Two Readers by Andrew Mendelson

Katie wasnt sure how to go about giving Paul her copy of Infinite Jest. She held the book in her lap and thought about the passages she had highlighted. After a few minutes she tried to shift her focus on the summer trees rushing by the van instead. Long, dense books were no problem for Paul whose bookshelf featured Tolstoy, Pynchon and others. Still, the slightest chance that he might read Infinite Jesteven just the passages she had highlightedwas enough to make her try. Dad, she said. Do you think Paul will read this if I give it to him? Hold on, said Dave. He flicked his turn signal and turned. Sorry, what? I was just wondering if you think Paul reads much these days. Well, hes pretty lethargic lately with the new meds. He might though. He isnt very busy. Yeah. I just think he would really get a lot out of it. A lot of the novel takes place in a recovery house so I thought maybe he could relate to that with his similar situation and Hold on a second. Did I pass Delmere? I dont think so. Sam, did I pass Delmere? Nope, Sam said without looking up from his phone. Katie had almost forgot that Sam was in the back seat. Apart from the occasional clicking of his text messaging he was silent. Dave spotted Delmere up ahead and turned.

Hey guys, he said. I know its kind of hard to see Paul like this, but its his twentyfifth birthday and thats a big one. It would be nice if we make this day fun for him. We will, said Katie. Just remember that if he seems bored or something that his meds make him like that. Its not you. I know about his flat affect, dad. I know. I just wanna be sure. He turned towards Sam. You got that Sam? He might seem a little off. kay. They had driven south and watched the houses get smaller and boarded-up along the way. Billboards for TV-lawyers and For-Profit colleges were crammed between gas-station/mini-mart combos advertising cigarette sales. Katie remembered her mothers horror when they had driven through a month ago. Dave had tried to calm her down. Its not gonna be like this forever, Anne. There are just arent too many options for people in Pauls situation right now. It was noon when they arrived. Dave parked along the street behind a large patienttransport van. Ill go in and let him know were here, said Dave. He paused and looked at the vans clock. Either of you wanna see what his room looks like? No, said Sam. Yeah, said Katie. I do. I just, I dont know though. You can look at it after we drop him off later if you want. That sounds good. Ill give him my book then too so he doesnt forget it or anything.

Dave entered the group home to sign Paul out. It seemed like a nice place to Katie. There was a white picket fence, rocking chairs on the large porch and three red shuttle cans each with a handicap tag on the rearview mirror. There was a little garden up front. It was pretty except for all the cigarette-butts she noticed when she looked closer. Sam, she said. Hm. Sam He looked up. What? I know its hard to find stuff to talk with Paul about, but lets really try hard today, okay? Sure. We will. Just try, okay? Katie, relax. I said I will. As a last minute thought Katie got out of the van and moved to the backseat. I think maybe hed like the front seat better. You remember how when we were little how he always used to run to the front seat and shove me out of the way? Kind of. Dave and Paul approached the van. Paul wore large aviator sunglasses. His jeans and hoodie were baggy, his red hair and patchy goatee looked as though they hadnt been washed in a few days. Katie smiled at him as he got in the car. His jaw hung lethargically open, but he noticed her smile and tried to smile back. Happy birthday, Paul, said Katie. She nudged Sam with her foot.

Yeah, happy birthday, man. Thanks guys. Dave lightly squeezed his Pauls shoulder. Were gonna have fun today. Okay, bud? They were back on the road and heading to a restaurant. The silence made Katie uncomfortable. She couldnt ask him what was new because there was no answer. The group home was a place of monotonous routine. There was no gossip in particular to talk about either as Paul hadnt spoken to his old friends since the end of high school. The one time Katie had asked about people in the group home Paul had simply shrugged and mentioned a guy who beat off in the bathroom all the time. Next time Ill come up with a list of things to talk about beforehand, she promised herself. So, she cleared her throat. What are you reading these days, Paul? Paul sighed. Not much. I was reading this book about insects. Oh, thats interesting. About different kinds of insects or Its just about how ants talk to each other or something. Its the same as people kind of, what they talk about. With chemical signals? Basically. He lit a cigarette. Dave rolled down the windows. Its just superficial crap about work and shit, said Paul. Another moment of silence followed.

