Activity Sheet-4 Name: ____________________________ Sec: ___________

Q. Following is the example of poor email message. Rewrite to avoid repetition, hostile tone and poor sentence
construction.
Sir,
My name is XYZ. I am student at MCS of Batch MSCS‐AB. Sir my data was not entered for the validation
process. All the names of students of my class were entered and they validated their records and hence are
receiving the laptops. Sir I have confirmed from NUST and they said that their was a problem with my
registration number, so the data could not be entered at first. But then they verified it and told me that they will
enter later but they never uploaded my data.
Sir this was the Mistake By The NUST for not properly checking my data. Now everyone else is receiving a
laptop and I am not. Sir you can confirm, I have told them about this problem while the process of validation
was taking place. Kindly please solve my problem.
Sir I have waited for weeks now and my Problem Is Not Solved and if after all this it could not be solved then
the next message I will be sending directly to 2 Prime Minister because you people are not taking my problem
seriously at all.
Think:
 Does the student’s Introduction explain why he or she is writing and what he or she is writing about?
 Does the student’s Body explain what exactly he or she wants or plans to do.
 Does the student’s Conclusion explain what’s next, specifying when there should be a follow-up action
and why that date/time is important?
 Is the message following the 7Cs of communication?
 Is the message accurate, abiding by all grammatical conventions?