to buy clean urine." Parker: "Just one, Mom? I made them
special. Just for you."

LYNETTE'S KITCHEN Lynette takes one and bites into it as Stella

sneaks a peek from the doorway.
All the kids are reaching for brownies on a
plate on the table. Stella stops them. Lynette: "This really is delicious."

Stella: "Shoo! Those are only for grownups."

KATHERINE'S HOME
Kayla: "But, why?"
Katherine is getting ready to go out.
Stella: "Because they have special medicine in
them." Katherine: "And if there's an emergency you
can reach me on my cell phone."
Adam: "Or just walk across the street. Have Bree: "She's not here?"
fun girls, don't do anything I would do."
Mike: "No and she's not answering her cell
Adam and Katherine leave. Julie and Dillon phone."
are studying.
Orson: "Where is she?"
Julie: "Adam seems really laid back."
Mike: "Well she had an appointment with
Dillon: "Yeah, he's pretty cool. Course this new Obstetrician over on River Street.
everyone seems cool compared to 'robo- She should be here by now."
mom."
Orson: (to Bree) "Why would she see a
Julie: 'Hey, you never told me. What doctor over there? That's a terrible
happened when you asked her about your real neighborhood."
dad?"
Bree: "It is?"
Dillon: "She freaked out. Just like I thought.
She wouldn't tell me anything." Orson: "Yes, don't you remember that's where
they murdered those two prostitutes last year."
Julie: "Well, there are other ways to find
things out. Does your Mom keep any old Bree: (Worried) "We should help Mike with
papers? You know, letters, diaries?" the food."

Dillon: "No that she shows me. There's stuff Front door opens. Adam and Katherine enter.
in the storage room upstairs but it's locked so
forget about it." Adam: "Knock, knock!"

Julie: "What kind of lock is it? Katherine: "We're here."

Bree: "Oh good, Katherine I was hoping we

SUSAN'S HOUSE - CHARADE NIGHT would get a chance to chat. (whispering to
Orson as she hands the wine to him) Open
A frantic Mike opens the door. this Now!

Mike: "Oh, come on in, I was hoping you

were Susan." EDIE'S HOUSE

Bree and Orson come in with wine. Edie comes downstairs all dressed up.
 Gabrielle: "Ummm."
Edie: "Oh, Susan's parties are always such a
snooze fest. The only thing people will be Victor: "State Senator."
miming is "get me the hell out of here."
Gabrielle: "Yes."
Carlos: "Aren't you overdressed for
charades?" Victor: "His wife just got picked up for shop
lifting."
Edie: "Well I thought that I would look nice.
Just in case we decide to ... well, I don't know... Gabrielle: "Why is that fantastic?"
announce our engagement."
Victor: "Cause he was making noises about
Carlos: "We're not announcing anything. It's going against me for Governor. I guess 'light
Susan and Mike's party. I don't want to make finger' Mrs. Ferber just put and end to that."
it all about us."
Gabrielle: "Why? It's not like he shop lifted."
Edie: "You're right, Darling. I may drop a
few hints though." Victor: "It doesn't matter, it's a scandal. You
know what they do to poll numbers."
Carlos: "Edie, let me be clear on this! You
are not to tell anyone about our engagement! Gabrielle: "Oh, that's right. I was reading
Got it?" about that in Politics' boring magazine."

Edie: "Fine, I won't say a word." Victor: "I'm just glad I don't have to worry
about you pulling crap like that."
Carlos walks out the door. Edie pulls a
diamond ring out of her purse and puts it on. Gabrielle: "Yeah, you're lucky."
She puts her ring hand in her coat pocket and
follows Carlos out. Carlos and Edie arrive at the same time as
Gabrielle and Victor.

WISTERIA LANE - NIGHT

INSIDE SUSAN'S HOUSE
Gabrielle and Victor are walking to Susan's
house. Victor is looking at his cell phone. Tom and Orson are gathered around a buffet
table
Victor: "Oh, this is fantastic! You know
Edward Ferber?" Orson: "Where's Lynette? She's usually your
charades' MVP."
Tom: "Ahh, she wasn't feeling so well, but Gabrielle: "Excuse me."
you are still going down, Mister!"
Gabrielle puts her drink down and turns. She
Orson: "It's just a game. Tom. A game you walks away as Susan walks in.
wish you'd never played."
Susan: "Gaby! Sorry I'm late. (to Katherine)
Gabrielle walks up to Bree and Katherine. Oh my god, you made it! That is such a
beautiful dress. We're going to have so much
Bree: "Oh hi, Gaby. Katherine and I were fun! (Grabs Bree's arm) You! Come with
just talking about the old days. So when you me!"
were living with your Aunt was Dillon's father
with you?" Susan drags Bree out of the room.

Katherine: "No, just me and Dillon."

SUSAN'S FRONT PORCH
Gabrielle: "Where you widowed or divorced?
Carlos and Gabrielle are talking.
Katherine: "Actually I prefer not to discuss
my first marriage, if you don't mind." Gabrielle: "She's got a ring!"

Bree: "Oh well we certainly didn't mean to Carlos: "What?"

pry. Let me just tinge that up for you. "
Gabrielle: "Edie! She's wearing a big
Bree pours more wine into Katherine cup as honking engagement ring the size of a peach
Edie walks in removing her coat. pit!"

Edie: "Hello, all. It's so nice to see you." Carlos: "Hey, I didn't get her a ring!"

Edie reaches for her eye as though something Gabrielle: "Oh, so you're not engaged?"
is in it.
Carlos: "Well, see, here's the thing."
Edie: "Oh no! My contact slipped."
Gabrielle: "Oh, you gotta be kidding me!"
Bree: "Edie, is that an engagement ring?"
Carlos: "Let me explain!"
Edie: "Oh, shoot! Pretend you didn't see
that. I promised my fiancée that I wouldn't Gabrielle: "I'm done with your explanations
say a word until the official announcement." and I'm done with 'just give me two more
weeks, baby.' Whatever games you're playing, and there was a cigarette machine in the
I'm sick of it! We're through!" waiting room. But when I saw the ant traps
on his speculum tray, I thought that you and I
Carlos: "So you're just gonna go live happily should have a talk!"
ever after with Victor, huh?"
Bree: "Oh Susan, I am so sorry. And of
Gabrielle: "You think Victor's my only option? course I will pay for the slashed tire and the
Well I got news for you Carlos, I can have any stolen cell phone."
guy I want. Because this ... waits for no man!"
Susan: 'That is not the point! Why would you
Gabrielle walks back into the house. Edie is send me to someone who is obviously not
at the buffet table eating when Carlos walks your doctor?"
up.
Bree: "I can't tell you."
Carlos: "You bought yourself an engagement
ring?" Susan "Why not?"

Edie: "It's been three days, Carlos, how long Bree: "It's private."
was I supposed to wait?"
Susan: "You know what else is private? The
Carlos: "You agreed not to say anything!" parts of me I'm pretty sure he snapped with
his camera phone. I have a party to throw. I
Edie: "Ah, but I didn't agree not to wear will deal with you later."
anything. Don't worry it wasn't expensive.
You can pay me back later."
SUSAN'S BACK ROOM
Carlos: "Count on it.
Carlos is on the phone.

SUSAN'S KITCHEN Carlos: "Look she is totally out of control. I

need her taken care of.
Susan is at her sink scrubbing her arms.

Susan: "And the whole time, I just kept AL'S OFFICE

thinking this is Bree's doctor. Bree
recommended him. He must be the best! Al: "Fine, I'll see what I can do."
So I didn't worry when it was between the
'Needles Only" and Transvestite bookstore. Carlos hangs up and walks back into the party.
And I ignored that my shoes stuck to the floor Gabrielle saunters up to Adam.
 Adam walks away as Edie approaches.
Gabrielle: "Adam, I feel the tag on my dress
sticking out and I can't reach it. Do you Edie: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop.
mind?" But you really shouldn't take this out on Adam.
Gabrielle has a little bit of a reputation, if you
Adam: "Oh sure." know what I mean."

Adam tucks in the tag as Carlos watches. Katherine: "No, I don't. But I'd certainly like
to.
Adam: "Here you go."

Gabrielle: "Oh, I think I got a chill. Now let SUSAN'S LIVING ROOM
me see if I can give you one!"
Susan: "Okay, everyone. Let the games
Gabrielle tickles Adam's arm. Carlos smashes begin. Um. I will be team captain one.
his glass on the table and walks by Katherine Who wants to be captain number two?
who is also watching Adam and Gabrielle.
Gabrielle: "I'll do it!"
Katherine is whispering to Adam.
Susan: "Great! Okay you pick first."
Katherine: "We haven't been here an hour
and you are humiliating me!" Gabrielle: "Oh, okay. I will pick Adam."

Adam: "Are we gonna have this conversation Adam: "Ah."

again?"
Susan: "I pick Lynette. Where's Lynette?"
Katherine: "Oh, I guess you learned nothing
from Chicago." Tom: "She really wanted to be here. She's
just feeling too sick to party.
Adam: "For God's sake. I was not flirting.
She asked me to fix her dress."
LYNETTE'S LIVING ROOM
Katherine: "Yeah, I saw you're face. I could
tell what a chore it was for you." Lynette is watching TV with the kids, laughing
and eating chips.
Adam: "You know what, I think I'm a little
behind you in the alcohol department. Let Parker; "That's funny isn't it?"
me go catch up!"
Lynette: "It's genius! He's a sponge, but he
talks!" KATHERINE'S HOUSE

Stella: "Well, it looks like somebody is feeling Julie is picking the lock of the door upstairs.
a little better."
Dillon: "Where did you learn to do this?"
Lynette: (laughing) "Yeah, I guess that anti
nausea medicine finally kicked in." Julie: "When you live with a mother who
constantly locks herself out you develop
Stella: (smiling) "That must be it! certain skills."

Dillon: "I don't know. Maybe this is a sign

SUSAN'S LIVING ROOM we should stop."

Gabrielle: "Orson." Door opens.

Susan: "Carlos." Julie: "What were you saying about signs?

Mike: "Um.. husband in the room."

SUSAN'S LIVING ROOM
Susan: "Honey, I love ya but I wanna win."
Susan is still describing and gesturing while
Orson: (to Gabrielle) "You should pick Edie." everyone looks on bored.

Gabrielle: "Why?" Susan: "Whole concept. Person. Umm,

Let's see, Shakespeare, book, and then you
Orson: "The woman just tried to commit can do the signal for book and you touch
suicide. Don't make her last pick. She's still your heart and that means poem..
fragile."
Gabrielle: "When has anyone ever used poem
Gabrielle: "Good point. Mike! Yes. Let's as a clue?"
get started."
Victor: "Yeah. Come on, let's play."
Susan: "No, no. Wait, wait, wait. Gaby. You
know how it works. First I have to go over all Everyone: "Let's play! Yeah"
the signals. Okay, so
Gabrielle: "Yeah, let's play."
(gesturing) this is movie. TV. "
A very happy Lynette walks in.
Lynette: "Hey!"
Susan: "Okay, twenty two seconds. Lynette,
Tom: "Hey, Honey, you made it!" you're up."

Susan: "Ah ha! Dibs on Lynette! She's on Tom: "Come on babe! We're forty seconds
my team!" down. We need you to make that time up."

Gabrielle: "That's not fair! She's like the Lynette: "Who do you think you're talking
Charades' Ninja!" to."

Lynette: "That's me!! Ninja!" Tom: "Right on."

Lynette roundhouse kicks the lamp. Gabrielle is hanging on Adam with the
stopwatch.
Lynette: "Ya Ha! (laughing) I'm sorry.
Okay, I'm ready. Gabrielle: "Ready? Set. Go."

Lynette reads her charade.

SUSAN'S LIVING ROOM
Tom: "Honey. Clocks ticking."
Susan pushes a stopwatch, as Orson acts out
his charade. Lynette: (smiling) "I know. This is a really
hard one."
Susan: "Okay, go."
Tom: "Kay, come on, come on, what is it? Is
Gabrielle's Team: "Shoe, sock, working out, it a book, a movie?"
sole, itch, itch, scratch."
Lynette: "Movie, a western."
Gabrielle: "A blister."
Bree: "No talking."
Orson: "Ah!"
Lynette: "Sorry."
Gabrielle: "Blister, sounds like blister."
Tom: "Honey, start with the first word. How
Adam: "Sister." many syllables? "

Bree: "Two Mules for Sister Sara!" Lynette gestures one.

Team: "Hoorah!!!" Susan's Team: "One word?"

 Andrew: "Orson. Ah, there's a phone call for
Tom: "Sweetie, act it out. You're really good you at the house. You should probably take
at that." it."

Edie: "Okay, okay. Whole idea." Orson runs out. Andrew sees Lynette at the
table eating everything. Andrew gives Lynette
Lynette points at Edie the "thumbs up" sign. Lynette smiles back.

Edie: "Me." As Orson goes out the front door, Stella runs
in.
Susan: "Edie. Woman, Blond, bleach!"
Stella: "Hello. Oh Tom."
Lynette gestures no in frustration. She jumps
up on the fireplace ledge. Acts like she's Tom: "Stella, what are you doing here?"
making a noose, puts it around her neck and
hangs herself. She jumps down and pretends Stella: "I made some brownies earlier and I
like she's dead. Everyone stares in disbelief. just noticed they were missing. Ah. Lynette
Edie looks shocked. didn't bring them here did she?"

Tom: "Hang Em High?" Tom: "Why, is that a problem?"

Lynette: "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Tom runs into the living room as Lynette is
passing out the brownies.
Susan: "Okay, well I think it's time for a
break?" Lynette: "It's like chocolate love!"

Everyone: (uncomfortable) "Yes." Tom: "Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, sorry,
don't eat those."
Tom: (to Lynette) "You feeling okay? Cause
you're acting kinda spacey." Tom grabs the brownie out of Edie and
Katherine's hands. He grabs the one in Mike
Lynette: 'Yeah, no, I'm good. Hey do you and Susan's hands.
think they have any grapes or.."
Tom: "No, bad, bad. Bad, bad, bad. Whoa."
Tom: "Hey, why don't I go get you some
coffee, Hon." He grabs the ones from Bree and Carlos.

Andrew walks in. Tom: "Sorry. Full of trans fat."

He walks backwards and bumps into Gabrielle Gabrielle: "No, tell me. What's my
who spills a drink all over Adam. reputation? Am I smug and holier than thou?
Oh no wait. That's you."
Gabrielle: "Tom, watch it!"
Victor walks into the room.
Tom: "I am sorry."
Katherine: "Let me be specific. By reputation,
Gabrielle grabs a napkin. I mean that you are the kind of woman that
treats a man like a plaything. Whether it's my
Gabrielle: "Here, let me get that. husband or let's say you're teenage gardener?"

Adam: "Thank you. Sorry, it's a little cold" Gabrielle stares at Edie, who looks away.
Victor looks angry.
She begins patting Adam's shirt. Katherine
walks up. Gabrielle: "Bree saw you slap your daughter."

Katherine: "Would it be too much to ask you Katherine: "Excuse me?"

to keep your hands off my husband?"
Bree: "Gaby?"
Gabrielle: "What, I spilled my drink on him."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, she asked about her father
Katherine: "And you're trying to make up for and then you smacked her. Why'd you do
it by breast feeding him?" that?"

Adam: "Katherine?" Katherine: "This is the last thing that I will

ever say to you. Yes, I lost my temper with
Gabrielle: "Look lady, you need to calm down. Dillon. But her father is a horrible man. I
You're getting a reputation around her for want you to imagine the worst thing that a
having a stick up your ass!" father can do to his daughter. What was a
supposed to tell Dillon about that, huh? I
Katherine: "Better that reputation than the hope that satisfies everyone's curiosity."
one you're toting around."
Katherine walks out of the room.
Gabrielle: "What do you mean by that?"
Lynette: "Oh my god. "Hang Em High" has
Susan: "Okay, back to Charades." three syllables.

Katherine: "Never mind. Forget it."

SUSAN'S BEDROOM
 You took him everywhere."
Victor is sitting on the bed as Gabrielle walks
in. Dillon: "No. I think I'd remember a bear that
ugly."
Gabrielle: "I guess you saw what happened
down there." Julie: "Well, clearly it's yours. Your mom
kept it all these years and he's here in your
Victor: "Yup." old room."

Gabrielle: "Look, it was a long time ago and Dillon: "Wait, this was my old room? My
it didn't mean anything." mom told me I'm in my old room down the
hall."
Victor: "How many people know about this?"
Julie: "No, this was your room. What are
Gabrielle: "Now, or before tonight?" you talking about?"

Victor: "How many?" Katherine walks in,

Gabrielle: "Look, I know you're upset." Katherine: "Evening girls."

Victor: "No, not upset. I'm just trying to Julie: "Hey! How was the party?"
work out how to spin this. Clearly the boy
was underage. Do you think money would Katherine: "It was lovely. I think your
shut him up?" mother would like you home now to clean
up."
Gabrielle: "Victor, really, I don't think it's a big
deal." Julie gets up and walks out.

Victor: "Um. That's because you're not me." Dillon: "I'm sorry Mom."

Victor walks out of the room. Katherine: "It's okay sweetie. But I don't
want you seeing that girl anymore."

KATHERINE'S HOUSE - LOCKED ROOM Dillon walks out.

Dillon and Julie are going through boxes.

SUSAN'S KITCHEN
Julie: "Okay you gotta remember this.
(holding up a Teddy Bear) This is Bodworth. Orson walks in.
 best party ever.
Bree: "Orson, Honey, where have you been?"

Orson: "We've had a call from Danielle's SUSAN'S BATHROOM

doctor. Apparently her fall caused a placental
eruption. When the placental separates from Carlos is just drying his hands and when he
the Uterus." opens the door, Gabrielle pushes him back in
and begins kissing him.
Bree: "My god."
Carlos: "I'm confused."
Orson: "He said not to panic. There are
degrees of this. They are doing a sonogram Gabrielle slaps Carlos.
then they are going to call us."
Carlos: "Ow! Now I'm confused and my
Bree: "I can't wait that long. I have to be head hurts!"
with her."
Gabrielle: "That's for letting Edie think you
Orson: "Okay. I'll get your purse." are engaged."

Bree and Orson are leaving Susan's house. Carlos: "And the kiss?"

Susan: "What do you think you are doing? Gabrielle: "When you saw me flirting you
You can't leave yet!" smashed a glass. When Victor heard I had an
affair he started crunching poll numbers. I
Bree: "Ah something's come up. We'll talk need a man who cared enough to explode
tomorrow." when he thinks he's gonna lose me. I don't
just love you, I love the way you love me."
Susan: "No, we'll talk now. You still owe me
an explanation for that skuzzy gyno you sent Carlos: "So we're back on?"
me to.:
Gabrielle: "See you Thursday."
Bree: "I said I was sorry, for god's sake, Susan,
not everything is about you!" They kiss passionately, and Carlos leaves.

Bree and Orson leave. Edie comes out the

front door. SUSAN'S HOUSE

Edie: "Oh, I know this night has been a Carlos is talking on the phone.
complete disaster but all in all, it's still your
Carlos: "Al what have you got for me?"
Victor: "You're a very understanding man. If
Al: "I think I found a way to make this she pulled something like that on me, that
happen. But it might take a week or two to guy wouldn't be around for long,"
line everything up."
Carlos: "Yeah, but no woman's worth going
Carlos: "Fantastic. to jail for, right?"

Victor: "If you have enough money, it's not

AL'S OFFICE that hard to make someone disappear."

Al: "I'll call you when it's done.: Gabrielle comes downstairs.

Al hangs up. Victor: "Let's go, honey."

Al: "Shirley? Can you make some copies of Gabrielle: "Bye Carlos."
the Britt file?"
She winks at Carlos as she leaves.
Shirley leaves the office, closes the door. The
door reads Al Kaminsky, Certified Public
Accountant. BREE'S HOUSE

Bree is unhooking the DVD player.

SUSAN'S HOUSE
Orson: "Honey, we really have to go."
Carlos is having a drink when Victor walks in.
Bree: "It will just take a few seconds. It's all
Victor: "Seen Gaby?" these damn cords."

Carlos: "Ah yeah. In the bathroom upstairs." Orson: "Sweetheart, it's a long drive."

Victor: "Tell me something. When you Bree: "It's the only thing she asked for."
found out that kid that you were paying to
mow your lawn was doing your wife, how did The phone rings. Orson answers.
you not kill him?"
Orson:: "Hello. Hello Doctor. How is she?
Carlos: "Well, I wanted to at first but hey, Oh, thank god."
we're all human, right? You gotta forgive and
forget." Bree begins to cry. Orson helps her off the
floor and she cries on Orson's shoulder. Lynette: "Let me ask you something. Do
you remember what I wore to the Junior Prom
or what part I had in the play that year?"
LYNETTE'S HOUSE
Stella: "Who remembers that stuff?"
Lynette and Tom enter. Stella is on the couch
reading. Lynette: "Parents who weren't stoned. My
whole childhood passed in a blur because you
Stella: "Kids are all tucked in. They're sleeping were medicating yourself. Pot when you were
like angels." sick, booze when you weren't. I am not
going to do that. I won't miss a second of
Tom: "Great. Did you put Quaaludes in their my kids lives. Not if I can avoid it."
cocoa?"
Stella: "Well, I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.
Lynette: "Could you check on them for me, You're a mom. You know there's nothing
please?" worse than watching your kids suffer. And
seeing you act all goofy watching that cartoon,
Tom goes upstairs. well, it was probably the high point of my
trip."
Stella: "So how was the party?"
Lynette: "I get it. But if you ever pull
Lynette: "You drugged me." something like this again."

Stella: "Ah, just a little." Stella: "I won't."

Lynette: "What is wrong with you? I told Lynette: "Okay. Well, I think I'll turn in."
you I didn't want any pot!"
Lynette takes the bowl of chips and walks to
Stella: "Before you slap me around, let me the stairs.
ask you something. Do you feel better?"
Stella: "Yenta."
Lynette: "That's not the point. And what
were you thinking using my son as a drug Lynette: "What?"
mule."
Stella: "Junior year. You were Yenta in
Stella: "He didn't know what was going on. "Fiddler on the Roof."
And why are you making such a big deal
about it?" Lynette: "You remembered."
Stella: "Yea, there are some performances so
bad even alcohol can't block em out." Bree: "No, you're pregnant too and I'm not
going to tell you anything that's gonna worry
BREE'S FRONT PORCH you."

Bree is sitting. Susan walks up. Susan: "Oh, are you kidding? It's the first
baby I've had in seventeen years. You know, I
Susan: "Bree? Can we call a truce? Please? could not possibly be more freaked out. This
So you know I'm not bluffing I brought cake." morning I caught Mike building a crib."

Bree takes one of the cakes. Bree: "No! This early?"

Bree: "I'm so sorry that I snapped at you Susan: "Yeah! I wanted to scream, 'Are you
tonight." nuts, do you just want to jinx it?"

Susan: "It's okay. I just wanna know what's Bree: "This is what we get for having kids at
going on. Ever since you've been pregnant our age. Anxiety, terror."
there's like this wall between us. It's like
something's changed and I don't know why. Susan: "It's just going to get worse. Do you
Did I do something to offend you?" know when our babies go to college, we'll be
like..."
Bree: "It's not about you I've just been going
through some things." Bree: "Dead!"

Susan: "Like what? I mean come on just tell Susan: "If we're lucky. Look at us. Pregnant
me. We share everything." gals, eating cake and bitchin'. It's kinda nice,
huh?"
Bree: "Okay, um, I haven't told anybody this
but it's about the baby. There have been some Bree: "It really is.
complications.

Susan: "Oh no. Is everything okay?" KATHERINE'S HOUSE

Bree: "Yeah. Everything's fine. But there Katherine is up in the locked room moving
was a time when I thought I might lose it." boxes. Adam walks in.

Susan: "Oh my god. And there I was just Adam: "What are you doing?"
bugging you about your doctor. I am so
sorry. You should have just told me." Katherine: "The hospital called. My aunt's
ready to come home.:
EDIE'S PORCH
Adam: "And you want her to stay in here?"
Carlos kisses Edie as he goes off to work.
Katherine: "Yeah. I think making this room
off limits was a mistake. If I want Dillon to "They lie to their lovers about where they go
focus on other things I really need to make it in the afternoon."
less intriguing. "

Adam: "Speaking of intriguing what were you BREE'S FRONT YARD

thinking last night?"
Bree is getting the mail when Susan walks up
Katherine: "What?" and tries to hug her.

Adam: "Come on the worst thing a father Bree: "Oh."

could do? You realize what people are going
to think?" Bree drops the mail to distract Susan.

Katherine: "Yeah, they're going to be very "They invent stories to hide the truth from
uncomfortable and uncomfortable people their friends."
don't ask questions."

KATHERINE'S HOUSE
WISTERIA LANE - DAY
Katherine is sitting on the throw rug in the
Children are playing on the sidewalk. middle of the locked room.

"All children love games. But children grow "Yes, everyone has fun playing games."
up and then they find new games to play,"
Katherine reaches for the corner of the rug.
There is a deep gash in the floor under the
LYNETTE'S YARD rug.