How about you, Katie, said Dave. What are you reading these days? I just finished The Metamorphosis. Its interesting that youre reading about insects, Paul. The Metamorphosis is about a guy that turns into a giant beetle. Do you think reading Kafka will turn you into a bug? Paul asked. What do you mean? I dont know. Why does the guy turn into a bug? Well, I think its about more than that. Its probably symbolic. Paul suddenly cackled so loudly that Sam jumped. Katie, Katie, Katie, Paul said after taking a long drag from his cigarette. A bug is a bug is a bug just like a rug is a rug is a rug. Just like sometimes a cigars a cigar, right? Katie added. Freud was full of shit. Jung is where its at. Watch the language please, Paul, said Dave. Watch the road, dad. I will, and youll be pleasant today, okay? Yep. Paul managed to finish a second cigarette before they arrived at the restaurant. Katie wanted to say something but felt it would only anger him. She could do nothing but watch with a motherly concern. The restaurant served slightly over-priced Mexican food and the staff seemed bored with the slow business. It was almost always slow and Paul appreciated that. They were seated in the corner of an empty section. When the waitress took their orders everyone asked for the same

thing they had gotten during their last visit. Paul ordered three tacos with only beef and cheese the same thing he had ordered at Mexican restaurants since he was six. Does mom still ask for a lemon with her water and a separate glass of ice every time she orders? Paul asked. Katie forced a small chuckle. Yeah, said Dave. One time a waitress accidentally gave her a lime instead of a lemon. I was like uh-oh look out! Good for that waiter, said Paul. He should have added a little cyanide too. Paul Dave warned. Im just sayin. When it became quiet again, Katie stared at Sam and tried to make eye contact for a minute before he acknowledged her glare. So, said Sam. Watch any good TV shows lately? Paul looked away and ate his tortilla chip with a loud crunch. I think hes talking to you, Paul, said Dave. What? Sam asked if youve seen any good TV shows lately. Paul sighed and stared at Dave as he answered. Nope. I never get to choose the channel and everyone always wants to watch Maury or some other dumb shit. He paused. There was this one cool medical show on once though. They couldnt figure out what was wrong with this guy so they just kept pumping him with drugs. Anyway, the problem was

that all the pills kept getting trapped in his stomach because of a weird mass of hair he had accumulated over years. Apparently when he got nervous hed pick his hair and eat it. Anyway, the pills got stuck in the clump of hair. Every once in awhile his stomach acid would randomly digest a bunch of pills trapped in the hair at once. He stopped to giggle and continued. So basically the pills made his problems worse. The whole thing was kind of stupid now that I think about it, but I guess they show crap like that for ratings or something. There might have been more to the story, but I cant remember because of the Naxril. Dave gave a surprised look. Really? he said. I thought it was working out better than the Cyralta. I dont know, said Paul. They all kind of suck. The waitress arrived with their food. Paul finished his tacos before anyone else was halfway through their meal. Without the distraction of food he resorted to tearing up bits of napkin and putting them in his water. Man, you really scarffed those down, said Dave. Paul gave him a dirty look and turned to Katie. Are you only eating a salad? yeah, said Katie. Why? Well, I never really got rid of my freshmen fifteen, Katie said forcing a smile. And now it seems like I have an additional sophomore fifteen to get rid of too. Whatever. Youre not that fat. Dad, can we leave soon? Were still eating, bud. Hold on for a few more minutes.

The waitress bought a carryout box for Sam who had barely touched his burrito. Outside, the sky had turned steel-gray although there was no rain yet. Sam called shotgun and took the front seat of the van. Paul was about to protest and Katie interjected. Do you remember when we were really little and went to the Ralphie Rabbits? she said. You insisted that we had to sit in the front of that little ride every time and on the fifth or sixth time that kid behind me vomited his pizza into my hair and I was screaming. You laughed so hard that you were almost crying. Paul laughed at the memory and Dave smiled at Katie in the rearview mirror. Even Sam chuckled. They shut down the ride for, like, an hour after that, Paul said as he got another cigarette. Where are we going next gang? Dave asked. Paul, its your birthday, you choose. Mongolia. Hm. Maybe next time. I saw a bowling alley over near Maple. How about that? All right. Katie was beaming inside at having finally made Paul laugh. It was a small victory but it was enough to keep her optimistic for the day. She made a mental note about childhood memories as having the potential to entertain Paul. It was raining by the time they got to the bowling alley. There was no umbrella in the van. Dave pulled up to the entrance and dropped them off before he parked. Inside there were thirty lanes, a small bar with faded signs advertising cheap beer and an arcade. The arcade was filled with retro-games much to Sams disappointment.

