SAINT GEORGE AND THE DRAGON

A Mummers' Play

As collected from diverse and manifold sources and performed by Green Oak
Morris Men

The Characters:

Father Christmas
The King of Egypt / Tie-
land
Saint George
The Dragon
A Doctor
The Turkish Knight
Beelzebub

Father Christmas Room, room, brave gallants all,

Pray give use room to rhyme.
We’re come to show activity.
This merry Christmas time.
Activity of youth, activity of age,
The like of which was never seen
Upon a common stage.
So welcome me or welcome not,
I hope old Father Christmas will never be forgot.
We don’t come here to laugh and cheer,
But for a pocketful of money
And a skin full of beer.
And if you do not believe what I say
Step in bold King of Egypt
And clear the way.

King of Egypt I am the King of Egypt,

Travelled from lands afar.
With me comes Saint George,
When I can get him from the bar.
He is my champion bold
And the finest warrior
That e’er walked the lands of old
And with his bright blade
Many a dragon he has slayed.

St George In steps I, Saint George;

From England did I spring.
I’ll fight the fiery Dragon,
My wonders to begin.
I’ll clip his wings - he shall not fly,
I’ll cut him down - or else I’ll die.

1
Dragon Who’s this that seeks the Dragon’s blood,
And calls so angry and so loud?
This English dog, it’s you who likes to shout,
I’ll tear apart your nostrils
And rip your liver out.
Of such I’ve broken half a score,
And stay my stomach ‘til I’d more.

(Fight ensues)

Father Christmas Is there a Doctor to be found,

All ready near at hand,
To cure a deep and deadly wound,
To make the Dragon stand?
Ten Pounds for a Doctor!
Five Pounds for a quack!
Three Pounds for a midwife (etc.)

Doctor In comes I, a Doctor.

Father Christmas And how are you a doctor?

Doctor Why, by my travels.

Father Christmas And where have you travelled?

Doctor Italy, Titaly, France and Spain,

All round England and back again.

Father Christmas So far and no further?

Doctor Oh yes, a great deal further.

Father Christmas How far?

Doctor From the bedside to the fireside,

From the fireside to the cupboardside,
Where I’ve had many a piecrust
And piece of mouldy cheese,
Which made me the rollocking, bullocking
Sort of lad that I am.

Father Christmas But what can you cure?

Doctor I can cure the itch, the stitch, palsy and gout,
Pains within and pains without,
Heal the sick, the blind, the lame
And bring the dead to life again.
If a man gets 19 devils in his skull,
I’ll cast 20 of them out.
I have in my pocket: crutches for lame ducks;

2
 Spectacles for bumble-bees;
Pack saddles and panniers for grasshoppers;
And plasters for broken back mice.
Why, I cured Sir Harry of ‘nang nail’ almost 55 yards long.

Father Christmas But can you cure this Dragon?

Doctor I can.
Take hold of this bottle of whiff-whaff whilst I feel his pulse.

(Produces reptile book)

I’ll pour some of this bottle,

Down his old throttle.

(Does so)

This method’s had no effect.

His heart's not started
And his eyesight’s wrecked.
Maybe, if I try the pump,
He’ll take the cure and up he’ll jump

St George Here I stand, Saint George

A noble champion bold,
And with this, my bright sword,
Won three crowns of gold.
I fought the fiery Dragon,
And brought him to his slaughter.
And by that means won fair Sabra,
The King of Egypt’s daughter.

Turkish Knight In steps I, the Turkish Knight,

Come from eastern lands to fight.
I’ll fight Saint George who is my foe,
I’ll make him yield before I go.

King of Egypt Thou braggart and thou boasting man,

That is not within thy power.
Saint George will cut you into slashes
In less than half an hour.

St George Where is the Turk that will before me stand?

I’ll cut him down with my courageous hand.
I’ll slash him and mash him as small as flies
And send him to Jamaica to make mince pies.
Ah, there you are, now don’t run off.
I’m going to cut your (ad lib) off

(Fight ensues ending with T.K. on knees)

3
Turkish Knight Oh, pardon me Saint George,
Pardon of thee I crave.
Oh, pardon me this night,
And 1 will be your slave.

St George No pardon shalt thou have

While 1 have foot to stand
So rise thee up and fight again,
Take thou thy sword in hand.

(Fight resumes ending with St.G. on knees)

Turkish Knight Got you now don’t you know.

I shall split you from head to toe

(T.K. attempts to strike St.G, but is stabbed and dies)

Father Christmas Oh no, not again.

Is there a Doctor that can cure this pain?
Ten Pounds for a Doctor!
Five Pounds for a quack!
Bottle of fire-water for a witch-doctor! (etc.)

Doctor Ah, I see you’ve bagged a Turk,

Indeed he looks a proper berk.
Well, black or white his bloods still red
I can see it oozing from his head.

Father Christmas But can you cure this knight?

Doctor Ah here’s a cure that never fails.

He’ll wake up with shiny scales.
First remove the head and tail.

Father Christmas Wrong book!

(Hits Doctor etc.)

Doctor Oh, this looks right, “How to cure a wounded knight”.

Take this pill with a swig of beer…

Father Christmas I say Doc, what’s this here?

“One side effect... he’ll wake up queer!”

Turkish Knight What!

(Spits out pill)

Doctor Ladies and Gentlemen standing around,

See I’ve cured this man safe and sound.
I’ve healed his wound and cured his blood,

4
 And give him something that’s done him good.
Ain’t I Jack?

Turkish Knight Yes, and I liked it too!

Oh! Me back!

Doctor What’s amiss with thy back?

Turkish Knight Me back is bound, me sword is sound

I’ll give Saint George another round.

(T.K. and St.G. resume fight)

Beelzebub In steps I Beelzebub,

And under my cloak I carry a club.
And in my hand a frying pan,
I bet you think I’m a dirty old man.

Turkish Knight And who might you be

Disturbing our battle?
Away old man or I’ll stop your rattle.

Beelzebub Well some they calls me Devil Doubt,

So give me your money or I’ll sweep you all out.
It’s money I want and money I crave,
If you don't give me your money,
I’ll send you all to your grave.

Turkish Knight Go I said and go I mean,

Else you’ll find my blade is keen

(Bb chased of by T.K. and St.G. - fight about to resume)

Father Christmas I’ll have no more fighting here,

For Christmas comes but once a year.
And when it does it brings good cheer.,
Roast beef, plum pudding and mince pie,
Who likes it better than do I?
For each of them is a very good thing.
So now Ladies and Gentlemen,
Your sport is well ended,
So prepare for the hat which is well commended.
The hat, it would speak if it had but a tongue,
Come throw in your money and think it no wrong.

Omnes We cannot sing, we will not dance,

But we will stand and say:
“God bless you merry gentlefolk”
And then be on our way.

THE END