"They pretend to be well so their family's "Right up until the moment someone gets
won't worry." hurt."
Katherine begins crying and touches the gash
Lynette is sitting in the yard and her mother in the floor.
brings her a bowl of food.
The End
404 - If There's Anything I Can't Stand Aunt lily.
.
When her first husband died, bree thought .
she was rid of her mother-in-law. What does it feel like? Dying, i mean.
Danielle got pregnant, and bree got creative. It's not that bad.
Soon this whole charade will completely I feel lucky.
unravel, and we will be humiliated. When you know time is running out, you--you
Carlos and gaby's affair turned dangerous. get a chance to reflect on your life.
. I-i really did try to live a good one.
. You did more than try.
If she pulled something like that on me, that God is going to welcome you with open arms.
guy wouldn't be around for long. I'm not so sure.
And an old neighbor returned. Oh, why would you say that? I keep thinking
I didn't want poor aunt lily to spend her final about dylan.
days in a nursing home. .
That is so kind of you. .
Mrs. What we did, what we covered up.
Lillian sims returned to wisteria lane on a We did what we had to.
saturday. We should have told someone.
As she emerged from the ambulance, it We couldn't.
occurred to her the neighborhood looked You know that.
exactly as she had left it. It--it was a mistake, and it's not too late to
She then decided she should have painted her rectify it.
house blue. Your life may be over, but that does not give
Moments later, she wondered if she would see you the right to go around destroying the
her husband in heaven. lives of others.
These are just some of the thoughts that go I can't go to my grave with this on my
through an old woman's mind when she conscience.
comes home to die. Please! We have to tell that girl what
Now if you need anything, you just ring this happened in this room.
little bell, and i'll come running. Absolutely not.
I'm sorry to be so much trouble. As her guilt over the past began to mount, it
Well, the good news is, i-i won't be a burden occurred to lillian death couldn't come quickly
much longer. enough.
Oh, don't say that. This thought occurred to her niece as well.
The doctors say there's a good chance that
you'll be with us for a very long time. There were a lot of things bob hunter disliked
I know what's happening to me, katherine. about living in the city, and the thing he hated
You don't need to lie. most were the pests-- the rats that lurked in
the alleys. Actually, we're life partners.
. Oh, that's super! Yeah, i've seen a lot of cable,
. so i get it.
The flies that swarmed the garbage. You're just great.
. Thank you.
. I-i hope we can live up to your stereotype.
The bugs that invaded his co-op. Don't mind him.
I have tried it your way. He's just a little cranky from, uh, all the fresh
. air.
. Do not apologize for me.
Finally, bob informed his significant other it Lee, you're the one who said moving here
was time. would be better for raphael.
. So there's, uh.
. .
To leave the city. .
So they moved to suburbia, which they quickly There's three of you.
discovered had a few pests. Well, that must be.
. .
. .
Hey, neighbor! Of its own. Cozy.
Oh, we haven't gotten a chance to meet. Yes.
I'm susan. We're gay mormons.
I live next door. Susan, uh.
Hi, i'm lee. .
Uh, i-i just wanted to say hi. .
You know, i saw the movers taking in some of That's raphael.
your furniture, and i just have to say you and Raphael is your dog, of course.
your wife have gorgeous taste. You know, 'cause you folks can't have kids.
Need some help? Yeah, like you wouldn't I mean, uh, i mean, of course you can have
believe. kids, um, you--you know, because times have
Um, i'm susan. changed, and now you're allowed.
I live next door. What a.
Oh, hi. .
I'm lee's partner bob. .
Oh, you're partners. Nice dog.
What kind of business? You know, whatever it I should go.
is, just don't let the neighborhood association Nice to meet you.
hear that you work out of your house. - Hey, stop by any time, susan- - ow! - What
They're so not cool. are you doing? - What are you doing? Well.
. Well, it's amazing what a week without chemo
. can do.
Yes? I have a delivery for danielle van de kamp. When does the last round start? Next month,
Can i get you to sign here, please? Is that for so i have some time before i start feeling like
us? No, it's for danielle. total crap again.
There you are. And i was hoping we could put that time to
Who would send her a scooter? I knew it! good use.
Phyllis--rex's mother. Are you sure? I mean, the doctor said it could
Ever since he died, she's been trying to buy be months before you get your mojo back.
the children's affection. Well, it's back.
Wow. And since when do you question the mojo?
Well, it's a honey of a bike. You're right.
I'm sure danielle will appreciate the thought. You're right.
- Well, - i'm not giving it to her. Forgive me.
Can you think of a worse present for a Okay, so here are your options.
pregnant girl? Well, i'm not knocked up. "a," we could go romantic, play soft music,
Let me have it. light some candles , or "b," go straight to the-
You know how i feel about 2-wheeled -whoa! - God, - it's so been so long.
motorized vehicles. I hope i remember how to do this.
They're too dangerous. Well, it's just like riding a bike.
We'll donate it to the church. You never forget.
What? Reverend sikes said they're looking for Now start pedaling.
items for the raffle. What are you doing? Ooh, sorry.
So we're just gonna give it away? Well, it's I just messed up your hair.
better than you breaking your neck on it. I'm just trying to fix it.
Mom, you know how much i want a scooter Sorry.
Come on. Al-almost got it.
. Screw it.
You heard your mother. What--what are you doing? Oh, i ripped it this
We're donating it to the church. morning.
Of course, we need to make sure it's in good It's been itching the hell out of me.
working order before we do that. .
Not without a helmet. .
This blows. And this is much better.
- Are we gonna let her do this to us? - Are you sure you wanna take that off, honey? I
Absolutely not. mean, won't you be cold? No, i'm good.
If we win that raffle, we're keeping it. Hey, babe, what's going on? You still with me?
Hey. It's just-- it's kinda.
It is nice to hear you humming again. .
. I-i couldn't help overhearing you-- you talking
What? Late. about my mom's shower.
It's 9:30. I-i think i could be of a little assistance here.
It's just that one of our ovens broke down Why do you have to take our new neighbors
today, and the repairman's coming first thing cookie bars? Oh, look, i made a terrible first
in the morning, and maybe i could ravish you. impression, so i thought i'd make them some
. of my home-baked goodness.
. But you didn't bake any goodness.
Tomorrow. You just warmed up the goodness i bought at
Oh, okay. the store.
Come on, bree. Well, yeah.
You have to let us do this. I don't bake.
Uh, it's a lovely thought, but i really don't want Catch up.
a baby shower. You know, not all neighbors have to be friends.
Well, i bought you an expensive gift, and i'm Why don't you just let it go? Mike, they live 15
not giving it to you unless there's a party with feet from us.
people who can see how generous i am. If we have a fire, i wanna be sure that they like
Bree, watch this! Orson, i said be careful! I just us enough to call 9-1-1.
think it's tacky to have a baby shower when Ah, that's the real reason.
it's not your first baby. You can't stand it when somebody doesn't like
Well, i don't see the problem with it. you.
. Well, maybe.
. Well, maybe bob and lee just like to keep to
Yeah, and showers aren't just about presents. themselves.
They're fun. That's fine, and once they like me, they can
And we can play games, like "how big is keep to themselves all they damn well please.
mummy's tummy? " excuse me? Yeah, we get I wanted to bring you a "welcome to the
a ball of yarn, and we each cut a piece that we neighborhood" present.
think is just big enough to fit around your You should try one while they're still warm
stomach, and the one closest wins a prize. from the oven.
I really don't want a shower. That was really nice.
Look! Look at me! Orson, just five more Thank you.
minutes! That's all you're getting! I tell you Oh, are there nuts in them? Nuts? Gee, let me
what. think.
Why don't we just skip the shower, and after Nope, no nuts.
the baby's born, i'll have a christening party? Are you sure?'Cause i'm highly allergic.
What do you say? I'm okay! I'm fine. Half a pecan could kill me.
Oh, dear god. I'm not seeing any nuts.
Excuse me, ladies. Okay, you made them, so did you or did you
not put nuts in them? Okay, here's the thing. say, "hey, check out the soul on that girl"?
I'm a really crappy baker. What are you saying? I'm saying men are
To give you something that i made myself visual.
would be like an insult, so-- so--so--so you Hell, i have a whole closet full of costumes.
bought them, and--and then you heated them You need to give tom something to look at,
up in attempt to make your gesture seem something spicy, like.
more thoughtful than, in fact, it was. .
Hey, i would've made them myself if i knew .
how. Gaby, i'm not a redhead.
Honestly, i'm a good neighbor. But you could be, which brings me to my
Yeah, well, neighbor, why don't you take your second point-- men like variety.
store-bought, warmed-up, possibly poisonous Tonight you're a redhead.
cookie bars??? and give them to someone Tomorrow.
more likely to survive your generosity? Do you .
like wine? No, no, so please don't bring me a .
bottle from your vineyard. You are.
This rip is pretty big. .
It'll take about a week. .
A week? All right. Helga, the sexy milkmaid.
You'll hurry if you can? Honey, it's okay. Or.
You look cute in a scarf. .
I'm upset 'cause that salesgirl just walked .
away with my sex life. Amber, the lonely runaway.
What? After two months of puking my guts Or.
out, last night i was finally in the mood, but .
tom--not so much. .
Apparently, my bald head is a big turnoff for Jeff, the friendly guy from work.
him. What? I don't know what tom is into.
Why'd you take your wig off? It was itchy. Claude, you know i don't like it when you
Okay, not smart. "hmm.
Gaby, i am his wife. " edie.
He's supposed to love me-- not my body, me. .
. .
. How long have you had this? Had what? I
My--my soul. don't have anything.
Why can't he make love to my soul? I'm just here for my 5,000-mile checkup.
Interesting. Well, you know that bullet you've managed to
Question--when was the last time you were in dodge all these years? Which one? The
the bar and heard a guy turn to his friend and clap?The herp? The syph? Crabs? Relax.
I'll boil all the sheets and towels, and in three She wants to, and i'm a guy.
days, the crotch carnival packs up and leaves This is serious, okay? If victor wakes up with a
town. zoo in his pants, there's gonna be hell to pay.
Oh, man. You don't have to tell me.
How did this happen? Don't give me that look. If he finds out about us, i'm the one that's
I know exactly how i got 'em. gonna wind up in a landfill.
I used the tanning bed right after mimsy Okay, just don't panic, okay? We're gonna get
porter, that skank. the salve or the ointment or whatever it is you
Ew, it smells like burnt licorice. put down there, and we're gonna be fine.
Well, come in the bathroom, and i'll show you We'r're screwed.
how to use this. Tom? The kids are asleep.
I think i can figure that out. Are you coming to bed anytime soon? Yeah, i
You know, the good news is we're in a just gotta pick a new running back for my
committed relationship. fantasy football team.
Otherwise, we'd have to make that call of That's too bad.
shame to everyone we've been with. I had a little fantasy thing planned of my own.
You've heard me make before, but something i Lynette.
feel very, very strongly about. .
For me, it's a very simple formula. .
More development leads to an increased tax Lynette's not here right now.
base, which helps build schools for our I'm brandy, the slutty cheerleader.
children. This is all very romantic, gaby, but i still have
Around the country, the needs of children are four building proposals to read before
being. tomorrow.
. That's nurse gaby to you.
. Nurse gaby? Am i sick? Well, the doctor says
What are you doing here? I need to talk to you need to relax, and i know just how to
you. relax you.
Can't you just call me? This is not something It smells like licorice.
that you wanna hear on the phone. It's a blend of 36 essential oils, anise root and
And not follow this trend. fennel.
And we will put education where it belongs-- Do you like it? It smells a little medicine-y.
at the top of the list. That's the fennel.
How did you get those? How do you think? It's stinging a little.
Edie. That's the tension.
You are still sleeping with edie? Well, you're .
still sleeping with victor, aren't you? Yeah, if i .
didn't, he would think something is going on. Leaving your body.
What is your excuse for doing it with edie? It's really stinging.
And we can rinse it off. I wanna dirty him up so he looks like he's
. been through hell.
. Okay, in you go.
In three to five minutes. Here, let me help you with those.
But before we do that. Oh, that's all right.
. I've got them, mr.
. Knievel.
What the hell is that? You know, for a guy Oh, boy.
getting rubbed down by a hot nurse, you ask You're never gonna let me live this down, are
a lot of questions. you? Nope.
Sorry. I thought the same thing.
Oh, come on, uncle frank. It seems to me that you should go to the
What's the point of having a gay uncle if doctor again.
you're not gonna help me make friends with Surprise! Uh, guys.
these guys? Uh, mom said that the whole .
family knew. .
Um, okay. What did i tell you? You said no shower.
Gotta go. but look around--men.
Love you. So technically, it's a party, not a shower.
What's going on? Oh, i found raphael Andrew told us that you only said no.
wandering in the street. .
I went to take him back, but bob and lee .
aren't home, so i'm just gonna give him a little 'Cause you didn't want to impose.
treat and put him back in their yard. Oh! So you're responsible? Yeah, well, i-i know
Bup, bup, bup! -Wait a second. you said not to make a big fuss, but, hey, you
- What? Leave him with me. earned it.
I need to score some points with those guys, Well, don't just stand there.
and being a dog-rescuing hero could be just Come in.
the ticket. We have lots of food and fun and surprises.
So what, you're just gonna keep him here until Yeah, all kinds of surprises.
they come back? Uh-huh. Where is she? Bree! Phyllis! I, uh, helped with
Maybe a little longer. the invitations, too.
How long? Well, long enough for them to I can't tell you how touched i was to be
worry. included, especially after my many conciliatory
You know, the more they worry, the more i'm gestures were so coldly rebuffed.
a hero. I have been awful.
Get it? I get that you're insane. I wouldn't blame you if you stormed out right
I'm not, i'm not. now.
Now get some mud. Nonsense.
I'm here to celebrate our renewed friendship. - Hey.
. - Hi.
. - Got your wig back, huh? - Yeah.
And your baby. Good as new.
Or should i say babies? You know,it's often a Listen, i thought we could put the kids to bed
sign of twins when a mother's face gets all early tonight, if you know what i mean.
plump like yours. I do, and i'm up for that.
Oh, um. Fantastic.
. I hope brandy won't get stuck late at
. cheerleading practice.
I, uh, bet you wouldn't mind if i broke my Oh, about brandy.
neck on that scooter now. .
I'm off to the bank. .
Aunt lily just took a pill, so she's down for the Bad news.
afternoon. What--what happened? Well, penny wanted to
Okay. play beauty school with the wig, and, well, let's
Have fun. just say she's got no future as a stylist.
Is your mother gone? Yeah. - Bad haircut, huh? - Oh.
Do you need her? No, no. Sounds like brandy might get awful mad
This is what i wanted. about that.
I thought you took a sleeping pill. Brandy's history, tom.
I pretended to so she'd leave us alone. Let her go.
Aunt lily, what's going on? I have to tell you Raphael! Raphael! Come home, boy! Raphael?
something. Lee? Is something wrong? Raphael got out.
First, you should know that what happened. I-i don't know what happened.
. I think he jumped the fence.
. Oh.
It was nobody's fault. Well, would you like me to help you look for
What do you mean, "what happened"? You him? Seriously? What a--what about your
don't remember living on this street before, do party? Oh.
you? No. It's just a baby shower.
Well. .
. .
. That i'm throwing.
There's a reason for that. .
Dylan? Mom, i thought you left. .
I forgot my checkbook. For my best friend.
Could you go down and find it for me? Sure. I can't-- i can't ask you to leave that.
You really should get your rest. - That's-- - oh, please.
What are neighbors for? Raphael? Here, puppy! sable coat.
I see you've taken down all the pictures of rex. You hated your mother.
Well, i'm, uh, sorry if that offends you, phyllis, But i loved that coat.
but i didn't want orson to feel uncomfortable Then i'll give it back to you.
in his new home. No, you keep it as a reminder of how hard i
I see. tried to make you like me.
You're trying to be considerate of your Grandma, are you leaving already? I'm sorry,
husband's feelings. dear, but your mother has made it impossible
Well, i'm glad that you're at least trying to get for me to stay.
it right the second time around. Where does she keep my sable coat? Probably
Still, it must be awfully hard on danielle and in her bedroom closet.
andrew to have their father's face banished Where is she going? She asked me where your
from their own home. fur coat was.
He wasn't banished. And--and you told her? Oh, crap.
By the way. I guess you won't be needing the breast pump
. i bought you.
. So.
Where--where's danielle? She's, uh, at .
boarding school. .
. Danielle is having a baby.
. Yes, and for the sake of her reputation, we've
In switzerland. agreed to pretend that it's mine.
Switzerland? Is it asking too much to be told I just hope that those swiss doctors know
what continent my granddaughter is on? You what they're doing.
are keeping my grandchildren from me, and i She's not in switzerland.
don't know why. She's at the sisters of hope convent.
I'm going to mingle. Look, phyllis, i'm sorry.
Every time i start a chat, you walk away. I know this is upsetting.
I mean, if you don't want to talk to me, why Actually, i'm thrilled.
did you invite me? It's a surprise party, you I'm going to be a great-grandma.
daft woman! What makes you think i had a Well, um.
hand in the guest list? So. .
. .
. Technically, yes.
You don't want me here? Oh, for god sakes, What do you mean, "tecically"? We're saying
phyllis, it's not as if we got along when rex that the baby is mine and orson's, and if you
was alive. hover around like a grandmother, people will
What did i ever do to you but try to treat you be suspicious.
like a daughter? I even gave you my mother's You're not keeping this baby from me, not if
you don't want me to tell those people
downstairs whose child it really is.
You wouldn't.
Think of danielle! I wish you had.
If you'd raised her properly, she wouldn't be
pregnant without ahusband.
You think i don't know i'm a failure as a parent?
That's why this child means so much to me.
It's my second chance.
Well, i hope the second time around that you
take my advice.
I always said that you were too strict with
those kids.
Parenting tips from you? That's rich.
I was a wonderful mother to rex.
Then why did he always avoid you? Why were
you barely ever here? Because of you! He
knew you hated me.
Oh, he was happy to let you think that, but he
was the one who dreaded your visits.
Oh.
Phyllis, wait! Excuse me, everyone, but i have
something to say.
What--what is it, grandma? I.
. Hey, hey.
. Oh! Hey! Oh! Oh, my god! What was our dog
I have to go, and i just wanted to say how
nice it was to see you all again after so much
time.
Good-bye.
Thank you for the gift.
You know, bree, you're not the only one who
would like a second chance.
- Nothing, huh? - No.
No, he's lost.
And he doesn't know this neighborhood.
There's no way he's gonna find his way home.
Oh, he will.
Come on.
You gotta keep believing.
Oh, crap! Bob's home.
What am i gonna tell him? Don't.
We'll just keep looking.
I have a feeling we're gonna find that cute
little guy.
You--you are so nice to do this, i
mean,especially after the way i acted when we
first-- you know what? Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna go inside and get us some water,
and then we're gonna just keep looking.
Okay.
Lee! I can't find raphael.
You seen him anywhere? Oh, bob, prom--
promise you won't hate me.
What are you talking about? What happened?
Raphael got out.
- He got out? - Yeah.
He doesn't know the neighborhood.
- I know he doesn't know the neighborhood.
- What are you talking about? - I know--i
don't-- - how are you looking for him? Well,
susan, she-- she's getting water.
Oh, wait, he's right there.
doing in your garage? I have no idea.
What? Here we go.
Did you get a chance to, uh, napalm the
jungle yet? Yep.
And? All quiet on the southern front.
Gaby, we have got to be more careful.
Absolutely.
It's kind of exciting, though.
What is? Playing with fire, almost getting
burned but not quite.
Don't be thinking like that.
If victor catches us, he'll kill us both.
That's what's so exciting.
Hi. Yeah, because i'm bald.
Oh, my--excuse me. And i know that that's a big old turnoff, but,
Mmm, that's, um. you know, i can't help it.
. I have cancer.
. Yes, i know.
An interesting cologne you're wearing. I hear about it all the time.
My wife gave it to me. Can you blame me for wanting to escape
It's got, uh, anise root, fennel. every once in a while? - Escape from me, you
What, you like it? Yeah, it's just, um. mean? - Yes! You know why last night was so
. much fun? Because i got to make love to
. someone who wasn't sick.
I don't know. Look, i know, i know, i'm not supposed to say
. this stuff.
. I have to be the heroic husband who listens
Weirdly familiar. and holds you when you cry and never cries
Crab cake? Uh, yeah. himself.
Thanks. But this affects me, too.
Crab cake? Crab cake? Thank you. Well.
Crab cake? Kids are asleep. .
I'm not. .
Whatcha got back there? Just a little present. I know that.
Say hello to brandy's even sluttier sister. - You do? - Yeah.
. How? Since this whole thing began, have you
. ever once asked me how i'm doing? Oh.
Candy. .
What are you doing? Well, i just--i just .
thought since we had so much fun last night, My god.
maybe we can have a little more fun. I haven't, have i? I am one of those.
And that's only possible when you're .
pretending i'm someone else? Well, you have .
to pretend, too. Whiny, self-involved sick people.
What? This. I didn't say that.
. No, i am.
. It's been months, and i have barely thought
Is me, tom, not brandy or candy. about what you're going through.
It's just your wife, lynette. - It's okay.
Am i not enough for you? What are you You're going through something - will you
getting so mad for? The first wig was your stop being so heroic? I'm a cancer bitch! What?
idea. I'm not gonna argue with you.
You suck. okay? I asked you to before, and you didn't,
Well. and look what happened.
. So i'll ask you again.
. Just let it go.
I guess i could give candy a whirl. Mike, wait.
Are the kids really asleep? 'Cause i think she We should talk about this.
might be a screamer. I'm going to bed.
Actually, if we're gonna pretend. I've gotta work tomorrow.
. I'm buying a suit.
. Grandma! What are you doing here? You
How about tonight i'm not a hero and you are needn't be embarrassed, dear.
not a cancer patient? We'll just be tom and Your mother's told me everything.
lynette, see what happens. It's great to see you.
Oh, i'd like that. I hate this place.
- How's bob's suit? - Ruined. It's like baby jail.
Oh. Oh.
What if we take it to my cleaners? Susan, that Well, that's what i've come to talk to you
paint's not coming out. about.
. Perhaps it's time for you to leave.
. Dylan? Is that you? We have--have to talk.
So we're buying him a new suit. Hey.
. I'm glad you're home.
. I wanted to talk to you about aunt lily.
For 2,000 bucks. What about her? It was so weird.
$2,000? Well, according to lee, it's a dolce. She called me into her room this afternoon.
I don't know what that means, but he said it She started saying she knew why i didn't
six times. remember living on this street before.
That's crazy. Oh, sweetie.
No, what's crazy is i'm about to buy the most Your aunt lily is fading fast.
expensive suit of my life, and i'll never wear it. Half the time, she doesn't know what she's
Oh. saying.
I just wanted them to like me. Was that her? No, i just checked on her.
Well, they don't. She's sleeping.
Lee said that six times, too. You know,you have that recital in two weeks.
There must be some way i can apologize to Shouldn't you be practicing? Dylan.
them. Please! pests-- they come in all shapes and
We can't afford any more of your apologies. sizes and disrupt our lives in a variety of ways.
I know. At first, they're merely annoying, and we do
- Uh, maybe if i-- - damn it, susan, let it go, our best to ignore them.
Home in my own bed.
.
.
But if we don't take them seriously, they can
become quite dangerous.
For some, death seems to be the easiest
solution.
But the problem with pests is that what they
leave behind.
.
.
Is just as dangerous.
405 - Art Isn't Easy What the hell is it? To become art critics.
I think it's a sculpture.
Previously on Desperate Housewives Gabrielle I think it's crap.
tried to rekindle an old affair. Of all the gay men in the world, We have to
Gaby, i'm getting married. get the two without taste.
And i was married when we got together. What are we gonna do about this? I say we
That is not how i'm gonna be married. keep smiling and look for the hidden cameras.
Lynette got the support she needed for I think we're about to get punk'd.
chemotherapy. I don't think there's anything we can do.
Katherine, who liked everything in its place. It's not our lawn.
. It's our neighborhood, And we have rules
. against this sort of thing, Or at least we did
Ooh! Thought that her husband was forgetting when i used to live here.
his. Who's running the homeowners association?
Oh, i guess you learned nothing from chicago. Well, it was mary alice, but as you may have
Bree's attempt to keep Her daughter's heard.
pregnancy a secret. .
. .
. Yes, very tragic.
You are keeping my grandchildren from me. So we haven't had a president in four years?
Evoked an unexpected response. No one would volunteer.
We're life partners. It's a pain-in-the-ass job.
And Susan tried to connect with the newest I'll volunteer.
neighbors. We can hold an election in the next couple of
Yeah, i've seen a lot of cable, so i get it. days.
I hope we can live up to your stereotype. I can get rid of this tinfoil atrocity by the
I should go. weekend.
The odd-looking boxes Were delivered to the Okay, before we become an ugly mob, Why
home of Bob Hunter and Lee Mcdermott Early doesn't one of us go talk to the guys? But not
on a tuesday morning. me.
It wasn't long before workmen had opened They hate me.
them And begun assembling the various parts Bree, you talk to them.
and pieces. You can relate to them.
Happily, it only took three hours To turn the Why would you say that? You got a kid who
contents into a finished work of art. came flying out of the closet And a husband
Sadly, it only took 15 minutes For the who's been looking for the doorknob.
residents of Wisteria Lane . What? You've met him.
. Ooh! They're coming.
. Good morning, ladies.
Hi. All in favor? Aye.
Uh, we were just talking about your sculpture. War had come as well.
That's what i love about art-- The way it As word of the sculpture spread, Bob and Lee
provokes discussion. began to wonder If any of their neighbors
Although it would've been nice If you had would be supportive.
discussed it with us. But when the sculpture's true function Was
What, you don't-- you don't like it? Well, we're unveiled the next day, Whatever support they
not saying that. did have.
It's just a little, uh. .
. .
. Was quickly washed away.
It's an eyesore. Come on.
Really? Mm-hmm. It's 6:00 a.
You hear that, Bob ? We flew to finland And m.
paid $24,000 to commission an eyesore. What is that? I don't know, but make it stop.
I don't mind it. Oh, my god.
Not to brag, but i went to art school. Wow! It's a fountain, too.
Community college. We would have mentioned that yesterday, But
And they taught us that art is subjective. your friends were a little uptight.
Thank you, Susan . Yeah, they can get like that.
Susan's need for approval aside, This clearly is So do you think that you can just turn it off
not appropriate for the street. for a second? What's up? I was just wondering,
Wisteria lane has a. um, Do you think you could move it to your
. backyard? Why? I thought you liked it.
. Remember? You said, "art is subjective.
Traditional look. " Yes.
Well, maybe you'd like it better If we covered Quiet art is subjective But you see, Mike is
it with a gingham throw. working really long hours lately, And he can't s
Ladies, uh, i'm sorry. Lee p with all that noise.
We honestly thought that people would like it, We're not gonna turn it off because we need it
But even if you disapprove, we hope that you to drown out All the stuff we hear coming
will respect Our right to decorate as we see fit. from your house.
Have a nice day, philistines. Like what? Let's see.
Yes, art came to Wisteria Lane on a tuesday You yakking to your mom on the phone.
morning, And by tuesday afternoon. You grunting through your pilates dvds.
. You in the shower, butchering the score to
. "brigadoon.
I think it's time to reconvene the homeowners' " I have a lovely voice.
association. Whoever told you that is not your friend.
He's a little cranky. That guy doesn't have freezing power.
I think someone needs his french toast. If his guy can fly, my guy can freeze.
Come on, Lee . Hi.
No, no, no, no. It's, uh, mrs.
No, no, we're not done here. Hodge.
As your neighbor, i have a right to be heard. May i please speak with Danielle ? Muffins.
. T.
. .
And i say that simple human decency Dictates .
that you turn off that fountain right now! Do Hands off.
over, Parker . We're bringing these to Danielle for her
Hey, guys, i got your snack. birthday.
What you playing? Action figures. What do you mean, she's gone? And you
Wanna play, mom? She does awesome alien believed her? You idiot! I should sue your
voices. irresponsible ass off for this.
Thanks, sweetheart. Yeah, well, good day to you, too, reverend
Oh, yeah. mother! What happened? Those stupid nuns
Hi, dr. at the convent Let Danielle 's grandmother
Shiller. kidnap her.
Okay, that's my white blood count. She claimed i'd given her permission for a
Uh-huh, but as long as it's higher than 4. weekend visit.
0, That means i don't have neutropenia, right? Phyllis! It's me.
Well, that's great. You can screen your calls all you want to, But
Thanks for calling. trust me, old woman, you are in a world of
Yeah, you, too. trouble.
Bye. I know where you live, and i am coming for
What? You can't talk about doctors up here. you.
Or about being sick. Shouldn't we be worried? No, i think we're
If you do, you have to go. ready for her.
That's the rule. Now show me again how you kill the zombies.
That's a good rule. Why can't i go? I play golf.
Although it wasn't bad news. And i'd love to meet your.
It was actually-- Doesn't Matt er. .
We voted. .
It's a rule. College buddies.
Got it. Edie, me and the guys have only two rules for
Sick talk done, okay? You guys have fun. these weekends-- No plaid pants and no
Freeze power. women.
Do over, Parker . Fine.
Be that way. As soon as we get around the corner, We're
And to think, i got you a gift. gonna have to adjust this horn.
Hey, golf balls. Gabrielle.
They're monogrammed. Hey.
Wait. H-hi.
These are your initials. Look at you.
Exactly. What a surprise.
While you're out there playing, I want Oh, uh, this is Gaby .
everyone to know who your balls belong to. This is my wife Tammy .
Good work, boys, but i have to head out in a Tammy, this is Gabrielle .
few minutes, So make sure you put all the Wow, look at you.
stuff back in the garage. Congratulations.
Hello? Hey, on my way. Thanks.
Meet you at the hotel, okay? I'm leaving in It wasn't planned.
five minutes. Okay.
Uh, Brett , could you come here a second? So.
How long has that van been parked over there? .
Couple hours. .
Hours? Are you serious? Oh, my god. Are you guys staying here? No, we just came
I think he's just waiting for someone to come for some lunch.
home. Daddy owns this place.
Brett, when's the last time a cable guy waited That's right.
for anyone? I see a lot of lawn mowing in your You're a hotel heiress.
future. Yeah, but not one of the skanky ones.
Hey, it's me again. How do you two know each other? I used to
You're not gonna believe this. be Gabrielle 's gardener.
Before Victor left on his business trip, He hired Oh! Well, as you can see, He's certainly
someone to tail me. married up from lawn boy.
Oh, man. Tammy.
Should we call this off? No way. What? Forget it.
It's gonna take more than a guy with mini So i heard you married the mayor.
binoculars And a bag of doughnuts to keep You're married to Victor lang? He and daddy
me under lock and key. go hunting together.
I'll be there as soon as i can. I told John if he would just be nicer to daddy,
Boys, time to get paid. He could hang out with people like the mayor
Come on, Eddie ! Bye, mrs. And make important contacts.
Lang. And i keep telling you that i don't need To kiss
See you next time. your father's ass to have a career.
Come back here! Are you taking the bus home? Uh, yeah, so i married the mayor.
Kooky, huh? So, um, is he here with you? Uh, A baby is god's most precious gift.
no. I will not have mine raised By a cold,
He's away at a conference, So i decided to emotionally unavailable woman like you.
treat myself to a spa weekend. "emotionally unavailable.
Ooh! You should definitely get the full body " Gosh, i wonder where she picked up that
massage. little phrase.
Oh, i plan to. Hmm.
Good to see you. Like i'm too dumb to think of it myself? You're
You, too, Gaby . always mean to me, just like you were to dad.
Sorry about that. You emasculated him.
A complete shock. Well, you're not gonna emasculate me.
I mean, of all people to run into. You don't even know what that means, You
Who were they? Just an old friend and his petulant sock puppet! Who cares? I'm going
idiot wife. to the store.
Come on. Buy a dictionary.
Let's go. So that's all settled.
Bree, how lovely to see you. Would you like some iced tea? You aren't
Cram it, Phyllis . joining the lynch mob? Uh, you mean
You got a lot of nerve Stealing Danielle from a Katherine 's homeowners thing? Yeah, i think
convent we prepaid for. i'll sit this one out.
She didn't steal me. No, no, no.
I'm a mature person capable of making my You can't do that.
own decisions. You've got to pick a side.
Well, good. Art or mindless conformity? See, this is one of
You can decide to pack, Because we are taking the upsides of having cancer.
you back to the convent. You get to excuse yourself from petty
Mnh-mnh. neighborhood squabbles.
I'm turning 18 this weekend, So you can't boss You won't think they're so petty when she
me around anymore. comes after you.
I'm staying with grandma, And i'm gonna have Me? Why would she do that? Did the
my baby delivered here. homeowners' association approve everything
We have an excellent medical staff. in your yard? The fence? That swing? The tree
It's a retirement village. house? I don't think Katherine will bother
All these doctors know how to deliver is bad herself Over a tree house.
news. First, they came for the fountains, And i did
I don't care. not speak out because i had no fountain.
I'm staying, And i'm gonna raise the baby here, What? Then they came for the lawn gnomes,
too. And i did not speak out because i had no
What? Entirely her idea. gnome.
You're comparing Katherine to a nazi? Then that the whole neighborhood Can't revolve
they came for my tree house, And there was around your little tree house.
no one left to speak out for me. Now since i am running unopposed, I just
Thank you, ladies. need someone to second my nomination.
I so appreciate your input, And i think we can Oh! Thank you, Lynette .
all agree That the fountain has no place on No, actually, i'm nominating myself.
our street. I am now running for president.
Yeah, we gotta show those gays we mean .
business. .
Ida, again, the issue is not Bob and Lee being Against you.
gay. You know, running for president in your
It's the fountain. condition? I don't think it's a good idea.
Well, can't it be both? Anyway. Tom, i don't want your opinion, just your vote.
. If you want to save the tree house, Why don't
. you let me run instead? Because you'd never
If you elect me president, my first act Will be win.
to eliminate this so-called work of art. Bossy women rule this street.
Hear, hear. You know that.
Yes, Lynette . I know one rules my life.
After you get rid of this fountain, that's it, I'm sorry.
right? I don't follow. I didn't catch that.
I mean. Nothing.
. Look, this is not just about a tree house or a
. fountain.
You're not gonna start Checking everyone's This is about What kind of neighborhood we
yards for things that don't fit in? Oh, of course want to live in.
not. Do we get to make our own choices, Or do
As long as those things meet the association's we let the taste police make them for us? Ah,
guidelines. now i get it.
Uh-huh. This about you wanting to take on Katherine .
And what if they don't? Are you referring to No! This is about personal freedom--
something in particular? My kids' tree house. Specifically, my personal freedom To take
Can you promise you'll leave it alone? Well, it's down that jackbooted hausfrau.
not up to me. Honey, if you're looking for something to fight,
That's the whole point. How about your cancer? Hey, a tumor is a
There are rules. tumor Whether it's in your body or living
That sounds like a no. across the street.
If i make an exception for you, Then i have to I don't know why you buy those things.
make one for everyone, And surely, you realize They just end up on the floor.
Because i want to feel pretty and feminine.
Ooh! My chili cheese fries! Just a second!
Gabrielle? It's me-- John .
John? John who? Uh, okay.
You know that old friend I ran into in the
lobby? It might have been John Rowland .
Maybe.
I'm not sure.
Gabrielle? But just to be safe, you may wanna
hide in the closet.
What? I'm not hiding from that guy.
Really? Because his father-in-law goes hunting
with Victor -- You know, the guy who hired
someone To tail us and possibly kill us? Okay.
John, what are you doing here? When i ran
into you last fall, You wanted to start up our
affair again, And i wasn't ready.
Well, i'm ready.
Listen, i promised Tom i wouldn't knock myself
out Campaigning for this homeowners thing,
So i was hoping you could help me-- You
know, ring some bells, talk me up, that sort of
thing? I would love to, but.
. I mean, she's awful.
. Awfully pregnant.
But what? This is awkward.
Uh, i told Katherine i'd vote for her.
You're picking her over me? Uh, it's not like
i'm pro- Katherine .
I'm just anti-fountain.
Oh, don't give me that look.
I made her a promise.
Yes, but that was before your best friend
Threw her scarf in the ring.
Okay.
If i vote for you, Do you promise to get rid of
that fountain? See, that's awkward for me.
This is about personal freedom.
You know? I'm running as a libertarian.
Well, i'm voting as a light s Lee per.
It's right outside our bedroom window.
Seriously, Lynette , it's like living next to splash
mountain.
But it's my kids' tree house.
They really need it.
Well, We need our s Lee p.
Why don't you get earplugs? Why don't you
get.
.
.
Tree house plugs? What? That doesn't even
make sense.
Yeah, i'm sorry.
You know, tired people aren't witty.
Seriously, John , you have got to get out of
here.
No.
Please.
I need to be with you.
What about your wife? You met her.
She's dumb, demanding, Totally self-centered,
especially in bed.
I know.
I-i'm completely trapped, Just like you were
with mr.
Solis.
I-i wasn't "trapped.
" What do you mean? All you'd ever talk
about was what a selfish pig he was.
Well, i think you're paraphrasing.
Okay, seriously, you have to go.
Come on.
You know it would be hot, just like old times.
Remember how great our sex was? Oh, I don't
think we need to get into that.
What about the time we were doing it in the
shower? Mr. Cookies--nice touch.
Solis drove up? Uh, does not ring a bell. Ditto on the scarf.
Come on. Edie, you got a moment? I am running for
And i hid in the closet? And you looked so hot, president of the homeowners' association, And
mr. i want to talk to you about that horrible
Solis pulled you down on the bed. fountain.
And you had to fake an orgasm just so he Screw the fountain.
wouldn't catch on. You want my support? Make Ida greenberg
Yeah, good times. ditch that screen door.
Anyways, uh, that's a negatory on the affair. That rusty, old tetanus bucket.
. .
. .
What? And i will see you later. Looks fine to me.
Come on, but we're so good together. It's hardly ripped at all.
Gab-- Please! Boy, that was a close one, huh? In fact, if you give me your support.
You faked it with me While that wax job was .
hiding in the closet? Yes, i had an affair. .
Old news. I'll make mrs.
Move on. Burkette prune those roses.
Where's that room service? So you're not It's a garden, not a jungle, And you shouldn't
gonna apologize For humiliating me in my have to.
own bed? You deserved it. .
All you cared about back then was work. .
Hey, i was not that bad of a husband, And Pay for a fence you don't even want.
somebody had to support your italian shoe That's not how you make good neighbors,
addiction. And i don't care if.
I shopped because i was bored and lonely-- .
Same reason i had an affair. .
Yeah, with our teenage gardener! I should The Mustafas don't celebrate christmas.
have snapped that kid's neck two years ago. You're asking them to hang a few lights, not
Oh, let it go! John Rowland didn't do anything convert.
to you That you're not doing to Victor . When i'm president, i promise.
You can't even compare the two! It's .
completely different! Is it, mr. .
Man in the closet? Yeah, you heard me. You can keep that satellite dish.
Who's John Rowland now? Katherine, what are In fact, this is practically a first amendment
you up to? Just visiting a friend. issue.
Liar. The way i see it.
You're campaigning. .
. I wanted to talk to you.
The entire neighborhood Should be a It'll be very friendly.
testament to symmetry and beauty. No hitting.
So. What's up? This is gonna sound weird, but, uh,
. I've been doing some thinking lately, and, well,
. I've decided that it's time for me to forgive
Have i got your vote? Um, i'm not sure yet. you.
Keep rubbing. For s Lee ping with my wife.
Bree, i know you're upset, but you've got to Yeah, well, i didn't just s Lee p with Gaby .
eat. I fell in love with her.
I'm just so mad at myself. I forgive you for that, too.
I should have realized That the maternal Why are you doing this? You in some kind of
instinct is so strong, That even Danielle would 12-step program? Let's just say i've recently
develop it. learned how loving someone Makes you
What's so funny? You know those animals who forget the difference between right and wrong.
eat their young? Even they have more Anyway, that's pretty much it.
maternal instinct than Danielle . I should go.
Then why would she want the child? You've Do you still talk to Gabrielle ? Occasionally.
known her how long, and you still haven't Why? I just want to know if she was happy.
Figured out how that lentil she calls a brain I think she is.
works? There's no need to insult your sister. Well.
Let him talk. .
All right, Danielle cares about three things-- .
Danielle, fun, and, uh. Good for her.
. All right, before we vote, Are there any more
. questions for the cand Ida tes? Anybody
Wait. besides Lee ? It's not a question.
I was wrong. I just want to remind everyone That a vote for
It's just two. Katherine is a vote for fascism.
And a retirement village is fun? Compared to What is it with you gay people and clothes?
what you're offering her-- A crappy job and Fascism, Ida , not fashion.
community college. Although if you ever do want to talk fashion,
I mean, you think grandma's gonna make her We're here for you.
do any of that? So Danielle 's only doing this All right, debate's over.
Because Phyllis is offering her a cushy life? Let's kick this pig.
Yeah. All in favor of Lynette ? Okay, and those for
If you want that baby, You're gonna have to Katherine ? That's 14 for Lynette and 14 for
outbid grandma. Katherine .
What are you doing here? Hi, John . So what do we do? It's a tie.
No, it's not.
Susan voted twice.
Did i? Well, that's obviously wrong.
You only get one vote, sweet cheeks.
Who's it gonna be? Susan, we're waiting.
It's up to you, hon.
Katherine.
Okay, it's official.
Katherine is our new president.
Thank you.
Thank you, everyone, And i promise to do my
best for this neighborhood.
And, Bob , Lee , mr.
Mustafa, I'll be in touch regarding your various
infractions.
And you, too, Lynette .
Meeting adjourned.
I know.
Well, i'm not surprised.
You know, Phyllis , We cannot thank you
enough for accepting our apology.
Well, i think we should try to stay on good
terms For Danielle 's sake.
I'm glad you suggested that we eat out here.
I never think to do this.
Oh, darn, i forgot the napkins.
Oh, no problem.
I'll go get some.
So now that we have a moment alone, Your
mother and i would like to say how proud we
are of you.
Yeah, right.
Seriously, we hadn't realized you'd matured
enough To take on the burden of motherhood
all by yourself.
Well, grandma's gonna help.
She'll do what she can, but you mustn't
overtax her.
Her heart is not very strong.
She seems fine to me.
Well, knock wood.
We'd hate to see you forced to take care of a
baby And a sick old woman.
Whoa! Mah-jongg.
Don't see that much anymore.
Danielle, you should introduce yourself.
These people are your new friends.
Mm.
And you're going to learn more From their
experience and wisdom Than you ever could
have learned at that college in flor Ida .
Wait.
I thought i couldn't go there.
You said it was just a party school.
Well, actually, we checked into the curriculum,
And it's very strong, but no Matt er.
You're be happier here.
Yes, and with a grandmother's unconditional
love, Who needs frat boys who only like you
for your convertible? Whoa.
When did i get a convertible? Well, we were
gonna surprise you with one for your birthday,
But since you're keeping the baby, you'll want
A more practical gift.
We're thinking a diaper service.
Oh, look, they have water aerobics.
You should sign up.
You know, maybe i should go to college.
I mean, for the baby's sake.
How can i support it without a degree? But
you can't raise this child in a miami dorm
room.
You'll need to leave it with someone you can
trust To take care of it properly.
Sorry.
The elevator's out.
I.
.
. She'd have changed once the baby came.
Oh.
I have to catch my breath.
Grandma? We need to talk.
What's this? I thought we might toast my
Victor y.
I'm kind of in the middle of something here.
So.
. .
. Youth, homes and husbands.
You haven't congratulated me yet.
I know.
Would you like to tell me what's bothering
youou? I just want you to think about what
you've been doing for the past few days.
You've mounted a crusade against a metal
thing that shoots out water.
I'm trying to keep the neighborhood beautiful.
I love this street.
Yeah, you keep saying that-- how happy you
used to be here, But ever since we've moved
back, All i've seen is an unhappy woman Who
needs to control everything.
We've both learned what happens When you
lose control.
Oh.
Chicago again.
Tell you something else we learned there.
When the chips are down, it helps to have
friends.
And you certainly haven't made us any lately.
Congratulations.
- Bye, grandma.
- Good-bye, dear.
Tell your stepfather i'll be right out.
Oh, please, Phyllis .
Even you have to agree That a girl who'd trade
her baby for a convertible Isn't ready for
motherhood.
She's her father's daughter.
That's a nice picture of Rex .
Oh, i have a lot of pictures.
All of the women here do.
They're what we have left of the things Time
has taken from us.
.
.
.
And for the unluckiest, children.
I thought i was getting back a part of Rex .
But now.
.
.
I know you're lonely, Phyllis , But i can't give
up this child just to make you feel better.
You should go.
Your family's waiting for you.
Orson and i go to our club almost every
saturday night, If you're.
.
.
Interested in babysitting.
You mean it? How will you explain me to your
friends? I'll say that you're broke and needed
the money.
Can't you just say that you like having me
around? I need something that will fly, Phyllis .
Hey.
What's going on? We need toalk.
So here's the deal.
I think it's time for us to do the right thing.
I don't think i like where this is going.
We have to end this affair.
You serious? All this.
.
. did? We're supposed to be friends.
Sneaking around, wearing disguises, Hiding in Exactly, And friends don't put friends in this
closets-- it's just wrong. kind of position.
We're better than this. I love you, but you can't ask me To put your
So what are you suggesting, we stay with kids ahead of my husband.
Victor and Edie ? No, we break up with them. No, Parker , that guy doesn't have freezing.
Look, it'll hurt, but at least it's honest. .
And then when enough time has gone by and .
they've moved on, We can be together. You're right.
How long are we talking about? I don't know. I shouldn't have done that.
Six months? Six months? Nobody takes that But that tree house is the one place my kids
long to heal anymore. can go And not hear about body scans and
It's a breakup, not a face-lift. white blood cell counts.
Hey, look, i want us to be together, too, But i It is their getaway from this horrible thing That
also wanna feel good about it. i've brought into the house.
Don't you? Yeah. "brought"? Sweetie, it's not your fault that
I do. you're sick.
You're such a good guy, Carlos . I know that.
I really hate that about you. .
I know. .
So. Here.
. But here.
. .
I guess this is it. .
This kiss has to last six months. It feels like i've ruined their childhood.
You better make it good. Okay, if anybody needs me, I'll be at the
His guy can fly. hardware store buying chains.
My guy freeze. Oh, jeez.
Hey, Lynette . Get over here.
Hey, Judas . Hello there! Oh, look, it's our new queen--
Okay, fine. Katherine of arrogant.
You're still angry, But i'm gonna make it up to Hey, where's the wrecking ball? Actually, i
you. came to tell you the tree house can stay.
When they come after that tree house, They're Oh, my god.
going to have one Susan Mayer chained to it. That's great! Yes.
Don't do that. If anyone complains, we'll say It was
I wanna be sad when they knock it down. grandfathered in under the previous
Lynette! What? You think you can just walk administration.
over here And cute your way out of what you Thanks.
Why? Clearly, it means a lot to you, And i Make you leave town, Which begs the
wanna be a good neighbor. question, do you like living here? Oh, good.
Katherine. We're in agreement.
What's with you? Sometimes you act like an The fountain stays.
ice queen, And then you do something really Thanks for stopping by, Katherine .
nice. It's the same for all of us.
You are one complicated lady. We try not to get too close To the people who
Well, i've had one complicated life. live next door.
I've had a lot of men in my life, But i never let It's easier to give them a polite nod Than to
myself fall in love before. ask what's wrong.
I thought it was because i didn't wanna get It's safer to keep walking by than to get
hurt,But. involved.
. .
. .
Now i know the pain you feel Isn't the worst .
part. you right now.
It's the hate. Okay, i don't wanna work.
Could you make it out to "cash"? Hello, .
Katherine . .
You here about the fountain? Yes, but don't True, we sometimes do get to know the
worry. people We share a fence with and end up
There's no strict deadline. lifelong friends.
You can. Thanks for everything.
. Thank you.
. But mostly, we keep our distance Because
Have it removed at your earliest convenience. we'd rather our neighbors Know nothing
Yeah, i don't think it's going anywhere. about us.
Oh, boys, boys, the war's over. .
Yes, it is. .
We know all about chicago. Than know too much.
Come again? My ex is on the board of chicago
memorial hospital.
Seems your husband made quite a stir there--
Whole hospital still buzzing about what he did.
Whatever you heard is a vicious lie-- Every
word of it.
Still, it was enough to.
.
.
406 - Now I Know, Don?t Be Scared
Previously on Danielle came back home.
Lynette was afraid for her children It feels like
I've ruined their childhood.
Katherine's past we know all about chicago.
Came back to haunt her.
oh,good.
We're in agreement.
The fountain stays.
Edie made thats If the i.
r.
s.
Gets wind of your rainy day nd, they could
make me testify against you.
But evasive action was taken.
I want us to be together, too, but I also wanna
feel good and gaby and carlos ended their
affair Too late.
Could you make it out to "cash"? (Mary alice)
as a little girl, ritt was afraid of many
things, ???? So they would wait for her with
rubber snakes and croaking frogs (ribbit) and
plastic spiders, hoping to make edie scream.
But once she was a big girl, edie britt was
afraid of only one thing-- that her lover might
leave her for someone else, and carlos solis
knew this.
So when he decided to go, he tried to do it
quickly What the hell is this? Mostly to avoid
her screaming.
It just hasn't been working for a long,longime.
(sighs) that's a lie.
We were ppy.
Come on.
L's not argue.
I want us to end this as friends.
I t you do,given all I know about your finances.
That's true.
You know some of my secrets, but I'm betting
you still care enough about me to keep them.
All right.
I won't say anything to anyone about your
money in the grand caymans on one
condition-- You have to tell me the truth
about why you're leaving.
The truth? Is there someone else? no.
Thank you,carlos.
You made this a lot easier.
Ye edie britt had been forced to face her
worst fear, and she now felt it was only fair hi.
Um,i know a guy who's got millions in a
offshore bank account.
Who would I talk to about that? That carlos
should face his.
·­Òë: У Ô: ʱ¼äÖ᣺ÊØ»¤Ììʹ ¡ ¾øÍûÖ÷¸¾¡·
µÚËļ¾µÚ6¼¯ yes,it was that time of year.
Halloween had come once again to wisteria
lane, and no one was more determined to
celebrate its arrival than the gay couple who
had just moved in.
So which of the neighbors should we invite
first? What does it matter? They all hate us?