Dave paid for the lane and shoes. Paul refused to wear his pair. His own shoes didnt have any dirt on them so Dave didnt bring it up. All of the bowling balls that weighed ten pounds or less were pink. Katie grabbed one of the pink balls and Sam and Dave both picked out heavier balls in standard black. Paul grabbed one of the heavier balls as well despite the way it clearly pulled down his right shoulder and made his posture lopsided and awkward. Their lane was at the very end of the building. A few lanes down there was a young couple bowling and a group of little kids. The kids lane had bumpers and each kid rolled their ball with both hands by winding back between their legs and flinging the ball forward as hard as they could. Every once in a while one of the kids got a strike and two tired looking mothers each wearing maroon scrubs sitting at a nearby table would cheer for them. Paul bowled first followed by Sam, Dave and Katie. Paul only knocked down three pins on his first turn. Its kind of stupid, he said to Katie. Bowling is just elementary physics. If you somehow manage to find the perfect technique its just a matter of doing the same thing over and over again. Whats so bad about that? said Katie. Eating ice cream is the same process of licking and the same scooping technique each time and its always freaking awesome. If you say so. Paul never managed to get more than seven pins down each time he bowled and got worse as the game went on. His arms were skinny, which was especially noticeable in contrast to his pudgy gut. Each time he bowled his arm could only swing the ball back a few inches and when he tried to throw it harder by twisting his upper body the ball would hit his hip and knock

him off balance. Half the time the ball ended up in the gutter and each time he finished he quickly made sure to pull his sleeves back down past his wrists. Katie knew that offering him her lighter pink ball was out of the question. The situation made her frustrated and she considered writing an angry letter but was overcome with visions of the staff standing around in the back room laughing at her complaints and about Paul. Whose genius idea was it to color code the lighter balls as pink? She glanced over at Paul and noticed how quiet and tired he suddenly seemed. Sometimes he stared at the young couple a few lanes down. The boyfriend relentlessly teased his girlfriend each time she bowled. He snuck up behind her and tickled her right as she was about to bowl. She dropped the ball with a loud thud and quickly put her hands up to her mouth to try and muffle her piercing shrieks of laughter. He stopped tickling her and they kissed. Neither of them could have cared less about the game. Dave ended up bowling one-hundred and ninety-nine. Can you guys believe that score? This time Im gonna break two-hundred. I know it. Paul sighed. Do we have to play another game? Well, I mean, I paid for two but if you dont want to Yeah, I dont. Do you wanna check out the arcade? Katie suggested. Another shrill laugh suddenly came a few lanes down and made Paul jump. I just wanna go, he said. Now. Please. Ok, thats fine Paul. Ill go see if I can get a refund really quick. Now, his voice cracked and his face became flushed.

Heres the keys. Ill be out in two minutes guys. Sam stayed with Dave and Katie had to nearly jog to keep up with Paul as he fled to the van. It was raining outside so Katie didnt bother to roll down the windows once he was back in the van and getting out a cigarette. His hands shook too much to light it and he flicked the cheap lighter until his thumb was raw and blistered. Katie wasnt sure if she should offer to help him light it. She found that Pauls anxiety was always contagious and impossible to get used to. After a minute, the sparks finally provided a flame and Paul took a long hard drag. Dave and Sam entered the van. Are you ready to go back home, Paul? said Dave. Yes please. Okay. Its been nice being with you today, son. No one talked during the twenty minute drive. They pulled up to the group home around four. Bye guys, said Paul. See ya, said Sam. Talk to you soon, Paul, said Katie. When Dave and Paul walked into the group home Katie remembered her present and reached underneath the seat to grab it. Ill be right back, Sam. I wanted to surprise him with this. When she walked through the front door she saw Dave signing in at the front desk and a staff member patting down Paul and trying to make small talk. Dave noticed Katie first. Well Paul, it looks like someone has a surprise for you.

Paul gave her a confused look. Whats up? I just thought I could get a little tour of your place and give you a present. Paul nodded. Okay, sure. Heres the living room. He pointed to a large room with leather furniture and a large flatscreen TV. There was an old, mentally disabled man sitting in a wheelchair singing to a cartoon and a sad-looking teenage girl dressed in black staring blankly out the window. Usually theres more people here, Paul explained. But I think most of them are doing some activity right now. They walked down the main hall. Heres the kitchen. They make hotdogs and pizza on Friday nights. And those are the rooms down there but I dont really want to see those. Heres my room. It was a small room with sky-blue walls, an M.C. Escher poster on the wall and boxes of books on the floor. The bed was unmade and most of his dirty laundry was shoved into the closet. Katie noticed that there were two stacks of books on his dresser by Philip K. Dick and Kurt Vonnegut. They were his favorite authors and he had discovered them back in middle school. There were other, newer books on his shelf but they were all dusty. Beside the books on the dresser was a picture of him and Katie as little kids lighting the family Menorah. Katie handed the wrapped copy of Infinite Jest to Paul. I know youre probably reading a lot of books right now, but I think youll really like this one. He tore the wrapping paper off and stared at it.

Its pretty long, he said. I know, but its really, really good. Whats it about? The question caught her off guard despite its simplicity. Her mind flashed back to the nights when she had read it before going to bed and highlighted sections that she felt would resonant with him and convey all the things that she didnt know how to say. It had all been stored and built up in her mind for so long that to simply say what it was all about seemed utterly impossible. She tried to explain a million things at once and then she was sobbing.