COLLEGE ESSAY EXAMPLE #1

– It Takes More Than Wishing Upon a Star

Author: Erica
Class Year: Princeton University 2020
Type of Essay: Common Application Personal Statement
School Acceptances: Princeton University, Harvard University, Williams College,
Duke University, College of William & Mary, Davidson College, Boston College,
Johns Hopkins University, Texas Christian University
At eleven years old, I wrote the New York Times best-selling novel, The Chosen, the
first installation in a trilogy that would become the newest sensation of the fantasy
genre, and grow to be even more popular than the Harry Potter series. At least, that
what I originally imagined as I feverishly typed the opening words of my manuscript.
I had just received a call from my parents, who were on a business trip in London.
While touring the city, they heard about an amateur novel writing contest open to all
ages, and thought that I, as an amateur writer, would be interested. All I had to do was
compose an original manuscript of merely 80,000 words and submit it to an office in
London, and I could win $20,000 in addition to a publishing deal.
I hung up the phone with a smile plastered on my face. Never mind that I was barely
eleven, that my portfolio consisted of a few half-page poems from elementary school,
or that the contest was taking place on another continent, I was determined to write
the most extraordinary fantasy novel ever created. For months afterward the sight of
me was accompanied by the tap, tap, tap of my fingers flying across the keyboard,
and the sharp glint of obsession in my eyes. The contest in London closed, a winner
was chosen. I didn’t care. I kept writing. After a year I had stretched my writing
project into a three hundred page novel. I scraped together a few dollars of allowance
money, slapped it in my mom’s hand, and asked her to have Staples print a bound
copy of the manuscript.
She handed me my magnum opus when I got home from school that day. I ran my
fingers across the shiny laminate over the cover page, caressed the paper as if it were
some sacred tome. After more than fourteen months fleshing out characters and
cultivating mythologies, I was ready to publish. With the copy in hand I ran to my
dad. “Read it and tell me what you think!” I said, imagining the line of publishing
companies that would soon be knocking down my door.
Within two weeks my father handed it back to me, the pages now scrawled over in
bright red ink. “You’ve got a lot of work to do,” he told me, with his typical soul-
wrenching brusque.
I stared at him for a moment, jaw locked tight, eyes nearly brimming with tears. He
proceeded to list for me all the things I needed to revise for my next draft. Less
colloquial dialogue, vivid descriptions, more complex subplots, the list went on and
on.
“A serious author doesn’t get offended by constructive criticism,” he said, “whether
you take my advice or not will prove whether or not you are one.”
My dreams fell like the Berlin wall. What was the point of slaving over a novel if I
had to start from scratch again? My father’s advice would force me to rewrite the
entire novel. What sort of writer was I, that my work warranted such substantial
alteration?
As I soon learned—a normal one.
Today, six years, 10 drafts, and 450 pages later, I am finally close to finishing.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling insecure about my ability as a novelist I open up my
first draft again, turn to a random chapter, and read it aloud. Publishing that first draft
would have been a horrible embarrassment that would have haunted me for the rest of
my life. Over the past half-decade, I’ve been able to explore my own literary voice,
and develop a truly original work that I will be proud to display. This experience
taught me that “following your dreams” requires more than just wishing upon a star. It
takes sacrifice, persistence, and grueling work to turn fantasy into reality.
ANALYSIS:
How I Got Into Princeton – Story #1
Erica’s Story
“People telling me that I was worthless only drove me to study more, to work harder,
to prove them wrong.”
In our inaugural piece, we share Erica’s story.
She is an English major at Princeton University.
On the surface, Erica’s profile is similar to that of many other successful college
applicants. She went to a private high school. She had a stellar GPA and good test
scores. She loves creative writing and received many accolades.
Dig deeper and the similarities fade. Erica’s parents “clawed tooth and nail” to escape
the inner city projects of Newark, NJ and were able to achieve success. In addition to
the pressure of constantly being reminded “we could not go backwards”, Erica also
faced the challenges of moving often, constant bullying, microaggressions, and
extreme shyness.
Please read below to learn more about Erica and the personal qualities, values, and
support system that have allowed her to succeed.
We recommend reading from beginning to end but feel free to skip around. Our
favorite section is the “What Makes You You” section.
About this Series
In our “How I got Into” series, we share the stories of successful applicants to
Princeton and other great colleges.
Our profiles go beyond a simple list of academic and extracurricular achievements.
We also delve into the “how” and the qualities that successful applicants exhibit.
We provide a rare look into what drives these students, how they’ve overcome their
challenges, how they’ve been shaped by significant events in their lives, how they
deal with the pressure to succeed, and much more.