Oh,lee,that's not true.
They hate you.
I'm the butch one they can feel comfortable
around.
You keep telling yourself that.
Let's start with bree.
She's got a gay son.
I bet she's homo-friendly.
Why? My mother has one, and she's not.
hi.
Oh,hello.
We're just dropping by to let you know we're
having a halloween party.
We'd!love for you to come.
Oh,well,thank you.
Orson and I would be delighted.
Well,you can bring your whole family if you
like.
Is that your daughter? Uh,no,my daughter is in
switzerland, at boarding school.
Who was that? My son Trying on his costume.
He's going to be cher this year.
Okay, he's definitely invited.
How many times have I told you to stay away
from the windows? I'm bored.
You won't let me go outside.
Can't I at least look? At's that? Oh,we've been
invited to bob and lee's for halloween.
A costume party.
Cool.
Can I go? Are you insane? It's halloween.
I'll go as a pumpkin.
You are due in three weeks.
Until then,no windows and no parties.
(sighs) so This is gonna be fun.
Will you help me with a costume? (chuckles)
sure! How familiar are you withop icons from
the '70s? Victor,it's me.
I got your message.
I've gotta be honest, I'm very annoyed that
you're not coming home today like you
promised.
I told you I have something very important to
tell you, and I want to do it in person, but
now you're gonna be home for another week,
and I can't wait.
Victor,i'm leaving you.
I Can't believe I'm ending my marriage on a
hotel voice mai this is very tacky.
You're forcing me to be tacky, victor.
I am not a tacky person.
I am very,very classy.
(line clicks) oh! Hang on one second.
Hello? Hey,carlos.
Yeah,i can't talk right now.
I'm breaking up with victor.
No,he's not here.
He's in washington.
Yeah,okay,i'll explain later.
Sorry about that,victor.
Uh,anyway,it's over.
Uh,we both know it wasn't working.
Uh,good luck on everything, and you don't
have to call me back.
Okay,bye-bye.
ah.
I was surprised that my doctor suggested
genetic counseling.
I didn't have to do that with my last baby.
Well,you were 26 ???? Now you're-- Careful.
Old enough to benefit from this particunar
branch of medicine.
Nice save.
Now can we just skip to the part where you
tell me what's wrong with my baby? Well,we
don't know if anything's wrong.
See,we're just going over your family medical
history just--just to be on the safe side.
Okay.
My aunt ella has arthritis.
I have two cousins with webbed feet, and
there's a whole apparently,i married into carny
folk.
(chuckles) okay,mike, what about your family?
Everybody's pretty healthy.
Uh,my grandther has epilepsy.
My father had high blood pressure, on
medication, so it's fine now.
What do you mean ???? 'cause that's what you
told me when we first started dating.
Oh.
Well,i'm sorry if I gave you that impression.
It wasn't an impression.
You sa (chuckles nervously) it's Complicated.
How can it be complicated? He's either dead
or alive.
Does it sound complicated to you,michelle?
(cell phone buzzing) oh,um Wow,i'm sorry.
I-I've got an emergency plumbing call.
I'm gonna have to do this later.
Uh,don't wait up.
Okay,so,um, mike's grandmother is epileptic?
Yeah.
But apparently,his dad can rise from the dead.
So let's hope the baby gets that gene.
Hey.
How'd the p.
e.
t.
Scan go? She was a real trouper.
In a couple of days,we'll know if you beat this
son of a bitch.
Hey,dr.
Rushton is very optimistic.
(stella) fantastic.
He's the best.
Hey,what do you say I ditch work, and I take
you to that Thai place for lunch? Lynette? Is
that a hole? What? In the garden there.
Has something been digging in there? Oh,it
might be a possum.
Ahem.
I-I saw one the other day.
???? Didn't know it was front-page news.
Well,we gotta do something about this.
And we will,so do you want to bring the kids,
or would you prefer a,uh,gloriously romantic
lunch with just me? I can't eat right now,tom.
I've got to go to the garden center and get
some fencing.
God,this is annoying! Can't believe you didn't
tell me we have a possum! Oh,you're,um,
you're up.
I was just gonna try not to wake you.
Did you really think I was gonnalet you
without an mxplanation for your bizarre
behavior? Well,what good's a dream ???? I
don't care what the issues are.
You don't deny your own dad's existence.
My father's in prison for murder.
So can you see why I might have wanted to
lie about him on a first date? Oh,my god.
He's in jail for m yeah.
He's doing life without parole.
Do you see him? I mean,do you have a
relationship with him? Uh,i visit a few times a
year.
Well, I've got to meet him.
(chuckles) no,i don't think that's such a good
idea.
Well,he's your father.
I should know him,and besides, that genetic
counselor said we should gher data about
your family's history.
Maybe you dad knows something you don't.
I mean,i should meet him r the sake of our
baby.
Well,yeah.
Fine.
We'll go see him.
Thank you.
Mom! We're gonna bake you a cake when the
doctor says your cancer's gone.
Great.
Here.
Grab this.
What's this stuff for? You know that possum
that's been ruining our garden? Yeah,me and
preston named him scruffles.
Don't give him a name.
He's not gonna be around much longer.
You're not gonna hurt him, are you? Honey,i
put up a fence, and he burrowed right under
it.
The man at the garden center said these are
crafty creatures, and there's only one way to
stop 'em.
So you're gonna kill h? Sweetie, let me ask
you something.
If you had to choose between mommy's
beautiful garden and a gross, mean,dirty
possum, what scruffles.
Okay, we're done talking here.
You're sending me back to the convent?
Well,you certainly don't seem happy here,and I
thought maybe you were missing the nuns
and the other girls.
Oh,whoopee.
Knocked-up sluts and celibate freaks.
Start the party.
(sighs) whatever.
I don't care.
I just want this thing out of me.
You know,danielle, I just want you to be aware
that giving up this baby might be harder than
you think.
It won't be a problem.
Trust me.
Well,you say that now, but once you've held
your child and felt that rush of love, well It can
change you.
Please.
I hate this baby.
What has it done but make me fat and ruin an
enre year of my life? I'm just saying,if I were
you, I might be feeling-- Stop.
Who says I have to feel the same things you'd
feel? I'm nothing like you.
You always s that like it's something to be p
but the day I see even a glimmer of myself in
you is the day that I realize you've finally
started (whispers) to grow up.
Well, don't hold your breath.
No,on second thought, do.
Hello,gabrielle.
oh! (panting) milton You scared me.
I thought you were in washington with victor.
I was.
I got to the messages first.
Oh.
You can't leave him, gabrielle.
Well,if he really wanted me to stay, he
would've come here himself, instead of siccing
daddy on me.
Oh,victor hasn't heard the message.
I erased it.
Oh,great.
Now I have to break up with him all over
again.
You know, there's a lot of talk about victor
running for governor.
A divorce on the eve of a campaign could be
ite And you flew all the way here to twist my
arm? No,i had something a little more subtle
in mind.
Milton,there is no amount of money that is--
wow! Yeah.
You start tacking on those zeros, it gets hard
to stop.
Hold on.
This check is dated for next year.
Exactly.
If you want this money, you're gonna have to
stay married to my son for the next 13
months.
Huh.
And isn't there an election around that time?
My son is destined for greatness.
He will be governor.
He could be president.
And you're going to make sure he goes
straight to the top, aren't you? Sometimes
greatness needs a little nudge.
What do you mean, there's nothing there? I'm
sorry,ms.
Britt.
I checked the number you gave me three
times.
That offshore account simply doesn't exist.
Where is that $10 million? What $10 million?
Gi???? (loudly) first of all, I deny having any
illegal money, let alone moving it.
Why are you talking like that? I don't know.
I thought you might be wearing a wire.
(slaps hand) you're paranoid.
You know that? Well, don't I have reason to be?
And why would you care where the money is,
unless you were planning on using it against
me? Oh,god.
You think you are so clever.
Well,you're no in fact,you--you are the
stupidest man I've ever met.
You have no clue who you're dealing with, but
believe me, you're gonna pay for what you've
done to me,carlos.
This game is not over.
Actually,it kinda is, and if you hadn't noticed I
won.
Bree.
Lynette, I was just thinking about you.
Did you get your test results yet? Huh? O the
p.
e.
Scan.
No,not till tomorrow.
Listen,i need your help.
There's a possum in my garden.
Ugh! I hate possums.
Not as much as me.
I put out poison,but it ate around it.
I got one ofse hs, but all I trapped was penny.
How can I help? I want a gun.
Really? I thought you were one of those liberal
gun haters.
That was the old lynette.
The new lynette kills the possums and lets
god sort 'em out.
Well,unfortunately, our bleeding-heart town
council forbids us fm using live ammo in our
own backyards.
Wusses! I suggest you get an air rifle.
It won't kill it, but it'll sting it enough to keep
it away for good.
Perfect.
Where can I get one? Try,u gun city on route 6
by the baptist church.
Tell them I sent ya, and they'll give youa nice
discount.
Great.
What's so urgent? Can't say hello to a girl?
Gaby,we had a deal.
We weren't gonna see each other for six
months.
Oh,uh,yeah,about that what if we make it 13?
Okay,no, just go with me on this.
What I'm about to propose will give us total
financial freedom and Help a conniving
billionaire's dream come true.
Whoa.
What's this for? Milton lang doesn't want me
to leaveictor until after he runs for governor.
Once the election's over, ka-ching! So basically,
you're taking money to sleep with a man you
don't love.
Gee,f that were a job, what w I don't have to
sleep with him, just stay with him for fofofocal
reasons.
It's basically a modeling fee for a 13-month Oh,come on! No,i'm serious.
photo op. After everything I have been through? No!
Absolutely not. No,get out! Gaby,you should be happy right
Carlos,you're not working right now, and you now.
know we'll never be happy if we're broke. I have millions of dollars, and I want you to be
We need this. with me.
What if we didn't? Huh? What if I had some Oh,so you want me to sleep with you and take
money stashed away? Okay, remember a few your money.
years ago when I was in business with tanaka? Gee,if thatere a job, what would they call it?
I was always afraid that he was gonna double- Thanks,kid.
cross me. Bear claw? Uh,no.
Which he did. Thank you, so,uh,mike said you had some
But before he did, I skimmed a little off the medical questions for me? Um,yes,the,uh,
top. genetic counselor,um,wanted to know a couple
How much is "a littl $10 million. of things.
You embezzled $10 million? (kissing loudly) Uh Um,i-is there any cancer in your family? no.
mmm. Great.
Actually,now it's only about $9. Uh,diabetes? Mnh-mnh.
5. Wonderful.
It cost me half a mil to hide it from the Who did you kill? Couldn't have covered this
government and certain other people. in the car? I thought she ould hear it from you.
Mm. I killed my boss.
Oh,wait,wait,wait. Uh-huh.
If this is tanaka money,then you had it when Okay.
we were married? Okay,i can sense where He wasn't my boss when I met him.
you're going with this. He was just another guy on the loading
Which also means you had it when we got dock,like me.
divorced. A supervisor's job came up, and,uh,we were
Look,if I had told you about it, you'd have both angling for it.
taken me to the cleaners. And then arnie-- that was his name-- He went
Carlos,we were married. to the head of the company and told him
I was entitled to half of everything you some lies about me, and he got the job.
embezzmed. So you killed him? No.
Look,we're back together now. I stewed about it for a few weeks.
What does it matter? Well,it matters that you I'd see arnie walking around with that smirk,
lied to me. and,uh,and that tie, and I thought to myself,
I can't trust you. "you k "you don't deserve that tie, and you
Gaby! If I can't trust you,i don't think I can be don't deserve to live.
with you. " So you killed him? No.
I confronted him. my moth wants.
I said,"arnie, what you did wasn't right. You did say to be more like you,right? That's
" He just laughed in my face and said,uh, not what I meant, and you know it, and as for
"what are you gonna do about it?" then I your little imitation of me, I don't sound
killed him. anything like that.
Uh-huh. Danielle? Who are you supposed to be?
Uh,and how did you With the tie. Really,karen, I don't think our lord is amused
I thought it was a nice touch. when we make light of witchcraft, and you
Well,now you know. might use a coaster.
Hey,adam,katheri. Oh,i get it.
Or should I say frankenstein and Marie She's you.
antoinette? Nice you came as a self-important I just don't see how he could not feel bad
queen who lost all h isn't that a bit on the about it.
nose? Lee making jokes about a queen. I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Isn't that a bit ironic? ???? (both chuckle) and You know, I expected to meet a guy that was
who are you supposed to be? Cher, the belove racked with rmmorse, and instead, i'm looking
(chuckles) it was my mom's idea. across the table at this Person.
You know,the woman who freaked when she He's a person.
found out I was gay? oh. Yeah,an evil person.
Oh,my god. No,he's a good guy who did an evil thing.
Is that danielle? I expressly forbade her from There's a difference.
coming tonight. Well,i don't see one.
Who does she think she is? Apparently,you. Look,he snapped.
Danielle,you're back! (imitating bree) I'??? I am It happens.
bree van de kamp hodge. People snap.
(chuckles) oh,no,no,no. I did.
No hugs,please. I killed a guy.
I'm uncomfortable with needless displays of You killed a cro ???? That's self-defense, and
emotion. even so, you regret it,right? Yes,of course.
Your costume looks great. Well,that's my t.
It's so real. d people snap, they feel bad about it.
Ooh! I could swear I felt a kick. Your dad doesn.
(chuckles) you stop that,baby hodge. Sun,why are you getting so worked up over
We do not kick people, unless??? (chuckles this? I don't know.
nervously) why didn't you tell me she was It just bothers me.
home? Oh,it's just a quick visit. I mean My god,mike.
She's driving back tomorrow. He's yr dad.
To switzernd? Let's go get some cake, dear. I know.
What do you think you're doing? Exactly what And this conversation is exactly why I told you
he was dead.
Lynette! Honey,are you out here? Shh! Is that
for the possum? Yeah.
Now he's playing mind games with me, but I
laid out some halloween candy.
Pretty soon he'll get hungry, and when trick or
treat.
Lynette-- Shh! Shh! Do you hear that? He's
making his move.
Lynette, I think you should come inside and lie
down for a little while.
No way.
He's here,tom.
I can tell.
Okay, now--now you're scaring me.
Why? Look at yourself.
You've--you've declared jihad on a possum.
This is not a joke,tom.
Something has attacked our home, and when
that happens,you don't just stand by--you
fight it.
Sc??? And is trying to destroy us.
It will not defeat me.
Okay.
You do what you need to do.
Thank you.
So,bree,have you,uh,picked a name for the
baby yet? Not yet,but I'm thinking "you're not
good enough" if it's a boy, and "you'll always
disappoint me" if it's a girl.
Okay,you made your point.
Now go home.
Are you kidding me? This is the most fun I've
had in eight months.
Do not test me,young lady, or I will drag you
out of here myself.
You make a scene? Ha! That's a laugh.
What's wrong? I think my wer just broke.
Oh,dear heavenly lord.
(bob) hey! What happened to my rug?
Danielle! We agreed to save that till the end
of the night.
The best part of the costume, and she pops
the water balloon when people aren't even
looking.
Orson! Andrew! Think we can make it to the
hospital? I don't think so! It's coming.
Okay,everybody, in the house now.
Not on the couch.
I just had it reupholstered.
Andrew,take your sister into the kitchen.
Get some towels.
Boil some water.
Everything is gonna be fine.
I'm a doctor.
You're a dentist! What if there are
complications? Should an emergency arise, we
will simply call an amulet.
A what? ???? How many rum punches did you
have? There was punch in that rum? I am
going back to get adam.
Bree.
Bree,what's wrong? I need your services as a
doctor, but before I tell you what's going on, I
need you to promise that what you're about
to learn will be kept in strictest confidence.
Does this have anything to do with the
pregnancy you've been faking? Okay, you're
almost there.
Aah! ???? (parker) are they home? (preston)
the lights are on.
Here it comes! If they're not home, then
what's that? Probably just a tapethey put on
well,you know the rule.
If we don't get our treat, they get a trick.
Yeah.
(porter) come on.
(giggles) (baby wailing) and Thank you.
Oh.
(pants) okay.
It's a beautiful baby boy.
How are you feeling? Tired.
Did adam leave? Uh,yeah,and he promised
that no one would ever know what happened
here tonight.
That's good,i guess.
Is he okay? ???? He's,um, he's all cleaned up
now, if If you want to hold him.
Yeah.
He's so tiny.
He looks just like you did.
Do you want to be alone??? Do you want me
to To go? What should I do? Yoshould take
him.
Are you sure? Sweethea??? No,it's The right
thing to do for everyone Especially him but
you're right.
It's awful.
I'm gonna sleep w.
Okay,baby.
It's okay,little on here we are.
Here we go.
Yes,here we go.
Susan,hey,it's me.
Um,sorry to leave this message on your
machine, but can you tell the other girls
i'm,uh,going to be by myself for a while? I Just
Going through some stuff and need to think.
Um--oh,god,that's my car ready to take me to
the airport, so I'll tell you everything when I
get back.
Okay? Love you.
Bye.
This is nice.
I didn't order a stretch, but I'll take it.
Victor.
I tried reaching you at the house, but the
maid said you'd moved out.
I took the next flight home.
What's going on? Well, I'm Sort of leaving you.
Well,i guess "sort of" is better than "definitely.
" What do I have to do to make it "absolutely
not"? I'll do anything.
Just tell me.
Victor,it's not that simple.
We have major problems, and you nevehave
time to talk about them,let alone fix 'em.
Well,i guess better make some time.
Let's see.
Here's this weekend.
Here's next week.
The week after.
Look at that.
I've got a whole month.
You busy? Victor,i know you're only doing this
because a divorce would hurt your run for
governor.
What if I don't run? You mean that? The
governor's mansion is my father's dream.
You know what my dream I' you.
Don't run away,gaby And if you do,please, take
me with you so Where's mike? At the motel.
I slipped out without waking him.
I've been up all night thinking, and I have
something to say to you.
oh? I don't believe you.
I don't believe that you could kill a man and
not regret it.
Why do you care? Because I am carrying a
baby that has your genes.
If my doctor told me that there was
something wrong with this baby-- something
physical, I could handle that.
I would pr but if my baby was born without a
conscience,without a soul, I don't know what I
would do.
You think I don't have a soul? If you can't feel Her oncologist? Hey.
the tiniest bit of remse over taking a human Hey,dr.
life No,i don't think you do. Rushton.
If I were to think about what I did, really think What--what are you doing here? Well (sighs)
about it, lay awake nights trying to remember so much of my job is delivering bad news,
the look on that guy's face when I strangled that I really wanted to tell you this in person.
the life out of him Pretty soon,i'd go crazy. Lynette,i got the test results back.
I should go. You're clean.
You know what I do regret? What I did to Are you sure? Yeah.
mike. (stglla) oh! Lymph nodes are completely clear.
What did youo? He was a real popular kid. Congratulations.
Everybody liked mikey. I knew it.
(clicks tongue) then when I got sent away, I knew it! Did you hear that? Did you hear that
suddenly the whole town just thinks of him as this is so amazing.
the son of a murderer. I'm gonna go get the kids.
???? I'm not re that kind of darkness ever truly Hey,doc,you look like you need a margarita.
goes away. (laughing) and even if you don't, I ain't drinng
Well,you're wrong. alone.
He's happy. (voice breaks) I'm sorry.
He's got a good job and a wife who loves him There is much to be afraid of in this world, but
and a baby on the way. what we fear has nothing to do with
I had a lot going for me,too, before I t just gruesome masks or plastic spiders or lifelike
Keep on eye on him. monsters.
Edie,if you're looking for gaby, she just left for No,it's the thoughts that terrify us the most
her yoga class. What if she comes to regret her decision?
Yoga Is that what she told you? I'm sorry. what i he really is unhappy? what if the chance
I know how angry and humiliated you must for love has passed forever? how do we
feel. conquer these terrifying thoughts? we start by
But don't take it all out on gaby. reminding ourselves what does not kill us Just
Carlos seduced her. makes us stronger.
He hated you for taking his wife, so he
decided to make a fool out of you.
I think he deserves whatever's coming to
him,don'v you? Hey! Hey! Hey,quiet.
She's napping.
Finally.
How'd you get her to do that? oh, ???? ????
Hmm,it's Dr.
Rushton.
407 - You Can't Judge a Book by Its Cover
Previously on Desperate Housewives Danielle
had her baby on halloween.
You said my father didn't care about me.
Katherine revealed a secret.
I want you to imagine the worst thing That a
father can do to his daughter.
Lynette got great news.
I got the test results back.
You're clean.
While Mike tried to ease his pain, Victor You
know what my dream is? reached out to
Gaby .
You.
Don't run away, Gaby .
But if you do, take me with you.
And Edie got revenge.
Don't take it all out on Gaby .
Carlos decided to make a fool out of you.
The thing you need to know about Victor
Lang Is that he was not above using deception.
Whether it was an insincere promise To a
campaign donor, Or the artful evasion of a
reporter's question, Or an outright lie to his
constituents, Victor did what he had to to get
what he wanted.
But thanks to some compromising photos, He
learned that his wife Knew a little something
about deception as well.
For the last time, Carlos , stop calling me.
I told you, i just wanna talk.
And i told you it's over.
So what, You're just gonna go back to that
chicken-lipped albino? I don't know.
I'm taking it one day at a time.
But what i can say about Victor is He doesn't
lie to me about how much money he's got.
Look, I said i was sorry.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, well, i-i gotta go, Bree .
It's Bree .
Okay, so i just informed my staff That i'm
taking the next month off To give my wife the
honeymoon she always wanted.
That's amazing.
Where should we go? Well, I left some travel
magazines in the bedroom.
Why don't you go get 'em? Oh! Oh, my god,
Victor .
A month in rio sounds like heaven, doesn't it?
Oh, it does.
Let's do it.
Ooh! Hey, why don't we kick off our
reconciliation With a little weekend on the
boat? That's so romantic.
I love that.
Huh? Just you and me, all alone, out in the
middle of the ocean.
The girls are gonna be so jea Lou s.
Oh, no, no, no, let's not tell anyone we're
going.
It'll be our little secret.
Yes, Victor was not above Using deception to
get what he wanted, And what he wanted now
Was revenge.
The next day on Wisteria Lane began with a
bit of deceit.
Bree Hodge told her friends She had given
birth in the middle of the night To a beautiful
baby boy.
And thanks to the healthy lungs of Benjamin
Tyson Hodge , It didn't take long for Bree 's
friends To engage in some deceit of their own.
Well, he's just a little piece of heaven.
You're so blessed.
Makes me wanna have another one myself.
Orson, you better take Benjamin to the other
room Before my friends run out of lies.
Ah.
No.
They don't appreciate a healthy pair of lungs,
that's all, huh? Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Come on, Benjamin .
Hey, Lynette , you tell everyone your news?
No.
This is about the baby.
Wait.
Did you have that final scan? Did you hear
something? Well, the results are back, And
while you can never actually say you're cured--
She's cured! Oh, my god! Oh, yeah! I have to
get checked every six months, But, yes, the
doctor is very optimistic.
Hey, what the hell is all this racket? Someone
win the lotto? Oh, i was just telling everybody
the good news about my Cancer.
Hey, congrats! I'm a survivor myself.
Prostate.
Ooh, muffins.
Hey, show some class.
Introduce yourself.
Hi.
I'm Stan .
Is th--is that my robe? Yeah.
Sorry, uh If i knew when i walked into that
card club last night That i would be going
home with this lovely lady, I'd have packed me
a change of clothes.
Okay, i get it.
We'll get out of your hair.
Come on, handsome.
Let's take a shower.
Mike, how long are you gonna be? We've
gotta get this food over to Bree 's before it
gets cold.
You know, Susan , i don't feel like going over
there tonight.
Can't you just drop it off? No, they just had a
baby.
We're gonna "ooh," we're gonna "ahh," and
then we're gonna eat.
But i'm tired.
I worked all day.
I got a job first thing in the morning.
There's no way out of it, Mike .
Just do what you need and downstairs.
This is what we do in the suburbs.
Ah, yes The suburbs.
And how does Danielle like her baby brother?
Oh, she adores him.
She just felt terrible that she had to leave for
school so soon.
Speaking of which, we have some extra
preschool applications If the two of you are
interested.
Isn't it a little early to be talking preschool?
She just got pregnant.
Our baby still looks like a sea horse.
Oh, honey.
You'd be surprised how fast the best schools
fill up.
And only the best for our kid, right? I'd start
saving your pennies.
Bonny briar's up to $10,000 a year.
For used legos and a potty chair? And you'd
better apply now.
Debbie gottlieb had her baby the same day i
did, And she could only get wait-listed At her
first three choices.
Oh, by the way, we were invited to her bris
this saturday.
Well, make an excuse for me.
I thought you liked Debbie and Lou .
Oh, i do.
I just don't care to watch them ritually mutilate
their child. Still? That was nearly two years ago.
More moo shu, please. Well, it's just a twinge every now and then.
Circumcision's not mutilation. Aspirin does the trick.
It's a simple surgery Meant to promote No, no, no, no.
lifelong masculine hygiene. I'll get that.
It's a, uh, traumatic procedure Which reduces I thought you kept your boat at the yacht club.
the male's capacity for sexual pleasure By Yeah, i wanted to leave from here.
desensitizing the tip of-- We know what it is. This way, we avoid the congestion at the
Gee, i don't think i've ever heard Such strong marina.
opinions on the subject. Where's the crew? There's no crew.
I mean, not that it's something i talk about a I let 'em go.
lot Or ever. What? Who's gonna bring us umbr Ella drinks
I hope i didn't offend you. And salute us when we walk by? Just consider
I haven't heard a word since "$10,000. me your one-man navy.
" It's just that i remember my own So you're gonna drive this thing by yourself?
circumcision so vividly. Well, you can help.
Oh, that's ridicu Lou s. Didn't that captain give you lessons last
My parents disagreed on this issue, too. summer? Oh, that's right-- Those two boring
My dad said no. hours i'll never get back.
So mother just bided her time Until he finally Well, the good news is this trip will be
left town on business. anything but boring.
I was 5. We need to talk about this Stan thing.
She told me we were going for ice cream. Oh, is that his name? Stan? Uh, when he left, i
That's why the procedure should be done on just sort of said, "see ya.
babies. " Well, it got me thinking About how much
They won't remember. you've had to put your life on hold These past
Now can we please just drop this? Fine. few months.
So, Susan , You mentioned something about No big deal.
bringing dessert. No, it was a big deal.
What is it? Ice cream. You have taken amazing care of me.
Sorry. But i know you have so many things you
Oh, so you found the chocolate sauce? Oh, uh, wanna get back to.
yeah, it's right here. Mm, not really.
Is everything okay? Oh, yeah. Come on.
I was just taking a couple of aspirin. It must be driving you crazy Living with five
I hope Orson 's rant didn't give you a screaming kids underfoot.
headache. I don't blame you for wanting a little peace
Oh, no, i've just still got a little pain from my and quiet.
accident, That's all. You need to leave, mom.
Okay. her dad being abusive towards Katherine And
Okay, i-i know i shouldn't have brought Stan maybe Dylan , too.
into the house. Oh.
And next time, i promise you we will do it in So i'm thinking that it would be better If you
the car. could get her to research somebody else in
It's not just that. her family.
It's the smoking and the swearing And the Yeah.
teaching the kids how to make a whiskey sour. Maybe you're right.
It's a science, Lynette . Listen, i-i was talking to my mom, and-- Yeah.
It's called mixology. I heard.
I just think it would work better for everyone Susan? Hi.
If you got your own place. It's, uh, Bree .
Okay. I'm glad you're home.
With what money? You have money, right? I Uh, listen, i-i thought i might stop by for a
mean, you loaned us that $10,000. little visit.
Yes, i did. Look, i've only got, uh, about an hour before
Wait a minute. my next job.
That was all the money you had? You guys Uh, is it okay if i grab lunch in front of the tv?
needed it, and i needed a place to stay. I wanted to watch the game.
It seemed like it turned out pretty well for Oh, sure.
everybody. I'll--i'll bring up a tray.
What do you mean? I thought you were living Oh, thanks.
with Lucy . Bree thinks you're doing drugs.
Your sister kicked me out. She found this on her kitchen floor, And it's
Not to put too fine a point on it, Lynette , But not aspirin.
your cancer couldn't have come at a better Well, you know, my shoulder's been hurting
time. lately.
Hey, i need your help with a school thing. She says it's a narcotic, and it's highly
Wow. addictive.
You never ask for my help. Given your history-- Whoa, whoa, Susan ,
Must be something easy. these--these were prescribed by a doctor
What do you know about Dylan 's dad? We've Right after my accident.
got this genealogy project for school, And she I found a couple in the medicine cabinet, And
wants to find out about him. i've been carrying 'em around In case my
Maybe Dylan should ask her mom. shoulder acts up.
She gets really weird talking about him. Really? Yeah.
Why is that, by the way? Okay, don't tell Really.
anybody i told you this. They were the last two.
Her mom said something at my party About So you got nothing to worry about.
Oh, thank god! You have no idea where my
mind went.
I had you roaming back alleys to score your
dope, Pawning our good silver to pay your
dealer.
And we don't even have good silver, So it got
worse 'cause you had to knock over a gas
station To buy the silver to pawn it off.
I was really making myself crazy.
I'm sorry about that.
But i reiterate-- old pill, no problem.
I knew it.
I'm so happy.
Mmm.
Good.
Mm, now fix me some lunch, woman.
Oh! I w Ann a watch the damn game.
Can i help you? Yes, um, can you tell me who i
would talk to About having my baby
circumcised? What do you mean you can't
help me? I received a registered letter from
your husband which reads, "i do not wish for
my son, Benjamin Hodge , "to be circumcised.
Should the recipient of this letter encounter
my wife "please feel free to show her this
letter "and assure her of its wide distribution
"to hospitals and physicians Across this and
two neighboring states.
" Does this seem too warm to you? That you
even felt such a thing was necessary.
Well, obviously, it was.
Forgive me for knowing my wife.
What's that supposed to mean? You don't
trust me? I trust you not to break your word.
Since you've pointedly refused to give it, I
trusted you to snip first and debate the merits
later.
I'm only thinking of Benjamin .
Be reasonable.
You're the one who's unreasonable.
What have you got against untrimmed penises?
They're Unsightly.
I do not want our son to be teased For being
different.
Do you? Ah, so in the end, It all comes down
to tradition and conformity.
What is wrong with that? I thought we liked
conformity.
Not at the price of pain and reduced sexual
pleasure.
I can tell you someone whose sexual pleasure
Is going to be reduced big-time! Hey,
sweetheart.
What's that? Just something for school.
What was that name you just typed in? We
were assigned a genealogy project.
I have to do research on my father.
I will call your tea Cher .
She'll assign you a different project.
What do you think you're doing? I am learning
about my father.
Dylan! For years, you have told me That my
father is too evil to talk about.
Now i find out you've discussed him At a
neighborhood game night?! Regardless, i am
still your mother, And while you're under my
roof, You will obey my rules.
And what if i don't? Are you gonna slap me
again, kick me out of the house? Go ahead.
Try it.
See what happens.
I'm sorry, mom.
You can't stop me this time.
I am officially no longer afraid of you.
And he needed something for the pain, so he
happened to find The last two pills in the
medicine cabinet, And he took 'em.
It's no big deal.
Let me show you something.
You see this breadmaker? This is where i hid a
bottle of chardonnay After i told everyone i'd
stopped drinking.
Oh, but this isn't the same thing.
Mike wouldn't lie to me about this.
And this rotating spice rack? Those little
airplane bottles of vodka Fit perfectly in the
back.
He said there were no more pills.
I was looking him in the eye.
Susan, addicts are experts at deception.
My advice to you-- Trust But verify.
So This is nice-- Little family get-together.
Why didn't you call Lucy ? Oh, you know her,
always busy.
So, mom You look good.
Thanks.
You seeing anybody? Not that i wanna tell you
about.
Mm, still alone.
Ooh, look.
The special is chicken.
Doesn't that sound good? Ooh, order me one.
I-i'm going to the bar and-- and check the
score on the game.
Have fun.
I know what this is, and i'm not doing it.
What? What? We're having lunch.
She's not moving back in.
I resist your attempts to manipulate me.
Nobody is manipulating you.
My boundaries are strong.
I know what i want, and i deserve to be happy.
What have you got there? Are you reading
from something? Okay! As soon as you invited
me to lunch, I called my therapist.
And he told me You'd try to guilt me into
taking mom back, but "i will not
emotionally blackmailed.
" Give me that.
I already had her, Lynette .
She stayed with me for two years-- Two years
in which my weight ballooned.
She put me through four different hairstyles.
Once, she even brought home this guy she
met at a bar.
She's so not like that now.
I don't care.
The day she moved out, i got my life back.
So if you w Ann a have lunch, fine.
But that's it.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Good for you.
I'm sorry.
Where's the chicken? Oh, yeah.
Where is that waiter? I'm gonna go find him.
Just hear me out.
If you trim the sides in a little, I think you'll
lose that wingy effect you have going now.
Mom! Well, i'm just saying that with the shape
of your face, You're not doing yourself any
favors.
Do you think You could go for one minute
without being critical? What are you talking
about? I have not said one word about your
eye shadow yet.
"i reject your negativity.
I am as beautiful as i feel inside.
" Oh, it's you.
Thank you for calling about my painting.
I can't believe i forgot that.
Yeah, i know it meant a lot to you.
There's a hole in it.
Yeah, i don't get modern art either.
be Okay, Edie I know that you're angry right now,
but-- You think i'm angry? You should've seen
Victor .
What? Yeah, we had a little chat.
Actually, he didn't believe that you were
screwing his wife Until i showed him some
photos, And then he was just enraged.
It was a little scary.
For god sakes, Carlos , Am i gonna have to
change this number? Victor knows.
Knows what? Everything.
Edie told him we're having an affair.
No, that's impossible.
He hasn't said a word.
In fact, i've never seen him so s weet and
attentive.
It's an act! Edie said he was enraged.
Well, if he's so mad at me, Why would he take
me on a boat trip? He took you on a boat?
Oh, crap.
I think you need to get out of there.
Gaby? I-i was just talking to Bree.
Oh.
Oh, no, no.
We agreed--total privacy.
When we head home, you can have it back.
And you can talk to Bree as much as you like.
Can i get you something? No, i'm good.
You okay? Uh, actually, i'm really cold.
Maybe we should bail and do this another day.
You know, when it's warmer.
It'll warm up.
Oh, okay, well, just in case, we should run back
to shore So i can grab a jacket.
Gaby You're not going anywhere.
I'm not? I know about everything--you, Carlos ,
the affair, everything.
Okay.
I am so sorry.
But in my defense, You were always gone, And
you knew how needy i was when you married
me.
That's it? That's all you have to say to me?
Well, it'd be easier to talk if we were back on
shore.
What are you doing? It's bad enough you've
betrayed me.
Now i have to listen to your whining? I
brought something for you.
Gaby! Gaby! Gaby! What's that? Everything i
know about your father-- Date of birth, his
mother's name, Last known address.
It's everything you need to find him.
Thank you.
Before you take this You have to promise me
something.
Okay.
You c Ann ot bring him here Or even tell him
where i am.
Why? The last time that i saw your father, It
was to tell him that i was leaving him, And i
was taking you with me.
He, uh, he always liked to s lap me around a
little bit.
But that night was Unimaginable.
I don't remember everything.
I-i was in pretty bad shape by the end of it.
But once he was done Slamming my face into
the wall, He started choking me, And he kept
screaming That he was gonna kill me.
And the last thought That i had Was what
would happen to you if i died.
So you can't tell him where i am.
You just can't.
Maybe you can talk to my tea Cher Tom orrow
And have her give me another assignment.
Thank you.
I told you, if you're gonna have a tree house
You've gotta keep it clean.
Here.
Take these and dump them by the front door.
Hey, what the hell are you doing?! Mom, hurry.
Get out of the car.
No, no, no.
You are not leaving those here.
Hi, mom.
Take her away.
Unh-unh, Lynette .
You may have been able to strong-arm the
weak one, But not me.
I'm not weak! Then why did you call me? Get
out of our way.
Lucy, Every fight we have ever had Has ended
with my foot on your neck.
I guarantee that this one's gonna end the
same way, too.
Maybe we should talk inside.
I'm often asked why the torah tells us That a
child must be circumcised on the eighth day
of his life.
Some say that's how long it takes to get a
decent caterer.
What a lovely ceremony.
I'm deborah's friend Bree .
I have what may strike you as a very odd
request.
Trust me, it won't be one i haven't heard.
Do you think, while you're here, Do could do a
bris for my baby, too? Okay, new one.
Good for you.
I know it might seem tacky piggybacking on
deborah's bris, But We could do it in the den
very quietly.
Uh, well, as we just saw, There's so such thing
as a quiet bris.
You said your name was Bree ? Yes, Bree
Hodge Born rabinowitz.
Huh.
I wouldn't have taken you for jewish.
I should only have a Nickel for every time i've
heard that.
Don't you want a proper bris With your friends
and family there? I would love that, But my
husband Orson -- big, stubborn, goy.
He says we should do nothing And let the
child decide when he's grown.
We don't pick our parents-- we should pick
our religion? I wouldn't feel right doing this
Without speaking to your husband.
Well, he's out of town, and Our Benjamin is 8
days old today.
And if i don't do this, My grandma Tzeitel Will
never forgive me, may she rest in peace.
You realize that this is a covenant? That
whatever your husband says, You are
promising To raise your child as a devout jew?
I swear to you before god That this child will
be as devout a jew as i am.
Hey, where have you been? I woke up, and
you were gone.
Oh, we had a very busy day.
We dropped off the dry cleaning, We
deposited money into our christmas account,
And then we got circumcised.
You did what?! It's just a little unsightly
foreskin.
He'll never miss it.
So why stop there? Why--why not cut off his
testicles? You obviously have no problem
going after mine.
Orson.
Well, what do you call it, Bree ? Going behind
my back, ignoring my feelings on this? I gave
them very serious consideration.
But it's my blood running in his veins, Which
ultimately makes it my decision.
Your blood? So who am i to Benjamin ? A
friendly uncle? A male nanny? Of course not.
Then why do you treat me Like i'm anything
less than his father? I mean, haven't i earned
that During the course of our little hoax? I lied
for you.
I-i risked public humiliation.
I do everything but strap on the pregnancy
harness myself.
I know that.
I see myself as Benjamin 's father.
I need to know if you see me that way, too.
I know how much you love Benjamin .
I guess I guess i just have to remember That
it's love that makes us a family and not blood.
Your son would like you to hold him.
By the way, his hebrew name is Simcha .
I'll explain later.
Oh, Carlos , thank god you're here.
Where is he? Where's Victor ? Well, i-i clubbed
him and knocked him overboard.
He's in the ocean?! He was going to kill me!
He had a gun.
Okay, okay, let me think.
You saw him in the water.
I mean, he's not dead, right? No, he's mad, but
he wasn't dead.
So then we'll send someone out there to fish
him out.
We'll call the police, show 'em the gun And
tell that 'em that it was self-defense.
You still have the gun? It's in there.
Well, maybe he wanted it to muffle the gun.
There is no gun.
Ice pick? What are you doing? I'm calling the
coast guard.
And tell them what, i knocked my husband
overboard Because he was coming after me
with a sweater? No, come on.
We gotta go back out there.
Guys, i can't be any clearer on this.
I am not taking her back.
It's your turn, simple as that.
I've had her for four months.
I also had cancer for four months, And if i
could've asked one of them to leave, I'm not
sure which i would've picked.
Oh, four months, boohoo.
I had her for a year, And that was the year she
joined the gin of the month club.
I don't have any room for her.
I already have seven people in four bedrooms.
There it is-- the "i have a family" card.
Congratulations.
You can reproduce.
We're all thrilled for you.
Why can't you take her? You are in that huge
house all by yourself That you got from the
divorce.
Dave and i are just separated.
There's a good chance that he's moving back
in, But not if mom is living there.
Well, We can't just throw her out on the street.
I can.
My therapist said It's time for me to be a little
more "lydia-centric.
" I really w Ann a meet this jackass.
Okay, we all have our excuses, But we gotta
figure something out.
Come on.
She is our mother.
Is she? She never acted like one, not that i can
remember.
I remember she showed up drunk to my
graduation, Wearing a housecoat.
Okay, but the point is, she went.
Remember that one christmas? And we came
down, and there was mom under the tree,
Passed out drunk in the middle of all of our
unwrapped toys.
My raggedy Ann smelled like peppermint
schnapps.
Okay, she wasn't perfect, clearly.
But she gave birth to us.
We owe her our lives, and now that she needs
us, We can't just turn our back on her.
I know i'm supposed to feel guilty, but i don't.
I don't either.
It's like you're saying you don't care about her.
At all? And i don't under Stan d that.
Well If you care so much, Then the answer to
the problem is sorta obvious, isn't it? We can
help with money.
I can send you $100 a month.
I don't need your money.
I can take care of my mother all by myself.
Lynette Here's how you can help-- Don'tvisit
for the next few years, Cause it seems fairly
likely I won't have stopped hating you by then.
I guess that's her way of asking us to leave.
Mom, where's grandma going? Going? Wait.
What's that? Gaby! Here.
Sit him here.
You tried to kill me.
Well, i came back for you, didn't i? What were
you thinking?! Well, i thought you were trying
to kill me.
I was just trying to talk to you, See if we still
had a chance.
I see that you're still screwing this guy.
And what the hell is he doing on my boat?!
You mean, besides saving your life? That was a
big mistake, buddy.
Oh, right.
Yeah, you're the guy that said If anyone
messed with your woman, That you'd use your
money to make 'em disappear.
But right now it's just you and me.
So how tough are you without your a.
t.
m.
Card? That's what i figured.
Aah! Victor! Oh, my god! Victor! Oh! Oh, my
god! Come on.
Get up! Hey.
Hey.
Get up.
I wanna see the look on your face When the
knife goes in.
Oh, i'm getting pretty good at that.
Okay, let's pull him back in again.
What, are you crazy?! Oh, We'll just tie him up
so he doesn't cause any trouble.
Victor! Where'd he go? Victor! Victor! Victor!
Maybe we should go back out and look some
more.
We looked for six hours.
He's gone.
Oh, my god.
We killed him.
It was self-defense, right? I mean, he was
trying to kill us.
We can't prove that.
This is bad, Gaby .
Oh, when people find out we were on that
boat with him, it Maybe they won't.
What do you mean? No one but you knows i
was with Victor .
I'll say he went out alone.
I told him i was leaving him, And he was
depressed, suic Ida l even.
Only one problem-- The boat's right here.
Then maybe the boat needs to go back out
Alone.
Whatever you're thinking, i can explain.
I'm thinking that you're a drug addict and a
liar, So say something that's not that.
Susan, listen-- Is it so horrible living with me? Thank you.
I mean, do i make you so miserable That you Deception-- You find it in all the best homes.
can't even face me without numbing the pain? Parents rely on it when dealing with inquisitive
Of course not. children Women use it to help keep secrets--
I love you. big and small.
Well, if you did, you wouldn't be doing this! I Lovers need it To cover up inconvenient
mean, my god, Mike , we have a baby on the accidents.
way! Can i say something now? Sure, go Why do people resort to deception? Because
ahead. it's a handy tool That helps get us Exactly
Oh, should i look you in the eyes? Does it what we'relooking for.
make it easier for you to lie? I didn't tell you
About the pills 'cause i didn't want you to feel
guilty.
Me feel guilty? Yeah.
When i put in that water heater for
McCluskey , I really wrenched my shoulder,
And the doctor told me i should take a break,
but i didn't Because that was the day we
found out you were pregnant.
And from then on, all i have heard about Are
car seats and strollers and $10,000 preschools.
You know, it didn't seem like A really good
time for me to quit working.
Mike, we don't need any of that stuff.
Yeah.
You say that now.
But when Benjamin Hodge is in harvard, And
our kid's just a plumber like his dad I just want
to be able to give him The advantages i never
got.
God, the only advantage he needs Is to have a
healthy dad who's not doing this.
You're right.
I get it.
Okay? I'm done.
I w Ann a believe you.
It's just That addicts are good at lying.
Yeah.
All right How about this? You believe me now?
408 - A Distant Past Missing, And Then They're Gonna Ask
Questions.
Mike Was The Victim Of A Hit And Run. Let Them Ask.
Lynette Couldn't Forgive Her Mother's Past. No One Knows We Were On That Boat.
You Had Tom To Come Home To. Let's Just Play Dumb And Ride This Thing Out.
I Had Your Stepfather. Gaby,Don't You Feel Guilty? A Man Is Dead.
Hey,Glen May Have Bored You, But The Years Yes,I Feel Awful, But He Threatened Our Lives.
We Had A Father In That House Were The It Was Self-Defense.
Happiest Of My Life. Exactly.
You Drove Him Away. So Then Why Don't We Go And Tell The Police?
Mom,Where's Grandma Going? Bree Got Her O-Ow! He Took The Lord's Name In Vain.
Second Chance To Be A Good Mother. (Scoffs) (Lowers Voice) Look,We Have A Good
(Cries) Mike's Dependency Grew Addicts Are Plan.
Experts At Deception. Let's Just Stick To It.
(Gabrielle) Victor! Get Up. Okay,Okay.
I Wanna See The Look On Your Face When I Won't Say Anything.
The Knife Goes In. Good.
Uhh! And Victor Was Lost At Sea. Now Until This Blows Over, Don't Call Me
(Mary Alice) We Think Of The Past As Water Again.
Under The Bridge, A Current That Carries Away What Are You Doing Now? I'm Praying For A
The Mistakes Of Our Youth-- The Loves We Miracle.
Lost The Addictions We Gave Into The Carlos,If Victor Had Lived, He Would've Killed
Opportunities We Threw Away But Sooner Or Us.
Later, Reminders Drift Back Into Our Lives Of I'm Thinking We Already Had Our Miracle.
The Mistakes We Made And The Sins We Yes,The Mistakes Of Our Past Have A Way Of
Committed. Drifting Back Into Our Lives And When They
(Hushed Voice) Carlos, Why Are You Calling Do We Have To Pay For Them.
Me? I Told You We Can't Be Seen Together. One Day In The Early Fall, Ow! God.
(Hushed Voice) I Can't Take It Anymore. To Ease His Pain, He Took A Little White Pill
We Gotta Go To The Cops. Recommended By His Doctor.
Oh,Okay. The Pain Persisted, So He Took Another And
And Say What? "Yes,Officer, "My Lover And I Another.
Knocked My Husband Overboard Twice And Unfortunately,When Mike's Pain Began To
Left Him For Dead. Subside, His Need For The Little White Pills
Okay. Did Not.
Bye-Bye. But Mike Never Shared This With Those Who
" I Don't Think So. Cared About Him, Only With Those Who
But He's The Mayor. Could Not Have Cared Less.
You Know,People Are Gonna Notice He's Hey,It's Mike.
I'm Out. Finger.
I Need To Meet You Tomorrow. Trust Me.
Great. Your Finger Is Not Where He'd Put It.
Got That Money You Owe Me? No,But You (Scoffs) Aw,He's So Beautiful When He Sleeps.
Know I'm Good For It. I'll Put Him In The Crib.
You Price Chemistry Textbooks Lately? No, He'll Be Sleeping With Us.
They're,Like,300 Bucks. Why? Is He Running A Fever? He's Fine,But I've
I Need My Money,Mike. Been Doing So Reading, And More And More
And You'll Get It,All Right? Can't You Just Front People Say That Babies Sleep Better Next To
Me Something For Now? Well,Advice Is Free. Their Parents.
Pills Aren't. 'S Called The "Family Bed.
My Advice--Get Some Cash. " No,I've Heard Of That.
Oh. Isn't It Designed To Facilitate Breast-Feeding?
So,Hey,You Know, I Better Get Going. Partly.
(Julie) Yeah,Um,I Should,Too. What's Your Point? You're Not Lactating.
Hey! Mom. If Our Son Wants To Be Near The Milk, He'll
Can We Talk? This Will Just Take A Second. Have To Sleep In The Refrigerator.
Did You Kiss Thaboy? No,I Was Kind Of (Scoffs) This Isn't Just For Me And Benjamin.
Interrupted. This Will Help You Bond With Him,Too.
Oh,Well, You're Gonna Tnk Me. Oh,Perhaps,But It's Sure Not Gonna Help Me
Do You Know That He Has His Tongue Pierced? Bond With You.
Yeah. Darling,Sex Is The Last Thing Women Want
He Showed Me. Right After They've Given Birth.
How Do You Know? I Checked Out His Web But You Didn't Give Birth.
Page. You Watched And Served Refreshments.
You Did Not. Well,That Doesn't Make Caring For An Infant
I Did,Too,And Do You Know What Else He Has Any Less Tiring.
Pierced? And If You Do, You're Grounded. Can't We Just Give It A Chance? I Suppose.
Okay,Yes,Mom, Derek Has Bought Into The What If I Roll Over And Crush Him? Don't.
Who Piercing Craze, But Aren't You The One Yes,Hi.
Who Told Me To Not Judge A Book By Its I'm Looking For My Mom.
Cover? If The Cover Has Holes In It, The Book She Hangs Out At Your Bar Sometimes.
Is No Good. Stella Wingfield? Uh,Older Lady,Big Oker, Talks
Okay, This Conversation Is Over. Like A Teamster.
I Am Going To Kiss Derek Good Night. Well,That's Your Fault For Letting Her Run A
Oh,Fine. Tab.
Break My Heart. Look,If You See Her,Could You Tell Her To Call
Why Are You Freaking Out? We're Just Dating. Lynette? Thank You.
It's Not Like He's Trying To Put A Ring On My I Know That You Are Worried, But I Am Sure
Your Mother Is Fine. Oh,My God.
She's Broke And Old And Rude. I Hope This Isn't Last Time I Saw Him, I To Him
That Is Not A Winning Combination On The I Was Leaving Him.
Street. How Did He React To That News? Well,He
Stella Is Very Resourceful. Took It Pretty Hard.
(Beeping) Didn't You Tell Me That She Once Oh,You Don't Think He Did Anything
Made Her Own Booze By Putting A Bag Of Stupid,Do You? Well,Actually,We Don't.
Oranges Under The Radiator? Lucy,Lydia And I You Don't? When We Examined The Boat, We
Fought Over Who Had To Take Her. Didn't Find A Single Fingerprint, Not Even Mr.
She Was Right Outside. Lang's.
God Only Knows What She Heard Us Say. Well,That's Weird.
Yeah,Well,After The Crap She Puyou Guys What--What Do You Think That Means? It
Through, You Have Every Right To Resent Her. Would Indate Somebody Wiped That Boat
It Is A Lot Easier To Resent Your Parents When Down After Mr.
You Know They're Safe In Some Retirement Lang Was Gone.
Village, But To Know That She's Out There, Whoever Was On That Boat Is Clearly Not That
Maybe Lying Facedown In An Alley This Is Bright.
Exactly What She Wants You To Do. Okay,This Is No Time For Name-Calling.
She Wants You To Feel Guilty. A Man Is Missing.
Don't Buy Into It. Well,Don't Worry,Ma'am.
Okay. We Got Our Best Men On This Case,'Round
Okay. The Clock.
I Guess You're Right. We'll Find Out Exactly What Happened To Your
Lynette. Husband.
The Morgue Is Listed Under Government Great.
Offices,Right? Mrs. Hi.
Lang? The Police Are Here. Hi.
Oh. I'm Barrett.
Ma'am. Is Mike Home? No,He's At Work.
I'm Detective Berry. Oh,Shoot.
This Is Detective Lyons. I Needed To Talk To Him.
Can We Ask You A Few Questions? Of Course. We're,Uh,Just Doing Some Business Together.
When Was The Last Time You Saw Mr. Well,I Don't Know When He's Gonna Be Home,
Lang? I Guess Two Days Ago. But You Could Come Back Later Tonight.
Why? What's Wrong? His Office Has Reported Oh,I Can't Do That.
Him Missing. I Have To Study For An Orgo Test.
Oh,No. Orgo? Organic Chemistry.
They Did? And This Morning, The Coast Guard I'm Pre-Med.
Found His Empty Boat Floating In The Bay. Pre-Med? Really? Oh,Hello,Dear.
Andrew,Get Orson's Plate From The Oven. Either Sleep Or Get Lucky Tonight.
Ask Me How My Morning Was. I'll Have A Better Shot At Both If I'm Alone.
All Right. Gosh,You're Studying To Be A Doctor.
How Was It? After Two Nights Of Sleepless That Must Not Leave You A Lot Of Free Time
Bonding With My Son, I Nearly Dozed Off For Hobbies Or A Girlfriend.
While Repairing Mrs. Well,I Have The Time.
Colby's Cracked Molar. I Just Don't Have The Girlfriend.
I Doubt If The Crown I Put In Will Last Her A Oh.
Year. Well,No Rush.
So You'll Replace It For Free. You Know,Just Yesterday,I Was Telling My
That's Not The Point. Daughter Julie-- Oh,You Know, That Is So
How Is A Dentist Supposed To Feel When He Rude.
Can't Give A 90-Year-Old A Lifetime Guarantee? I-I'm Talking About Daughter, And You Don't
Bree,I'm Sorry,But This Whole Family Bed Even Know What She Looks Like.
Thing Has To Stop. That's Her.
Oh,Give It Some Time. She's Cute.
We're Still Adjusting, And Benjamin Is Sleeping Oh,Barrett,I Wasn't Fishing For Compliments.
So Soundly. If I Was I Would've Shown You This One.
Well,He Can Sleep Just As Soundly In A Crib. Wow.
From What You've Told Me, You And Rex Oh,Excuse Me.
Didn't Haul Andrew Into Bed With You. I'm Sorry.
No,And I Wish We Had. I Gotta Take This.
If We Did,He Mightn't Have Turned Out So So Oh,Sure.
What? Stupid? Lazy? Short? I Was Going To I Have To Check On The Laundry.
Say Angry, And Perhaps That Anger Began Yeah? (Lowers Voice) No,Bonehead, I Don't Sell
When We Exiled You To The Nursery. That Stuff.
I'm Just Trying To Learn From My Mistakes. Just Pills,Smokes And 'Shroomage.
So I'm--I'm What, Like The First Pancake? That's It.
Don't Be So Sensitive. Look What I Found On The Dryer.
We'll Find Something To Help You Sleep-- Julie Won Second Place In The State Science
Maybe Some Warm Milk. Fair.
I Know Something That Used To Help Me That's Awesome.
Sleep. Yeah, Good-Looking And Smart.
Of Course,That's Off The Menu These Days. Only Problem Is, Where Is She Gna Find
Could The Mistake Have The Salt? D If You're Someone Else Like That? Well,I Gotta Get
As Tired As You Say You Are, Then You're Going.
Bound To Sleep Better Tonight. My Study Partner's Giving Me A Hard Te
Yes,I Will,Because I'll Be Sleeping In The Den. About That Test,So Oh,That's Okay.
You're Leaving Our Bed? Darling,I Need To You Know, Why Don't You Come Back
Tomorrow To See Me,And If Julie Happens To Family.
Be Here, Maybe You Can Give Her Some Aren't We? Mm.
Advice On Picking Out Colleges And Stuff. That Is Great.
Yeah,Sounds Great. -Bye.
See You Tomorrow,Mrs. -Bye ???? (Groans) Shouldn Leak Anymore.
Delfino. Great.
Oh,Please,Call Me "Mom. (Doorbell Rings) Why Don't You Grab Us A
" Uh,Because That's What All The Kids Call Me. Couple Beers? Sylvia.
Oh,Thank You. What Are You Doing Here? Beautiful House.
Hey,Bree. Look,You Need To Leave.
(Chuckles) Table For,Uh,One And A Half? I Don't Want Katherine Finding You Here.
No,Thanks. Oh,But Katherine's Gone.
I'm Just Dropping Off Andrew's Cell Phone. I Waited Until She Drove Away So We Could
He Forgot It Again. Be Alone.
Okay. Aren't You Gonna Invite Me In? After You
I'll Give It To Him. Ruined My Life? I Don't Think So.
Um,Tom, May I Ask You Something? Mm- You Ruined Your Own Life.
Hmm. You Should Have Told The Truth About Us.
Did You And Lynette Do The Family Bed When Sylvia,Why Don't You Do Us Both A Favor And
Your Children Were Babies? Well,It Wasn't Go Back To Chicago? Adam,Let Me In.
Exactly A Choice. Hey,Man.
They Just Kept Crawling In There. Your,Uh, Your Beer's Getting Warm.
(Chuckles) So,Um,Not To Pry, But,Um, Did That Oh,You Have Guests.
Create Any, Uh,Issues For You? You Mean Sex? Well, I Guess I'll Just Drop By Some Other
(Chuckles Nervously) Apparently, "Not To Pry" Time.
Wasn't Necessary. I'm Sorry,Man.
Well,It Did Put A Crimp On Things At First, But It Just Sounded Like You Needed A Little Help.
That Just Forced Us To Be More Creative. Thanks.
Oh. That's,Um, A-An Ex-Patient Oh.
Again,Not To Pry, But-- The Office. With Some Pretty Serious Mental Problems.
(Gasps) We Did It At The Office, Once In The Uh,Could You Do Me A Big Favor? I'd Rather
Car, And You Remember When Youasked Us Katherine Didn't Know She Was Here.
To Wa When You Guys Were Going Out Of Oh.
Town? Okay. Oh,Yeah.
Thanks. Yeah,That's No Problem.
Yes,Um,We'll Be Going W. You Know,Actually,I Was Gonna Ask You A
Hey,Other Than Your Issue, How Does Orson Favor,Too.
Like Being A Dad? Oh,He Just Adores It. I've Got This Pain In My Shoulder.
The Three Of Us Are Such A Happy Little You--You Think You Could Write Me A
Prescription? Oh,I Wish I Could Help You Out, Hi.
But A Gynecologist Writing A Prescription For Hi.
A Man? It Kind Of Raises A Red Flag. Hi.
Yeah. Hi! You Come Here.
Ah,Don't Worry About It. Oh! So Why--Why Are You Here? Well Your
This Favor Thing Doesn't Have To Go Both Mother Called Me.
Ways. She Did? Is She Okay? Uh,She Sounds Fine.
Linda,Is Mrs. She Asked For Money.
Zimmerman Here? Hello,Doctor. I Didn't Know You Guys Had Kept In Touch.
Bree. Well,We Hadn't.
What A Wonderful Surprise. I'm Meeting Her Tomorrow At Fairview Park To
Uh,I've Got A New Patient Coming In. Give It To Her, And I'm Guessing You'll Want
Mmm,Yes,You Do. To Come With Me.
I'm Mrs. Yes,Yes,Thank You, But Where Has She Been
Zimmerman. Staying? She Broke Into A Car And Spent The
Uh,Your Message Said You Had A Cavity That Night There.
Needed Filling? I Was In A Very Naughty Oh,My God.
Mood When I Left That. But She Did Say It Was A Cadillac.
You're Waiting Outside. Oh,Well,Good.
Why Are You Waiting Outside? Everything Is At Least She's Not Living Like A Hobo.
Fine. Oh,My God.
It's Just,Um,Someone's Here. I'm So Glad To See You Again.
Oh,My God. Oh,You,Too,Lynnie.
It's The Police? No,No. Mm.
No,Nothing Like That. Hey,Bree.
It's Your Stepfather. Oh.
Glen? I Don't Believe It. (Chuckles) Hello,Adam.
Lynnie. I Just Dropped By To See Your Husband.
Oh,It's Been A Long Time. Is He Here? He's In The Exam Room,
Oh,God. Readjusting The Chair.
Only Three Decades Give Or Take A Year, But Look,I'm Sorry Mike Is In Such Pain, But It's
Who Cares? (Chuckles) Oh,Gosh. Not Really Ethical For Me To Write Him A
You Look Great. Prescription.
Oh,So Do You,Although What--What--What's Know It's A Little Dicey, But You'd Really Be
This? Oh,Just A Little Cancer. Doing Me A Big Favor.
No,But I Kicked Its Ass. By The Way,Bree Looks Great.
I'm Good Now. I Haven't Seen Her Since I Delivered Danielle's
Oh. Baby.
Oh. Sorry.
Your Baby. Since I Got Hit By That Car.
Hey,Andrew. You Mean This Pain Is Related To Your
What Are You Doing? Just Giving You That Accident? It Wasn't An Accident.
Sewing Room You Always Wand. Some Son Of A Bitch Ran Me Down And Took
You're Moving Out? But You Can't Afford An Off.
Apartment. Right.
I Can Afford This One, Which Will Give You Well,I Hope This Helps.
Some Idea How Crappy The Neighborhood Is. Mm.
I'm Sorry. Oh,Mike,You're Home.
I Don't--I Don't Understand. I Was Dreaming We Were Ponies.
Why Are You Ing This? I'm Doing This For You. That's Nice.
How Are You Gonna Get A Fresh Start With Go Back To Sleep.
Your Past Mistakes Stinking Up The Place? Is Hey,That Kid,Um,Barrett Me By Today.
This About The Other Morning? Oh,For What? Yeah,He Said That You Owed Him
Heaven Sakes, You Can't Be Serious. Money For Some Plumbing Job That He
I Am. Helped You On.
In Fact,I Already Gave The Landlord A Check. Yeah.
So I Hope The Three Of You Are Very Happy. Yeah, I Gotta Get That To Him.
Well,To Be Honest, I'm Not Entirely Oh.
Comfortable Giving This To You,Mike. He's Coming Back Tomorrow.
Pain Medication Only Helps Your Symptoms. (Water Running) Don't You Think He Would Be
If This Is Chronic,You Need To Be Seeing A Perfect For Julie? Barrett,It's Delfino.
Physical Therapist. I'm Only Gonna Say This Once.
You Know What I Need,Orson? I Need To Take I'll Get You Your Money, But Don't Ever Come
A Few Weeks Off, But I Can't, 'Cause I've Got To My House Again.
To Work For The Baby, For Julie's Class Trip, You Got It? Ever.
The Patio Furniture And Everything Else Yes,Hello.
Susan's Got Me Paying For. I'd,Uh,Like To Leave An Anonymous Tip About
Are You Okay,Mike? You Sound A Little Something Important.
Unhappy. Uh,Do You Have Some Kind Of Voice Mail
(Sighs) No,No,I'm Happy, And I Don't Mean To Menu For That? Well,It's About The Mayor.
Put All Of This On Susan. Oh,I Don't Think He's Missing.
It's Just,When I Signed Up For This Suburn I Think He's Dead.
Dad Thing, I Didn't Exactly Know What I Was Look,That's It.
Getting Myself Into. We Gotta Go Tos.
No,I Understand. Carlos,Please.
Still,This Is No Way To Deal With Stress. Look,We Blew It With The Fingerprints,All
It's Not About Stress. Right? Now They Know Someone Else Was
It's About The Pain I've Been In Every Day With Him On The Boat.
They Don't Know That Someone Else Was Us. I Appreciate All The Pressure You're Putting On
It's Just A Matter Of Time. Me.
I Mean,Make A List Of People With A Motive You're Welcome.
To Kill Victor. Uh,Julie, Could You Give Us A Minute? Barrett
Number One--You. And I Have A Little Business To Discuss.
Number Two--You. Sure.
Number Three--Maybe Me, Probably Still You. I'll Just Grab My Jacket.
Okay,If We Just Stay Calm And Stick To The I Thought I Told You To Stay Away From My
Story We Tried That. House.
It's Not Working. But Your Wife Invited Me.
I'm Going To The Cops. And,Hey,You Married Into A Cute Family.
Now You Can Either Come With Me Or Wait Kudos.
For Them To Come And Get You. Here's Your Money.
Fine. Now Get Out.
I'll Go. We Were Just Leaving.
Thank You. I'm Taking Julie On A Tour Of My Campus.
Can We At Least Have A Drink Before We Go? There Is No Way I'm Letting Her Go Anywhere
Calm Our Nerves? I Mean,You Can't Talk To With A Lowlife Drug Dealer.
The Cops The Way You've Been Babbling To Lowlife? Dude,I'm A Pre-Med Student Who's
Me. Found An Enterprising Way To Earn His Way
(Sighs) I Guess One Drink Wouldn't Hurt. Through College.
(Raises Voice) You Okay With Tequila? Only If You,On The Other Hand, Are A Junkie, And I
It's The Good Stuff! Oh,I Think You'll Find This Don't Think You Want Your Cute Family
Has A Real Kick. Knowing That, Do Ya? I'll Have Her Home By
Oh,And This Is The Worst. 10:00.
During A Dissection, My Anatomy Lab Partner Mmm.
Squirted Stomach Juice In My Eye. This Is Delicious, Mrs.
Ew. Delfino.
That Is So Disgusting. Thank You.
Oh,It Was Terrible. Hey,You Know, Would You Like Me To Pack
(Laughs) So Gross. Some Up For You Guys To Take? This Guy's A
Ew. Drug Dealer.
Hey. What? You Remember Those Pills You Found?
What Are You Smiling About? My He Sold Them To Me.
Matchmaking Skills. Look,Mrs.
Julie And Barrett Are Really Hitting It F. Delfino-- Get Out Of My House.
Barrett? Yeah,Your Friend. Get Him Out Of My House! Okay.
I Told You Last Night He Was Coming By I'll Go.
Again. It's A Shame,Though.
He Was Such A Good Customer. Well,You Can Stop Feeling Guilty.
Hey. Victor's Alive, And We're Screwed.
Where'd Barrett Go? Why Am I So Sleepy All Okay,What's The Plan? Once She Shows
Of A Sudden? Oh,I Don't Know, But If You're Up,You'll Meet Her And Give Her The Money.
Not Feeling Well, Maybe We Should Put This Then Ask Her To Walk You Back To The Car.
Off. I'll Jump Out,Grab Her, And While You Open
No,No,No. The Trunk Lynette.
We Gotta Go Now. Fine,The Backseat,But You're Just Gonna Spoil
Crap! What? Ow. Her.
Oh! Detectives! Any,Uh,News On My Husband? I See You Still Have That Wicked Sense Of
Not Yet,But We've Got Some More Questions Humor.
For You. Yeah.
Oh,Okay. It's The One Good Thing You Get From A
So Ask Away. Crappy Childhood.
Mrs. You Know,I I Always Regretted The Way Things
Lang,Were You Having An Affair With Your Ex- Ended.
Husband? Carlos? That's Crazy. Why? Mom Cheated On You.
Where'd You Hear That? Your Neighbor Called No One Blames You For Leaving.
Us. It Was,Uh, More Complicated Than That.
Oh. Hey,I'm Not Complaining.
Well,You Tell Edie Britt Just Because Carlos Well-- Ah,There's Booze-Illa Now.
Dumped Her, Doesn't Mean She Has To Go All Right, I'll Go Get Her.
Around Trashing My Reputatn, Especially (Door Beeps) He Bought Those Pills A Long
When She's The Slut. Time Ago And Never Got Around To Paying
Well, Have You Seen Him Lately? Boy,Let Me The Guy.
Think. (Scoffs) Wow.
Uh Mm No. Julie,It's Not Like It Was Heroin Or Crack.
No,I Haven't. It Was Just Pain Pills For His Shoulder, But We
This Is Lyons. Had A Talk,And He Has Totally Stopped Taking
We're On Our Way. Them.
Good News,Mrs. Are You Absolutely Sure? Yeah.
Lang. Why? Well,I Was At The Drugstore This
They Found Your Husband. Morning, And I Saw Mike There, Picking Up A
Huh? A Couple Of Fishermen Found Him Prescription.
Washed Up On The Beach. Hello,Stella.
He's Unconscious But In Stable Condition. Glen.
Would You Like To Go To The Hospital? What The Hell? I Know We're The Same Age.
Well,Why Wouldn't I? Just Let Me Grab My How Is It You Look So Much Better Than Me?
Purse. Well,I Don't Drink Or Sleep In Cars Oh,So
That's Your Secret. Well,I Guess I'll Just Have To Take My Veal
Who Knew? Stell,Here's The Money. Scaloppini And Go Home.
Thanks,Doll. Mmm.
You Are A Beautiful, Beautiful Human Being. (Mouth Full) I've Been So Busy With Moving,I
You Son Of A Bitch. Forgot To Eat.
You Set Me Up. This Is Really Good,Mom.
Lynette! Oh,Crap! Now Where Do You Think Thank You.
You're Going? I'm Off To Die In A Ditch. You Know, I'd Make It For Yoevery Day If You'd
What Do You Care? Okay,Ough With The Move Back Home.
Drama. Mom,This This Is My Home.
I H Youwicomeome Th Me. Seriously,Andrew, You Don't Even Have A Bed.
Oh,Really? That's Not What You Said To Lydia Actually,You're Sitting On It.
And Lucy. It's A Foldout.
I Am Sorry About That,Mom. Oh,Dear God.
We Were Just Venting. At Least Let Me Buy You Some Decent
People Who Love You Need To Do That. Furniture.
I Was Not A Horrible Mother, And Even If I Absolutely Not.
Was, It's Old News, So Drop It. Mom,I'm-- I'm Gonna Do This On My Own.
Drop It? Do You Hear That? She Wants Me To (Sighs) Andrew,I Understand You're Angry With
Drop It. Me About What I Said,But I Do Have A Good
And When She Cheated On You, And When Reason For Wanting To Raise Benjamin
She Wrecked Our Family, I Bet She Wanted Differently.
You To Drop That,Too. I Mean,Let's Be Honest.
Okay,Guys-- What's Done Is Done, And If You You Put Me Through Hell.
Can't Get Over It, There's Nothing I Can Say You're Right.
That'll Make You Stop Hating Me. I-I Know I Did, But That's Why I'm Mad.
There Is One Thing You Could Say. Because I-I Changed, And You Never Noticed.
You Keep Your Mouth Shut. You Know, I-I Got A Job,A Car, My Own Health
Stella,She's A Grown Woman. Insurance.
She Can Handle It. I'-- I've Turned Things Around.
Handle What? Glen,Don't. Well,I Know That.
Lynnie I Didn't Leave Your Mother Because She Then Why Haven't You Said Anything? It's
Cheated On Me. Because You've Been So Focused On Your New
I Left Because I'm Gay. Husband And Baby.
(Siren Wailing In Distance) Mom. Oh,Andrew.
You Okay? Just A Bit Dizzy From Holding My Mom,It's Okay.
Breath In Your Stairwell. You Know, You've Got A New Life, ???? I Just
May I Come In? Oh,I'd--I'd Kind Of Rather You Don't Want Us To Part On Bad Terms Again,
Not See The Place Until I Get It Fixed Up. Like We Did Two Years Ago.
You Mean When You Left Me On The Side Of
That Road? Look,Mom I Was Spinning Out Of
Control.
You Forced Me To Grow Up.
If I Haven't Said It Before, Thank You.
You Forgive Me? I Forgave You A Long Time
Ago.
You Just You Just Never Noticed.
Oh,Uh,Mom? Uh,Would You Mind Using A
Coaster? Okay.
Now I I Really Am Gonna Cry.
Dave Passed Away Last Spring.
We Were Together Almost 20 Years.
Oh.
He Seems Nice.
I Know It's A Lot To Deal With.
Kinda.
So,Uh, Coffee's Probably Ready.
Uh,Cream And Sugar? Shot Of Bourbon? Why
Didn't You Tell Me? It Wasn't My Proudest
Moment, Lynette.
What Are You Talking About? I Failed As A
Woman.
Two Years Being Married To Me, And He Turns
Gay.
I Don't Think That's How It Works.
All I Know Is I Was So Ashamed.
What Does It Matter Anyway? It Wouldn't
Have Changed Anything Between Us.
Are You Kidding? It Would've Changed
Everything.
Oh,Y-You Would've Given Me A Pass On My
Drinking And My--My Swearing, My--My Men?
If I Understood Why You Couldn't Stay Married
To The Only Father, The Only Stable Parent I'd
Ever Known, Yeah,I Could've Found A Way To
Forgive You All Sorts Of Things.
We Can Talk About This Later.
Let's Go Home.
I Don't Think So.
Listen To Me.
I Would Be Honored If You Would Come And
Live With Us.
Having You Around These Past Few Months
Was Sort Of Fun.
(Chuckles) It Was Great.
We Actually Figured Out A Way To Stop
Torturg Each Other.
Then Why Not Come Back? Because I Don't
Want To Screw That Up, And Let's Face
It,Lynette.
You Know I Would.
So Why Don't We Just Take Our Chips And
Leave The Table Winners? But Where Will You
Live? Actually,I Have A Thought.
Uh,Sorry.
I Didn't Mean To Eavesdrop, But,Um I Happen
To Have An Immaculately Decorated Guest
Room.
You Know, He's Always Talked Like That.
How Did I Not Know You Were Queer?
(Laughs) I'm Sorry.
You Want This Around? Well, We Always Had
A Good Time, And To Tell The Truth,I've Been
A Little Lonely Lately.
Oh.
So I Would Be Doing You A Favor.
Hmm.
Fine, But I'm Keeping The Money.
(Laughs) It's A Deal.
Does This Work For You? It Does.
It Really Does.
Some Stretches, And The Shoulder Feels Great.
That's A Relief.
You,Uh, Gonna Take A Shower? Yeah.
I Might,Um,Go Down For A Snack In A Minute.
Okay.
Mrs.
Lang? Uh,I'm Dr. Thank You.
Wheeler, Your Husband's Neurologist. Gaby,Can You Stay With Me For A Little While?
How Is He? Uh,He's Starting To Wake Up Now. Of Course.
Would You Like To Talk To Him? Of Course! I-I (Sighs) Sounds Like I Was In Pretty Bad Shape
Bet He's Pretty Delirious. There.
I Mean,After His Ordeal, I Wouldn't Be But You're Okay Now.
Surprised If He's Just Babbling Like A Crazy That's The Important Thing.
Person! (Dr. (Whispers) Come Here.
Wheeler) Mr. I Remember Everything.
Lang,Your Wife Is Here. What? I Think I Will Rest Now.
Gaby. I'm Gonna Need All My Strength.
Hi. The Past Is Never Truly Behind Us.
Don't Strain Yoursel Victor. Ghosts Lurk In The Shadows, Eager To Remind
There's Plenty Of Time To Talk Later. Us Of The Choices We Made.
Wh's Important Now Is That You Rest. But If We Look Back, We Might Find An Old
Just Stay Quiet And Rest Quietly. Friend With Open Arms Or An Old Enemy
Mr. With A Hidden Agenda.
Mayor, I'm Detective Berry. Or A Grown-Up Son With A Forgiving Heart
We Need To Ask You A Few Questions. Sadly,Some Of Us Refuse To Look Back, Never
What Time Did You Take Your Boat Out? I Was Understanding That By Denying The Past We
On The Boat? We Think. Are Condemned To Repeat It.
We Found It Floating In The
Bay,And,Uh,Obviously, You'd Been In The
Water For Quite Some Time.
Uh,The Last Thing I Remember Was Friday's
Staff Meeting.
Really? I Mean,What? Gaby,Do You Remember
Anythi About Me Being On The Boat? No.
No.
Sorry.
I Guess I Don't Remember Anything.
Not Uncommon In These Situations.
He's Suffered Both A Mild Concussion And
Hypothermia, Either Of Which Could Result In
Memory Loss.
Well,Who Cares? The Important Ing Is That
He's Safe, And We're Gonna Nue You Back To
Health, And I Think That Would Happen A Lot
Faster If We All Clear Out.
409 - Something's Coming
Previously On Mrs.
Mccluskey Had Reached Her Limit.
Five Kids Are Tough Enough, But
Husband Makes Six, And That's Where I Draw
The Line.
An Old Friend Paid Adam A Visit.
Sylvia.
Aren't You Gonna Invite Me In? After You
Ruined My Life? I Don't Think So.
You Should've Told The Truth About Us.
Mike Got Help From An Unexpected Source.
(Gaby) Victor! Victorashed Out Come On! Get
Up! (Grunts) And Carlos And Gaby We Need
To Ask You A Few Questions.
Sorry.
I Guess I Don't Remember Anything.
Finally Met Their Match.
I Remember Everything.
(Mary Alice) It Was Supposed To Be A
Beautiful Day.
Kids Should Have Been Playing In The Park.
Husbands Should Have Been Doing Their
Chores.
Women Should Have Been Tending Their
Flowers.
But At 2:26 That Afternoon, A Tornado Came
To Wisteria Lane Bringing With It Unbelievable
Destruction.
No One Could Have Anticipated It Especial
Given How The Day Started.
Sorry.
Can You Say That Again? I Don't Think I Heard
You Right.
Carlos And I Are Back Together.
Gaby, You Just Got Married.
And Some Of Us Gave You Very Expensive
Wedding Gifts.
Uh, You Want The Fondue Set Back? Fine.
But Don't Act Like It Cost A Bundle, 'Cause It
Clearly Didn't.
I Got You The Fondue Set.
Your Oh.
Right.
It's Nice.
Oh, My God.
This Is Gonna Kill Edie.
You Would Think So, But No Such Luck.
That Vindicte Hag Told Victor Everything.
Victor Knows? Yeah, And Seeing How He's The
Rich Mayor Of A Small Town With Various
Thugs And Cops At His Dposal, Carlos And I
Thought It Would Be Safer If We Got The
Heck Out Of Dodge.
You're Leaving Fairview? Yeah.
This Afternoon.
No.
You Can't Be Serious.
Look, We'll Be Back Someday.
We Just Have To Wait Till This All Blows Over.
I Can't Believe This.
I Know.
This Is A Lousy Way To Say Good-Bye.
And I'm Sorry, But I Don't Have A Choice.
Do You Guys Have Any Idea How Much I'm
Gonna Miss You? Hey, You Heard The News? A
Tornado Just Hit Mount Pleasant, And They
Think We Could Get One, Too.
Y'all Better Head Inside And Start Getting
Ready.
Um, Go.
You Guys Go.
Yeah, And--And We Don't Need To Say Good-
Bye Anyway, 'Cause We're Gonna See You Real
Soon.
And Everything Will Be Just The Way It Was.
Sadly, This Was Not To Be.
Oh! In Four Short Hours, One Of These
Women Would Lose A Husband, And All Of
Them Would Lose A Friend.
But How Could They Have Known This? It Was
Supposed To Be A Beautiful Day.
¾øÍûÖ÷¸¾ µÚËļ¾µÚ9¼¯ ·­Ò룺 У Ô£º
ʱ¼äÖá:³¬¼ Î޵дò¹¤×Ð By Noon That Day,
A Tornado Watch Was In Effect On Wisteria
Lane, And Every One Of Its Residents Was
Preparing For The Storm-- Everyone, That Is,
Except Gabrielle Solis, Who Was
Concerned About Another Storm On The
Horizon.
Mayor Lang, Recovering From His Injuries, Will
Reportedly Be Released From The Hospital
Tomorrow.
Until Then, The Deputy Mayor
Coordinating Fairview's Emergency Response
As The City Remains On Tornado Watch.
It Has Been Over 50 Years I Turned Off The
Gas And Locked Your Car In The Garage.
I'm Gonna Go Gramy Passport From The Safe-
Deposit Box Before They Close The Bank.
We Should Understand Is
Underestimate The Power Of Mother Nature.
What's Wrong? They Said Victor's Getting Out
Of The Hospital Tomorrow.
Relax.
We're Gonna Be Gone Before They Give Him
His Last Sponge Bath.
And Remember, The Accountant's Dropping
Off The Papers For My Cayman Island Account.
I Can't Deal With That Right Now.
I'm Packing.
Gaby, Those Documents Give Us Access To
$10 Million.
Multitask.
I Told You Just To Pack The Essentials.
That's What I'm Doing.
Is That A Boa? Carlos, If You Are Taking Me
Somewhere Where I Don't Need A Boa, Then I
Don't Want To Go.
Fine.
You Could Be A Little Bit More Sensitive.
I Had To Say Good-Bye To My Friends Today.
Yes, I'm Sorry.
And I Should Probably Go Over And Say
Something To Edie.
Like What? "Rot In Hell, You Maggoty Whore"?
More That Woman Ruined Our Lives.
If She Had Kept Her Mouth Shut, We Wouldn't
Be Running Away.
I Know, But I Can't Help Feeling A Little Guilty.
I Mean, Do You Ever Even Think About What
We Did To Edie? Who Cares?! Thanks To Her,
Will Be I'm Giving Up My Home, My Friends, Half My
Wardrobe.
So Do Me A Favor And Never Mention Her
Name Again Unless It's Followed By The
Phrase, "That Conniving Skank.
" Ya Think You Can Do That? Hey, Lynette.
Hi.
Never Did You Hear They Declared A Tornado Watch?
Scary, Huh? Yeah, Well, Don't Worry About Me.
I'm Ready For Anything.
It's Sweet Of You To Dough.
Oh, Yeah.
Okay.
Um Can We Stay In Your Basement? What?
Well, If This Tornado Watch Gets Upgraded To
Aarning, We're Gonna Need A Place To Wait It
Out.
"We"--Me, Tom, The Kids.
E"? That Family You've Come To Know And
Love.
All Ven Of You? Yeah.
Well, First Of All, I Only Love Four Of You.
And Second, No Way In Hell.
Mrs.
Mccluskey, Please? It's A Small Basement,
Lynette.
I've Already Invited Ida Over.
We Just Wanna Play Some Cards And Wait
This Thing Out In Peace And Quiet.
We Can Be Quiet Relative To The Storm.
Look, There's A Shelter Over At 3rd And Grove.
Why Don't You Go Over There? That's In The
Middle Of Skid Row.
You Think I Want My Kids Around A Bunch Of
Winos? Ida's Off The Wagon.
It's Not Gonna Be Much Better Here.
I Am Asking You As A Friend.
Please? (Sighs) You're Not Gonna Let This
Thing Go, Are You? Thanks.
And Don't Worry.
I'll Have A Talk With My Kids.
I Promise They'll Keep A Lid
Destruction.
Relative To The Storm.
Yeah.
Mm.
Dylan, We're Fine.
It's Just A Tornado Watch.
No.
We Paid A Lot Of Money For This Class Trip,
And I Want You To Stay And Enjoy It.
Tell Julie I'll Keep An Eye On Her Mom.
Gotta Go.
What The Hell Are You Doing Here? I Just
Came To Talk To Adam.
I Like Your Hair Long.
This Is Harassment.
I Will Call The Police.
I Don't Think So.
You'd Have To Tell Them What Happened With
Me And Your Husband.
You Don't Want People Knowing About That.
In Case You'd Forgotten, Adam Wants Nothing
To Do With You.
Oh? Didn't Seem That Way Yesterday.
He Didn't Tell You I Stopped By? I Hope He's
Not Starting To Keep Things From You Again.
Here.
I Brought You A Few Things In Case There Is A
Tornado.
(Chuckles) Wow.
Tape, Batteries, A Radio.
How'd You Know I Need This Stuff? An
Educated Guess.
Hey, Actually, Um, Since You're Here, I Was
Thinking That Maybe It Would Be A Good Idea
To Tell Orson About Mike's, You Know Drug
Problem.
Good, Because I Already Told Him.
You Did? When? Last Week.
On The I Was Afraid That Mike Might Go To Orson For
Pills.
I'm Sorry, So Orson Already Knows About
Mike? Did I Do Something Wrong? No.
No, You Didn't Do Anything Wrong.
Thanks For The Supplies.
I Don't Believe A Word You Say.
So You Still Don't Think I Slept With Adam? Of
Course Not.
Oh, Well, Let Me Paint A Picture For You.
Me Lying In His Arms, Him Wondering Out
Loud How He Ended Up Marrying Such A
Cold, Hard Bitch.
Katherine, Are You All Right? I-I Couldn't Help
Noticing-- Of Course You Couldn't.
And Everything's Fine.
Thank You.
Hi There.
I-I Don't Mean To Intrude, But Are You All
Right? Not Really, No.
Would You Like A Nice Cup Of Tea? The
National Weather Service Has Extended The
Tornado Watch To The Tri-County Area.
Funnel Clouds Have Been Spotted In The
Counties Of Mansfield And Webster I Can't
Believe You're Being So Nice.
You Don't Even Know Me.
Well, I Know Katherine, And Believe Me, You're
Not The Only Person I've Seen Her Reduce To
Tears.
Did You See Her Spit On Me? Yes.
That Was Unfortunate.
If You Need Any Antibacterial Soap, I-- Nah,
I'm Good.
So, Um, Why On Earth Would Katherine Treat
You So Dreadfully? Oh, She's Just Mad 'Cause
Her Husband's In Love With Me.
Really? I Was One Of His Patients Back In
Chicago.
From The Moment We Met, There Was This
Intense Passion.
We Tried To Fight It, But We Couldn't.
Well, You're Only Human.
I Know He's Miserable Without Me, Even
Though She Tries To Pretend That They're
Happy.
I Mean, You're Their Neighbor.
You Think They're Happy? Well, They Seem
Content.
Well, They're Not.
It Was Just An Observation.
Yeah, A Stupid One.
Okay.
(Chuckles) This Has Been Lovely.
We Really Should, Um, Do It Again Sometime.
You Think I'm Making This Up? We Were
Lovers.
I Can Prove It.
He Has A Snake Tattoo On His Right Shoulder.
I Licked It.
Be That As It May, I Really Think You Should
Go Now.
No One Believes Me! She Has You All
Brainwashed! Sylvia, Whe Are You Going?
Sylvia, You Need To Come Out Of There.
Ask Adam! He'll Tell You The Truth! Ll, Adam Is
Not Here, And There Is A Tornado Coming.
And As You May Have Gleaned From The
Batteries And Bottled Water, That Bathroom Is
Where We Are Planning On Riding It Out.
So Would You Please Be A Dear And Come On
Out? Go Get Adam! And Open Wide.
Orson, We Need To Talk.
(Drilling Stops) Susan.
I'm With A Patient.
Yeah, I Can See That.
Hi.
I'm His Neighbor.
Cute Shoes.
Why The Hell Would You Give Mike Drugs? Uh
Mrs.
Kowalsky (Clears Throat) We're Gonna Step
Out For Just A Moment.
No Need.
I'll Be Quick.
'Cause I'm Sure You Have A Very Good Reason
For Giving Mike Pills When You Know That He
Has A Drug Problem.
So What Is Your Very Good Reason? Okay,
This May Take A While.
You Might Want To Spit.
Mike Was Having A Lot Of Pain With His
Shoulder.
Oh, Of Course, And You Know All About
Shoulder Pain Being A Dentist.
I Thought I Was Helping.
By Giving Pills To An Addict? Does That Sound
Helpful To You, Mrs.
Kowalsky? Ank You.
Finally, Some Sanity. Daughter.
Susan, You Have To Leave. You Lied To Me Some More, And Then I Find
Fine. Out That You Hit Up My Best Friend's
But You Know, If I Find Out That You Have Husband For More Pills.
Given Mike So Much As A Breath Mint, Trust You're Blowing This Out Of Proportion.
Me, There Is Not Enough Novocaine In This And You're Kind Of Yelling At Me--Also A
Office To Numb The Pain I Will Inflict On You. Problem.
Hi, Miss Britt. I'm Sorry.
You Need Some Bottled Water Before The I'm In Pain.
Storm Hits? Well, Thanks, Jeremy. You Might Think You Have Things Under
Hold It. Control, But They're Only Gonna Get Worse
You Are Price Gouging Right Before A Tornado? And With A Baby On The Way.
I Was Just Trying To Make So Money. I'm Sick Of Explaining Mysel If I Need A Pill
You Really Wanna Make Some Money? Go Hit Now And Then, I'll Take One.
Up Gabrielle Solis. So Where Are They? I'm Serious, Susan.
She Hasn't Met A Price Tag She Didn't Like. Give 'Em To Me.
I Already Tried. Forget It.
She And Mr. Hey, Don't Walk Away From Me! Susan! Let Go
Solis Are Moving. Of Me! My Wife Needs To Be Seen
Moving? Yeah. Immediately.
They're Loading Up Their Car And Everything. She's Pregnant.
They Didn't Tell You? Well, They Probably She Fell Down The Stairs.
Didn't Want A Big Emotional Scene. Any Bleeding? Uh, No.
Too Bad. Cramping? Uh, I Think I Just Twisted My Ankle,
What Was I Supposed To Do, Mike? Leave 'Em But I Would Like To Get Checked Out Anyway.
In Your Truck? I'm Not Gonna Sit Back And Sure, But For Non-Emergency Cases, It's
Watch You Spin Out Of Control. Gonna Be A Long Wait.
Out Of Control? Have I Ever Missed A Well, She's Pregnant.
Mortgage Payment? What? Or Disappeared Doesn't That Make It An Emergency? Sir, I'm
For Days On End, Or O. Sorry.
D. You're Just Gonna Have To Wait.
'D In An Alley? No. It's Okay.
I Go To Work Every Day. How Could You Not Have Told Me Sylvia Was
I Help Out Around The House. Here? I Was Trying Not To Upset You.
I Take Care Of You And Julie. Well, You Failed.
What's The Problem? What's The Problem? At Least If You Had Warned Me, I Wouldn't
Let's See. Have Been Blindsided When She Showed Up
You Lied To Me. On Our Front Lawn.
Uh, Your Drug Dealer Almost Dated My I'm Sorry.
Look, I'll Call The Police. Home, Our (Chuckles) Savings And Our
I'll Get A Restraining Order. Friends.
I'll Do Whatever It Takes To Get This Woman So This Is Why You Moved Back To Fairview? It
Out Of Oulives. Was Supposed To Be Our Fresh Start.
Bree. So Now You Know Our Dirty Little Secret.
Hello. Well, Katherine, For What It's Worth I
Hi, Katherine. Would've Spit In Her Face, Too.
Could I Borrow Adam For A Second? I Have A What's That Noise? Is Is That The Tornado?
Situation On My Hands. Worse.
She's Over There, First Door On The Left, And It's The Scavos.
Please Hurry. (Lynette) Hey, We're Here! I Know! (Tom) All
What Is She Doing There In The First Place? I Right, Guys.
Saw Her Weeping. Come On.
I Wanted To Help. Stake Out Your Places.
You Wanted Dirt, And I'll Bet She Told You (Preston) Th Is Our Spot! We Called It! (Parker)
Plenty. You Can't (Preston) Can So! (Boys Shouting
I Can't Help Having A Sympathetic Face. Indistinctly) (Boy) Ow, My Head! Lynette? I'm
Sylvia? I Need You To Come Out Here, Okay? Begging.
Adam? Is That You, Darling? Don't Call Him Oh.
That! Katherine?! I'm Not Coming Out If She's Sorry.
Here! I'm Not Leaving You Alone Withhusb Kinda Get Used To It.
Just Come Out! I'll Get Rid Of Her! Ladies. Come Here.
So What'd She Tell You? That She Had An Give That To Mama.
Affair With Adam. (Shouting Continues) Hey, Guys? Come On
Well, She Didn't. Now.
She Was His Patient-- A Pathetic, Lonely Knock It Off.
Woman. Here You Go.
One Day, For No Other Reason Than Sheer And First Base, Second Base, Third Base, Sit.
Pity, He Gave Her A Little Kiss. We Gonna Have A Nice, Quiet Tornado Watch,
Sylvia Took This To Mean That They Were In And Nobody's Gonna Cause Any Problems.
Love. Is There A Cat Here? Oh, Yes.
And When Adam Told Her Otherwise, She Had I Brought Toby.
A Breakdown And Accused Him Of Sexual Is Something Wrong? I Didn't Realize There'd
Assault. Be A Cat.
Oh, My God. Tom's Really Allergic.
What Did You Do? We Settled Out Of Court. It Sets Off My Asthma.
I Wanted To Fight It, But Adam Was Afraid Of Ida, Is There Any Chance That We Could Put
Losing His License. Little Toby Upstairs? Upstairs? Yeah.
Of Course, We Lost Everything Else-- Our He'd Be Very Safe.
We Could Put Him In A Closet. It While You're Standing Here Talking To Me,
Sure. Right? Sir, We'll Get To Your Wife As Soon As
Why Don't We Put Penny With Him, Since It's We Can.
Safe? (Chuckles) What? Toby Is Ida's Baby, Now Please Take A Seat.
Lynette. Just Take A Look At Her! Get The Hell Off Of
No, Toby's An Animal, And My Husband, A Me! Mike, Stop! Whoa! Uhh! I Need Security
Human Being, Will Get Very Sick If He Stays Here Now.
Down Here, So, Please, Put The Cat Upstairs. Hey.
Look, I Invited Ida To Come Here. When You Gonna Let Me Out Of These Things?
You, I'm Doing A Favor For. When Your Wife's Done And You're Ready To
If You're Not Happy With The Go Home.
Accommodations, You're Free To Leave. The Doctor Said The Baby's Fine.
Hey, I'll Just Stay Over Here. Oh, Thank God.
(Chuckles) May--Maybe It Won't Get Any Yeah.
Worse. And, Uh, Your Ankle? Just A Mild Sprain.
No, That's Ridiculous. How You Doing? I've Had Better Days.
Karen, Come On. I Am So Sorry.
Sorry. It's Gonna Be Okay.
Theat Stays. I Talked To The Doctor, And,M, They Have A
Knock Yourself Out. Rehab Facility Thanks.
(Man) Start Him On I. I Don't Need Rehab.
V. I Can Kick This Myself.
(Woman) I'll Be With You In One Minute! Are I've Done It Before.
You Okay? Yeah, Yeah, I'm Fine. You Keep Saying That, And It Just Keeps
I'm Just Worried About You. Getting Worse.
How Long Are They Gonna Keep Us Waitin'? Susan, Look At Me.
Are You Sure That's All It Is? (Scoffs) Hey! Hey, I'm Handcuffed To A Chair.
We Were Here Way Before These People. I Think I've Hit Bottom Here.
Sir, They're Seeing Everyone On An Emergency I Will Fix This.
Basis. Just No Rehab.
This Woman Is Hemorrhaging. Mrs.
Danny, Can You Take Her In? What, You Gotta Delfino? The Doctor Asked Me To Give You
See Blood Before You'll Treat Somebody? My These, For The Pain.
Wife's Pregnant, And She Fell Down A Flight Oh, My God.
Of Stairs. Are You Kidding Me? I've Kind Of Had A
I'm Sorry, But I'm Gonna These People Are Rough Day Here.
Bleeding. No.
I Can Absolutely Wait. (Whispers) Susan (Normal Voice) I've Just
I'm Just Asking Them Hell, You Could've Done Gotta Get Through Is.
No. Edie, You Thief! Open This Door Now! I've
There's No Tomorrow. Called The Police! They're On Their Way, And
It's Now. They Are Going To Taser Your Ass! Oh! Gaby?
You Will Quit This Now. Oh, Good.
You Will Go To Rehab, Or So Help Me, I Will You're Home.
Leave You. Lynette! What-- What The Hell Did I Tell You?!
I Will Take This Baby, And I Will Leave You. I'm Not Gonna Sit And Watch My Husband
You Win. Suffocate.
I'll Go. Well, I Don't Want Ida To Wake Up And Find
Gabrielle?! Excuse Me? Sorry. Her Cat Missing.
I'm In A Rush. Karen, After All Our Years Of Friendship, How
My Wife's Alone With The Kids, And I Have To Can You Choose A Cat Over My Husband? You
Get Home Before The Storm Hits. Think We're Friends? Of Course.
This Is The Information Carlos Asked For. Really? You Ever Stop By Just To Say Hi Or
About What? About The Cayman Island Invite Me For A Cup Of Tea? Ida Does.
Account. What Are You Talking About? I Had You Over
Didn't He Tell You I Was Coming? Yeah, Of For Lemonade Last Week.
Course He Did. While I Was Drinking It, You Went To The
Uh, He Said You'd Be Stopping By. Store, And I Watched The Kids Face It.
Duh. The Only Time We're Friends Is When You
This Is Everything You Need To Access The Need Something.
Money. That Is Not True.
I Washed My Hands Of This, So Whatever You I Genuinely Care About You.
Do, Don't Lose That Folder. You Mean Like Today, When You Came By To
Got It? Believe Me, I Won't All Right. Check On Me? Oh, That's Right, You Only
Nice To Finally Meet You, Gabrielle. Wanted A Basement, (Meows Loudly) Damn It,
You're Just As Pretty As Carlos Said You Were. Toby! Hey, Hold It! Hold It! You Can't Go Out
Oh, No. There! That Stupid Cat Is The Only Family That
I'm Prettier. Ida's Got! Now This Is What Friends Do! Karen!
Edie, What Have You Got There?! Oh, Crap! Give Me The Damn Folder, Edie! (Singsong
Residents Are Advised To Seek Shelter At Once. Voice) Not Gonna Happen! It's Worthless To
Again, Do Not Evacuate. You! (Normal Voice) Oh! You And Carlos Are
Stay Where You Are And Seek Shelter In A Screwed Without It, And That Is Worth A Lot
Basement Or Any Windowless Room. To Me.
You Okay? My Throat Is Closing Up. Give Me My Money! Ah! (Scoffs) Your Money?
I Think I Gotta Go Upstairs. Carlos Embezzled It.
No. Oh, Now You're Moral All Of A Sudden? You
No, No, No, No, No. Didn't Care Where The Money Was Coming
You Stay Here. From When Youhought Carlos Was Gonna
Spend It On You! Okay, I'm Not Unreasonable.
Cut Me In For, Say, 60%, And I'll Go Away.
How's That Sound? No! (Growls) Aah! Get You!
Aah! Edie! Give Me That! No! Let Go! No, You!
Let Go! You! Aah! Oh! Oh! No! No! Wh Did
You Do?! What Did You Do, Edie?! Get In The
House.
Now! Toby! Toby.
Karen! You Gotta Get Inside Now! He's Right
There! Damn It! I'm Not Gonna Let You Die,
So Don't Make Me Drag You! Oh, Crap.
Oh! Hurry!O! Go! No! Come On! Come On!
Come On, Come On! Get In! I Have A Crawl
Space.
(Loud Bang) I Think We Can Both Fit.
You Just Threw My Money In A Tornado.
I Am Not Getting In There With You.
Fine! Then Stay Out There And Die.
Move Your Ass! Oh! Come On, Sylvia.
Please Open The Door.
Sylvia.
Thank God You're Here.
We Need To Get Into The Bathroom.
We Can't.
There's A Woman In There.
Well, Tell Her To Hurry It Up.
No, No, No, She's Barricaded Herself In There.
She's A Patient Of Mine Who's Had A Little
Meltdown.
Just Give Me Five Minutes.
We Don't Have Time.
There's A Funnel Cloud Out There.
Sylvia! Open The Damn Door! Go To Hell!
Quick! In Here, In Here.
Come On.
Quickly.
Quickly.
Come On! Hurry Up! Go! Get In, Get In! Get In!
Uhh! Hang On! Hang Onto This! Can I Say
Something? What? I'm Sorry Carlos And I Lied
To You.
I Know We Hurt You, And I Wish It Didn't
Happen The Way It Did, And I-I Just Want You
To Know That.
Why Are You Talking Like That? Well, I
Thought Just In Case We-- Oh, No, You Don't.
You Just Shut The Hell Up.
We're Not Doing Deathbed Confessions Here.
We're Gonna Get Through This.
I'm Gonna Go On Hating You For Years To
Come.
You Really Hate Me? Yes.
(Sighs) No.
(Sighs) It's Just That I Really Let Myself Fall For
Him, Which Was Stupid Because I Always
Knew That He'd Go Back To You.
Oh.
Well, I'm Still Sorry, Though.
(Softly) I Said Shut The Hell Up.
I Think It's Possible Benjamin Might Need
Changing.
That Went Beyond The Hypothetical A Good
Ten Minutes Ago.
We're Giving You Shelter.
You Could At Least Be Gracious.
We Wouldn't Need Shelter If Oh, So Now It's
My Fault That That Lunatic Commandeered
Our Safe Room? If You Hadn't Been Dying To
Know Our Business, She Wouldn't Have Gotten
In There.
Can We Stop Pointing Fingers? This Isn't Bree's
Fault.
You're Right.
Sorry.
But You Can Understand Why I'm Upset,
Having That Insane Woman Back In Our Lives.
I Can Only Imagine.
I Had To Listen To Her Babble For An Hour.
What Kind Of Things Was She Saying? She Come On, Carlos! You Better Get In The House!
Said That She And Adam Were Lovers And You Could Get Hurt Out Here! Adam! Hello!
She Could Prove It Because He Had A Tattoo, Where Is Everyone?! Did You Hear That? Adam,
And What? She Said He Had A Tattoo On His I'm Leaving! This Is Your Last Chance To Come
Shoulder, Which I Know Isn't True Because I've With Me, Or I'm Gonna Tell Everyone Exactly
Seen Him At The Pool, And I Would've What Happened! Okay.
Remembered Cause Tattooed People Make Me You've Made Your Choice! Here I Go! Aah! It's
Very Uncomfortable. Here.
Did She Say What Kind Of Tattoo It Was? Um It Was Supposed To Be A Beautiful Day.
A Snake. But Then The Winds Came And Changed
What's The Difference? He Doesn't Have One. Everything And Not Just The Houses And The
He Did Back In Chicago. Lawns.
He Had It Removed. Oh, My God.
Oh. The People Had Changed, Too.
Sorry. While The Storm Had Raged, Each Of Them
Katherine So That's Why We Settled? Why We Had Learned Something About Friendship And
Lost Everything? I'm Sorry, But You Have To Forgiveness And Redemption.
Understand-- No, I Do Not. And Some Had Learned The Hardest Lesson
Sorry. Of All That Life Is Always Fragile And Very
(Whispers) Not Here. Often Unfair.
Not Now. Oh, My God! Oh, My God! Tom! Help Me!
Gaby! Change Of Plans! We Gotta Get In The Help Me, Tom!
Basement Now! Gaby? (Sighs) Damn It.
Where Are You? Where's Gaby? I Thought She
Was With You.
I Don't Know Where She Is.
I Guess We'll Have To Wait For Her Together.
(Sighs) Do Youind If I Say Something? Look,
Gaby And I Never Planned To Get Back
Together, Victor.
We Tried To Keep Away From Each Other.
We Really Did.
But I Don't Know.
It's Like We're Two Halves Of The Same Person
Or Somethin'.
And When We're Apart, W We Just Aren't
Happy, Which Is Why We We Never Set Out
To Hurt You, Victor, And I'm Sorry We Did.
Are You Done? Yeah.
410 - Welcome to Kanagawa tom would be yelling.
Okay,lynette,listen to me.
Previously on Desperate Housewives the They are all going to be fine.
accountant's dropping off the papers for my - I know it.
cayman island account. - Okay.
This is everything you need to access the You really,really,really think so? Yes,yes,I do.
money. I do.
Edie got an opportunity But lost it. So I want you to go over to those paramedics,
mike you will go to rehab,or so help me,I will and I want you to let them look at these cuts.
leave you. Because you don't want to be all bloody when
Made a promise. they pull your kids out of there,do you? No.
I'll go. No,I guess not.
I keep thinking about what we covered up. - what are you doing? - What? You don't
Katherine's aunt was determined to reveal the know if her kids are gonna be okay.
truth and victor Was a victim of the tornado I'm just trying to comfort her.
That brought devastation oh,my god! to By giving her false hope? What do you
wisteria lane. suggest we do? Well,you should be
once the tornado had passed,it began. saying,"lynette,this could end badly.
A man gave his coat to a stranger in need a So you should start preparing yourself for that
woman shared her food with those just now.
passing by a teenager reunited a dog with its " Edie,if you say that to lynette,so help me
worried owner. god,I will wring your neck.
These are the things that happen in the wake And I will help her.
of any great disaster. Tom and ida and the kids are buried under
People start to perform small acts of kindness. that rubble.
they do what they can to help,all the while I mean,what is it with you people? Why aren't
knowing it won't be enough. you willing to face the facts? Because we're
why is it taking so long? They should be going hoping for a miracle.
faster. A miracle? Maybe,just maybe,if we stop
The fire captain said they have to go slowly. flapping our gums, and we start asking god to
They don't want debris suddenly collapsing take care of our folks,he might just help us
into the basement. out.
Has anyone heard from gaby? Uh,she went to So you think a prayer circle is going to help
the hospital with carlos. lynette? Once you get to my age,you'll find it
He was pretty banged up,but they say he's a lot easier to believe that god really does
gonnbe okay. answer prayers.
Thank god. - So if you can just hang on two more years -
Why can't we hear them? If my kids are don'T.
alive,they would be yelling. You know,maybe a moment of silence
wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Hey,guys! We got someone! Mom! Mom! -
mom! - Mom! oh,my god! Come on,tom.
straight ahead,sir.
Go ahead.
Right over there.
Oh,my god.
Where's ida? Tom! Where's ida? Yes,in the
wake of a great tragedy, people do what they
can to help all the while knowing it won't be
enough.
proudly presents sync:ÈâÈâ ¸â¸â ÏûÏû Season04
Episode10 The morning after the tornado, the
residents of wisteria lane began to sort
through the devastation and slowly started
picking up the pieces of their lives.
Bob hunter found part of his fountain in the
middle of the street.
Bree hodge found her lawn mower next to her
coffee table.
And kayla scavo discovered her music box in a
tree among other things.
She had your address in her pocket,but there
wano other I.
D.
Did you know her? Sort of.
Her name is sylvia greene.
Is she local? I knew her from chicago.
She was visiting.
Okay,I guess that's all we need.
Would you like me to follow up with you after
we contact the family? No.
so I guess this means it's over.
The fact that she is dead does not change the
fact that you slept with her.
I know it doesn'T.
I made a terrible mistake,and I am so
sorry,katherine.
I'm sure you are.
I want you out of my house tonight.
- You don't mean that.
- Yes,I do.
It's over.
Asar as I'm concerned,you could be lying on
that slabright next to her.
come on,ida.
You can watch us pack from up here.
The things you accumulate in a lifetime,huh?
Yeah,especially if you never throw anything
out.
so her niece and nephew are taking all this
stuff back to nebraska? Well,the stuff that'll
sell on ebay.
I'm guessing t rest will end up in a dumpster.
What's all this baseball stuff? There's a mitt
and a jersey.
Was this her husband's? No,that was ida's
from her pro baseball days.
Yeah,right.
Oh,you're serious? Ida played in the all-
american girls league during world war ii.
- You didn't know that? - No.
Oh,she was a superstar.
Arm like a cannon.
People said she could throw a porkchop past
a hungry wolf.
Ida? I have trouble seeing her as the leadoff
hitter for anything other than osteoporosis.
She made the only unassisted triple play in
league history right here in granville field,1944.
That's why she wants her ashes scattered there.
how did I not know this? daddy said you were
over here.
Can I help? you realize we're cleaning,right?
We're not eating candy.
That's sweet,parker,but we've got everything
under control here if you want to go play.
No,I want to do something nice for mrs.
Greenberg. contractor, so we won't be imposing for long.
She sort of saved my life. Imposing.
What do you mean? When the house started Who's imposing? You can stay as long as you
shaking,and daddy was passed out by his want.
asthma mrs. I'm sorry.
Greenberg made us all go under the stairs. The words came out of my mouth before I
- But that's not where they found her. knew what I was saying.
- Yeah. Then stop talking,and don't be so nice.
There wasn't enough room for her. Otherwise,she'll just take the place over.
She said she'd be okay in the corner. hey,susan,orson likes to sleep with the window
Uh,parker,you want to help? Ida has some ice open.
cream in the freezer that needs eating before Do you mind if we rearrange the furniture?
it goes bad. Sounds good to me! hello,gabrielle.
Go on. Milton.
I know what you're thinking,but don'T. Hi.
If you'd been there,it wouldn't have made a bit It's a nice turnout.
of difference. victor was loved by a lot of people.
Susan,we can't thank you enough. It's gonna be a very emotional day.
Opening your home to us-- it's so generous. You seem remarkably composed.
It's a horrible feeling to literally not have a Oh,no,no.
roof over your head, and that smoky fleabag I'm a mess-- - you know,on the inside,where
hotel just wasn't safe for a newborn. the mascara can't run.
Please,this is what best friends do right before - Ah,I see.
their friendship ends. The reading of the will is today.
Why did you agree to let her stay? How do Is it? I'd forgotten.
you say no to someone in need? That wasn't - I thought you'd be curious as to how much
rhetorical. you'll inherit.
Seriously,you got anything? I know you feel - No.
guilty because she let us stay with her once, I'm not thinking aboumoney today.
but don't you remember how miserable were? - I'm burying my husband.
Oh,yeah. - Of course.
Every cup needs a coaster. It's just,I,uh spoke to the executor of the
Every coaster needs a doily. will,and I have a ballpark figure of what you'll
Every doily needs daily laundering. be getting.
This woman is gonna drive me out of my Well,I guess there's nothing disrespectful
frickin'-- hey,roomies. about a ballpark figure.
You need help? no,we've got it under control. You're not getting a dime.
Oh,and,uh,listen. Victor showed me the photographs of you
Bob and lee introduced us to this wonderful and your ex-husband.
You broke his heart.
You humiliated him.
So you'll inherit exactly what you deserve--
nothing.
Okay,I made a mista.
I'm sorry,but victor wasn't entirely blameless.
He ignored me.
He used me politically.
Oh,yeah,and he tried to kill carlos.
So I think I'm entitled to whatever he had.
Ah,there's the thing.
You married a man from a very rich family--
the operative word being "family.
" Everything's in my name always was.
the service is starting.
I think it's time for you to go.
Go? You can't kick me out of my husband's
funeral.
I think it's appropriate,given the circumstances.
Go to hell.
I'll be delivering the eulogy.
If you're stilin this pew when I reach the pulpit,
I'm going to be telling all of these people that
you are a cheating,lying whore.
See? I told you it was gonna be an emotional
day.
hello,boys.
Bob,lee,I baked you some muffins to thank
you for introducing me to walter here.
And,walter,I decided you're absolutely right.
Dark shingles are the way to go.
Why are you all staring at me? - I'm sorry,but
I'm not gonna be able to fix your house.
- What? I've just had some bad news in my
personal life.
Oh,good heavens.
I hope no one's died, which is the only
possible excuse I'd accept.
No,it's not--it's not that.
It's just I don't want to get into it.
Walter,I can't find a contractor now.
- Everybody is booked for the next year.
- I'm sorry.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter,I'm begging you.
Please.
I'm living like a vagabond in a teenage girl's
bedroom.
I'm sleeping under a poster of orlando bloom.
You can't leave me.
Yeah,well,sometimes people do that.
They just leave.
This is a nightmare.
What is going on? Walter went rough a bad
breakup, and today he found out that his ex
moved in with someone else.
Oh,for god sakes.
Tell him to put on his big boy pants and find
another girl.
Who says it's a girl? Walter's gay? Yes.
He can build home and decorate them.
Sometimes god gives with both hands.
Well,then you just have to fix him up with
someone, give him back his will to work.
yeah,about that-- uh,most of our friends are 9s,
and walter--we love him-- but kind of a 3.
And in the gay world,3 does not go into 9.
Well,we'll just have to find him someone who's
not good at gay math.
Well,I drove all the way out there, and I waited
for hours and then they wouldn't let me see
him.
Uh,no.
They just said that I should--I should call you.
listen,I know it's a 30-day rehab.
I'm not trying to break him out.
I'm just trying to see him.
You know what? Could you just call me when Oh,none taken.
you know? Thank you. hey.
welcome to heaven. How you feeling? Uh,not so great.
Don't talk. Well,they should give you something for the
I'm smelling. pain.
What is that? Duck a l'orange. They gave me this button that I can press,but
Bree says it's making a comeback. I'm trying not to use it, 'cause the drugs make
And our oven is making its debut. me feel a little to mellow.
Oh,it gets better. was the funeral sad? Tragic.
She did our laundry,too. I found out everything victor had is in milton's
Smell my sock. name, and he told his father about us,so I'm
Oh,my god! I want to eat that. not getting a penny.
she dusts. it's a good thing you hooked up with another
She irons. rich guy.
Oh,and she does this magic trick. yeah gaby,you sound weird.
No matter where you throw your Why do you sound so weird? Gaby.
sweater,within seconds,it's on a hanger. Um,remember that day,uh when al was going
This has just replaced your birth as the best to drop off the account information? Oh,my
day of my life. god.
Oh,hi,susan. He didn't? No,no,no.
I hope you don't mind that I made dinner. He did.
I hope you don't mind that I'm going to kiss It's just remember how windy it was that day?
you. No,no,no.
You're funny. That was the only copy.
Now I need you to be honest about this I know,but edie was trying to steal the papers
recipe. from me, and we got into this fight,and then
It's a dry run for a small dinner party I'm the tornado just took them away.
having tomorrow night. They're gone? Kinda.
Again,if you don't mind. what is that sound? I'm texting someone.
Not at all. Gaby,that account was our future.
In--in fact,if you wanna do a dry run for What are we gonna do now? Carlos,just calm
sunday brunch,I'm there for you. down,okay? I'm sure al has an access code or
Dinner will beeady shortly. a copy or some super nerd way to get back
Oh,and,julie,I fixed the hem on that blue skirt into the account,okay? I know we can fix this.
of yours. Yeah.
It's on your bed. yeah,he could fix it.
My hem is fixed? She's like the mother I never Okay.
had. All right,you look very tired,so I'm just gonna
Oh,oh,no offense. go.
But I'm warning you,gaby,if we don't find
those papers, so help me,I'M Hi.
Um,I'm a friend of al's,and I was wondering if I
could see him.
Of course.
Please come in.
Right this way.
dear al, rest in peace oh,al.
thanks again for your help.
Well,we'd do anything for your aunt.
I hope you know what an amazing woman she
was.
Hey,did you guys happen to find a pearl
necklace? It's the only valuable thing aunt ida
owned.
Well,actually,I have it.
Yeah,she promised it to me if she kicked the
bucket first.
Oh,really? In--in writing? I'll be right back.
all right,let's hit the road.
At about the rest of these boxes? Oh,that's
junk.
You can just give 'em away.
Hey,listen.
Is there a good place we can grab a bite on
the way out? Um,well,there's a great diner
right near granville field.
Isn't that-- isn't that outt that out of the way?
Yeah,you stopping there anyway to spread
your aunt's ashes? We're kinda pressed for
time.
Yeah,we thought we'd just put her in the
family plot back in omaha.
You can't do that.
Ida wanted her ashes scattered at the field.
Yeah,I know,but that's kinda crazy,don't you
think? It doesn't matter.
She was an amazing woman.
You should respect her wishes.
We should get going.
Hey,I-if you don't have time to do it,I will.
Uh,you know,you're not family,so I think that
would be inappropriate.
Look,you're taking her pearls.
The least you can do is honor her wishes.
Okay,at the risk of being bitchy, this is none of
your business, so could you please just drop it?
Fine.
And for what it's worth,you passed bitchy ten
minutes ago.
Carter,get the urn.
I wanna get outta here.
Wait! You'll never find it I'll get it for you.
By the way,I'm staying at ida's house for a
while since, you know,my house is a pile of
rubble.
Oh,that's so sad.
You've got a week.
Here you go.
Thanks.
just put it in the cup holR.
Excuse me.
Are you al's wife? I'm gabrielle lang.
You're the mayor's wife.
Of course I recognize you.
So I was shocked to hear about al.
I can't remember the last time I was so
devastated.
Didn't you just bury your husband yesterday?
That sucked,too.
So what happened to al? he was driving
home,trying to beat the storm, and he ran
into a downed power line and his car burst
into flames.
Oh,sweetie,don'T.
I want you to remember al like I do-- at his
desk, with a big smile on his face,surrounded
by all his files.
by the way,where are those files? I cleared out
his office.
Oh,I bet that was hard.
so where'd you put 'em? In the garage.
Which is in the back.
well,look at me,monopolizing the widow.
You go mingle.
I'm gonna get you a cracker.
oh,crap.
Why do people have to die?! Why,god?! Why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Oh,ank you so much
for letting us take over your dining room.
Please.
Thank you for making us dinner.
Oh,you will be sending up dessert later?
Oh,sure.
Just,uh,leave your trays in the hall when you're
ready.
- Puff pastry? - Thank you.
Oh,here is a nice 12-year-old scotch to wash
that down with.
Uh,look,it's nice of you to invite me for dinner,
but if you're hoping to change my mind about
doing your roof, I'm just-- I'm really not up to
it.
No.
No,no,walter, we--we just heard about your
situation and thought you could use a little
company.
That's all.
Yes,and a nice home-cooked meal.
Trust me,there are absolutely no tricks up our
sleeve.
Uh,I noticed there are four place settings.
Is somebody joining us? All right,I'm here.
What was so important? What's going on? I'm
moving out.
It's been a little weird staying in the guest
room of my own house.
But I thought you and mom were trying to
work stuff out.
We are.
It's just your mom thought it might be easier
if we gave ourselves a little distance.
Well,then why doesn't she move out? - Dylan.
- I'm serious.
You can't leave me here alone with her.
I'll go crazy.
Hey,come onwe're gonna see each other all
the time.
Why does she always have to win? Yeah,I'm
thinking of starting my trip in paris.
Todd and I talked about going there, but now
I'm thinking of doing it myself.
Walter recently split up with his life partner
todd.
They were gay.
Small world,huh? How is it small,exactly?
Andrew is also an out-and-proud homosexual.
He's here,he's queer,and we're used to it.
Since when? You know what else you two
have in common? A love of boots.
Andrew has some beautiful boots.
Oh,I can only imagine the fun you two would
have in the boot shop.
Um,mom,I'm gonna take these bowls to the
kitchen.
Oh,thanks,dear.
With you.
What are you doing? I'm just trying to stay
out of the way of all those sparks that are
flying.
Sparks? The man's twice my age.
Yes,but he's also-- he's got a great sense of
okay,do you know how hard it is to get a
good contractor? Oh,my god! And poor walter
just had his heart broken, so if it takes you
being nice to him to get our house fixed,then
you're--you're pimping me out for a new roof? apple pie just made my mouth water.
And windows. Well,say no more.
And I am not pimping you out. One slice coming right up.
I'm simply asking you to show some kindness Oh,susan delfino,this is walter bierlich.
to a lonely man who happens to be an this is susan's house.
excellent roofer. She's kind enough to take us in.
- Look,if by kindness you mean sex - watch Hi.
your mouth. How are you? All righty.
I would never suggest that. Here you go.
You can raise a man's hopes without satisfying Thanks.
them. oh.
I've done it all my life. You're going to eat thathere? Oh,I'm just
andrew,I haveot to get back into my gonna visit for a whE.
house,and you're my only hope. So,andrew,we miss you around here, but I bet
fine. you love having your own place.
For you,I will flirt,I will flatter,and I will charm. Uh,yeah.
bless you. It's--it's cool.
And in exchange,I expect a 60-inch flat screen Of--of course,it does get lonely.
tv. It'd be nice to have someone stop by once in
Fine,and if you can get him to come in on a while.
time and under budget, I'll throw in surround Oh,well,you'll reel somebody in.
sound. You always do.
No. you should have seen his last boyfriend--justin.
That walter guy needs to stay miserable, He was so hot.
because if he's not,he'll fix her roof,and then You really had a thing for the young,ripped
she'll leave us. musclboys,huh? Um he did at one time,but
Mom,we always knew is couldn't last forever, andrew's outgrown that.
and she'll still be here another week or two. He realized the folly of being so shallow.
That is not enough time. Exactly,and now,um,his tastes have gone to the
She just started stenciling the kitchen, and i more mature, cultured types,like,uh,walter here.
didn't want to tell you this,but there is talk of Oh! This is a fix-up? Well,I just--it never would
an herb garden. have occurred to me,you know, because of the
I've gotta stop her. vast age difference.
How? I don't know, but I've had a taste of But,hell.
ironed pillowcases,and I am not going back. Why not? Life is short.
oh,walter,you got a little right there. Certainly shorter for walter.
Thank you. Susan.
Hey,everybody. Oh,no,don't get me wrong.
I'm sorry to interrupt,but the smell of that I mean,I think it's great.
You should grab love wherever you can find it. No.
Who cares if your friends think that you're I'm pregnant, and my husband's in rehab, and
paying for it? Oh,so why don't you take this the only reason I seem sane is because you're
piece of pie upstairs to julie? No,she's right. here, making my house feel like a home.
That's exactly what my friends would think. This is a conversation that could benefit from
Well,then you need new friends. some homemade chocolate chip cookies.
Hey,listen. Can I have milk,too? I'll be right back.
You know what? You seem like a nice guy, and do you maybe want to say something first?
it would be great to parade you in front of my Oh,uh,yeah,I guess so.
ex, but,uh,then I'd be using you. Oh.
Well,he doesn't mind. um "do not stand at my grave and weep.
No,parade me. " Um,"I'm--I'm not there.
he's got a mesh tank top that would bring I do not sleep.
your ex to tears. "I am a thousand winds that blow.
Yeah,well,you know,as tempting as that sounds, I am the diamond glints of snow.
you know,I'm just not ready to date,so thank " "I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
you so much for the dinner. I am the gentle autumn's rain.
walter,wait! well,I guess I'll just bring this pie " "Do not stand at my grave and cry.
up to julie. I am not there.
You. I did not die.
Sit. " That was lovely.
so is someone meeting us here or what? Let's dump her.
Well,here's the thing. And try not to stand downwind.
I called the general manager to ask if we She played third be,right? - Right.
could scatter the ashes here,and he said - Right,right,right.
absolutely not. Oh,my goodness.
So how are we getting in? Oh,lynette. Wait.
Hey,you've abetted. Uh,sorry.
Might as well aid. Shortstop.
Leave us. Oh,yeah.
Okay,I know that it sounds selfish,but I did Okay.
what I did because I want you to stay. No,it was third.
why? I-I thought you'd want your house back. Damn it,karen.
Well,yeah,sure,someday, but right now I just I'm running out of ida.
love having you take care of me. okay,don't move! Stay right where you are and
All the cooking and the cleaning and the show me your hands.
alphabetizing it's helping me feel like I'm not okay,split up,and I'll meet you back at the car.
just about to fall apart. Go! Hey,hey! Right there! Oh! Lady,get back
Oh,sweetie,you're okay. here! Come on.
Come on. nice to do something before she was ashes.
Uhh!Come on! - Run,jane doe,run! - Just grab That's a lesson we all gotta learn over and
her! - Hey,stop,hey! - I got her. over-- appreciate people while we still got 'em.
Come on. Yep.
so when I finally came clean, his wife told me Third strike? What were the first two? it's a
she shredded anything that had to do with long story.
offshore accounts. That requires a pitcher of beer and a dark bar.
She was protecting al. I got time for that.
so we're broke. What are you still doing here? I thought you
I'm so sorry,honey. found a motel room.
I-I know this is bad,but we have each other. I did,but I wanted to set something straight
We'll get married again,and everything will be before I go.
fine. I'm not leaving because you want me to.
For richer,for poorer,right? In sickness and in I'm leaving because I'm walking out on you.
health. Oh,is that how we're gonna play this? Fine.
The whole nine yards. Whatever.
I'm gonna go down to the cafeteria anget us a You're leaving me.
couple of ginger ales to toast our future. Oh,yeah,and here's why.
Hey,doctor. You blamed what happened on your ex-
He's looking better and better every day. husband, and I believed you.
Keep up the good work. You told me it was all his fault, and now I find
You haven't told her yet,have you? I'm working out it was yours.
on it. We're about even in the betrayal department
Carlos,I know you're scared,but give her some now.
credit. In fact I think you win.
She's not gonna leave you because you lost it had been seven days since a tornado
your sight. devastated wisteria lane, and the residents
You don't know gaby. continued to pick up the pieces of their lives.
thank god those cops let us off with a warning. Some salvaged precious friendships.
I was this close to my third strike. Some uncovered colorful histories.
I'm just glad we gave ida what she wanted. Others found challenges they hadn't expected.
It's a beautiful thing you did. And then there was one girl who stumbled
then why don't i feel better? I don't know. upon the truth she'd long been searching for
Why don't you? Because it wasn't enough,not only to wish she hadn'T.
compared to what she did for me.
She saved my kids.
She's this amazing woman,and I never
bothered to get to know her, so,yeah,I
sprinkled her ashes, but it would have been
411 - Sunday
Previously ondesperate housewives
moved in You can stay as long as you want.
Mike went to Rehab Mike went to RehabI will
fix this Carlos faced a permanent illness She's
not gonna leave you because you lost your
sight.
you don't know Gaby.
Dylan had questions about her father The only
thing you need to know about that man is he
was a monster.
why would you not tell me that? And Adam
uncovered a secret You told me it was all his
fault.
Now I find out it was yours.
That one person wished he hadn't.
Katherine Mayfair was not the kind of woman
who liked to relive the past.
But when her husband Adam left
Katherine's life began to unravel, And the
mistakes of her youth started to flash through
her mind.
She thought of Wayne Davis,the first man she
married And the first time he had hit her.
She thought of how sincerely he apologized
And how meaningless his apologies were And
how she finally decided To hit back.
These were the thoughts going through
katherine's mind When her friends
neighbors arrived Bearing gifts.
Well,hello there.
What's all this? We brought you muffins.
And jam.
Okay,uh,what's the occasion? Well,we heard
you were having a rough time.
So we just wanted you to know that we're
here for you.
Ah,so word is out that Adam's left me, And
you thought that muffins and jam Would help
me pick up the pieces.
Bree The jam was Bree's idea.
- Susan! - I wanted to bring flowers,and I was
shot down.
That's all I'm saying.
Katherine,we didn't come here to upset you.
No,we thought that you just might need
someone to talk to.
No,you just thought you'd get the juicy details.
No,we came here.
We wanted to help you,to fix you lunch or
clean your house.
Or offer up our own houses for you to clean,
If that's your thing.
I'm fine,truly, And I do appreciate your
concern, But you know Okay.
I told them you weren't into jam.
Susan! Look,I don't mean to pry, But given
her, what I know about you and Adam, I'm
surprised he was the one to do the leaving.
Well,Bree,the truth is I really don't want to talk
about it.
I understand,but whatever you do, Don't keep
your feelings bottled up.
You've got to let 'em out.
I'll do that.
Yes, katherine Mayfair,was not a woman who
liked to relive the past.
and But lately,her life had begun to unravel.
And she couldn't help thinking of all the
mistakes she had made And especially The
ones she had buried.
inmelae Friday It happened once a week on
Wisteria Lane Like clockwork.
The faithful would emerge from their homes
In their sunday best With their family bibles
And their rosary beads And they would head
off To their various houses of worship, Passing
by a certain nonbeliever Who had never taken
an interest in their ritual.
But on this day,Lynette Scavo, For the first
time in her life, Was struck by something Get
the ball.
Something she would later think of As divine
inspiration.
We should go to church.
What? Why? what did we do? Ah,it's just
We've been through a lot lately, And we have
a lot to be thankful for.
Don't you think we owe the big guy a little
face time? Fine,fine.
we'll go to church Next week.
Tom I'm serious.
what's the rush? God will still be there next
Sunday.
The Pistons,on the other hand They lose
today,they're gone for good.
So I'm clear, You can't be bothered with saving
your eternal soul Because the Pistons have no
defense? Okay,look.
You didn't grow up going to church.
I did.
My parents dragged me to st.
anthony's every sunday.
I've done my time.
Well,I haven't.
I have some questions I would like answered.
And I don't know anything about God or Jesus,
And our kids don't either.
well, you don't have to go to church to learn
that stuff.
Yeah,I know about Jesus.
See? He's the guy who helps out Santa Claus.
Get dressed,kids.
we're going to church.
Mm-hmm.
right.
Orson,I don't want to be late.
Services don't start 10:30.
Yes,but I'm sure Edna Fletcher has been there
since 9:00, Kissing up to reverend Sykes.
Is this about the ladies' auxiliary again? Damn
right.
Bree,please,such language on a Sunday.
I am sorry,but I have to make sure That he
doesn't let her chair that committee.
well,how could he?You plan every pancake
breakfast.
You organize every bake sale.
you'd be a saint if our church believed in that
sort of hogwash.
Exactly,and all the while,where was Edna?
Lounging around in zimbabwe in the peace
corps.
She won't let any of us forget it.
Well,I wouldn't worry.
Edna's "curing the village of dysentery" story
Has long since lost its novelty.
Oh,Lynette.
Hi.
You look pretty.
What are you all dressed up for? Well,I
decided I should go to church today.
Yeah,Tom said the same thing.
Anyway,since you're the most religious person
I know, I was wondering if you would take us
to your church.
I would love that.
We'rewe're leaving right now.
you can follow us.
Great! just give me a second to sell Tom on
the idea.
You know,he was raised Catholic.
Oh,don't go Catholic.
All that standing and kneeling and
genuflecting I go for worship,not a workout. we bumped into each other a few months ago,
Mm. And we just fell in love all over again.
Not to mention the incense,which smells good Uh,a few months ago? But you were married
at first Until you feel your breakfast coming six months ago.
back up. Boy,you are just determined to make this
Okay. awkward,aren't ya? Oh,Gabrielle.
Well,I'll be right back. Okay,look,in the eyes of the church, Carlos and
Oh,this is so exciting. I were never divorced.
I'm going to church. Technically,the affair was with Victor, And God
By the way,what am I now? Presbyterian. smote him.
Right. So we're good.
Thank you. All right,yes,I've been a bad Catholic.
Thank you for coming. Enough with the guilt thing.
Oh,shoot. Are you gonna marry us or not? Fine,as long
Did I miss mass? Was it at 9:00? Yes,Gabrielle. as you promise To stay married to Carlos for
9:00 mass is still at 9:00. the rest of your life.
Oh,that's good to know. Absolutely.
Uh,father,can I talk to you? Of course. Oh,but if I don't,I promise you, I will change
I've actually been expecting you to come by. religions.
Why? Well,I thought you might need some Thank you.
comforting After your husband's death. Sorry.
Oh,that. No,this is good.
Yeah,I was a little blue, But the good news Accountants always appreciate it when people
is,I've bounced back. take the time To develop a sophisticated filing
Really? Okay,this may come as a little shock to system.
you But guess who's getting married again? Are you always this sarcastic with your clients?
And I was thinking, Maybe you could perform Nope,just my favorite cousin.
the ceremony. I so appreciate you helping us out.
Is Tuesday good for you? Uh Victor's only Mike would be doing our taxes,but he's off
been dead two weeks. Getting better.
Yeah,I know,but I'm no good single. Mom told me.
Honestly,I don't know how you do it. Besides,I'm happy to have the work.
Well,who is this man? did you just meet him? Yeah,I was sorry to hear about your job.
No. You know,ever since n.
no,no,no,no. a.
it's Carlos. f.
Carlos? I-i didn't know you two were even t.
speaking. a.
Oh,yeah. , Corporate outsourcing has been the bane of
the American worker. What? No.
Is that right? I heard somebody say that on n. Put your hand down.
p. It'll just take a sec.
r. Lynette,please,we don't do that here.
, And I just keep repeating it to people. Uh,yes,can I help you? Hi.
Actually,I wish I could blame losing my job on I'm Lynette Scavo.
n. I'm a friend of Bree Hodge.
a. and your sermon was lovely, Especially the
f. part about the trees.
t. Thank you.
a. but here's where you lost me-- "God's love is
, But it really has more to do with Chloe. as sure as the sunlight.
My boss' daughter. " Yes,absolutely.
Oh,Tim. There.
I don't know why he got so mad. You have your answer.
I mean,she was 18. Now sit.
Okay,so back to these receipts. The reason I ask is,there are wars all over the
What is it about a girl in a cheerleader outfit? world, And it seems like every month, Some
Done catching up. dumb-ass walks into a school And starts
all about accounting now. shooting children.
Come on,Susan. So I'm thinking,God's love? Not so sure.
you're acting like I'm some sort of creep. Did she just say "dumb-ass"? Ah,the eternal
No, I know you're not. question-- "why do bad things happen to
I mean,18's legal. good people?" What you have to remember
I checked with a lawyer before I did anything. is,God gave us free will.
These receipts are self-explanatory. Much of the evil in the world is brought on by
I'd even know why I'm here. man himself.
This is the nourishment Each soul requires to Oh,Lord.
go from acorn to oak. Yes,Lynette? Okay,I give you that one.
And this is what should bring us peace in our But what about the tornado that just
hearts-- The blessed knowledge that God's happened? You can't blame man for that.
love for us Is as sure as the sunlight And that Get the keys ready.
it is always shining. we'll slip out the back.
We only need see it. You bring up a big theological issue, One that
Amen? amen. deserves a lot more time to explore.
Now if you'll take out your hymnals And turn Why don't you come to our tuesday night
to page 335. bible study? We can discuss it then.
What are you doing? I've got a question about Well,sure.
his sermon. I'm easy.
Thanks.
Katherine,Dylan,hi.
What's up? Julie and I have a study date, And
my mom wants to apologize for being rude
Again.
Is this about the other day? Yes.
You were just trying to help, And I shouldn't
have reacted the way I did.
Oh,please.
After what you've been through, No one is
judging.
Come on in.
I'll put on some coffee.
Oh,um,this is my cousin Tim.
Tim,this is the neighbors.
Mrs.
Davis? Davis? Nobody's called me that in years.
Do we know each other? Oh,of course you do.
That's right! This is my cousin Timmy.
He stayed with us That summer that he went
to band camp.
Oh! Yes.
I remember.
Gosh,you're all grown up.
It's nice to see you again.
You,too.
hold it.
Is this little Dylan? Can you believe it? Wow!
the last time I saw you,you were pulling a
wagon.
Oh.
How old are you now? I turn 18 next week.
Really? Julie,Dylan's here! study time! I'm sorry.
That was probably a little louder than it
needed to be.
Edie,is that you? Oh,my god.
you knew it was me Just from the sound of
my footsteps? No,from your perfume.
I smelled it the moment you hit the parking
lot.
Look,there's no reason to be pissy.
I'm here to do something nice.
Really? I feel bad about the whole losing-all-
of-your-money thing.
Even though we know tornado-- clearly not
my fault.
Um Anyway,i-i thought maybe this Would help.
It's the diamond bracelet you gave me.
It must be worth thousands of dollars.
Do you think you still have the receipt for it?
Uh I think I threw it out.
Oh.
well,you said it was from cartier,right? I'm sure
they have some sort of record.
Carlos? Actually,the box was from cartier.
The bracelet's from A swap meet.
Hold it.
Are you saying That those diamonds are cubic
zirconias? If we're lucky.
You son of a bitch.
I gave you my heart, And all you could give
me was fake jewelry? Edie I'm sorry.
I never thought you'd find out.
I just spat on one of your jell-o cubes.
Happy hunting.
Hey,you.
do you know how long it's gonna be Until
Carlos gets his sight back? Because I have a 2-
word sentence I'd like to say to him, And
there's a hand gesture that goes along with it.
I don't know.
Mr.
Solis' condition is very serious.
Serious? what's wrong? Well You know,you
should really talk to the doctor about this.
I don't even think his girlfriend knows.
You mean Gaby? I'm sorry.
I said too much already.
Oh,please don't tell me that's your lunch.
Yeah.
I'm sort of on a budget.
No,no,no.
if you're gonna give quality care, You're gonna
need some quality food.
Now I know of this great,little french bistro.
It's the perfect place for lunch
conversation.
"your father was murdered.
" Wow.
I know.
Are you sure your aunt knew what she was
writing? She was pretty sick.
no,she had it together,even on that last day.
I remember aunt Lily really wanted to tell me
something, And then my mom just came in
and stopped her.
Does your mom know you found this? No,and
I'm not gonna tell her either.
Why give her another chance to lie to me?
That's why I'm going to Adam.
I can trust him to tell me the truth.
I just don't get it.
I mean,why would your mom lie about your
dad being murdered? Are you serious? Julie
She's the one who killed him.
Hi,babe.
I'm about to do something that's gonna make
you very happy.
Great,but close the curtain first.
Last time,the nurse almost walked in When
you were about to-- Carlos! I have a priest
with me.
Priest? what,is there something The doctors
aren't telling me? No,no,no.
I wanted it to be a surprise, But we're getting
married! Father,hit it.
Dearly beloved,we are gathered here In the
presence of-- whoa,whoa,whoa.
Gaby,what's the rush? I don't know.
just after everything we've been through,
There's nothing in our way now.
We can finally be together.
And I really need that.
I need a happy ending,Carlos.
And So what do you say? will you marry me? Okay.
Holy matrimony.
bring it on.
Gaby,before we get started, There's something
that I need to tell you In private.
Okay,he's gone.
what's up? Look,I haven't been completely
honest with you About the extent of my injury.
Okay.
The doctor says I might not get my sight back.
For three months.
four,tops.
I-i just want to make sure that you can handle
that.
Wow.
That's a really long time.
But for better or worse,right? Right.
Okay,padre.
We're ready.
Let's take it from the top.
Dearly beloved,we are gathered here in the
sight of god To join this man and this woman
In the holy sacrament of matrimony.
You're out of milk.
you want me to pick some up? No,that's okay.
it can wait.
I don't mind.
I could use a little air anyway.
Mm.
Hmm.
Mm.
Tim! where's that milk? Oh,I thought you
didn't want any.
uh I'm having a baby.
I can't give birth with brittle bones.
go! Bye! Hey,church buddy.
look what I got.
Wow,you bought a bible.
Yeah,and I'm breaking her in tonight.
Nothing like that new bible smell.
Oh,so you're Coming to bible study.
yeah,and I hope the reverend's ready, Cause I
got about a zillion questions for him.
Lynette,I-I realize You don't have
experience with churches, So this really isn't
your fault.
What isn't my fault? Well,last sunday,when you
kept raising your hand We don't really do that.
The church isn't a place for questions.
It's a place for answers.
Yeah,but how do you get the answers If you
don't ask the questions? Well,typically,we sit
there and let the preacher preach, And
eventually,our questions are answered, And no
one is humiliated.
I'm sorry.
did I embarrass you on Sunday? Well,it's just
that in our church, People don't talk back to
the minister.
Well,what if I need to? What if that's the kind
of church I'm looking for? Well,then maybe
you should explore other options.
I mean,if you really enjoy talking back to the
pulpit, Why don't you try that Gospel Church
by the airport? Okay.
Or,uh,the unitarians.
From what I hear,those folks are "anything
goes.
" Hey,Adam.
it's Dylan.
I waited at your hotel all day,but you never
came back.
You have to call me.
I found this note that aunt lily wrote.
Mom threw it in the fireplace,but I fished it
out, And I have to talk to you.
Call me on my cell,not at home,'cause I-- She
doesn't know anything.
I can hear it in her voice.
But she's got the note.
Maybe a few burnt pieces.
Trust me,all she's got are questions.
much Well,I could,um,refuse to see her.
Yeah,'cause that won't arouse her suspicion.
No.
you are going to ask her to come here, And
then you're going to find out Exactly what she
knows and what she doesn't.
After all these years,maybe it would be easier
Just to finally tell her the truth.
And you would just wave good-bye as they
cart me off to jail? She wouldn't call the police.
Seriously,I think you two have a great
relationship.
Then you have not been paying attention.
Give me a chance to get home, Then call her
and set up a time for you two to meet.
Okay.
You know When you called me tonight, I was
half hoping you missed me.
Really? I miss you.
I'm so terribly lonely.
You know I don't do well on my own.
Is there any chance we could Get past this,
and you could come back home? I will talk to
Dylan.
I will provide you one last alibi.
After that,I'm done.
Are you guys outta here? Yes,I'm gonna run
some errands, And Orson's gonna take
Benjamin to the park.
Actually,I thought I might take him to the
museum.
You know how much Benjamin loves Matisse.
Benjamin doesn't love Matisse.
he loves Purple.
oh.
Please stop trying to turn our son into an
intellectual.
mm.
If you saw how her first two turned out, You'd
understand how important it is For me to
fight the van de kamp d.
n.
a.
Hey,it's Tim.
It was great seeing you the other day.
Yeah,I can't stop thinking about you either.
So listen,um I've got the whole place to myself.
You wanna come over? Hey, Gaby.
I heard you and Carlos got married yesterday.
Guess this means you win.
Oh, Edie, it wasn't a competition, But, yeah, I
guess I did.
Yeah,but I think it's all for the best.
I mean, after all, I could have never been The
hero that you're about to be.
Hero? why am I a hero? Committing your life
to a man who's blind? My god,you're gonna
have to do everything for him Dress him,shave
him,lead him to the bathroom, Pray that his
aim is halfway decent.
It's not a big deal.
Carlos is gonna get his sight back in three
months.
Four, tops.
Is that what he told you? You poor,gullible fool.
What are you talking about? I hate to be the
one to tell you this, But I talked to the nurse,
And she said that his condition is Oh,what's
the word? um Oh,yeah.
Permanent.
I don't believe you.
Call the doctor if you'd like.
And apparently,he was begging Carlos to tell
you.
No.
no,no,no.
This can't be true.
Look on the bright side.
Women who are married to blind guys Don't
have to worry about makeup or getting fat.
Are you sure you didn't already know about
this? Okay,I'm calling Dr Dunlap.
You do that.
Oh,and by the way, Congrats on your big win.
So how's your occupational therapy going? Do
they still have you scrubbing pots in the
kitchen? No,no.
once they found out I'm a professional
plumber, I got promoted to scrubbing toilets.
mm,well,maybe you won't mind Doing a little
scrubbing when you come home next week.
actually, the doctors kinda frown on that.
They encourage us to leave that sort of stuff
behind.
Well,it doesn't have to be toilets.
I mean,it could be sinks,bathtubs.
You're making me wanna use,Susan.
This junkie thing's awesome.
Oh,I forgot.
uh,tim has some questions about the taxes.
Do you mind talking to him? no,I don't mind.
though I can't believe He'd have any trouble
with your cookie tin filing system.
Hello? hey,uh,tim,I've got Mike here.
Do you want to talk to him? Uh,can I do that
later? I'm sort of taking a nap.
What was that? is someone there? What? no. There you go.
no. I'm over here,sweetie.
unh-unh. Whoa! uhh! Son of a bitch! Ooh,I meant to
nono one's here. move that.
Really? 'cause it sounded like a girl. Hang on.
No,uh,itit was just the TV. let me just pull my panties up so I can help
I thought you were taking a nap. you.
Uh,the TV helps me sleep. Okay.
Uh,tell Mike I'll call him later. Here.
I've gotta go. Let's go do it over here.
What? what? you just got here. Aah! damn it! what the hell is going on?! I'll
I know,but this visit was really more for Julie. tell you what's going on.
For me? yeah,you're going to college soon, "in three months.
And I want him to tell you about the dangers four,tops.
of drugs. " Uh-oh.
Scare her straight,mike. "uh-oh" is right,you blind bastard! Ow! all
Honey,you down here? Yes,sweetheart. right,I'm sorry.
I'm in the kitchen making dinner. I shouldn't have lied! oh,no,no.
Mmm. i think it was a fantastic plan.
smells good. I mean,there's no way I ever would have
It's a new recipe for beef stew. figured out That I was married to a
I think you're gonna love it. permanently blind guy! Ow! All right, I just
Why don't we let that simmer? During my thought that by the time you did, You'd be
nap,I had the filthiest little dream. used to the idea, And maybe then you
I was kinda hoping maybe we could Skip wouldn't leave me.
straight to dessert? Yeah. Leave you? Do you really think I'm that
What do you say? I'd say I'm one step ahead shallow? Gaby, I'm poor and I'm blind, And
of you. let's face it.
I have already slipped into my pink lace teddy, There is nothing about that that is your type.
And I'm wearing those whore-y pumps that Wow.
you love. thanks for the vote of confidence.
Ooh,I like that image. Y-yes, the truth would have freaked me out,
where are you? I'm right here,babe. But I would have come around.
Ow! Oh,I'm sorry. If you had just had a little faith in me, I could
I forgot that was open. have proven to you that I was up for the
Let's do it over here,on the table. challenge, But you robbed me of that chance.
Can you give me a hand? Can't. I'm sorry.
My legs are in the air. Good.
Just follow the sound of my voice. To avoid future confusion,I love you, And I
want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Gaby, this is not going to be easy.
I know, but like I said, "for better or for worse.
" Think you can forgive me? I'll work on it.
While you're working on it, Mind if I dig into
some of that stew? Sure.
Ugh! Get off that poor girl right now! I
finished your taxes.
What the hell is going on here? Susan,I'm so
sorry.
No,Katherine, I know what you've been going
through emotionally, So you don't have to
apologize.
And by the way,your boob is out.
oh.
You,on the other hand I know.
I know.
I don't understand you.
is this something you do? You worm your way
into a neighborhood With the promise of free
tax preparation, And then you jump on the
nearest middle-aged divorce? hey! It's not like
that.
she came over for some drinks, And we got to
talking and started reminiscing, And all these
old feelings came rushing back.
Oh,nice try,timmy.
like I'm really going to believe that.
Shame on you.
Just shame! What do you mean, "old feelings"?
Do we really need to get into this? What do
you have to reminisce about? He was here for
a week when he was 16.
What could you two have even Oh,my
god,you slept together.
Okay, before you get some sordid image in
your headshe took my virginity.
Do you have to say it like that? that's how I
said it to every single guy at band camp.
Shame on you! His mother trusted me to take
care of him, And you swoop in Like some
swooping,sex-craved Oh,for god sakes,tim! Pull
up the blanket! You can't blame it on
Katherine.
I knew exactly what I was doing.
I don't want to hear this.
I'm done with both of you.
If anybody needs me,I'll be at the mall Buying
sheets.
Good morning.
I'll see you after service.
Oh! good morning,reverend.
I brought your favoriteblueberry scones.
Thank you,Bree.
By the way,I'm sorry I've taken so long To
make a decision about the ladies' auxiliary.
Oh,is that happening now? I'd forgotten all
about it.
So is your,uh,delightful neighbor coming? The
one with all the questions? Delightful? I
thought she annoyed you.
No,I found her refreshing.
It's like I always say.
Church is not a place for answers.
It's a place for questions.
You don't say that.
I'veI've never heard you say that,not once.
yes,well,anyway, I want to thank you for taking
the initiative.
New members are crucial to the health of this
church.
I won't forget you brought them or these.
Thank you,Reverend, And I'm--i'm sure the
Scavos will be here soon.
Why did you just say that? You know very well
they went to catholic church.
Which is just down the street.
I'll be right back.
Psst! Not you.
Lynette.
What are you doing here? I was gonna ask the
same of you.
Why are you in a catholic church? Because
we're catholic.
oh,please.
Mowing your lawn in a notre dame sweatshirt
Doesn't make you catholic.
You're presbyterian now.
come on.
Let's go.
Weren't you the one who said I should explore
other churches? I meant sample, like a buffet.
You take a little plate of everything, And then
you sit down for the main course, Which is
across the street At the presbyterian church.
No.
I just put 10 bucks in the collection plate, And
I'm gonna get my money's worth.
is there a problem? No,no problem.
just talking to my friend.
she's trying to poach her.
I am not! My friend's just a little confused.
She forgot that she's presbyterian
wandered into the wrong church.
I'm not presbyterian.
I'm a free agent.
And if you're open to a little q and a,you've
got me.
Lynette, please.
Can't we just go outside and talk for a
moment? Okay,what gives? Well, I was at the
service this morning, - And it's just not the
same without you.
- bree And I am up for the head of the ladies'
auxiliary, And reverend sykes was so impressed
That I brought a new family into church,so If
you don't come back,then - Oh,then you won't
get what you want? - well,yes.
Well,forget it.
Let someone else help you with your power
grab.
Lynette! You were the one who came to me.
you sought me out.
Yes,and do you know why? Because out of all
my friends, You are the one who had real faith.
You had an actual relationship with God.
At least,that's what I thought.
Lynette Because I have had a rough few
months.
okay? But I know you've had rough times,too,
And I always assumed That your faith had
helped you get through them.
I envied you that,to be honest.
It did.
it did help me.
Really? Okay.
How? It just did.
Well,that's not a good answer.
I have been through cancer and a tornado,
And I don't know why I survived, and so many
other people didn't.
And I don't understand,and I need to.
Lynette,why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you
ask? Oh,that's right.
You don't like asking questions.
Hey,Lynette.
Hi! There.
Just wanted to tell you That I'm out of the
running for the ladies' auxiliary.
I told reverend Sykes to,uh,give it to Edna
fletcher.
She was in the peace corps,you know.
Huh.
that's nice of you.
I suppose.
I just wanted to let you know that.
And also to apologize.
Oh,you don't have to do that.
Yes, I do.
You were right.
Faith shouldn't be blind.
You don't threaten it by asking questions.
You make it stronger,and I lost sight of that.
Well,maybe a little.
And it meant a lot that you came to me for
guidance,and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for
you.
I want you to have faith in me and our
friendship.
Well There are some things that are easy to
believe in.
How's catholicism going,by the way? Meh.
Well, if you ever wanna try us again Oh, well,
I'm pretty comfortable with the catholics.
They're the only ones who don't judge me For
having so many kids.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay,so I have to ask.
This thing that happened with you and
Katherine Was it an ongoing affair? No.
no,it was just the one time, And I think she
felt pretty guilty about it afterwards.
She told me not to come around anymore.
So you didn't go back? It's weird.
I tried to.
It was the last night of my visit.
I thought if I brought her some flowers,
Maybe I could get something going,you know?
But when I got up to the front door, - I heard
all this yelling.
- say good night to my daughter.
- She is asleep.
get the hell out.
- I went around to the window - Just to get a
look at what was going on - remember? she's
my daughter! - I'm her father! - and I could
see she was having a fight with someone.
I was about to rush in and help her When I
saw katherine pick up this candlestick And just
wail on him.
He went down pretty hard.
Katherine was just standing over him With this
look in her eye.
It scared the hell out of me, so I got out of
there.
I left the next morning And never talked to
Katherine again.
So this manwho do you think it was? Don't
know.
I sort of got the impression he was her ex-
husband.
Does she ever talk about him? Not really.
Mm.
have you seen him lately? No.
Ever since I can remember,I've had this feeling
That something's not right.
Weird dreams that don't seem like dreams at
all.
People telling me I forgot things that I know I
would've remembered.
And now finally, I find a sentence on a piece
of paper That could explain all of it And prove
that I am not crazy.
And the best that you can come up with Is
that Aunt Lily was losing it And she didn't
know what she was writing? I need the truth,
Adam.
Please.
Please.
The truth, Dylan Is that Your mother didn't kill
your father.
And she loves you more than you will ever
know.
Faith is a belief in something that cannot be
proven.
So we trust in the words of the only father
we've ever known.
We believe the promises of the woman who
shares our bed.
We rely on the example of dear friends Who
help us to be better people.
Yes,we all want to believe in those we are
closest to, But where there is doubt,Our faith
begins to vanish And fear rushes in to take its
place.
412 - In Buddy's Eyes mike had remembered something- Something
dangerous, When suddenly Orson.
Previously on Lynette dallied with temptation Come on in.
Are you sleeping with my wife? Carlos The time for thinking was over.
struggled with his new life I am poor, and i am So i-I see ty have a tennis court here.
blind, and there is nothing about that That is Must be nice to get out And whack a few balls
your type. around, huh? Why don't you sit down? It
Bree found herself with a new rival Bree, that might make this easier.
is, like, the best pie you've ever made. I've been trying to figure out all day Just how
This is not my pie. i was gonna do this.
Okay, you caught me. Do what, mike? Since i've come here, i've had
It's mine. a lot of time to think.
And susan made the best of having Things are becoming clearer.
houseguests. I'm starting to put some things togeth.
Oh, and, listen, bob and lee introduced u To Oh? Well, good for you.
this wonderful contractor, So we won't be No, not really, orson.
imposing for long. When you hurt people, You gotta be
Imposing? Who's imposing? You can stay as accountable.
long as you want. There's no way around it.
±¾×ö份ö¹©ñ§ï°½»á÷£¬ñï½ûóãóúéìòµóãí¾ So i have to ask you Do you think you can
In a corridor Of the greenwood rehabilitation forge me? What? When i asked you to write a
center Is a sign. prescription for pain pills, It all i could think
It's there to remind patients to be honest about was getting my next fix.
about the past. The fact that you could have lost your license,
But orson hodge did not notice it. Your business-All that never even entered my
He was too busy thinking of s past, Or at least head.
the part of it he shared with mike delfino. And i am really sorry.
Orson thought of the night they met- The Oh.
night his mother Had murdered his mistress. Of course.
He thought of the next timehey met And how No need to apologize.
mike began to recognize him. Wow.
He thought of his mother's fear mike would I-I feel a million times better.
remember too much And her demand that You know, one thing i've learned here- If you
orson stop this from happening. don't get this stuff off your chest, It'll eat you
He thought of how he agonized, But in the alive.
end, Had still Done the unthinkable. As he left, Orson thought only of his good
Orsothen started to think About the message fortune and relief, Ignoring completely The
he had received from mike, Asking him to visit. feelings of guilt and shame that were rising
The thought was crossing orson's mind That within him.
That was the sad thing about orson hodge He I have a million errands to run, And i'd do it a
had no idea Just how sick he reay was. lot faster without you.
¾ø íû ö÷ ¸¾ µúëä¼¾ µú12¼¯ ·­ò룺¸öèëid Plus i'm having lunch with the girls first.
ð£ ô£º¸öèëid ê±¼äö᣺⬠±ó From the Oh, okay.
moment his doctors had told him he was Mm.
blind, Carlos solis had worried about only one Gaby, another carrot.
thing- That the people in his life Would come Just eat them.
to see him as a burden. Carrots are good for your Just eat them.
But as it turned out, His friends didn't mind Sorry i'm late.
driving him to the store. Blind husband.
His neighbors didn't mind helping retrieve his You know the drill.
mail. Oh, gaby, i'm so glad you're here.
The paper boy didn't mind Helping him find I was just about to tell everyone to keep an
his morning paper. eye out For their invitation to the founder's
In truth, Everyone on wisteria lane was more ball.
than willing To help caos adjust to fe as a I'm sorry.
blind man- Everyone, that is But his wife, Who What is the founder's ball? You all seem so
was quickly starting to feel She was the one excited.
with the handicap. It's a black-Tie fund-Raiser that bree organizes
"And in a surprise move, the spurs announced every year.
a trade That will send perennial all-Star to the It's a lot of work, exhausting and completely
" Oh, jeez, gaby. worth it.
I asked you to please fish out all the little Especially when you get your big moment in
carrot squares. the spotlight.
I did. Bree gets to present an award To somebody
Well, i think you missed some. who's done something extraordinary for the
Could you get 'em out, please? There you go. community.
All gone. Ooh, i say we nominate the woman who gives
Did you just use your hand? Of course not. edie her bikini wax.
I us a spoon. Ha ha ha ha.
I'm sorry that i'm such a handful. So, bree, I've planned a few events myself
I really am trying to do the best that i can. back in chicago.
I know you are, babe. Small potatoes compared to this, i'm sure, But
And i know it's hard, And i'm gonna try to be if you could use me, i'd love to help.
more sensitive to your needs. That would be lovely.
Now hurry up and finish. It would? Yes, of course.
I have to go to the store. Why wouldn't it? Nobody? Okay, i'm going in.
Could i go, too? I'm bored. Because you two would kill each other literally.
Oh, please, carlos. It'll start with hair pullg And end with
detectives taking our statements. I'll bet.
Remember the pie thing? "Remember the pie Okay, look, people like to eat in fairview.
thing"- Tibetan monks remember the pie thing. There's plenty of business for both of us.
I acknowledge that katherine and i have had Hey, i remember you! You ck to working here
our differences, But we have all been through now? Oh, no.
a lot recently. Sorry.
And i would hope that it taught us To put our Too bad.
differences aside and be friends, Because That osso buco of yours was- Really
that's what's most important. something.
I faced cancer and a tornado, But i'm running Well, i got it on the menu at my new place on
from this. the corner.
Hi. Come check us out.
Oh, my god. See? Room for everyone.
Rick. Oh! Orson, you scared me.
Hi. Why are you sitting down here in the dark?
How are you? Great, actually. And aren't you a little cold? I had to do
We're great. something.
Well, you look great. Then you came down here and you couldn't
Mm. remember what it was.
Oh. That happens to me all the time.
Hey, tom. Well, the baby is insisting That i eat the last
Look who's here-Rick. piece of bree's triple-Chocolate cake.
I see that. If you want, we could- Oh, my god.
Table for one? Uh, no, thanks. You're naked! In my kitchen where i eat.
I just wanted to come by and bring you guys Okay, i don't hear you leaving.
It's barolo. I had to do something.
I just got back from italy. Pajamas-That's something you could do.
Oh, well, that's nice. Okay, you're right.
Thank you. You're a guest in my house- A completely
Ah, what's the occasion? Or are you just being naked guest in my house.
a good guy? I can't get anything past you, huh, I should leave.
tom? Well, i i've got some work to do. Hey.
Yeah, well, you know, I wanted to come here Hey.
and tell you guys in person. You were supposed to be home at 8:00 To
I'm opening my own place. help me wrangle the kids for bath time.
Uh, you must have seen it. It's-It's almost 11:00.
That's you? On the corner? Yeah, i looked Sorry.
everywhere, i swear. So where were you? You were stewing, weren't
But, uh, it was the best location. you? Come on.
You're upset about rick. No, i did not have a sex dream.
Look. Susan, it's perfectly understandable.
I'm not gonna deny i was ticked off when i Mike's away.
saw him. You're feeling a little lonely.
But i'm over it. Naturally, you'd project those feelings Onto
I'm taking this as a challenge. the nearest available sex machine.
We are gonna up our game. Oh! You are such a scamp.
Oh, yeah? Yep. I know when i'm dreaming, and this really
You know what i did tonight? I worked on our happened.
menu. Why else wou i be sponging butt prints off my
We are gonna start making our own osso sol? You know, susan, sometimes i climb into a
buco. warm bath With a romance novel.
I got a recipe that is gonna kick his ass. Just a thought.
So you're really okay with this? Yeah, i'm great. You wanna give me a hand with this? Lynette!
Look at how cute you are. Gaby, since when do you come to price
Oh? It's growing back fast, huh? Yeah, it's back. warehouse? I'm poor now.
Morning, susan. Remember? I have to mingle with the
Oh. unwashed masses.
Good morning. What are you doing here? Oh, i've been
Love what you're wearing. unwashed for years.
Oh, i hope this isn't decaf. This place is huge! Would it kill them to have
Got a big day ahead of me. valet parking? Gaby, people don't come here
All right. for the amenities.
We don't need to talk about it. They come because toilet paper's 3 cents a
Just promise me it won't happen again. ton.
What won't happen again? Orson, you were Look at all these handicapped spots.
naked in this kitchen last night. I mean, what a waste.
I was not. Take that guy selling oranges, Put him in a
You most certainly were. vest, stick him under an umbrella, And bam!
Good morning. You got valet parking.
What's going on? Well, susan claims she saw I don't know why poor people refuse to better
me last night au naturel. themselves.
It wasn't a claim. Yeah, we're crazy that way.
He was sitting rht here without a stitch of I don't know why You're complaining about
clothing on, And i couldn't have cake. handicapped spaces.
Oh, i think i know what's going on. Doesn't carlos have one of those blue placards?
Somebody had a naughty dream. No, i think you have to have a wheelchair To
Susan, i'm blushing. get one of those.
No, no, no, no. No, i'm pretty sure the blind qualify, too.
Mom, can i take some of these cookies up to
julie? Why don't you offer some to our guest
first? Oh, no, thank you.
We have so much ground to cover.
Now let's move on to the flowers.
Uh, last year, We went with a cascade of pink
and white roses.
There it is.
Exquisite.
Well, easy enough.
Let's just do that again, then.
Next? Well If you have a different idea, I
would love to hear that, too.
Well, i was thinking It might be nice to do
something more unusual.
What about an arrangement of purple
lisianthus With a spray of dark berries? It's
interesting.
I can't really picture that, though.
Well, let me help you.
I keep scrapbooks, too.
My mom and mrs.
Hodge are still talking about that ball thing.
She wants me to be a part of the founder's
court Or whatever they call it.
Like i want to put on a stupid white dress And
greet people all night.
I know.
It's so pathetic.
By the way, i'm doing it.
Seriously? Why? Because i did it last year, And
it's actually kind of hilarious and great.
It is! It doesn't sound great.
It sounds beyond lame.
I don't want this to come off the wrong way,
But you're a buzz kill.
Julie! Okay, you spend all of your time cooped
up in here alone, Obsessing over some
mysterious thing That maybe happened to
your real dad or maybe didn't.
Look, i'm not saying don't obsess.
I'm just saying maybe you could spare some
time To have a little fun with your friend, too.
So this founder's thing- It'll be fun? Uh, these
were the centerpieces From the vanover
medical center benefit.
The donors were blown away.
Well, they're certainly assertive.
My only fear is- I know.
I know.
Fairview is a bit more provinci compared to
chicago, But i think you'll find the people here
Have a lot more taste than you give them
credit for.
Well, perhaps i could try something new.
Let's go with the lisianthus.
Look at you! Pronouncing it right the very first
time.
Isn't learning fun? Mrs.
Scavo? Uh, yes.
Is your husband home? We're investigating an
incident involving vandalism.
Vandalism? Porter! Preston! Get over here! No,
ma'am.
This incident occurred two nights ago Near
your pizzeria.
Someone threw a brick through a window of a
new restaurant- A place called rick's? What?
We're asking everybody who works in the area
If they saw anything suspicious.
I didn't go into work that night.
I did, but, um, i didn't see anything.
What time did it happen? The alarm went off
at about 10:.
Oh, i was home way before then, around 8:00.
I came home early to help you wrangle the
kids for bath time.
Yeah.
No, he was here.
All right, well, if you do happen to hear
anything, Could you give us a call, please?
Absolutely.
Thank you.
Hey.
Mm.
Oh, oh, hey, honey.
Could you hold back a sec? Nope.
Uh, lunch rush I'm already late as it is, okay?
See ya.
Excuse me, miss.
Oh, hey there.
I guess you didn't see that big blue sign.
This is handicapped parking.
I know.
Primo spot, isn't it? What? I have a thingy.
Yeah, i noticed that.
You don't look handicapped to me.
I'm not.
My husband is.
He's blind.
Well, then that placard's for him.
Only he can park here.
And how is he gonna park a car if he can't see?
Feeling pretty stupid now, aren't ya? Lady, you
got a lot of nerve.
I had to park next to the dumpster way in the
back.
Oh, don't play victim with me.
I have to walk in heels all day long.
You get to sit in a chair and roll.
You did not just say that! You know, the
quicker i can run my errands, The faster i can
get home to my husband, Who needs me,
because that's the kind of person i am.
W - What are you doing? Calling the cops.
You're getting a ticket.
Like hell i am! Give me that.
Get off! No! You started it.
Hang it up! Ow! Get off! Hang it up! Aah! Hey,
hey! Oh! Is there a problem here? Jeez.
What, is there a telethon going on around
here? Dude, she took one of our spots.
Bitch! I had to find street parking.
Hey, there's a secity guard over there.
Go get him.
No, no, no, no, no.
Wait! Okay, you know what? This is getting
ridiculous.
Oh, no, no.
You're not going anywhere.
Hey! Let me go! Hey! Hey! Stop! Let me go!
What are you doing? Don't- Ow! Well, it's
official.
I'm going to hell.
Hi, daddy.
Hey.
Hey, guys, would you go play in the back for a
while? I need to talk to your dad.
Thanks.
Well Hey.
Don't they have soccer today? Let me answer
that question with another question.
Why did you lie to police? -Lynette - And you
made me lie to them,too, Which brings up
another question.
-Did you know that perjury is,like,this whole
big thing? -I think you're overreacting.
No,overreacting would be if i threw a brick
through you.
What were you thinking? Help me understand.
I just wento go check out how the
construction was going, But i came around the
corner.
I saw this giant picture window that says
"rick's.
" And then i realize i'm gonna have to see that
guy's name Every damn day of my life. You know,it's none of my business, But seeing
Then i noticed this pile of bricks. as i have seen you naked twice in theast week,
Okay. I think i can ask,is something bothering you? I
I know this whole thing with rick- It really don't think so.
caused us some damage. I mean,being out of our house has been a
I know it hurt us,but we survived it,and it's little weird, But i'm very comfortable here.
over now. Clearly.
Now that's the thing,lynette. You know,when you were out on the lawn, You
It's not over. said something about mike.
It was never over. Mike? What,uh,what did i say? Well,it was just
I don't care about rick's stupid restaurant! I sort of muttering.
don't even care that he wants to steal you Were you having a dream about him? No.
from me! Of course,he would want to steal I-I don't believe so.
you from me. Well,maybe it's because you just saw him.
That makes sense to me. -He must be on your mind.
I care that he made you act like it could be -Yeah,yeah.
done. You know what,susan? I - I think it's time for
Oh,tom. us to move out.
He changed the way i look at you. You can't.
But Nothing ever happened between us. Your house isn't finished yet.
You have to believe me. No,the downstairs will be ready next week.
Come on! I am notrying to get you to -We'll be fine.
apologize. -Well,if you insist I think it will be for the best.
I'm just explaining the brick. Okay,but in the meantime,um,i do have a
Oh,my god. teenage daughter, So if you could Boxers? Yes.
You thought i was crazy,but it wasn't a dream. Thanks.
You're naked! I didn't mean to do it. Hey! Come on.
Oh,really? You just happened to stumble You've been cooped up in this house Since
naked into my front yard? I didn't mean you got home from the hospital.
it,mike. -Let's go out and have some fun! -No,i think
"Mike"? Wait. i'm gonna stay here.
Are you sleepwalking? Orson. -I don't-I don't wanna be a burden.
Hello? Susan. -Carlos,i see handicapped people out and
Did you just hit me? Oh,dear god! about all the time.
Orson,you're staying at my house! There you In fact,i met two feisty men in wheelchairs
go. Yesterday at the mall.
I have no explanation. They were living their lives So it's time for you
This doesn't happen to me. to live yours.
I don't sleepwalk. Come on.
Come on. -You used me! -Well,why shouldn't i get
I'm just dropping off a few letters. something out of this? -You know,the
You might as well just wait here. blindness didn't just happen to you.
Just picking up some vitamins. -You can't be serious.
I'll be quicker if i do it myself. Oh,you bet i am! Every morning,the
I just have to drop off a gift to my manicurist. toothpaste has to be To the left of the
Why don't you listen to the radio? Thank you. sink,because if it's not, You can't find it,and i
Sorry,babe. have to put it there.
That took a little longer than i Carlos? Carlos? And-And sometimes- I don't know-I'm driving,
Carlos?! Carlos! Oh,there you are. Or i'm in line at the bank And i think,"is the
Thanks,henry. toothpaste there?" So then i have to run home
-Where the hell have you been? -I was and check Because i don't want you reaching
starving, So i got that kid to take me to go for the tube And not being able to find it.
get a burger. I just didn't think This was how it was all
I don't believe this. gonna tu out,carlos.
I was worried sick about you! I'm sick of I didn't think that every day for the rest of my
waiting here! You promised me a fun day, And life, A part of me is always gonna
all i got is a sunburn on the right side of my think,"where's the toothpaste?" Can't you just
face. leave it in the drawer? That's not the point,you
I'm sorry. blind idiot! I'm saying If all i get in exchange
I told you,i had errands to run first. for this crappy situation Is a nice parking spot
-What's that smell? -What smell? It smells like for my $8 manicure, Then i'm taking it! Who
Nail polish. put pear slices in the waldorf salad? Guess
Did you get your nails done? Is that what that would be me.
you've been doing? Excuse me. Katherine,a waldorf salad is made with apples.
Miss! Is that your aston martin in the It's tradition.
handicapped space? What? Gaby,are you Yes,a musty,19th century tradition In need of
parked in a handicapped spot? Move it some jazzing up.
along,pops. Look,i just thought you have so much on your
We're gonna be here a while. mind already, What with the music and the
Wait,wait,wait. decorations.
Did you get a handicapped tag? To answer -The least i could do was take over the food.
your earlier question,yes,i got a manicure. -"Take over"? What in god's name have you
I'm sorry. done with my french onion soup? Oh,it'll be
Are we good? Oh,my god! You're exploiting fine.
my blindness So that you can score better I told the chef Nothing is to leave that kitchen
parking?! That's a really mean way to put it. unless i've tasted it.
You had me out here, Sitting like a dog with -Katherine -Trust me.
the window cracked open. After all, I've gotten tons of compliments on
the lisianthus. Nothing leaves the kitchen without me tasting
Here,honey. it first.
Let me. Dig in.
Thanks. Is everyone having fun? You and kathere did
You're welcome. an amazing job.
Just so you know I'm sorry for what i'm Boy,we didn't think you guys could work
putting you through. together.
If it were anyone but you,it wouldn't be worth Yeah,we were sure one of you would end up
it. killing the other.
You ready to go to the party? You tell me. You really should have more faith in people.
How do i look? You look very handsome. Excuse me.
Thank you. Katherine,darling,are you okay? Not really.
And you look more beautiful than ever. Oh.
How do you know that? Just a hunch. I hope there'sothing wrong with the food.
Bup,bup,bup! Don't eat that. Is anybody else getting sick? Oh,no.
We had a refrigeration problem, And i don't No,dear.
want you getting sick. Just you.
Oh,dear. Maybe you should go home.
Well,i should throw this dip out. I can't.
Thanks. I have to present the founder's award.
It'll be about ten minutes Before i can make Oh,no one would expect you to do that in
up a new batch. your condition.
Do you mind tellinyour boss? She's not my You know what? Um,i could do it.
boss! Bree! The room is simply lovely. No.
You've outdone yourself. I can get it together.
Thank you,mrs. Katherine,no one expects you to be a martyr.
Downing. -Why don't you go home? -I can't.
Listen,when i present the founder's award Why not? I'm perfectly capable of presenting.
tonight, -I was wondering -Oh,dear. I've done it for the last eight years.
Has no one spoken to you? -About what? - And let's face it.
Uh,well The committee has decided that it I mean,no one wants to accept an award from
would be best If katherine mayfair present the a woman Who looks like she should be in line
award this year. at the needle exchange.
No! That's that's my job. This is important to me.
I always do it. I'll be fine.
Oh,well,you're already doing so much, And now for the presentation for the
And,well,katherine was quite insistent. founder's award- Ms.
What's that? -Oh,it's dip. Katherine mayfair.
The caterer just said that -I thought we agreed. Thank you,mrs.
Downing. Oh,my god! That's horrible! How did it start? I-
I was honored When you and the other They-They don't know.
members of the committee Asked me to Okay,i-I'm gonna-I'll call you back in about
present this award. five.
-"I was honored when you " Bye.
myeah,myeah,myeah,myeah. I want to thank you so much For presenting
-Bree,what's up? I thought giving out this me with this award.
award was your thing. I I certainly,uh,wasn't expecting it.
Used to be. Um,we have a small city with a great,big heart,
Not anymore. And i am honored to,uh,accept this award
Things change. From my dear friend The photographer's
This year's founder's award Ever since i started asking If he can get shots of the two of us.
working with that obnoxious backstabber, Wait.
She's done nothing but try to take the I need to talk to you first.
spotlight off of me And put it onto her. I misunderstood the situation,that's all.
Goes to my dear friend bree hodge. Can we just leave it at that? No,we can't.
The obnoxious backstabber just called your And do you know why? Because i thought
name. things were going well.
Bree has been a pillar of the fairview I was having fun with you.
community For many years. Obviously I misunderstood.
There is no better friend than bree hodge. So tell me, Was there a straw that broke the
Congratulations. camel's back? Or were you planning on killing
I know you tried to poison me. me all along? Here's the thing You need to
Well,uh, This has been an evening full of,um understand about me and my friends.
Surprises. We each have our niche.
Uh I never would've imagined that,um, I would Gabrielle's the glamorous one.
be recognized by this wonderful organization Susan's the adorable one.
Hi,andrew. Lynette's smart.
Guess what? -Ur mom just won the founder's Edie's edie.
award. And i'm the domestic one,the organizer- The
-Lynette,listen to me. one who knows that there are three tines on a
Oh,my god. dessert fork.
-You're not gonna believe what's going on I'm the one who gets teased for that.
down here. That's who i am.
-What? What? Is everyone okay? And that's also who you are.
Uh,yeah,yeah,yeah. So? So I don't really know how to be friends
We're-We're fine. with you.
It's rick's place - Totally went up in flames. That's a shame Because i understand you
There,uh,there are,like,three fire trucks here. better than all those other women do.
I know how following the rules And observing them Like the wives who can't detect the
the little graces Makes you feel like you're in jealousy That consumes their husbands The
control. women unable to see that a rival might also
We've both had days where it was either Set a Be a friend The men who stay oblivious To the
beautiful table Or curl up in a ball and die. guilt that lies deep within them.
We're the same,bree. Yes The world is filled with those who cannot
And if you think that means we can't be see.
friends, Then i'm sorry. The most dangerous are the ones who stay
But it might also mean we could be best blind To the evil within their own hearts.
friends. How do we protect ourselves from these
Who knew you were so insightful? Isn't people? First,we have to open our own eyes
learning fun? Terrific,everyone. and find them Before they find us.
Thank you.
Pictures.
So did i lie? Was it cool? You were right.
It really was.
-"Thank you,julie.
" -Oh.
It's good to get out of my own head,you know?
For months now,i've been hung up on looking
for my dad And blaming my mom And it's
gotten me nowhere.
I just wanna start having fun again.
Thank you,julie.
There you are.
We wanted to get some pictures with you.
Mm.
Orson.
Hi.
Um listen,i - I have a 12:00 curfew, So if my
mom asks,can you just- Mike? No,it's julie.
Oh,you're sleepwalking.
Yeah,i heard about that.
I'm sorry,mike.
Again,not mike.
Why don't i-I get you back to bed, And-And
you can- I'm sorry i ran you over,mike.
Blindness- It's an affliction that prevents
people From seeing what is right in front of
413 - Hello, Little Girl Need a little caffeine fix? Big-time.
Too much booze last night.
Previously on DH Dylan and katherine raised I'm really draggin'.
their profile and attracted the attention of an the open bar is no longer your friend, huh?
unwanted admirer. Guess not.
Mike made a surprising request do you think But they were pouring top-shelf stuff, and I
you can forgive me? Which brought orson's couldn't resist.
guilt to the surface. Is that where you were during bree's
I'm sorry, mike. acceptance speech-- doing free shots at the
Oh, you're sleepwalking. bar? No.
I'm sorry I ran you over, mike. Uh, I think that's when I snuck out to the car
Gaby was learning to deal with carlos being to listen to the game.
blind I'm sorry for what I'm putting you You go alone? WellI would've invited carlos,
through. except obviously, he can't really sneak around
If it for anyone but you, it wouldn't be worth it. anymore, so yeah.
And lynette worried it's rick's place-- totally I was thinkin', if anyone asks about that fire at
went up in flames. rick's, it'd be good if you had someone to
That jealousy could drive tom to an act of account for where you were.
violence. Why would it matter? I didn't start the fire.
the thing you have to know about lynette Right, right.
scavo is that she had always trusted her It's just if anyone thinks you did, it'd be handy
husband tom, mostly because she could if y could prove them wrong, wouldn't it? -
always tell when he was lying. you think I did it.
Sometimes he would ask her to repeat the - No.
question did I eat your ice cream? Is that what One stupid brick, and now I'm an arsonist? No,
you're asking? Or he would use odd words he no.
had never used before oh, I think it looks Of course not.
spiffy. It's just, if the police came here to ask us
Or his voice would get higher I guess she's about the brick, they're probably gonna ask us
pretty. about the fire, so you might wanna be ready.
I mean I didn't really notice. Listen to me, lynette.
clearly, tom scavo was at a distinct As mad as I have been at rick, I had absolutely
disadvantage when lying to his wife. nothing to do with this fire.
And on this particular morning, that's exactly We're fine.
what lynette ARSON SUSPECTED IN - Okay.
RESTAURANT FIRE was unting oN. - Good.
whatcha doing? I amonesing for a cup of Lynette scavo had always trusted her husband.
coffee, but the stupid burner is acting up She had no idea that trust was about to go up
again. in flames.
proudly presents sync:ßÇÈâÈâ µ°¸â¸â Season04
Episode13 KEEP OFF THE GRASS! Everyone
breaks the rules now and again, and when
they do, they always haven excuse like the
neighbor whose own trash was already full or
the blonde who forgot to eat her breakfast or
the employee who needed an advance on his
salary it's true-- everyone has a reason for not
following the rules even the people who are
meant to enforce them.
Cense and registration, please.
Well, what did I do? I wasn't speeding.
There's a construction zone back there.
You failed to slow down.
Are you sure? I didn't see a sign or anything.
You wanna step out of the car, please? You're
not gonna give me a ticket, are you? My mom
will kill me.
Where do you go to school? Fairview high.
- Pretty necklace.
- Oh, thanks.
Listen, I'm really sorry about the construction
zone.
I would have slowed down if I had seen the
sign, I swear.
I'll tell you what.
I'll let you go with a warning.
Just pay more attention next time, okay?
Thank you.
That's very nice of you.
Thank you.
that's everything, I guess.
Well, if you forgot something, you can just
come back for it, or you could just not leave.
Oh, that's so sweet, but our house is livable
again-- the downstairs anyway-- and we have
imposed long enough.
Besides, mike is comingome tonight, and
you're gonna need the house to yourselves.
Well, before you go, I just want to say that,
um having you here these last few weeks--
susan, I'm just going across the street.
There's no need to act like a silent movie
heroine.
I know.
I just I can't stop now.
I broke the seal.
Well, um, as much as I appreciate this naked
display of emotion, you know how this sort of
thing makes me uncomfortable.
I can't help it.
My hormones are in overdrive.
Didn't you get that way when you were
pregnant? No.
Never.
Ally? Not even when you heard an acoustic
guitar? No.
Never.
Oh, I just can't control myself like that.
Oh, sure, you can.
Whenever I feel my emotions getting the best
of me, I simply picture an empty box, and I
take whatever I'm feeling and put that in the
box, and then i picture myself putting the box
away in a big,empty closet and closing the
door.
Then if I have time, I go back and open the
box and deal with the emotion in private, like
a lady.
Thanks.
I'm gonna try that.
so you don't think I act like a lady? prove me
wrong, sweetie.
Prove me wrong.
All right.
Come on, girl.
Okay, carlos, here's the harness.
There you are! Oh, you must be roxy! Aren't
you the cutest thing! Okay, not too close.
It's silk.
Gaby, this is steve.
He's the head trainer at the dog school.
Ah, nice to meet you.
Carlos told me how much he enjoyed taking
classes with roxy.
Well, they make a great team.
Well, I have got a million questions about this
little lifesaver here.
Okay, shoot.
Okay, hypothetical situation-- carlos and I are
sitting on the couch.
I'm doing my nails.
He's whining for the remote.
How do I get roxy to fetch it for him? she's
serious.
Roxy doesn't do that.
Um, her job is to get carlos from point "a" to
point "b" as safely as possiblE.
I get that, but surely she's trained to do other
stuff, you know, like find his keys or turn off
the radio or lick up his spills.
Yeah, and after that, she can go solve crimes
with shaggy and the gang.
Don't ve me your blind sarcasm.
I saw a collie on tv who could push a lawn
mower.
Do you have one of those? Gaby, roxy's
fantastic.
Really? Well, for a dog who's supposed to help
us, she sounds kind of limited.
sorry, but it's true.
She's not here to help us.
She's here to help me, which you would know
if you had bothered to show up to the
spouses' orientation.
Well, I'm sorry.
I was on my hands and knees that day,
scouring the bathroom floor because you
fused to pee like a girl.
So any other questions? No, it's crystal clear.
Carlos gets a new best friend, and I get to
check the sofa for ticks.
Yay for gaby! Did I exaggerate? Actually, you
were kind oh, it feels good to take a shower in
my own house.
At you doing? In honor of you coming home,
we are making your favorite meal-- steak and
mashed potatoes.
Oh, that sounds great.
For future reference, my favorite is potatoes
au gratin.
Since when? Since always.
Since I was 3.
You could say "au gratin" when you were 3?
Oh, it's fine.
Susan, mashed is great, too.
it's not your favorite? what are you doing?
Excuse me.
I have to put something in a box and stick it
in the closet.
Hormones.
Got it.
Pretty much anything sets her off these days.
Uh, which is why I haven't told her told her
what? Something wrong? Well, when bree and
orson were staying with us, this weird thing
happened.
Oh, yeah.
Naked orson? I heard.
Must have been quite a show.
No, this was the next night.
He was sleepwalking, and he said something
kinda strange.
But like I said, he was asleep, so it's probably
nothing.
Julie, what'd he say? He said "I'm sorry I ran
over mike. I understand.
" - what? - It's crazy, right? Why would he say - Guess I'll just do it myself then.
something like that? He didn't even know you - Excuse me? Now did you take pictures of
when that happened. those table settings you designed? I'd love to
Yeah, you're right. get copies.
It's crazy. The couple raved about them.
Yeah, that's what I figured. Yeah, sure.
Okay, well, I'm gonna go check on mom and You know, I don't really think it's fair that you
make sure she's okay. should profit from something that I designed.
We don't need any more drama in this house. You're right.
yeah, I agree. It would only be fair if I asked you to do this
How's the move going? Need an extra pair of with me, which I did, and you said no.
hands? No, thanks. So on we go.
We're almost done. I hope you don't mind if I serve your
Okay, well, I won't get in your way then. cinnamon apple crumble.
Let me just run something by you. That is a cherished recipe from my
I got a call today from a couple who loved our grandmother.
work on the founder's ball. Well, w it's a cherished recipe from catering by
Oh, how sweet. katherine.
Yes, and they want to hire us to do their Oh, I see what's going on here.
anniversary party. This is shameless emotional blackmail.
Hire us? But we're not a business. And? And it worked beautifully.
We could be. I'm in.
Think about it. No more doggy treats.
We do the exact same thing we did at the ball, She's had enough.
only this time, we walk away with a big, fat But she's been so good.
check. Yeah? Well, when she learns how to make
Katherine, need I remind you we nearly came granite sparkle, she can have more.
to blows over floral choices? I think it's our I'm giving her a treat.
creative friction that makes us a great team. Carlos, I said no.
I think it's our creative friction that nearly fine.
caused me to poison you. One treat.
All right, look, bree, I'm gonna be honest with That's it.
you. Those things are expensive, and until your
With adam out of the house, I really need the disability kicks in, we have to tighten our belts.
money. So I guess that means you won't be getting
I sympathize. your hair done anymore.
I do, but I have a new baby, and it's really Carlos, remember what my fingers look like?
more work than I care to take on right now. Just picture the middle one all by itself.
Besides, you're the one who married me for
my looks.
Well, I'm blind now, so as long as you use
deodorant, I'm good.
Do you have any idea how selfish you sound
right now? Just because you're blind, the
world should suffer? I'm just saying, you know,
$300 visits to mr.
Francois-- carlos, I'm getting my hair done!
End of discussion! what are you barking at?
You got your damn treat.
You know, if we really want to save money,
you could cut down on those cuban cigars.
Or here's a thought.
You could get a job.
- Why don't you get a job? - Doing what? Put
flags on pencils and sell them at the airport.
What do I care? Just get out of my kitchen.
- What is this about? - I don't know.
I guess she doesn't like it when you smack me.
Oh, so now I can't hit my own husband in my
own house? Look, we can cut corners all you
want, but I am not gonna skimp when it
comes to my dog.
Roxy, come.
- hey, neighbor.
- Oh, mike.
Welcome back.
You're looking well.
Yeah, well, you know me.
Indestructible.
- What you looking for? - A hammer.
We're putting some of the pictures back up.
This it? Thanks, buddy.
You got a minute? Uh, actually, uh, bree's
waiting-- waiting for me.
You said something to julie when you were
sleepwalking.
I did? Yeah, and I need you to clear it up.
Are you the guy that ran me over? mike I'm so
sorry.
I'm so no way.
That mutt is not sleeping in our bed! She's
clean.
It's okay.
No.
No, it's not.
I read the pamphlet steve left.
These dogs are not allowed on furniture.
I know.
I I just think it's good for a dog to sleep with
its master.
It helps us bond.
Well, if you ever want to bond with my boobs
again, you'll get her off! you're being selfish.
We can put her at the foot of the bed.
Carlos, no! she doesn't like it when you yell at
me, remember? you're right, baby.
I'm sorry.
let me try it this way.
you listen to me, you blind son of a bitch.
If you don't get this mangy, 6-nippled, cujo
wannabe off my satin sheets, you n't just need
a dog to get around.
You'll need a motorized wheelchair that you
steer with your tongue.
Really? Carlos, I mean it.
Who's it gonna be-- me or the dog? maternity
lingerie-- ah, right.
Why don't they just call it what it really is? A
pup tent to hide your stretch marks.
Oh, actually, if it's okay, I'm really not in the
mood right now.
I'm sorry.
- I understand.
- Thanks.
You just don't want to be crushed under the
weight of a repulsive cow.
- That is not it. come on.
- No, I get it. Come on.
really, I knew this day was coming. Okay,yes Okay, let's go.
I just didn't know it would be a day when I let's go, roxy.
was so horny. Let's go, roxy.
honey, I still find you incredibly sexy. Let's go.
It's me. let's go in the car.
I I just got a lot on my mind right now. hey there, dylan.
What's going on? I found out something today. Don't you remember me? I'm the cop who
I didn't want to tell you, but well, you can tell didn't give you a ticket yesterday.
me anything. Um, yeah, I remember.
That's what we talked about in all those would it be okay if I sat down? I just want to
sessions with the doctor. have a little chat with you.
you're right. Why? Don't worry.
But if I tell you, you have to promise to let me You're not in trouble.
handle this my own way. Actually, I can't stay.
who could that be at this hour? susan. I'm meeting my friend julie at the mall, so I--
what on earth? You are never to come near look, I'm--i'm not trying to scare you.
my family ever again! - Do you understand? - I just I just want to talk.
What are you talking about? Do you hear me, Talk about what? How's your mom doing? You
orson? Damn it. know my mom? Oh, yeah.
Susan, I-- I told you to let me handle this. Look, a couple of days ago, I saw a picture of
Will someone please tell me wh's going on? you and kathy in the paper, and I did a
So you don't know that your husband tried to background check, and I found out that you're
kill mike? What? Look, I explained this to mike. living back at your aunt's place.
I panicked. When you left yesterday, I was parked down
I was trying-- trying to protect your mother? I the street.
know. You followed me? - So when you pulled me
Who cares? Youdrove the car, you ran him over, that was-- - I lied to you.
over, and you left him for dead! Susan, let's go. You weren't speeding.
And the worst part all this time, you I'm sorry.
pretended to be our friend. I just had to meet you.
If there was one thing gabrielle solis would Who are you? I'm wayne davis.
not tolerate, it was a rival, whether she walked I'm your father.
onwo legs or four. Oh,roxy,this way.
So when gabrielle crept into her bedroom that Uh,mrs.
morning, she'd made up her mind the bitch Solis,what are you doing here? Uh,I'm bringing
had to go. roxy back.
roxy look what I've got. Uh,what? Shame,isn't it? I mean,i personally
adored the little angel,but she and carlos just okay,you get that.
did not get along. I'm gonna go find your dog.
Really? Well,sorry it didn't work out. come on,you stupid mutt.
I gotta run. gaby,you still here? Yeah,still no sign of roxy.
uh,tell carlos I'll call him about another dog. But don't worry.
Oh,well,actually,we found one. I'm on the case.
From where? We're the only guide dog school That was steve from the guide dog place.
in the area. You want a piece of pie or somethin'? Yeah,I'm
Well,that's it. not ngry either.
It's not a dog. I don't know what to say to you.
We got him a seeingeyemonkey. You don't have to say anything.
He's amazing. I'm having a good time just looking at you.
not only can he call Bye. You have my nose.
roxy,what the heck happened back there? Roxy! bet you didn't know that,right? My mom says
Roxy! Roxy,stop! gaby,where were you? we left because you used to beat her.
Where's roxy? Oh,carlos,I'm afraid I have some Is that true? Yeah,I hit her a couple times.
bad news. So you admit it? What,did you think I was
What? At happened? Well,you know how you gonna lie and tell you that I was a great
like it when I read you the box scores? When I husband? 'Cause I wasn'T.
went out to get the paper-- ly thinking of But you gotta know,there's two sides to every
making you happy-- gaby,where's my dog? story, and I swear to god,your mom gave as
She ran away. good as she got.
When I opened the door,she saw a I mean,you believe me,right? I don't know.
squirrel,and she took off. You know what? This was a mistake.
She's gone? Well,you gotta go find her. I should go.
Where do you think I've been? There's no sign Go? We just got here.
of her anywhere. Look,I didn't track you down to cause any
Yeah,I'm sure you looked really,really hard. problem I only wanted to make sure that your
How dare you. mom raised you properly, and now I see that
I have looked from one end of town to the she did.
other, and I'm telling you, she's nowhere to be I mean,you're you're spectacular.
found. That's what I neededto know that you're okay
but since you love her so much,I'm gonna and that a little part of you looks just like me.
keep looking. How can you just walk away? 'Cause I'm not
was that roxy? I'm not sure. the same jerk I used to be.
Why don't I go look? No. Sure,I'd like to have a relationship with you,
It's the scavo dog way down in their yard. but if your mom is still scared of me after all
I guess it's true-- lose one sense,all the others these years,uh no.
get heightened. I don't want to upset her again.
I don't haveo tell her.
What? She doesn't have to know that I saw
you.
Oh,that'S I don't know about that.
It's just that I have so many questions,and I
don't think we'd be hurting anybody if we just
sat and talked for a while.
And we'd keep this from your mom? Sure.
Wellokay.
darlin',bring me back that dessert menu.
I wanna have a slice of pie with my daughter.
uh,I think we might be out of candles.
I don't think so.
Check under the bar.
Rick.
How's it goin'? "How's it goin'"? It's goin'
pretty bad.
I didn't mean to.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry-- sorry for your troubles.
Oh,that's touching,man.
Thanks.
So did you just come here to bust my
hump,or is there something I can help you
with? Actually,you can help me.
You can help me figure out what the hell
these were doing by the back door of my
torched restaurant.
How should I know? so that's how you're
gonna play this? Uh,no candles here.
I'm--I'm gonna go check in the back.
Great.
Look,I can see you're upset,pal,but I'm not the
guy you're looking for.
you know I respect you hey,andrew.
What do you need? Uh,I'm looking
candles,and--and that guy rick's here.
oh,my god! Stop it! What are you doing? Stop.
Hey,easy.
EasY.
Just stop it! Are you okay? Yeah.
Andrew,do something! Do something! stop it!
Stop! Oh,for god sakes,what is the matter with
you? What are you,12 years old? Stop it.
Jeez.
so when are you guys gonna finish grilling my
husband? It won't be much longer,ma'am.
you know,in spite of everything that's
happened,it's really good to see you again.
It makes me realize how much I miss you.
If you insist on questioning my husband about
a crime he didn't commit, you should at least
have all the facts.
Okay.
You've got my attention.
Well,for starters,mr.
Coletti opened his restaurant to get back at
me because I wouldn't have an affair with him.
Honey.
Oh,so you're saying your husband had two
motives for setting the fire? No.
I am saying that if anyone had an ax to
grind,it's rk.
Maybe he set the fire himself soe could blame
my husband.
I was at the gym.
You can call my trainer.
And tom was at the founder's ball with me.
We have witnesses that say he disappeared for
a while.
I told you,I was in the car listening to the
basketball game.
That's true.
I saw him.
for I was mad that he ditched me,so I went to
drag his ass back inside.
But when I saw him shoutingt the radio, I
decided I'll just wait and make his life
miserable when we get home. nothing happened between me and rick.
So unless there's a law againschoosing lebron Okay.
james over your wife, I think we're done here. I didn't set that fire.
All right. You see? I can talk slow,too.
So that's it? Y-you're just gonna let him go? Carlos asked me to pick up some doggy treats
Look,we don't have enough evidence to hold for roxy.
him,sir. He called you? Why didn't he ask me? Oh,I
Because his wife provided him an alibi? Come think you were busy at the timekidnapping his
on,man. guide dog.
Rick,look. classy,by the way.
You know me. Don't judge me.
If tom had done something like this,do you You don't know this hound from hell.
really think I would protect him? Fine. I raise my voice a teensy bit,and she barks, or
you know,you didn't have to make up that I give carlos a little smack,and she growls.
story for me. Well,I have an idea.
Didn't i? 'Cause it kinda seemed like they had Why don't you not do those things? Thanks
you against the ropes in there. for the biscuits,edie.
Well,that would only be a problem if I were No,I'm serious.
guilty,and clearly,I'm not,right? - God,you don't There was always a certainsick charm to the
believe me,do you? - Sure,I do. way you used to abuse carlos.
It must've been some other random maniac But now that he's blind,it's just sick.
with a grudge against rick who burned down We're fine.
his restaurant. This is who we are.
So you're calling me a liar? That's what you're This is our relationship.
doing. Well,ur relationship has to
You're saying I lied. change,gaby,because he's changed.
Well,it wouldn't be the first time. Not that much.
You lied about the brick,and you were pretty Just his eyes.
smooth,too. Mm,no.
Hell,i bought it. I know carlos.
Yeah,just like I bought your story about never He's proud.
sleeping with rick. He's gonna pretend that he can still go toe-to-
Excuse me? - "Oh,look at me,rick. toe with you as if he was the same man that
You know me,rick. he always was.
" - Okay. But he's not,and he will never admit that.
God,I felt like telling you guys to get a room. are you done with your armchair analysis,3-
Okay,you are angry,so I'm gonna let that one divorce annie? Sure.
pass, and I'm gonna say this for e very last But if you're not gonna treat carlos right, there
time. are plenty of other womenout there who will.
I think I proved that.
why don't you come inside? I can't come out
my front door every day and see that man.
We have to move.
susan I know this is difficult, but before you
start putting up "for sale" signs,let's just take a
step back.
Take a step back from what? He tried to
murder you.
I know what orson did was horrible,but I've
decided to forgive him.
How can you do that? He put you in a coma.
I sat there day after day,wondering if you were
gonna live.
As far as I'm concerned,orson can go to hell.
Well,I've talked to him.
Trust me,he's already been there.
Well,that's not enough.
He should pay for what he did.
He should go to prison.
And what,leave bree without a husband and
benjamin without a dad? You don't want tha
look I've done some pretty horrible things in
my life, but you forgave me because you knew
how much I regretted 'em.
I really believe he's sorry for what he did.
So now i have to forgive hi I've just got to.
But I also understand if you can'T.
Hey,you guys know you're not supposed to be
out of bed.
How come daddy's sleeping on the couch
again? Come here.
Come on.
okay.
Mommy and daddy are sort offighting, but
we're working through it.
What are you fighting about? Oh,something
he did that made mommy really mad.
Can we talk to you about something? Yes,of
course.
The other day at the pizza place We heard
daddy say that man wanted to take you away
from us.
Oh,sweetie,I am so sorry.
I bet that really scared you,didn't it? Yeah.
So when you went to that party,we got on our
bikes and de down to his restaurant.
You did what? We just wanted him to go away.
That's why we set the fire.
So please don't be mad at daddy.
Oh,my god.
mike says I need to forgive orson - susan-- -
and he's right.
I have to find a way to make peace with all of
this.
But you need to understand,it's gonna b one
of the hardest things I've ever done.
And like most things in my life,I probably
won't do it with much elegance or grace.
So if I don't come over to your house for
coffee if I don't smile when the two of you
walk by, just please know that I still love you.
And for forgiving orson just be patient.
I'll get there.
I think it's admirable that you wanna forgive
orson because I can'T.
whatcha doin'? Working on the menu for the
event that bree and I are catering.
I have to stop now topick up the invitations at
the printer's beforehey closE.
I can do that for you.
It's okay,sweetie.
No,I want to.
Maybe I could pick up some dinner for us on
the way back.
You know,mrs.
Hoskins' daughter became nice like this once
right before she brought home a boy named
slash.
I'm being nice because I've been a pain
lately,and with adam gone,we need to be a
team.
It's just us now.
what? It's just it's like you turned into this
lovely young woman when I wasn't looking.
We have to stop at the printer on the way to
dinner.
Whatever you say,sweetheart.
The truth is,everyone breaks the rules now
and then well,what you've you been doing?
Never thinking for one second they might get
caught.
Some things disappear.
like,that happened to me like but if they
do,they simply ask for forgiveness.
And most of the time,they receive it.
But some acts are so wicked,they demand only
our condemnation.
How do people avoid such a fate? Wellthe
trick is knowing which rules are made to be
broken and which rules are not.
414 - Opening Doors
it happens in every marriage.
couples accumulate lovely things- things that
make a house a home.
but when the home is broken, these things
must be divided.
the most dignified way to do this is for each
spouse to keep what is most important to
them.
and bree and orson hodge were nothing if not
dignified i assume you'll want the pewter cat.
that was my gift to you.
you adored it, as i recall.
that's why i'm giving you the choice.
and what about that hummel from your aunt?
it's ugly as sin, but she insists that it's valuable.
you keep it.
keep everything.
there's only one thing in this house that i want.
i know, but i'm the one thing you can't have.
please, you have to forgive me.
orson, every wife understands that her
husband will make a few mistakes- a forgotten
anniversary, the occasional harsh word, but we
all have to draw the line somewhere, and i'm
drawing mine at the attempted murder of my
best friend's husband.
bree, if i could open up my heart and show
you how sorry i am, i would, but i can't.
there must be something else i could do.
there is one thing.
name it.
turn yourself in to the police.
but the statute of limitations hasn't run out.
they would arrest me.
and you'd probably go to prison.
yes, i could go away for years.
exactly, and if you could muster that kind of
moral courage, i think i could forgive you.
oh, come on.
i promise i'll wait for you.
bree i can't go to prison.
very well.
so do you want the cat or not? in any
separation, it's only fair that each spouse get
to keep what is most important to them.
that's how bree hodge got to keep her pewter
cat and orson hodge got to hold on to his
freedom.
Southwing the suburbs are flush with a certain
kind of fool.
you know the type- the man who opens his
door to total strangers the woman who never
uses her latch.
it never occurs to them that letting someone
into their home means letting them into their
lives.
hi.
i'm ellie.
i understand you got a room to rent.
yeah, come on in.
so because of my husband's disability, our
financial situation has changed, and we have
this big house.
well, it's an amazing place, and i love the
room.
i can't believe it's still available.
well, you know anyhow, uh, you have a great
credit score.
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that? what
was what? ellie, did she just give me a dirty
look? uh yeah, i thought so.
i'm sorry, ellie.
there's been some tension between my
husband and me.
see, the truth is, we could've had the room
rented by now if my husband wasn't so your kids for burning down a building.
paranoid. i just don't feel like we're handling this right.
why, because i wouldn't let the swedish maybe we should take 'em to therapy.
bodybuilder move in? you're as blind as a fruit tom, they're not serial killers.
bat. they're two little boys who were afraid their
how would you know if he's a bodybuilder? i parents were breaking up.
brushed up against him. but still- no.
i felt his bicep. we can handle this in-house.
it was huge. we can make sure they never do anything like
that wasn't his bicep. this again.
why do you think he rushed out of here? okay, fine.
i normally dig this sort of interpersonal stuff, we'll try it your way.
but i have a class in 20, so back to me? you're but this next month is gonna be like boot
right, ellie. camp for these guys.
my husband was totally inappropriate. they are going to be cleaning out the gutters,
so a class? are you a teacher? actually, i'm an taking out the trash, mowing the lawns.
art student. wait a second.
my life was working pretty well, and so i th ose are your chores.
decided to junk it and learn how to paint fruit. no time to talk.
it's, uh, stupid, right? no, it's gutsy. dinner shift's starting.
well, we like you, ellie, and if you have first okay, this is the place.
and last months' rent, we'd like you even more. oh, here, let me throw that away for you.
fantastic. no, i'm not finished with it.
i just hit the bank, so do you mind cash? oh, it's a lamaze class.
no, i love cash. i guarantee you i will not be the only woman
cash and i go way back. in there holding a chimichanga.
so are you okay with this, or do you need to wow.
grope her, too? so that really wasn't the guy's it's all couples.
arm? it had an elbow. i wish mike didn't have that rehab thing
is this the clean pile? 'cause i'm not seeing it! tonight.
you know what? do 'em all again. do you want me to stay? i can skip the movie.
this time, use a little elbow grease. oh, no, that's okay.
how are they doing? they are not suffering i'll be fine.
enough for my taste. okay.
are you sure that washing dishes is the right have fun.
punishment? well, gee, i'm kind of at a loss quit eyeing it.
here, tom. i ain't sharing.
dr. okay, don't talk.
spock didn't have a chapter on how to punish just listen.
remember last year when i brought up dad's
new girlfriend, and you said you never wanted
to hear another word about one of his skanks
again? yeah.
okay, well, i just spotted them in the hallway,
and there's something you should know.
oh my god.
okay, you're all caught up.
he got his skank pregnant, and you didn't tell
me? i tried, remember? i said, "dad and marisa
are about to-" and then you stopped me, and
then you said, "talk to the hand," and i said,
"no one says that anymore" - okay, i get it.
one more thing.
they're married.
see ya.
susie q.
! what a small world! look how fat you are.
hello, karl.
marisa, this is susan, my ex-wife.
hello.
it's so nice to finally meet you.
honey, i-i'm gonna go sign us in and get us a
couple mats.
okay.
can you believe this? what are the chances
we'd end up having more kids, huh? especially
you.
what does that mean? i'm just saying, most
eggs your age don't take.
power to you.
okay, clearly, this is not going to work.
so why don't you take your child bride and
find another class? i know.
she's young.
makes you wanna have work done, huh? or
should i say, more work done? the only work
i've had done was getting 185 pounds of ugly
fat sucked out of my house.
you're jealous.
i get it.
she's gorgeous, funny, a law professor.
oh, no, no, no, th-those are not the legs of a
law professor.
not that she needs to work.
i just made partner at my firm.
thanks.
i keep telling her, "slow down.
"if you need something to do, why not
oversee the remodel of our new ski chalet?"
well, i better get back to marisa.
and by the way, you're dripping.
bye, mom.
i'm leaving.
be home by 10:00.
but it's almost 8:00 now.
yes, and it's also a school night.
fine.
introduce me to this boy, and we'll talk about
making your curfew later.
yeah, maybe some other night.
sweetie, i'm gonna have to meet him
eventually.
it's just i don't even know if i like him yet.
when i do, you can meet him.
i'll be home by 10:00.
hey, dad.
hey, princess.
let's go.
i'm starving.
honey, i can't find my nail file.
have you seen it? is that some kind of joke?
oh, right.
i keep forgetting you're useless.
i'm gonna see if ellie has one.
hey, ellie, you got a sec? be right there.
hey, what's up? hey, um oh, i'm sorry.
i didn't know you were entertaining.
hi. talking about? kayla? can i speak to you for a
i'm gaby solis. second? i guess.
hey. i need to ask you something, and i want you
um, so what do you need? oh, you know what? to tell me the truth, okay? did you have
it can wait. anything to do with the fire at rick's restaurant?
i'll see you in the morning. did someone say i did? i'm looking for a "yes"
okay, that was weird. or "no" answer here.
what? earlier tonight, i saw a guy coming out i didn't start the fire.
of ellie's room, so i assumed it was her no, the twins did, but they say it was your idea.
boyfriend, but just now i caught her in there it was a joke.
with another guy. i didn't think they'd actually do it.
okay. kayla why would you even joke about
so we have two tramps living in our house. something like that? we heard you and daddy
that was for the "useless" comment, wasn't it? talking about how rick wanted to take you
mm-hmm. away.
and it felt good. porter was so mad.
oh, it sounds like he's leaving. he wanted to blow rick up.
i hope it's not 'cause of me. preston told him he could use dynamite.
mm. i told them that was stupid.
maybe i should go apologize. no one has dynamite in their house.
okay, there may be two tramps in this house, but everyone has matches.
but only one of 'em is getting paid. do you have any idea what you've done?
hey, lynette. someone could have been killed.
ida's cat got out again. but they weren't.
you haven't seen him, have ya? no, sorry. but it doesn'tmatter! intentionally setting a fire
i hope you find him. is a very serious crime.
well, if he's anything like ida, he'll wander into don't you get that? i do.
my house drunk the next time "guiding light" that's why i think it's good you're punishing
is on. the twins.
wait. they're really bad kids, and they need to learn.
hold on. i told you we'd be overdressed.
i have to fix this. there's nothing wrong with that.
this is so unfair. it shows our respect for lamaze, and, you
yeah, i know. know, the whole birthing process.
i hate her. or it's that your ex-husband's here.
how come she's not in trouble? because we karl? is he here? oh, what a freakish- don't
started the fire, you idiot, so now we have to even bother.
be punished. why didn't you just tell me? 'cause i knew
i know, but it was her idea! boys? who are you you'd make us switch to another class.
last time i was here, karl kept throwing his
perfect life in my face, and i just wanted to
come back here and show him that we were
doing well, too.
hence the sport coat.
"hence.
" that's classy.
say a lot of "hence" when we see him.
susan, i'm not gonna lie about who i am.
i'm not asking you to lie.
i'm just saying spin.
why won't you spin? i don't know.
hey, plumber! somebody clog a toilet? i'm in.
hey, guys.
mike, you remember karl? and this is karl's
wife marisa.
hello.
so how's things going? you still spending
most of your time with your head under a sink?
actually, i hired a couple of guys, and they do
all the work.
i just sit back and cash the checks, hence the
sport coat.
yeah, you guys look fantastic.
i feel like such a slob.
kind of overdressed, aren't you? well, after this,
we have a big party to go to.
yeah, our social life is just crazy these days.
seems like every night we have some fancy
party.
just bananas.
why don't you ever take me out? hey, at least i
didn't ditch you on the first day of lamaze
class.
i didn't ditch susan.
i was getting my 30-day chip.
what, you're like an alkie? drugs, actually.
prescription drugs.
but i went through rehab, and i'm clean now.
wow.
congratulations.
okay, people, time to get started.
take your seats.
so your hubby's been in rehab? that's just
bananas.
wow.
i know.
turns out the whole thing was kayla's idea.
well, i guess porter and preston have a new
dishwashing buddy, huh? mm, no.
i think it goes a little further than that.
i think we have a seriously troubled young girl.
she needs professional help.
like therapy? you brought it up before, and in
this case, i really don't think we have a choice.
interesting.
so the boys, who actually physically set the
fire- they don't need therapy, but kayla, who
only talked about it-she does? you didn't see
her.
she just sat there, playing with her doll with
this kind of eerie calm.
oh, she was calm.
yeah, better nip that in the bud.
no, you're missing my point.
no, i get your point.
there are different rules for my kid than there
are for yours.
well yeah.
think of what that poor girl has been through.
and on top of that her mom was kind of a
psycho.
okay, you are saying that kayla is a psycho
now.
i am just saying, apple tree.
maybe not so far.
and i'm just saying, my daughter is fine.
no therapy.
Orson, What Are You Doing Here? Bree,It's So
Good To See You.
I Have Been Doing Some Thinking.
Yes,I Can Smell The Thinking On Your Breath.
Are You Insane, Driving In This Condition? No,I
Didn't.
I Arrived Sober, And I Drank While I Waited.
I Am A Law-Abiding Man.
Except For The Occasional Hit-And-Run.
Ah,The Incident.
That's What I'm Here To Talk About.
I Am Prepared To Meet Your Condition And
Go To The Police.
You Are? Yes, I Have It All Figured Out.
The Key Is The Sleepwalking.
Susan Saw It.
We'll Find A Psychiatrist To Testify That I Was
Sleepwalking When I Drove The Car.
It's Brilliant! No,It's A Pathetic Fantasy Fueled
By Cowardice And Amaretto Sours.
You Committed A Crime,Orson.
Face It.
Bree,I Just Want To Come Home.
Please! Hey! I'm Glad You Two Are Patching
Things Up, But Take The Makeup Sex Inside.
Edie,Would You Do Me A Favor And Take
Orson Back To His Apartment? I Have To Let
My Sitter Go Home.
Uh,All Right.
Hop In.
Oh,No,Please.
Don't Make Me Go Back There.
The Other Divorced Men Are Trying To Start A
Book Club.
Oh,For God Sakes.
You Can Sleep It Off On My Couch Tonight.
Now Hitch Up Your Skirt And Get In.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There Have Been Men Coming Out Of Her
Room At All Hours Of The Night, And I Saw
Her Counting A Wad Of Cash.
So Long Story Short, I Need Your Help To Get
That Hooker Out Of My House.
What Do You Want Us To Do? Well, I've Got
No Solid Evidence, And She's Got A Lease.
So,Bob,I Was Hoping You Could "Solicit" Her
Services.
That Way I'll Have Proof.
You Do Know I'm Gay,Right? Exactly.
You People Are Theatrical,And I Need
Someone I Can Count On To Give A Decent
Performance.
I Don't Know.
I'll Do It.
What? Well,No Offense.
I Just Think Bob Has A Better Shot At Pulling It
Off.
He's A Little More Butch.
I Know.
You Hear That,Honey? Please,The Only Way
You'd Be Convincing As A Straight Guy Is If
You Died And Came Back As A Straight Guy.
I'm Sorry.
Who Went To Their Senior Prom With A Girl?
Yeah, Suzy Sellers,Gay Maker.
If You're Looking For Butch, You Should Know
That I Played Tony In "West Side Story" To
Rave Reviews.
He Also Made Out With Officer Krupke During
Intermission.
Well,I Really Don't Care Who Does It.
Just Get It Done.
And Don't Wear That.
Ugh.
Never Watch A C-Section Film If You Had A
Calzone For Lunch.
Everything Okay? Did You Have To Tell Karl
About Rehab? You Said I Didn't Have To Lie. I Don't Have Any Trouble With That.
Yeah,But That Doesn't Mean You Have To Go Actually,You Do.
Blurting All Our Deepest,Darkest Secrets. That's Why You're Here.
It's Not Dark. So Let's Just Wait And Talk To The Doctor,Okay?
It's Part Of Who I Am. You Know What,Lynette? Hmm? Maybe I
Plus One Of The First Things They Teach You Should Talk To The Doctor About Right And
In The Program Is It's Not Healthy To Keep Wrong.
Secrets. Good.
Hence,The Honesty. Then Maybe I Should Talk To The Police.
Oh,Enough With The "Hence. What? No.
" I'm Just Saying That Some Things Are Private, Sweetie, We Don't Need To Do That.
And I Think That You Can Be Honest Without Really? 'Cause What The Twins Did Is A Crime.
Being Inappropriate. I Mean,Like You Said, Someone Could've Been
When I Said It, His Wife Congratulated Me. Killed.
Did You Notice That? And Karl Made His So If We Don't Go To The Police, Wouldn't
Happy Monkey Face. That Be Wrong? You Don't Understand.
Did You Notice That? You Know What,Susan? No,I Do.
This Reminds Me Of The Battle I Have To Fight If I Have To Talk To The Shrink, I Have To Talk
Every Day For The Rest Of My Life. To The Cops.
That's What's Important To Me. Hi.
I Don't Give A Rat's Ass What Your Ex- You Must Be Kayla.
Husband Thinks. I'm All Ready For You.
This Isn't Dr. Actually, I Think We're Okay.
Kagen's Office. We Resolved Our Problems Just Sitting In Your
Well,Actually,This Is A Different Kind Of Doctor. Waiting Room.
You Know, The Kind You Can Talk To? You Boy,You're Good.
Brought Me To A Shrink? Well,I Thought You Ahem.
Might Like To Have A Safe Place Where You 'Kay.
Could Share Your Feelings. So We're Gonna Go.
You Know? With Your Mom's Death And Target In Place.
Moving In With Us, You've Been Through A We're A Go.
Lot. He's Coming Out.
That Was A Long Time Ago. What Is He Wearing? He Looks Like The Lost
I'm Fine. Member Of Wham! He Thinks The Outfit
Well,Good, But Sometimes When You Go Makes Him Look Straight.
Through Hard Things, It Changes The Way You Just Be Thankful I Got The Toothpick Out Of
Think. His Mouth.
Maybe We Have Trouble Telling The Difference Must He Put His Hand On His Hip Like That?
Between What's Right And What's Wrong. Butch Up,For God Sakes! What?! What Do You
Think I Am? Uh-Oh. You Don't Have To Go.
What?! Ohh! Oh,Crap! Abort! Abort! I'm Sorry. Are You Sure? Because I Have To Keep Doing
I'm Sorry. My Work To Pay For School.
You Are A Pig,And I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass. Well,I Suppose I Could Look The Other Way
Ohh! Ellie,What Are You Doing? Your Creepy For A Few Months.
Neighbor - He Came Over Here And Offered It's The Least I Could Do For Thinking You're A
Me Money To Sleep With Him. Whore.
Gaby,Tell Her. Forgive Me? Of Course.
Tell Me What? Uh,He Did The Same Thing To Oh,Hi.
Me. Hi,Edie.
Perv! Ohh! Hey,That's Enough. Thanks Again For Helping Me Out Last Night.
Gaby,Tell Her,Or I Will. Oh,No Problem.
What's Going On? Here's The Thing. Orson's Car Is Still Parked At My House.
I Thought You Were A Hooker. Um,Did He Mention When He'd Be Coming
So I Had Lee Proposition You So I Could Catch Back To Pick It Up? Well,Why Don't You Ask
You In The Act. Him Yourself? He's In The Shower.
But Guess What? You Passed The Test. He Spent The Night Here? Apparently,He's Not
Yay! Everybody Inside For Margaritas. A Big Fan Of Fairview Towers, And He Was So
Ellie,Wait. Drunk And Whiny, I Just Let Him Ride My
I Made A Mistake. Couch.
Can We Please Talk About This? Dude,You Just Well,Um,Just So You Know, In The Future, I'm
Told Your Neighbors That I'm A Whore. Not Comfortable With That.
Look At It From My Point Of View. This Can't Happen Again.
You're An Attractive Woman. Bree What Are You Getting At? Oh,I-I-I Think
Guys Are Coming And Going. You Know.
I Saw You Take Money From One Of 'Em. Tell Me Anyway, Just In Case You're Not Saying
What Am I Supposed To Think? All Right. I'm A Big Slut.
You Might As Well Know. Oh,Come On,Edie.
I Do Tattoos. You Know, Carlos,Mike,Karl- You Do Have A
You Do What? See, I've Been Working Way At Picking At Other Women's Leftovers.
Downtown, And I Have This Jerk Of A Boss First Of All, I Am Not Attracted To Orson.
Who Takes 70% Of My Money. I Mean,That Would Be Like Having Sex With
So I'm Trying To Earn Enough Cash To Finally Pbs.
Open My Own Shop. And Second,Just Because I Don't Like Your
You've Been Running A Tattoo Parlor Out Of Attitude, I'm Gonna Let Him Stay As Long As
My House? I Know. He Wants.
I'm Sorry I Lied. Edie! Days,Weeks-Might Even Let Him Hang
I'll Be Gone In The Morning. My Christmas Lights.
Okay,Ellie,Wait. Come On,Edie.
Think Of Our Friendship. Could Look And See What's Going On.
How'd You Expect Me To React, Lynette? You I Am Not! But You Can't Pull Crap Like
Took Her To Therapy Behind My Back. This,Lynette.
And I Wouldn't Have Done That Unless I Either You Treat Kayla Like She's Your Own Kid
Thought We Had A Serious Problem,Which We - Come On.
Do. I Do.
Why,Because She Threatened You? Of Course Aah! Mom! Ow! Ow,Ow,Ow,Ow! Oh,My God!
She Did. Oh,My God! What Happened? Is He Okay?
You Ambushed Her. Porter,Get Down Off That Roof! Get Up.
Tom,It Is One Thing Not To Want To Admit Up.
Something's Wrong With Your Kid. Ow! It Hurts.
It's Another To Just Bury Your Head In The Oh,We Gotta Take Him To The Hospital.
Sand. Okay,You Stay Here.
Who's Burying Their Head In The Sand? You You Take Care Of The Kids.
Are. Okay.
There Are Opportunities That You Can See I Will Take Him To The Hospital.
That- No,No,No,No,You're Distorting Reality. All Right.
I'm Not! What Would Be My Agenda? You No,You-You Both Go.
Can't Pull The Crap Like This. I Got The Kids.
Whoa! What Are You Doing? I Jumped Off The Go, Go,Go,Go.
Roof. Thanks,Karen.
It Was Awesome. Come Here,Buddy.
No Way. There.
Yeah. It's Okay,Sweetie.
It Was Just Like A Parachute. You're Gonna Be Just Fine.
You Wanna Try It? But Maybe It Won't Work. There.
It Will. Hey,Susie.
I Just Did It. Where's The Plumber? Fishing A Wedding Ring
If You Want, I Can Show You. Out Of Some Housewife's Grease Trap? He's
Oh,Wait. Not Feeling Well.
You're In Trouble. I See Marisa Isn't Here Either.
You Can't. Yeah,She Got Stuck At Her Book Signing.
Never Mind. She Writes Books,Like You, Only Hers Are For
Your Head In The Sand. Grown-Ups And They Sell.
No. Okay,Karl,You Win.
You're Burying Your Head In The Sand. You Happy? Whoa.
It Is Different. What's This About? Just Drop The Act.
No,Because You're Distorting Reality. You Are So Loving This.
There Are So Many Opportunities That You You Ended Up With The Miss America With A
Law Degree, And I Ended Up With The Go Try To Find Toby For You.
Pillhead Plumber. Thanks,Bree.
Bravo. I Appreciate That.
Oh! Damn It! Why Won't This Unroll? You Oh,If You Do Find Him, Don't Look Him In The
Know, Marisa's Not Perfect. Eye.
We Have Our Problems Like Anyone Else. It Angries Him Up.
Oh,Really? You Guys Live One Day At A Time? That's Very Nice Of You To Help Her, And It'll
Is Your First Thought When She's Late That Take Your Mind Off Of Everything With
Maybe She's Out Using Again Or Maybe She's Orson,Too.
Dead? It Just Seems Like Everything Is So I Hope So.
Fragile Right Now, Which Is Not The Way You Truth Is,I Miss Him.
Want It To Be When You're About To Have A And I'll Probably Let Him Come Home
Baby. Eventually.
Ugh. I Just Need To Know He Understands The
So You're Worried You Might Be Having A Kid Gravity Of What He Did.
With An Unreliable Guy. Well,I Don't Know What He Did, But Be Careful.
I Get It. Some Men Say They're Going To Change, And
You Did That Once Before. They Can't.
Uh,Yeah. Oh,Hello,Dylan.
That Guy Was The Worst. You Look Lovely.
Wasn't I,Though? I Cheated,Drank Too Much. She Has A Date With A Boy I Haven't Met Yet.
I Made That Play For Your Cousin. It's Just A Movie.
Oh,Right, You Didn't Know About That. It's No Big Deal.
That Never Happened. Be That As It May, It's The,What, Third Time
Anyway, I Lied About Every Bit Of It. You've Gone Out? I Don't Even Know His
At Least Mike's Trying To Be Honest. Name.
I Know. Mom,I Told You.
I Just Wish I Could Fast-Forward Through My I'm Not Ready For You To Meet Him.
Life And See That Everything Ends Up Okay. When I Am,You'll Know.
Hey,Don't Tell The Plumber This, But,Uh He's A Good Night,Mrs.
Good Guy. Hodge.
I Think He's Gonna Be There For You In A Way Good Night.
That I Never Was. Okay,Back To Business.
Thank You. How Do You Feel About Parker House Rolls? I
Which Cousin? Oh,Look, A Model Of The Mean,Personally, I Think They're Played Out.
Uterus. Actually,Bree,Can We Pick This Up Again
He's A Big,Gray Cat,So If You Could Just Keep Tomorrow? Well,Of Course.
An Eye Out? Of Course. Is Everything All Right? Oh,Yes.
Actually, Karen,When I'm Done Here, I Could I Just Need To Go Spy On My Daughter.
Ah,The Key Is To Keep One Car Between Yours But You Make A Decent Martini, So What The
And Hers At All Times. Hell.
Have Fun. So You Like The Hodge Formula,Huh? You
Oh,We Should Probably Get The Check. See,The Secret- I Don't Hear Shaking.
I Have To Be Back By 10:00. By The Way,Did You See Bree When You Were
We Still Have Time For Coffee? I Don't Wanna Coming Home? Oh.
Push It. No,I Didn't.
Mom Was All Over Me Tonight. I Keep Thinking She's Gonna Call Me.
I'm Sorry About That. Look,You Don't Have To Talk About It If You
Whatever. Don't Want To, But What The Heck Happened
It's Fine. Over At Ken And Barbie's Dream House? I
No. Made A Mistake, And Bree Won't Forgive Me.
It's Not. You See,That's The Problem With The Brees Of
I Can See How Hard This Whole Thing Is On This World.
You. They're Too Damn Perfect.
It Makes Me Wish We Could Just Tell Her The I Mean, They Don't Understand That People
Truth. Like You And Me - Well,That We Screw Up.
I Don't Know. Yeah,Well, This Was No Ordinary Mistake.
Well It's Your Choice. This Was-This Was Something Terrible.
And You're Probably Right. Was It Something Gay? What? Of Course It
We Got A Good Thing Going Here. Wasn't.
I Don't Wanna Ruin It. Keep Talking.
But I'll Tell You Something. Trust Me.
If It Was Only Up To Me I'd Come Clean. Bree Will Never Forgive Me.
You Would? Absolutely. You Know What? Maybe She Shouldn't.
That Way I Could Tell Your Mom How Sorry I Maybe I'm Not Worthy Of Forgiveness.
Am. Well Are You Sorry For What You Did? Yes.
I - I Wouldn't Expect Her To Forgive Me, But I More Than Anyone Will Ever Know.
Could Hope She Could At Least See I've Well,Then You're Worthy.
Changed. Thank You,Edie.
But Whatever You Wanna Do Is Okay By Me. Mm.
Okay,Thank You. Don't Start.
Well,I've Got A Room At A Hotel In Mt. I'm Drunk.
Pleasant. I'm Gonna Start Crying,Too.
I Guess I'll Get Going. Come On.
Oh,It's Late. You're A Good Person, Edie Britt.
Why Not Just Go Tomorrow? Well, I Feel Like Well,You're Not So Bad Yourself.
I'm Imposing. Mm,I Don't - I Don't Think We Should You're
You Are. Right.
Bad Idea.
I Blame The Hodge Formula.
Yes.
You're Probably Tired.
Let Me Get Your Room Ready For You.
Mom? Can I Talk To You? Of Course.
I Guess I Just Have To Say It.
I've Been Lying To You.
There Is No Boy.
And? And Well,I've Been Meeting Someone.
That Part Is True.
But It's Dad.
I've Been Meeting Dad.
Really? So You're Not Upset? You Made It Very
Clear That You Wanted To Meet Your Father,
So I Knew This Day Was Coming, And I
Prepared Myself.
Well, Can I Go Get Him,Then? Come In! She
Says It's Okay.
Hey,Kathy.
Been A Long Time.
Dylan,Why Don't You Go Up To Your Room So
We Can Catch Up? It's All Right,Really.
Go Ahead,Honey.
You Did A Great Job With Her.
She's,Uh, She's A Wonderful Girl.
You Look Fantastic.
Haven't Aged A Day.
Look,I'm Here For Dylan,Okay? I'm Sure That's
What You Told Her, And I'm Sure She Believed
It Because She Doesn't Know You.
But I Do.
No,You Don't,Kathy, Not Anymore.
It's Been A Long Time - 12 Years.
I Know Exactly How Long It's Been.
Okay.
Good, Because,Um I've Changed.
I'm A Different Man Now.
Well,You Have To Admit That
Possible,Right? You've Changed,Huh?
Well,Maybe You Have.
I Have.
Like To Know How? Sure If You Wanna Tell Me.
I'm Not Scared Of You Anymore.
Good.
You Don't Have To Be.
I'm Not The Same Woman You Knocked
Around, The Woman You Punched Choked The
One Whose Blood You Licked Off Your
Knuckles.
She's Gone.
So You'll Just Have To Prove You're A Man
Some Other Way.
You Trying To Make Me Mad,Kathy? I Didn't
Know I Still Could.
Can I? This Is A Lot To Deal With After So
Long,I Guess.
I Shouldn't Have Sprung It On You All At Once.
Tell Dylan I'll Call Her Tomorrow.
And You're As Beautiful As You Ever Were,Kath.
Good Night.
The Word "Welcome" Always Carries With It A
Certain Amount Of Risk.
After All, To Let Someone Into Your Home Is
To Let Them Into Your Life.
And We Never Know What Sorts Of Horrible
Secrets They Carry With Them.
We Can't Foresee The Painful Effect They
Might Have On Our Loved Ones.
We Don't Anticipate The Gossip That Could
Result From Their Presence.
Yes We Must Be Very Careful With Those We
Invite Into Our Lives Because Some Will Refuse
To Leave.
That's
415 - Mother Said say What were you thinking,edie? We're
supposed to be friends.
Previously on Gaby's new tenant I understand We are friends.
you got a room to rent. I am not interested in orson.
We like you. The young boy then heard edie add So stop
If you have first and last months' rent, We'd acting like such a bitch! which included a word
like you even more. he was not allowed to use.
came with a dangerous secret. The old woman then saw bree hodge clench
I'm your father. her fist.
Wayne's return meant trouble for katherine. A second later, the blind man heard a slap
She doesn't know you, but i do. And the young boy saw edie grab her cheek.
Did you have anything to do with the fire at As the two women parted company, A
rick's restaurant? Lynette tried to warn tom thought occurred To all those who had
about kayla I think we have a seriously witnessed the incident That right there on
troubled young girl. peaceful wisteria lane, The battle lines had
And in his time of weakness, Orson chose the been drawn, And someone Was going to get
wrong shoulder to cry on. hurt.
I don't think You're right.
The incident- As it would come to be known- Children purchase tasteful bouquets Sign
Happened late on a tuesday afternoon. sentimental cards And create homemade
Witnesses included an old woman A blind jewelry All in an attempt to honor That
man And a young boy. woman known simply As mother.
The old woman,whose hearing was not what it Oh! Hey,mama.
used to be, Saw bree hodge emerge from her Hey,baby.
house In a way that told her She was upset Oh,my gosh! Is this my daughter-In-Law?
about something. Well,i'm gonna hug her.
The blind man,whose hearing had become Oh! It's nice to meet you.
more acute, Heard edie say oh,hey,bree. Oh,my goodness! Oh! Oh,okay.
What's up? in a way that suggested Edie Oh,my son was right.
wasn't expecting any trouble. You are the prettiest thing! Michael, i'm just
The young boy, who was not yet 11, Heard taken with her.
bree hodge say I saw you kissing my husband. Oh,well,good.
But he couldn't understand Why someone Thank you.
would be angry about kisses, Which he Come on,mama.
thought grown-Ups liked. Let's get you unpacked.
As the old woman pretended To clip hedges Oh,yes,let's do,'cause i brought you a present.
she'd already clipped, She saw the body Oh! Oh! Let's go.
language of her neighbors change. Come on.
As the blind man listened in, He heard bree Wow! It's all recipes.
Not just any recipes.
Some of these have been in my family Since
before the war of northern aggression.
You mean the civil war? I mean what i mean.
Um,well I guess mike didn't tell you That
i'm,uh, really not a cook.
Oh,no,he told me.
That's why i gave you these recipes, And i'm
gon' teach you how to make 'em,too.
Isn't that nice,honey? Oh, my meemaw always
told me That a lady should be a chef in the
kitchen, A maid in the living room and a
whore in the bedroom.
And michael says you've only got one of those
covered, So i'm gon' help you with the other
two.
Excuse me.
The one she won't be helping me with- Please
tell me it's "whore.
" I call the computer.
No way! I called it on the bus.
Whoa! Whoa,whoa,whoa! Guys, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
There's somebody i want you to meet.
This is dr.
Dolan.
Hey,guys.
I'm joshua.
He's gonna hang out and watch us, You
know,be a family.
Why? Because we've had a couple of Problems
lately.
And my job is to find out what's causing those
problems, And then i can help you be a
stronger family.
Can we be a stronger family While playing
"age of empires iii"? Yeah,sure.
I wanna learn how to play that game.
Go get started.
I'll join you in a minute.
So i like what you said About making the
family stronger, But as i told you,kayla's the
one you wanna focus on.
Well,i prefer to look at the big picture.
You see,if a family is dysfunctional, It can lead
to a child with problems.
Yeah, or a child with problems Can lead to a
dysfunctional family.
I mean,kayla's the one that got my kids to
light a fire And jump off the roof.
Honey,it-It sounds like Dr.
Dolan has,um, kind of a plan here.
I understand.
It just seems like At $140 an hour,we could
skip straight to the part Where you sit down
with kayla And tell her to stop being so evil.
Mommy? Yeah? Um i forgot to give you
something.
Oh.
It's a drawing i made for you in school.
Oh,well,thank you.
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
She never does this.
Mmm.
Don't.
We're waiting for ellie.
She's finishing up with a customer.
Well,maybe when she's done tattooing him,
She can put "stop hitting the blind guy" on
my forehead.
You know,i've been hitting you a lot less lately,
And i don't feel Like i'm getting enough credit
for that.
You're right.
I'm a bad husband.
No,seriously.
We're getting along better.
Have you noticed that? Yeah,i think it's
because of ellie.
Me,too.
It's impossible to argue with her in the house.
She makes us laugh.
She takes you off my hands every once in a
while.
Plus,she's always helping around the house.
I mean,yesterday, without even being asked,
She washed all the windows.
She's amazing.
I don't know where she gets all her energy.
Okay,so we're square.
Dude,you gotta call me next week.
I got some great stuff coming in.
All right.
Ellie,it's getting cold! I'll be right down! So
should i sneak out the back? Oh,no.
That's my landlady.
She's cool.
She knows you're dealing? Well,she's not that
cool.
Oh,hey,guys! You were up there a while.
Can i see it? Um,she- She means the tattoo.
I would love for you to see it But it's kind of
down south.
Oh,on his got it.
Does it hurt? It's okay.
Ellie gave me something for the pain.
And fairview has a top-Rated school district,
Which,uh You'll appreciate in a couple of years.
Well,come on in.
I'll show you the inside.
You go ahead,honey.
I'll wait until mark wakes up from his nap.
All right,we'll see you in a minute.
Okay.
All right Hi! Oh,hi! I'm bree hodge.
Lauren baxter.
Nice to meet you.
So are you thinking of moving onto the lane?
Yes.
This house is exactly what we've been looking
for.
Do you mind if i ask- Is it a safe neighborhood?
Oh,yes, the neighborhood's safe.
I wish i could say the same for your real estate
agent.
Well,what do you mean? What is this? You left
it in the printer.
It's a house listing.
Yeah, for a house in baltimore.
Yeah,wait till you see it.
It's got a pool and a garden.
This is about dad,isn't it? I'm doing this to
protect us.
We don't need to be protected.
He's changed.
It's all an act, sweetheart.
You don't see it now, but you will.
He's only back because he wants something.
I don't know what exactly.
I just know we're not safe here.
Oh,sure.
That's it.
Dad has some evil plan.
It couldn't be that he wants to be in my life,
That he loves me.
He isn't capable of love,dylan.
I found that out the hard way, And we need to
leave Before you learn the same horrible
lesson.
Move if you want.
I'm staying here with my father.
But what happened? Things were going fine.
I'm sorry.
We need another realtor.
All right.
Biscuits are the foundation of any southern
meal.
Like my meemaw used to say, "ain't nothin'
you can make Don't taste better on a biscuit.
" A fount of wisdom, your meemaw.
Uh-Huh.
Well I really appreciate this.
Thanks,adele.
"Adele"? If you don't call me "mama," i'm gon'
scream.
Don't do that mama.
Now let's get started.
We're gonna need a flour sifter.
I don't have one.
Pastry cutter? Sorry.
Dough hooks? Don't even know what they are.
That's fine.
We can improvise.
Why don't you start by measuring out our dry
ingredients? The flour and such? Oh.
Michael is gonna be so happy.
After a long day of work, He can come home
to a nice, home-Cooked southern meal.
Although he also enjoys Coming home to
sesame chicken from red panda, And they
deliver.
You know,it's a shame that michael has to
work so hard.
But i guess with all the money troubles You
two have been havin' he told you that?
Well,we're getting past it.
Only because my son is working himself to the
bone.
You know,it wouldn't hurt for you to get a job.
I have a job.
Oh,you mean your little drawings? Well,it's
great for a woman to have a hobby.
Personally,i decoupage, But i'm talking about
something that pays.
Children's books pay.
Really? How much? You know,i think,actually, I
might have those dough hooks somewhere.
Oh,dear.
I've insulted you.
Now i'm just trying to be helpful.
No,no.
It's fine,adele.
Mama.
So we were sort of surprised to get your call.
Don't you need to see kayla a few more times
Before you report back to us? Well,before
continuing with her, I thought it might be
helpful to ask you a few questions.
Oh,go ahead.
Shoot.
Do you love kayla? Lynette? Hmm? I was
talking to you.
Oh.
Well s-Sure.
I've been very good to her.
That wasn't his question.
Do you have a diploma on your wall,tom? I
don't think so.
Zip it.
Again,um Do you love her? Of course i do As
much as i can,given the way she joined our
family.
It's just-It's complicated.
I understand.
The problem is, Kayla has picked up on your
ambivalence, And she's become a very angry
girl.
So what do we do? Oh,god.
Is this gonna be one of those therapy things
Where she hits me with a foam bat? There's a
bond that develops Between an infant and her
mother.
You and kayla never formed that bond, So
what we need to do is recreate it.
It's called attachment parenting, And it starts
with kayla being by your side As often as
possible.
That sounds like exactly what they need.
I mean,i don't have a diploma or anything,but
I'd really like to give this a try.
Whatever keeps you and kayla close and
interacting- Go to the movies, go shopping,
Maybe take a little trip together,just the two of
you.
Could we revisit the foam bat idea for just a
second? The plan sounds great,doc.
Don't worry.
I will make sure that they are together
constantly.
As me if i love tom right now.
Go ahead.
I dare ya.
May i help you? I haven't seen benjamin in a
week.
I was thinking i'd take him for a few hours.
It's not really a good time.
Well,bree,whenever i call, it's not a good time,
So if you don't mind, I'd like to take my son to
the carnival.
Well,that sounds boring.
I know.
Why don't you take him to edie's house, And
he can watch you give her a dental exam with
your tongue? Bree,you don't understand.
What you saw was bad judgment on edie's
part And good judgment on my part.
I pushed her away.
Yes,eventually,with a big, dopey grin on your
face.
Can we please put this behind us? I would like
to take benjamin.
I don't think so.
I'd hate for him to be around When you had
another attack of delayed morality, Either with
edie or behind the wheel of your car.
I am not having this argument.
He is my son,too.
Not exactly.
What? Don't even- Strictly speaking, you're not
even related to him.
I mean,it was fine for you to masquerade as
his father When we were together, but now
that we're not- This is wrong.
I will hire a lawyer.
I've already hired one.
You'll be hearing from him shortly.
Oh,and if you're in the mood for a carnival,
Why not call edie? I hear you get three throws
for a dollar with her,too.
Bye,gaby.
You guys going for another walk? Yeah.
We found this sweet hiking trail- Goes right
through the middle of the woods.
Yeah,and unlike some people, Ellie doesn't let
the branches hit me in my face.
You're spoiling him.
What the hell? Ellie,your door is locked! Ellie!
Oh,shut up already.
Mom,guess what? Dad's coming to my senior
recital next week.
I could swing by and pick you up,if you want.
We could make it a real family outing.
Dylan,your father and i need to talk in private.
I'm not done saying good-Bye.
Yes,you are.
Please get rid of that gum.
I can hear you smacking all the way in the
house.
Bye,sweetheart.
Bye,dad.
Just so we're clear, There will be no family
outings. fashion model in the '90s.
Now,kathy, you shouldn't be rude To a man I know cocaine.
who still has feelings for you. Damn it.
Meaning what? You still love me? I do. What are you doing? I'm calling the police.
And i know i'm somewhat to blame For what's Whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa! Shouldn't we hear
happened between us. ellie's side of the story first? Here's ellie's side.
That's why i've forgiven you for kidnapping "Selling drugs brings in more money than
our daughter. waiting tables.
The least you can do is meet me halfway. " There you go.
Oh,wayne. Were you moved? Okay,look, maybe i was
I don't deserve your forgiveness. wrong.
Maybe not,but i'm gonna give it to you Maybe it was flour.
anyway 'cause I still think we could be happy Maybe she's a pastry chef.
together. Yeah! And she came up with that tattoo cover
Could we? Given all the things i did That you story To hide her illicit baking.
don't know about? What's that? I'm talking All right,look, i know we have to do something,
about all those men i was with While we were But this woman's our friend.
married. Yes,and i'm a convicted felon still on probation.
How can you forgive something like that? Now if the police find out we're harboring a
That's a lie. drug dealer, They're gonna fry me.
You wouldn't have dared. We have to turn her in.
Unhappy women do dangerous things. Well,the priority for me Is working out custody
I think the worst Was when i tricked you Into of benjamin.
thinking dylan was yours. To that end,i've written down All the pertinent
I wanted to tell you the truth, but i was scared facts about the situation.
For obvious reasons. No,i don't want to do this over the phone.
I don't believe you. Uh,listen.
But i'm not worried anymore Because you've I'm gonna hop in the shower.
changed. How about we meet in your office in about an
So what are you waiting for, wayne? Forgive hour? Great.
me. Thanks.
Hey there! Mrs. Orson? Orson? The,uh,the door's open.
Mccluskey. Edie? What are you doing here? Get out
If she's not mine, then whose is she? Does it here,you wuss.
matter? Oh,i guess i won't be seeing you at That puritanical robot bitch of yours Is
the recital now. sabotaging my business.
Hmm. Okay,hang on a second.
What a shame. I'll be right out.
Are you sure it was cocaine? Carlos,i was a You know,uh,orson forget it.
Just-Just take a nice,long shower.
Really? You sure? Yeah.
Uh, now that i think about it, I can handle
bree all by myself.
So that's when i saw all those bricks of
cocaine under her bed.
I mean,i-I mean, i think it was cocaine, And i
think they're called bricks.
I'm just a simple housewife.
I don't know what i'm saying.
Well,you've done the right thing,and
thanks To the cooperation of citizens like you-
Yeah,yeah,yeah.
When are you gonna get her out of our house?
Well,it's a little more complicated than that.
Meaning? Bullock! Oh,my god! What? What? I
can't see anything.
It's one of ellie's customers.
Actually, i'm detective bullock.
We've been tracking miss leonard for several
months now.
Okay,so if you know what she's doing, Then
why don't you just bust her? She's small-Time.
We're trying to get to her supplier, So we
need her to keep dealing.
Wait.
So you're just gonna leave a drug dealer in
our house? Yes.
For now we just need you To
normal,pretend like you don't know anything.
We'll move in when the case is made.
Okay,look, I'm all for doing my civic duty, But
this woman- She's sort of a friend.
And now you're asking us to trick her? I'm not
sure we're comfortable with this.
Mr.
Solis, you're on probation,right? How'd you
like not to be? What on earth could you
possibly want? Oh,i wanted to thank you.
After you scared off that couple That were
going to buy the young house, I,uh,found
another buyer, And they're willing to go 10%
over asking.
Well,good,when they drop by for their
inspection, I'll just have to have a nice little
chat with them,too.
You wouldn't wanna do that to me.
And after all, we're family.
Family? Well,yes, since my nephew austin Is
it's benjamin's biological father, That makes me
benjy's great-Aunt- A term i don't exactly love,
But it's better than "grandma," Which is what
you are.
How did you Cute story.
I- I went over to orson's to ask him to get you
off my back, And the poor sap- He-He'd
written the whole sordid tale down And left it
right there on the table.
Edie,if word got out, My whole family would
be humiliated.
Oh,i don't want word to get out.
That would ruin everything, because right now
i Well,i own you.
What does that mean? Glad you asked.
From this moment on, i am your best friend.
You're gonna invite me to all of your fancy
parties, Set me up with all your single friends,
act And,well,if i'm ever in the mood for muffins,
You're gonna bake 'em for me.
Edie please.
And if you don't, If for one second i don't feel
the love, I'm gonna bury you.
You understand? Yeah.
Good.
Oh,by the way,um,i'm having an open house
tomorrow.
A plate of banana nut muffins sure would set
the mood.
Don't you think? Oh! Oh! Hey,honey, could
you get that? Thank you.
Hey,bree,perfect timing.
We were just getting ready to deal the cards.
Bree,are you okay? There's something i've
been keeping from all of you, And,um We
need to talk.
Hey,wayne.
I finished that d.
N.
A.
You wanted.
I'm probably gonna get in trouble Because i
put it in front of martin's triple homicide.
You bad girl.
Well,i owe you.
I just needed to confirm That the vic and my
suspect are related.
Oh,well,actually,they're not.
I ran the samples from the cheek swab And
the wad of gum you gave me, And your
suspect's not related to the victim at all.
Are you sure? Mm-Hmm.
Oh, yeah,it's 100% exclusion.
Are you hungry? 'Cause i worked all through
lunch, And i thought that you and i could go
get- Wayne? Oh,my god.
And edie threatened to use that to Yes.
Okay,first of all, you're,like, The greatest mom
ever to wanna protect danielle like that.
Thank you.
I can't believe she was blackmailing you.
I can't believe she made a play for orson.
I can.
She went after carlos and mike and karl.
The only person she hasn't gone after is tom.
Yet.
This woman is outta control.
What are you gonna do? No.
What are we gonna do? Hey,guys,what's going
on? I told them everything, edie, About
orson,benjamin, Everything.
You did? She did, so you can kiss That little
blackmail scheme good-Bye.
Well,i was only doing it because- You were
only doing it because you're the devil.
Okay,fine,chew me out and let's get on with it.
It's not like all the other times,edie.
We're done.
Done? We're not inviting you to poker.
We're not talking to you.
We're not even gonna wave when you jog by.
From now on,you are invisible.
And we're gonna make sure every woman in a
5-Mile radius Knows the kind of crap you
pulled.
We tried to be your friends, but you don't
even understand What that word means, so
now we're gonna be something You do
understand.
Guys,wait.
Wait.
I know i crossed a line this time, And,well,i'm-
I'm sorry.
Did you hear something? Mnh-Mnh.
Neither did i.
Over here, honey,look at the camera.
Look at the camera.
You ready to ride,dylan? Now look,if you're
scared, you don't have to.
I want to.
No,you're a brave girl.
Hold up your arm for the camera,sweetheart.
How many stitches is that? 11.
And you didn't cry once, did you? Can i ride
now,please, daddy? Of course,baby.
I love you,daddy.
Dylan,it's me.
Uh,you need to come over here tomorrow.
Yeah,i know it's mother's day, but it's okay.
I got some things to tell you about your
mother.
Ooh,i want this one.
Oh.
Yow! It's a little pricey.
But i want it.
You're the one who asked me to go shopping.
Well,i know,but we're supposed to
spending time together, Not going into debt.
Oh.
How about this one? What do you mean,
"supposed to"? I just It's good for us to hang
out.
I enjoy it.
Is this something that the doctor made you
do? No.
All my idea.
I just wanted to treat you to a real fun day.
All right.
You want me to have fun? Mm-Hmm.
Buy me this.
Okay.
Good times.
I'd like an old-Fashioned, please.
What's the matter,michael? You tuckered out?
Oh,yeah,i just didn't get much sleep.
Honestly,i wonder how you ever get any,
Well,considering you got susan in the bed
Sawing wood all night.
I'm doing what now? Snoring.
What'd you say it sounded like,michael? A
bunch of bulldogs in a bag? But it is a sound
that i've come to love.
You know what my meemaw did to grandpa
boo? She sewed a marble in the back of his
pajama top, Then if he rolled on his back to
start snorin', It'd wake him right up.
But i guess you can't do that, Seeing as how
you sleep in the nude and all.
Well, that's gonna change real soon.
I'm gon' fix my face before i order.
Excuse me.
Oh,this is nice.
Nice? She's driving me crazy.
You have got to stop complaining about me
to her.
be I don't complain.
Well,you could see how i, as the nude,snoring
whore, Would think so.
Okay, now i might vent a little bit, But she's
just trying to help.
Well, the next time she tries to help, She's
gonna get an old-Fashioned in her face, So
you better step up and start defending me.
Okay,okay.
Well,lovely powder room.
It's amazing that such a busy restaurant Can
keep their bathroom cleaner than yours.
Now,mama,that's- That's not very nice.
Well,you're the one who told me You didn't
marry her for her housekeepin'.
You just need someone to teach these things.
You know what? Why don't i stay a few extra
weeks, And you and i can spruce the house up?
And don't worry.
I'll leave when the baby comes.
At my age,all that crying just cuts my nerves
to shreds.
Now the first thing we're gonna do Is wash
your walls.
Just 'cause we don't walk on 'em Doesn't
mean they don't get dirty.
Now how do you remember that? science
project.
Now when you used to read Oh,my god! My
water broke.
What? My water just broke. Do you wanna go back in there right now and
I'm in labor. tell her? No.
We have to go. No.
You're not due for a month. The restaurant just comped our drinks.
I don't know what to tell you, mama. We'll tell her at home.
Look at me. Well,we've done enough damage for one day.
Aah! Come on. Let's go home.
We have to get you to the hospital. I want a corn dog first.
Well,yes,let's go. Oh,honey,we're about to have dinner.
No,no,no,you should take a cab home and But i'm hungry now.
start packing. I want a corn dog.
This one feels like a crier. All right.
Well, are you sure i should- Aah! Aah! Come Thank you.
on. If you're hungry, I'll get you something healthy,
Aah! Aah! Aah! Ah. and you can have it in the car.
Ah. Corn.
You're doing great,honey. Dog.
Just keep breathing. Why can't i have one? Well,at this point,
How close are the contractions? A few weeks Because of the way you're acting.
apart. Please don't do this, kayla.
Wanna go to the movies? What? I'm not in We have been having such a nice time.
labor,okay? But your water broke. And we can keep having a nice time.
I saw it. Just give me what i want, Or you're not gonna
That was club soda. like what happens.
Amniotic fluid doesn't have ice cubes and a Are you threatening me? I'm just saying, I got
lemon wedge. that idiot preston to jump off the roof.
What,you faked that? I'm sorry. Wonder what i could get penny to do.
I panicked. I'm sorry.
Your mother just invited herself to stay with us I'm sorry.
for three weeks, And you said nothing. I shouldn't have done that,but that was That
I had to come up with a plan. was horrible,what you said.
Well,what happens if we go home with no And-And You should never say that again.
baby? I didn't say it was a good plan. Okay,so Come on.
Do you see the effect she has on me? I just Let's go.
thank god i wasn't drinking coffee. Come on.
I could've hurt myself. Oh,susan,you're up.
Okay, i get it. Michael told me about your false labor.
I'll talk to her. That was unusual.
Thank you. Well,it happens.
I know,but usually your water doesn't break.
Oh,that.
Um Turns out i spilled some club soda.
Well,no surprise there.
Michael told me what a klutzy kathy you are.
I'm glad he finds that cute.
I myself don't have the patience.
Hey,mama.
Hello,michael.
Do you have a mother's day present for me?
He sure does, but i want mine first.
Mama,we need to talk.
About what? About the way you talk to
people.
I mean,um,sometimes you can be a little too
honest.
Sorry.
Go on.
It's just you don't realize how things sound
When they're coming out of your mouth.
I know you mean well- Ohh! I'm getting to it.
No,no,no, i-I love where this is going.
It's just that,mama,sometimes when you're
talking to susan- Susan,you look a little pale.
Are you okay? Oh,she's fine.
And i wish she'd cut it out.
No,i'm not trying to-Ow! Susan? Are-Are you
going into labor? For real? Maybe.
Who cares? Let her have it.
Okay,okay.
Mama,you've gotta stop taking potshots at
susan.
She's my wife, and i love her, And i can't have
you upsetting her.
Sweetheart,i-I am deeply sorry and mortified.
If-If i've caused you any distress, I never meant
to hurt your feelings.
Apology accepted.
Let's go.
Oh.
Whoo! Happy mother's day! Oh.
Oh,my gosh! That is so sweet.
Thank you so much.
We're gonna go get your present.
Yeah.
Okay.
I hope you like turtles.
So No kayla? Well, she's still pretty upset.
Again, i know i crossed the line, And i am so
sorry.
You know what? Let's not get into this.
I'm just gonna get angry all over again.
Tom,if you had been there and heard what she
said It doesn't matter.
You hit her.
Honey, she's just a little girl.
And now thanks to you, she's a frightened
little girl.
Sorry to bother you, dr.
Dolan, But you said i could call anytime.
My mom She hit me.
No,it's not the first time.
I was afraid to tell you 'Cause i knew what she
would do if she found out.
Please help me.
I don't feel safe here.
I have to go.
She's coming.
Uh,sorry about the mess.
The maid took the week off.
You said you wanted to talk to me and Tell me
things about mom? You know what,kiddo? I-I
had kind of a bad day yesterday.
I sat around here drinking, feeling sorry for
myself.
And and then i called you.
That's okay.
If you're feeling sad or whatever, You should
always call me. But we'll talk about that when i get there,okay?
None of this is your fault. I love you,baby.
I hope you know that. I'll see you soon.
None of what? I tried so hard to let the past It happens the second sunday of every may.
just be the past. We celebrate the women Who give us life And
I didn't- I didn't wanna bring up Who did what so much more.
to who or why. The ones who protect us at all costs Who
What did mom say to you? And it turns out have the courage to fight those who would do
i've been kidding myself all this time. us harm Who put our happiness ahead of
This family that i've been fighting for- It just- It their own.
doesn't even Exist. But mostly We celebrate a mother's love,
We don't need her. Which is constant,eternal And there from the
I'm fine with just you and me. very beginning.
I'm happy now.
Ow! Dad,you're hurting me.
Dad,what's the matter? You have to go.
What's wrong? Did i do something? Get outta
here! Now! Ellie? Brunch is almost ready! This
is gonna be so hard.
You can't think of her as your friend.
Think of her as a drug dealer Who could've
gotten us into a lot of trouble.
I'll try.
Oh! Shoot.
I wanted to surprise you.
What's this? Well,you know, it's mother's
day,and I have kind of a crappy relationship
with my mom, So This is my way of saying
thanks for being nicer to me Than she ever
was.
Oh.
Oh,honey! I'm glad i didn't get you the
chocolates.
No,travers,no,i decided spending mother's day
with you Is more important Than spending
time showing people stupid houses.
Oh,love you,too,sweetheart.
Actually,i think mommy's gonna be spending
A lot more time with you from now on.
416 - The Gun Song Oh, You Tell Kayla Her Breakfast Is Ready.
Hi.
Previously On Adam Was Finished With My Name Is Fern Parrish.
Katherine Please Get Rid Of That Gum. This Is My Colleague, Irene Semanis.
But Dylan's Father Came Back. We're From C.
Bye, Sweetheart. P.
Bye, Dad. S.
I Tricked You Into Thinking Dylan Was Yours. Uh, One Sec.
I Finished That D. Preston, You Might Wanna Stop Dropping Your
N. Waffle On The Floor, 'Cause I'm Still Gonna
A. Make You Eat It.
You Wanted, And Your Suspect's Not Related So, Uh, What's C.
To The Victim At All. P.
Gaby And Carlos Were Forced To Go To The S.
Police. ? Children's Protective Services.
Are You Sure It Was Cocaine? Carlos, I Was A For What It's Worth, I Keep My Floors
Fashion Model In The '90s. Incredibly Clean.
I Know Cocaine. Mrs.
Just Give Me What I Want And Lynette Or Scavo, We Recently Received A Report Of
You're Not Gonna Like What Happens. Some Abuse In Your Home.
Was Pushed To Her Breaking Point. Abuse? That's Ridiculous.
Coffee Mugs To The Contrary, Lynette Scavo Well, We Got A Call From A Dr.
Knew That She Was Not The World's Greatest Joshua Dolan? It Seems He Was Contacted By
Mother. Your Daughter Kayla.
In Fact, When It Came To Parenting, Lynette Who Says You Hit Her Repeatedly.
Had Done Many Things She Was Not Proud Okay First, I'm Not That Kind Of Mom.
Of Like The Time When She Offered Parker And Second, Kayla Has A Tendency To
Cash If He Agreed To Eat All Of His Spinach Exaggerate.
Or When She Told The Twins There Was We Also Have A Security Tape From A
Treasure Buried Beneath The Weeds Or When Clothing Store.
She Gave Her Kids A Little Extra Cough Syrup It Shows You Slapping A Young Girl Across
So She Could Finish Her Novel. The Face.
But Despite These Lapses Lynette Didn't Think We're Assuming That's Kayla.
Of Herself As The Worst Mother In The World Have A Seat.
Either, Until One Horrible Day. I'll Be With You In A Second.
Since When Do You Make Waffles? Well, Kayla Yes, Lynette Scavo Was Not The World's
Loves Waffles, And Since She And I Have Been Greatest Mother.
Having Some Problems Lately, I Wanted To Do But In Her Heart, She Knew She Had Done
Something Nice For Her. The Best She Could Given What She Had To
Work With. When We Want Him To Come, We'll Just
Whistle And Say, "Here, Boy.
"Lynette"- It's How The French Describe "A " Dr.
Pretty One. Conner.
" "Katherine"- Coined By The Ancient Greeks, It Paging Dr.
Denotes "Purity. Conner.
" "Gabrielle"- A Hebrew Word Meaning "God Please Call Admitting.
Is My Strength. Conner.
" "Bree"- It's An Irish Name That Means "Power. I Love It.
" Indeed Every Name Has A Single Specific Me, Too.
Meaning Which Is Why Parents Have Trouble Oh, You Finally Have A Name.
Choosing One For Someone Who Means Dr.
Everything To Them. Conner Delfino.
What About "Philip"? I Like "Philip. Oh, Hey.
" Oh, I Know You Do. I'm Going Out To The Mall.
I Don't, And Neither Does The Baby. You Wanna Come With? Oh, No, Thanks.
Philip? Oh, Phil? See? Nothing. I Gotta Make Sure My Handyman Gets His
Not Even A Burp. Wiring Done.
Here's A Thought. He Screwed It Up The Last Time.
How About "Nathaniel"? All Right, That's The You Realize We Could've Had A Fire? Sorry,
Fourth Time You've Tried To Sneak "Nathaniel" Mrs.
Past Me. Solis.
I'm Putting "Peyton" Back On The Table. All Right, Then.
I Am Not Naming My Son After A See You Later.
Quarterback. And She's Gone.
All Right, Here's The Rest Of My List. Great.
Lucas. Let's Break Into Her Room.
It Sounds Like "Mucus. As Soon I Finish This, I'll Start Placing Bugs In
" Mitchum. The Other Rooms.
Like The Deodorant? Unitas. Well, Isn't Her Room Enough? She Has A
Oh, Give Me That. Prepaid Cell Phone, So We Can't Tap It.
Well, We Need New Inspiration. Our Only Hope At Nailing Her Supplier Is To
Ooh. Record Every Conversation She Has In This
Riley. House.
I Like It. Well, How Long Is That Gonna Take? We Got A
Who Is He? He's A Guy Who "Killed Six, Then Tip That She's Expecting A Delivery This Week.
Self. So It Won't Be Long Before Miss Leonard
" Well, I Give Up. Learns The Joys Of A Little Girl-On-Girl Action
He's Not Gonna Get A Name. In A Prison Shower.
Okay, First Of All, You're A Pig.
Second Of All, Don't Say Things Like That.
Ellie's My Friend.
Yeah, Well, Your Friend Is A Drug Dealer, I.
E.
, Scum.
Hey! You Don't Even Know Her.
Okay, Yes, She's Made Some Bad Choices, But
Deep Down, She's A Good Person.
Yeah, Well, Deep Down, I Hope She Rots In Jail.
Okay, When This Thing Is Over, Let's Not Do
The Whole Christmas Card Thing.
Is That Your Husband? No, He's At Braille
School.
Gaby? Oh, Ellie! Hey! What The Hell Are You
Doing In My Room?! We Weren't Expecting
You Back So Soon.
I Forgot My Wallet.
Again,What The Hell Are You Doing In My
Room? Well, We Needed Some Privacy.
See, Roy And I Are Lovers.
You're Having An Affair With Your Handyman?
I Know, It's Crazy.
You Wouldn't Believe The Passion.
I Mean, I Was Powerless To Resist.
Just- Just Get Out Of My Room.
Okay, Okay.
We're Going.
That's For Using Your Tongue.
Lots Of People Do Missionary Work, But Few
Have The Guts To Smuggle Bibles Into North
Korea.
It Is My Distinct Pleasure To Welcome Back,
After Four Long Years- Reverend Michael
Green.
Thank You For That Glorious Introduction, Joe.
Well, It's Good To Be Back.
Now If You'll All Please Stand And Offer Each
Other The Lord's Peace.
Peace Be With You, Bree.
I Reject Your Peace, And I Demand You Stop
Stalking Me.
I'm Doing No Such Thing.
Really? So I Just Happen To Run Into You At
The Dry Cleaner, The Greengrocer, The Post
Office? We Shared A Life Together.
It's Only Natural We'd Frequent The Same
Places.
Oh, Please.
I Saw You At My Nail Salon.
There's Nothing In The Bible That Says A Man
Can't Enjoy A Nice Pedicure.
Orson, Hear Me When I Say This.
It's Over.
You Have Done Unconscionable Things For
Which I Can Never Forgive You, And No
Amount Of Flitting About In My Peripheral
Vision Is Going To Change That.
But There Must Be Something I Can Do.
You Know I've Repented.
We-We Can Get Past This.
I Know No Such Thing.
Now Be Quiet.
I'm Done Talking To You.
Bree, So Nice To See You Again.
Peace Be With You.
And Also With You.
Do Not Give This Man Peace.
You Shouldn't Keep Your Doors Unlocked,
Kathy.
Why Do You Think They Call 'Em "Crimes Of
Opportunity"? What Do You Want? Dylan Used
To Have A Big Old Scar Right Here, And Now
It's Gone.
I'm Just Curious How You Would Explain That.
Never Too Early To Start Drinking, Is It? She
Fell Off Her Bike.
I Took Her To A Plastic Surgeon In Chicago
'Cause I Didn't Want Her To Feel Self- P.
Conscious. S.
Well, That's Pretty Convenient. Finish Their Investigation.
What Are You Suggesting, Wayne? They'll Interview Your Kids, Their Teachers,
Something's Not Right. Possibly Some Of Your Neighbors.
I Felt It From The Moment That I Laid Eyes On My Neighbors? God! I Could Strangle That Girl.
Her. Honey, You Might Wanna Stop Saying Things
I Just Don't See Myself In Her At All. Like That.
I Told You. Look, For The Next Few Days, Let Tom Handle
She's Not Yours. The Kids.
Yeah, But I Don't See You In Her Either. Any Other Problems Between You And Kayla
So Let's Just Settle This Once And For All. Could Jeopardize Custody Of All Your Children.
Take A D. Wait.
N. They Could Take My Children? No One's
A. Taking Anyone.
Test. You Have Got To Be Kidding Me! This Is All A
All I Need Is One Strand Of Hair. Big Misunderstanding.
Knock, Knock. I'm Sure That We Can Work This Out.
Is This A Bad Time? No, Not At All. So What Do I Need To Do To Keep My Kids?
Great, Because We Are Here To Throw Well, There Are A Lot Of Things You Can Do.
Ourselves On Your Mercy. First, No Physical Discipline ??? Of The Onion
We Are Having A Commitment Ceremony In And White Asparagus Tart.
Five Days, And Our Caterer Just Canceled. Wonderful! With A Little Goat Cheese.
We Know It's Short Notice. Oh, And Lee Asked For Stuffed Mushrooms.
Totally Understand If You Say No. Those With Roasted Green Beans As Our Side
Nonsense. Dishes.
I'd Love To Do It. Nice Tight Grouping.
Why Don't You Have A Seat, And We'll Talk You Are Not Rusty At All.
Details? I'm Sorry. Thank You.
If You're Busy, We Can Come Back Later. Felt Good.
No, No. Although I Always, Uh, Like A Trip To The
No, That's Okay. Range, Is There Any Particular Reason We
You Stay. Came Here For Party Planning? Well, With
I'll Come Back Later. Adam Gone, I've Just Been Feeling A Little
Lynette, I'm Sorry. Uneasy Lately.
When I'm Told About A Suspected Case Of It's Funny How Having A Man In The House
Child Abuse, I Am Bound By Law To Report It. Can Make You Feel Safer, No Matter How
Okay, So What Happens Now? I'm Just Trying Retiring Or Easily Spooked He Might Be.
To Help C. That's True.
I Just Need To Feel That If An Intruder Broke
In, I Could Take Care Of It Effectively.
You Really Want To Be Effective? Try Hollow
Points.
These Rounds You've Got Punch Straight
Though, But A Hollow Point Blooms On
Impact, Cuts The Body To Shreds From The
Inside.
Sounds Exactly Like What I Need.
Now Let's Talk Desserts.
???????My Grandie Died.
Oh, Som So Sorry.
I Know Muw Much Lou Lovim Him.
Welltuactu,Ly,I' Bve Been Thinkingutboutt.
I Kn Wetlet Oed"Cn "Cr,Ner," But Ud, Ih, Lik
Like Toeam R Our Son After Ra Grandfather
Oh.
Well, Yeah, Um, I Mean, "Conner" ???? This
Would Mean Something.
So You're Okay With This? I Think It's A
Beautiful Way To Honor Your Grandfather.
I Mean, "James" Wouldn't Be My First Choice,
But It's A Good, Solid Name.
No, Grandpa James Is My Dad's Dad.
This Is My Mom's-Maynard.
Oh, Right.
Maynard.
Oh, That's Awful That He Died.
Why Didn't We Think Of This Before? It's Such
A Beautiful Southern Name.
Oh, And Rare, Really Rare.
And You're Right.
It's A Great Way To Honor My Grandfather.
Yeah.
I Said That, Didn't I? Oh, Shoot.
We Can't Do It.
Isn't Your Grandpa James Significantly Older
Than Grandpa Maynard? Shouldn't We Honor
Him First? But Grandpa James Isn't Dead.
You Sure? It's Worth A Phone Call.
Actually, I've Got A Cousin Who's Named After
Him Already, So We're Covered.
Thank You, Susan.
This Really Means A Lot.
I'm Gonna Go Call My Mom.
Oh.
Forgive Me.
Don't Look At Me Like That.
His Grandfather Just Died.
Hey! Lunch Is Almost Ready.
I'm Making Your Favorite.
I Take It You're Still Mad At Me.
Well, Yeah.
I Just Don't Get Why You Broke Into My Room.
Well, I Couldn't Risk Doing It In My Room.
Ever Since Carlos Went Blind, He's Developed
A Strong Sense Of Smell.
I Don't Know If You Happened To Catch A
Whiff Of Roy, But That Is One Telltale Odor.
Well, That's Another Thing, You Know? What
Do You See In That Guy? Uh, You Know, He's A
Handyman.
He Knows How To Get In There And Make
Stuff Work.
But He's A Zero, And Carlos Is So Fantastic.
Don't You Love Him? Of Course I Do.
Carlos Solis Is The Love Of My Life.
But, You Know, Sometimes You Get Bored, And
A Big, Greasy, Disgusting Handyman Really
Hits The Spot.
Adam, What The- You Scared Me Half To
Death.
Sorry.
I Let Myself In.
Why? Dylan Told Me Wayne's Back.
Why Didn't You Call Me? Because I'm Handling
It.
Yeah, She Told Me About The Shooting Range,
Too.
You Sure That's The Best Way To Handle It?
Adam, You Made It Very Clear That You Were
Done With Me.
But I'm Not Done With Dylan, And If Wayne's
Back, Then I'm Gonna Protect Her.
So Maybe I Should Pay Him A Little Visit,
Scare Him Off.
If You'd Ever Met Wayne, You'd Know Better.
Well, Then Let's Get Dylan Out Of Town.
I Tried.
She Said She's Not Leaving.
Well, I I Promised Her A Trip For Graduation,
Just The Three Of Us, Anywhere She Wanted
To Go.
Okay.
But What Happens When The Trip's Over?
Won't We Just Be At Square One Again? Not If
We Don't Come Back.
Oh, Susan.
He's Adorable.
He's So Precious.
So It's Been Two Days Now.
Did You And Mike Finally Land On A Name?
Maynard.
Maynard? Wow.
Interesting.
It Has A Very Distinct Ring.
Okay, Drop The Act, Ladies.
I Hate It, Too.
Mike Insisted That We Name Him After His
Dead Grandfather.
How Did He Die? Was He Beaten To Death
'Cause His Name Was Maynard? I Know.
It's Terrible, But I Can't Change It Now.
Mike Was So Emotional About It.
Well, Then Appeal To His Sense Of Reason,
Because The Name "Maynard" Doesn't Go
With The Name Of "Delfino.
" One Is German And The Other Is Italian, And
We All Know What Happens When Those
Folks Get Together.
Well, I'm Not Sure That The World War Ii
Argument Is Gonna Fly.
Come On.
You Have To Do Something.
I Mean, That Name Is Practically Abusive.
Yeah, Think About Your Son.
People Live Up To The Names They're Given.
If My Parents Hadn't Named Me "Gabrielle,"
Who Knows If I'd Be This Pretty? I Guess That's
Why They Didn't Name You "Einstein.
" So Sarcastic, But What Would You Expect
From A "Lynette"? What? If Your Name Was
"Francesca," You Wouldn't Have Time For
Sarcasm.
You'd Be Too Busy Having Sex On A Vespa.
You're Right.
My Son's Future Is At Stake.
I Have To Do Something.
Maybe Not.
We Call Gabrielle "Gaby.
" I Mean, Perhaps There's A Shortened Version
Of "Maynard" You Could Live With.
Yeah.
Which Says "Kick My Ass" Less- "May" Or
"Nerd"? What's Going On? Lynette Scavo, I'm
Placing You Under Arrest.
What? Why? Wh-For What? Kayla Showed Us
The Burn Mark On Her Arm.
Burn Mark? What Burn Mark? You See? She
Doesn't Know Anything About This.
Okay, Sir.
That's Enough.
Now Please, If We Could Just Go Back And
Talk About This Sir, Enough! Ma'am, You're
Gonna Have To Come With Us.
Oh! Tom.
Okay, You Know What? I'm Gonna Go Call The
Attorney.
I- Okay.
Look, Look, I- I Will Come With You.
Please, Just Don't Handcuff Me In Front Of My
Children.
Well, You Should Have Thought Of That Before
You Hurt One Of Them.
Lynette Scavo, You Have The Right To Remain
Silent.
If You Give Up That Right, Anything You Say
Can And Will Be Used Against You In A Court
Of Law.
You Have The Right To Have An Attorney
Present During Questioning.
If You Do Not Have One, We Will Appoint One
For You.
Well, I'd-I'd Be Delighted To Speak To Them,
Bree.
Perhaps I Can Tell 'Em The Story About The
Time I Evaded The North Korean Border Patrol
By Hiding In A Pile Of Oxen Dung.
They'll Love That.
This Is Gonna Be The Best Seniors' Brunch Ever.
I'm So Glad You're Back.
Between You And Me, Reverend Sykes Tended
To Pander To The Congregation's Progressive
Element.
I Prefer Your More Muscular Brand
Christianity.
Well, Thank You, Bree.
Hmm.
I Thought Of You Also.
I'm So Sorry To Hear About Rex's Passing, But
I Understand That You Remarried.
I Did, But, Um, I'm Afraid It Hasn't Worked Out.
It's Been Rough.
For What It's Worth, I Know How You Feel.
When Carolyn Left Me, The Loneliness Was
Crippling.
I Didn't Know She Left You.
Yes, For Our Korean Grocer.
I'll Tell You, Sometimes This Merciful God Of
Ours Has One Sick Sense Of Humor.
Hartman, Table For 4, 7:30.
See You Then.
Table For One? Yes.
Scavo's.
Is Everything All Right? Oh, This Is A Bit
Awkward, But My Soon-To-Be Ex Just Walked
In.
He's Been Following Me Everywhere.
For Ace, 8:30 P.
M.
All Right.
Would You Mind Terribly If I Took Your Hand?
Maybe That Way, He'll Finally Get The Idea
That I've Moved On.
My Hand Is At Your Service.
Right This Way, Sir.
Will You Be Needing A Wine List? Uh Actually,
I Think I'll Be Needing A New Restaurant.
Ah, It Worked.
Thank You For That.
It Was My Pleasure.
The Bail Bondsman Said He Has To Run A
Credit Check, Then He'll Wire The Money.
Of So After You've Been Processed, You Can
Leave.
And Go Where? I Can't Get Within 500 Feet Of
My Children.
Are You Not Up To Speed On The People Vs.
Lynette Scavo? We'll Figure Something Out.
Mrs.
Scavo, It's Time To Go.
No, You'll Figure Something Out.
I Have To Go Back To My Cell.
Honey, I Am So Sorry Ahiut Tbos.
Look It, Just Hang In There.
It's Only Gonna Be A Couple More Hours At
The Most.
How Can You Talk Like That? What Else Has To
Happen For You To Get What's Going On Here?
I Do Get It.
But Kayla's My Daughter, So I'm Trying To Deal
With This In A Way That Protects Our Family.
No, You Are Trying To Stay On The Fence
While I Fight To Stop Kayla From Destroying
Us.
But Look Around You, Tom.
Look Where I Am! You Have Got To Do
Something Now.
Fix This.
Well, Thank You For A Lovely Evening, Bree.
Oh.
You Know, It's Funny.
I Don't Think I'll Be Able To Look At You As
Just Another Parishioner Anymore.
Now, Now.
We Mustn't Play Favorites, Although I Will Take
That As A Compliment.
Well, Take This As A Compliment As Well.
Your Eyes Glimmer Like The Yalu River On A
Moonlit Night.
Oh.
How, Um, Colorfully Put.
??????????? What Does That Mean? I Want You.
Reverend Green! When You Took My Hand In
That Restaurant, I Could Feel The Electricity,
And I Know You Felt It, Too.
No, I Told You.
I Was Only Trying To Send A Message To My
Ex.
Oh, Please.
There's Always Been Sexual Tension Between
Us, Ever Since Palm Sunday 1996, When We
Both Reached For The Same Frond.
No! Bree, If I Took No For An Answer,
Kangwon Province Would Still Have 242
Unsaved Souls.
Well, Now You're Sending Out Mixed Signals.
Then Let Me Send You A Clear One.
I Am Not Attracted To You.
Oh.
Oh, Nice.
First, You Use Me, Then You Reject Me, And
Now You're Insulting Me? Maybe You Should
Go Now, Mrs.
Hodge.
Oh, Reverend Green, Please Don't Be Upset.
?????????? Shoot! Ellie, Can You Help Me For A
Sec? Sure.
What's Oh.
I Spilled My Milk Again.
Don't Worry.
I'll Clean It Up.
God, I'm So Sick Of Knocking Crap Over.
I Don't Know How Gaby Puts Up With Me.
She's A Saint.
Yeah, Well "Well," What? Hey, Sweetie.
Hey, Whore! Excuse Me? I Know All About
Your Affair With The Handyman.
Ellie Told Me Everything.
That Little Snitch.
I Can't Believe She Did That! Well, Thanks For
Letting Me Know.
Uh, Hello? Are We Even Gonna Talk About This?
Yeah, The Second That Bitch Gets Home, I'm
Gonna Let Her Have It.
Boy, You Trust Someone, And They Just Betray
You.
It Sucks, You Know? Yeah, I Know! Gaby, You
Cheated And You Got Caught.
Now Will You Please Hand Me A Plate So I
Can Smash It Against The Wall? Oh, You
Moron! There Was No Affair! That Was The
Cop. They're A Little Late Getting Started.
Ellie Caught Us Putting The Bug In Her Room. I Know, And Reverend Green Is Usually Such A
That Was Just An Excuse We Used As A Cover. Stickler For Punctuality.
And You Expect Me To Believethat? I Got News Well, I Don't Mean To Be Rude, But I Don't
For You, Carlos. Think My Sermon Is Any Of Your Business.
You're Blind. Let Me Put It This Way.
You Don't Have A Choice Anymore. If You Say Anything About Bree, You And I Are
You Have To Believe What I Tell You. Gonna Have A Problem.
Just Like When I Hand You The Deodorant, Well, I'm Sorry You Feel That Way, But I Think
You Have To Believe It's Not Oven Cleaner. It's My Duty As Pastor To Warn My Flock
I Know It's Not Fair. When A Temptress Sits Among Us.
I Know It Gives Me Absolute Power, But Tough. Now If You'll Excuse Me.
You're Screwed. What The Hell's The Matter With You? I'm Not
Deal With It! Are We Good? Okay. Going To Let You Go Out There And Trash
Thank You. That Good Woman's Name.
Now Please, I Just Lost A Friend. "Good Woman"? She Led Me On.
Stop Being So Insensitive. Who Are They Talking About? She's A Flame-
Pastor Joe. Haired Jezebel! You're Insane! She Is The Most
I Noticed That There Are No Programs. Moral Person I Know! I Have No Idea.
Oh, Yes. Now If You'll Please Excuse Me.
Reverend Green Decided To Change Today's Would A Moral Person Lead A Man On And
Scripture Reading. Then Humiliate Him? I Don't Care What She
It's Going To Be Colossians 3:5. Did To You.
Oh, He Wants To Talk About Sexual I Am Not Going To Let You Publicly Declare
Promiscuity? Well, It Was A Last Minute Thing. That Bree Hodge Is A Slut! Oh, Dear Lord.
He Came In This Morning Muttering About Then Again, I Suppose I Could Preach About
Some "Redheaded Harlot" In Our Midst Who Tolerance Today.
Needs To Be Unmasked. Orson.
I Don't Know. Orson.
I Was Just So Relieved He Was Off The Hello, Maynard.
Koreans, I Didn't Ask Questions. I Love You, Maynard.
Excuse Me A Minute. My Sweet Little May May.
Oh. Mamie.
Hello. Nerd.
Sorry. Hello.
I Know This Is A Bad Time. I Need To Change The Name On My Baby's
Aren't You Bree Hodge's Ex-Husband? No, I'm Birth Certificate.
Her Current Husband, And I Need To Speak To Okay, Last Name? Delfino, Maynard.
You About Today's Sermon. Where's The Father? You Both Need To Sign
This.
Oh.
Working.
Busy, Busy, Busy.
Uh, But He Told Me To Tell You That He's
Totally Cool With It.
Well, I'm Busy, Busy, Busy, Too.
So When He's Available, You Can Come On
Back, And We'll Make The Change.
Oh.
Okay.
I'm Just Gonna Level With You.
My Husband Picked The Name, And I Think
It's Horrible, And I Know Over Time, He's
Gonna Agree.
I Don't Care.
Rules Are Rules.
You Gotta Help Me Out Here.
I'm Just Trying To Protect My Child.
I Don't Want Him To Go Through Life Saddled
With The Name "Maynard.
" I Don't See What The Big Deal Is.
Well, Of Course, You Don't.
You're Vanessa.
You Went Through Life With A Beautiful Name.
That's Why You Have Such A Crackerjack
Personality.
I Think We're Done Here.
I Have A Couple Errands To Run.
Will You Cover For Me? No Problem.
Thanks, Griselda.
Griselda That Must Have Been A Tough Name
To Take Out On The Playground.
Yeah.
Actually, It Was.
We Should Talk.
Hi.
I'm, Uh, Here To Check On Orson Hodge.
An Ambulance Brought Him In Less Than An
Hour Ago.
Are You Family? I'm His Wife.
Well, He's Going To Be Fine.
There's No Concussion, But The Doctors Do
Wanna Keep Him Here For A Couple Of Hours.
Should I Tell Him That You're Here? No, That's
All Right.
Let Him Rest.
But Please Take Excellent Care Of Him.
He's A Good Man.
Gaby, Can I Talk To You? About How You
Snitched On Me To Carlos? No, Thanks.
I'm All Caught Up On That.
I'm Sorry, But I Know From Experience What
Cheating Can Do To People.
Let Me Guess.
This Story Ends With You Throwing Your
Boyfriend's Varsity Jacket In The Lake? When I
Was 13, My Dad Caught My Mom Having An
Affair, And He Walked Out On Us.
Oh.
We Had Nothing, Okay? My Mom Went Crazy,
And I Ended Up On The Street.
To Survive, I I Had To Do A Bunch Of Stuff
That I'm Not Proud Of.
Oh, Ellie, I'm So Sorry.
I Had No Idea.
What Have We Got Here? That's Our Guy.
The Point Is, The One Bad Decision Can Mess
Up A Lot Of Lives, And I Just Don't Want That
To Happen To You And Carlos 'Cause I Love
You Guys.
Yes? Supplier's Coming Your Way.
We're Gonna Arrest Them Both, So Get Out Of
There Now.
Okay.
Bye.
Anyway, I Didn't Mean To Get Into A Whole
Thing.
I Just Wanted To Say I'm Sorry. And Penny.
The Cops Are Coming. This Is Her Home.
Go. But- But Don't Worry.
What?! Police! Drop The Bag! Drop The Bag! We're Gonna Find You A Nice Place To Live.
Hands Behind Your Head. Daddy, I Don't Wanna Go Anywhere.
It's A Sting. I Wanna Stay Here With You.
Go Out The Back Now. I Don't Have A Choice, Kayla.
Adam! Mom Said You Were Coming Tonight. I Need To Keep You Safe.
Oh, I Wouldn't Miss It For The World Oh. But I Made It All Up.
So You Better Be On Your "A" Game. I Lied About Everything.
Okay. I Burned Myself.
And We're All Going Out To Dinner Afterwards. And Why Would You Do That, Kayla? I Hate
Adam Wants To Tell You About Your Her.
Graduation Present. And It's So Much Better When It's Just Us.
What? What Is It? No, No, No. I See.
You Gotta Wait, But I'll Give You A Clue. And You'll Explain All This To The Police And
I Hope Your Passport's Up-To-Date. Dr.
Yeah, No. Dolan And Everybody, Right? Yes, I Promise.
It's-It's Okay, Andrew. And Then I Can Stay, Right? No, Sweetie.
You Can, Uh, You Can Just- You Can Finish It In No.
The Morning. What You Did Was Horrible, And I Can't Trust
Great. You Anymore.
See Ya. Then I'm Gonna Keep Lying To Everybody.
Bye. You Don't Want That, Do You? Did You Get All
Need Some Help With That? I Didn't Think You That, Dr.
Liked Puzzles. Dolan? I'm Gonna Go Stretch My Legs And
Hmm. Check My Service Real Quick.
I Can Give It A Shot. Okay, But Intermission's Only Ten Minutes.
I Need To Talk To You About Lynette. Yeah.
I'm Sorry I Had To Call Dr. Excuse Me.
Dolan, Daddy, But She Scares Me. Could You Give Me A Hand? What's Up? Nail
Yeah. In My Tire.
You Said That Before, But Here's The Thing. I Gotta Change It Now 'Cause???????????? I'm-
They're Gonna Let Lynette Go Soon, And I'm Catching A Red-Eye.
When They Do, You Guys Aren't Gonna Be Yeah, Sure.
Able To Live In The Same House Anymore. I Can Help.
You-You Know That, Right? So Where Is She Oh, Thanks.
Gonna Live? Like, In A Hotel Or Something? I'm Right Over Here.
She Lives Here, Kayla, With Me And The Boys Wow, This Thing's Really Flat.
Usually With A Nail, You Get A Slow Leak.
Yeah.
I'm Lucky I Even Made It Here.
Well, I Got This.
You Grab The Spare.
My Daughter's The One That Plays The Cello.
Which One Is Your Daughter? That's The Other
Thing I Need Your Help With.
Oh, Honey, Can You Get All My Toiletries Out
Of The Bathroom? What Are Those? Well, It's
Cute, Aren't They? It's A Hospital Tradition.
Get Them Out Of Here Now.
Why? Because My Husband Is Terrified Of
Balloons.
He Was Once Molested By A Clown.
Oh, My Gosh.
Oh, I Got It.
What's Going On? I'm Sorry, Sir.
We Didn't Know About The Clown.
Why Does That Say "Conner"? Is That What It
Said? We Had "Maynard" Ones Printed Up, But
Mrs.
Delfino Shh! Went To The Records Office
Susan What's Going On? Well I Hate The
Name "Maynard.
" Really? I Like It- Get Out.
I'm Sorry.
I I Just Want Our Kid To Have A Great Name.
I Don't Think "Maynard" Is Great.
You Wanna Know What Is Great? My
Grandfather Started The First Integrated
Elementary School In Tennessee.
And You Know What Else Is Great? When My
Dad Went To Prison, The State Wanted To Put
Me In The System.
My Grandfather Wouldn't Let 'Em.
He Took In My Mom And Me And Sacrificed
Everything Just To Make Sure We Had A Great
Life.
Wow.
I Didn't Know About That.
Susan, I Don't Want To Just Give Our Son A
Name.
I Want To Give Him Someone To Live Up To.
Maynard.
Let's Hope He's Worthy.
Well, That Part's Up To Us.
Well, That's All Of Her Things.
Well, We Should Probably Get Going, Hmm?
We Found A Hotel With A Pool For Tonight.
Maybe You And Grandpa Can Go Swimming.
Sheila, Can I Talk To Her For A Sec? Honey, I
Know This Is Hard On You.
But I'm Gonna Come Visit You At Grandpa
And Grandma's All The Time.
So It's Not Like It's Good-Bye Forever.
Kayla I'm Sorry How Everything Turned Out.
No,You're Not.
Okay,Then.
I Love You,Baby.
Have A Safe Trip.
Daddy! I'm Sorry! Daddy,I'm Sorry! Please!
Daddy! Please! What's In A Name? Do The
Labels We Attach To People Tell Us Everything
We Need To Know? If We Say She's Just A
Child, Does This Mean She's Truly Innocent?
Does Calling Her A Drug Dealer Prove She's
Purely Evil? Will A Man Known As "Preacher"
Always Practice What He Preaches? Can A
Man Branded A Villain Possess The Qualities
Of A Hero? The Truth Is, A Name Can Never
Really Tell You Who Someone Is Who Are You?
Any More Than It Can Tell You What They're
Capable Of.
I'm Wayne Davis And We're About To Have
Some Fun.
the next morning It Had Been 14 Years Since
Katherine Mayfair Had Been In A Police Station,
But She Remembered The Conversation Like It
Was Yesterday.
Would You Like Some Water,Honey? Thanks.
So I Take It This Isn't The First Time Your
Husband's Hit You? He Keeps Promising To
Stop, But It Just Gets Worse.
And I'm Afraid He's Gonna Do Something To
My Daughter.
Please, You Have To Help Me.
Have You Reported Him Before? Once,But
When I Called, They Said They Couldn't Find
The Paperwork.
Oh.
Your Husband's Wayne Davis, One Of Our
Patrolmen.
Want Some Advice? Wayne's Got A Lot Of
Friends Around Here.
Of Course You Can Press Charges,But I Can't
Guarantee That One Of His Friends Won't Lose
The Paperwork Again.
Then What Should I Do? Get As Much Money
As You Can Lay Your Hands On, Grab Your
Daughter And Run.
And So She Did To A Place She Thought
Would Be Safe.
Mrs.
Mayfair? I'm Detective Romslo.
Can I Help You? Why Exactly Would You Think
That Dr.
Mayfair Was Kidnapped? No One In The
School Parking Lot Heard Or Saw Anything
Suspicious.
That's Because The Man Responsible For This-
My Ex- Knows A Little Something About How
To Commit A Crime.
He's A Cop.
What's His Name? Wayne Davis.
What? Well,It's Just,Uh I Know Wayne.
We've Hung Out Together.
He's A Hell Of A Golfer.
Well,Believe Me When I Tell You He Wasn't A
Hell Of A Husband.
Is That What This Is About? Some Payback For
An Ancient Domestic Dispute? Please.
You Have To Do Something.
Because Once Wayne Is Done With Adam, He's
Going To Come After Me.
And This Time, He's Gonna Kill Me.
I Know It.
I'll Look Into It.
If You Would Just,Uh, Fill Out This Paperwork
In That Moment,Katherine Knew Exactly What
She Had To Do Again.
Mom,Stop.
You're Not Making Any Sense.
There's No Time.
Wayne Is Coming.
He Took Adam.
We're Next.
But Why? Why Would He Do That? And If
We're In So Much Danger, Then Why Aren't
We Calling The Police? The Police Will Not
Help.
Dylan,Please! Go Pack Your Things.
We Need To Be Gone Before He Gets Here.
Stop! I'm Not Going Anywhere Until You Tell
Me What's Going On.
Why Do I Have To Be Afraid Of My Father?
Katherine Mayfair Had Been Running From
The Truth For A Long Time Okay.
I'll Tell You.
No! Dylan.
Dylan,I'm Sorry.
I Had No Choice! No! Dylan! And It Had
Finally Caught Up With Her.
There's A Ritual My Friends Have Observed For
Years.
Once A Week,They Meet To Play A Game Of
Cards And Talk About Their Lives. I Feel Awful, But I Wouldn't Bail On You If It
There's Always Laughter And Wine And Talk Weren't Important.
About The Neighbors. Okay.
No Way,Bree. Well,What's Going On? I Can't Tell You.
I Don't Want Katherine In Our Games. Again,I'm So Sorry.
She Bums Me Out. Good Luck.
Oh,I'm With Gaby. All Right,You Can All Wipe Those Smug Looks
I Mean,You Know Me. Off Your Faces, Because Every One Of You Has
I Always Like To Give People The Benefit Of Just Become My Employee.
The Doubt No,You Don't. Hey,Got Any Plans Tomorrow At 5:00 A.
No,I Don't, But Let's Say I Did. M.
Katherine Has This Aloof Quality. ? 'Cause Now You Do.
It's Like She's Always Trying To Keep Us At Bree Needs About Two Truckloads Of Flowers
Arm's Length. Picked Up From What? Guess Who Got Off
Well,I Have To Agree. The Wait-List At Princeton! Oh,My God.
She's Changed. Oh,My God! I'm So Proud Of You! Okay,I Am
She's Not That Fun Anymore. Going To Need A Bumper Sticker Right Away
Ladies,I Don't Know What You're Talking About. So I Can Start Annoying All The Other Parents!
Katherine Has All Sorts Of Wonderful Qualities. Sure.
Name One,And Keep In Mind That "Aloof" I'll Snag You One When I Get There On
And "Unfun" Have Already Been Taken. Tuesday.
Well,I Admit She Plays Her Cards Close To The Tuesday? What Are You Talking About?
Vest, But Some Of You Could Benefit From Okay,You Know That Professor Who Read My
That Kind Of Quiet Dignity, Miss I-Chew-Gum- Senior Thesis? Well,He Was So Impressed That
Like-A-1930s-Gun-Moll. He Asked Me To Come Out And Do A
Bree,You Can Talk Katherine Up All You Want, Summer Internship.
But She Is Just Never Gonna Be One Of Us. I'm Leaving Next Week.
Anybody Home? Oh. Next Week? W- Well,That Is A Big No.
Hi! We Were Just Talking About You. No? Mom,I Have To.
Random Chitchat,Nothing Specific. It's A Huge Honor.
That's Nice. Yes T And You Have Been Chosen.
Could I Talk To You For A Minute? Hey. So Congratulations, And You're Staying Home.
What's Going On? Okay,I Know It's Last Minute, Oh,You're Not Letting Her Go? But It's A Huge
But I Have To Leave Town, So I'm Not Gonna Honor.
Be Able To Help You Cater The Commitment Yes,We've Established That.
Ceremony. It's Huge.
It's Tomorrow! A Hundred Gay Men Are It's An Honor.
Descending On This Street, And They're We Get It.
Expecting A Fabulous Party. Give Me One Good Reason Why I Can't Go.
Well,The First Thing Off The Top Of My Head
Uh We Can't Afford It.
Susan,Can I Talk To You For A Sec? You Know, I
Just Inherited 5 Grand From Grandpa Maynard,
And I I'd Really Like To Help Julie Do This.
Mike,That Is So Sweet.
Mike Makes Another Good Point.
Who Is This Professor? I Don't Know Him.
I Am Certainly Not Going To Give My
Daughter To Him For A Summer.
I'm Sorry,Julie.
This Is Not Happening.
This Totally Sucks.
Well,Yes, But Don't Forget- It Is A Huge Honor.
Hey.
You Know What We Haven't Done In A Really
Long Time? Made 250 Mini Pizzas In One
Afternoon.
What Are You Talking About? Bree's In A
Horrible Jam, And I Told Her We'd Help Cater
The Commitment Ceremony Tomorrow.
I Can't.
I'm Busy,Remember? I'm Taking This Stuff To
Kayla, My Daughter Who Lives Four And A
Half Hours Away Now.
Okay,So At The Risk Of Cracking These
Eggshells I've Been Walking On All Week, Any
Idea When You're Gonna Stop Being So Angry?
I'm Not Angry At You.
'Cause You Know We Didn't Have
Choice,Tom.
We Had To Get Her Out Of The House.
I Know.
I Am Angry At The Situation.
Can You Please Just Let Me Be Angry? Fine.
You Can Be As Angry And Sulky And Pissy As
You Want, Just So Long As You're Here
Tomorrow, Helping Me Crank Out 250 Mini
Pizzas.
You Know,I've Been Told That Some Wives Ask
Their Husbands For Favors And Actually
Say,"Please.
" Oh,Tom.
Don't You Know An Urban Myth When You
Hear One? Okay,So Here's The Deal.
Bree Needs All Of These Wedding Favors
Wrapped By Tomorrow, And She's Really
Counting On Me, So I'm Gonna Need You To
Hurry.
I Just Got Off The Phone With The Credit Card
Company.
Do You Have Something That You Wanna Tell
Me? Mm Well,It Would Be Easier If I Knew
What You Knew.
Damn It,Gaby,Enough Shopping! You've Maxed
Out Every Credit Card We Own.
I Mean, We Are So Broke Right Now, It's
Gonna Be A Miracle If We Don't End Up On
The Street.
Okay,When You Yell At Me,I Get Upset.
And You Know What I Do When I Get Upset? I
Shop.
So If We Do End Up Homeless, Guess Whose
Fault It'll Be.
Whatever.
I'm Gonna Go Read Porn In Braille.
Hello? Gaby,It's Ellie.
Ellie,You Can't Call Me! The Cops Are All Over
A My Ass Because They Think I Helped You
Escape.
I'm Sorry.
I Just Need One More Favor, And Then I'll
Never Bother You Again.
Oh! Ellie,I Don't Know.
What Is It? I Left My Teddy Bear In The Coat
Closet.
I Need You To Bring It To Me.
Teddy Bear? What Is That,Code For "A Pound
Of Blow"? No,It's An Actual Teddy Bear.
My Dad Gave It To Me When I Was 5, And It's
The Only Thing I Have Left To Remember Him
By.
Crap.
Ya Had To Play The Daddy Card.
Hmm.
??? Y, We'll Open Up The Buffet Mm-Hmm.
Uh,Chicken Marsala, And Pasta For The
Vegetarians.
And Dancing,Roll Out The Cake, You Leave For
Your Honeymoon, And I Will Collapse In A
Tasteful Heap.
Hold It.
You Didn't Say Anything About The Ice
Sculpture.
Oh! Yes,I'm Sorry.
One Cherub Delivered At 1:30.
Cherub? No,I Specifically Told Katherine We
Were Gonna Go With The Enchanted Castle.
And I Told Her We'd Go With The Cherub
Because We Are Not 8- Year-Old Girls.
Bob,All My Life I Have Dreamt Of Having A
Wedding Reception In Which I Would Serve
Drinks From A Vodka Moat Surrounding An
Enchanted Castle Rendered In Ice, And I Don't
Think That's Too Much To Ask.
Remember When You Asked Me To Tell You
When You Start Acting Like Faye Dunaway
From The Boardroom Scene In "Mommie
Dearest"? Uh,Why Don't I Let You Two Work
This Out? Fine,We'll Go With The Stupid Baby
Angel.
I Need Some Coffee.
Why Are You Here? And Don't Say For The
Pizza, Because I Know You're Lactose-
Intolerant.
I Heard Katherine Left You In The Lurch.
I'm Here To Offer My Assistance.
Oh,I Get It.
So I'm Desperate And Vulnerable, And You're
Gonna Swoop In And Save The Day.
Well,Thank You Very Much.
I'm Fine.
Darling, Don't Be Stubborn.
You're Gonna Need Place Cards, And You
Know I Have Excellent Penmanship.
Don't You Dare Throw Your Calligraphy Skills
In My Face When You Know I'm At A Low
Point.
Now Go! And Stop Following Me.
You're Doomed.
Excuse Me? The Way You Just Caved On That
Sculpture Thing? You're Setting The Tone For
Your Entire Marriage.
I Am? Yeah.
You Gotta Dig In Your Heels.
Otherwise,You're Gonna Be Pushed Around For
The Next Let's See.
How Long Have I Been Married? Ten And A
Half Years.
I Want My Castle.
Lee It Is The Only Thing I've Asked For, And
Damn It, I'm Entitled To It.
Fine.
Oh.
Thank You.
All Right,So I Will Call The Ice Sculptor And
See If We Can - Forget It.
We're Sticking With The Cherub.
And Later, When He Bitches About It, I'll Just
Buy Him Some Jewelry.
You Sure You Haven't Been Married Before?
Hey,Gaby? Over Here,Carlos.
You Know,I Got A Theory As To Why All This
Bad Stuff Has Happened To Us- My Blindness
And Losing All Our Money It's Karma.
You Know, We've Been Selfish And Greedy,
And The Universe Is Telling Us To Start Being
Better People.
I Just Found $118,000 In Ellie's Teddy Bear.
Hey,Universe? Bite Me! Hello? Hey,Wayne? It's
Pete Romslo.
Pete! How's Tricks? Listen,Uh, I'm Just Calling
To Give You A Heads-Up.
Um,I Finally Met Your Ex.
She Came In To File A Report.
Apparently, You,Uh,Kidnapped Her Husband.
No Kidding? Am I Asking For Ransom?
Well,You Always Said She Was Crazy.
Now I Feel Your Pain.
Anyway,I-I Just Thought You Should Know,Huh?
Take Care.
Thanks.
Okay,Enough Kiddin' Around.
Tell Me Where My Daughter Is.
Oh,For- Did You Die On Me? Damn It! Okay,So
You Have Another One Of Those In The Truck?
Thank You.
I'll Be Back In Ten Minutes! We Need More
Settings On Five,Please.
Lynette, I Wish I Had Time To Be More
Tactful,But I Don't.
Your Swan Is Pathetic,And I'm Firing You From
Napkin Duty.
No,No,Give Me Another Chance.
I Will Get It.
Yes? Oh,There You Are! Where Is My Ice
Sculpture? No! No,6:00 Is Too Late.
I Need It Now.
Oh,Forget It.
I'll Pick It Up Myself.
Why Don't You Fill Water Glasses? That's An
Important Job,Too.
Andrew Look,I'm On My Way Back, But It's
Imperative That You Andrew? Oh,Dear God.
Oh,No.
Don't Die On Me Now! Aah! Oh,Dear God.
Aah! Help Me! Help! I'm Just Saying We
Should Pay Off All Of Our Bills And Put The
Rest In Savings.
Savings? Nobody Does That Anymore.
Well,I Mean,You Never Know.
We Might Have Kids.
Oh,Carlos, We're Never Gonna Have Kids.
Shoes Are My Kids.
Let Me Be The Mother I Was Meant To Be.
Hello? Where's My Bear? Oh.
Right.
The Bear.
Well I Looked All Over And Just Couldn't Find
It.
I Guess The Cops Took It.
I'm Really Sorry,Ellie.
I Know It Was A Gift From Your Dad.
It Just Breaks My Heart.
You Found The Money,Didn't You? Money?
What Money? You're Lying.
I Can Hear It In Your Voice.
What's Wrong With My Voice?
Okay,Listen,Bitch.
You Do Not Wanna Screw With Me.
How About We Split It 50-50? I'm Coming To
Get My Money, And If One Dime Is Missing, I
Will Throw Acid In Your Face.
Okay,We Really Need To Get Caller I.
D.
Ugh.
What More Can You Do To Me? Need A Lift?
Hey.
Hi.
Is,Uh,Dylan Here By Any Chance? Uh,Um,No, I-
I Haven't Seen Her.
Okay.
Thanks.
Hey,Katherine, Are You All Right? Uh Dylan
And I,We Had A Big Fight.
Well, I'm Sure She's Just Upset, And She'll
Come Home After She Cools Off.
Not This Time.
I Lied To Her.
Well We All Lie To Our Kids Sometimes,Right?
I've Been Doing It Her Whole Life- One Lie On
Top Of Another- And The Thing I Learned Too
Late Is That Eventually They All Come Crashing
Down On You.
Anyway, If You See Her,Let Me Know? Thanks.
What's Your Hurry,Kathy? Aah! Aah! Aah.
What Happened To My Daughter? I'm Not
Telling You Anything, So You Might As Well Kill
Me.
I Don't Care.
I Believe You.
I Do.
But What About Dylan? Or Should I Say,That
Girl That Lives Here With You? I Bet You'd Care
If I Killed Her.
Uh There Are No Wings.
Yes,And The "Venus De Milo" Is Missing Two
Arms.
What's Your Point? It's Stunning.
Well,I Suppose I Should Say Thank You.
Oh,It's No Big Deal.
You're Just Lucky I Was There.
Was I Lucky, Or Were You Following Me? I
Thought You Might Need My Help.
And You Were Right.
I Did.
You Just Think I'm Being Stubborn,Don't You?
Making You Jump Through Hoops When It's
So Clear We Belong Together.
I Don't Think Anything, Bree.
I'm Just Trying To Be There For You And
Hoping Eventually You'll Forgive Me.
But That's Just It,Orson.
If I Forgive You, Then I'm Forgiving What You
Did To Mike.
I Can't Do That.
And- And You Wouldn't Want Me To.
I Mean, Be Honest With Yourself.
If I Took You Back Now, I Wouldn't Be The
Woman You Love.
Then What Can I Do? I've Already Told You.
Turn Yourself In To The Police And Let Justice
Run Its Course.
I Can't Do That,Bree.
I Want To, For You, More Than Anything.
But I Don't Think I Could Survive It.
Well So Here We Are.
What Is This? It's Your Ice Sculpture.
No,It's Not.
I See No Turrets.
I See No Flags.
I See No Moat Full Of Vodka.
What I See Is A Giant,Icy Slap In The Face.
Bob! What's That? I Want To Be Able To Reach
You This Summer When You're Doing That
Internship.
You Changed Your Mind? Here's The Thing.
You And I Have Always Had Kind Of An
Unconventional Relationship, And The Reason
That Worked Was Because We Always Tell
Each Other The Truth Until Yesterday.
Julie,I Lied About Not Having Enough Money
To Send You.
Why? Because I Just Freaked Out About You
Leaving.
But You Knew I Was Going Away To College.
Yes,In The Fall.
And I Needed Those Extra Three Months To
Get Ready.
I I Still Have Not Figured Out How I'm Gonna
Get By Without You.
Mom Seriously I Just Lean On You In Ways
You Don't Even Know.
I Think You Are Stronger Than You Give
Yourself Credit For.
Well I Spend More Time With Me Than You
Do, And I'm A Mess.
Well, You I Had My Hands Full Then.
But You've Grown So Much These Last Five
Years.
Really? You Are A Secure, Confident Woman
Now.
You're Ready To Spread Your Wings And Fly.
Frankly, My Work Here Is Done.
Thanks.
Now I Want You To Have That Phone On You
At All Times Because I'm Still Not Sure How To
Work The Dishwasher.
Can You Help Me? For God Sake,Lee! It's Just
An Ice Sculpture! It Is Not "Just An Ice
Sculpture"! It's The Sculpture And Making Me
Move To The Suburbs And Forcing Me To Be
Nice To Your Homophobic Boss.
You Know What? Tom's Right.
If I Don't Start Standing Up For Myself,I'm
Doomed.
I Don't Believe I Used The Word "Doomed.
" You're Always Overruling Me.
You Treat Me Like A Child.
Well,I've Had It! Ceremony's Off,Mein Fuhrer!
It's A Chunk Of Ice, You Drama Queen! Okay
All I Said Was- I Don't Care What You Said.
We Have To Fix This! Or Do You Want To Tell
Bree That You Torpedoed Her Ceremony? I Did
Not Tell You To Put Mums In That
Arrangement! And Don't Point Your Finger At
Me Or I'll Snap It Right Off.
I'll Find Bob.
I'll Get Lee.
Yeah.
You Can't Make Me Talk To Him.
Yeah,I Can.
Sit Down.
Earlier,My Husband, In An Attempt To Help
You With Your Relationship, Mistakenly Gave
You Some Advice, Which He Would Now Like
To Take Back.
Tom? Actually,I Stand By Everything I Said.
My Mistake Was In Not Going Far Enough.
What? If You're Willing To Break Up Over An
Ice Sculpture, You Guys Should Absolutely Not
Get Married.
Where The Hell Are You Going With This?
Because Who Gets To Choose The Ice
Sculpture, Who Should Take Out The Trash,
Who Has To Stay Home And Make The Mini
Pizzas- That's The Little Stuff.
What Are You Gonna Do When The Big Stuff
Comes Along? Could You Give Us A Second?
No.
What Are You Gonna Do When A Tornado Hits
Your House, Or You Have Problems With Your
Kids, Or One Of You Gets Cancer? At Some
Point,The Crap Is Going To Hit The Fan, And
That Is Why Now, Before You Make The
Commitment, You Have To Ask Yourself, Is That
Person In Bed Next To You Worth The Trouble?
Do You Love Him Or Her So Much That No
Disease, No Disaster Could Possibly Pull You
Apart? Answer Him.
Sure.
Of Course I Do.
Good.
Good,Then Get Out There And Get Committed,
You Crazy Kids.
Oh,My God.
Are You Okay? You Need Some Help? Yes.
Thanks For Stopping.
Yes,Officer.
I See You.
Thank You For Coming.
Now Remember, Ellie's Dangerous.
So If She Shows Up,Feel Free To Use Excessive
Force.
Carlos, Are You Almost Ready? Carlos? Did You
Hear Me? I'm Just Getting My Jacket.
Oh,Honey,Can You Carry The House Keys?
They Don't Fit In My Purse.
Ellie's Upstairs.
What?! She's In Our Bedroom.
I Heard Her Breathing.
Call The Cops.
Wait! She's Gonna Steal Our Money! You Can't
Go Up There.
It's Too Dangerous.
Well,Not As Dangerous As Poverty! Gaby.
Gaby? What's Going On? Aah! Carlos!
Carlos,Don't Just Stand There! Go Get Help!
Help! Police! That's The Closet! Ow! Police!
Police! Get In Here Now! Wayne.
I Don't Think You've Thought This Through.
Shut Up.
If I Tell You What Happened, If I Don't Tell You
You're Gonna Kill Me Anyway.
Who You Gonna Pin It On? We Have History.
Right Now I'm Just Your Bitter,Crazy Ex.
But If I Turn Up Dead, And You Have No Alibi-
You Let Me Worry About That.
Look,I'm Having A Little Problem Right Now.
I Just Need To Hide Here For A Sec.
And I Don't Wanna Hurt You, So Don't Make
Me.
All Right? Good.
I'm Glad We Understand Each Other.
Huh.
And With Your Gun,Too.
I Guess I Just Found My Alibi.
And Now We Will Do The Exchanging Of The
Rings Snappy Ceremony,Bree.
You And Katherine Really Did A Bang-Up Job.
No,I Did A Bang-Up Job.
Katherine Bailed On Me And Left Town Last
Night.
I Think You Got Hosed.
I Just Saw Her An Hour Ago.
Here At This Joyous And Festive Occasion.
Please Join Hands.
She Was On The Run, She Broke In, She
Stabbed You, You Shot Her.
Case Closed.
It's Like The Alibi Fairy Left Me A Present.
But I Do Wonder What If Dylan Doesn't Come
Back? We Had A Fight.
She Said She Hated Me, Said She Was Leaving
For Good.
Is That The Best You Can Do,Kathy? I Know It
Sounds Convenient.
But What Happens If It's True? Because You
Don't Have Another Plan.
She Was The Only Way You Could Make Me
Tell You The Truth.
Katherine? It's Bree.
We Need To Talk Now! That Girl That Was
Living With The Solises? Actually,I Thought I
Saw Her Heading Down That Way.
Hope You Find Her.
I'd Hate To Think There Was Some Maniac
Running Around Our Neighborhood.
I'm So Sorry About This.
Shut It! So Let Me Catch You Up.
I Need To Know Something That Only My Ex-
Wife Can Tell Me, But She Doesn't Want To.
She Needs A Little Incentive.
So That's Where You Come In.
Wayne Please Don't.
Yeah? How Is It Gonna Feel Knowing That You
Could've Stopped This? All Right! I'll Tell You.
After I Left You A Few Months Passed, And I
Convinced Myself That You'd Forgotten About
Us.
But I Was Wrong.
How Was Dylan? Did She Behave Herself?
She's An Angel.
I Just Hope I Didn't Do Something Wrong.
What Do You Mean? Well,Your Ex-Husband
Was Here Earlier, And,Of Course, I Didn't Know
It Was Him Until Dylan Called Him "Daddy.
" I- I'm Sorry, I Should've Called You, But
Dylan Was Just So Happy To See Him.
He Brought Her A Bicycle And A Doll.
And She Won't Let That Doll Out Of Her Sight.
Katherine,What's Going On? I Was Going To
Run Again, But You Didn't Give Me Enough
Time.
Wayne Just Drove Up.
Should We Call The Police? No.
Let Him In.
I Knew It Was Time To Face You And Let You
Know You Were Not Welcome In My Home,
And Neither Were Your Gifts.
Do You Know How Much Money I Spent
Looking For You? Well,I'm Sure You Still Had
Enough To Buy Liquor By The Caseload.
Wow! Look Who's Gotten Sassy While She's
Been Away.
Well,I Think I Like It.
What Do You Want,Wayne? I Want
Daughter Back.
Why? You Gotten Lazy In Your Old Age? You
Need Somebody Smaller To Pound On? I
Never Touched A Hair On Her Head! Yeah,But
Now She's Gotten Older And Sassier, I'm Sure
You'll Find All Sorts Of Reasons To Hit Her.
I Don't Have To Ask,You Know.
I Could Just Go Up There If I Want.
She Is Asleep! Get The Hell Out! I'm Her
Father! I Said No! Uhh.
Aah.
I'm Bleeding.
Profusely.
You Should See A Doctor.
I'll Be Back For My Daughter.
You Just Understand This- There Is Nothing
That I Will Not Do To Keep You Away From
Her.
Nothing.
Are You All Right? Oh! I Heard A Crash.
Yeah,I-I Hit Him With The Candlestick, And He
Went Down Pretty Hard.
Thank God.
You Know,I Think Now Would Be A Good Time
To Break Out The 10-Year-Old Scotch I've Been
Saving.
I Honestly Thought It Was Finally Over.
I Don't Know How I Could've Been So Wrong.
Katherine! I Came In To Give Her Another
Blanket.
Her Hand Is Ice-Cold! Aunt Lily Told Me I
Couldn't Go To The Police.
She'd Said You'd Make It Seem Like I Killed
Dylan To Keep You From Taking Her, So I Let
Her Bury My Baby In The Woods.
I Knew I'd Have To Run Away Again, But I Also
Knew You'd Never Stop Looking For Me, So I
Came Up With A Plan.
My I Found A Girl In A Romanian Orphanage Who
Looked Just Like Dylan.
The Resemblance Was Uncanny.
Her Mother Had Died In Childbirth, And Her
Father Had Been Murdered.
As I Looked Into Those Big,Blue Eyes, I Knew
Right Then She Needed Me As Much As I
Needed Her.
I've Never Told That To Anyone.
I Even Lied To Adam And Said It Was Your
Fault.
And That's How I've Spent The Last 12 Years Ma'am, You Have To Talk To Us.
Just Telling One Lie After Another. We Need To Know What Happened.
Hold It,Hold It. Ma'am? Then He Raised The Gun And Came
I'm Sorry,Sir. Toward Us.
We're Having A Party. Thank God Katherine Grabbed His Arm And
You Can't Park Here. Got The Gun Away.
So You Let Her Die. That Lunatic Would've Killed Us All.
If You Don't Mind, I Need You To Park Around I Knew Wayne Was The Reason She Moved
The Corner,Okay? Thank You! You Let My Away, And The Second She Moved Back, He
Daughter Die Like A Dog. Started Stalking Her Again.
It Was An Accident. She Was Always Telling Us How Terrified She
Then You Buried Her Like One. Was.
Because I Had To. We Always Knew He'd Do Something Like This
I Knew If You Found Out,Y- That I Would Kill Eventually, And He Did.
You. Look This Was Obviously Self-Defense.
Katherine! Where Are You?! Adam! Get Out! Take The Cuffs Off, Get Her To The Hospital.
He's Got A Gun! You Just Watch Over Him For Mom? Mom! Oh,My! I'm So Sorry,Mom.
A Sec,Okay? I'm Gonna Call The Cops. five years later There's A Ritual My Friends
First We Have To Do Something To Stop That Have Observed For Years.
Bleeding. Once A Week,They Meet To Play A Game Of
Okay. Cards And Talk About Their Lives.
Go Ahead. Of Course,There's Another Aspect To These
You Call The Cops. Gatherings That Has Nothing To Do With
Ask For My Buddy Romslo Or Captain Gossip Or Poker.
Mcmurphy. Every Seven Days, My Friends Are Reminded
We Play Softball Together. Of A Basic Human Truth- There Is Nothing
Those Guys'll Take Care Of Me. More Important Than Friendships That Endure,
And Even If I Do A Little Time You Know This Especially In A World That Insists On Changing.
Isn't Over. Okay,My Friends Are Gone.
I'll Get Out And I'll Find You, And I'll Make You I'm Ready To Fix You Dinner.
Pay. What The Hell Are You Doing?! Hey,Mommy,
I Know You Will. We're Playing Fashion Model! Look At This
Oh,My God! Bree,Are You All Right? What The Mess! You Are Lucky I Got In Here Before You
Hell Is Going On?! We Don't Have Much Time Touched My Dresses! Run,Celia,Run! My Vera
Before The Police Get Here. Wang?! I'm Home! Oh,Thank God.
We Need To Talk. The Publisher Sent Over The Galley For The
Excuse Me. Cookbook.
Susan! Come Here,Come Here. He Needs You To Proof Them Tonight.
What's Going On? Okay,Just Listen To Me. I've Also Got The Woman From "The New York
Times" On The Phone.
She Wants To Do The Interview Now.
Is That You,Bree? The Water's Getting Cold.
Uh,Leave The Galleys In My Office And Tell
The Woman From "The Times" To Call Me
Back In The Morning.
I'm Gonna Have A Nice Bubble Bath With My
Husband.
Coming,Orson! Why Is There A Police Car In
Our Driveway? I Was Telling Your Husband We
Just Picked Up Your Son.
He Broke Into A Car At The Mall And Took It
For A Joyride.
Again? I Am So Sorry,Officer.
We Have Talked To Porter Till We're Blue In
The Face.
It's Like He's Determined To Go Back To
Juvenile Hall.
Honey,It Wasn't Porter This Time.
They Arrested Preston.
It's Me,Mom.
I'm Back From Paris.
It Was Just As Gorgeous As You Said It Would
Be, And You're Not Gonna Believe This.
Bradley Finally Asked Me To Marry Him Right
There Under The Eiffel Tower.
I'm So Happy.
Call Me Back.
Honey? I'm Home.
Did You Miss Me? You Know I Did.
Mmm.
417 - Free
It had been 14 years since Katherine Mayfair
had been in a police station, but
remembered the conversation like it was
yesterday.
Would you like some water, honey? Thanks.
So I take it this isn't the first time your
husband's hit you? He keeps promising to
stop, but it just gets worse.
And I'm afraid he's gonna do something to my
daughter.
Please, you have to help me.
Have you reported him before? Once, but
when I called, they said they couldn't find the
paperwork.
Your husband's Wayne Davis, one of our
patrolmen.
Want some advice? Wayne's got a lot of
friends around here.
Of course you can press charges, but I can't
guarantee that one of his friends won't lose
the paperwork again.
Then what should I do? Get as much money
as you can lay your hands on, grab your
daughter and run.
And so she did to a place she thought would
be safe.
Mrs Mayfair? I'm detective Romslo.
Can I help you? Why exactly would you think
that Dr Mayfair was kidnapped? No one in the
school parking lot heard or saw anything
suspicious.
That's because the man responsible for this--
my ex-- knows a little something about how
to commit a crime.
He's a cop.
What's his name? Wayne Davis.
What? Well, it's just, uh I know Wayne.
We've hung out together.
He's a hell of a golfer.
Well, believe me when I tell you he wasn't a
she hell of a husband.
Is that what this is about? Some payback for
an ancient domestic dispute? Please.
You have to do something.
Because once Wayne is done with Adam, he's
going to come after me.
And this time, he's gonna kill me.
I know it.
I'll look into it.
If you would just, uh, fill out this paperwork in
that moment, Katherine knew exactly what she
had to do again.
Mom, stop.
You're not making any sense.
There's no time.
Wayne is coming.
He took Adam.
We're next.
But why? Why would he do that? And if we're
in so much danger, then why aren't we calling
the police? The police will not help.
Dylan, please! Go pack your things.
We need to be gone before he gets here.
Stop! I'm not going anywhere until you tell me
what's going on.
Why do I have to be afraid of my father?
Katherine Mayfair had been running from the
truth for a long time Okay.
I'll tell you.
No! Dylan.
Dylan, I'm sorry.
- I had no choice! - No! Dylan! and it had
finally caught up with her.
There's a ritual my friends have observed for
years.
Once a week, they meet to play a game of
cards and talk about their lives.
There's always laughter and wine and talk
about the neighbors.
No way, Bree.
I don't want Katherine in our games.
She bums me out.
Oh, I'm with Gaby.
I mean, you know me.
I always like to give people the benefit of the
doubt no, you don't.
No, I don't, but let's say I did.
Katherine has this aloof quality.
It's like she's always trying to keep us at arm's
length.
Well, I have to agree.
She's changed.
She's not that fun anymore.
Ladies, I don't know what you're talking about.
Katherine has all sorts of wonderful qualities.
Name one, and keep in mind that "aloof" and
"unfun" have already been taken.
Well, I admit she plays her cards close to the
vest, but some of you could benefit from that
kind of quiet dignity, Miss I-chew-gum-like-a-
1930s-gun-moll.
Bree, you can talk Katherine up all you want,
but she is just never gonna be one of us.
Anybody home? We were just talking about
you.
Random chitchat, nothing specific.
That's nice.
Could I talk to you for a minute? What's going
on? Okay, I know it's last minute, but I have to
leave town, so I'm not gonna be able to help
you cater the commitment ceremony.
It's tomorrow! A hundred gay men
descending on this street, and
expecting a fabulous party.
I feel awful, but I wouldn't bail on you if it
weren't important.
Okay.
Well, what's going on? I can't tell you.
Again, I'm so sorry.
Good luck.
All right, you can all wipe those smug looks
off your faces, because every one of you has
just become my employee.
Hey, got any plans tomorrow at 5:00 am?
'Cause now you do.
Bree needs about two truckloads of flowers
picked up from What? Guess who got off the
wait list at Princeton! Oh my God.
Oh my God! I'm so proud of you! Okay, I am
going to need a bumper sticker right away so
I can start annoying all the other parents! Sure.
I'll snag you one when I get there on tuesday.
Tuesday? What are you talking about? Okay,
you know that professor who read my senior
thesis? Well, he was so impressed that he
asked me to come out and do a summer
internship.
I'm leaving next week.
Next week? W-well, that is a big no.
No? Mom, I have to.
It's a huge honor.
Yes to be chosen, and you have been chosen.
So congratulations, and you're staying home.
Oh, you're not letting her go? But it's a huge
honor.
Yes, we've established that.
It's huge.
It's an honor.
We get it.
Give me one good reason why I can't go.
are Well, the first thing off the top of my head we
they're can't afford it.
Susan, can I talk to you for a sec? You know, I
just inherited 5 grand from grandpa Maynard,
and I I'd really like to help Julie do this.
Mike, that is so sweet.
Mike makes another good point.
Who is this professor? I don't know him.
I am certainly not going to give my daughter
to him for a summer.
I'm sorry, Julie.
This is not happening.
This totally sucks.
Well, yes, but don't forget-- it is a huge honor.
You know what we haven't done in a really
long time? Made 250 mini pizzas in one
afternoon.
What are you talking about? Bree's in a
horrible jam, and I told her we'd help cater the
commitment ceremony tomorrow.
I can't.
I'm busy, remember? I'm taking this stuff to
Kayla, my daughter who lives four and a half
hours away now.
Okay, so at the risk of cracking these eggshells
I've been walking on all week, any idea when
you're gonna stop being so angry? I'm not
angry at you.
'Cause you know we didn't have a choice, Tom.
We had to get her out of the house.
I know.
I am angry at the situation.
- Can you please just let me be angry? - Fine.
You can be as angry and sulky and pissy as
you want, just so long as you're here
tomorrow, helping me crank out 250 mini
pizzas.
You know, I've been told that some wives ask
their husbands for favors and actually say,
"please.
" Oh, Tom.
don't you know an urban myth when you hear
one? Okay, so here's the deal.
Bree needs all of these wedding favors
wrapped by tomorrow, and she's really
counting on me, so I'm gonna need you to
hurry.
I just got off the phone with the credit card
company.
Do you have something that you wanna tell
me? Well, it would be easier if I knew what
you knew.
Damn it, Gaby, enough shopping! You've
maxed out every credit card we own.
I mean, we are so broke right now, it's gonna
be a miracle if we don't end up on the street.
Okay, when you yell at me, I get upset.
And you know what I do when I get upset? I
shop.
So if we do end up homeless, guess whose fat
it'll be.
Whatever.
I'm gonna go read porn In braille.
Hello? Gaby, it's Ellie.
Ellie, you can't call me! The cops are all over
my ass because they think I helped you
escape.
I'm sorry.
I just need one more favor, and then I'll never
bother you again.
Ellie, I don't know.
What is it? I left my teddy bear in the coat
closet.
I need you to bring it to me.
Teddy bear? What is that, code for "a pound
of blow"? No, it's an actual teddy bear.
My dad gave it to me when I was 5, and it's
the only thing I have left to remember him by.
Crap.
Ya had to play the daddy card.
So after the ceremony, we'll open up the
buffet Uh, chicken masala, and pasta for the
vegetarians.
And dancing, roll out the cake, you leave for
your honeymoon, and I will collapse in a
tasteful heap.
Hold it.
You dn't say anything about the ice sculpture.
Yes, I'm sorry.
One cherub, delivered at 1:30.
Cherub? No, I specifically told Katherine we
were gonna go with the enchanted castle.
And I told her we'd go with the cherub
because we are not 8-year-old girls.
Bob, all my life I have dreamt of having a
wedding reception in which I would serve
drinks from a vodka moat surrounding an
enchanted castle rendered in ice, and I don't
think that's too much to ask.
Remember when you asked me to tell you
when you start acting like Faye Dunaway from
the boardroom scene in "Mommie Dearest"?
Uh, why don't I let you two work this out? Fine,
we'll go with the stupid baby angel.
I need some coffee.
Why are you here? And don't say for the pizza,
because I know you're lactose-intolerant.
I heard Katherine left you in the lurch.
I'm here to offer my assistance.
Oh, I get it.
So I'm desperate and vulnerable, and you're
gonna swoop in and save the day.
Well, thank you very much.
I'm fine.
Darling, don't be stubborn.
You're gonna need place cards, and you know
I have excellent penmanship.
Don't you dare throw your calligraphy skills in
my face when you know I'm at a low point.
Now go! And stop following me.
You're doomed.
Excuse me? The way you just caved on that
sculpture thing? You're setting the tone for
your entire marriage.
I am? Yeah.
You gotta dig in your heels.
Otherwise, you're gonna be pushed around for
the next Let's see.
How long have I been married? Ten and a half
years.
- I want my castle.
- Lee it is the only thing I've asked for, and
damn it, I'm entitled to it.
Fine.
Thank you.
All right, so I will call the ice sculptor and see
if we can-- Forget it.
We're sticking with the cherub.
And later, when he bitches about it, I'll just
buy him some jewelry.
You sure you haven't been married before?
Hey, Gaby? Over here, Carlos.
You know, I got a theory as to why all this bad
stuff has happened to us-- my blindness and
losing all our money it's karma.
You know, we've been selfish and greedy, and
the universe is telling us to start being better
people.
I just found $118,000 in Ellie's teddy bear.
Hey, universe? Bite me! - Hello? - Hey, Wayne?
It's Pete Romslo.
Pete! How's tricks? Listen, uh, I'm just calling
to give you a heads-up.
Um, I finally met your ex.
She came in to file a report.
Apparently, you, uh, kidnapped her husband.
No kidding? Am I asking for ransom? Well,
you always said she was crazy.
Now I feel your pain.
Anyway, I-I just thought you should know, huh?
- Take care.
- Thanks.
Okay, enough kiddin' around.
Tell me where my daughter is.
Oh, for-- did you die on me? Damn it! Okay,
so you have another one of those in the truck?
Thank you.
I'll be back in ten minutes! We need more
settings on five, please.
Lynette, I wish I had time to be more tactful,
but I don't.
Your swan is pathetic, and I'm firing you from
napkin duty.
No, no, give me another chance.
I will get it.
yes? Oh, there you are! Where is my ice
sculpture? No! No, 6:00 is too late.
I need it now.
Oh, forget it.
I'll pick it up myself.
Why don't you fill water glasses? That's an
important job, too.
Andrew look, I'm on my way back, but it's
imperative that you Andrew? Oh, dear God.
Oh, no.
Don't die on me now! oh, dear God.
Help me! Help! I'm just saying we should pay
off all of our bills and put the rest in savings.
Savings? Nobody does that anymore.
Well, I mean, you never know.
We might have kids.
Oh, Carlos, we're never gonna have kids.
Shoes are my kids.
Let me be the mother I was meant to be.
Hello? Where's my bear? Right.
The bear.
Well I looked all over and just couldn't find it.
I guess the cops took it.
I'm really sorry, Ellie.
I know it was a gift from your dad.
It just breaks my heart.
You found the money, didn't you? Money?
What money? You're lying.
I can hear it in your voice.
What's wrong with my voice? Okay, listen,
bitch.
You do not wanna screw with me.
How about we split it 50-50? I'm coming to
get my money, and if one dime is missing, I
will throw acid in your face.
Okay, we really need to get caller ID.
What more can you do to me? Need a lift? Is,
uh, Dylan here by any chance? Uh, um, no, I-I
haven't seen her.
Okay.
Thanks.
Hey, Katherine, are you all right? Dylan and I,
we had a big fight.
Well, I'm sure she's just upset, and she'll come
home after she cools off.
Not this time.
I lied to her.
Well we all lie to our kids sometimes, right?
I've been doing it her whole life-- one lie on
top of another-- and the thing I learned too
late is that eventually they all come crashing
down on you.
Anyway, if you see her, let me know? Thanks.
What's your hurry, Kathy? What happened to
my daughter? I'm not telling you anything, so
you might as well kill me.
I don't care.
I believe you.
I do.
But what about Dylan? Or should I say, that
girl that lives here with you? I bet you'd care if
I killed her.
There are no wings.
Yes, and the Venus de Milo is missing two
arms.
What's your point? It's stunning.
well, I suppose I should say thank you.
Oh, it's no big deal.
You're just lucky I was there.
Was I lucky, or were you following me? I
thought you might need my help.
And you were right.
I did.
You just think I'm being stubborn, don't you?
Making you jump through hoops when it's so
clear we belong together.
I don't think anything, Bree.
I'm just trying to be there for you and hoping
eventually you'll forgive me.
But that's just it, Orson.
If I forgive you, then I forgiving what you did
to Mike.
I can't do that.
And-- and you wouldn't want me to.
I mean, be honest with yourself.
If I took you back now, I wouldn't be the
woman you love.
Then what can I do? I've already told you.
Turn yourself in to the police and let justice
run its course.
I can't do that, Bree.
I want to, for you, more than anything.
But I don't think I could survive it.
Well so here we are.
what is this? - It's your ice sculpture.
- No, it's not.
I see no turrets.
I see no flags.
I see no moat full of vodka.
What I see is a giant, icy slap in the face.
Bob! What's that? I want to be able to reach
you this summer when you're doing that
internship.
You changed your mind? Here's the thing.
You and I have always had kind of an
unconventional relationship, and the reason
that worked was because we always tell each
other the truth until yesterday.
Julie, I lied about not having enough money
to send you.
Why? Because I just freaked out about you
leaving.
But you knew I was going away to college.
Yes, in the fall.
And I needed those extra three months to get
ready.
I I still have not figured out how I'm gonna
get by without you.
Mom seriously I just lean on you in ways you
don't even know.
I think you are stronger than you give yourself
credit for.
Well I spend more time with me than you do,
and I'm a mess.
Well, you were when dad left.
I had my hands full then.
But you've grown so much these last five years.
Really? You are a secure, confident woman
now.
You're ready to spread your wings and fly.
Frankly, my work here is done.
Thanks.
Now I want you to have that phone on you at
all times because I'm still not sure how to
work the dishwasher.
Can you help me? For God sake, Lee! It's just
an ice sculpture! It is not "just an ice
sculpture"! It's the sculpture and making me
move to the suburbs and forcing me to be
nice to your homophobic boss.
You know what? Tom's right.
If I don't start standing up for myself, I'm
doomed.
I don't believe I used the word "doomed.
" You're always overruling me.
You treat me like a child.
Well, I've had it! Ceremony's off, mein Führer!
It's a chunk of ice, you drama queen! Okayall I
said was-- I don't care what you said.
We have to fix this! Or do you want to tell
Bree that you torpedoed her ceremony? I did
not tell you to put mums in that arrangement!
And don't point your finger at me or I'll snap
it right off.
- I'll find Bob.
- I'll get Lee.
- You can't make me talk to him.
- Yeah, I can.
Sit down.
Earlier, my husband, in an attempt to help you
with your relationship, mistakenly gave you
some advice, which he would now like to take
back.
Tom? Actually, I stand by everything I said.
- My mistake was in not going far enough.
- What? If you're willing to break up over an
ice sculpture, you guys should absolutely not
get married.
Where the hell are you going with this?
Because who gets to choose the ice sculpture,
who should take out the trash, who has to
stay home and make the mini pizzas-- that's
the little stuff.
What are you gonna do when the big stuff
comes along? - Could you give us a second? -
No.
What are you gonna do when a tornado hits
your house, or you have problems with your
kids, or one of you gets cancer? At some
point, the crap is going to hit the fan, and that
is why now, before you make the commitment,
you have to ask yourself, is that person in bed
next to you worth the trble? Do you love him
or her so much that no disease, no disaster
could possibly pull you apart? Answer him.
- Sure.
- Of course I do.
Good.
Good, then get out there and get committed,
you crazy kids.
Oh my God.
Are you okay? - You need some help? - Yes.
Thanks for stopping.
Yes, officer.
I see you.
Thank you for coming.
Now remember, Ellie's dangerous.
So if she shows up, feel free to use excessive
force.
Carlos, are you almost ready? Carlos? Did you
hear me? I'm just getting my jacket.
Oh, honey, can you carry the house keys?
They don't fit in my purse.
Ellie's upstairs.
What? She's in our bedroom.
I heard her breathing.
Call the cops.
Wait! She's gonna steal our money! You can't
go up there.
It's too dangerous.
Well, not as dangerous as poverty! Gaby.
Gaby? What's going on? Carlos! Carlos, don't
just stand there! Go get help! Help! Police!
That's the closet! Police! Police! Get in here
now! Wayne.
I don't think you've thought this through.
Shut up.
If I tell you what happened, if I don't tell you
you're gonna kill me anyway.
Who you gonna pin it on? We have history.
Right now I'm just your bitter, crazy ex.
But if I turn up dead, and you have no alibi--
you let me worry about that.
Look, I'm having a little problem right now.
I just need to hide here for a sec.
And I don't wanna hurt you, so don't make me.
All right? Good.
I'm glad we understand each other.
And with your gun, too.
I guess I just found my alibi.
And now we will do the exchanging of the
rings Snappy ceremony, Bree.
You and Katherine really did a bang-up job.
No, I did a bang-up job.
Katherine bailed on me and left town last
night.
I think you got hosed.
I just saw her an hour ago.
at this joyous and festive occasion.
Please join hands.
She was on the run, she broke in, she stabbed
you, you shot her.
Case closed.
It's like the alibi fairy left me a present.
But I do wonder what if Dylan doesn't come
back? We had a fight.
She said she hated me, said she was leaving
for good.
Is that the best you can do, Kathy? I know it
sounds convenient.
But what happens if it's true? Because you
don't have another plan.
Was the only way you couldmake me tell you
the truth.
Katherine? It's Bree.
We need to talk now! That girl that was living
with the Solises? Actually, I thought I saw her
heading down that way.
Hope you find her.
I'd hate to think there was some maniac
running around our neighborhood.
I'm so sorry about this.
Shut it! So let me catch you up.
I need to know something that only my ex-
wife can tell me, but she doesn't want to.
She needs a little incentive.
So that's where you come in.
Wayne please don't.
Yeah? How is it gonna feel knowing that you
could've stopped this? All right! I'll tell you.
After I left you a few months passed, and I
convinced myself that you'd forgotten about
us.
But I was wrong.
How was Dylan? Did she behave herself? She's
an angel.
I just hope I didn't do something wrong.
What do you mean? Well, your ex-husband
was here earlier, and, of course, I didn't know
it was him until Dylan called him "Daddy.
" I-I'm sorry, I should've called you, but Dylan
was just so happy to see him.
He bught her a bicycle and a doll.
And won't let that doll out of her sight.
Katherine, what's going on? I was going to run
again, but you didn't give me enough time.
Wayne just drove up.
Should we call the police? No.
Let him in.
I knew it was time to faceou and let you know
you were not welcome in my home, and
neither were your gifts.
Do you know how much money I spent
looking for you? Well, I'm sure you still had
enough to buy liquor by the caseload.
Look who's gotten sassy while she's been away.
Well, I think I like it.
- What do you want, Wayne? - I want my Her mother had died in childbirth, and her
daughter back. father had been murdered.
Why? You gotten lazy in your old age? You As I looked into those big, blue eyes, I knew
need somebody smaller to pound on? I never right then she needed me as much as I
touched a hair on her head! Yeah, but now needed her.
she's gotten older and sassier, I'm sure you'll I've never told that to anyone.
find all sorts of reasons to hit her. I even lied to Adam and said it was your fault.
I don't have to ask, you know. And that's how I've spent the last 12 years just
I could just go up there if I want. telling one lie after another.
She is asleep! - Get the hell out! - I'm her Hold it, hold it.
father! I said no! I'm bleeding. I'm sorry, sir.
Profusely. We're having a party.
You should see a doctor. You can't park here.
I'll be back for my daughter. So you let her die.
You just understand this-- there is nothing If you don't mind, I need you to park around
that I will not do to keep you away from her. the corner, okay? Thank you.
Nothing. You let my daughter die like a dog.
Are you all right? I heard a crash. It was an accident.
Yeah, I-I hit him with the candlestick, and - he Then you buried her like one.
went down pretty hard. Because I had to.
- Thank God. I knew if you found out, you-- that I would kill
You know, I think now would be a good time you.
to break out the 10-year-old scotch I've been Katherine! Where are you? Adam! Get out!
saving. He's got a gun! You just watch over him for a
I honestly thought it was finally over. sec, okay? I'm gonna call the cops.
I don't know how I could've been so wrong. First we have to do something to stop that
Katherine! I came in to give her another bleeding.
blanket. Go ahead.
Her hand is ice-cold! Aunt Lily told me I You call the cops.
couldn't go to the police. Ask for my buddy Romslo or Captain
She'd said you'd make it seem like I killed McMurphy.
Dylan to keep you from taking her, so I let her We play softball together.
bury my baby in the woods. Those guys'll take care of me.
I knew I'd have to run away again, but I also And even if I do a little time you know this
knew you'd never stop looking for me, so I isn't over.
came up with a plan. I'll get out, and I'll find you, and I'll make you
I found a girl in a Romanian orphanage who pay.
looked just like Dylan. I know you will.
The resemblance was uncanny. - Oh my God! Bree, are you all right? - What
the hell is going on? We don't have much
time before the police get here.
Please talk.
Excuse me.
Susan! - Come here, come here.
- What's going on? Okay, just listen to me.
Ma'am, you have to talk to us.
We need to know what happened.
Ma'am? Then he raised the gun and came
toward us.
Thank God, Katherine grabbed his arm and
got the gun away.
That lunatic would've killed us all.
I knew Wayne was the reason she moved away,
and the second she moved back, he started
stalking her again.
She was always telling us how terrified she
was.
We always knew he'd do something like this
eventually, and he did.
Look this was obviously self-defense.
Take the cuffs off, get her to the hospital.
Mom? Mom! Oh, my! I'm so sorry, Mom.
"Five Years Later" There's a ritual my friends
have observed for years.
Once a week, they meet to play a game of
cards and talk about their lives.
Of course, there's another aspect to these
gatherings that has nothing to do with gossip
or poker.
Every seven days, my friends are reminded of
a basic human truth: There is nothing more
important than friendships that endure,
especially in a world that insists on changing.
Okay, my friends are gone.
I'm ready to fix you dinner.
What the hell are you doing? Hey, Mommy,
we're playing fashion model! Look at this mess!
You are lucky I got in here before you touched
my dresses! Run, Celia, run! My Vera Wang?
I'm home! Oh, thank God.
The publisher sent over the galley for the
cookbook.
He needs you to proof them tonight.
I've also got the woman from the New York
Times on the phone.
She wants to do the interview now.
Is that you, Bree? The water's getting cold.
Uh, leave the galleys in my office and tell the
woman from the Times to call me back in the
morning.
I'm gonna have a nice bubble bath with my
husband.
Coming, Orson! Why is there a police car in
our driveway? I was telling your husband we
just picked up your son.
He broke into a car at the mall and took it for
a joyride.
Again? I am so sorry, officer.
We have talked to Porter till we're blue in the
face.
It's like he's determined to go back to juvenile
halL.
Honey, it wasn't Porter this time.
They arrested Preston.
It's me, Mom.
I'm back from Paris.
It was just as gorgeous as you said it would
be, and you're not gonna believe this.
Bradley finally asked me to marry him right
there under the Eiffel tower.
I'm so happy.
Call me back.
Honey? I'm home.
Did you miss me? You know I did.